This is a true story. The name has been changed, but the circumstances have not. I have “Jean’s” permission to share her story.

Jean’s high view of herself is also called high self-esteem. The reason she struggles with the idea of God saving her is because she sees herself as sinning beyond God’s ability to save or that she has sinned so much that God would not want to save her. Either way, she has placed herself outside of God’s power or concern for her.

What she is saying is that she needs more than what God offers. Though she would disagree with this assessment intellectually as well as from a common biblical sense perspective, her functional theology (who she really is and how she really thinks) says that she does believe this.

Jean’s high view of herself or high self-esteem is biblically called self-righteousness. A person who is shocked at what they have done is a person who thinks too highly of themselves. They think they are better (more righteous) than they really are and they are appalled at what they have done.

In such cases the righteousness that Christ offers is not enough. Jean should be relieved to know that prior to salvation she is no different than the Apostle Paul or Adolf Hitler. There are no levels of depravity; we all are equally depraved before God. There may be levels of acting out our sin (Hitler), but there is no person with any hint of righteousness, thus we are all equally hopeless before God and it is only a divine act of God’s mercy that he would save any of us.

The Gospel is not about what we have done, but about what God has done on our behalf. God has atoned for our sins.

Atonement is getting rid of your sin by accepting God’s payment method through the sacrifice of Christ on the Cross. But for Jean, atonement works out in other ways. For example,

• Attempting to do more good than bad
• Denying, justifying or rationalizing her sins away
• Blaming or criticizing others in order to elevate herself, in order to feel good about herself
• Medicating herself in order to mute her conscience.
• Getting angry at others, which is a way of elevating herself above others
• Placing a judgment on herself that God does not place on a person, once he regenerates the person.

None of these “methods” have helped her deal with the reality of her sin. Therefore, her last “method” is suicide. As I stated in my articles on self-esteem, suicide is the end of the road for a person with high self-esteem.

Jean knows she has sinned, but rather than running to the Cross, she is trying to remove her sins in her own way, which she cannot do. This has led her to despair, depression, and thoughts of suicide. She is a big-time sinner who refuses to functionally believe that Christ is enough. From this session with her, I wrote the following five blog posts to unpack Jean’s theology of self and sin. You can read them here: Big Sinners vs. Little Sinners.

Pray for Jean. She is responding, but a lifetime of habituated thinking has adversely affected her. Thankfully, God’s grace is working in her life and she is humbly responding to God’s Word.

Articles in this series

1. A Case Study on Suicide
2. Suicide – 1.0
3. Suicide – 2.0
4. Suicide – 3.0

Related Articles on the Dangers of Self-Esteem

1. Loving Me: The Hidden Agenda of Self-Esteem, 1.0
2. To Lower Your Self-Esteem is Good, 2.0
3. Self-Esteem & the Tale of Ugly Betty, 3.0
4. The End of the Road for High Self-Esteem is Suicide, 4.0
5. Case Study: Sally’s Search for Self-Esteem, 5.0
6. Did J. B. & Paul Struggle with Self-Worth, 6.0

Related Articles on Big Sinners vs. Little Sinners

1. Problem: Big Sinners vs. Little Sinners – 1.0
2. Churches with Big Sinners & Little Sinners – 2.0
3. Adult Sinners with Big Problems – 3.0
4. Acknowledged Sinners with Inexpressible Gratitude – 4.0
5. Big Sinners, Little Sinners & the Worst Sinners – 5.0

Checkout some of our training videos on our YouTube Channel

Free Counseling Advice via Twitter

Free Counseling Advice via Weekly eBlast

Checkout The Christian Counselor Resource Center

The plans for her death were mapped out. The notes were written and the loose ends were tied. There was nothing else to do, but take her life. But before she took that step, she thought she’d make one more phone call. She called you.

Jean is a divorced Christian and the mother of a teenager. She goes to a Southern Baptist church. She does not work due to her psychiatrist’s diagnosis and subsequent medications he has prescribed for her. She is middle-aged, lonely, fearful and tired.

Application Questions

1. What else would you like to know about Jean?
2. What kind of plan would you map out to help her? Be specific and practical.
3. Based on the information you currently have, how do you think Jean got to the point where she wants to take her life?

Articles in this series

1. A Case Study on Suicide
2. Suicide – 1.0
3. Suicide – 2.0
4. Suicide – 3.0

Checkout some of our training videos on our YouTube Channel

Free Counseling Advice via Twitter

Free Counseling Advice via Weekly eBlast

Checkout The Christian Counselor Resource Center

This is a true story. The name has been changed, but the circumstances have not. I have “Jean’s” permission to share her story.

From the previous post: Then it crystallized in my mind. Jean just gave me the theological clue to the mystery that was motivating her to kill herself. She was almost thinking with theological precision–I can’t believe God would save me–but instead of thanking God for the good news, Jean was not believing the Gospel. Jean is self-righteous. That was the clue!

Jean said that she could not believe that God would save her. When most Christians say this, it means they realize how bad they were before God and how incredibly thankful they are that he would save them.

Jean did not think this way. She is not a grateful person. When she said she could not believe that God saved her, she was more focused on her sin than God’s saving grace. She was “problem-centered” rather than “Cross-centered.” Jean is more amazed at what she has done than what Christ has done. In short, Jean has a high view of herself.

Paul saw himself as the chief or foremost of all the sinners, but it did not lead him to depression or despair. It led him to the Cross, where God showed mercy to him. For Paul, he never got over the fact that God regenerated him. Paul was a grateful man. 1 Timothy 1:15-16; 1 Corinthians 2:2.

For Jean, she has not gotten over the facts of the wicked things she has done in her life. Paul’s theology led him to exuberant gratitude. Jean’s theology has led her to depression and thoughts of killing herself. Paul turned outward and other centered while Jean turned inward and self-centered.

A seemingly lose-lose situation

One of the tougher situations in counseling is how to bring difficult truth to a person who is hurting. Sometimes you can’t say what you are thinking because it might be received wrongly or adversely affect the counselee. There are two tensions that the counselor must grapple with when having to bring difficult truth to a person:

1. The counselor can cave to the fear of man, by not communicating the truth.
2. The counselor can communicate the truth harshly and without compassion.

In such cases, the counselor must build a bridge with the person he is serving in order to communicate the truth of God’s Word. The better the bridge built, the more challenging the truth that he can convey. Therefore, the best counseling is done in the context of sustained, biblical relationships.

Jean represents one such counseling situation. She is hurting, but the pain she is in is because of wrong thinking and behaving. Therefore, she needs to be served by communicating the truth of God’s Word in the context of love, hope and care. But how do you tell a person, who already has a high view of herself that she is wrong?

Articles in this series

1. A Case Study on Suicide
2. Suicide – 1.0
3. Suicide – 2.0
4. Suicide – 3.0

Related Articles on the Dangers of Self-Esteem

1. Loving Me: The Hidden Agenda of Self-Esteem, 1.0
2. To Lower Your Self-Esteem is Good, 2.0
3. Self-Esteem & the Tale of Ugly Betty, 3.0
4. The End of the Road for High Self-Esteem is Suicide, 4.0
5. Case Study: Sally’s Search for Self-Esteem, 5.0
6. Did J. B. & Paul Struggle with Self-Worth, 6.0

Related Articles on Big Sinners vs. Little Sinners

1. Problem: Big Sinners vs. Little Sinners – 1.0
2. Churches with Big Sinners & Little Sinners – 2.0
3. Adult Sinners with Big Problems – 3.0
4. Acknowledged Sinners with Inexpressible Gratitude – 4.0
5. Big Sinners, Little Sinners & the Worst Sinners – 5.0

Checkout some of our training videos on our YouTube Channel

Free Counseling Advice via Twitter

Free Counseling Advice via Weekly eBlast

Checkout The Christian Counselor Resource Center

Our Mission Statement

The Counseling Solutions Group is a worldwide non-profit organization helping people who are in situational difficulties. This is accomplished by using Christian principles to train leaders to competently counsel as well as by providing practical and compassionate counseling to individuals in need.

I want to thank you for the trust that you have given me and for the privilege of serving you in some small way in your walk with God.

You are the reason I do what I do and it has been a joy to seek God on your behalf. I am writing to you to ask for your help. Our ministry has grown in some amazing ways this past year.

Our website is getting as many hits in one day as it did the entire first month we launched in July ‘08. Our new client list grows nearly everyday as new folks are finding out about what we are doing. We are currently serving 53 foreign countries, through our training and teaching ministry. Last month we launched our training membership site as well as our YouTube Channel in order to serve the greater body of Christ around the globe.

Additionally, the IRS granted us Non-Profit status this year and there are many more plans for the future as we continue to expand our ministry into churches throughout the world.

My hope is that you will be able to help us carry the name of Christ to many more hurting people here and abroad. You can do this in any of the following ways:

1. Pray that God will continue to equip and expand our ministry.
2. Recommend us and what we are doing to your friends, pastors or ministry leaders by asking them if they would consider letting us help them, either through training or counseling.
3. Give financially to our ministry, either a one-time or regular monthly donation. You can donate through our PayPal Account or via the U.S. Mail. (Please note that PayPal deducts 2.9% from the total amount given.)
4. Ask others, who you believe would love to support what we are doing, if they would donate to The Counseling Solutions Group, Inc.
5. Join our Membership Site for $14.95 per month and enjoy the many articles, videos and other helps that can serve you as well as the people you’d like to care for. (Joining this site would not be considered a donation by the IRS, because you would be receiving services from us.)

If you would like to make a donation, you can do this by writing a check to The Counseling Solutions Group, Inc. and mailing it to 120 Goodridge Court, Greer, SC 29651. As you may know, we are a Non-Profit Organization, so any donation is tax deductible.

Checkout some of our training videos on our YouTube Channel

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Yes or No Questions

1. Are you a Christian?
2. Do you love God?
3. Do you love others?
4. Do you love God’s Word?
5. Do you love to see others changed by God’s Word?

If you answered “yes” to all of the questions above, you are a counselor. If you prefer the word “discipler,” that is fine. I actually prefer that word as well. Another term is biblical friendship. However, if you answered “no” to any of the questions above, please email me to set-up an appointment.

Counseling is not the biblical norm, but discipleship is and every Christian is called to care for one another in some form of discipleship context. Each Christian can and should participate in the care of others, according to their gifting.  We should not be asking whether or not we are counselors as much as …

1. How can I be a friend to my brother or sister?
2. How can I care for my brother or sister?
3. What role can I play in the care of others?
4. What do I need to do in order to be better equipped as a discipler for Christ?

The essence of the gospel is going from one place to another in order to help a people in need. See Philippians 2:5-8. This is what every Christian should be doing.

Here are some helpful verses for you. Place your cursor over the verse to read them in the pop-up boxes:

1. Romans 15:14
2. Matthew 22:36-40
3. Matthew 28:19-20
4. Romans 14:19
5. 1 Corinthians 12:25
6. Ephesians 4:25
7. Ephesians 4: 32
8. Colossians 3:13
9. Colossians 3:16
10. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
11. Hebrews 10:24-25
12. James 5:16
13. 1 Peter 4:9
14. 1 Peter 4:10

Other related articles:

• Case Study: Counselees and the Local Church
• Case Study: Are You NANC Certified?
• Should I Be NANC Certified?
• To Certify or Not to Certify: That is the Question for Counselors
• Counseling Solutions Training Program to Equip Counselors
• Desire and Burden Do Not Make a Biblical Counselor
• Inherent Liabilities with Biblical Counseling
• Counseling Today: Standing on Jay’s Shoulders, Pt. 1
• Counseling Today: Standing on Jay’s Shoulders, Pt. 2
• Can’t the Local Church Do This?
• Two Ways to Become a Better Counselor
• My Top Choices for Counselor Training
• Do I Need a License to Be a Christian Counselor

Checkout some of our training videos on our YouTube Channel

Free Counseling Advice via Twitter

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Checkout The Christian Counselor Resource Center

Later this week I’ll be adding this seminar, with the complete notes and Audio-Visual-Keynote Presentation to our training site at The Christian Counselor Resource Center.

Here are some of the highlights:

HOW CAN I CHANGE? If you identify the true ruling motive of your heart, then you are at the real starting place in the discipleship/counseling process.

All of our sin patterns are rooted in our functional theology, at the level of our heart, rather than in the behavioral manifestations of our perceived problems.

EUPHEMISM: A mild or indirect word or expression substituted for one considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing.

Unbiblical reasons why we do what we do…

Application Thoughts

1. If we don’t get the Gospel right, lasting change is not likely to happen.
2. Should change not take place, e.g. when suffering does not go away, we can still have joy because of the Gospel.
3. If our motives are rooted in something else other than the Gospel, then we’ll glory in something other than the Cross.
4. Our starting point will determine our ending point: begin with the Gospel and you’ll end glorifying God.

Checkout some of our training videos on our YouTube Channel

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Here are the teaching notes for this seminar

• Are you generally more concerned about those you counsel?
• Or do you generally feel more responsible for those you counsel?

There is a difference.

Paul Tripp taught us that there is a sphere of responsibility and a sphere of concern. The sphere ofresponsibility should be much smaller than the sphere of concern. I am responsible for a few things and I am concerned about many things.

In counseling, it is one thing to be responsible for someone to change and a wholly other matter to be concerned as to whether they actually change.

I do weep for some of my counselees. I pray for all of them. And I will bend over backwards to speak the truth in love to them. My hope is that they will change. But I am not responsible for them changing. I cannot make them change. Repentance is a gift from God and I never know when he will grant it.

How do I know when I have crossed the line from being concerned for those I serve to feeling responsible for them changing?

That is a good question, but I cannot answer it for you.

However, I do know when I cross the line from being appropriately concerned for them to caring too much for them.

It looks like this for me

1. I’m tempted to become angry when they do not change.
2. I can become critical when I think about them.
3. I gossip about my counselees to my wife.
4. I’m tempted to be cynical and lose faith in God that they will ever change.
5. I become impatient when I am with them.
6. I exhibit more sadness than joy when I think about them.

When I sense these sin temptations rising in my soul I know that my trust is slipping from the Savior of the Universe to my abilities, agendas and preferences for them. In short, I have become a Mini-Messiah. In these moments I believe the change process rests more on me and my opinion on how things should be than whatever God may be thinking or doing in this situation.

Once I repent of my pride and realize that my main purpose is to water and plant the seed while trusting God to bring the growth, then my human ability to serve my friends does not impede what God is or may be doing in their lives.

However, when I begin to feel more responsible than God intends me to feel, then I typically sin against them. And that becomes a distraction in the counseling process.

My faith for change and the timing for change must be fully in God, especially when I’m counseling the seemingly unchangeable.

Other Articles in This Series

• Case Study: A Frustrated Counselor Counseling Someone Who Won’t Change
• Having the Right Perspective On Someone Who Will Not Change
• Getting Comfortable as God’s Water Boy
• Two Reasons Why a Person Will Not Change
• Inherent Liabilities of Biblical Counseling

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Checkout The Christian Counselor Resource Center

Scripture reveals that the great business of life is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever. In this paradigm-shattering classic, newly revised and expanded, John Piper reveals that the debate between duty and delight doesn’t truly exist: Delight is our duty. Join him as he unveils stunning, life impacting truths you saw in the Bible but never dared to believe.

Desiring God Ministries was founded in 1994 by Pastor John Piper of Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis, MN. Desiring God exists to say that God’s ultimate goal is to glorify himself. Everything they do aims to spread a passion for the supremacy of God in all things for the joy of all peoples through Jesus Christ. Learn how they accomplish that and how you can join in the mission at www.desiringgod.org

Christianaudio is truly thankful for the ministry of Desiring God and appreciative of Waterbrook-Multnomah for allowing us to offer this book. The Waterbrook Multnomah Publishing Group is committed to creating products that both intensify and satisfy the elemental thirst for a deeper relationship with God.

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This is a true story. The name has been changed, but the circumstances have not. I have “Jean’s” permission to share her story.

Jean picked up the phone and started calling people at random. Somehow she had my number. She said she did not know why she was calling, but felt as though she should. She began to tell me her story. Jean was at the end of a very difficult and frustrating life. She had “tried God” and he didn’t work for her.

The plans for her death were mapped out. The notes were written and the loose ends were tied. There was nothing else to do, but take her life. But before she took that step, she thought she’d make one more phone call. She called me.

She came to my office that day. We met, talked and mapped out another plan. She had little faith for what I was telling her, but was willing to give it a try. I gave her some hope, along with a couple of homework assignments and set-up a time to meet her one week later. We have been meeting each week since.

Jean is progressing. She is not “out of the woods” of her despair, but she is doing better. I have set her up with a female counselor friend of mine and she is now meeting with her on one day and me on another day.

At a recent meeting, Jean told me that she could not believe that God had saved her. She became a Christian about 20 years ago. On the surface, as I listened to her, I thought this was a perfect and wonderful understanding of who she was before God intervened and how he graciously came to her to save her. However, she was in despair, depression, and was thinking about killing herself. As she was talking, I was thinking to myself,

“If she understands the Gospel, as articulated by what she just said, then why is the Gospel not working for her? I, too, am amazed that God would regenerate anyone, but especially me. But instead of despairing about the Good News, it motivates me toward inexpressible gratitude and joy for this wonderful gift. But Jean is not affected this way. Why not?”

Then it crystallized in my mind. Jean just gave me the theological clue to the mystery that was motivating her to kill herself. She was almost thinking with theological precision–I can’t believe God would save me–but instead of thanking God for the good news, Jean was not believing the Gospel. Jean is self-righteous. That was the clue!

From my conversations with Jean, I wrote the “related articles” below. I will continue the rest of Jean’s story this week.

Articles in this series

1. A Case Study on Suicide
2. Suicide – 1.0
3. Suicide – 2.0
4. Suicide – 3.0

Related Articles on Big Sinners vs. Little Sinners

1. Problem: Big Sinners vs. Little Sinners – 1.0
2. Churches with Big Sinners & Little Sinners – 2.0
3. Adult Sinners with Big Problems – 3.0
4. Acknowledged Sinners with Inexpressible Gratitude – 4.0
5. Big Sinners, Little Sinners & the Worst Sinners – 5.0

Checkout some of our training videos on our YouTube Channel

Free Counseling Advice via Twitter

Free Counseling Advice via Weekly eBlast

Checkout The Christian Counselor Resource Center

Lucia also ran her first 5K today. She cut two minutes off her time. She was fantastic. Unfortunately, we had some camera problems and couldn’t get a pic of her.

It was a perfect morning with a slight mist and in the sixties.