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Earlier this month, we shared on How To Rock Your Single World. Even though I’m a great supporter of love and being in a relationship, I also believe that sometimes, love can’t be forced. So we’ll just let things be and just let things fall into place naturally.

Last Sunday we had our usual hang out among the married, the dating and the single in our group, it daunt on us as we were chatting that our single friends have been visualising/believing that Matt Damons and Josh Harnetts of the world are on a shelf too high to reach.

So, I blurted:

Then it’s time to bring out the step ladder!

Well, I thought this single girl’s guide to UPdating would do some good to single girls out there… so ENJOY!

How many times have you met a really sweet, cute guy and thought, “Gee he’d be a great catch, but he’d never go for me”? If you do, it’s time to bring out the step ladder!

Why don’t you rate your chances with any guy who’s remotely decent? Because you’re used to dating down, not up!

So many women lack confidence when it comes to meeting men. They think they’re not good enough or ‘in his league’, even when they most definitely are. Instead of settling for Mr. Okay, women should aim high because no one is unattainable when you believe in yourself.

Catch #1
Mr. Gorgeous
Where to find him?  At the beach, gym, work functions or friends’ parties.
Who he goes for?  The type of girl who’s sweet, natural and relaxed.
How to win him?  Strike up a friendship.

Firstly, you need an encounter and you need to orchestrate it. Sometimes it only takes a fleeting meeting. So the next time you’re around Mr. Gorgeous, introduce yourself. Try to see him as a person rather than a stereotype. Just because he’s attractive doesn’t mean he’s confident or used to women approaching him. It’s probably the opposite – he’s good looking so people are intimidated.

Some of my best guy friends confirmed that guys love friendly, easy-going girls, so just chat about something generic and smile. Ask open-ended questions and share info you think he’ll be interested in, rather than vomiting out all your personal details. It’ll make him keen to learn about this fun girl he’s just met!

Catch #2
Mr. Talented
Where to find him?  Live gigs, pubs, music festivals and exhibitions.
Who he goes for?  Interesting, inspired and confident women.
How to win him?  Get on his level.

Great musicians, writers and artists have a huge passion in their lives, so proving you’re equally inspiring is key. Guys who have it going on upstairs like girls with wits and substance, which means you can go a bit deeper on the conversation level. Just avoid reeling off your CV, hogging the chat time or turning into a ball buster who competes with him on every issue otherwise, you might scare him away!

Catch #3
Mr. Popular
Where to find him?  Cool bars, footy games, rowing clubs or the races.
Who he goes for?  Girls who are flexible, positive and vibrant.
How to win him?  Appeal his fun side.

Getting some one-on-one time with the guy who’s always the life of the party can be like trying to pin down a Tasmanian devil on Red Bull. So this is where your friends come in. if you’re at a social event, approach him and his posse in a group. Then, while your friends talk to his mates, you can strike up a conversation with him.

In order for this to work, you need to surround yourself with people who support you. True friends should highlight your good points in front of potential partners, not bring you down.

Eye contact and open body language are also tops for getting his attention. Compliment him on something specific. Just don’t go overboard when you’re with lively guys. There’s no need to take home a ‘sexier dancer’ or ‘loudest laughter’ prize. If you’re charming, he’ll be clamouring over his fans to get to you.

Catch #4
Mr. Sophisticated
Where to find him?  Hotel bars, hot restaurants or charity events.
Who he goes for?  Warm, gracious, capable girls.
How to win him?  Respect yourself.

It pays to know how to impress a guy who can tell his merlots from his Verdelhos. Women who hold themselves well will always catch the eye of a sophisticated guy. Show him you value yourself by standing straight and taking pride in your appearance.

Confident women also know how to accept compliments. Instead of denying you have nice eyes, just smile, say thank you and look directly into his. On another note, chances are he’s older than you and mixes with a lot of cultured people. So if you’re a bit worldly, up on current events and have your own thing going on, he’ll be inviting you to meet mama and papa in no time.

Moral of the story?

Be your best self!

When Johnny Depp talked about meeting girlfriend, Vanessa Paradis, he said she was a “sweet, cool, funny girl”.

When pro golfer, Tiger Woods, revealed why he was attracted to wife, Elin, he said, “She’s so much like me… very competitive, very feisty.”

And when Lleyton Hewitt talked of wife, Bec, he gushed that she has got “the warmest heart I’ve ever seen.”

It’s a fact, great guys fall for your inner qualities. So don’t be someone you’re not, just show off your best bits and go for Mr. Perfect. Because you deserve it!

Note: Sista, you know this post is dedicated to you. Love always and hugs!

So, here we go… the final part of the top questions to ask yourself before marriage.

We hope you’ve learnt much from these simple questions, and will be able to make a wise decision for the BIG commitment.

1. Are you both emotionally mature?
What does it mean by this? Emotionally mature means both of you know that putting on the ring in your partner’s finger is not a mere recognition in the relationship. It is so much more than that. You are both going to live together till the rest of your lives. There are responsibilities in the decision making, knowing that each decision that you’ve made will lead to different outcomes and you’ve got to hold the responsibilities. Marriage is not a game that goes with emotions.

2. Do you share the same vision and ideas on crucial matters?
Sounds really serious, huh? Yes, indeed, it is. Marriage is not a small matter in life. It involves big matters after you both walked down the path in 20 or 30 years to come. There will be issues on career, family, kids, religion, lifestyle and values in your marriage. You will have to come to the best solution and ideas that meet your partner’s when it comes to discussions on these various issues. You can’t just say that you are going to send your kids to a private school while your partner wants a local public school. Or perhaps you might want your kids to be a Buddhist while your partner argues over converting them to Muslims. These are common issues that might happen and therefore it’s important to talk about all these even when you start walking into engagement stage in your relationship.

3. Can you stay faithful and committed to your partner for the rest of your life?
Do you have the urge in yourself that is telling you that you might want to see others even though you are just a step away from your marriage? Do you have the instinct to compare your partner to the others out there? If that is the case, you might not be ready. If you were to force yourself into marriage, you might end up divorcing or having scandals out there. Marriage is about commitment and being faithful till the rest of your life. You have to accept your partner for what he/she is and be loyal to him/her… forever. The key here is forever. You have to realize that he/she is the only one for you and if you keep comparing with others men/women, you might end up not getting into a marriage because no one is perfect. You have to be sure about your partner and your marriage. Staying committed and faithful will be the key to hold your marriage till the end of your life.

With these points to ponder, we hope you’ll be able to make a wiser decision and probably more couples can stay in marriage that last for life!

Wow! I’m glad at least some people are starting to think about their decision seriously.

Well, there are more questions than you thought. Here they are:

1. Is your partner aware of your expectations and needs?
Ah! This is not a simple one, my friends. In my opinion, expectations and needs should be conveyed at the early stage of the relationship. It’s the best time to communicate your needs and expectations – the dos and don’ts – so that either you or your partner won’t be freaking out when they go against your expectations. It is definitely not a selfish thing to have goals set in a relationship. So just speak out!

2. Can you tolerate and live with his/her lifestyle at all?
Do you know his/her habits and lifestyle? Is he a frequent club visitor? Drinks? Smokes? Hangs out late at night with his business partners? Is he a frequent traveler? She seems to prioritize her friends more than anything else, not even you! She tends to overspend on her favorite LV, Gucci and Calvin Klein, leaving those bills for you to settle?

Do you think you want to speak out? Talk to him/her. Let your partner understand what you think about it. Discuss if there’s anything that can be done. Will you be able to take it if you are still facing this problem once you are both married to each other? If you are feeling uncomfortable about it, do talk about it and seek for solutions together with your partner. Or else, you have to continue dating to understand him/her and his/her lifestyle better, thus to accept it with your open heart before making any big ‘lifetime’ decisions.

3. Have you cleared your doubts or any questions that are on your mind?
Is there something that holds you back, makes you wonder if you have made the best choice to live your life with this person for the rest of your life? Do not misunderstand your feelings and doubts. Getting nervous just because you are getting married the next day is perfectly normal. But if there is this thought that makes you unsure about your future in regards to financial stability, security, attitude, lifestyle, especially commitment, you should give this a serious thought again. You might not be ready for a marriage if you are unsure about your future being committed to him/her for life. Clear those doubts, and get yourself the reassurance before you walk down the aisle.

There seems to be so many important questions to ponder before making any marriage decision. We’ll be sharing more in the next post.

But before that, have you had any questions that crossed your mind, which help made your decision making easier?

Do you have any tips to help dating couples make a wiser decision on their proposal to marriage?

In response to the previous post on the self-pondering questions before marriage, I can’t help myself but to re-think about my decision.

Don’t get me wrong! I’m not saying I’m regretting the decision I made three years ago. But this re-thinking process justified this lifetime decision and commitment I made to him… and myself.

So, here you go…

1. Why did I get married?

Tiffany
Money
Fame
Status
Security

Mind you, it is NONE OF THE ABOVE.

At that tender age, three years ago… all I wanted was to spend the rest of my life with him. It’s simply and purely because of…

LOVE!

As written in the previous post, marriage is a lifelong commitment. Yes, it’s true. Because till today (as I’m writing this piece), I still cannot live without him and I want to spend the rest of my life loving this one man.

2. Why did I agree to the proposal?

Our proposal was a mutual one. We kinda agreed to get married, but he surprised me with a proposal ring down the escalator, saying:

Will you marry me and walk down the roads of life together, like this escalator?

My first reaction was, of course…

YES!

Then it sank in, and I asked about the ‘escalator’ roads. It’s a metaphor of a lifetime journey of ups and downs - the two sides of the escalator that go round and round, up and down. Until and unless the operator pushes the stop button… so it just means that “till death do us part”.

I mean, the understanding came later, but with the idea and the thought that was put into it, (awww) who wouldn’t love this man?

So… I fell in love with him all over again.

3. What makes him Mr Right?

He is the kind of man who put family first. By saying family, me included (though we were just dating at that time). He was and is always there to defend me. In a way, he was like a ‘daddy’ to me. And I saw and knew that I wanted this kinda ‘daddy’ for my children in the future.

Quoting from the previous post, Cupid Blogger mentioned that “Do not be pressured by those around you, telling you that your time’s up, you need to get married NOW!”

I was pressured the other way round. Many people asked:

You’re still young. Why not wait a little longer?

Are you sure about this… like NOW?

Do you think it’s the right time?

Why in such haste?

Are you pregnant?

But I knew in my heart, mind and soul that my decision was RIGHT.

This is a ‘photograph’ of us – designed specially to represent us.

Sometimes, we know it in our hearts.

Sometimes, we just have to trust our gut feeling.

Sometimes, you just can’t explain the course of action.

In any way and in all the ways, I thank God for bringing love into my life.

One thing you may wanna take into consideration…

Are you marrying someone you want to live with?

Or are you marrying someone you cannot live without?

From the previous post, we know that the next phase in life - marriage – is not a game or something to ‘experiment’ on.

It’s more than ‘fools rush in’.

It’s something sacred that seals two hearts into one – a union that marks a new chapter in life.

Although sometimes The Wedding Game does turn into something beautiful, but in general remember that marriage is not a game, hence, do not take marriage likely…

Click here to view the embedded video.

1. Are you looking forward to a marriage or just a wedding?

You have been attending many weddings. You may have witnessed your relatives’ and friends’ marriage which you may have secretly dreaming about walking down the aisles and hearing the wedding bells. Now that you have got a proposal from your partner recently and you are so happy about it. But let me ask you this:

What are you looking for?

Are you looking for a perfect wedding alone or are you looking further into a happily-ever-after marriage life as a family too?

Think again. A perfect wedding is just a day but it is marriage that will convert a big piece of your life to a lifelong commitment. You got so obsessed with great plans for your bridesmaids, bridal gown, photo shoots and cake but have you planned for your future? Have you planned for your future properties? Have you planned for your children? Have you planned for both your family and your partner’s? Think again. If you have thought of those, it will be great! You are now on your way to the next level in your relationship.

2. Are you ready to be a Husband/Wife?

You have been watching your parents are showing love and care incessantly, even after all the years of ups and downs. You have seen your mom and dad taking care of the family with responsibilities and commitment. What you have been witnessing all these while are nothing else but a lifelong commitment and indescribable showers of love. You never see them giving up neither do you hear them complaining about the hardships they have gone through to survive. It is much more than a wedding and sealing the husband/wife status, mind you! It is about how much you have prepared towards a lifelong commitment and responsibilities. So are you ready?

3. How much do you know about your partner’s pasts? Or to be precise, how much do you know about your partner?

Sad to say that it is undeniable that the past behavior in a relationship may somewhat contribute in our future behavior. Are there any signs of abusive behavior? Or are there any signs of infidelity, betrayals or affairs? All these must be taken into account as it might happen (again) in the future, but well, it’s not a 100% thing. What I mean here is just taking a step of precaution from heart ache and heart break. There are either partners who have bad pasts but they are willing to change for a better future ahead with someone whom they truly love. All these are hidden possibilities, you see. I’m not here to condemn all who had encountered bad or tragic pasts. It’s a matter of how much they are willing to change for their loved ones, for a brighter path in the relationship in the near future.

There are more questions you might wanna think about before saying ‘Yes’… so stay tune for more pondering questions!

1. Why are you getting married?

Ask yourself this question – why you are getting married. Is it because of either one of you want to get married and that’s it-

*Poof~!*

We are getting married then…

Is that so? Or you are expecting something more? Please bear this in mind that marriage is never a solution to avoid or escape from anything, and it is definitely not a game that you can take it likely, hoping there is something called ‘Game Over’ if you don’t like playing anymore. Marriage wasn’t meant to be that way and that we MUST never fool around with marriage. Find out the real reasons behind your engagement and be true to yourself if you are ready for a lifelong commitment.

2. Why did you agree to the proposal?

The word ‘yes’ is not a mere yes to agreeing a marriage. It is a ‘yes’ to a lifelong commitment. If you are agreeing to a proposal just because you don’t want to let your partner down, think again. But if you are saying ‘yes’ because you have been expecting it after a deep consideration of your future before the proposal and you know that you are really in love with your partner, wanting to live your life together, you are making a right decision.

3. What makes you think this person is Mr. or Ms. Right?

“Funny question huh? Obviously it’s because I’m crazily in love!” Now don’t get me wrong. There are quite a number of couples who were so deeply in love ended up in a broken marriage. They too thought they were meant for each other when they walked down the aisle. The key here is to know why you accept him/her to be your husband/wife but not others. There must be something that you can see in him/her, the trust, the faith and so much more inexplicable feelings for this person. It’s your instinct that tells you that you are doing the right thing at times. Do not be pressured by those around you, telling you that your time’s up, you need to get married NOW, or that you’ll live to be an old bachelor or spinster. It’s you to make the decision in your life. You take charge of it.

Enjoy this song “Will You Marry Me?” by John Berry.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Give some serious thougtht about marriage before proposing or accepting the proposal. =)

Stay tune for more realistic question to ponder if you are REALLY ready for marriage…

Almost every couple in the world wants to get married after dating for a while. Let us not talk about couples who do not intend to get married. We are now focusing a group of couples who want to settle down and have a family of their own. Marriage is an act of marrying someone, from boyfriend/girlfriend relationship to husband/wife relationship. Marriage is a very meaningful event in one’s life and it is usually meant to happen once when we have found our true love (when one took vow that he/she will hold hands and take care of one another till death do they apart).

It is not easy to find true love and when couples are in a relationship, they know that they have one more phase to go through: marriage. However, marriage is an important phase in one’s life and it is not a mere act of marrying for the sake of marrying (or fulfilling an obligation even). It is so much more than that. It is about commitment, faith, trust, love, passion, unity, bond, responsibility and the list goes on. It is, especially, about spending the rest of your life with the person you love.

Image taken from Inmagine.com

Girls would normally drop hints of marriage here and there, while guys would normaly cook up something romantic like popping the proposal question on birthdays or memorable dates. During the moment of proposing for being proposed to, both might experience different feelings and emotions.

When being proposed to, some girls might feel excited and answered with an overjoyed “YES!” in happy tears.

Some might feel shocked, awkward and reject the proposal right away.

While keeping and building more suspense, might just ask for some time to think about it (there’s hesitation, so guys, you might want to think again if she’s the one).

Now, why is it such a tough decision for some couples? It is common to get married and settle down; have a family of our own and nurture our little ones, bringing up future generations that would lead this world, if they would. That’s all we want in the end anyway.

There a number of factors which we should consider before walking down the aisle.

Stay tune for more on Getting ready for a marriage: Ponder these questions Part 1

While artistes from all over the world try to make a dent in the universe by making love universal through their songs, let’s come together in love and make this world a better place.

As requested by one of our beloved readers, I’ve decided to rummage my CD collections and iTune song lists for my favourite love songs. Also, another valued reader commented on our previous post, love is better than not love at all – especially in our 20-somethings *wink* So let’s love with these songs playing during your romantic moments!

Please take note that the songs listed below are in alphabetical order.

1.    A Moment Like This by Kelly Clarkson

2.    A Song For You by The Carpenters

3.    After We Make Love by Whitney Houston

4.    Ain’t No Mountain High Enough by Diana Ross

5.    All For Love by Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart & Sting

6.    All Out Of Love by Air Supply

7.    Always by Bon Jovi

8.    Always Be My Baby by Mariah Carey

9.    Always On My Mind by Brandy

10.  Angel by Shaggy

11.  Angels by Robbie Williams

12.  Anything For You by Gloria Estefan

13.  A Room In My Heart by Faith Hill

14.  Back At One by Brian McKnight

15.  Bed Of Roses by Bon Jovi

16.  Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion

17.  Blessed by Christina Aguilera

18.  Breathe by Faith Hill

19.  Breathless by The Corrs

20.  Bring Me All Ys Lovin’ by Trisha Yearwood

21.  By Your Side by Sade

22.  Can You Feel The Love Tonight? by Elton John

23.  Can’t Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley

24.  Can’t Take My Eyes Of You by Frank Valli

25.  Captive Heart by Selena

26.  Careless Whisper by The Carpenters

27.  Close To You by The Carpenters

28.  Come On Over by Christina Aguilera

29.  Come What May by Nicole Kidman & Ewan McGregor

30.  Could I Have This Kiss Forever by Enrique Iglesias

31.  Crazy In Love by Beyonce

32.  Dreaming Of You by Selena *classic*

33.  Endless Love by Diana Ross & Lionel Richie

34.  Eternal Flame by The Bangles

35.  Everything I Do (I Do It For You) by Brian Adams

36.  Fallin’ by Alicia Keys

37.  Fly Me To The Moon by Frank Sinatra

38.  Flying Without Wings by Westlife

39.  For The Longest Time by Billy Joel

40.  From This Moment On by Shania Twain

41.  Good Morning Beautiful by Keith Urban

42.  Have I Told You Lately? by Rod Stewart

43.  Heaven by Los Lonely Boys

44.  Here And Now by Luther Vandross

45.  Hero by Enrique Iglesias

46.  Hey There Delilah by Plain White Ts

47.  How Do I Live by LeAnn Rimes

48.  I Do (Cherish You) by 98 Degrees

49.  I Don’t Wanna Lose A Thing by Aerosmith

50.  I Finally Found Someone by Barbra Streisand

51.  I Just Called To Say I Love You by Stevie Wonder

52.  I Knew I Loved You by Savaged Garden

53.  I Love The Way You Love Me by Boyzone

54.  I Love You Always Forever by Jewel

55.  I Was Born To Love You by Queen

56.  I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor

57.  I’ll Be There For You by Bon Jovi

58.  I’ll Make Love To You by Boyz II Men

59.  I’m A Believer by The Monkees

60.  I’m Gonna Be Around by Michael Learns To Rock

61.  If I Ain’t Got You by Alicia Keys

62.  Iris by Goo Goo Dolls

63.  It’s A Love Thing by Keith Urban

64.  It’s Your Love by Faith Hill

65.  Just The Way You Are by Billy Joel

66.  Last Request by Paolo Nutini

67.  LOVE by Michael Buble

68.  Love Me Tender by Elvis Presley *classic*

69.  Love Of A Lifetime by Firehouse

70.  Love To Love You Baby by Donna Summer

71.  My Boo by Usher & Alicia Keys

72.  My Love by Westlife

73.   Never Thought by Dan Hill

74.  Nothings Compares To You by Sinead O’Connor

75.  On Bended Knee by Boyz II Men

76.  One In A Million by Aaliyah

77.  Paint My Love by Michael Learns To Rock

78.  Power Of Love by Luther Vandross

79.  Save The Best For Last by Vanessa Williams

80.  Secret Garden by Bruce Springsteen

81.  Take My Breath Away by Jessica Simpson

82.  Thank You by Dido

83.  The Colour Of My Love by Celine Dion

84.  This I Promise You by ‘NSYNC

85.  This Kiss by Faith Hill

86.  Tonight I Celebrate My Love by Peabo Bryson & Roberta Flach

87.  Touch Me When We’re Dancing by The Carpenters

88.  Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden

89.  Unforgettable by Natalie Cole & Nat King Cole

90.  When I Look Into Your Eyes by Firehouse

91.  When You Say Nothing At All by Ronan Keating

92.  When You Say You Love Me by Josh Groban

93.  Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton

94.  Words Of Love by The Beatles

95.  Yellow by Coldplay

96.  You And I by Stevie Wonder

97.  You Are The Sunshine Of My Life by Stevie Wonder

98.  You’re In My Heart by Rod Stewart

99.  You’re Still The One by Shania Twain

100.       You’re The Inspiration by Chicago

Enjoy this classic – one of my favourites performed by Norah Jones in tribute to Elvis Presley – Are you lonesome tonight?

Click here to view the embedded video.

What are your favourite classic, popular, sexy love song? Feel free to share with us… *hugs*

In my previous post on winning over the mother-in-law, a single friend of mine asked:

Why does successful, 20-something woman (my age group) see single life as a time to hunt down a ring instead of phase of fun and self-discovery?

Why can’t we relish our freedom and catch up with old friends instead of obliging the need to please his/her parents?

Why can’t we make the most of our independence and just be happy?

And, it got me seriously thinking… it is because we’re lacking in single self-esteem. So, if you’re tired of running the race for a ring, it’s time to get off the want-a-wedding treadmill and into a fabulous new life!

If you thought ordering delivery for a hot date with Jude Law DVD on Friday night was depressing, spare a thought for our medieval single sisters. If they don’t find him and tie the knot soon enough, they would be labeled a witch and burnt at the stake or drowned, which kinda puts things into perspective. The single truth is, there is indeed never been a better time to be young, free and unattached.

In the past year, independent women made up 15% of all home buyers and received over half of all uni degrees. Go back just 20 years and women couldn’t even get a loan on their own, let alone earn the same wage as men.

Dr Haya Bar-Noy, a sexologist, said that this in reality is a personal pressure, not a social one. No one looks twice at singles these days. It comes down to how you feel inside, which is why throwing all your energy into the husband hunt, instead of looking after yourself, leads to Unhappyville.

The good news? There is no need to ship your couple dreams off to Mars just yet. You don’t have to ban boyfriends to boost your single self-esteem, just be more picky about who you date. Why? Because you can!

The successful, fabulous single women from Sex And The City

So how do you get to Happy-Singleville?

1. Work out what’s dragging your single vibe down and address it. Whether it’s family pressure to get married, a past relationship felt unresolved, or smug coupled-up friends, just tell them their behavior is not appreciated. You need to be open and honest with people because, nine times out of 10, they don’t realize they’re hurting your feelings.
2. Inject some spark into your career, health and education. Any guy will tell you confidence is sexy, so work on yourself and you’ll attract more positive attention. It’s only when you are happy alone that you can be truly happy with another person.
3. Spoil yourself – regularly. It’s a lot harder to feel bad when you’re indulging yourself. Often we think about others so much that we forget to spend money on ourselves, pamper our bodies, accept a compliment, or pat ourselves on the back. And, if we do, we feel guilty about it. Don’t!
4. Try something new, it’ll also set you on the fast-track to happiness. Whoever said that variety is the spice of life was a dead-set genius, because change is guaranteed to slingshot your single self-esteem into the stratosphere.

Here are some great ideas for instant single self-esteem booster that you can enjoy!

• Make a booster kit. Fill it with mags, movies, beauty products and chocolates so when you feel lonely, you can whip it out and jump back on cloud nine.
• Take a soul holiday. Whether it’s by yourself to a health retreat or with a friend to an isolated spot, experience travel without temptation.
• Sick of your colleague flashing her rock in your face? Get a single ring. Everyone deserves a diamond, so splash out or drop hints on your birthday.
• Make some guy friends and get a dose of male company without the complications.
• Take on three big challenges this year. Striving for a goal and achieving it makes you feel complete and proud.
• Get creative (and social) and start a social-networking profile, blog on the Net. Ten new messages when you get home from work is an instant pick-me-up.
• Do one good deed a day. Donate to charity, help an old lady onto the bus, or give blood. You’ll feel good 24/7 and what goes around will come around. Just watch!
• Get a pet, decorate, exercise, move house, or volunteer. There are a million way to rock your single world – so make it happen.

Single or not, life can still be interesting and exciting… and most importantly worth living.

I believe there are many out there who are enjoying every single bit of their lives. And we’d love to hear from you and let your experience inspire and encourage our readers!

I thank God for wonderful parents-in-law, who support us physically and emotionally.  And most importantly, accepting me as who I am, because I ain’t perfect.  While most of my friends complained about their parents-in-law, particularly wife who married the son of her mother-in-law (MIL).

Well, MIL – she comes as a package deal with the man you fell in love with, but…

Is there tension between both of you?

Does she constantly criticize and insult you (in front of the rest of the family)?

Has she expressed her disapproval right in your face?

Courtesy of New Line Cinema

As depicted on Monster-In-Law, having a nasty mother-in-law is a difficult situation to deal with. You may not know how long you can bear with the torment, but remember that your selfless actions will help keep the peace in your family.

Here are simple steps to try to improve your relationship with her:

1. Relax. You do not need to get all tensed up in her presence. Be as casual as you can, you’ll win over the situation if you do not react to all her outright mean intentions.
2. Sit down for a talk with your MIL. Make it clear to her that this talk is not a personal attach but to improve the relationship between the two of you.
3. Next, tell her that the two of you don’t have to like each other but you have to try to get along for the sake of the family.
4. Then, explain to her that if the relationship between the two of you is toxic, it will affect the rest of the family.
5. When a situation arises between the two of you, try your level best NOT to lose your temper.
6. Chill. Do not let her get on your nerves. Remember that most men will listen to mum when deciding their choice of life partner. Most times, they are listening but not exactly putting mum’s advice into practice.
7. DO NOT  step on her tail. At least, do not make a long grudge list and complain to others about your MIL.

Do your best to improve your relationship with your MIL. You can also buy gifts that interest her during their anniversaries, seasonal celebrations and especially her birthday.

But if you have done all you can and it has not worked, then your MIL can do nothing but suffer the consequences of her actions. Sometimes, you may not be able to earn their blessing and respect right away. You may think it is unlikely to change them, but always keep the faith and never ever give up. If you have been nice and polite, they will open their heart (because hearts are warm) and arms to welcome you, eventually (even if it takes years and years).

Do you have the perfect marriage but the worst mother-in-law?
Have you successfully won her heart over?
How did you handle her hostility?

Looking forward to hear from you…

In the previous post, Anya shared on keeping up with the world… while being in a relationship. In fact, it’s all about understanding and being able to discern our priorities, as well as the “relationship management” skills with yourself and the lover, the family, the friends and the society. If you’re a little on the slack side at keeping in touch with family and friends (especially!), you could soon find yourself sitting at home alone on a Saturday night.

So, you and your bestie have been friends forever and that will always be the case. Or will it? Friendship is just like romance, it needs to be worked on to keep it fresh, alive and strong. If you often take your bestie for granted, drop off her radar when a new guy comes on the scene or sometimes leave her in the dark about whether you’re coming on Saturday nights, these are signs you’re not doing enough to nurture your relationship.

So, here’s how to make your friends know she is right up there on your list of priorities:

1.  Shut up and listen

• Start conversations with your friends by asking her questions about her work and personal life – so you give clear message that you’re there to hear about her, and not just to spill all your latest gripes.
• If she is upset, keep the focus on how she feels rather than talking at length about the time something similar happened to you and how you felt.
• If she calls you in tears, give her your full attention – if you grab the cordless then proceed to surf the Net or do the washing up while she’s pouring out her heart, she will hear that you’re not fully concentrating and will naturally presume that you are not really interested nor concerned.

2. Keep in touch

• Seek out ways to maintain constant contact with close friends no matter how busy you are such as going to the gym, supermarket or beautician together; getting up an hour earlier so the two of you can grab a quick coffee before work or making on night every week your night to catch up.
• Call her on your mobile phone because “your song” is on the radio.
• Invite her over for a girlie slumber party where it will just be the two of you, plenty of popcorn and plenty of talk.
• Let her know that you are really looking forward to the two of you having special time together.

3. Be her support team

• Note down all the important events she’s got coming up – like that hot Friday night date, the job interview or the appointment with the doctor about her bad period pain. Then call to wish her luck or to find out how it went and if she needs to debrief.
• Offer to read through her CV or coach her in interview techniques when she’s applying for a job.
• Give her a hand doing her make-up or nails before a date.
• Tell her often how great you think she is and how lucky you are to have her as a friend – it will do wonders for her self esteem and make her feel secure and supported.

4. Make her your love life-coach

• Ring your bestie the day after a big date and say, “I wanted to call you first to tell you how it went.”
• Tell her how much you’re looking forward to introducing her to your new guy because you know he’ll think she’s fantastic.
• Organise for her and your new boyfriend to meet as soon as you can and tell her how important it is to you because you value her judgement and opinions so much.

With this make-over approaches and tips, you can be a more loyal, consistent and reliable friend (while being a great lover). After all, friendship is no just an insurance policy against loneliness, low self-esteem and boredom - it is about companionship, mutual support and acceptance.

Sure, friends can help you solve your problems by listening, emphatising or offering practical solutions, but helping out a friend also enhances your identity and self esteem. In turn, this support strengthens your bonds with friends who then go out of their way to show they care about you.

Feel free to share your experience with our readers, and let’s learn to love our friends (and our partners too!) *wink*

When you’re in a relationship, it gets a little bit trickier trying to keep track of things. You’re engrossed with your partner a bulk of the time, and before you know it, you’re behind on your school/work, you’ve missed too many appointments and dates with your family and friends, and you’re in a rut. Dates become unimaginative, dates become monotonous, and you’ve started taking your partner for granted. It’s really easy to lose track and romance if you’re constantly in a comfort zone.

Picture taken from Imagine.com

To avoid becoming yet another typical person in a relationship, we’ve devised ideas for a few things you and your partner can do to keep things exciting, and at the same time, make sure your schedule goes as planned.

1)      Go out on dates

When getting all dolled and dressed up becomes too taxing, it’s inevitable that you decide you’d much rather stay in with a pint of ice cream, a good movie, and your beau. While that’s time together, we’ve all got to come to term with the fact that in truth, this can’t be considered a date and while work may sometimes exhaust you, prove to yourself that this isn’t getting old and if you could once ignore that fatigue, you’ll do it again. Really, a couple of nights a week isn’t too much to ask…

2)      Go out on dates with friends and other couple

On top of being able to fulfill Idea #1, this only just makes things easier and kills two birds with one stone by being able to fit your friends in! That way, your friends can’t complain that you haven’t been seeing enough of them, and you can start introduce your partner to your circle of friends – and consequently, brag a little.

3)      Living away every now and then

This might be a little difficult for cohabitating/married couples, but surely, you must have a family member in the area or a friend who’s game for a sleepover? You may not want to be apart, but a little time to be an individual ensures that you don’t become one of those annoying couples that go ‘we’ and not ‘me’, and if you’re already at each other’s throats, this might be just what you need to avoid going over the edge.

4)      Time to catch-up

Whether it’s about family, friends, work, or that long-overdue dentist appointment, a little time to keep things in order is essential. While you’re now sharing your life with someone else, it doesn’t necessarily mean that everybody else wants to share you with another person and so a little time without your partner, but your family and friends instead, will keep your relationships up-to-date. This applies to work as well. Start spending a little less time meeting up with him, and meet those deadlines!

5)      Trying something new monthly

While just heading out for a dinner and a movie is traditional and safe, this probably only applies to Date 1. After some time, it just becomes boring and predictable. Go horseback-riding, play a few games of tennis, or buy a board game – there are plenty of options out there, and the only thing in the way is your motivation to explore this plethora of options. Even if you can’t afford to splurge, small activities can widen your experiences and urges you to create new ideas and learn more about your partner.

6)      Trying something your partner suggests

They say you can only judge someone after you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. While that might not lead up to my exact point, you can still learn plenty about someone by engaging in some of the things they do. If he suggests you take a minute to play a PS3 game with him, maybe it’s about time you realized that it wouldn’t kill you if you tried. And if she invites you to watch an SATC marathon, open your mind to new information and get on the couch. If it gets unbearable, remind yourself that it’s – at least – a new activity, and if things go well, you’ve just found yourself a new hobby!

Enjoy, and remember that being in a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to fall of the edge of the Earth!

I started my day with a smile because the first mail in my inbox brightens up my day instantly with these beautiful thoughtful thoughts.

Can you imagine the power of emails?

So, I just want to share with you to brighten your day too…

1.  Trust

Trust is the substance for all relationships. Relationships usually head towards the dead-end when trust is broken. Lack of trust doesn’t attract anything good except suspicion, which generates anger, which causes enmity, which eventually (most occasions) results in separation.

There was a story about a telephone operator who received a phone call one day. She answered, “Public Utilities Board.” And there was silence. She repeated, “P.U.B.” There was still no answer from the other line. When she was going to cut off the line, she heard a lady’s voice, “Oh, so this is P.U.B. Sorry, I got the number from my husband’s pocket but I do not know whose number it is.”

Well, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with a simple ‘Hello’ instead of ‘P.U.B’. That is why mutual trust is so important in any relationship.

 2.  Forgiveness

In a relationship, we look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of being criticised openly. Generally when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, our other four fingers are pointing at ourselves. So, if we forgive the others, others will forgive us too.

There was a man who asked his father-in-law, “Could you please share with me your secret in keeping a successful marriage?” The father-in-law answered with a smile, “Never criticise your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could find a better husband than you.”

3.  Understanding

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband. This is because, the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. However, the simple rule is understanding, which keeps strifes away from relationships.

Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.

4.  Leniency

Haven’t we often heard that relationship fails because ‘he’s too domineering’ or ’she’s so bossy’ or ‘I can’t handle all the demands!’? People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. More often than not, this is not the case.

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that it is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person’s character. It is not easy to change. Thus having high expectation on changing the spouse’s character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness. It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations.

5.  Respect

There is a verse in the Bible that says ‘what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man’. Wrong speech hurts deeper than wrong doings. When a couple is too close to each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other person. Frequent exchanging of spiteful and tactless remarks plants the seed for a relationship-gone-wrong.

There was an illustration of a wife and her millionaire husband who visited their construction site. A worker saw her and shouted, “Hi, remember me? We used to date in school.” On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, “Luckily you married me. Otherwise you’ll be the wife of a construction worker.” She answered, “You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he’ll be the millionaire and not you.”

6. Patience

This is a true story which happened in the United States. A man came out of his house to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his 3-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy’s hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed done, he rushed his son to the hospital.

The boy’s fingers were amputated from both his hands because the bones were badly crushed. When the boy woke up from the surgery and saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, “Dad, I’m sorry about your truck.” Then he asked, “But when are my fingers going to grow back?” The father went home and committed suicide.

 This last story has put a dent in my heart: trucks can be repaired, broken bones and hurt feelings often can’t. Next time someone steps on your feet or wish to take revenge, remember this story. Think first before you lose your patience, especially with someone you love. Too often we fail to recognise the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.

People make mistakes. Mistakes make us human. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

Would you like to share any virtues that strengthen relationships?

Share your heart with us and let’s make love, and not war!

A while back, Cupid Blogger posted an article up about suggestions for good first dates. This breaks one of those ideas down: good movies.

Now, first dates aren’t always perfect and/or memorable. They can be excruciating to the nervous system, and we often find that things get complicated under pressure and we forget that you can easily have a good time for practically nothing.

Renting a DVD, for example, is cheap, and you won’t have to worry about things getting out of hand… especially if his/her parents are home. Some movies can be real mood-killers, for example, movies that drag on to forever, movies that are overly political (unless you both are into that), and movies you really have to concentrate on (leaving little, or no time at all to get to know each other).

Here are a couple of suggestions for your next night in…

1. Into The Blue

Courtesy of Into The Blue

Movies for guys have their appeal, and girls like them something else. For once, here’s something both sexes can agree on! With action, romance, thrills, and ridiculously good looks jam-packed into a good hour and a half, Into the Blue is a blue-ribbon winner.

Paul Walker topless for 70% of the film and Jessica Alba in a bikini promises that both parties will be paying attention, but the storyline is as deep as a puddle, allowing for a little ‘date time’ when the shooting scenes get old.

Afterwards, you can talk about what you would have done differently with the movie… or if you would have even bothered getting it off paper in the first place.

2. Scream

Courtesy of Scream

While horror movies with people in Halloween masks got old sometime around when Michael Jackson released ‘Thriller’, Scream is sure to help an awkward date.

A girl is allowed to jump into her date’s arms without coming off as easy, and guys are sure to love the physical aspect of this classic crowd-pleaser.

It’s easier to get closer this way, especially if you’re not the talking type, and let’s face it; scary movies always make good dates. There’s something to be said for all the shrieking, screaming, and predictable surprises.

3. Titanic

Courtesy of Titanic

While you wouldn’t want your date coming down to a sinking end, or getting depressed enough that it leads to a cold, slow death, the sad ending to this story gets girls’ feelings all fired up, and suddenly, the thought of a relationship will seem very appealing – ideal, if that’s what you’re looking for, and if you want to make it clear that you want to be considered in a certain way.

Girls, use the necklace scene to bait your date in, and guys, really, what’s not to like about that? It’s sweet, an old lady narrates the film, and here’s a fun fact; it’s based on a true story!

4. Sex and the City: The Movie/Fast and the Furious I/II/III/IV

This is where it gets a little tricky. If you’re stuck with the pick of DVD tonight, these two are good to please one sex or the other (and that’s where you pick the one that you know the other will prefer). If you’re a guy looking for a movie to make yourself seem a little more sensitive, understanding that girls love their talk-time and bringing a copy of SATC over will rack you up a couple of points.

Courtesy of Sex And The City

Courtesy of The Fast & The Furious

And if you’re a girl who wants to win over your man’s heart but aren’t willing to start from the stomach, then showing that you’re “cool” enough to appreciate a film that revolves around cars will do the trick. Besides, no Fast and the Furious is all bad – Paul Walker (again!) and Vin Diesel. Can you say ooh la la?

5. Forgetting Sarah Marshall

First dates can be pretty nerve-wrecking, and there’s nothing better than a light-hearted comedy to ease the tension. It works a lot better than alcohol too. So instead of heading over to the nearest 7-Eleven for a 6-pack, rent Forgetting Sarah Marshall instead and enjoy getting a few laughs in on what’s about to be a good date. Get a delivery pizza and enjoy the film’s relatively imaginative plot while you break the silence with laughter.

Courtesy of Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Another good thing about the movie is that it’s generous with images of the human anatomy, and we’ve seen too much of women’s body parts on screen these days and it’s about time us girls got our fair share! Guys, all is not lost – since Jessica Alba and Angelina Jolie stole the limelight, you’ve probably forgotten how hot that girl from That 70’s Show was. Prepare to be reminded… Mila Kunis does not disappoint!

What kind of movies would you want to watch on a first date?