Howdy folks! I’ve had a few requests for my presentation, so I made a quick export to PDF.

Wrestling the Writing Muse Down to the Dusty Earth

Thanks to everyone who attended! I had a lot if fun and learned quite a bit myself! This was my first real speaking engagement and I was really encouraged by the warm reception.

Dying Isn’t For The Faint Of Heart

Neither is watching someone do it. Besides wrestling with my own emotions and grief, I was faced with helping Brenda through hers. Thankfully she had her parents and sisters to lean on. The real difficulty was helping my children make sense of it all. I can still hear them sobbing when we told them Granny would be dying very soon. The five of us hugged each other and wailed in an eery sort of unison. Looking back I think their initial display of grief was more in response to seeing Mommy and Daddy cry than a firm understanding of what the future woud hold.

The time leading up to Granny’s passing is still a blur. I remember packing for the trip at break-neck speed. I remember facetiming with Granny while she was in the hospital. “I’m fine with it, Youngins!” she kept saying in between labored breaths. “I’m fine.” Pause. “With it.” Brenda and I held each other and I told her through my tears, “You gotta be fine with us not being fine with it, Granny!”

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to take the ones we love for granted? It’s practically effortless, really. I can’t count the number of times I’ve done it with people I love, like my own mother, for example.

Speaking of which, it’s time to play a little catchup. The rest of this article is an open letter to my mother, Debi Ames, whom I don’t want to take for granted.

Hi Mom!

When I asked you to come and support my family through this difficult time, you dropped everything and booked a flight immediately. We didn’t have a plan. We didn’t know if it was for 3 days or 3 weeks. All you knew was we needed you and that was enough.

Thank you.

You arrived and immediately jumped into action. Brenda, Sydney, Savannah, and I were able to attend Granny’s funeral and I was able to spend time focused on just my girls, without being distracted by a 3 year old boy doing 3 year old things, because you took care of him for us.

Thank you.

You helped the kids and I make the 5 hour road trip back to Atlanta, while Brenda stayed with her family. Enough said.

Thank you.

Once we got back to the city you became a surrogate home-school mother for well over a week. You executed daily curriculums for the girls while helping potty train Elliot. You cooked and cleaned and did laundry and changed diapers and shopped for groceries and emptied the litterbox. You ferried the girls to home school academy for a day of science labs and humanities. You even made it to violin practice on time.

You took very, very good care of me and my family so that my wife could spend invaluable time with hers.

Thank you.

When Brenda returned, you continued to stay and help in a hundred little ways.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I’m sad for the loss of Granny for Brenda’s sake, for my kid’s sake, and for mine. But I’m thankful for the time we’ve had with you. When life got hard and we were blitzed with suck you came through like a hero. I never doubted you would, but that doesn’t make it any less precious to behold.

Mom, I love you.

And thank you .

Me No Love You Daddy!

For the past 4 months or so, every time Elliot is upset at me, for pretty much any reason, he blurts out these words, “Me no love you, Daddy! Me no love you!” Then, he stomps one foot. 

Brenda was horrified at first. I was more amused than anything else, but it still left me wondering, what is the right way for a parent to handle this situation? We’ve tried many things and I still don’t know the answer. Here is what Brenda and I have tried so far.

Look Concerned

The first few times this happened, what I did was look concerned and explain that the words were hurtful. “You hurt my feelings, Elliot.” I’m pretty sure he was cool with the transaction. After all, he was lashing out in response to not getting his way. By Elliot’s reckoning I was being hurtful towards him and this was a justified response. In fact he would always want to get the last word in with, “Me no love you!”

Stomp.

Look Unimpressed

The next thing I tried, after the novelty wore off, was to reply with an air of nonchalance. ”Oh, you don’t love me?” I would repeat casually, ”That is an unfortunate state of affairs for a young lad like yourself.“ Then I would offer with a plain face, ”You’ll have excellent material for a manuscript once you’re a little older and develop the ability to read and write. If the emotional turmoil doesn’t destroy you first, of course.” His response was predictable. He would wait until I finished amusing myself to reenforce his position with, “Me no love you!”

Stomp.

Or You Could Look…

Devoted to the relationship. This is where Brenda and I are now. Being concerned didn’t work. Being unimpressed and melodramatic didn’t work. So now I have a common response. When Elliot says, “Me no love you!” I simply look at him, smile, and say, “That’s not a very nice thing to say, buddy. Besides, I have enough love for the both of us.”

Of course he still responds with, “ME NO LOVE YOU!”

Stomp.

Let’s see how I did my first week!

Weekly Debrief

Posts

• I Have An Announcement
• Never Forgive And Forget
• Yelling With Your Body
• The Project Management Triangle
• Please Don’t Hate Me Cuz We Home School
• Standing On Giants

My talk will cover equal parts content strategy (what to write about) and creative inspiration (how to write it).

Where Did I Find Inspiration?

I found inspiration in a few places. One article was written from an old draft. I have about 50 concepts that I’m always adding to or pulling from. The Never Forgive And Forget post was one such draft that came from a fragment of an email I wrote to a friend a few years ago.

Two of my articles were inspired by photos. I like to dig through photos to remind myself of stories, strong opinions, and life lessons. One was from a visit to the planetarium with my kids, the other came straight from my wife’s facebook page.

I totally cheated and posted a link to an 8BIT article on project management one day, instead of writing a new article on my personal blog, but I think this is still a legitimate move. The article was freshly written by me and describes a communication technique that is useful beyond the stated application.

Finally, the article about body language was a current event and came directly from the trenches of parenting.

How Did I Put Inspiration To Action?

Announcing on my blog, twitter, and Facebook that I would be writing (almost) daily was a big help to me following through. Public accountability can me quite effective!

A number of people commented (and tweeted, and facebooked) to encourage me and say nice things about my writing, and this really gave me a boost!

The post about body language practically wrote itself because I wrote it while the event was still fresh, right after my kids went to bed that night. I should I do this more often.

Further Thoughts

I found myself thinking more about writing. Getting into the groove has made a difference in how I think throughout the day. I found myself contemplating post concepts, titles, etc. more than I have in a long time. This felt good!

I had so many good ideas throughout the week but I didn’t write most of them down and now they are lost. I need to do better at this. It’s more than a little ironic considering I helped invent (and write the marketing copy) for this product here called #notes.

I found myself struggling with the blog being too “me focused,” and not adding enough value to others. I’ve always wanted the blog to be about me and my family, and to be for me and my family, but I may change the focus and intent if it broadens my writing horizons and helps me get better at writing.

Knowing your audience is an important step in the right direction! I’m not sure I know mine yet.

That’s all for now, on to Week 2!

Standing On Giants

This is picture of my son and my dad. Boy has been trying to reach that basket since he could throw. This week, with help, he nailed it.

There is a quote by Sir Isaac Newton that I learned about from a friend.

If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.

Newton wrote it to mean “One who develops future intellectual pursuits by understanding and building on the research and works created by notable thinkers of the past” according to Wikipedia.

This photo is more than a word-picture illustrating the metaphor. It is also a reminder of my childhood. My son sits where I once sat. I stand on the shoulders of a giant, my dad, and if I raise Boy right so will he.

Do you stand on the shoulders of giants? Better yet, are you becoming one worthy of standing on?

Please Don’t Hate Me Cuz We Home School

Pardon me for a moment while I step into a stereotype. I know it doesn’t fit me very well, but that’s sort of the point about stereotypes. They promise to be one-size-fits-all and then fall dreadfully short once you start dressing up in them.

MY WIFE HOME SCHOOLS OUR CHILDREN!

There. I said it. I hope you don’t hold that against us, and if we could go on still being friends and all, that would be swell. But just in case you are dubious, I’d like to clear the air about a few things because this stereotype I’m wearing is rather uncomfortable.

We’re Not Better Than You

We don’t think we’re better than you because we home school. We don’t question your parenting or your judgement if you choose not to do it. Your kids are still good enough to be friends with our kids, in fact we hope you think the same.

We Don’t Know If We’ll Do It Forever

It is the right thing for us in the season we’re in now. My wife and I are enjoying these years with our kids and while many things factored into our decision to try this out, the primary one was spending more time together as a family and enjoying our children while they are still young.

We Loved Public Pre-K

We don’t hate public schools. Two of our three children have been through the Georgia public Pre-Kindergarten program. They loved it and we loved it. All things considered, our third child will go through it also. It was a great start to their educational careers.

I’m Cherishing The Extra Time

It’s a lot of work, most of which my wife accomplishes. But one thing that I’ve enjoyed is that field trips now happen on weekends and they are a family event. We’ve been to planetariums, museums, nature centers, and more. My wife and I are rediscovering this wonderful world in which we live and we are doing it along side our kids. I genuinely believe this focused time together is a unifying agent within our family.

There is consensus among all of the home schoolers I’ve spoken to that home schooling isn’t good for everyone.

But it’s good for us right now and that’s good enough for me.

Her reaction was exaggerated, and in my opinion extremely disproportionate to the offense. She looked downright mean.

Naturally, I corrected her. “Sydney, there is very little difference between showing a mean face at someone, and saying mean words to them. I’m glad you chose not to yell with your voice, but yelling with your body language isn’t the answer either.”

I sent her to her room, then I went up after a few minutes to talk to her. I wanted to do some good, honest listening. It’s easy to skip that part. So I listened, and when it was appropriate I reaffirmed what I said before I sent her to her room. I want her to remember that her body language has a volume just like her voice and with any luck she will forget that she learned how to abuse her body language from me.

One such phrase, that I’ve recently “seen anew,” is forgive and forget.

What a horrible piece of advice.

Forgive

The first part of the phrase is worthy. Forgive. Yes, this is something I want my children to carefully consider when they’ve been wronged. It is noble work, forgiveness. It is both selfless and self serving at the same time. Let me explain.

I’ve heard it said that when a person is wronged something is taken away from them. Maybe it’s trust or security. It could be a friendship or even emotional wellbeing. Whatever it is, a debt is created between the victim and the offender.

Well, when someone extends forgiveness they open up the very real possibility that they are relieving the guilty party of a burden they rightly deserve to carry. If compassion is the motivator then this is a selfless act in which the victim puts the needs of the offender before their own. In this way the victim can take a bad situation and reclaim it for good.

Choosing to forgive helps the forgiver, too, because unforgiveness festers. It is malignant.

Not forgiving is like swallowing rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.

–Anne Lamott

Holding onto unforgiveness, in many cases, causes no burden on the offender and extreme anguish for the victim. What a terrible, unjust trade. In a sick way the perpetrator is able to effortlessly re-victimize the person over and over again, year after year, in new and unimaginable ways.

Forgiveness is both selfless and self serving, it is powerful and can unlock healing in either party should they choose to do their respective part.

Forgive And Remember

Here is an important point I really want my kids to remember. There is a difference between forgiving a person and putting oneself in danger. Some think that forgiving a person is synonymous to pretending the offense never occurred, hence the saying “forgive and forget.”

What a load of crap.

It’s not only crap, it’s a dangerous notion and I reject it outright. Despite popular opinion a person can exercise forgiveness without introducing further risk. I believe the art of forgiveness is more about the victim’s state of mind than it is about them re-extending an abused trust.

Forgiveness is akin to canceling a debt, and while this is true, it does not infer that all parties make decisions as if the debt never happened. For example, let’s look at the concept of debt in more familiar terms: monetary. If someone took a loan out from me, subsequently could not pay it back, and I decided to cancel the debt, I would still, rightly, hesitate before lending the person money again. The balance of the loan can be completely forgiven, with no ill will or animosity, and I can still choose not to lend more money.

The same is true in relationships.

Sydney, Savannah, and Elliot,

I want you to be forgiving people. Extend crazy forgiveness to others. Let it be known! Furthermore, be ready to extend healthy doses of forgiveness to yourselves for the mistakes you will surely make in life.

As you seek out ways to express your forgiveness please know that you don’t necessarily need to put yourself in danger to fulfill it. Protect your minds, your bodies, and your spirits.

Don’t forgive and forget, forgive and remember. Keep a balanced perspective. You may very well be required to trust again, and that is OK too. Just be sure you are giving it from a position of health and not sickness.

Are you eating rat poison and waiting for the rat to die? Now would be a good time to make a change.

This year I am stepping off the sidelines and into the game. I will be one of the speakers!

Bio for Chris Ames

Chris is the product midwife for a startup in Atlanta, GA named 8BIT which, somewhat ironically, makes WordPress products and not video games. His writing endeavors include chronicling his company’s escapades on the blog, creating technical documentation, and copywriting for product sites, newsletters, and web marketing initiatives.

In fact, the entire 8BIT team will be joining in, sharing expertise, learning from others, and building relationships within the super-awesome WordPress community.

Wrestling The Writing Muse Down To The Dusty Earth

My session will be around writing, content generation, and strategy. I’m really passionate about online publishing, and I write a good bit, but I don’t write here on my personal blog as much as I would like.

As part of my talk I want to explore ways to become a better writer and online publisher. A lot has been said on this subject and I aim to bring my audience with me as I test some of the prevailing theories.

This Is One Such Test

One of the tenets of good writing that I have experienced, but not tested thoroughly, is that writing begets writing. Good writers don’t merely think about writing, they actually write. Usually on a schedule. The concept is that writing is like a muscle and we can choose to exercise it, and experience growth, or ignore it and let it atrophy.

I’ve been doing this more and more lately on the 8BIT blog, but that’s not enough. I want to push myself. Actually, committing to writing 5 times a week on the 8BIT blog is pushing myself so why not double it?

As part of my experimentation and preparation for the talk I will give I am setting the goal of writing 5 days per week on my personal blog as well!

*gulp*

Writing Gives Away

I still believe in the spirit of my blog here as stated on my about page, “This will be a place to document [my family's] epic victories and stunning defeats so that [our children] can learn about us and I can grow from the reflective process inherent in writing.”

Writing is an expression that “gives away.” When I write, especially online, I am able to share with others, share with a future version of my children, and share with my present day self. I get to grow from the reflective process inherent in writing and that pays dividends to my family and myself for years to come.

It’s worth the investment.