Small Group Dynamics

LiveBooking: "Sitting at the Feet of Rabbi Jesus"

2009-11-10T20:04:37Z

Welcome to our second week of "LiveBooking" for Sitting at the Feet of Rabbi Jesus, by Ann Spangler and Lois Tverberg. If you don't know what LiveBooking is, or what this post is all about, I suggest you check out our explanation from last week. Onward! Cool Quotes Here are some of my favorite soundbites from chapter 2:

Would it surprise you to learn that the rabbis thought that study, and not prayer, was the highest form of worship? They pointed out that when we pray, we speak to God, but that when we study the Scriptures, God speaks to us.

The mission of a rabbi was to become a living example of what it means to apply God's Word to one's life. A disciple apprenticed himself to a rabbi because the rabbi had saturated his life with Scripture and had become a true follower of God. The disciple sought to study the text, not only of Scripture but of the rabbi's life, for it was there that he would learn how to live out the Torah. Even more than acquiring his master's knowledge, he wanted to acquire his master's character—his internal grasp of God's law.

Summary Chapter 2 focuses on understanding what it means that Jesus chose to impact the world as a Jewish rabbi in Israel. The authors include a lot of interesting nuggets and tidbits, but what I found most helpful was the description of how rabbis functioned during that time. (Interestingly, the term "rabbi" was a label of respect in Jesus' day—one given to those who taught Scripture well. But "rabbi" did not become a formal title until A.D. 70 at the earliest. That's why it made sense for Jesus to serve as a carpenter before launching his teaching ministry at age 30.) Here are some of the primary functions of a rabbi during Jesus' time:

They interpreted the Torah and explained what the Scriptures meant—often through parables.
Many rabbis travelled from village to village and taught in the synagogues. They relied on the hospitality of others during their travels, but they accepted no salary.
Rabbis spent a good deal of time training disciples. These men usually travelled with their rabbi for years with the goal of becoming like him and eventually spreading his interpretation of the Torah.

The authors make a good point at the end of the chapter in regard to that last item: "So often we focus on Jesus' mission on the cross to save us from our sins. As marvelous as that is, it's critical for us to grasp the importance of his mission on Earth as a rabbi. His goal was to raise up disciples who would become like him. As followers of Jesus, we are still called to live out the adventure of discipleship, becoming like Jesus through the power of his Spirit at work within us." Jesus started a movement, in other words—one that has changed the course of human history forever. We are all the continuation of that movement, which means we have work to do.

Friday Flashback: The Wink and the Gun

2009-11-06T20:50:06Z

I just read Reid Smith's post again on The Perfect Welcome, and I had a weird flashback. (If you haven't read Reid's post, you'll want to do that before continuing here). Anyway, I was thinking about greeting people and I remembered that, back in high school, I went through a phrase where I constantly used "the wink and the gun" to say hello to people. If you aren't familiar with "the wink and the gun," this guy does a pretty good demonstration: I usually went with the "single hand" version, but you get the idea. Whenever I saw someone coming down the hall at school or church, or even at home, I always broke out the wink and the gun. It was some kind of weird, juvenile instinct. And now I look back and I think people must have busted out laughing as soon as I walked away. Oh well. What about you? What are some other gestures or habits that might not work very well when it comes to greeting people in your small group?

Collective Decision Making

2009-11-06T20:22:08Z

Not too long ago, I listened to an audio book called The Wisdom of Crowds, by James Surowiecki. A section of the book deals with the decision-making capacity of small groups and teams, primarily in a business setting. The conclusion of most studies on small-group decision-making is that the quality of group decisions is poor when compared to individual decisions. Why? The reason given in the book is that stronger vocal individuals in a group will tend to give their opinion, as they normally would, but non-vocal members or members with different opinions will tend to continue to be silent and avoid confrontation. Or some stay silent to avoid prolonging an unproductive group discussion. By not being heard and bringing different perspectives into the group process, the result is the expressed opinion of the few becomes the default opinion of the group. The broader group may not be unified behind that decision, but everyone defaults to the opinion of the vocal member(s). The book goes on to say, "If a group in this situation makes a good decision, it generally is because the stronger more vocal person just happened to have a good opinion." Despite this common dynamic of poor group decisions, one of the ideas proposed by The Wisdom of Crowds is that a collective group decision (small group or large group) can and should be a better decision than any one individual in the group could make—IF, and this is a big IF, the group process includes provisions for having every member be heard without being biased by other member’s comments. But according to the book, in business and organizations, groups and teams seldom reach the best collective decision because the group process is normally flawed. The challenge is how you create a group environment where the collective wisdom of the group will prevail. The book doesn’t provide a lot of detailed answers to this question, unfortunately. But a critical element to this group process is allowing people a safe platform to share their thoughts (and hopefully Holy Spirit promptings) with the rest of the group without the threat of immediate critique and comment by other members. The temptation of people in all discussion-based groups is to immediately respond to each other’s comments, rather than letting each person share first and then discuss all ideas only when all have shared in safety. This process is particularly important if your group is facing the need to make a critical collective decision. If you are a leadership group tasked with frequent decisions, then getting this group process right is a big deal. What helps make this possible? For one thing, you need to level the playing field so that everyone is heard without shame or condemnation. One of the best ways to level the playing field is through ice breakers—open ended questions that everyone answers where the responses are not critiqued. Using a series of icebreakers that progressively ramp up to the core of the decision can be useful to establish the environment and process for everyone to share in safety. Beyond that, it’s important for everyone in the group to recognize that the best collective group decision will not be achieved without the whole group being involved through a safe, intentional, and prayerful group process. Additionally, having key questions formulated and distributed to the group ahead of time can be powerful. This allows people to think and pray about their answer prior to the group discussion. Here are some general sample questions that can be distributed to group members ahead of time. (Taken from www.noblecall.org.) --What is the most pressing issue we are facing? --What will the future be like if nothing changes? --Based on the above, what is the one thing we cannot fail to do? --What is the most powerful thing we can agree to ask God for?

Video of the Week: Sorie

2009-11-05T16:54:55Z

This week's video comes via the blog run by Alan Danielson, which is appropriately called AlanDanielson.TV. Alan is a regular contributor to SmallGroups.com, a social media guru, a Star Wars nut, and an all-around good guy. I'll let the video speak for itself for the most part, but you should know that it focuses on one small group's effort to make a difference in the life of a boy living across the world in Sierra Leone. Here you go. (Alan says that if you can watch this without crying, you don't have a heart...)

Question of the Week: Sickness

2009-11-04T21:05:14Z

It's time for our first Question of the Week! If someone arrives to your group meeting who is obviously sick, what should you do? I hope to have other people beside myself give the first answer to these questions more often than not, but I didn't have much time this week, so you're stuck with my opinion first. And that is: recommend politely that they head back home. Thank them for their dedication to your group and willingness to learn "no matter what," but be firm about sending them on their way. This is true in the age of Swine Flu, but really, this is what should always happen when someone shows up at a group with more than the sniffles. Especially if there are children present in the home. What do you think? Agree? Disagree? Are there exceptions that need to be made? Is there a way to define when a person is "too sick to participate"? I'd especially love to hear from some of you who have experienced this in recent months. What did you do?

A New Day for the Blog

2009-11-03T15:45:06Z

You know how in some families there will be one kid that has a bunch of problems and takes up most of the parents' attention? And then the other kids get the short end of the stick a little bit because they behave normally, which means the parents let them do their own thing and don't spend a lot of energy on them? Well, that kind of summarizes the relationship between www.SmallGroups.com and this blog in the past year. SmallGroups.com is the older child, and while it contains the lion's share of the features and resources, it has also generated a great deal of problems that have absorbed just about all of my time and attention. Which means I haven't had a lot of energy to focus on this blog. But things are changing! We are gradually working the bugs out of SmallGroups.com, and I am going to make a conscious effort to give this blog more of the time and attention it deserves. Starting with this new schedule for regular features and posts: Monday: Dot Com(unity) [starting in January] Tuesday: LiveBooking Wednesday: Question of the Week Thursday: Video of the Week Friday: Friday Flashback I'll explain some of these terms in more detail after the jump below, but I also want to emphasize that these will not be the only posts added to the blog each week. We'll still have regular, article-length posts from myself, Dan Lentz, and the other authors you've come to know and love over the past year—all focused on helping you grow as small-group leaders. Now let's explain some of those terms from the schedule. Dot Com(unity) This has been a regular feature since the blog was launched, although we are currently taking a break until January, when I will start again with a new study. You can learn more by clicking here. LiveBooking You've probably all heard of LiveBlogging by now. It's when someone attends a conference or event and then writes blog posts about speakers or experiences as they are happening. I recently had some fun LiveBlogging from the Willow Creek Small Groups Conference, for example, and you can see some examples of it here, here, here, and http://blog.smallgroups.com/2009/10/group_life_heather_zempel.html. So what is LiveBooking, you ask? Well, I had so much fun at the Willow conference that I asked myself, How can I do this more often? My answer was books. There are a great many books that intersect with small-groups ministry and the spiritual formation/growth of individual believers. And I know that group leaders often don't have time to read them all, just like most group leaders don't have the time or money to attend a lot of conferences. So, I will spend a good chunk of time each week reading through a book that I think will benefit regular small-group leaders. And then I'll write about what I've read, both summarizing and giving my opinion. It will be kind of like "Cliff's Notes," but for group leaders! And then you can all add in your opinions and experiences, and we could have a real opportunity for learning and growth each week. Question of the Week This one is pretty self explanatory—I'll come up with a new question each week, find someone to give an opening salvo of an answer, and then turn to all of you for additional information. Sometimes I will be the first to answer the question, and sometimes I will seek the advice of others. Video of the Week I'm looking forward to this one. I will just hunt through the web each week to find a video that is inspiring, interesting, kooky, or challenging—but that applies directly to you, the small-group leader. Sometimes these will be professionally done, other times we'll feature volunteer productions from churches and other sources. Should be fun! Friday Flashback I understand that all of you probably don't read every blog post we add here every week. There's only so much time in a day! So every Friday I will look back in our archive of posts and re-feature something that you may not have seen originally, but still has value.

LiveBooking! "Sitting at the Feet of Rabbi Jesus"

2009-11-03T14:52:09Z

Welcome to the first post on what will be a weekly feature on Small Group Dynamics: LiveBooking! You've probably all heard of LiveBlogging by now. It's when someone attends a conference or event and then writes blog posts about speakers or experiences as they are happening. I recently had some fun LiveBlogging from the Willow Creek Small Groups Conference, for example, and you can see some examples of it here, here, here, and here. So what is LiveBooking, you ask? Well, I had so much fun at the Willow conference that I asked myself, How can I do this more often? My answer was books. There are a great many books that intersect with small-groups ministry and the spiritual formation/growth of individual believers. And I know that group leaders often don't have time to read them all, just like most group leaders don't have the time or money to attend a lot of conferences. So, I will spend a good chunk of time each week reading through a book that I think will benefit regular small-group leaders. And then I'll write about what I've read, both summarizing and giving my opinion. It will be kind of like "Cliff's Notes," but for group leaders! And then you can all add in your opinions and experiences, and we could have a real opportunity for learning and growth each week. Sitting at the Feet of Rabbi Jesus The first book I'll be blogging through is called Sitting at the Feet of Rabbi Jesus, by Ann Spangler and Lois Tverberg (Zondervan, 2009). This is a book that I actually received several months ago, and I've been excited to read it ever since. Here's a quote from the 1st chapter of the book that shows why I've been waiting for a chance to get this off my shelf:

[C]onsider the challenge of communicating across centuries and religious traditions as well as languages and cultures. No wonder we sometimes find it hard to grasp what Jesus is trying to tell us in the Gospels. But what if we could find a way to fine-tune our hearing, so that we could develop first-century ears? The words of Jesus that electrified crowds, incensed his enemies, and changed so many lives would have a much greater impact on us. Is it possible to re-tune our hearing and thinking so that we can understand Jesus better? We believe it is, because that is exactly what happened to us at the moment we began studying Jesus' Jewish culture. Passages that had previously left us cold or puzzled suddenly came to life. Lights turned on, stories took on new meaning, and the mist began to clear. Tuning into the customs of Jesus' time and to the conversations of the rabbis who lived at that time can deepen your faith as it has ours, transforming the way you read the Bible.

Yes! Yes! This is something I've been trying to find for a long time. What was Jesus' world like during the time he walked and talked, and how does that influence our interpretation of the Gospels? I'm excited to keep reading, and I hope you'll follow along with me.

Networking or Neighboring?

2009-11-02T19:46:33Z

Networking and Neighboring are not the same. Networking has my agenda in mind. Neighboring has the agenda of the other person in mind. Networking is motivated by getting something from someone. Neighboring has the goal doing something for someone. Networking stems from selfishness. Neighboring flows from selflessness. Networking is a business term. Neighboring is a Jesus expression. Someone you network with can become a neighbor and someone who is your neighbor can become part of your network. The people you are being the church with should always be neighbors. Small-Group Leader: guard your heart from turning your neighbors into another member of your network. You might get more work out of them, but in the process vast amounts of love, grace, and mercy will escape and you'll be left with a heart occupied by aloneness.

Video of the Week

2009-10-29T22:25:15Z

Last week I promised that we would be rolling out some new features for the blog in the coming month, and here's the first one: I'm going to regularly troll through the Internet to find a Video of the Week. Some of these videos will be professionally produced, others will be off the cuff from amateurs and churches. And they will run the gamut from funny to moving to encouraging to shaming. Whatever I can find that I think will have benefit for small-group leaders! Here's the first one, from Worship House Media. It's supposed to be a look at financial resources, but I think it does just as well speaking about our time—or our total allocation of resources in general. Enjoy!

Renewing our Small Group Purpose

2009-10-27T14:08:33Z

It’s always important to think about the purpose of small groups. Whenever I think about this issue, I almost always go back to examining the New Testament pattern of church to confirm the “why” of small groups. Consider some of the history of the early church:

Though there's a lot we don't know about the early church, we can learn a lot from the New Testament, especially the letters of Paul. Paul uses the word "ekklesia," which from pre-Christian days meant "any gathering of a group of people," to refer to a gathering of people before God. The gatherings were usually small, probably 30 members on average, and the people often belonged to the same household or guild. Sometimes several such groups met together, but this was probably rare before the third century, when special buildings for Christian worship began to be constructed. Small groups of Christians met regularly for worship, encouragement, and instruction as early as the first decades of Christianity, but it's not quite accurate to call them "small groups" in the contemporary sense. These groups didn't think of themselves as the more personal, relational aspect of a larger church, as many small groups do now—they were the only church that members knew. (Taken from BuildingChurchLeaders.com “Ask Christian History”)

That last statement, for me, is the real key: "These groups didn't think of themselves as the more personal, relational aspect of a larger church, as many small groups do now—they were the only church that members knew." As we consider the early days of the church, it doesn’t make sense to see small groups (or whatever you want to call them) as the "what is missing, help people connect, add one more thing to my schedule" component of church. Instead, is it possible for all relational, purposeful gatherings of Christ-followers, whether small or large, to be simply looked at as just "being the church"? If we could see church as not something that we do, so much as something we are, then the small-group gatherings (or large-group worship services, for that matter) would just be part of the natural expression of "being the church." And with that vision and purpose, small groups don’t become the forced add-on to what we now think of as "church." Rather, smaller gatherings are simply an expression of the overall organism of the Body of Christ. Then we can gain freedom from the purpose of "going to church" and replace it with the purpose of "being the church."

Group Life: Bill Donahue

2009-10-24T19:28:34Z

I just finished listening to Bill Donahue speak at the Willow Group Life conference. His talk was a bit different from the first sessions in that it dealt specifically with the group leader's role in Bible study and facilitation, which was cool. Some of what Bill said was pretty basic, but one point especially stood out to me. I'm paraphrasing a bit, but here's what he said about some people's use of the Bible: "When we use our strength to force or beat someone, that is physical abuse. When we use our tongues to cut people, that is verbal abuse. When we enforce our will over children, that's child abuse. And when we use the Bible as a weapon or a method of control, that is textual abuse." That idea needs to be shouted from the rooftops. So many people feel like the Bible is a club to be wielded against those who need it. They feel that change happens through bludgeoning with verses. And this happens in small groups all the time. If someone's opinion is different than mine, I stone them with BIble verses until they submit or shut down. This needs to stop. But how? As a group leader, what should we do when this starts happening in our group?

Group Life: Heather Zempel

2009-10-24T17:55:19Z

If you're not familiar with Heather Zempel, you need to go to SmallGroups.com right now and search for what she's written there. It's all great stuff. You can also go to her blog, which is called Wineskins for Discipleship. Today at Group Life, Heather talked about the reality of mess in small groups. Specifically, the fact that messes are given in any place where human beings come together. I intellectually agree with everything that Heather said, including different ways to engage and address the messes as a process for growth. But I've not experienced a lot of this recently. I'm in a pretty clean group right now, and I guess that scares me. Are the group members just not opening up? Am I not providing the right kind of atmosphere for them to open up? Is it possible that we're just in a time of little trouble right now, and we really all like each other as much as we claim to? I wish I had answers to these questions, but I'm pretty blank right now. I'm going to chew on this for a little while, but I'm curious what all of you are experiencing, as well. Got mess? (reminds me of those milk commercials.) And if not, is that a good thing or a bad thing? Is that your fault as the leader, or the fault of your group members?

Group Life: Dr. Henry Cloud

2009-10-24T17:05:37Z

I'm sure most of you are familiar with Dr. Henry Cloud from the "Boundaries" series of books and videos, but you might not be aware that he is also a big, big advocate of small groups. He speaks regularly at different conferences, and he's got a pretty cool book out called "Making Small Groups Work." Dr. Cloud's talk at the conference today was very cool, but there was one thing that kept bugging me as he spoke. He told several different stories about different groups he's been a part of or heard about, and all of the stories dealt with some kind of deeper interaction or confrontation. For example, he talked about someone from his group telling him that they were bugged by his habit of not hearing what people said and just talking about what was on his mind. There was another story about a guy who was beaten down by his father, and the group encouraged him to call his father on the phone right then and there and disagree with him three times. Lots more stories like that, and they all had the common thread of confrontation within a group—not confrontation like this person talks to much or sings too loud, but confrontation like, "I want you to be a better person, so I am going to tell you the areas where you are weak so that the group can help you get stronger." And that sounds really cool to me, that idea. But I've not experienced it in a group. And frankly, I'm not sure I have the guts to initiate something like that. Spiritual growth and education, yes. If someone confesses a sin, I'll be there with support and whatever they need. But personal confrontation with the sins and bad habits of another person? Not right now. Is that a place I need to grow as a group participant? As a group leader? Or is that kind of experience not realistic for a small group that is not led by a professional psychiatrist?

Participant Reaction from Group Life

2009-10-24T15:53:51Z

Sam O'Neal

From Group Life: Mindy Caliguire

2009-10-24T15:31:59Z

I'm listening to Mindy Caliguire speak at the Willow Group Life conference. If you don't know of Mindy, she is a powerful and growing voice in the world of spiritual formation. She's got good stuff to say in several books, and I'll actually be talking with her early in November, so you'll be able to see that interview. Mindy also has good stuff to say here at the conference. She's talking about the soul—especially the soul of a small-group leader. According to Mindy, there are many things she used to think were the most important qualifications for a group leader. All the usual stuff -- listening skills, Bible knowledge, hospitality, etc. But now she has only one answer. The most important qualification for a small-group leader is that he or she is leading from a healthy soul. And that reminds me of some really cool research that was conducted by Jim Egli and some other folks who made a nationwide study of several hundred churches. They looked at churches who were doing small groups well, but specifically at small groups that were healthy. And they discovered some common habits of healthy small groups. Here are the biggest two: 1. The vast majority of healthy small groups had group leaders who had a regular and fruitful devotional time with God every day. 2. The vast majority of healthy small groups had group leaders who prayed for their group members by name every day. Those sound like group leaders who have healthy souls, to me.