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How to get your GF / wife back

2009-04-18T14:07:00.000+05:30

how to get your gf/bf back

Normally people would ask me, who the heck are you to write this article? YOU are not a relationship guru! well then i would say

i know a lot more about psychology of people then u can ever imagine people! it’s a different thing that i fcuk it up in my own situations bu ti know…

moreever i know one thing it’s hardest to act on one’s self advise.

meaning although i am advising you to do these all things i might now be following them myself coz as i have found out emotions really do fcuk up the mind.. and kill all logic..

but i do assure you one thing, if you follow the step by step guide, you’ll definately have a great chance at getting your love back, even if you don’t it will really ease out the pain and atleast help you move on. so without much delay presenting the

how to get your bf/gf back?

rule number 1: do not contact them until i tell you to

rule number 2: do not forgetrule number 1, if you do, how do u expect me to help you?

for one month do NOT contact her/him. no exceptions, if they happen to work with you, keep it to a minimum friedly chatter, do not bring up the relationship if they happen to contact you. if you have a child with them, do NOT fail responsebility, do your duties like normal you have been doing in happier times, , it’s like be like a maid, do the work but be invisible. get it!

now you might ask why is that? well coz in a relationship it’s always pull and push, ying yang in chinese, which means that either you pull or you push them away.

well in short you show interest they go away, if you don’t show interest they at least stay there if not go away.( emotionally) so if they pull you pull, if they push you push. and you have feeling for them you just can’t stop broadcasting like a beeper, so one month of stay the heck of their way. also in the one month emotional high of a breakup will start to subside, which would mean they woudl be more relaxed, and willing to see it in a different way ( don’t try to define it or make them understand you’ll fcuk it up)

5 things you will NOT do.

1. telling them that you have changed

2. telling them like you lve them over and over again

3. acting depressed so they feel bad for you and they come back

4. try to reason with them

5. use kids, money, or any subtle/indirect threatening or bribe to get them back.

there are the most common tactics which almost never works, but, even if they do work it’s only a matter of time before they fail coz the problem still remains, the problem which broke you in the first place!

we are going to do the same thing that bough them to you in the first place

ATTRACTION

one of the reasons you guys broke up, i am sure there was one of the reasons of loss of attraction in it.

in order to be attractive , u have to be a magnet which attracts, not like a net which tries to catch by being in their way…. hop eu understand..

i am sure u have told her/him that what u did that was wrong, and it was a mistake, then it’s neediness, and neediness goes agains everything that is attractive, neediness is percieved as weak therefore unattractive.

i don’t blame you, love has a way of fcuking things up,

btw, what is love have you found the answer to that: i made up a perfectly fine defination for it: love is a powerfull emotional feeling created by biology so that we can provide for our mate without fail..

and that is the reason why love stays for 18 to 24 months coz that is time that is needed for a female to concieve, give birth and be ready to do work again( no offence intended)

so how to get this feeling out of your mind, simple, change your prespective:

go from "needing" them to "desiring" them, it changes everything try it.

i mean think for a minute, u don’t " need" them back, u desire them in your life. you CAN live without them, you CAN live happily without them. there are over 8 billion people to choose from in this world ( well actually 4 billion rest are of your same sex)

it’s human nature to run after something which we can’t have, just try to think logically for a second do u really love him/her or it it just because you can’t have him that you wnat them.? you most probably would say tha tno i want him/her coz i love her and stuff like that, just ask yourself,

did u still wanted them so much that you wnat them now?

why was it so hard for us to stay together

think

well! back to your task

excersice for 2 hours a day for next 30 days

why? well coz i said so, don’t put your logic in mine, you’ll just ruin everything.

still to the more sarcastic ones:

excersice makes you fit, look attractive,improves self confidence,reduce depression, and all those positive things you hear in advt that make you look better then before.. ok.

hold did you though they might find someone else in that 30 days, then?

well coz most of the time they don’t work out! trust me on this one, and it might actually work out in your favor IF you do it right that is. coz in their mind they will always be comparing you two against each other. the good times. by time all the bad memories will start to fade away and only the good ones stay. and their new relationship will start to stabalise as this : newness: starts to fade.

don’t call to see if they are with someone else. it will only hurt you more….

did you start excercising? i knew u didn’t. wtf, you don’t do waht i tell u to do and u still expect the plan to work?

over next 3 weeks go to 3 dates, that’s right find 3 cool girls or guys , and go out with them! get it. and they have to benew, find somone in a bar or something but not someone u already know.

why? coz i said so, lolz, anyways it’s coz it will increase your confidence, and you are getting out of depression, both are ATTRACTIVE. remember anything i am telling you to do is to make sure you are attractive to them so that you don’t have a problem. you might think that they might think that since u are going on a date , u are no longer interested in them, u are WRONG it’s the old principal of " i want what i can’t have" when they see u going out with other people, they want to be out with you again to see what other’s are seeing in you to go out with, although they know it all, they still want to, this is a powerfull feeling…

now getting with them will be pointless if you would breakup again right.

so fix the number one problem: loss of attraction.

do u know why marriges and relationships fail it’s coz of five main things:

contempt

critisicm

stonewalling

defensiveness

belligerence

and to the contrary of many many people think ANGER usually does NOT cause a breakup, unless u have some really really serious anger management issue.

next get them OFF your mind , stop thinking about them and whatever u do don’t call!!

purpose of whatever we have done so far is to make u attractive to your mate and we do that by making these conditions

plenty of space ( don’t call or contact)

no neediness

psysical attractiveness ( excersice)

increased self confidence

more happiness

and one more thing i wanted to ask you.

what is the difference between a first date and a relationship date

you take a lot of time to get ready, you goout and have some fun, when date ends you wished it was a bit longer.time was valueable and u made most of it, u never fought , and ou didn’t had a history together so no past bad expereinces.. we’ll get him/her in that stage.

it’s a funny thing, if you act like nothing happend people too start to act like nothing happened, adn it happens automatically. i was amazed. try it.

adn right now u must think for yourself tha thow do u wnat to get together WITHOUT showing any interest in gettign back together as this would only make them pull away from you.

get it.

think.

why was there a loss of exitement and attraction between you two, well most would say no it wasen’t the case, but i assure it WAS the case.

even if you didn’t your partner definately did lose some of that attraction.

well what is the solution to that problem?

do fun and arousing activities together

understand? " do anything from a pillowfight to a skydiving."

you won’t beleive how effective that is at keeping a a relationship fun and exiting and keeping it in a honeymoon stage….

so just a question for you to think

why is dating fun?

i mean i know it’s fun but WHY?

let me count a few reasons

1 : mystery:

in a new relationship we tend to fantasise a lot and think about that persons past and stuff liek that, but as we know him/her we tend to lose that mystery factor right.

fix: SHUP up. people enjoy talking about themselves, let them.by letting them do all the talking you let them hav ea great time and be a bit mysterious, don’t be the one to fill in all the details about last month about what u did and stuff like that, whenever they ask , just say maybe and smile! it confuses people, and it makes them thnk and assume a lot of things let them it’s good for us for now, moreever smiling makes people feel good, and it’s a good thing coz smiling =feeling good=you are there that means you=feeling good, and it’s difficult to hate someone you have laughed with.

2 excitement

do funny /exciting things together. and by that i mean anythign which you two do TOGETHER, physically.

as a team , like a pillowfight to skydiving, anything, which makes you two interdependent on fun, get it.

3. time

time is valueable, less time u spend together more valueable it becomes. get it. if u feel that u have to go home from a date u are spending too much time together coz time is no longer as valueable.

4. no history.

when u met someone u didn’t had any history together. no bad experience, or anything just the happy happy feeling for the past right.

fix: don’t bring anything from the past, no question as to why they left you or something, nothing, treat her like you just met her, and she just met you , ok.

5. happiness: be happy, don’t do constant crying over howmiserablel your life is and how bad is it, just be optimistic, it’s liek buddha once said to one of his diciples who wnated to go on the path of preaching, he said they might say abuse you, diciple answere then i’ll be thankfulltht they didn’t beat me, buddha said that some might beat you up, she said at least they left me alive, buggha asked if someone killed you, then his diciple said, that he’ll be thankfull to them that they released him from the world of worldly sins and released him to the god! buddha said u will go far in teaching my teaching…… get it? the power of being positive…

now you call her/him

what , that’s right the time to call your love has come IF you have done everything right…

well waht u ar going to do is call them , don’t do anything, just say how are you and how’s life treating you and general terms, do NOT bring up relationship now , treat them like you have just met and that you know nothing of her past or something, get it.

and as you must be already know ing what makes them laugh or something, just guide conversations to that point, and make them laugh it’s hard to say no to a person who is making them laugh , get it.

and when they are laught, casually say, hey let’s get together for cofee or lunch, donot say it’s for the old times sake, treak them like you don’t have a history. get it.

if tehy say no, just change topic make them laugh like u were talking pretend u didn’t hear it, and move on, never say something o come on we were this and that or something , it’s the last thing you wnat to do. get it.

get off the phone u idiot, don’t be a sticky pad to them remember time is valueable, dont’ put too mcuh or you will be undervalued!

let’s say u do get that date: congrats but no congrats the work i am going to give u is even harder!

just have fun

yes, that’s right, just have some good fun nothing too fancy or too much time, just make it like a first date, but anything too fancy and it will be seen as a pull which will only make them push, ok..

think what u might do at the date: cry that she/he left you,

you wnat to blame them or you ,

convince them that you have changed

or something,

DON"T

by not doing this and just having fun they will be reminded of the good old days, when you were having fun dimbo!

date should be short, about an hour,be happy,let them do all the talking, no relationship talk,end the date sooner,and make sure to end it on a good note, and do NOT start to make plans for another date or somethig, it will be seen as a pull .

if they say it then it’s fine.

not to the bit more negative people , what if they say no!

well don’t react in a bad way then

don’t be like a idiot crying baby, it will only make them despise u a bit more, get it. don’t ask why they are saying no, just pretend u didn’t hear it, finish conversation in a normal way…

what then dont’ contact them, if u do this right, they WILL contact you soon, coz they subconsciously know that u still want to have fun with them, and htey will contact you.

don’t call for another 30 days

if they dont’ call well, forget them , seriously that measn either they are really emotional people who really need to get their life together, they will only make u hurt more than nevcessary get it.

and maybe u fcuked it up to the extreme, i mean what did u do? tried to rape her/break her hand/or something really bad!

now if you are on a date and they start arguing, then

well don’t argue, it will only result in both of you digging into their position which is always a bad thing.

if they say that u didnt gave me enough space, don’t say no i did, say u know u are right i didn’t gave u enough space, and then , well they got nothign more to say , diont’ try to steer conversations that makes them feel that they are the reason fo rbreakup, it will only hurt you more. and one more thing never ever use "but" in a conversation substitute but with and , even if it’s gramatically incorrect, you’ll be amazed at the results..

what if they don’t pick up my call or something

normally people wouls send an sms or e-mail

DON’T

it’s seen as pull which will make the push..

wait 2 weeks before calling again.

do this twich if they dont’ pick up, then FORGET them it’s time to move on , if they despise you so much that they won’t even pick up your number, then don’t push it.

if you are calling and they are confused then?

like u call and they are like i don’t know. then?

well make it a light hearted teasing remember teasing , not insulting, and do this ONLY if they are like i don’t know, and not a flat NO, get it.

liek u call and ask for a coffe and they are like i don’t know make a funny and witty comment, like come on, it’s a coffe not like i asked u to marry me or something

this would make them realise that they are just making this breakup a HUGE issue and act SILLY, noone wants to be seen as acting silly..

after teh date: thank them fo rtheyir company and LEAVE

call after 2 weeks don’t pull too much or you’ll fcuk it up, get it.

after 2-3 months of casual no binding dating like this, you’ll get it. i mean if they want to be together or not, it will be very very powerfull signals which even a psycho like me would understand.

if they feel attracted to you in this time don’t interpret it as them wanting to go back to you, it will only be more problematic in future.

just let it casually flow, you’ll knwo when you wnat to go in relationship.

assume u know it’s time fo ryou to get together, how do u do that?

it’s a specific approach to that.

use this only once and AFTER 3 months of dating at least,

make them laugh really really hard on something, and then say we ARE really together aren’t we,

there iwll be a awkward silence,

don’t speak , just shut up.

if she says yes. say "let’s get back together". then shut up.

don’t say : can we be together again" it will make them decide on it, but if u say it let’s get back together in their subconscoius mind decision is already made, get it!

let them think , most probably now they’ll say yes.

you got your gf/bf back!

but if they say no, well the forget them it’s time to go on, you got other people to date remember 3 dates with different people!!!!

and

getting them is back

keeping them is the hard part

let’s just hope that last 4 months that you have not been together, you have tried to see the reasons why you guys broke up in the first place!

well let’s hope you follow it all well

and happy caring and loving, i wish i could say the same for me!

25 Biggest Fashion Mistakes - for GUYS

2009-04-11T10:39:00.001+05:30

I want to start by saying that I don’t believe you need to be an expert in fashion to be good at pick up, I just happen to like fashion. In fact I really like fashion. Perhaps this negatively effects my male polarity although I don’t really care. I’m intentionally trying to sound like a bit of a snob just because I find that men are like concrete when it comes to changing their style.Women change their hair colour, personal styling, seasonal clothes and image all the time. And they say you can always tell the best years of a man’s life, he’s still got the haircut. I do recommend that men do total styles change every 12 months if not for the improvement simply for the feel good factor. The amount of times I’ve totally changed my appearance and picked up that night is beyond me, try it sometime.25 Biggest Fashion Mistakes:

(1) Generic – looking too much like everyone else – in places like the US due to so many big department store monopolies and franchises it takes real effort to find the small little designers and fashion houses where you will buy the cool stuff that makes you have social value. If you are wearing the same clothes you wore 1 to 2 years ago then more than likely you have no sense of fashion.

(2) Not wanting to stand out and be different - a conscious choice you are making to avoid self-consciousness – all the more hot girls for me. Especially stronger in smaller towns and cities because the social pressure to conform is much higher. You’ll understand what I mean if you travel to a small mining town, everybody looks the same through fear of group abandonment, in a bigger city there is less risk.

(3) Standing out in the wrong way – OMG I’ve been clubbing lately and I can see these guys trying to peacock and they look totally retarded!! Flashing lights on their belt, a suit like the green guy from the Mask, $2 sunglasses; this stuff may get you opened but you aren’t getting laid because you look like a total nerd and girls would be embarrassed to associate with you.

(4) Not shopping enough – go shopping once or twice a week and don’t buy anything. Take a girl or two and get used to understanding trends and not making impulse buying decisions. Try heaps of clothes on, ask for suggestions and try stuff you’d never usually wear. Ask the female shop assistants to pick you outfits to co-ordinate together.

(5) Not having a shopping planning list and budget plan – not many have massive amounts of cash to splash on clothes so you’ve got to buy smart. Plan for outfits and buy clothes in capsules like 3 x pants, 2 x shirts, 2 x knits, 2 x shoes, 2 x jackets, and you have 50 different outfits. Buying odds and ends without a smart plan is expensive and a waste of money.Calculate how time you spend in certain activities and adjust your budget accordingly:- Work = hours a week divided by 168- Socialising = hours per week divided by 168- Exercising = hours per week divided by 168- Home time = hours per week divided by 168- Sleep = hours per week divided by 168

(6) Looking more like the guys from “Happy Days” than the guys from “The OC”. What girls want to date a guy with a boring haircut? Do not get cheap hair cuts. In Australia the fashion for young men is to have slightly longer hair fairly spiked with some streaks with hold gel and the hair angling forward and sideways. And surprise surprise nearly every 10 I see is with a guy with that style. If you are thin shave it, and if you even slightly resemble a Christian missionary then you need to get wild. And don’t try to have a boring conservative haircut and make it wild with gel and a Mohawk please!

(7) Not understanding the influences of your sense of style – your image says everything about you anybody needs to know – by looking at you for 10 seconds I can tell when you last got laid, how innocent you are, what your friends are like, how much money you have and what your confidence level is. Appreciate that you may be totally hopeless. Accept that. Get some independent advice. Let’s just say that if you buy the latest copy of FHM and read the styling section and you think to yourself “that’s totally terrible no way am I wearing that” then you probably have your head up your arse on fashion.Where you are right now in your fashion and style is a direct reflection of your influences to this point. How much time do you spend with your family? I can tell. What magazines do you read? I cant tell. I’d warn against being a fashion victim and relying on the media too much however I’ve met few men who do so. Maybe gay men, do however when you go to a gay bra the men are just too “perfectly” groomed, you’ve got to have some man about you.

(8) Having shit shoes – okay so my shoes are made of crocodile skin and girls open me and tell me they like my shoes – it’s a winner. Polish your shoes, buy new laces, get new heels put on them, replace them often.

(9) Not being able to pull off super casual – fashion isn’t all about expensive clothing and dressing up because some of the most telling signs of someone’s fashion sense is when they wear shorts and a t-shirt, or tracksuit pants and a sweater. Most of the time when you get a girlfriend you will be in lazy gear and you’ve still got to be able to look good. Small shorts, ugly socks, bad coloured board shorts and t-shirts with holes in them will cause you to repel women like you have polio.

(10) If you are slightly larger than you either (a) realise you are (b) were 6 months ago © or want to be – wear clothes that fit!! Sure you may have been 78kg 5 years ago, but don’t still try to wear those pants! Get with reality, buy a bigger pair. Get a jacket, it will slim you. BUY CLOTHES THAT FIT.

(11) Throw everything out of your closet if you won’t wear it for a certain time – like 12 months – have an efficient, well managed wardrobe and feel good about donating to charity.

(12) Thinking you know everything and you know style – I personally have an image consultant, a fashion designer as a friend, a friend runs a modeling agency and heaps of female friends who I go shopping with and get advice from, and I think I know a bit about fashion. It’s kind of a throw back to the days when men chased elephants with stone knives, men have confidence, sometimes it’s misplaced.

(13) Not getting daily compliments on your clothes and thinking that is normal - its not – girls are looking at your clothes 24/7, that includes your wife or girlfriend, and they will go out of their way to compliment you if you look good.

(14) Bad minors like underwear and socks – I don’t even want to discuss how much women notice and how little attention men pay to this.

(15) Not having a style icon – you want to have a personal style – it might be 1930s, it might be Johnny Depp, or Brad Pitt or Orlando Bloom or it might be Boho (bohemian). You don’t have to copy anyone, I mean be yourself, however it’s a great way of being inspired.

(16) It hurts me to write this however – if you do any the following then find a tall building and ah hem jump off immediately - Socks with Sandals, Novelty Ties, Shirts, Boxer Shorts, Etc., Blaring Designer Labels, Backpacks at the Office, Chunky Shoes, Shiny or Glittery Shirts and Suits, Clothes That Are Too Loose Fitting, Unflattering Colors, Too many colors, Too many patterns, Too many fabrics, Stained clothes, Dressing for the wrong season, Pants that are too long or too short, Pants that sit too high (aka Tony Robbins how can a guy so intelligent wear his pants so high??), T-shirts that are too long or too short, "Busy" T-shirts, Wrinkled button-downs, Ties that hang awkwardly, Missing a spot when you shave, Sporting a unibrow, Never wear a short sleeve shirt with a tie, Never wear both a belt and braces, Socks should match your trousers , white socks with dress shoes, wearing hand held devices on your belt like a mobile phone, over layering, Belts should match your shoes, Ponytails, Too much cologne, Funky facial hair, Too much jewelry, Comb-overs, Fashion trends that don’t suit you, sneakers with jeans (like not cool diesel trainers I’m talking about like ASICS running shoes like Jerry Seinfield with jeans, omg if you do this then give up getting laid in your lifetime, you lucked out), body odour, shocking finger nails or toe nails, too tight jeans like from the 70s or 80s, having a part in your hair, dark dress socks with shorts, Black shoes with tan pants, watches the size of small computers, clip-on ties, pocket protectors, pens in your chest pocket of a business shirt, greasy hair, wispy facial hair.

(17) Eyebrows – I pay a lady who does nothing but trim eye brows for a living, she turns it into art form, it costs me about $50 and since I started with her girls have been complimenting me on my eyes. If you’ve got poorly trimmed eye brows, especially if you have hair in between the middle, then you are wasting your time sarging.

(18) Tanning or should I say bad tanning – a tan looks great just don’t do tanning badly. Don’t look like an old wallet, yellow like your liver has stopped working or burn the skin under your eyes. Tan smart and less is more.

(19) Stop worrying about fashion when they get married or get a girlfriend – she’s looking at what you wearing every single day fellas!

(20) A beer gut or pot belly – genetically men are designed to store fat around their mid section in early 30s because in the cave times they were less likely to be able to chase wild animals for food so they needed some insurance. There is no excuse for it in 2007.

(21) Too much body hair – chest hair can be sexy, back hair is disgusting and if you look like wolf man when going to the beach you need to consider waxing.(22) Watching a television shows like Beverly Kills 90210 or something from the 70s, 80s or 90s and realising you have a similar style of clothing in your cupboard.

(23) Bad teeth – what can I say? If you look like you could eat an apple through a tennis racket or they are yellow, sort it out!

(24) Not buying at least 2 magazines a month with fashion styling – in Australia Men’s Style and FHM are the bare minimum.

(25) Poor hygiene – what can I say, a disgusting bedroom, bad breath, underarm stains, smelly socks, a dirty bathroom, filthy car, nuff said.

your shoes and belt should always match brown shoes brown belt brown jacket brown bagblack shoes black belt black jacket black bag

GET A NICE WATCH THATS A BIG ONE I GOT MY WATCH FOR 70 POUNDS

ALWAYS GET A COMPLIMENT FROM GIRLS ON MY WATCHGET NICE SHOES NOT TOO EXPENSIVE NOT TOO CHEAP

GO TO THE SHOE SHOP TELL THE GIRL THAT WORKS THERE WHAT YOU WANT CASUAL SHOES OR SMART ONES SHE WILL HELP YOU

ALWAYS WEAR BLACK SOCKS NEVER WHITE BIG TURN OFF

SHAVE EVERY DAY GIRLS LIKE THAT

GET THE BEST PERFUMES SUCH AS DOLCE GABBANA MASCULINE

GOODREAD GQ MAGAZINE EVERY MONTH GIRLS LOVE GUYS WHO READ GQ

SHE WILL ASK YOU TO TAKE IT SAY NO TILL SHE GIVES YOU HER COSMOPOLITAN U AINT TRADING

Simple tips and tricks to save natural resources

2009-04-07T09:41:00.003+05:30

Hoping and dreaming of a better world are not enough if we are unwilling to work - but when we work towards our dreams, wonderful things can happen.

HERE ARE CERTAIN TIPS TO SAVE WATER,PETROL & ELECTRICITY-BUT MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TOO BELIEVE THAT WHOLE OF INDIA IS OUR HOME - SO ALL THIS SAVING IS FOR MY OWN HOME-AND PLEASE DONT THINK HOW CAN YOU MAKE THE DIFFERENCE ALONE-YOUR SUGGETIONS AND EFFORTS ARE WELCOME.

HOW TO CREATE AWARENESS-V CAN USE BUSINESS CARDS,MAILING ENVELOPES,MONTHLY OR QUARTERLY NEW LETTERS ,WRITING SAVE WATER ETC SLOGAN ON OUR NOTICE BOARD,DISUCUSSING THIS WITH
AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE,INVOLVING OUR KIDS IN THIS AS WELL
& MOST IMPORTANT-FORWARD THIS MAIL TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE.

-PLEASE TRY TO INVOLVE MAXIMUM PEOPLE IN
THIS PROCESS & BE A PART OF THIS AWARENESS PROCESS-

LETS MAKE A BETTER WORLD

TIPS ON HOW TO SAVE WATER (3RD WORLD WAR IF HAPPENS WILL BE FOR WATER)

· Don't let the water run while shaving or brushing teeth.

· Take short showers instead of tub baths.

· Keep drinking water in the refrigerator instead of letting the faucet run until the water is cool.

· Scrape, rather than rinse, dishes before loading into the dishwasher; wash only full loads.

· Wash only full loads of laundry or use the appropriate water level or load size selection on the washing machine.

· Buy high-efficient plumbing fixtures & appliances.

· Repair all leaks (a leaky toilet can waste 200 gallons a day). Its also a sign of bad fortune or results in too much expenses.

· Water the lawn or garden during the coolest part of the day (early morning is best).

· Water plants differently according to what they need. Check with your local extension service or nurseries for advice.

· Set sprinklers to water the lawn or garden only – not the street or sidewalk.

· Use soaker hoses or trickle irrigation systems for trees and shrubs.

· Keep your yard healthy - dethatch, use mulch, etc.

· Sweep outside instead of using a hose.

· Do not use water to get your vehicles washed,instead use wet clothes.

· Do not waste the drinking water or Rs.12 litre water will soon be available for Rs 40per litre.

· Do not waste the food,as lot of water and energy is consumed while cooking food.

TIPS ON HOW TO SAVE PETROL (IMPORT OF CRUDE OIL ACCOUNTS FOR 40% OF IMPORT OF MAJOR COUNTRIES OF THE WORLD)

· Start your vehicle,when you are ready to move,not when you have to turn or get it out of your home.

· Switch off your vehicle when you are stopped at Red Light.

· Always keep your petrol tank full,do not waste your time & petrol by getting it filled again and again.

· Get your vehicles serviced regularly.

· Use original and branded equipments in your vehicle.

· Use Two whealers where four whealer can be avoided.

· While using Four Whealer try to accommodate maximum people so that petrol is not wasted(This practice is used even in Thailand).

· Try to use bicycle and even walk,where u can,it is helpful for your health as well.

· Use AC or Heater of your car only when its too urgent.

· Start for your work early so that you don't have to drive fast,it avoids accidents as well.

· Keep proper air preassure of tyres of your vehicles.

· Follow the traffic rules,it too helps in saving petrol and avoiding accidents.

· Do not use mobile while driving,you loose the concentration from driving.

· Park ur Vehicle properly,so that traffic problem doesn't arrive,that too helps in Petrol Saving.

· Do not keep your cars on just for getting cool air of AC.Sacrifice a little comfort to Give big comforts to your next generation.

·MOST IMPORTANT-Use School Transportation system for sending ur kids to school and if you want a short time comfort for your kids and want them to send on ur own car,please…..take a few more kids from your neighbourhood so that there is saving of our national property i.e.Petrol and also help to control traffic problem.

TIPS ON HOW TO SAVE ELECTRICITY (ONE BUCK SAVED FOR ELECTRICITY EQUALS TO TWO BUCKS USED IN GENERATING ELECTRICITY)

Try to keep your mobile on meeting mode-always avoid the vibrator mode,it will increase the talk time of

mobile battery & in turn also reduce the electricity use.

· Do not leave your electric appliances on stand by mode.By switching off at the main power button, or even the socket, you can save both energy and money.

· Items left on standby use up to 85% of the energy they would use if fully switched on.

· Use energy saving light bulbs to cut your costs considerably.

· No matter what type of lighting you are using, always turn the lights off when you leave a room.

· Take care of useless lights even in your school,office,friends or relatives house.

· There are a number of different solar-powered lights available for use in the garden. These lights are highly energy efficient.

· Washing machines and tumble dryers are big electricity users. You may not be able to cut down how often you use them, but small changes in how you use them will save energy and money.

· When using the washing machine, between 85-90% of energy is used just to heat up the water. Therefore, dropping the water temperature of your wash could significantly decrease your electricity consumption. Over a year, by using a warm wash rather than a hot wash, you could cut consumption nearly in half.

· Only use the washing machine when you have a full load. If you have to do a smaller wash, use the half load function. The spin on the machine may mean that more energy is used, but by spinning your clothes you are removing more excess water, therefore reducing your drying time in a tumble dryer.

· You can cut down on using tumble dryers by line drying clothes outside whenever possible or using an indoor clothes dryer when the weather is bad.

· A dripping tap can be not only annoying but if it is a hot water tap it can cost you in both water.

· There are a few easy ways to save energy when cooking which can also speed up the amount of time you spend over a hot stove. Always use the correct size pan and, when heating water, only use the amount you need.

· If only using a small pan, then use a smaller burner. Boiling water in the kettle first will save the time the burner needs to heat the water, and putting a lid on will help it come to a boil quicker.

· When making a cup of tea, only boil the amount of water that you need. Boiling a full kettle unnecessarily is a waste of electricity.

· The location of your fridge can make a difference in how energy efficient it is. Make sure it is out of direct sunlight and not close to the oven. It is best to keep it against an outside wall so that the heat it generates can escape easily, and always make sure that there are a few inches space all around the fridge so that air can circulate.

· Make sure you defrost your fridge and freezer on a regular basis or whenever necessary. An iced up freezer will make the freezer work harder, therefore wasting more energy than needed.

· Only set your fridge to as cold as you need it and avoid keeping the door open for long periods of time. The more cold air escapes, the harder the fridge has to work and the more electricity it uses. Check the seal regularly as a damaged seal also lets cold air escape.

· Never put warm or hot food into the fridge as this will make the fridge work extra hard to try and keep it cold; allow food to cool down first.

· In many homes, the single biggest electricity expense is the heating of water. This typically accounts for about 30% to 40% of the electricity account.

· By taking a shower instead of a bath you can save hot water. Showers typically use less water than a bath.

· Get the family into the habit of plugging the water basin when washing or shaving. Allowing hot water to pour out of the taps and down the drain is wasteful.

· Use the sun's energy to heat your water by installing solar panels. This will save electricity and cut down your electricity bill.

· Do not set the thermostat on the geyser too high. A setting of 50-60C is recommended.

· To optimize electricity efficiency, geysers should be located as close as possible to the points where hot water is being used.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING-DO NOT DO WHAT YOU DON'T WANT OTHERS TO DO

AND REMEMBER TO START TODAY BECAUSE

WHAT IS NOT STARTED TODAY IS NEVER FINISHED TOMORROW.

a Public service message from www.1441.org

If you are with a thief in an ATM

2009-04-07T09:39:00.001+05:30

Very useful........

If you are with a thief in ATM.......
OR
If someone were to
force you to withdraw money from ATM machine, ,

THEN.......

Enter your pin number reversed. So if your number is 1254 mark 4521.
The ATM machine will give you your
money, but will automatically recognize this as a plea for
help and will alert the police unknown to the
thief. This option is in all ATM machines,
but not many people know this.

Please pass this information on to
others. No harm in keeping this in mind!!

Privacy Policy

2009-03-28T13:17:00.002+05:30

If you require any more information or have any questions about our privacy policy, please feel free to contact us by email at competent123@hotmail.com.

At www.1441.org, the privacy of our visitors is of extreme importance to us. This privacy policy document outlines the types of personal information is received and collected by www.1441.org and how it is used.

Log Files
Like many other Web sites, www.1441.org makes use of log files. The information inside the log files includes internet protocol ( IP ) addresses, type of browser, Internet Service Provider ( ISP ), date/time stamp, referring/exit pages, and number of clicks to analyze trends, administer the site, track user’s movement around the site, and gather demographic information. IP addresses, and other such information are not linked to any information that is personally identifiable.

Cookies and Web Beacons
www.1441.org does use cookies to store information about visitors preferences, record user-specific information on which pages the user access or visit, customize Web page content based on visitors browser type or other information that the visitor sends via their browser.

DoubleClick DART Cookie
.:: Google, as a third party vendor, uses cookies to serve ads on www.1441.org.
.:: Google's use of the DART cookie enables it to serve ads to users based on their visit to www.1441.org and other sites on the Internet.
.:: Users may opt out of the use of the DART cookie by visiting the Google ad and content network privacy policy at the following URL - http://www.google.com/privacy_ads.html

Some of our advertising partners may use cookies and web beacons on our site. Our advertising partners include ....
Google Adsense
Adbrite

These third-party ad servers or ad networks use technology to the advertisements and links that appear on www.1441.org send directly to your browsers. They automatically receive your IP address when this occurs. Other technologies ( such as cookies, JavaScript, or Web Beacons ) may also be used by the third-party ad networks to measure the effectiveness of their advertisements and / or to personalize the advertising content that you see.

www.1441.org has no access to or control over these cookies that are used by third-party advertisers.

You should consult the respective privacy policies of these third-party ad servers for more detailed information on their practices as well as for instructions about how to opt-out of certain practices. www.1441.org's privacy policy does not apply to, and we cannot control the activities of, such other advertisers or web sites.

Movie finder - find - watch or download the movie you want

2009-03-26T12:28:00.002+05:30

Moviefinderfinder : Find the Movie to watch you always wanted.
Imagefinder Download here
this toolbar sends queries to over 22 differnet networks and search engines, so you can find that movie.
compatible with internet explorer and firefox.
just like google or yahoo toolbar.
no signups or e-mail required.
just enter the name/type of movie you want.
click go here.
now you don't ever have to goto google and search "movie name" btw, it never works.
there are many different search tools for differnet uses like imagefinder, mp3 finder movie finder file finder etc etc. ,
you can download and use all of them all at once

Direct Download Links

2009-03-23T13:43:00.005+05:30

Ebooks folder : http://www.easy-share.com/f/1325986051/ebooks

Music Folder : http://www.easy-share.com/f/1325986133/Audio

Games folder : http://www.easy-share.com/f/1325986243/games

Video Folder : http://www.easy-share.com/f/1325986081/Video

Apps Folder : http://www.easy-share.com/f/1325986117/apps

SuperSearch Folder : http://www.easy-share.com/f/1325987751/SuperSearch

Download all my uploads you'll be surprised what you will find.

all direct download links...

Imagefinder : Find the Premium image you always wanted.

2009-03-22T20:51:00.004+05:30

Imagefinder Download here
this toolbar sends queries to over 22 differnet networks and search engines, so you can find that image.
compatible with internet explorer and firefox.
just like google or yahoo toolbar.
no signups or e-mail required.
just enter the name/type of image you want.
click download here.
now you don't ever have to goto google image and search "image name " btw, it never works.
there are many different search tools for differnet uses like imagefinder, mp3 finder movie finder file finder etc etc. ,
you can download and use all of them all at once

mp3finder - get the song you always searched but never found.

2009-03-22T20:39:00.005+05:30

mp3finder download here

this toolbar sends queries to over 22 differnet networks and search engines, so you can find that song.

compatible with internet explorer and firefox.

just like google or yahoo toolbar.

no signups or e-mail required.

just enter the song you want.

click download here.

enjoy music.

now you don't ever have to goto google and search "download mp3 music " btw, it never works.
there are many different search tools for differnet uses like imagefinder, mp3 finder movie finder file finder etc etc. ,you can download and use all of them all at once

The Real Slumdog Millionaires

2009-03-20T14:12:00.002+05:30

When watching Slumdog Millionaire, there was one thing a lot of people did not understand. In the movie the kids who were from the slums became tour guides and took white people around on tours. Everyone had the same question, how did these kids know English. If they are from the slums how can they pick up one of the most difficult languages in the world? Well here is a video of a kid from the slums who also happens to be selling peacock feathers and check out how many languages he knows. This video was a big hit a few years ago and they just found this kid again in his teenage year and he is still doing the same thing. Check out these clips.

same ravi in teenage years

5 Tips for personal Transformation

2009-03-06T11:30:00.001+05:30

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=5 Tips for Personal Transformation=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- "Something is different about you," she said whilepeering at me with a quizzed look in her eye. She continued "It's that fresh look, like when you notice somebody got a haircut, but that can't be it, because your hair is the same as always. Maybe you grew taller. Wait, that doesn't make sense." She couldn't put her finger on it, because "it" was so much more than a simple hair cut. She had witnessed mego from the busboy that silently cleaned the tables to the top server in the place who was making hundreds in cash tips a day and was secretly dating the hot manager after work. That sounds like bragging, but sometimes the truth does. When I had moved to the city I was lost and lonely. I didn't have any friends, and I had no clue how to make any. Those days were behind me. "Who was that girl I saw heading out on my way upstairs? I'm getting worried about you - always a new girl. You aren't turning into some kind of womanizer are you?" A smirk crossed my face, "I love women. You know that,but no. I'm certainly not a womanizer." "You've been working out. Is that it? Have you been working out?" It was her closest guess yet. I had been working out, in a sense. Not lifting weights, but working every aspect of my life. I had been since I met Style months ago. And apparently, by this point, I seemed to be shining with an inner confidence that bestowed me with the energy of a permanently fresh haircut. And the best part about this was that the improvement techniques I was using were freely available to anyone who wanted them. You don't have to be born with any specific talent, but you must be prepared to work to rise to the top of your personal capabilities. Here are 5 tips to get you started:

TIP #1: Embrace the Pain The superstar is vulnerable. Your mind, body, and emotions will all be exposed in this process. There will be bumps and bruises along the way but in the end you will heal and be stronger. It is ok to fear this pain, but you must be ready to push past it and continue on. The superstar does not quit. To quote Style, who was quoting Arnold Schwarzenegger, "The last three or four reps is what makes the muscles grow. This area of pain divides a champion from someone who is not a champion. That's what most people lack, having the guts to go on and just say they'll go through the pain no matter what happens." Make the personal vow to embrace that pain right now and you will be one step closer to superstardom. TIP

#2: Take Off the Lid The vast majority of limitations are self-imposed. Carefully monitor your own thoughts. When your inner voice mentions a limitation, acknowledge that this is likely a self-imposed ceiling. As you will see in time, once you stop questioning what you can and cannot achieve, you will frequently find yourself performing feats that before you didn't even think possible. Start monitoring your limiting beliefs today and begin to see what you are really capable of.

TIP #3: Understand that Obstacles are Part of the Journey Nobody gets a smooth ride. Every now and then we all face challenges, and we all hit walls. While facing death, Professor Randy Pausch explained in his now famous last lecture that those walls are there for a specific purpose. They are made to keep all of those who don't want it badly enough OUT. You however are the exception. You will find a way to continue forward and make it past that wall.

TIP #4: Be a Beginner and Be an Expert Always be humble, you are never too advanced to learn something new. Always be confident, know you are worthy of even the highest level of secret information. When working at developing any skill, bear in mind you â€™re never above the fundamentals, yet keep your ears perked for expert level tips as well. Keep an open mind and be ready to learn at every opportunity.

Tip #5: Dream BIG Yes, setting reasonable goals for yourself that you know you can achieve and incrementing those goals into small chunks. That is important for the average person...BUT the superstar must strike the perfect balance. Remember today's second tip, you cannot limit yourself. Take a moment and ask yourself "What did I want to be when I grew up?" Did you answer an astronaut or professional sports player? You need to reactivate the dreamer part of your personality. Ask yourself, what are your dreams NOW...because you must have those dreams to bring them into reality. And you can. And you will.

Amateur film: New Orleans Carnival Week, February 22, 1941

2009-03-06T11:23:00.001+05:30

This footage by one of the millions of Carnival enthusiasts who have celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans over the last 3 centuries is a treat, especially to Carnival historians like myself who value such rare glimpses.
Featured in the footage are the parades of two krewes who no longer grace the celebrations, the Krewe of Nor (a rare children's krewe and predecessor to the current children's Krewe of Little Rascals) and the Krewe of Venus. Aside from the jerky camerawork and shoddy editing typical of the day (February 1941, nine months before the United States joined World War II) the footage gives the viewer a glimpse of a more civilized, respectfull spectacular, done with rather low-tech means. Notice the hand-drawn carriage floats with one or two people on board. Small and intimate, yet beautifully ornate in their designs. Also notice that very few beads are being thrown. In those days, catching a string of those glorious glass beads (yes, glass!) was a special gift of the season and very often became a treasured piece of jewelry in the owners' cases.
This footage also offers some marvelous insights into the revelry in the streets on Mardi Gras Day of that year. Satin-clad pirates, cowboys, clowns and cavaliers are the order of the day. Look for the banner of the Garden District walking club (one of the oldest of the walking clubs in the city at present) towards the end.
Footage like this, regardless of its deficiencies, is invaluable. It provides one of the only records now available to the general public of what Carnival was before the war, and just how much the celebrations have changed.

Dictionnaire sanskrit-français (1959)

2009-03-06T11:12:00.001+05:30

Download from here

Author: Stchoupak, Nadine
Subject: Sanskrit language -- Dictionaries French
Publisher: Paris Librairie d'Amérique et d'Orient, Adrien Maisonneuve
Language: French

french - sanskrit dictionary, language french.

Geometry in sanskrit or Rekhaganit

2009-03-06T11:06:00.002+05:30

Download from here

publication date : 1902, NOT in copyright

Download djvu viewer from google.

First Lesson In Sanskrit

2009-03-06T10:57:00.001+05:30

Download book from here

Last publication date 1968

Mediatype: texts
Scanningcentre: City Central Library, Hyderabad
Numeric_id: 81669
Identifier: FirstLessonInSanskrit
Type: Text
Collectionid: FirstLessonInSanskrit
Public_date: 2004-03-02 16:39:30

approx 6 MB

you need djvu viewer to view this file, it is similar to acrobat reader, freely available on internet just google it.

Zodiac (Rashee)

2009-03-06T04:58:00.000+05:30

Hey guys....just to brighten up ur day:) see if its true in ur case...have a great day folks!!!

. .Once you have opened this page, there's no turning back. Below are true
. .descriptions of zodiac signs, with traits from a book written 35 years ago
. .by an astrologist predictionist.
. .
. ...:VIRGO:. The Virgin
. .Dominant in relationships. Sexy. someone loves them right now. Freak in
. .bed. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart.
. .Intellectual. Attractive. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Hard to forget Love
. .at first sight. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and
. .only. Ultimate sexiness. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
. .
. ...:SCORPIO:. The sex addict
. .Can be mean. EXTREMELY sexy. Intelligent. Energetic. Predict future. Most
. .erotic. (Freak in bed.) (GREAT kisser.) Always get what they want. Sexy.
. .Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. The
. .sexiest ever....Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck if you do not
. .forward.
. .
. ...:LIBRA:. The lame lover
. .Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone They meet. Their Love is one
. .of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique sexiness. Most caring
. .person
. .you will ever meet! Amazing n Bed..!!! Did I say Amazing in Bed? not the
. .kind of person you wanna #### with... u might end up crying... the most
. .irresistible. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
. .
. ...:ARIES:. The Liar
. .Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to #### with. Erotic. Funny. Take
. .you on trips to the moon in bed. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY sexy. Loves
. .being in long relationships.=) Addictive. Loud. best in bed. 16 years of
. .bad luck if you do not forward.
. .
. ...:AQUARIUS:. Does it in the water
. .Trustworthy. Sexy. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term
. .relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your
. .expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. Amazing in
. .bed, THE BEST LOVERS BETTER THAN EVERYONE! 2 years of bad luck if you do
. .not forward.
. .
. ...:GEMINI:. Does Twosomes
. .Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in bed. Lover not a
. .fighter, but will still knock you the #### out. Trustworthy. Always happy.
. .Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a
. .beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. ULTRA SEXY. THE MOST IRRESISTABLE. 9
. .years of bad luck if you do not forward.
. .
. ...:LEO:. The Lion in bed
. .Great talker. Sexy and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is
. .really good at. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth.
. .Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative.
. .Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if
. .you do not forward.
. .
. ...:CANCER:. The Cutie
. .MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high ### appeal. Great in bed!!! Love is one of a
. .kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely
. .creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak in bed. Spontaneous.
. .Great tellin stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it
. .comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to. 12 years of bad luck if
. .you do not forward.
. .
. ...:PISCES:. The Piece of ass
. .Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. Too Sexy, DAMN IT. Very high
. .### appeal. Has the last word. The best to find, hardest to
. .keep. Fun to be around. Freak in the sheets. Extremely weird but in a good
. .way. Super good in bed. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. A partner for
. .life. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly,
. .fun and sweet. 5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
. .
. ...:CAPRICORN:. The passionate Lover
. .Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irresistible,
. .awesome kisser. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always
. .gets what he or she wants. BY FAR the BEST in BED. Very sexy. Coolest.
. .Loves to own Gemini's in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Loves to be
. .your first. So you'll never forget. Smart. 24 years of
. .bad luck if you do not forward.
. .
. ...:TAURUS:. The Tramp
. .Aggressive. Freak in bed. Rare
. .to find! Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for
. .what they want. Extremely outgoing. Sexy as ........ Loves to help people
. .in times of need. Outstanding kisser . Very funny. Awesome personality.
. .Stubborn. Sexual as ................. Most caring person you will ever
. .meet! One of a kind. Not one to #### with. Are the most sexiest people on
. .earth ! 15 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
. .
. ...:SAGITTARIUS:. The Sexy one
. .Spontaneous. Freak in Bed. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found.
. .Loves being in long relationships. The one. So much love to give. Not one
. .to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their
. .Love is one of a
. .kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique sexiness. Most caring person
. .you will ever meet! Amazing in Bed..!!! Did
. .I say Amazing in Bed? Not the kind of person you wanna mess with - you
. .might end up crying.

Donkey lessons (humor)

2009-03-06T04:43:00.002+05:30

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a
well. The animal cried piteously for hours as
the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the
well needed to be covered up anyway;
it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and
help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began
to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the
donkey realized what was happening and cried
horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he
quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally
looked down the well. He was astonished at what
he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his
back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel
dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it
off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey
stepped up over the edge of the well and
happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds
of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well
is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of
our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out
of the deepest wells just by not stopping,
never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
Live simply and appreciate what you have.
Give more.
Expect less.
NOW ............

Enough of that . The donkey later came back,
and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.
The gash from the bite got infected and
the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
When you do something wrong, and try to cover
your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

Published on www.1441.org

Persistance - 6

2009-03-03T03:24:00.000+05:30

Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “Press On” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
- Calvin Coolidge

Persistence is the fifth and final pillar of self-discipline.

What Is Persistence?

Persistence is the ability to maintain action regardless of your feelings. You press on even when you feel like quitting.

When you work on any big goal, your motivation will wax and wane like waves hitting the shore. Sometimes you’ll feel motivated; sometimes you won’t. But it’s not your motivation that will produce results — it’s your action. Persistence allows you to keep taking action even when you don’t feel motivated to do so, and therefore you keep accumulating results.

Persistence will ultimately provide its own motivation. If you simply keep taking action, you’ll eventually get results, and results can be very motivating. For example, you may become a lot more enthusiastic about dieting and exercising once you’ve lost those first 10 pounds and feel your clothes fitting more loosely.

When to Give Up

Should you always persist and never give up? Certainly not. Sometimes giving up is clearly the best option.

Have you ever heard of a company called Traf-O-Data? What about Microsoft? Both companies were started by Bill Gates and Paul Allen. Traf-O-Data was the first company they started, back in 1972. You can read the story of Traf-O-Data here. Gates and Allen ran it for several years before throwing in the towel. They gave up. Of course they did a little better with Microsoft.

If they hadn’t given up on Traf-O-Data, then we wouldn’t have such rich collections of Microsoft and Bill Gates jokes today.

So how do you know when to press on vs. when to give up?

Is your plan still correct? If not, update the plan. Is your goal still correct? If not, update or abandon your goal. There’s no honor in clinging to a goal that no longer inspires you. Persistence is not stubbornness.

This was a particularly difficult lesson for me to learn. I had always believed one should never give up, that once you set a goal, you should hang on to the bitter end. The captain goes down with the ship and all that. If I ever failed to finish a project I started, I’d feel very guilty about it.

Eventually I figured out that this is just nonsense.

If you’re growing at all as a human being, then you’re going to be a different person each year than you were the previous year. And if you consciously pursue personal development, then the changes will often be dramatic and rapid. You can’t guarantee that the goals you set today will still be ones you’ll want to achieve a year from now.

My first business was Dexterity Software. I started it in 1994, fresh out of college. But after running it for more than a decade, I was ready for something new. I still run Dexterity on the side, but it’s not my full-time focus anymore. It takes me only about an hour or two a week to maintain it, partly because I designed it to be as automated as possible and to provide me with a passive income. It was successful to the extent I wanted it to be. I could have continued to grow it much larger, but I knew I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life making computer games. Creating my own game company was my dream at age 22, and after publishing a couple dozen games, I feel I accomplished that goal. 22-year old Steve is very satisfied. But today I have different dreams.

Did I give up on Dexterity? You could say that, but it would be more accurate to say that I was infected by a new vision of something that was far more important to me. Had I stubbornly persisted with Dexterity, this site would never have existed. I’d be working on a new game instead of my first book.

In order to make room for new goals, we have to delete or complete old ones. And sometimes new goals are so compelling and inspiring that there’s no time to complete old ones — they have to be abandoned half-finished. I’ve always found it uncomfortable to do this, but I know it’s necessary. The hard part is consciously deciding to delete an old project, knowing it will never be finished. I have a file full of game ideas and some prototypes for new games that will never see the light of day. Consciously deciding that those projects have to be abandoned was really hard for me. It took me a long time to come to grips with it. But it was necessary for my own growth to be able to do this.

I still had to solve the problem of setting goals that might become obsolete in a year due to my own personal growth. How did I solve this problem? I cheated. I figured out the only way I could set long-term goals that would stick would be if they were aligned with my own process of growth. The pursuit of personal growth has long been a stable constant for me, even though it’s paradoxically in flux at the same time. So instead of trying to set fixed goals as I did with my games business, I began setting broader more dynamic goals that were aligned with my own growth. This new business allows me to pursue my personal growth full-out and to share what I learn with others. So growth itself is the goal, both for myself and others. This creates a symbiotic relationship, whereby helping others feeds back into my own growth, which in turn generates new ideas for helping others. Anyone who’s been reading this site since last year has probably seen that effect in action.

The direct and conscious pursuit of personal growth is the only type of mission that would work for me. If I made it my mission to master real estate investing, for example, I’d probably become bored with it after a few years. Since I want to keep growing indefinitely, I have to maintain a certain level of challenge and keep raising the bar ever higher. I can’t let things get too dull and risk falling into a pattern of complacency.

The value of persistence comes not from stubbornly clinging to the past. It comes from a vision of the future that’s so compelling you would give almost anything to make it real. The vision I have of my future now is far greater than the one I had for Dexterity. To be able to help people grow and to solve their most difficult problems is far more inspiring to me than entertaining people. These values started oozing out of me as I ran Dexterity because I favored logic puzzle games that challenged people to think, often passing up the opportunity to publish games I felt would make money but which wouldn’t provide much real value to people.

Persistence of action comes from persistence of vision. When you’re super-clear about what you want in such a way that your vision doesn’t change much, you’ll be consistent in your actions. And that consistency of action will produce consistency of results.

Can you identify a part of your life where you’ve demonstrated a pattern of long-term persistence? I think if you can identify such an area, it may provide a clue to your mission — something you can work towards where passion and self-discipline function synergistically.

Industry -5

2009-03-03T03:23:00.000+05:30

Industry is working hard. In contrast to hard work, being industrious doesn?t necessarily mean doing work that?s challenging or difficult. It simply means putting in the time. You can be industrious doing easy work or hard work.

Imagine you have a baby. You?ll spend a lot of time changing diapers. But that isn?t really hard work ? it?s just a matter of doing it over and over many times each day.

In life there are many tasks that aren?t necessarily difficult, but they collectively require a significant time investment. If you don?t discipline yourself to stay on top of them, they can make a big mess of your life. Just think of all the little things you need to do: shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, taxes, paying bills, home maintenance, childcare, etc. And this is just for home ? if you include work the list grows even longer. These things may not reach your A-list for importance, but they still need to be done.

Self-discipline requires that you develop the capacity to put in the time where it?s needed. A lot of messes are created when we refuse to put in the time to do what needs to be done ? and to do it correctly. Such messes range from a messy desk or cluttered email inbox all the way down to an Enron or Worldcom. Big mess or small mess ? take your pick. Either way a significant contributing factor is the refusal to do what needs to be done.

Sometimes it?s clear what needs to be done. Sometimes it isn?t clear at all. But ignoring the mess won?t help no matter what. If you don?t know what needs to be done, the first step is to figure it out. This may require you to seek out information and educate yourself. In order to launch this blog last year, I had to figure out how to do it. I took time to educate myself by reading other blogs and evaluating various blogging tools. It wasn?t difficult for me, but it required a significant time investment.

Sometimes we allow little annoyances to linger a bit too long. In January my wife and I bought a new house. But it was only last weekend we finally unpacked the last box. We did most of the unpacking in the first few weeks after the move, but a couple boxes were shoved into a corner, and neither one of us wanted to unpack them. Why? We didn?t know where to put the stuff they contained. It seemed simplest to just ignore the problem and hope the boxes would magically unpack themselves. Finally we got them unpacked last weekend and took care of a few other home repairs that had been on the back burner as well.

It wasn?t difficult or costly to do these things. It was simply a matter of time to get them done. It didn?t require much skill or brainpower. All we had to do was just accept that they needed to be done, take a few minutes to figure out how to do them, and then do them.

Put in the Time

There are many problems in life where the solution is largely a brainless time investment. If your email inbox is overloaded, this is not a challenging problem. Believe me ? there are bigger challenges in life than handling old correspondence. I guarantee you have the brainpower to handle it. Getting your email inbox to empty is purely a matter of time. Maybe it will take you several hours to do it. If it?s worth several hours to get it done, then put in the time. Maybe enjoy some relaxing music as you do. Otherwise just hit Ctrl-A followed by Delete, and be done with it.

How many problems do you have on your to do list right now that can be solved with the simple application of industry? Sometimes you don?t need to be particularly creative or clever about it ? a brute force solution will do. But it?s easy to get stuck in a pattern of wishing that a brute force solution wasn?t necessary. It?s tedious. It?s boring. It?s not that important anyway. And yet it still needs to be done.

By all means if you can find a way to avoid a time-consuming solution and find a faster or better way to bypass or eliminate the problem, take advantage of it. Delegate it, delete it ? do whatever you can to remove the time burden. But if you know it?s something that won?t get done except via your personal time investment, like the ornery boxes in my home that refused to self-unpack, then just accept it and get it off your plate. Don?t complain. Don?t whine. Just do it.

Develop Your Personal Productivity

Disciplining yourself to be industrious allows you to squeeze more value out of your time. Time is a constant, but your personal productivity is not. Some people will use the hours of their day far more efficiently than others. It?s amazing that people will spend extra money to buy a faster computer or a fuel efficient car, but they?ll barely pay any attention to their personal capacity. Your personal productivity will do a lot more for you than a computer or a car in the long run. Give an industrious programmer a 10-year old computer, and s/he?ll get much more done with it over the course of a year than a lazy programmer with state of the art technology.

Despite all the technology and gadgets we have available that can potentially make us more efficient, your personal productivity is still your greatest bottleneck. Don?t look to technology to make you more productive. If you don?t consider yourself productive without technology, you won?t be productive with it ? it will only serve to mask your bad habits. But if you?re already industrious without technology, it can help you become even more so. Think of technology as a force multiplier ? it multiplies what you already are.

The basic idea behind the article is to first measure your current level of productivity (the article explains how to do this via time logging), measure your current ?efficiency ratio,? and then gradually ramp it up.

I first wrote that article in 2000, and I?ve continually come back to this method again and again, at least once every six months. It makes me consciously aware of exactly how I use my time. I last applied it a few months ago, tracking my time usage over a period of several days, and I was surprised to find that there was little room for improvement. It took me five years since writing that article to reach this point, but I finally feel I?m using my time efficiently. I still have unproductive days now and then, but they?re the exception. Most of the time I look back on my days and think, ?I really got a lot done today. It would be hard to have done it any better.?

Five years ago I knew what I needed to do. It took me that long to build the strength and discipline to be able to do it on a consistent basis. THIS WAS NOT EASY!

When you pursue the path of developing your personal productivity, it may cause you some days of hair-pulling and teeth-gnashing, but it does eventually pay off. I think many people are attracted to the idea of becoming more productive out of basic common sense. It doesn?t take much brainpower to figure out that if you use your time more efficiently, you?ll complete more tasks, and therefore you?ll accumulate results faster. Personal productivity allows you to create enough space in your life to do all the things you feel you should be doing: eat healthy, exercise, work hard, deepen relationships, have a wonderful social life, and make a difference. Otherwise, something has to give. Without a high level of personal productivity, you?ll likely have to give up something that?s important to you. You have conflicts between health and work, work and family, family and friends. Industry can give you the ability to enjoy all of these things, so you don?t have to choose work over family or vice versa. You can have both.

Of course industry is only one tool among many. It will allow you to complete your work efficiently, but it won?t tell you what work to do in the first place. Industry is a low level tool. Working hard doesn?t necessarily mean working smart. But this weakness of industry doesn?t remove its powerful place in your personal development toolbox. Once you?ve decided on a course of action and see your plans laid out in front of you, nothing can do the job as well as industry. In the long run your results will come from your actions, and industry is all about action.

Hard Work - 4

2009-03-03T03:21:00.000+05:30

The big secret in life is that there is no big secret. Whatever your goal, you can get there if you?re willing to work.
- Oprah Winfrey

Hard work ? yet another dirty word.

Hard Work Defined

My definition of hard work is that which challenges you.

And why is challenge important? Why not just do what?s easiest?

Most people will do what?s easiest and avoid hard work ? and that?s precisely why you should do the opposite. The superficial opportunities of life will be attacked by hordes of people seeking what?s easy. The much tougher challenges will usually see a lot less competition and a lot more opportunity.

There?s an African gold mine two miles deep. It cost tens of millions of dollars to construct, but it?s one of the most lucrative gold mines ever. These miners tackled a very challenging problem with a lot of hard work, but ultimately it?s paying off.

I remember when I was developing the PC game Dweep in 1999, I spent four months full-time working to create a design doc that was only five pages long. It was a logic puzzle game, and I found it extremely challenging to get the design just right. After the design was done, everything else took only two more months ? programming, artwork, music, sound effects, writing the installer, and launching the game.

I spent all this time intentionally working on design because at the time, I believed this was where I could get the competitive edge I needed. I knew I couldn?t compete on the basis of the game?s technical attributes. Before I started on the game, I surveyed the competition and found a lot of games that I considered ?low hanging fruit.? Most of the market was flooded with clones of older games, the kind of stuff that?s easiest to make. And most of my early games were short on design as well, mostly aim-and-shoot arcade games.

It was much, much harder to design an original game with unique gameplay. But it paid off handsomely. Dweep won the Shareware Industry Award in 2000, and an improved version of the game (Dweep Gold) won that same award the following year. As a result of the success of that game, I was interviewed by a reporter for the New York Times, and my interview along with a nice photo appeared in the June 13, 2001 edition (business section). First released on June 1, 1999, Dweep is now beginning its 7th year of sales. It can?t compete with today?s technology. It couldn?t compete on technology when it was first released. But it still competes well on design with the best of the other competitors in its field. I discovered there are a lot of players who prefer a well-designed game with dated graphics than a shallow light show with the latest technology. The long-term success of this game brought home the lesson that hard work does pay.

There?s no way Dweep would have been able to hold out this long if I had taken the easy way out during the design phase. I dug for gold two miles deep, so it was much harder for anyone else to unseat the game from its position in the market. In order to do that, they?d have to outdig me, and very few people are willing to do that because creative game design is excruciatingly difficult. Everyone says they have a cool game idea, but to actually turn it into something workable, fun, and innovative is very hard work. When I look at other games that are successful over a period of 5+ years, I consistently see a willingness to take on hard work that others aren?t willing to tackle. And yet today the market is even more overcrowded with cloned drivel than when I started.

Strong challenge is commonly connected with strong results. Sure you can get lucky every once in a while and find an easy path to success. But will you be able to maintain that success, or is it just a fluke? Will you be able to repeat it? Once other people learn how you did it, will you find yourself overloaded with competition?

When you discipline yourself to do what is hard, you gain access to a realm of results that are denied everyone else. The willingness to do what is difficult is like having a key to a special private treasure room.

The nice thing about hard work is that it?s universal. It doesn?t matter what industry you?re in ? hard work can be used to achieve positive long-term results regardless of the specifics.

I?m using this same philosophy in building this personal development business. I do a lot of things that are hard. I try to address topics that other people don?t and bypass the low hanging fruit. I strive to explore topics deeply and search for the gold. I do lots of reading and research. I write lengthy articles and give my best ideas away for free, so I?m constantly forced to better my best. I launched this business in October of last year and have been working on it full time for essentially no pay.

Meanwhile I?m working hard in Toastmasters to build my speaking skills (my one-year anniversary was June 2nd). I belong to two different clubs and attend 6-7 meetings per month. I became a club officer about a month after joining, and I was just elected to a second officer position. I?ve given many speeches, all of them for free. I?ve competed in every speech contest since I?ve joined. If I had put all this time into my games business, I?d have a lot more money right now. It?s a lot of hard work, and I?ve probably got at least another year of training before I?m ready to go pro. But I?m willing to pay the price whatever it takes. I?m not going to take the easy path to a shallow position where I will only come crashing back down again. I won?t get up on a stage and spout a bunch of fluffy self-help sound bites that still garner applause and a paycheck but which don?t ultimately help anyone. If it takes years, it takes years.

I?m taking the same approach to writing my book. It?s a lot of hard work. But I want this to be the kind of book that people will still be reading 10 years from now. Writing a book like this is at least 10x harder than the kinds of books I see dominating the psychology section of bookstores today. But most of those books will be off the shelves in a year, and few people will even remember them.

Hard work pays off. When someone tells you otherwise, beware the sales pitch for something ?fast and easy? that?s about to come next. The greater your capacity for hard work, the more rewards fall within your grasp. The deeper you can dig, the more treasure you can potentially find.

Being healthy is hard work. Finding and maintaining a successful relationship is hard work. Raising kids is hard work. Getting organized is hard work. Setting goals, making plans to achieve them, and staying on track is hard work. Even being happy is hard work (true happiness that comes from high self-esteem, not the fake kind that comes from denial and escapism).

Hard work goes hand-in-hand with acceptance. One of the things you must accept are those areas of your life that won?t succumb to anything less than hard work. Perhaps you?ve had no luck finding a fulfilling relationship. Maybe the only way it?s going to happen is if you accept you?re going to have to do what you?ve been avoiding. Perhaps you want to lose weight. Maybe it?s time to accept that the path to your goal requires disciplined diet and exercise (both hard work). Perhaps you want to increase your income. Maybe you should accept that the only way it will happen is with a lot of hard work.

Your life will reach a whole new level when you stop avoiding and fearing hard work and simply surrender to it. Make it your ally instead of your enemy. It?s a potent tool to have on your side.

Will Power -3

2009-03-03T03:20:00.001+05:30

The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will.
- Vince Lombardi

Willpower — such a dirty word these days. How many commercials have you seen that attempt to position their products as a substitute for willpower? They begin by telling you that willpower doesn’t work and then attempt to sell you something “fast and easy” like a diet pill or some wacky exercise equipment. Often they’ll even guarantee impossible results in a dramatically short period of time — that’s a safe bet because people who lack willpower probably won’t take the time to return these useless products.

But guess what… willpower does work. But in order to take full advantage of it, you must learn what it can and cannot do. People who say willpower doesn’t work are trying to use it in a way that’s beyond its capabilities.

What Is Willpower?

Willpower is your ability to set a course of action and say, “Engage!”

Willpower provides an intensely powerful yet temporary boost. Think of it as a one-shot thruster. It burns out quickly, but if directed intelligently, it can provide the burst you need to overcome inertia and create momentum.

Willpower is the spearhead of self-discipline. To use a World War II ogy, willpower would be D-Day, the Normandy Invasion. It was the gigantic battle that turned the tide of the war and got things moving in a new direction, even though it took another year to reach VE Day (Victory in Europe). To make that kind of effort every day of the war would have been impossible.

Willpower is a concentration of force. You gather up all your energy and make a massive thrust forward. You attack your problems strategically at their weakest points until they crack, allowing you enough room to maneuver deeper into their territory and finish them off.

The application of willpower includes the following steps:

1. Choose your objective
2. Create a plan of attack
3. Execute the plan

With willpower you may take your time implementing steps 1 and 2, but when you get to step 3, you’ve got to hit it hard and fast.

Don’t try to tackle your problems and challenges in such a way that a high level of willpower is required every day. Willpower is unsustainable. If you attempt to use it for too long, you’ll burn out. It requires a level of energy that you can maintain only for a short period of time… in most cases the fuel is spent within a matter of days.

Use Willpower to Create Self-Sustaining Momentum

So if willpower can only be used in short, powerful bursts, then what’s the best way to apply it? How do you keep from slipping back into old patterns once the temporary willpower blast is over?

The best way to use willpower is to establish a beachhead, such that further progress can be made with far less effort than is required of the initial thrust. Remember D-Day — once the Allies had established a beachhead, the road ahead was much easier for them. It was still challenging to be sure, especially with the close quarters fighting among hedge rows in France before the Rhino Tanks began plowing through them, but it was a lot easier than trying to maintain the focus, energy, and coordination of a full scale beach invasion every single day for another year.

So the proper use of willpower is to establish that beachhead — to permanently change the territory itself such that it’s easier to continue moving on. Use willpower to reduce the ongoing need for such a high level of sustained force.

An Example

Let’s put all of the above together into a concrete example.

Suppose your objective is to lose 20 pounds. You attempt to go on a diet. It takes willpower, and you do OK with it the first week. But within a few weeks you’ve fallen back into old habits and gained all the weight back. You try again with different diets, but the result is still the same. You can’t sustain momentum for long enough to reach your goal weight.

That’s to be expected though because willpower is temporary. It’s for sprints, not marathons. Willpower requires conscious focus, and conscious focus is very draining — it cannot be maintained for long. Something will eventually distract you.

Here’s how to tackle that same goal with the proper application of willpower. You accept that you can only apply a short burst of willpower… maybe a few days at best. After that it’s gone. So you’d better use that willpower to alter the territory around you in such a way that maintaining momentum won’t be as hard as building it in the first place. You need to use your willpower to establish a beachhead on the shores of your goal.

So you sit down and make a plan. This doesn’t require much energy, and you can spread the work out over many days.

You identify all the various targets you’ll need to strike if you want to have a chance of success. First, all the junk food needs to leave your kitchen, including anything you have a tendency to overeat, and you need to replace it with foods that will help you lose weight, like fruits and veggies. Secondly, you know you’ll be tempted to get fast food if you come home hungry and don’t have anything ready to eat, so you decide to pre-cook a week’s worth of food in advance each weekend. That way you always have something in the refrigerator. You set aside a block of several hours each weekend to buy groceries and cook all your food for the week. Plus you get a decent cookbook of healthy recipes. You learn about Weight Watchers, and find out where the closest one is to you, so you can go to the first meeting and sign-up. Setup a weight chart and post it on your bathroom wall. Get a decent scale that can measure weight and body fat %. Make a list of sample meals (5 breakfasts, 5 lunches, and 5 dinners), and post it on your refrigerator. And so on…. At this point all of this goes into the written plan.

Then you execute — hard and fast. You can probably implement the whole plan in one day. Attend your first Weight Watchers meeting and get all the materials. Purge the unhealthy food from the kitchen. Buy the new groceries, the new cookbook, and the new scale. Post the weight chart and the sample meals list. Select recipes and cook a batch of food for the week. Whew!

By the end of the day, you’ve used your willpower not to diet directly but to establish the conditions that will make your diet easier to follow. When you wake up the next morning, you’ll find your environment dramatically changed in accordance with your plan. Your fridge will be stocked with plenty of pre-cooked healthy food for you to eat. There won’t be any junkie problem foods in your home. You’ll be a member of Weight Watchers and will have weekly meetings to attend. You’ll have a regular block of time set aside for grocery shopping and food prep. It will still require some discipline to follow your diet, but you’ve already changed things so much that it won’t be nearly as difficult as it would be without these changes.

Don’t use willpower to attack your biggest problem directly. Use willpower to attack the environmental and social obstacles that perpetuate the problem. Establish a beachhead first, and then fortify your position (i.e. turn it into a habit, such as by doing a 30-Day Challenge). Habit puts action on autopilot, such that very little willpower is required for ongoing progress, allowing you to practically coast towards your goal.

Acceptance - 2

2009-03-03T03:19:00.000+05:30

The first of the five pillars of self-discipline is acceptance. Acceptance means that you perceive reality accurately and consciously acknowledge what you perceive.

This may sound simple and obvious, but in practice it?s extremely difficult. If you experience chronic difficulties in a particular area of your life, there?s a strong chance that the root of the problem is a failure to accept reality as it is.

Why is acceptance a pillar of self-discipline? The most basic mistake people make with respect to self-discipline is a failure to accurately perceive and accept their present situation. Remember the ogy between self-discipline and weight training from yesterday?s post? If you?re going to succeed at weight training, the first step is to figure out what weights you can already lift. How strong are you right now? Until you figure out where you stand right now, you cannot adopt a sensible training program.

If you haven?t consciously acknowledged where you stand right now in terms of your level of self-discipline, it?s highly unlikely that you?re going to improve at all in this area. Imagine a would-be bodybuilder who has no idea how much weight s/he can lift and arbitrarily adopts a training routine. It?s virtually certain that the chosen weights will be either too heavy or too light. If the weights are too heavy, the trainee won?t be able to lift them at all and thus will experience no muscle growth. And if the weights are too light, the trainee will lift them easily but won?t build any muscle in doing so.

Similarly, if you want to increase your self-discipline, you must know where you stand right now. How strong is your discipline at this moment? Which challenges are easy for you, and which are virtually impossible for you?

Here?s a list of challenges to get you thinking about where you stand right now (in no particular order):

* Do you shower/bathe every day?
* Do you get up at the same time every morning? Including weekends?
* Are you overweight?
* Do you have any addictions (caffeine, nicotine, sugar, etc.) you?d like to break but haven?t?
* Is your email inbox empty right now?
* Is your office neat and well organized?
* Is your home neat and well organized?
* How much time do you waste in a typical day? On a weekend?
* If you make a promise to someone, what?s the percentage chance you?ll keep it?
* If you make a promise to yourself, what?s the percentage chance you?ll keep it?
* Could you fast for one day?
* How well organized is your computer?s hard drive?
* How often do you exercise?
* What?s the greatest physical challenge you?ve ever faced, and how long ago was it?
* How many hours of focused work do you complete in a typical workday?
* How many items on your to do list are older than 90 days?
* Do you have clear, written goals? Do you have written plans to achieve them?
* If you lost your job, how much time would you spend each day looking for a new one, and how long would you maintain that level of effort?
* How much TV do you currently watch? Could you give up TV for 30 days?
* How do you look right now? What does your appearance say about your level of discipline (clothes, grooming, etc)?
* Do you primarily select foods to eat based on health considerations or on taste/satiety?
* When was the last time you consciously adopted a positive new habit? Discontinued a bad habit?
* Are you in debt? Do you consider this debt an investment or a mistake?
* Did you decide in advance to be reading this blog right now, or did it just happen?
* Can you tell me what you?ll be doing tomorrow? Next weekend?
* On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your overall level of self-discipline?
* What more could you accomplish if you could answer that last question with a 9 or 10?

Just as there are different muscle groups which you train with different exercises, there are different areas of self-discipline: disciplined sleep, disciplined diet, disciplined work habits, disciplined communication, etc. It takes different exercises to build discipline in each area.

My advice is to identify an area where your discipline is weakest, assess where you stand right now, acknowledge and accept your starting point, and design a training program for yourself to improve in this area. Start out with some easy exercises you know you can do, and gradually progress to greater challenges.

Progressive training works with self-discipline just as it does with building muscle. For example, if you can barely get out of bed at 10am, are you likely to succeed at waking up at 5am every morning? Probably not. But could you master getting up at 9:45am? Very likely. And once you?ve done that, could you progress to 9:30 or 9:15? Sure. When I started getting up at 5am consistently, I had already done it several times for a few days in a row, and my normal wake-up time was 6-6:30am, so that next step was challenging but achievable for me partly because I was already within range of it.

Without acceptance you get either ignorance or denial. With ignorance you simply don?t know how disciplined you are ? you?ve probably never even thought about it. You don?t know that you don?t know. You?ll only have a fuzzy notion of what you can and can?t do. You?ll experience some easy successes and some dismal failures, but you?re more likely to blame the task or blame yourself instead of simply acknowledging that the ?weight? was too heavy for you and that you need to become stronger.

When you?re in a state of denial about your level of discipline, you?re locked into a false view of reality. You?re either overly pessimistic or optimistic about your capabilities. And like the trainee who doesn?t know his/her own strength, you won?t get much better because it?s unlikely you?ll be able to hit the proper training zone by accident. On the pessimistic side, you?ll only pick up easy weights and avoid the heavy ones which you could actually lift and which would make you stronger. And on the optimistic side, you?ll keep trying to lift weights that are too heavy for you and failing, and afterwards you may either beat yourself up or resolve to try harder, neither of which will make you stronger.

I have personally reaped tremendous benefits from pursuing the path of self-discipline. When I was 20 years old, I lived in a small studio apartment, and my sleep hours were something like 4am to 1pm. My diet included lots of fast food and junk food. I didn?t exercise except for sometimes taking long walks. Getting the mail seemed like a significant accomplishment each day, and the highlight of my day was hanging out with friends. At the end of a month, I couldn?t really think of many salient events that occurred during the month. I had no job, no car, no income, no goals, no plans, and no real future. All I felt I had was a lot of problems that weren?t getting any better. I had no sense that I could control my path through life. I would simply wait for things to happen and then react to them.

But eventually I faced the reality that trying to wait out my life wasn?t working. If I was going to get anywhere, I was going to have to do something about it. And initially this meant tackling a lot of difficult challenges, but I overcame them and grew a lot stronger in a short period of time.

Fast forward fourteen years, and it?s like night and day. I get up at 5am each morning. I exercise six days a week. I eat a purely vegan diet with lots of fresh vegetables. My home office is well organized. My physical inbox and my email inbox are both empty. I?m married with two kids and live in a nice house. A binder sits on my desk with my written goals and detailed plans to achieve them, and several of my 2005 goals have already been accomplished. I?ve never been more clear about what I wanted, and I?m doing what I love. I know I?m making a difference.

None of this just happened. It was intentional. And it certainly didn?t happen overnight. It took a lot of years of hard work. It?s still hard work, but I?ve become a lot stronger such that things that would have been insurmountable for me at age 20 are easy today, which means I can tackle bigger challenges and therefore achieve even better results. If I had tried to do everything I?m doing now when I was 20, I would have failed utterly. 20-year old Steve wouldn?t have been able to handle it, not even for one day. But for 34-year old Steve, it?s easy. And what?s really exciting for me is to think of what 48-year old Steve will be able to accomplish? relative to my life path of course, not anyone else?s.

I AM telling you this to impress you, not with me but with yourself. I want you to be impressed by what you can accomplish over the next 5-10 years if you progressively build your self-discipline. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it. The first step is to openly accept where you are right now, whether you feel good about it or not. Surrender yourself to what you have to work with ? maybe it isn?t fair, but it is what it is. And you won?t get any stronger until you accept where you are right now.

Self Discipine - 1

2009-03-03T03:15:00.001+05:30

The Five Pillars of Self-Discipline

The five pillars of self-discipline are: Acceptance, Willpower, Hard Work, Industry, and Persistence. If you take the first letter of each word, you get the acronym ?A WHIP? ? a convenient way to remember them, since many people associate self-discipline with whipping themselves into shape.

Each day of the series, I?ll explore one of these pillars, explaining why it?s important and how to develop it. But first a general overview?.

What Is Self-Discipline?

Self-discipline is the ability to get yourself to take action regardless of your emotional state.

Imagine what you could accomplish if you could simply get yourself to follow through on your best intentions no matter what. Picture yourself saying to your body, ?You?re overweight. Lose 20 pounds.? Without self-discipline that intention won?t become manifest. But with sufficient self-discipline, it?s a done deal. The pinnacle of self-discipline is when you reach the point that when you make a conscious decision, it?s virtually guaranteed you?ll follow through on it.

Self-discipline is one of many personal development tools available to you. Of course it is not a panacea. Nevertheless, the problems which self-discipline can solve are important, and while there are other ways to solve these problems, self-discipline absolutely shreds them. Self-discipline can empower you to overcome any addiction or lose any amount of weight. It can wipe out procrastination, disorder, and ignorance. Within the domain of problems it can solve, self-discipline is simply unmatched. Moreover, it becomes a powerful teammate when combined with other tools like passion, goal-setting, and planning.

Building Self-Discipline

My philosophy of how to build self-discipline is best explained by an ogy. Self-discipline is like a muscle. The more you train it, the stronger you become. The less you train it, the weaker you become.

Just as everyone has different muscular strength, we all possess different levels of self-discipline. Everyone has some ? if you can hold your breath a few seconds, you have some self-discipline. But not everyone has developed their discipline to the same degree.

Just as it takes muscle to build muscle, it takes self-discipline to build self-discipline.

The way to build self-discipline is ogous to using progressive weight training to build muscle. This means lifting weights that are close to your limit. Note that when you weight train, you lift weights that are within your ability to lift. You push your muscles until they fail, and then you rest.

Similarly, the basic method to build self-discipline is to tackle challenges that you can successfully accomplish but which are near your limit. This doesn?t mean trying something and failing at it every day, nor does it mean staying within your comfort zone. You will gain no strength trying to lift a weight that you cannot budge, nor will you gain strength lifting weights that are too light for you. You must start with weights/challenges that are within your current ability to lift but which are near your limit.

Progressive training means that once you succeed, you increase the challenge. If you keep working out with the same weights, you won?t get any stronger. Similarly, if you fail to challenge yourself in life, you won?t gain any more self-discipline.

Just as most people have very weak muscles compared to how strong they could become with training, most people are very weak in their level of self-discipline.

It?s a mistake to try to push yourself too hard when trying to build self-discipline. If you try to transform your entire life overnight by setting dozens of new goals for yourself and expecting yourself to follow through consistency starting the very next day, you?re almost certain to fail. This is like a person going to the gym for the first time ever and packing 300 pounds on the bench press. You will only look silly.

If you can only lift 10 lbs, you can only lift 10 lbs. There?s no shame in starting where you are. I recall when I began working with a personal trainer several years ago, on my first attempt at doing a barbell shoulder press, I could only lift a 7-lb bar with no weight on it. My shoulders were very weak because I?d never trained them. But within a few months I was up to 60 lbs.

Similarly, if you?re very undisciplined right now, you can still use what little discipline you have to build more. The more disciplined you become, the easier life gets. Challenges that were once impossible for you will eventually seem like child?s play. As you get stronger, the same weights will seem lighter and lighter.

Don?t compare yourself to other people. It won?t help. You?ll only find what you expect to find. If you think you?re weak, everyone else will seem stronger. If you think you?re strong, everyone else will seem weaker. There?s no point in doing this. Simply look at where you are now, and aim to get better as you go forward.

Let?s consider an example.

Suppose you want to develop the ability to do 8 solid hours of work each day, since you know it will make a real difference in your career. I was listening to an audio program this morning that quoted a study saying the average office worker spends 37% of their time in idle socializing, not to mention other vices that chew up more than 50% of work time with unproductive non-work. So there?s plenty of room for improvement.

Perhaps you try to work a solid 8-hour day without succumbing to distractions, and you can only do it once. The next day you fail utterly. That?s OK. You did one rep of 8 hours. Two is too much for you. So cut back a bit. What duration would allow you to successfully do 5 reps (i.e. a whole week)? Could you work with concentration for one hour a day, five days in a row? If you can?t do that, cut back to 30 minutes or whatever you can do. If you succeed (or if you feel that would be too easy), then increase the challenge (i.e. the resistance).

Once you?ve mastered a week at one level, take it up a notch the next week. And continue with this progressive training until you?ve reached your goal.

While ogies like this are never perfect, Ive gotten a lot of mileage out of this one. By raising the bar just a little each week, you stay within your capabilities and grow stronger over time. But when doing weight training, the actual work you do doesn?t mean anything. There?s no intrinsic benefit in lifting a weight up and down ? the benefit comes from the muscle growth. However, when building self-discipline, you also get the benefit of the work youve done along the way, so that?s even better. It?s great when your training produces something of value AND makes you stronger.

15 Quick Fashion Tips for Men

2009-03-03T03:06:00.002+05:30

1. Fit is King – The most dramatic improvement you can make in your style is to make sure everything fits. Most guys wear clothes that are too large. Make sure everything you wear is almost hugging the curves of your body - without being tight. Bad fit is an epidemic, cure yourself.

2. Keep it simple – You want a wardrobe that looks great on you but you don’t want to overdo it. For example, don’t wear more than three pieces of jewelry or more than three colors. Don’t dress like a rock star unless you’re in a band. If you want to be flashy, a simpler but stylish look would be sporting a black striped dress shirt with a white blazer, a dark pair of jeans, a white belt, and your favorite pair of shoes. You could also add a flashy watch or a simple accessory like an interesting necklace, but nothing more.

3. Change the way you see casual - casual doesn’t have to be boring. Have fun with collared shirts, or take some inspiration from those who approach casual a bit differently.

4. Pay attention to your supporting pieces - Some sweaters are lean and others are big and chunky. The first rule of thumb is that your top and bottom halves need to match. If you’re wearing a big, chunky, rugged fisherman knit sweater, your bottom needs to be rugged, too. Don’t wear a fisherman’s sweater with a beautiful silk-and-wool suit pant. Instead, wear it with something as casual as cargoes or jeans, or dress it up with a Harris tweed blazer.

5. Never go shopping alone – You can never really trust the sales people because they usually work for commission. Read about shopping on a budget.

6. Stay at least a notch above - Don’t overdo it to a fault, but still take some risks. It’s always better to be a little bit overdressed than underdressed in a situation. All you have to do is think about where and who you’re going to be with and just step it up one notch. But make sure you’re not better dressed than someone who is more important in a certain setting, like you’re boss.

7. Never underestimate the power of details – The last thing on is usually the first thing noticed. So mind the details instead of throwing together the main parts of your outfit. “Details” can include a scarf, a subtle pocket square, to the way you tie your tie knot.

8. Invest in a good pair of shoes – If it’s one thing that women will notice, it’s your shoes. Especially how clean they are. It’s easy to wash and press the rest of your clothes to keep them looking new, but most guys disregard their shoes. Show you’re a man of taste by getting a nice pair of shoes and keeping them in pristine condition. It’s the fastest way to showing others that you take care of yourself.

9. Fashion Tees with logos – When you’re going around with a big logo on your shirt, you risk looking like a walking billboard.

10. Disregard trends – You shouldn’t wear something just because it’s “in” right now. Always build a versatile and timeless (or classic) wardrobe first, and then bring in your own twists with some of the new stuff. This one tip has saved me so much money.

11. Don’t be a sucker for brand names - . Before you decide to purchase an item, ask yourself if you are buying it because it’s “in style” or because it genuinely suits you. Ask yourself if you would buy the garment if it didn’t have a logo on it.

12. Stay away from clogs and Crocs - They look good on nobody. Enough said.

13. An undershirt is an undershirt - An undershirt is meant to be worn underneath your dress shirt or sweater to absorb the sweat, dirt, and body oils that we all inevitable secrete. This way you might be able to get away with not having to launder the shirt every time you wear it, and you shirt will be around for even longer. Please do not wear a wife beater, v-neck, or crew-neck undershirt by itself with jeans.

14. Upgrade your shave - Even if all the threads are gold, unkempt beard can be an instant attraction killer. Achieve that perfect shave by adding a shave brush & old-fashioned double-edged razor.

15. Experiment with style – The only way you’ll really learn, is if you go out there and try new things. If you make mistakes, life goes on. So many guys are afraid to express themselves through their style, don’t be one of them.

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Clothing tips for the genetically skinny

2009-03-03T02:59:00.001+05:30

V-necks increase shoulder breadth if worn as an outer layer (I have no idea why!)

Horizontal striped clothing (makes you appear wider as opposed to vertical striped that give an impression of height)

Houndstooth and plaid patterns give an illusion of breadth

Generally the smaller your waist looks the broader the shoulders look

Layered clothing (pretty obvious - the more layers the more mass)

Don't make black the outer layer unless you're overweight - black is slimming

Suits are practically designed to make your shoulders wider (I hear this is to do with appearing alpha in the boardroom) if you don't believe it, see any high ranking military uniform

Shoulder seems that actually rest along the shoulders rather than your elbows!

The larger the collar on the shirt, the smaller the shoulders look

Vests narrow shoulders

You may think that baggy is big - baggy is bad unless you are already big

If you're wearing a long sleeve, roll up the sleeves. This gives a 'triangular' illusion i.e. broad at the top and slim at the waist. Why this doesn't seem to be the case for T-shirts I'm not sure...

If you're wearing a T-shirt on its own, skin tight can be good if your shoulders are broad enough to handle it.

Wear jeans that FIT i.e. not baggy. I overlooked this for a long time but even your jeans effect the relative appearance of the upper body.

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And don't forget the number one thing that's going to change your body features more than just superficially: Work out (for actual presence, focus on the deltoids) -high weight low reps. Forget about the biceps for just now unless you shoulders are comparatively broad already - biceps are rarely noticed inside anything other than a T-shirt or something skin tight. The shoulders are going to make the most difference.

Layers is the key! I usually wear 5 to 6 layers especially during winter time, keeps me real warm and can take off any layer when feeling too hot so I make sure it comes with a zipper or buttons. But you have to be really, REALLY careful with the combinations. Use the right colors and definitely not too many (maximum of 3 colours or you'll look like a clown). I've combined an urban style with a latin style, not a quite simple task but I was just going out shopping, bought a couple of stuff not even thinking about combining anything and then when I went home it seemed to match pretty OK. Refined it a little bit and was quite pleased with the results. The only way you're going to find a nice style is to go out shopping and have a good look around. To me it seemed as if my eyes were automatically getting focused on the stuff I liked and then I knew I had to really get just that piece, it was the stuff that made all other clothes in the shop look like shit. If you instantly like something, and can afford it, buy it right away. It will be the piece that is totally congruent with your character because you instantly liked it.