The City That Breeds

ADORABLE ALERT – BABY DOLPHIN ARRIVES AT THE NATIONAL AQUARIUM

Evan — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 17:55:50 +0000

I normally don’t copy/paste PR like this but LOOK AT THIS DOLPHIN IT IS SMALL AND GAAAAAAAAH (PR after the jump)

THE National Aquarium WELCOMES NEWEST ADDITION TO DOLPHIN COLONY

11 year old Atlantic Bottlenose Dolphin named Jade gives birth to second dolphin calf

Baltimore, March 12, 2010 – Staff and volunteers at the National Aquarium are excited to announce the newest addition to the dolphin colony: At approximately 9 p.m. on Wednesday, March 10 Jade, an 11 year old Atlantic bottlenose dolphin, gave birth to her second calf. At birth the calf was approximately 30 lbs and 2-3 feet long. The sex of the calf is undetermined at this time.

The calf is very alert and appears to be healthy. It has been swimming along alongside Jade and Shiloh, a 31 year old experienced mother, taking synchronized breathes with Jade, and has started to nurse. The trainers are cautiously optimistic about its progress. Even with a successful birth and experienced motherly care, some 33% of calves do not survive their first year of life in either ocean or Aquarium settings.

“We do everything we can to provide the right habitat conditions, nutritional needs and care for the mother and calf, their survival depends more on the mother than anything else,” commented Sue Hunter, director of animal programs at the National Aquarium. “Jade is lucky enough to have two other female dolphins in the nursing pool who can assist her with motherly duties, and our staff is prepared to help with feeding if necessary.”

The new calf joins ten other Atlantic bottlenose dolphins in the Aquarium pools, including two other youngsters. Foster is Jade’s first calf and will turn three in September. Bayley is the youngest of the dolphin colony and will turn two years old in July. Both appear to be curious about the new arrival but are staying out of the way of the mom and calf for now.

To allow ample time for the calf and mother to bond, and for the calf to become accustomed to its new surroundings, the amphitheater will be closed for 24-48 hours and all dolphin shows suspended. As marine mammal trainers and veterinarians become confident that the mom and calf have had ample time to bond in a quiet setting and are ready for visitors and activity, the amphitheater will be re-opened for the public quiet dolphin shows and presentations.

In the meantime, visitors can see most of the dolphins through the underwater viewing windows and interact with dolphin trainers and education staff.

Over the next few months trainers and volunteers will monitor the progress of the calf through around the clock observations. The calf will live on its mother’s milk for the first three months of life; trainers will begin to offer the calf fish at about 3 months of age. As the calf develops the Aquarium will determine plans to name it.

The public is encouraged to visit Waterlog, the Aquarium’s blog, at www.aqua.org/blog to see a video of the new dolphin calf, and TXT the word DOLPHIN to 30644 to receive dolphin and other news from the Aquarium. message and data rates apply

What the HELL Southeastern?!?

A simple case for Google Fiber or: Mike hates Comcast

Evan — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 17:03:55 +0000

With all this talk about Google possibly coming to town and laying down a fiber optic network the likes of which the world hath never seen, I would make it a point to note that in doing so, Google would be making an enormous humanitarian leap in releasing the city of Baltimore from the grips of Comcast, one of the only area providers of high speed internet. It is with this thought in mind that I anxiously present to you Angry Mike, a displeased (former) Comcast customer and former housemate of mine. Feel his pain, point and laugh. Take it away, Angry Mike!

Yet another glowing endorsement of a corporate entity

I know, i know, saying COMCAST SUCKS is like saying the sky is blue or shit stinks. But seriously, they suck. Like, at EVERYTHING.

I signed up for their service long ago at my new house, and brought the equipment from my old house over. They apparently lost one of the HD converter codes in the move, as it would no longer work. A technician came out, called in the number, fixed some connections, and all was right in the world. Then my rates went up, not a few bucks oh no no – but by around $50. Well fuck you very much!

So i called and got a reduction, by invoking the unholy trinity of Verizon/VerizonHighSpeed/DirecTv. They quickly caved and got my bill back down to a respectable $140/month (still retarded). However, this entire time, my DVR’s often shit the bed, recording nothing, not responding to the remote, recording half a show, etc. When i requested some replacement DVR’s, I was very politely informed that they don’t have any… Seriously? WTF?

Well, ok, credit me my rental fees ($25!!) until you get new ones Dickface! Once again, they bowed to my superior logic and debate skills. After months of waiting for new DVRs, and hours of frustration, I decided to say FUCK IT and get a TiVo unit. Between the subscription fee, and the rental of a goddamn cable card, I wouldn’t be saving any money, but at least I’d be paying someone OTHER than Comcast.

…Or so i thought! First, they don’t have any cable cards, a fact which the technician was kind enough to inform me of after I had been waiting for him for 2 hours. Well shit, when will you have more? He had no idea. Neither did the local office, or the national 1-800 #. The only people who would know are in the warehouse, and apparently NOBODY can find them. It is at this point I am convinced I’m being Punk’d© and start actively searching for Ashton Kutcher’s face so I can punch it. Then I realize, “esus Christ Mike, that show and your joke are like 10 years old, get with the times.” “Fuck you Brain!” I say, and run off to kick the nearest guy in skinny jeans in the throat.

Fortunately for him, I get a call from Comcast saying my card is in stock and there will be someone out to install it directly. HOORAY. I bet you can guess what happens next! NOTHING. They can’t get it working, and in the process manage to break my other receiver! GG COMCAST!! So i’ve had enough. I’m so close to having a stroke I can see dead relatives. I cancel my service and immediately get Verizon/DirecTv. I take my equipment back to the Comcast office in the extremely convenient location of Pimlico (WHO THE HELL IS THAT CLOSE TO?) and check with the woman. So I’m good here, no more bills, no nothing, right? Yep, she replies.

Apparently in Comcast-ese, “Yep” means, bend over and shove your head up your ass because you are about to be in a world of shit. I am now currently on the phone for the second time, on hold for 35 minutes and counting. The gentleman who took my call first uselessly claimed “boy I hope you kept your receipt” (which I did, I simply need to remember where I put it). Apparently, nobody bothered to record my cancellation and stop billing me. However, they did manage to credit my account for canceling my HD Package. WHICH MAKES TOTAL SENSE.

So in closing, I blame Comcast for any and all crime in Baltimore City. After dealing with them, I really want to go shoot, stab, beat someone to death. Thank you very little.

PS 45 minutes and counting.

August 9th, 2010 – Save the date!

Evan — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 20:34:38 +0000

Why should you bother saving such a date six months in advance? Because that is the expected date of birth of lil’ Megatron, niece/nephew of one Mike Affinito. On February 27th, Mike started the Facebook page “MY SISTER SAID IF I GET ONE MILLION FANS SHE WILL NAME HER BABY MEGATRON,” and within less than 12 days he has well over 1.1 million fans.

Oh internet, you never cease to rule.

And so it is with baited breath that we await Lil’ Megatron, which hopefully will end up female.

Lil' Megatron

Dispatches from the Spam Box

Evan — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 16:47:20 +0000

For members of the blog set, spam comments are a fact of life. Annoying, link-filled facts of life that fortunately get filtered 99.9% of the time to their appropriate home, the spam box. The thing about spam, though, it has gotten considerably bizarre in recent history. Aside from the usual links to some sort of Viagkra WEBISTE 4 CHEAP, a few have caught my attention due to their context; the post, the “author” and the comment itself can sometimes be unintentionally hilarious. Here are some of my favorites.

William J. McDonald – UR MOMA IS SO HAIRY THAT HARRY POTTER GOT JEALOUS….

(in reply to Obligatory Stephanie Rawlings-Blake suggestion post pt. 2)

For the record that joke doesn’t really make any damn sense.

Health Insurance – As soon as I discovered this blog I wanted to kick myself in the face to make sure I wasn?t dreaming. I backed away from the computer and walked around my department with a huge smile on my face. I was in such a great mood that I asked out this girl from the coffee shop that I think is cute. Posts like this slap all others straight in the nuts.

(in reply to Twilight of the Plastic Bag Saga)

Hey if you say so!!

Doggy -

Hola,
De d?nde eres? ?Es un secreto?
Have a nice day

Doggy

(in reply to This snuggie thing is absolutely out of effing control)

Doggy,
Uhhhh, me llamo Enrique.

tadwina – ?????? ???????? ???????? ?????? ???????? ?????????????? ?????? ?????? ???? ???????? ???????? ?????????????? ?????? ???????? ???????? ?????? ???????? ?????????????? ???? ?????????? ???????? ?????????? ?????????? ???????????? ( ?????? Vs ???????? ) ?????? ???????? ???????? ?????? ???????? ?????????????? ?????? ?????? ??.?????????? ?????? ?????? ???? ???????? ???????? ???????? ??????????????.?????????? microsoft ???????????? ?????????????? .?????????????? ?????????????? ????????

(in reply to I just hate uggs)

Ah yes, I get this question often.

Online Shopping – Hi there, I found your blog via Google while searching for first aid for a heart attack and your post looks very interesting for me.

(in reply to A perfect fall drink – Spiced Bourbon)

Good to know that an article on spiced bourbon appears in search results for heart attack first aid! (spoiler: it doesn’t)

Oh spam, when will you learn??

The wonders of spam

HI I’m Joe Flacco

Evan — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 15:00:03 +0000

HII’MJOEFLACCOANDPIZZAHUTPIZZAISMYFAVORITEPIZZA. SOMEOFTHESENAMESTHEYCAMEUPWITHFORMYPIZZAISPRETTYWEIRDTHOUGH – THEWACCOFLACCO?THATMAKESMESOUNDPSYCHO!
HEYCHECKOUTTHISAWESOMEPLATETHEYPHOTOSHOPPEDONTOMYHANDIT’SPRETTYBADASS

No related posts.

UPCOMING EVENTS PLUGATHON

Evan — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 19:37:59 +0000

Saint Patrick’s Day weekend is upon us. Quake with fear. Do some stuff while you’re at it.

4TH ANNUAL MUSTACHE & MINISKIRT PARTY

When: Friday, March 12th 9pm
Where: Joe Squared (133 West North Avenue, Charles North)
More What: (Facebook) Grow out your mustache and dust off that miniskirt for the 4th annual mustache & miniskirt party, this friday! Featuring live music by Claire Hux and a drunken spelling bee! Free!

SOME SORT OF GETTING DRUNK EVENT

When: All weekend 24/7
Where: Baltimore, MD
More What: Seriously try walking out of your front door this weekend without tripping over a bar crawl, bar special, kegger, beer bash, stein hoist, green party, blippity bloppity blorp. Oh and the St. Patrick’s Day parade on Sunday, March 14th at the Inner Harbor, 2pm.

CORNED BEEF AND CABBAGE EATING CONTEST

When: Sunday, March 14th 5pm-6pm
Where: Burke’s Restaurant (36 Light Street, Downtown)
More What: (Facebook) Eat your way through plate after plate of Saval Deli Corned Beef and Cabbage to win!
1st Place- $300 plus 4 passes to The Comedy Factory
2nd Place- $150 plus 2 passes to The Comedy Factory
3rd Place- $50 plus 2 passes to The Comedy Factory

Own a piece of Baltimore’s corrupt history!

Evan — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 13:00:11 +0000

In what simply must be the greatest news ever to hit my cerebral cortex in no less than twelve lifetimes, disgraced former mayor Sheila Dixon’s Xbox 360 – purchased using absconded gift cards for the poor – is now available for bid on eBay, according to The Baltimore Sun (“Dixon’s Xbox up for sale on eBay” 2010/03/08).

This Xbox was submitted as evidence at the trial of former Baltimore Mayor Sheila Dixon. This item has been surrendered to the Maryland State Prosecutors Office pursuant to the plea agreement. All proceeds from this sale will go to Youthworks of Baltimore. This item was originally taken from the residence of the former mayor in June 2008.

Robert A. Rohrbaugh, you rule. With providence, this monument to governmental corruption and family entertainment will sit proudly on my mantle, forever preserved in a vacuum-sealed, laser grid protected vault. And by that I mean a sign that says “DIXON’S XBOX NO TOUCH!”

A++++++ WOULD BUY AGAIN!!

25 minutes later update: way way outbid

Jasón Roland – “Biting Remarks”

Evan — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 16:26:05 +0000

Common sense washes over council member, citizens afraid

Evan — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 16:52:52 +0000

Well kiss my grits and break out the fine plastic china. As reported by the Sun’s B’More Green blog, Tim Wheeler tells us this morning that Jim Kraft, long time advocate of the proposed ban on plastic bags in grocery stores has somewhat reversed his opinion and opted for a program of mutual cooperation between businesses and city community groups in an effort to educate the public (wha????) concerning the virtues of reusable grocery bags and litter reduction.

HIGH FIVE, JIM KRAFT. Meanwhile, unfortunately, councilman Bill Henry is still opining for a fee on the plastic menace, while Mary Pat Clarke would like to see an “automatic trigger” put into effect in which a ban or fee would be implemented if certain reduction goals are not met. …and we all know how often that type of strategy works, especially when it comes to public education – right Mary Pat?

So hurray for common sense today, let’s all do our rain dance for some more in the future!

(literally everything else to be said on this issue lives here)

Permits for Pub Crawls – Thoughts and Predictions

Evan — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 18:35:42 +0000

In our last episode, we covered the ins and outs of the SBNA meeting last Tuesday during which a committee member broached the idea of requiring permits in order to have a pub crawl in the city of Baltimore. And I’m sure, oh I am sure that there are some of us out there who think this is a fantastic idea; a way to ensure that the organizers are responsible, well to do groups of people who would nor will ever be the harbingers of stabtrocities in our fair city.

I think this idea, in 9 out of 10 cases, is totally useless. Here’s why!

Logistics and semantics – how many people constitutes a bar crawl? 4? 10? 50? Do they have to be wearing themed T-shirts or bracelets? How much notice must all bars involved be given? Do you honestly think that if on some given Saturday I call my 12 friends and say “Hey let’s all wear top hats and do some drinking along Boston St.” that I’m going to take additional steps to get a permit? Would the permits cost money based on a scale of how many people are involved?
The “no” factor – “Well sorry orphans, you won’t be receiving any toys this Christmas because the city denied our permit for a charity bar crawl because the ASPCA wanted to do their bar crawl at two of the bars we wanted, and they’ve got more people going to theirs.”
It won’t prevent violence – Despite the fact that we try to deny it, violence occurs every day in life, especially when alcohol is involved. Having a permit that allows the assembly of 60 people who want to walk around getting tanked all day isn’t going to stop them from eventually getting into a disagreement over a girl or a dog or sandpaper weight and ending it with violence. It’ll just end up bring more
Liability – into the situation. I organized a charity bar crawl last November to which 60+ people attended – no incidence of violence. But let’s say for a second that it had, and I was the one with the permit – i.e. the guy responsible for the behavior of 60+ people on a bar crawl. Can you say “law suit” in the event that someone gets stabbed? Despite the fact that I have no control over where these people actually go, or what they do?
The community can take care of itself – now, the community very often doesn’t do this and would rather complain when things go wrong, but if on that particular Saturday a single person had alerted the police to the presence of a huge crowd of people clamoring along Fort Avenue with open beers in their hands, visibly intoxicated to boot, the whole thing would have been shut down. Or at the very least, the police would have kept an eye on them. Furthermore, if a single bar owner saw a massive group of drunk people flooding their establishment, they could have a) refused them service, b) called other bar owners in the area to warn them, c) called the police, d) some other thing I haven’t thought of. It’s not like we’re helpless against bar crawls as a community when they come through, even when things get out of control. The only thing needed to prevent these situations from happening is vigilance, and even then it might still happen. A permit, on the other hand, will do basically nothing except validate some sort of power structure that the governing entities so often love to flex. Like a fun tax.

So you may be asking yourself “Hmm these are all fantastically sensible points, but what about that 10th case?” The 10th case is one in which a for-profit promotional company floods an area with hundreds of people, utterly disrupting the neighborhood in terms of parking, peace of mind and increased police presence – that case would be Lindy Promo’s upcoming Irish Strolls, occurring in Canton and Federal Hill on consecutive weekends to celebrate St. Patrick’s day. At this point, if they aren’t required to obtain a permit for the hundreds of people drunkenly blocking traffic and pissing in the streets then they most certainly should be required to elicit that air of cooperation among bars/citizens/police etc. in order to prevent complete bedlam. Fortunately (and shrewdly) for them, they seem to have done so. The bar stroll on the 13th in Federal Hill will apparently feature portajohns, 11 or so extra police officers, a paddywagon, and a host of other measures – all presumably on their dime – in an effort to minimize the negative effects that a crawl of this magnitude can bring. Granted, it won’t stop every single resident in the area from being inconvenienced, but hey, that’s city life. Let’s just hope there aren’t any more stabbings.

At the end of the day, my prediction is that this proposal will meet about as much opposition as you can imagine, like when George Della tried to ban beer pong and it failed miserably. But as we all know the powers that be have been capable of passing stranger bills, so who knows.

Stay thirsty my friends!