Enter Jesus. Jesus points to this “kingdom” – a real, present, here and now reality we can touch, which satisfies what we most deeply desire without condition, and a reality we are free to choose in any moment. Jesus said to look for this kingdom within ourselves.

So, there’s what we all long for, and there’s this “kingdom” Jesus referred to, which fulfills our longings. It’s a reality we can choose, express, find and share with one another, live from, let guide our human journey, and simply enjoy!

Enter religion. Seems religion mucks it all up. Religion gets in the middle of it and before you know it the kingdom is buried beneath a mountain of stuff that doesn’t have anything to do with it.

For me, I had to bail on religion to uncover the kingdom. I receive lots of emails from people who are conflicted about how much of their religion to let go of in order to embrace the simplicity of what Jesus pointed to. How far do you go? For example, I recently received an email from someone who seriously wonders if the whole idea of “God” (as most people understand) it is a load of crock.

So, I’m wondering…

Okay, so a lot of us are losing our religion. Are you conflicted about how much to let go of? Are you holding onto pieces of it out of guilt or because of what people will think? What part of “letting go” are you currently wrestling through? Have you drilled down all the way to wondering about your whole concept of “God?” What is involved in that for you?

No judgment here. Each of us are at a different place on the journey. I can’t walk your path; you can’t walk mine. What I end up with is likely to be different than what you come up with. It’s okay. I just want to know how you are processing this “shedding religion” thing. How much have you shed? Do you see the writing on the wall for shedding more? Are you finding that kingdom? What fears do you have? Are there people who get where you are?

Yeah I know; I ask too many questions

I’ve been in Amarillo, Texas. I spoke at West Texas A & M University. Go Buffaloes!

I met with the campus ministers in the morning, and then I spoke at a lunch gathering of the Greeks for Christ. The main deal was being invited as the speaker for the Willson Lecture Series. Per usual, my favorite part of the experience was the people I met and the conversations that just sort of happened along the way. It’s still the case that my spiritual journey is so often mysteriously guided along by those ‘divine nobodies’ who appear along my path.

I met Jason Boyett. Great guy! We’ve been Internet friends for some time now. He is an author and endurance athlete as well. He’s a little crazy and off-center like I am, and we hit it off. Well, at least I got a lot out of it. It always helps to find someone you connect with. Jason will probably deny ever meeting me or having any such connection. If you’re reading this Jason, it’s okay. I understand

After the lecture, I was given some books written by Martin Zender, who I had not previously heard of. He’s another one of those exploring God “outside the box” kind of guys. Several people I met during my visit became Facebook friends like Todd, Michelle, Lucas, and David. I like staying in contact with the new friends I make on the road.
I was asked to lecture on the topic of “shedders” – people who are shedding religion to find God and discovering freedom in the wide open spaces beyond God Inc. The topic touched on postmodernity and the shift from a plot-driven to character-driven view of life and the world.

I felt comfortable being myself. I have a long history of feeling the pressure to be “on” and fulfilling superhero expectations. Buried beneath all the show there was always a nobody Jim who wondered if people would truly accept him in all his ordinariness. At WTAMU I felt the freedom to be real Jim. Face it, I’m a pretty odd person! Four-way stops stress me out, I’ve seen all the High School Musical movies multiple times and actually liked them, running 50 miles is my idea of fun, and I feel that Eminem has something to say worth listening to. Oh well!

I told the crowd how I had once been a great speaker (back in my Willow Creek, Springbrook Church days) but now I was just some guy (loose cannon) in a baseball hat and jeans with notes scribbled out on a yellow legal pad. I also shared that I have Touretts, which for some people involves blurting out curse words. I told them that this was not a Touretts issue in my case, but that I was still known to blurt out curse words and not to be surprised if they heard a few.

Game 1: World Series – Tonight!

(photo by zoo gal)

Truth always sounds good when sipping a White Mocha at Starbucks, but does it hold up when the shit hits the fan in life? Hmm…maybe this is the perfect time to live what’s true and real.

There is a Jim Palmer who has been conditioned to react to life circumstances with fear, hurt, worry, anxiety, anger, withdrawal, bitterness, and all sorts of other volatile reactions. When I am hurt, misunderstood, treated unjustly, or life circumstances begin crumbling around me, that Jim wants to react in those ways. It may feel good in the moment but it  only makes matters worse, and typically multiplies one problem into three new ones. If nothing else, my mind gets all wrapped around the axle of the situation and there is no peace or rest, just more anxiety and upset.

But I’m finding that my true nature and deepest feelings provide a different way of responding to whatever life holds. This other Jim deep below can endure and suffer any hardship without being threatened or undisturbed.

I have found that Jim Palmer is like the ocean. Sometimes life sends a violent storm that creates turbulent waters on the surface. Looking from shore all you can see is the wind blowing, the waters churning, the waves crashing, the rain pelting, the thunder pounding, the lightning flashing – a violent storm at sea. Sometimes life blows in and creates a storm like this on the surface on my life. But there’s another reality deeper below. Deep, deep below the surface of the sea, everything is as it was. Nothing is undisturbed. Take a submarine down twenty thousands leagues under the sea and you find my true nature that is undisturbed, at peace and free. So, I have a choice – fight the storm on the surface by jumping feet first into all the volatility of it or become aware of that nature deep below and listen to it, trust it, follow it, respond from it.

Maybe the crap has hit the fan in your life. Are you fighting it or reacting against it on the surface? Fighting fire with fire? Or are you aware of another nature deep below that is undisturbed and responds differently? From a Christian perspective you might think of that nature as the Christ-nature or the Spirit. Is that another ‘you’ twenty thousand leagues under the sea? Could we be helping each other by pointing to and affirming that nature within each of us? It’s easy for that reactionary-you to be hooked by the crap that hits the fan. Can you learn to create a space between you and the situation in order to find, connect with, and respond from that deeper nature?

What are your thoughts? Seems like all our interesting spiritual concepts are essentially a load of crock if they aren’t real where the rubber meets the road. Has your spiritual evolution truly changed the way you move through life and how you respond when the storms blow in? Is a deeper Christ-nature just nice-sounding theology or is it something real for you when life becomes a real crapper? How does your spirituality hold up when life sucks? I’m just wondering. Wherever you are, be honest if you can. Maybe we can encourage each other along. No one has arrived. Lets talk it through together.

(photo by zoo gal)

I knew if I got to mile 40 I was home free. If I could get that far, come hell or high water I was going to cross that damn finish line. The last ten miles were for my daughter Jessica, I was going to finish even if it involved crawling.

Standing on the start line yesterday morning, it was dark, cold, windy, and drizzling rain. We had our headlamps and flashlights and set out into the darkness. Though there was a crowd of people who registered for the shorter runs, there were relatively few of us who were going for the 50-miler. In time, we figured out who each other were and we kept track of each others progress.

My friend Rick suprisingly showed up on his bike around mile 12 to offer his encouragement. If you go to my Facebook page, you can see a couple videos he put up from the race. Rick was slightly concerned by the guy I was running with at the time. Admittedly, he was younger and looked like he had some experience. However, Rick’s comment only served to add more motivation. Now, I had two goals: 1) cross the finish line and 2) cross it before super boy! Yes, I know – juvenile, huh? Oh well.

There were aid stations every 7 miles. My strategy was to focus on just making it to the next one. I ripped off the first 15 miles and frankly wasn’t feeling that great, which worried me – I had a LONG way to go. I finished the marathon distance (26.2), which was the halfway point of the race. I was now entering unfamiliar territory. My long runs had gone out the window in my training; I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. Basically, I was going to have to run another marathon to finish. My hands and feet were swollen, my legs and arms were aching. Every now and then I got a little woo-woo in the head and felt slightly disoriented.  At mile 30 I knew the whole thing was going to become mental. I had 20 miles still to endure.

I can’t explain that at mile 30 something clicked inside of me, and a steel-like mental toughness set in. Each step was painful. I wasn’t stopping!! Twice I fell and scraped up my leg. I felt nauseated. The woo-woo head stuff intensified but I kept pushing through it. Around mile 35 that all changed. Suddenly my body began feeling better…stronger. I threw my race strategy out the window and decided I was going to attack the last 15 miles. There was pain but I didn’t let it dictate the situation. There was another ‘me’ in charge, and I told my body, “Suck it up. Get your ass in gear. We are going to do this thing!”

There were people I met along the way that deeply touched me. Like the woman who PASSED ME running on a prosthetic leg. I tried to encourage along people who were visibly suffering, trying to get to the finish. At mile 42 my friend Gabe showed up to run the last 8 miles with me. At miles 48 Rick, Heather, and Josh were there to help coax me across the finish line. I didn’t need much coaxing. I picked up the pace at around 47 and never looked back. I didn’t crawl across the finish line, I sprinted across it. I did it! Don’t ask me how I did. In some ways I was truly crazy to even try it. But than as Robin Williams says, “You only get a spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.”

Oh yeah, I discovered I had another gear that super boy apparently didn’t have. I never looked back.

Saturday is my ultramarathon.  50 miles. Normally I’m over-prepared for this sort of thing. Not this time. To be honest, when I step up to the start line on Saturday morning I’m not sure I’m going to be able to pull it off. The last several weeks my training has been erratic, and I’m certainly not at my peak condition. People have tried to talk me out of doing it. That would be the sensible thing to do. 50 miles is a long way. There is a risk. Bad things can happen while running such a distance. Despite it all, I want to try. I kind of like the idea of not knowing if I can do it. I’m looking at it like a Survivor episode – somehow, someway I’ve got to cover 50 miles of terrain by foot in less than 12 hours.

To complicate the matter further, I’m going to tackle the 50 miles alone with no support crew. This is just one of those deals where I want and need to go it alone. At first I imagined how difficult it would be covering all those miles on my own. It’s going to require conquering the obstacles in my head, the pain in my body, and the pavement beneath my feet. I welcome this as a test of my will, and I can see myself rising above these challenges and drawing upon a courage and peace from a deeper place.

There are some special people I have dedicated portions of my run to:

Miles 1-10 – Fellow Tourette friends.
Miles 11-20 – Fellow Adult Survivors of Child Abuse
Miles 21-30 – My IJM friends.
Miles 31-40 – In memory of friend Miles Levin, who was taken by cancer.
Miles 41-50 – My daughter Jessica, who I love with all my heart.

I’m going to give it my best shot. I’m currently in fuel up and hydrate mode. I’ve got some odds and ends to still gather together tomorrow in terms of gear and nutrition for the race. Seriously, this is a roll of the dice but I’m ready to try my odds. I’ll let you know how it goes. If you don’t hear from me in a week, you can offically start worrying

Is there anything you are rolling the dice on? Maybe it’s a dream or goal you are pursuing or want to pursue? I’d really be interested in hearing what is currently inspiring you.Tell me about it. Really, this stuff interests me! Whatever it is, I want to know.

Bye for now. Here’s a few videos I pulled out for a little help on the motivation side.

What’s your dream? 

This isn’t a math test!

Why are you doing it?

(photo by purplemattfish)

Stephen King wrote a book about the craft of writing entitled, On Writing. King says the best stories are character-driven, not plot-driven.

He writes, “I distrust plot… It’s best that I be as clear about this as I can – I want you to understand that my basic belief about the making of stories is that they pretty much make themselves. The job of the writer is to give them a place to grow…The story which results from plot is apt to feel artificial and labored…I have never demanded of a set of characters that they do things my way. On the contrary, I want them to do things their way. In some instances, the outcome is what I visualized. In most, however, it’s something I never expected…For me, what happens to characters as a story progresses depends solely on what I discover about them as I go along – how they grow, in other words. If they grow a lot, they begin to influence the course of the story instead of the other way…I think the best stories always end up being about the people rather than the event, which is to say character-driven.”

***

So, I’m wondering. Were our lives meant to be a plot-driven story or a character-driven story?

The plot-driven life says there is a fundamental plot underlying everything, and the trick is to keep your choices lined up with whatever you imagine that plot to be. A plot-driven life is to assume you more or less know what’s up, and you follow the script. In a plot-driven life you’re following along with some plan or defined concept about what your life should be or achieve. “Living” is about making decisions that fit the picture or concept you have fashioned in your mind. At all costs, even if it seems to be a denial of self, you stick with the plan or plot. It may not even be a plan or plot you came up with yourself.

Then there’s the character-driven life. The character-driven life is life as a novel without a plot. The story is being written each day. You don’t manipulate or bend the process to fit a certain outcome, life evolves and unfolds as you follow what is most authentic and real. People, circumstances, experiences, and choices appear along the way and you do what’s next. You’re not sure what comes next or how the story ends, you just show up each day to your life and do the next thing.

Lets add a few other elements into the equation. What if this is actually what God was thinking and wanted. And what if God gave each person an internal guidance system that helped steer them along in the process. If so, you’d first have to discover that internal guidance system. Maybe you’d be struck by it’s simplicity – like it’s way easier than trying to make the plot-driven life work. Maybe that internal guidance system naturally woos and pulls you toward life, love, freedom, fulfillment, peace, goodness, beauty…the kingdom.

What do you think? Does there need to be a one-size-fits-all plot we all are supposed to be following? Or is life something unique you create as you go along, guided by a voice deep within your heart? Apparently, if Stephen King wrote the story of your life he would begin with no preconceived notions, impose no plot upon it, and let it all unfold. He would “give you a place to grow.” Is that how we should relate to others? Rather than impose our plot on others, should we instead be giving people a place to grow, trusting that their lives is a novel in progress?

So, any thoughts? What kind of novel would you rather be in? A novel that is driven by a decided-upon plot in which everyone knows “how this story ends,” or a novel that writes itself out of the heart of the character? You’re not sure exactly what’s going to happen next but you feel that something is pulling the character step by step into something wonderfully alive and real.

(photo by zoo gal)

Do you experience loneliness?
Maybe you are literally alone, as in you live by yourself. Maybe you feel the world has left you behind or that you don’t fit anywhere or that the world could get along just fine with or without you, as if you are expendable and it doesn’t really matter. Perhaps it is a loneliness of feeling forgotten or overlooked or rejected or judged or misunderstood. Maybe you wish someone…anyone…would show interest in you, pursue you, and want you.
Maybe you have lots of people in your life but you still feel alone. Married and alone. Successful and alone. Tons of friends and alone. Fit and attractive and alone. Busy and alone. Spiritual and alone. All the right God answers and alone. Maybe there are all kinds of people arranged in your life but you still feel loneliness. Maybe it’s a deep disconnect you feel from everyone and everything.

Do you experience loneliness? What is it like for you? Does despair and hopelessness accompany your loneliness? What helps you or pulls you out of it? How do you deal with your loneliness? Does any of the God stuff help or not really? Does the God stuff make it worse? How has your religious beliefs effected your feelings of loneliness? Why are so many people lonely? What are we missing? What’s the way out of our loneliness? Why do we have such great theology and still feel deep loneliness? Is there a way out of this or is loneliness just part of the deal.

Can we just cut through the crap and speak honesty about how we experience loneliness. It’s like the elephant in the room nobody wants to talk about but it’s not going away. Would you be willing to share about your loneliness? Can you describe how it feels. What have you learned? Supposedly there’s this happy-God-train you can jump on that eliminates feelings of loneliness. Really? Have you found that happy-God-train? Is loneliness just something that has to be endured? What is truly the cause of it and is there a solution? Does religion contribute to the experience of loneliness?
Would you be willing to admit your loneliness and tell us about it. Maybe we can help each other on this.

(photo by zoo gal)

People ranging from Atheists to Christians (and everything in between) contact me to share their views of God. I was recently sent this video, which represents one person’s objections to God and Christianity. As you will see, the video is not for the faint of heart. Though I’m sure it would be an interesting conversation to simply offer a response to the views expressed in the video, I was more interested in knowing the following.

Are there religious or theological beliefs or views that you once held, which you came to question and ultimately discarded? I’d be interested to know about it. What is one of those specific beliefs or views that you let go of? Why did you? What was it specifically about the belief or view that you could not reconcile, which caused you to give it up? Did you feel the belief or view was damaging to you in some way? If so, how? What was it about the belief or view that no longer made any sense to you, or became a hindrance, or was inhibiting your journey with God? Was shedding that specific belief or view helpful or liberating? How so? What difference did it make? Can you describe it, show us, or give an example of how it played out? Is there something you are in the midst of questioning now? Tell us about it.

I’m hoping you will feel free to share. I’m not here to judge you for any belief or view that you might be questioning or have given up. I’m just interested in knowing about you and your journey, and the beliefs you have questioned and perhaps discarded along the way. Maybe this is currently taking place in your journey. How has a change in your beliefs or views changed you? I’m not necessarily expecting people to respond with some big philosophical or theological rationale for your current beliefs or changed views. You don’t need to convince me. Maybe your change of beliefs or views have been for very personal reasons and not intellectual ones. That’s okay. I’d like to know about it. Maybe you once held beliefs and views that now seem insane to you. Tell me about it.

No holding back.

(photo by zoo gal)

“Whatever satisfies the soul is truth.”

Do you agree? I guess the “devil is in the details” – namely, what is meant by “satisfies” and “soul?” One interpretation of the quote could simply be a justification to do whatever quenches your fleshly cravings and whims, “Whatever feels good, do it.” Another interpretation of the quote could be that what is truth rings something deep within us and we experience something that satisfies us on a level that Jesus referred to as “peace beyond understanding.” Not just a happy-happy warm fuzzy feeling, but a deep-seated something that brings peace, freedom, and well-being.

So I’m wondering how the quote relates to your life. I’m especially interested in knowing from your personal experience how you relate to the quote as opposed to a heady debate about the validity of the quote. In other words, has the quote been true for you? If so, how? Or maybe you’ve never really considered the “satisfaction of your soul” as a legitimate category for you to go with. Maybe you are more prone to evaluate truth in other ways. Either way, I’d be interested to know your experience.

Do you currently feel a satisfaction of soul or do you feel more restless, disturbed and unsettled right now in your spiritual journey? As always, no judgment here. Is there a difference between feeling good and soul satisfaction? Please feel free to share whatever you think and wherever you are.

“Whatever satisfies the soul is truth.” Does that sound hopeful? Has it been your experience? Do you desire that? What is preventing you? Share whatever most comes to mind as it relates to you and your journey.

(photo by zoo gal)