# all this f*cking around with unicode and the document
# header is to get lxml to STFU. Yeah, this is probably
# The Wrong Way(TM), once again, but that’s how I roll,
# y0: ghetto-tastic shitball code. If you want
# to understand why each of these changes was made, remove
# this jiggery pokery and you’ll see what I mean. ;-P

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: Fluidity
Programming language: Python

Thanks to liskel for this code candy

// I have absolutely no idea, why it becomes a
// 2-dimensional array … so working around instead
// of solving
$css = $css[0];

Programming language: PHP

# FIXME: and this is just plain /wrong/. Naughty naughty
# this is why I have to learn some kind of signal creation
# techinque. OOOOH OH OH OH , ORRRRRR, I can just pass
# in a single callback…? pull in one particular method
# from the caller for the called object to refer back to
# as a conduit back into that caller. Is that crack?
# ….orrrrrrrrrr….. the data manager is the one that
# knows this shit and can take care of the “your shit
# changed, so update it motherf*cker” kinds of tasks.
#
# Longest. Comments. Evar.

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: Fluidity
Programming language: Python

“vim comments are so f*ckin stupid!! Why the hell do they
“have comment delimiters that are used elsewhere in the
“syntax?!?! We need to check some conditions especially
“for vim

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: Vim IDE
Programming language: Vim Script

/**
 * Returns the specified integer as a string because the
 * designers of C were too distracted by their beards to
 * write a lanague that doESNT SUCK ASS F*CK SHIT
 */

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: smileysmazehunt
Programming language: C++

Thanks to Tobias for this code candy

return verify_iban($this->iban);
# we could throw exceptions of various types, but why -
# does it really add anything? possibly some slightly
# better user feedback potential. however, this can be
# written by hand by performing individual checks ala
# the code in verify_iban() itself where required, which
# is likely almost never. for the increased complexity
# and maintenance / documentation cost, i say,
# therefore: no. no exceptions.

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: php-iban
Programming language: PHP

Thanks to dac-xp for this code candy

/*
 * random number for the shitty InternetExplorer to f*ck
 * their caching-system. I hope the programmers of the IE
 * caching for ajax requests will die a terrible death.
 */
var requestid = Math.random() * (9999999999-0+1);

Programming language: JavaScript

Thanks to Andi for this code candy

/**
this code does more than necessary. this was because we thought we could leave the parameters optional. god were we wrong…
*/

Programming language: PHP

/*
 * This code is rather messy, but I don’t have time right
 * now to clean it up as much as I would like.
 * But it works, so I’m happy. :-) jpw
 */

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: OpenBSD
Programming language: C

# Now bring out-of-date preferences back up to speed
# What a nice developer I am, taking care of the
# behind-the-times users. :-)

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: PilotManager
Programming language: Perl

Thanks to David for this code candy

// this needs to be explained!!
$this->_searchResult[$type] = $this->_searchResult[$type];

Programming language: PHP

// To make Flash Storage work on IE, we have to load up an
// iFrame which contains an HTML page that embeds the
// object using an object tag wrapping an embed tag.
// Of course, this is unnecessary for all browsers except
// for IE, which, to my knowledge, is the only browser in
// existance where you need to complicate your code to
// fix bugs. Goddamnit. :(

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: jStore
Programming language: Java Script

/*
Most of this code was written while watching the Marlins sweep the Giants in the 1997 National League Playoffs – no Braves fans allowed to use this code (just kidding :-).

I realize that if I wanted to be true to the perl tradition, the only comment in this file would be something like:

…they shuffled back towards the rear of the line. ‘No, not at the rear!’ the slave-driver shouted. ‘Three files up. And stay there…

However, I really needed to violate that tradition just so I could keep track of what happens myself, not to mention some poor fool trying to understand this years from now :-).
*/

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: Perl Source
Programming language: C

/*
uhhh…. i’ve commented this out. it was a great pervertion,
i know, but it could result in broken packets, and that’s
more f*cking than a simply crash. Relax.
*/

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: QEcho
Programming language: C

/* okay, this is a mess. some 3d apps seem to try being */
/* unique, hello cinema4d & 3d exploration, feel good */
/* today?, and save this crap in tons of different */
/* formats. gah, those screwed coders. tho the */
/* wavefront obj standard defines exactly two ways */
/* of storing face information. so, i really won’t */
/* support such stupid extravaganza here! */

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: osxnetradiant
Programming language: C

/* We changed phase but ESP shows bus service,
 * in this case it is most likely that we, the
 * hacker who has been up for 20hrs straight
 * staring at the screen, drowned in coffee
 * smelling like retched cigarette ashes
 * have miscoded something… so, try to
 * recover as best we can.
 */

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: Linux Kernel
Programming language: C

# WTF is this? http://optionparser.rubyforge.org/
# why are there like 20 differnt option parsers all called
# OptionParser!? and seemingly no attempt at
# disambiguation. its like an oldskool CPAN clusterfuck
# all over again. This is what you get when a buncha non
# english speakers design a programming language in
# english, and a buncha SanFran webdesigners, in all their
# VWbug-pastelcolored-sushiloving-DeathCabforCutie glory
# flocked like hipster lemmings because Ruby was
# “written by a Japanese guy”. This language is seriously
# pissing me off. Why are smart people using this?

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: Tamatebako
Programming language: Ruby

/*
 * Accessing the EEPROM is `interesting’ to say the least
 * – don’t read this code right after dinner.
 *
 * This is all about black magic and bit-banging the
 * device… I wonder in what hospital they have put the guy
 * who designed the i2c specs.
 *
 * Oh yes, this is only the beginning!
 */

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: Linux driver for the Alteon AceNIC Gigabit Ethernet card
Programming language: C

/*
 * It’s someone else’s. Let our fingers
 * do the walking. (Why the fuck do they call it
 * the “yellow pages” anyway. They’re white pages
 * dammit! If they were YELLOW pages, we could
 * say ypmatch “Automobile, Dealers, Retail”, and
 * things like that !).
 */

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: Utah Raster Toolkit
Programming language: C

/* FIXME: This algorithm sucks. I need to be shot for
 * writing such atrocious code. Grr. */

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: Flood – a profile-driven HTTP load tester
Programming language: C

// OK, Carl, here it is. Read it and weep. Heheheh.
// You’re probably the only one who will notice this
// in here. :-)

return [[self class] newWithString:”Kitchen Sink”];

// Yes, you’ve found the easter egg. Sorry, I guess it’s too
// late. Better get some sleep…

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: MiscString
Programming language: C

/* Try to suicide with a SIGABRT */
[...]
/* Still here? Try to remove any signal handlers */
[...]
/* Still here? Try to suicide with an illegal instruction */
[...]
/* Still here? Try to at least exit */
[...]
/* Still here? We’re screwed. Sleepy time. Good night. */
  while (1)
    /* Try for ever and ever */
    ABORT_INSTRUCTION;

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: uClibc – a Small C Library for Linux
Programming language: C

# Thank goodness for AutoLoader, huh?
# Perhaps we’ll finally use it soon.

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: Net-AIM
Programming language: Perl

# all this junk below just to conditionally load a module
# sometimes even perl is braindead…

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: Net-AIM
Programming language: Perl

# I moved this part further down as an Obsessive Efficiency
# Initiative. It shouldn’t be a problem if I do _parse right…
# … but those are famous last words, eh?

Source: Direct link to the source code
Software: Net-AIM
Programming language: Perl