Confessions Of A Secret Keeper

The One Where You Play My Therapist (“play”, not “pay”)

Jen — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 03:47:16 +0000

I woke up at 3:30 this morning midway through a dream where I was playing a lifesize game of Super Mario (there were flying turtles and mushrooms and everything – pretty awesome dream) with a guy I’ve not seen in years and it was just like playing lifesize Super Mario (did I forget to mention it was at Disneyland?) was totally normal and something we do all the freakin time!!

my subconscious freaks me out sometimes. it’s that simple!

so I completely get the Disney Land reference, subconscious (can I call you sub? it’s easier to type on an iPhone!). so yeah I get it…it was from watching either How I Met Your Mother or Glee or something last night….they made a DL reference and it clearly sunk in (so much so that I don’t even remember which show!!). Sub, I also get that you’re telling me I’m playing far far far too much Super Mario on the Wii (but seriously, it’s just so good and the dinosaurs / Yoshi is adorable and I want a real life one!!).

what I don’t get, little mind of mine, is the guy reference! it’s a guy I used to hang out with when I was maybe 19 or 20. he was only 16, I remember that much. in all fairness he was the most awesome nearly-4-years-younger-than-me 16 year old I knew, but was 4 years younger all the same. am I digging myself a hole here, Sub? I don’t like younger boys, lets not get any crazy ideas!

so, we used to hang out, with a group of mutual friends, and by “hang out” I mean we’d get drunk, party in bars and clubs, and generally have a great time (yes, they do start early and very underage here).

anyhoo, in said dream, 20-something-year-old-awesome-16-year-old had fallen out with his best friend (who was also his best friend when he was awesome-16-year-old and who I might have attempted to date when I was an equally awesome 19/20 year old bundle of boobs and awesome! don’t judge!). he was telling me this whilst we were bashing question mark boxes with our heads and trying not to jump on turtles more than once because they’d run us over. totally normal!

they’d fallen out because awesome-16-year-old’s 16 year old bff, but the 20-something version, had been sleezing on to his “women”. yeah, he totally said it like that in the dream. I tried giving him advice like “opening a can of whoop ass” and something about a “smack down”, but we should really just accept that I’m British and that can of whoop ass would be opened politely and when you’re opening a tin of posterior it doesn’t really have the same effect, nor does a “pat down”! this us clearly neither here nor there!

so I woke up and was all WTF, Sub??? admittedly, awesome-16-year-old was awesome, but why am I dreaming about him?? in general I’m pretty good at linking my dreams with things that have gone on in reality, but this? I have no clue! perhaps it’s telling me I’ve slacked out on Facebook stalking lately and should get on to awesome-16-year-old’s profile. or maybe, Sub, you’re trying to tell me to avoid Vimto at midnight?? or maybe just to quit the Mario because it messes with my “good” dreams (wink wink nudge nudge), you know, where it’s just me and Chuck Bass….alone!!

but now I’m concerned that I might be psychic and something bad has happened, damn you, Sub!! you see, awesome-16-year old is now a marine (I might have the wrong armed force there, but I’m pretty sure that’s right), and not a 16 year old marine, and last I heard was out in one of those bad ass countries. and by “bad ass” I mean bad ass the night after a curry and 15 cans of Red Bull, not “bad ass” as in awesomely-awesome.

ok, Sub, I give in and shall hit Facebook (and make sure awesome-16-year-old is being bad ass (read: awesome) in said bad ass (read: curry and Red Bull) country!!

or maybe it was some Chica that was talking about Facebook to me and you’re actually really clever, Sub, because you made me thunk the dream was about awesome-16-year-old when really it was about Facebook?no? too far fetched? ok.

bless awesome-16-year-old! he’s still 16 in my mind, so he can’t be dating just yet anyway!

just so you know, i’ve not gone all ungrammatically correct on you! iPhones don’t do the auto capitalisation on the Wordpress app (yeah, there’s even an app for that) and I really can’t be bothered to do that myself…it’s difficult enough to correct “dong” to “don’t” everytime, which makes you wonder who i’m typing “dong” to…a lot!

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30s….The New 20s!

Jen — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 13:38:42 +0000

It was my birthday last Sunday (there was a birthday post but my photos wouldn’t load so I gave up – I will try it again though) and despite the fact that I’m still quite a way off 30 you do have to wonder what things will be like.

I’ve said for a long time that my 30th birthday party will be a sombre occasions, everyone must dress in black and there will be a funeral service (for the death of my 20s), but actually, I don’t think it’s going to be that bad!

Something has changed….and not just for me.

I think we are putting too much pressures on ourselves to make our 20s the best time of our lives. When actually, that doesn’t have to be the case. Your 20s are for establishing yourself. Finishing college / university, finding a career path or your dream job, having fun and being fickle! You don’t have to party every night but you also don’t need to find a significant other…you’re not going to shrivel up and disappear if you don’t have a guy or girl before your 30!!

I was gchatting with a blog buddy the other day and we both agreed that the recession has really made things a lot harder on our generation. Maybe our 20s would be the best years of our lives if we weren’t too wrapped up in worrying about money and whether you’re going to lose your job in cutbacks.

So, I’ve decided to cancel my funeral and possibly live my 30s like I’m a teenager again (but without the bad fashion (which never happened to me) neons (that also never happened to me) and lots of other things (that quite obviously never happened to me).

What do you think has gone wrong with our 20s?

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Twitter Weekly Updates for

Jen — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 08:00:00 +0000

Wooo I love birthdays! I've made a batch of cupcakes, opened gifts and am now playing super mario on the wii! #
This http://twitpic.com/15ugv5 may have been amongst my birthday presents! #
So, my birthday also bought some giraffe, tiger and something else print toilet paper…slightly concerned that I LOVED it! #
RT @starbucksbreak: LET'S GO CANADA……YEAH, what she said!! #
@MyWayThisTime hope you're feeling better!! in reply to MyWayThisTime #
First batch ready! http://twitpic.com/160o5a #
2nd batch http://twitpic.com/160q8n and I'm bored… And highly predictable! #
My iPhone google reader app has been lying to me!! It says "53 unread items", in reality Google says 140 unread items! #
@Elizzzaabeth it's called Byline – it's actually excellent, but appears to only be able to count to 54 today! in reply to Elizzzaabeth #
Hmm…chocolate or cupcake? This is the biggest of my post-birthday decisions (until back to work tomorrow eugh!) #
@industriousley that's the way I went! now back to super mario. if I didnt need to work I could totally get into this sloth / bum lifestyle! in reply to industriousley #
Damn! BF just got bk from work. Its 4:30pm, im on the sofa with unbrushed hair, snuggie, blanket, cupcake and mario. this IS NOT a good look #
@industriousley if I win the lottery I'll help you out with it! I might suggest hair brushing though. I'm starting to feel a bit gross! in reply to industriousley #
@katieblogs I always like to think those kissy photos are photoshopped! in reply to katieblogs #
I want to go to the rocky horror show with a preferably (not essentially) gay guy in suspenders and a tutu! #
I have flu…this week sucks!!! #
@imerikablog I generally pray for stomach flu before any big occaision,but then I end up eating for 2…or 3…And feeling sorry for myself! in reply to imerikablog #
Day 3 of flu!! This sucks!! I can't even concentrate long enough to get my laptop on, let alone login to anything!!! So many things to do! #
@Pollypoptart clearly!! I literally have to draaaaaag myself to work! Mental note: if I was running, it would be away from work! in reply to Pollypoptart #
I must be proper poorly…I think I'm falling for john barrowman!! #
So much to do!!!!! Thank god I've got a 3-day weekend!! #
Congrats to @ChelsTalksSmack, our new Featured Blogger!!! http://ow.ly/1eV3r (via @20SB) #
My iPhone upgrade just arrived…I'm excited but can't be bothered to open the box!!! It requires getting out of bed!! #
All of the Bring It On Films are on TV tonight….So glad the boyfriend is out!! Whoop! #
@LAidiot nah, I'm pretty sure he'd love it. (in a world where pigs can fly!) in reply to LAidiot #
Hmmm, I was convinced it was only Friday night for a minute…why do the weekends go so quick? #
So glad I have an extra wknd day (mon), I don't feel like I get enough alone time with my bed anymore!! #

The Longest Week

Jen — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 07:35:47 +0000

hi!! remember me??

what a week!! Sunday was my birthday, Monday I was a sloth and I’m pretty sure my punishment for the lazy was flu!! yes, you heard me right, 2 weeks ago I had a horrible cold and this week I get the flu!! how is that even possible!? up until Christmas I hadn’t been I’ll in over a year…and now I’m getting everything at once! I’m having vit c by the gallon, but it could be too little too late! death might be on it’s way! ok, ok, I might have dramatised a little there.

anyhoo, I feel rough! but, I started my new job on Monday though so it didn’t seem right to call in sick in the first week…hence I still feel as bad as I did at the start if the week. the job is awesome – I’ll update you over the weekend (it’s 7:40am and I’m still in bed…posting!).

the flu is clearly making me delerius – I was actively seeking out john barrowman on YouTube last night!!

I’ll be bk soon!!

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Twitter Weekly Updates for

Jen — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 08:00:00 +0000

I need like a year off from work! I haaaaaaate Monday mornings! #
how did my Google Reader go from 51 to 98 in about an hour? How. Is. This. Possible??? #
@pinkjellybaby Twitter seems really quiet lately!!!! in reply to pinkjellybaby #
@pinkjellybaby ooooh, what were you wanting? in reply to pinkjellybaby #
@pinkjellybaby I hate decisions like that! in reply to pinkjellybaby #
@pinkjellybaby I should absolutely have "procrastination" in reply to pinkjellybaby #
@Bboudreau er…WOW!!!! Was it as good as expected?? in reply to Bboudreau #
@20SB would dedinitely be a good evangelist for @ning at @sxsw!!!!! #
Loads of awesome new blogs approved for @20sb!!! Unfortunately, this has done nothing for my poor, bulging, google reader!! #
@imerikablog spend it wisely…on like a postcard! in reply to imerikablog #

Do You Believe Your Horoscopes?

Jen — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 09:58:09 +0000

Do you read your horoscopes? I generally don’t. But whilst seeking out some post inspiration for Hush last night I decided to check out my horoscope.

I’m a pisces. I couldn’t tell you what that means or how I’m supposed to be with that (personality traits and things), but I can tell you that yesterday’s Cosmo horoscope seemed a little hopeful (although the horoscope I actually want to be mine was the one for Aries, can I swap?).

When the Sun is in Pisces, your own sign, you get the attention. And you get it for your secret self or hidden life at the moment or, if you prefer, your spirit, soul and psyche. What makes you tick? What little signals have you been sending us? Someone is very curious. But will you reveal all?

Horoscopes never fail to freak me out a bit. I hardly ever read horoscopes, but when I do I can always relate them to something, or someone, but I guess that’s the beauty of writing them, right? Whatever you write there’s always going to be someone who can relate to it or twist their story or situation to fit the thought that their horoscope, if it’s good, might come true, right again?

Well…did you read my horoscope? My “secret self”…is that not what this blog is? It’s even in the title! So…where is this attention coming from then? I’ve not seen it yet!

Do your horoscopes ever ring true?

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Hit Me With Your Best Shot!

Jen — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 19:28:44 +0000

I’m not generally a competitive person, but I think this is mostly because I’m not that good at…well…anything! No joke! I’m at generally useless, I mean I’m good at things to a certain extent, like baking, cooking, reading, my job,

Just recently though,things are a-changing!!

I bought KPC a Wii for Christmas the year they were released, whenever that was. The only game I’ve ever really paid much attention to has been Guitar Hero (for some Pat Benetar). Oh, and Surf’s Up, but that doesn’t really count because I loaded the cheats for it and got bored very quickly. We’ve had a game called Links Crossbow Training for a couple of years at least, and to be quite honest, it freaked me out and scared me everytime it was on! There are fire breathing frogs, scary skeletons a-plenty, crazy looking things called Oocca’s that look like my cat with wings, these giant weight lifting toads (I’m not a fan of slimy things that wee on you) and loads of other creepy shit. There were many occasions KPC was not allowed to play this game because, yes, I am pathetic.

Just after Christmas my sister bought a Wii, and literally days later, my parents got one too (they have jealousy issues, I’m sure).

Anyhoo, now we all have this game…and I’m obsessed! No joke! I am literally addicted to it! I’ve made a Dog the Bounty Hunter Mii (he’s protecting me!) and we are blowing the competition out of the water (when I say “we”, I mean Dog and I of course). I cannot get enough! Even though I’ve got platinum medals on all levels, and that’s the highest you can get, I cannot stop playing!! I need to bake a cake or something! This competitive stuff is no good for me, I think it’s giving me anxiety issues!

I’ve even had to have a break whilst writing this post to play the fracking game! Help me!

If you don’t hear from me for a while, this is the reason! But you can always check out some of my favourite people and I over here!!

I’ve been trying to coach my mom to be better than Dad as well because, let’s face it, Dad is pretty competitive (it’s a man thing apparently)! I actually told her to “stop dilly-dallying”, dilly-dallying? Seriously. I said that! I think I need to put my addictive tendencies into something good, something creative that’s more worthwhile. Maybe a drug addiction would be good? Better than this anyway!

Title from Pat Benetar – Hit Me With Your Best Shot

Can Anyone Answer Me This…

Jen — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 13:46:46 +0000

Why the hell do we go to work for 5 days out of 7??

There are only 7 days in a week, and we work most of them!! Who on earth thought this was a good idea? Someone, in their wisdom, clearly thought that making us work the majority of the week was a fantastic plan (I imagine it was a mean old employer, perhaps Ebenezer Scrooge?) but I completely 100% disagree with this (and whole heartedly so!).

I would be happy to work 4 days a week and have 3 days off, although obviously 3 days at work at 4 off would be preferable.

This question has puzzled me for a very long time! Today, I Googled it (because we all know that Google has all the answers we need…which makes me wonder if that’s a conspiracy!).

So, from a mixture of sources I have gathered the following information:

“Working life sucks” and “I’m going to sell my body for money”.

Ok, so really.

Here’s what I got. Henry Ford decided, for your American’s, that you should work 5 days a week! Ok, now you can go and be very annoyed at him! Yes, you are American, let me hear you roar!

In Britain, apparently, before the Industrial Revolution people worked more than a 40-hour week and so the 40-hour / 5-day week was bought in to help them! A man called Robert Owen decided we would have 8-hours labour, 8 hours recreation and 8 hours rest a day for just 5 days a week. Now, excuse me, but I know not of this Robert Owen but I would like to know how he knew what was best for me? He clearly didn’t know that in the year 2010 we would need to spend 8-16 hours a day blogging, shopping and G-chatting (amongst other things) did he?

BUT, this is as far back as I can find out. I actually now really want to know why we go to work on these specific days (generally Monday to Friday for most). Does anyone know?

This is a typcial I-hate-Monday-morning thought for me!

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Twitter Weekly Updates for

Jen — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 08:00:00 +0000

Facebook just reminded me it's pancake day!! I've never made pancakes…today is the the day!!! #
RT New blog post: Twelve Things You Should Know About Guys http://thehushblog.com/2010/02/twelve-things-you-should-know-about-guys/ #
I just wrote my name on my sticky tape! There's a shortage at work! http://twitpic.com/13l0l0 #
Someones hit a water main outside my window #
http://twitpic.com/13l4um #
The question is…English pancakes or American??? #
@Pollypoptart Dizzee was my first choice…boyfriend was rooting for Robbie! Robbie can have something later….like me!! in reply to Pollypoptart #
@Pollypoptart you'll win! I guess I should concede….as I have a boyfriend and all (damn inconvenience!) in reply to Pollypoptart #
@Pollypoptart They may be married…but she hasn't sealed the deal yet! (I totally dont support home wrecking, you gotta admit it was funny) in reply to Pollypoptart #
@Pollypoptart I meant they may be "engaged" in reply to Pollypoptart #
clearly there s atime delay on the #Brits that or it was predictable he was going to swear! #
@Pollypoptart do you reckon he was being sarcastic? I'm thinking so! in reply to Pollypoptart #
@Pollypoptart she's me arch enemy! in reply to Pollypoptart #
@Pollypoptart hahaha, I think I wrote a post about it. a guy I was hooking up with ages ago had a framed picture of her in his bedroom! in reply to Pollypoptart #
@Pollypoptart do you reckon he'll be performing with Take That??????? in reply to Pollypoptart #
Today is one of those days – I've got a cold, it's raining…misery ensues! #
phone upgrade available 27th Feb (day before my birthday whoop!)…stick with iPhone or get a new Bberry???? Any opinions? #
@Bboudreau woah! That's like a super wiener or something (he looks a little snooty for my liking though!) in reply to Bboudreau #
I cannot believe it's only Thursday!! This week is way too long!! #
Most stressful morning of my LIFE! Mom fell in kitchen, hit her head and I had to get an ambulance! Man in the next bed won't quit moaning!! #
I've Sussed out the man in the next bed – he only moans and groans when the doctors or nurses are with him!!!!!!!!' #
@pinkjellybaby thanks! She's more annoyed that she washed her hair this morning now it's covered with blood! Silly thing! in reply to pinkjellybaby #
Old groaner has been swapped for an elderly man with a strong Irish accent! I shall be taking him home (I guess I'll take mom too). #
At work since 7:15 am! Just had a powercut….lost everything I've done since then! #suckstobeme #
I love when I see a super serious grown up tweet followed by the complete polar opposite from a different person! #

So, I spent most of Thursday in the emergency room.

Jen — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 11:15:48 +0000

Yesterday I went for breakfast at my parents house again before work (I could get used to this having breakfast provided thing). Dad left early for work as usual and I sat having a coffee whilst mom was in the shower.

I knew she was out of the shower and in the kitchen but was far too busy (reading blogs) to pay attention. She called my name and I replied with a “yes” and she ignored me. So I thought. You see, my mom has this habit of calling me, waiting for me to reply and then not responding (that way I actually get up and go to wherever she is and she doesn’t have to keep yelling). Well, there’s a slight chance I should’ve just got up. Next thing I know she’s whimpering my name with panic in her voice saying she doesn’t know what’s happening. We should seriously train our parents to not SCARE THE SH*T OUT OF US LIKE THIS!! I got up and went to the kitchen to find her lying on the (very hard) ceramic tiled kitchen floor, unable to get up and with blood pouring from her head! I grabbed my phone and called an ambulance, grabbed a towel for mom’s head, walked to the front door to unlock it and by the time I was back in the kitchen 2 paramedics had somehow teleported themselves to the house! They were seriously fast!!!

So, mom’s still lying on the floor whilst I make a billion phone calls. She insisted I call her work first…seriously mom, you might be having a stroke or something and you’re bothered about work? Are you insane!? So I call work for her. So I’m trying to direct paramedics, calm mom and tell the moron on the phone she wont be in (who starts asking me if she’s ok…not she’s not ok, can’t you hear the paramedics?).

Once we got to hospital and she was a bit calmer life returned to, somewhat, normal. I tried to swap her for an Irish granddad type man (no lie!!), the nurse told me they had an adoption programme (I think she was joking…I wasn’t). I told mom that if she hadn’t of been the boy that cried wolf so many times (by calling my name then ignoring me when I reply) I might have gotten to her quicker! I also may have told her that this is what happens when you get old (she’s only 54 though).

Mum became concerned that she had just washed her hair (which is blonde) and it was literally covered in blood! She had to have her hair washed (with no shampoo / conditioner) by a very hot doctor, who had clearly never washed hair before. Half way through she told him she didn’t want a cut, but a blow dry would be nice. She was mortified when she saw what a mess he’d made of it!! Her other concerned was “oh no, we didn’t clean up the blood, I hope it doesn’t stain the grout”.

Anyway, all was fine, she just did too much too earlier (i.e. showering, blow drying, cleaning the kitchen, general superwoman duties and all), got dizzy and fainted (they think). Her whole forehead is blue (a massive bruise, not food coloring) and she has stitches and glue….and can’t wash her hair for 2 days (so isn’t going to work haha).

In all seriousness though, it’s moments like this you should appreciate life, and your parents. Until yesterday I still believed they were superhuman and would literally live forever!!

I almost forgot, before they moved my new Irish granddad into the bed next to mom, the bed next to her contained a man who did not stop moaning and groaning, but after a little while it became apparent that he was only doing it whilst the doctors and nurses were around (talk about attention seeking). Anyway, the nurse drew his curtain and he stopped making any noise at all. So just to lighten to mood I said to mom “I think he’s milking his “illness”, the nurses have gone so he’s stopped groaning, that or he’s died”…she laughed, but I’m not sure she meant it.

My sister asked me if I knew what number to dial! Seriously, give me a little credit here, but I told her I dialled 911, just for entertainment (it’s 999 in the UK).

Confessions Of A Secret Keeper

The One Where You Play My Therapist (“play”, not “pay”)

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30s….The New 20s!

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The Longest Week

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So, I spent most of Thursday in the emergency room.

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