I am really, really sorry for the lack of updates the past couple of weeks. This week was finals week and despite all the sleep I lost I still managed to fail one class. But it doesn’t matter, because for the next two weeks I have COMPLETE FREEDOM. Which means, we’re back to our regular updates!
Also, my 21st is this weekend, so I implore you to go out and party with me in spirit. : )

The forums are down right now, I’ve been trying to fix them for the last couple of hours but to no avail. I think I’m gonna sleep on it and see what I can do tomorrow.

For everyone who has stuck around, I thank you from the very bottom of my heart for putting up with my constant bullshit. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again — I write a comic about failed relationships. How together do you think my life is?

Much love.

Source: Direct quote from a Post on [Purple]’s Blog denouncing rebound relationships.

Source: Quote from actual conversation

Source: Direct quote from a Post on [Purple]’s Blog denouncing irrational reaction.

Source: Direct quote from a Personal Profile.

You can’t make this shit up, folks. Sometimes the comedy just writes itself.

For the sake of continuity, I’m going to wrap up this story arc as soon as possible and kill off Purple. She never really made enough of an impact on Zeke to deserve anything more. It would have been unfair to any readers interested in their story if I had just ended it because of real-life differences, so I’m going to continue it until I figure out how exactly she is going to be removed from the strip.

Once that has been dealt with, we need to establish a new colored-bow-girl for our tragic protagonist. Poll time!

In regards to the previous post — thank you for all your feedback, both positive and otherwise. It helps in terms of me understanding people’s points of view and being insightful in how people viewed the strip. Extremely insightful.

That being said, if you ever have something to say to me, don’t be afraid to speak your mind because I will not take offense.

Jade physically attacked me this afternoon, in broad daylight, in the middle of the school parking lot. I had asked her to return a comic book I had lent her, and she told me to meet her there, but I had no sooner stepped within five feet of her when she ran at me and started wailing on me. Punching, kicking, scratching, the works. Well, trying, anyway. It didn’t do much, if anything I was probably more distracted from how sore my taint has been ever since I started biking again.

Apparently, from the text messages she had sent to several of my friends before the incident:

“I need to put him in his place. He needs to know that he can’t get away with everything. I’m returning his book back today… but I promise, there will be bloodshed.”

Who even SAYS that? And where is this “place” I’m supposed to be put? Do they have somewhere I can sit down?

She and I broke up three weeks ago when it was decided between us that I didn’t feel for her the same way she felt for me. We had been rocky in the past, and admittedly I wasn’t exactly the best boyfriend. I was always busy. Always preoccupied with something else, enough at times to get impatient with her if I felt like I was being unproductive. I tried to like her more, though, I really did, but it wasn’t enough, so we left it at that, and parted ways fairly quietly.

About a week and a half later, she sends me a text that goes something like:

“I’m with [some random guy] now. I think I know what you mean now when you said that your heart wasn’t in it, because I can only like him. Nothing more.”

“You’re ‘with’ him?”

“Like I said.”

Now, I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this before, but it has been implied numerous times in the comic strip — I absolutely hate it when people who are in or have just dropped out of a relationship immediately find someone else. It’s probably the worst thing that anyone can ever do to me, personally. I’m not the only one who feels this way, am I?

So far, it affects me personally because this has happened to me on FOUR DIFFERENT OCCASIONS. Four times in a fucking row. And I’m not talking about that girl at the Ministry of Sound that I finally worked up the courage to dance with until she got bored  and left with some gangster because the only place I knew where to put my hands was on her ass. (I WAS SIXTEEN. LEAVE ME ALONE, JERKS.)

My first real relationship (I’ve been told anything before high school doesn’t count, so we’re going with that) was with one of my sister’s friends when I was fifteen. She said she was too busy for me, or anyone, for that matter. I would find out a year later she had broken up with me so she could date another guy. That’s okay, I guess, right? Because she lied to me because she didn’t want to hurt me, right? ..Right?

The second one — albeit unofficial — was at the impressionable age of 16, where I was accosted by a 20-year-old who said her boyfriend was a douche, told me she loved me, took my virginity  and then ended up in another guy’s bed a month later saying I never meant anything to her. Mother fuck.

Two months afterwards and still recovering, I’m introduced to the 24-year-old sister of a then-close friend (not anymore, for reasons that will become apparent). We click almost immediately, and things are just aww right. Oh wait. What’s that? You have a BOYFRIEND? No, no, that’s NOT aww right. But wait, he’s a douchebag, too. Nuh-uh, I’m not falling for that shit again. But I love you. Aww, I love you too. Let’s have phone sex. Wait wha– okay. Well these few weeks have been nice but I have to go back to college now. Call me, okay? Okay. Brring, brring. Hello? WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME? I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. LEAVE ME ALONE. …And don’t tell my sister about us.

And then there was the girl who would become Red, but merely summarizing Red’s story will never do it justice. Let’s just say Red is the one who broke me.

Nowadays, I have little to nothing against any them anymore, and sometimes am even thankful as I never thought I would’ve learned so much just from making so many mistakes. Regardless of this, if I’m in/freshly out of a relationship and I’m ever reminded of that same emotion I felt with each of those losses, I will completely lose my fucking shit. I don’t like it, but it happens.

Jade knew this. She knew how much it would hit home if she ever did something like that to me. I never asked much from her during our relationship. That request was one of a very few I ever made from her. And yet, she went out of her way to let me know that she had a new boyfriend. We weren’t exactly speaking regularly anymore, after all. So I did what anyone would have done in my position–

I completely lost my fucking shit.

Well, okay, that sounded more awesome than what I really did, which was yell. And by yelling I mean sending a bunch of TEXT MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS.

I was fucking livid, and the fact that Jade, brandishing an insufferable attitude, just made it worse. So I thought about the one thing I thought would hurt her the most, and I said it.

“No wonder your family hates you.”

When it comes to serious matters, I don’t exactly like being wrong, and I especially dislike knowing I have to apologize when I know I’ve done something wrong, but I felt bad for what I had said. So, I called her out the next day and I apologized. I owned up to what I did and I told her I knew what I said was wrong. Of course, she said she did nothing wrong and didn’t think she deserved that kind of shit from me. Really? Seriously?

“I’ll bring your comic book tomorrow.” (That was on Sunday, and she forgot it.)

Now, let’s cut back to yesterday, which at the time I’m writing this is a Wednesday. That was the day I realized that there was absolutely no reasoning with this girl. I was walking out of school itching for a cigarette when I realized I had no lighter. The only people who were outside just happened to be Jade and one of her friends, and they’re smoking.

So I walk up to the guy and I go, “can I get a light?” He hands me it, I light up, thank him, and then I leave.

20 minutes later on the train, Jade messages me with, simply,

“Fuck off”

Um… I thought we had cleared everything up. and were on non-speaking terms, and she throws this at me?

“Excuse me? What did I do?”

“You know better than to dare speak to me.”

Wait, wasn’t she the one who messaged ME first? And out of the blue? Jesus.

“Lol. Attention whore.”

I responded, because she had absolutely no reason to have messaged me other than the fact that she.wanted some sort of attention, and the fact that she is so self-centered that she thought I had been talking to her instead of the guy next to her. it’s like, “stop flattering yourself, you dumb bitch.”

She spent the next hour throwing weak insults, trying so hard to get at me.  I was surprised myself, actually, at how I didn’t even bat an eyelid at something like, “Now I see why [Red] left you.” Most people tend to remember insults thrown at them better than compliments. I only remembered that one because she mentioned her real name. I’m sure there might have been a bad-in-bed crack, but I don’t remember anything else.

And you know why that is? You know why I’m not even mad that she tried to attack me? Because I am completely indifferent. I don’t hate Jade, I simply do not care about her. Love & hate may be opposites on an emotional spectrum, but even hating someone means you still give a shit. And I don’t.

I tried to be as fair as possible If I really wanted to be one-sided I would’ve listed everything she said and nothing I said, but I didn’t do that, did I? Of course each story will be a little one-sided, but at least I know how to admit when I’m at fault. At least I tried to be reasonable, at least I DID apologize, and at least I know how to use my words instead of my fists. And she told ME to grow up.

Jade, you should really get some help, because you are obviously a very fucking unstable and psychotic person. Something is seriously wrong with you.

Some old stuff, some new stuff, just felt like putting ‘em up since most of them haven’t seen the light of day before. School is killer, and it’s destroying my sleep schedule, my appetite, and — this I fear the most — my sense of humor.

But I’m trying my best. Promise.

I mean, I write a comic about failed relationships — how ‘together’ do you think my life is, really?

So much love for the continued, undying support. You guys are awesome.

A tribute of sorts to a running gag on one of my favorite webcomics (and probably one of my biggest inspirations), Sinfest by Tatsuya Ishida.

You can find them all if you search “signal” on his archive!