Please to enjoy a Chris LeDoux interview and music video, followed by a slideshow tribute to Dick Cheney set to the tune of Blue County’s “That’s Cool” (I don’t know why either). God bless Wyoming!

(Explanation: What’s this all about, anyway?)

By the way, Cheney was born in Nebraska, another fine state. With lots of domesticated llamas.

The heat map at right shows where U.S. visitors came from in the month of October: the darker the green, the more visitors sent by that state. Predictably, the list is topped by Texas, California, and Tennessee, but I’m more interested in the states at the bottom end.

Here’s a list of the lowest-charting states, along with a snide remark about each which will hopefully bring proud citizens over in droves, saving these underachieving states from a similarly poor showing in November. Note that I haven’t actually visited any of these places, so my commentary will be typically uninformed. Which is half the fun, really.

1. Wyoming
   Citizens of this state call themselves Wyomingites. Sounds like a flesh-eating organism.
2. Alaska
   Basically the same thing as Russia.
3. Hawaii
   Remember that three-part Brady Bunch episode about Don Ho and the tiki curse? Still scares me. Especially the Don Ho part.
4. Montana
   “The Last Best Place,” huh? No argument there. On the list of best places, Montana is last.
5. Rhode Island
   Rhode Island’s official nickname is “The Ocean State.” If only! The U.S. government’s multiple attempts at drowning it have so far proven unsuccessful.
6. Delaware
   Remember that kid who always gloated about being first in line? Wouldn’t it be weird if he were still doing it centuries later? Delaware’s state slogan is “It’s Good Being First,” a reference to the fact that it was the first to ratify the Constitution… 222 years ago. Might be time to get over it, guys.
7. North Dakota
   I’m sure there must be something to say about North Dakota, but I can’t think of it.
8. Vermont
   Wikipedia reports that this hub of diversity has the “49th highest proportion of Hispanics” in the U.S. Yeah, pretty sure that means you’re almost dead last. Worse still, Vermont is showy about its whiteness: it chose milk as its state beverage and apple as its state pie. Geez, okay, we get it. You’re white.
9. South Dakota
   Somehow even less interesting than North Dakota.
10. Nebraska
    According to Wikipedia, home to the world’s largest train yard and the nation’s largest population of domesticated llamas. When those are your big selling points, you know you’re in trouble.

Well, I hope that will take care of things for now. Better numbers this month, troops!

Note to international readers: My international presence is a little too spotty to do a ranking of countries, but much of the Middle East and all of Africa should consider itself on notice.

Okay, now removing tongue from cheek and thanking everyone for visiting. As always, it’s appreciated.

While the album-opening title track finds Hoke bidding adieu to the “big guitars, the screaming and the shouting” (“I’ll get by without ‘em,” he promises), he wastes no time in establishing the depth of his engagement with and affection for classic country music. The second song is “The Finer Things,” an infectious dance number made for sawdust floors, and it tackles a common theme – the celebration of life’s simple pleasures – with a knowing wink, as Hoke includes lines like “I want minimum wage with no overtime/I’ll cash my check in the picket line/I want a mean old woman that I can call my wife” in his list of back-to-basics rural aspirations.

With prominent steel work by Chris Scruggs and Mike Daley throughout and vocal contributions from Rebecca Lynn Howard on a full half of the tracks, the album is a dynamic joy for those who prefer their music free of cacophonous clutter. It benefits greatly from some slightly off-the-wall production choices, such as the sprightly whistling and plonking xylophone that drive home the essential innocence of the very Hollyesque “Hot on the Heels of Love” and the jaw harp and hand claps adding just the right touch of musical whimsy to “Rain, Rain, Rain,” a song whose lyrics similarly couch real hurt and despair in almost storybook-like terms, what with the personification of weather elements:

The sun got tired and hid behind the clouds
The thunder clapped and the rain came down
And I woke up on the wrong side of town
All alone in a stranger’s bed

The songs frequently find Hoke on the losing side of love: a smitten shy guy who can’t work up the nerve to make his affections known (”Still Waiting”), the fella left at home as his mate runs around on him (”Where’d You Sleep Last Night?”), the poor schmuck who doesn’t realize what he should’ve done to save the relationship until it’s too late (”Not Too Late” and “I Think I Really Love You”). The lightweight “Sweet Pea,” on which Hoke and duet partner Jen Duke sound very much like Adam and Shannon Wright, comes as a welcome change of pace, for the simple fact that it’s the only song in which a love relationship seems to be going right.

The biggest flaw I see is that the record runs a bit short at 10 songs and just over 30 minutes. When the music is this much fun, though, it seems selfish to complain that there’s not enough of it. Let’s be thankful for what’s here and call Goodbye Rock N Roll what it is: one of the finest country debuts of 2009. Keep your eye on Derek Hoke and Electric Western Records, the recently-formed Nashville indie that brought it to market.

Download the album from Amazon MP3

Edited to add: Here’s the music video for “Where’d You Sleep Last Night?”

“Crunchy, guitar-driven rock music with hick-flavored lyrics is my calling card, but it wouldn’t be a Jason Aldean album without a vaguely menacing, clearly-overcompensating-for-something title,” says Aldean. “People don’t think about it, but the title is real important. It’s something we’ll have to tour behind for a year and print on t-shirts and stuff, so when it comes to finding the right name, we’re giving it our all. Hmm… Giving It My All? Nah, not tough enough.”

Aldean’s working list of potential titles reportedly numbers in the hundreds. Entries include Full Throttle, No Seatbelt, Balls Out, Sans Protective Padding, Hanging Tough, Unrelenting, Unlikely to Relent, Wider Open, Wide Opener, Obstinate, Aggressive, Aldeanified, Johnny Cash, Badassity, Bullheaded, Cantankerous, Reckless, No Fear, In Overdrive, Horsepower, Widest Openest, and Don’t Make Me Take My Earrings Out.

Once the title has been chosen, Aldean will face the equally difficult decision of which ineffectually menacing, unintentionally hilarious pose to strike on the album cover.

Want to help Jason title his next album? Add your suggestions below.

Wiping a tear from his eye and clearing his throat, Mafia CPO (Chief Pimp of Operations) John Rich listed the names. “Cowboy Troy, Two Foot Fred and that chick who paints while people sing have been released from the MuzikMafia with a generous severance package. It’s nothing personal, and we wish them the best in their future endeavors.”

Rich did not take questions from the gathered media (2 bloggers, 12 lawyers and a videographer from the community access channel), but a written statement confirmed that “the nation’s financial climate, reduced record sales and a general lack of space in the tour van” led to the cuts. Rich left open the possibility that he might rehire the trio when and if circumstances allow the “freak parade” to resume normal operations.

The MuzikMafia has encountered many setbacks in recent months, with founding member Gretchen Wilson losing her Sony Nashville record deal, John Rich’s ongoing legal woes and the dismissal of rapper Chance.

Although unwelcome, the cuts weren’t all bad for the fired employees. Two Foot Fred wasted no time securing a new job, signing with the WWE to feud with fellow little person Hornswaggle. Troy expects to get back into foot apparel sales and the painter chick has already applied to return to school and finish her degree in neuroscience.

At press time, it wasn’t clear if “a Russian rubber bimbo” was still gainfully employed with the Mafia.

Reported by “Trailer” Parkman of Farce the Music

the closest walking thing I’ve ever seen to Jesus himself ●
- – Toby Keith on Wayman Tisdale.

Nope, you can’t afford it. ●
- – Real estate expert Barbara Corcoran to Tim McGraw, who asked “Got any real estate to sell me?” She didn’t recognize him. (Thanks to Kathy P. for sending this in.)

It was a real honor when Joe [Nichols] asked us to do a remix of ‘Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off’ because it is such a great country song. Joe has one of my favorite voices in country music so I really wanted to make the remix a fun song, and I think we did that. The remix is ‘Tequila with a twist of Colt’ so to speak.
- – Colt Ford. Lord knows everything is better with a twist of Colt. (Thanks to Brady for the press release.)

Noting that Dwight Yoakam was his “idol,” Moore said he and [George] Briner were driving to an appointment one day when Briner, who had worked with Yoakam at Warner Bros. Records, dialed a number and handed him the phone. Yoakam was on the other end.
“The first thing I say to Dwight Yoakam,” Moore lamented, “was, ‘Man, I’m about to crap my britches.’” ●
- – Justin Moore has a way with words.

With Halloween flying toward us fast and furious, we already have a Michael Jackson trick-or-treat outfit for my 11-year-old grandson Trevor… Trevor does the moon dance… ●
- – Figures that Hazel Smith wouldn’t know the name of the moonwalk. She’s only had 26 years to learn.

I cry when I watch …
Everything! I’m half Irish—I cry at commercials. I recently saw a movie called The Greatest. We watched it at 8 a.m., and I was ruined for the rest of the day. I had a headache from crying. ●
- – Tim McGraw is a big softy. I cry when I hear “Southern Voice,” but not in a good way.

Mr. Judy lives a half mile away from the Sheds and liked to leave his windows open at night, listening to the chirp of crickets and whir of wee-hour trains. The “boom, boom” of rock music, he said, disrupted all that.
Mr. Judy, who says his tastes tend toward Bach and Christmas carols, made it his mission to shut down the Sheds. “I don’t like Hootie & the Blowfish,” he says. “When they play, it sounds like they broke something.”
[...]
A bachelor, who lives in the house where he grew up, Mr. Judy is known for outspoken views. He is a frequent letter writer to The State newspaper, once proposing a $1,500 “impact” fee on fatherhood to cut down on children born out of wedlock. ●
- – Guy who shut down music rehearsals at the storage sheds where Hootie & the Blowfish used to practice. Is it just me or do these quotes make him sound like a villain from a Dickens novel?

My kid dresses up every day like it’s Halloween. When any of his friends come over, they’re all dressing up like it’s Halloween. He dressed up like a pirate to go to church. He goes to school dressed like Captain America. He goes to the grocery store dressed like Peter Pan, carrying a light saber. He does not know anything other than that, nor should he when he’s three years old. He’s gonna be a great, inspiring happy soul. ●
- – Big Kenny on year-round Halloween festivities.

Great songs are great songs no matter who wrote ‘em. If I wanted to record an album with three singles and songs four through 10 [are] filler — but I wrote it, so I’ll be makin’ some bank off the other three songs that are hits — I think that’s bullcrap. ●
- – Joe Nichols doesn’t mess around when it comes to choosing songs.

You know how you can look across a plain and see a storm coming from eight miles away? I think there’s a big old storm coming in Nashville. It seems like they’re definitely trying to keep as much pop stuff out there as they can by signing up all these young kiddie bands. But it really seems like people are ready for real music again. ●
- – Randy Houser. If the alternatives are “My Kind of Country” and “Whistlin’ Dixie,” I’d rather just stick with pop stuff like Taylor Swift, to be honest.

She jumped up on the stage one night and took over Big Vinny’s mic and started singing along. She said, ‘I’m with the band from now on.’ ●
- – Mark ‘Butter’ Fortney on how Crystal Hoyt joined Trailer Choir.

I think me and Merle Haggard are the only two that have ‘Working Man’ songs. ●
- – Aaron Tippin makes an immodest claim.

The album’s finest track, a cover of Townes Van Zandt’s “Pancho and Lefty,” was cut after four in the morning. Haggard had already gone to bed, Nelson says, but they needed him for the final verse. “We went over to the condo, woke up ol’ Merle and said, ‘It’s your turn.’ ” [...] “Merle is a genial old boy,” says Nelson. “He did it about half in his sleep, but Hag sings pretty good in his sleep.” ●
- – Pretty sure I had heard this story before, but it’s still a good one.

No, I’m not. That would make me 500 years old. ●
- – Steve Martin responds to charges that he is a Renaissance man.

To quote Dana Carvey as Johnny Carson, this is some weird, wild stuff.

“People loved the song, but the idea was pretty obviously one that begged to be stretched out to an hour and a half,” said Keith. “The characters in the song are so complex that you really only get the tip of the iceberg in three minutes. People wanted to know more.”

Cowritten with Bobby Pinson, the film will focus on the wild nightlife of a hottie with a smoking little body who favors string bikinis, rocks a cowboy hat and wears buttermilk lipstick (a top item in Waffle House’s little-known cosmetic line). Keith is reportedly pursuing a Waffle House sponsorship for the project, in addition to the inevitable Ford sponsorship. In a preliminary draft of one scene, there are several brand new F-150s parked along the back wall of the run-down bar where the hottie works. Pressed for an explanation of how this makes any sense whatsoever, Keith offered: “Ford is an American institution, hoss.”

In addition to writing and producing the film, as well as recording its entire soundtrack and anonymously posting suspicously complimentary reviews of it on various online retailer sites, Keith will star as the gentleman who valiantly saves the hottie from farm life by hanging her on his arm and bringing her into town. Once in town, her suggestive, countrified manner of shaking and walking makes her a fast favorite with the menfolk. Despite having her pick of any man in town, the hottie ultimately chooses Keith’s character, whose burly physique, ratty faux cowboy hat, carefully maintained permascruff and goat voice prove irresistible.

The hottie role, which has not yet been cast, will be a mostly nonspeaking one, though the woman will at one point yell “Yeehaw” to establish her identity as a redneck chick. Trailer Choir’s Crystal Whatever-Her-Name-Is is reportedly being considered. “If I keep it in the Show Dog Nashville family, I don’t have to pay scale,” said Keith, ever the businessman.

Film great Rodney Carrington is expected to costar.

The whole thing about “based on a true story,” well, if you want all the drama and all the fun and all the surrealism in a really great story, to get right down to hanging with the exact truth of it, sometimes they’re a little bit boring. So I could give a sh*t if it’s based on a true story, I just want it to be a good story. ●
- – Robert Earl Keen speaks my language.

There’s a feature about Tim McGraw and his new album, Southern Voice, in the current issue of Reader’s Digest. In it, he says when he wrote the first single, a song about a gold-digging woman, his wife, Faith Hill, said, “Well, I hope no one thinks that’s about me.” Tim replied, “No, baby. Everybody knows you make plenty of money!” ●
- – You heard it from Hazel Smith first: Tim McGraw wrote “It’s a Business Doing Pleasure With You.” Don’t let the fact that all reputable sources say otherwise fool you.

They are still calling Carie Lady Googoo. I think it’s mean. I love Taylor too. shes my girl! Carrie has a new cd coming out? yay! ●
- – Lone comment on a CMT Blog post about Kris Kristofferson.

hes handsome shes beautifull both good God lovin’ people more power to them!! ●
- – Comment on another CMT Blog post. So long as Carrie Underwood and boyfriend Mike Fisher aren’t ugly atheists, they’re fine by us.

There’s a lot of music and a lot of people out there who can tell you how they feel. But if you can tell somebody how they feel and they didn’t realize it until you told them, then you’ve got something. ●
- – Tim McGraw. I didn’t realize how I felt about Rosa Parks, the literary works of Will Farmer (?) and the televangelism of Billy Graves (?) until I heard “Southern Voice.” (Thanks for the lyrics, Roughstock!)

The last couple of months have been pretty grueling as far as work. So some days I felt like I had hair and makeup, but inside I felt a little wilting, like part of me was dying. But I think that’s worth it, that’s part of the fun. ●
- – Miranda Lambert is a road warrior who knows that dying inside is half the fun.

Mr. Paisley is a guitar geek posing as a dry wit. His pose is terrific; it just doesn’t adequately conceal the geek. Lots of us put on a blithe and blasé front to hide our inner compulsions, and for a good reason: not because they’re embarrassing, but because they’re dull. Over two hours, Mr. Paisley’s guitar playing — fast, fluid and voluminous — lost its flavor completely. There was just so much of it (mostly on the Telecaster; Mr. Paisley’s style is a monument to that instrument’s lean, percussive sound and country-music tradition) that it stole power from the lyrics. ●
- – From a Paisley concert review in the New York Times.

We want to win a Grammy, we want to sell out football stadiums, there are plenty of big things to shoot for. The ultimate goal is to be in the Country Music Hall of Fame and maybe be members of the Grand Ole Opry someday. That would be our long-term goals, for sure. ●
- – Rascal Flatts’ Joe Don Rooney gives me nightmares, for sure.

It is like the original?
We did a little bit of a different interpretation of it. It does resemble the original, but we did a little bit with it. If you know the song then you’ll know it. It’s a great song. A lot of people don’t know it. ●
- – Bucky Covington on his cover of The Commodores’ “Sail On.” If you know the song then you’ll know it. I would also add that if you don’t know it then you won’t know it. The cover is slated to appear on his next album.

I try to not be too nostalgic. And that’s a problem if you set out to play older country music and traditional music forms… But I don’t really see that big a point in me just trying to make a traditional country record without drums and with all the elements that made those old records so great. Because those records are there, and if I want to hear Carl Smith or Ray Price, I’ll listen to Carl Smith and Ray Price. It’s fun to play like that. It’s fun to do that stuff. But if you’re going to do something and present it as who you are as an individual, I think it’s selling yourself short to limit yourself. ●
- – Chris Scruggs considers his relationship to tradition.

I put in a lot of effort on ‘Heaven, Heartache and the Power of Love,’ but it didn’t do as well as I would have liked for it to. I’m at a place in my career where I can do some different things, so we’ll see what happens. I would like to do an acoustic album, and maybe one of standards. ●
- – Trisha Yearwood acoustic album? Yes please. Also, HHPoL should’ve been a smash.

The A.V. Club: Rhode Island isn’t known for having much of a country-music scene. What are your thoughts on being from the North and playing music generally associated with the South?
John McCauley: That’s not all we do. I don’t know why it’s such a big deal to people—it’s f*cking music. Rhode Island is just as American as country music, so anyone who wants to give us a problem about it can stick it up their ass. It’s just music we like.
AVC: Do you feel like you have gotten a lot of criticism for that?
JM: No, not really. ●
- – Worst interview opening ever, courtesy of Deer Tick frontman John McCauley.

I just spilled wine on
My coat of many colors
Soooo… one more color! ●
- – Love those Country Haiku.

2007 – Rounder releases Raising Sand under the given names of Alison Krauss and Robert Plant, having finally decided against the somewhat awkward duo name of Led Kraussplant (rhymes with dead houseplant).

2006 – Big Machine releases Taylor Swift’s self-titled debut album. It does pretty well.

2002 – Ralph Stanley’s music video for “Girl From Greenbriar Shore” debuts on CMT, but is pulled three days later due to viewer complaints over excessive nudity.

2000 – Virgin releases Play It Loud, the debut album from Chris Cagle, then wisely shuts down its Nashville branch the following year. But not before inflicting Clay Davidson on the world.

1999 – The Dixie Chicks’ Wide Open Spaces is certified for shipment of 8 million units. To put that number in perspective, if you stacked all the jewel cases, you’d end up with a pile over 49 miles high. And if you put Natalie Maines atop the pile, you’d barely be able to hear her shrill voice from ground level.

1996 – Time Marches On goes platinum for Tracy Lawrence. Then, in a remarkable instance of life imitating art, time marches on: it proves to be his last platinum album.

1992 – Pure Country premieres in Nashville with Strait, Garth Brooks, Joe Diffie and Randy Travis in attendance. Halfway into the movie, Strait stops the show to confront Diffie, who has been chatting with his neighbor through the whole thing. The altercation ends with Strait telling Diffie, “Go on, get your ass outta here.” Diffie leaves the show early and goes home to write a novelty song about the incident.

1990 – Tim McGraw makes a pact signs a deal with Curb Records.

1980 – Josh Gracin born in Michigan. Rising to prominence on American Idol, he goes on to score country hits like “Nothin’ to Lose (Ann Marie),” “We Weren’t Crazy (Ann Marie)” and “Stay With Me (Brass Bed/Ann Marie).”

1980 – Don Williams’ “I Believe In You” settles into the top spot on Billboard’s country singles chart, while also claiming the top spot on Billboard’s short-lived Gentle Beardyness chart.

1972 – Jimmy Wayne Barber born in Cleveland County, North Carolina. He goes on to score a number of hits in the 2000s under the name Chuck Wicks.

1965 – In a ceremony at the Nashville Municipal Auditorium, Ernest Tubb is named to the Country Music Hall Of Fame. In a brief speech, he thanks them… a lot. (Sorry about this one.)

1958 – Brenda Lee records “Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree” at the Bradley Film & Recording Studio in Nashville. Also recorded that day was the much less popular “Schleppin’ Around the Menorah.”

1958 – Alan Jackson born in Newnan, Georgia. The delivery is by most accounts an extraordinarily majestic one, though Jackson himself modestly remarks that it “weren’t nothing.”

1956 – Dwight Yoakam born in Pikeville, Kentucky. He shows an early affinity for tight pants and baldness.

1941 – Earl Thomas Conley allegedly born in Portsmouth, Ohio. Seems like a chicken and egg deal to me. How could anyone have conceived before the music of Earl Thomas Conley?

1939 – Bill Monroe auditions for the Grand Ole Opry at the WSM Radio studios in downtown Nashville, performing “Foggy Mountain Top,” “Mule Skinner Blues” and “I Got My Game On.”