It’s an unfortunate fact that for the most part, we DO judge books by their cover.

No, I’m not talking about bookstores kicking us out if we try to read their stock before buying, but how we judge the people around us.

Each of us has a hidden set of criteria we use to evaluate whether someone is better or worse than ourselves, whether they’re likely to prove useful, or not.  When you first meet someone, you start evaluating – or judging.  “First impressions”, they’re called. It may be based on experience, and it may have nothing to do with skin colour, gender and/or disabilities, but it’s a form of prejudice anyway, and we all do it – no matter how much we like to think otherwise.

But there is a hidden cost.

Each and every person you meet has a lifetime of experiences, a unique perspective, and something special to offer.  There is nobody alive who doesn’t.  On meeting someone, though, how can you tell whether their life, experience, knowledge and perspective could teach you something?

The answer’s surprisingly easy.  If they’re not you, they have something to teach.

The belief that you choose the lessons you go through in your life is not some metaphysical new age concept. It’s real.  This is how you do it.  Most of us just never realise or think about it, let alone step up to direct the process consciously.

By judging people and choosing who you allow into your life, who you’re exposed to, and who you’ll learn from; what perspectives, skills, experience and lessons are you cutting out? Do you know what your secret criteria are?  How narrow a range of people do you connect with? – that’s a good cue as to how strict your entry requirements are likely to be.

Remember, each time you allow someone new into your life, you allow a greater possibility for growth.  The further away that person is from what you normally allow into your life, the bigger that growth can be.  As a bonus, you also allow them to receive what YOU have to teach – and everyone agrees that’s the best way to learn.

At birth we’re dependent, unable to do for ourselves what we need others to help us to do.

As we grow older, we move into a society where we pretend that’s not the case anymore.  The truth is, though, we’re heavily dependent on others – to supply our food, our jobs, our houses, just about everything except what we specialise in ourselves.

As we age, even that pretence is stripped away.  We can no longer imagine ourselves living without the help of others.  Age frightens most of us.  That thought of losing even the imitation independence we think we have, and once again needing others to help us accomplish the simplest things, is something many will do almost anything to avoid.  Entire multi-billion dollar industries are built up around it.

The new paradigm, though, tells us that we draw to ourselves that which we fear most.  The harder you try to defeat ageing, the harder it’s likely to hit you.

I’ve noticed one group, though, that seem to totally ignore any thoughts of ageing.  They’re not worried about what is to come, simply because they’re so busy having fun in the here and now.  Look around you.  Have you ever noticed that people that love what they do don’t seem to age the same way as the rest of us?  I first noticed it with Marcia Hines (doesn’t she still look amazing?) and I wondered if it had something to do with singing.  Singers especially seem to keep that aura of youth around them.  But looking further, it isn’t just them.  It’s anybody who lives their lives so that they’re actually LIVING in the here and now, and more so, expressing their joy of life through what they do.

Fears can’t co-exist with that kind of life.  Fear is based on thoughts of what might happen – the future.  If you’re immersed in the Now then fear can’t touch you.

One of the chapters I’ve just finished in the Happy Pocket manual (from WBR 2.0) talks about having a sense of play about life.  People who have that young at heart attitude just seem to keep that vibrancy far longer than the people who resign themselves to ‘the grind’.

Given there are so many high-profile examples of how it’s possible to live the life you love, why do we convince ourselves that feeling oppressed and powerless is the only way to live?  Where do we start giving up the dreams that we can do or be anything we want to be, and instead settle for whatever we think we can get – and even worse, start shrinking that definition so we define ourselves and less and less worthwhile, as our dreams die off slowly from the starvation that lack of belief does to them?

I wonder if the ageing process is life’s way of forcing us back to the honesty of that childhood we leave behind…

A brief divergence here, but I’ve taken the plunge and upgraded to the new version of Thesis – Thesis 1.6

I didn’t notice a lot of changes, but some teaser glimpses of what’s coming in 2.0 were definitely included.  Just unpacking it and tweaking the settings, though, encouraged me to go exploring.  I wanted to find out how to put a header image into Thesis without having to download a whole skin (I was using the free Neoclassical skin, but that rotated through 5 images)

In the process found a tool to make customizing the Thesis theme dead easy.  No, it’s not the Open Hook plugin.  It’s from over at http://doublemule.com (they have some great tutorials there, which is how I found them). I have no idea how I stumbled on the link, but here’s a code generator that lets you put in your header images, background images, undo the default capitalization in the Thesis default nav menu, just about anything!

http://www.doublemule.com/thesis-custom-css-code-robot/page-framework-thesis-16.html

Hope you like the new look.  As always, your feedback is welcome!

“Take care.”  It’s what you say to the people you love, right?  It’s meant to show caring and concern, but does it really?

Life can be lived one of two ways.  Carefully, or Adventurously.

Of two people who follow the two different paths, who do you think has the most fun?  Who do you think accomplishes the most?  Who do you suspect goes to bed with a greater sense of satisfaction and fulfilment?

The one who always takes the safe, proven path has zero chance of blazing a new trail.  Following what everyone else does, playing it carefully, means you can be almost certain of where you’ll end up.

Exactly where everyone else has.

With a life just like everyone else complains about.

Do you really want your friends, family and/or children always to take the safe, cautious approach?  Would you really want them to pass up incredible opportunities that come their way because they involved risk, as they always do?  Why is it we urge people to take care, instead of telling them to leap full on into life?

This weekend has been amazing for me.  I felt prompted to take a big chance, and I acted on that impulse and made a life-changing decision.  I took a leap into the unknown, into risky territory, and in one day my whole outlook has changed.

I’m no longer committed to ‘taking care’.

I have never felt so alive, so absolutely full of breath, energy and joy, as I have this weekend.  I feel as though I tread the yellow brick road, and those bricks are buzzing with electricity, shooting through me with every step.  I’ve finally stepped off the safe path and onto the path of living my dreams.  I’m living with risks that I’ve chosen to take, but the key word in that sentence isn’t risk.  It’s “LIVING”.

Even if it doesn’t pay off and I take a fall, like a child learning to walk I have no intention of giving up and settling for crawling anymore.  I’ll get up and jump again.  And again.  Until I don’t fall anymore.

“Taking care” no longer sounds like something I want to tell anybody to do.  Instead I want to shout to everyone to forget about the safe, cautious, deadening path.  That’s no way to live.  Leap off it. Jump into what you want to do – someway, somehow.  Find the edge of the well-beaten track and take a step away from it in the direction your heart tells you to go.

Your life awaits you.  Go Jump!

PS Thanks Yaro for helping it happen

You know the saying “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear”?  Well, I’ve had a course sitting gathering digital dust for a few years now, but the other day I heard that it had been totally reworked, and I went back to have a look at it.  I was pleasantly surprised how easy the new format was to follow, so I started going through it again (partly so I could click on the ‘done’ button and see the duck graphics, I admit)

I always knew the Wealth Beyond Reason course was a treasure trove of information on the Law of Attraction, and specifically, manifesting money.  There was so much stuff in it that there was no question of value in my mind – the issue had always been that sense of overwhelm, feeling like that first step was too big to tackle.

Those big steps got broken down to bite size chunks in the new format, and I’m devouring it like nothing before.  Today, I finished off the manual, and read a short daily handbook – and my mind is feeling blown away.  Which is probably just as well, since I’ve learnt that my mind is exactly what’s been holding me back from manifesting what I’ve been trying so hard to create for myself. I’m so excited I want to share some of the ‘take-aways’ I’ve had with you…

First, I have a new appreciation for how plastic and malleable ‘reality’ is.  We know that TV and movies are only made up of dots and frames, cycling fast enough that we don’t see the gaps between them.  Well, so’s everything else!  Take the red pill and discover that your world is literally an illusion.  See the spaces in between ‘matter’ and you glimpse the void of creation.  NOTHING you see around you is solid, let alone permanent.  It can all change in an instant.

Reality ONLY exists in the moment.  Now.  When you manage to immerse yourself purely in the moment, you are linked to the single unified energy field that permeates everything.  You’re also in the only place where you can experience Joy and Happiness.  You can’t be happy tomorrow, you can only ever be happy here and now.  But only if you’re there to feel it, instead of stuck in your mind thinking about it.

That constant stream of thoughts running through your head is your ego trying to distract you from claiming that power of connection.  Dragging your attention to the past or future is literally unplugging you from the energy of the universe – it’s no wonder kids have seemingly unlimited power on tap, and that as we let go of that joy of playing and start spending time thinking about what’s to come, and what’s gone before, we start to age and energy becomes a struggle.  Your thoughts are stealing your attention away from your life, and your life away from you.

Descartes had it wrong when he said “I think, therefore I am”.  While you are thinking, you are not being.  Our calling is not to be “human thinkings”, but “Human BEINGS”.

I’m loving this new look WBR 2.0 program!

PS The activities I’m doing for this are going to fit so well into “Nurture November”.

After the success of Self Mastery September, I’m having fun lining another theme up for you.

November is the lead up to Christmas, right?  That time when all of us start feeling the pressure to demonstrate our love for everyone we know, by emptying our wallets to give them lots of stuff they could’ve bought for themselves.  I have a few issues with this, and I’ve read all the research so I know that it’s the time when there are more suicides, breakdowns and even domestic arguments than any other.

One of the biggest stress factors, the way I see it, is that you can’t give what you don’t have.  No, I’m not talking about money, although I know that will be an issue for many this year.  I’m talking about love.

If you go into the Christmas season feeling pressured, stressed and overloaded, you’re on the back foot before you even begin.  Then you try to live up to the hype and expectation of the ‘perfect’ family celebration (another myth) and everything that goes wrong just makes it worse.  Imagine for a moment, though, how it would feel if you went into it with a strong sense of being treasured, cared for and nurtured already.  Knowing that the presents and celebrations were icing instead of the whole cake, and that the people you love already know how you feel – like you know how they feel – independent of any ‘holiday traditions’.

Far easier, right? You have the ‘emotional bank balance’ (as Dr John Gray describes it) to be able to make those withdrawals to give to other people, without drawing yourself down into emotional debt.

There’s not a lot in our modern lives that adds to that positive balance, which is probably why so many people struggle this time of year.  I have no idea how such a crazy idea started, but apparently you’re not supposed to do nice things for yourself.  Pardon the language, but that’s pure baloney.  Nurturing doesn’t have to come from someone else.  In fact, other people are far more likely to care and nurture you, if they see you as someone who cares for and loves themselves.

So, November is going to be dedicated to giving you tips, quotes and resources to help you feel as nurtured as possible, without suffering through the frustration of having to drop incredibly broad hints that your partner invariably doesn’t pick up on.  You simply do nice things for yourself.  (A note for the boys, probably a fair few of these will be ‘female-type’ pampering ideas.  If you feel uncomfortable doing these personally – although I hear many of you are getting over that and discovering how good they feel – try doing or organising them for your other half.  She might just reward you with some pampering in return. Sharing always makes things more fun!)

Most of these updates will be coming daily to you via twitter.  I look forward to seeing you join me there at http://twitter.com/crystalsquest

Have you seen those Google Public Service ads?  There was one on a site I visited today, with a title of “Microfinance Empowers”, then “join us in enabling the poorest of the poor to improve their own lives”.

So can anyone explain to me why someone in a third world country can take tiny amounts of money and change their life, while so many of us receive comparatively HUGE amounts and only feel enslaved?

Wages, I figure, must be a psychological form of heroin.  Highly addictive, and destructive of lives.  The more we get, the more we become dependant.

I think this must be one of the key reasons all the LOA people tell you to focus on what you want the money for, instead of just focusing on the money.  You could end up creating yourself a higher paying but even more enslaving job situation.  No thanks!  Money can come with too many strings attached, and sometimes it just ISN’T worth it.

So, how to detox from wages?  Since every man, woman, dog, cat and monkey is currently offering coaching classes on the topic, I won’t muddy the waters further here.  I do know that you need to see yourself as having value independent of your job and the money it brings.  That’s a critical roadblock there, I’ve seen it stop plenty of people in their tracks, myself included.

Aside from that, for a first step I’d highly recommend reading a post from Steve Pavlina on “How to earn your first love dollar” – a fantastic article on allowing yourself to receive in return for doing the things you love.

It sounds wrong, I know, but I think many of us could use something like microfinance – some kind of program teaching us to take responsibility for and create our own financial wellbeing.

In honour of “Blog Action Day 2009” on Climate Change, here’s a poem I wrote a few months back.
All the photos except one were taken on my daily commute to work.  The last was from a holiday trip.  Guess which one…

Nature Performs, but who watches?

	The clouds dance on the stage of the sky Spinning, pirouetting in ever-changing forms No two moments the same
The wind sighs through grass and trees stirring them to join the dance with stately flowing movements that join sky and earth
	The sun glides in a procession of state gilding players and stage casting sunrise and sunset and all shades in between
Silence falls and all becomes still a moment out of time rare, powerful and intense but no-one observes
	The dance resumes Sun, wind and sky perform in a ballet that will never be seen again But the audience is rushed and busy The beauty, unobserved, lost to time, flows on
	© 2009 Crystal N Woods

Responsibility. It’s something many people spend a lot of time avoiding.  Or trying to.

On the other hand, the crux of the message of these times is that we have the power to create – if we accept responsibility for our selves and our lives.

I’ve often thought that the reason managers and executives get paid so much more is simply that they accept a level of responsibility that most refuse to consider.  Maybe that’s why there’s supposed to be a shortage of people to fill those higher level positions.  The willingness to accept what most people call ‘blame’ is a powerful tool – in pointing the finger, they effectively admit they didn’t have control of the situation.  They won’t take any responsibility for it, because they didn’t have any power to affect the result.

If you refuse to shoulder the blame, and try to offload it, you’re giving away the power of responsibility as well.  I’ll happily accept that from anyone.  Feel free to blame me.  I’ll take it up and say thanks for the extra responsibility – and then use it in my next salary negotiation.

Several years ago, I had a job in tele-sales.  I got record figures and was rapidly shifted to a position of more  responsibility.  The reason?  I accepted blame.  Scheduling problems were a huge issue for the company, and the way they ran their business guaranteed that a number of clients were going to have to be rescheduled as their booking dates approached.  They expected a certain level of cancellations, and it was often exceeded.  Being a small market, though, these same clients were then approached the next year.  And the one after that.

If you got through to the decision maker, there were all too many stories of what had happened in their previous dealings.  At that point, most of the sales team started pointing the finger at issues and previous sales staff, to try to overcome those objections.  Meanwhile, the client was getting frustrated that he or she obviously wasn’t dealing with anyone who could answer their issues.

I took a different approach.  I listened, and I apologised on behalf of the company. I took the blame, and accepted responsibility. After explaining the limitations of the scheduling process, I promised to do my absolute best to ensure it didn’t happen to them again – and I did all that was within my power to make sure of it.

More than half the time, we got the sale.

Then I got shifted to complaint handling.  Again, as the scheduling process meant more and more bookings had to be shifted, we had irate customers upset that they’d been assured of their date, and now it was being moved.  Once again, just listening, and being willing to apologise for the inconvenience, meant most of them calmed enough to listen to the explanation of why, and to come to the mediation table.

We had record low numbers of drop-outs that year.  Many of those were amicable, and said they hoped we’d call back next year.

I don’t tell you this story so you’ll think I’m a great sales person, or complaint handler.  The truth is, I’ve used this same philosophy in so many different jobs, and life situations, that I know it’s an important and powerful principle.  If you want to create your life, a la “The Secret”, you’re going to have to learn that what most people see as “blame” and run a mile to avoid, is a secret backdoor to power.  Responsibility isn’t a dirty word, it’s a potent one.  If it’s offered to you, even if someone thinks they’re shovelling something nasty your way, smile, reach out, and grab it with both hands!

PS There is only one thing which I don’t let others blame me for.
It starts with ‘F’ and rhymes with ‘hearts’

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

Today I received a newsletter that reprinted a poem by the Dalai Lama.  I’d like to share it with you here.  Imagine what kind of day you could have with thoughts like these filling your mind!

Source: Greeting card published by Namgyal Monastery, Dharmsala, India. (The Dalai Lama’s personal monastery.)

Sure beats waking up and thinking “I really don’t want to go to work today”, doesn’t it?

PS for the curious, the newsletter was from http://www.mrpositive.com