Whatever they cool kids had I had to have too. Back in my day it was Starter jackets and Nike clothing. The more jackets you had the cooler you were. I could only afford one. I had to work hard to pay for it, which meant I didn’t have as much time to show off in my cool jacket. Coolness came with a price. Coolness meant that I would have to work hard to make the money to buy the things to keep up with the other cool kids. Maybe one day I would be able to buy something before all of the other cool kids and then I would be the king of cool.

Never happened.

Why? The art of being cool took so much work and effort that eventually I got stressed out and gave up trying. Cool just wasn’t worth the effort. Changing trends, cost of goods, fleeting satisfaction and burnout from trying to beat out the Joneses led me to a place that might be a lot less cool, but it was also a lot less stressful.

Fast forward a couple decades and here I am in the middle of the coolest city in America. Forbes Magazine announced at the beginning of August that Las Vegas is the coolest city in America to live in. Pull out the fireworks and lets have a party! Wait. Skip it. What else does Forbes Magazine have to say about Las Vegas? Just a few weeks after the coolest city study came out, the list of the top ten most stressful cities in America came out. Who is number one? Las Vegas.

Are you surprised?

A bad economy, lack of access to health care, and an insecurity about the future are all things that have created an unstable environment for people to live. I wouldn’t argue a single point made, but I would add that I also believe that Las Vegas is the most stressful city in America because of the stress of being cool. Casinos, restaurants, hotel chains are chasing after cool. They continue to renovate, morph and change to compete with the one next door. This competition for cool trickles down to the employees and families all over the valley. The endless pursuit of cool leads many down a very stressful road that ultimately no one will win. Cool comes with a price and in Las Vegas I believe it is causing havoc in many peoples lives.

The stress of being cool was a waste of time in High School and it is an even bigger waste of time now that I am older. How much time are you spending on trying to be the cool kid? (church? pastor? business?)

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I was surprised on Saturday night when I dropped into service to listen to Gary, aka G-blest performing this song. Gary took the words and re-wrote the lyrics to tell the story of his life, a life from pain and heartache to love and grace. The song is amazing and he is a powerful testimony to what God can do to help change your life. No matter what circumstances you find yourself in and no matter where your journey started, God is bigger than all of it and he can change your life, all you have to do is take a stand!

Check out this video performance of the weekend service from G-Blest:

All of us need to take a stand and change something in our lives, learn from Gary’s life and example and you make a stand in your life today!

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Don’t push send until you have calmed down.

You can’t take back the snarky or the sarcastic. It will take quite a few emails to clean up the mess you will make when you respond out of emotional frustration.

Note to self: don’t push send on an email until you have calmed down.

Last  week I was guilty of sending on of these emails, hasn’t happened in a few months, but I thought I would post a friendly reminder for all of you so you can learn from my mistakes.

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These character assassins have had their way with me in the past. Recently I have noticed these assassins creeping back into my life. Last night I stopped to take an inventory of what are some of the major warning signs for a character assassination:

• I am prone to character attacks when I haven’t slept enough. Before having Alexis, I would have said enough sleep is 8 hours, now it is much more like 6. But regardless of the actual number, I know that when I am tired I am much more prone to fall victim to the crap that so easily entangles us.

• I have experienced first hand that a bad diet with no workouts are an unhealthy combination that ultimately lead to the lack of focus it requires to keep life on track.

• The more time I spend in community with other healthy people, the more my positive characteristics rise to the top.

• There is a direct correlation between the amount of time I read my Bible and the amount of crap that enters my life. A friend once told me, “Our nearness to God reflects our sensitivity to sin.” The more I read the Bible the more balanced I feel and ready for life.

I am sure that there are plenty of other things I can list that help me avoid assassin attacks, but when it boils down to the nitty-gritty these areas are the ones that I must keep an eye on, if I don’t I will fall victim to the sin that trips us up.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.” – Hebrews 12:1

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Sure is the outward expression of inward bitterness.
Sure is the worst forms of hate.

Sure has got to go.

Honestly it is one of the hardest things for me to let go as I continue to grow-up and mature. Choosing to be positive, nice and compassionate is much harder than being snarky, sarcastic and sure.

What do you need to eliminate from your vocabulary?

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I love running. Honestly I never really got into it until after I graduated college, but since I really enjoy training and competing in races. The time on the pavement allows for prayers, reflection and a bit of balance to my otherwise crazy schedule. Since Alexis was been born I haven’t been able to run or work out nearly as much as I would like, but here and there I find the time to sneak in a run.

Every time I go for a run I usually post my distance and time on either Facebook or Twitter to celebrate what I have accomplished. Call me a narcissist but I like celebrating the accomplishments I have achieved. Most of the time their are three people who comment on my running posts: My cousin Jill, a college friend Thad and a local Central attendee Eric.

This blog goes out to all of them! Thanks so much for being the encouragement you give me on a regular basis in regards to running. You have no idea how much your words mean to keep me motivated and help me!

For the rest of you reading this, here is why I really love each of these people:

• My cousin Jill has always been one of my favorite cousins whom I have great respect as she has raised her two kids and balanced all that it requires to be a cool mom. Just beginning to dabble in running over the last few years you can tell she loves it and the bug has bitten her. If you in West Michigan and are on Facebook you should be her friend.

• Thad Sweet is the real deal. A while back he was bit with the ultra-marathon bug. Some guys run half marathons or even marathons, Thad likes to run the 40+ milers! This guy is nuts, but I love him for it. He has a great blog that you should read or follow him on Twitter or friend him on Facebook.

• Eric Selvig is the man. He may not run at speeds that will set any records other than his own PR, but this guy methodically gets up before the sun cracks and puts in some serious miles. He writes a great blog called One Runners Brain, you should check it out sometime.

Many of you reading this may not connect with any of this because it relates to running, and for most running is miserable, but for any of you that actually enjoy running I suggest you connect with these people because they are phenomenal encouragers and great people who you should connect with about all things running.

If you don’t like running, I leave you with one thought: who can you give an “thata-boy” to today? Everyone needs a little encouragement from time to time.

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What I feel Anne wanted to share but failed to communicate in Mad Church Disease is beautifully portrayed and profoundly written in her sophomore release, Permission to Speak Freely: Essays and Art on Fear, Confession and Grace. The book is built on the premise of one question written on her blog in 2008: “What is the one thing you feel you can’t say in the church?” Instead of copying the likes of the Post Secret community, Anne dives deep into her own personal story and exposes the hurt, burnout and pain she suffered through years of love/hate relationship between her, the church and church people.

Motivated by honesty and humility this book is ripe with grace, forgiveness and truth. PTSF is fantastic read for anyone who has been hurt by the church or church people, it is an excellent reminder that confession of sin has the power to transform and the gift of forgiveness empowers us to move on. Each of us has our own story, while reading PTSF one can not help but identify with Anne’s story in one way or another.

“And so I began to wonder. Can a book actually change the world? My gut feeling? No. Book’s can’t. But people can.” (pg. 183 PTSF) I believe in her book Mad Church Disease Anne’s heart was to help people change, she wrote a book with steps to do that, honestly I don’t think it helped as much as she had hoped. A few years and experiences later, Anne has come to place where five steps to avoiding burnout give way to the power of the human story. All of us want to learn how to change and be better, but somewhere along the way we skip steps and forget the principles. However, when someone stands up in  the dark corners of the world where our deepest hurts, habits and hang-ups lurk and says “I have been there,” those are the people we are drawn too, those are the people that give us permission to say what is hidden deep in our souls. Anne Jackson doesn’t need to give you permission to speak freely, but when you finish reading her book, you will definitely find yourself in a place where confession gives way to transformation.

Permission to Speak Freely is available from the Central Online store.

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I never knew what I was missing until that little girl entered my world.

Why didn’t anyone tell me? Well you probably did, but I was probably just not ready to listen.

Parenting Alexis has quickly helped me realize some very important things:

• My diet lacks the amount of protein it takes to make it through a day work and a night of feeding the baby. In June I started tracking the amount of sugar I was in taking and I was off the chart with how unhealthy my life had become.

• When you have a child you learn to shelf your dreams very quickly and start to dream new dreams for your child and their life. I want everything for Alexis and a few bike rides for myself. I also quickly realized when I volunteered for the late night shift that sleeping 8 hours straight was a luxury and that I would literally not remember a dream from my sleep for nearly four months.

• I understand parenting a whole lot better now that I have started to do it. And to be brutally honest: parenting takes a lot of work, I mean I can not even fathom how single moms or dads do it. After 3 months of taking care of a hungry, sometimes teething but otherwise well behaved baby I still find myself sitting her in a chair in front of the TV so that I can get things done. TV is the laziest form of parenting. Using the TV to babysit my daughter so that I can do stuff is absolutely the worst excuse for a parent that I can give. . . yet I do it almost everyday.

Slowly I am learning and growing up as I help my wife raise our growing, happy and healthy daughter. Each day makes me more grateful for the blessings I have been given.

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As I sit here typing there is a gorgeous little girl napping spitting up from her last feeding, laying next to me on the ottoman in our new home. Almost 16 weeks old, Alexis Grace is growing up right before my eyes and to be honest, I would rather watch her grow than type blog posts. My first born is much more important to me than my own website, but with every rule there is always an exception: I miss writing.

Godin encourages the creatives to keep shipping no matter what, well I stopped shipping for a while. Hopefully the new schedule and routine we have with Alexis will allow for more time to read (already has) and more time to write (I am writing now am I not?)

I really dislike when I read posts from people who complain tell me why they haven’t blogged in a while, but regardless here is my 3 paragraph excuse. I am back, hopefully to write more about books, parenting and life in West Las Vegas.

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Even though Alexis is only just three weeks old, I have already been taught the hard lesson that the best thing I can be for Alexis is her dad. In the early days of Alexis life I was trying to do it all. Running errands, taking care of my recovering wife, staying up all night with a restless baby, feeding, sleeping, cleaning, walking the dogs, trying to get a workout in, and even managing the store from afar. All of it was too much for my body and my strength to handle.

On Monday I went for my usual 25 mile bike ride out to Red Rock National Recreation Area and back. It was a little warmer than previous rides but nothing out of the ordinary. The winds were up but I drank plenty of fluids. I really had a great time on my ride. The rest of Monday and most of Tuesday went by without much of a hitch, that was until around 5 PM on Tuesday when dehydration hit my like a wrecking ball. Dry heaves, vomiting, diarrhea and all sorts of nasty were coming out of my body to the point where a trip to the emergency room was my only option. 1o hours, 3 liters of IV, and a gallon of water later I was released from the ER with severe dehydration and near kidney damage.

Laying in the bed of the ER room in the middle of the night no where near my wife and daughter I could sense God speaking to me through my experience: “Benji, slow down. You can’t do it all. You can’t be the house cleaner, bike rider, and father.” It was a humbling reminder that being Ashley’s husband and Alexis’s father is much more important than doing any of the thousands of things on my to-do lists.

Checking out of the ER and driving home with my mom was a difficult pill to swallow that I need: to stop doing and start being. Slowing Down isn’t easy for me, but I have learned that it is necessary and that my wife and daughter don’t need a superhero they just need me to be dad.

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