Baltimore Brew caught this particular moment of ennui demonstrated by the mayor back in April and we couldn’t help but wonder: Where else has she been, looking all nonplussed like that? We scoured the internet for literally minutes and found some shocking results. It would seem, dear readers, that Stephanie Rawlings Blake has been *all over the place* looking semi-miserable or semi-bored – at events spanning time and space. Join us as we reveal the shocking truth.

As we dig deeper, we’ll be sure to let you all know when we find more instances of Nonplussed SRB in the mix. Or if you’ve got a hot tip as to where you might have seen one, leave it in the comments.

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CALAMITY!!!! Commenter DLT7 breaks the news that Republic Noodle (1121 Light St., Federal Hill) has very very sadly and probably overpricedly closed. According to their website and a flyer on the door:

Update
We were unable to acquire an affordable liquor license at this location and have closed the restaurant. Please look for our new virtual restaurant and website, in the near future, for Pan Asian food and beverage recipes, history, culture, and our “POP-UP” restaurant locations until we find a new home.
We wish to thank everyone who understood, appreciated, and patronized our unique, forward-looking, ONE-OF-A-KIND establishment.
Thank You…
Republic Noodle

“Affordable” liquor license?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

“Virtual Restaurant?” BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

… hhahahaahah aaaaahaahahahhaa — Sorry, I was thinking about a funny joke I heard last night. Guess that BYOB license wasn’t enough? Or did people just not enjoy the eco-friendly pan-asian cuisine that consisted of canned broth and one (1) shrimp tempura with Udon noodles that weren’t even Udon noodles by any stretch of the imagination? Nah, must be the liquor license.

Can’t wait for the “POP-UP” restaurant!

aaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

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Hi everybody! It’s time for another lightning round of advice. Earlier today I put the message out on Facebook and Twitter looking for any and all of your questions. I’ve answered them below. And remember, you can always send me your questions to advice@citythatbreeds.com or direct them to my twitter, @SpaceManAndy. Enjoy!

@BruceChalupa: What is your best gentleman-related protip?

Put deodorant on at night and wash it off in the morning. I’m serious. Deodorant doesn’t work by caking your skin, it works by absorbing into your pores. Put it on before you go to bed. Over night, it will absorb. Then your shirts don’t all get that nasty residue in your pits.

@Poofie: Where are the best places to get drunk outside, that aren’t full of tourists or douches?

With the amount of tourists and douches in the city, your best bet is to find a friend with a roof top deck. It’s cheaper, too. Unfortunately, most of the roof top decks in Baltimore are smack dab in the middle of douche territory (Canton, Fells, Fed Hill). I also find Mt. Vernon has a fair number of places to drink outdoors, and if you go to a gay bar like Grand Central, you can sit outside and not get bothered. (@evanthemayor: Howard’s in Mt. Vernon also has a sweet outdoor patio!)

Anonymous: How to I get my old lady neighbor to not hate me? She was already bitching (loudly and purposefully) about the styrofoam bits the furniture movers left in the hallway. and even though i cleaned it up, i still get the stink eye from her.

Old ladies love baked goods! It makes you look like a good girl. And if you bring her some, she will also think you respect your elders. Bake her some cookies, take them over to her and say something along the lines of “Hi, I’m Anonymous (but try to say your real name). I just wanted to introduce myself and bring you some cookies as an apology for any commotion or inconvenience that my move may have caused.” That should do it.

@Amykins13:  If you desperately want a wedding ceremony that is outdoors (so pretty!) and your fiance desperately wants a ceremony that is indoors (pollen hates his face), what’s the appropriate compromise?

Ok, remember, this advice comes from a professional semi-professional amateur pretend Advice Giver, not your friend who is forced to pick sides. Objectively, I would say that practicality of allergy/weather/sweat issues trumps aesthetics. I’d go for something indoor with a lot of windows. Or maybe you could find a venue with one of those big terraces or something so that there are indoor and outdoor spaces for guests to occupy. Maybe have the ceremony outside and the reception inside. I mean, Advice Giver Andy will tell you to keep your ceremony short. Friend Andy will tell you that if your ceremony is too long, he might have to use the bathroom and just not come back.

Joe (From Facebook): Why can no one drive worth a damn in the city but me?

You know how you go on Facebook and go “DAMN! everybody is going on amazing vacations and having amazing parties and have amazing careers?” It’s like that, but in reverse. It isn’t true, merely circumstantial. People only post their best moments on Facebook giving the illusion that their life has an abundance of rainbows falling out their ass at every moment. When people drive in the city, they are at their absolute worst, and you are at your least tolerant. You, as a county-dweller, I’m sure will tell me that city drivers are too aggressive and comfortable. Well, as a city-dweller, I would tell you that county drivers in the city never know where they are going and block the box because they aren’t used to not being able to get across, and they slow down at every fucking cross street to read the street sign. Like I said, it’s all about perspective.

@Nancy_Whiskey: How can I get my boyfriend to let me buy a baby sloth?

Withhold sex? If that doesn’t work, start taking away other vices one by one. No sloth, no sex. Still no sloth, no sex and no alcohol. STILL no sloth, no sex, alcohol or video games. In the end, he will either let you get a sloth, or (the more likely option) he will kick your ass to the curb. But then you’ll be single and can buy a baby sloth with no one stopping you. Then you can realize that sloths are actually filthy creatures with sharp claws and mold growing on them because they move so slowly. Then you can return the sloth and get a real pet.

Rachael (From Facebook): 1 week till boyfriends birthday… any suggestions?

Bake him an apple bacon pie from scratch. Use the extra dough to make boobs on top of the pie. We all know the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. The pie and bacon cover that. Also, men love boobs. Even I love boobs.

@CharmCityGavin: I have a book coming out next week. What’s the best thing I can do to promote it?

You hire me as your publicity consultant. I don’t give this shit away for free, you know. Ok, since I like you, and our kittens are siblings, I’ll give you a free tidbit: get your book published in a kindle edition as well as print. Make your book a free download for 24 hours. Social Media the shit out of it (yes Social Media is a verb now). Make it clear that it’s free in exchange for feedback. You might lose some money, but you will get valuable feedback. Also, even though it was sold for $0, it will still count as “sales.” The rest is gonna cost you.

@Pangwin: How can I get myself out of the “friend zone?”

Ah, Reddit’s favorite complaint. Here’s the dirty truth: You can’t get yourself out of the friend-zone. The object of your affection has to let you out. Step one aka the step most guys never even get to: TELL HIM/HER! If you don’t, how are they going to know. If they know, and are trying to ignore it, it’s because they don’t want you. Vocalizing it will help you get over it when they say no to your face. Do not villify her for not liking you if she does not like you back. It isn’t a crime. Be gracious. If you find you don’t want to be her friend after, then you weren’t really her friend to begin with. You were just trying to get into her pants, and she was right to not want you.

I don’t know, I guess that could work. Maybe?

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Interior has been nicely redone

And so it was, April 16th when the recently painted black doors of the former Bill’s Lighthouse Inn opened for business, and HomeSlyce the Bar (1741 Light St., Riverside) began serving its new patrons, all of which were eager to claim the generous outdoor seating lining both sides of the building on the corner of Light and Barney. Haluk Kantar of Cazbar notability has pulled a major overhaul with HomeSlyce, polishing the charmingly dingy space of Bill’s into a nice spot to kick back after work.

The interior has been completely redone. While the bar itself remains somewhat untouched, all of the draftlines have been ripped out and await a future replacement. There are handsome wood finishes and a deep black/yellow/red color combination that maintains a warmth to the atmosphere, complimenting the wood/mirrored bar backstop. A pool table remains and a few guys in work clothes were shooting, not quite the same work clothes as the patrons of Bill’s (but some of those guys were sharing the space as well), enjoying $1.50 ponies and a few domestics ($2.50) during happy hour (4pm-7pm, 10pm-12am M-F).

As for the the food. Price wise, HomeSlyce is pretty reasonable. Their specialty pizzas top off at $19.53 (?) for an 18″, whereas a 10″ personal pizza is $11.26, while their signature “Home Slyce” – what is essentially a pizza canoe or “a premium pizza shaped like a slice” – starts at $7.25 to build your own. The menu also features a wide variety of sandwiches, wings and straightforward pub food with off kilter prices ($7.02, $4.11, etc), most of which are under $10, and there’s a lot to try.

The Home Slyce

The Home Slyce I tried – with spinach and spicy beef – was pretty good, I wouldn’t say it blew me away but the sauce mingled well with the spicy beef and the crust was plenty crispy, which is a big plus. I also tried a Slyce of the HomeSlyce Spice, topped with Soujuk (Turkish spicy sausage), olives and bell peppers – the Soujuk was *very* good and cooked to an edge-crispiness. ALL SLICED MEAT TOPPINGS ON PIZZA SHOULD HAVE SLIGHTLY BURNT EDGES. Apparently and eventually HomeSlyce will offer boosted carryout service (delivery?), capitalizing on the very successful carryout kitchen that Bill’s had for over 30 years.

Style wise the pizza, atmosphere and drink selection is different enough from next door neighbor Hersch’s Pizza and Drinks to distinguish itself, fortunately fashioning its own identity in an area of town that is literally swamped with pizza restaurants. The bad part is, one of the best places for carryout seafood in South Baltimore is gone, and while mainstays like LP Steamers or Nick’s at Cross Street market still remain (for now) – there was nothing quite like the fried oyster or softcrab sandwiches that Bill’s churned out. *HINT HINT WINK WINK COUGH COUGH FUTURE RESTAURANT IDEAS* At any rate, it is what it is.

The most fortunate occurrence for the opening of HomeSlyce is the closing of the bar across the corner, a place known as Leon’s (but only according to its patrons, it has no name on the front). Even when Bill’s was in full swing, the crowds at Leon’s would get into loud altercations that would often spill out into the street, forcing the bartenders at Bill’s to actually deadbolt the front door, often as early as 10pm. The negative attention drawn to that area by corner screaming matches and an unfortunate police raid of Bill’s some time ago in which their video poker machines were seized made it seem as though a viable “neighborhood” establishment settling into the space would be a major hurdle – which it was – but HomeSlyce seems to have accomplished that goal. Best of luck to you, HomeSlyce!

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I came across your site while searching for blogs and posts about the X-Files. I don’t know if you would be interested, but I wanted to reach out to see if you’d like to view an animated graphic that my team and I created – it illustrates the current demand for medical transplants and how the black market is profiting from human body parts. Would you be interested in taking a look?

You know what, sure what the hell. I’d say for the record my liver is worth WAY more considering how much I drink and it’s still kickin’.

Created by: MedicalTranscription.net

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The time has come, ladies and gentlemen; in a mere 9 days the most coveted of costume-related holidays – Halloween – is coming to Fells Point six months early. Halloween in April. At 5pm, participants will meet at Bad Decisions (1928 Fleet St.) and register by making a $5 donation that will (mostly) go to BARCS, Baltimore’s finest animal shelter with a water view. If you’re already going, why not register early so we have an idea of how many buttons to make ahead of time? The button gets you the specials. Speaking of specials, there will be some fine and dandy specials/signature drinks available (and possibly appetizers too!) at the following locations:

• Bad Decisions
• Murphy’s Law
• Todd Conner’s
• Alexander’s
• More TBA!

Wear your costumes! There will probably be a prize for the best getup and possibly some 50/50 raffles too. This will be super enjoy!

Related posts:

1. Presenting: The first ever and probably annual Halloween in April
2. The Cosby Sweater Bar Crawl recap, buttons still available
3. Ride to the Rally to Restore Sanity with Team Bad Decisions
4. The Bacon and Beer Happy Hour Roundup

Your chariot awaits

Newcomer Chesapeake Pedicab Company is gearing up to debut their man-powered bike taxis to trek residents, tourists and bike enthusiasts alike around the Downtown area extending to Canton, Fells Point, the usual spots. From their Press Release:

We’ll be available in Federal Hill and around the stadiums for both Orioles and Ravens events, at the Inner Harbor and Power Plant, and in Fells Point and Canton. CPC offers a fun, romantic, and environmentally friendly way to get around the heart of the city. CPC will not replace cabs, buses, and the other traditional modes of transportation around the city; however, it aims to offer a new alternative for a niche market of individuals looking for something different.

Works for me! The Federal Hill based company owned by Steven Ball has been in the works for some time now and is ready for debut. But the question on my/your mind: “How Much?”

That answer is just barely a lil’ varied, since all of the pedicabs are independently licensed, much like regular cabs. Steve had this to say on the matter:

As an owner/operator, I’ll be using the “tips only” model, cash or credit ($10 min on credit cards due to processing fees) for the times that I operate a pedicab. Drivers will receive instruction similar to what I described to you, so there may be some slight differences. Pedicabs offer a “unique” experience, but it would be wise for drivers to keep rates competitive with other modes of transportation.

Fed Hill to [Power Plant Live] I would expect $10. That trip could be made in 10 minutes or less and is relatively easy.

The aforementioned “slight differences” among other drivers would be per-minute rates, or a flat rate for the first few minutes with additional charges thereafter. Either way, if you’re looking for a fun way to hitch a ride from the Inner Harbor to Camden Yards on a cool eve CPC could be up yer alley.

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A friend of mine sent me a photo on Friday of South Baltimore’s once and forever Bill’s Lighthouse Inn (1741 Light St., Riverside), which in recent history was finally bought and sold to one Haluk K of Cazbar fame, whose plans are to reopen Bill’s as a pizza restaurant under the name “Slyce” (the bar).

Well the paint job is done and the sign is up, as you can see here the official name of Slyce is in fact “HomeSlyce Pizza Bar.”

“Hey Home Slice, you wanna go to HomeSlyce and get a Slice and then head Home?”
“Why yes I would Home Slice, let’s go to HomeSlyce and grab a pie consisting of several Slyces — I mean, Slices, then head Home.”

If it were me, I’d go even further with naming this place as awesomely as possible and call it “HomeSlyce Pizza Bar: a place for Slyces you can call Home. Welcome Home: HomeSlyce!”

anyway so there’s that.

On another note, further up the street at Republic Noodle the windows have been papered and a notice has been posted that Republic Noodle (1121 Light St., Federal Hill) is tweaking the space in an effort to apply for a liquor license and do away with its BYOB policy. If I were them, in the interim I’d also work on making their food taste good and not egregiously expensive. Believe me, I’d like to launch into a “Had such high hopes” diatribe on Republic Noodle but a thousand Yelp reviews have already aired the grievances I have with the place and I’d like to see it succeed, but yeah, might want to work on the food before pulling the trigger on a liquor license, guys. Amirite?

EDIT: @kateebee points out this particularly interesting exchange between a patron of the restaurant and the owner’s response on Yelp.

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Since last Friday’s revelation that a Catholic group, outraged by Fells Point’s Ale Mary’s (1939 Fleet St.) usage of religious artifacts as vessels for chugging delicious ales, the story seems to have spread from blog to blog, to the Baltimore Sun, and apparently to local TV news as side segments aired all along the East Coast. The group’s numbers have grown to a whopping 850+ members – very close to their goal of 500,000 – with a wide range of members including state Delegate Joe Boteler, a person whose profile picture says “Save a whale, kill a jap,” and various other ladies that love cats.

The discussion of tactics by the group to rescue the ill-begotten chalices ranges from protesting, running in and grabbing things, possibly doodoobagging the front doorstep, and actually calling various distributors (Chimay, for one) in an effort to pressure them into ceasing supply to the bar, effectively killing the business. Neat!

Since the group is open in nature, several individuals have joined the group to serve as moles, spies and counterargument-ers, only to be met with exodus when providing opinions counter to the goal of yelling really loudly about Jesus and Obama.

To whit, a counter group has been formed entitled “500,000 Supporting Free Speech & “Ale Mary’s,” members of which have been monitoring the opposition closely. They’ve also formed a support tweetup next Thursday, and plan on countering the various foot-on-pavement protests that may or may not happen. It’s all a huge, very entertaining, mess.

Enjoy the show while it lasts folks!

Related posts:

1. Uber Catholic group protesting Ale Mary’s existence

FROM THE DESK OF UN PETER ANGELOS

Attention fans: We’re pleased to usher in another season of Orioles baseball. This year is especially spectacular because it marks the 20th anniversary of the prettiest ballpark in baseball. We couldn’t have kept the place looking so wonderful if it weren’t for you, the fans, reducing wear and tear on the place by not showing up.

She looks great, doesn’t she?

To celebrate two decades of professional-like baseball at Oriole Park at Camden Yards, the organization has been hard at work upgrading the facilities and adding new attractions to provide a better fan experience. Behold, just some of the excitement we have in store for you:

• The Dave McNally Memorial Hopscotch Court
• Steve Geppi’s Look What I Found Under the Refrigerator Museum
• Scale Replica of the Wailing Wall (open after the final out of each game)
• The Jim Traber Booger Slide
• Urinal Cake Shuffleboard
• Usher (non popstar) Petting Zoo
• Hobo Wrestling (located in Lot A before the game, and everywhere else afterwards)
• he Oriole Bird Fondle Tent
• The Miller Lite Vomitorium
• Bullpen Mulch Pile
• The High Five Emporium (open during home games with American League West teams)

Enjoy the new features our fine park has to offer. Or else. Onward, Baltimore Orioles!

Related posts:

1. For 2012 season, Baltimore Orioles implement “Nuclear Option”
2. Orioles manager Dave Trembley replaced, Cal Ripken bobbleheads to assume position