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We Are Enough | Pride Invocation
================================

[Monday Invocation](https://www.qchristian.org/blog/category/Monday+Invocation)[Devotionals](https://www.qchristian.org/blog/category/Devotionals)

Jun 1

Written By [Min. Darren Calhoun](https://www.qchristian.org/blog?author=6a0b4d5050aaa0705e01f083)

***“Songs carried through marches.***
***Songs hummed in grief.***
***Songs sung in church basements and Pride parades and protest lines and late-night car rides home when someone is trying to rally everyone around one simple idea: love.”***

***Min. Darren Calhoun***


Happy Pride, Beloved!

This Pride, we are exploring the intersection of worship, music, and what it looks like for us as LGBTQ+ Christians to ***Play It Proud***. This year’s theme emphasizes our joy in our community, in our communal worship of the Divine, in our gratitude for unconditional love, and in our collective expression of who we fully and freely are. Over the next five weeks, you will hear from LGBTQ+ Christian musicians and worship leaders as they share how songs of faith continue to guide them.

Today, QCF Board Member and vocalist, Min. Darren Calhoun, kicks us off by reminding us how love has the final word.

—

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how liberation and music are a powerful team.

Before movements have mission statements and websites, they often have songs and stories that shape what they become.

Songs carried through marches.
Songs hummed in grief.
Songs sung in church basements and Pride parades and protest lines and late-night car rides home when someone is trying to rally everyone around one simple idea: love.

One song that’s been sitting with me lately is “[**We Are Enough**](https://youtu.be/lc5jodfPnN0?si=djCtya_boj6wQuj0)” by The Many. I think it resonates so deeply with me this Pride season because it names something many LGBTQ+ Christians know intimately: how easy it is to hide.

“It’s so easy to lie / So easy to hide / Pretend and go along / And act like nothing’s wrong.”

For many of us, those words are not abstract poetry. They describe the ways many of us have survived.

So many LGBTQ+ Christians were taught to disconnect from ourselves (and others) in order to stay spiritually safe. We learned how to perform holiness while hiding heartbreak. We learned how to shrink. How to edit ourselves. How to survive.

And yet songs have a way of telling the truth before we’re fully ready to say it out loud ourselves.

As someone who’s led worship for 20+ years and who sings with The Many, I’ve come to believe music can do something arguments often cannot. Music reaches the body first. It bypasses defenses. It reminds us we belong to one another.

That feels especially important during Pride Month.

Because even after years of healing, it can still feel “so hard to show up / so hard to trust love.” It can still be difficult to believe that who we are — and what we carry together — could actually be enough.

But that chorus keeps pushing back against shame and isolation:

“You are enough.
I am enough.
Breathe in the love.
We are enough.”

Not because we earned it.
Not because we perfectly resolved every theological argument.
But because divine love was never something we had to audition for in the first place.

As a Black queer Christian, I don’t experience Pride as separate from faith. I experience it as deeply connected to resurrection. To truth-telling. To community. To the stubborn belief that another world is possible even when institutions fail us.

And maybe that’s why songs matter so much.

Because songs carry stories.
Stories carry people.
And people carry each other.

The bridge of the song says:
“No matter what you feel right now / No matter what you’ve heard / Love has the final word.”

Honestly, I can’t think of a more needed message for this moment.

In a world full of fear, erasure, and political attacks on LGBTQ+ lives, choosing joy together becomes sacred work. Choosing visibility becomes holy ground. Singing together becomes spiritual communion. We are reminded that we’re all in this together, no one is alone.

So this Pride Month, may we continue to tell the truth loudly.

May we continue to sing with courage.

And may we continue to play it proud.

Because no matter what we’ve heard — **love still has the final word**.

[](https://www.qchristian.org/writers)

[Play It Proud](https://www.qchristian.org/blog/tag/Play+It+Proud)[Pride 2026](https://www.qchristian.org/blog/tag/Pride+2026)[Pride](https://www.qchristian.org/blog/tag/Pride)[We Are Enough](https://www.qchristian.org/blog/tag/We+Are+Enough)

[Min. Darren Calhoun](https://www.qchristian.org/blog?author=6a0b4d5050aaa0705e01f083)

[Next

Next

Love as Resistance | Monday Invocation
————————————–](https://www.qchristian.org/blog/love-as-resistance)

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[Complete Interviews](https://www.soundslikeimpact.com/s/complete-interviews/?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=menu)

🎙Interview: Darren Calhoun
==========================

### Meet the host of Second Sunday podcast.

[](https://substack.com/@unofficialsocialchair)

[Unofficial Social Chair](https://substack.com/@unofficialsocialchair)

Jul 16, 2024

Share

[](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!9Dls!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8449f0a5-a5ba-45bb-936e-b8af5c48d8cd_800x800.jpeg)

Darren Calhoun (he/him) smiling in front of an image of a stain-glass window. Darren has locs and is wearing a turtleneck and cardigan.

> **Darren Calhoun (he/him)** is a justice advocate, worship leader, and artist based out of Chicago. He works to bridge connections between people of differing perspectives through story and relationship. He’s an associate fellow at Christians for Social Action and sings with a progressive band called The Many. He’s facilitated workshops and lead worship for local and national gatherings and events. He’s a co-host on the Second Sunday podcast and producer for online shows that are reaching BIPOC Queer audiences with messages of support and healing. 
>
> Darren brings with him an intentional focus on communities being inclusive as an authentic reflection of God’s love and justice.

—

**Learn more about the** ***Second Sunday*** **podcast by visiting the [show website](https://www.secondsundaypod.com/).**

[Listen to Second Sunday](https://pod.link/1708662302)

[](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!3MEM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F742b2b57-9307-4b3e-acab-83758ab32520_1500x100.png)

**How did the idea for** ***Second Sunday*** **come about?**

Our co-host, Esther, came up with the idea of creating a space for conversations about the experiences of black queer individuals with church and spirituality. This idea was initially realized as a brunch with her pastor at the time, Rev. Dr. Pamela Lightsey, who then introduced Esther to our executive producer, Anna DeShawn. Anna was in the process of launching The Qube, the first black queer online radio app, and she was interested in creating a show centered around these specific stories. I have known Anna for a number of years and we have been wanting to collaborate for some time. When the concept of the show started to take shape, Anna introduced Esther and me, and that’s how the show was born. The title is a nod to the church tradition of having special traditions on different Sundays of the month, such as youth service on the 5th Sunday or communion on the first. “Second Sunday” reflects that tradition as we also take a second look at what faith and spirituality mean to us as black queer individuals.

***Second Sunday*****, although in name is affiliated with Christianity, is a show that talks to people from various faiths. Why was it important for you to take that approach?**

We knew from the start that as black queer people our experiences and our stories are diverse and unique, even though they do have some similarities. We’re also clear that many of our friends and family have found peace in other spiritual systems and sometimes without spirituality at all. We’re rooting for everybody black… and we wanted a space that centers us without getting distracted by qualifying who’s in and who’s out like many of our Christian churches did.

**You launched the second season of the show in April. How does the focus of this season compare to your first?**

In season one, the first people that came to mind for us to interview happened to be people who are deeply engaged in the work of the church. In season two, we saw an opportunity to spend more time with those who’s stories are more outside the church.  I’ve affectionately called this season “We Outside!” – playing on the Black American cultural phrase of enjoying being outside and enjoying oneself. In season two, we’ve focused in on the stories of people sometimes leaving faith or finding significant experiences outside of typical Christian church spaces and institutions.

**It’s no secret that spirituality can be especially difficult for those in the LGBTQ+ community, mostly due to how others within the same religious communities react, which has a real impact on LGBTQ+ rights and mental health. How have you held this as a queer person, and what advice would you give to those struggling with a lack of acceptance–at least in the public sphere?**

This is so important to me. The world needs us, our gifts, our unique perspectives, and our love. So first and foremost is doing what you need to be safe and healthy. Get the mental health support, mutual aid, and family of choice that you need. After that, it’s about figuring out where you can be celebrated in this season. Maybe it’s outside of the church in a community center or a queer sports league. Maybe it’s an online community group or book club. Feel free to check out resources like [QChristian.org](https://www.qchristian.org/) for ideas as well.

**Of course there is a long history of people of faith leading and being involved in social movements. You yourself are involved with Christians for Social Action. Can you talk a bit about the community-oriented work you do and why it is important to you as a person of faith?**

I’ve been involved with grass-roots community organizing since my college years. For me, the role of the church as a part of social progress comes from looking back at things like the civil rights movement where churches and church leaders were often providing gathering space, shelter, and leadership in the movement. In my own life, I saw how though my church at the time was toxic, we made amazing strides in changing unjust laws and leaders who had a direct impact in our neighborhood. We were motivated by our faith to make the community better for everyone – including people who were returning from prison. If things couldn’t improve for them, they couldn’t improve for the rest of us. This along with later in life learning of the counter-cultural ways that Jesus showed up in his time motivated me to use my voice like he used his: To create a beautiful world AND to stand up where there’s injustice. I too can flip some tables and make some church folk wanna toss me off a cliff when it’s for the right reasons.

**Which episodes of** ***Second Sunday*** **would you recommend for those interested in the intersection between faith and community care or civic action?**

In season 2, we start with Bishop Yvette Flunder, who found her faith reignited by showing up for individuals during the AIDS crisis.

Also, the episode [“Do We Need Everyone”](https://www.secondsundaypod.com/do-we-need-everyone/) has some poignant thoughts about working on change.

**Who would be a dream guest for Second Sunday and what issue(s) would you talk about?**

It would be awesome if we had a chance to talk with Janelle Monáe. Her early life was in church and she’s doing some amazing things in embracing her queerness and sexuality. I’d love to hear more about that journey.

**Is there any new or upcoming work that you would like to share with us?**

The Qube has a new podcast dropping this summer called Joy in the Breakthrough. This podcast explores the peaks and valleys of life through cross-generational conversations with diverse leaders who have learned the power of being broken open to break through. It is hosted by Connie Lindsey and Anna Valencia.

*(For more about Second Sunday, [check out this interview](https://dcpentertainment.substack.com/p/your-podcast-playlist-featuring-podcasts-bbb) from our friends over at DCP Entertainment.)*

—

Sounds Like Impact is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Subscribe

*Second Sunday* was created as part of the [PRX Big Questions Project](https://www.prx.org/bigquestions) accelerator in 2023 alongside three other podcasts. The four podcasts traverse territory as engaging and varied as the complexity of motherhood in [Mother is a Question](https://prx.org/bigquestions/motherisaquestion), technology and society in [Moral Repair](https://prx.org/bigquestions/moralrepair), queerness and belonging in one’s faith in [Second Sunday](https://prx.org/bigquestions/secondsunday), and the history of Christian rock music in [Rock That Doesn’t Roll](https://prx.org/bigquestions/rockthatdoesntroll). The aim of the PRX Big Questions Project is to help listeners gain a deeper understanding of how issues such as spirituality, character, ethics, and humility connect to their daily lives. Participants in the program are guided through the podcast piloting process, working directly with PRX Productions, the award-winning team specializing in high-quality audio production and storytelling.

[](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!FCjT!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6c404c40-5651-4292-a5c0-461a23120a98_1500x100.png)

*After this interview, you might also want to check out the Sounds Like Impact i[nterview with Dr. Montinique “Money” McEachern](https://www.soundslikeimpact.com/p/interview-dr-montinique-money-mceachern) of **Rebound Revolution** podcast.*

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LGBTQ+ Christians Can Build Bridges With Our Non-Affirming Family
=================================================================

By

[Mitchell Atencio](https://sojo.net/biography/mitchell-atencio)


Darren Calhoun. Graphic by Candace Sander/Sojourners

Jan 30, 2024

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*This interview is part of*[*The Reconstruct*](https://sojo.net/reconstruct)*, a weekly newsletter from Sojourners. In a world where so much needs to change, Mitchell Atencio and Josiah R. Daniels interview people who have faith in a new future and are working toward repair.* [*Subscribe here.*](https://sojo.net/reconstruct)

Like many LGBTQ+ Christians, I grew up in a home that was theologically opposed to same-sex marriage and romantic relationships. I still have close relationships with many family members who remain theologically opposed.

I’ve noticed that a lot of the resources that exist for facilitating relationships across disagreement are geared toward the non-affirming: “How should Christian parents respond if one of their children comes out as gay?” “Can Christian parents point their gay children to Jesus?” “Responding to a ‘Gay Christian’ in the Family.”

And while many LGBTQ+ people don’t want close relationships with non-affirming family, those of us who do want those relationships don’t want to sacrifice our safety.

Darren Calhoun has spent two decades working to build bridges that protect the dignity and safety of all parties, including LGBTQ+ people and their non-affirming community. Currently, he works with [Christians for Social Action](https://christiansforsocialaction.org/about-us/our-team/darren-calhoun-2/), [Q Christian Fellowship](https://www.qchristian.org), and serves as a pastor at Urban Village Church while singing in the band [The Many](https://www.themanyarehere.com/). *(Editor’s note: Mick Atencio, the author’s spouse, works at Q Christian Fellowship where Calhoun serves on the board of directors.)*

I asked Calhoun if we could have a conversation geared toward LGBTQ+ people, particularly those working to maintain relationships with non-affirming parents and other elder family members or friends. We discussed the need for patience, self-love, supportive community, and how to know whether we or our dialogue partners are ready for such relationships.

*This interview has been edited for length and clarity.*

**For LGBTQ+ people who want to engage in relationship and dialogue with non-affirming family or friends, what is important for us to do on our side to ensure we’re in the right place to attempt that?**

Any time I’m leading worship or facilitating a space, I like to remind people that their first responsibility is to take care of themselves. That means knowing what activates you and knowing what kind of support you need. If you’re not in a space where you feel like you have the kind of support you need, if you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed, or if things go bad, then survival is your first priority.

You have to be able to survive. If your parents can kick you out and you don’t have any place to go, now may not be the time to make this kind of challenge. But if you have the support and safety that you need — relational connections, job security, and housing security — then from there I think it’s a matter of figuring out your intention. What is your goal?

It’s easy for us to say, “Oh, they just need to change their mind.” Changing people is not something that tends to be effective. What we can do is understand people more. Understanding helps us get to a place where we can figure out the spectrum of beliefs, ideas, actions that can happen. If this person is on the opposite end from me, what’s the way to get them to take one step closer to me?

[Justin Lee](https://geekyjustin.com/about/) was the person who first gave me this framework of, rather than trying to get everybody from A to Z, [we try to move them] one rung on the ladder, one step up the staircase. What’s the one thing they might do that is helpful to you?

[READ MORE: Cis Christians Don’t Need to Understand Trans People to Care for Them](https://sojo.net/articles/cis-christians-don-t-need-understand-trans-people-care-them)

For me, that means sitting with the person and hearing what their concerns are. Again, that self-care has to happen, because if you’re going to be empathetic to them, you have to be able to hold space, not only for *your* emotions, but for *theirs*. Fear and anger drive a lot of people’s decisions. So it’s important to listen — not for what they say exactly, but for what’s behind what they say. What’s driving it? What are they afraid of [or] angry about?

Some people are angry about the world changing so fast, so they react to people talking about pronouns … It’s not about the pronouns; it’s about them feeling like the world’s changing around them and they don’t want to be embarrassed, left out, or left behind. Or it makes them feel ignorant when they don’t know how to properly address someone. Those are all fears that have nothing to do with what the Bible says about gender.

That kind of thing, where you spend a bit of time listening for what’s really at issue, is an important first step.

**There is always the potential, though, that we assume we know the underlying reason or issue. What are examples of questions people can ask to get deeper understanding?**

Asking what brings people to the conversation is useful. Asking people what they understand about a particular topic. Sometimes they’ll say, “I grew up with XYZ!” And that might be an entry point to say, “Yeah, and here’s some other things that you grew up with and that you have changed.” This is the condensed version, but helping people sit with the idea that things change, and change isn’t always scary.

[I also ask], what’s at stake for you? That’s not the way I would literally say it, but asking, “What will happen if what you’re upset about continues?” That can help get into their perspective and see where they’re coming from, to see if there’s a fear, misunderstanding, or a sensational soundbite you might be able to address.

**I’ve found it helpful to take values that my parents taught me, that I still agree with, and explain how I’m applying that value to this situation. I grew up in the churches of Christ with a big emphasis on “what the Bible actually says.” When I told my parents I was affirming, I tried to emphasize that it was based out of my conviction that the Bible was not condemning same-sex sexual relationships as a rule. I wanted to emphasize that I still took the Bible seriously, because I did.**

I love that you gave the context of this still being something that is important to you, to be able to enter into that same shared space. [One time,] a person who I was leading worship alongside — in their own transparent moment — said, “So, how do you LGBTQ+ folks just throw away the Bible?” After the initial shock and bodily reaction, [I explained], “When I look at the Bible, I see values around caring for the marginalized. … I feel like there’s an opportunity to show love to a group that [categorically] has not been shown love — regardless of our thoughts about same-sex sexual activity.”

That’s another thing — recontextualizing. How do we make sure that we’re not just talking about same-sex sexual activity? A lot of people wouldn’t talk about their heterosexual marriages as “heterosexual sexual activity.” They talk about their companionship, they talk about life commitments, they talk about the shared community. [It can help] to get out of the hyper-sexualized version of, “When I think of you, I’m only thinking of this particular thing.” And to help them imagine this bigger picture. And — if it’s something that works for you — to help them to see that in the Bible.

We get the argument: “Marriage has always been one man and one woman.” What about our other friends in the Bible? Like David, Abraham, and Jacob. Which isn’t an argument, it’s to say that … God’s been able to work in things that you don’t agree with, and maybe I don’t agree with. But God’s working and I’m wondering, how can we be curious about this rather than argumentative? How can we explore this? How can we sit with this in a way that invites us both to grow deeper or examine scripture more together?

**A lot of lives can be made better if you understand that somebody’s objection is to same-sex sexual relationships and you can get them to become fierce defenders of identifying as gay, rather than having to stay in the closet or go through conversion therapy. Maybe they’re not going to step with you into affirming theology, but they can come to recognize the ways — outside of sexual ethics and theology — they’ve been mistreating LGBTQ+ people.**

An example that that I often cite is the Trevor Project’s [research](https://www.thetrevorproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/Trevor-Project-Homelessness-Report.pdf) about LGBTQ+ youth homelessness. In some cities, LGBTQ+ youth are [40 percent](https://www.chapinhall.org/wp-content/uploads/VoYC-LGBTQ-Brief-FINAL.pdf) of the homeless population [while only] around 10 percent of the general population, which means we’re overrepresented. And we’re talking about youth; we’re talking about people who are not 18 being abandoned on the street by their parents, sometimes because they have religious beliefs. Is this what we think God wants? Even if we don’t agree with same-sex sexual activity? And to ask: What can we do about this thing that we both feel is wrong? How do we make that better? That’s a tangible entry point.

I have this long, two-decade history of bridge-building, sitting in the gap, being in spaces where my beliefs may not be at the forefront — which means I either haven’t shared them or I’m not 100 percent confident. I’ve seen how people bring their own beliefs, throw them on me, and then argue about them. But I’ve also seen a very interesting thing that some people will not be able to hear things from *me*.

As somebody who’s been doing this in the public square for a long time, I thought if I was just gentle enough, kind enough, patient enough, well-spoken and articulate enough, if I had all the right talking points, eventually I could be heard. I learned that, for people who — to put it quite frankly — don’t look like me, who aren’t the same race, aren’t the same background, etc., especially people who are white, there’s an instant barrier. The words coming out of my mouth will not hit the logical part of their brain.

So, sometimes it’s about me empowering others who have a better, closer relationship to that person. Through many tears and frustration, I realized that there are some relationships and some folks who I can love and care about all day long, but until they hear it from somebody who they consider “like them” — an authority figure like them, or somebody who quite literally looks like them — they won’t hear it.

Sometimes my strategy of survival is [to ask], who are my allies? Who are the ones who can echo back what I’m saying?

**What are things you look for to know that you have a willing and engaged dialogue partner?**

I’ve often found that people who are most ready to have conversations come with the question. They come with genuine questions, not just “Why are gay people refusing to listen to the Bible?” Something much deeper, and it often connects back to something personal. My kid came out, now what? My spouse is trans, now what? Somebody at church passed away by suicide, now what? It has to hit them first, typically, for them to be ready to have a deeper conversation. When people can attach this conversation to someone who’s important in their lives, I find that’s when they’re ready.

While it’s important that we show care, concern, and love for all of God’s children, we have to protect ourselves, keep some distance, and know this person just may not be ready yet. I’m going to stay far enough away that I can still love them.

**What I am finding challenging lately is when it feels like there’s a gap that must be bridged to build closer relationships, but we need closer relationships to bridge the gap. I don’t want to spend Christmas arguing, but I don’t want to be at Christmas with people who I don’t feel respect me. The tension between strengthening the relationship outside of the point of tension, while needing to resolve that tension to strengthen the relationship.**

I think that’s super common. The challenge for many of us is that we grow up with our family already being in a one-up power dynamic where aunts, uncles, parents, etc., are somebody who has some kind of authority. They get to set where we gather, how, for how long, what’s appropriate, and what’s inappropriate. They have that power, and we just have to show up and take it or we don’t show up at all.

One of the strategies I think about is [finding] places or opportunities where you can level the playing field. Maybe instead of going to that person’s home, you invite people to a restaurant or something that has a specific start time and limited window. If things become tense, there’s a little more social pressure for it not to boil over into a shouting match.

As people who experience some form of marginalization, we are experts in accommodating, thinking about, and caring for the opinions and wishes of the larger or [more] powerful group. But we have our own power too. We just have to realize we don’t have to show up to every argument we’re invited to. Which goes back to: Are we building support networks and families of choice? When the holidays come up and you want to be with that family member who is a bit challenging, can you do that for a moment of time and then go be with your family of choice, the people that can build you up and love you and welcome you and fully accept you?

Again, there’s so many forms of privilege in being able to make and navigate those choices, so I don’t want to downplay that at all, but I think it starts with taking back a certain level of autonomy to figure out how much time to give to this.

If you are anxious and you’re having panic attacks and having to up your medications just to go spend two hours with the family, can you afford to do that? Maybe they’ll have to appreciate your absence to get to a place where they can say, “How can we see you? We miss you; we’d like to see you.”

Every family is different. Every dynamic is different. If we prioritize taking care of ourselves, it opens up windows of opportunity for us to say, “Here’s a space where you can come in.” Maybe you can only do a Zoom call and that can only be 30 minutes. And you’re going to make those invitations. You’re going to keep that door open because you do want a relationship with them.

**How can we gracefully communicate our boundaries or non-negotiables for relationship?**

It’s difficult to say if there’s any one specific thing but I do think [the]rubric [for communicating boundaries should be]: “How can I continue to love you? How far away do I have to be to keep the door open without me getting wounded and injured and emergency calling my therapist?”

And from that, I would say love will lead us. Love will lead us to the ways that we can show up and love others as we love ourselves. None of it’s quick or easy. And I’m speaking about things that have developed over 5-10 years [in my own relationships].

**Obviously, persuasion can’t be the first goal of any relationship, and I agree that trying to change minds doesn’t work. But there are relationships where people who disagree want to talk about that disagreement and want to sharpen each other, understand the other’s position, or even be open to change. What’s a good orientation to bring into a conversation where persuasion is something each party is open to?**

I learned in my art classes back in college that instead of critiquing or asking the person, “Why did you do this? Why did you make this choice?” Instead, we would look at the art and ask the art: “I wonder why you’re this way, or I wonder what this part means.” And I think that’s a useful way of approaching this.

For me, that often looks like a YouTube video or a short reading that we can look at and critique together. Knowing what works for that particular person, what languages they understand — like is this written from an evangelical perspective or mainline? Is this high liturgy or high [biblicism]?

Finding what works and then critiquing that *thing* together, so that it’s not about you, that’s one of the main ways that I talked about topics without making it about myself and about defending. It may be an issue that is dead center, in the middle of my chest, related to me. But when we make it about this other objective thing, they’re able to talk about the thing rather than trying to get me to agree or disagree. We find ways for us to sit next to each other and do something together, rather than across from each other, so it’s not us-versus-them.

I [try to] listen and attempt to describe back. “Is this what I’m hearing you say correctly? Is this what you feel about that?” Again, helping folks to feel understood and heard can go a long way.

**The ability to say, “I disagree with how the author writes it in this book.” That’s so much easier than saying “You get this wrong.” It takes some of the sting out of it. How do we know when to take a step back? Especially in ourselves, how do we know when we’re not ready?**

Talking about how things go before and after with a friend can be a really important way to help monitor yourself.

I got diagnosed with ADHD two or so years ago. One of the things that I knew about myself was that on days where I had more downtime, I found myself deep in these back-and-forth, endless Facebook comment sections. Sometimes with complete strangers. I was willing to have some of these conversations because my dopamine was low. I just needed stimulus. [It’s] knowing what our patterns are, right? Spending time reflecting back on how some things have gone.

I didn’t notice that Mondays —my rest days — tended to be extra stressful until I was talking with a trusted, pastoral friend who could reflect back to me what the pattern was. Eventually I connected the dots and realized, “Oh, I tend to get into these conversations on a day where I’m very tired, my self-awareness is a bit low, and my self-care is a bit low.”

The somatic nervous system — those responses where our jaw is clenched, our shoulders tighten up, our thighs are ready to run — these are all signs that we’re in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. *(Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses are associated with the sympathetic nervous system.)* Even though I am going to speak as calmly and as consistently as I’m speaking now, my whole body will be in a tense reaction. I had to learn I’m not a yeller, but if my muscles aren’t relaxed and my body isn’t in a calm state, that’s my cue that I’m going to need to take care of me. Thank God for having good therapists and a trauma-informed therapist.

Many of us have been socialized that when we’re in an anxious state or when people are angry around us, we go into this caretaker mode where we need to take care of the other person to feel okay. [That’s the “fawn” response.] That’s another sign to us. It’s if this person’s angry, can I let them be angry and not take it as something that I have to fix? If this person is upset about a thing, can I trust that God and the people who are around them can take care of them and I don’t have to run to the rescue?

And if that’s not the case, there’s some resources that can help us build that up. But we have to figure out, have I eaten today? Have I had water? Have I taken a shower? Maybe I can pick this up after I do those three things. It sounds so basic, and it sounds so silly sometimes, but the ways we don’t take care of ourselves spill out into our friends and families in really messy ways.

I can’t preach that gospel enough — love *yourself* as you try to love others.

“God’s working and I’m wondering, how can we be curious about this rather than argumentative? How can we explore this? How can we sit with this in a way that invites us both to grow deeper or examine scripture more together?” —@heyDarren

[](https://sojo.net/biography/mitchell-atencio)

[Mitchell Atencio](https://sojo.net/biography/mitchell-atencio)

Mitchell Atencio is senior associate news editor, sojo.net.

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### The Role of Faith-Based Activism

Posted on [June 18, 2020June 18, 2020](https://scarletchurch.com/2020/06/18/the-role-of-faith-based-activism/) by [Jera Brown](https://scarletchurch.com/author/jerabrown/)

What should churches and faith leaders be doing right now in the fight for racial justice? I interviewed two activists: Darren Calhoun and Robyn Henderson-Espinoza on the topic.

[Darren Calhoun](http://darrencalhoun.com) is a Chicago-based worship leader and activist. He sits on the board of many Christian progressive organizations, such as [Q Christian Fellowship](https://www.qchristian.org) and [Evangelicals for Social Action](http://evangelicalsforsocialaction.org). He also leads trainings on racial reconciliation and racial justice. Follow him on [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/darrencalhoun/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/heyDarren).

[Robyn Henderson-Espinoza](http://irobyn.com) is an activist theologian, an academic, founder of the [Activist Theology Project](https://activistheology.com) and author of the book [Activist Theology](https://www.indiebound.org/book/9781506424644?aff=scarletchurch). Follow them on [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/drirobyn) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/irobyn).

We spoke about the hope of people becoming activated and acknowledging the pain of Black folks, but how it remains to be seen whether people are ready to do the work when it gets hard and keeps going month after month. (Min 4:30)

How faith leaders can create and encourage morally-led, activist communities. (Min 8:55)

How discomfort gets in the way of doing the real work and how we can change that by treating discomfort like a muscle that needs practice and it’s important to learn the difference between discomfort and harm. (Min 15:40)

We end with a conversation about how white communities, especially calling out predominantly white churches, are still at the relationship-building phase when we should be passed it already. We should be working together to tear down systems oppression. I posed to Darren and Robyn this question: How do faith-based communities step up and be the leaders of these movements towards dismantling systems of oppression while still figuring their shit out? (Min 29:30)

Transcript
———-

**JB:** Let’s see. Alright. So, we’re here. Thank you both again. I know you’re both busy, but that’s also why I wanted to talk to you both. Because you’re very important. To start with would you mind introducing yourselves because you both do so much. So, Darren can we start with you?

**DC:** Sure. Hey everybody, my name is Darren Calhoun pronouns he/him. I am joining the call today from Chicago, where I serve as a worship leader at [Urban Village Church](http://www.urbanvillagechurch.org). And then, I am also a photographer. And when I’m not doing those things, I sing in a band called The Many that is a progressive, inclusive, justice-centered kind of Christian band. That’s doing original music that makes space for [??] and so forth. Beyond that, I have been working with various LGBTQ Christian organizations like The Reformation Project and Q-Christian Fellowship to help the church do better with its engagement of LGBTQ people across whatever the theology is. And then lastly my background is that I have been part of various organizing efforts on the ground in Chicago around anti-violence and around racism and so that’s the short version. Hey everybody.

**RE:** Hey y’all my name is Robyn Henderson-Espinoza (Dr. Robyn) and my pronouns are they/them. I am a non-binary transgender mixed race Latinx. I always come out as being a white passing Latinx. I am born of a Mexican immigrant and Anglo father. I have skin privilege. I am joining the call from Nashville, TN, where I am based. And, I do a number of things. I am on faculty at Duke Divinity School. I am trained as a theologian and ethicist. And, I am involved in movement work here on the ground in Nashville. And, I am also the founder of the Activist Theology Project which works to incubate sustainable change by responding to the needs of the world. We focus on social healing. And we focus on working with the dominant culture (i.e., white folks and white passing folks) to help dismantle supremacy culture because we know that it is the water we swim in and we are all complicit in supremacy culture. We have internalized it. We have been socialized in it. And I really believe that the vision of an equitable and just world is one that eradicates supremacy culture. So we work, we do a lot of anti-racism stuff. We do a lot of helping white folks understand their whiteness, connecting the dots between the intersections of race, class, gender, sexuality. And we are just trying to be good ancestors.

**JB:** I will post links in the comments to where you can find that. You didn’t introduce your book, right?

**RE:** I did not say that I had written a book. I did write a book called [Activist Theology](https://www.indiebound.org/book/9781506424644?aff=scarletchurch) and there is a great review by Jera in Sojourners Magazine. And it is a deep translation of theory to practices and a call to restore ourselves and a call to unhinge from the bullshit that keeps a boot on all of our necks, including White people. And I just started working on my next book which is on bodies and democracy.

**JB:** (4:07) So if you are watching this; I don’t think anybody is watching it yet, but you will be able to find it on Facebook and my blog. And I will post resources around what we talked about. Robyn when you shared the promo for this, you talked about hope in your comments. What are you finding hope in right now.

**RE:** I am finding a lot of hope in the dominant culture finding… I think White folks and White-passing folks are finally waking up to Black pain and the genocide of Black America. I find hope in that but I also am suspect because what we are seeing right now is the normalization of marches and protests, and White people showing up, which on the one hand is great, right, like get out there, make you voice heard. But there needs to be measured hope for systemic change. So I have hope that people are activated. I have hope that people are in the streets. And it can’t stop there. So the hope question is a complicated one for me because I don’t have any hope in our system but I have deep hope that people can awaken to the pain of my Black siblings.

**JB:** Darren, what about you?

**DC:** For me, similar to what Robyn was sharing, there’s the both and there’s the part where every iteration of this becomes an opportunity for people to be awakened, to become activated and for them to start asking, “What do I do next?” And as somebody who does organizing, it’s like that is the question you want. That’s the million dollar moment where people are beyond their internal defenses, where they’ve kinda had their awakening. They’re ready to to move forward. But the other part of this that’s so challenging is that, you know, two weeks, two months from now, when the work is hard, when they’ve had the fifth conversation where someone has said something to them in a way that’s unpleasant, there’s the tendency to wanna recoil and to kinda go back and to long for the way things were, which means before you were aware of what’s happening. You kinda wanna go back to just not being aware because it didn’t seem real then. It didn’t seem like something that really had to affect your life. And, so the thing that I’ve been kind of just aiming for myself because exhaustion in this can be real. I’ve been doing this work for twenty years. But also I’m not a limitless resource. And so for me the personal hope is that I engage this work in a way that’s sustainable through the rest of my life, knowing that I won’t see the end of it. Like to frame it in this way of what can I do that I that I am committed to doing that I can always do, as opposed to well, you know, I can’t necessarily I can’t necessarily maintain every method or every lane of activism but there’s things that I can do well. And even this current pandemic, on the medical side of Covid19 has been one of those reminders that’s just like I I’m not in position where I can be in the streets like I normally would during this time; But that doesn’t mean that I’m useless. And as an Enneagram 2, that’s an important reminder to myself that I make sense of the world and I find safety in the world by helping. And so for me finding ways to help that aren’t necessarily my normal means are the ways that I continue on in this time.

**JB:** When I was thinking about the role of faith-based activism, two of the things that I was thinking about that I think connects to that is like, as a faith leader, maybe you can motivate people for so long. But that’s not the goal, right? The goal is to build informed, morally-led communities that that can ultimately keep themselves inspired. So I’m wondering if you both have advice on how to do that and then also for faith-based leaders that are that are helping with this education of their congregation that maybe are waking up for the first time. how do you help them find how do you help people find their places too?

**DC:** I feel like I have some quick ideas and then Robyn has probably an a whole workshop series ready to go. For me, my advice in general to church leaders and anyone who has a sphere of influence, which is everyone, is that we that we figure out what this looks like long-term. And that can be as simple as making sure that you have something in your budget that’s committed to anti-racism. One of the things that my church has been doing that has made it such a profound place for me to be a part of is that we do have a committed investment in anti-racism within our institution that has led to us having an anti-racism audit. We work with an outside organization that helps us build the resources within our church to hold ourselves accountable. And then making sure that every year, every budget, every hiring process that the team that is holding us accountable can say, “Hey, this is still not working” or “Hey, here here’s something that we said we’re gonna do. What’s still holding us back from doing it?” and that kind of thing is a lot more sustainable than necessarily a book reading, which is important, or than a sermon series, which is also important. it’s how do we change the life of our church to make sure that this continues to happen as opposed to how do we respond just in the moment.

**JB:** And a quick shout-out to Urban Village in Chicago. If Chicagoans want to be involved in a church that has been doing the right things for a while. We’ll link to Urban Village.

**DC:** Awesome. Thank you.

**RE:** You know think that everything like I cosign what Darren offered and I also know it takes a diversity of tactics. This is a marathon not a sprint and so this is lifelong work: creating equity, access and justice. This is not gonna happen in at one general assembly or at one general meeting. And it’s about relationships. If we want our Christian witness to be justice-oriented, that means it’s gonna be political. And we need to figure out: do we want to be palatable or do we want to be life-changing and world-changing. And that’s where the question of politics comes in to play. And when I say “politics” I’m talking about our social practices – what behaviors, what habits, what social practices inform our communities? And it’s based in relationships. So are the relationships that we are having, do they generate equity and access or are White communities or White-passing communities do they become the gatekeepers to those who are most impacted by multi-system oppressions? So we need to think about our relationality in how we hold relationships in the church. What is the process for creating a more revolutionary space in our faith communities? Who gets to decide those rules? Is it the senior pastor who might be informed by a certain generational politic, by a certain theological orientation? certainly by race, class and gender. Or is this a communal effort to build a more communal orientation to the language, the rules, the habits of our communities? And you know the Activist Theology Project works with people around organizational change and organizational leadership because we know that if we are not learning to mirror our communities as faith leaders then we might be perpetuating the same bullshit that we want to dismantle. And what I mean by mirroring is having empathy with our community. So being the kind of leader that comes alongside people, not separate from people. And it all goes back to relationship. I mean you know dismantling supremacy culture, anti-racism work, climate change, disability justice. LGBTQ+ work. It is all about relationship. The thing I love about Darren—Darren and I have led facilitated several conversations around race and at festivals. And the thing love about that work with Darren is it’s rooted in relationship. And that neither one of us lead in a way that we have the final voice. And there is something to that. What do we want our witness to be in the world? Do we want it to be hierarchical or do want it to be equitable, accessible and collaborative?

**JB:** (15:40) It seems like there are a lot of communities that start to do this work. Robyn, one of the things that you had said was that you can do it you can start to do now when like everything’s on fire but then three months from now when things the work gets hard… I think the churches and other faith-based communities that have started to do this work… One of the things that it seems like a not a lot of folks realize is that things can be joyous but it’s just uncomfortable forming relationships with folks that don’t think like you. and that discomfort can seem to get in the way of things like worship and the other functions of the church. Like when really it’s you have to sit and live within that discomfort in order to continue those relationships and build. But um. What’s so folks that or communities that are wanting to start walk alongside these let’s say these other activist groups that that are that are doing the work right now and have been doing the work and building these relationships how should communities that are that are pretty new to this like prepare to like start relationships in a positive, healthy way?

**RE:** Is that for both of us or is that …

**JB:** Whoever has thoughts.

**RE:** Darren, I’d love to hear your thoughts about this.

**DC:** Sure. I think I think you do name a really important dynamic. And what where we have tension, where we have discomfort and what we do with that is really, really important. for people who grew up within some marginalized identity, whether that’s being a gender where that’s being marginalized for your gender, especially if you are a fem or female if that’s being marginalized for your sexual orientation if that’s being marginalized because of your because of your racial categorization there’s all kinds of ways that depending on what your marginalization is, gives you this early introduction to how do I live in a world that this is always going to be the case? And so what I find is that for many Black and Brown people of color, we got this starting somewhere between three and eight years old. For many people who are White, White-passing, cis-heteronormative kind of situations, for them it started in college or it started somewhere maybe even this this very phone videocall where you think about oh wait I as a White person have a race because most of the time when I talk to people they knew that other people had a race. They didn’t realize that they were raced, too. And so what happens is you get this sudden realization, you get this challenge to the way you’ve seen the world and it’s uncomfortable. And I feel like discomfort is kind of like a muscle, like the longer we’re in it, the more we use it, the more we’re able to do with it. But when it’s the first time, it’s exhausting and it’s just like, oh this is too much, I can’t do this. You know just like just like most people when they go to the gym for the first time. but I think that’s the part I want us to kind of like know and realize that there’s different ways to experience the world and we may not realize it. I remember the first time that I realized that there was a different way I get treated as a tall man versus being a shorter woman. it was I was talking to two friends and they’re both African-American women, they both are in corporate jobs, they both are degreed down. And one in particular is an engineer so it’s a it’s a field that’s often male-dominated and she’s talking about all times she’s had to cite her credentials. That she’s had to cite where she’s gone to school, what she knows and had to prove her work, and get questioned by her by the people that she supervises. And, I thought about it. It was just like I don’t have that. I don’t experience people questioning what I say to the point that I’ve spoken all kinds of places and people don’t even ask if I have a college degree. And I don’t. And it was just a reminder of like the privilege I have of my maleness, of my tallness, of the things we normally ascribe to people who are in charge, people who know. and it was through the relationship I had with these with these women that I was like, Oh, I’m seeing the dynamic, I’m seeing the difference. and so when it comes to what we do in our world and in our life when it comes to taking action on injustice issues, this is the opportunity for us to, one, know, name and completely affirm that this is going to be uncomfortable. but, two, to know that that’s ok. It’s kind of a Western thing that we like avoid discomfort, that we wanna have a quick fix, we wanna have a fast fix. Three bullet points and we’re done. And that’s not how it’s going to be. It has we have to be close enough, long enough to have some uncomfortable conversations, to hurt each other, to build trust in each other. and to get to the point where we know that we’re more committed to the relationship we have than we are to being right. and that can happen online, that can happen in a church community. but somewhere there has to be a very tangible commitment to that we want to be in a relationship not that we want to prove who’s right or have an intellectual debate. So those are just kind of first thoughts. But I’d love to hear from others as well.

**RE:** You know I think that this this sense of how do we create relationships with people who are radically different from us is something that people of color have been living their entire life. And early on you know my mother, who is very brown, asked me does anyone make fun of me for my skin color? And it was the first time that I realized I was different. And I was about four or five years old. And, now, people don’t make fun of me for my skin color. and people don’t question me when I speak, for a couple reasons. I’m masculine-of-center. I’m masculine presenting. And I have a Ph.D. and so I’ve held both of these in great tension of having this experience of recognizing at an early age that I was different from my caregiver. And then watching the ways in which people treated my caregiver to assimilating into Whiteness in such a way that I earned the highest degree possible. And so how do i bridge those experiences in a way that will create conditions for teachable moments that will lead to liberation? I started working with a concept that I call Bridging With Radical Difference. And I write about it in the book as an ethical orientation, that we have to be oriented in a way that we are ready to receive the difference of someone else. And White folks, White-passing folks, and I just had this experience last night with a guy who, in this group chat, had come out as mixed race. But until I started critiquing the performativity of White folks and protesting, only then did he play his Black card. But he’s White-passing and you know. Fragility is a real thing in White communities and White-passing communities. And when we are trying to build relationships, that will create equity and access for Black people in particular, because we know that Black folks have been systematically disenfranchised from systems in this country. I can talk about the Latino community and the ways in which they are disenfranchised and and targeted. but this country is built on on the labor of Black people in particular so anti-Blackness is a real thing. And I mention it in conversation with fragility and guilt and shame because we actually don’t know how to be in relationship with Black people or people of color, in general. And so this ethical orientation of bridging with radical difference is something that faith communities and churches can begin to grapple with if they are willing to sit in the discomfort of the ways in which their Whiteness has perpetuated Black pain. And White folks don’t want to hear that. White-passing people, I am finding, they find it convenient to come out as a person of color right now. And I want to caution White-passing people doing that and playing that color that I’m colored card because if you move in the world with power access and privilege, as I do, then you are read in a certain way. Yes, I have rituals here that are rooted in my Mexican ancestry. Yes, I celebrate the food of my people. But when I am in the world, unless I’m speaking Spanish, I am read in a certain way. And many of us don’t want to sit in that discomfort of being of being part of a culture that has systematically disenfranchised my sibling parent and his family and friends. And so…

**DC:** You know…

**RE:** I think that…I — I’m sorry Darren just let me say one more thing.

**DC:** Yeah, go for it.

**RE:** I think this idea of discomfort as a muscle should be primary for White communities and White-passing people to develop so that they can engage in this bridging work.

**DC:** And I love what you took us through there because it also brings up the for me it brings up the difference between discomfort versus harm. And fragility and not being very aware of what discomfort is like. Discomfort can feel like being harmed. It can feel like, ‘Oh you said something against me and now I’m oppressed. Or the way this is going on it just it’s just too much, it’s not safe. and that’s one of these nuances that also has to develop. There are some things that are harmful. There are some ways that people are their lives are being threatened, their mental health is being threatened. they may be in a situation where they’re being gaslit because they’re being told that, Oh no this isn’t an issue. And it really is. but that’s different that just, I don’t like the way this makes me feel. But there’s nothing that it can do to me in an ongoing way. and I think we have to develop that nuance because, yes, there’s some people who’ll say some things and do some things that are not ok. And, there’s no need to stay in that. But there’s a deep and important need to stay in places that are discomfort, that are just things that we just don’t like, that are things that nothing negative will happen to our lives if we stay here. We just don’t want to be here. so I really want to make sure that people think about those as two separate things so that when we do face that discomfort it doesn’t trigger the fight or flight response, where we just shut everything down, rage quit, write the angry letter or something like that and miss the opportunity to really learn what it means to be in relationship across deep difference.

**JB:** We just have a few minutes left and I’m gonna open up a can of worms and hope I don’t regret it. but I wanna call out White churches and I am complicit in this as well. I spent many, many years in Indiana not even realizing that I was not around people of color. and so when I say “we” I’m gonna I’m talking predominantly about White churches here and White church communities that we should have been building these relationships years ago so that when we’re here we could have been working towards revolution as opposed to the relationships. and now I’m just I keep thinking about like we’re still at the relationship phase and that’s important but also these institution of prejudice and oppression need we need to be working towards dismantling them. How do we do both? And my question specifically is, How do faith-based communities step up and be the leaders of these movements towards dismantling systems of oppression while figuring their shit out? Is that possible, you know?

**RE:** I think about Jesus and his misfit crew that he called the disciples. I think if we look at the example of Jesus and I talk a lot about Jesus. He’s the guy that I go to when I think about social practices in our current moment. You know, Jesus was a Brown Palestinian Jew collected everyone from tax collectors to fishermen. And so these are like opposing sides. And they found a way to be community with one another. And in the in the becoming community with one another they also followed this teacher and learned how to get angry at the system so turning over tables in the temple. And they also learned how to call out the Pharisees. So we already have these examples of calling out systems. It’s whether or not we want to do the hard work of acknowledging that we have assimilated into empire Christianity. And whether we want to get back to a way of being community together before the Christian faith became imperial. And some people might say it’s impossible but living in a time of Covid19 and quarantine life we’re having house church. And we have to remember that the first churches were in homes, non-institutional. And if you think your institution or your denomination is free from racism and White supremacy, you’re wrong. Institutions are built on the premise of White supremacy, even things like the NAACP. Institutional politics, institutional communities are built on the logic of White supremacy. So how to actually do we use this time to not just be palatable, to actually do revolutionary work through relationship. Are you are you calling your Black siblings and checking in on them? Or is it just too uncomfortable and you’re just frozen in shame. It’s important to recognize and regulate your body in all this, which is a lifelong journey. And to make a decision of do I want to follow an imperial faith that is rooted in a sort of institutional, denominational framework? Or do I want to follow the ways of Jesus which is about relationship which will get you killed in the end? Or at least that’s the example that we have.

**JB:** Darren, anything to add?

**DC:** Hopefully you can hear me ok. My neighbors decided to have a little music concert in the background. give me give me one second and I’m gonna see if I can make it quieter in here.

**JB:** One of the things that I’ve heard people saying lately is like that church is not a building right now. Church is a group of people you know. And I think a lot of us that have been feeling disenfranchised from the church theology that we grew up with, like we’re we’re finding church in community in different ways, which is part of this movement.

**RE:** Yeah.

**DC:** Sorry for the distraction for a minute there. yeah I would love that… I would love if if the next that people took on to do is to find the places that are already kind of doing this work. We don’t have to reinvent the wheel. We don’t have to be the first ones. Or you don’t have to you don’t have to start with a podcast because I promise you there’s one. You don’t have to write the book. I promise you there’s one. model the model being the kind of leader who is is learning from and amongst a collection of other leaders. You don’t have to be the answer within yourself. And yeah I want us to uh… Oh, gosh it’s so loud here. But yeah, I want us to do that. I don’t feel like I answered the question exactly. What was the question before I stepped away?

**JB:** What was the question… Oh how do you form relationships and also work towards dismantling systems of oppression at the same time?

**DC:** Yeah, it’s a dance. You in any dance you don’t do all of the dance at the same time. You do parts. You go back and forth. You move forward. You fall back. and so in the same way one of the things that I love is at Evangelicals for Social Action is we have a program called Oriented to Love. It’s a it’s a very structured program that brings 12 people together around the differences in faith, gender and sexuality. So people who are conservative versus people who are very progressive in their views. People who are side A versus side B. People who are straight. People who are not. ah all kinds of gender representations in in this very intentional group so that people can experience what it could look like in a healthy way to connect across differences. again it doesn’t ask anyone to come away the right answer or the winner or anything but models of opportunities to listen and to relate deeply. And so from that kind of place it’s one of those things where you go, Oh I never thought of doing it that way. Oh I never realized that I could be in a good relationship but and this is from my own personal life. The kinds of people who are open to that kind of relationship learning to see those people is the key. a lot times we look for really confident people. And we think, Oh if they’re confident then that’s who I need to connect with. But the reality is that we need we need people who are open to questions. We need to connect with people who are do well with emotional intelligence and reading the room and being able to engage hold attention without necessarily needing to quickly eliminate it. those kinds of people can be found if we know to look for them. And if and when you do find them hold onto them because those are the ones who help you engage across those differences where somebody may not be as patient. Or somebody may not have the same kind of emotional intelligence. in doing that I feel like we can take steps that don’t make us the hero or the savior. We can take steps that don’t send us on an endless guilt spiral or shame trip. but instead we learn and build those muscles of discomfort. We learn and build those relationships that ‘cause you know just like Robyn was saying at the beginning it’s through the relationships that we really do learn and that we really do grow. it’s not just having the right book to read, not having the perfect presentation. but it’s how we interact with each other and how we get to care about each other I think. that gives us the internal fortitude to go and do the justice work. To go and put faces to the bills and laws and things that need to be reformed. It’s easy not to care about it when it’s just some numbers on paper. But when the way that money bail affects someone that you know personally. And you find out that they’re spending months in jail not because they’re a threat to public safety or not because they have done anything different than anyone else. They just didn’t have several thousand dollars to put into a system to get proven innocent. When you see that kind of connection in your own personal world that’s when you have the opportunity to go, Oh this is not just a policy issue this is this is about real lives.

**JB:** This has been great. Thank you so much. I wanna let you both go. talking about not reinventing the wheel along with this video I’ll try to post links to groups that are doing good work. If both of you have examples let me know and I’ll link them in the blog post and I’ll link them on Facebook. You’re plugged in and you do know of some and you’re running some so I appreciate it. And I will say goodbye.

**RE:** Thanks so much, Jera. It’s really great to be here.

**DC:** Super. Have a good one.

**JB:** Alright. Bye.

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Originally published at https://scarletchurch.com/2020/06/18/the-role-of-faith-based-activism/

I’m excited to head out to the East Coast for a jam-packed week of gatherings with my band, [The Many](https://www.facebook.com/themanyarehere/?__tn__=K-R&eid=ARA_WHbxdenxDQRmwZzFcgUrAkmchTf_6EdwCYAD8NC_UbYR0ZvfWWzk-yc9MdfEOu5NFPBjDXibcryZ&fref=mentions&__xts__%5B0%5D=68.ARCgKVMFqGhDcKef-HUKzdKa1IXJRNGoAzuzXDmuZqF23MpetU1PCzq-DNuMA-6D725LSRwjXDHDGJTOR61wKmqUMrvF4ysP4yQBz2A5n8ZZycybXngAroLysW42tcU20br3glRXQ8yf430HeaLnvjv4Sq6kMkfMGcVT0boS5-tF3oOvhtki198wfOzo2LwY8KQTrA88-1GJw9ne4vFOn5UCplq9jl9GkP4x32_ClxzVyNjgSI5mOkRFHs5n5N5Qw4kKmmiYaJVk6xpd1TK0x0QQ309gpq4UB5_RShukJdZDc5GGmBxrIsGUSq49-n9_NPgyx3WRuxIRJA8GG-1Q6WCqgC5W)!

Here’s where we’ll be. Join us or tell a friend in the area!

Hitting the Road with
The Many

Friday, May 17, 7pm – Wilmington, DE
Skyline United Methodist Church
http://bit.do/wilmington

Sunday, May 19, 10 & 11:15 am – Brooklyn, NY
Forefront Church
http://bit.do/forefront

Sunday, May 19, 5pm – NYC
Common Ground Church 
http://bit.do/commongroundchurch

Monday, May 20, 7pm – Beacon, NY
First Presbyterian Church
http://bit.do/beaconny

Tuesday, May 21, 10am – Holmes, NY
Holmes Camp & Retreat Center
http://bit.do/holmesny

Tuesday, May 21, 5:30pm – Poughkeepsie, NY
First Congregational Church
http://bit.do/poughkeepsie

Wednesday, May 22, 7pm – NYC
LGBT Community Center
http://bit.do/LGBTCenter

I’m Darren, and I’ve often described myself as black, Christian, and gay. I’m also a lot of other things, like a photographer, a worship leader, and an advocate for justice. Each of these descriptors could be used to identify groups that I fit into, but none of them tells the whole story of who Darren is. And while I may fit into different groups, I’m still trying to answer the question *Where do I belong? *At the end of the day, I want all the ways that I describe myself to paint a vibrant picture of who I am and what I believe, and also to hold space for others along a similar journey who share a common interest.

*Belonging *is something that many of us desire, but it has often been elusive to find and maintain. Some of my earliest memories are of trying to figure out where I fit in. I grew up in Chicago, where the side of town you live on pretty much determines which baseball team you root for: Cubs fan (North Side) or a Sox fan (South Side). I grew up on the South Side, so when people asked, “Cubs or Sox?” the *correct* answer was Sox. But in college, I spent time on the North Side and could just as easily answer, “Cubs,” to the celebration of those around me. The secret is that I actually am not invested in baseball—at all. However, I was learning early on that to “belong” meant that you needed to align yourself with the “right” answers to certain questions, and for me, what I really thought came secondary to being accepted or welcomed. We see these kinds of choices presented all the time: pizza with or without pineapple, anyone? We also see it in more sobering questions about political parties and church affiliations. While these choices range from trivial to critical for the functioning of our society, they frequently represent binaries—either/or thinking that determines who’s in and who’s out.

After I came out as gay at 17, I remember being eager to meet other gay people, because the only ones I knew at the time were from an internet chatroom. I hoped that by being out, I would find the other gay people around me and we would share something in common. Maybe they could even teach me things about how to be gay, since all of this felt “new” to me. I didn’t meet many gay friends at the time, but I did meet Christians who insisted that being gay wasn’t God’s plan for my life. These new Christian friendships led to eight years of me trying to renounce homosexuality and become heterosexual. And while there were some profound moments of learning and even spiritual growth during that time, I was also subjected to years of spiritual abuse in a toxic church culture. One of the themes of that time was the constant threat of losing my salvation. Like a carrot being dangled in front of a rabbit, the promise of heaven was always just out of my reach. This dynamic kept me following the instructions of my church leaders—often to the detriment of my sense of self and well-being. I gave up attending university, and I gave up my photography business, friends, and even family for the promise of belonging in God’s Kingdom. Eventually, with the support of a faithful few who wouldn’t give up on me, I realized that this church wasn’t healthy for me, so I left. But I was saddled with years of harmful theology and no church to call home. For some, the idea that one has to become heterosexual (or at least try) is the key to belonging in a church community. And while some continue that pursuit, I found that it wasn’t right for me.

When I left my previous church, some suggested that I go to a gay-affirming church, but that didn’t feel like a match for me either, because the theology and culture were so different from what was familiar and felt safe. I eventually found a church where I felt I could be honest about what I described as a struggle with same-sex attraction, but where my salvation and relationship with God weren’t on the line with endless hoops to prove my commitment. I spent nine years in this community loving God and loving others, while being known and loved exactly as I was. This built up in me the courage to begin publicly sharing my experiences as a gay Christian—including sharing that I was on a journey, figuring out how best to honor God in response to my orientation.
The leaders in that community invited me to consider celibacy as a lifelong calling or response to being gay. I spent many years exploring that idea with leaders whom I’d built a trusting relationship with. In this exploration, I came to realize that none of us in my church had this figured out. So I began spending more time in groups outside of my church, where I discovered faithful Christians who were also LGBTQ+ and living their faith in a range of ways. Some were trying or hoping to become heterosexual, like I’d previously attempted. But I also met people who were committed to celibacy and people who chose to live in intentional community or celibate partnerships. I also met people who were heterosexually married but very clear that they were in a mixed-orientation marriage. Lastly, I met people who were gay, in a same-sex marriage, and had been raising children for 30+ years.

I was encountering the reality that lots of people are responding as faithfully as they can, but that it doesn’t all look the same. I wanted to honor all of these stories, so I began to advocate for the broad range of people I’d built relationships with. But this led to conflict. I saw how the church failed to be a safe or gracious space for all of these people—no matter what their beliefs were or how faithfully they adhered to church policy. I wanted to be part of changing that. I felt called to help make the church better at loving all same-sex attracted, same-gender loving, and LGBTQ+ people.
I didn’t know where in this range of Christians I would find myself practicing my faith for the rest of my life, but I was willing to be vocal and out front to make space for people like me—folks who love Jesus, love the church, and just want to be part of a community that can love them back. Being on the front lines comes with questions about what you believe: *Is it a sin? Can you change your orientation? Should same-sex marriage be legal?* These are all questions that I wrestled with internally, but was also now being asked publicly. I eventually found myself aligned with an organization that chose not to make a public stance about same-sex marriage, and instead sought to hold the church accountable to loving LGBTQ+ people. In many ways, this became the way I navigated being in a variety of spaces. I knew that if I answered certain questions with the “right” answers, I could be heard and possibly accepted. But I didn’t know exactly where I belonged. Because I knew a lot of perspectives but didn’t have a lot of answers for myself, this ambiguity felt like the best way forward for me.

In 2015, a conservative Christian magazine began investigating me because I was scheduled to speak about racial justice at a conference that affirmed same-sex marriage. Even though my church was on public record as not affirming of same-sex marriage, the article made the accusation that we were “abandoning the Bible” and secretly falling away from its stance on marriage, all because I was present at the event. This criticism came from people who weren’t concerned about my life or the life of my church; they just aimed to prove their assumption that all things associated with being gay are bad. At this point, I was faced with the hard reality that some people will demand you “pick a side” for the sole purpose of disqualifying you or who you’re with.  This magazine suggested that the only way to be faithful would be for me to distance myself from all things LGBTQ—even from describing myself that way. Calls poured into the church, and some groups distanced themselves from our community—simply because I existed and they were unsure about my beliefs. This kind of treatment comes at such a cost to LGBTQ+ people. We are often made to feel responsible for church splits, family arguments, and even the eternal damnation of others. This cost is an undue burden to us, and some have already paid with their lives. It was at this point that I decided to stop publicly answering certain questions about my sexuality and instead chose to continue my own journey privately with trusted friends.

Fast-forwarding to today, I’ve moved on to work in a church that is fully inclusive of LGBTQ+ people, and I continue to serve church leaders and communities that have a range of beliefs about sexual ethics. I’m fully committed to Jesus and living in a way that honors him, but I’ve moved away from the tedious effort of choosing who’s in and who’s out. The reconciliation of my faith is a set of values about how I engage myself and others in love-centered community. Part of those values is maintaining space for others—including those whom I may not agree with. The heaven that I envision in scripture has every nation, tribe, and tongue, and won’t be sectioned off by the affiliations we navigate here on earth. In many ways, this is how I’ve always felt, but I’m choosing to be clearer than ever about it. I advocate for people who pursue celibacy, and I will perform a same-sex wedding. I hold space for people who assert that they themselves are no longer gay, and I honor the stories of people who are seeking ethical ways to pursue relational intimacy outside of monogamy. There is a range of beliefs and ways that people exist in the world, but what I hold true is that the image of God should be honored in every person, no matter what their beliefs are.

We’ll all find belonging in different places and to differing degrees. I don’t think the differences that make our faith, denomination, or scriptural understandings of gender and sexuality will go away anytime soon. But for me, I’ll continue to follow Jesus in the best ways that I can as I love God and love my neighbors as myself. I’m investing myself in a value of belonging that doesn’t require that we all believe the same exact things. I’ve found this to be the most life-giving way that I can love everyone—not out of fear of punishment, but instead out of grace and care. My journey reflects significant time spent in various places of theological belief—and all of that continues to be important to my story and how I move forward. Sometimes this means people think I believe exactly as they do, and that’s OK. Other times it means I don’t belong in some spaces, and that will have to be OK, too. I’ll continue to figure out what the future looks like for me relationally, sexually, and spiritually, but I hope you’ll stick around for the journey. May the Holy Spirit teach us all how to live lives led by love and truth.

– Follow
– Follow
– Follow
– Follow

*This post originally appears on the Q Christian Fellowship website as part of the Great Communion Series — a collection of faith stories from members of the QCF community. *

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‘The Many’ Creates Liturgies that Leave Room for Lament
=======================================================

By

[Christina Colón](https://sojo.net/biography/christina-col-n)


The Many: Darren Calhoun, Hannah Rand, and Leslie Michele.

Nov 9, 2018

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The Many is an indie folk/gospel, liturgically-grounded worship band that creates music for people to sing together. Assistant Web Editor Christina Colón spoke with producer Gary Rand, manager and writer Lenora Rand, and lead singer Darren Calhoun, to learn more about how The Many is creating liturgies that speak to issues of injustice and leave room for lament.

*This interview has been lightly edited for length and clarity.*

**Christina Colón, Sojourners*:*** ***How did your group come together?***

**Lenora Rand, The Many:** Gary and I worked for many years at LaSalle Street Church in Chicago. [Gary was] director of worship in the arts there and music was a big part of that role. And so, we started writing a lot of songs while Gary was doing that job. We had been writing a bunch of songs really trying to articulate our faith and feelings about what was going on in the world. At the same time, we began this broader kind of group called the Plural Guild, which was to bring together artists who were writers and musicians who were also trying to create resources for more progressive churches. So, as we continued writing the songs, we talked about well, it’d be nice to share these songs, so we need some people to sing them. So really, the group came together with a decision, an intention of bringing folks together who would love to sing these songs. For six months or a year, the group was a little bit in flux with people coming in and out and then it solidified. I’d say about three years ago, the group started seeing themselves as the group — really doing life together, traveling together, and singing more at churches. So, it really started around the songs, but has grown into this group which has pushed each other and helped each other grow, and the songs have grown with us.

**Colón****:** ***I noticed that in your introduction, you write that you’re a liturgically-grounded group. Can you talk to me about what it means to be liturgically-grounded?***

**Gary Rand, The Many:** You know the original idea of the Plural Guild that Lenora talked about, was worship renewal. It was to help churches [with] the experiences that we had been having in our own church — where the kinds of theologies that were developing and the commitments we were making as congregations were not always supported by the words we were saying in church and the songs we were singing. We decided to think about trying to create resources to serve those churches who needed new materials, new liturgies, and new songs to sing. The songs came out of that motivation. We purposely pretty much always create liturgies to go with the songs. I don’t think we’ve ever done a concert. I think we’ve always created these worship services where the songs are embedded in the framework of prayer, scripture, and storytelling and even some performance art. Creativity is another one of our goals. We’re trying to find new creative ways to do worship.

**Colón*****: Building on that, what do you see as the role of music in the church?***

**Gary Rand:** That’s a very big question. It has as many roles as there are people, because people use music in different ways based on who they are and what they’re experiencing. You know for the people who are in our congregations, music certainly embodies our theology. That’s one of the reasons that we’re very interested in it in terms of worship renewal. One of my favorite passages is Deuteronomy 31 and 32 where God comes to Moses and Moses is all worried about what’s going to happen to the people of Israel after he leaves, and God comes to Moses and says, ‘write a song — this song will live in the community.’ I think a lot of that is songs also give us memory of who we are. Songs create a sort of identity. Singing together bonds us together in community. It can challenge us, it can give us inspiration when we need courage, and it can move us to healing when we’re sick. It has all these different functions in the church.

‘Singing together bonds us together in community. It can challenge us, it can give us inspiration when we need courage, and it can move us to healing when we’re sick.’

**Colón****:** ***A lot of “church music” is often characterized as praise music or worship music. What do you think of these identifiers and how do you navigate them?***

**Darren Calhoun, The Many:** I lead worship at a church called Urban Village and it is a United Methodist Church that has an evangelical feel. By that I mean it’s a contemporary service and people are very casual. So, you get this kind of mash-up of expectations: Is it going to be high church? Is it going to be very liturgical? Is it going to be like an evangelical church where it’s very contemporary? Our church navigates that by giving them a very broad range of styles, musical tastes, and genres. When it comes to these classifications, whether it’s this song is a worship song versus this song is a praise song, I think we’re grasping at how to describe the music. Sometimes we probably put more weight on it than is necessary. I think music that is meant to glorify God comes out in a wide variety of expressions. For us, our music crosses so many of those things that people tend to describe us in whatever way resonates most with them. For some people, we’re a great praise band and other people are like, ‘oh I’m so glad [you aren’t] another praise band.’ I think because we [have a] very different approach, it just resonates and makes sense to them. No one ever describes us in the same words.

**Colón**: ***I noticed in some of your material, you say that you’re “creating the kind of music we need now more than ever.” What does that mean? What kind of music are you saying people need at this moment in time?***

**Lenora Rand:** I think that as a writer, you write what you yourself need to read. I always look at what we’re doing [as listening to] people around me and hearing what they need to give voice to. We’ve written a lot of songs that fall into more of a lament category. I think that it’s been a very rough few years. People have needed to be able to express their laments and speak more openly and honestly about what’s going on in the world around us and cry out to God and say, ‘What the heck is going on here.’ So, we really tried to write a lot of songs that do that. I think that one of the things you often find [in the praise and worship category] is that songs feel a little bit, I’m not trying to be critical, but they don’t feel very honest or real and they don’t allow any space for doubt or questions or really address the contemporary issues we’re seeing around injustice, inequality, and the refugee crisis, and those sorts of things. Exclusion is a huge thing going on in our world. We wanted to be able to write songs that were not just able to talk about those things, but also do them through poetry and in a way that was not just personally confessional, but really gave voice to congregations and groups of people to say some of that stuff out loud together.

**READ: [Q&A: Johnnyswim and Drew Holcomb On Justice, Church, and Making Music](https://sojo.net/articles/qa-johnnyswim-and-drew-holcomb-justice-church-and-making-music)**

**Calhoun:** I could add to that there’s also a very practical element to the life of church right now. If you look at the Pew Research and attendance numbers at churches, a lot of churches are experiencing a decline in the U.S. People have grown more doubtful and distrustful. We’ve had all kinds of church scandals like #ChurchToo and people are tired of just coming to church and being expected to put on this happy face and pretend everything’s OK and then going back home to their chaos. And so, what we’ve seen in our gatherings, is we have just as many people who are seven day a week committed to church sitting right beside people who have given up on church and who feel that they are done with institutional gatherings, but who still are longing for Christ, longing for the experience of the spirit. And they find that the music and the gathering gives them space to be a part of that and to feel connected to that deeper longing that they have. Maybe they can’t engage with church right now, but they do feel like they can engage in some kind of significant way with the gatherings that we create. And I think that is something that is important to us.

‘People are tired of just coming to church and being expected to put on this happy face and pretend everything’s OK and then going back home to their chaos.’ 

**Colón*****:*** ***You all have different identities and experiences that you bring to the group and to the music that you create. Musically, how do you engage those identities and experiences and how do you navigate that line of vulnerability?***

**Gary Rand:** I think when we were talking in those early stages about putting people together to be in the group, you know we were sort of casting a net a little bit. I have to say that it really affirmed my belief in God, because God really sent us exactly the right people. We wanted it to be multicultural and we wanted it to be multi-racial and we wanted it to reach out to other groups like LGBTQ [people], and we wanted to be the kind of group that would have a natural presence in those spaces. We also wanted our music to reflect that diversity. We didn’t want to sound like just gospel or just contemporary Christian or just folk music, we wanted to have input from different voices and experiences. That’s why we called the group The Many. Right from the very beginning when we were naming the group, we wanted to have many voices and to have a way of expressing many voices. That’s not easy, but it’s been one of the most rewarding parts of it for me.

**Calhoun:** The word that I would use to encapsulate what we do is vulnerable. We don’t hide a whole bunch. We bring our whole selves. And while that may be unnerving and uncomfortable for many, it’s also I think something that we deeply long for. For me personally, I hold identities that have been marginalized. I’m a black man who lives in the United States of America. For us to have a song that references the line, “I can’t breathe,” is incredibly profound and powerful. For us to just be able to sing and cry out to God together in ways that don’t shy away from the ways that some of us are marginalized, it’s so important. Our Song, “All Belong Here,” is another song that [emphasizes] this idea of belonging when so many LGBTQ people have been specifically told they can’t have communion because of their gender identity or sexual orientation. Then for us to sing the song, that just affirms over and over that all belong here. Then for that to be lived out. I’m also a gay man and that’s not a secret and it’s not something that we dance around. For me to be there, to bring this music to people who as an entire group have been told that they don’t belong in churches, it resonates in ways that are way deeper than ‘ooh I really liked that chorus.’ It speaks to my soul. I always think about God speaking to Abraham and saying, ‘look at the stars of the sky, I’ve numbered these for you.’ And if God could show Abraham back then that Darren was part of God’s number regardless of my racial identity, regardless of my sexual orientation, then I think the music that we produce should show that to other people.

[](https://sojo.net/biography/christina-col-n)

[Christina Colón](https://sojo.net/biography/christina-col-n)

Christina Colón, a former *Sojourners* associate editor, is a teaching assistant at Boston University.

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The Many: Darren Calhoun, Hannah Rand, and Leslie Michele.

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[The San Antonio Nuns Chanting ‘Go Spurs Go! And God Bless!’](https://sojo.net/articles/culture-interview/san-antonio-nuns-chanting-go-spurs-go-and-god-bless)
————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

“We pray for the other team too,” Sr. Bernadette Mota said. “But we really want our team to win.”

by [Jenna Barnett](https://sojo.net/biography/jenna-barnett)

[](https://sojo.net/articles/culture/sheep-detectives-babe-meets-knives-out-meets-jesus)

[‘The Sheep Detectives’ Is ‘Babe’ Meets ‘Knives Out’ Meets Jesus](https://sojo.net/articles/culture/sheep-detectives-babe-meets-knives-out-meets-jesus)
——————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Don’t let the wooly premise fool you. This is one of the year’s most thoughtful and emotional movies.

by [Tyler Huckabee](https://sojo.net/biography/tyler-huckabee)

[](https://sojo.net/media/women-word-rev-moya-harris)

[Women of the Word: Rev. Moya Harris](https://sojo.net/media/women-word-rev-moya-harris)
—————————————————————————————-

*”The very act of her getting up and pressing and pushing to her rightful healing is an act of resistance.”*

by [Jayne Marie Smith](https://sojo.net/biography/jayne-marie-smith)

[](https://sojo.net/media/heritage-and-hope-vanessa-martinez-soltero)

[Heritage and Hope: Vanessa Martinez Soltero](https://sojo.net/media/heritage-and-hope-vanessa-martinez-soltero)
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Vanessa Martinez Soltero is an activist bridging her Christian faith and Indigenous traditions to sustain herself and community.

by [Jayne Marie Smith](https://sojo.net/biography/jayne-marie-smith)

[](https://sojo.net/articles/culture/betting-economy-runs-misplaced-faith)

[The Betting Economy Runs On Misplaced Faith](https://sojo.net/articles/culture/betting-economy-runs-misplaced-faith)
———————————————————————————————————————

Idolatry and money-worship are telling us predictive markets should make moral decisions.

by [Joseph Barry](https://sojo.net/biography/joseph-barry)

[](https://sojo.net/articles/news/migration-flows-reverse-faith-groups-confront-fallout-us-policy)

[As Migration Flows Reverse, Faith Groups Confront the Fallout of U.S. Policy](https://sojo.net/articles/news/migration-flows-reverse-faith-groups-confront-fallout-us-policy)
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

More than ever, the DHS vision of “reverse migration” is a reality. Faith groups south of the border told Sojourners how they’re changing to meet new needs.

by [Ethan Meyers](https://sojo.net/biography/ethan-meyers)

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Originally published at https://sojo.net/articles/opinion-culture/many-creates-liturgies-leave-room-lament