Chimpotle

Movember - Day 9

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:11:55 -0600

So at this point, you can at least tell that I am growing something. I’ve started shaving my neck line and chin below my mouth. This creates a cross between Wolverine’s mutton chops and a pedophile mustache. I call it Weapon seX.

Donate to support Movember and men’s health here

Supplies didn’t last past our visit.

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:57:31 -0600

Supplies didn’t last past our visit.

rhapsodyinj: irishmexi: also: worst. food. ever. False!!! One...

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:31:48 -0600

rhapsodyinj:

irishmexi:

also:

worst.

food.

ever.

False!!! One of my favorite things.

I once drank the juice leftover from a can of peas to gross out my wife. The following day’s trip to the bathroom was a freighting experience.

Eat ‘em up! Eat ‘em up! K-S-U!

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 14:31:00 -0600

Eat ‘em up! Eat ‘em up! K-S-U!

These are so awesome that they shot through the top of the...

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 09:30:17 -0600

These are so awesome that they shot through the top of the awesome scale and returned to the level of completely lame.

It was probably a good idea to make the match-up point a little smaller than the vagina/Roc-a-fella Records/Diamond Cutter sign.

evrt: The local KC station 98.1 officially started playing Christmas music around the clock....

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:03:46 -0600

evrt:

The local KC station 98.1 officially started playing Christmas music around the clock. wow…….

I mean, I love Christmas. Like, REALLY love Christmas…. But it is far too early for music.

Have you listened to KUDL? Anything is an improvement on their normal programming.

Now what they need to do is have a special late night hour each week where they play classics like Eazy-E’s “Merry Muthafuckin Xmas.” Instead, I just have to count the days until I hear the squeal from my wife the first time she hears that stupid Mariah Carey song.

So I stayed up until midnight Halloween night to get my shaving...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 13:38:53 -0600

So I stayed up until midnight Halloween night to get my shaving in early for Movember. The key was doing it prior to 2AM, so I could make use of the extra hour we “fell back.”

You should be able to note the importance of using every hour possible by this picture from day 2 of Movember. Also known as 33-hour shadow.

Is there blood in my ejaculate or did I almost spill strawberry...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 13:33:01 -0600

Is there blood in my ejaculate or did I almost spill strawberry yogurt on my shirt?

Man loses testicle after random, vicious kick by woman

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 08:33:06 -0500

Man loses testicle after random, vicious kick by woman:

I think commenter Nasty Celt summed it up best when he said:

At least once in his life just about every man has said that he’d give his left nut for something or other . I hope this guy gets what he wished for.

Speaking of men’s health…. Anything that green is...

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:46:00 -0500

Speaking of men’s health….

Anything that green is sure to do a good job on cleaning out your system.

Become a Man of Movember

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 10:56:01 -0500

We’re a few short days away from the official start of Movember. I first learned about the event last year and participated. You may remember some photos of my lack of mustache growth last year. Well, I’m going again, and I really think you should join me.

Who? Movember doesn’t discriminate on sex. Ladies, feel free to stop bleaching your ‘stache for a month or just work the fund raising circuit. Men are encouraged to shave their faces clean and grow sweet, sweet mustaches.

What? Movember is the month formerly known as November. We use this month to celebrate the glory that is the mustache in the name of men’s health. Movember initially teamed up with the Prostate Cancer Foundation, but this year also includes LIVESTRONG.

Where? Anywhere. The first Movember was in 2003 in Australia. Since then it has spread across the world.

When? Men are encouraged to shave their faces clean on November 1 and grow their mo through the entire month of November. By registering on the site, you can start raising funds as early as today through December.

Why? This video should help out. 1 in 6 men will develop prostate cancer in their lifetime. That’s a higher risk percentage than women have of developing breast cancer. At just about the same time I found out about Movember, I also found out about my dad being diagnosed with prostate cancer last year. Thanks to it being found early, they were able to remove his prostate and he is living a healthy life.

Testicular cancer is the most common cancer in males age 18 - 35. Awareness and self-examination is key in stopping this highly curable cancer. I’ve been to the doctor for lumps…outside of my normal genital wart treatments.

How? You can register on the Movember site here.

You can join the team I am captaining, Team Almostache, here.

You can make a donation to the team, or me specifically, here.

I will also be collecting cash donations on November 7th at the Flying Saucer. I’ll be there celebrating the unveiling of my saucer and rocking my week-old, baby ‘stache.

Guess who just found a new game to play with outgoing...

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 09:00:33 -0500

Guess who just found a new game to play with outgoing emails?

via SFBG

Here we find a prime example of “things that have sat on...

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 14:47:29 -0500

Here we find a prime example of “things that have sat on my desk for half a day that probably should not have.” At least the only person who has been over here (that I know of) was looking for gum.

The Stinks are having a hell of a year though…

I have the same Tumblarity as a blog about daily soup specials

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 13:54:10 -0500

I have the same Tumblarity as a blog about daily soup specials:

I’ll have a large Chipotle Cuban Black Bean

Do you have to let it linger?

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 09:25:54 -0500

Do you have to let it linger?:

Internal feminine flavoring? I’m happy to report “it is shaped for comfort during insertion and use.” I thought you kind of just spread it apart and threw it in like a hand grenade.

The most wonderful thing about Tiggers is wearing their jackets...

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 08:41:10 -0500

The most wonderful thing about Tiggers is wearing their jackets out to the bar.

My girlfriend had the same jacket back when I was 15. Our waitress would not comply with our request to ask him if he had Eeyore socks on.

I have a problem

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 12:31:00 -0500

I see the picture for the new “cheeseburger taco” on the menu. I know it’s going to be awful. I order it anyways. I fight the urge to vomit for the next hour or so.

Update: It can be found at Taco Bueno if you’re in the mood to kill yourself.

Thank you Apple for getting us one step closer to a crevice-free...

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 12:46:22 -0500

Thank you Apple for getting us one step closer to a crevice-free internet jerkoff experience.

Seriously. No openings on the top at all? An easy to wipe off, multi-touch surface? I’m multi-touching myself right now.

Now if you could just do something about those cracks on a keyboard.

It has only taken a year and a half, but I finally broke into...

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 07:56:33 -0500

It has only taken a year and a half, but I finally broke into the Flying Saucer’s Top 10 alcoholics in KC. I also have the strong urge to change my name to the Six-Fingered Man for the next week or so. To celebrate, I’m going to go drink some beer at a bowling alley this evening.

Only 15 more beers until I get my saucer on the wall. When my daughter grows up and asks why I wasn’t around much for the first two years of her life, it will be nice to be able to take her into a bar and show her all that her father has accomplished.

I’m gonna be honest here people, the 2009 KC Beerfest was...

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 23:34:37 -0500

I’m gonna be honest here people, the 2009 KC Beerfest was the suck. It’s hard to speak ill about an event put on completely by volunteers, but maybe it’s time to volunteer a little harder. I got a chipped tasting glass to start things off. It seemed like most of the actual breweries bailed on the event, leaving volunteers that didn’t know about what they were serving, and a number of tables seemed to have a completely mixed bag.

There were a couple major improvements though. First, the sports bar. Now you don’t have to worry about your asshole friend(s) complaining about missing the game. The giant, corner tent also served as a great place to duck behind and take a piss to avoid the long lines at the port-a-johns.

Second, the fights. Holding the event in Crimedot, I’m a little amazed it took me three years to see some blood at an event focused on four hours of drinking. Unfortunately, I forgot my camera, so you only get the cell phone pictures above. I missed the actual blows, but I got there in time to see a man get cuffed, a woman get cuffed next to another man already in cuffs, and some fat dude with blood streaming down his face. To hear the people around me say it, some chick busted the guy up and had already been carted off. Apparently the table-leg sized clubs the security was walking around the event with was not enough to prevent people from scrapping mere feet from the exit. I also passed a hoagie-sized pool of blood in the stairwell on my way out.

Stay classy, KC Beerfest.