You guys will all be receiving the Fit & Healthy Weight Management gift pack from Fiber One Yogurt!

An email will be sent out shortly to collect addresses for shipment.

Again, congratulations! I hope you enjoy your free yogurt and gift packs as much as I enjoy mine

Next Giveaway: Wanchai Ferry Frozen Entree & Chinese dinnerware set ~ stay tuned!

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Each cup contains fiber equivalent to 20 percent of the recommended daily value and is a good source of calcium and vitamins A and D.

A perfect snack for dieters, people watching their weight, people who need extra fiber in their diet or anyone who loves yogurt but would prefer to lower the calorie count of their cups.

Fiber One Yogurt comes in Strawberry, Peach, Vanilla and Key Lime Pie flavors that have the same delicious taste you expect from Yoplait. You won’t even notice the difference!

If you’d like to try Fiber One Yogurt for yourself I have gift packs like the one pictured above to hand out to three lucky commenters.

The gift pack comes with an insulated two compartment lunch box, 22 ounce cup w/lid, divided bowl w/lid, a coupon for a free four pack of Fiber One yogurt and two multipurpose eating utensils (spoon, fork & knife all in one).

Alternatively you can click here for a free $1.00 coupon.

• Fiber One information, product & gift packs provided by: My BlogSpark. Winners will be contacted via email on August 29th.

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*insert drumroll here*

*smack a cymbal here*

*stub your toe & poke your eye out here*

….

Use private plurks to tell us “good morning” or that your goldfish ‘fluffy’, may he rest in watery peace, has kicked the proverbial bucket and you *gasps* flushed him down the potty.

Unless it’s a secret or some juicy tidbit of breaking news that you only want your near and dear to read…

Don’t fucking spam my timeline with your bullshit non-private content filled, private plurks.

You’d think that this would be common sense but it’s a never-ending, new-age, plague that has us ‘normal’ plurkers ripping our hair out at the roots.. provided we have hair that is, I’m fully aware that bald plurkers exist, I shant exclude you.

Another quick way to lose your fans and friends on plurk.. or anywhere else for that matter, is to plurk, tweet, facebase, mybook, goggledegook the shortest, stupidest snippets you find around the web and expect us to give a damn.

We don’t care if you just ate a cracker. We don’t care if you have runny farts leaking out of your underpants to seep down to your ankles in a semi-opaque chocolaty smear. We don’t care that your spinach is green (no shit Sherlock!) and we do NOT care when, where or if you pluck out your nose hair.

Talking about eating a cracker is fine but you better put more than that. That godforsaken cracker better have teeth and bite back. If we’re lucky it’ll gnaw the tips of your fingers off so you can’t fucking type about it!

And for god’s sake, would you people realize that you don’t need to post a lolcat photo to us every 2.5 seconds?! They aren’t even that fucking funny! That goes for all images and videos. You think you’re sharing when in reality you’re just pissing the rest of us off because our fingers are getting too much of a workout muting your ass.

Mute, mute, mute. I am the mute-o-nator, hear me roar!… or at least read about it in this blog post.

Just in case you’re one of the superturds that pull these stunts, I’mma lay it out in a simple list for ya. Spell this shit out so maybe, just maybe you / they will take the hint and KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY!

Superturd Breakdown:

• Only use private plurks when a message needs to be private.
• Don’t post useless snippets. ‘I just ate a cracker’ should be: ‘i just ate a ___ blank ___ cracker, it was delicious, have ya’ll tried them?!’
• Don’t abuse the post button. Sharing is caring but it’s murder when you post photos & videos every 2.5 seconds.
• Quit spamming our timelines!

*snickers* evil lil bastids….

[/end rant]

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Most of the updates were small edits such as code edits and spell checking but some are a tad bit more obvious with content moving from the linkware pages to the freebies pages.

Website icons are now direct downloadable again. It appears people have no idea what emailing is *cough*lazyasses*cough*.

A set of wordpress themes and color swatches have mysteriously landed on page 2 of said freebies section and vector illustrations have been squished and tidied up so you don’t have to scroll forever and a day to view them all. Just load the page & click, sooo much easier and they still save the same way so don’t worry about the squishy thumbnail appearance.

I’ve also started working on my quilting bee quilt so I can rejoin the bee but it appears the I’m myquilt admin retarded. The design is done but I have a ways to go before I can officially rejoin… Click the tiny bee in the footer to view the new design, it’s total bee*ownage baby!

I think those are all the updates that are ’seeable’ but I piddle around so much I can’t be 100% sure. I can tell you that there are a few new illustrations to view and use such as happy cigarettes, hobo spiders, female monkeys and whatnot.. random stuff as per usual.

Next on my list is fixing up the blank buttons and blank banners. After that I have no idea what I’ll be fixing or creating but I’m sure I’ll get into something.

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Number of Servings: 6

Ingredients:

• 2 tsp olive oil
• 1 Tablespoon minced garlic
• 2 cans diced tomatoes with basil, garlic and oregano (do not drain)
  » I use tomato paste because I hate diced tomatoes so don’t be afraid to alternate  with the type of tomato product you like best!
• 1 can any white beans (I use Great Northern or Navy usually)
• 1 package fresh spinach
• 6 cups cooked linguine
• 6 Tablespoons Romano or Parmesan cheese (grated)

Directions:

• 1. Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet.
• 2. In a separate pan start boiling water for linguine and get linguine cooked while you continue.
• 3. Add garlic, saute for a minute or so.
• 4. Add tomatoes and beans and bring to a boil.
• 5. Cover with spinach, top with lid, reduce heat to low and simmer about 10 minutes. Stir occasionally.
• 6. Spoon tomato/beans/spinach mixture over linguine and sprinkle with cheese.

This makes 6 servings of 1 cup of pasta, 1 cup of sauce and 1 tablespoon of cheese.

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Sadly, it appears that these new subscribers are really just people who’ve followed us on friendfeed.

While I don’t discredit their subscription on friendfeed (every person counts!) it really isn’t valid to place them into our feedburner count as these people didn’t click an RSS button on our site/s to sign on for our feeds.

Not to mention friendfeed is more of a social network than anything and most users return follow anyone who follows them… I know I’m guilty of doing that so have no doubts that others do as well.

Hopefully google fixes this issue soon because it really is an issue.

I want to know how many people sign up for my RSS feed; not how many people sign up for my RSS feed AND how many people follow me on friendfriend mashed into a group pile.

I like my statistics simple, please revert and give me my correct numbers again. *shakes fist*

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I figured if I had an editor at my fingertips during all my internet browsing rendezvous I’d get lucky and something would perk my interest enough to blog.

Yay for another failed attempt.

Right now the only thing on my mind is sleep, which I’m obviously not getting (note the sluggish typing of whiny post) and Ethiopian chicken, which just so happens to be the best diet food in town.

I’m tellin ya, if I get any more brain activity going on up in my cranium region I’m going to go into an epileptic fit, and I CAN do that. I do have epilepsy, so all of you out there snickering about ‘oh no she didn’t', oh hell yes I did. Eat me if ya don’t like it.

*sighs* I’m such a sweetheart.

Now on an ending note to this pathetic excuse of a post I shall attempt to explain what an Ethiopian chicken is and why you should start eating them if you’re trying to lose weight.

First and foremost I need you to picture one of those little starving Ethiopian babies you see on donation commercials late at night when you’re slumped on the couch in a fluffy pink moo-moo stuffing your face full of Ben & Jerry’s..

Can you see the little Ethiopian child floating through your mind yet?

Good.. now try to picture what their chickens look like.

If you’re anything like me you’ll see a shriveled up excuse of a chicken with an over-sized head, ribs poking out all willy nilly, malnourished belly poking out from air & other gaseous substances…. He may or may not be tied to a goat suffering the same fate.. but regardless of what he is, or is not, tied to there should be a caption under his shriveled feet with the statement of: “Spend more time chewing!”

After all, everyone knows shriveled chicken is one tough bitch to chew right?

And that my dears, is why the Ethiopian chicken is the best diet food around. Little to no meat but you’ll chew for hours, thus getting the effect that you’ve consumed a meal far bigger than you actually have while managing to dump just enough content into your tummy to shut it up.

With knowledge this golden you can share the wealth and take your old ice cream money to feed those damned kids. They gave you your hips back, thank them properly would ya?!

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I’m convinced and you can not change my mind.

I’d rather be attacked by a pig and have swine flu than this.

At least I can breathe when I have the flu.

As it stands I have a nice little wheezing noise with every breath I take, my head feels like a field full of cotton fluff and I can’t, for the life of me, breathe out of my nose.

I might also mention that my temperature is up, my cloths are sticking to me, my body is one giant shaking ache and I’m a tad bit disoriented.

I do not like bronchitis sam I am, I can not eat your green eggs and ham. I would make a valiant attempt but I’m afraid I would die from lack of oxygen.

Ah the joys of the sick season… fuck you bronchitis!

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While I was licking the stamp I got to thinking about how gross the adhesive tasted. Following which I started thinking about why some stamps are sweet and others are vilely bitter. What exactly do they put into stamp adhesive to give it such flavor?

So I put the stamp onto the envelope and set it aside for mailing. Unfortunately the thought process over adhesive ingredients hadn’t left my mind. Normally I’d push the thought away and search for a new topic but for some reason this one just seemed too interesting to pass up. So I let the wheels turn.. and turn and turn some more.

A million possibilities floated into my head but the one I found most amusing, and disturbing was my theory that the government had a set of elves mixing up each and every fresh batch of stamp adhesive. Now these elves are very special elves. One is a female named glue the other is a male who goes by the name of me.

Each day they wake up, put on their little glue suits and shuffle on down to their mixing stations. They work at the same factory but on separate ends (their supervisors don’t want them reproducing, they are special elves remember?), never seeing the other but each knowing the other exists.

The elves do their work but unlike most elves who are cheerful and vibrant these elves are forever downcast. Each one lazily dreaming of the one they know exists but can never see. It’s during these lazy, daydreaming times that the magical ingredient is placed into the adhesive.

For while their minds are preoccupied, their grimy, glue-covered hands are anything but.

It’s said that the male’s glue is bitter due to his sexual frustration while the female’s is sweet due to her everlasting hope that she will one day meet her missing link.

It’s a far fetched and downright outrageous theory but who’s there to prove it isn’t true? Furthermore it hasn’t been proven that elves don’t exist either so all in all it’s possible. Not likely, but possible. So before you go to mail another letter think about what it is you’re licking.

And if the elves don’t make you cringe, you can always stop to dwell on the fact that bug eggs or a highly contagious disease has been stuck to the stamp. As for myself, I feel much safer with horny elves than I do with eggs and disease. At least elves are partially human and won’t make me deathly ill. It really is your choice though.

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Lots of stress and drama with a few good things thrown into the fray. My mind just isn’t in the blogging format these days. It basically consists of pushing the bad things to the back of my brain hoping they’ll magically rot into decaying nothingness. Forcing my mind on other topics that are more suited to happiness and relaxation which brings to mind a single topic but that’s a topic I’m not ready to divulge just yet.

But oh it is a wonderful topic and never ceases to bring a smile to my face and a sparkle to my eye.

I’m not abandoning my blog, I’m just waiting for my mind to collect itself in a manor that’s more blog-worthy. It’s bound to happen, I just can’t say when or how that will be.

For anyone interested in keeping tabs on me, try joining Plurk“>Plurk. I post there at least once a day, I’m not so big on twitter so I don’t suggest looking for me there. You could also contact me using one of the methods listed on the contact page.

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