美剧中国之旅

Friends S5EP05 英文剧本（Free scripts)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 04:55:00 -0700

The One With All the Kips

Written by: Scott Silveri

Transcribed by: Eric Aasen

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, 3:02 A.M., Chandler is up. There's a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.]
Monica: (quietly) Hi!
Chandler: (quietly) Hi! (They both start kissing.)
(Joey enters and Chandler pushes her away.)
Joey: Monica? What time is it?
Chandler: Uhh, 9. (He pushes the clock into the sink.)
Joey: But it's dark out.
Monica: Well that's because you always sleep to noon, silly! This is what 9 looks like.
Joey: I guess I'll get washed up then. Watch that sunrise. (He goes into the bathroom.)
Monica: I'm really getting tired of sneaking around.
Chandler: I know, me too. Hey! Y'know what if we went away for a whole weekend? Y'know we'd have no interruptions and we could be naked the entire time.
Monica: All weekend? That's a whole lotta naked.
Chandler: Yeah, I can say that I have a conference and you can say you have a chef thing.
Monica: Ohh, I've always wanted to go to this culinary fair that they have in Jersey!
Chandler: Okay, y'know your not though. Let's go. (He starts for his bedroom.)
Monica: Wait! What about Joey?
(Chandler opens the bathroom door to reveal Joey passed out on the toilet with a toothbrush in his mouth.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Monica: (entering from her room) Hey, guess what I'm doing this weekend! I'm going to this culinary fair in New Jersey.
Phoebe: Oh weird, Chandler just told us he's got a conference there!
Monica: Oh now that-that-that's funny, it seems like Chandler's conference could've been in Connecticut or Vermont.
Chandler: I'm not in charge of where the conference is held. Do you want people to think it's a fake conference? It's a real conference.
Ross: (entering) Hey.
Joey: Hey!
Monica: Hey.
Ross: Is Rachel here? I gotta talk to her.
Monica: No, she's out shopping.
Ross: Damn!
Chandler: What's going on?
Ross: I told Emily to come. And I just need to y'know, talk to Rachel about it.
Phoebe: Wait a minute! So when Emily comes you're just, you're not gonna see Rachel anymore?
Ross: Well look, I'm just trying to focus on the "I get to see my wife," part, all right? And not the part that makes me do this. (He takes a big swig of Pepto Bismol.)
Monica: Wow, so you guys are, you're never gonna be in the same room together? How is that even gonna work?
Ross: I have no idea. I mean… But-but I assure you I will figure it out.
(They all reflect briefly on what was said.)
Joey: Doesn’t seem like it's going to work, I mean…
Rachel: (entering) Hi, guys!
Joey: Hi!
Chandler: Uh, hey!
Rachel: What's going on?
Chandler: We're flipping Monica's mattress.
Joey: So I'm thinking, basically we pick it up and then we flip it.
Phoebe: Yeah that's better than my way.
(They all agree and head to Monica's room.)
Rachel: Oh okay, hey guys, would you flip mine too?
Chandler: Aww, man! (They go into Monica's room.)
Rachel: (going through the mail) Oh look! A letter from my mom.
Ross: So, Rach, y'know-y'know how Emily's coming right?
Rachel: Oh yeah! I know.
[Cut to Monica's bedroom, Chandler is trying to listen through the door.]
Phoebe: (To Chandler) Can you hear anything?
Chandler: Oh yes, somebody just said, "Can you hear anything?"
(Joey is bent over at the waist and is looking for something under Monica's bed.)
Monica: Hey, Joey's ass! What are you doing?
Joey: (holding a box) Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in her with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, so I hid this in here.
Monica: Ooh, candy bars, crossword puzzles…
Phoebe: Ooh, Madlibs, mine! (Grabs it.)
Chandler: Condoms?
Joey: You don't know how long we're gonna be in here! We may have to repopulate the Earth.
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?
[Cut to the living room.]
Ross: Anyway it-it kinda-it all boils down to this, the last time I talked to Emily…
Rachel: (interrupting) Oh my God! My dog died!
Ross: What?!
Rachel: Oh my God, Le Poo, our dog!
Ross: Le Poo's still alive?!
Rachel: Oh God, it says he was hit by an ice cream truck and dragged for nine-(turns over the note)-teen blocks. Oh. (They all come out from Monica's bedroom) Oh my God.
Monica: Sweetie, we heard you crying. Please don't cry.
Rachel: It's Le Poo.
Phoebe: I know it's le poo right now, but it'll get better.
[Scene: Atlantic City, New Jersey, Chandler and Monica are about to start their weekend of sex, sex, nothing but sex.]
Chandler: (jumping on the bed) I can't believe it! We're here!
Monica: Ooh, chocolates on the pillows! I love that!
Chandler: Oh, you should live with Joey, Roll-os everywhere.
Monica: Come here. (He does, and they kiss.) Okay, be right back.
(Goes to the bathroom and Chandler turns on the TV and finds a high-speed police chase.)
Chandler: Oh yes! Monica, get in here! There's a high-speed car chase on!
(Monica returns, carrying a glass.)
Monica: We're switching rooms.
Chandler: (looks at what she's holding and shies away) Oh dear God, they gave us glasses!
Monica: No, they gave us glasses with lipstick on them! I mean, if they didn't change the glasses, who knows what else they didn't change. (He glares at her.) Come on sweetie, I just want this weekend to be perfect, I mean we can change rooms, can't we?
Chandler: Okay, but let's do it now though, because Chopper 5 just lost it's feed! (He grabs their bags and sprints out.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is trying to tell Rachel about Emily's ultimatum again.]
Ross: Hey, so uh, y'know how there's something I wanted to talk to you about?
Rachel: Oh yeah! (Turns to face him.)
Ross: Well, y'know how I'm trying to work things out with Emily. Well, there's this one thing… Okay, (Rachel has her back turned to the camera, and Ross isn't looking at her.) here goes. I made a promise that-(they cut to the other camera and Ross notices something coming out of Rachel's nose)-Oh hey!
Rachel: What?
Ross: You're nose is bleeding!
Rachel: Oh God. (He hands her some tissues.) No! Oh not again! (Wiping her nose.) This-this happened when my grandfather died. It's ugh! Sorry. (She puts her head back.) Oh, okay, so I'm sorry, what-what were you-what did you want to tell me?
Ross: Umm… (Rachel blows her nose.)
Rachel: Sorry. Sorry.
Ross: Okay, I uh, I can't see you anymore.
Rachel: Yeah, I know. It's ridiculous! I can't see you either.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's weekend, a hotel clerk is showing them their new room.]
Hotel Clerk: I think you'll find this room more to your liking.
Chandler: Okay, great. (He grabs the remote and turns on the TV to the chase.)
Hotel Clerk: (watching the chase) They say he's only got half a tank left.
Chandler: Half a tank? We still got a lot of high-speed chasing to do!
Monica: We're switching rooms again.
Chandler: What? Why?
Monica: This is a garden view room, and we paid for an ocean view room.
Hotel Clerk: Our last ocean view room was unacceptable to you.
Monica: (To Chandler) Excuse me, umm, can I talk to you over here for just a second?
Chandler: Uh-huh. (He doesn't take his eyes off the TV.)
Monica: Chandler!
Chandler: (turning to face her) Yeah.
Monica: Look, these clowns are trying to take us for a ride and I'm not gonna let 'em! And we're not a couple of suckers!
Chandler: I hear ya, Mugsy! But look, all these rooms are fine okay? Can you just pick one so I can watch-(realizes)-have a perfect, magical weekend together with you.
[Time lapse, Monica and Chandler have changed rooms yet again.]
Monica: Okay, this one I like!
Chandler: (watching TV, in fact, ER is on.) Nothing! It's over! Dammit! This is regularly scheduled programming!
Monica: Can we turn the TV off? Okay? Do we really want to spend the entire weekend like this?
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, am I getting in the way of all the room switching fun?
Monica: Hey, don't blame me for wigging tonight!
Chandler: Oh, who should I blame? The nice bell man who had to drag out luggage to 10 different rooms?
Monica: I don't know, how about the idiot who thought he could drive from Albany to Canada on a half a tank of gas!
Chandler: Do not speak ill of the dead.
Monica: We're supposed to uh, be spending a romantic weekend together, it-it, what is the matter with you?
Chandler: I just want to watch a little television. What is the big deal? Geez, relax mom.
Monica: What did you say?
Chandler: I said, "Geez, relax Monnnnn."
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading a magazine and has two tissues stuck up her nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding and as she hears Ross enter, she quickly hides her face behind the magazine and removes the tissues.]
Rachel: Hi!
Ross: Hey. Rachel, I-I-I've been wanting to tell you something for a while now and I really, I just have to get it out.
Rachel: Okay, what's up?
Ross: Okay, y'know how you told me I should do whatever it takes to fix my marriage?
Rachel: Yeah, I told you to give Emily whatever she wants.
Ross: And while that was good advice, you should know that what-what she wants…
Rachel: Yeah?
Ross: …is for me not to see you anymore.
Rachel: That's crazy! You can't do that! What are you going to tell her? (Pause) (Realizes) Oh God. Ohh, you already agreed to this, haven't you?
Ross: It's awful I know, I mean, I feel terrible but I have to do this if I want my marriage to work. And I do, I have to make this marriage work. I have too. But the good thing is we can still see each other until she gets here.
Rachel: Ohh! Lucky me! Oh my God! That is good news, Ross! I think that's the best news I've heard since Le Poo died!
Ross: You have no idea what a nightmare this has been. This is so hard.
Rachel: Oh yeah, really? Is it Ross? Yeah? Okay, well let me make this a just a little bit easier for you.
Ross: What are you doing?
Rachel: Storming out!
Ross: Rachel, this is your apartment.
Rachel: Yeah, well that's how mad I am!!
Commercial Break
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is returning from his disastrous weekend. He throws his bag down and sits down on one of the leather chairs, but he sits on something and picks it up and throws it away.]
Chandler: Damn Rollos!
Joey: Hey, you're back!
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: How was your conference?
Chandler: It was terrible. I fought with (Pause) my colleagues y'know, the entire time. Are you kidding with this? (Throws away another Rollo)
Joey: Oh, so your weekend was a total bust?
Chandler: Uh, no, I got to see Donald Trump waiting for an elevator.
Monica: (entering) Hi!
Joey: Hey, you're back too!
Monica: Yeah. Umm, Chandler can I talk to you outside for a second?
Joey: Hey, how was your chef thing?
Monica: Oh, it was awful. (To Chandler) I guess some people just don't appreciate really good food.
Chandler: Well, maybe it was the kind of food that tasted good at first but then made everybody vomit and have diarrhea.
Monica: Chandler! (Motions for him to come outside.)
Chandler: Monica. (Follows her out.)
[In the hall.]
Monica: Okay, I'd like to know how much the room was because I'd like to pay my half.
Chandler: Okay, fine, $300.
Monica: 300 dollars?!
Chandler: Yeah, just think of it as $25 per room!
Monica: Urghh!!
Joey: (sticking his head out the door) What are you guys woofing about?
Monica: Chandler stole a twenty from my purse!
Joey: Nooooo!!! Y'know what? Now that I think about it, I constantly find myself without twenties and you always have lots!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is drinking some Alka-Seltzer. The rest of the gang, minus Rachel is there as well.]
Ross: You should've seen the look on her face. I don't want Rachel to hate me! I don't know what to do.
Joey: You want my advice?
Ross: Yes! Please!
Joey: You're not gonna like it.
Ross: That's okay.
Joey: You got married to fast.
Ross: That's not advice!
Joey: I told ya.
Ross: I'm going to the bathroom. (Gets up and exits.)
Joey: Man, if anyone asked me to give up any of you, I couldn't do it.
Chandler and Phoebe: Yeah, me either.
Monica: Maybe I could do it.
Rachel: (entering) Hi!
Joey: Hi, Rach.
Chandler: Hi!
Phoebe: Hey.
Monica: Hey.
Rachel: Look, I know you guys heard about the whole thing with me and Ross but y'know, I've been obsessing about it all day and I'd just love not to talk about it. All right?
Joey: I-I-I don't know if this falls under this category, but uh, Ross is right back there. (Points over his shoulder.)
Rachel: That's not Ross!
Phoebe: Oh no! Not that guy! He does look like him though.
Chandler: Okay, Ross is in the bathroom.
Rachel: Oh my God, its happening. It's already started. I'm Kip.
Joey: Hey, you're not Kip!
Rachel: (To Joey) Do you even know who Kip is?
Joey: Who cares? You're Rachel! (To Chandler) Who's Kip?
Chandler: Kip, my old roommate, y'know we all used to hang out together.
Joey: Oh, that poor bastard.
Rachel: See? Yeah, you told me the story. He and Monica dated when they broke up they couldn't even be in the same room together and you all promised that you would stay his friend and what happened? He got phased out!
Monica: You're not gonna be phased out!
Rachel: Well, of course I am! It's not gonna happen to Ross! He's your brother. (To Chandler) He's your old college roommate. Ugh, it was just a matter of time before someone had to leave the group. I just always assumed Phoebe would be the one to go.
Phoebe: Ehh!!
Rachel: Honey, come on! You live far away! You're not related. You lift right out.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV.]
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Hey, Mr. Bing. That uh, hotel you stayed at called. Said someone left an eyelash curler in your room.
Chandler: Yes that was mine.
Joey: 'Cause I figured you'd hooked up with some girl and she'd left it there.
Chandler: Yes that would have made more sense.
Joey: Y'know, I-I don't even feel like I know you anymore man! All right, look, I'm just gonna ask you this one time. And whatever you say, I'll believe ya. (Pause.) Were you, or were you not on a gay cruise?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on couch and Rachel is getting some coffee. Phoebe keeps turning her head from to keep from looking at Rachel.]
Rachel: Phoebe? (She turns her head further away.) I'm sorry about the whole lifting out thing. (Moves over next to her.) You gotta come with me!
Phoebe: Come where?
Rachel: Wherever I go. Come on you and me, we'll-we'll start a new group, we're the best ones.
Phoebe: Okay, but try and get Joey too.
Ross: (entering) Pheebs, you mind if I speak to Rachel alone for a sec?
Phoebe: Oh, sure! (She gets up to leave.) Bye Ross! (Whispering behind his back.) Forever.
Ross: Hi.
Rachel: Hi. What are you doing here? Isn't this against the rules?
Ross: I talked to Monica, look, I'm the one who made the choice. I'm the one who's making things change, so I should be the one to y'know, step back.
Rachel: Oh, Ross…
Ross: No, no, it's okay. Really. They're plenty of people who just see their sisters at Thanksgiving and just see their college roommates at reunions and just see Joey at Burger King. So is, is that better?
Rachel: No, it's not better. I still don't get to see you.
Ross: Well, what-what would you do? Rach, if you were me, what-what would you do?
Rachel: Well, for starters I would've said the right name at my wedding!
Ross: I can't believe this is happening.
Rachel: I know.
Ross: I am so sorry.
Rachel: I know that too.
Joey: (entering) (He clears his throat to get their attention.) Hey, Rach? Sorry to interrupt but umm, Phoebe wanted me to talk to you about a trip or something.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is doing a crossword puzzle.]
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hi.
Chandler: I just came over to drop off…nothing. So that weekend kinda sucked, huh?
Monica: Yeah, it did.
Chandler: So, I guess this is over.
Monica: What?
Chandler: Well, y'know, you and me, it had to end sometime.
Monica: Why, exactly?
Chandler: Because of the weekend, we had a fight.
Monica: Chandler that's crazy! If you give up every time you'd have a fight with someone you'd never be with anyone longer than—Ohhh! (They both realize something there.)
Chandler: So, this isn't over?
Monica: (laughs) You are so cute! No. No, it was a fight. You deal with it and move on! It's nothing to freak out about.
Chandler: Really? Okay. Great!
Monica: Ohh, welcome to an adult relationship! (She goes to kiss him.)
Chandler: (stops her) We're in a relationship?
Monica: I'm afraid so.
Chandler: Okay.
(They kiss.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Joey, and Chandler are there as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Hey!
Phoebe: Oh hey, Monica, I heard you saw Donald Trump at your convention.
Monica: Yeah, I saw him waiting for an elevator.
(Joey thinks that sounds familiar, but dismisses the thought.)
Monica: Hey, Rach, can I borrow your eyelash curler, I think I lost mine.
Rachel: Yeah, it's in there. (Points to the bathroom.)
(Joey puts two and two together.)
Joey: (shocked) Oh! Ohh! Oh!!
Chandler: Joey, can I talk to you for a second? (He grabs him and starts to drag Joey into Monica's room.)
Joey: Oohh!! Ohh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh-oh!!
(Chandler pushes him through the door and Monica closes it behind them.)
[Cut to Monica's room, Chandler tackles Joey onto her bed and tries to cover his mouth.]
Joey: Ohhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
Chandler: Yes. Yes. (Lets him up.)
Joey: (To Chandler) You?! (To Monica) And-and you?!
Monica: Yes, but you cannot tell anyone! No one knows!
Joey: How?! When?!
Chandler: It happened in London.
Joey: IN LONDON!!!
Chandler: The reason we didn't tell anyone was because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
Joey: But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone!
(They both grab him and stop him.)
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no! You can't!
Monica: Please? Please?! We just don't want to deal with telling everyone, okay? Just promise you won't tell.
(Joey thinks it over.)
Joey: All right! Man, this is unbelievable! I mean, it's great, but…
Monica: I know, it's great!
(She goes over and kisses Chandler.)
Joey: Aww, I don't want to see that!
[Cut to Phoebe and Rachel.]
Phoebe: We're so stupid! Do you know what's going on in there? They're trying to take Joey!
Ending Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, minus Ross are playing Madlibs. Phoebe is reading hers.]
Phoebe: The most popular Phoebe in tennis is called the overhand Phoebe. And if you win, you must slap your opponent on the Phoebe and say, "Hi, Phoebe!"
Monica: Oh that's cute! We really all enjoyed it. But y'know, it doesn't count.
Phoebe: Count for what?
Monica: Count in our heads as-as good Madlibs.
(They putting their notepads down and get up to leave.)
Joey: I guess I'm done.
Chandler: Fun's over!
Monica: Wait-wait, guys! If-if we follow the rules, it's still fun and it means something!
Rachel: Uh-huh!
Joey: I think I'm gonna take-off.
Monica: Guys, rules are good! Rules help control the fun! (They all leave and close the door on Monica.) Ohhh! (Throws her notepad down in disgust.)
End

Friends S5EP04 英文剧本（Free scripts)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 04:52:00 -0700

The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS

Written by: Michael Curtis

Transcribed by: Eric Aasen

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel has just gotten home and is going through the mail. She finds something that's Monica's and goes over and knocks on her closed bedroom door.]
Monica: (In a sexy voice) Come in. I've been waiting for you.
(Rachel enters.)
Rachel: Hi! I just wanna-(sees Monica)-Ahhh!!! Oh my God! (She runs out in horror.) Oh my God!
Monica: (pulling on a robe) Okay, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I-I-I was um, I was taking a nap.
Rachel: Since when do take naps in that position. Oh God Monica, tell me you were waiting for a guy! Please tell me you were waiting for a guy!
Monica: Yes. Yes, I was. A guy. From work. (Thinks) I'm seeing a guy from work! Ha!
Rachel: (Gasps) That cute waiter guy from your restaurant, the one that looks like a non-threatening Ray Liotta?
Monica: Uh-huh, that one!
Rachel: Y'know what, just give me a second and I'll be out of your hair. I'm just gonna grab a jacket. When I get back, I want every little detail. (There's a knock on the door.) Maybe that's him. (Goes to answer the door.)
Monica: (Panicking) Okay, umm, okay, umm… (Rachel opens the door.) It's just Joey and Ross.
Rachel: Why aren't you guys at the movie?
Joey: Well, we were! But Ross was talking so loud on his phone they threw us out!
Ross: I had to talk loud because the movie was loud!
Joey: (to Monica and Rachel) He's talking to London!
Monica: But why?! Did he get in touch with Emily?
Joey: Well no, not yet. He's calling everyone on her side of the family hoping that someone will help him get in touch with her.
Ross: (on phone) I-I-I don't care if I said some other girl's name you prissy, old twit!
Joey: Ross! Way to suck up to the family.
Chandler: (entering, happily, with a bottle of champagne, thinking that Monica is the only one there) Ha-ha-ha-(sees everyone)-enh-enh. I'm so glad you guys are all here! My office finally got wrinkle free fax paper!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross, and Monica are eating breakfast.]
Joey: (entering, wearing a tux) Hey!
Chandler: Oh no-no-no-no-no-no, vomit tux! No-no, vomit tux!
Joey: Don't worry, I had it dry-cleaned.
Monica: Vomit tux? Who vomited on—y'know what, what you up to Joe?
Joey: Well, I'm doing this telethon thing on TV and my agent got me a job as co-host!
Monica: Oh that's great!
Joey: A little uh, good deed for PBS and a little TV exposure, now that's the kind of math Joey likes to do!
Phoebe: Ugh, PBS!
Monica: What's wrong with PBS?
Phoebe: Ugh, what's right with them?
Joey: Why don’t you like PBS, Pheebs?
Phoebe: Okay, 'cause right after my mom killed herself, I was just in this really bad place, y'know personally. So, I just thought that it'd make me feel better if I wrote to Sesame Street, 'cause they were so nice when I was a little kid! No one ever wrote back.
Chandler: Well y'know a lot of those Muppets don't have thumbs.
Phoebe: All I got was a lousy key chain! And by that time I was living in a box. I didn't have keys!
Joey: I'm sorry Pheebs, I just, y'know, I just wanted to do a good deed. Like-like you did with the babies.
Phoebe: This isn't a good deed, you just wanted to get on TV! This is totally selfish.
Joey: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What about you, having those babies for your brother? Talk about selfish!
Phoebe: What-what are you talking about?!
Joey: Well, yeah, it was a really nice thing and all, but it made you feel really good right?
Phoebe: Yeah. So?
Joey: It made you feel good, so that makes it selfish. Look, there's no unselfish good deeds, sorry.
Phoebe: Yes there are! There are totally good deeds that are selfless.
Joey: Well, may I ask for one example?
Phoebe: Yeah, it's… Y'know there's—no you may not!
(They are standing on either side of Chandler as they discuss the point. Chandler, meanwhile, is disgusted with the whole argument.)
Joey: That's because all people are selfish.
Phoebe: Are you calling me selfish?!
Joey: Are you calling you people? (Chandler rolls his eyes.) Yeah, well sorry to burst that bubble, Pheebs, but selfless good deeds don't exist. Okay? And you the deal on Santa Clause right?
Phoebe: I'm gonna find a selfless good dead. I'm gonna beat you, you evil genius.
(Ross's phone rings and he answers it.)
Ross: (on phone) Hello.
Emily: (on phone from London) Hello, Ross?
Ross: Emily? Emily! Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Emily! (He picks up a lamp and hands it to Chandler, for no reason.) It's Emily everyone! Shush-shush-shhst! (to Emily) Hi!
Emily: Ross, I'm only ringing to say stop harassing my relatives. Good-bye!
Ross: No wait! Look, wait! Okay, you can hang up, but I'm gonna keep calling! I'm gonna, I'm gonna call everyone in England if that's what it takes to get you to talk to me!
Emily: Really? About what?
Ross: Look you're my wife. We're-we're married. Y'know? I-I love you. I-I really miss you.
Emily: I miss you to. Well, at least I think I do.
Ross: (to the gang, whispering) She's talking.
All: (subdued) Yay! (He motions for them to keep quiet, including Chandler who is still holding the lamp Ross handed him, before he goes off to talk to Emily in private.)
Phoebe: Hey, Joey, when you said the deal with Santa Clause, you meant?
Joey: That he doesn't exist.
Phoebe: Right. (She turns and opens her eyes in shock.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
Rachel: So Chandler, have you heard about Monica's secret boyfriend?
Chandler: Uhh, yeah. She uh, she uh, she uh might've mentioned him.
Rachel: So Mon, when are we gonna meet this new secret waiter man?
Monica: Ohh, he's really shy. I-I don’t think he's up to meeting everyone yet.
Chandler: Yeah, I don't think he's up to meeting everyone yet.
Rachel: I don’t care! I wanna meet this guy who's the best sex she ever had!
(Chandler is quite pleased with that statement.)
Chandler: Really?! That's what you heard? (To Monica) You said that?
Monica: I might've said that. (Chandler laughs.) Why is that funny?
Chandler: Because I'm very happy for him! (To Monica) And you, you lucky dog!
Ross: (entering) Hi!
Monica: Hey!
Ross: Well, Emily's willing to work on the relationship.
Chandler: Yes!
Monica: That's great!
Ross: In London!
Monica: What?!
Ross: She wants me to move to London.
Monica: But you live here! (Ross rolls his eyes.) You know that.
Rachel: What-what-what are you gonna do?
Ross: I bet if I talk to Carol and Susan I can convince them to move to London with Ben.
Monica: Yeah, I'm sure your ex-wife will be more than happy to move to another country so you can patch things up with your new wife.
Ross: It could happen.
[Scene: Unitel Video, Studio 55, Joey's telethon, he is being shown around by the stage director.]
Joey: (To the pledge volunteers) How ya doin'? Welcome. Good to see ya!
Stage Director: This will be your phone.
Joey: That's great. But uh, I'm not really expecting a lot of calls.
Stage Director: No you answer it and take pledges.
Joey: But I'm the host!
Stage Director: No, Gary Collins is the host. You'll be answering the phones.
Joey: You don't seem to understand. See, I was Dr. Drake Remoray.
Stage Director: Well, here's your phone doctor. (She walks away.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are there.]
Phoebe: I cannot believe I can't find a selfless good deed! Y'know that old guy that lives next to me? Well, I snuck over there and-and raked up all the leaves on his front stoop. But he caught me and force-fed me cider and cookies. Then I felt wonderful. That old jackass!
Rachel: Maybe Joey's right. Maybe all good deeds are selfish.
Phoebe: I will find a selfless good deed! 'Cause I just gave birth to three children and I will not let them be raised in a world where Joey is right!
Chandler: (entering) Hey, Monica? Can I ask you a cooking question?
Monica: Sure!
Chandler: If you're cooking on the stove, does that mean that your new secret boyfriend is better in bed than Richard?
Rachel: Chandler! (Pause) Is he?
Monica: Well, y'know I-I-I think I'm gonna respect the privacy of my new secret boyfriend.
Chandler: Why?! I mean if this guy was me and it was me who had learned that it was me who was the best you'd ever had, I'd be going like this. (He jumps up onto the table and starts doing his happy dance.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, he's on the phone with Emily.]
Ross: All right Emily, as much as I love you, I'm sorry, I can't move to London without Ben.
Emily: I understand that would be difficult.
Ross: Yeah, would you please consider moving here? I mean you were gonna move here anyway, why can't you just do that?
Emily: I don't know, it's just…
Ross: Oh-oh-okay, but-but I know, that even though I've been a-a complete idiot up 'til now, I mean, I mean you-you-you have to come here. You have to come here so we can work this out.
Emily: All right.
Ross: All right, did you just say all right?
Emily: I did. Now I'm the idiot.
Ross: Oh, Emily that is, that is so great. It's gonna be so great! We're gonna be like-like-like two idiots in love!
(She laughs.)
Emily: Ross, there's one thing that really scares me still.
Ross: Yes, tell me.
Emily: Well, you have to understand how humiliating it was for me up on that altar in front of my entire family, all my friends.
Ross: I know. I am, I am so sorry.
Emily: And then after decided to forgive you, seeing you at the airport catching our plane with her.
Ross: Again, very sorry.
Emily: I mean, I can't-I can't be in the same room as her! It drives me mad just thinking of you being in the same room as her!
Ross: Emily, there is nothing between Rachel and me. Okay? I love you.
Emily: All right. I'll come to New York and we'll try and make this work.
Ross: Oh that is so great! That's…
Emily: (interrupting him) As long as you don't see Rachel anymore.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is telling Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler about Emily's ultimatum.]
Ross: So I asked Emily if she would come to New York, and she said yes.
Chandler: Yes!
Phoebe: Ooh-ohh!
Monica: Great!
Ross: No-no-no! Only if I promise never to see Rachel again.
Phoebe: Why?
Monica: What?! You can't—what did you tell her?
Ross: I told her I'd have to think about it. I mean, how the hell am I supposed to make this kind of a decision? (They're all quiet.) I'm actually asking you!
Chandler: Well, you can't just not see Rachel anymore, she's one of your best friends.
Monica: Yeah! But, he can't not exactly see Emily, I mean that's his wife.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Chandler: That's true!
Phoebe: Yeah, but you've known Rachel since High School and you cannot just cut her out of your life.
Chandler: That's true!
Monica: No, you cannot.
Ross: Thanks for the help, problem solved. (Wipes his hands.)
(The phone rings.)
Monica: (answering it) Hello.
Joey: (on phone) Hey Mon!
Monica: Oh hey Joey! We've been watching all day, when are you gonna be on TV?
Joey: See, there was kind of a mix up in my agent's office, but I'm still on TV and that's good exposure.
Monica: (Looking at the TV) You're not on TV.
Joey: Oh, uh, okay, how, how about now? (He waves his hand in front of the woman next to him and you can now see his arm on TV.)
Chandler: Hey, there he is! There he is!
Joey: Hello New York! (The woman bats his hand out of the way.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the chick and the duck are watching Emeril Live, a cooking show.]
Emeril: (on TV.) Now maybe you just like wanna but the whole duck in there! Who cares, y'know? Now I got the legs…
(Chandler enters and sees what they're watching, panics, and runs to turn off the TV.)
Chandler: How many times have I told you guys, you never watch the cooking channel!
Monica: (entering) Hi Chandler.
Chandler: Hey!
Monica: Uh, listen, I need that broiling pan that Joey borrowed the other day.
Chandler: Oh that was yours? Uh, yeah, we used it when the duck was throwing up caterpillars.
Monica: William Sonoma, fall catalog, Page 27.
Chandler: Expect it in 4-6 weeks. (She starts to leave.) Umm, hey, umm, Joey's gonna be at the telethon for the rest of the day, we have the whole place to ourselves.
Monica: Yeah, so?
Chandler: Well I just, thought maybe you'd wanna book some time with the best you'd ever had.
Monica: Y'know what, champ? I think I'll pass.
Chandler: Why?
Monica: Why? (She hops into the living room and imitates Chandler's happy dance.)
Chandler: What's your point?
[Scene: The Telethon, Joey's phone rings and he answers it.]
Joey: (in a bored voice) PBS telethon.
Phoebe: (on phone from Central Perk) Hey Joey, I just wanted to let you know that I found a selfless good deed. I just went down to the park and I let a bee sting me.
Joey: What?! What good is that gonna do anybody?
Phoebe: Well, it helps the bee look tough in front of his bee friends. The bee is happy and I am definitely not.
Joey: Now, y'know the bee probably died after he stung ya.
Phoebe: (Thinks for a moment.) Aw, dammit! (Slams the phone down.)
Stage Director: Back on in 30 seconds people!
(Joey gets up and moves to the other end of his row to talk to the guy sitting there.)
Joey: Hey, excuse me, would you mind switching with me?
PBS Volunteer: Hey, no way, I'm in the shot man.
Joey: Come on man! You've been here all day!
PBS Volunteer: Yeah, I-I'm taking pledges here, eh?
Stage Director: We're on in 3, 2, (points to Gary Collins.)
Gary Collins: Welcome back to our fall telethon. Now if you've been enjoying the performance of Cirque Du Soleil, (As he is speaking, Joey and the volunteer getting into a shoving match.) and you'd like to see more of the same kind of programming, it's very simple. All you have to do (Joey is knocked down.) is call in your pledge and at that time tell the operator, one of our volunteers, what kind of programming you'd like to… (Just as the volunteer sits down, Joey pulls him to the ground.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are cooking, Chandler is reading a magazine.]
Ross: (entering) Okay, that's it. I cannot make this decision! It is too difficult, so I'm just gonna leave it entirely to the gods of fate. (He holds up and starts shaking a…)
Monica: A Magic Eight ball?! You can't be serious, you can't make this decision with a toy!
Phoebe: Ooh, it's not a toy.
Ross: Well, I don't know what else to do. I mean, I either keep my wife and lose one of my-my-my best friends or I keep my friend and get divorced the second time before I'm 30! So-so if anyone has-has a better suggestion, let's hear it! 'Cause I-I got nothing! All right, don't be shy, any suggestion will do. (There are none.) Okay then. Here we go. Magic 8 Ball, should I never see Rachel again? (He turns it over and reads the answer) Ask again later. Later is not good enough. (He shakes it up again and reads the answer.) Ask again later. What the hell! This is broken! It-it is broken!
Monica: All right, let me see. (She grabs the 8 ball.) Will Chandler have sex tonight? (Reads the answer.) Don't count on it. Seems like it works to me.
[Scene: The Telethon, Joey answers his ringing phone.]
Joey: (in an unenthusiastic voice) PBS Telethon.
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi Joey.
Joey: Hey Pheebs!
Phoebe: I would like to make a pledge. I would like to donate $200.
Joey: $200? Are you sure Pheebs? I mean, after what Sesame Street did to ya?
Phoebe: Oh, I'm still mad at them but I also now that they bring happiness to lots of kids who's moms didn't kill themselves, so by supporting them, I'm doing a good thing, but I'm not happy about it. So there, a selfless good deed.
Joey: And you don't a little good about donating the money?
Phoebe: No, it sucks. I was saving up to buy a hamster.
Joey: A hamster? What, those things are like 10 bucks.
Phoebe: Yeah, not the one I had my eye on.
Gary Collins: (on TV.) It looks like we have surpassed last year's pledge total! Thank you viewers! The pledge that did it was taken by one of our volunteers…(He walks over to where Joey is sitting.) Oh boy! And may I say one of our sharpest dressed volunteers, (Joey stands up.) Mr. Joseph Tribbiani!
Phoebe: Oh, look-look, Joey's on TV! Isn't that great? My pledge got Joey on TV! Oh that makes me feel—Oh no! (Realizes that her deed made her happy and therefore it's selfish and covers her mouth in horror.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later that day. Monica is coming out of the bathroom carrying her cleaning gear.]
Chandler: (entering) Look, maybe I got carried away before. But there's something you gotta know. If I'm the best, it's only because you've made me the best.
Monica: Keep talking.
Chandler: I mean I was nothing before you. Call the other girls and ask. Which wouldn't take long. But when I'm with you, and we're together, OH…MY…GOD.
Monica: Really?
Chandler: Oh-aw my God! Now, I understand if you never want to sleep with me again, but that would be wrong. We're too good! We owe it, to sex!
Monica: Well, if we owe it? (She throws down her cleaning stuff and jumps into his arms.) Oh my… When is Joey gonna be home?
Chandler: Well, I was kinda hoping we could do this without him. (She starts to take off her latex gloves.) Oh no-no-no, leave the gloves on.
Monica: But, I just cleaned the bathroom.
Chandler: Yeah, why don't we lose the gloves.
Monica: Yeah. (She takes them off.)
(He carries her over to the door and opens it.)
Chandler: All right, let's show them how it's done.
Monica: Okay.
(He starts to carry her into the hallway but hits her head on the door.)
Monica: Ow!
Chandler: Y'know that wasn't part of it?
Monica: I know!
(He carries her into the hall.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is prying at the Magic 8 Ball with a screwdriver as there's a knock on his door which he goes to answer.]
Rachel: (entering) Hi! Are you ready? We're gonna be late!
Ross: For what?
Rachel: For Stella! Remember? She's gettin' her grove back in like 20 minutes.
Ross: Yeah, I uh, totally forgot about that. You mind if I take a rain check? I'm waiting for a call from Emily.
Rachel: Sure. I guess. Hey, I hear you don't have to go to London. Yay!
Ross: It's not that easy, there's still a lot of relationship stuff.
Rachel: Like what?
Ross: Just stuff. Y'know kinda what Emily wants.
Rachel: Well, why don't you talk to me about it, maybe I can help.
Ross: No. No. You-you can't help. I mean, I kinda have to do this without your help.
Rachel: Well, I-I know you can do that too. I'm just, I'm just saying if you need somebody to talk to… Hi!
Ross: Thanks.
Rachel: Ross? Look, whatever this relationship stuff that Emily wants, just give it to her. Come on, the bottom line here is that you love her. So just fix whatever she wants fixed. Just do it. (The phone starts ringing.) I mean, you're gonna have to try. You'll just gonna hate yourself if you don't. (The phone keeps ringing.) Oh come on answer it! It's driving me crazy!
Ross: (answering the phone.) Hello. (Listens) Hi sweetie. (Listens.) Good. Look umm, yes I've been thinking about that thing that you wanted me to do and, I can do it. (Rachel gives him a thumbs up.) So will you come to New York? (Rachel wants to know what she said, and he gives her a thumbs up and she goes over and hugs him. All the time not knowing what's going on.)
Ending Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, ??????? is playing, as Chandler peaks his head out of the storage closet and sneaks back to his seat and pretends he's reading something. Then a short while later Monica pokes her head out of the closet and sneaks back to her seat and sits down, pretending as if nothing has happened.]
Monica: Never done that before.
Chandler: Nope.
End

Friends S5EP03 英文剧本（Free scripts)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 04:49:00 -0700

The One Hundredth

Written by: Marta Kauffman & David Crane

Transcribed by: Eric Aasen

[Scene: The Hospital, Phoebe is arriving with Ross, Joey, and Rachel in tow.]
Phoebe: (to the nurse) Hi.
Nurse: Hi.
Phoebe: Hi, yeah, hi! I'm umm, Phoebe Buffay, and I have babies coming out of me.
Nurse: Okay. Have you started having contractions?
Phoebe: Not yet. Umm, I heard they really hurt, do they hurt?
Nurse: Well…
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Ross: It's all right.
Nurse: Now, which of you is the father? (Points to Joey and Ross)
Phoebe: Oh no, none of them are the father. The father is my brother.
Nurse: (not sure what to do with that) Okay…
Rachel: I am so gonna miss watching you freak people out like that!
Joey: Okay, uh Pheebs, quick. Look! This (His video camera) is for the babies to look at someday, so is-is there anything you want to say? Y'know before it all starts?
Phoebe: Oh, okay, umm, hi kids! Um, it's me, Aunt Phoebe. I can't wait to see you. Please don't hurt me!
(Monica and Chandler come running in.)
Ross: Hey, what took you guys so long? Your cab left when ours did!
(There's a pause as they figure out what to say.)
Monica: Well, we-we had to go back because I forget my jacket.
Chandler: That's right.
(Both Rachel and Ross stare at her for a moment.)
Rachel: You-you're not wearing a jacket.
Monica: Oh man! I did it again!
Phoebe: (standing up) Okay, so umm, somebody has to call Frank and Alice. (As she is talking Joey is sticking the camera under her skirt.) And then my mom wants to know-(notices Joey)-Joey, what are you doing?!
Joey: I gotta get the before shot!
(She shakes her head no.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: The delivery room, Rachel and Ross are entering.]
Rachel: Hi, Pheebs? Okay, so just spoke to the nurse and the reason that your doctor is late is because uh, she's not coming.
Phoebe: What?!
Ross: Apparently she fell in the shower and hit her head.
Phoebe: Oh my God, she's so stupid!
Ross: Look, Pheebs-Pheebs, it's gonna be okay.
Phoebe: That's easy for you to say, I don't see three kids coming out your vagina!
Rachel: Honey, listen, y'know what? The nurse said the doctor is wonderful.
Ross: Yeah, he's head of the department.
Phoebe: All right—Ooh! Oh dead God, save me!
Monica: What?
Phoebe: I'm having my first contraction!
Chandler: Oh no.
Phoebe: Ooh, it's not bad.
Chandler: Okay.
Joey: Oh! (In an announcer type voice) And so the miracle of life begins, and aaiiyyyeeee! (He grabs his side and doubles over in pain.)
Chandler: Hey! You okay?
Joey: Ooh, something hurts!
Phoebe: Ooh, it's sympathy pains. Ohh, that's so sweet!
Joey: Are they? I didn't know I cared that much.
(The doctor, Dr. Harad, enters.)
Ross: Hello.
Dr. Harad: Hi! Phoebe, I'm Dr. Harad, I'm going to be delivering your babies. I want you to know, you're gonna be in good hands. I've been doing this for a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal, in the meantime, just relax because everything here looks great. And also, I love Fonzie. (Exits)
Chandler: Did he just say, he loves Fonzie?
Monica: That's what it sounded like.
Chandler: All right…
Frank: (entering) Hey!
All: Hey!
Frank: (To Phoebe) Hey! Am I late? Am I late? Nobody came out yet, right?
Phoebe: No-no-no! We haven't started yet. Where's Alice?
Frank: Uh, Delaware. She's on her way though, so until she gets here, I'm gonna be your coach. But don't worry, she told me all about the la-Mazada stuff.
Chandler: Yeah, that's when if you get the babies out by the end of the month, they give you 2% financing.
Frank: Yeah.
[Scene: The waiting room, Monica and Joey are sitting there.]
Rachel: (entering) Monica? You gonna be very proud of me. I just got us dates with two unbelievably cute nurses.
Joey: Oh my!
Rachel: They're male nurses.
Joey: Not in my head.
Rachel: Anyway, they want to take us out Saturday night! What do you say?
Monica: Umm. (Looks at Chandler who is using the phone.) Umm. Umm. I don't think so.
Rachel: What? What are you talking about?! You-you're the one who's been telling me to get over Ross and move on. I'm moving on, and you're moving on with me. Come on, give me one good reason why you don't wanna go.
Monica: Umm, why don't you give me something that would be a good reason and-and then I'll tell you if it's true.
Rachel: What?
Monica: Harder than it sounds. Isn't it?
Rachel: Okay, you're coming with me, and I also told them that if we're still here when they get off that we'll go down to the cafeteria and have some Jell-O with them.
Joey: (in a sexy voice) Yep! There's always room for Jell-O…
Rachel: Joey, how do you make that dirty?
Joey: Oh, it's easy. Yeah, I-I can do it with anything. Watch uh, (snaps his fingers and in a sexy voice) Grandma's chicken salad…
[Scene: The delivery room, Chandler, Frank, and Ross are with Phoebe.]
Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies… (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.)
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I'm having another one! This one doesn't hurt either—Ooh, yes it does! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! (Checks under the blanket.) Oh, I was kinda hoping that was it.
Ross: Hey, where are Monica and Rachel anyway?
Joey: Oh, a couple of nurses asked them out. Maybe they're with them.
Chandler: Really? Male nurses?
Joey: Yeah, I was bummed too.
Chandler: So they're going on dates? When?
Joey: I think Saturday—(groans in pain again).
Frank: (To Phoebe) What's with him?
Phoebe: Umm, sympathy pains. I thought it was really sweet at first, but now I think he's just trying to steal my thunder.
Dr. Harad: (entering) Okay!
Phoebe: Hey.
Dr. Harad: Let's see what we got here. Ohh, y'know, Fonzie dated triplets.
Chandler: This-this Fonzie person you keep referring too, is that uh, is that another doctor?
Dr. Harad: Oh no-no-no. Fonzie is the nickname of Arthur Fonzerelli. The Fonz.
Chandler: All right.
(Dr. Harad exits.)
Frank: It's not that weird, is it?
Phoebe: It's very weird! I don't want some guy down there telling me, I'm y'know, dilatedamundo!
Ross: To be fair, he doesn’t seem to be impersonating Fonzie…
Phoebe: (interrupting) What are you doing?!! Why are you defending him?! Just get me another doctor! One who is not crazy and who is not Fonzie!
Ross: Again, it's not that he…
(Phoebe fakes pain to get Ross looking for another doctor.)
[Scene: The waiting room, Chandler is looking for Monica.]
Chandler: (spotting her) Oh-hey-hey-hey! There you are!
Monica: Umm, listen there's something I think you should know.
Chandler: Oh, is this about you-you dating the nurse? Yeah, Joey already told me, and I am so-so fine. I mean, you and I we're just, y'know, we're nothing, we're goofin' around.
Monica: Umm, actually I was about to tell you that I was, I was going to get out of it, but hey, if we're just goofing around then uh, maybe I will go out with him.
Chandler: Fine! Maybe I will too!
Joey: (entering from the elevator caring gifts for the kids) Hey, you guys! Look what I found in the giiiiiiift shop. (He doubles over in pain in front an old man in a wheel chair.) Get up! Get up! Get up! (The old man waves him away.)
[Scene: The delivery room, Ross has returned with another doctor. This one, is well, younger.]
Ross: Okay, Phoebe, this Dr. Oberman. He has no strong feelings about Fonzie or any of the Happy Days gang.
Phoebe: Hi! And you're going into what grade?
Dr. Oberman: Umm, I'm actually a first year resident, but I get that a lot, you see, I-I graduated early…
Phoebe: (interrupting) Uh-huh, me too. Ross, maybe I should've specified that I'd be needing a grown up doctor.
Dr. Oberman: Oh no, I'm fully qualified to…
Phoebe: Shh! Doogie, shh! Doesn't anybody understand that I'm gonna be having babies soon? Huh? Go! Go little boy, go!
(He runs out and Frank watches him go.)
Frank: Oh cool! You made him cry!
[Scene: Another hospital room, Joey has now been admitted and his doctor is about to break the bad news to him, Monica, and Chandler.]
Joey's Doctor: Mr. Tribbiani, I'm afraid you've got kidney stones.
Joey: Umm, well, what else could it be?
Joey's Doctor: It's kidney stones.
Joey: Or?
Joey's Doctor: Kidney stones!
[Scene: The delivery room, Dr. Harad is back and checking on Phoebe.]
Dr. Harad: All right, you're getting there. Oh, and y'know, these babies are very, very lucky.
Phoebe: They are. Why?
Dr. Harad: They have the honor of being born on The Fonz's half-birthday.
Phoebe: Happy birthday!
Dr. Harad: Just-just to clarify, I'm not Fonzie. (Phoebe nods in agreement as he leaves.)
Rachel: Honey, y'know I just gotta tell you, I think this is such a terrific thing you're having these babies for Frank and Alice.
Phoebe: I know, it is.
Rachel: Yeah!
Phoebe: Can I tell you a little secret?
Rachel: Yeah!
Phoebe: I want to keep one. (Giggles in excitement.)
Rachel: Ohh, I'm gonna be on the news!
Commercial Break
[Scene: The delivery room, continued from earlier.]
Rachel: Okay, Phoebe, honey, you gotta be kidding. I mean, you know you cannot keep one of these babies!
Phoebe: Why not?! Maybe I can, you don't know!
Rachel: Yes! Yes! Yes, I do! I do know! Frank and Alice are gonna want to keep all of their children!
Phoebe: Maybe not! Y'know? Seriously, three babies are a handful maybe they're y'know, looking for a chance to unload one of them. Listen, I-I hate to miss an opportunity just because I didn't ask! Y'know?
Rachel: Phoebe, no! This is, this is insane.
Phoebe: Oh, just ask him!
Rachel: Me?!
Phoebe: I can't ask him! Do you have any idea how inappropriate that would be?! All I'm saying is just talk to Frank. Okay? Just, y'know, feel him out!
Rachel: No! Forget it! I am not gonna ask Frank to give you one of his kids!!
Phoebe: You're right.
(There's an awkward silence then suddenly Phoebe gets an idea.)
Phoebe: Tell him it's for you.
[Scene: Joey's room, his doctor, Chandler, and Monica are there.]
Monica: Feeling a little better sweetie?
Joey: Well, maybe a little. I wish you hadn't seen me throw up.
Monica: Me too.
Ross: (entering) Hey! I just heard. What's up?
Joey's Doctor: Kidney stones! Now, ordinarily Mr. Tribbiani, we try to break up the stones up with shock waves, but they're to close to the bladder now. Which means we can either wait for you to pass them or else go up the urethra…
Joey: (interrupting) Whoa-whoa! No-no-no-no-no, nothing is going up! Okay? Up, up is not an option—what's a urethra? (Monica whispers what it is in his ear.) Are you crazy?!
[Scene: The delivery room, Rachel and Frank are there.]
Phoebe: (To Rachel) So did you ask him?
Rachel: No, I haven't had a chance to be alone with him yet.
Phoebe: Well, I'm kinda on a clock here.
Dr. Harad: (laughing) Oh Fonzie.
Rachel: Y'know who I always liked? Mork.
(Dr. Harad drops what he's doing and stares at her.)
Phoebe: Undo it. Undo it. Undo it.
Dr. Harad: Fonzie met Mork. Mork froze Fonzie.
Rachel: Yeah, but umm… Yes, but, Fonzie was already cool, so he wasn't hurt, right?
Dr. Harad: Yeah, that's right.
Monica: (entering with Chandler) Hey!
Phoebe: Hi!
Monica: (To Phoebe) How are you doing?
Phoebe: Okay, doctor says any minute now.
Frank: Hey, y'know, Alice is gonna be here so soon, you couldn't just like do me a favor and like, like hold them in?
Phoebe: Sorry Frank, I'm kinda in the middle of the last favor you asked me to do.
(A male nurse enters.)
Male Nurse: Hey!
Rachel: Hi!
Male Nurse: Rachel.
Rachel: Monica, this is Dan (points to him), one of the guys that we're gonna be going out with on Saturday. (Mouths "He's yours." to her.) Uh Dan, Monica.
Dan: Nice to meet you.
Monica: Hello Dan! I'm really looking forward to Saturday night! Really, really!
Chandler: So Dan, nurse not a doctor huh? Kinda girlie isn't it?
Monica: Chandler!
Dan: Nah that's okay. I'm just doing this to put myself through medical school.
Chandler: Oh.
Dan: And it didn't feel so girlie during the Gulf War.
Chandler: Sure. (Pause) And listen, thanks for doing that for us, by the way. (Retreats in defeat.)
Monica: So, why wait 'til Saturday, are you free tomorrow?
Dan: Sure! I'll get somebody to cover my shift.
Monica: Oh, great!
Chandler: (to another female nurse) Hey, how 'bout it? You, me, Saturday night?
Delivery Room Nurse: No.
Chandler: All right. Very good.
Phoebe: Oo, this is a big one. Eww! Arghhhh!!
[Cut to Joey's room, who's going throw his own contractions. Plus, he has Ross in a headlock.]
Joey: Ohh, get these things out of me!
Ross: Breathe! Breathe! Breathe throw the pain.
(Joey starts breathing hard)
Joey: I want the drugs Ross, I want the drugs! (He starts rocking back and forth, taking Ross with him.)
Ross: I do too! I do too!
Joey: Argh!
Ross: Argh!
Joey: Argh!
Ross: Argh!
[Scene: The waiting room, Frank is on the phone as Rachel approaches.]
Frank: Yeah, I love you. Okay, bye! (To Rachel) Hi!
Rachel: Hi!
Frank: That was Alice's mom, she said she left five hours ago. She should be here by now!
Rachel: Oh, honey, don’t worry. She's gonna make it on time.
Frank: Yeah.
Rachel: Yeah. So Frank, three babies. Whew, that just seems like a lot, huh?
Frank: (laughs) Not to me.
Rachel: Yeah, fair enough.
[Scene: The delivery room, later on, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Frank are there as Dr. Harad is checking out Phoebe.]
Dr. Harad: Okay, you're at ten centimeters. Time to start having some babies. All right, I want only the father in here please.
(They all kiss her and wish her luck.)
Monica: Bye Dan!
Dan: Uh, bye Monica.
Chandler: Bye, momi-moo.
(Everyone except Frank leaves.)
Dr. Harad: All right, I need a clamp, sterile towel, and channel 31.
Phoebe: What is that?
(Dan turns on the TV and the Happy Days theme song comes on.)
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Dr. Harad: Oh, no-no-no, it's a good one! Fonzie plays the bongos. All right, are you ready? It's time to start pushing.
[Cut to Joey's room, his doctor and Ross are there.]
Joey's Doctor: Are you ready? It's time to try peeing. (Joey makes a face like he is trying to pee.) Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! It's almost time to try peeing. (Points at the bottle Joey is to pee into.)
[Cut to the delivery room.]
Dr. Harad: Okay, now push! That's it push! Just concentrate on pushing! Yeah, here we go!
Dan: I see the head.
Frank: Yes, it has a head!
Dr. Harad: All right. Keep pushing! Come on!
Frank: I can't believe there's somebody coming out of you right now. There's somebody coming out of you! Is it? Is it? It's my son.
Dr. Harad: All right. Here's your first baby.
[Cut to the waiting room, a triumphant Frank rushes in.]
Frank: YESSSSS!!!!! We got a baby boy!!
Chandler: Yes!
Frank: Frank Jr. Jr.!!
Rachel: Oh, how does he look? How does he look?
Frank: So gross! (He runs back to the delivery room.)
[Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is about to give birth to the middle kid.]
Dr. Harad: Okay. You ready to push again?
Phoebe: I already had a baby. Leave me alone.
Frank: Okay, okay, come on, you can do it. You can do it!
(Phoebe screams in pain, and Frank screams with her.)
[Cut to the waiting room, a twice triumphant Frank returns.]
Frank: Yeah!! Little Leslie is here! We got another one! Oh my God, I can't believe I have two-two children. How scary is that? (He returns to the delivery room.)
[Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is at it for the last time.]
Frank: Come on little Chandler, it's time to be born. Come on little Chandler! Come on!
Dr. Harad: All right, he's coming. He's coming!
(They both stare at the newborn.)
Frank: Hey, where's his thing?
[Cut to the waiting room, a thrice triumphant Frank returns again.]
Frank: Chandler's a girl!
Chandler: Oh God, kindergarten flashback.
Frank: They musta read the sonogram wrong. 'Cause they, 'cause they thought it was a boy, but Chandler's a girl! Chandler's a girl!
Chandler: Okay, keep saying it!
Alice: (running in from the elevator) Am I too late?!
Frank: No-no ah, everything's okay. Everybody's healthy there's 30 fingers and 30 toes.
Alice: We have our babies?
Frank: Yeah.
Alice: (Starting to cry) Oh, we have our babies.
(They hug. And quickly that hug turns into a heated make out session, right there on the waiting room couch. Chandler, Rachel, and Monica quickly make their exits.)
[Scene: Joey's room, he is recovering from his birth.]
Joey: Oh my God.
Ross: You did it, man.
Joey's Doctor: Would you like to see them? (He hands Joey a little jar.)
Joey: They're so small! (Both he and Ross look at them with satisfied looks on their faces.)
[Scene: A hallway, Monica and Dan are talking.]
Dan: So, I'll call you tomorrow.
Monica: Great!
(Dan leaves as Chandler enters.)
Chandler: So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man?
Monica: Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not goof around with him.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary… Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this.
Monica: I think you're better than you think you are.
Chandler: Really? Okay, so…
Monica: (interrupting) Know when to stop.
Chandler: Y'know, I sensed that I should stop. So we're okay?
Monica: Yeah. All right, I'm gonna go tell Dan that it's not gonna happen. (They kiss and as she starts to leave, Chandler starts to dance. Without turning around.) Don't do the dance.
Chandler: Right!
[Scene: The delivery room, everyone except Rachel is there. Phoebe, Monica, and Ross are holding the babies.]
Monica: I think you're my favorite.
Phoebe: Which one do you have?
Monica: I don't care.
Rachel: (entering) Hi. (To Phoebe) Hey, hi! So uh, Frank and Alice wanted me to tell you that they're still outside making phone calls.
Phoebe: But umm, I mean, did you talk to them about, y'know…
Rachel: Yeah, umm, no honey.
Phoebe: Oh. It was a long shot. Hey, you guys can I just like have a second alone with the babies.
All: Yeah, sure yeah. Yeah.
(They hand her the babies and leave them alone.)
Phoebe: So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! (Imitates the high fives.) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! (One of the babies begins to cry.) Well, if you're gonna cry. (She starts crying.)
Ending Credits
[Scene: The delivery room, everyone is hanging out with Phoebe. Frank, Alice, and the kids aren't there.]
Monica: Phoebe, we are so proud of you! You're amazing!
Phoebe: I know.
Rachel: So does it really hurt as bad as they say?
Phoebe: Yeah. You won't be able to take it.
Chandler: So uh, now that little Chandler turned out to be a girl, what are they gonna name her?
Phoebe: They're gonna call her Chandler.
Chandler: That's kind of a masculine name, don't you think?
Phoebe: Works on you.
End

Friends S5EP02 英文剧本（Free scripts)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 04:35:00 -0700

The One With All The Kissing

Written by: Wil Calhoun

Transcribed by: Eric Aasen

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's Bathroom, Chandler and Monica are sharing a candlelight bubble bath while drinking champagne and they clink their glasses.]

Monica: You look cute in bubbles.

Chandler: Ehh, you're just liquored up.

(They move into kiss but are interrupted by Joey knocking on the door.)

Joey: Hey, it's me! I'm comin' in!

(Monica quickly dives under the water as Joey enters. He looks a little shocked at what Chandler's doing.)

Chandler: I've had a very long, hard day.

Joey: Ahh, I'm gonna go get some chicken. Want some?

Chandler: Ahh, no thanks. No chicken, bye-bye then.

Joey: Okay.

(Joey turns to leave but stops at the door.)

Joey: You sure? Some extra crispy? Dirty rice? Beans?

Chandler: For the last time no! Get out! Get out, Joey!

Joey: All right!

(Joey leaves and Monica comes up for air.)
Chandler: Are you okay? I'm so sorry, he wouldn't leave. He kept asking me about chicken.

Monica: Chicken? I could eat some chicken.

Chandler: Hey Joe!

(Monica goes back underwater as Joey re-enters.)

Chandler: Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some cole slaw, some beans, and a Coke-(Yelps in

pain as Monica grabs him underwater)-Diet Coke.

(Joey gives him a thumbs up and heads for the chicken.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are eating breakfast.]

Phoebe: (entering) Hey!

Chandler: Hey, Pheebs!

Joey: Mornin' Pheebs!

Phoebe: I have to tell you this story. Okay, I was coming over here and this driver…

Joey: (interrupting) Was his name Angus? (Monica and Chandler laugh.)

Phoebe: What?

Joey: Oh, he was this cab driver we had in London.

Phoebe: Oh. Ha-ha-ha. All right, anyway…

Monica: Wait, what that place, that pub he took us too?

Chandler: Uh, The Wheatsheaf.

Joey: Yeah-yeah-yeah, and they had that beer! That uh…

Monica: Bodington's!

All: Bodington's! Woohoo! (And they all high-five each other.)

Chandler: Ooh! Ahh, Pheebs, was gonna tell a story.

Phoebe: Yeah, so, he had a really funny hat—I don't want to talk about it.

Ross: (entering) Hey!

All: Hey!

Joey: Hey, Ross, Bodington's!

Ross: Yeah! (They high-five.)

Joey: That was good beer.

Ross: Ohh…

Joey: Y'know, I'd walk back to London for another frosty one of those bad boys.

Ross: Y'know, I think they have those at that British pub near the trade center.

Joey: Later! (Exits.)

Ross: Isn't Rachel supposed to be back by now?

Monica: Yeah, but her plane got delayed in Athens. But actually, (Checks watch) she should be here by now.

Ross: Oh, so-so you talked to her. Did she, did she sound mad?

Monica: No, but she likes me. You abandoned her on a plane to Greece.

Ross: Okay, I did not abandon Rachel! Okay? Emily showed up at the airport! I had to go after her! I mean, I-I did what I had to do! She's my wife! Rachel is my wife! Y'know—Emily! Emily, is my wife! Man, what is that?

Phoebe: So you still hadn't heard from Emily?

Ross: No, not since I lost her at the airport.

Chandler: I can't believe she can out run you man!

Ross: HEY, SHE'S FAST!! OKAY?!! (Chandler is so shocked at Ross's outburst that he drops his spoon and backs up) Oh! You-you think you can be beat me? Let's go! Outside!!

Rachel: (entering) Hi!

All: Hey! (They all go hug her, except for Ross.)

Ross: Rach, Rach, I am so sorry. I am so-so sorry.

Rachel: Oh Ross, come on! You just did what you had to do.

Ross: That's it? You're not mad? I mean, it must've been terrible.

Rachel: Terrible? Hell, I was in Greece! That was a nice hotel! Nice beach, met the nice people. Not to shabby for Rachel. (Goes and puts her luggage away.)

Ross: So, what? That's it?

Rachel: Well, yeah! We're cool. Totally cool.

Ross: Oh, thanks. Oh, you're the best. (They hug.)

Rachel: Oh no, you're the best.

Ross: (breaking the hug) Ohh, I gotta go to the flower store! (Runs to the door.) Check it out, no one will tell me where Emily is, so I'm gonna send 72 long-stem, red roses to Emily's parent's house, one for each day that I've known and loved her. That oughta get her talking to me again.

Chandler: Oh, Ross, when you make out card; be sure to make it out to, EM-I-LY.

(Ross bangs his fists together to tell Chandler off, like what was learned last season. Read about it here.)

Monica: Rach, that's great! It's so good that you had a good time in Greece!

Rachel: What?! I didn't have a good time in Greece! Ross abandoned me! Okay, I couldn't get a plane out, so I had to stay in their honeymoon suite with people coming up to me all the time going, "Oh, Mrs. Geller, why are you crying?" I mean, it was sooo humiliating. I felt like such an idiot! I mean, it's all my fault! And you know why, because I make very bad decisions.

Chandler: Oh that's not true.

Rachel: Yes it is! It is true! I went, I went after Ross in stupid London.

Phoebe: London is stupid! Stupid!

Rachel: Phoebe, you were right. I should've never gone to London, and from now on you make all of my decisions for me.

Phoebe: Oh… No, I did that for someone once and I'm not comfortable having that kind of power and control over someone's life.

Monica: I'll do it!

Rachel: That's fine. So Monica, you are now in control of my love life.

Chandler: Okay, I gotta go to work.

(He gets up and gives Monica a rather passionate kiss as Rachel and Phoebe look on in amazement. After the kiss ends, Chandler suddenly realizes what he just did, so he decides to do something rather rash.)

Chandler: And uh, Rachel, glad to have you back.

(He goes over and gives Rachel the same treatment he gave Monica, only Rachel is shocked.)

Chandler: Pheebs! (He goes over and kisses Phoebe, who is also stunned.) Always a pleasure. (And he struts out leaving the girls to stare at each other.)

[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Chandler and Joey are there looking at pictures from the trip to London.]

Monica: Oh, Rachel, sweetie, look, here's a really cute picture of Joey and you at the reception.

Rachel: Ohh, he's married! Ross is married. I can't—I still can't believe it. (Rachel grabs the picture from Monica)

Monica: Honey, sweetie, by the edges.

Rachel: I mean, y'know I'm just gonna have to accept it (She grabs the rest of the pictures)…

Monica: Ohh. (Monica covers her eyes in horror.)

Rachel: …I mean it's my fault.

Monica: Sweetie! Edges! Fingers! Smudgey! Pictures!

Rachel: Oh my God! (She licks the top picture and hands them back.)

Monica: Okay. That's okay. I-I know that you're very upset right now. I know, I know that wasn't about me.

Joey: (To Chandler) I bet it was about her a little.

Monica: If you would stop thinking about Ross for one minute you would notice that there are great guys everywhere! I mean, look! Look, Gunther! (Gunther turns to listen in.) I mean, he's nice, he's cute.

Rachel: Yeah, I guess Gunther is kinda…

Monica: (Interrupting) Oh, what about that guy over there? (She points at another guy and Gunther is deflated.) Remember? That is the guy you flirted with at the counter that time.

Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I don't know.

Monica: You're going to talk to him! Y'know what? We made a deal, I make your decisions and I say you're going to talk to him.

Rachel: All right, you're the boss. I guess I gotta do what you tell me.

Joey: Say that to him and you're golden. (She just glares at him.)

Phoebe: (entering) Hey!

Rachel: Hey!

Joey: Hey, Pheebs!

Monica: We got out pictures back from London. (Shows her one.) Here's all of us at the Tower of London.

Phoebe: (Grabs the pictures) Oh! Here we all are! Yeah, there's Ross and Joey and you and me. (She picks up a magic marker and draws herself in. Monica can't watch.)

Chandler: All right, y'know what, we've been talking about London too much haven't we?

Phoebe: No. I'm sorry. It's just 'cause I couldn't be there. 'Cause all I ever get to do now is pregnant stuff, it just bums me out.

All: Sorry.

(Rachel returns.)

Monica: What happened?

Rachel: Well, y'know, a little of this, a little of that. Got myself a date tomorrow night.

Monica: See, didn't I tell you?! You're getting over Ross already!

Rachel: Well…

(Gunther goes up to the guy and holds a sign that reads, "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.")

Gunther: (To the guy) Get out!

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler enters to find Monica waiting patiently for him. He closes the door and they start kissing.]

Monica: What took you so long?

Chandler: I got caught up and work, but I'm quitting tomorrow.

Monica: Oh, good.

(They start kissing and turn around so that Chandler is facing the door. And Chandler sees Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey walk in and quickly ends the kiss with Monica.)

Chandler: So, thanks for having me over! Rach. (Goes over, grabs her, and kisses her.) Pheebs. (After a moment while he decides how to kiss her around her belly, grabs her and kisses her.)

Joey: (Jumping out of his way) See ya!! (To the girls.) What the hell was that?!

Monica: Probably some y'know, European good-bye thing he picked up in London.

Rachel: That's not European!

Phoebe: Well, it felt French.

(Joey is intrigued.)

[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Rachel is returning from her date with Dave.]

Rachel: Oh God, I really had a good time!

Dave: Yeah, me too. (They reach her door.) So, I guess this is it.

Rachel: Yeah. Umm, unless you wanna come inside?

Dave: Yeah!

Rachel: Okay. Oh, uh, wait a minute, y'know what? I uh, I can't decide this. Umm, okay, just hold on a second.

Dave: Okay, yeah!

(She enters the apartment, leaving Dave in the hallway, to find Ross sitting on the couch with a big box.)

Rachel: Umm, hi!

Ross: Hi.

Rachel: Is Monica around? I-I have to ask her something.

Ross: She's doing her laundry.

Rachel: What's that? (Points to the box.)

Ross: It came in the mail today, it's uh, 72 long-stemmed red roses, one for each day that I've known and loved Emily, cut up into mulch!

Rachel: Oh, honey that's awful.

Ross: Oh, it's not so bad. Monica's gonna make potpourri! I think I'm gonna go wander out in the rain for a while.

Rachel: But, it's not raining.

Ross: I can't catch a break!

Rachel: Y'know what Ross? You're not going anywhere. You're gonna sit right here. I'm gonna make you a cup of tea and we're gonna talk this thing whole out. All right? (She goes out to talk to Dave) Hey, Dave!

Dave: Yeah?

Rachel: Umm, listen, I'm gonna need to take a rain check, my roommate is just really sick. Okay? Bye! (She goes back in to talk to Ross.) Honey, listen, I know, I know things seem so bad right now.

Monica: (Poking her head in) Rach? Can I talk to for just a minute? I-I dropped some socks.

Rachel: Yeah. (She goes out to join her in the hall and starts looking for the dropped socks.)

Monica: What is the matter with you?! Do you want to fall into the trap? Do you want to fall into the trap?!

Rachel: Ohh! You did not drop any socks!

Monica: I just ran into Dave and he told me that you blew him off! I mean, you listen to me! Now, I'm calling the shots! I say you leave Ross alone and go get Dave! What the hell were you trying to do?

Rachel: Well, ultimately, I was trying y'know, I-I wanted…tell him y'know, that I'm still in love with him.

Monica: (Gasps) What?!! You cannot tell him that!!

Rachel: Why? Why not?! People love to hear that!

Monica: I make the decisions, and I say no.

Rachel: Well, y'know what, no, you do not make my decisions because y'know what, you're fired.

Monica: You can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, "I'm not fired!" Ha!

Rachel: Well… (At a loss for words, she grabs some of Monica's laundry and throws it on the floor as a diversion to allow Rachel to run back inside and close the door. Monica chases her to find that Rachel had locked the door.)

Monica: Rachel!! Come on! Let me in!

Joey: (Poking his head out.) Havin' some trouble?

Monica: Rachel locked the door.

Joey: I'll kick that door in if you give me a little sugar.

Commercial Break

[Scene: The hallway, continued from earlier. Monica is still locked out.]

Monica: Rachel! Let me in! Rachel!

[Cut to inside the apartment, Ross decides to let Monica in and goes over and opens the door in mid-pound.]

Monica: Thank you. Rachel, can I talk to you outside for a sec?

Rachel: No.

Monica: I really need to talk to you.

Rachel: Well, then talk!

Monica: Okay, I will. Remember that thing that we just discussed that you wanted to do?

Rachel: Yes!

Ross: What thing?

Monica: Well, Rachel wants to take swing dance lessons. Which I think is a really stupid idea! It's dangerous, she's never gonna get what she wants, and who knows who she might (Turns to look at Ross) end up hurting.

Ross: Monica's right, swing dancing can be tricky. I'm gonna use the phone. I gotta cancel those five giant teddy bears I sent to Emily. (Looks at the rose mulch.) My God, think of the massacre.

Rachel: I'm gonna do it.

Monica: All right, Rachel, I know-I know you think I'm crazy, please, before you tell him you love him, just-just try to find one person who thinks this is a good idea. Because I bet you, you can't.

Rachel: But I…

Monica: Please!

Rachel: All right, fine.

(There's a loud bang on the door.)

Monica: Joey, I'm in!

Joey: (In tremendous pain) All right. Good deal.

[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there as Phoebe enters.]

All: Pheebs! Hey Pheebs!

Joey: Uh, okay, Pheebs?

Phoebe: Yeah?

Joey: Umm, y'know how the other day you were talking about how you didn't get to go to London and how you were kinda feeling left out?

Phoebe: Yeah?

Joey: All right, well, we felt really bad about that so we decided we should all take a little trip together!

Phoebe: Ohh, that's so nice! How great! Well, where? Where's the trip?!

Monica: Well, we thought we would all go to a picnic (Phoebe gasps), in Central Park!

Phoebe: (excited) Central…(not so excited) Park!

Joey: Yeah, all of us! All day!

Phoebe: That sucks! That's not a trip! I just came from the park! What are we gonna high five about at the stupid Central Park? "Well, it's right by my house, all right!"

Chandler: Well, I'm gonna go home and bask in the triumph of my Central Park idea. (Gets up to leave.)

Rachel: (stopping him) Hey-whoa-whoa-whoa!! Ho-ho-hold on a sec there, Mr. Kissey! Y'know, I've been meaning to talk to you about this whole, little, new European thing you got going on, and I just need to tell you that it makes me very uncomfortable and I just—y'know—stop it!

Chandler: I was just trying to bring a little culture to the group.

Phoebe: That's fine, just don't bring it in my mouth.

Monica: Makes me wanna puke! (Chandler looks at her, quizzically.)

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, and Joey are there as Ross enters with Phoebe.]

Ross: Hey everybody, Pheebs is here!

Joey: Phoebe!

Chandler: Hey, Pheebs!

Rachel: Phoebe, woo!

Phoebe: Okay, woo! Hi.

Chandler: Okay, Pheebs, we decided the picnic idea was a little… Y'know, it didn't have any… It-it, well it blew. So, we thought, that this afternoon that we would all go away for the whole weekend to, Atlantic City!

Phoebe: Ooh, Atlantic City! Oh, that's a great plan! Who's plan was that?

Joey: Mine!

Ross: Wait! It was my plan.

Joey: Nooo, I said we needed a new plan.

Ross: And, I came up with Atlantic City.

Joey: Which, is the new plan!

Monica: Okay, well, why don't we all meet upstairs in an hour?

Phoebe: Okay! Ooh-ahh, I'm gonna go pack. I'm gonna go pack my ass off!

(They all go pack except for Ross.)

Monica: Come on Rach, let's go.

Rachel: Yeah, y'know what? I'm-I'm gonna meet you upstairs in a minute.

Monica: No! Rachel, you didn't find anyone so you can't tell him.

Rachel: Well, y'know what, that doesn't matter.

Monica: Okay, Rachel, do you have any idea how painful it is to tell someone that you love them and not have them say it back?

Rachel: Yeah, I-I don't care.

Monica: Okay. I-I can't watch. (Leaves as sits down to read the paper.)

Rachel: What 'cha readin'?

Ross: The paper.

Rachel: Yeah, what's it about?

Ross: Events from around the globe.

Rachel: Okay. Uhh, Ross, y'know what, there's something that I-that I have to talk to you about and everybody's saying that I shouldn't tell you, but I think they're wrong. I mean, and you know how people can be wrong.

Ross: Sure. Once, at work I-I thought carbon dating was fossilized…

Rachel: Okay, Ross, I'm really trying to tell you something here.

Ross: Yeah.

Rachel: Okay.

Ross: Go ahead.

Rachel: Umm, okay, I think I'm-I'm just gonna-just gonna say it. Just gonna say it. Uhh, (pause) I'm still in love with you Ross.

(Ross is stunned.)

Ross: Wow. Umm… Huh… I'm-I'm not sure what to do with that right now.

(Rachel starts laughing hysterically.)

Ross: What? What? Was that a joke? 'Cause it's mean.

Rachel: (Laughing) I'm so dead serious. I'm totally serious.

Ross: Why are you laughing?

Rachel: Because (laughs), because, I just heard it. I heard it, and it's ridiculous! I mean, you're married. You're-you're married and it's just ridiculous, and it's like, it's like when said it, I sort of like, I floated up out of my body, y'know? And, and-and then I heard myself say it and then the floating Rachel (laughs) was like, "You are such an idiot!"

Ross: Well, well I am married. Even though I haven't spoken to my wife since the wedding.

Rachel: (laughs) I'm sorry, that's not funny.

Ross: Actually, it kinda is. My wife won't return my calls. I don't know where my wife is. (Laughs) "Hey Ross, where's the Mrs.?" Don't know!

Rachel: Oh God, ohh, okay, y'know what, do you think ah, do you think that you just forget that I told you this?

Ross: Well, I kinda half to. I mean, because the thing is…

Rachel: The thing is y'know, that you're married to Emily.

Ross: That is what the thing is.

Rachel: Ross, things aren't gonna be weird between us, right? I mean was that just the stupidest thing, me telling you that?

Ross: No. No. No, I'm-I'm glad you did. Look, if nothing else, it's-it's always great when someone tells you they love you.

Rachel: That's what I said! Thank you for being so nice. (They hug.)

Ross: No thank you for… Thank you.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is about ready to leave for Atlantic City.]

Ross: Okay, let's go!

Chandler: Atlantic City!

Phoebe: Atlantic City, baby! Let's roll some bones! Hey Joey, high-five for rolling bones!

(They high-five and howl, but Phoebe suddenly stops and the guys gasp and retreat in shock.)

Joey: Uh, Pheebs, you're leaking?

Monica: Oh my God! You're water broke!

The Guys: Ohh!

Phoebe: All right. Well, don't worry, I call shotgun! (She starts out the door.)

All: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Wait-wait!

Chandler: Pheebs! We have to take you to the hospital now!

Ross: Pheebs, Pheebs, the babies are coming now.

Rachel: High-five, the babies are coming! (They all high-five.)

Phoebe: Wait, wait, remember when my water broke? (They all high-five again.)

Ending Credits

[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, they are taking Phoebe to the hospital but Chandler and Monica hold back.]

Monica: I can't believe Phoebe's gonna have her babies!

Chandler: I know, it's beautiful. Amazing.

(They both kiss.)

Chandler: Y'know what else I can't believe? I had to kiss Phoebe and Rachel every time I left a room, I mean it's too bad they didn't see us having sex.

Monica: Do you know anything about women?

Chandler: No.

Monica: That's all right.

Chandler: Okay. (They kiss again.)

End

基弗-萨瑟兰将续演《24小时》第8季

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 17:32:00 -0700

昨天中午，著名影星基弗·萨瑟兰接受了本报记者的专访。前晚，梦工场3D动画《大战外星人》在香港举行亚洲首映礼，基弗·萨瑟兰作为英语原版配音演员出席活动。据悉，《大战外星人》将于3月31日在内地上映，比香港还早。

　　基弗·萨瑟兰之前以《24小时》中的杰克·鲍尔一角为观众熟知，作为一个全能的英雄“特工”在接受本报记者专访时，基弗·萨瑟兰透露，他将继续在热门反恐题材电视剧《24小时》第8季中扮演特工杰克·鲍尔，与各路恐怖分子展开殊死较量。

　　萨瑟兰表示，《24小时》第8季将于今年5月开拍，但其最终长度要取决于编剧的“笔功”。萨瑟兰饰演的鲍尔以果敢、智慧的形象深入人心，但萨瑟兰并不担心自己会因为出演鲍尔而被定型，他还没有过多考虑过自己以后的角色类型。

　　萨瑟兰还说，《24小时》能否长演不衰，还要依赖于编剧塑造角色的能力，“真正的压力在编剧方面”。

　　一年12个月中有10个月都是忙于《24小时》的工作上，老是沉湎于自己是一个英雄，回到现实时萨瑟兰是否会有无力感？基弗·萨瑟兰对此笑着否认：“无论是《24小时》中的杰克·鲍尔，还是《大战外星人》中的猛哥将军，我只当他们这两个角色是我的另外一个身份，对我来说，他们跟苹果、橘子没有什么区别，只是一种代号或者说符号。当我在电影世界里，我当然要告诉孩子们我们能全力击退敌人。但回到现实世界，我就是基弗·萨瑟兰。我不会感到任何困惑和无力感。 ”

　　基弗·萨瑟兰有多红？

　　基弗·萨瑟兰曾凭《24小时》赢得了2002年的金球奖和2006年的艾美奖最佳男主角奖，他是好莱坞第2377位留名星光大道的明星。他曾是茱莉亚·罗伯茨的未婚夫。对于美国大众来说，他跟前好友杰森·派屈克和前未婚妻茱莉亚·罗伯茨之间的三角恋情都比他的任何一部电影角色更印象深刻。

　　来自网络的一篇文章用调侃的语气狠狠地夸奖了基弗·萨瑟兰饰演的杰克·鲍尔：如果有什么东西用Google查不到的话，就去问杰克·鲍尔好了；在96个小时里，你都干了些啥——人家杰克·鲍尔杀了93个人，拯救了世界4次！(广州日报王振国)

Friends S5EP01 英文剧本（Free scripts)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 06:01:00 -0700

The One After Ross Says Rachel

Written by: Seth Kurland
Transcribed by: Eric Aasen

[Scene: Ross’s Wedding, continued from last season, the Minister is about to marry Ross and Emily.]

Minister: Friends. Family. We are gathered to celebrate here today the joyous union of Ross and Emily. (Time lapse) Now Ross, repeat after me. I Ross...

Ross: I Ross...

Minister: Take thee, Emily...

Ross: Take thee, Rachel...(All his friends have looks of shock on their faces. He realizes what he said. Quickly he says.) Emily. (A slight chuckle.) Emily.

Minister: (Looking and feeling awkward. he looks towards Emily.) Uhh...Shall I go on?

Rachel: (To the woman sitting in front of her) He-he said Rachel, right? Do you think I should go up there?

Emily: Yes, yes, do go on.

Minister: I think we’d better start again. Ross, repeat after me. I, Ross…

Ross: I, Ross…

Minister: Take thee, EM-I-LY…

Ross: Take thee, (Glares at the Minister) Emily. (Chuckles) Like there’d be anybody else. (Emily is glaring at him.)

Minister: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.

Ross: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death parts us. Really, I do. Emily. (Points at her.)

Minister: May I have the rings? (He is given the rings) Emily, place this ring on Ross’s finger as a symbol of your bond everlasting. (She jams the ring onto his finger) Ross, place this ring in Emily’s hand as a symbol of the love that encircles you forever.

Ross: Happy too.

Minister: Ross and Emily have made their declarations and it gives me great pleasure to declare them husband and wife.

Ross: Yay!

Minister: You may kiss the bride.

(He goes to kiss her, but she isn’t very receptive of the kiss. She keeps avoiding him, until Ross finally gets to kiss her on her cheek.)

Mrs. Geller: (To Mr. Geller) This is worse than when he married the lesbian.

(The band starts to play, and the recessional starts. Ross tries to take Emily’s hand, but she snatches it away from him.)

Emily: Just keep smiling.

Ross: Okay.

Joey: Well, that went well. Yeah.

Chandler: It could’ve been worse, he could’ve shot her.

(Ross and Emily make it to the lobby.)

Ross: (laughs) That uh, that was pretty funny. Wasn’t it?

(Emily gives him a forearm shot across the stomach.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: The Wedding reception, Ross and Emily are in the bathroom and Emily is yelling at him. Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are standing outside the doorway.]

Emily: (Yelling from inside the bathroom) You’ve spoiled everything! It’s like a nightmare! My friends and family are out there! How can I face them?! How can you do this to me?!

Joey: (To the gang) Hey, no matter what happens with Ross and Emily, we still get cake right?

Ross: (exiting the bathroom) That-that-that’s all right, no honey, you take your time sweetie. I’ll be right out here. (She slams the door in his face, to the gang) She’s just fixing her makeup.

Emily: I hate you!!

Ross: And, I love you!! (He walks into the living room)

Mr. Geller: Boy, bad time to say the wrong name, huh Ross?

Ross: That’s true, thanks dad. (To All) People should be dancing! Huh? Hey, this is a party! Come on! Joey, dance!! (He starts to dance but stops when no one else joins him.)

(Mrs. Waltham’s phone rings and she answers it.)

Mrs. Waltham: Yes, Waltham interiors.

Phoebe: (On the phone, in New York) Uh, hello, this is Ross Geller’s personal physician, Dr. Philange.

Mrs. Waltham: Who?

Phoebe: Yeah, I’ve discovered that Ross forgot to take his brain medicine, uh, now without it, uh, in the brain of Ross, uh women’s names are interchangeable, through-through no fault of his own.

Mrs. Waltham: Oh my God, Phoebe.

Phoebe: No, not Phoebe, Dr. Philange. Oh no! You have it too!

(Mrs. Waltham hangs up on her.)

Phoebe: Hello?

(Cut to Chandler and Monica at the buffet table.)

Chandler: Hey.

Monica: Hey.

Chandler: Oh wow, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way but, I know we had plans to meet up tonight and, ugh, I’m just kinda worried about what it might do to our friendship.

Monica: I know. How could we have let this happen?

Chandler: Seven times!

Monica: Ugh! Well, y’know, we were away…

Chandler: In a foreign, romantic country…

Monica: I blame London.

Chandler: Bad London! (Takes a spoon and smacks the turkey.)

Monica: So look umm, while we’re st-still in London, I mean, we can keep doing it right?

Chandler: Well, I don’t see that we have a choice. But, when we’re back home, we don’t do it.

Monica: Only here.

Chandler: Y’know, I saw a wine cellar downstairs…

Monica: I’ll meet you there in two minutes.

Chandler: Okay!

(He throws down his plate and runs to the wine cellar, Monica is about to follow him but is intercepted by Rachel.)

Rachel: Mon, honey, I gotta ask you something.

Monica: (impatiently) Now?

Rachel: Ross said my name up there, I mean, come on, I just can’t pretend that didn’t happen can I?

Monica: Oh, I-I don’t know.

Rachel: Monica, what should I do?

Monica: Just uh, do the right thing. (Uses some breath spray)

Rachel: What?

Monica: Toe the line. Thread the needle. Think outside the box! (Tries to leave, but is stopped by Rachel.)

Rachel: Whoa, wait, listen, I think I’m just gonna talk to Ross about what he think it meant.

Monica: Wait. Rachel, no, he’s married. Married! If you don’t realize that, I can’t help you.

Rachel: Okay, you’re right. You’re right. You can’t help me.

(Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Geller.)

Mrs. Geller: Jack, is it all our fault? Were we bad parents?

Mr. Waltham: (walking by) Yes.

Mr. Geller: Oh yeah, well who serves steak when there’s no place to sit, I mean how are you supposed to eat this?

Joey: Hey, what’s up? (He has solved the problem of eating the steak, he’s eating it with his hands.)

(Cut to Monica and Chandler, Monica is running up to him.)

Monica: Where were you? We were supposed to meet in the wine cellar?

Chandler: Forget it, that’s off.

Monica: Why?!

Mr. Waltham: (drunkenly) The next tour of the wine cellar will plan in two in-in minutes…

(Joey walks up to them.)

Monica: Joey, what are you doing? You promised Phoebe you wouldn’t eat meat until she has the babies!

Joey: Well, I figured we’re in another country, so it doesn’t count.

Monica: That’s true.

Chandler: The man’s got a point.

(Cut to Rachel and Ross.)

Rachel: Oh, hi!

Ross: Hi!

Rachel: Hi. Sorry, things aren’t working out so well.

Ross: Oh no! It could be better, but it’s gonna be okay, right?

Rachel: Oh yeah! Of course, I mean, she’s gonna get over this, y’know? I mean, so you said my name! Y’know you just said it ‘cause you saw me there, if you’d have seen a circus freak, you would’ve said, "I take thee circus freak." Y’know, it didn’t mean anything, it’s just a mistake. It didn’t mean anything. Right?

Ross: No! No! Of course it didn’t mean anything! I mean, uh well, I can understand why Emily would think it meant something, y’know, because-because it was you…

Rachel: Right…

Ross: But it absolutely didn’t. (Yelling towards the bathroom) It didn’t!! It didn’t!!

Joey: (approaching) Ross, hey, the band’s ready outside for your first dance with Emily, so…

Ross: (sarcastic) Oh! Oh-oh, the band’s ready! Well, I-I-we gotta do what the band says—I don’t care about the stupid band!!

Joey: You spit on me man! (Wipes his face.)

Ross: Look, I’m sorry.

Joey: Emily is kinda taking a long time, huh?

Rachel: (laughs) Y’know when I locked myself in the bathroom at my wedding, it was because I was trying to pop the window out of the frame.

Ross: Oh, right!

Rachel: Get the hell out of there, y’know?

(They all start laughing, and quickly stop when they realize what she just said and run over to the bathroom.)

Ross: (Bangs on the bathroom door) Emily? Emily? I’m coming in. (He opens the door to reveal that the window is gone, along with Emily.)

Rachel: Well, look at that, same thing.

[Scene: London Marriott, Monica and Chandler are walking to her room.]

Chandler: Listen, in the middle of everything if I scream the word, "Yippee!" just ignore me.

(She laughs and opens the door to reveal Rachel sitting on the bed.)

Monica: Oh my God, Rachel! Hi!

Chandler: Oh, hello Rachel.

Rachel: Ross said my name. Okay? My name. Ross said my name up there that obviously means that he still loves me! (They both just stare at her.) Okay, don’t believe me, I know I’m right—do you guys want to go downstairs and get a drink?

Chandler: Yes, we do. But, we have to change first.

Monica: Yes, I want to change. And why-why don’t you go down and get us a table?

Chandler: Yeah, we’ll be down in like five minutes.

Monica: (elbows him) Fifteen minutes.

Rachel: Okay.

(The phone rings and Rachel answers it.)

Rachel: Hello? Oh, Pheebs! (To them) It’s Phoebe!

Chandler: Oh, yay…

Monica: Great…

Rachel: Hi!

Phoebe: Hi, so what happened?

Rachel: Well, Ross said my name.

Phoebe: Yeah, I know, but I don’t think that means anything.

Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, y’know what, let’s look at this objectively all right? Ninth grade, right? The obsession starts. All right? The summer after ninth grade he sees me in a two-piece for the first time, his obsession begins to grow. So then…

Chandler: (To Monica) Hey, listen, why don’t we go change in my room?

Monica: But my clothes are—ohh! (They both leave.)

(Cut to Chandler’s room, he opens the door slowly to see if Joey is there and after seeing that he isn’t, ushers Monica into the room, closes the door, and the security bar.)

Chandler: Wow, you look…

Monica: No time for that!

(They both start to frantically rip each other’s clothes off, but are interrupted when Joey tries to open the door.)

Joey: Hey, dude, let me in. I got a girl out here!

Chandler: Well, I’ve got a girl in here.

Joey: No you don’t, I just saw you go in there with Monica!

Chandler: Well, we’re-we’re hanging out in here!

Joey: Look, which one of us is gonna be having sex in there, me or you?

Chandler: Well, I suppose I’d have to say you!! But, what if we’re watching a movie in here?

Monica: Which we are, and-and we already paid for it. It’s My Giant!

Joey: My Giant? I love that movie!

[Scene: Ross and Emily’s room, Chandler and Monica are still looking for a place to do the deed.]

Monica: You really think this is okay?

Chandler: Well, Ross and Emily aren’t gonna use it.

Monica: Oh, it’s so beautiful. Ohh! Y’know, I-I don’t know if I feel right about this.

Chandler: Oh Mon-Mon-Mon-Mon-look, this is the honeymoon suite. The room expects sex. The room would be disappointed if it didn’t get sex. All of the other honeymoon suites would think it was a loser.

Monica: Okay!

Chandler: Okay!

(They both run to rip the covers off the bed, but are interrupted by Ross.)

Ross: (entering) Emily?!

Chandler: Nope, not under here!

Monica: You didn’t find her?

Ross: No, I’ve looked everywhere!

Chandler: Well, you couldn’t have looked everywhere or else you would’ve found her!

Monica: Yeah, I think you should keep looking!

Chandler: Yeah, for about 30 minutes.

Monica: Or 45.

Chandler: Wow, in 45 minutes you can find her twice. (Monica smiles at that.)

Ross: No! For all I know, she’s trying to find me but couldn’t because I kept moving around. No, from now on, I’m staying in one place. (He sits down on the bed.) Right here.

Monica: Well, it’s getting late.

Chandler: Yeah, we’re gonna go.

Ross: Actually, do you guys mind staying here for a while?

Monica: Ugh, y’know, umm we gotta get up early and catch that plane for New York.

Chandler: Yeah, it’s a very large plane.

Ross: (disappointed) That’s cool.

Chandler: But, we’ll stay here with you.

Ross: Thanks guys! (They both sit down on either side of him.) I really appreciate this, y’know, but you don’t have to rub my butt.

(Chandler slowly takes his hand away.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Ross and Emily’s room, the next morning. Ross is now asleep and has his head in Monica’s lap and his feet on Chandler’s lap. Monica and Chandler are both still awake and depressed.]

Chandler: We have to leave for New York in an hour.

Monica: I know, I’ve been looking at those doors, they look pretty sound proof, don’t you think?

Chandler: We can’t do that that’s insane. I mean ‘A’ he could wake up and ‘B’ y’know, let’s go for it.

(They both try to slowly extricate themselves from Ross, but there’s a knock on the door that awakens him.)

Ross: Em-Emily? (Looking around for her.) Em-Emily? (He runs to the door.) Emily! (He opens the door to reveal the Walthams standing outside.)

Mr. Waltham: No.

Mrs. Waltham: You can forget about Emily, she’s not with us.

Mr. Waltham: We’ve come for her things.

Ross: Wait, well wh-wh-wh-where is she?

Mr. Waltham: She’s in hiding. She’s utterly humiliated. She doesn’t want to see you ever again.

Mrs. Waltham: We’re very sad that it didn’t work out between you and Emily, monkey. But, I think you’re absolutely delicious.

Mr. Waltham: Excuse me, I’m standing right here!

Mrs. Waltham: Oh yes, there you are.

Rachel: (entering, carrying an armful of those little soaps.) Hey-hey, you guys oh hurry up, get some, there’s a whole cart outside… (Sees the Walthams and stops.)

Mr. Waltham: Goodbye Geller.

Ross: Now, hold on! Hold on! (Stops him) Look, look, your daughter and I are supposed to leave tonight for our honeymoon, now-now you-you tell her that I’m gonna be at that airport and I hope that she’ll be there too! Oh yeah, I said Rachel’s name, but it didn’t mean anything, Okay? She’s-she’s just a friend and that’s all! (Rachel sits down, depressed.) That’s all! Now just tell Emily that I love her and that I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. Please, promise me that you’ll tell her that.

Mr. Waltham: All right, I’ll tell her. (To his wife) Come on bugger face!

Mrs. Waltham: (As she walks pass Ross, she pats his but.) Call me.

Mr. Waltham: You spend half your life in the bathroom, why don’t you ever go out the bloody window!

[Scene: A 747 somewhere over the North Atlantic, Monica and Chandler are sitting in first class, depressed.]

Monica: Y’know, maybe it’s best that we never got to do it again.

Chandler: Yeah, it kinda makes that-that one night special. (Realizes something) Y’know, technically we still are over international waters.

Monica: I’m gonna go to the bathroom, maybe I’ll see you there in a bit?

Chandler: ‘Kay!

(Monica gets up and heads for the bathroom, Chandler turns to watch her go and is startled to see Joey sitting in Monica’s seat.)

Joey: Can I ask you something?

Chandler: Uhh, no.

Joey: Felicity and I, we’re watching My Giant, and I was thinking, "I’m never gonna be as good an actor as that giant." Do you think I’m just wasting my life with this acting thing?

Chandler: No.

Joey: I mean, the giant is like five years younger than me, y’know, you think I’ll ever get there?

Chandler: Yes.

Joey: Thanks man.

Chandler: Okay man. (Chandler starts to get up.)

Joey: But what about how much taller he is than me?

(Time lapse, Chandler is finishing his third little bottle of booze.)

Joey: I mean, there’s no way I can make myself taller now, y’know? And who knows what science will come up with in the future, but Chandler, what if I die an unsuccessful, regular sized man?

(Monica returns.)

Joey: Hey, Monica, wow you’ve been in the bathroom for like a half-hour.

Monica: I know!

Joey: Had the beef-tips, huh?

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is eating cereal from a bowl she has balanced on her stomach as Joey, Chandler, and Monica return.]

Phoebe: Hey!

Chandler: Hey!

Joey: Hi!

(They all hug.)

Phoebe: (To Joey) You ate meat! (Joey is shocked) (To Chandler and Monica) You had sex! (They’re shocked.)

Chandler: No we didn’t!

Phoebe: I know you didn’t, I was talking about Monica.

Monica: Phoebe, I did not have sex.

Phoebe: This pregnancy is throwing me all off.

Joey: All right, I’m gonna go say hi the chick and the duck.

Phoebe: Oh, me too!

Joey: Why would you need to say hi to them, you’ve been feeding them for four days?

Phoebe: Oh right, maybe I’ll just go home.

(She grabs her bag and leaves, Joey moves a little quicker to his apartment, leaving Monica and Chandler alone.)

Monica: Well, we certainly are alone.

Chandler: Yes! Good thing we have that, ‘Not in New York’ rule.

Monica: Right. Umm, listen since we’re-we-re on that subject, umm, I just wanted to tell you that uh, well, I-I was going through a really hard time in London, what with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Ross’s mother…

Chandler: Right.

Monica: Well, an-anyway, I just—that night meant a lot to me, I guess I’m just trying to say thanks.

Chandler: Oh. Y’know, that night meant a lot to me too, and it wasn’t because I was in a bad place or anything, it just meant a lot to me ‘cause, you’re really hot! Is that okay?

Monica: (laughs) That’s okay.

Chandler: And I’m cute too.

Monica: And you’re cute too.

Chandler: Thank you! (They hug.) All right, I gotta go unpack.

Monica: Okay.

Chandler: Bye.

(After he closes the door, Monica starts to follow him, but thinks better of it and stops.)

Chandler: (entering) I’m still on London time, does that count?

Monica: That counts!

Chandler: Oh, good! (They start kissing.)

[Scene: An airport in London, Ross is waiting for Emily to show up to go on their honeymoon and sees Rachel walking past.]

Ross: Rach! Rach!

Rachel: (she stops and turns) Hi!

Ross: Hi! What are you, what are you doing here?

Rachel: Well, I-I-I’ve been on Standby for a flight home for hours.

Ross: Oh.

Rachel: Ohh, so no sign of Emily huh?

Ross: Not yet.

Rachel: So umm, what time are you supposed to leave?

Gate Agent: (On the P.A.) This is the last call for Flight 1066 to Athens. The last call.

Ross: Pretty soon I guess.

Rachel: Yeah. I’m sorry.

Ross: I just, I don’t understand, I mean, how-how can she do this? Y’know, what, am I, am I like a complete idiot for thinking that she’d actually show up?

Rachel: No, you’re not an idiot, Ross. You’re a guy very much in love.

Ross: Same difference.

Gate Agent: (On the P.A.) All ticketed passengers for Flight 1066 to Athens should now be on board.

Ross: I get it! Well, that’s that.

Rachel: No, you know what, I think you should go.

Ross: What?

Rachel: Yeah, I do. I think you should go, by yourself, get some distance, clear your head, I think it’d be really good.

Ross: Oh, I don’t, I don’t, I don’t know…

Rachel: Oh, come on Ross! I think it would be really good for you!

Ross: I could, yeah, I can do that.

Rachel: Yeah.

Ross: I can’t, I can’t even believe her! No, y’know what, I am, I am gonna go!

Rachel: Good!

Ross: I know, why not?

Rachel: Right!

Ross: Right?

Rachel: Right!

Ross: Y’know—thanks! (They hug)

Rachel: Okay, I’ll see you back at home, if I ever get a flight out of here.

Ross: Yeah, well…nah.

Rachel: What? Wait, what?

Ross: Why don’t you come, I mean, I-I have two tickets, why not?

Rachel: Well-well, I don’t know Ross—really?

Ross: Yeah, yeah, it’ll be great! You can, you can lay on the beach and I can cry over my failed marriage. See-see how I make jokes?

Rachel: Uh-huh.

Ross: No really, I mean, I mean, God, I could use a friend.

Rachel: Oh wow, uh okay, uh maybe. Umm, yes, I can do that!

Ross: Okay!

Rachel: Okay!

Ross: Cool!

Rachel: All right!

Ross: Come on! (They go to the jetway, Ross hands the tickets to the gate agent.) Here.

Rachel: Oh, okay, we’re going. Yeah.

Ross: Ah! Ah! I forgot my jacket!

Rachel: Oh, wait-wait-wait…

Ross: You tell them to wait!

Rachel: Okay. Wait! Wait!

(Ross retrieves his jacket and sees that not only has Emily arrived, but she as seen Rachel take her place on the plane.)

Ross: Emily.

(She stares at him and Ross realizes what she’s thinking.)

Ross: Oh no-no-no! Oh-no! (Emily starts to run out and Ross chases her.) No! No! Emily!

Ending Credits

[Scene: Flight 1066 to Athens, Rachel is ordering a drink for Ross and herself.]

Rachel: Ahh, yes, I will have a glass of the Merlot and uh, (points to Ross’s seat.) he will have a white wine spritzer. Woo! (Looks out the window.) Hey, look at that, the airport’s moving. (Realizes that that’s not how it works.) Hey, are we moving?! Are we moving? Why are we moving? Hey, time-out, umm, yeah, does the captain know that we’re moving? (Sits back in defeat.) Oh my God. Oh, my gosh.

End

2009年的3-D立体电影动画片（立体图片）大盘点

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 01:28:00 -0700

随着电脑图像处理技术的发展，使得3D电影也越来越热，而3D动画片应是最先“吃螃蟹”的了，其也是最适合拍成3D立体电影的。今年初一上映的《卡罗兰》（Coraline）就取得不俗票房和口碑。今年将上映的3D立体动画片也非常多，下面就让我们一起来个大盘点
一、年初一的《卡罗兰》（Coraline）

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　　小女孩卡洛琳（达寇塔·范宁）总有满脑子的奇思妙想--公主般的奇遇、刺激的历险、奇幻的空间，天马行空才该是她梦想中的画面。对于这个好奇心旺盛的小姑娘，平凡无奇的现实是在太没意思！古板无趣的父母，死气沉沉的乡间，鬼祟讨厌的邻居，就连新搬入的大屋，虽然徒有个“粉红宫殿”的美名，实际上也只是栋偏僻老旧的公寓，更别提里面浴室墙壁上嚣张的小虫子了！魔镜，魔镜，神奇的世界到底在哪里？
　　不知是小卡洛琳的抱怨终于上达天听，还是这幢大宅本就暗藏诡异，一个奇妙的夜晚，她终于在无意中发现了一扇通往神秘世界的门。在好奇心的驱使下，卡洛琳打开了那扇门，进入了未知地域，却惊异地察觉，这个神秘世界似乎正等待着她的大驾光临。
　　美味的糕点、成山的礼物、新奇的景象、缤纷的色彩还有奇幻的花园，卡洛琳所有的美妙幻想，似乎都能够在这里实现。更神奇的是，这个充满奇趣幻想的魔幻领域，竟然还像个和现... (展开全部) 　　小女孩卡洛琳（达寇塔·范宁）总有满脑子的奇思妙想--公主般的奇遇、刺激的历险、奇幻的空间，天马行空才该是她梦想中的画面。对于这个好奇心旺盛的小姑娘，平凡无奇的现实是在太没意思！古板无趣的父母，死气沉沉的乡间，鬼祟讨厌的邻居，就连新搬入的大屋，虽然徒有个“粉红宫殿”的美名，实际上也只是栋偏僻老旧的公寓，更别提里面浴室墙壁上嚣张的小虫子了！魔镜，魔镜，神奇的世界到底在哪里？

　　不知是小卡洛琳的抱怨终于上达天听，还是这幢大宅本就暗藏诡异，一个奇妙的夜晚，她终于在无意中发现了一扇通往神秘世界的门。在好奇心的驱使下，卡洛琳打开了那扇门，进入了未知地域，却惊异地察觉，这个神秘世界似乎正等待着她的大驾光临。
　　美味的糕点、成山的礼物、新奇的景象、缤纷的色彩还有奇幻的花园，卡洛琳所有的美妙幻想，似乎都能够在这里实现。更神奇的是，这个充满奇趣幻想的魔幻领域，竟然还像个和现实世界几乎一模一样的“镜像空间”！于是，在遭遇无数新鲜有趣的奇人异事之后，卡洛琳终于见到了她的“鬼妈妈”（泰瑞·海切尔）--一个无论是长相还是声音都和现实中妈妈一样的女人。表面上，总是温柔备至总是风趣周到还总是兴致勃勃的鬼妈妈和鬼爸爸实在是天底下最好的父母。可当鬼妈妈处心积虑要给她缝上纽扣眼睛，将她永远封存在这个虚拟世界里时，卡洛琳这才发现：天下果然没有白掉馅饼的好事！大祸临头，要想重回现实世界，小姑娘只能在小黑猫的陪伴下，靠自己的聪明、勇敢和决心，逃出这个处处陷阱的“完美世界”。惊心动魄的鬼境历险记，才要刚刚开始......　

3月27日上映的《怪兽大战外星人》（MONSTERS VS. ALIENS）

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剧情简介 · · · · · ·
　　When a meteorite from outer space hits a young California girl named Susan Murphy and turns her into a giant monster, she is taken to a secret government compound where she meets a ragtag group of monsters also rounded up over the years. As a last resort, under the guidance of General W.R. Monger, on a desperate order from The President, the motley crew of Monsters is called in... (展开全部) 　　When a meteorite from outer space hits a young California girl named Susan Murphy and turns her into a giant monster, she is taken to a secret government compound where she meets a ragtag group of monsters also rounded up over the years. As a last resort, under the guidance of General W.R. Monger, on a desperate order from The President, the motley crew of Monsters is called into action to combat the aliens and save the world from imminent destruction!　　

飞屋环游记 Up

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Disney's Earth《地球》4月22日世界地球日上映及预告片

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 07:10:00 -0700

迪士尼影业旗下的新厂牌迪士尼自然（Disney Nature）的第一部作品，纪录片《地球》即将在4月22日——世界地球日上映！
（相关英文报道：The Walt Disney Studios will celebrate Earth Day 2009 with the debut of Earth, the first feature-length nature documentary from its new production banner, Disneynature.）
为了纪念这部影片的上映和迪士尼自然品牌的诞生，也为了号召大家为全世界的环保事业尽一份力，迪士尼公司近日决定他们将在《地球》首映时展开“绿色行动”！

这项“绿色行动”的内容就是，迪士尼将以每一位在《地球》首映周去观看该片的观众的名义，在当今世界上重要的环保区域植树。即《地球》上映首周有多少观众去观看，迪士尼公司就种植多少棵绿树。

迪士尼主席Dick Cook表示“《地球》是一部伟大的影片，我们认为这次植树行动是庆祝这部伟大作品诞生和世界地球日到来最好的方法。”

迪士尼将会首先在巴西大西洋雨林在展开他们的植树行动，因为这里已经是世界最接近消亡的雨林之一，据估计现在该雨林的面积只有原来的7%了。迪士尼公司将全程跟踪在这里的植树计划。

《地球》以纪录片的形式讲述了3个动物家庭（Polar Bears/ African Elephants/ Humpback whales)以及我们共同的家园——地球的故事，该片由Alastair Fothergill 和Mark Linfield指导，2人之前曾拍摄了备受赞誉的艾美奖获奖电视纪录片《地球无限》（Planet Earth)，这是2人首次把他们的“地球故事”搬上大荧幕，该片将在今年“世界地球日”4月22日在美国本土上映！
（相关英文报道： This amazing new film is from award-winning British producer/director Alastair Fothergill, whose credits include the Emmy and Peabody award-winning “Planet Earth” series (BBC and The Discovery Channel) and “The Blue Planet.” ）

Earth takes moviegoers on an extraordinary tour of our home planet as its never been seen before.

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa《马达加斯加2》英文剧本/Free scripts

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 07:48:00 -0700

上次看完动画大片Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa《马达加斯加2》时候，由于时间关系，没有时间整理其剧本。这次借重看，自己利用英文字幕整理出一份英文字幕，现分享给大家！需要下PDF 或Word格式剧本的，点击下面的链接。
下载《马达加斯加2》英文剧本（解压密码：tv-english.cn)
Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa《马达加斯加2》在英文剧本

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa script
Well done, boys. Looks like ice-cold sushi for breakfast.
No, no, son. Over here.
See the lion? Look at the lion and get the lion.
Now, son, if you're gonna grow up
and be like your daddy someday, you gotta learn how to fight.
Da-da.
Now, Alakay, let me show you something, OK?
You see this mark?
You and me are the same.
When you're bigger, you'll be Alpha Lion, just like me.
Now let me see you fight. Ready?

No, Alakay. No dancing!
You just amuse yourself, don't you?
You're a strange kid. You're a strange one. I'm...
Now, come on, let's try it again.
No, Alakay.
Stop that right now. Doggone it!
It's so disappointing when they don't grow up the way you want.
Makunga. You're not challenging me again, are you?
Look on the bright side. After I defeat you and become alpha lion,
you'll have more time to spend with your pathetic son.
Before I kick your butt, let me ask you:
Why do you want to become the alpha lion?
I'm better looking, I have better hair, I'm deceivingly smart...
...and I want everyone else to do what I say.
We fight on three. One...
Pay attention, Alakay. Daddy will show you how it's done.
Two, three!
- Who's the alpha lion? - You are.
Don't you forget it.
And that, Alakay, is how you attack...
Alakay?
That's it. Here, kitty, kitty.
This one's a beauty.
He'll be worth a few bucks.
Itjust gets easier and easier.
Daddy!
Alakay! Alakay!
Alakay!
Da-da!
No! No! No!
Alakay!
- Daddy! - Daddy's got you! Hold on!
Da-da!
Alakay!
Daddy!
I'm a fish out of water Lion out of the jungle
- I don't like the looks of this guy. - He's kind of cute.
He's kind of a showoff.
You think he's cute?
Roar!!
The King of New York City...
...Alex the Lion!
I still think he's kind of a showoff.
The guy's an animal.
Maybe he should take a break. You know, we could all use a vacation.
Come on, where would we go on vacation?
I don't know about you, but I want to go to Connecticut!
On the loose, several animals, including the world famous Alex the Lion,
escaped from the Central Park Zoo tonight.
The escapees were cornered in Grand Central Station.
He was a very bad kitty.
Animal rights activists, who convinced zoo officials
to have the animals sent to Africa,
were stunned to learn that the freighter carrying the animals
was reported missing today.
Tonight, hundreds of New Yorkers have gathered at the zoo
to mourn the loss of their beloved zoo animals.
The question on everyone's mind, where are they now?
Come on! Y'all know this one! It never gets stale!
We'll miss you little fuzz buckets! You've been a great crowd!
Glad we could introduce you to the toilet.
If you ever come look us up in Manhattan, feel free to call first.
Seriously though, call. OK?
Settle down, everybody. Be quiet!
You can't leave without this!
Surprise, freaks!
Shake it! Shake it.
Look, I'm a lady! I'm a lady, everyone!
I'm a lady! Not really! It's me, King Julien!
Which of you is attracted to me? Hands up!
Hey, freaks! You will be very glad to hear that I am coming with you.
Oh, no, thank you.
Yes, thank you. It's my plane!
Until I return with the spoils from the new country...
...Stevie will be in charge!
I don't think they like that idea.
What are you saying, Stevie?
No.
Could we? No, you didn't say that! How is that even possible?
Naughty little thing! Stevie says...
Let them eat cake!
King Julien, wait for me!
I'm all packed! I have a whole itinerary planned!
Oh, no! It's Mort! He's so annoying!
Don't let him on. Stop that thing!
He's carrying scissors and hand cream!
Everybody in! Quickly, get in, get in! Get in quick!
- Struts. - Check.
- Flaps. - Check.
- Engine. Coffee maker. - Check.
You guys!
Oopsie-daisy!
That has to be the second biggest slingshot I've ever seen.
But it'll have to do. Attention.
This is your captain speaking.
In the event of an emergency, place the vest over your head
then kiss your... good-bye.
New York City, here we come!
Pray to your personal God this hunk of junk flies.
Personal God, hunk? What?
We are go, sir.
Open the door! I'm outside!
If cabin pressure is lost,
place the mask over your face to hide your terrified expression.
Miss, aren't these supposed to be attached to my seat?
- No, sir. - OK, boys, launch!
Launch!
- Launch! - Launch!
Gremlin!
Hey, Mort.
Hi!
That was weird.
- Somebody's dreaming. - I think I saw Mort on the plane wing.
You got Madagascar on the brain.
I know I'm gonna miss it.
It was incredible. I think it'll seem more fun the further we are from it.
Like when you bit me on the butt?
I'm gonna take that thing you're holding onto and use it onstage.
It's all part of my little actor's salad bar of emotional tidbits.
Are the butts next to the croutons?
You don't need to be sarcastic.
When we get back, I might sign up for the breeding program.
Breeding program?
We reach a point when we want to meet somebody.
Settle down, have a relationship.
I can see that.
What? Like dating?
Yeah, dating.
Other... other guys?
What do you mean, other guys?
Darn it!
What is holding up that beverage service?!
I'm gonna go check.
You all keep talking. I'm gonna catch a few winks.
It's so funny!
I like laughing! It's such a nice experience!
To laugh!
Do you mind going back? This is first class.
It's nothing personal. We're just better than you. Maurice, I'm open! Hit me!
- He shoots, he scores! - Is that Vivaldi?
- In-flight slave. - Can I help you, Mr. Mankiewicz?
Bring my nuts on a silver platter.
We were checking on our drink order.
Sorry. Been a little backed up.
- I guess I'll go back... - Where's your body?
You're freaking me out! Can you please go over there, please?
What happened to the separation of the classes?
I'm sure this democracy thing is just a fad.
We'll go out for pineapple, my bobbly-headed boobily-boo.
Skipper, look.
Analysis.
Looks like a small bulb used to indicate something unusual, like a malfunction.
I find it pretty and somewhat hypnotic.
That too, sir.
Right! Rico?
Manual!
Problemo solved.
- We may be out of fuel. - Why do you think so?
We've lost engine one...
...and engine two is no longer on fire.
Buckle up, boys.
Don't look, doll. This might get hairy.
Attention! This is your captain.
I have good and bad news. The good news is, we're landing immediately.
The bad news is, we're crash-landing.
When it comes to air travel, we know you have no choice.
But thanks for choosing Air Penguin.
Raise your arms, Maurice! It's more fun when you raise your arms!
I can fly!
This could be it, Marty! I want you to know you are a one-in-a-million friend!
Thanks, buddy! You're the best ever!
- And you won't mind when I tell you... - Tell me anything!
I broke your iPod!
The buttons were so small! It made me mad!
- The horror! - I'm sorry!
- I'll kill you, butt-biter! - It was an accident!
- An accident! - Butt-biter!
I love you, Gloria! I always have!
Like you love the beach. Or a good book. Or the beach.
Goodness, doll, you're shaking like a leaf.
Rico, you've had your fun.
Pull up.
Gear down.
Gently. You just want to kiss the ground.
Just a peck, a smooch, like you'd kiss your sister.
I said, kiss it!
Now just a little brake. Just a touch.
I believe that's checkmate.
Commence emergency landing procedure. Flaps up! Deploy!
Oh, we're here.
What in the world?
What happened to the plane? What did y'all do to the plane?
I'm OK. I'm alive.
I can't even sleep for a minute. This is not JFK.
Kowalski, casualty report.
Two passengers unaccounted for.
That's a number I can live with. Good landing, boys.
Who says a penguin can't fly?
Hey, happy slappers! Is there some reason to celebrate? Look at the plane!
- We'll fix it. - How are you gonna fix this?
Grit, spit and a whole lot of duct tape.
We should be up and running in, say, six to nine months.
- Sixty-nine months?! - No, six to nine months.
Kowalski, I say we use this setback to our advantage.
- Where'd you get that number? - I want you to reconfigure the design.
How do you estimate that?
Pretty boy! Why don't you and your friends dig a latrine.
Hold on. Who made you king of the plane wreck?
Excuse me? Fine. You can be in charge. You fix the plane.
Who gives you the authority to put me in charge?
OK, then I'll remain in charge.
Yeah, you will remain in charge.
You and your hippie friends stay out of our hair.
Correcto-mundo. Because I decided to.
- Good for you. - Well, this discussion isn't over.
Higher mammals! Stay with us.
We could use your front cortexes and opposable thumbs.
Phil! I should wash your hands out with soap.
How in the hell-o will they fix this plane?!
You know, grit and spit and spit.
A lot of spit and grit and stick-to-it-iveness.
That don't sound too promising.
You're right. We're stuck here.
As long as we're together, we'll be OK.
Yeah, but love ain't gonna get us home.
Behold! The lion!
- People! - There is much to see. Moving on.
Wait, wait, wait! People!
- They'll help us! - Wait up!
- People! Stop! - Help us!
If you stop, I'll autograph those!
I know you!
You.
It's the bad kitty.
How do you like some of that?!
Come in, Tokyo!
Right in the batteries.
You think an old lady can't take care of herself?
Next time, I won't go so easy on you!
Thank you, dear.
Moving on!
Are you out of your mind? We need help and you harass old ladies?!
Out of my mind?
Who's out of my mind now?
- See if you can get an operator. - No problem.
Out of my mind. We're going home.
Message E-4.
The service user has roamed outside the coverage area.
Please try again later.
Am I trippin'?
All those zebras... like me.
- Where are we? - San Diego.
This time I'm 40 percent sure.
- I know this place. - I think it's Africa.
Africa?
It's got to be.
Our ancestral crib.
It's in our blood. I can feel it!
No, it's more than that. It's like...
...deja vu, like I've been here before.
It's like Roots!
No, it's like...
...deja vu, like I've been here before.
Me Alex!
Me and me friends fly,
fly in great metal bird.
Then plummet!
Smash ground!
Go boom!
Then here we emerge.
We offer only happiness
and good greetings.
Is he dancing about a plane crash?
Yeah. We just... yeah.
I thought... Sorry.
You came from off the reserve?
Way off. From the Central Park Zoo, actually.
Don't strain yourself.
What's going on here?
They say they're from off the reserve.
That's impossible. Only people come from off the reserve.
You look familiar. Do I know you?
How could you survive the hunters?
We didn't see any hunters.
- What are you looking at? - Me? Nothing.
This watering hole doesn't need any more mouths to feed.
So skedaddle back to where you came from.
Is there a manager we could talk to?
I see. You're here to challenge me!
What? No! No.
That's what it looks like to me!
Zuba! Wait.
I'm trying to take care of business...
Yeah, yeah, Zuba. Hold on.
Alakay?
Is that you?
No, it's Alex. Lx. Like New York Knicks.
Zuba, look!
I've always had that. The vet checked it out.
It's kind of a beauty spot, really.
A mark.
All right, this is a little weird.
Honey, he's come home.
What?
You've come home.
Son.
Dad.
Mom and Dad? Mom and Dad!
Mom and Dad! It's my mom and dad!
I got a mom and dad!
My baby's alive!
Dad!
My son!
My son is home!
Alakay! Alakay has come home!
Alakay! Yeah! The prodigal son returns. This is perfect!
I thought you hated Zuba.
No, I do. I do. I do. I hate him. Oh, I do.
And I'm going to use Alakay, yes.
I'm going to use him to get rid of Zuba once and for all!
Giddy-up, feathered horse!
Make way! Move out of the way! Stand aside!
New York!
It's a bit of a dump. Are you sure we're not in New Jersey?
Hello, New Yorkers! Your new king is here!
This calls for a celebration!
Maurice, I think they like me.
You've got to love a non-hostile takeover!
Excuse me. I'm Marty. I'm kind of new around here.
Hey, Marty!
You're a good-looking group! You like to run?
Yeah. Running is crack-a-lackin'.
That's right! Crack-a-lackin'.
You guys speak my crack-a-lackin' language.
What? You don't have doctors here?
Not anymore.
Well, what if you catch a cold?
We go over to the dying holes and we die.
You guys really need a doctor.
- We have an opening. - Would you be interested?
Me? A doctor?
It's raining men. Hallelujah! You all got it going on.
Why dont you have a man? You got worms?
Oh, I got rid of those. Listen, girls.
Manhattan is short on two things, parking and hippos.
Hey, everybody! I just found out that my son
is a doggone king! The King of New York!
Show me some of your moves, son. Don't be bashful.
All right. This one always knocks 'em dead.
Roar!
Look out. The King is mad. The King is mad!
Let's welcome him back into the pride with open arms!
Welcome to the herd, Marty!
Me? I've always wanted to be part of a herd!
- It's one for all... - [all] And all for all, y'all!
How do I look?
Technically, a traditional witch doctor has a bone through his nose.
Don't worry... it's just a clip-on.
Voila! He's a witch doctor!
My mother will be so happy.
Look out! I think Moto Moto likes you.
Here he comes.
Goodness, girl... you huge.
Who's your friend? Or is that your butt?
You as quick as you are hefty.
So you're Moto Moto?
The name's so nice, you say it twice.
I kind of like it, fatso.
I'll see you around, girl. It won't be hard, because you so... plumpy.
I hate to be a party pooper, Zuba,
but some of the lions were wondering when you plan to banish your son.
- What are you talking about? - It's nothing, really.
They're griping that Alakay never went through
the rite of passage, blah, blah, blah,
so technically speaking, he can't be a member of the pride. It's nonsense.
I forgot about the rite of passage.
What is it? What's this rite of passage?
A traditional coming-of-age ceremony.
Young lions earn their manes by demonstrating their skills.
- A show-of-skill talent show deal? - Yeah. Strutting their stuff.
A performance! I think that's up my alley.
If it's tradition, I want to do it. Strut my stuff. Earn my mane.
I want to be Alaki.
- Alakay. - Alakay! Even better.
We will hold the rite of passage in the morning!
That's wonderful! Good luck, Alakay.
Where Im from, we say, "Break a leg."
That's my boy!
Beautiful, isn't it?
It's amazing.
Guys...
...this is where we belong.
Operation Tourist Trap is a go.
Oh, I like that one.
It works on many levels.
You guys are a bunch of suck-ups.
- That, too. - Absolutely.
Stations.
Stage one. Go!
Oh, no! What have I done?
Come on, take the bait.
- What happened? - Oh, look at the poor little guy.
Is it dead?
Stage two! Go, go, go!
I will give him the kiss of life.
Rico!
Rico!
Reverse!
Gas!
Music!
No! Stop! Stop!
Stop!
Come back!
What is all this rock'n'roll racket?!
Is she dead?
No!
You hoodlums!
Good heavens! Are you OK?
Lady, I found your pocketbook.
My handbag. Such a good boy.
Nana can't survive without it.
You are one tough cookie.
Brownies Troop 416, Yonkers.
OK, nobody panic! The best thing we can do is stay together.
We'll wait for another tourjeep. It may take hours, but...
Where are you going?
I'm not staying here to be attacked by more animals! I'm too old to die.
I'm going with her. Old lady, wait up!
Please! We need to stay...
...together.
Fine! We'll go that way!
Does anyone want a hard candy?
- Easy now. - Watch your step.
And right here... OK, are you ready?
This is where you always slept.
Oh, man!
- Was this mine? - Look at you. Look at him.
Oh, this thing. Look, look!
- I remember this! - He remembers.
A little harder than...
You never slept on the right end. You always slept on the bottom end.
Is that?
Is that my?
Is that me?
You had the cutest little paws.
Little, little bitty ol' paws.
You did that the day we lost you.
Wow. I was so young.
What happened to me?
It was all my fault. I turned my back and...
It was not your fault.
Your father did everything he could. He tracked those hunters for weeks.
Far off the reserve.
Finally, I had to assume the hunters...
...well...
We thought they'd killed you.
But my son fought them off! Dont mess with the King of New York!
- That's right! - Keep your chin in.
You boys be careful! Watch out before you break something.
You used to call this "foofie."
"Foofie"?
Foofie.
He doesn't want that.
This is my foofie!
Zuba, you better give him his foofie.
I mean, no, thank you, thank you. It's perfect.
Son, you get your rest. You have a big day tomorrow.
You'll need all your strength.
I will bring the house down for you.
I hope so. Otherwise, your father will have to banish you.
Jeez, Mom, really?
I know you'll do us proud. You know why?
You were born with it.
Good night, Alakay.
My boy. My own boy.
My son's a king.
My son's a king.
Good night, Mom.
Good night, Alakay.
Foofie.
Look at foofie! My foofie!
Foofie, foofie, foofie. My foofie!
No sign of civilization. Everybody appears very tired.
I think we're lost.
Nana, do you know where you're going?
No, but I'm going with a skip in my step and a smile on my face.
Sure, right, OK. Yeah, all right.
- It's people. - How did you get here?
- Can you help us? We're lost. - We're lost too.
It was awful. A flash of black and white and they were gone. They took the jeep!
- That happened to our jeep too! - What do we do?
How will we all survive?
No food, no water, no shelter. What are we gonna do?!
You can let nature get the best of you,
or you can get the best of nature.
Gather 'round, children. We're New Yorkers, right?
Yeah.
We survive the concrete jungle!
When we need food, we hunt for a decent hot dog stand.
- Am I right? - She's right.
When we need shelter, we build skyscrapers.
- Exactly! - When we need water, we build a dam.
We're New Yorkers, for crying out loud!
If we can make it there,
we can make it anywhere!
I'm coming, King Julien!
Bad fishy! Bad fishy!
No, shark, no! Sit!
Why am I laughing?
We have all the parts we need, but we're slightly behind schedule.
- How slightly? - Six to nine years.
- Sixty-nine years? - No, six to nine years.
Private! What happened to our thumbs?
Haven't seen them since yesterday.
Darn you, Darwin!
Nobody goes AWOL on my watch. Private! You're coming with me.
Rico! You're coming with me!
- We'll bring them in for court martial. - That won't be necessary!
We've recruited a few extra thumbs for you, Skipper.
Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.
Oh, I doubt that.
Enough lollygagging. Let's get to work.
There'll be three groups. Group Alpha will do sheet metal fabrication.
Group Bronson handles assembly. Group George Peppard, craft services.
Any questions?
Good! Let's get to work.
I'd like to kiss you, monkey man.
All right, but you're so darn ugly.
Remember, little cub scouts, a great dance performance comes from the heart.
Straight from the heart, you'll never go wrong.
Sure, mister.
Hey, Alakay, I just happened to walk by, I thought I'd wish you luck.
- You're not nervous, are you? - Nah, it's my thing.
In my opinion, the key to this is choosing the right competitor.
You mean, this is like a dance battle sort of thing?
- Like a dance-off? - Sure.
Great. I love that. Freestyle.
Who'd be a good match for me? Just to keep things interesting.
Well, I wish I could help,
but that's strictly against our ancient tradition and all we hold sacred.
But if it was me out there... I'd choose Teetsi.
Teetsi. OK. Sounds interesting.
Makunga, right? Thank you.
Anything for Zuba's boy. Go get 'em, tiger.
Shake it out.
A five, six, seven, eight.
Let's go, let's do this.
Let us begin the rite of passage ceremony.
- Come on, baby! Make Mama proud! - Woman, I'm trying to take...
On it, Mom!
Who will be the first participant?
Me! Oh! Me, me, me! Me! Me! Me! Me, me! Please, me?
How about you? The tall, handsome one.
Yeah. Choose your opponent.
Let me see.
I guess I'll pick...
...Teetsi?
Teetsi? Why did he pick Teetsi?
That's my boy! He's got some gumption there!
Somebody, wake him up!
All right, so, Teetsi, come on. Let's do this, huh?
Come on, little tsetse fly. Let's see your stuff. Bring it.
- Let's dance! - OK.
But let me warn you that I am a protege of...
...Fosse and Robbins!
Not "dance" dance! Fight!
Dance fight! You got it.
- Is he dancing? - What's he doing?
I know that boy is not dancing.
This is even better than I thought.
Alakay, turn around!
No, Pop, it's hop, shuffle, ball change, hip swish, turn around.
Oh, no.
Alakay! Are you hurt?
Yeah, I am.
Did I... did I win?
No, son.
How could this happen?
You told us you were a king. A king does not get beat.
I am a king. I'm the King of New York.
It's my stage name. Like for when I perform.
Perform?
Oh, no, this is horrible! Alakay has failed the test!
Who would have ever imagined that today Zuba would have to banish...
...his own son?
Zuba, no.
Zuba, yes.
Sadly, the alpha lion must cast out all failures.
Then I'm no longer the alpha lion.
Dad, what are you doing?
Dad, no! You can't do this.
Who could possibly take Zuba's place?
Anyone?
Someone? No one?
You, sir!
I guess not.
Well, I... this is all very awkward,
but I suppose I could carry this tremendous burden.
Teetsi! Get the hat.
As your new leader, I hereby banish Alakay!
He shall wear this Hat of Shame...
...and leave the watering hole
for a thousand years, or life!
Whichever comes last.
Shoo, shoo! Get out of here!
You should have told us you weren't a real king, son!
You never told me I'd have to fight anybody!
What did you expect?!
I don't know! Maybe a little fatherly advice like, "Hey, son, it's a fight!"
- You're a lion! - But I never fought another lion!
No, I guess not. You dance!
And other stuff! Your pal, Makunga, set me up back there!
- None of this would have happened... - If you were a real lion.
- Zuba! - Yeah, I said it!
A real lion.
Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
Saw.
Suture.
Swab.
You're in my light, Stephen.
You have a brown spot on your shoulder.
That's very observant, Stephen. As you can see, I'm covered in brown spots.
OK! That bone will be good as new in a few weeks.
So I don't have to pick out a dying hole?
No, you got your whole life ahead of you.
- Really? - Go out and grab it by the horns.
- Thank you, Dr. Mankiewicz! - Break a leg! Sweet kid.
This spot looks like Witch Doctor's Disease.
Witch Doctor's Disease? That's the most ridiculous disease I've ever heard of.
- Don't ask. - Someone's been knotty.
This won't hurt a bit.
Joe, our last witch doctor, had a spotjust like that.
- And? - Monday, Joe. Wednesday, no Joe.
Wednesday, no Joe?
I can breathe! Thanks, doc!
So this Witch Doctor's Disease is a real thing?
You'll find a cure. You've got at least 48 hours!
But I've never heard of it.
I mean... I dont have any penicillin.
I'll need a CAT scan just to get started!
Have a lion look you over. They'd be happy to.
Ta-da!!
- He has talent. - Stupendous and tremendous.
Bet you've never seen that one! Knocked 'em dead in New York!
- Let's all give it a try! - Let's do it!
Well, you can try all you want to,
but it takes years of practice.
You'll never get a tight stream
until you build up your lip muscles to the point where you can
purse your lips like this. You got it?
Ta-da!
How did you? You guys got it right out of the box!
- If you can do it... ...we can do it.
It's in our blood!
I always thought I was a bit unique.
We are unique!
We are like a force of nature!
- A million points of light! - And dark stripes!
Exactly the same!
Exactly the same.
Looks impressive, Kowalski, but will it fly?
Yes. If we fold it here, here and here.
Nice.
Oh, man. My dad thinks I'm a total loser.
I've ruined my parents' lives.
That is definitely not crack-a-lackin'.
It is lackin' in the crackin', my friend. I've gotta fix this.
So...
...there's... There's something I gotta tell you.
Hey, guys.
Is this place great or what?!
I'd go with "or what."
Well, I'll tell you what. You're not gonna believe it, but...
...I got a date with Moto Moto.
Who's Moto Moto?
Oh, he's so big and handsome and big!
- Know what "Moto Moto" means? - Twins?
It means, "Hot Hot."
"Hot Hot"?
When did you start parlez-ing African?
It's in my blood.
Don't worry, you can flirt around with Mr. Hot Pants after I'm gone.
Melman, why am I the parade and you're the rain?
Why are you driving your parade under my rain?
Maybe I'll parade in another part of town!
Whoa, guys.
Main Street's mine!
Well, you can have it!
And you can take your hotee-tot float and Mr. Hotee Moto Moto...
- What are you talking about? - What are we talking about?
Melman, just tell her.
What? What are you... I don't know what you're talking about.
I guess I'll go, then.
Don't bother.
- Don't get up on my account. - Melman! Gloria!
- I thought you guys were friends! - Marty's absolutely right.
- Marty? - Marty?
Marty?
What the heck is going on?
You're not? Oh! He was... I thought he... You're not him. He's... Oh.
You thought that guy...
...was me?
No. I mean, yes, you... Guys, come on.
You thought I was him?
You guys kind of do look a little...
You look a lot alike. Marty, you look a lot alike.
You laugh alike. Talk alike. He has the same speech pattern.
It's a little weird, really. I mean, come on. Marty.
So you're saying there's nothing unique about me.
I'm just like any other zebra.
No. Of course you're different!
How?
OK, I can't tell you apart.
Maybe you could wear a bell or something.
- A bell?! - OK, not a bell. Bell's a bad idea.
How about a T-shirt that says, "I'm with stupid"?
- I'm not stupid! - Not you, stupid! Him, stupid!
You know, while you've been doing the prancing pony with your new posse,
I've been having the worst day of my life.
It's always about you, isn't it?
My problems are just a little bit bigger than yours.
I couldn't tell you apart. So what?!
Yeah, fine. Run away, Marty! Run away!
That's what you do best! Just like back in New York!
I'm right here. But you can't tell that, right?
Your one-of-a-million friend hopes you enjoy
your bigger-than-anyone-else's problems alone!
Good, leave! I don't need you to help me solve my problems!
You're a dime a dozen! I can't tell which one's Marty!
Which one's Marty? Wait a minute. Oh, yeah, I don't care!
Nice hat, you showoff!
Marty...
...don't go.
Giddy-up, giddy-up!
Giddy-up, giddy-up!
Look, Maurice!
The perfect spot for my summer palace!
Please fill in all these holes and relocate the riff-raff.
- Who'd leave a perfectly good head? - What a waste.
Tell me about it. I'm in my prime here.
I'm terminal, you know?
I probably only have another two days left to live.
That's a bummer, man.
If I, King Julien... that's my name...
...only had two days left to live,
I would do all the things
- I've ever dreamed of doing. - Like what?
I'd love to become a professional whistler.
I'm pretty amazing at it now, but I want to get even better,
make my living out of it.
You know what else I would do? I would invade a neighboring country
and impose my own ideology, even if they didn't want it!
Easy for you to say. You're a king.
Yes. And you are only just a sad little head.
There must be something you want to do before you die!
- There is this one thing. - What? Tell me.
- No, I couldn't. - What is it?
I never told Gloria how I feel about her.
What is it? Please tell me!
I never had the guts to tell Gloria how I feel about her.
How I've always felt about her.
Fine. Don't tell me!
Is it a woman? You didn't tell me it's a woman.
What are you afraid of? You're a dead man anyway.
Yeah. Yeah.
You're right.
You've got to march right up to this woman.
Look her right in the eye. Lean forward.
Just a little, or almost all the way.
Then you let her lean forward a little until you're...
...just lips' distance away from each other.
Then you tell her how much you hate her.
Actually, it's more like love her.
Oh, you sly dog! Woof, woof!
You're a real player. Now listen to me.
You got to rise up. You hearing me?
- He didn't hear you. - I can't hear you!
- You got to rise up! - Rising up!
- Get out of the hole! - I'm rising out of the ground!
- He's rising, Maurice. - I'm rising, Maurice!
- Rising! - You go right up to this woman!
Do you feel it?
- Go up to her face! - Tell the truth!
- I'm going to tell her! - Then you say, "Baby, I dig you!"
Yeah! I'm going to do it! I'm going to do it!
I love that happy little head.
Moto Moto
Moto Moto
She loves me She loves my eyes
She loves me She loves my thighs
She loves my roundness
She love that I'm chunky She love that I'm plumpy
She love my heftiness She love my zestiness
She love me restlessly She love me forever
She love me...
...'cause she love me
Moto Moto...
...before things get too serious, well,
I was wondering, if I were to, for example, stay here...
...I'd like to ask you...
Let your candied lips be the messengers to my... ear canal.
I have so many questions.
I promise the answer will always be yes.
Unless no is required.
So what is it about me that you find so interesting?
You're the most plumpenest girl I've ever met.
OK. Other than that.
Let's see.
Yeah, well, you know... you chunky.
Right.
My gosh, girl, you huge.
You said that.
Yeah, that's right.
We don't have to talk no more.
Gloria!
Gloria.
Melman.
Melman, I want you to meet Moto Moto.
Moto Moto. Yeah, nice to meet you.
- I guess I... - It's OK, Melman.
Apology accepted.
Oh. Yeah, right, that. That's why I... Good.
OK. Well, that's it, then.
Good. We're kind of busy here, man.
No. No, that's not it.
Listen, Mototo, you better treat this lady like a queen.
Because you, my friend, you found yourself the perfect woman.
If I was ever so lucky to find the perfect woman,
I'd give her flowers every day. And notjust any flowers. OK?
Her favorites are orchids. White. And breakfast in bed.
Six loaves of wheat toast, butter on both sides.
No crust, the way she likes it.
I'd be her shoulder to cry on and her best friend.
I'd spend every day thinking of how to make her laugh.
She has the most amazing laugh.
That's what I would do if I were you.
But I'm not, so you do it.
OK.
What?
That was beautiful.
Anyways, where were we?
I'm "huge"?
Surprised to see me, Makunga?
Well, I'm here to set things straight, like a real lion!
Is this real enough for you? How about this? This is for setting me up!
This is for stealing my dad's job! This is for humiliating my family!
And making me look like a fool!
Had enough? Sure, fly away!
Coward.
The water. It's gone.
It's never gone dry before.
- We'll need a lot more dying holes. - How could this happen?
Out of my way! What is going on here?!
The watering hole is dry! There's barely water for one of us!
- Good observation, Shirley. - I'm Bobby.
Makunga, what do we do?
Quiet!
Listen up! I'm afraid there is only one solution to this horrible crisis:
We'll all have to fight for it.
- We can't fight for it. - That's crazy.
That's not fair. You'd win!
Exactly, Shirley.
I'm Bob...
Sorry, folks, but life isn't fair. I'm in charge now,
thanks to Alakay, the dancing lion.
Please, Makunga, this is the only water on the reserve.
If you're thirsty, you'll have to look for water off the reserve.
- Off the reserve? - It's too dangerous!
Hunters would shoot us!
No one leaves the reserve and survives!
I left the reserve!
And survived.
I can do something about this.
Looks like a clogged pipe, like we get in New York. I'll travel upriver...
- Upriver? - Off the reserve?
You?
Yeah. I'll unclog the pipe and bring back your water.
Great! I'd help you pack, but by the looks of that hat, I see you're all set!
Fine. Go ahead, laugh. Laugh your mane off. I'll prove you wrong.
Maybe you should try a little rain dance.
Zuba would know what to do.
- Where's Zuba? - You don't care about us.
Zuba should be in charge, not you.
All right, fine!
As an added measure, I will consult with Zuba!
Marty?
Hey! Marty!
Marty?
Marty.
Where'd you get the fruity hat?
Excuse me! Excuse me!
Hi. Is Marty in there?
Anyone seen Marty?
Which one of us is Marty?
All right. Well, if you see him,
tell him his friend Alex came to say goodbye.
Goodbye? Don't go. Where are you going?
- Can we come? - No. I have to do this alone.
You can't leave the reserve!
What are you doing?
- They'll get your hat. - Hunters are everywhere!
Could you leave the hat?
Marty! I know you're in there.
Before I go, I got something I want to say.
You've been a great friend.
You've helped me so often to see the bright side of my problems
that I never think of you having any.
I wasn't there for you when you needed me.
Just like back at the zoo.
What kind of friend does that make me? A pretty lousy friend, I guess.
I just want you to know that I...
You're one in a million.
This is touching.
It is touching.
So could you turn around so I can tell you to your face?
That's right. Gotcha!
I see you in there! Yeah, you.
You, right there.
Twelfth row, two hundred and third from the left.
That's you, Marty.
I know it's you.
Know what makes you special?
These guys are white with black stripes. You're black with white stripes.
You're a dreamer, Marty.
Always have been. You have great taste in music
and horrible taste in friends.
Well, not Melman and Gloria, but me.
OK, I'm in.
Marty, you can't come with me.
You don't have a choice.
- People are out there! - You're crazy! Come back!
The people will get you!
Don't lose the hat!
Bye, hat!
Any water?
No, just more diamonds and gold.
Don't give up hope.
Listen up! I will help you!
There's only one way to get your precious water.
I, your beloved King Julien
must simply make a small sacrifice to my good friends, the water gods,
in the volcano!
What does that do?
What does that do? Excellent question.
My sacrifice goes in the volcano.
The friendly gods eat up my sacrifice.
"Thank you for the sacrifice."
"Here, have another." "No, I've had enough."
"I'll be insulted unless you have another."
"I don't want another sacrifice!"
"Look at you! You're skinny!" "No! I've had enough!"
The gods eat the sacrifice. They are grateful.
They give me some water, and then I give it to you.
What?
Does it work?
No! I mean, yes.
Well, Maurice?
Ah, it's fifty-fifty.
We'll do it!
Excellent!
Now all I need is someone who would like to go into the volcano
and get eaten by gods.
Any hands! Hands, anybody!
I need someone, perhaps who has never found love,
who could look death straight in the eyeball. A real, genuine hero.
- I'll do it. - Melman?
Hurry up! Before we all come to our senses!
Melman, what is wrong with you?
I'm dying anyway. If there's a chance it'll get you water, it's worth it.
Are you nuts?
I want you to know, back at the zoo,
it was never the doctors or prescriptions that kept me going.
It was always you.
Seeing you every day.
That's what kept me going.
Melman! Wait!
Melman! Melman! Melman!
You going to mope like this all day?
Don't "hmph" me.
Listen, Zuba. A miracle happened.
Our son came back to us. How come that is not good enough for you?
What are you saying, woman?
We lost him once, Zuba. Let's not lose him again.
Zuba!
- Zuba! - Get out of here!
What do you want?
It's awful.
The watering hole is dried up.
Dried up? That's impossible!
There's nothing left!
You're alpha lion, Makunga. What are you gonna do about it?
Your son, Alakay, he said he could fix it. He's gone upriver.
- Off the reserve?! - No!
I tried to stop him. I told him it was suicide.
He was determined to prove himself to you.
You stay here, in case he comes back!
Hurry, Zuba!
I'm so parched.
Is this place starting to freak you out?
We'll slip in, find the problem. Hunters will never know we were here.
Why are we doing this?
Maybe my dad will think I'm...
I want to show him I'm a real lion.
As opposed to a chocolate lion.
I know this may sound hard to believe, but apparently, lions don't dance.
What?!
As far as my dad is concerned.
As far as people are concerned, you're a hit.
In New York. This is Africa... much tougher crowd.
Marty, this is it!
This is the clog! Come on.
Well, there's the water.
Stay down. Look at that.
Knit one, purl two.
It's her.
- Is this right? - Very good.
Nana, slow down.
You're a little tangled, aren't you?
No, don't pull. I'll do it.
We need dynamite. Got any?
Oh, snap! I just used my last stick this morning!
- Savages! - Evasive maneuvers!
- Serpentine, serpentine! - Squiggly squid maneuver!
Zag, zig-zag, zig ziggy zag!
No, no! Squiggly squid!
Etch A Sketch!
That's too complex! Octopus, octopus!
- Run, Marty! - I can't leave you here!
Go get help! Squiggly squid maneuver! Go! Go! Squiggly squid!
Etch A Sketch! Etch A Sketch!
Save us We love you
OK.
OK, OK, OK.
- Save us - Melman
- We love you - Melman
Save us
OK, here we go. OK, OK.
- Melman - We love you
- Melman - Save us
Here we go! Here we go!
- What's all the hoopla about? - Joe?
Joe the Witch Doctor? We thought you were dead!
So did I. Then I realized I'm covered in brown spots.
So Melman's not dying!
- Melman's not dying! - Oh, no!
Melman!
Move!
Don't do this! Julien, stop this! This is crazy!
Oh, suddenly throwing a giraffe into a volcano to make water is crazy!
Yes!
- Please, Melman! Stop! - Gloria?
- You can't do this! - Why not?
Because...
You can't do this, Melman.
First, that hurts.
Second, I've only got 18 hours to live, anyway.
Melman, I gotta know...
...did you mean those things you said about me?
Of course I did.
- That's crazy. - It is?
It's crazy to think I had to go halfway around the world...
...to find out the perfect guy for me
lived right next door.
Then it's you and me, neighbor.
You and me for the next 18 hours.
I'll take whatever you got.
- Maurice, what happened? - I believe the fat lady has sung.
- What's going on here? - Marty!
Alex is in big trouble! We got to get upriver fast!
- What about the plane? - Perfect! Come on!
The plane won't be fixed until the suits meet our demands.
Now, maternity leave.
Maternity leave? You're all males.
We need that plane for a rescue mission.
There's nothing I can do until we bust up this union.
I'll bust up all of you if you don't get this plane going.
Can't you see these commies have my hands tied? No maternity leave.
Maybe a certain someone wouldn't want these blowing around on the savanna.
All right. You get your maternity leave.
Finally.
Where we headed? What's going on? Where are we going?
Oh, no! Please! Don't put me there! No!
This is wrong.
You see? You are survivors.
Now, how about a nice lion casserole?
You can't eat a lion.
Don't worry, it tastes like chicken.
No, no, no. Don't listen to her.
She's out of her mind, people!
I'm from New York City!
It's me, Alex the lion! From Central Park!
Dad!
What were you thinking, son? You got no business being out here!
Stay behind me.
They're New Yorkers. They're just rude and frightened people.
Stay back!
You'd let your dinner get away?
- What are you doing? - The only thing I know how to do.
What the heck?
Hey, I know those moves.
Alex?
- It's Alex the lion! - From Central Park!
It is Alex!
Only one lion can move like that!
He's beautiful.
I can't believe it.
How does he do that?
What are you doing?
I'm dancing with my son! I think.
Don't think, Dad. Feel!
Butterfly!
I'm feeling it! I'm feeling it!
Roar!
That was beautiful. Now let's eat!
Dad, look out!
What the...
Alex! Get in!
She's got a gun! Get out while we can!
- What? - She's got a gun!
Get out while we can! Pass it on!
He said let's have some fun and take out the dam. Basset hound.
Skipper! Alex wants to take out the dam.
All right! But it's his funeral.
- Hard to port! - Aye-aye, Skippy!
Bring it on! Bring it on!
Come back! That's my dinner!
Kowalski, full throttle.
Music!
- I like this song. - It never gets old.
It does have a catchy hook. Come about! Bring her in low!
Hold onto your skirts! It's dam-busting time!
Hold on tight, baby! Here we go!
Tell them no! Pull up! They'll kill us!
There's got to be another way! Pass it on!
They say no pull up. Kill us. There's no other way. Basset hound.
Are you sure?
Men, there is no sacrifice greater than someone else's.
No! Medic!
Ramming speed!
Bring it on!
Bad kitties.
I don't know why the sacrifice didn't work.
The science seemed so solid.
I'd jump right in that volcano if I wasn't so good at whistling.
It's you! I found you!
Mort?
Bad fishy!
I wonder if the gods like seafood.
Let's find out.
Look, Maurice.
- That was quick. - I did it!
I did it! I did it!
OK, you did it!
Oh, yes!!
Look!
- It's Alakay! - It's Zuba!
You did it!
Alakay, Zuba, you did it!
Zuba! Alakay!
You're back!
I'm so glad you're safe!
Out of my way.
Well, well, well.
You know, Zuba, if I remember correctly, you quit the pride.
And you were kicked out.
So don't think that this changes anything.
You're right. In fact, we humbly present you with this token of appreciation.
A man bag. Very popular where Im from.
- Don't know what to say. - Still be tough and carry your stuff.
Does the strap adjust? This will go very nicely for me when I go out hiking.
But you're still banished.
We figured you'd say that.
My handbag!
You bad kitty!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
You deserve this, son.
Welcome to the pride.
Thanks, Dad. But this belongs to you.
No, son. To us!
My son! The King of New York!
That's my baby!
Love transcends all differences.
We are gathered here today to celebrate such a love.
Do you take each other, for better or for worse?
For better, please.
What a beautiful, weird couple!
That's not going to last.
Can I kiss the bride?
No! Music!
- Struts. - Check.
- Flaps! - Check.
- Diamonds and gold. - Check.
- Bye-bye! - We'll miss you!
See you later!
We'll be back after the honeymoon in Monte Carlo,
or whenever the gold runs out.
Come back soon!
Mom, let them take their time. New York isn't going anywhere, right, guys?
You're right about that!
As long as I'm with her...
...and you two, I don't care where we are.
She has the most amazing laugh.
Love has no boundaries!
Looks like you're stuck with us for a while.
Dad? What's wrong?
I just thought we could hang out a bit and...
- You got me! - I got you, son!
You got me with my thing. You brought it back around on me.
I got you, son!
The old man's not too bad, eh, Marty?
- Marty? Who's Marty? - Come on.
- I don't know no Marty. - You can't fool me.
Ain't no Marty here.
Marty! I can look into your eyes, and I know it's you.
See, I've been traveling Been traveling forever
But now that I found a home feels like I'm in heaven
See, I've been traveling Been traveling forever
But now that I'm home
Hey! Shake the hot things! Shake the hot things!
Shake 'em! Shake 'em! Shake 'em!

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa动画大片《马达加斯加2》中英双字在线

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 07:14:00 -0700

其实Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa《马达加斯加2》去年就看了过了。当时总感觉里面的Melman(梅尔曼）那只长颈鹿的声音特别熟悉，但却一直没有多想，所以就过去了。今天无意中在YouTube看到一段9分多钟的关于《马达加斯加2》的幕后花絮，才知道，那是Friends《老友记》里Ross（罗斯）的声音。下面就让我们一起看看这个花絮吧！

我看完花絮后，感觉非常不过隐，所以找来Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa《马达加斯加2》再看了一遍。这部视频非常清晰，并是中英文字幕的，非常棒，让我们一起回味下吧！

动画大片《马达加斯加2》中英双字在线A

动画大片《马达加斯加2》中英双字在线B（完）

汤姆·克鲁斯正在筹备《碟中谍4》？

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 21:44:00 -0700

汤姆·克鲁斯（Tom Cruise）在《碟中谍3》之后一直没有拍过卖座的电影，可能他自己也觉察到不拍卖座的电影无法保持自己的人气吧，近日他在东京接受记者访问时就主动透露他正在筹备《碟中谍4》（Mission: Impossible 4）。

据AICN爆料，汤姆·克鲁斯是在参加日本一档“SMAP SMAP”的节目时被问到《碟中谍》系列的问题，然后他就透露他已经在着手《碟中谍4》剧本的工作了。而且他还表示希望能在东京闹市区拍摄《碟中谍4》的部分场景。

当然，由于还没有任何官方消息，此消息暂时只能作为传言。

上一集《碟中谍》在2006年上映，曾在上海和西塘取景。

Green Lantern Movie《绿灯侠》今年9月中旬在澳大利亚开拍

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 21:21:00 -0700

美国超模选秀现场突发混乱 3人涉嫌故意煽动

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 07:56:00 -0700

　　据中国日报报道美国热门真人秀节目“全美超级模特新秀大赛”3月14日在纽约曼哈顿酒店举行海选试镜时，现场突发混乱，导致6人受伤。警方随后逮捕了3名肇事嫌疑人。纽约警方称遭逮捕的2女1男涉嫌故意煽动骚乱。

　　据报道，当时有数千人在酒店门外等待试镜，人群边上的一辆汽车突然冒烟，有人大喊“救火”，随后现场民众受到惊吓，慌乱奔逃。据目击者称，还有一人从车里跑出来抢妇女钱包，致使场面更加混乱。

　　警方并未对这些细节予以确认，但表示，现场有6名女性称自己有眩晕感，随后接受了治疗。当时部分女性为了这次海选试镜已在门外守候了一夜。据当地媒体报道，“候考”人员带来的椅子和睡袋布满了整个人行道，人群惊散之后衣服鞋子丢了一地。

.　　本次海选试镜是为该节目第13季举行的，众多“考生”中只有大约12人能顺利通过海选。据该节目官网介绍，芝加哥、达拉斯和洛杉矶也将举行海选。

　　“全美超级模特新秀大赛”是美国一档真人秀节目，由超级名模泰拉·班克斯任主持人和监制，参赛选手有成为模特并获得广告合约的机会。自2003年该节目开播以来，反响强烈，并有来自各行各业的年轻女性竞相参加。

NBC夏季剧集出炉主打律政和神秘

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 07:55:00 -0700

● NBC公布了夏季节目清单，具体安排如下：

6月1日星期一：《Medium》季终；
6月2日星期二：《Law & Order: SVU》季终；
6月3日星期三：《Law & Order》季终；
6月4日星期四：《The Listener》剧集首播（其实英国、加拿大都已开播了）；
6月7日星期日：灾难迷你剧《Meteor》首播，6月14日播出下半部分；
6月8日星期一：《Law & Order: Criminal Intent》首播；
6月21日星期日：《Merlin》首播（第一季我们都已看过，你也可以等中央电视台下半年播国语版）；
6月24日星期三：《The Philanthropist》首播（传说中的神秘剧集终于出现了……）；
7月19日星期日：另一部灾难迷你剧《Storm》首播，7月26日播出下半部分。

● 《Skins》获得第四季预订。

● 星期三的收视率，尽管没有《American Idol》的带领，FOX的《Lie To Me》依然表现抢眼。以现在的情形来看，《Lie To Me》获得第二季预订完全没有问题。

（作者：天涯小筑）

《豪斯医生》(House)第五季第17集简评

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 07:54:00 -0700

作者：AZ

集名：The Social Contract

评分：A-

简评：发人深思的一集。 Cameron又送上一个病人给House。因为类似Phineas Gage事件，House决定接收这case。Phineas Gage是医学上很有名的一个病例发生在19世纪中期，PG在一次工作中一个3英尺14磅左右的铁棒穿过他的头部，落在身后不远处，但他意识完全清醒、生理反应都很属正常，似乎有事的只有脑袋上的伤口。这看似严重但又感觉无伤大雅的伤，医生也没辙，只能送PG回去待伤口复原。不过PG复原后性格有了明显的改变，他也继续正常地生活了10多年后病故。几年后为了一探究竟，其尸骨被挖出来，后来发现前额叶跟人的性格有着关系。这是世界第一例证明前额叶跟性格与行为有着相关性。此前人们普遍认为两者并无多大的相关。

言归正传，病人出现间接性低血糖症状并一直口出狂言（实际上是一直把所有事件最直接真实的一面的表达出来），行为令人反感，差不多变成House第二。最后诊断患有Doege-Potter综合征（一种纤维性肿瘤引发的低血糖症状，一般较常的低血糖症状出现在胰岛素疾病、糖尿病和一些恶性肿瘤等）。

有趣的是，病人对13说：“特别是对你这种美女，我对你浮想联翩。”
House传呼Cuddy进来。

病人看到Cuddy：“噢，我真想给他涂上巧克力，放上樱桃然后上床……如果要在他（13）和你之间选一个的话，我绝对会选你……你的屁股就像是Ferrari的马达。”

House对Cuddy：“你都40了（实际上38），是医院的负责人，没人敢对你品头论足，除了我。但你一直认为我不正经，胡言乱语。但那家伙只会说实话，结果他没选年轻辣妹（13），而选了你。”

House巧妙的利用病人的口吐真言，都不知让Cuddy爽了多久。House这招雷啊！

这集House和Wilson之间很有意思，看过的同学相信自有一番体会。这里就不对内容多加细致描述。事件原委大致是Wilson找到了患有精神病离家出走多年的弟弟，对这次的多年不见即期待但又怕受伤害，所以不没把这是告诉House。Wilson觉得和House不属于一般正常的社交或人际关系，简单来说就是House不懂得安慰别人。一般人知道了应该会对他说“Don’t worry, it all will be alright.”，而Wilson偶尔也需要像正常人一样被安慰（自己骗自己），但基于太了解House，也怕听到自己不愿意听到的话，所以对这件事有意对House只字不提。这更让House对这事情的真相大感好奇地非要“福尔摩斯”下去不可。House发现后也很人性化地陪Wilson到纽约去见W 弟。虽然这“陪”并不是真正地陪到底。

House痛恨别人对他撒谎，但不介意偶尔多别人撒撒小慌，彻底的自我中心主义者。谎言确实是个不太讨喜的东西，差不多就是为了满足自己的需求来进行一种欺骗他人的行为。相信没有多少人会喜欢被骗吧？！（魔术应该除外）基于现在的人越来越脆弱，我们也需要一些安抚自己的方法来平衡心理那座不对称的天秤尽力去填补原本就不平衡的社会，善意的谎言（自己骗自己）也就这样出来了。东方人用法委婉，西方人就明显的在撒谎了（每次恐怖片都会出现“it’s gonna be fine”之类的）。这样下去何来真实的必要？真的要见仁见智了，毕竟一种米养百样人。

感觉事后House出现了一丝的人性化？或许是太看重对Wilson的这份情谊。Wilson形容House是reality junky，已经贴切到不能再贴切了。片尾出现badly drawn boy的the shinning不错听。

《公主与青蛙》（The Princess and the Frog）11月25日上映

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 07:53:00 -0700

查看相册

获取您自己的 flash 幻灯片代码

《格林童话》很多小孩喜欢的童话故事书了，而《公主与青蛙》（The Princess and the Frog）故事就是源处其，但导演进行了颠覆性的改编。故事发生地变成了美国传统文化根深蒂固的南方老城——新奥尔良，这里不仅是美国黑人最集中的地区，也是爵士乐的故乡，因此主角也变成了一个黑人女孩“Tiana”，这一定大出我们所料。

一位来自Maldonia王国的王子“Naveen”在新奥尔良中了邪恶巫师“Facilier”的黑暗魔法，变成了一只青蛙。他误将 “Tiana”当成了公主，让她吻他以解除魔法。。不料Tiana真的吻了青蛙后，不但没能解开魔咒，自己也变成了一只青蛙。于是两只青蛙前往密西西比河河口寻找老女巫“Mama Odie”，求她帮他们俩解除魔咒。一路上，他们遇到了会唱歌的鳄鱼“路易”（Louie）和一只无比浪漫的萤火虫“雷”（Ray）。

《公主与青蛙》将于2009年12月11日上映，纽约和洛杉矶两地则将提前到11月25日上映

Your first look at the animated GOON movie《The Goon》剧照海报曝光

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 07:51:00 -0700

大卫·芬奇监制电脑动画片《亡命暴徒》（The Goon）。学英语，就看下面的英语资讯！
Your first look at the animated GOON movie。

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with an update that will drive certain people insane… in a good, frothing at the mouth kind of way.

Eric Powell’s THE GOON is a favorite of mine. Along with Robert Kirkman’s THE WALKING DEAD Powell’s book keeps me going back to the comic book store every few weeks. To put it nicely, Powell is a brilliant freak… and I say that with the utmost respect and admiration.

It was announced at the last Comic-Con that Powell was developing a feature film based on his creation and that none other than David Fincher was producing. Check out the poster if you missed it from my Comic-Con coverage:

The flick will be animated and below I have your first look at what an animated Goon flick produced by David Fincher looks like. Right this very moment Powell and a ton of Goon fans in Nashville are probably still kicking it at a 10th Anniversary of The Goon party. While they get into all sorts of eye-knifing trouble you get to see the first look anywhere of the in-development animated GOON flick! Make sure you click it for the high res version!

Amazing looking, isn’t it? I love how it is totally Frankie and the Goon translated into three dimensions… sometimes there is something lost in translation, but I’d say that not only do I think this feels like Eric Powell’s creation, but I think this film looks to add more to it, flesh out the world.. I love the filmic quality to the image, I love the balance of cartoon and reality.

And I love the detail. Check this out… Another exclusive image (don't forget to click for the super big version!):

Walt Disney将Monster Attack Network《怪兽来袭》搬上大屏幕

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 07:49:00 -0700

漫画Monster Attack Network《怪兽来袭》是由Marc Bernardin and Adam Freeman 编写，Nima Sorat绘画的。其讲述的是在发生在南大平洋上的海岛Lapuatu）的故事。在海岛上，风景优美、空气清新，类似我们中国的世外桃源，但是却有件一直困扰着大家的事情事：每隔一段时间都会有一只巨大怪兽冒出来，把小岛弄的天天翻地覆。为此，人们成立了快速反尖救援队Nate Klinger来专门处理怪兽问题。
下面是我从网上搜索来的英文简介

MARVEL! At the Pacific island of Lapuatu, perfect in every way…except for the giant monsters.
THRILL! As Nate Klinger and his daring team of first-responders at the Monster Attack Network expertly deal with the frequent rampaging-beast-related crises.
WONDER! If the shady American industrialist who comes to the island bearing "gifts" and the mysterious, gorgeous Lapuatuan ex-patriate are up to no good.
ENJOY! The hair-raising adventures of the noble men and the drop-dead sexy women of the MONSTER ATTACK NETWORK!

这次迪士尼请到的是上周末的票房冠军（Race to Witch Mountain）《巫山历险记》的导演安迪•菲克曼（Andy Fickman）执导改编《怪兽来袭》（Monster Attack Network）成电影。迪士尼定位将此片拍成一部主打视觉效果的大片，目前他们已经聘请 Scott Elder 和 Josh Harmon改编剧本。

安迪•菲克曼已经为迪士尼执导了两部家庭影片《比赛计划》（The Game Plan）和《巫山历险记》，两部影片都由巨石强森（Dwayne Johnson）主演，且都取得了不俗的票房成绩。

Scott Elder 和 Josh Harmon除了改编《怪兽来袭》（Monster Attack Network）剧本外，还为迪士尼另一部影片《白雪公主和七武僧》（Snow and the Seven）写剧本，后者讲述了一个19世纪在香港长大的英国女孩在少林和尚的训练下和邪恶势力对抗的故事。

下面是相关的英语报道（来自：http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=53727）

Walt Disney Studios has attached Race to Witch Mountain director Andy Fickman to helm family adventure film Monster Attack Network, reports Variety.

Scott Elder and Josh Harmon have been hired to adapt the AIT/Planet Lar graphic novel.

The 2007 graphic novel focuses on a team of first-responders who guard the citizens of Lapuatu, a Pacific island that would be a paradise except for frequent attacks by giant monsters that rise from the sea.

Marc Bernardin and Adam Freeman wrote the graphic novel, illustrated by Nima Sorat.

Disney views the film as a visual effects-heavy tentpole built around an elite government agency's resolve to protect America's coasts from huge, rampaging monsters.

《巫山历险记》Race to Witch Mountain原声无字幕下载

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 07:48:00 -0700

剧情简介 · · · · · ·
　　许多年以来，美国的内华达大沙漠一直是个 "神秘" 的地方，各种各样奇怪的现象层出不穷。有人说，这是因为外星人的飞船曾在巫山（Witch Mountain）降落。有一天，拉斯维加斯一名出租车司机突然在车上发现了一男一女两名少年，而且他们会超能力！自此以后，这名出租车司机的生活被彻底打乱了。拯救世界的方法和巫山的秘密紧密相连，政府特工、黑帮匪徒与外星生物都已捷足先登，我们的 "英雄" 能抓住最后的机会吗？
　　本片将大量使用特效镜头和电脑动画，是一部不折不扣的视觉片（如同明年的《守望者》和《终结者》）。
（来自豆瓣）

《巫山历险记》Race to Witch Mountain以2500万美元的不俗开画成绩顺利登上票房榜首位，并远远把其它影片抛在后面。
BT种子：http://simba.5d6d.com/thread-7833-1-1.html

.帖子的其余部分

美剧新闻：《百战天龙》（MacGyver）翻拍成一部大银幕电影

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 07:46:00 -0700

继NBC之后，ABC也为2008～2009播出季划定了结束日期。

新剧《Better of Ted》：3月18日－4月29日（7集）
新剧《In The Motherhood》：3月26日－4月30日（6集）
新剧《Cupid》：3月31日－5月12日（7集）
《Samantha Who?》：3月26日－4月30日
《Private Practice》：4月30日结束
《Wife Swap》和《Supernanny》：5月1日结束
《According to Jim》：5月5日结束（全剧终）
《Scrubs》：5月6日结束（全剧终）
《Ugly Betty》：5月7日－5月21日
《Brothers & Sisters》：5月10日结束
《Castle》：5月11日结束（10集）
《Lost》：5月13日结束
《Grey's Anatomy》：5月14日结束
《America's Funniest Home Videos》：5月15日结束
《Extreme Makeover: Home Edition》和《Desperate Housewives》：5月17日结束
《The Bachelorette》：5月18日起播出新季
《Dancing with the Stars》：5月19日结束
● 科幻频道「Sci-Fi Channel」将更名为「Syfy」，一个莫名其妙的怪异名字。这个名字将随Sci-Fi新剧《Warehouse 13》在七月份共同推出。

● 我不知道美国人是不是已经对NBC彻底丧失了信心。NBC今年每一部剧集－－无论新的老的－－收视率都极其糟糕。刚刚首播的《Kings》虽然相对NBC 今年其他剧集制作更为精良，但平均收视人数还不到650万，实在是非常可怜。毫无疑问，星期天晚上依然是「主妇」们的天下。

● 新线公司准备将经典电视剧《百战天龙》（MacGyver）翻拍成一部大银幕电影。该项目已正式启动。

● 《Kyle XY》已经全剧终了，你有什么想法？

（作者：天涯小筑）

Lie to me (别对我撒谎）S01E02 英文剧本

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 08:10:00 -0700

Lie to me (别对我撒谎）S01E01 的英文剧本前几天就上传上来与大家分享了，同时答应大家，将继续完成其它的了。下面就是“Lie to Me” Season01 Episode02的中英文剧本了。一样是我通过收集网上的字幕整理出来的英文剧本，主要去掉了字幕时间序列、还有一些错误等，但不免仍然有错误。还是那句话，虽然不是很好的专业剧本，但对我们这些通过美别学习英语的人来说，是非常实用的。下载其PDF或Doc格式（Word）的英文剧本（注：压缩包有打开密码：tv-english.cn )。
（点击进行下载）
Lie to Me Season01 Episode02 (千谎百计)在线英文剧本
（注：下载附件是在此基础上，更新与修改过的更完美版）
Dr. Lightman, the guys from homeland security are here.
They want your assessment of the new handheld polygraph.
I'll be right there.
Do you work at the department of homeland security?
Yes.
Yeah.
- Do you have black hair?
- Yes.
See, the handheld measures cardio and galvanic skin response.
It's the only poly grape overdeveloped with this kind of portability.
Oh, not quite.
Uh, cal, you know secretary miller from homeland security.
Good to see you.
And this is tom whit more, the new is a deputy.
What the hell is this?
It's a lie detector.
The West Africans used them first.
When you're on trial, you held the egg in your hands, and if it broke, it’s a sign of anxiety.
You were found guilty.
Well, I'd say our handheld's a little more advanced.
Well, unfortunately, both devices suffer from the same problem.
Uh, Ms. Cooper, would you mind?
May I?
Could you ask the control questions again, please?
What are you doing?
Do you work at the department of homeland security?
Uh, yes.
- Do you have black hair?
- Yes.
The problem with all polygraph tests is false positives.
Innocent people can fail if they feel an increase in any emotion--anger, fear, sexual arousal.
Not just guilt.
Your polygraph is no better than the egg at telling us which emotion it's responding to.
No.
I've wanted to try that for years.

E, you would have been under faulty, but you were just angry.
You should be, uh, spending your money studying the face.
43 muscles combine to produce a passivity of 10,000 expressions.
Now, if you learn them all, you don't need a polygraph.
How much did we spend on this damn project anyway?
Uh, not much. I'm sure we can recoup most of our costs.
- Now, that was lovely.
- What?
- A gestural retreat.
- What's that?
His step backwards. Means he doesn't believe a word he just said.
He's lying.
Well, I'm not a crook.
I've earned everything I've got.

Lie To Me

Season01 Episode02 Moral Waiver

What do you see?
I see a skeptical, emotionally distant scientist obsessing over facial twitches.
Why are you doing micro expression training?
Well, I got it set at triple speed.
You know, when you try and hide your emotions, they leak out at a fifth of a second?
Well, this is testing me at a 15th of a second. Impressive. FEAR
You know who else is impressive on that thing?
Is this another attempt to get me to take ms. Torres under my wing?
You need somebody to back you on the military case.
I got you for that.
I'll be courtside with earl white.
It's a freshman shooting guard, hottest NBA prospect in the country.
College athletic association wants us to find out if he took a bribe to play for gwcu.
Well, we got a meeting at
fort meade in half an hour.
Look, I'll... I'll meet you there later,
okay, but let's get torres involved.
She's a natural. She's
got phenomenal instincts.
Doesn't mean she knows the science.
Dr. Foster said you wanted to see me?
What do you see?
Ange R.
Fear.
Sadness.
Let's go.
Specialist sheila lake has served with
the 23rd mountain division for three years,
two of those in afghanistan.
Lake is asserting that she was
raped by her platoon leader,
00:05:32,620 --> 00:05:35,330
staff sergeant russell scott.
We'd like you to find out
if the allegation's true.
lake. Lake!
Grab your gear and report
to the staff judge advocate.
Is sergeant scottbeing court-martialed?
We're not there yet.
Sergeant scott'sleadership is crucial
to the tribalintelligence missions
we're runningon the pakistani border.
We start a court-martial proceeding,
he'll be off theline for six months.
Then, I'm afraidwe can't help you.
Excuse me?
Hire us when youwant the truth.
Why waste taxpayers' money
ifthat's not what you're after?
Dr. Lightman, my first concernis the
safety of every womanin that platoon.
That's why we'reinvestigating.
But sergeant scottpassed a polygraph.
Yeah, well,I bet his grandmother
didn't think he did it, either.
That's equally reliable.
Look, sergeant scott's
setto redeploy in three days.
He's the only commander who can
recognizehostiles on that border.
Without him,the mission's more
dangerous for every soldierin the 23rd.
I certainly can'thave a rapist in
charge ofthe females in that platoon,
but if I'm going to pull
sergeant scottoff the line,
I need to know this
womanis telling the truth.
Six-five, moves li
ke he's five-one.
Could dunk at ten, won
thestate championship at 14.
National high schoolplayer of
the year the last three years.
I would not have pegged
youfor a hoops geek.
You know thefifth-grade boy
with the vintagedr. J poster
and the instant recallof
his career stats?
I was that boy.
Dr. Foster? I'm jeremy levinewith
the athletic association.
Thanks for coming down.
Who doesn'tenjoy a day
watching earl whitedo his thing?
Howard taftcertainly does.
He's thealumni booster who allegedly paid
earl $50,000to come and play for carver.
We'd like to investigatethis quietly.
Earl's a good kid. He
lost his momlast year.
He's raisinghis brother on his own.
Plus, he's gonnago pro this spring, and you don't
wantany more bad press for the "one and done"
rule.
Making kids go to college for a yearbefore they
turn
pro forces them to takehigh school more
seriously.
It also forcesyoung superstars to play a yearof
college ball, jacking up ratingsand revenues.
Loker here has a hard
timewith half-truths.
Earl white,dr. Gillian foster
and her associate,eli loker.
You folksare the lie guys, right?
More the truth guys,but
it depends on the case.
Do you havesome time to chat?
You know, I have to takemy little brother
home, and I got an econ midtermtomorrow.
Need to get with the books,you know?
But hit my cell later.
Anything I c doto clear my name.
Appreciate it.
Any quick reads?
His speech was hurried, and he brought that
basketballto his chest, creating a barrier
between us.
Those are both signs of anxiety.
Well, that's something any college athletemight
feel when he's been accusedof taking a bribe.
We're not magicians. We're scientists.
We'll need to talk to earland the booster
to spot any conclusive signsof lying.
I'm not naive, okay?
When you sign upto be one of
four women in a platoonof 30 guys,
guys who aren'tgonna see another
womanfor six months, well...
like they say in girl
scouts, "be prepared."
So, you wereharassed?
Porn in the latrines...
jody calls.
Jody calls?
* I taught that bitchher
left then right *
* nailed her ass then left last night.*
- Got it.
- Yeah.
Did staff sergeant
scottparticipate in any of this?
He didn't make jokes or anything, but...
oh, his hands were everywhere.
He liked to walk in on uswhile we were
changing, if we were in the showers.
Tell us about the attack.
I was, uh...
I was on my way backfrom a workout.
Ran into himbehind the mess.
And he ordered me to strip.
He grabbed me.
He pinned me down.
And he assaulted me.
I was sexually assaulted.
Hey, what's upwith the mime act?
You ask the questions,I observe.
Dr. Lightman findsasking
questions distracting.
He prefers to watch.
You finish the psych profileon
the guy she's accused?
Nice to see you, too.
What's his problem?
Friendly fire. "Collateral damage."
You can start with
thelies in the language.
Bet they're notgonna end there.
Last tuesday? I went to dinner.
I had a few drinksat the nco club.
I stopped by the px, and then
headed backto the barracks.
Tell me again--start
with drinks.
Drinks, px, barracks.
Toothpaste and deodorant.
I have the receipt.
You weren't anywherenear the mess hall?
I just said I wasn'T.
And you're telling me you
didn'tattack specialist lake?
That's exactly what I'm saying,and
while we're on the subject...
Okay. That's good.
Thanks for your time.
Hey, you. Whoa, quite
a bicepyou have there.
You must really lovethe
weight room, huh?
I don't normally mix
business withpleasure, but...
And I was wondering you
fancygrabbing a drink later or...
Uh, I'm not gay.
And isn't thisa little inappropriate?
Absolutely. Sorry.
Ght. Ri excuse me.
What the hell was that?
I love a man in uniform,you know?
The rape was unplaed,one time,
with no additionalviolence.
That suggestsa power assertive rapist,
somebody who is obsessedwith masculinity,
who needs othersto see him as a man.
If sergeant scott fitthe profile, he would have
reactedto my overture with one emotion--
disgust.
There was no disgust,just surprise.
Correct-- eyebrows
up, jaw down.
Okay, but... the guy
was totally amped up.
Yeah, but he showedno deception
leakage, right,no sign of lying.
He looked like he wantedto
throw me across the room.
A man charged with rapeis even more
likely to be angry if he's innocent.
- Well, they can't bothbe telling the truth.
- They're not.
Sheila lake madetwo mouth shrugs
when she was describingthe rape.
That's a classic gestural slip.
It means she has no
confidencein her words.
The woman was lying.
I was sexually assaulted.
You really think a woman
would lie about rape?
Unpleasant truths, pleasant truths,
human mortality,a moustache on a woman--
three thingswe'd all prefer to ignore.
Fbi crime reports have found that eight
percent of rapeallegations are false.
Okay, but the army vetsI worked with at tsa
said that sexual assaultwas a big problem.
It doesn't explainthe gestural slip.
Lake's alsonot exhibiting any of the
emotionsa rape victim typically displays
whenrecounting her story.
No shame... no fear.
We should be seeing a lotof activity
in the forehead, but there isn't any.
Maybe she's got post-traumatic stress.
Emotional numbingmight explain her
inabilityto express her feelings...
but not the mouth shrug.
Look, I'm telling you,there's
something off about sergeant scott.
You know, I once had actors play
out the testimonyfrom a rape case
in front of 30 federal judges.
And you knowthe biggest predictor of
whether they believed the man or the woman?
E gender of the judge.
You think I'm saying he's
guilty 'cause I'm a woman?
Me, darwin, and 2,000
yearsof evolutionary biology.
Well, I think whatdr.
Lightman is trying to say is
that it's important not tolet what you bring
in the room affect what yousee in the room.
Dr. Lightman?
What is it?
Harassment report. Opportunity
rep just sent it over.
Looks like it was
filedanonymously last fall.
It alleges sergeant
scottsurprised women in the showers
and entered their barracksunannounced.
Hmm, backs up lake's story.
You know,generally it's not a good
idea to call your boss an idiot.
- I didn't sayyou were an idi...
- but your buccinator did.
That's not...
oh, that's a pretty impressivecombination
of contempt and disgust.
I'M... I'm S... I...
apology accepted.
Head back to fort meade and check intothe
personnel files of the woman andthe sergeant.
And hang in there.
- you should consider goinga little easier on
torres.
- Why?
She's all false positives.
See, that's the troublewith naturals.
They don't seewhat's missing.
They're all instinctand no science.
I'll havea falafel sandwich, please.
An italian ice. Grape.
You wash your hands today?
Uh, yeah, of course.
Do you have any kindof
pain in your neck?
Uh, no. Why?
People touch itwhen they lie.
It's a classic manipulator.
- you beento them athrootoday?
- Cal.
Uh, no.
Oh, great.
Anybody else wanta side of feces?
Anybody? Side of feces?
If an alum took me here, I would
want to playhoops for carver.
I bet it made an
impressionon earl white.
Why is it guys namedwhite are always
black and guys named blackare always white?
Am I going to besorry you're here?
Barry white,jack black.
Does your radical honestypledge mean
you have to sayeverything you think?
It's the only wayto be truly honest.
Let's turn it offwhile
we're working, shall we?
Now, what do we knowabout the booster?
Uh, howard taft, forty-five, made
his moneyon internet job boards,
led the funding campaign
forcarver's new athletic center.
Apparently helikes giving back.
Mr. Taft, thanks for
agreeingto talk with us.
Always a pleasure to talkcarver
basketball, dr. Foster.
Oh, championship ring. Sweet.
Must have cost afortune online.
Actually, I, uh,I earned it
riding the pinefor the '86 team.
What's that?
It's a, uh, voice stress analyzer.
It measures pitchand gauges anxiety.
We find it's less about
whatyou say than how you say it.
Now, tell usabout your
relationship with earl white.
He ordered me to strip.
He grabbed me...
oh, sorry.
These are specialistlake's
platoon mates.
Thanks for coming in.
I want to conductindividual interviews, so
if you could comewith me, you two stay here.
Thanks, heidi.
Pinned me down.
And he assaulted me.
I was sexually assaulted.
you finish the vocalstress
analysis on taft?
Yeah. Check it out.
Oh, championship ring. Sweet.
Must have cost a fortune online.
Actually, I... I earned it
riding the pine for the '86 team.
Typical vocal stresson
a typical question.
That's taft'svocal stress baseline.
And given how irritatingmost
people find you...
it's a high tolerance baseline.
He'd have to beextremely anxious
for his pitchto spike above it, so...
applying the baseline...
you can see from the spikesthat taft
had three moments of extreme anxiety.
Let me guess. That's when he
denied bribingour basketball phenom.
Yep. Indistinguishableto the ear, but...
and, no, I didn't bribe earl white.
Really, I didn't give earl a penny.
A bribe? I barely know the kid.
Thanksto the technology, we can
see the stressin taft's voice.
The data suggestsyoung mr. White
just came into a lot of money.
But we've seen no uptick
in earl'sspending habits.
I talked to his friends.
The guy's got no bling, he lives in a
walk-upwith his brother, he takes the bus...
earl's got a big payday
coming assoon as he turns pro.
Why take taft's moneyif
he's not going to spend it?
The psychology'sinconsistent.
We need to getinside earl's head.
You want me to pullrecent
interview footage,
see if he leaks anything when
he talks aboutplaying for carver?
Yeah.
What's that last sound wave?
Always a pleasure to talk
carver basketball, dr. Foster.
That is when taft met you.
See how the graphis all scrunched up?
It indicates arousal.
Apparentlythe pine was not the only
thingour aging jock wanted to ride.
Hey, can I...
Please.
Staff sergeantscott has a past.
He has a criminal record?
A long one.
I thought you couldn't
getinto the army with a record.
You can't, unless they grant
youwhat's called a moral waiver.
It used to bejust for misdemeanors,
but the armyis so stretched for recruits
that they're using themto let felons in.
Moral waiver.
The army reallyhas a way with words.
Uh, sergeant scottwas arrested for
possession, arson,assault and battery...
he has an arson conviction?
He was 16,but the assault's more recent.
No, I-it's the arsonthat's significant.
Arson and rape havean
unusually high correlation.
They're both crimesabout
the assertion of power.
So with the arson conviction...
yeah. It makes the
rapea lot more likely.
We're seng promising indicators
in the pentium chip market.
Techspring earningsshould
be strong as ever.
Hey, boss.
Call my broker, have him dump
all my holdingsin techspring.
Okay. And, uh, I just
spokewith major harris' office.
I told themyou were on your way.
Look at that hand shrug.
It's not a good time to
be investing in techspring.
We need to talk about sergeant scott.
This is classified. How'd you get it?
The same wayyou would have.
Given the correlationbetween
arson and rape...
well, it's interesting,but
it's irrelevant, I'm afraid.
Turns out lake's ptoon
matesd rather a lot to say.
Heidi said they
wouldn'ttalk about the rape.
Well, I didn't bring
themin to hear them talk.
I brought them into watch them listen.
- they turned thevideo back on, huh?
- Yep.
It's human nature.
They always flip the switch.
Hey, natural. What do you see?
Nothing. I don't seeanything.
Exactly.
- I don't understand.
- Well, look.
The absence of emotion is...
just as importantas
the presence of emotion.
Now, you,you need to learn that.
When womenlisten to a rape victim they
believe,they reflect certain emotions.
They blush, avert their
eyes,hunch their shoulders.
These women exhibitnone of that.
They're not showingany reflectors.
So they don't believe her.
That doesn't prove anything.
Lake lived with those womenfor three
years and neither one of themis reacting.
They knowthis rape never happened.
You made a false accusationagainst
your sergeant. That's a crime.
And then there's the other
women in your platoon.
You know, we have mpsstanding by.
If your friendshelped you plan this,
they're as guiltyas you are, right?
They know you're lying,don't they?
Thought so.
Have the mps arresther platoon
mates. They're all in on it.
No!Look, they had noth...They
had nothing to do with it.
It was my idea.
Sergeant Scott didn't rape you?
No.He didn't.
Take Specialist Lake into custody.
How could you do this?
You know how hard it is
for women in the military.
The army has just started to
take these claims seriously.
There are victims out
there who need help.
A lot of them.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Ashamed?
I may have lied, but I
was doing the right thing.
Okay, I was trying
to protect my platoon.
I was doing the right thing.
I was doing the right thing!
ladies, if you could,uh, wait in there,
I will be taking youin one at a time.
Playing outyour favorite
fantasies, loker?
Studyingthe psychological
influence of uniformson credibility.
Lightman wanted to see how they
affect people'sability to spot lies.
Women in uniform?
I do love my work.
How's it going with lightman?
Uh, he's not my biggest fan.
Well, that's just'cause
you're uneducated.
Excuse me?
We, you're a natural.
The few naturalslightman's come
across have one thing in common.
No college degree.
You haven't been askedto focus on verbal
skills, so you focus on body language.
You're sayingI can't learn the science.
I'm saying you didn't ha to.
That's got tobe irritating for a guywho's spent
two decades trying to seewhat you were born
seeing.
Thanks.
That's very un-loker of you.
I've never beenwith a latina woman.
Don't push it.
How's it goingwith the ballplayer?
- Ballplayers play baseball.
- Yeah.
Chicken dumpling?
Oh, no. Never eatmeat I can't see.
No. Really. No. You have
no ideawhat's in there.
Take a look at this.
Earl white just tookstate
for the third time.
The kid's on the list of
everynba scout in the country,
but when asked aboutplaying pro ball...
chin thrust. He's angry.
Very.
Earl white shouldbe on top of the
world. Why is he secretly angry?
I spot the liars. You're
the feelingsdepartment.
Follow me.
I got somethingfor you.
Okay, would you lie to right a wrong?
Depends. Why?
Lake lied, but then said she
wasprotecting her platoon.
I'm doing the right thing.
She said it with conviction,and
with no deception leakage.
How does accusing your commanderof
rape protect the platoon?
That's what iasked myself.
Okay, these are the individual
interviewswith her platoon mates.
Watch what happens whenthey
discuss sergeant scott.
Sergeant scott is a strong leader.
I'm glad sergeant scott's in command.
- Concealed disgust.
- Yup.
Looks the sameevery time.
They knowhe didn't rape sheila lake,
but they feel intense disgustfor him.
Made me think.
What if sheilalake didn't
lie about everything?
What if she lied about
thevictim, but not the crime?
So, you think sergeant scott
rapedsomeone else in the platoon?
The harassment report,arson conviction-- both
consistent with theprofile of a rapist, right?
What if the real victim is
too scaredto come forward?
So lake accuses sergeant
scottto right a past wrong,
and to protect the other
womenin the platoon.
Do you thinkscott raped one of them?
No. None of them isexhibiting any fear.
It could have been someonewho was
transferred, orr killed in combat.
I thought we weredone with this case.
No. It's possible sergeant scott raped
someone who used to be in the platoon.
Your buccinator'splaying up again.
It's not... I didn't say...
Oh, look. Now you'reembarrassed.
Well, you haveevery reason to be.
You did get it wrong,didn't you?
- I mean, sergeant scott didn't rape sheila lake.
- Cal...
what? She's the one making
snidecomments. Look at her face.
How do people work here?
Sergeant scott redeployswithin 24 hours.
I want you to get aholdof
military personnel.
I want the historic rosterfor
the platoon right away.
Got it.
What?
Oh, what,now you're starting on me?
Don't say something you'll
regret. And I saw that.
Can I have a muffin?
Ah, no. No, no, no, youdon't want
the muffins here. They are terrible.
They taste like sofa cushions covered
with the moldy nutsyour grandmother used to
- keep in that old jar on her...
- Okay, okay.
Between you and lightman,a girl could
starve. Do you have something for me?
Yeah, um...
I've been watching tape of e l trying
to understandwhat's behind the anger.
Uh, nothing so far,but I did
come up with this expression.
I've been throughthe facial coding book,
and there's elementsof au-four and au-five.
- But it's not anger.
- No.
It's not.
Can we pull up full
statsfor earl over the year?
Sure. What emotion is it?
It's not an emotion.
And earlier, ceo robert
rosiello tried to calm investors
after techspring shares plummeted in
the wake of a subpar q1 earnings report.
This is entirely unexpected.
I'm sure we'll rebound
in the second quarter.
You know, for a ceo,this
guy's a terrible liar.
You talk to personnelat fort meade?
None of the womenin the 23rd died in
combat, but there's onewho went awol.
Rebecca metz was on the
23rd'sroster in afghanistan.
Went awolfour months ago, shortly
afterher transfer request was denied.
She tried to transfer outof her platoon?
That's not all.
Here's a copy of the anonymousharassment
report on sergeant scott.
Handwriting's the same.
They have any idea where she is?
No, but the numberof awol soldiers
has doubled since we invaded iraq.
I doubt they gotthe manpower
to play that muchhide-and-seek.
- Well, she's got relativesin baltimore, right?
- Yeah.
Hate to miss a family reunion.
Hello?
Uh, what canI do for you?
Looking for your
granddaughter,rebecca metz?
She's not here.
Sounds good. You mind if I borrow this?
What? Where are you going?
Help!
- Help!
- Grandpa? Grand...
help.
Sheila admitted she was lying, but she
said she was tryingto protect the platoon.
I don't knowwhat this has to do with me.
Sheila didn't makeeverything up.
We know whyyou went awol.
We're not herefor the army.
We just want to knowwhat happened.
I, uh...
never had a problem with
sergeant scottin the states.
He wasn't loudor gross
like the other guys. But...
but on our first day
inafghanistan, after curfew,
he came in my tent.
He raped you?
The sergeant'sin charge.
He's supposed to have your back.
My job is to say yes.
Yes, sir.
It happened more than once?
Almost every night over
there... for months.
I couldn't take it anymore.
When we got back, I just...
you ran.
You need to come with us.
Your platoon redeploys tomorrow.
You can't letthe army send those women
back to afghanistanwith sergeant scott.
I can't go back.
Well, what about
sheila? She lied for you.
- I... I can'T.
- Rebecca...
no. I...
Okay. Okay then.
- Sorry tobarge in.
- What are you doing?
- I'm going back to the base.
- But...
okay.
How did... Did they follow us here?
Oh, no. I called them.
Leave me alone.
- Rebecca...
- I know you calledthe mps.
Well, I had hopedyou'd talk,
but, yeah, I had themstanding by.
- Rebecca, if you explain to us...
- Don't you get it?
Do you have any ideawhat it's
like to be a woman in the military?
You're either a bitchor a whore.
And they're just waitingfor you to
fail, to admit you can't hack it.
Well, then, go to jail. That'll sh 'em.
Be all you can be.
You're scared.
You are still scared of sergeant scott.
I'm not afraid of him.
You're afraid of something.
I'm afraidthey won't believe me.
Ah, it doesn't matterif
they believe you.
They'll believe me.
******
Hey, earl. Thanks for taking the time.
By the way,I'm a big
fan. Would you mind?
Oh, no problem.
Bet this'll be wortht a losome day.
Oh, yeah.
Autographs, shoes, bobble heads.
Pro ball is big business.
See the chin thrust?
What?
You thrust your chin out.
That's a signof anger.
You do it whenever you
talk about your pro career.
I think it's 'cause you're
angryyou're not gonna have one.
Hey, earl, catch.
We've seen thatbefore, too.
You make that face almost every
time youcatch a pass these days.
It's intensity.
No, actually, it's pain.
Doctors call itthe primal face of pain.
It's universal.
So what is it, earl?
Carpal tunnel? Arthritis?
Look, you know how many hoursI've
spent shooting free throws?
I've busted my asson the
court since I was nine.
I'm raising my brother,trying
to pay the rent--
a big pro contractwas
gonna change all that.
But you knowwho drafts
someone with erosive artitis?
Nobody.
So you took the bribe.
Look, I could've gone
proout of hhoolh sc,
but the athletic associationneeds
its big tournament,
so I gotta spendmy last good year
playing college ballfor nothing.
Look, mr. Taft's check was
the only paydayI was gonna get.
You telling me you wouldn't
havetaken that money?
V*******
I told the postcommander
this matterwas settled.
Sergeant scott isvital to our efforts.
He's supposed tobe on
a plane at 0100 hours.
I guess if the army's going to jeopardizethe
safety of women, it should be doneon time,
right?
Private metz was awolfor five months.
You're sure her allegationhas merit?
I'm telling youshe's not lying.
Sergeant scott.
I'm convening an article
32court-martial hearing next week.
Unpack your gear, son.
Major harris, my client would
like toavoid any unnecessary delay.
He wants tplead out?
Our mission on the pakistaniborder
is critical to our safetyhere at home
and I have a
responsibilityto my platoon.
So, yes, I'm ready to plead
guiltyto fraternization.
Fraternization?
Sergeant scott had aconsensual
relationship wi private metz.
Becky was my girlfriend, sir.
This photo was taken duringthe period when
my client was allegedly rapingprivate metz.
Do you have otherslike this?
We have several, major.
You still want to
tellme she's not lying?
Isolate rebecca metz.
There's something not
rightabout her smile.
She doesn't look happy.
Push in on her eyes.
Browup,pulled together.
She's scared.
Yeah, it's a masking smile.
She's smilingbut her
eyes say she's afraid.
Very afraid.
- Will you pull up the masking smiles?
- Yeah.
Miss south carolina
can'tshow fear to the judges;
sarah palin has the
sameproblem with the press.
Rebecca metzwith her platoon leader.
Right, she doesn't want to
beinvolved with sergeant scott,
but he's her commander,she's
got to do what he says.
He wants sex, right?
She feels forcedto give it to him.
She can't say no.
It's nonconsensual. It's rape.
Army psychologistshave reported
several recent cases like this.
They're calling it"command rape."
It's comparable tosexual
harassment, but much moreextreme.
When your boss makes advances,
you're scaredof losing your job.
But if it's your platoon leader,
you're scaredof losing your life.
Sergeant scottredeploys tonight,
we have to get backto fort meade.
They won't believeit was rape.
Sergeant scott neverraised a hand.
It doesn't matter that he
didn't attack youphysically.
You were coerced.
No one's going to see itthat way.
I never actually said no.
He was responsiblefor your
safety. You had to feel threatened.
I was terrified.
Everyone knewif you crossed
him, he'd make you drive lead.
- Drive lead?
- Lead truck in the convoy.
It's the mostvulnerable
to a roadside bomb.
I had a friend die that way.
I knew from the firsttime he came
into my tent thatif I said no,
I'd beriving lead for a month.
So you just took it. You never said no?
Well, that's what
you'lltell major harris.
He'll never believe me.
Sure he will. We'll
put you on a polygraph.
They love themover there.
he'll never sayit that way. Sergeant
scott nevermade me drive lead.
And he'll never admithe would have.
She's right. We stilldon't have any
proof that he was tyingher safety to sex.
The truth isn't good
enoughfor these people.
Who said anythingabout the truth?
- Is your name Rebecca metz?
- Yes.
And are you a private first class
with the 23rd mountain division?
Yes.
Did you ve a relationship with
staff sergeant russell scott?
No.
Private metz, let me rephrase.
Were you physically involved with staff
sergeant scott when you serving in afghanistan?
Yes. He forced me to have sex with him.
We had a relationship!
He ordered you to have sex with him?
No. But he was my commanding
officer, I didn't have a choice.
Did you ever refuse to have
sex with sergeant scott?
Yes... once.
He forced me to drive
leadconvoy for a week.
Th's a lie.
If she's lying,it graphs
above the red bar here?
that's right. Machine says it's true.
Well, it's not true!
The polygraph says it is.
I don't carewhat the machine
says. She's making it up.
I never made her drive lead!
- you never made her Drive lead?
- No!
I thought that duty rotates.
You never made her drive lead?
I-I never made her
drive lead! It's a lie!
Sergeant, you don't have to respond.
So, as long she wasin a relationship
with you, she never hadto drive lead.
- Is that right?
- sergeant scott...
is that right, sergeant scott?
Sergeant scott,don'T...
- Is that right, sergeant scott?
- You don't have to respond.
Yeah! Yeah, that's right.
What? What?
Well, her safetywas in your charge.
You traded her safety for sex.
Major harris, my
clientdoesn't understand...
yes, he does.
What he did wasn't fraternization.
It was rape.
Arrest him underarticle 120.
You don't know we het
thll you're talking about.
I'm a decorated soldier!
I didn't do anything wrong!
Yeah, it sounds good.
What do you want, huh?
I'm already suspended, they're taking
away myscholarship, you hung me out.
You're the onewho took the bribe.
Look, the system's broken, earl.
And what am isupposed to do, huh?
How am I supposed to
take careof my brother?
I heard you did pretty
wellon your econ midterm.
- So?
- you want A degree.
So I convinced dr. Lightmanto
put our fee into a trust.
Probably not enough forfour years at
carver, but it'll get youthrough maryland.
What if I don't want your money?
Then throw it away. It's your call.
How did she do it?
We both know metz was
lyingabout driving lead convoy.
How did she beat the polygraph?
- valium?
- Yeah.
Takes the edge off.
Mutes the emotionalresponse.
You... you drugged herso she could lie?
Never let the facts getin
the way of the truth.
- you know, I wanted to...
- yeah, I know. Thanks.
For what?
You had a slightgratitude smile.
What, you're surprised? Really?
You know, just because idon't know your
science doesn't meanI don't know things.
You know, when you don'tknow the
science, you don't seethe whole picture.
People can get hurt,you know?
What was that? What happened?
- What?
- Shame.
When you saidpeople get
hurt, you showed shame.
I don't know whatyou're talking about.
You're lying.
Get used to it.
地址待更新。

Lie to me 《别对我撒谎》之人之常“情”

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 02:13:00 -0700

先来看看一组人之常“情”的表情分析。

分析的是不是很经典啊！
我想如果大家看完Lie to me《别对我撒谎》后，都练就一身识别谎言的本领后。首先是自己再来不敢说谎了！而下面这组关于Lie的谎言统计数据也需要重新做一翻统计了！

Desperate Housewives《绝望的主妇》S1英文剧本上传完

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 00:44:00 -0700

经过一周时间的努力，终于将Desperate Housewives《绝望的主妇》第一季的所有英文剧本上完。大家现在可以通过右边“最佳英文剧本”标签下的“绝望的主妇S1英文剧本(全)”来进行在线阅读所有英文，也可以到“Desperate Housewives All Episode TranScripts”下，浏览《绝望的主妇》所有剧本的链接，进行阅读。晚些时间，我将整理其PDF格式（注：其将为珍藏版，我会再排版与校对）的再上传给大家分享！请大家加以关注，或留下Email，到时我通知大家！帖子的其余部分

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES 1X23（英文剧本/free scripts)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 00:14:00 -0700

1X23 - ONE WONDERFUL DAY
ORIGINAL AIRDATE : Mon, May 22th, 2005 @ 10pm (ABC)

WRITTEN BY KEVIN MURPHY, TOMP SPEZIALY, MARC CHERRY, JOHN PARDEE & JOEY MURPHY
DIRECTED BY LARRY SHAW
==========================
TRANSCRIPT:
==========================

Mary Alice’s House
On a table is a picture of Mary Alice, Bree, Susan, Gabrielle and Lynette hugging and smiling.
"My name is Mary Alice Young, and before I died, my life was filled with love, laughter, friendship, and, sadly, secrets."
Cut to Mary Alice exiting her front door, taking out the trash.
"The secrets had begun fifteen years earlier when my name was Angela Forrest, and I was living a life of quiet desperation."
Cut to Mary Alice serving breakfast to Paul, who is pouring orange juice while sitting at the dining room table.
"I'd feel it every morning as I made breakfast for my husband."
Paul: "If you could stop by the market today, that would be great. I'm out of shaving cream."
Cut to Mary Alice in the supermarket parking lot.
"And during the errands I ran in the afternoons."
With a supermarket apron on, a bag boy loads groceries into Mary Alice’s car. She hands a tip to him.
Bag Boy: "So Friday's double coupon day. You'll save a bunch if you come on Fridays."
"Even at my work every evening."
Cut to Mary Alice at the hospital. She approaches the nurse’s station with a file folder. A younger Felicia Tilman is talking to a nurse who is looking at a calendar at the desk.
.Nurse: "What a lovely calendar. Was this taken around here?"
Felicia: "Oh, no. That's way out in Fairview. I have family there. Isn't it idyllic?"
Mary Alice begins putting files away. Felicia hands her another file.
Felicia: "Here, Angela. You can file this."
Mary Alice: "Oh."
"To me, each day was gray and meaningless. And then one night, suddenly..."
Cut to Mary Alice taking out the trash. A young woman approaches in the dark, carrying a baby.
Deirdre: "Hey, Angela."
"There was color."
Mary Alice: "Deirdre. What are you doing here?"
Deirdre: "I need some money."
Later, Deirdre looks around Paul and Mary Alice's living room, holding her baby. Paul stands off to the side and Mary Alice brings a glass of water to Deirdre.
Mary Alice: "Deirdre, here."
The baby begins whimpering. Deirdre drinks the water quickly and hands the glass back to Mary Alice. She keeps her reddened eyes averted.
Mary Alice: "You're using again, aren't you?"
Deirdre: "No, I just, um, I just got to get some food for my baby and some other stuff."
Mary Alice: "Well, if the baby's hungry, we can go to the market and I'll buy food."
Deirdre: "I-I can shop for my own baby, okay?"
The baby begins to fret.
Deirdre: "Quiet! I can't think. See this watch? It's worth a lot. I'll give it to you for fifty bucks."
Paul: "She's not giving you money."
Deirdre: "Do you mind? Angela, you're the only one at rehab who treated me like a person. Okay, please, please don't stop now."
Mary Alice: "I'm sorry."
Mary Alice walks to the front door and opens it.
Deirdre: "I'll sell you my baby!"
Mary Alice: "What?"
Deirdre: "I heard you talking and I know you can't have your own. It's been killing you."
Paul: "It's time that you left."
Deirdre: "No, I, I'm thinking about Dana. You'll give him a good home. Okay? He'll be better off. Okay? Shh. Quiet. Quiet!"
Paul: "Honey!"
Mary Alice holds up her hand to silence Paul.
Deirdre: "How much money do you keep in the house? "
The baby continues to cry. Mary Alice slowly closes the front door.
CUT TO:
Clinic
Paramedics roll in a gurney carrying an unconscious Deirdre.
Felicia: "She has a ten-month-old baby. Where the hell is it?"
Policeman: "I don't know. If we'd seen a kid, we certainly wouldn't have left it sitting in the middle of a crack house."
Felicia: "If anything happens to that child, I will have your badge."
Mary Alice stands close by, listening to the conversation.
Policeman: "Just let me do my job, huh? We'll post an Officer at the junkie's bedside. If she wakes up, we'll let her tell us where she left her kid."
Deirdre's gurney is rolled out the room. Mary Alice's eyes focus on the calendar hanging at the nurse’s station. She looks at the picture of a group of houses in the town of Fairview.
CUT TO:
Mary Alice's House
A realtor comes out of the house, greeting Paul, Mary Alice, and young Dana.
Realtor: "I really do hope you folks will be happy here in Fairview.
Paul: "Thank you."
"And we were."
Mary Alice: "Wave bye, Zach. Wave bye-bye."
"We were as happy as any family could be."
Mary Alice and Paul smile at each other, then enter their new home.
"Until one night three years later..."
Hand knocking on the door late at night.
"When there was a knock at our door and I was desperate once again."
Mary Alice opens the front door. Deirdre is standing there.
CUT TO:
CREDITS
CUT TO:
Wisteria Lane, Nighttime
"It was five o'clock in the morning on Wisteria Lane when the phone calls started."
CUT TO:
Susan's House
The telephone rings. Susan rolls over in bed to pick up the phone.
"Of course, each of them knew something was wrong from that first ring."
Susan: "Hello?"
CUT TO:
Lynette's House
The telephone rings.
"After all, it's one of the unwritten rules of suburbia..."
Lynette wakes and grabs the phone.
Lynette: "Hello?"
CUT TO:
Gabrielle's House
The telephone rings.
"...don't call the neighbors in the middle of the night..."
Telephone ringing. Gabrielle grabs the phone.
"...unless the news is bad."
Gabrielle: "Hello?"
CUT TO:
Hospital
"And so they came with their uncombed hair and their unmade faces. They came because after all these years..."
Susan, Lynette and Gabrielle exit the hospital elevator, walking quickly. They come to a waiting room where Bree is sitting there alone.
Susan: "Bree."
"They were no longer just neighbors."
Susan, Lynette ,and Gabrielle go Bree and sit with her.
Bree: "Hi. What are you doing here?"
Susan: "We heard Rex had a heart attack. How is he?"
Bree: "Um, he's stable, but, um, they have to put in a pacemaker, so they're gonna need to operate. How did you guys know?"
Gabrielle: "Danielle called."
Lynette: "So how are you doing?"
Bree: "We were having a fight when he had the heart attack, and I'm just feeling really guilty, because I should have gotten him here sooner and - "
Gabrielle: "Honey, the doctors here are great!"
Lynette: "Yeah, and he's so young, he's gonna bounce right back."
Susan: "I'm sure you have nothing to worry about."
Bree: "You know what? I am so happy that you guys came here, I really am, but I am trying really hard to be strong, so if you keep comforting me..."
Lynette: "You're gonna lose it?"
Bree: "Mm-hmm."
Gabrielle: "Then we won't comfort."
Bree: "Thank you."
Gabrielle: "We're just gonna talk about non-crisis things."
Susan: "Oh, I know. Uh, I found Mrs. Huber's journal in some of Mike's stuff, and I think she knew Mary Alice's secret and was blackmailing her."
Bree, Gabrielle and Lynette look at her.
Lynette: "Yep, that'll do it."
CUT TO:
Outside Felicia's House
Zach walks quickly out the front door, Felicia right behind him.
Felicia: "Zachary! Come back here, please."
Zach goes to his own house, slams the door and runs up the stairs. He is carrying a suitcase and heads up the stairs. Felicia enters after him.
Felicia: "Your father told you he would be gone for a while. He said you should let me look after you."
Zach: "I will be fine by myself. I am not a child."
Zach continues upstairs, goes to his room, and lays down on his bed. Felicia enters.
Felicia: "I know you're not a child, but I think we should discuss this."
Felicia sits on the bed next to Zach.
Zach: "I'm fine, really."
Felicia: "Why should you fend for yourself when you can just come home with me? Let me shoulder the burden. It would really be my pleasure-"
Felicia reaches to brush Zach’s hair back. Zach pushes her away and jumps up from the bed. Felicia jumps back.
Zach: "Stop! What kind of freak are you? Just leave me alone, all right? You are not my mother! I told you that I am fine. Now stop acting like my mother and go home."
Felicia: "I wish it were that easy, Zachary, for your sake, but it's not. Your father's not coming back."
Zach: "He said that he was."
Felicia: "He lied. I wanted to spare you this, but your father and I discussed it, and he decided that he shouldn't come back. Now, get your bag and let's go home. I'm gonna make you some pudding."
Felicia walks out of the room. She starts down the stairs and as she reaches the bottom, Zach runs after her, holding a hockey stick.
Zach: "What did you do to my dad?"
He swings the hockey stick at her.
CUT TO:
Outside Paul's House
From the Young's front lawn, the sounds of someone being struck over and over can be heard.
Zach: "Tell me!"
CUT TO:
Mrs. Applewhite's House
The new neighbor, Mrs. Applewhite, comes out onto the porch carrying a sewing basket. Edie approaches.
Edie: "Mrs. Applewhite?"
Mrs. Applewhite: "Yes?"
Edie: "Hi. I'm Edie Britt. The realtor that helped you buy this house?"
Mrs. Applewhite: "Oh, of course. Hi."
Edie: "Hi. I've been so curious to meet you."
Mrs. Applewhite: "Really? Why?"
Edie: "It's just that I've never sold a house over the phone before."
A young man comes out the front door and closes the door behind him.
Edie: "You were awfully brave, buying the place sight unseen."
Mrs. Applewhite: "Not really. We could tell from the advertisement it was just what we were looking for. This is my son Matthew."
Matthew approaches and reaches to shake Edie’s hand.
Matthew: "It's nice to meet you, ma'am."
Edie: "Please. Call me Edie. Ma'am's for middle-aged women."
Edie looks over a bush and points to Susan across the way who's putting trash in her trash can.
Edie: "...like her. You can call her ma'am anytime you want. So are you two finding everything okay? Because we didn't do our realtor's walk-through."
Mrs. Applewhite: "Everything is fine."
Edie: "Oh, honey. Escrow's closed. Now I can show you where to put the buckets when the rain comes."
Mrs. Applewhite: "Edie. The house is fine. But how lovely of you to stop by."
Edie: "Okay. Here is my card. Call anytime you want. Bye."
Matthew and his mother watch Edie walk to her car.
Matthew: "People are very friendly in this neighborhood."
Mrs. Applewhite: "Yes. Yes, they are."
CUT TO:
Susan's House
Susan paces while on the phone. She is holding Mrs. Huber’s journal.
Susan: "Mike, Hi, sweetie. I hope the job's going well. Um, so I hope you're not mad, but I found Mrs. Huber's journal in your truck, and, well, I couldn't exactly not read it, so I did, and, um, I know all about the blackmail, so call me. We'll talk. Love you. Bye."
Later, Susan is on the phone again.
Susan: "I haven't heard back, and I was getting a little concerned. The girls and I were talking, and, we think that maybe Paul Young killed Mrs. Huber, and if he did, then maybe he killed your old girlfriend, too, so we should really talk about this so call me. I love you. Bye."
Later, Susan is on the phone again.
Susan: "I thought the whole point of having a cell phone was so someone could reach you when they needed to talk. How can we move forward as a couple if you won't communicate with me? Mike, I need you to call me back! I mean it! Love you. Bye."
Later, Susan is on the phone again.
Susan: "I am so sorry for that last phone call. Um, let's just say it was the worry talking. I just really need to talk to you, and-"
There's a small chirping sound coming from the phone.
Susan: "Can you hang on? I got another call. Hello?"
Mike: "Hey, it's me."
Susan: "Oh, my God. Where have you been?"
Mike: "Uh, the reception's pretty lousy up here, but I got your messages."
Susan: "Well, I'm really sorry for that last message. I was just, uh..."
Mike: "Stressed out?"
Susan: "Yes. Let's call it stressed out. Uh, so how did you get Martha Huber's journal?"
Mike: "Oh, um, her sister, Mrs. Tilman, gave it to me. She was helping me with my search."
Susan: "I just really think we need to give it to the police."
Mike: "Uh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely."
Susan: "Really?"
Mike: "Sure. Yeah. As soon as I get through with this job, we'll make an appointment with that detective, what's his name, uh, Copeland."
Susan: "Great. That's great."
Mike: "All right, so I'll, uh, see you in a few hours."
Susan: "Okay. Hurry, though. I just have a feeling that Paul Young is in the middle of all of this."
Mike: "Well, let's not rush to judgment."
Mike hangs up. He’s in his truck and turns to look at the back seat, where Paul Young is tied up with tape over his mouth. Mike drives off into the mountains.
CUT TO:
Courtroom Waiting Room
Carlos is sitting in a chair wearing an orange jump suit with handcuffs on. Gabrielle enters carrying a suit.
Carlos: "What are you doing here?"
Gabrielle: "I'm here to testify for you, Carlos. Can you take those off?"
Policeman (unlocks Carlos' handcuffs): "Yes, ma'am."
Gabrielle: "There's no way I'm dressing him."
Carlos: "Gabby, thank god you're doing this. Beating up a second gay guy? It looks bad."
Gabrielle: "Yes, well, Carlos, in some circles, beating people up at all is frowned upon."
Carlos: "So why'd you change your mind?"
Gabrielle: "Well, I'm about to be the mother of your child, which means a lot of responsibility and little time for myself. So if I'm gonna get you out of this mess, you have to reciprocate."
Carlos: "Okay."
Gabrielle: "When the baby cries in the middle of the night, you're gonna get up without saying one word. Doctors' appointments: you're driving. I'm not putting a car seat in my Maserati. And you will also be on bottle duty. That means washing, sterilizing, and filling. That way I'll have some semblance of a life, and then maybe I won't hate you so much."
Gabrielle tightens Carlos’ tie. He winces. She fixes his collar.
Gabrielle: "All right, there we go. So we're good? See you in court."
Gabrielle begins walking out.
Carlos: "Hey, Gabby? Aren't we breast feeding?"
Gabrielle: "Oh, honey, if you can swing that one, more power to you."
Gabrielle leaves the room.
CUT TO:
Pizza Place
Inside a children’s Pizza Parlor. Lynette and Parker enter, with Lynette pushing the stroller.
Parker: "Can I buy my own pizza?"
Lynette: "Uh, you can, honey, If you can pay for it."
Lynette hears cheering and yelling. She looks over to the game area and sees Tom playing air hockey with a bunch of kids.
Tom: "Yeah, that is nineteen, nineteen, nineteen-zip. Bring it."
Lynette: "Just stay here with Penny for a second, okay?"
Lynette walks into the game room and approaches Tom.
Lynette: "Tom?"
Tom: "Yes! In your face! That is twenty-zip game, out!"
Lynette: "Tom, what are you doing?"
Tom: "I'm playing air hockey. What's it look like? Kevin, you're up."
Lynette: "Well, it's the middle of the day, and shouldn't you be at work?"
Tom: "Mm, no. I quit."
Lynette: "You did not."
Tom: "Yes. Yesterday. I told Peterson he could stick it. Boom! You're not bringing it, Kevin! Bring it!"
Lynette: "Could you talk to me for a second? I don't understand."
Tom: "What? You asked Peterson's wife to make sure he wouldn't promote me. So he gives a huge promotion to Annabel, so I quit. What don't you understand?"
Lynette: "Okay. Okay. Could we go home and talk about this, please?"
Tom: "No, we can't. Serve it up, meat."
Lynette: "You're just gonna stay here and play games all day?"
Tom: "No, I'm gonna go and get some ice cream, and then I'm gonna go up to the lake, maybe rent a boat, do whatever it is I feel like -- God!"
Boy: "Gotcha!"
Lynette: "Tom."
Tom: "Go home, Lynette. Go home before I say something I regret. Go home."
Lynette walks away.
Tom: "All right, you. You score this next point, you get your bike back."
CUT TO:
Hospital Room
Bree is sitting beside Rex who is attached to various monitors. Rex opens his eyes and looks over at Bree.
Rex: "What are you thinking about?"
Bree: "Oh, I was just, um, thinking that I need to start, uh, spring cleaning."
Rex: "You haven't done that yet?"
Bree: "No, and I need to clean out our rain gutters, and, uh, beneath the refrigerator, and I can't tell you how long it's been since I've replaced the shelf liner, so..."
Rex: "Then you'll finish off with our wedding silver."
Bree: "How did you know that?"
Rex: "See, all those years, you didn't think I was paying attention. But I was."
Bree: "And do you know why I save it for last?"
Rex: "No."
Bree: "Because it makes me think of my Aunt Fern. On the day we got married, I told her how happy I was, and she told me that even during bad times to always remember that the best was yet to come. And so as I polish it, I think about you and the kids and our life and how right she was."
Rex: "They're gonna operate on me."
Bree: "I know."
Rex: "I wanna say some stuff just in case."
Bree: "Rex, you don't have to say anything."
Rex: "I'm sorry for everything I did. The moving out, the infidelity, the sex stuff..."
Bree: "It doesn't matter. From here on in, can we just say that we're even?"
Rex reaches for Bree’s hand. Bree clasps his hand.
Rex: "Okay."
Bree: "Thanks."
Bree sits on the bed next to Rex and tenderly touches his face.
Bree: "And for the record, you are gonna come through this operation just fine."
Rex: "How can you be so sure?"
Bree: "Because I told you: the best is yet to come."
Bree kisses Rex. She places her head on his chest and Rex puts his arm around her.
CUT TO:
Outside Susan's House
Susan, Julie, and Karl come out. Karl is holding Julie’s suitcase.
Julie: "So I'll see you Sunday. Don't forget to feed Bongo."
Susan: "Oh, thanks. I'll go do that now."
Karl: "Go on in the car, sweetie. I have to talk to your mom real quick."
Julie gets into her father’s car.
Karl: "So you're gonna go live in sin with the plumber slash ex-con?"
Susan: "It's funny you should mention sin. I think adultery still falls in that category."
Karl: "I, I don't like the idea of this guy being around Julie twenty-four seven."
Susan: "He's a good person."
Julie: "Mike's cool, dad. He cares about us a lot, and I like having him around. So don't mess this up."
Susan: "You heard the girl."
Karl: "He's still a plumber."
Karl get into his car and drives away. Julie waves goodbye. Susan goes across the street to Mike’s house.
CUT TO:
Mike's House
She enters the darkened house with a key. Bongo begins barking and growling.
Susan: "Now, you be a good boy, Bongo, or you're gonna go to bed hungry."
Susan goes into the kitchen. Zach comes out from behind a wall. Susan turns and sees Zach. He has a gun in his hand.
Zach: "Hi, Ms. Mayer. Can you sit down, please?"
Susan is sitting at the dining room table. Zach is sitting across from her with the gun on the arm of the chair. Susan looks into the kitchen and sees a block with knives on the counter. She looks around the room. She sees a tall vase and part of a moose horn. She begins standing up.
Susan: "I'm just gonna go get some water."
Zach: "I'd rather you didn't."
Susan slowly sits back down as Zach keeps his gun trained on her. Edie walks up Mike’s porch. She knocks.
Zach: "Don't answer it.
Zach gets behind the door where it’s dark and peeks out. Edie looks through the window and sees Susan quietly sitting there.
Edie: "I know you're in there, Susan. I can see you. If you don't want to talk to me, fine. At least have the courtesy to hide."
Edie begins to knock louder. Susan looks at Zach as though saying, "what should I do?"
Zach: "All right, but don't let her in."
Susan gets up and opens the door a crack. Zach is standing behind the door holding the gun on her.
Susan: "Edie, what a pleasant surprise."
Edie: "Right. Is Mike home?"
Susan: "Uh, no, he's on a big plumbing job. What's up?"
Edie: "Can I come in?"
Susan: "Why?"
Edie: "I'm warning all the neighbors. Felicia Tilman was attacked."
Susan: "She was?"
Edie: "At the Young house. They just took her away an ambulance. I'm totally freaked out. My guys haven't shown up at the job site yet. I'm over there all alone, so do you think maybe I could just come in and hang out for a while?"
Susan mouths "Zach is sticking a gun at me" to Edie, but Edie misunderstands.
Edie: "Stick it up my what?"
Susan: "Just get the hell out of here."
Edie: "God, you are such a bitch."
Susan slams the door on Edie. She faces Zach who continues holding the gun on her.
Susan: "Why?"
Zach: "I asked Mrs. Tilman to tell me the truth about my father. She did."
Susan: "What'd she say?"
Zach: "Mr. Delfino took my dad away to kill him. Now I'm gonna kill Mr. Delfino."
CUT TO:
Courtroom
Gabrielle is on the stand.
Gabrielle: "Your Honor, this whole mess is just a result of my loneliness. My marriage is a bit strained, and after Carlos was convicted-"
Judge: "No one's been convicted yet, Mrs. Solis. This is just a Grand Jury hearing."
Gabrielle: "Oh, no, no, I'm talking about his other crime."
Judge: "Oh, right. Go ahead."
Gabrielle: "Anyway, he was placed under house arrest, and he being the jealous man that he is, got a little crazy every time I left the house."
The courtroom is filled. Justin, with a bruised face, is sitting in the back. Also in the courtroom is the cable guy Carlos previously attacked.
Gabrielle: "He knows how men look at me, and, well, I, I didn't exactly ease his mind. I falsely led him to believe I was having an affair. And, and before Carlos's house arrest, he was always working, and he was never with me. And I thought that maybe if he believed I was having an affair, he would realize he loved me. And I know it sounds stupid, I do. I just-"
Prosecution Attorney: "Is there a point to this?"
Gabrielle: "My point is that Carlos is an angry, jealous Neanderthal. But he's not a gay-basher."
Judge: "All right. I've heard enough. Counsel, approach."
Holding his hand over the microphone, the judge speaks with the attorneys.
Judge: "I've got to be honest, I don't think we have a hate crime here."
Gabrielle, listening intently, turns to Carlos and nods encouragingly at him. Just then, John enters the courtroom. As the judge and attorneys continue talking, John approaches Carlos from behind. Gabrielle watches in horror as John leans to whisper into Carlos’ ear.
John: "Just so you know, you beat up the wrong guy. Didn't you think it was strange that you had the only lawn on Wisteria Lane that needed to be mowed three times a week?"
He claps Carlos on the back and gives Gabrielle a brief fierce stare before walking off.
Carlos slowly turns his head to look at Gabrielle. Her eyes widen and Carlos turns his body to look at where John is standing directly behind Justin.
Carlos: "You are so dead! You are so dead. You are dead!"
Carlos jumps over the barrier and runs toward John. Judge pounds the gavel.
Judge: "Order!"
Gabrielle: "Aaah. Carlos!"
Attorney: "He’s doing it again!"
Lady: "He’s going after the gay guy!"
Carlos runs toward John but Justin is in his way. He knocks Justin down.
Cable Guy: "Hey, for God’s sakes. Somebody stop him!"
Guard: "Get off of him!"
Gabrielle: "Stop it!"
Guards pull Carlos up. John stares at Carlos with hate in his eyes. Carlos yells at John.
Carlos: "I'll kill you! Te voy a matar! I am going to kill you!"
The guards pull Carlos out of the room.
Judge: "Ladies and Gentlemen, please be seated. We will have order!"
Everyone sits down. Gabrielle looks at John who has a very smug look on his face.
CUT TO:
Desert
Mike drives his truck up to a very deserted area. He gets out and opens the back door.
Mike: "Get out."
Mike pulls Paul out of the back. He pulls the tape off Paul’s mouth. Paul’s hands are tied behind his back. Mike takes a shovel out of the truck.
Paul: "I'm not trying to justify anything. I don't know how you knew Martha Huber, but she ruined lives. For fun. She destroyed my family."
Mike: "This isn't about her."
Paul: "I don't understand."
Mike: "Walk."
Mike pushes Paul and they begin walking.
CUT TO:
Hospital Room
Rex's doctor, Dr. Craig, is looking at Rex's chart.
Dr. Craig: "Remember when we first tested you, your potassium level was bit high."
Rex: "Yes. You made me stop eating bananas.
Dr. Craig: "But as we've continued testing, it's kept climbing. We've now run an entire battery of tests, and your kidney function is fine. It has to be something you're ingesting."
Rex: "Let me see. These numbers can't be right."
Dr. Craig: "Who prepares your meals?"
Rex: "Bree."
Dr. Craig: "I understand you've been having some marital problems."
Rex: "All right, wait a minute."
Dr. Craig: "Wasn't there also an incident at a salad bar? She gave you onions when she knew you were allergic."
Rex: "That was an accident."
Dr. Craig: "You're getting this potassium from somewhere."
Rex: "Get out."
Dr. Craig: "Rex."
Rex: "I mean it. Get out. Leave the chart. I want to read it."
Dr. Craig leaves the room. Rex begins reading his chart.
CUT TO:
Lynette's House
Tom comes in. He sits at the table across from Lynette.
Lynette: "So, did you have a fun day?"
Tom: "As a matter of fact, I did. I probably had the most fun that I have had in a long time."
Lynette: "You know, I didn't tell you to quit."
Tom: "No. No, no, no. No, you made damn sure that I'd go nowhere for the next twenty years."
Lynette: "I don't know what to say."
Tom: "I hear "please forgive me" is popular."
Lynette: "Yes, I am sorry. I am so, so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. But I was trying to protect our family. If you got a promotion, we never would have seen you. You would have been traveling all the - "
Tom: "Lynette, Lynette, Lynette, you're right. You're right. You're right. That promotion would have just killed us, so this is gonna all work out."
Lynette: "What does that mean?"
Tom: "It means that I can use the break."
Lynette: "Oh, well, yeah. I think it would be good for you to take some time off."
Tom: "No, not some time. Full time. I'm gonna be a stay-at-home dad."
Lynette: "Huh?"
Tom: "What the heck? You earn the living for a while."
Lynette: "Tom, that's...crazy."
Tom: "Why? Why is it crazy? You and I both know that you're better at the ad game, and you tell me all the time how hard it is to be a mom."
Lynette: "Well, yes, yes, it is hard, but I, I love it, too, and I've been doing it for six years, and I haven't complained the entire time."
Tom: "Fair enough. Fair enough. But be honest. Secretly, you miss the ad game, don't you? I mean, you miss the pressure and the deadlines and the, the power lunches. Or am I wrong? Maybe, maybe you want to sort dirty socks the rest of your life."
Lynette: "We should talk about this seriously before we make any rash decisions."
Tom: "I already made the decision. You're going back to work."
Tom gets up and goes upstairs.
CUT TO:
Mike's House
Susan is sitting on the stairs. Zach is sitting on the floor next to Bongo.
Susan: "Can I at least get you something to eat, Zach?"
Zach: "You can get me a soda. Thanks."
Susan gets up and walks toward the kitchen. Zach gets up behind her. Susan goes to the refrigerator.
Susan: "I gotta say, I think you're making a mistake. Mike couldn't kill anybody. I mean, this could just be a misunderstanding."
Susan hands Zach a soda she has opened for him.
Zach: "This is not a misunderstanding."
Susan: "Listen, I know you're upset, but is this really what you think your mother would want you doing?"
Zach: "Probably not."
Susan: "Exactly. Because she raised you right. Look you have been through a lot. you've lost your mom. you're still carrying around the guilt over what happened to your baby sister."
Zach: "I never had a baby sister!"
Susan: "Honey, I know about Dana."
Zach: "How stupid are you? I'm Dana. My mother was some junkie. They stole me and changed my name. They have been lying to me my entire life. Everyone lies to me! My mother! My father! Mrs. Tilman! Even Julie. Do you understand how much that hurts?"
Susan: "Look, Zach. I know you're upset. Let’s just, let's just sit down and talk."
Zach: "Why! So you can lie to me also?"
He points the gun at her and she puts her hand up as though pleading for Zach to stop.
Zach: "No more talking."
Susan nods and Zach points the gun downward.
CUT TO:
Hospital Room
Rex closes his chart. He breathes heavily as he grabs a pen and paper and begins to write, "Bree, I understand and I forgive you."
CUT TO:
Bree's House
Bree is polishing silver when the phone rings.
Bree: "Hello?"
Dr. Craig: "Bree, it's Dr. Craig. I'm at the hospital, and I'm afraid I have some bad news."
Bree: "Oh?"
Dr. Craig: "Rex passed away about ten minutes ago."
Bree: "But his operation, it's not until tomorrow."
Dr. Craig: "I know. He just didn't make it. I'm so sorry. We did everything we could. Bree?"
Bree: "Yes, of course you did. Thank you very much for calling."
Bree slowly hangs up the phone. She walks into the dining room and finishes polishing the silver. She closes the box and puts it on the shelf. She walks to the table and straightens the tablecloth. She sits down and, looking at the empty chair across the table from her, begins to sob.
The camera slowly pans over to a photograph of Bree and Rex on their wedding day.
CUT TO:
Desert
Paul and Mike continue walking.
Paul: "This is a long way to go to do what you could have done in my backyard. You're kind of taking your time, walking a lot. You sure you know what you're doing? You ever actually had to kill anyone for real before?"
Mike: "Yeah."
Paul: "Oh."
Mike: "But since you're so tired of walking, let's just do this here."
Mike pushes Paul to his knees. He pulls out a gun and points it at Paul
Paul: "I don't expect any favors from you, obviously. But could you at least do me the courtesy of telling me why we're here?"
Mike pulls out a photograph of him and Deirdre and tosses on the ground in front of Paul.
Paul: "You knew Deirdre?"
Mike: "Yeah. And I know what you did to her. She was just a sad girl with a lot of problems, and she did some terrible, crazy, selfish stuff, but you tell me what she ever could have done to deserve death at the hands of somebody like you."
Paul: "It's complicated. It's, uh, complicated."
"And just like that, my husband began sharing my secrets."
CUT TO:
Mary Alice's House
Flashback to when Mary Alice was alive. Mary Alice cut up some vegetables.
Mary Alice: "You want some carrots, Zachary?"
"Secrets I had died to protect."
She carries the carrots into the dining room.
Mary Alice: "There you go. We have to get that fence up in the backyard before the pool’s finished."
Paul: "I know."
Mary Alice: "I'm serious. You know how kids are drawn to water."
She continues cutting up vegetables when there's a knocking at the door. She goes to answer the door, opens it, and finds Deirdre standing there.
Deirdre: "Hello, Angela."
Later, Deirdre sits in the living room across from Paul and Mary Alice.
Deirdre: "You did a good job covering your tracks. I had to spend a lot of my father's money hunting you down."
Mary Alice: "Congratulations. You found us."
Deirdre: "You know, I never told the police what happened."
Paul: "You didn't?"
Deirdre: "They would have put Dana in foster care, or worse, given him to my father. So I kept our little secret."
Mary Alice: "Well, we appreciate that."
Deirdre: "Anyway, I guess you can see I've gotten myself cleaned up."
Mary Alice: "Yes, you look lovely."
Deirdre: "I'm not the same person you knew back then, Angela. I'm in a good place now."
Mary Alice: "You can't have him."
Deirdre: "Just because I didn't go to the police before doesn't mean I can't do it now."
Mary Alice stands up.
Mary Alice: "Zach is our son."
Deirdre: "His name is Dana."
Mary Alice: "If you think I'm giving my baby to some junkie, you're crazy."
Deirdre: "He's not your baby."
Paul: "Look, just calm down."
Deirdre: "You were always so high and mighty back at the clinic, looking down on us poor degenerates, pretending you wanted to help when all you really wanted was to feel superior. You self-righteous bitch."
Mary Alice: "You're still using, aren't you?"
Deirdre: "Go to hell."
Mary Alice grabs Deirdre’s arm. Deirdre tries to pull away.
Deirdre: "What are you doing?"
Mary Alice: "Let me see your arm."
Deirdre: "I said I'm clean!"
Paul steps in the separate them.
Paul: "Take it easy. Let's just take it easy."
Deirdre begins to go to the stairs.
Mary Alice: "Where do you think you're going?"
Deirdre: "I'm getting my son, and I'm taking him home."
Mary Alice: "Paul, stop her."
Paul runs after her and grabs her.
Paul: "Deirdre, please."
He pushes her back to living room and she falls on the floor.
Paul: "Come on. Sit down. Sit down."
Deirdre: "Get your hands off me!"
Mary Alice: "We raised him. We're his parents."
Paul: "Come on. Come on.
Deirdre grabs the poker from the fireplace and hits Paul. He collapses.
Mary Alice: "Paul!"
Deirdre: "Don't worry. I'll give him a good home."
Deirdre throws the fireplace poker down and starts towards the stairs again. Mary Alice grabs a knife and stabs Deirdre.
Mary Alice: "No!"
Deirdre falls coughing and groaning. Paul begins to get up, holding his bleeding forehead.
Paul: "Oh, Mary Alice. What did you do?"
Mary Alice goes to Zach’s room, quickly emptying his toy chest. Zach wakes up.
Zach: "Mommy?"
Mary Alice: "It's okay, Zach. Mommy needs to borrow your toy chest. You go back to sleep, okay?"
She hugs him.
In the living room the toy chest is next to Deirdre’s body.
Paul: "What are we gonna do?"
Mary Alice: "You said they were pouring the concrete for the pool tomorrow?"
Paul: "You can't be serious."
Mary Alice: "They'll never find her. We can put her in this."
Paul: "She won't fit."
Mary Alice: "Then we'll have to make her fit."
Mary Alice bends down and pushes Deirdre’s sleeves up.
Paul: "What are you doing?"
Mary Alice: "Checking for track marks."
They see that her arms are clean.
Mary Alice looks up to see Zach standing on the stairs watching them.
CUT TO:
Present - In the Desert
Mike: "Deirdre had a baby?"
Paul (nods): "Let's get this over with."
Mike points the gun at Paul. After a few seconds, he drops his hand, then walks away, leaving Paul tied up on his knees, watching him go.
"It's an odd thing to look back on the world, to watch those I left behind. Each in her own way so brave, so determined, and so very desperate."
CUT TO:
Lynette's House
"Desperate to venture out, but afraid of what she'll miss when she goes."
Lynette stands in the doorway of the boys' room watching them sleep.
CUT TO:
Gabrielle's House
"Desperate to get everything she wants, even when she's not exactly sure of what that is."
Gabrielle sits alone in her bedroom.
CUT TO:
Bree's House
"Desperate for life to be perfect again, although she realizes it never really was."
Bree is in her bedroom, laying out Rex’s burial clothes.
CUT TO:
Mike's House
"Desperate for a better future, if she can find a way to escape her past."
Zach stands by the front door and Susan is at the kitchen table.
CUT TO:
Mary Alice's House
Focus in on the original picture of the five women hugging each other and smiling for the camera.
"I not only watch, I cheer them on, these amazing women. I hope so much they'll find what they're looking for."
Mike pulls in the street in his truck. He pulls into his driveway and walks into his house. Zach and Susan hear him walk up the stairs.
"But I know not all of them will. Sadly, that’s just not the way life works. Not everyone gets a happy ending."
Mike walks into his house and closes the door behind him.
The End
===== DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES =====

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES 1X22（英文剧本/free scripts)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 00:12:00 -0700

1X22 - GOODBYE FOR NOW
ORIGINAL AIRDATE : Mon, May 15th, 2005 @ 10pm (ABC)

WRITTEN BY JOSH SENTER
DIRECTED BY DAVID GROSSMAN
==========================
TRANSCRIPT:
==========================

Teaser
Edie Britt sits in her car at the construction site. She checks her appearance in the rearview mirror, then gets out of the car.
"Edie Britt’s favorite moment of every day was her arrival at the construction site of her new home, because she knew what was about to happen. Her sudden appearance was always sure to generate a few appreciative glances, a few lascivious looks, and some downright ogling. Sadly for Edie, the one man she wanted most to notice her..."
Edie looks across the street to where Mike Delfino is bringing in the newspaper. She smiles and raises her hand in greeting, but he doesn't notice her.
"...paid her no attention at all. Yes, Edie needed attention to feel good about herself and she was determined to get it."
A construction worker walks over to her.
Cyrus: "Ms. Britt, you look extra beautiful today."
Edie: "Oh, Cyrus, you’re so sweet."
Cyrus: "So anyhow, I, I was wondering if maybe I could, uh, take you out to dinner sometime."
Edie: "Oh honey, you are so far out of your league that you are playing a completely different sport."
She takes a box of doughnuts from the top of his car and walks across the street, where she knocks on Mike's door. Mike answers.
Edie: "Hey, there."
Mike: "Hi Edie. What’s up?"
Edie: "Nice ensemble, you busy?"
Mike: "No, not really."
Edie: "Oh good, I bought a bunch of fresh doughnuts for my construction workers and as you can see, I bought a few too many, so I thought maybe you and I could -"
Susan appears at the doorway, next to Mike.
Edie: "Susan!"
Susan: "Hey there Edie."
Edie: "What are you -"
Susan: "Mike and I got back together."
Edie: "Super."
Susan: "I knew you’d be happy for us. So what’s going on?"
Mike: "Uh, Edie was just about to -"
Edie: "Free doughnuts. Want em’ or not?"
Susan: "How sweet, thanks. Why don’t you go put these on a plate? Oh, and save me one with sprinkles."
Mike goes into the kitchen.
Susan: "I cannot believe you are still coming onto him."
Edie: "You said you two were finished. You thought he was a murderer."
Susan: "And that was your cue to come over and flirt? You wasted your time and your doughnuts."
Edie: "Not if you choke on them."
Mike: "Well, thanks Edie. The doughnuts look great."
Edie: "Pleasure. See ya."
Susan: "You know, I’m gonna run home and get some milk to go with those doughnuts."
Mike: "Hey, you know it’s, it's a shame you got to keep running back and forth."
Susan: "Well, I can’t have doughnuts and juice. It’s unnatural."
Mike: "No, I mean we should move in together. Come on, what do you say?"
Susan: "Um, I say, oh! Hold that thought. Edie, Edie stop! Stop! Hang on."
Edie: "What now?"
Susan: "Oh, I was just rude back there gloating and everything and I apologize."
Edie: "Well, thank you, Susan. Very big of you."
Susan: "And on a completely unrelated topic, Mike and I are moving in together. See ya."
She runs back to Mike.
"Yes, Edie Britt needed the attention of men to feel good about herself."
Edie pulls up in her car to the construction site.
Edie: "Hey, Cyrus. You have lunch plans?"
Cyrus: "No."
"And even she was amazed at how far she was willing to go to get it."
Edie: "Ellsberg Hotel. Half an hour. Welcome to the majors."
She drives off.
CUT TO:
Credits
CUT TO:
Wisteria Lane, Outside
"Mr. And Mrs. Edward Mullins were finally leaving Wisteria Lane. In the past year their street had played host to arson, violence, blackmail, and murder. Fearing they too would be infected by this moral decay, the Mullins felt it was time to say goodbye. Strangely enough none of their neighbors seemed to notice they were moving out."
The Mullins get into their packed car and drive off.
CUT TO:
Gabrielle's House
Gabrielle comes out of her house to where Justin is mowing the front lawn.
Gabrielle: "Hey, I thought you might be thirsty."
Justin: "No, I’m good."
Gabrielle: "So, how’s your roommate doing?"
Justin: "He’s hanging in there."
Gabrielle: "Well, uh, I had to, um, tell him some news that was a little bit upsetting for him."
Justin: "No kidding."
Gabrielle: "Excuse me?"
Justin: "Where do you get off telling John he’s not good enough to raise a child? That kid can be his."
Gabrielle: "It is a complicated situation."
Justin: "It seems pretty simple to me. You’re an unfeeling bitch."
From inside the house, Carlos looks out of the window and sees Gabrielle slap Justin across the face. Gabrielle storms inside and heads up the stairs.
Carlos: "Why’d you hit the lawn boy?"
Gabrielle: "Well if you saw what he did to our pogonias you’d slap him too."
CUT TO:
Peterson Advertising
Lynette walks into Tom's workplace, carrying a large cake with the words "Welcome Back Duggan!" written on it. She walks into the office that Tom and Annabel share.
Lynette: "Hey."
Tom: "Hey Lynette what are you doing here? What’s this?"
Lynette: "You told me Duggan’s coming back to work today, I thought I’d do something special for him."
Tom: "Uh huh, and this wouldn’t have anything to do with you checking up on me and Annabel?"
Lynette: "What?"
Tom: "Yesterday you brought my pictures of the kids. The day before that you brought me soup. Lynette, honey, it's gotta stop."
Lynette: "Tom, I don’t care about you working with Annabel. I told you that. This is for Duggan. He had a heart attack. I don’t care about Annabel."
Annabel walks past them to leave the room.
Annabel: "Hey, Lynette."
Lynette: "Huh. Speak of the devil. And I mean that."
Carrying the cake, Lynette leaves and follows Annabel into the office kitchen.
Annabel: "Well, you’re becoming a regular fixture around here, aren’t ya?"
Lynette: "Oh, yeah. I wanted to do something nice for Duggan."
Annabel: "I suppose filling his blood stream with butter fat might be considered nice."
Lynette: "Actually, it’s fruit juice sweetened. Can I cut you? A piece?"
From outside of the kitchen, a man's voice is heard.
Man: "Everyone, I need to see you right now."
Inside a conference room, a grey-haired man, Dan, speaks to the employees standing around the room.
Dan: "Okay listen up. I just spoke with Tim Duggan’s wife and it looks like he’s not gonna be returning to work after all. Seems that he had a relapse last night which unfortunately puts us in a very tight spot. We’re gonna work together as a team and do what we need to do, so Jerry you're taking the Holister account, Suzanne, you're covering Paradise Springs, and Annabel, I want you to take the lead on the Traveler’s hotel chain. You’re leaving for Hawaii in three days."
Annabel: "I can’t handle Traveler’s by myself, especially not if they're moving into the print."
Dan: "Well, choose someone to take with you."
Annabel: "Oh, okay. Um, I choose Tom."
Lynette, holding the knife that she used to cut the cake, steps forward and Tom automatically puts his hand out to stop her.
CUT TO:
Mini-Golf World
Bree and George play miniature golf together.
Bree: "Well, let’s see I’ve beaten you to bridge, and mahjong and hearts. This is your last chance to redeem yourself."
George: "Stop it. You’re gonna make me laugh."
As George lines up his shot, Bree, standing behind him, walks her fingers over his back. He turns to look at her.
Bree: "Okay, okay, I’ll be good."
She walks around to his side and whispers in his ear.
Bree: "Miss it, miss it, miss it."
George: "Bree."
Bree: "Come on, I'm allowed to psych you out."
She walks a little bit away and suddenly George gets a worried look on his face. He turns his feet in and hunches over, not moving.
Bree: "Okay, time’s up. Take your best shot."
George: "I’m not ready yet."
Bree: "Hurry up. There're people waiting."
George: "One more minute."
Bree: "Come on, take your best -"
She reaches out and swipes gently at his arm. He pulls his arm away, still hunched over.
George: "Don’t do that."
Bree: "George, do you have an erection?"
George: "I’m sorry."
Bree: "What on earth?"
George: "You were blowing on my ear."
Bree: "I was teasing you."
George: "Exactly."
Bree: "You have got to get rid of it. There are children present."
George: "How?"
Bree: "I don’t know. Um, um think of something unpleasant."
George: "Like what?"
Bree: "Like famine, or disease, or hobos. Whatever. Just hurry."
Later, they walk away from the golf course.
George: "Look, you can’t be mad about it. It’s not something men can control."
Bree: "I kept this friendship going because I though Rex’s dislike of you was paranoid, but you had feelings for me all along. God, this is just such a betrayal."
George: "Come on, Bree. The only thing I am guilty of is loving you in silence."
Bree: "Well you shouldn’t be doing that. In case you’ve forgotten I’m married."
George: "To a selfish, two-faced liar who betrayed you with a hooker."
Bree: "I told you in confidence. How dare you throw it back in my face."
George: "So, you’re ending our friendship, after everything I’ve done for you?"
Bree: "What is that supposed to mean?"
George: "Nothing. It didn’t mean anything."
Bree: "George, I do love you as a friend. I wish you could love me the same way back, but since you can’t, goodbye."
She walks off.
CUT TO:
Edie's House
"Later that day, Edie Britt witnessed something disturbing."
Edie looks out of her window and sees Mike, carrying a moving box, kissing Susan.
"Something she was determined to put a stop to."
CUT TO:
Lynette's House
Bree, Lynette, and Gabrielle sit around the table, preparing for poker. Edie comes in from the living room.
Gabrielle: "So is Susan coming?"
Lynette: "She said she might be a little late. They already started moving a few of Mike’s things over to her house."
Bree: "Already? Wow, good for her."
Lynette: "Yeah, it’s nice to see Susan so happy again."
Edie: "Yeah, I’m happy for Susan. But don’t you think she and Mike are moving a little fast? I mean two days ago, she was thinking he was a murderer and now she’s moving in with him?"
Gabrielle: "She found out it was in self-defense. I think they’ve cleared everything up."
Bree: "Yeah good point."
Lynette: "Mike's a decent guy."
Edie: "Yeah, that’s true. Of course there was the gun shot wound."
Lynette: "That’s right. Did they ever explain that?"
Bree: "No, and I know guns and that wound was not self-inflicted."
Edie: "And then what about Mrs. Huber’s blood-stained jewelry?"
Lynette: "Yeah, that didn’t walk into Mike’s garage by itself."
Gabrielle: "Maybe this is a mistake. If there’s one thing I’ve learned men can’t be trusted."
Edie: "Hold it. Are you saying that we should put a stop to this?"
Bree: "Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to sit her down and share our concerns."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, we could do that."
Lynette: "Yeah."
Bree: "Edie, do you want to be a part of it?"
Edie: "Well normally, I’d prefer not to get involved, but if there’s anyway that I could help Susan..."
CUT TO:
Susan's Garage
Susan comes out to take a box from Mike, who's truck is parked on her driveway.
Susan: "We need to talk."
Mike: "Okay."
Susan: "When I was packing up your stuff in your bedroom, I found a box of bullets."
Mike: "Oh."
Susan: "Look, I feel really bad about Deirdre, and I know that you must want to find out who killed her, but if we’re gonna move in together, we can’t have this stuff hanging over us. You've gotta get rid of it. All of it: the file, the map, the gun, especially the gun and leave this to the police. They’re the professionals."
Mike: "Well, what can I say? It seems like a reasonable request."
Susan: "Oh. Really? Well, that was easy. Maybe after lunch we can talk about your leather bean bag chair."
Mike smiles and as Susan walks back in, he looks down the street. He sees Paul get out of his car, leave a box filled with items on a Martha Huber's doorstep, then get back in his car and drive away.
CUT TO:
Martha Huber's House
Zach and Felicia sit at the kitchen table. The box from Paul is sitting on the table and Paul is reading from a note.
Zach: "I realize now that I’ve treated you badly. I’m the one who needs to get help not you, so I have to go away for a while, in the meantime Mrs. Tilman will look out for you."
Felicia: "I don’t consider it a burden. You know you’re welcome here."
Zach: "I left you some things, I hope you can take comfort in them. I got you a new mitt. Work on your curve ball while I’m gone. I love you. Dad. Well, I don’t understand. Why wouldn’t he come see me? Why just run away?"
Felicia: "Your father’s been very troubled, dear. I’m sure he did what he felt was best for you."
Zach: "And he wants me to take comfort in this junk? I hate baseball. You think he would know that."
Felicia: "Zach."
Zach runs away from the room. Felicia picks up a photo of Mary Alice that Zach knocked down. She begins cleaning up the rest of the items he knocked to the floor. She picks up the baseball mitt and after a second, she slips her hand into the mitt. She pulls out a note hidden in the mitt. It reads: "Zach, I didn’t leave you. Meet me at the baseball field - Thursday at midnight. Dad"
Felicia crumples the note in her hand.
CUT TO:
Bree's House, Nighttime
Gabrielle looks out the window.
Gabrielle: "Susan’s coming."
Edie: "Okay guys. Interventions are never pretty, so stay strong cause she’s probably gonna cry."
The doorbell rings. Bree goes to answer it while Edie, Gabrielle, and Lynette line up near the couch.
Susan: "Bonjour. Oh hi, I didn’t know that the cooking lesson was gonna be a group activity. Well, the more the merrier, right? As long as nobody makes fun of my lousy crepes. How come I’m the only one wearing the apron?"
Later, all five women sit around the table, with coffee cups in front of them.
Lynette: "I know it seems like we’re ganging up on you, but you’re moving so fast we thought a sort of intervention was necessary."
Edie: "I know it’s tough to hear. None of us wanted to do this."
Susan: "I appreciate what you guys are trying to do, I really do. Um, I’m not gonna change my mind. In my life, I’ve been hurt a lot, Karl, and uh, well it’s just taught me to be cynical, and to expect the absolute worst from people, and I don’t want to live like that anymore, and when Mike asked me to move in with him, I was just happy, just ridiculously happy. I mean, I still am and I want to go with that feeling. I love him and I love him! So I’m gonna expect the best from Mike, and I know that he is gonna deliver that in return. Okay?"
Bree, Lynette, and Gabrielle lean to her and give her assurances.
Edie: "This is the worst intervention I have ever been to."
CUT TO:
Restaurant
Baby Penny sits in a high chair while Lynette has lunch with Natalie.
Natalie: "This is fun. It’s forever since we had lunch."
Lynette: "Well, as happy as I am to see you, I actually have an agenda. I ran into someone last week who said you guys were looking to hire. Is that true?"
Natalie: "Yeah. Are you thinking of coming back? Because say the word -"
Lynette: "No, no, not me. I was actually thinking more about Tom."
Natalie: "Oh, Tom?"
Lynette: "Yeah, he’s been thinking about making a move for a while. He kind of feels like he’s done everything he can where he is now."
Natalie: "Huh. Well Tom's certainly solid."
Lynette: "He’s more then solid, Tom’s ideas are spectacular. He’s passionate about his work. His visual instincts are off the chart."
Natalie: "Is he as good as you?"
Lynette: "He’s apples, I’m oranges, we excel in different areas. Trust me, you should give Tom a look."
Natalie: "I don’t need apples. I need someone like you. Cut throat. Ruthless."
Lynette: "Geez, Nat, you make me feel like some kind of shark. Ah, okay. You know, actually, if that’s the kind of exec you’re looking for..."
Natalie: "You’d get a shark for me?"
Lynette: "Yes, a very pretty shark."
CUT TO:
Bree's House, Outside
Bree gets into her car and drives off. Down the street, George watches. Once the car has driven away, he gets out and goes up to Bree's house.
CUT TO:
Bree's House, Inside
George spills out Rex's prescription bottle. He fills it up with pills that he brought with him.
In their bedroom, George opens up various dresser drawers. He comes to Bree's underwear drawer and stops, staring at the panties lying neatly in there.
He lays down some pantyhose on the bed and when he pulls away, he takes out a digital camera, taking a picture of a bra, underwear, and pantyhose lying on the bed in the approximate positions they'd be on a woman.
George opens up their closet, pushing aside clothing. He kneels down and sees a box. He opens it and begins pulling out various sexual toys: handcuffs, a riding whip, fuzzy handcuffs, and leather clothing.
CUT TO:
Doctor's Office
Rex sits on the examining table, buttoning his shirt. Bree sits in a chair off to the side.
Doctor: "So, here’s what I’m thinking. I’m gonna see if Dr. Morrison at the Lipstone Clinic in come in and consult."
Rex: "You’re wanna bring someone else in?"
Doctor: "Your body isn’t responding to the medication the way it should, and the tests we’ve run have all come back negative, so I, I just want to be on the safe side."
His pager goes off.
Doctor: "Excuse me. I need to take this."
He leaves the room.
Bree: "I don’t know why, but I have this overwhelming feeling that you’re gonna be just fine. I really do."
Rex: "Lee Craig has the biggest ego of any doctor I know. If he wants to consult with someone, that means he’s stumped, which means I’m screwed."
Bree: "Don’t say that."
Rex: "Dammit, Bree, do you understand what’s going on here? I could die."
Bree: "So could I."
Rex: "What?"
Bree: "I could walk across a street tomorrow and be hit by a car."
Rex: "What in god’s name is your point?"
Bree: "All I’m saying is that we’re both gonna die eventually, and in the time that we have left, whether it’s two days or two decades, I think that we should be nice to each other."
Rex: "You’re right."
CUT TO:
Martha Huber's House
The doorbell rings. Felicia opens the door to find Mike standing there.
Mike: "Um, Mrs. Tilman. Paul Young’s been missing the last couple of days have you seen him?"
Felicia: "Why ask me?"
Mike: "Well, I saw him leave a box on the door step and I've also seen Zach over here."
Felicia: "If I did know where Mr. Young was, why would I tell you?"
Mike: "Look, um, the police think I killed your sister, and I’m sure you do too, but I swear to you I had nothing to do with it."
Felicia: "And you think Paul Young did?"
Mike: "Well, no, that’s not what I’m saying."
Felicia: "You've got to admit, it’s a neat theory. Care for a snack?"
She walks away from the door, leaving it open. Mike stares after her, then follows.
Later, Mike sits at the kitchen table, reading through a journal while Felicia sets down a teapot with cups, then sits down, herself.
Felicia: "Okay so it’s not such a stretch, the wonder if Paul avenged his wife’s death by killing Martha for blackmailing them. But perhaps I’m alone in that."
Mike: "You’re not."
Felicia: "Aren’t you sweet? Tea?"
Mike: "Thanks. Do these journals say anything about why your sister was blackmailing the Youngs?"
Felicia: "Not specifically, but I got the definite impression that it involved a murder. Now here you are saying your friend was murdered."
Mike: "Any reason you haven't showed these to the police?"
Felicia: "Are you in favor of the death penalty?"
Mike: "Um, yeah."
Felicia: "So am I. We had it in Utah. Not in this state, though. A shame, don’t you agree?"
Mike: "Yeah, I do."
Felicia: "I like you so much, Mr. Delfino."
Mike: "You know where Paul Young is?"
Felicia: "I’m afraid not, but I know where he’ll be on Thursday night."
CUT TO:
Gabrielle's House, Outside
"That afternoon after retrieving her mail, Gabrielle was surprised to finally learn the truth behind her pregnancy."
Gabrielle opens up a letter.
"Very surprised."
The rest of the mail drops out of her hands and lands on the ground.
CUT TO:
Gabrielle's House, Inside
Carlos: "Hey babe, you want to go online and check out schools? What’s going on?"
Gabrielle: "I just want to say goodbye, because I’m leaving you."
Carlos: "What?"
Gabrielle: "You see, your health insurance sent us a letter because someone ordered a year's worth of birth control pills, and apparently our policy doesn’t cover drugs bought by the kilo."
Carlos: "I told you, it was mamá."
Gabrielle: "The prescription was dated, Carlos, and Juanita was in a coma when this claim was filed. You did this, not your mother. At least be man enough to own up to it. She would’ve been."
She storms out of the house and is halfway across the lawn when Carlos catches up to her and grabs her arm.
Carlos: "Stop."
Gabrielle: "Ah, ah, ah pregnant, cave man, remember?"
Carlos: "Where are you going?"
Gabrielle: "Away."
Carlos: "I’m going to jail. I’ll be gone tomorrow."
Gabrielle: "I know. That’s why I only packed one bag."
She starts to drive off in her car.
Carlos: "What about the baby Gabrielle, huh? What about my baby?"
Gabrielle: "Oh, your baby?"
Carlos: "Fine. Our baby. Hey, we’re a family now. This baby needs its mother and its father."
Gabrielle: "Oh Carlos. Whoever said you were the father?"
She drives off. Edie drives up and gets out of her car, holding a "Sold" sign.
Edie: "Hey."
Carlos begins walking quickly to her car. His ankle bracelet begins beeping.
Carlos: "Hey."
Edie: "Hey, what the hell are you doing?"
Carlos gets into her car and she quickly grabs her purse from the passenger's seat. Carlos drives off.
Edie: "Damn felon!"
Gabrielle and Carlos both drive.
In a parked police car, two cops sit. They get a call over the speaker from dispatch.
Speaker: "All units code D-1630 suspect is a violation of house arrest. Currently headed west on Park Boulevard."
Policeman: "Um, this is unit fourteen we’re on our way. Looks like the feds have a runner."
Policeman #2: "Lets go."
CUT TO:
John and Justin's Apartment, Inside
Justin, in a robe, starts to take a bite of a sandwich, but is interrupted by a knock on the door. He answers it and finds Gabrielle there.
Gabrielle: "Is John here?"
Justin: "If I say no, are you gonna slap me again? He’s working. Why?"
Gabrielle: "I just left my husband."
CUT TO:
John and Justin's Apartment, Outside
Carlos pulls up across the street from where Gabrielle's car is parked. He sees Gabrielle and Justin come out of the building and he slouches down so they can't see him. Gabrielle and Justin hug. Gabrielle walks to her car.
CUT TO:
John and Justin's Apartment, Inside
Justin starts to take a bite of his sandwich, but again is interrupted by a knock on the door.
Justin: "Hang on."
He opens the door and finds Carlos there. Carlos punches him and as Justin falls to the floor, Carlos begins kicking him.
Carlos: "Think just because you mow my lawn you can bang my wife?"
CUT TO:
John and Justin's Apartment, Outside
The policecar pulls up to where Carlos's car is parked. The cops get out and run towards the apartment.
CUT TO:
John and Justin's Apartment, Inside
Carlos is still kicking Justin when the police rush in and grab Carlos.
Police: "Hey, hey, hey, get off."
They slam him against the wall.
CUT TO:
Peterson Advertising
Tom comes out of his office. He sees in Dan's office that Annabel is shaking Dan's hand and seems very happy. She leaves, smiling.
Tom: "Hey, what’s going on?"
Annabel: "Oh Tom, I have had the craziest day. This morning the guys from Mitchell and Currents called me in. They offered me a job."
Tom: "Well, are you gonna take it?"
Annabel: "Well, I told Peterson about it and they just upped their offer. He just made me vice president."
Tom: "Of what?"
Annabel: "Tom! The firm. He gave me Duggan’s old job. Isn’t that wild? I have to go tell Scotty. I’ll see you later."
Dan: "Oh Tom, I was just coming to find you."
Tom: "What the hell, Dan? I mean what the hell? You promoted Annabel over me?"
Dan: "She got another job offer. I couldn’t afford to lose her, not now."
Tom: "Well, guess what, you lose me, 'cause I quit."
Dan: "Tom, don’t overreact."
Tom: "No, the first time you pass me by, I took it like a good soldier, but since Duggan’s heart attack, I have already been doing the job, I’ve already been doing it, then you just hand it to Annabel?"
Dan: "Okay, you made your point."
Tom: "No, you make crappy decisions on a daily basis, Dan, I got to tell you, but this one this is the stupidest."
Dan: "Hey, watch yourself."
Tom: "You have been running this company in the ground since you got here. The way I see it, I’m getting out easy."
Dan: "All right, Scavo, you want to know why I gave that promotion to Annabel? Why she got the knot instead of you? It was Lynette."
Tom: "What?"
Dan: "She went to my wife and begged her to get me to kill your promotion. She said that if you start traveling more, it’s gonna hurt your family."
Tom: "She did that?"
Dan: "Now I feel like a chump for trying to help you guys out. I guess it was another one of my crappy decisions. Have your desk cleaned out by tonight."
Dan leaves.
CUT TO:
John and Justin's Apartment
Two EMT men lift up a gurney that has Justin on it. Carlos, with his hands handcuffed behind him, sits on the couch.
Policeman: "You want to tell us what you have against this kid?"
Carlos: "It’s between him and me and my wife."
Policeman: "Is that what this is about? You’re doing his wife?"
Justin: "No. I’m gay."
Policeman: "You’re gay?"
Carlos: "What?"
Justin: "I’m gay."
Carlos: "This is not happening again."
Policeman #2: "What do you mean again?"
Carlos: "I want a lawyer."
CUT TO:
Supermarket
Bree is grocery shopping. George, also grocery shopping, comes down her aisle.
Bree: "George. Hi. What are you doing here?"
George: "I’m shopping, obviously."
Bree: "Why are you shopping here? You live on the other side of town."
George: "My friend had an operation. I’m buying her some things."
Bree: "Oh, well, that’s very nice of you."
George: "Wait, Bree, I have to tell you something."
Bree: "Well?"
George: "You need to tell Rex to be more discreet when it comes to discussing your love life."
Bree: "I’m sorry?"
George: "I don’t want to say anything more. You just really need to tell him that."
Bree: "Wait a minute. What in the world are you talking about?"
George: "I was at the hospital, visiting my friend who had had this operation, and I overheard two doctors talking about Rex’s fondness for S and M."
Bree: "You heard that?"
George: "Apparently he told them he has a box of toys? And gets you to do very inappropriate things."
Bree: "I see."
George: "Bree, this is clearly none of my business and I would’ve never brought this up, but to hear those two men laughing about you, I just thought you should know."
Bree: "Well, thank you for telling me, but I think, um, I’ve got to go."
She leaves. George walks over to her abandoned grocery cart and pops a grape into his mouth.
CUT TO:
Mike's House, Outside
Mike pulls his truck into his driveway. Susan comes out of the house.
Mike: "Hey, I got some more boxes."
Susan gives him a long kiss.
Mike: "That’s your answer for everything these days."
Susan: "So, what do you think we should do for dinner?"
Mike: "Oh, I, uh, can’t. I just got an emergency phone call. Busted water main."
Susan: "Okay, I’ll keep it warm for you."
Mike: "I’m afraid I'm gonna be too late for dinner."
Susan: "I wasn’t talking about dinner."
Mike brings some boxes into the house and Susan opens up the car door to remove some unfolded boxes in the backseat. She finds the journal that Mike had been reading, while having tea with Felicia.
Mike: "Need some help?"
Susan: "No, no, I got it. Um, I got it. So, if you've got a plumbing emergency shouldn’t you get going?"
Mike: "Um, they’ve already got somebody on it. I’m just a part of the relief crew."
Susan: "Well, I'll just get back to work."
CUT TO:
Mike's House, Outside, Nighttime
Susan and Julie sit in their car, across the street from Mike's house.
Julie: "Mom, stalking? Are we really doing this? You just made such a huge deal to your friends about how much you trust him now."
Susan: "Well, that’s before I found Mrs. Huber’s journal in his truck."
Julie: "So, what’s in it?"
Susan: "It’s not about what’s in it, it’s about the fact that he had it at all. I would bet you anything he is not going on a plumbing job and we’re gonna find out."
Julie: "Mom, if you don’t trust him, why are you moving in with him?"
Susan: "I don’t have time to explain adult relationships to you. Oh duck down."
Later, they drive.
Julie: "I think you lost him."
Susan: "He’s six cars up. We have to stay this far back or he’ll see us."
Julie: "Okay great, but we can’t see him either. I got to tell you, mom, you’re not great at this."
Susan: "Oh yeah? When your father was cheating on me I used to follow him all the time. I know my stuff. There he is."
Julie: "What’s Mike doing? Who's that he’s pulling up to?"
Susan: "I don’t know, but I’m gonna find out. Wait here and lock the doors."
She leaves and walks up to the SUV. She pulls open the door.
Susan: "All right what the hell are you up to?"
Inside the car is a man with a woman, both half undressed. They turn to stare at her.
Susan: "Oh my god, wow, um, okay oh, wow um, bye."
Woman in Truck: "Was that your wife?"
Man in Truck: "If that was my wife, you think I’d be here with you?"
Susan gets back in the car with Julie.
Julie: "It wasn’t Mike, was it?"
Susan: "No, no it wasn’t."
CUT TO:
Prison
In a visiting room, Gabrielle looks at a drawing of Carlos. She lowers the drawing and looks at Carlos, sitting across the table from her in an orange prison jumpsuit.
Gabrielle: "They’re charging you with a hate crime?"
Carlos: "You remember when our cable guy was beaten up? That was me. I thought you were cheating with him."
Gabrielle: "With our gay cable guy?"
Carlos: "I didn’t know he was gay. I didn’t know Justin was either. Now the cops think I’m some kind of serial gay basher."
Gabrielle: "Well you sort of are."
Carlos: "Well you provoked me. You were pretending to have an affair just to punish me."
Gabrielle: "Well, obviously."
Carlos: "So now, I need you to lie again. I need you to tell the cops you were having an affair and that I just beat up the wrong guy. Guys."
Gabrielle: "I am not lying for you, Carlos."
Carlos: "Gabby, if this charge sticks, I get sent away for eight years."
Gabrielle: "Am I supposed to be impressed? Because of your little stunt with my birth control pills, I’ve lost my freedom for the next eighteen years."
Carlos: "Gabby please don’t do this. Gabby, don’t walk away. Gabby!"
Gabrielle leaves.
CUT TO:
Susan's Car
Susan and Julie drive back home.
Susan: "Okay next time I won’t bring my daughter to stalk my boyfriend. It was a slight error in judgment. Honey, please don’t give me the silent treatment."
Julie: "I’m not. Did you say you read this?"
Susan: "Yeah, part of it. Why?"
Julie: "Mrs. Huber was blackmailing Zach’s mom."
CUT TO:
Baseball Field, Nighttime
Paul stands by the bleachers, alone. He looks at his watch, then hears a noise.
Paul: "Zach?"
He turns and is punched in the face by Mike.
CUT TO:
Bree's House
Rex lies in bed, sleeping. Slowly, he wakes up and sees Bree sitting by the window, looking out.
Rex: "What are you doing up?"
Bree: "Couldn’t sleep, so I was just sitting here thinking."
Rex: "About what?"
Bree: "You really want to know?"
Rex: "Bree, I’m not feeling too hot right now so just tell me. What’s up?"
Bree: "I was thinking that the biggest mistake of my entire life was agreeing to marry you."
Rex: "Let me guess. I’ve done something wrong."
Bree: "Forcing me to share in your depraved pasttime wasn’t bad enough, you had to share my humiliation with your co-workers?"
Rex: "What?"
Bree: "Rex, everybody is talking about our sex life. Every sordid little detail right down to that box of perversions you keep in your closet."
Rex: "Bree, I, I never said anything to anyone. I swear to god."
Bree: "You’re a liar."
Rex: "Who told you this?"
Bree: "It doesn’t matter."
Rex: "It does matter because I never said anything."
Bree: "Well then how do people know because we both know that I wouldn’t say anything."
Rex: "Why would I tell people about what we do in bed?"
Bree: "I don’t know Rex. Maybe you were bragging or maybe you just subconsciously wanted to hurt me. Well, congratulations, you did it. I am officially destroyed."
Rex: "I didn’t say anything."
Bree: "I don’t believe you."
Rex: "Oh, oh."
Bree: "Rex? What is it?"
Rex: "I think I’m having a heart attack."
Bree: "No, you’re not."
Rex: "Bree, you’re gonna have to take me to the hospital."
Bree: "Um, all right. You, uh, go downstairs and I will be, I'll be right there."
She hands him his robe and he leaves the room.
Later, Rex sits at the bottom of the stairs, leaning against the side of the rails, his eyes closed. Danielle comes down the stairs.
Danielle: "Daddy? What are you doing?"
Rex: "I’m waiting for your mother to take me to the emergency room."
Danielle: "What’s wrong?"
Rex: "I’m having a heart attack."
Danielle: "Oh my god. Where is she?"
Rex: "That’s a good question."
Danielle runs back upstairs and into Bree's bedroom, where Bree is calmly making the bed.
Danielle: "Daddy says he’s having a heart attack."
Bree: "I know. I’m gonna take him to the hospital."
Danielle: "Well when?"
Bree: "When I finish making the bed."
Danielle: "What?"
Bree: "I never leave the house with an unmade bed. You know that."
Danielle: "But daddy needs to go to the hospital."
Bree: "There. Now we can go."
She walks slowly past Danielle.
CUT TO:
Peterson Advertising, Nighttime
As a janitor mops the floors in the outer room, Tom puts his belongings into a box.
"Nothing is forever and the time comes when we all must say goodbye to the world we knew."
CUT TO:
Jail Cell
Carlos holds a picture of Gabrielle and himself, while sitting in his jail cell.
"Goodbye to everything we had taken for granted."
CUT TO:
Hospital
Lying on a gurney, Rex is wheeled away. Standing by a nurses station, Bree watches him go.
"Goodbye to those we though would never abandon us."
CUT TO:
Outside
A moving van pulls up to the Mullins' old house.
"And when these changes finally do occur, when the familiar has departed and the unfamiliar has taken its place, all any of us can really do is to say hello and welcome."
A teenager gets out of the driver's side and goes around the van to the passenger side, where he opens the door. A woman steps out and the two of them look at the house, then walk up to the front door.
The End
===== DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES =====

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