The pup and I brought our outgoing mail and left on foot for the post office (another odd smell that I really enjoy) and made the loop through our little side of town as we walked home. It occurred to me that in early motherhood, a flat tire would have thrown my entire day off and stirred up anger and frustration that I was the one dealing with this kind of shit. At 51, the only emotion that it stirred inside me was the irony that it wasn’t a Monday morning. Better for the humor and story telling at the end of the day.

I’m many years and three states away from when and where I was a young mother. PA > NY > IL > MA. The kids are 16 and 21. One is in college exploring the world and one is getting ready to. I’m a long way from “Mothers in the Middle” and “Imperfect Mommy” and talking about the challenges of raising young children. I’m not sure my own mother has ever recovered from me publishing the story about one of my children having pinworms. But you know what? I should have Google Ad-Sensed that shit. When I finally shut down that blog (yay for misogynistic death threats!), it was the most popular post of all time. Because no one talked about when your kids get pinworms. To this day, it is the only time I called the pediatrician in the middle of the night. It really should be an appendix in “What to Expect When You Are Expecting,” because as many times as I’ve seen someone’s water break on TV, I’ve never seen the “very special episode” about the time Blossom got pinworms.

These are the times when I could really use a blog. I mean I guess I still have one because here I am writing on it, but you get my point. The last year has been one of the hardest in my life, but of course none of it is for public consumption because deeply personal writing ended soon after the kids could read. For bloggers, that signified the time that it wasn’t our story to tell anymore. It turned out that the family members had lots of opinions about what we talked about on the internet and we went back to our boring day jobs or soldiered on with full-time motherhood and bought a DSLR — a perfectly logical companion when you are attempting to hoist a toddler into a swing while holding a sippy cup, right? There were a few who were good enough to write books and create new projects from their writing. Heather, Liz, Mindy and others. But social media took over and the audiences splintered. And blogs began their slow morph into the influencer culture we see today.

I remember when my husband told me to check out Dooce and I had never seen anything like it. She was honest and irreverent and wrote about young motherhood in a way I had never seen. The only role model I had in that space was Erma Bombeck and her column in the newspaper. To think that *anyone* could write in the blogosphere was terrifyingly interesting to me. I always loved writing but never knew how necessary it was for my own mental health. Some people scream or act out when they are unhappy. I write.

And Heather Armstrong showed me that I could write. For an audience of 1 or 100 or 1000. I could write to make sense of my world. I could write to memorialize the cute things my kids did or the anxiety I faced on an almost daily basis. I could write for others who might wake up in the middle of the night with pinworms crawling out of a child’s butt and HAVE QUESTIONS.

I could write.

And the community that followed us dipping our toes in the blogosphere turned out to be the magic sauce. We supported each other and held each other up. Before this, there was no way to have a distant community of people cheering you on and helping you navigate early parenthood. If your local friends were “mean girl moms,” you knew that, somewhere, there were people like you. People who were hanging on by a thread and angry and fiercely in love and afraid and knee deep in maternal emotions. And by the way, we announced pregnancies with a cute little acrostic poem or some other silly post. Not with gender reveal fireworks explosions. KIDS THESE DAYS.

But of course, it ended. We splintered and scattered. Checking back in on some of my favorites revealed divorces and mental health problems and deaths and estranged children — all of the things that happen in real life. We find ourselves now in the gynecologist’s office for abnormal findings and not to see whether the baby is currently a grain of rice or a peach. We are slathering ourselves in serums, botox-curious, and figuring out how many more days we can postpone scheduling that colonoscopy. (That answer is four, by the way.)

And while I never really knew Heather well, she gave me the courage to write. We had friendly exchanges back in the day that made me laugh. I kept up with her on Twitter until Elon Musk went and ruined that. She was honest about her mental health struggles in the blog and her books — but I clearly know nothing about her real pain. When I saw someone post on Facebook that they couldn’t believe “Heather” was gone, I quickly checked her blog. And then Instagram. And it was *that* Heather. I don’t know why, in a world of millions of Heathers, I thought of her in that moment but I did.

Of course, her children are first on my mind. We never really knew them obviously, but it is a testament to her writing that we felt like we did. And my heart aches for them. And for everyone else who knew and loved her. It is an unimaginable loss. I hope they all know how many people she gave courage to — courage to write and speak their truths about how hard motherhood was and still is. Regular people with stories to tell. Moms who were labeled “mommy bloggers” rather than the correct term: FUCKING WRITERS. They wrote the stories that gave us sanity and community in a way that filming a reel about how we are all cleaning our kitchen sinks incorrectly does not.

And that is not to say that those expressing themselves by filming reels or influencing others’ purchases are doing it wrong. It is to say that NONE of it exists without Heather or the early blogging community who began writing with no grand financial plan or expectations of fame.

Just words dancing in their heads and, finally, a place to put them.

RIP Heather Armstrong. You put a dent in the universe.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Banana Bread and English Muffin Bread

Burgers and Roasted Potatoes

Pumpkin Whoopie Pies

Mac and Cheese and Apple Crisp

Fried Rice and Fruit Skewers

Tortillas and Quesadillas

Tiramisu Yule Log

Spaghetti and Meatballs

Meatball Subs, Salad, and Blondies

Grilled Cheese, Tomato Soup, and Double Doozies

Classic Birthday Cake

Chocolate Ice Cream

After my five weeks were up, I negotiated a work from home situation so I could continue to breastfeed. I attempted to find a regular babysitter so I could work. My position was the Manager of Instructional Design and Research for a team that created online instruction for undergraduates. So to say that my work from home was doable is kind of an understatement. I created online courses and wrote grants. But I still had to come in for meetings and eventually management told me that I could no longer manage employees if I worked at a distance. There had been no issues, but that’s just, you know, “what they felt.” So I had to give up my title and my direct reports. And then they said if I wanted to continue working from home, I’d have to go part time. Again, no issues, just “what they felt.” So I reduced my hours.

Babysitters would come and go and call in sick and I’d have to figure out my day. Conference calls and meetings and deadlines never changed. My daughter napped 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the afternoon. I ended many days in tears trying to figure out how to get anything done. I tried part time daycare for her. And then it all came to a head at the same time we realized that my daughter had severe, life threatening food allergies that kept getting messed up at daycare. Hives on a good day. Anaphylaxis on a bad one. Management said I had to come back full-time in person, despite the fact that my work was always done at an incredibly high level and I had perfect performance reviews. So I quit. After one of the most stressful periods of my life that ended up with me wearing a heart monitor and emergency echocardiograms and a heart that was out of rhythm.

So I understand what parents are going through right now trying to work from home without childcare. It’s brutal. But I can’t help but rant a little bit about it. Women have been attempting to work from home while raising children for many, many years. No one particularly cared about what I or others faced. And beyond, when I wanted to work from home, I’m pretty sure management thought I was taking an easy way out. Working from home is not easy. And working from home with young children is incredibly hard. You learn how to accomplish major tasks in ten minutes here, ten minutes there. You long for an office where you have some quiet and a lunch break. You cannot close the door for your conference call. You are balancing babies on the hip while making a sandwich and trying to write a federal grant. While changing a dirty diaper. You are scattered. You are incredibly stressed.

But now given the coronavirus pandemic — and maybe I’m being skeptical and stereotypical — the challenges of working from home with children and no childcare are getting noticed in a much larger way. I’m seeing articles in major newspapers. I hear my husband on staff meeting calls asking how everyone is managing their work and their children. And that’s good! Work/family balance is getting the real notice it deserves. The idea that adequate childcare impacts the work we do is getting talked about.

But I can’t help but feel that this is because many more *men* are now working from home with children too.

Homemade Flour Tortillas

Makes 20 small tortillas

4 cups all-purpose flour
1 3/4 t salt
1 1/2 t baking powder
8 T unsalted butter, lard, or shortening, softened
1 1/3 cup warm water

1. Mix flour, salt, and baking powder in a large bowl or mixer bowl. Cut in butter or shortening with a fork or pastry cutter, or with the dough hook of the mixer.
2. Add warm water and mix with a wooden spoon or the dough hook until dough starts to come together. If using your mixer, knead the dough with the dough hook for about five minutes. Otherwise, knead the dough by hand for about 5-7 minutes. It should definitely come together in a nice ball, but still remain a bit sticky. If using the mixer, the dough will easily come off the sides of the bowl, but remain a bit sticky on the bottom.
3. Remove dough from bowl and portion into 20 equal balls for soft taco-size tortillas. I use my kitchen scale to verify they are about the same. (Divide your total dough amount by 20 and then aim for each ball to be similar weight. I think mine were about 1.6 ounces. Or just eyeball it!)
4. Cover dough balls with plastic or a kitchen towel and leave at room temperature to rest for 30-60 minutes.
5. Preheat a sauté pan over medium high heat. When ready to cook the tortillas, flatten each ball into a disc and use a small rolling pin or a tortilla press to form into circles that are about 5-6 inches in diameter. Place one rolled tortilla into the heated skillet (dry) and allow to cook for 30-60 seconds until it easily moves around and has golden brown spots on it. Flip to other side and cook for 30-60 seconds more. Wrap finished tortillas in a clean, dry cloth to stay warm and repeat with remaining dough until they are all cooked.

Do you want to know my secret?

It’s called omission.

I’m waking up at 4 or 5 AM because my head is spinning and I can’t sleep for several hours overnight. I’m intermittent fasting because I’m going back to bed until 11 AM most days. We have had Meatless Mondays because on that day the refrigerator was empty of meat. My jeans still fit because I haven’t worn them in a while. I gave up wine last night and traded it for vodka. I haven’t had a panic attack because I decided to up my anti-depressant.

You are not weak for feeling the way you do right now. You are not weak for wanting to comfort yourself during a very scary time. You are not letting yourself go if you are wearing comfortable clothes or not putting on makeup. You are not lazy if you take a nap or sleep late. You are not weak for being incredibly stressed with work, parenting, homeschooling, and housekeeping during a pandemic and an economic crisis. You are right to be worried about your health and your family and your job and your financial future. You are not weak if sometimes you are medicating or self-medicating (under a doctor’s care and within reason, of course).

Do you think during the 1918 Influenza Pandemic people were worried about whether they would have ripped abs after it was over? Do you think they obsessed about how many carbs they had that day? Do you think they considered themselves a failure if they didn’t emerge from the pandemic knowing French? Do you think the people who lived through the Great Depression would be guilt tripping themselves if they had an extra cookie? It seems pretty ludicrous through this lens, doesn’t it?

So take care of yourself. Get exercise because it’s good for your body and your brain and your stress levels, but for fuck’s sake, don’t worry about your abs right now. Unless that’s your thing and you like that challenge. Eat good quality food because it’s good for you and helps you stay healthy, but if I catch you counting carbs right now, I’m going to yell at you. Organize a closet if that’s what makes you feel good, but if you feel the need to sit on the couch and watch a movie in your Comfy with a glass of wine, do that instead.

This is hard. Your life has been turned upside down. Yet most of us have easy jobs in comparison to those really sacrificing right now. Remember that, but also remember that there will be no medals awarded for Best Abs During a Pandemic.

Crispy Grilled Chicken Wings

This is more of a method than a recipe, but we discussed it on Facebook Live the other night so I thought I’d share. To get crispy wings on the grill, toss 4 pounds split chicken wings with 1 tablespoon aluminum free baking powder (NOT baking soda), 1/2 teaspoon salt, 2 teaspoons garlic powder, and cracked black pepper to taste. This helps to dehydrate the skin and make them extra crispy on the grill. Cole says to grill them at 450F starting skin side down for about 20 minutes, flipping every 5 minutes or so, and putting them over hotter spots on the grill to get a little char on them if desired. He feels that if you keep them closer together on the grill, they stay juicier. Remove from grill and toss with your favorite buffalo or BBQ sauce recipe.

Black Beans and Rice

This makes a large pot of beans and rice, probably enough for 6-8 people as a main dish. The recipe is easily halved if that’s too much for you. If you would like, some chopped leftover chicken, sausage, or ham are all good in this too.

1 pound dried black beans soaked overnight and drained (or quick soak method from package)*
4 cloves garlic, peeled and smashed
4 bay leaves 
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 red pepper, chopped
3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 large onion, chopped
1 tablespoon salt (more or less to taste)
1 teaspoon pepper
1 1/2 tablespoons cumin
1 1/2 tablespoons dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon cayenne (more or less to taste)
2 cups long grain white rice (well rinsed)
4 cups chicken broth 
2 bay leaves
Accompaniments/Toppings: Sour Cream, Lime Wedges, Chopped Cilantro, Chopped Avocado, Chopped Onions, Chopped Tomatoes, Hot Sauces

*If you don’t have time to soak the beans, you can use 3 or 4 15 oz. cans of black beans. Be sure to drain and rinse them. You will not need to give them any additional cooking time in step one.

1. Cover soaked beans with water, 2 bay leaves, and 4 cloves of garlic. Bring to the boil, reduce heat, and simmer for about 30 minutes until beans are tender. Drain and set aside. Remove and discard garlic and bay leaves.
2. In a stock pot or large pan, heat 3 T of olive oil over medium heat. Add chopped red pepper, onion, garlic, salt, pepper, and spices and saute until fragrant and slightly softened.
3. Stir in rinsed and drained rice and saute about two minutes to toast the rice.
4. Add in drained black beans, 4 cups of chicken broth, and two bay leaves. Reduce heat to low, stir well, and cover. Cook for 15-20 minutes until broth is absorbed, stirring occasionally. Taste for seasoning and add more salt/pepper or spices as needed. Remove bay leaves before serving.
5. Serve with lots of accompaniments/toppings and plenty of hot sauce at the table.

We are cooking. We are dancing and singing. We are gardening. We are taking walks and bike rides. We are painting and creating. We are reaching out to old friends and talking and laughing — even if it’s on Zoom or FaceTime. We are seeing the value of our “daily grinds.” School and work bring us much joy, we find. Our communities of learners and colleagues mean quite a lot to us when we don’t have them anymore. We are talking to our parents and siblings more. We are connecting with people who we may have had issues with in the past. We are letting go of the drama.

The drama? It’s privilege, really. It allows us to create problems when we don’t really have any hard ones. And what I think is this: the human spirit needs to solve problems. It needs to create and figure out how survive. And when survival is easy, we invent issues to make it hard. Drama with our family and coworkers. Whining that we don’t “feel like cooking dinner,” when we didn’t realize it was a privilege to just have food in our house. Being annoyed that your teenager is home past her curfew instead of reveling in the fact that she can laugh with her friends in person. Stressing about how you are going to get everything done instead of realizing that you don’t need everything.

The children are surviving without sports and activities. Families are sitting down for meals together. People are thinking about growing flowers and garden plants from seed and digging in their own dirt. Teachers are going above and beyond to maintain their learning communities — with less concern about adhering to state standards and much more concern with how their students are actually doing. Employees of nearly every industry are reconfiguring their business models and entirely reinventing what they do. We are suspending the rules that say we need to evict people and collect on debts and shut off utilities when someone is behind on their payments. We aren’t asking anyone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Musicians are playing free concerts for us because they need it and know we do too. We are all breathing in the fresh air and feeling the sun on our faces in a way that we haven’t in a long time.

There is much pain and suffering now and unfathomable amounts on the horizon. This will probably be one of the hardest periods in modern history. But when everything is stripped away, when everything is gone, maybe we are left with … everything.

Homemade Pasta
Recipe from Anne Burrell
Makes about 1.5 pounds of fresh pasta

1 pound all-purpose flour (about 3 ⅓ cups, but weigh to be sure)
4 whole eggs, plus 1 yolk
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
Pinch of kosher salt
1 to 2 tablespoons water or more if needed

1. Put the flour on a clean dry work surface or in a very large bowl. Make a hole (this is also called a well) in the center of the flour pile that is about 8 inches wide (bigger is definitely better here). Crack all of the eggs and the yolk into the hole and add the olive oil, salt and water.
2. Using a fork, beat the eggs together with the olive oil, water and salt. Using the fork, begin to incorporate the flour into the egg mixture; be careful not to break the sides of the well or the egg mixture will run all over your board and you will have a big mess! Also, don’t worry about the lumps. When enough flour has been incorporated into the egg mixture that it will not run all over the place when the sides of the well are broken, begin to use your hands to really get everything well combined. If the mixture is tight and dry, wet your hands and begin kneading with wet hands. If it is still not coming together, you can add a spoonful of water at a time until it does. When the mixture has really come together to a homogeneous mixture, THEN you can start kneading.
3. When kneading it is VERY important to put your body weight into it, get on top of the dough to really stretch it and not to tear the dough. Using the heels of your palms, roll the dough to create a very smooth, supple dough. When done the dough should look VERY smooth and feel almost velvety. Kneading will usually take from 8 to 10 minutes for an experienced kneader and 10 to 15 for an inexperienced kneader. Put your body weight into it, you need to knead! This is where the perfect, toothsome texture of your pasta is formed. Get in there and have fun!
4. When the pasta has been kneaded to the perfect consistency, wrap it in plastic and let rest for at least 30 minutes. If using immediately, do not refrigerate. If you would like to make it ahead of time, wrap tightly and refrigerate. Return the dough to room temperature before you roll it out. 
5. Roll and cut the pasta into desired shape.

Cuizoo’s Take on Marcella Hazan’s 3 Ingredient Tomato Sauce
Yields 8-12 servings, or enough sauce for a double batch or about 3 dozen meatballs or 2 batches of pasta

Marcella Hazan has a famous 3 ingredient tomato sauce with simply tomatoes, onion, and butter. I love it as she does it and also with a few additions to give it a few more than three ingredients. It is equally delicious over pasta or in recipes!

2- 28 ounce cans of whole, peeled San Marzano tomatoes (don’t strain)
12-16 T of butter, 1 ½-2 sticks (can reduce a bit, but the sauce won’t be as delicious!)
1 large onion, peeled and cut in half
2 t sugar
2 t salt
Freshly ground pepper to taste
Small bunch of fresh basil
3 garlic cloves, peeled

In a large stock pot, combine tomatoes and their juices, butter, onion, sugar, salt and pepper. If you have a small cheesecloth bag, place basil and garlic in it, tie it up, and put it into tomatoes. If you don’t, just throw it all in the pan together. Place on stove over medium heat and bring to a simmer. Reduce heat to low and simmer for about an hour, mostly covered. Stir every once in a while. When ready to serve, remove cheesecloth with basil and garlic and the whole onion (and fish garlic/basil out if it is loose). All that should be left in the pan is the tomatoes and sauce. Mash the tomatoes if desired and check for seasoning. If tomatoes are overly acidic, you may need another pinch of sugar and/or more salt and pepper. Keep warm until ready to serve. 

Today we will be doing Cuizoo Cooking School’s Hibachi-Style Fried Rice with Yum Yum Sauce. It’s delicious and super flexible. I use Japanese Medium Grain Rice and cook it ahead in a rice cooker, but any type of rice will work and feel free to just cook it on the stove. Just make sure it’s well-chilled when it’s time to fry it. You’ll want to use a big wok, but if you don’t have that, grab a big frying pan or stock pot. This makes a lot and is fantastic for leftovers. But if you have teenagers or college kids at home, don’t plan for leftovers. Mix up the veggies, use leftover chicken or pork, and add anything else that you might want. If you don’t have fresh ginger, use ginger powder. If you don’t have mirin, a splash of sake or white wine with some honey will work in a pinch. Or throw all of the ingredients in an Amazon Fresh cart, cross your fingers, and hope that you can make it sometime in the next week or two!

Fried Rice Secret Sauce 
Makes enough for one large batch of fried rice

½ cup soy sauce
½ cup water
¼ cup Mirin (Japanese Sweetened Sake, available in Asian section)
3 cloves garlic, peeled and chopped
1 inch piece of ginger, peeled and chopped
1 teaspoon sesame oil
½ tablespoon sugar

Combine all ingredients in a small saucepan and simmer for about ten minutes. Set aside to cool. 

Hibachi Style Fried Rice
Serves 6-8 as an entree (and great leftover!)

3 cups medium grain white rice (Calrose or Japanese brands are best), cooked according to package and chilled for at least 4 hours or overnight
½ inch piece fresh ginger, peeled and finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, peeled and finely chopped
4 tablespoons butter plus 1 tablespoon, softened 
2 tablespoons canola oil
3 eggs, whisked to blend
½ large onion, chopped (or 1 medium)
1 red pepper, chopped
1 batch of Secret Sauce (above), cooled
1 ½ teaspoons salt (more or less to taste)
Freshly ground pepper
2-3 tablespoons Mirin 
1 bunch scallions, trimmed and chopped
1 tablespoon toasted sesame seeds
Other veggies, cooked chicken or leftover chopped meat, if desired
Additional butter and canola oil

Combine fresh ginger and garlic in a small bowl. Put half of the ginger and garlic in a bowl with 4 T softened butter and mix to combine. Reserve other half and set aside. 

In a wok or large saute pan, melt about 1 T of butter over medium heat and cooks eggs omelet style (scrambled is fine too). Remove, chop or slice, and set aside.

In the same wok or pan, heat 2 T of canola oil over medium high heat and add the other half of the ginger and garlic mixture. Stir fry until fragrant. Add chopped onions, red peppers, and other “sturdy” vegetables you might want to use (save greens or tender veggies for the end). Stir fry the vegetables until just tender. 

Add the rice and stir fry to combine with veggies and break up any clumps of rice. Add about ⅓ of the Secret Sauce and stir to combine until well mixed. Repeat with remaining Secret Sauce. I usually add it in three additions and stir fry for about 10 minutes. Add in salt and pepper and stir well. 

When rice is thoroughly combined and heated through with Secret Sauce, add in butter/garlic/ginger mixture and melt throughout, stirring well. Taste for seasoning. Add additional 2-3 T of mirin and more salt and pepper if needed. When ready to serve, add in chopped scallions, chopped eggs, sesame seeds, cooked chicken (if desired), and any other veggies or herbs you are using. Taste one final time and adjust seasonings as needed. Serve with Yum Yum Sauce on the side.

*The key to making the rice flavorful (like in a restaurant) is usually salt, sugar, and butter! It’s not the healthiest approach, but that is what makes it extra tasty for a special treat! You can also add some hot sauce or Sriracha Sauce if you want spicy fried rice. 

Hibachi Yum Yum Sauce

1 ½ cups mayonnaise
2 tablespoons melted butter
2 teaspoons tomato paste
2 teaspoons sugar
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon paprika
½ teaspoon salt
2-3 tablespoons water

Mix all ingredients to combine and chill for about an hour before serving with fried rice and grilled meats and/or veggies.

OUR HOUSE RULES:

1. Always read all of the House Rules. Don’t skim. Read. 
2. If you produce a piece of trash or recycling (food wrapper, can, K-Cup*, band-aid trash, toilet paper roll, etc.), please place it in the appropriate nearby receptacle. I have strategically located them throughout the house. How convenient! Leaving it on the counter for Mom/Wife to deal with sort of makes you an a-hole. It means you think my time is less valuable than yours and it’s my job to pick up after you. Or it means you are being lazy. Don’t be either. 
3. If you produce a dirty dish, it should be placed in the dishwasher. Not left on the counter. Not put in the sink. Not put near the sink. Listen, I know you don’t want to open the dishwasher because you are afraid the dishes are clean and the dishwasher will then need to be emptied. In this case, get courageous and take 5 minutes and empty the dishwasher! And THEN put your dirty dish inside the dishwasher. Not in the sink. Not near the sink. Remember what I said in Rule #2? Don’t be either. 
4. Dirty clothes belong in dirty clothes hampers or in the laundry chute. Towels belong on towel hooks or towel bars/racks. BUT: NO WET TOWELS IN HAMPERS. Hang it up, let it dry, and then place in dirty clothes areas. The laundry fairy will take it from there. One warning though: the laundry fairy isn’t entirely benevolent. If she discovers folded, clean clothes amongst your dirty ones, she reserves the right to freak. 
5. No citrus on the soapstone counters without a cutting board or plate.
6. No food in your bedrooms. Bugs. Do you want them?
7. Glasses and drinks from bedrooms must be removed daily. It’s really just gross otherwise. Starbucks drinks with milk in them two days later? Please stop. 
8. Toilet seats down unless you like dogs who drink toilet water giving you kisses later. 
9. If a household good appears to be empty, try to refill it! Paper towels, napkins, K-cups, Keurig Water, dish or hand soap in the dispensers, toilet paper, tissues. It’s not just Mom’s job and it will give you a sense of accomplishment! OK, does that sound like bullshit? It is. Mom doesn’t get a sense of accomplishment from this stuff either. Suck it up and just do it because you are a member of a household. If it appears we are out of a particular good, first: LOOK FOR IT. If you have tried the normal locations and it is unavailable, add it to the list. There is always one going!
10. Related to #9 above, if we are out of something you enjoy, add it to the grocery list! Don’t complain that we are out of something or that there is nothing to eat. Make the grocery fairy aware that your favorites need to be purchased and they will magically appear again! Crazy, huh?
11. Don’t leave your junk on the kitchen counters. The kitchen counters are my work space and I wouldn’t leave my junk all over your work space. Computers, phones, bags, wallets, etc. should go in the mud room or in your own rooms/offices when they aren’t in use. Also, the dining room table is not Mud Room #2. 
12. The secret code word is “TL;DR.” Say the code word to me at 11:11 AM on Saturday, August 17, 2019, and I will give you $100. (*applies to my spouse and children only.)
13. If you remove a product from a medicine cabinet, use it and put it back when you are done. Unless you are leaving the medication out so people will know that you took it and maybe it was poisoned and here is a CLUE to why she collapsed! Oh, wait, that’s just me. Even so, I put it away after it is all clear and I realize the Aleve was just fine. This time.  
14. This rule is just like #13, but for pantry and food items. Put them away after usage! Corollaries for #14 include: 
    1. If there is a tablespoon of cereal left in the box, finish it or toss it.
    2. Finish an almost empty box before you open the new one. 
    3. If a snack is stale, don’t put it back. Throw it away. 
    4. For the love of God, don’t open cereal boxes as if you are a maniac. What are you people doing to these boxes? And close them when you are done. They make special tabs for that purpose! But they can’t be used when you open the boxes like wild animals. 
15. When you leave the basement, turn the lights off. No one likes to go down at 10PM and turn them all off. Especially moms who just want to go to bed and don’t want to go downstairs and see the mess that you created that day. 
16. Don’t add anything to a to-do list that takes less than 5 minutes. Do it now. 
17. Don’t yell at barking dogs to be quiet. Don’t ever add to insanity. Quiet it. 
18. “Don’t get into a pissing match with a skunk. You all end up stinking.” Can you believe that when Nana Grace used to say this, Twitter and Facebook weren’t even invented yet and discourse was generally civil? Can you imagine? 
19. Put your phones down. Look up from your laptops. Life: it’s like reality TV, but in front of you, and coming at you live!
20. These people in this house? They love you more than anyone in the world does. Be kind to them always. But follow the rules, OK? 

*Before the Internet freaks, in this house we have reusable and biodegradable/ compostable K-Cups. Jeez. You were ready to pounce, weren’t you?

Fall 2019 After School Class Schedule and Topics

So, after about three hours of unsuccessfully attempting to Ferberize both dogs, I got them out of their crates and let them sleep on my bed. I wished myself a Happy Birthday around 2AM as I heaved her and the cone of shame on the bed. I knew that it meant I was guaranteed to wake to a puddle of pee. Boo thinks it’s much easier to jump off the bed and go right there when she wakes up. After this winter, I don’t really blame her.

I wake up in my own puddle around 4 AM. Between the dogs and the hot flashes, I don’t sleep much lately. I spend time in the backyard looking up at the faint, light-polluted Chicago stars as I wait for a puppy to do her business. It occurs to me that it might be dangerous to be outside by myself, the kids sound asleep. It occurs to me that I have to make sure I don’t lock myself out. It occurs to me that I look like a clown — in pajamas, a coat, and my son’s Vans that are entirely too big on my feet. When did that happen?

My husband is in Boston during the week working. I’m in Chicago raising the kids and making sure they don’t have to move right now. We are making it work. But Jesus, it’s hard some nights. Some nights when you don’t want to be the only responsible one. Some nights when you want to be the kid, sound asleep in bed while the grown ups take care of the heavy lifting. I’ve never had so much respect for single moms. If you had/have one, please reconsider the size of your Mother’s Day gift.

I’m quite sure I haven’t spent a birthday without my husband since I was probably 11 years old. The years that have gone by are a cloud of laughter and dinners and trips and picnic lunches on spring days. A cloud of work, and pregnancy, and giggling babies. A cloud of teenagers and transitions and moves. Dark and tough moments that go away as I take my trip around the sun and turn my face to feel its warmth.

My warmth today will come from a daughter who drove to get me Starbucks and left it on the bar before she went to high school at 7AM. It will come from the flowers that my husband sent from Boston and the promise of a wonderful weekend. It will come from girlfriends, who are an invaluable part of being a middle-aged mom. It will come from friends and family all over the country who will check in and wish me happiness (and also my insurance agent and our orthodontist). It will come from the birthday text string with a friend that morphed into a conversation about kids going to college, with her reassuring me that “I’ve got this.”

My 46th year has brought much change. Some of it was out of my control. Some of it I have hoisted upon myself. But I am stronger and I am fixing things and my world is bigger. Holy shit though. Change is messy and hard. My 47th year will be about a senior in high school and making college choices and preparing us all for her next exciting chapter.

The day I found out I was pregnant with that girl was 18 years ago today. Tonight she and her brother and her best friend will take me out to a birthday dinner. She will be my designated driver if I drink too much wine and she regularly calms me down when the world becomes too much. Thanks a lot, Trump.

The roles are slowly, slowly reversing. The seasons of my life, well, they are changing. 

There were no search fields where we could type in the ingredients we had on hand and magically find a recipe that used them all. There were no reviews where we could see what hundreds or thousands of other people thought of the meal. There was no reading a five paragraph theme about why the recipe was horrible, even though the cook changed half the directions and half the ingredients. “I substituted tofu for the chicken thighs in this Buttermilk Fried Chicken recipe and it was horrible! I also baked it instead of frying it. Zero stars.”

Perhaps it’s nostalgia or just wanting to take my eyes away from the computer, but there are some days I just want to pull an old cookbook off the shelf and remove myself from the data overload of food websites. (By the way, the irony of writing this on my food website is fully appreciated.) If I want to make homemade gnocchi, there are thousands of recipes and hundreds of reviews. Hundreds of small variations on a relatively simple dish. Data overload. Some days I don’t want the responsibility of making the choice. I just want to be put in trusted hands and enjoy the ride.

So, on those days, I pull a book off the shelf and open it up to a recipe I remember making for my husband and our two good friends. I remember the evening in our old house (three moves ago) and the sunny backyard and the bottles of red wine we consumed with the meal. I remember our kids all running around the house, probably playing dress up or singing made up songs while we ate dinner. The baby is now in middle school. The rest are in high school and college.

I made Alice Water’s Spinach Lasagna on a Sunday. I spent the day in the kitchen rolling out pasta, making tomato sauce, and counting layers of cheesy goodness as I listened to the silence of pre-teens and teens (secluded in their rooms) and scolded two wrestling dogs who stay by my side. The scolding takes time, but it fills my kitchen with the noise I need as children grow. On this Sunday, I made the lasagna in a different house, in a different state, and getting close to an age that makes me think about Botox.

But as evening approached, the dogs found their beds, the husband abandoned the sports on TV, the children emerged from their rooms, and the red wine was poured. I never found the time to shower or exercise, but we sunk into the moments of lasagna and family and a fleeting night of togetherness. Nights that are hard to come by. Nights where you want to feel the dough, smell the sauce, savor the lasagna, and store the moments in your brain forever. Nights where you want Alice to take the wheel so you can enjoy looking out the window.

Find the Spinach Lasagna recipe in “The Art of Simple Food” by Alice Waters. I highly recommend the the sauce and pasta dough recipes too. I like all of her variations, but I always add fresh mozzarella to the mix. Definitely also try out her Scone recipe. Be sure to add chocolate chips and take them to a neighbor on a snow day.