Correr Es Mi Destino

Good Luck Nobita—A New Tee!

Zhu — Wed, 22 May 2013 12:00:59 +0000

Good Luck Nobita Tee

Note: this sounds like a sponsored article but it’s not. No one paid me or offered me anything to take this awkward pose with my new tee. I know—sad, isn’t it!

T-shirts have always been my favourite item of clothing. They are usually cheap, they are comfortable, they can be stylish, silly or plain, and they are very forgetful—t-shirts pretty much always fit no matter your size, your weight or your body shape.

I have a pretty impressive collection of t-shirts, from oversized bands and political tees I use for sleeping shirts to more trendy ones in smaller “girly” sizes I love to wear with a nice pair of jeans (jeans that fit perfectly are my second favourite item of clothing, but they are rarer than a unicorn!).

I fuel my t-shirts addiction at place like RW&Co, Old Navy or Winners. T-shirts are also one of the few things I buy online, and I often shop at Threadless where I find cool designer tees at good prices. The quality is great too, I’ve had their tees for years and they still look great despite being worn and washed very often.

I’m a bit picky when it comes to tees, though. I stay away from those displaying a brand prominently (I’m not a walking advertisement board, unless you pay me to wear your shit!). I don’t like paying high shipping fees—a $10 tee is not a bargain when shipping and handling is another $10. And I want tees that fit well—what, I have boobs to show!—not your shapeless oversized t-shirt designed for guys.

After I had Mark, I felt like shopping again. I was sick and tired of all the clothes I wore when I was pregnant and I was ready for something new. Maybe it’s part of my “identity crisis”, maybe it’s a natural reaction after baking a baby for nine months, who knows. I wanted to splurge on myself and feel good in my clothes.

But lately, I haven’t found any inspiring design on Threadless. So I subscribed to Day of the Shirt, a website aggregating limited edition designer t–shirt sales from different popular stores. After a couple of weeks, I finally found a design that caught my eye: “Good Luck Nobita” by designer Jeda, available on Unamee. Doraemon is a robotic cat, displayed here in a cartoonish way like maneki-neko, common Japanese lucky charm. These “fortune cats”, beckoning with an upright paw, are usually displayed at the entrance in shops, restaurants, etc. in Asia. The characters say “welcome luck” (in Chinese anyway, I don’t speak Japanese so I don’t know if these kanjis have a different meaning—hopefully not!). The perfect design for our multicultural household!

Ordering on Unamee was pretty straightforward. The tee was $10 and delivery to Canada, and taxes and delivery brought the total to just under $17, which is still reasonable. I paid with my Paypal account and I didn’t even have to create an account, I was able to use the guest checkout—bonus points for that, I’m sick and tired of registering on various websites just to browse or buy something.

I ordered the tee on April 2 and it was delivered on April 15—not bad! The envelope contained the folded tee and an invoice, that’s it. No note, no coupons (okay, I didn’t really expect anything!). The fabric of the tee was soft and pretty thick, good quality here. The colour (a deep navy blue) is nice and the design was printed correctly.

I ordered the smaller girl size, a “S”, and it is still a bit too large for me. It fits well but it doesn’t have a close fit. Better a bit too big than too small though!

Overall, I’m pretty happy with that new tee and with Unamee. If another of their limited-edition tees catches my eyes, I will definitely order from them again.

How about you? Got any funky tees websites to share? Where do you shop? What’s your favourite item of clothing?

Good Luck Nobita Tee

Ottawa Tulips Festival – 2013 Edition

Zhu — Mon, 20 May 2013 12:00:59 +0000

I’m telling you—our annual “flower porn” session feels awesome after this long and cold winter! Bonus: this year I am not pregnant and it’s much easier to bend down to take macro pictures. On the other side, I do have to deal with Mark who isn’t a huge fan of flowers…!

The annual Tulips Festival opened on a very warm week and the flowers were all in bloom. It was beautiful, as usual. We went to Dow’s Lake and by the Canal on several occasions to capture the beautiful sea of colours.

I am so ready for summer!

You can see all the pictures of the Ottawa Tulips Festival 2013 Edition on Flickr.

2013 Ottawa Tulips Festival

Hire Immigrants Ottawa – Bringing Together Newcomers and Employers

Zhu — Sat, 18 May 2013 12:00:17 +0000

Every year, around 250,000 new permanent residents land in Canada. While Montreal, Toronto and Vancouver are still the top cities of choice for newcomers, Ottawa, the national capital, is becoming home to a greater proportion of Canada’s immigrants.

Canada welcomes immigrants for a variety of reasons, including to help the country address challenges such as an aging workforce and demands for skilled labour. However, many newcomers run into settlement difficulties, like having their foreign credentials recognized, fitting into the Canadian work culture and networking their way to a job that truly matches their skills.

So how can we bridge the gap and build a better country?

At a national level, the Government of Canada offers resources and help to newcomers before and after their landing experience.

But smaller community-focused initiatives also exist at the city level, such as Hire Immigrants Ottawa (HIO), launched in 2007. This local non-profit organization brings together employers, immigrant agencies and stakeholders to enhance employers’ ability to access the talents of skilled immigrants in the Ottawa area.

As a former newcomer and a new Canadian, I fully support these kinds of initiatives. First, I appreciate the fact that employers are becoming more aware of the many challenges related to the workforce integration of immigrants and that they recognize the opportunity to access global talent that is in Ottawa. Second, I believe Ottawa is a great city to settle in and that we have a lot to offer to newcomers. Finally, I support the idea that immigrants and long-time Canadians can work together to understand cultural differences, and build a better country… and a better world.

HIO’s objective is to increase the capacity of employers in the Ottawa region to effectively integrate skilled immigrants into the local workforce. Its approach includes:

An Employer Council of Champions featuring senior executives from top Ottawa employers that champion the integration of skilled immigrants into the labour force;
Sector Working Groups that address systemic barriers in their respective sectors; and
Information and awareness activities that promote greater understanding of the social and economic value that immigrants bring to Ottawa.

Let’s be clear: HIO is an initiative that mostly focuses on the “employer” side of the story—this is not the place to contact when you are looking for a job. However, as a newcomer, HIO’s website can be a goldmine of information:

You can browse the Employer Excellence Award recipients who were recognized for their best practices in hiring immigrants in Ottawa. This is a great way to scout local prospective employers. You may also want to read several of the success stories that highlight how newcomers benefit their workplace.
You can refer to an up-to-date page of useful resources for skilled immigrants looking for a job in Ottawa.
You can check out the programs offered to help newcomers become familiar with Canadian workplaces.

If you are an employer in the Ottawa region, I would encourage you to get in touch with Hire Immigrants Ottawa to learn from their expertise. You will gain access to many tools and resources to provide your workforce, and organization, with a competitive edge in today’s global economy, including cultural competency seminars and workshops, local labour market research, and free-of-cost access to a pool of pre-screened, highly trained newcomers in our city.

So go check out their website, and jump in!

Picture of the Week: The Polite Sign

Zhu — Fri, 17 May 2013 12:00:53 +0000

A Very Polite Sign, Ottawa, May 2013

Canadians have the international reputation of being polite and courteous—and this apparently extends to our signs.

Construction work is a pain for everyone, pedestrians and drivers alike. Unfortunately, in Canada, because of our long and harsh winter, spring and summer are known are “construction season”. Tons of projects, from road repairs to paving, from condo developments to building demolitions, are underway all across the city. This often causes traffic delays, road blocks, dust and leads to a myriad of little annoyances.

Fortunately, this über-polite sign makes of forgetful:

“Work in progress.

Sorry for the inconvenience caused.

These improvements are for you.”

Well, I’m not sure if I will benefits from these improvements, whatever they are, but at least the apology sounds sincere!

Welcome to Canada, where our signs are oh-so-polite!

“It Gets Better…”—Okay, So When Exactly?

Zhu — Wed, 15 May 2013 12:00:10 +0000

28 Weeks

Everybody said so: “raising kids gets easier with time, it does get better”.

These wise souls just didn’t say when.

Some days, I’m incredibly frustrated with Mark, so frustrated that I feel like bursting into tears and sobbing uncontrollably. Correction—I do sob uncontrollably but can’t indulge for too long because I usually have to comfort Mark afterwards.

Some days, I wish I could run away and start a new life somewhere in the jungle under a new identity (like “Jane”, for instance).

Some days, I wonder if I will ever get a life back. Like, you know, being able to relax a bit, and indulging in spending more than five seconds in the bathroom.

I’m not going to lie: raising a baby is probably the hardest job I have ever had. It beats being on call 24/7 for a political party or standing around in the cold selling flowers in front of a LCBO (yes, I had shitty jobs in the past).

I just want Mark to be happy. Sure, he is going to cry once in a while, but I hate the constant whining, sobbing, drama, crankiness, fusiness. Okay, maybe it’s not “constant” but it certainly feels like it some days.

I don’t mind completing the “baby duties”, such as feeding, bathing, changing, entertaining, teaching, playing, cutting nails and hair, cleaning, etc. Sure, it’s tiring and somewhat repetitive but I feel like I accomplish something.

What I hate is trying to keep a fussy six-month-old baby busy. There is only so much you can do with a baby. You can’t play for too long, they get tired and frustrated. You can’t really do your usual tasks and include the baby in them—they demand a lot of attention and you have to stop whatever you were doing every five seconds. So you are left being frustrated because you can’t exactly just sit around all day with the baby in your arm.

Some days, I just don’t have the energy anymore. I’m so tired that I can’t think straight. I barely remember what I did the previous day, and I can only hope for the day to end. I’m going through the motion in autopilot and the worst part is, I feel like I don’t have any stamina left for “fun stuff”, like playing with Mark or just being a “nice mother” instead of his personal slave.

Cause that’s what it feels like—bloody slavery. “I’m hungry, feed me”. “I’m tired, hold me.” “I’m bored, make funny noises.” Okay, he doesn’t exactly say that but that’s how it works and trust me, he knows how to get what he wants.

He is strong too. He kicks, punches, hits, and I have to “restrain” him when I change him, bath him or feed him so that he doesn’t get hurt—and so that I don’t get more bruises. I hate that. I wish we could cuddle, I don’t always feel like being kicked all the time, nine months of that was enough, merci beaucoup.

And it’s just the two of us, Feng and I. Whenever I take a break, Feng has to take care of him, whenever he is busy it’s my turn. Because of course, on top of being parents-in-training, we are also both working, both freelancing from home. But I don’t truly relax when Feng takes care of him—not because I don’t trust him he does an awesome job, but because I know he is as tired and busy as I am. And I’m terrified one of us is going to break down, mentally or physically. And we have no backup. It’s the two of us and Mark, that’s it.

That’s a shitload of responsibilities on my shoulders. And I do take my role seriously… but I can only do so much.

I don’t know how other people do it. I feel bad complaining, really, because I think we still have it easy. Mark is, despite everything I just wrote, fairly easy-going. I met a mother at the playground who had twins the same age as Mark, and one of them has Down Syndrome—how does she do it? I see parents with two, three, four very young kids—they seem to survive just fine.

Am I just a whiner? It’s kind of taboo to write, as a mother, that you are tired of your own kid. I hate admitting it, but that’s how I feel sometimes.

I wish someone could take care of me like I take care of baby Dragon.

I know Mark is cute, that he is bright and smart, and that he loves us. Well, hopefully he does.

But some days… some days, I wish it’d be easier. Who would have thought being a family was so much work?

Sail Away for a Holiday to Remember

Zhu — Tue, 14 May 2013 10:00:14 +0000

If you’re after a holiday to remember and, indeed, perhaps the holiday of a lifetime, you can’t go far wrong with a luxury cruise holiday—especially when you travel with a cruise operator like Royal Caribbean International.

Let’s start with the dazzling array of destinations on offer. On Independence of the Seas alone, you can visit the Caribbean Coast of Mexico and alight at Cozumel, or head to Labadee in Haiti to explore the region’s spectacular beaches and stunning wilderness. Closer to home, Independence of the Seas can take you to Le Havre for a trip to Paris, to the historical wonders of Rome, to Tenerife, or to the stunning rocky wilderness and Portuguese culture of Madeira.

But breath-taking destinations aside, that’s not what Royal Caribbean has become famous for. This innovative cruise operator is better known for its quite impressive range of on-board facilities. Just take a look at what’s on offer on Independence of the Seas. There’s a FlowRider surf simulator, a rock-climbing wall, ice-skating rink, a basketball court and even a full-sized boxing ring.

If you want to take it easy, you can kick back in luxury at the spa or try a relaxing yoga session. There’s a fabulous waterpark for kids (and big kids too), a shopping village, a Vegas-style casino and too many different evening entertainment options to mention. From theatre productions and comedy clubs to piano lounges and English pubs, you’ll never have the chance to get bored.

All that — on just one ship! It’s pretty impressive stuff, and there are plenty more where that came from. You can check out the full range of Royal Caribbean holidays direct or go to a tour operator like Thomas Cook to scour a much wider range of cruise holidays from the best operators on the market. Head to www.thomascook.com/cruise or, for details on Independence of the Seas, find out more here — http://www.thomascook.com/cruise/lines/royal-caribbean/independence-of-the-seas/

Talk about a holiday to remember…

"Welcome to the United States of America, Honey!”

Zhu — Mon, 13 May 2013 12:00:40 +0000

“It’s his first trip abroad,” I say.

“Oh! Welcome to the United States of America, Honey!”

The woman smiles at Mark, who smiles back. He is just too happy to be out of the car seat, and he is enjoying watching fast food employees running back and forth between the cash register and the kitchen.

I’m waiting for my coffee at Tim Hortons. But this is not the Tim Hortons at the corner of our street—it’s a bona fide American branch of the Canadian franchise. My humongous cup even reads “roasted in Rochester, NY”.

We are in Ogdensburg, New York State. Mark’s first international trip. Oh, I’m so proud of him—so far, he behaves.

Okay, this is not exactly and new-and-exotic location. Ogdensburg is the closest US town from Ottawa, a quick one-hour drive from home. But still, technically, it’s the first time Mark goes abroad—the three or four international trips he took when he was in my womb (France, New York State, NY City, France and London) don’t count, do they?

Mark is one of us now, a mini-traveler. We got him a passport. Applying for his first travel document was a strangely formal affair that began with very precise passport picture requirements (no smiling, mouth closed, eyes open, etc.). Fortunately, Mark is kind of used to me taking pictures of him and it was easy to get a good head-shot of him.

I filled out the passport application, still doing the usual double-take—yep, that’s me signing in the “mother” case. We then queued for 90 minutes at the Passport Canada office to drop off the application, and we were told to come back two weeks later.

Indeed, a fortnight later, Mark’s passport was ready. He got the newer kind, a completely redesigned document with a chip, additional security features and some cool images of the country.

So we decided to test Mark’s passport—and his behaviour when confronted to a new environment—by taking a day trip to Ogdensburg. Mission accomplished!

We hang out by the St Lawrence River, enjoyed the local playground and shopped at Walmart for oh-so-exotic US products.

Mark, the mini-backpacker… yep, he is our son!

You can see the complete set of pictures taken in the U.S.A. on Flickr.

Bridge Between Canada and the US

Ogdensburg

American Teens, Fast Food and Big Cars

St Lawrence River

Little House on the River

Pump Out $5

Gone Fishin’

Mark in the Swing

Mom and Son

Mark in the Swing

The St Lawrence and Canada

Ogdensburg Marina

The St Lawrence and Canada

May & Seven Months… in Numbers!

Zhu — Sun, 12 May 2013 12:00:52 +0000

Mark in Ogdensburg

Mark is turning seven-month-old on May 12, and it’s time for the monthly highlight of new baby skills learned and milestones reached!

Funny that his seven-month “birthday” is on Mother’s Day… my first Mother Day as a mother. Still feels weird!

At his six-month doctor visit, Mark was almost 70 centimeters tall and he weighed 8.4 kg—not bad for a baby who had trouble gaining weight at first. He outgrew plenty of outfits and we will need a new car seat soon. On the positive side, I do not need to do arm curls—just carrying him and holding him is enough exercise for my biceps!

Mark isn’t really crawling yet but when he is on his tummy, he can move 360° like the hand of a clock. It’s pretty funny to watch… if you can ignore the screams. He is very frustrated that he hasn’t found out how to move forward yet and yells at his toys when they “escape” out of his reach.

He is also in the “throwing stuff and watching mommy picking them up is so fun” stage. Mommy does not find it so amusing after twenty times, especially when she is trying to cook dinner.

He grabs objects—and my hair—very well and transfers them from one hand to another. He has good motor skills in general—gone are the days when he couldn’t bring his own fingers to his mouth!

Mark can now sit unassisted, although we stay around because he can lose his balance pretty fast when distracted. He can also hold himself up on his legs while supported… he is strong!

We tried solid food and it went well for a while until he suddenly lost interest in it. The sudden change of weather and working on other skill kept him— and me—busy, but we will try again soon. Meanwhile, he still drinks formula.

So, after month one, month two, month three, month four, month five, month six… here is month seven, in numbers!

Number of international trips taken: One, to the U.S.A.! We went to Ogdensburg, New York State, for a day, and enjoyed some shopping and sight-seeing. A backpacker in training, hopefully!

Number of official documents received: Mark got his first Canadian passport! The process was fairly straightforward and it’s valid for three years. Good to go!

Number of museum visited: One, the Canadian Museum of Civilizations, where we hadn’t been in a while. We took Mark to the Children’s Museum and had fun showing him around.

Number of visits at the neighbourhood playground: Many many many…! He is too young yet for most of the traditional playground games, but he doesn’t mind the swing. The playground is a completely new environment for him, and he has fun watching the other kids play.

Food introduced: Before he decided that solid food wasn’t that much fun, he did eat carrots, green beans, sweet potatoes, apple & sweet corn and baby cereals. And ice cream, from daddy’s spoon.

Rebellious moments: Plenty! I think Mark is started to test our authority. He can cry because he is hungry, thirsty, tired, hot, etc. But as we discovered, he can also cry “just for the sake of it” and stop immediately as soon as he gets his way, like having a toy picked up or being out of the car seat.

Major new skills: Sitting unassisted, moving on his tummy… and smiling back to anyone who call him “a cute baby”!

Family Self-Portrait

[Interview] Jeff, an American Globetrotter Settling in Nova Scotia

Zhu — Sat, 11 May 2013 12:00:20 +0000

Jeff Parker

Jeff and his family live in a fishing village just outside Halifax, on the east coast of Canada. After years of managing IT information security, Jeff now runs his own consulting business out of his home. This allows his biggest passion: being around his two young kids.

Jeff knows from his own experience and believes in his heart that anyone can live a more fulfilling life by experiencing life abroad. Jeff has perfected his guidance and has helped many others go from debt-strapped, 9-to-5 lives to happier (and cheaper) lives overseas. Feel free to browse his blog for his musings, practical advice and write him directly for help!

1) Why did you decide to move to Canada?

We came to Canada mostly because it was my wife’s “turn.” She’s Canadian, from Nova Scotia.

Since meeting each other 15 years ago, we lived elsewhere: South Korea, US, and Czech Republic. Since marrying, we have 2 children. So, we felt it was time to make our home in Canada: for the grandparents, for the kids, and for us. No doubt, it was a rough transition to start, but it’s been about 3 years and we have positively no regrets.

Will we stay here for the rest of our lives? No friggin’ way, but that’s us.

2) Did you find the immigration process difficult? Which immigration category did you apply in, and how long did it take for you to get permanent residence status?

We found the process to be less difficult than the US’s (wife gained US citizenship in 2006, 6 years after starting). One thing where the Canadian Immigration process “shines” is it understands that you and a spouse/partner are humans. By comparison, the US process was cold and intolerable to likely situations, such as “we’re married” or “we’d like to live together while we wait.”

Canada was much easier, allowing me to live in Canada with my wife and our children. On paper, I was essentially a tourist. It was 14 months after applying that I got my open work permit, allowing me to start my own business (or work for anyone if I wanted). It was an additional 9 months or so before I got permanent residence. So, I was a tourist for 2 years.

Could I travel outside Canada during my process? Yes, I crossed into the US and back into Canada with ease because I could provide proof that “my PR application was sent and is pending” – magic words to the border guy.

Immigration can be most difficult for anyone who needs immediate gratification. If you can accept the “hurry up and wait” mentality required of you, then you’ll be fine. If you have trouble waiting for the toaster to pop up, then immigration will be a total bitch. In short, I just say “have patience – they’ll get back to you.”

3) How did your kids adapt to the move?

Surprisingly well. Kids are more resilient than we often give them credit for.

That said, they are a product of their environment and their lives to date. We overheard a great example just last week at the dinner table. My five-year son asked his seven-year old sister what school he’ll be going to. He finally asked “And will we go to the same high school, too?” Her reply? “Well, maybe, but who knows…we may be living somewhere else by then. We could go to high school in Vietnam for all we know!” My wife and I looked at each other with a “Wow, okay…” glance. And maybe they will.

One huge advantage of having grown up in different places: ability to make friends easily. Both my children are outgoing and their peers seem to gravitate to them naturally. From my son’s pre-school report: “good self-image, happy and outgoing li’l guy, always a pleasant personality and excellent attitude.” That’s describing a five-year old who has learned to adapt to bigger changes than most adults.

4) Do you speak French? Any funny Canadian vocabulary you picked up in English?

As an American, I know far less French than your average Canadian. But it’s not a big disadvantage unless you really wish you could work a civil servant job. It’s important for Canada-hopeful Americans to know that some provinces aren’t nearly as bilingual as say, New Brunswick or French-centric as obviously Quebec. In Nova Scotia, you only need “sirop d’érable.”

5) How do you find the cost of living here compared to the US?

Higher. In our case, much higher. When we compare New Hampshire (no sales or income tax) to Nova Scotia, it hurts. Here, tack on a hefty 15% sales tax on top of already higher priced products. Gallon of milk = $5.70. Gallon of gas = $4.90.

That said, health care = free. University = far, far cheaper.

6) What has been your biggest culture shock so far?

Our transition from Prague, Czech Republic to downtown Dartmouth, Nova Scotia. Think: from Cinderella’s castle to Batman’s Metropolis. It was a very tough year.

Our idea was to rent in a shithole depressed area for a year, while we stabilized enough to buy a house just where we wanted. Looking back, it worked well, but the transition was hard while it lasted.

There hasn’t been any real, lasting culture shocks. I feel by now, we understand a culture shock is the reaction to differences unexpected. We overcome the “shock” because we expect to feel the difference. We choose to change and adapt, rather than fight it. So, there’s little shock. It’s when you don’t expect any differences, that the culture shocks are most felt…that’s why many expats suffer from “reverse culture shock” when returning.

7) What aspect of life in Canada did you adopt right away?

Speaking English. I’ll admit, in Prague I was getting frustrated with the Czech language. I’m no stranger to learning foreign languages, but Czech got to me in a bad way after just 2–3 years there. When we set sail for Canada, I was most looking forward to hearing and speaking only English.

8) What’s one thing you don’t like in Canada?

Airfare is so very expensive here. I miss the super-cheap fares of Europe. When we lived in Prague, we could fly many hours across countries for 1/10^th the cost of flying anywhere within Canada. Of course, having to buy four seats compounds the problem.

I should add, when you compare distances, airfare is most expensive for domestic travel. It’s almost always cheaper to fly to Cuba than across Canada. It’s cheaper for east coast residents to get to Europe, than to the west coast, where they spend less to get to Asia. Things that make you go Hmmmm.

9) What’s the best part about living in Nova Scotia?

My wife. Her family. Having for once the option to say, “Let’s go to grandma and grandpa’s house!” and it doesn’t involve baggage claim or even an overnight stay.

10) What advice would you give to someone interested in becoming an expat in Canada or elsewhere?

Do it. To absolutely anyone, in any situation, I suggest they spend just a part of their lives in a different place, different culture, among different people, food, even language.

Travel with the intent to relocate. The “to relocate” part forces us to have to adapt, not just tolerate.

10 Signs You Are Still New to Canada

Zhu — Thu, 09 May 2013 12:00:01 +0000

Look and Feel Canadian! (Funny lipstick spotted in France in 2010)

Moving to a new country is exciting, scary and challenging. You will likely ride an emotional rollercoaster as you adapt to your new environment—and yes, you will deal with many small cultural differences that may not seem obvious at first.

But little by little, you will adapt. And one day, you will look back and realize how “Canadian” you have become compared to your friends or family members visiting, or compared to most newcomers.

Meanwhile, here are ten signs that you are still new to Canada!

It’s 10°C and you are still wearing a scarf and a winter jacket—you even have a pair of gloves stuffed in your pocket. Strangely enough, most people around you are wearing shorts, skirts and t-shirts—these weird folks are “true” Canadians celebrating the beginning of spring. Don’t worry, give it a few years and you will find yourself rummaging through your “summer clothes” box at the bottom of the closet as soon as the thermometer hits 0°C.

Barely awake, you ask for an extra-large coffee at Tim Hortons and wince when half a liter of hot sugary water is brought to the counter. Remember: in Canada, everything is bigger than in most countries (unless you are travelling to the United States!). A “small” or “medium” size is usually big enough!

You attempt to walk from one end of a street to the other end. The bad news is, streets here can be several kilometers long. Yonge Street, in Toronto, is one of the longest streets in the world at 1,896 km. Ahem… enjoy your walk!

You find endless conversations about the weather awkward and boring—can’t they talk about anything else? No you did not witness the North American Ice Storm of 1998. Yes, it is quite chilly today with a windchill of –40°C. No, you didn’t check the Weather Network and you don’t give a damn about the 14-day trend. Gosh, what’s with these Canadians?

You think Canadian Tire only sells… well, tires. And you quite don’t get what the big deal is with the stack of Canadian Tire money on your co-worker’s desk.

You can’t help wondering whether Don Cherry is colour-blind or if his stylist truly hates him. And why he is always pissed off, screaming at the players? Isn’t hockey supposed to be just a game, for Christ’s sake?

You know that it can’t be the sea but you can’t help marveling at how huge and endless rivers and lakes seem to be.

Of course you know Canadian bands and singers! Like… Céline Dion. And this band that always plays on radio—ah, Nickelback! And there is this kid as well, the one who looked like an idiot wearing overalls when meeting Stephen Harper. The who? The Tragically Hip? Billy Talent? Crash Test Dummies? The Watchmen? Nope, never heard of them.

You don’t speak a word of French. Like, not a single word. Hint: start reading the back of any product package and you will pick it up in no time! Mais oui! Free French lessons with each box of cereal—a Canada-only special offer! (Warning: not applicable for products sold in Chinatown, the translation will likely be hilariously atrocious).

You wonder why people apologize when you accidentally bump into them, offend them, ask them to repeat something, etc. Welcome to Canadian, where apologizing for no reason is a national pastime. Sorry, eh!