First, the banker's dog says, "Why don't we go in and offer to pay
for The side of beef on an installment plan, interest rates are low
right now and I know I can get us a good deal."

The criminal's dog says, "No, that would take too long...why don't
we just run in there, you distract him and I'll grab it and run."

Finally, the union dog says, "I have a better idea. Why don't we
just sit out here and whine...they'll give it to us.

She opens her robe and lets her husband see her naked body.

And he says, "You are so so so beautiful. Can I get the camera and take a picture?"

"Why do you want to do that?" she asks.

"Because I love you so so so much, and I'd like to keep your picture next to my heart forever!"

She allows him to get the camera and take the picture. Then she says, "Honey, now that we're married, it's okay for me to see your body too. Would you open your robe so I can have a look?"

He opens his robe and lets his wife see his naked body.

And she asks, "Can I get the camera and take a picture?"

"Why do you want to do that?" he asks her.

"Because I want to get it enlarged!"

During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her that he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, the teacher went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one.

As she lifted one up by the armpits, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed for an elementary school child.

"I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.

"No ma'am," he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow."

He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the
black suit that he's wearing?"

But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him
a blank check to buy one.

When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in
the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She
tells the director how much she loves the suit and asks
how much it cost.

He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest
thing happened. As soon as you left, another deceased was
brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that
they were about the same size, and asked the other widow
if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black
suit. She said that was fine with her.

So . . . I switched the heads"

"Quite a layout," said the officer to in charge of
the rescuers.

"Too kind, it's very rough and ready," the goatskin-clad
golfer responded. Then he smiled slyly: "I am however,
quite proud of the water hazard."

Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's
face while you are having sex?"

"Well, yes, I did once."

"Well, how did he look?"

"Very angry."

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was
really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's
very interesting, we must look into this further.
Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your
husband's face once during sex; that seems somewhat
unusual; how did it occur that you saw his face
that time?"

"Well he was looking through the window at us."

Finally, he could stand it no more. Walking to the front
door of the new neighbor's house, he knocked and waited.
The husband, a large, burly man, opened the door.

"Excuse me", Mike stammered, "but I couldn't help noticing
how beautiful your wife is."

"Yeah? So?" his hulking neighbor replied.

"Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her
breasts are. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if
I could kiss those breasts."

The burly gorilla is about to deck Mike when his wife appears
and stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss the offer
for a few moments. Finally, they return and ask our friend to
step inside.

"OK," the husband says gruffly, "for ten thousand dollars you
can kiss my wife's tits."

At this the wife unbuttons her blouse, and the twin objects of
desire hang free at last. Mike takes one in each hand, and
proceeds to rub his face against them in total ecstasy. This
goes on for several minutes, until the husband gets annoyed.

"Well, come on already, kiss 'em!" he growls.

"I can't," replies our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling away.

"Why not?" demands the husband, getting really angry now.

"I don't have ten thousand dollars."

When they came up for air, the girl says, "I really
love kissing you, I especially loved it when you
passed me your chewing gum"

To this, the boy replies, "It's not chewing gum,
I've got bronchitis".

NASA proudly announced their success and congratulations flowed in
from all over the world. In a short note to the Americans, the Soviet
engineers congratulated them, but said that they too had found a
solution at a fraction of the cost.

They remarked, "We use a pencil."

This is a great site.
 
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