Conversion Diary

The Saturday Evening Blog Post

2009-11-07T12:47:00.004-06:00

Once again it's time for ~~Shameless Self-Promotion Saturday~~ The Saturday Evening Blog Post, where Elizabeth Esther asks bloggers to submit their favorite post from the past month from their own blogs. This month I chose my post about what I learned from my computer fast since those lessons continue to impact my life in a big way. Head on over to Elizabeth's place to read some great stuff or submit your own link!

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 57)

2009-11-06T00:00:00.011-06:00

--- 1 ---

We had the flu run through the house this week, hence the infrequent posting. We had a very similar experience to what B-Mama at Building Cathedrals describes here, where we all got sick a few days after my two- and three-year-old daughters got the swine flu nasal mist vaccine. They say that the live viruses in the vaccine can't cause the flu, but I have to wonder about the timing. Anyway, what are you guys doing about flu vaccines this year?

--- 2 ---

One funny thing that came of me being sick is that I lost my voice. It certainly set a different tone for the house, and it was really cute how the kids kept answering me in whispers. But it was also exasperating when they'd be into some mischief and I couldn't raise my voice to get their attention. You should have seen the delighted looks on their faces when I saw them pouring out Cheerios onto the kitchen floor from across the room and all I could do was wave my hands and whisper for them to stop.

--- 3 ---

I finally bought Four Witnesses after reading a bunch of reviews that basically said "I WILL CUT OFF MY RIGHT ARM IN PROTEST IF YOU DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK!!!!" Well, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but people seemed to really like it. I'm only about 30 pages in, but now I see why.

Rod Bennett does an incredible job of weaving in the writings of the earliest Christians with historical context about what was going on in the time and place in which they lived, and the result is a fascinating look into history that reads like a good novel. The only down side is that stayed up way too late last night reading it. A huge thank you to everyone who recommended it!

--- 4 ---

I've figured out what I believe is the best invention in the history of humankind. The wheel? Eh, it's OK, but no. The printing press? Sure, I guess that was nice and all, but no. No, the by far greatest thing that the human mind has ever created is: That yellow line that indicates first down for football television broadcasts.

Who's with me on that? I mean, you just can't even quantify how much joy that technology has brought to the human experience. And can you imagine how many free beers you could get bought for you if you walked into random sports bars and announced, "I'm the dude who invented the yellow line!" Anyway, here's a cool video on how it works:

--- 5 ---

How did it take me four babies to learn about the awesomeness that is Baby Mum Mum crackers? I'm buying stock in these things. They have saved my sanity on many a crazy morning when I'm trying to get the three toddlers fed and the baby is hungry too -- I can toss her a Baby Mum Mum and she'll happily chew on it for a couple minutes until I can get her her breakfast. And -- here's the best part -- it's not messy! It doesn't turn into that mysterious sticky super-substance that seems to actually morph into the fabric of clothing like so many other teething crackers do! If you have a finger-foods-aged baby, I highly recommend them. (There was some talk of a recall , but evidently it's cool now.)

--- 6 ---

My 95-year-old grandfather is cooking dinner for us again this weekend. I'm not sure what's on the menu for this weekend, but here's a glimpse of what we had last time:

Prime steaks

Potatoes au gratin

Zucchini "spaghetti"

--- 7 ---

A friend mentioned that she's working hard this week to get her house all decluttered and clean to start the holiday season the right way. I love that idea. If I can ever get over being sick I might just have to do that myself. Anyone else doing any cool holiday prep stuff?

Have a good weekend, everyone!

------------------------

Below is a Mr. Linky list if you'd like to add a link to your own 7 Quick Takes post. (1) Make sure the link you submit is to the URL of your post and not your main blog URL. (2) Include a link back here.

I look forward to reading your posts!

Empowered birth

2009-11-02T23:23:00.006-06:00

My male readers saw this title and thought, "Oh, no, chick talk!" Sorry, guys. To make it up to you, here's a link to pictures of the 10 greatest moments in the NFL. Anyway, quite a few friends who are pregnant with their first children have been asking me about childbirth, so I thought I'd do a post about it to collect all my thoughts in one place. Here we go!

Discovering "Empowered" Birth

I used to be horrified by the idea of childbirth. In movies and TV shows I'd seen all these depictions of women in labor as screaming, confused and helpless, lying flat on their backs on hospital beds, hooked up to IV tubes, begging their doctors to rescue them from this awful situation. It sounded horrible.

Shortly before I became pregnant with my first child, however, I came across writing from people who boldly claimed that birth does not need to be treated as a medical emergency, that it is a perfectly natural process that typically requires little to no medical intervention. They talked about "empowered birth," the idea that it's better for both mom and baby when women take charge of their own childbirth experience. I pored over great books like The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way and The Sears' Birth Book and became not only less fearful but hopeful and even a little excited about the idea of giving birth. I became a walking encyclopedia of statistics about hospitals' disturbingly high rates of cesarean sections, episiotomies, use of forceps, etc., and I shook my head at how often women were encouraged to get epidurals rather than being given the support to work with their bodies to have a natural birth that would leave them free of the risks and side effects that came with epidurals.

When I found out I was pregnant with my first child I signed up for a Bradley Method class and made an appointment at the local midwife-staffed birthing center. I was going to have one of these empowered births I'd heard so much about.

The birthing center was not in a hospital and had no major medical equipment on-site so going there was basically a homebirth, just at someone else's home (we lived in a downtown loft that wasn't exactly the most ideal place for childbirth, otherwise I would have had the baby at my place). When I finally went into labor on a warm September evening, I didn't have any worries. I'd done so much research on childbirth that I felt like I knew what to expect, and I was happy to be going to the birthing center where the midwives would allow me to be in control of my own birth.

Seventeen hours later, however, I didn't feel quite so confident. It turned out that the baby was compound presentation, meaning his fist was up against the side of his head, which made labor extremely painful and difficult. None of my Bradley techniques for pain management worked, and the last five hours of labor were excruciating beyond description. When my son was finally born I was so exhausted and stressed that I only vaguely remember those first few hours with him. I went home about four hours after he was born, so tired that I was borderline delusional.

A Change of Plans

When I found out I was pregnant with our second child, I planned to go to the birthing center again. None of the hospitals in our city allowed midwives to have hospital privileges at the time, so a midwife birth in a hospital wasn't an option. Even if it had been, I doubt I would have considered it. I'd unintentionally fallen into a sort of "us vs. them" mentality when it came to childbirth, and, ironically, in my zeal for empowerment I'd limited my own options by developing a very narrow view of what birth should look like.

But then, a monkeywrench was thrown into my plans.

When I was eight months pregnant I developed a life-threatening blood clot in my right leg called a deep vein thrombosis (DVT). To make matters worse, testing revealed that I have a genetic blood clotting disorder called Factor II which makes pregnancy and birth dangerous for me. Both my midwives and the physician who diagnosed the DVT agreed that I had to have a hospital birth with an obstetrician who specialized in high-risk cases, with additional monitoring by a hematologist. I did my homework on the risks involved and agreed: I'd never be able to have an out-of-hospital birth again.

After the first obstetrician's appointment I found out that labor would have to be induced in order to manage my blood thinning medications, I'd have to be hooked up to an IV, and I would have to wear special circulation-boosting boots that would keep me tethered to the hospital bed. In other words, I'd be the classic "woman strapped down to hospital bed at the mercy of her doctors." I started sobbing. I was grateful that my daughter would be OK, but felt angry and frustrated that my dreams for having a natural, empowered birth had basically been flushed down the toilet.

When the big day rolled around it was all overwhelming -- I'd just met this doctor, had never even visited this hospital, and I'd been in too much pain from the DVT to research what to expect from a hospital birth. I felt completely helpless. I ended up getting an epidural at the very end of labor because the nurse seemed to think that I would need it, though looking back I think I could have done without it. The overall experience was fine -- the doctor and nurses were friendly, and I was happy that the baby and I made it through safely -- and I sadly accepted the idea that all that empowered birth stuff just wasn't an option for me anymore.

Finding Real Empowerment

Baby number three came along shortly after baby number two, and this time I felt a little more comfortable going to the hospital. I'd gotten to know my doctor better and I knew what to expect this time. I ended up opting to get an epidural, and this time it was without any pressure from anyone. I just wanted it. Once again, in the end I felt that I had missed out on something because it was such a thoroughly "medicalized" birth from beginning to end, and especially because I'd gotten an epidural and therefore given up a lot of control of the process. I had wistful thoughts about being able to go back to the autonomy that came with natural childbirth.

But when I walked into the now-familiar hospital to have baby number four, after making a few jokes about needing one of those frequent customer punchcards ("Have four babies here and the fifth is free!"), something finally clicked. As I relaxed into the hospital bed as the nurses hooked me up to the circulation boots and monitors and an IV, it occurred to me that something was different this time:

I had stopped seeing self-reliance as one of the most important aspects of birth.

One of the things that had come of all my research into natural childbirth is that I'd unconsciously developed an assumption that a key aspect of a good birth experience (after the wellbeing of the baby, of course) was self-reliance. With all talk about women trusting their bodies and being fully in control of their own labors, I had unintentionally fallen into the mentality that ceding control of the birth process to medical professionals in anything other than a serious crisis was always a negative, and that medical intervention except in true emergency situations was always a less-than-ideal outcome. None of the books I read or people I talked to explicitly stated that opinion, and it wasn't something I'd articulated either; rather, it was a vague, unspoken feeling that had developed in the back of my mind after hearing so many stories of women and babies who had bad birth experiences due to unnecessary medical intervention.

Labor with baby number four, our sweet baby "Joy," ended up being my best birth yet, even though not everything went smoothly, I was hooked up to all sorts of tubes and equipment, I requested an epidural, and I didn't ask a ton of questions about the doctor's decisions. It was truly empowering, not because I did or didn't give birth a certain way, but because I finally realized what it's really all about. After thinking a lot about it, I've come to believe that truly empowered birth comes down to these six things:

Knowing what your options are for giving birth, and researching the pros and cons of each one
Carefully choosing doctors, midwives and/or doulas whom you can trust to have your best interest at heart
Educating yourself about your anatomy and the process of birth so that you understand what's going on with your own body and can have discussions with your doctor or midwife
Having the courage to stand up for what you think is important, but also...
Having the humility to respect the knowledge and experience of your care providers
Remembering Who's really in control

I think that what made it all click for me was #6. As baby Joy's due date approached I was increasingly worried about everything that could possibly go wrong, and my reaction was to go into ultra-controlling mode: I had images of haranguing my doctor with tons of questions about every decision he made, launching a campaign with my OB and hematologist to avoid induction, insisting on different monitoring techniques, etc. And then I read this excellent post from Elizabeth Foss where she pointed out that we're kidding ourselves if we think that we have the power to single-handedly control the outcome of anything, let alone birth. "Sometimes," she wrote, "handing over all illusion of control is really a greater skill than learning how to 'manage' labor without drugs or 'manipulate' the medical community. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to do nothing -- but trust."

That has been my experience as well. It's important to feel empowered, in the sense of not feeling helpless or fearful about childbirth, but don't make the mistake I did and confuse empowerment with total self-reliance. The truth is that you can't control your way into a good labor, and making a conscious, educated decision to turn over some control to medical professionals or accept a medical intervention that makes things easier on you is just as empowering as having a great all-natural birth. If I've learned one thing from having four babies in five years, it is this: Regardless of how or where you have your baby, a good birth experience is going to involve a lot more trust than control.

I'm sure others have some thoughts on this topic as well, so feel free to share. My friends expecting their first babies will be reading and looking for tips!

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 56)

2009-10-30T00:00:00.006-05:00

--- 1 ---

It's been a long, difficult week. The reason for the longness and difficultness is that I decided to cut out junk food again for health reasons (obviously I did not look at my calendar to see that it was HALLOWEEN WEEK before making this decision). I didn't think it would be that bad since I'd only mildly fallen off of the "Saint Diet," but I was wrong. Every time I walk past a cookie, candy bar or bag of Cheetos my body starts sending me messages that death is imminent if I don't immediately start stuffing all these products in my mouth with both hands. I'm going to stop talking about this now before I start weeping, but if you're just dying to hear the details of my junk food detox experiences you can read all about it (complete with flowchart!) here.

--- 2 ---

OK, one more thing on that subject: I'm starting to think that 80% of following a healthy diet comes down to planning. I've noticed that I have no problem eating nutritious meals if they're ready and right in front of my face. For example, a while back I treated myself to a nice veggie tray from the store, and found that it wasn't that difficult to choose the carrots and dip over processed food from the pantry. Nine times out of ten, when I make bad food choices it's because I was hungry and just went for whatever was quickest and easiest.

--- 3 ---

I loved the Texas Alliance for Life benefit dinner last week. There was a great turnout (1,200 people) and Gianna Jessen's speech was amazing. I was also happy to get a copy of the book about Gianna's life as a survivor of a late-term abortion attempt. Some pictures:

A standing ovation for Gianna at the end of her speech
(many of us were wiping tears out of our eyes).

"Mrs. Darwin" (of Darwin Catholic), Gianna and me at her book signing.

--- 4 ---

Speaking of pro-life fundraisers, we're also going to attend the Austin Coalition for Life's inaugural banquet on November 10th where Jill Stanek will be speaking (if you haven't read the text of her testimony before the U.S. House of Representatives on H.R. 4294 where she recounted what she witnessed as an L&D nurse at Christ Hospital, it's a difficult but important read). If you're in Central Texas and would like more info on the banquet, you can find out about it on the front page of the Austin Coalition for Life website.

--- 5 ---

Our friends Katie and Devin Rose have an amazing story playing out in their lives right now, and are kind enough to share it all with the rest of the world through their blog. They recently adopted their gorgeous 18-month-old twin sons through a local foster-adopt program and are expecting a biological child in a couple of months. Just the other day they got a call asking if they would also take in their sons' two-and-a-half-year-old sister, and they only had 24 hours to decide. Their beautiful posts about hearing the news (Katie's is here, Devin's is here) as well as their thoughts on their discernment process are so heart-warming and inspiring, I just had to share.

--- 6 ---

A few of you have kindly asked how our Kidsave child "Rita" is doing. The short answer is that we don't know; we've been having a difficult time contacting her at her foster home in rural Colombia. There is also not anyone who has committed to adopt her that I know of, but I haven't heard a recent update. I plan to write more about all that as soon as I hear anything. Please do keep her in your prayers!

--- 7 ---

I'm excited about the cool Fall weather, and jealous of all of you who are posting pictures of cozy snow scenes on your blogs. Have a great Halloween / Feast of All Saints weekend, everyone!

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1. Genny @ MyCup2Yours
2. Angie @ Many Little Blessings
3. Gae
4. carrien (she laughs at the days)
5. Veronica @A Pixilated Life
6. Carolyn @ reluctant atheist
7. Sarah Reinhard (Guilty Confessions)
8. Mary @ Passionate Perseverance
9. NCSue
10. DebbieQ@stophershesknitting
11. Tami @ The Next Step
12. Anne @ Undercurrent
13. Erin@Seven Little Australians Plus One
14. Mary @ Hope Echoes
15. Judy@A Thankful Woman's Book of Blessings
16. Missus Wookie
17. Krysta
18. theRosyGardener
19. becomewhatyouare
20. Trena
21. It Feels Like Chaos
22. Marie, Two Ways of Renouncing the Devil
23. TwoSquareMeals
24. leah @ abundant life
25. Sarah @ This Heavenly Life
26. Joy @ joy in the morning
27. ThatMarriedCouple
28. Brandilicious

29. Sara @ AShowerOfRoses
30. Christine the Soccer Mom
31. Dymphna @ the Well
32. Tracy@magnolia cul-de-sac
33. Tracy@The Secret of Living
34. erin @a new song
35. Katie @ The Baby Factory
36. Sarah @ SoJoBlog
37. Kacy @ Meandering Home
38. Chelsea @ Roots & Rings
39. Margaret in Minnesota
40. Nicole @ As Many As We're Given
41. majellamom
42. Amanda
43. Sarah @ Fumbling Toward Grace
44. Janet @ Domestic Bliss
45. Elena
46. udubalum mama
47. Betty Beguiles
48. Barbara C.@Box of Chocolates
49. Colleen
50. Therese@Musings of a Mom
51. Dakotapam
52. Smoochagator
53. Christina@Mrs. Broccoli Guy
54. Ranee @ Arabian Knits
55. Kim @ Love Letter to my Kids
56. (just) Lenae

57. Arlene
58. Paul A. Nelson
59. Rebecca
60. Sharon
61. Aimee@ The Mother Load
62. Sherry
63. Julia@ Blessed Obscurity
64. JoAnna @ A Star of Hope
65. Cheryl
66. Aubrey @ Laughing All the Way
67. Jen @ The Short Years
68. Salome Ellen
69. Very Sleepy People
70. suburbancorrespondent
71. I'm Mrs. Brightside
72. nadja@patch o' dirt farm
73. Bill White
74. Melodie @ The Me You Can't See
75. Transitus Tiber
76. David Marciniak
77. Anna @ Annalogue
78. Catholic Bibliophagist
79. Elisa @ Elisa Loves
80. Elizabeth Mahlou
81. Amy F
82. natatomic

Celebrating Halloween: Why not?

2009-10-27T21:56:00.004-05:00

Halloween is one of those holidays where my ratio of "wanting to like it" to "actually liking it" is very high. Every year I have visions of spending weeks putting together elaborate costumes that will thrill my children, then jaunting around the neighborhood in the refreshing Fall air of Halloween night where all the neighbors admire the adorableness of my children and inwardly remark about how very caring and on top of things their mother must be to have procured such detailed and gorgeous costumes. The way it actually tends to work out is that I get overwhelmed and do nothing until October 30th, at which time I have a freakout session in which I announce that I'm grabbing some burlap sacks and a rope and all the kids are going to be St. Francis this year and my mom finally takes over and makes a midnight trip to Wal Mart to dig through the dregs of costumes that the kids with non-procrastinating mommies didn't want and we head out to do our trick-or-treating in either sweltering hot or bitter cold temperatures and my kids all have meltdowns and we drag them back to the house where they eat candy for dinner. And sometimes I embarrass myself at the library too.

But anyway.

It's recently come to my attention that there are some people who don't celebrate Halloween. Well, I guess I did know something about it in my pre-conversion years, when we'd go trick-or-treating and walk past the one darkened house and someone would whisper something about "the religious family," but I always assumed that it was a ploy to avoid spending money on candy. What's new is that I've started hearing arguments against it that are well-thought-out have some decent points.

Though I doubt I'll stop celebrating Halloween any time soon, I would like to hear more about the case against it since I'm not very familiar with it. (I assure you my curiosity is driven entirely by a thirst for knowledge and not at all by the fact that it's four days before Halloween and I'm about to have a panic attack from costume chaos and trick-or-treat schedules that rival the New York subway system in their intricacy.) Maybe it's the circles I run in, but I feel like the folks who don't celebrate Halloween often don't get a fair shake -- in popular culture they're ridiculed as being overzealous fanatics, and even in religious circles they're often so far in the minority that when the Halloween debate comes up their voices are way outnumbered by people who enjoy the holiday.

So if you choose not to celebrate Halloween, this post is for you. I'd like to hear your side of the story: What led you to this decision? If you have kids, do they miss it? Do they do a different activity instead? I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

Balance requires sacrifice

2009-10-25T22:35:00.002-05:00

This post was originally published on February 26, 2008, a few weeks into my experiment of structuring my days around set prayer times. You can read all the posts on that subject here. Lately I've been thinking about how smoothly everything goes when I structure my days around prayer, and how I'd like to recommit to that habit soon.

Last night my husband and I were sitting in the living room after the kids went to bed, chatting about our days over little bowls of chocolate ice cream, and I caught a glimpse of the half-folded basket of laundry I'd set aside in the laundry room. Then I thought of those last three bills I needed to pay, and remembered that I never did get around to replying to that one email. My instinct was to get up and meander over to my desk or to the laundry basket, but I sunk back into the couch and kept chatting with my husband instead. And I thought, "So this is what balance is like."

When I used to make my semi-monthly proclamations that I desperately needed balance in my life, what I was really saying was, "I want to do all the same stuff I'm doing now, but just not be stressed about it!" Yet another huge lesson I've learned from this experiment of scheduling life around prayer (instead of vice versa) is this:

Balance requires sacrifice.

I know, to a lot of people that's as insightful as saying breathing requires inhaling, but it was actually a revelation to me. Before my commitment to make the workday end with Vespers, I would have spent that time after the kids went to bed shuffling around to try to finish the laundry, pay those last few bills, reply to that email, and undoubtedly get sidetracked with all sorts of other things along the way. It would have felt too indulgent or wasteful to just put my feet up and spend a whole hour chatting with my husband! Especially because of my tendency to procrastinate, I would have felt like I "had to" forgo relaxation time in the evening to make up for not getting enough done during the day.

The realization that a natural life is a life with hard stops -- that it is only in recent years through modern technology that we have even been able to throw our lives so far out of balance by extending our working hours at will -- changed everything. These days, leisurely breakfast time ends and high-energy activity time begins with Lauds (Morning Prayer) at 9:30; high-energy activity time ends and naptime/desk work begins with the Office of Readings at 2:00; and I do one final sweep to get any lingering projects to a stopping point before the whole workday comes to a close with Vespers (Evening Prayer) at 6:00. Do I always have everything done by the time prayer time rolls around? Nope. Am I often tempted to keep working into the evening to make up for not getting enough done during the day? Absolutely. But, I have realized, such is a life of balance.

Back in that post where I talked about my "hard stops" epiphany, I speculated that the reason that pre-electricity generations spoke of a life of peaceful rhythm and natural balance is because, for example, a housewife living in 1890 couldn't do laundry at 10:00 at night if she didn't get to it during the day; by virtue of having built-in hard stops like sunset and community-centered activities, they were forced to sacrifice a lot of the things they wanted to get done and simply rest. Mimicking this life as best I can, by allowing my day to be broken into times of work and times of rest by forces larger than myself, has indeed forced me to sacrifice a lot of the things I'd like to get done. And it has given me a life of balance.

I suppose it might technically be possible to achieve such a nice rhythm by using something other than prayer to provide hard stops; but, for me, I doubt that anything else would work. Here in our 24/7 world, there's so much pressure let your life slide out of balance, to sign up for "just one more" activity, to get "just one more" thing done each day, that with my notorious lack of willpower I'm sure I would have backslid into my old ways long before now with any other type of routine. But by anchoring my days around God by joining in with the universal prayer of the Church, by letting the rhythm of the Liturgy of the Hours be the guiding rhythm of my life, three times a day I am reminded that I only have one real to-do list, and it is short; that the little sacrifices I make to achieve balance are minuscule in the grand scheme of things; that my time is not my own anyway.

I don't mean to imply that my life is now stress-free or that I don't ever struggle with challenging days anymore (anyone who read this post or this post knows that that's certainly not the case). But I will say that it all feels more "natural" than before. Letting go of the temptation to make every hour a working hour, structuring my days around prayer instead of around the frantic pace of the world, might not have made all the stress in my life go away, but it has brought me times of guilt-free rest to act as a counterweight to the challenging times. Life has a gentle rhythm that wasn't there before. Even though there are days when it's painful to sacrifice a couple items from my to-do list that I wanted to get done, even though I have more responsibilities now than ever before in my life, I feel that after all these years, I have finally found balance.

RELATED

The Rhythm of Prayer (In the Heart of My Home)
Purpose and Routine: They Key Ingredients of Homemaking (Apple Cider Mill)
It's Never Too Late to Start Your Day (Domestic Felicity)

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 55)

2009-10-23T00:00:00.012-05:00

--- 1 ---

A little public service announcement for fellow procrastinators: Christmas Day is only nine weeks away!

--- 2 ---

A while back I mentioned that I was musing about what the difference is between an essay and a book. "Why is a book not just a long essay?" I wondered. Thanks to that awesome Breakout Novel book, I think I finally found the answer: An essay has only one layer; a book has many layers.

To use my conversion story as an example, I've written quite a few articles on that subject, and each one comes at it from a different perspective: One talked about how, surprisingly, Christianity ended up being more of a fulfillment of (rather than a departure from) what I'd always believed as an atheist; one talked about I came to believe that Christianity simply presented a more reasonable worldview; another talked about how my daily life has changed; etc. Each one of those is a layer on a larger story. When you write a book, what you're doing is taking all the layers of a story and weaving them together to form one multi-layered story. Just a thought for fellow book nerds.

--- 3 ---

I just got finished doing one of my least favorite things: Shoe shopping. "But I love shoe shopping!" you say. Yeah, well, you don't wear size 12 and have to buy glorified clown shoes from special Sasquatch stores. There is never anything cute in size 12. Ever. On the rare occasions that you actually come across a shoe that looks just darling on the size 5 sample and find out to your short-lived delight that they actually have a size 12 in some dusty corner of the store, when you see it in your size it looks like some sort of conceptual art project gone wrong. Allow me to illustrate:

To put it in perspective:

Add to the fact that I'm six feet tall and therefore heels are out lest I seriously start to look like a hairless Sasquatch, and you see that my choices are limited to about five shoes in the entire world. Anyway, yeah. I really don't like shoe shopping.

--- 4 ---

If you didn't get a chance to read the comments to my post about what to do when you screwed up and went against God's will, I highly recommend taking a moment to scan them. There were some great thoughts there. Thank you to all who commented!

--- 5 ---

Tonight (I'm writing this on Thursday) I'll be heading out to the Texas Alliance for Life dinner to see Gianna Jessen speak. It should be a great evening, and I look forward to hearing her presentation. For those of you who aren't familiar with Gianna's story of surviving an attempted abortion -- the abortion doctor, ironically, having to sign her birth certificate -- you can read the BBC coverage of it here.

--- 6 ---

Speaking of which, my husband did a little unexpected pro-life advocacy this morning. He somewhat spontaneously decided to stop by one of the local 40 Days for Life continuous prayer vigils to say hello to and see if anyone needed coffee or snacks or anything. There was only one guy there, and as soon as my husband arrived he said, "Thank God you're here! The next person wasn't able to make it and I'm late opening my business!" Since the goal is to have at least one person praying at all times, the guy couldn't leave unless my husband agreed to stay. After a little hesitation he agreed to take over. And then it started raining.

His conversion on pro-life issues was about as dramatic as mine, but I don't think he'd planned to do sidewalk prayer vigils just yet. But, nevertheless, there he was, standing under an umbrella in his suit and tie in front of an abortion clinic on a major road during rush hour. I have to wonder if anyone drove by and thought, "Look, some weirdo out in the rain...wait...wait a sec...that's my lawyer!"

--- 7 ---

Yaya just rolled into town. Those of you who don't know what that means can find out here. It just occurred to me that if God ever wanted to send me THE ULTIMATE BLOG POST, he could hook up it up where I'm driving with Yaya and we find a scorpion in the car while getting stuck behind someone with Trucknutz. Dude. I think that would be guaranteed to pretty much triple my blog traffic.

Anyway, have a great weekend, everyone!

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1. Genny - Natural soaps, good reads, and Fall get-togethers
2. Tami @ The Next Step
3. Gae
4. Dawn Farias @ I Hate Socks
5. Venite
6. Paul A. Nelson
7. Kathryn @ The Bookworm
8. Elizabeth Mahlou
9. Mary @ Passionate Perseverance
10. Jen
11. David Marciniak
12. Missus Wookie
13. Sarah Reinhard
14. Mary @ Hope Echoes
15. Amanda
16. It Feels Like Chaos
17. Suz
18. Happy Geek
19. Sarah @ This Heavenly Life
20. NCSue
21. Megan@Blueberry Scones
22. violingirl
23. Janet @ Domestic Bliss
24. Living with Three Hobbits and a Giant
25. Dympha @ The Well
26. Trena
27. Missy
28. Pharmgirl @ Adventures in Pharm Land

29. The Keeping Time
30. Joy, One of Those Weeks
31. Exultet - 7 Bloggger Colleagues
32. becomewhatyouare
33. Dakotapam
34. majellamom
35. Darren and Sara Jones
36. Marie, Two Ways of Renouncing the Devil
37. Chelsea @ Roots & RIngs
38. Blair's Blessings
39. Adria@Color of My World
40. Joy @ joy in the morning
41. Jen @ Happy Little Homemaker
42. Papua Girl
43. Katherine @ The Domestic Church
44. Tracy@The Secret of Living
45. Emily@My Song of Joy
46. kim@baby yahyah
47. Angie @ Many Little Blessings
48. Karla @ Ramblin' Roads
49. Ranee @ Arabian Knits
50. Sarah @ Fumbling Toward Grace
51. Emily in NC
52. udubalum mama
53. Ladies for Life
54. Therese@Musings of a Mom
55. Transitus Tiber
56. Elena @My Domestic church

57. Christi @ Our Journey
58. KC
59. Sara @ AShowerOfRoses
60. Mrs Bubbles
61. Randy
62. Julia
63. The Cat in the Hat
64. Cheryl (My Thoughtful Spot)
65. Christina@Mrs. Broccoli Guy
66. Love2learn Mom
67. JoAnna @ A Star of Hope
68. Mama Fuss
69. Judy
70. Anna @ Annalogue
71. Krista @ Work in Progress
72. Mrs. Brightside
73. Mozi Esme
74. Very Sleepy People
75. Bill White
76. Amy @ From the Desk of Mom
77. Kate @ La Vita Bella
78. nadja@patch o' dirt farm
79. Christian H @ The Thinking Grounds
80. natatomic
81. Jen @ The Short Years
82. Karen @ Flash Light
83. Christy@frugalcrunchychristy

A day in the life of a Scorpionator

2009-10-21T08:40:00.016-05:00

Some people have asked if there was any one last straw that led to my sudden internet fast a couple of weeks ago. Others have asked for details about the nature of my hysterical tweets from the afternoon of Friday, October 2nd. In this post I shall address both inquiries.

The afternoon of Friday the 2nd started out perfectly lovely. I'd put my youngest two children down for naps and had set up my three-year-old daughter and five-year-old son for a little quiet time. All day I'd been drifting over to my computer, checking email here, reading blogs there, and I couldn't wait to finish up all the things I'd started in my sporadic computer time throughout the day. Just as I was settling down into the couch and opening up my laptop, I heard the worst four words that could be uttered in this house:

"Look, mommy, a scorpion!"

My three-year-old daughter was pointing to a scorpion. That was about six inches away from her leg.

I tossed my computer onto the couch and jumped up to confirm that it wasn't some new scorpion gag toy that some soon-to-be-ex friend had planted in the living room. Nay, it was real. And big -- one of the largest scorpions we've seen in the house to date. I didn't want the kids to panic, so I said, "Run! Run to the couch NOW NOW NOW before it stings you! Hurry! It's going to get you! Run! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!"

The commotion prompted the scorpion to saunter over to the middle of the living room floor. And this is where the story would end for most people. Most people's internal dialogue would go something like:

"I will grab the nearest heavy object and drop it on the menacing arachnid." Boom. "I'm glad that's over with."

But we're talking about me, and nothing can be that simple, especially where scorpions are involved. My internal dialogue went something like:

"I will grab the nearest heavy object and drop it on the menacing arachnid. But WHAT IF IT DOESN'T WORK?! My 'killing scorpions on carpet by dropping heavy things on them' success rate is 0%! And what book should I use anyway? Is my husband's Corporate Finance textbook big enough, or is this an Unabridged Oxford English Dictionary job? I know, I could ask the internet! If I want to seek advice from people on Twitter, how could I summarize this in 140 characters seeing as how I'm going to need AT LEAST 100 characters just for exclamation points?"

Meanwhile, as I was standing around analyzing my situation from every possible angle and thinking of how I could turn it into a clever tweet, the scorpion moseyed on over to a location under our long walnut buffet. This was bad. This was very bad. The buffet stands less than a foot above the carpet, making it impossible to get a book on top of the scorpion as long as it was under there. And then, just to make sure the suck-o-meter was dialed up to a 10, the scorpion crawled onto the side of a large book under the buffet.

The situation had gone from bad to worse. There was no way I could get it.

I seriously considered just staring at it for three hours until my husband got home from work, but the scorpion was headed toward the dreaded toy pit. To fully understand the ominousness of this trajectory, you first have to understand that my husband and I are both the only people of our generation to have children on both sides of our family. The result is that our children are blessed with many, many toys. Many. Like, I sometimes have dreams about frantically writing thank-you notes only to have dumptrucks overflowing with new packages addressed to my children come and pour their entire contents down upon me as I write. The result is that it looks like a Toys R Us exploded in the southwest corner of our living room; we've given up on fancy organizational techniques like throwing toys in boxes when the kids aren't playing with them, and just kind of rake everything over to one part of the living room at the end of the day.

And I knew that if the scorpion made it into the toy pit, it would be all over.

"All over" as in I would never in a thousand years be able to find it, and if I did it would undoubtedly involve being stung. "All over" as in despite all my "ha ha I'm moving" jokes I would NEVER SET FOOT IN THIS HOUSE AGAIN if that scorpion got lost in the toy pile. I had to get it.

"I have GOT to get this thing before it goes into the toys and I lose it and then it stings one of us when we least expect it!" I thought it a blind panic. To calm myself down, I decided to call my husband for reassurance. It would be nice to hear the voice of someone who could just laugh at the whole thing and point out how silly I was being. When I described the situation to him, he responded:

"You have GOT to get that thing before it goes into the toys and you lose it and then it STINGS ONE OF US WHEN WE LEAST EXPECT IT!!!!!" Or something like that. Perhaps he wasn't quite as frantic as I perceived him to be through the lens of my scorpion-induced mania, but suffice it to say that his answer was not to chuckle and tell me that it would be fine.

My husband did have a good practical suggestion though: Since it wasn't in a good smashing position, I should use bug spray. I went and grabbed the last can of Raid from the laundry room, aimed it at the scorpion, went to push the plunger...and hesitated. Not pushing the plunger right when I had the nerve was a fatal mistake. I'd psyched myself out. The problem was that I had major hesitations about using wasp spray for scorpions. I mean, seriously, THESE THINGS DON'T DIE. If the fancy exterminator chemicals only get them to pretend to be dead, why on earth should I believe that some namby-pamby grocery store wasp spray would do anything at all? Shoot, for all I knew maybe that's what they like to drink for breakfast! This train of thought ended up with me imagining spraying the Raid only to find out that it actually gives them more speed and strength, the angry arachnid now running right at me as I trip and fall and find myself unable to move as it stings me over and over again while I scream and the children come to my aid only to be stung themselves and...yeah. Suffice it to say I psyched myself out.

After some all-caps Twitter updates, Google searches to find out if wasps and scorpions are in the same genus, countless prayers requesting the support of the unknown patron saints of both scorpion killing and neurotic wimps, and rearranging the living room furniture to make the ottoman and some couch pillows into a scorpion-proof bunker behind which I could hide, I got ready to spray. For real this time. My finger was on the trigger again, but then I thought: What if this doesn't have the range it says it does?

In what I would later come to think of as famous last words, I said to myself, "Ah, yes, I should really test it first!" So I went outside, picked out a threatening blade of grass and showed it who was boss with my Raid spraying skills. Then another one. OK, good, this stuff definitely had some range. I went inside, moved my bunker back a couple feet to give me even more room in case this spray only made the scorpion mad, and got ready again. Then I decided to test it inside the house. You know, in case it, uhh, spayed differently in indoor air. After squirting it at a blank spot on the wall, I was ready. Well, just one more time. OK, now I was ready.

But wait! Maybe what I needed was some music to help me get up my nerve. I put my iPod on shuffle and got back down behind my bunker just as some Matisyahu song was finishing up. In a you-can't-make-this-stuff-up moment, the next song that came on was the ultimate "one chance to prove yourself and win a great struggle in a David-and-Goliath sort of way" theme song, Eye Of the Tiger. As those first DUNH...DUHN-DUHN-DUHN guitar riffs started (OK, that's hard to write, but y'all know what I'm talking about, right?) I focused my eyes on the scorpion 12 feet away, aimed the can, and sprayed.

And to my abject horror, I heard only a weak phhhhhhhhhh sound as a light cloud of chemcials came from the can.

I'd used up all the spray in my many tests. The can was basically empty.

In the split second it took for a couple of minuscule droplets to float over from the can to the scorpion's hideout under the buffet, the thought flashed through my mind, "This isn't going to be good." And it wasn't. One of the drops was a direct hit. The scorpion was unamused. And when scorpions get unamused, they get fast.

In a flash it got down from the book and took off, its stinger ready to take someone out. I instinctively started running the opposite direction, in the back of my mind thinking that I would eventually stop, perhaps somewhere around the U.S.-Canadian border. But when I glanced over my shoulder I saw to my horror that it was not running in my direction, but towards the toy pit. And it was only about a foot away.

"Get it, mommy!" my son shouted as the distance between the scorpion and a toy tractor closed quickly.

The awareness that I would literally never sleep in this house again if I lost that scorpion flashed through my mind, and -- with Eye of the Tiger still blasting -- I turned around, slammed open the childproof gate and ran back into the living room, knocking over a stack of laundry and kicking over a pile of children's books that were in my way, stepping on a baby doll and reaching out to within a few inches of the scorpion to douse it with the last few dribbles of Raid.

In one of the more anticlimactic moments I've experienced lately, it just died. Instantly. The spray worked just fine.

I'd just thrown a book over it to stall any sneaky coming-back-from-the-dead moments until my husband got home, when I heard my two youngest children waking up from their naps. I went to get them, and when I came back downstairs it smelled like...well, like some idiot had sprayed Raid all over living room, so I announced that we were all playing outside until daddy got home.

A while later my husband walked in to behold the dismantled couch, the ottoman bunker, the scattered laundry and toys, the chemical residue dripping from the wall. To say that it looked like thieves had ransacked the place would be to imply way too much of a feel of order or purpose to the mess; to say it looked like thieves intended to ransack it but decided to stay and get drunk and just thrash around for a while would be getting closer to reality.

When my husband asked me how my day was, I said with a sigh, "It's been tough -- I haven't had any time to relax and do stuff on my computer today!"

He looked back at the house, looked at me, and observed: "Today one of the kids came close to being stung by the biggest scorpion we've seen around here in a while, you stared at it in agony for the better part of an hour, hosed down the house with Raid, finally killed the scorpion, somehow tore the living room apart in the process...and your take is that it was a bad afternoon because you didn't get enough computer time?"

And that's when I decided it was time for a break.

RELATED

Thanks to Emily for suggesting the word "Scorpionator."

A very imperfect fiat

2009-10-18T16:01:00.006-05:00

Yesterday I found myself in the middle of a magical moment: My husband had arranged for me to have the afternoon "off" to get out of the house alone and recharge my batteries, and after swinging by the Adoration chapel for a spiritual fill-up I went down to the local book store to do a little work on my book.

It was hard to find a place to sit because most of the book store's cafe had been cleared out to make room for rows of metal folding chairs, presumably for some event they had earlier, but I managed to find a seat at the last available table. Whoo-hoo! I spread out my printed notes and began doing some hard thinking about a particularly tricky section of the book. Things suddenly started come together as if some sort of creativity faucet had been turned on full blast in my brain. I started writing wildly, my hand barely able to keep up with my mind. After weeks of frustration from being stuck on a part that seemed boring and overcomplicated yet crucial to the storyline, the answers finally began flowing. "Thank you, Holy Spirit!" I thought, wishing I could have Adoration/writing sessions like this more often.

My thoughts were briefly interrupted by the announcement that an author would be giving a talk in the cafe. I looked up at the folding chairs in front of me and realized that that must be why they were there. I gathered my notes to get up and move to an outside table but didn't want to leave just yet because great ideas were flowing a mile a minute.

Then came another announcement emphasizing that the author's talk was starting right now. As I started clearing off my table, hurriedly slipping my folded notes into my purse, something caught my eye: The seats were empty. Not a single person sat in the rows of about 20 chairs. I was suddenly aware that people at three other tables around me were packing up and leaving as well, perhaps fleeing the awkward moment that was about to ensue.

I looked over at the lady whom I figured to be the author, who was chatting with a book store employee next to the podium. "Lord, please, please send someone to listen to her talk!" I prayed.

I grabbed my pen and a crumpled up piece of paper from the table and was just about to head out when I felt something tugging within me. I was pretty sure I knew what it was. I turned to the Lord in prayer, saying something along the lines of: "Ooooooooooh, no! No no no no no no no! You're going to try to tell me that I am the person sent to listen to her talk. No. I am the person who never, ever gets a completely free moment to write, especially not when I'm actually having a moment of inspiration. To simultaneously have this free time and good ideas is like running into Bigfoot riding a unicorn -- it is a rare, precious moment that will likely never, ever, EVER happen again in my whole entire life!"

I looked over and saw the author gathering her notes, and thought that I might have noticed her hands shaking a little. Another person got up and left the cafe. I glanced at an empty table sitting outside in the fresh Fall air, just begging me to sit at it and write stuff. I looked at the time on my cell phone. Depending on how long the talk was, that would probably be it for my free time that day. Yet I continued to feel the Holy Spirit working within me to try to tell me to take a seat in one of those chairs (and for once I was 100% certain that this was the Holy Spirit and not my own subconscious, because my mind was all about LETTING SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE FOUR KIDS UNDER SIX listen to the talk).

So I sat. I set all my notes aside, turned my cell phone off, and gave the author my full attention. I even made sure to smile and nod to make sure she knew that I was listening and enjoying it.

Before I get some kind of muscle strain from working too hard to pat myself on the back, I should break in here to note that I'm only writing about this because it's remarkable; normally when my writing time is imperiled by the threat of actual contact with fellow human beings I slither back into my darkened office while hissing, "My preciousssss!" Though I do always want to please God, all too often my attachments to activities that could be broadly defined as "doing fun stuff that I like" win out. In this case it was likely that a big contributing factor to me doing the right thing and following the Holy Spirit's promptings was that even I am not clueless enough to be unaware of the irony of skipping out on an opportunity to show someone love so that you can go write about how encountering the love of God transformed your life. And I wouldn't be giving you the full story if I didn't divulge that the thought did pop into mind, "Lord, I want you to remember this VERY VIVIDLY if I ever have my own book reading! I know we don't believe in karma per se, but surely I am scoring SOME kind of points here!" (It is admissions like this that make me wish this blog was still anonymous.)

Anyway, nevertheless, I did make the sacrifice and sit down. And it turned out to be a lovely talk -- I'm sure that the only reason for the sparse attendance was because of some sort of problem getting the word out. The author was a great speaker, and an employee and another lady eventually sat down as well.

It would make the story more interesting if the Lord showed me the beauty of following his will by giving me some amazing insight for my own book while listening to the talk, sort of like giving candy to a whiny child who reluctantly follows his parents' instructions. But nothing like that happened. It was a nice talk, I think it made a difference to the author that I was there, and, sure enough, I had to rush home and jump back into the fray as soon as it was over. I never did recapture those great thoughts I had flowing earlier. But that's OK. I got something better than good content for my book:

First of all, I got a reminder of a lesson so obvious that you'd have to be a spiritual vegetable to need, but that I needed nonetheless: That writing about the love of God should always, always take a back seat to opportunities to actually show real human beings in front of you the love of God.

Mostly, though, I got an insight into the value of the imperfect fiat. Sometimes I feel discouraged that I'm so far away from imitating Mary, who simply said "Let it be done" (in Latin, "Fiat") when she heard the tremendous news that she would be the mother of God incarnate. I don't know if there's one Latin word for "What?! You've got to be kidding me. No. I can't. Forget it. I'm too busy. What? You're still on me about this? OK FINE!", but that would be the word for me.

Even in my infinitely smaller situation there in the book store cafe, I couldn't just say yes to God. I had to drag my feet, whine, bargain, pretend like I didn't hear a couple times, and then spend some solid time fantasizing about just how very wonderful it would be do what I wanted to do instead. But, it occurred to me as I thought over the situation, I did eventually do it. It's certainly an area in which I need a lot of work, but at least sometimes, even if only on small matters, I do say yes -- eventually. As picked up my purse to hurry back home after the talk, glancing again at that outside table I never did get a chance to sit at, I thought of a look that flashed across the author's face when I first sat down. Ever so briefly, our eyes met and she looked at me with a mix of happiness, gratitude and great relief. And as I walked out the door, I felt very happy with my imperfect fiat.

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 54)

2009-10-16T00:00:00.009-05:00

--- 1 ---

This is a public service announcement for anyone who is writing a book, has written a book, might want to write a book one day, or has any interest whatsoever in what makes a good book: Buy Writing the Breakout Novel by Donald Maass (and the workbook too). Just do it. Right now. You will not regret it.

Based on the title I thought the book might be gimmicky, encouraging people to write formulaic novels with the goal of making a quick buck; I couldn't have been more wrong. It's written by a literary agent with 25+ years of experience, and he walks you through the common qualities that all good modern stories have, using plenty of excerpts from successful books to illustrate his points. Though it's geared at fiction, I found that 90% of his advice applies just as well to memoir -- it's basically just advice about how to tell a good story. It helped me resolve so much of the confusion I had about why the first draft of my book wasn't working -- I can't say enough good things about this book. Recommend it to every aspiring novelist or memoirist you know!

--- 2 ---

Speaking of books, the other day I was making notes for a chapter in which I recount a particularly ~~ridiculous~~ ~~bacchanalian~~ memorable evening from my pre-conversion days, and I remembered that Tucker Max was out with us that night. Since it was a rather unusual occasion (a bunch of us were going from bar to bar in a yellow school bus while dressed up as clowns -- kind of a long story -- you'll have to read the book) I wondered if he might have mentioned it in his eternally-at-the-top-of-the-bestseller-list memoir I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell (the movie version of which is currently out in theaters). I admit that I have not read Mr. Max's reflections, so I'm not sure if that story made the cut, but I thought that it would be bizarrely amusing if there were overlap between our two books.

UPDATE: It was pointed out that I should probably go ahead and clarify that I do NOT recommend reading Tucker Max's book or going to his website.

--- 3 ---

Funny thought: If some psychic person had come onto the school bus that night and said, "Jennifer and Tucker are both going to write memoirs that involve stories like this. One of the books will be about partying, the other will be about a conversion to Catholicism," I would have looked over at Tucker Max and thought, "Dude, you're going to become Catholic? Lame!"

--- 4 ---

When we visited my dad in El Paso a couple weeks ago I was so envious of his back yard:

After about the third week of daily battles to keep our crunchy, yellow grass from dying out completely this summer, I was about ready to let go of this fantasy that we live in a climate hospitable to life and just call someone in to pave over the whole thing. Some people might think that there would be something mildly depressing about looking out the back window to see a bunch of rocks and pavement, but I think I'd love it. No maintenance, no fire ants, no random stinging insects lying in wait in unmowed grass, no constant feelings of failure as all your efforts toward keeping your yard a less depressing shade of yellow end in futility. Ah, that's the landscape for me!

--- 5 ---

Yesterday was the feast of the great Doctor of the Church St. Teresa of Avila, and I enjoyed reading this great collection of her quotes (via New Advent, who always has the best links).

--- 6 ---

I KNOW that I am not the only person who can sing every word to this commercial. With passion:

Oh, man, I remember watching that cartoon about 20 times a day when I was a kid, suspecting -- nay, knowing with certainty -- that owning that Barbie would pretty much be the apex of the human experience. And the part where the three kids take out their awesome cassette tapes? I swooned to behold that level of coolness. (Hat tip to Domestic Engineering for finding that gem of a commercial and opening up to me the world of wasting hours of my life laughing at 80's commercials on YouTube.)

--- 7 ---

Speaking of wasting time on the internet, it's good to be back from the fast! I still can't believe how effective it was; a lot has changed around here since my week offline. I'm hoping to have time to put together a post about it for next week.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

-------------------------

1. It Feels Like Chaos
2. Angie @ Many Little Blessings
3. Gae
4. violingirl
5. Kate Wicker @ Momopoly
6. Venite
7. Missus Wookie
8. Sarah Reinhard - The Rosary Workout
9. DebbieQ @ stophershesknitting
10. Mary @ passionate Perseverance
11. Mary @ Hope Echoes
12. Pharmgirl @ Adventures in Pharm Land
13. Tami @ The Next Step
14. Elizabeth@In the Heart of my Home
15. Dawn Farias @ I Hate Socks
16. SoJoBlog
17. Erin@Seven Little Australians Plus One
18. Sarah @ This Heavenly Life
19. Cheryl (My Thoughtful Spot)
20. Sara @ AShowerofRoses
21. Katherine @ The Domestic Church
22. Tina @ Multiple Mom T
23. Becky @Beck's Three
24. Gill-Life of a Photographer
25. becomewhatyouare
26. Written on Your Heart - V
27. Linda
28. Janet in Toronto
29. Mary Alice
30. KC

31. ThatMarriedCouple
32. Marie, Two Ways of Renouncing the Devil
33. Dympha @ The Well
34. Joy@ joy in the morning
35. Enbrethiliel @ Shredded Cheddar
36. Lori @ Busy With Blessings
37. Trena @ The THird Prayer
38. Chelsea @ Roots & Rings
39. suburbancorrespondent
40. Preggo@ the Bjorn Identity
41. Jen @ Happy LIttle Homemaker
42. udubalum mama
43. Therese@Musings of a Mom
44. Holly @ Hollison Journey
45. An Extinct Angel
46. (just) Lenae
47. majellamom
48. Emily
49. Darren and Sara Jones
50. Tracy@The Secret of Living
51. Bill White
52. Matching Moonheads
53. Katie @ The Baby Factory
54. Jeffrey's Wife - Adoption Couple
55. Transitus Tiber
56. Rebecca
57. Becca @ The Earthlings Handbook
58. David Marciniak
59. Shelley @ ...life on the farm
60. Jordana @ Curmudgeonry

61. Nicole @ As Many As We're Given
62. annies home -
63. Margaret in Minnesota
64. Judy
65. The Keeping Time
66. Anna @ Annalogue
67. Emily @ Me In Life
68. Christina@Mrs. Broccoli Guy
69. Randy
70. Jen @ The Short Years
71. Sarah @ Simple Pleasures (welcoming new baby niece!)
72. Peony Moss
73. Karen @ Flash Light
74. Therese (Aussie Coffee Shop)
75. Cheryl
76. Peace Garden Mama
77. Catherine @ Adventures in Domesticity
78. Karen @ Needs New Batteries
79. NCSue
80. Love2learn Mom
81. Ladyofthelakes
82. Paul A. Nelson
83. JoAnna @ A Star of Hope
84. Melodie @ The Me You Can't See
85. Lillian
86. nadja@patch o' dirt farm
87. Barbara @ Praying for Grace
88. Natatomic
89. Catholic Mutt
90. Elena @My Domestic church

So you went against God's will. Now what?

2009-10-14T19:06:00.011-05:00

A while back I was listening to a Catholic radio advice show when a distraught woman called in with an agonizing situation: She and her husband had recently adopted a child with special needs (some of them serious medical issues), and she was terrified that they'd made the wrong decision. The paperwork was all finalized and they were flying out to pick up their new son the next day, but she was overwhelmed with fear and worry of how they could possibly handle it all, especially since they already had their hands full with three biological children.

What seemed to be causing her the most stress was the worry that she had gone against God's will. She'd thought that this is what God wanted for them when they first made the decision, but now she was second-guessing it all, wondering if perhaps her own intense emotions had clouded her discernment process.

Looking back, she recalled that her husband had initially had a really bad feeling about it and she'd strong-armed him into it, blowing off his words of caution and aggressively pushing him to change his mind. In her 20/20 hindsight she could also see a lot of pride at work, now recognizing her desire to make certain family members think she was a "supermom" by adopting a special needs child in addition to raising her biological kids. She also suspected that her deep-seated desires to heal her own troubled childhood clouded her judgment and made her view the situation through rose-colored glasses, ignoring the very serious issues that would come with this move. As she looked at her mental, physical and financial resources and the huge responsibilities that were about to enter her life, she was terrified that she'd bitten off way more than she could chew -- and was going to negatively impact not just her own life but her family's lives with her mistake.

As I listened to her go into more detail about her story and her discernment process, it sounded like she may very well have let pride and misguided desires for happy endings lead her to get in over her head. This actually might not have been God's will for her and her family.

But what, I wondered, should she do now?

Unfortunately I lost signal on the radio station and didn't hear the host's answer, but I've thought a lot about that lady and her dilemma ever since then. Though usually on a smaller scale, I used to spend a fair amount of time in my post-conversion life worrying about that very thing: What if this difficult situation I'm in is because I just screwed up? If God was telling me to do one thing and I ignored him and did another...what now?

Early on in my conversion I would occasionally feel really stressed about these types of situations, especially when I did something sinful that was clearly not what I was supposed to have done. Because I thought of God's will like a static, paper roadmap, I had this bad tendency to think of myself as being "off the map," in some kind of "out of God's will" no-service area akin to being out of range on your cell phone. "No point in praying," my subconscious mind would mutter, "God can't help you now -- he's back in the land of his will that you left when you made that stupid decision!" Though I could have told you on an intellectual level that that line of thinking was as erroneous as it was ridiculous, fear and stress made it surprisingly easy to slide into those kinds of irrational, defeatist thought patterns.

What I eventually learned that has brought me immeasurable peace on this subject is that it's more important to ponder how God can bring good out of any situation -- even bad, sinful situations that are the result of fallible humans' mistakes -- than it is to ponder what the details of his will are for any specific scenario. I've stopped spending so much time asking "Was this God's will?" and am trying to spend more time asking, "How can I serve God in love at this moment, right now?" Maybe the situation I'm in is the result of a bad move, but as long as I keep turning to God there will be an opportunity to bring love out of it.

So what would I say to the lady who called into the radio show? After assuring her of my prayers, I think my answer would be that she shouldn't spend any more time rehashing the past, but rather focus her energy on getting as close to God as possible from here on out. Rest in the knowledge that he can bring good out of any situation, especially those that present us with opportunities to love our fellow human beings. And the truth is that we rarely know exactly what God's will is in every situation anyway -- we probably veer off his path of perfect love way more often than we realize. What matters most is not complete knowledge of the mind of God (which is impossible anyway), but a disposition of love and trust.

Those are my thoughts, but needless to say I'm no expert on this subject. I'm sure I have plenty more to understand about all this myself. So I'd like to ask you guys: What would your advice be to the lady who called into the radio show? Of course we can't know for sure, but let's say hypothetically that this situation wasn't God's will? What now?

RELATED

He Leadeth Me is a fantastic book on the subject of trust and God's will
Anger, anxiety and trusting God
Looking for the two truck driver

Seeking wisdom

2009-10-13T16:05:00.007-05:00

When I decided to do a weeklong fast from my computer, it was because I was overwhelmed. I had a lot of discernment to do and needed to clear my head. Now that my oldest child just turned five it's time to start making big decisions about homeschooling vs. other education options, and I'm also trying to figure out how to write a book, continue blogging, keep up with all my daily emails, stay in touch with friends, keep the house clean and the bills paid, all while still putting my family first. I knew that I faced some tough choices, and that it would take a lot of thought and prayer to figure out what to do.

So as I began my week of silence, I prayed for one thing and one thing only: wisdom.

I was so focused on this that the last thing I did before shutting down my computer was to reply to a friend who'd emailed me a while back kindly asking what intentions of mine she might be able to pray for. I asked her to just pray this week that I receive wisdom. That's it.

And all week, that's what I searched for. As I scribbled notes about priorities and goals, went through our burnout management process with my husband, sought advice from trusted friends and family members, I kept my eyes and ears alert for this elusive wisdom. Would I even recognize it when I saw it? What type of information would it be? Would it come in the form of advice about a specific situation, or perhaps sage advice offering general life principles?

By the end of the week, I felt much better. Through a lot of thinking and talking and prayer I made good decisions and felt excited about the future, comfortable that I'd made the right choices. And yet I wasn't sure if I ever did find wisdom. It felt like I'd made solid, rational, well-thought-out decisions, yes. But is that wisdom? I wasn't sure. I felt vaguely disappointed that God didn't exactly hit me over the head with the gift I'd asked for, at least not in a clearly recognizable way.

Then, on Sunday morning, the last day of my computer fast, the first reading at Mass was from (you guessed it) the book of Wisdom. I felt a little chill as it began:

I prayed, and prudence was given me;
I pleaded, and the spirit of wisdom came to me.
I preferred her to scepter and throne,
and deemed riches nothing in comparison with her,
nor did I liken any priceless gem to her;
because all gold, in view of her, is a little sand,
and before her, silver is to be accounted mire.

"Hey! Yes!" I thought. "Totally! I want wisdom too!...But how on earth do you find it?"

When our priest stood up to give his homily, he immediately began discussing that first reading. And as early as his introduction, I knew where I'd gone wrong. He didn't even have to spell it out. He started talking about how the Old Testament prefigures the New Testament, and I shook my head and my own cluelessness. How could I have missed it?

The mistake I made was, ironically, one that I would have been less likely to make early on in my conversion, back when I was still studying Christianity and intensely focused on the simple truths of the faith. Now that I'm a few years in and the hurry and scurry of daily life has muddied the waters, however, I sometimes drift into thinking of the practice of my faith as something intricate, complicated and vague. These days it's easier to overcomplicate everything and miss simple answers that are obvious even to my toddler children.

As our priest spoke, I sat back in the pew and shook my head in amazement. It's so simple. Wisdom is nothing more or less than the Word incarnate. Jesus Christ. I hadn't received what I'd wanted this week because I'd been looking in all the wrong places, asking the wrong question. As I searched high and low for lifeless data that would give me what I wanted, I wondered of wisdom, "How do I find it?" The real question, I now see, is "How do I find him?"

20 Things I learned in a week without my computer

2009-10-12T07:24:00.008-05:00

A conversation my husband and I had a day into my experiment:

ME: I'm keeping a notebook to write down notes of what I'm learning this week.

HIM: That would make a great blog post!

ME: That's so funny you mention that, that's exactly what I was thinking!

HIM: [Gives me a look that makes me immediately realize that it was a JOKE, along the lines of "wouldn't it be ironic/unbelievably nerdy if you were thinking about blog material as you make handwritten notes about being completely unplugged?"]

So I just spent an entire week without my computer. I did it because 1) I felt overwhelmed with all I have on my plate right now (kids, schooling choices for kids, blogging, book writing, trying to keep the house in basic order, etc.) and felt like I needed to really clear my head in order to figure out how/if I could balance it all, and 2) I was starting to have a hard time detaching from the internet, regularly getting sucked into online stuff when I was supposed to be doing other things.

The week ended up being more fruitful than I could have imagined, and below are 20 things that I learned. Most are related to computer stuff, the internet in particular, though some are general life lessons that became more clear during my week of "silence":

20 Things I learned in my week without my computer

Your priorities are the things you plan for. This was actually what sparked it all. My husband made this comment week before last, noting that you can tell what people's actual priorities are by looking at what they plan for. I looked at my life to see that I had intricate plans for when I was going to spend time on my computer, but was always winging it when it came to the more boring/humble tasks related to my primary vocation.
Planning is a critical element of having a peaceful life. I realized that it's almost impossible for me to make optimal choices once the chaos of the day has begun; if I don't have a plan, I drift into survival mode where I just do the bare minimum to get by. Preparing for each day in the evening before by getting things ready and visualizing my goals makes a huge difference in my life.
You are much more checked out from the people around you when you're consuming interactive information (talking on the phone, email, Twitter, commenting on blogs, etc.) than when you're consuming static, one-way information (reading books, writing with pen and paper, etc.)
You are much more checked out from the people around you when you're looking at a glowing screen. During my free time this week I watched TV more than usual. While it left me more present to the people around me than when I was on my computer, I was still much more checked out than when I read books or wrote with pen and paper.
It's easier to interact with people online than in real life. This week I was forced to actually pick up the phone and call people for social interaction. It's much less efficient to interact offline because you're forced to engage with people rather than getting directly to the information you need (such as the typical "how are you doing?" pleasantries when you haven't spoken to someone in a while), but I found it to be a good thing to have to really engage with my friends and family members rather than just dashing off quick emails or direct messages.
I was much more tempted by junk food without the internet. This was the most surprising turn of events this week. The first Monday without the internet I chowed down on junk food like I haven't since the beginning of the Saint Diet nine months ago. I realized that I use the internet as an escape mechanism when I'm feeling stressed, and without it I was tempted to turn to something else.
The internet tempts me to over-value my own opinions (especially micro-communication tools like Twitter and email). This week I caught myself hanging on to every single opinion I had about anything, a habit I'd formed from constantly emailing and tweeting friends with every little thought I had. When I wrote the ideas down on paper to express later by phone or in person, I realized that most of them were pretty inane, things that I would have forgotten about altogether in the days before I had an internet connection.
The internet brings out my snarky/judgmental side. Similar to the above, I realized this week that I wasn't in "judging and making snarky comments" mode nearly as much as usual. Something about the interactive nature of the internet makes me feel like I must comment on every single thing I see, and I'm always thinking of witty remarks to email friends with throughout my days. When I thought of picking up the phone and calling people to tell them all the thoughts I'd normally email, it made me feel like a blowhard.
The internet brings out my gossipy side. I realized that part of what draws me into the internet, blog reading in particular, is a desire for drama -- who's disagreeing with whom, who wrote something controversial, etc. Life felt a little more boring -- in a good way -- without the internet.
Music can completely change the mood of a house. Being offline made me rediscover the joy of adding music to our daily routine, and I was amazed by what a difference it made.
I use the internet to escape challenging convictions. I found it interesting that the only moments that I was overwhelmed with temptation to go get online were when I was thinking/praying about my life and came to a conclusion that I didn't like. I realized that I've unconsciously developed a habit of drifting over to my computer and getting online as a way to distract myself from hard truths.
Email is my biggest source of computer-related stress because it requires constant decision-making, which is difficult for me.
Getting on my computer makes it very easy to forget what my goals for the day are. Especially because I have tendencies toward ADD, I go into "monkey with shiny object" mode with all the great, interconnected information available on the internet; I all too easily get sucked in and completely forget what I was trying to accomplish in the day.
Computer work always leaves me feeling like I wasn't finished. Similar to the above, there is always one more thing I wanted to do/see/read on my computer, especially if I'm online. Whether or not I accomplished what I sat down to do, I'm left with this chronic, dissatisfied feeling that I didn't do everything I wanted to do.
A big step towards giving my home a "domestic monastery" feel is limiting internet use. Ever since I read this fantastic article a couple years ago, I've yearned to make my house feel like a true "domestic monastery." Never have I come so close as I did this week. In the silence of an internet-free house, I felt like I was on some kind of spiritual retreat, even when I wasn't praying.
I have lost the concept of waiting for information. Years of daily internet use has left me with this feeling that I have some kind of right to know whatever I want to know, whenever I want to know it. For example, on Wednesday I was trying to think of the name of an actress who was in a certain movie, and I realized that, without the internet, I either had to connect with another human being to get the information or patiently accept that I couldn't know it right now. It was surprisingly irritating.
The same force that drives people to slot machines is what drives me to my computer. I realized that when I mindlessly get online, every time I click it's like pulling the lever on a slot machine and hoping to hit the jackpot. I'm hoping to hit a virtual jackpot -- a blog post that changes my life, an email that blows me away, a hilarious video on YouTube, etc. And the truth is that there's enough stuff online that if I clicked on enough links or spent enough time on email I would get that payoff I'm looking for. But, just like with slot machines, I need to be careful about spending endless amounts of time just sitting around pulling the lever.
The next day starts at sundown. Having a productive day starts with waking up feeling well rested...which starts with making good choices about what time to go to bed. This week I found it really helpful to embrace the ancient Judeo-Christian understanding that sundown prayer ushers in the next day.
If my computer is in front of me, I will get sucked in to wasting time on it. It's prideful for me to think that I'd have the self-restraint to not get lured into wasting time online if my laptop is right in front of me all the time. I need to remove the temptation by removing it physically when I don't need it.
I love blogging. This week offline made me realize how much I love having a blog. I missed crafting posts and, especially, I missed hearing from you guys. I need to be careful about not letting myself get attached to traffic numbers, but that other than that my blog and my wonderful commenters are really great parts of my life.

This fast was a great thing for me. It really helped me clarify both the benefits and the pitfalls to being online, as well as just giving me some silence to think about life in general. In a Part II to this post I'll list some of the practical changes I'm making to my life based on what I learned from the fast.

Anyway, it's good to be back. I missed you guys!

A week without noise

2009-10-04T23:19:00.017-05:00

I'm doing something crazy this week:

I'm shutting down my computer. For a whole week. No email, no blog reading, no blogging, no web surfing, no Twitter. No Word, Quicken or Photoshop. I'll live a computer-free life for seven days.

For some people that wouldn't be that big of a deal; for me it'll be a huge deal, and that's why I'm doing it. I realized at the end of last week that for all of my adult life I've been hyper-connected. When I worked in the high tech industry I spent ten hours a day in front of a computer. Even now that I don't work, my computer is a huge part of my life -- I communicate with my parents and husband and friends primarily via email throughout the day, and my main hobby, writing, puts me in front of the computer even more.

There's nothing wrong with any of that per se, but I realized last week that I'd become addicted to the "noise" of constant communication, running over to my computer to see if there's a new email or blog post or blog comment or news story to give me a few seconds of distraction and amusement any time things get the slightest bit tough. I like the idea of completely fasting from it all for a week to force myself to re-adjust to silence (I don't mean literal silence, of course, since my house is about as tranquil as the howler monkey cage at the zoo, but "silence" in terms of a lack of a constant buzz of outside stimulation and information). I like how fasting from anything gives you a fresh perspective on what is normal, that when you re-incorporate it into your life even the smallest doses seem like a lot since you're used to having none.

I've felt called to do this for a while, for weeks doing that thing where God sends me clear signals along the lines of "STEP. AWAY. FROM. THE. LAPTOP." and I'm all like "Step away from the what? The map shop? What? Let me get back to you after I'm done checking email..." and this past weekend he finally hit me over the head in a way that I could no longer ignore.

So after I hit publish on this post I'll shut down my laptop and put it over on my bookshelf until next Monday. Needless to say, I won't be hosting 7 Quick Takes this week, and I won't be checking comments until next week (which is why I closed comments on this post). Since I'm horrible about replying to emails I doubt anyone will notice a difference in that department.

This'll be the first time in my adult life I've spent a whole week completely "unplugged." Oddly enough, I'm really looking forward to it. See you all next week!

UPDATE: 20 things I learned in a week without my computer

RELATED:

A fascinating video about the desert hermit experience (this is well worth the time to watch if you haven't already seen it)
A day in the life of a mommyblogger
Blogging and the water well
Becoming more human (a post by Betty Duffy with lots of good food for thought)

The Saturday Evening Blog Post

2009-10-03T09:20:00.003-05:00

Elizabeth Esther is hosting the "Saturday Evening Blog Post" again, a fun monthly meme where bloggers can submit their favorite posts from their own blogs. I chose my post about getting locked out of the Adoration chapel because I've thought of that moment almost every day since then when I'm tempted not to trust God with some situation. To read more posts or submit you're own, head on over to Elizabeth Esther's place!

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 53)

2009-10-02T00:00:00.014-05:00

--- 1 ---

My husband and I loved our trip to El Paso. We had an unbelievably good dinner at the famous Cattleman's Steakhouse and got a behind-the-scenes tour of the airport (where my dad is working on an expansion). We also briefly visited the big corn maze on the New Mexico border, but I didn't go in because I was hungry and tired and me + my notorious lack of a sense of direction + hunger + fatigue + 15-foot-high cornstalk labyrinth just kinda seemed to have disaster written all over it. We also went to a nice Mass at Queen of Peace parish (whose bell tower you see on the left) and had some of the best Italian food I've had in years at Trattoria Bella Sera.

The only down side was that it was hard to adjust to the dry air and elevation (3,800 ft). My mouth felt like sandpaper the whole time we were there, and I felt short of breath every time I walked around. But we were thrilled to get a mini vacation and hope to be able to go back again soon!

--- 2 ---

Why didn't someone tell me that there's a new version of Fertility, Cycles and Nutrition?! I have an almost religious devotion to that book, which I first discovered after two well-respected doctors told me that I had so many cycle problems that I'd never be able to have children without medical intervention. I credit that book with completely turning around my health on every level and...nevermind -- I'm going stop typing so that I can go buy five copies of the new version.

--- 3 ---

I just can't get over the fact that our city is having a Hairy Man Festival this weekend.

Especially that a women's association puts it on.

I know that it's named after the vaguely-defined local legend of a mysterious (and evidently hairy) man who once roamed this area, but how do you tell people who may not be familiar with the lore about this event? I mean, what if you run into some friend from a different part of town who's in the Junior League and she's all like, "I'm working hard on putting together the Fall Black-Tie Ladies' High Tea. What are you up to?" and you have to be all like, "I'm working on the Hairy Man Festival"?

--- 4 ---

My husband says I have no sense of humor. "It's supposed to be funny!" he says of the Hairy Man Festival, waiting for me to break out into "oh-NOW-I-get-it!" laughter at any moment. But, nay, I remain stone-faced as I point out that I still don't understand.

I think the problem is that the risk/reward ratio is just too high for me. On the reward side, your friends might react to hearing that you're organizing the Hairy Man Festival by recognizing that the name is a reference to the local legend and chuckling at the funny sound of it. On the risk side, they might not be familiar with the story and THINK YOU'RE SO INTENSELY INTERESTED IN HIRSUTE MEN THAT YOU'RE ORGANIZING AN EVENT AROUND IT. For me, not worth it.

--- 5 ---

I think that interest in this legend has persisted mainly because we have a local road named after it. I know, you're wondering how we named a road for the legend without calling it something crazy like Hairy Man Road. We didn't. It's just Hairy Man Road. One wonders if the person behind that decision had any interest at all in developing the local economy, considering the large number of businesses that simply could not be located on a street called Hairy Man. Charm schools, wedding venues and upscale spas could never tell their clientele to find them at 1426 Hairy Man Rd. I can't decide if electrolysis studios would be in or out. And what must that do for property values? No developer would ever build million-dollar properties on a street whose name would make people snicker like seventh-graders every time they heard it.

--- 5 ---

Oooooh, no. I see this turning into a Trucknutz-esque situation where I get fixated on some bizarro subject and spend all afternoon doing nothing but waxing philosophical about it, filling Quick Takes with my commentary and then calling my friends to subject them to further witticisms that I didn't have room for on the blog. How about some vacation pictures?

--- 6 ---

The famous Cattleman's Steakhouse

An evening drive in the desert

--- 7 ---

I am having to resist the urge to camp out on my front porch and attack our mail lady every time she comes by, shaking her by the collar as I ask rabidly, "IS THERE A PACKAGE FOR ME?!?!?!" This is because I ordered The Messies Manual: A Complete Guide to Bringing Order & Beauty to Your Home after Smoochagator left this comment:

I am an ex-slob and I LOOOOOOVE having a tidy and organized home now...I credit one book for my "conversion" -- The Messies Manual by Sandra Felton. I've read many books and articles about organization, but Felton's book changed my life because it changed my entire attitude and approach to housekeeping. I highly recommend it to any other "messies" out there who are desperate to transform their homes (and their lives)!

Done and done. I am now convinced that I am only a slob because I haven't read this book and that after reading it I'm instantly going to become exactly like Kristen of Small Treasures. I'll let you know how it goes.

----------------------

1. Matching Moonheads
2. Roxane@Peace Garden Mama
3. Fencing Bear at Prayer
4. Venite
5. Carolyn @ reluctant atheist
6. NCSue
7. DebbieQ @ stophershesknitting
8. Sara @ AShowerofRoses
9. Pharmgirl @ Adventures in Pharmland
10. Mary @ Hope Echoes
11. becomewhatyouare
12. Lisa Sweet
13. Amanda
14. Judy
15. Sarah @ This Heavenly Life
16. Brandilicious
17. suburbancorrespondent
18. The Keeping Time
19. It Feels Like Chaos
20. Old Skool Jill (first timer)
21. Angie @ Many Little Blessings
22. Trena @ The Third Prayer
23. Papua Girl in Dallas
24. At Least Three
25. Laura
26. Lisa (Are We There Yet?)
27. Gill-Life of a Photographer
28. Tami @ The Next Step
29. kim@baby yahyah
30. Becky @Beck's Three
31. Katherine @ The Domestic Church
32. Chelsea @ Roots & Rings

33. majellamom
34. Herb of Grace
35. Dakotapam
36. Marie, Two Ways of Renouncing the Devil
37. Smoochagator
38. Lenae
39. JoAnna @ A Star of Hope
40. Diana @ DePriest Days
41. Dawn Farias
42. Kathreja@ From Sibboleth to Shibboleth
43. Janet in Toronto
44. Joy @ joy in the morning
45. Sarah @ Simple Pleasures
46. Emily
47. Kathryn (The Bookworm)
48. Holly @ Hollison Journey
49. Rebecca
50. Laura @ Life, Faith, Home, School
51. Jen @ Happy Little Homemaker
52. Jordana @ Curmudgeonry
53. Caitie
54. Sarah @ Fumbling Toward Grace
55. Sarah Reinhard
56. Missus Wookie
57. Anne Marie @ East of Eden
58. ChrisV
59. Erin @ Sky Blue Pink Roses
60. Therese
61. Christina@Mrs. Broccoli Guy
62. Jesse - Don't Believe The Bible?
63. Work in Progress
64. Kristen @ St Monica's Bridge

65. Ranee @ Arabian Knits
66. Jaclyn
67. Meika @ Wandering Aramean
68. Chelsey @ The Crouch Family
69. theRosyGardener
70. Transitus Tiber
71. Aimee@ The Mother Load
72. Barbara C.@Box of Chocolates
73. Lerin @ Beautiful Chaos
74. Tina @ Multiple Mom T
75. Very Sleepy People
76. Emily
77. Paul A. Nelson
78. nadja@Patch O' Dirt Farm
79. annies home -
80. Rebecca (another one)
81. MinkyKat@Trocaria's Tantrums
82. Christian H @ The Thinking Grounds
83. Dympha @ The Well
84. Theresa @ Off Topic
85. Bill White
86. Peony Moss
87. Tracy@The Secret of Living
88. Erin@Seven Little Australians Plus One
89. Christi @ Our Journey
90. Elizabeth Mahlou
91. Therese (Aussie Coffee Shop)
92. Karen @ Flash Light
93. Elena @My Domestic church
94. Anna @ Annalogue
95. Michelle @ made4joy

Francis de Sales on Christian bloggers

2009-10-01T08:20:00.003-05:00

A Three-Minute Book Club post

Well, OK, seeing as how he was writing in the 17th century I suppose Francis de Sales might not have been thinking of comboxes and weblogs in particular, but that's what I immediately thought of when I read this in his excellent book Finding God's Will for You:

God's servants who have had the highest and most exalted inspirations have been the gentlest and most peaceable men in all the world. Such were Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Moses is called "a man exceedingly meek above all men." David is praised for his mildness.

On the contrary, the evil spirit is turbulent, bitter, and restless. Those who follow his hellish suggestions in the belief that they are heavenly inspirations can usually be recognized because they are unsettled, headstrong, haughty, and ready to undertake or meddle in affairs. Under the pretext of zeal, they subvert everything, criticize everyone, rebuke everyone, and find fault with everything. They are men without self-control and without consideration, who put up with nothing. In the name of zeal for God's honor, they indulge in the passions of self-love.

Unfortunately, the kind of behavior that reflects a soul in tune with the Holy Spirit is rarely what brings large amounts of traffic to a blog. Being "unsettled, headstrong, haughty, and ready to undertake or meddle in affairs" while "subverting everything, criticizing everyone, rebuking everyone, and finding fault with everything" is pretty much a recipe for how to have a popular website.

Also, the internet gives us unprecedented opportunities to express our opinions in a relatively consequence-free environment -- and, unlike face-to-face communication, it's surprisingly easy to fall into self-indulgent, careless speech when the only repercussions you'll face are words on a screen.

For example, yesterday I came across a blog post by an atheist who basically said that no intelligent person could be a Christian. With hardly a second thought I began typing up a scathing response full of passive aggressive insults and condescension, supposedly with the goal of defending God against such insults. Luckily I had just re-read this part of Finding God's Will for You, and St. Francis' words echoed in my mind as I asked myself: Is this about God's honor...or self-love? Re-reading my own turbulent words, the answer was obvious.

In our age of 24/7 communication it's especially important to remember: Just because we're defending God, doesn't mean we're reflecting God.

Wisdom from a misread church sign

2009-09-29T19:05:00.007-05:00

The other day I was driving around and saw a church sign that said:

DON'T MAKE YOUR MISTAKES YOUR VALUES

I thought it was a powerful message, one that could have saved me a fair amount of time in my conversion if I'd heard it early on. When I was first open to the possibility that God might exist, it was tempting to use my own life choices and beliefs (some of which were bound to be mistakes) as the golden standard, to find a belief system that told me that God thinks that I'm fine, everything I've ever done is fine, and everything I'm planning to do is fine. But as I quickly found out, you can't find God until you're willing to be vulnerable -- vulnerable to the scary prospect of following the truth even if it leads you to a God who is much different than you might have imagined, and vulnerable to the possibility that some of the biggest choices in your life just might have been mistakes.

All those thoughts flashed through my mind as I drove closer to the sign, and just before I passed it I noticed that I'd read it wrong. It actually said:

DON'T MAKE YOUR MISTAKES YOUR VALUE

I liked this advice as well, and thought it made a nice follow-up to the misread message I'd just been thinking about. After you acknowledge your mistakes (i.e. sins) that have separated you from God, it's tempting to believe that God couldn't possibly love you as much as he loves people who haven't screwed up as much as you have. It's so important, as the sign actually said, to know that your mistakes are not your value.

As I drove off I chucked that the two pieces of advice make a great little two-part guide to conversion: Don't make your mistakes your values, and don't make your mistakes your value.

Picture by Church Sign Maker

The ultimate burnout survival guide

2009-09-27T18:23:00.003-05:00

I have a lot of experience with burnout. My odd combination of being an ambitious control freak with a powerful lazy streak and a huge resistance to change means that I was pretty much designed to get myself into situations where I feel overwhelmed and drowned in stress with no idea what to do next.

Luckily for me, my husband is the polar opposite. He has an incredible gift for finding solutions to difficult and complicated situations, and over the years I have learned a ton from him about how to navigate my way out of even the most hopeless cases of burnout. In fact, together we have developed a clear process that we work through whenever one of us starts to feel frazzled and stressed. The other day I was sharing this process with a friend of mine, and she enthusiastically suggested that I write a post about it in case it might be helpful to anyone else.

So here it is, our magnum opus burnout survival guide. If anyone out there is feeling burnt out and overwhelmed, I hope that these techniques that have worked so well for us might give you a little roadmap for finding your way back to a place of peace.

What is burnout?

First of all, how do you know when what you're experiencing is true burnout, an unhealthy situation that needs to change, versus a healthy challenge that you need to just step up to the plate and get through? I'm neither a counselor nor a spiritual director so I won't pontificate too much on that, but I will offer these wise words from Elizabeth Foss in this excellent post on burnout:

God tells us that his yoke is easy and his burden is light. So, if we are straining and fall under the yoke and the burden, it's not God's...I don't mean that life is never hard or that our homes must always be filled with only sunshine and roses. But I still mean that if we are straining and falling and sinning under the strain of the yoke, it's not God's yoke...Yes, we will suffer, but I have learned that it is indeed possible to suffer joyfully. Burnout is not suffering joyfully.

My own litmus test is simply one of love: God is love itself, therefore a life in line with his will is one of love, even if it's not always fun or pleasant. If some situation is stressing me out to the point that it's blocking me from being able to give or receive love (e.g. I'm constantly snapping at people, feeling resentful towards loved-ones, frequently angry, etc.), I assume that this is not what God wants for me and something needs to change.

This is also a good place to note that what may seem like burnout could also be something more serious such as clinical depression, grief, a physical ailment, etc. and if you suspect that that might be the case you shouldn't hesitate to get help. But assuming that what you're experiencing is classic burnout, let's start talking about what you can do about it.

Pre-Diagnosis: Getting in the Right Frame of Mind

Before we can diagnose the problem, we need to get in problem-diagnosing mode:

Get some sleep
We have a strict rule in our house that we never talk about problems when we're tired, and I can't tell you how much stress it has saved us. If you feel completely burned out, the first thing you should do is just get some sleep so that you can think clearly; your problems are going to seem insurmountable if you try to think through them when you're exhausted. For some of us it might not be possible to retire to a perfect 12-hour, uninterrupted night of slumber, but do the best you can. And if your answer is, "But I never get enough sleep!", then that is one of your biggest problems. I'd recommend dropping everything and putting all your energy into figuring out how you can start getting some rest before you try to tackle anything else.

Choose an advisor
Digging your way out of an overwhelming situation is much easier if you have someone to help you. Think of someone to whom you could turn for advice. This must be someone whose opinion you trust, who shares or at least respects your values, and who is able to be positive and solution-oriented. For married people the most obvious choice would be your spouse, but if the two of you have gone over the situation ad nauseam without making progress, you may want to consider talking to a close friend or spiritual advisor.

Plan a time to chat
Now schedule a time to chat when both you and your chosen advisor will be able to focus. This doesn't have to be a formal face-to-face meeting with zero distractions; a casual phone call or chat on the living room couch is fine. It's just a time when you both have about forty-five minutes to talk seriously without too many interruptions.

Think about your goals
Before you start trying to fix problems, it's helpful to take a big step back and reflect on what your ideal life would look like. What really matters to you? If you found out you only had a year to live, what would your priorities be? If someone asked you what you believe the meaning of life to be, what would you say? You don't have to spend tons of time on this, the point is just to step back from the chaos of daily life and do a gut-check about what really matters to you.

Pray
Go off to a silent place, take a deep breath, and ask God for his assistance. In these circumstances I find it helpful to specifically pray for humility and trust. Also spend some time asking for forgiveness for any acts against love you may have committed that would have separated you from God. Whether you can spend an afternoon in a chapel or can just barely escape the chaos long enough to lock yourself in your bedroom closet for two minutes, be sure you don't skip this step.

Diagnosis: Figuring Out What's Wrong

Over the years I've found that when I'm experiencing burnout, it is often because there are layers of problems going on, some of which I may not have fully articulated. In order to find solutions you first need to make sure you have clarity on what's really bothering you, so let's get started!

Grab a pen and paper, and start talking to your advisor
Now is when you have that phone call or sit-down talk you scheduled with the person you've chosen as your advisor. The purpose of this chat is for you to be able to do a free-for-all brain dump about everything that's stressing you out. Just start talking. List every stressor in your life you can think of. The only constraint is to make sure you keep an eye on the ultimate goal of reducing stress for you and your loved-ones -- i.e. don't let the conversation degenerate into a gossip, self-pity or negativity session. And keep that pen and paper handy, because these conversations often lead to great insights.

Look for hidden trends
As you and your advisor chat, you should both be looking out for hidden trends in the conversation that may point to surprising stressors that you had never articulated. For example, a couple years ago I hit a low point and ended up having one of these conversations with my husband. I wiped tears out of my eyes as I talked on and on about what I thought was troubling me (worries medical bills, the house being a wreck, etc.) yet my husband pointed out something fascinating: over and over again I made passing references to my then-18-month-old daughter's penchant for long bouts of ear-shattering screaming. In fact, I referenced it so often that he even suspected that that was 80% of what had me feeling down. As it turns out, he was exactly right. Even though there wasn't a quick-fix solution, it was a tremendous weight off my shoulders to realize what my biggest source of stress really was.

Be humble and realistic about your needs
Based on my own experience and the experience of my friends, this is the #1 culprit of burnout, especially for women: we drastically underestimate our basic physical and mental needs. I've talked before about how I believe modern technology, artificial light in particular, tempts us to extend our working hours way past what is natural, and I think a good litmus test for whether or not you're pushing yourself too hard is to ask yourself what percentage of your current activities you'd be able to complete if your workday ended at sundown. We're all designed to need regular periods of rest and refreshment, and if you're not getting that, it's critical that you recognize that that's a big problem. For me, it is usually pride and fear that cause me to ignore my own basic needs: I don't want anyone to think I'm weak or lazy if I can't do as much as other people can do, I won't take anything off my plate because it's all too "important" (yet I refuse to ask for help), and I fear that critical things wouldn't get done if I broke down and admitted that I just can't do it all.

As you talk to your advisor, make a conscious effort to set aside pride and fear as you go through the questions:

Are you getting regular time to "recharge your batteries," i.e. engage in relaxing activities that fill you up with energy? (I talked more about that in #3 here.)
Are you getting enough sleep?
Are you getting regular, quality "adult time" with your spouse?
How do your days begin? Do you have a little time to think and pray and plan before you have to jump into the fray?
Is your home environment conducive to peace (e.g. your house is in good repair, you're able to keep it at a level of cleanliness that works for your family, etc.)?
Are you praying every day?
How's your diet? Are you eating foods that promote good health and give you energy? (You can read about the huge impact that had on my life here.)

See if any of the problems need to be broken down
When you're feeling overwhelmed it's easy to see your problems as vague, amorphous blobs of stress. It's much easier to solve small problems than big ones, so as you talk to your advisor, see if any of the stressors you bring up could broken down into component parts. For example:

GOOD: "I feel overwhelmed by homeschooling!"
BETTER: "The kids are really frustrated by the new math curriculum," "I don't have any time for myself," "My teenager is increasingly rebellious about doing his assigned work."

GOOD: "I hate my job!"
BETTER: "My boss constantly belittles me," "I'm always yanked around from one project to another," "I don't make enough money to support my family."

Now that you've gone through these steps, let what you've learned sink in for a while. That may take five minutes or five days -- whatever you need to feel like you have clarity on what, exactly, the main stressors are in your life.

Finding Solutions

Now that you have a better handle on what's bothering you, it's time to find solutions! One of the biggest lessons I have learned in terms of overcoming burnout is this: finding solutions is a creativity issue. It's not about being brilliant or organized or a life management expert; it's about being creative. So all the tips in this section will be geared towards getting you in an open, imaginative mindset.

Prioritize your problems
Now, think about the problems you came up with in the last section. What floats to the top of your mind as the most pressing? Go with your gut reaction, even if it seems illogical. It may be one single thing or a set of interrelated problems, but decide which one(s) you want to tackle first.

Time to brainstorm!
It's time for you and your advisor to have a little brainstorming session. You can do this as part of the same conversation where you articulated your problems, though sometimes I find it helpful to sleep on it and have a separate solution-seeking conversation the next day. Anyway, the point of this exercise is to expand your mind, be positive and have fun! Start throwing out possible solutions to your problems, even if they seem impossible or crazy. And the cardinal rule is this: No shooting down any ideas during a brainstorming session.

To give you an idea of why that rule is so important, I'll use my friend "Mindy" as an example: She was feeling burned out about homeschooling, particularly because her kids argued a lot. In the solution brainstorming session her husband half jokingly threw out the idea of getting one of those big ready-made storage sheds to put in the back yard and use as an external schoolhouse. She was about to veto it as a ridiculous idea (no air conditioner, no bathroom, no insulation, expensive, not big enough), but in the spirit of brainstorming decided to just write it down. When they went over their brainstorming list later, however, they kept feeling drawn to think about that option more, and eventually realized that it appealed to them because their house was so cramped that it was making everyone tense, which was undoubtedly contributing to the kids' arguments. They ended up doing a major decluttering spree and rearranged bedrooms in order to have a designated school supply room, and are slowly saving up to one day build an addition onto their house. Mindy felt so much better to have finally diagnosed the problem and found partial solutions, and it all came about thanks to talking about an idea that was technically ridiculous.

Remember that almost all situations can be improved
There might be some problems that you're tempted to shrug off as having no solution. To use my example of when I was at my wit's end because of my toddler's near-constant screaming, what could I do? There was no medical cause, and it's not like I could wave a magic wand and make her stop yelling. In one of our brainstorming sessions my husband offered the partial solution of making sure that I got extra quiet time each day: When he got home from work, I would go shut myself in our bedroom and relax in silence for a while. Normally I didn't like to miss out on family time, but we found that it was well worth the tradeoff to get me through that difficult few months. It didn't solve the problem completely, but it was a huge improvement.

Think big, think small (and watch out for sacred cows!)
Especially if you've been feeling burnt out for a long time and/or you're having trouble finding any solutions, it may be time for a radical change in thinking. Are you boxing yourself in by ruling out options that you see as so big that they're out of your grasp, or so small that they're beneath you? Are there any sacred cows you're clinging to? Are you letting pride keep you from accepting offers of help that God might be sending your way? Drawing from my own experiences as well as those of my friends, here is a partial checklist of some options that are often so far outside our normal way of thinking that it's easy to overlook when considering solutions. Do you need to consider:

Moving to a different city? Or, if you've been moving a lot, putting down roots?
Finding a completely new career path?
Making big sacrifices in one part of your life to improve another part (e.g. cutting cable and cell phone bills to make room in the budget for a monthly cleaning lady)?
A radical lifestyle downgrade (e.g. getting cheaper cars, going down to one car, getting a smaller house, etc.)?
A new schooling method for the kids, or tweaking the current method?
A new way of approaching child discipline?
Cutting down on ministry work, extracurricular activities or other non-essential projects?
Accepting help from friends, family or community members?
Hiring a cleaning lady, lawn mowing service or babysitter?
Re-discerning if something God once called you to do is still what he wants you to do?
Drastically slashing your expectations of how much you can get done in a week?
Getting marriage counseling or participating in a marriage enrichment program like Retrouvaille?

Anyway, the point is just to be positive, humble and expand your thinking. As long as it doesn't go into the territory of sin, leave nothing unconsidered. It may take you an hour or a week to complete your brainstorming session, but at the end of it you should have a good list of possible solutions.

Executing Solutions

Now that you have identified what's bothering you and have a list of possible solutions, it's time to revise the list to get some clarity and decide what you're going to do. You can do this part on your own or with the help of your advisor.

Pray again
Before you go any further, find a quiet moment to ask God for his assistance...and don't forget to make sure you're listening for his answers.

Be very careful about distinguishing "I can't" from "I feel overwhelmed / challenged by this"
In the early days of my conversion, when my husband would suggest solutions to my problems I was often all too eager to "offer it up" instead, trying not to let the glow of my halo hurt my eyes as I dolefully explained that this difficultly was just my lot in life. I would love to tell you that it was motivated by nothing but a sincere desire to renounce my will for God's, but I see now that the truth was that too often it was an excuse not to make difficult changes that God wanted me to make. For me, martyrdom is often easier than stepping out of my element.

As you consider your list of possible solutions, keep in mind that in a burnout situation there probably aren't going to be any easy solutions -- if there were, you would have implemented them a long time ago. But that doesn't mean there aren't any solutions. Improving your situation is probably going to mean stepping into territory that's unfamiliar to you, so be careful not to block off potential paths by being too loose with the word "can't."

If a solution seems good but overwhelming, make a list of the conditions that would make it less overwhelming
During a rough patch last summer my husband suggested that we get some babysitting help. My blood pressure rose and I immediately started spewing reasons why that would be impossible: We couldn't afford it, I wouldn't want a stranger in the house, I'd be embarrassed for anyone to see how messy everything is, and so on. He pointed out that my objections were valid, but that that just meant that we should find a solution within those constraints. For example, if we could find a trusted friend of someone we knew, who had experience with having young kids around and therefore wouldn't be shocked by the chaos, and let her know up-front that this would be a temporary position because we weren't able to afford it for the long-term, that just might work. It seemed like it would be impossible to find someone like that, and I had no idea where to start, but I decided to give it a shot. It turns out that we found a wonderful neighbor who was our babysitter for just two months to help me get through that rough patch, and being able to have that job was as much of an answered prayer for her as it was for us.

Make a decision about what you're going to do
Now that you've looked at all your potential solutions with a positive attitude and considered them from a variety of angles, it's time to decide what you're going to try. The keyword here is "try." You may find that an idea that seemed good leads to a dead end and you have to go back to your list, but that's OK! Just keep searching and thinking and talking and praying and trying things and eventually something will work.

Get ready to step out of your element!
If your experience is anything like mine, you may have realized that what it's going to take to turn around your burnout situation is going to challenge you to approach certain areas of your life in a whole new way. If you're feeling hesitant about this, here are some ideas to try:

Find a mentor. Contact someone you know who has done something similar or seems to be skilled at this type of thing, even if you don't know him or her very well. Imagine how honored you'd feel if someone came to you with a similar request!
Get in character. When I had to start looking for a babysitter last summer, I was so overwhelmed! I didn't know what to charge, how to go about interviewing people, where to start looking for someone, etc. What got me over the hump was to get "in character." When I had to make those first few phone calls, I pretended like I was an actress playing the role of a confident executive who did this every day. It sounds totally silly, but it worked wonders for helping me get over my anxiety.
Pretend like you're doing it for someone else. Similar to the above, another technique that helps me keep the word "can't" out of my vocabulary is to pretend that a friend in dire need has asked me to handle this for her. It's amazing how much more energetic and positive I am able to be if I'm helping someone else instead of myself!
Pray. Don't try to execute solutions by your own strength alone. Ask God to open doors that need to be opened, and to give you the courage you need to break out of your rut and make exciting changes in your life.

--------------

I hope that this glimpse into the process that I have learned for handling burnout might be a spark of encouragement for others out there who are feeling stressed and overwhelmed. And remember that it's not a "one and done" thing -- you'll probably end up getting burned out again at some point in the future, and that's OK. It doesn't mean you've failed; it's the nature of life in a fallen world that we're always going to be fighting against chaos. The most important thing is simply to have a good process in place so that when it does happen again, you'll have a roadmap to lead you out.

RELATED POSTS

Admitting that I can't do it all (or even half of it)
Schedules and hard stops
A lesson about accepting imperfect help
Crying because I can't follow God's will...or my will?
Finding my way (at Living, Learning and Loving Simply)

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 52)

2009-09-25T00:00:00.012-05:00

--- 1 ---

Whew! I'm feeling quite a bit better after my little bout with the flu. I credit my quick recovery to lots of rest and Emergen-C. I guess it could be the placebo effect, but I really feel like Emergen-C makes a significant different in my body's ability to fight illnesses. Anyone else have any favorite cold- and flu-fighting tips?

--- 2 ---

I got better just in time, because I'm getting on a plane tonight after the kids go to bed. My husband and I are taking a quick trip out to El Paso to visit my dad. He's managing a cool construction project out there that he wanted us to see before it's wrapped up in a couple of months, so he offered to fly us out for a tour. It'll be a quick turnaround since I don't want to test the limits of my mom's chaos management abilities as she holds down the fort back here, but it'll be fun to get a little change of pace nonetheless.

--- 3 ---

A couple of friends asked why we don't just drive out there. The reason is because it's a nine-hour drive from Austin to El Paso. We Texans often take the "subway in the sky," cheap and easy Southwest Airlines, for travel between distant cities. (For a bit of obligatory Texas-is-big trivia, it would take about 15 hours to drive from the southern tip of the state to the northern tip.)

--- 4 ---

Speaking of Texas and travel: Fly down to Texas, have lunch with me, and you get to be in a TV commercial! Well, I guess I can't guarantee that, although it did happen to Roxane Salonen when she headed back to San Antonio after our lunch a couple weeks ago.

--- 5 ---

Back on the subject of the flu, yesterday I got an email from "Maria," the Colombian social worker who was here this summer with the Kidsave kids (whom I frequently mentioned in my posts on the subject), saying that she had the swine flu! She was hospitalized for 20 days but is better now. Thank goodness she's OK!

--- 6 ---

A couple weekends ago my husband and I were honored to have Joshunda Sanders from the Austin-American Statesman join us at Mass as part of familiarizing herself with the local religion beat. It was a pleasure to meet her, and I enjoyed reading about her impressions of the service.

--- 7 ---

In the four-year history of this blog we have discussed some of the weightiest and most controversial topics known to modern man. Abortion, contraception, euthanasia, atheism, Christianity, the Catholic Church, suffering -- you name it, we've talked about it. But there is one subject that would seem more pressing than all the rest, a topic so riveting that, when I brought it up recently, broke my "most comments in one day" record by a fair margin. And that subject was: Trucknutz.

---------------------

1. Anna @ Annalogue
2. theRosyGardener
3. Blair's Blessings
4. Venite
5. Paul A. Nelson
6. Tami @ The Next Step
7. NCSue
8. mary @ Passionate Perseverance
9. DebbieQ @ stophershesknitting
10. Emily
11. Sarah Reinhard (Tips from Kate Wicker)
12. Erin@Seven Little Australians Plus One
13. Jaclyn @ Home is Where the Heart Is
14. becomewhatyouare
15. Mary@ HopeEchoes
16. Marie, Two Ways of Renouncing the Devil
17. suburbancorrespondent
18. Sarah @ This Heavenly Life
19. Trena @ The Third Prayer
20. Dawn @ Always Undecided
21. Laura @ Life, Faith, Home, School
22. Gae
23. PapuaGirlinDallas
24. Gill-Life of a Photographer
25. Brandilicious
26. nadja@Patch O' Dirt Farm
27. Happy Geek
28. Amy @ From the Desk of Mom
29. Lerin @ Beautiful Chaos

30. Becky @Beck's Three
31. entropy
32. Judy
33. Katherine @ The Domestic Church
34. Holy Clutter
35. Zoom Kid Cleanup Tips
36. The Keeping Time
37. Pam @ It's Time For More Coffee
38. Elena @My Domestic church
39. Fencing Bear at Prayer
40. ThatMarriedCouple
41. Transitus Tiber
42. majellamom
43. Joy @ joy in the morning
44. Sarah @ Fumbling Toward Grace
45. Chelsea @ Roots & Rings
46. Tracy@The Secret of Living
47. Love2learn Mom
48. Amanda
49. Darren and Sara Jones
50. Rebecca
51. Laura @ Robby's Adventures
52. Udubalum mama
53. Smoochagator
54. kim
55. Sarah @ Simple Pleasures
56. Barbara C.@Box of Chocolates
57. Clare@Battlements Of Rubies
58. Erika @ effulgence

59. Milehimama (Mama Says)
60. Kathryn @ The Bookworm
61. Serena
62. Tina @ Multiple Mom T
63. Kim @ Love Letter to my Kids
64. Jordana @ Curmudgeonry
65. Mrs Bubbles
66. dashoff
67. Jenny @ Conscientious Confusion
68. Rebecca@what i really meant to say
69. TwoSquareMeals
70. Janet in Toronto
71. Sara @ AShowerOfRoses
72. JoAnna @ A Star of Hope
73. Krysta
74. Amber - Pepperland
75. Erin @ Well Red
76. MRS. BRIGHTSIDE
77. Lindsay @ Very Sleepy People
78. Living with Three Hobbits and a Giant
79. Carly at the Tree
80. Jen @ The Short Years
81. Catherine @ Adventures in Domesticity
82. Therese (Aussie Coffee Shop)
83. Antony Barone Kolenc
84. Laughing Lioness
85. Christian H @ The Thinking Grounds
86. Kathy @ The Political Housewyf
87. Lindsey

Calling in sick

2009-09-22T21:15:00.003-05:00

Well, I was mostly done with that new post I referred to on Sunday evening, but this afternoon the flu hit me out of the blue and I now have a fever that makes it hurt to even think. So I'm taking the rest of the week off from, well, everything. I will be back for 7 Quick Takes on Friday, but other than that I'll be focusing on how many layers of sweaters I can fit on top of one another and repeatedly asking my husband if he doesn't think it's totally freezing in here.

Hope everyone has a great week!

P.S. Being bedridden with a raging fever, throbbing headache and aches and pains washing all over my body as I lie motionless in a silent, dark room is EVERYTHING I DREAMED IT COULD BE.

Order and the spiritual life

2009-09-20T22:42:00.003-05:00

A Three-Minute Book Club post

I'm working on a post for tomorrow that I'm really excited about on the topic of order. Since I don't have it done yet, I thought I'd do a quick book post with an excerpt that I've been thinking about as I write it. It's from 10 Prayers God Always Says Yes To by Anthony DeStefano, which I bought after reading this stunning recommendation from a mom who experienced unthinkable tragedy. The whole book is a great read, but I today I've been thinking a lot about this observation on the topic of order:

Near the end of the Bible we see yet another indication that peace and order are part of God's character. After the Crucifixion, Christ's body was placed in a tomb and covered with a shroud. Two days later the apostles discovered, to their amazement, that he was no longer there. When Peter entered the tomb on Easter morning, he observed that the burial shroud was separated from the cloth that had covered Christ's face. The Gospel of John then reports the following fascinating detail: "the cloth, which had been on the Lord's head, was not lying with the linen shroud but was rolled up in a place by itself."

Think for a moment what this means. Jesus Christ, who Christians believe to be God himself, didn't just rise from the dead and miraculously appear before his disciples. Nor did he just get up off the stone slab he was lying on and exit his tomb, leaving his shroud and facial covering on the floor. No. Before Christ completed his mission on earth, he took the time to roll up his burial cloth and put it neatly in a corner. That means that the very first thing God did after rising from the dead was tidy up!

It's such a tiny detail, but it means so much. Remember that this is the same God who separated light from darkness and brought order out of chaos when he created the universe.

I am a natural slob, and I always used to maintain that I could be just as happy in a messy room as I could in clean room. But over the past few years I've been converted on this issue, and I don't think it's a coincidence that it coincided with my religious conversion. As I seek to daily achieve that sort of deep peace that only comes through union with God, I find that it's much more difficult to do when my physical surroundings are in disarray. And now that I think about it, it makes sense: after all, the God whom I seek to know and emulate is the God of order. Any other ex-slobs (or, in my case, trying-to-be-ex-slobs) experienced anything like that?

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 51)

2009-09-18T00:00:00.007-05:00

--- 1 ---

There comes a time in every blogger's life when she sees something amiss in the world and must decide whether or not to use her blogging platform to call it out, even if what she has to say might be unsettling or just too much hard truth for some readers. I have been pondering such a dilemma a long time now, and have decided that it is time for me to raise my voice in a call to action. I have tried to avoid bringing up this subject. I really have. But something must be done, and it is time to speak out. You may want to prepare yourself for what you're about to read.

--- 2 ---

So here's the story: Last I was driving down I-35 and got stuck behind a Ford F-350 pickup truck that had...let's see...how do I explain this...

OK, let me start over: here in Texas it is popular to spruce up one's pickup truck by hanging decorations from the trailer hitch on the back. Historically such items have included metal plates painted with the state flag, or perhaps a sculpture of a bluebonnet. In recent years, however, a new trend has come about in which some men (and I don't mean "men" as in "humankind" but as in "no woman in the history of the world has ever done this") hang from their trailer hitches a large metal representation of a certain part of the male anatomy. These items are called Trucknutz, and they are rather popular in certain circles. (Warning: That link contains exactly the kind of image you think it contains.)

Anyway, gridlocked traffic left me stuck behind the F-350 and its swinging garniture for about thirty minutes last week, which gave me a lot of time to think about this phenomenon. I recalled the college marketing courses where we learned that every new product is a response to a consumer pain point, e.g. buzzers on dryers a response to "I always forget my laundry in the dryer." Never could I have imagined that "there are no scrota on my truck" was a consumer pain point.

I've been trying to avoid bringing up this subject because...well, I guess that part is obvious...but this is the fourth one I've seen recently and I think it's time for a call to action: What, as a society, are we going to do about Trucknutz?

--- 3 ---

That last take left me with a dilemma: Should I use my Associates account when linking to the item on Amazon? At first I went with "no" -- even though the commission I get from Amazon purchases through my site is minuscule, I'd hate to profit in any way from the sale of such an item -- but then my curiosity got the best of me. I thought of those reports that tell you how many people purchased an item you linked to, and I decided that I must know: Is there any overlap between the "people who read Conversion Diary" demographic and the "people who think that representations of genitalia enhance their vehicles" demographic? It is time to find out. I promise I'll donate any money I make from such purchases to charity.

--- 4 ---

Oh, wait, turns out I'm not done with that subject yet. I am just waiting -- WAITING -- for the day that one of my children asks me about this. "Mommy, what is that hanging on the back of that truck?" Or, more perplexingly, what about when my children are at an age when they recognize what it is and ask me WHY it's there?

In a "What Would Yaya Do?" moment I was thinking that perhaps I could just ask the driver next time I pull up alongside one in a parking lot, but then I realized that I wouldn't have any idea how to start that conversation. "Excuse me sir, I couldn't help but notice that you have an, uhh...well, that on the back of your truck there is an, umm..."

--- 5 ---

I had meant for this Quick Takes edition to be a big rallying cry in which we all join together to fight this scourge, but now it's occurring to me that this might not be a worldwide phenomenon. Readers in places like Boston or Seattle: How often would one encounter this sort of thing on one's daily commute in your area? I am going to hazard a guess that these are also not big sellers in Europe. But I don't want to stereotype. I could be wrong. Maybe people in Europe find, like their cousins here in Texas, that such an adornment is exactly what is missing from their VW Golfs and BMW Minis. I am certain, however, that they're as popular in Florida as they are here, seeing as how the Senate debated banning them (though one senator objected since he OWNED SOME HIMSELF).

--- 6 ---

For those of you who are staring at your computer slack-jawed, needing a moment to clear your mind of the countless questions and emotions the previous four takes brought up, here's a video of some cute kittens riding a vacuum.

--- 7 ---

Did I really devote the majority of this week's 7 Quick Takes to what I think I just devoted the majority of this week's 7 Quick Takes to? Time to step. away. from. the. computer. Maybe I'll go for a drive. Er, wait, no, might just lead to more trouble. Time to go bury myself in a book.

-------------------------

1. Genny @ MyCup2Yours
2. Tami @ The Next Step
3. Gae
4. Tracy@The Secret of Living
5. Peace Garden Mama (Roxane)
6. Angie @ Many Little Blessings
7. Venite
8. DebbieQ@stophershesknitting
9. Katherine @ The Domestic Church
10. Erin@Seven Little Australians Plus One
11. theRosyGardener
12. Mary@ HopeEchoes
13. CM
14. Pharmgirl @ Adventures in Pharm Land
15. Amanda
16. Judy
17. Kate Wicker @ Momopoly
18. Trena @ The Third Prayer
19. Dymphna @ the Well
20. Sarah @ This Heavenly Life
21. Nadja
22. Anne @ Undercurrent
23. TwoSquareMeals
24. becomewhatyouare
25. Kathryn (The Bookworm)
26. The Keeping Time
27. Barbara @ Praying for Grace
28. Lisa Sweet
29. Joy@joy in the morning
30. Gill-Life of a Photographer

31. violingirl
32. Aubrey @ Laughing All the Way
33. Elena @My Domestic church
34. Marie, Two Ways of Renouncing the Devil
35. Lenae
36. Sandy@Maple Grove
37. Brandilicious
38. kim
39. Chelsea @ Roots & Rings
40. Rebecca@what i really meant to say
41. ThatMarriedCouple
42. Milehimama (Mama Says)
43. Christine the Soccer Mom
44. tracy@pursuingjoy
45. Katie @ The Baby Factory
46. Fencing Bear at Prayer
47. Lisa (Are We There Yet?)
48. Holly @ Hollison Journey
49. majellamom
50. Udubalum mama
51. Christian H @ The Thinking Grounds
52. Living with Three Hobbit and a Giant
53. Dakotapam
54. Elizabeth Mahlou
55. Becky @Beck's Three
56. MrsDarwin
57. Michelle @ made4joy
58. Sarah
59. Amy @ From the Desk of Mom
60. Sara @ AShowerOfRoses

61. M.T.
62. Cheryl (My Thoughtful Spot)
63. Written on Your Heart - V
64. Missy
65. Sarah@EmergingMummy
66. JoAnna @ A Star of Hope
67. Anna @ Annalogue
68. Transitus Tiber
69. suburbancorrespondent
70. Rebecca
71. Paul A. Nelson
72. Carolyn (back home from Cambodia!)
73. Lindsay @ Very Sleepy People
74. Jenny @ Conscientious Confusion
75. Jeffrey's Wife
76. Salome Ellen
77. Mrs. Brightside
78. Elizabeth@Frabjous Days
79. Kate @ La Vita Bella
80. Meika @ Wandering Aramean
81. Therese (Aussie Coffee Shop)
82. Roz
83. Pam @ Everyday Snapshots
84. Lindsey
85. AgnesRegina@The Steel Lily
86. Sharon
87. Melodie @ The Me You Can't See
88. Sarah @ Fumbling Toward Grace

Best of Yaya

2009-09-17T23:15:00.008-05:00

By popular demand, I've put together a "Best of Quick Takes about Yaya" post collecting all the times I've referenced her in 7 Quick Takes. If you're a regular reader you can skip this post.

December 5, 2008

Matlock has become a verb in our family, specifically when used in the phrase "getting Matlocked."

When Yaya is in town, one of the activities that we can all agree on as fun and not offensive is to watch reruns of the 1980's show Matlock, which we record on our DVR specifically for this purpose. What has happened more than once, however, is that we end up getting sucked into one of the mysteries only to find out that we accidentally recorded a two-hour made-for-TV movie or that the episode we're watching is continued in a Part II. But by the time we realize it we cannot rest until we see how it ends, so we end up staying up ridiculously late to see the story through to the finish. This is called "getting Matlocked."

December 19, 2008

Yaya is visiting for a week. This picture pretty much summarizes the trip:

(Yes, that's a cup in a potty chair.)

March 13, 2009

To my great distress, we saw a scorpion a few weeks ago ("a few weeks ago" as in "IN FREAKING FEBRUARY DON'T THESE THINGS EVER HIBERNATE!!!!!"). It is somehow not surprising that Yaya was involved (longtime readers may remember this classic Yaya + scorpion story). I heard her urgently calling the kids to come out on the back porch and ran out myself to see what all the commotion was about.

When we all got outside she was forlorn, explaining that she'd found a scorpion under the kids' toy box and tried to catch it for them to play with but, alas, it was gone now. Having long since given up on trying to have the age-old "Are scorpions appropriate playthings for young toddlers?" debate with her, I feigned disappointed and turned to go back inside.

Just as I was about to close the door, on a hunch I asked, "Where did the scorpion go?"

"Oh, it ran in the house," she said casually.

Scorpion season has begun.

March 27, 2009

If you were to look up "setting yourself up for failure" in an English phrase dictionary, this is what you would see:

Yaya brought this life-sized Easter bunny when she came to stay this week. It's evidently something she's had for a while that she wants to keep nice, so she's adamant that the kids not touch it. It is sitting in the middle of our living room. Our older kids are ages 4, 2 and 1. This awesomely huge bunny has his own little outfit, an Easter basket, floppy ears and moveable arms and legs. And they're not supposed to touch it.

About every ten minutes my husband and I have to run off to another part of the house to secretly laugh hysterically when Yaya reacts with shock that one of the kids is yet again playing with the rabbit. Many a joke along the lines of "Maybe we could put a mountain of candy in the middle of the floor and tell them not to look at it!" has been made.

April 3, 2009

He's gone.

Yaya took him back to her house, the rabbit riding shotgun all the way down to Houston.

I have to admit, I miss the Sisyphean drama that unfolded hourly when he was here (described a bit in #2 here). Yaya would get the rabbit fixed up just right, then one of my little girls would bounce up and put a bonnet on him or take his little basket away. Yaya would react with shock -- utter, complete shock -- that the toddlers weren't following her stern admonishment to not touch the brightly-colored, life-sized toy rabbit in the middle of the living room. She'd get him all fixed up again...and then my four-year-old son would come racing up and see how many times he could rapid-fire karate chop the rabbit before Yaya yanked him away. She'd get the rabbit all fixed up again and then...well, you get the idea.

After a glass of wine on Friday night I was inspired to do an interpretive performance of the events week, and went outside to yell at moths to tell them to STAY AWAY FROM THAT LIGHT. (Yaya was only mildly amused.)

June 26, 2009

Speaking of my tendency to write about stinging insects, here's a Yaya story from this weekend: Shortly after we arrived, I was on her back porch with the kids and looked up to see a thriving wasps' nest right above my head. Under normal circumstances I would tell you that it's important to control your phobias so as not to impart your own irrational fears to your kids. However, when I looked up to see 100 (OK, maybe eight) wasps buzzing around their nest about a foot away from my head, my reaction was something along the lines of "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! NOW! NOW! BEFORE THE WASPS ATTACK US! THEY'RE GOING TO STING US!!! AAAAH!!! IT'S SO TERRIBLE!!!!!"

I had just dragged all the kids to safety out in the yard when Yaya walked outside, holding some scissors she'd gone inside to get. I shrieked a warning at her just as she walked under the nest. She looked up, shrugged, and knocked the wasps' nest down with the handle of the scissors. The nest fell right next to her feet, angry wasps darting all around her, and she took a moment to wipe off the scissors with her shirt before strolling off.

And you guys thought I was kidding when I said that she's nonchalant about being stung by scorpions in bed!

Of cat ownership and "little" sins

2009-09-16T08:49:00.008-05:00

My post from Monday reminded me of a story that's been in my "to write about" stack for more than a year, yet another lesson along the lines of "be very careful about not being loving at all times..."

Longtime readers may remember that a couple years ago I had some serious angst about the neighborhood kids frequently ringing my doorbell and running. The problem was that they tended to do it during my kids' naptimes, and the fact that they would beat the door a couple times and hit the doorbell about five times was always enough to startle my children and wake them. I even talked to the neighbor kids about it, explained the problems it caused me, and they looked me in the eye and said they wouldn't do it anymore. And then they kept doing it. And let me tell you. After about the fifth time I found myself sitting on the couch holding three young children who had previously been sleeping peacefully, all now fussing and crying from being woken prematurely, I started to see red.

One of the pranksters lived next door, an 11-year-old girl named Riley, and she and the others would often cross the line into our yard to play with a friendly white outdoor cat we'd inherited from the previous owner of this house. We were planning to give the cat to some friends since we never exactly signed up for petcare duties, but in the meantime I liked having her around, and I always watched the kids closely to make sure they didn't harm her. It turned out that that was one area in which I didn't need to worry; the neighbor kids, especially Riley, always seemed to treat the cat well.

One afternoon I walked out front and Riley and her friends shouted over to ask me where the cat was. I was so irritated I could hardly look at them. The day before I'd needed a break so badly, and they'd repeatedly rung the doorbell yet again and woke my children 20 minutes into their naps. I'd opened the door to try to catch them but they were too fast, and I was just standing there in the doorway, red-faced and on the brink of tears, as I heard them snickering from some hiding place a few yards away. Oh, and I felt old. And dumpy. And hated. And it brought back bad memories from junior high. (I emphasize all this woe-is-me stuff so that you will maybe think I'm a slightly less awful person for what I thought of next...)

I muttered that I didn't know where the cat was in response to their question, but an idea occurred to me: after our friends took the cat, the next time the kids asked about her I could say something like, "Sorry, kids, the difficulty of having my children's naps constantly interrupted stressed me out so much that I had to dump her at the pound!"

I snickered at my plan. That would be satisfying. I knew it wasn't the right way to handle it, but, like any good sinner, I rationalized away such inconvenient thoughts. Sure, it would be somewhat sinful -- it was a lie, and my vengeful motives were an act against love -- but it would really be just a little sin. A harmless joke, really. No big deal. Maybe at some point I'd even tell them the truth.

Fast forward a few months: I disconnected the doorbell, and the Holy Spirit miraculously brought me together with the girls, who ended up becoming fixtures in my living room (that whole story here). Also, the cat stayed. Our friends couldn't take her in so we adopted her by default.

About six months into my friendship with the girls, one Saturday afternoon Riley and Carmen stopped by my house while they waited for Riley's mom to pick them up. Over the course of our friendship I had found out that the neighbors Riley lived with were not her parents; she was not able to live with her mom due to some kind of difficult situation. But today was a special day because she was going to get to visit her mom's house for the weekend and even bring a friend! Both girls had fixed their hair and painted their nails bright colors for the occasion, packed some clothes and snacks into backpacks, and Carmen's mom had bought them new little purses to take on their trip.

They said they only had a minute before she arrived, so we kept our conversation brief. But thirty minutes later, they were still there. They both began shifting uncomfortably on the couch.

Then Riley's cell phone rang. She stepped into the other room and I heard a snipped of the conversation with her aunt in which she whispered, "She said 11:45..." I looked at the clock. It was 12:30.

Riley came back into the room and laughed nervously, saying that her mom was late sometimes. Then her phone rang again; she listened for a moment, then hung up. Her mom wasn't coming. Riley indicated that this wasn't the first time that something like this had happened, saying with a forced laugh that she figured that this is how it would go. I thought my heart was going to break in half.

Almost on cue my children opened the back door and let the cat in, and her presence in the tense living room was a welcome diversion for all of us.

Riley scooped her up and said, "I love Snowball."

We'd never named the cat, so I was surprised to hear her called that. Eager to change the subject to anything other than the failed weekend plans, I asked her where she came up with that name.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I just liked it. And I wanted my cat to have a special name."

Her cat? I asked her what she meant by that, and over the next few minutes I learned that the previous owner of my house had also asked Riley's relatives if they wanted the cat, and they had said Riley could have her. He didn't tell them that he also asked us if we wanted the cat; each of us thought we were the only owners. That explained so much! The kids being unusually vocal in asking about her, following her into my yard, the fact that the cat never seemed to eat that much -- it all came together.

Riley proceeded to cuddle and kiss the cat, talking about how she would sometimes let her into her room when she felt lonely at night. "Sometimes I feel like she's the only one I have to talk to," she said.

And then I remembered my little "plan."

Let me just tell you, internet, that seeing how much that child loved that cat -- her cat -- and knowing now a little bit more about how difficult her life had been, when I thought about how close I'd come to letting her think her cat had been taken to the pound, I wanted to slink down into the baseboards like the scum that I was. I could hardly concentrate on the rest of our conversation because I was so busy inwardly shouting prayers of thanksgiving to God for having mercy on those of us who occasionally find ourselves caught up in a perfect storm of selfishness, thoughtlessness and intense stupidity.

I think about that moment of Riley cuddling her cat on the day her mom didn't show up any time I catch myself rationalizing away some "little" sin. I already knew on some level that even the smallest acts against love hurt God more than we could understand; as I learned that afternoon, sometimes those little sins hurt our fellow human beings more than we could understand too.

photo by fling93