Small Group Dynamics

Why We Need Community

Thu, 16 May 2013 16:51:41 -0600

In an age where we feel ultra connected—through Facebook, Twitter, blogs, texts, e-mails, and more—we're actually less connected than ever before. Worse, these online interactions, give us the illusion of fellowship, and it actually keeps us from investing in real relationships.

In his Leadership Journal article, Peyton Jones writes:

Genesis demonstrates that man was made as a relational being. It was not good for man to be alone, yet since the Fall, man's disconnectedness from others has been the direct result of his inability to connect with his Maker. Man is still hiding, but this time it's not behind a bush; it's behind a computer screen. He's still ashamed, and the Internet takes away much of the social pressure. Pseudo-intimacy in a cyber community will sabotage interpersonal relationships, and from the enemy's point of view, that's ideal. If the gospel is anything, it's social. It takes root through community and interpersonal communication. True ministry is incarnational. If this wasn't true, then Jesus wouldn't have come in person.

Small groups go against the grain of cultural norms. They require that we take time out of our schedule to regularly meet with others face to face. But this risk comes with great reward, and those of us involved with small groups know it well. We are meant to live in community. Our relationships add value to our lives—and it's through relationships that we add value to others' lives.

People are aching for real intimacy, and they're buying into the lie that they're getting it online. You have an amazing opportunity to help people experience real relationships. Are you up for the challenge?

Resource Review: Troubled Minds

Mon, 13 May 2013 10:59:44 -0600

I recently had the privilege of reading Amy Simpson's new book, Troubled Minds: Mental Illness and the Church's Mission, available from InterVarsity Press. The short video above gives you a sneak peek into the book.

Simpson's mom struggles with schizophrenia, and she had her first full mental breakdown when Simpson was only 14. In Troubled Minds, she shares her own story and how the church helped—and didn't help—her family during this difficult time. This incredibly practical book lays out helpful descriptions of the basic types of mental illness, ways the family of a person with mental illness is impacted, and the stigma and struggles people with mental illness face when attending church. She also breaks down the issues church leaders face when ministering to people with mental illness, and offers great advice for how churches can respond in compassionate, helpful ways.

One of the most important parts of Simpson's book, though, is helping to dispel the myths surrounding mental illness. For instance, mental illness is far more common than many of us realize. She explains that over 25 percent of American adults will face mental illness this year and that many people with mental illness will seek help in the church. In fact, according to a survey discussed in the book, "nearly half (44.5 percent) of church leaders are approached 2 to 5 times per year about dealing with mental illness; 32.8 percent are approached more frequently, from 6 to more than 12 times per year."

If you haven't been approached yet, there's a good chance you will be—all the more reason to understand mental illness and learn ways to help those suffering. This is especially important when you consider the struggles people with mental illness face when attending church. Simpson says the problem is only exacerbated by uninformed leaders, the wrong belief that Christians don't deal with mental illness, and a church culture that expects attenders to live mess-free lives. People with mental illness may also face Christians who spiritualize the problem—even sending the message that they aren't walking with the Lord if they're suffering.

We must do better, especially in our small groups. If we seek to create safe environments for people to grow in their relationship with God and with one another, we must make our groups safe for all people, including those facing mental illness and their family members.

May is Mental Health Month, and we want you to have the resources you need to minister to people with mental illness. We offer a great four-session Bible study on ministering to people with mental illness and an excellent article from Amy Simpson on ways your small group can help people who are dealing with mental illness. Plus, check out an excerpt from her book: "Mental Illness Is Mainstream."

When Missional Living Isn't Warm and Fuzzy

Thu, 09 May 2013 15:31:00 -0600

A few months ago, I talked to a woman who had become disillusioned by her experiences with missional living. She made her feelings pretty clear as she told me why she thinks my small group is wasting its time when we try to help people in messy situations.

"Some people don't change," she said, "And it's not our job to fix them—it's God's."

Her candid feelings startled me. I agree with her—some people don't seem to change. And I agree that it is God's job to change people (and he can change even this woman's heart). But I also know that God wants us to love on others and help usher in the kingdom by righting the wrongs we see, helping people to live the lives that God intended for them all along.

But the truth of the matter is that when our small groups try to help others, it doesn't always work out the way we'd like. We don't always see someone finding their way back to God. We don't always experience warm, fuzzy feelings. We don't even get a thank you very often. Despite this, we're still called to help, to serve, and to love.

Even if nothing changes. Even if there's no thank you. Even if it's so messy that we worry how much worse it will get.

We don't get to control the outcome. We just obey the directions that God has given us.

A new article from Joel Brooks on SmallGroups.com really fleshes this idea out, and I appreciate the author's honesty. Have a look and let us know what you think below. For a great single-session Bible study on this topic, see Called to a Life of Mercy and Justice from our sister site, ChristianBibleStudies.com.

Working Together as a Team

Thu, 02 May 2013 08:00:00 -0600

A few nights ago in my small group, the leader asked an icebreaker question: When have you worked with a team to accomplish a goal? It was a great icebreaker because it led into a discussion about Jesus calling his disciples, but many of our group members were stumped. Even I’ll admit it took me a while to think about it. When we did come up with examples, most of our answers referred back to high school, which is a little distant for most of us.

Why is it that all we could think of were examples from high school sports teams and school projects? Is it that we don’t work in teams after the age of 18?

It dawned on me that as your small group works together to accomplish goals of spiritual growth, missional living, and caring for one another, it may be the first time in a long time that your members have worked on a meaningful team. In light of this truth, we need to do two things:

First, we must highlight this opportunity. What a privilege it is to work with others and accomplish a goal we could never accomplish on our own! We must value this opportunity ourselves and model it to our group members. And when we do accomplish something we really need to celebrate it to show our group members that it’s a big deal.

Second, we must realize that we’ll have to work through team dynamics. When we’re all used to working on our own, team unity won’t happen instantly. That’s why it’s critical that you work through group dynamics issues and through any conflict that may arise. Our newly updated resource will definitely help you out in this area.

So tell us: What has your group accomplished as a team? What has helped you come together as a unified team?

Practical Discussions that Lead to Life Change

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 08:00:00 -0600

My women's small group finished up our study of James last week, and I'm surprised by how much each of us learned from this practical book. I've studied James several times with other small groups, and I've read it for myself countless times. Yet each time I study this book, God brings me new insights. Each of us is walking away with a specific challenge to live in ways that glorify God.

My favorite part about this study is that it was based on great discussions. I created some questions to work through each meeting, and we allowed these questions to spark discussion. Our discussions always led to great insights and challenges for how we are living. They led us to see where we needed to grow and change, and they gave us specific ideas on how to make that happen.

So what do you study with your group? Do you use curriculum? Do you simply ask questions like I did? Do you talk about your church's sermon series? Share what and how you study with us below.

Need ideas for your next study? Read the comments and check out our resource Find the Right Study for Your Group.

Engage Everyone in Your Group

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 08:00:00 -0600

This week's new resource on SmallGroups.com is an especially helpful one. Maximizing Multi-Stage Groups discusses ways that leaders can engage everyone in their group—from the not-yet believer to the mature Christ-follower. It's one of the most common frustrations of small-group leaders. The mature believers are irritated when a new believer asks tons of questions and keeps the group from moving on with the study. The new believer is frustrated when the mature believers quote Scripture and use terms that are unfamiliar. Caught in the middle, the leader struggles to make the group transformational for both ends of the spectrum—and everything in between.

In Maximizing Multi-Stage Groups, Maegan Hawley of National Community Church in Washington, D. C. shares how an accidental multi-stage group turned out to be a huge blessing for everyone involved:

A woman named Janet joined my women's small group. Janet was easily old enough to be the mother of everyone in the group, and proclaimed just that on her first night. She obviously felt out of place in a group full of girls in their mid to late 20s. During our first meeting, several girls told her why they were grateful she was in the group. Nobody denied the fact that she was a few decades ahead; instead, that was the very thing they appreciated about her!
Today, Janet will be the first to admit her small-group experience with us gave her an unexpected sense of belonging and spurred a lot of spiritual growth. She found much more in common with girls half her age than she anticipated, and it was deeply affirming for her to discover that her life experience was able to be of practical help to others. In a nutshell, Janet signed up for a Bible study and wound up finding community. She continues to be involved at NCC. I believe it's because she found a place of belonging that seemed custom fit to where she was in her life stage, in her walk with God, and how she needed to grow.

As well as her group turned out, Maegan also realized that it was difficult to make this same dynamic happen in other groups. She offers several suggestions for making multi-stage groups work for everyone, including making the experience mutual by showing the mature and new believers alike why they need the others and have something unique to offer others in the group.

Download our newest resource now to read the rest of Maegan's article and learn from the wisdom of others including Reid Smith, Rachel Gilmore, Jim Egli, and Rick Lowry.

Green for God's Glory

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 14:52:13 -0600

Since I was young, I’ve had an interest in being “green.” I was a careful recycler. I reused odds and ends for craft projects. I cared about preserving the outdoors. Of course, during my teen years I took more than my fair share of ridiculously long showers. (Apparently water conservation wasn’t that important to me.)

As I got older, though, my green lifestyle took on new meaning. When I started following Christ late in high school, I made the connection that being green wasn’t just a nice thing to do. Instead, I began seeing creation as something God created and gave us to take care of. Over the next few years, my interest in living an environmentally friendly lifestyle turned into a passion—a God-given passion.

Since then I’ve had the opportunity to speak at a school, a church group, a women’s event, and even a garden club about the importance of conserving the environment, and it’s been a joy. To me, going green is one way we usher in the kingdom of God. We are called to be good stewards of the blessings God has given us—and that includes the earth. On top of that, many of the choices we make here affect our world-wide neighbors in negative ways—which means we’re failing at the command to love our neighbors. For instance, the pesticides that are required for conventional cotton farms have a terrible effect on the health of the workers, most of whom are in poor countries.

In honor of Earth Day on April 22, use our three-session study Creation Care with your group or use the single-session study Going Green for God from our sister site, ChristianBibleStudies.com. Consider ways that you, your small group, and your church are going green for God. Then brainstorm ways you can do even more.

Here are some ideas:
Start bringing your own bags when you shop
Use reusable water bottles and pitcher filters instead of disposable water bottles
Take your lunch in reusable containers
Reuse your current belongings before buying new ones
Recycle everything possible at small-group meetings (including plastic cups)
Eat snacks off of washable plates instead of paper ones
Limit the copies you print off for your group: e-mail out our downloadable studies to save paper
Start a recycling campaign at church
Set up a free paper recycling service (like Abitibi) for your church
Start a community garden

Share with us below: How are you living an eco-friendly, sustainable life?

Responding to the Boston Bombing in Your Small Group

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 08:58:21 -0600

As I watched the events unfold in Boston on Monday, chills crept up my neck. It doesn’t matter that I’m 1,000 miles away from the bombs that killed and injured so many. When bombs go off, injuring innocent bystanders, we’re reminded of the fallen world we live in. We come face to face with the truth about safety: there’s a whole lot less of it than we’d like to believe.

As you debrief about this tragic event in your small group this week, use this excellent blog post from our sister site Out of Ur to guide you. Adam Mabry, a pastor in Boston, writes about how tragedies reveal the dual nature of our humanity. We are both deeply fallen and deeply imprinted with the image of God. I hope that his words inspire you as they inspired me.

How Should We Measure Spiritual Growth?

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 08:00:00 -0600

I attended the Twelve Conference today, a huge online gathering of small-group leaders and point people. So far, it’s been a great learning experience, and I’m so glad that many SmallGroups.com writers are represented, including Ben Reed, Carolyn Taketa, Rick Howerton, and Spence Shelton.

One of the discussions today was about how to measure spiritual growth. If you’ve ever tried to measure it, you know just how difficult it can be. After all, simply recording attendance, number of groups, and number of new people in groups doesn’t give us an accurate picture of spiritual growth. These speakers, though, came up with some great questions to ask to gauge spiritual growth:
1. What are you doing today that you weren’t doing yesterday?
2. How are you growing in the areas of the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5?
3. Are you following Jesus today better than you used to?
4. Are you growing in the one another commands of the New Testament?

When it comes to assessing groups, you might ask:
1. Have we created a safe environment where people share authentically?
2. How deep are your prayer requests?
3. What stories of life transformation—healed marriages, reconciled relationships, etc.—do we have as a group?
4. Are we developing and sending out new leaders?
5. Do we focus just on ourselves, or do we also focus on others outside our group?

How do you measure spiritual growth? Share with us below.

For more insights from the Twelve Conference, follow along with us on Twitter today.

Followers of the Wounded Healer

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 16:13:20 -0600

It's pretty apparent when someone breaks a leg, like Kevin Ware of the Louisville Cardinals did during the Elite Eight NCAA basketball game last week. Legs aren't supposed to bend like that. When someone is struggling with mental illness, though, the signs aren't as clear. And while Ware will receive no shame for breaking his leg, chances are that a person with Schizophrenia will. No one will tell Ware to heal faster, yet many will ask those dealing with depression why they aren't feeling better yet, telling them simply to cheer up.

But our shaming and prodding will do no good for the person with mental illness. And that goes for those who are seeking to help people with mental illness, too. When your son with depression commits suicide or your mom with bipolar disorder causes a scene at the grocery store, you don't need any shaming or prodding either. You and your loved one need grace and love and reminders of God's light.

Ann Voskamp shares on her blog how she's seen the church deal with mental illness, including her mom's—and how she wishes the church would respond. She writes:

Our Bible says Jesus said, "It is not those who are healthy who need a doctor, but those who are sick." Jesus came for the sick, not for the smug. Jesus came as a doctor and He makes miracles happen through medicine and when the church isn't for the suffering, then the Church isn't for Christ.
I wanted them to say it all together, like one Body, for us to say it all together to each other because there's not one of us who hasn't lost something, who doesn't fear something, who doesn't ache with something. I wanted us to turn to the hurting, to each other, and promise it till we're hoarse:

We won't give you some cliché—but something to cling to—and that will mean our hands.

We won't give you some platitudes—but someplace for your pain—and that will mean our time.

We won't give you some excuses—but we'll be some example—and that will mean bending down and washing your wounds. Wounds that we don't understand, wounds that keep festering, that don't heal, that downright stink—wounds that can never make us turn away.

Because we are the Body of the Wounded Healer and we are the people who believe the impossible—that wounds can be openings to the beauty in us.

Recognizing that different mental illnesses need different treatments, including resources outside small-group ministry, your small group can help those with a mental illness by representing our Wounded Healer to them. Too often we want to send away people dealing with mental illness, allowing specialists to do their work, but as the Body of Christ, we should come alongside those struggling.

What can small groups do to create environments where those struggling with mental illness—and those with loved ones struggling with mental illness—are welcomed and cared for? For a specific example, how might a small group reach out to parents who have recently lost a child to suicide?

For an excellent study on this topic, see Ministering to Those with a Mental Illness.

Something More Important than Preparation

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 12:42:42 -0600

I read an article recently about the importance of preparing for small-group meetings. While I whole-heartedly believe that preparation leads to positive meetings and the environment for life change, I wonder if preparation truly is the most important thing.

Regardless of our planning and how thoroughly we’ve read our Scripture passage, what our small-group members really want—and need—is a group of people who are authentic, who live their lives together through the mundane, the scary, the frustrating, and the joyful moments. They’re looking for others who don’t always have the right answer, but are willing to empathize with them and pray. They’re looking for people who recognize that life with Christ isn’t always easy, and it doesn’t always have clear black-and-white answers.

So although it is important to prepare for meetings by studying the passage, preparing good questions, and making sure someone is bringing a snack, our preparation isn’t the most important thing. Instead, we need to be people authentically following Christ, people who are outside our safe bubbles long enough to run into hard situations that make us to depend on God even more. People who make mistakes and then claim and apologize for those mistakes. People who are visibly growing more into the likeness of Christ—and are willing to admit it’s a difficult process.

In short, maybe the most important thing you can do for your small group is to be a growing, learning, imperfect Christ-follower.

Imagine the emotional safety of a group led by a leader like that. Imagine how your example would empower your group members to live out their faith. Imagine the thirst for God’s Word in a group of people who are working out their faith each day. Imagine how you might change the world by simply being a small group of authentic Christ-followers.

What do you do to keep yourself grounded in Christ? How do you keep your personal relationship with God as your highest priority in the midst of leadership responsibilities?

Fighting Our Hatred of Change

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 08:00:00 -0600

Lately I've noticed a double standard when it comes to change. While it's pretty apparent that most people hate change—after all, many of us go out of our way to keep things the same—we talk about how great change is, especially in small groups. One minute we're complaining about our frustration over a change at work, and the next we're supposed to embrace how the Holy Spirit is prompting us to change into the likeness of Christ. How can a people who hate change (and work against change) be people who embrace change?

Well it seems that will require some change.

Seriously, though, we talk often about changing and becoming more Christlike. And we try to help our group members apply Scripture to their lives, identifying clear action steps. But asking our group members to change fights against an ingrained hatred—or at least wariness—toward change. Yet living out kingdom values requires that we turn societal norms upside down, deliberately making changes in our lives that reflect kingdom values.

Strike up a conversation with your group about change at your next meeting:
1. When have you been upset about change? When have you been excited about change? What made those situations different?
2. As a general rule, when you find out about change coming your way, do you feel excitement or dread? Do you move forward in confidence, or do you try to work against the change? Why?
3. What is our initial reaction when you feel God wants you to change something in your life?
4. What does it look like to embrace change? What does it require?
5. Change often requires a lot of effort. How can we put in the effort required to make positive changes in our life without losing hope and giving up?

Easter Should Change Your Small Group

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 11:34:05 -0600

This Lent I've followed a devotional reading plan by N. T. Wright called "Lent for Everyone." My church is non-liturgical, and we usually don't focus much on the days leading up to Easter, but this devotional reading plan has reminded me just how important Easter is.

Three things have especially stood out to me:

1) God's overwhelming, incomprehensible love. It's common to focus on God's love shown through the cross, but I'm overwhelmed by the love Jesus showed in his life before the cross. It's only in the context of this everyday love that it's understandable that Jesus would endure Good Friday.
2) The amazing power available to us. I recently came across Ephesians 1:18–21 again, and I can't get over this: "I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know . . . his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead" (emphasis mine). When we seek to become Christlike, we don't do it on our own; we do it in God's power. Do your group members know they have this power available to them?

3) Jesus' mission. During his time on earth, Jesus talked a lot about the kingdom of God. And he completely flipped the societal norms with his teachings. The kingdom wasn't just something that was coming—it was something his followers were to help usher in. Plus, Jesus invited others to join in the mission, to join in kingdom living. As we live out kingdom values, we continue that mission. And we, too, have the amazing privilege of inviting others to join in—especially through small groups.

Small groups have the opportunity to lean into these three things: to experience and show the world God's love, to change from the inside out by depending on God's power, and to continue Jesus' mission by living out kingdom values and inviting others into kingdom living.

Make Jesus' life, death, and resurrection central to your faith. Soak up his love, lean into his power, and continue his mission—and model this to your group members. Celebrate Easter every day.

This prayer, from the devotional reading plan, perfectly sums up what I've learned this Lent:

Humble Lord Jesus, as you reach out to us in your gentle love, help us to find the way to bring your kingdom in our own day.

Never Alone, Yet Always Lonely

Tue, 26 Mar 2013 08:00:00 -0600

A few years ago, I jumped from volunteering in a college ministry to working on staff at a church, starting up a small-group ministry. I had grown to love ministry through my volunteer time, and I felt ready to dive head first into this new adventure.

But out of the blue, I found myself feeling lonely. I was surrounded by people getting to know me, the new staff person at church. I led three different small groups in the hopes of apprenticing new leaders. I regularly hosted activities in our home. Despite being surrounded by others, though, I was lonely.

I struggled with how I could have enjoyed ministry in the college setting so much and how lonely I felt now, only a few months later. What had changed?

As I spent time in prayer, I began to realize that while I was surrounded by people, I hadn't surrounded myself with a few of the most important people: those who don't look to me as a leader but as a friend. That was the major difference between my time volunteering and my time on staff. Without a few close, non-ministry friends, I felt overwhelmingly isolated.

Jenni Catron shares a similar story on our sister blog, Gifted for Leadership, and she points out that leaders need to surround themselves with encouragers and challengers. Read her post and let us know what you think.

If we truly believe in the necessity and power of community, we need to go first and surround ourselves with a close community of people willing to hold us up as we minister.

If you're feeling lonely and burned out, use our resource to get back on track.

Was Your Last Meeting Successful?

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 15:17:18 -0600

A common remark I hear from leaders is: “I’m just not sure if group meetings are successful.” Quite honestly, that’s usually hard to gauge for a few reasons. First of all, while we know our overall goals for groups are life change and deeper relationships with one another and with God, we won’t always see great evidence of that at every single meeting. After all, creating lasting life change or deep relationships rarely happens in an hour and a half. Another reason gauging meeting success can be difficult is that we don’t set specific goals for each meeting, so it’s hard to know if we’ve met them. (Although, sometimes the Spirit has other plans, and that’s okay!)

As you prepare for your next meeting, think about what you hope to accomplish. What can you do and what should you focus on in order to meet the long-term goals of life change and deeper relationships? When it comes to your discussion or study time, Sam O’Neal provides really helpful advice in Field Guide for Small Group Leaders: the Big Idea. He writes that leaders should focus their questions on getting just one or two big ideas across. This will keep the discussion focused and help you determine whether group members have understood the important truth in your study. Consider the topic in the passage that your group especially needs at this time. This may mean you’ll have to choose to focus on only one truth in a passage when five are presented. Remember, though, that you can choose to go wide or deep with your discussion. If you go wide, you’ll cover all the ideas in a passage, but not go in depth on any of them. Going deep, you’ll cover just one or two topics, but you’ll dig into them and have a good idea of how to apply them. Set a goal for your focus and ask only a few questions so that you can really engage in deep discussion. Later, you may set goals for more specific application or application that requires more sacrifice.

For some goals, curriculum may not be the most important part of your meeting. For instance, if your main goal is to get to know one another so that deeper relationships can form, you’ll want to spend the majority of your time chatting over snacks, answering icebreaker questions, or meeting in smaller groups for sharing and prayer. So set a goal that group members will share a meal together and chat, getting to know basic information about one another. Later, a goal may be that group members get together outside of meetings or that group members share personal prayer requests rather than requests for their aunt's friend's surgery.

Determine the smaller goals you'll need to meet in your next meeting in order to meet your larger, long-term group goals. And then plan your meeting accordingly. Afterward, decide if you met your goals for the meeting. Use what you learn to better prepare for your next meeting. And don't forget to give yourself some grace when things don't go exactly as planned. That's just part of the joy of small-group ministry.