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The hardwood living room floor was uncomfortable.
But, that very uncomfortable-ness was very satisfying. Whenever I felt my bones rubbing against the hard floor, I knew I was getting closer to being a cowboy.

What does sleeping on hardwood have to do with leading change – for yourself or others?

Leading change is a learning process.
And all learning includes uncomfortable moments.
When you’re learning a new way of being in the world, it’s inevitable that you’ll be clumsy at first. You’re out of your depths. Your nervous system is working hard to wire in the new way of thinking and acting.

Whenever you take on a new job, new project, or a new team – you won’t have mastered the new work on day one. You’re at the base of a learning curve. And walking your way up will include some stumbling. But, it’s not the stumbling that makes you uncomfortable.

Stumbling and bumbling doesn’t have to feel uncomfortable.
In fact, it can be very satisfying.
It’s your interpretation that counts. When I rolled over onto the hardwood floor and bruised my hipbone – I took that as a sign of progress. I was that much closer to being a cowboy.

What makes being uncomfortable satisfying?
When you recognize that the discomfort is taking you closer to your goal.
When you understand that the discomfort is the signal that your neurology working intensely to build new patterns of expertise. Then, you’ll gladly lean into your discomfort.

You’ll seek out experiences and opportunities where you can lean into your discomfort.
Not simply to feel the hardwood rubbing against your ribs. But, because you want to grow, learn, and develop. The opportunities abound. Think about a conversation or a meeting that you know you’re going to have in the next three days. Pick one that is important. That will take both courage and skill on your part if it is to go well.

Then, let yourself sense the emotions that start swirling in your body.
Because, you neurology doesn’t distinguish between being in that meeting and thinking about it. So, you can start to lean into your discomfort well before you walk through the door.

Explore, in your creative imagination, what it would look like for you to show up in that meeting with just a bit more courage.
Consider what would be a worthwhile risk to take. Push yourself just a bit. Lean into your discomfort and let your nervous system experience a new way of envisioning yourself in that situation.

You can do this in 60 seconds.
A few times a day. Just lean into your discomfort – in the privacy of your own mind. Then, try it in the meeting.

Remember, the idea is to lean into your discomfort.
Not to radically transform yourself overnight. Learning doesn’t happen that way. You build mastery incrementally. By leaning not leaping.

I’m still not a full-fledged cowboy, after all.

And I don’t mean the trees.
Yes, the trees are amazing.
But, what is really powerful is . . . the silence.
Silence envelops you. The silence causes you to walk more slowly. Look more carefully. And become more present and aware.

Silence is powerful.

The power of silence is not only in the redwoods.
Silence is everywhere. At work. At home. Even in the midst of traffic. Silence is there (right now while you’re reading this).

It’s just so . . . silent. It’s easy to overlook and ignore.
When you ignore silence – you end up with noise.
How many times have you left a meeting wondering how so many words could add up to so little communication?

Powerful communication isn’t measured in the quantity of words.
And, if you want your communication to have more impact and influence - you need to pay as much attention to silence – as you pay attention to words.

Because powerful communication is as much about silence as words.
In a world that is overflowing with information, messages, and words  – it’s hard to get anyone’s attention. Their brains are on overload – and mostly shut down.

Talking louder and faster isn’t the answer. People are tired of blah, blah, blah. Volume does not garner attention. Quite the opposite – the louder and faster you talk, the less people really listen.
And that’s not what you want as a communicator.

You don’t want people to tune you out.
You want people to really listen. You want to influence others through what you say.

And you want to draw them out, as well:

• To create authentic dialogue and build mutual understanding.
• To be influential in ways that promotes positive results.

That’s why silence is your greatest ally.

When you make silence your ally – you have the most powerful element of communication on your side.
Here are three ways silence can make your communication more powerful:

1) Before you speak . . . allow silence to introduce your words.

Public speakers, celebrities, politicians, are always given an introduction before they step to the microphone and speak.

Why?

Because, the introduction increases people’s receptivity and focuses their attention.
Silence can do the same thing for you.
Before you speak, pause. Become silent. Totally, mindfully silent.
For just a few seconds.

A few seconds of silence in a world drowning in noise – will have a powerful impact.
It will focus people’s attention. And that’s what you want – their attention. It will increase their curiosity and enhance their receptivity.

When I say a few seconds, I mean 2 or 3 at most.
You don’t need much silence. It’s that powerful. And most people can’t handle too much power.
So, while a couple of seconds of silence will rivet their attention on you. Too much will freak them out.

How can you ensure that they don’t freak out?
First – just use a few seconds of silence.
And during those 2-3 seconds - stay physically, emotionally, and mentally relaxed.
Breathe comfortably. Have a half-smile (barely perceptible) on your lips.
Let the silence work.

As you grab their attention – through the unexpected use of silence – they will to tune into you.
You’ve piqued their curiosity through the use of silence. You’ve heightened their attention through the silence. They’re a bit off balance now. They’re looking to you for clues. They’re ready to take your lead.

That’s why it is so important for you to be relaxed.
Because if you get uncomfortable with the silence. They’ll take your lead – and get uncomfortable too.
But, when you stay relaxed - your physical, emotional, and mental relaxation non-verbally tells them that it’s safe to pay close attention to you.

Remember, this is all happening in the space of 2-3 seconds:
The silence has given you your introduction.
You have their attention.
Your words will have more impact.

Here’s another way that silence can work for you –

2) After you ask a question . . . let silence draw out others’ answers.
Silence can focus attention on you and what you say. And silence can also help you to engage others – to draw out their thoughts and feelings.

After you ask a question, it is important to let silence do its work.

Silence will allow your question to sink into your listener’s mind and heart.
Silence creates an environment in which the other person can reflect and discern their answer to your question. Silence let’s them go below the surface – so that their reflections and answer are not just superficial.

Silence opens them to the importance of your question.
And depending on the nature of your question – they may be more or less comfortable sharing their answer.
A common scenario in team meetings is for someone to ask a question - and for the group to give no response. A few seconds of silence ensue.

Typically, the speaker will get uncomfortable with the silence and either:

• Answer the question they just asked.
• Move on to another topic.
• Or rephrase the question.

Any of these approaches short-circuits the power of silence.
So, when you ask a question – whether of a group or individual – let silence carry the question deeper. This can take longer than 2-3 seconds. But, it will almost never take more than 10 seconds.

Again, the key is for you to remain comfortable.
Recognize that silence is your ally – and that it needs 5-10 seconds to do its work. Keep breathing and comfortably anticipate their response.

Most people cannot resist the power of silence for more than 10 seconds. They will be compelled to speak. To answer your question.

And now, for the third way silence can improve your communication:

3) While others are speaking to you  . . . let silence enhance your listening.
Walking through the redwoods – makes you realize how much silence enhances your listening. You really listen. Every sound is clarified by the silence.
You can bring this same clarity to your listening through the practice of inner silence.

Most listening is done with partial attention -  at best.
While others are talking your mind, typically, churns on – thinking about your response, reformulating your position, even wondering about what’s for dinner.

All this inner chatter inhibits listening. And when you’re not listening, you cannot truly tune into the most important part of the other person’s message.

The most important part of their message is: what they want to communicate but cannot say.
They can’t say it because it’s too hard to admit, it’s embarrassing, or they just don’t have the right words.
And that’s where silence can help you – and them.

You make mind like a redwood grove.
Spacious. Still. Silent. And you let their communication enter. You hear more than the words when you listen in silence.

There’s always more to a message than can be put into words. Sometimes the words people use actually confuse the message they’re trying to communicate.
That’s were silence can help you. When you make your mind like a redwood forest – the silence allows you to hear the meaning behind the words.
You really get what they’re saying – even if they can’t articulate it clearly.

So, let’s recap.

What are the three ways that silence can make your communication more powerful?

1. Before you speak . . . allow silence to introduce your words. Take 2-3 seconds to let silence increase others receptivity and focus their attention on what you are about to say.
2. After you ask a question . . . let silence draw out others’ answers. And 5-10 seconds of silence will take your questions deeper and invite people to share their answers.
3. While others are speaking to you  . . . let silence enhance your listening. To really hear the message – hidden behind the words – let silence clarify your listening.

When you use these three techniques every conversation can be like a walk in the redwoods. All because of the power of silence.

Not all silences are the same.
Silence is a form of communicating. And different silences have different meanings. In order to get the conversation going again, you have to discern the subtext – the message & meaning hidden in the silence.

Here are 8 flavors of silence that I have encountered in over 25 years of facilitating and attending meetings along with their subtext and the actions you can take.

Silence #1: I don’t agree. But, I’m afraid to tell you.
Subtext: When there’s an obvious power imbalance in the conversation, this is a common meaning of silence. You’re the boss and they may be afraid to push against your authority. So, even though they disagree – they’re staying quiet.

Your Action: Make yourself vulnerable. Make it clear that what you’re proposing is a first draft. Ask people to point out what’s missing, what’s off base, what’s flawed in your thinking. And when they do – thank them and ask follow up questions to learn more about their ideas. Do not defend your position.

Silence #2: I have another idea – but doubt you’ll listen.
Subtext: Again, if you have authority and have presented your position with a lot of enthusiasm and zeal, the other person may hesitate to offer an alternative view as they think you’re mind is made up.

Your Action: Be honest about whether you’re open to ideas or not. You may be willing to modify your thinking. Be clear about what’s non-negotiable. Then, ask for feedback. When you get it, ask clarifying questions such as: “How does what you’re suggesting fit with what I proposed?” Don’t launch into a rehash of your presentation.

Silence #3: I have no idea what you’re talking about – but don’t want to offend you by asking a question.
Subtext: Even when you try to be clear – you may be confusing. The other person may have heard the words you said – but can’t figure out what you’re trying to communicate. They don’t want to say that you’re making no sense. But, that’s their experience.

Your Action: If they’re looking dazed and confused – take responsibility. Say: “I don’t think I’ve been clear. What, if anything, have I communicated?” Find out what they think you’re talking about. If they’re not getting it – it’s your responsibility, You’re the communicator. Re-focus yourself and simplify your message. Boil your position down to 1-3 key ideas.

Silence #4: I’m too upset to even talk. I need some time to cool down and gather myself together.
Subtext: Something in what you said has pushed a hot button. The person is upset and rather then react, is choosing to contain their emotions. They’re not saying anything, but their body language is likely screaming – flushed face, clenched jaw, narrowing eyes.

Your Action: Keep breathing. Breathe full, slow breaths. Modulate your own physiology so you don’t shift into the fight or flight response. Take one or two full, slow breaths. This will only take about 15 seconds. Then, say: “I think something I’ve said really doesn’t work for you. Am I right?” Then, stay relaxed and listen if they rant and rave a bit.

Silence #5: I haven’t really been listening. And, I’m not really interested enough to ask you to go over it again.
Subtext: This is kind of the opposite of #4. You’re off target. You haven’t hit a hot button. You haven’t even connected. They’re not engaged.

Your Action: Like #4, it’s important to keep breathing. This isn’t the time to push your case. Shift gears, if appropriate to focus on what matters to them. As they reveal their goals you may find a way to reconnect back to your point of view.

Silence #6: I’m ready to pounce – but don’t want to be the first to attack.
Subtext: This happens in meetings. The silence is a prelude to the attack. People are waiting for someone else to draw blood. Then, they’ll eagerly jump into the fray and point to all the flaws in your position.

Your Action: This is a tough situation. Some individuals and teams haven’t learned the difference between being aggressive and being assertive. For them, every communication is a contest. Your challenge is to stay centered. To focus on the core of your message and to go past their attacks to identify the useful ideas they offer.

Silence #7: I’ve got an unformed concern – and can’t quite put it into words.
Subtext: Sometimes people have a hard time articulating what bothers them. Something’s not fitting but they can’t say what. They’ve got an uneasy feeling about what your suggesting, but don’t exactly know why.

Your Action: When you see them struggling, lend a hand. Consider your ideas from their point of view. What might make them uncomfortable? What might they object to? What might be threatening? Then, say: “If I were you, I might be concerned about . . .  Do I have that right?” Help them get their objections on the table and then work collaboratively to address them.

Silence #8 I’m thinking. What seems like silence to you is actually filled with thinking for me.
Subtext: People have their own thinking/speaking rhythm. Some take more processing time before they’re ready to speak.

Your Action: Follow their rhythm. Adjust your pace. Express appreciation that they’ve taken time to reflect and seriously consider what you’ve said.

It’s not healthy.
For him or for his team. He’s holding on too tightly. And then the boss holds on that tightly to control, it doesn’t leave room for anyone else to take ownership of the business.

And the focus of the culture shifts.
The team culture gets centered on the boss.  Not the customer. It’s a boss-focused culture. Not a mission-driven one.

In a boss-focused culture, people pay more attention to the boss’s mood than to customer satisfaction.
The activities of the team follow the moods of the boss. If the boss is in a bad mood, team members warn each other to “steer clear”.
During team meetings everyone addresses their comments to the boss (not each other).
Nothing of significance gets decided by anyone but the boss.
It’s understood that the team is there to carry out the directions of the boss.
There’s no succession plan in place.

There’s a certain satisfaction in being indispensable.
It feeds the ego when you’re the go-to person for every problem. It’s just not leadership. Leadership is more about serving the customer and the mission then one’s own sense of importance.
It’s about sharing power with others so that they can extend the work of your organization beyond your reach.
It’s about becoming dispensable so that others can carry on the mission when you’re not around.

That’s why it’s part of leadership to go on vacation.
And when you’re away, don’t call the office. No email. Just let go. Leave someone else in charge.
It may feel risky. But, that’s the first sign that you’re exercising leadership – when what you’re doing feels risky.

So, risk it. Book the flight. Lie on the beach. Go skiing. Whatever you enjoy most.
Your team will have a chance to grow while you’re tanning.

Questions for Reflection & Action

• How can you make yourself more dispensable?
• What project will you let go of – so others can take more ownership?
• Where will you go for your next vacation?

It was his first week and he’d gone around the entire plant – sweeping, dusting, mopping, and picking up. The floor was clean. So, he sat down and pulled out a novel to read. (He was an English major).

“What are you doing?” a co-worker asked.

“Reading.” Marc answered innocently.
“You can’t do that. You need to keep the floor clean.”
“It is clean. I just finished cleaning it two minutes ago.”
“Well, if it’s clean, then look busy.”

It was an initiation moment.
Marc had spent the previous nine months at college. Reading (well, and partying, too). But, now he was in a new organization with a new culture. The culture of look busy. So, his co-worker was initiating him.

That’s how culture gets transmitted.
Through these moments of initiation. When someone takes you aside and explains to you how it is around here. They’re giving you the cultural scoop. The insiders view on reality. They’re reining you in. And helping you fit in.

Most of these conversations are pretty casual.
They happen in the hallway, after the meeting. Or over coffee. We don’t require an official training program to be culturally initiated. We’re tribal creatures, after all, and don’t relish being kicked out of the tribe. We’re wired to pay attention to the cultural signals so we can do what it takes to belong.

This is especially true when we’re new to a tribe – or a team.
The smallest comments carry great weight. It’s those short, potent comments like “Look Busy” that can shape behavior for years afterwards.

Questions for Reflection & Action
•    How were you initiated into the culture of your organization?
•    How do you initiate people into the cultural of your team?
•    What’s a simple phrase (“Look busy”) that describes the culture you have?
•    What’s one for the culture you want?

Each square is a mini-abstract painting filled with squiggles, globs, and dashes of color. The squares are beautiful and when viewed up-close appear to have no shared purpose.
It’s only when you step back far enough that the overall pattern, the relationship of the individual squares, is revealed.

Every square is a complete painting unto itself.
Yet, it also has a place in the larger canvas – as an element of the whole. A work of art reveals both the integrity of the part and the integrity of the whole. In a work of art, the part and whole enrich each other.

What would it mean to apply these two perspectives to your work?

1. The close-up perspective that focuses on the details and nuances of your individual work.
2. The big picture perspective that considers your work as one element among many in a broader purpose or plan

Both perspectives are important.

It’s important to be engaged and deeply focused on what you do.
You need to get up-close and personal in order to appreciate, hone, and enhance the details of your work. You need this intense focus to raise your performance to the level of mastery.

But, you get too close to your work, you can lose the sense of how what you do connects to a larger purpose. We’ve all met people who think that they’re piece of the puzzle is in fact the whole deal. They’re view is too narrow.

It’s equally important for you to step back and see your contribution in a broader context.
To recognize how what you do fits into a bigger picture and serves as simply one element in a larger purpose. This larger perspective can enrich daily tasks and mundane actions with a sense of meaning and purpose (See: What Can a Glass of Water Teach You About Leadership)

But, if you only take the broad view, it’s easy to lose an appreciation for the necessity and nobleness of small individual contributions. They can seem mundane or even disposable. The broad view, taken to extremes, ignores the significance of the little things. It’s all vision with no substance to back it up.

You need to take both perspectives on your work.
And help others do the same. Team members need to be passionately engaged with their individual work. To have an up-close and personal connection to the nuances and details of what they do work.

And at the same time, they need to embrace the broader vision of how what their contribution do fits into a bigger picture.

One perspective enriches the other. Together they make work into art.

Questions for Reflection & Action:

Take the up-close perspective:

• What’s a small aspect/detail of your work will you focus on today?
• How can you refine, polish, enhance that small aspect or detail?

Take the big picture perspective:

• What’s the larger purpose that your work supports?
• How does what you do contribute to the team, the organization, the larger community?

Make the connection:

• How does the small detail/aspect of your work fit into and enrich the bigger picture?
• How does the big picture support and enrich the detail?

When other people are talking, I can miss what they’re saying unless I turn and face them directly. Of course, paying direct attention to people who are talking to you is a good idea – whether your ears are waterlogged or not. And, turning away from them is . . . well, the antithesis of good listening. We’re taught this as kids.

But, we don’t often don’t take listening principle far enough.
We focus on becoming better at listening to others. But, don’t develop our capacity to listen to ourselves – to the thoughts, emotions, and reactions that arise in our hearts and minds.
When you don’t listen to yourself – you’re missing out on vital information.

What does it mean to listen to yourself?
It’s not just listening to your thoughts. That’s relatively easy to do. You were trained in school to focus on thoughts.
Listening to yourself includes listening to your emotions and body. Because there are three channels streaming or playing simultaneously inside you. One channel plays thoughts. The other plays emotions. And the third streams out bodily reactions.

Each of these channels plays from a different part of your brain.
Thoughts play from the “New Brain” channel or neo cortex.
Emotions play from the “Middle Brain” channel, also called the mammalian or limbic brain.
Bodily reactions play from the “Old Brain” channel, sometimes called the reptilian brain. This is the oldest part of the brain. It doesn’t stream words or emotions. It just plays bodily reactions. These reactions – strongly, strongly influence the other two channels.

Being a good listener means attending to all three of these channels.
Why?
Because they all affect what you do. Your effectiveness – in communication, decision-making, and leadership - is based on how clearly you are able to listen to these three channels. Whether you’re listening or not – all three channels are shaping your effectiveness.

All three channels are playing at the same time.
What you think influences your emotions. And vice versa. Your bodily reactions strongly influence the other two channels, as well.

Your “opinion” about any critical issue isn’t a simple rational judgment.
It’s not just a well thought out conclusion that comes from the operation of your New Brain. What you “think” is heavily shaped by your emotions, which, in turn, are profoundly governed by your bodily reactions.

Over the past decade, there is a growing recognition that emotions play a key role in leadership effectiveness.
The research on emotional intelligence has convinced the New Brain that there is validity to the information that comes from the mammalian – or emotional – brain. Leaders are starting to accept the fact that there’s more involved in effective leadership and teamwork than simply exercising the New Brain.

But, the oldest, and in many ways, most powerful channel is still largely ignored.
That’s the Old Brain. This channel is totally non-verbal. It’s not even emotional. It just works through your bodily reactions. It’s the source of your most trustworthy   and your most out-of-proportion “gut reactions.” It’s the part of you that “senses” the character of another person; that “knows” instinctively when a conversation or a deal is going well or off the rails. It’s also the part of you that can totally over react to a causal comment as though it were a matter of life or death.

There’s no middle ground when it comes to the Old Brain.
That’s part of its power. And its danger. The Old Brain simplifies life. It’s either yes or no. Black or white. No gray area.
And once the Old Brain locks onto a direction, it takes a lot of intensity to redirect it.

The Old Brain is the origin of the most intractable organizational problems.
You know those on-going organizational dramas and seemingly never-ending power struggles? They’re governed by the Old Brain. That’s what makes these situations so persistent. And intractable. The Old Brain doesn’t care about timelines or budgets. It’s been around for millions of years and will be here for a million more. When the schedule slips a week or two – it hardly notices.

This is why it’s essential that you become a better self-listener.
Because, if you’ve been frustrated by an on-going organizational power struggle – you’re facing an Old Brain problem.
Your Old Brain and the Old Brain of the people you’re struggling with have been activated.

Logic, on its own, isn’t going to change things.
That’s just the New Brain going blah, blah, blah, as far as your Old Brain is concerned. Face it – if logical arguments were going to carry the day – they would have already worked. (And replaying them is just going to make you and everyone else more frustrated.)
You’re not going to be able to influence their Old Brain until you can work with the Old Brain inside of you. That’s why you need to start listening to your Old Brain.

How do you listen to the Old Brain?
By paying attention to your body. Paying attention means bringing awareness you’re your body. (Not thinking about your body. Sensing it.)
Notice where in your body tension collects after a tough meeting. Is there a knot in your belly? A cramp in your shoulders? Pounding in your head?
Be aware of the place in your body where the tension is most obvious.

Bring awareness to that place in your body – and instead of thinking about the meeting – just sense that place of tension.
This is a really important first step. Just sensing the tension – without flipping off into your thoughts about the meeting, the other people, or yourself. That’s changing channels from the Old Brain and tuning into the thoughts (New Brain) and emotions (Middle Brain).

Stay with the bodily experience of the Old Brain. And as you do, begin to breathe deeply. Sense that you’re breathing into that place of tension. Infuse that part of your body with fresh air. Do this for 60 seconds and notice what happens.

The idea isn’t to “fix” anything.
Rather, the move is to develop your sensitivity and connection to the reactions and sensations – the messages – that come from your Old Brain. And to breathe in a comfortable and easy rhythm  while being aware of your body. The Old Brain doesn’t’ understand words. And definitely not PowerPoints. It understands breathing.

This may sound very touchy-feely.
And it is. Your Old Brain is all about touchy and feely. It’s based in bodily reactions.  You can’t get more touchy-feely than that.
Granted that dealing with the non-verbal, a-rational, primitive bodily reactions is confusing to the New Brain. These primal reactions are simply not logical. Exactly!! But, that doesn’t make them any less powerful.

Turning away from the touchy-feely nature of the Old Brain, doesn’t help.
As you begin to attend to your bodily experience, you see that the roots of many long-standing team and organizational challenges are deeply embedded in Old Brain reactions. It’s the Old Brain’s impulses that fuel and perpetuate the most maddeningly irrational organizational problems.

And that those roots aren’t just in other people. They’re in you, too. The same irrational and primitive impulses towards power, control, and self-preservation that we decry in others – are in us too. We’re all wired with the same Old Brain circuitry.

But, you don’t have to be governed by those reactions.
You can channel the primal energy of the Old Brain into choices that promote personal, interpersonal, and organizational effectiveness. But, only if you are conscious of the Old Brain’s signals before they start running the show.

This leads to the inevitable realization that before you can act effectively in the most highly charged situations – you need to be connected to your Old Brain.

You need to become more touchy-feely.
You need to bring greater awareness to the bodily reactions that arise from the Old Brain. This increased bodily awareness allows you to communicate – via the breath – with your Old Brain and to skillfully channel its primal energies into actions that serve and enhance your most valued goals.

Here’s a method to practice.
Read the steps through. Then practice it for 1 – 3 minutes.

1.    Recall a situation that is challenging you.
It needs to be current, important, and one that triggers some mixture of frustration, anger, anxiety, overwhelm.

Bring it to mind. And then shift your attention away from thinking about the situation to noticing your bodily reactions.

2.    Where does tension arise in your body? Bring your attention there.
As you do, notice your natural breathing.
Now, simultaneously rest your attention on the place of tension as you sense your breathing.

3.    Sense how the rhythm of the breath infuses the place of tension.
Be aware of what happens – in terms of your bodily sensations.

By mixing breath and awareness into the place of tension, the Old Brain starts to let go.
There’s relaxation.

4.    Keep breathing and let that sense of letting go spread naturally through your body.

5.    Now, re-engage your New and Middle Brains
Bring the situation to mind.
What is a simple action you can take from this place of balance?

The sun would be shining. They’d be in their board shorts, shirtless, and staring at the screen.

“Why don’t you just go out?” I asked, “What are you doing watching DVDs when you could be out surfing?”

“We’re getting into ’shred mode’, Dad.” Aaron explained without taking his eyes from the TV.

So, what’s shred mode?
When surfers are performing at their peak, they’re said to be “shredding”. Cutting through the water, turning and twisting the fins of their board, releasing parabolic sprays of white water in their wake. In short, shredding it.

So, before they hit the water, the kids perform their little DVD ritual to get into shred mode.

There’s science behind this DVD ritual.
It’s based on potent body/mind principle called State Dependent Learning. SDL says that everything you’ve learned – whether surfing or spelling – is encoded into your neurology. And that you can best recall any learning when in you’re in the same state of mind as when you learned it.

In other words, when Aaron is surfing his best - he’s in shred mode.
And, by triggering the mental state of “shred mode” before he hits the water – the odds of having an amazing surf session are markedly increased.

When his mind/body is in shred mode – his performance improves. And he has a lot more fun, at the same time.

Are you taking the time to get yourself into shred mode?
What are the rituals that you use to put your mind/.body into a place of optimum performance?
Because, you are performing rituals – whether you’re aware of them or not. We all are.

Rituals are those simple, regular, routines that you repeat day-after-day.
They’re simple – but powerful. These routines condition you mind/body (again, whether you’re aware of it or not.) Each ritual puts you into a specific state of mind – and that state gives you access to specific learnings and skills. Your state of consciousness frames your level of performance.

Shred mode states provide access to shredding levels of performance.
Creative states provide access to creative levels of performance.
Agitated states of mind provide access to agitated levels of performance.
Disengaged states of mind . . . well, you get the idea.

What are your rituals?
What’s the first thing you do when you get to your desk or place of work? What is the state that puts you in?
How about before going to your regular team meeting? What do you do to put yourself in a state of optimum performance?
Or do you practice the all-too-common ritual of sighing with discouragement as you drag yourself slowly into the conference room?

If you want to raise the level of your performance start by designing simple rituals that put you into a high performance state of mind. It’s how your mind/body is wired.
And watch out, as you start shredding through your day!

Questions for reflection and action:

• How do you get into shred mode?
• How can you build that “ritual” into your daily routine?
• What are simple team rituals that you can use to raise the state of your team?
• What state do you want to be in for your next meeting? How can you trigger that state – before the meeting starts?

At one point, the truck, laden with 3 tons of rock, got stuck in the loose dirt around the excavated site. I didn’t know if we were going to make it out. The back wheels were spinning, throwing up clouds of dust.

Sometimes problem solving is like that.
You’ve got a heavy problem. You want to move forward. But, all your efforts just seem to be spinning your mental wheels. When you’re spinning your mind without making progress, it’s frustrating.

Your mind starts to kick up a lot of emotional dust.
Feelings of frustration, doubt, anger, overwhelm can cloud your thinking. Spending more time and energy in the same pattern – won’t help. It will just burn you out.

So, how can you proceed?
There are two directions to follow when you’re trying to get out of a mental rut: up and down. Psychologists and cognitive scientists call this mental process “chunking” – as in chunk up or chunk down.

What is chunking up?
It’s stepping back, taking a broader perspective, and considering how the problem fits into a bigger picture.

When you chunk up, you’re expanding the horizon of your awareness.
Instead of looking at the tree, you’re taking in the forest. This is an important move to make when you find yourself spinning mentally and emotionally. Chunking up allows you to step back and consider how the challenge you’re facing is part of a larger pattern.

Here’s an example: Edward Deming, the father of the quality movement, famously emphasized that 96% of problems were the result of systemic imbalances not individual misbehavior.

By shifting attention from the action of the individual to the impact of the system – Deming was encouraging leaders to chunk up their problem analysis.
Rather than consider the individual’s actions as the source of the problem, Deming chunked up and focused on how system design governs and drives individual action.

When a nurse gives a patient the wrong medicine, where does the organization and the nurse’s leader focus?
On the nurse? On the system? Deming says to start with the system rather than assume individual negligence or incompetence. By tuning up the bigger chunk (the system) the smaller chunk (the individual behavior) will improve.

So, how do you chunk up?
Chunk up asking questions that expand the horizon of awareness.
Here are some chunking up questions to ask when you want to stop spinning your own wheels:

• What am I really trying to accomplish here?
• What makes this problem so important to me?
• What’s the pattern here – how is this problem an example of something that occurs regularly?

If you’re leading a team and people spinning their wheels and kicking up dust, here are some chunking up questions to ask:

• Let’s look at the bigger picture…
• How does that relate to our mission/vision/purpose?
• What are we trying to achieve here?
• Who is this for? What do they really want?
• What’s the pattern here – how is this problem an example of something that occurs regularly?

Another way to get un-stuck is to chunk down.
Chunking down is about becoming more specific, drilling down into the details, and breaking the problem down into smaller, more discrete pieces (or chunks).

In the book The Talent Code, author Dan Coyle describes how chunking problems down into bite-sized pieces allows musicians, athletes, scientists, and teachers to master really difficult and complex skills.

Chunking down works best when the overarching goal or purpose of the problem is clear.
Once you know why you care about solving the problem (which happens when you chunk up), then you can start to break it down into discrete pieces. And to work on mastering those smaller chunks step-by-step.

Continuing the example of the nurse and the medicine: chunking down would mean examing of all the steps/actions/decisions that go into “giving the right medication”. Each discrete element in the process would need to be identified, refined, and mastered. Then, the sum of those small chunks can integrate into a coherent pattern of competence.

Here are some questions to chunk-down a problem you are struggling with:

• What specifically did I do?
• What were the steps in my process?
• How can I break my behavior/thinking down into smaller chunks?
• What’s one aspect of this whole thing that I can start to improve?
• What’s the smallest action I can take that would move this forward?

Of course, chunking is a relative process.
You can chunk up or down from any problem.
It’s like a set of those Russian dolls that nest one inside the other. Each doll (other than the smallest and the largest) is both big and little – relative to another doll.

That is, each doll is a “chunk up” (bigger) relative to other dolls. And also a “chunk down” (smaller) relative to others.

It’s the same with the problem you’re dealing with.
Your problem is part of a bigger system. It’s a symptom of some larger imbalance; the outcome of a more encompassing pattern. It’s a small chunk inside a bigger context.

But, your problem also contains, within it, smaller sub-issues. It’s a system itself with discrete sub-components that may need attention. It’s a doll with other smaller dolls (issues) nested inside.

So, for any problem it’s helpful to both chunk up and chunk down.
Here’s how:

• Start by chunking up to define the larger context and reasons why the problem needs to be addressed.
• Define the issue at a high level (chunk up)
• Then chunk down to identify project goals, milestones, or bench marks.
• As you move through time – keep chunking back up to make sure that what you’re doing is aligned with your purpose and the larger context.
• Chunk up to find problems in the bigger system that need attention.
• Chunk down to refine your specific actions, time line, deliverables.

Some people like to chunk up and dwell in the big picture.
Others prefer to chunk down and get into the nitty-gritty. Both - up and down - are needed if you’re going to solve problems so they stay solved.

Otherwise you’ll just end up spinning your wheels, polluting the atmosphere with dirt and dust, and never get those rocks off your truck.

Questions for Reflection & Action:

1. What is a problem that you keep running into?
2. Chunk it up:
   • How is this problem a symptom of a larger pattern or systemic imbalance?
   • How does resolving this problem support your larger purpose or vision?
3. Chunk it down:
   • What’s the smallest action that you can take to start to improve this situation?
   • What is one thing you can do today to address the problem?

Deborah and I had just enjoyed a lovely meal when the waiter sidled up to the table with the dessert menu. We looked at the offerings and agreed that we both wanted and didn’t want to order dessert.

When it comes to leadership, most organizations (people) are the same way: we want and don’t want leadership.

We’re ambivalent about leadership.
We like it when people exercise leadership in ways that are inspiring and bring out our best qualities. We like leadership that generates breakthrough results without requiring us to break a sweat.

But we don’t want leadership if it causes discomfort, confusion, or sore muscles (mentally and emotionally). We don’t want to have to go through a lot of messy transformation on our way to breakthrough results.

This ambivalence makes exercising leadership a real challenge.
Because the people you work with both want and don’t want you to exercise leadership. Essentially, they want you to resolve their struggles without any . . . well . . . struggle. And that is rarely possible.

So, when you take leadership action – you’ll be met with an ambivalent response.
In some ways, your leadership is longed for and welcomed. In other ways, it’s the last thing anyone really wants from you.

This is ambivalence applies to your boss, your peers, and your direct reports.
And it makes the practice of leadership tricky. Marty Linsky, of Harvard’s Kennedy School,  captures this trickiness perfectly in his phrase: “Leadership is disappointing people at a rate they can absorb.”

Facing this ambivalence can trigger your own doubts and hesitancy about exercising leadership.
Better, it seems, to rely on your authority – the power that comes with your job description. At least, when you wield your designated authority, no one can say you’re not doing your job. Because, that’s exactly what you will be doing when you act within those well-defined bounds.

It’s when you step over the line of your sanctioned authority that you enter into the ambivalent world of leadership.
That’s when people can say, with some justification,

• “Who does he think he is?”
• “That’s not her job!”
• “We don’t have to listen to her.”

When people sense that you’re acting outside the bounds of your sanctioned authority – they’re ambivalent.
A part of them is relieved and thankful that at last someone is speaking the truth. While another part of them is irritated and anxious about dealing with issues that have been unspoken, even taboo, for so long.

When people in your organization call out to you for leadership – be aware.
They do want leadership. And they don’t. For a lot of reasons: their plate is full; they’re busy and overwhelmed. And they’re comfortable in their current state – no matter how miserable that comfort may appear.

All this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t lead.
It just means that you need a strong sense of purpose to guide you. A purpose that can keep you company as you encounter the inevitable ups and downs that will occur as you experience the organization’s ambivalence to leadership.

This purpose is at once deeply personal and organizationally relevant.
It can’t simply be an idea that’s logical. Logical arguments rarely have the power to withstand organizational ambivalence. (This is not to say that you must abandon logic. No. You must simple augment the logic of your position with a deeply felt sense of values and purpose.)

The more intimately you can fuse your own sense of values with the idea your proposing – the more you will be able to weather the storm of ambivalence.

Are you ready to wade it? Here are some questions to get started:

• What is an issue that you believe needs attention and is currently being neglected?
• What is a conversation that you believe needs to happen but which is currently being avoided?
• What is an idea that you believe needs to be championed but is currently without powerful sponsorship?

Your answers to these questions is your invitation to exercise leadership.
But, don’t dive right in. Recognize that you will be welcomed and resisted. Embraced and argued with. It’s inevitable.

So, take it slowly. Because while what you’re  offering the organization may, from your perspective, look as tempting and tasty as  wonderful dessert. People can only absorb it a spoonful at a time.