Crap or Not Crap

April Fool’s Day

Dave McAwesome — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 09:22:03 +0000

All those April Fool’s Day jokes on the interwebs? So lame. So boring. Such crap. The end.

Ikea combo meal

Dave McAwesome — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 23:03:54 +0000

It’s two hot dogs, chips and a coke. $2.50 including tax. One catch: it’s from Ikea. One other catch: no tray. God forbid you’re carrying around flat packed boxes of Swedish crap when you order. Try holding on to this stuff without spillage. The hot dogs repeat like hell. Like everything else in Ikea, I [...]

Omega Man with Charlton Heston

Dave McAwesome — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 23:09:17 +0000

Omega Man with Charlton Heston. It’s Charlton f-ing Heston. The only flaw I can see in this movie is that they don’t let Charlton Heston kill more people. And also that he dies in the end. And also that it has nothing to do with the novel I am Legend, upon which it is based. [...]

Mutant Chronicles

Dave McAwesome — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 22:23:22 +0000

What the hell is all this? It looks like a real movie. By that I mean it’s got well designed sets, good looking CG sets, nice wardrobe, moody lighting, a lot of duotone color timing, interesting color saturation, stylistic CG blood reminiscent of Sin City. So it’s got stuff. It’s not a “we don’t give [...]

Indiana Jones and the Giant Sack of Money

Dave McAwesome — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 19:46:12 +0000

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I’m relieved to know that, in the event of nuclear catastrophe, the President only has to sneak into the Oval Office refrigerator rather than rush aboard Air Force One. Speaking of Air Force One, they should redesign it to be a giant refrigerator with wings and [...]

Pepsi Throwback

Dave McAwesome — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 18:56:20 +0000

Pepsi Throwback. Made with real sugar. Knowing as I’m sure you do that I am the founder of Cereal Awareness Month, you probably know where I stand on this. The taste is exquisite. It’s like all the little sugar molecules are dancing in your mouth, a wild, exuberant dance that pleasures the tongue while it [...]

Eating a whole bag of Funyuns

Dave McAwesome — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 15:51:31 +0000

I stupidly ate an entire bag of Funyuns yesterday. Funyuns are not onion rings. They are onion flavored rings. I don’t know exactly what’s in them. It’s not onion. I think they take shaven beard stubble, wad it together with Elmer’s glue and then deep fry in polyurethane. Frankly, I’m surprised I don’t feel worse. [...]

Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Dave McAwesome — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 15:02:42 +0000

Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Starring Jessica Alba and Dr. Victor von Nip/Tuck. The verdict is crap. It would have been nice to have liked it. I checked the time throughout the whole movie. Never a good sign. My biggest problem is this: There is a fine line between good-natured hijinks between [...]

Dawn of the Dead (2004 remake)

Dave McAwesome — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 15:49:14 +0000

Dawn of the Dead. 2004. Not George Romero, but still awesome. On Frank’s prodding, I finally saw the Dawn of the Dead remake. I liked the original Romero classic but expected very little out of this redo. “Blah, blah, blah,” Frank encouraged as I tuned him out. I figured this would just be another low-rent [...]

Demons (Demoni)

Dave McAwesome — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 22:18:02 +0000

Demons (Demoni), the 1985 film by Lamberto Bava and Dario Argento. So bad yet so good. How is it possible this movie escaped me for so long? What’s not to like? Let’s see, we got: People running around the theater, up and down the same flight of steps, yet arriving in different locations. A bitch-slappin [...]