My friend Janelle and I talked about all the different ways I could covertly catch him. She spent hours online helping me find just the right method. It was the spyware on the cell phone that finally nailed him. Tracking his car just helped me make sure I knew exactly where to show up and snap a few shots to throw in his lap.

Now that I know and can prove that I know, do I tell him that I know? Do I try to gather up more evidence? Should I go straight to a divorce attorney or should I run to a marriage counselor? I really don’t know exactly what I am supposed to do now other than sit here and be extremely angry.

How can this happen? How can someone just toss it all away? And why? I thought when I knew for sure that I would know exactly what I would do. It turns out all those violent fantasies are really just that. I am little more than a ball of angry confusion and can’t seem to make up my mind about something as simple as whether I am going to bother to eat dinner with him tonight.

Any type of guidance would really be appreciated. If you’ve been here, I am sure you know how desperate you become to prevent the situation from eating you alive. It’s more important than anything that I survive this, but I would survive better knowing that I was not the fool in the end.

ANY ADVICE FOR THIS READER? COMMENT BELOW…

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Online infidelity usually looks like any other form of online interaction, except that the emotional engagement is much higher. Flirting isn’t an emotional entanglement. An actual online affair, however, is likely to elicit stronger emotions and even emotional anguish during the process. The level of personal commitment to the online relationship can be the single biggest key factor in determining whether there is an online affair in the works or if there is just some simple flirtatious behaviors tracking the pair of chatters.

Online infidelity can cause more problems in many relationships than the old fashioned infidelity. Because there are so many grey areas when it comes to discovering exactly what online infidelity really is, the two people in the primary relationship often don’t even agree that there has been an infraction of trust or inappropriate behavior going on. Furthermore, many people hold the belief that the only way to be unfaithful is the have an actual sexual affair that involves two physically connecting bodies.

Emotional intimacy is often much deeper and more meaningful that mere sex, and since an strong emotional connection can be developed online, it is quite possible for someone to engage in online infidelity without ever touching the third party. When the emotional connection is strong enough to pull you away from your primary relationship, you are shortchanging the primary relationship. Thus, you are in fact, engaging in an emotional affair. So how can you break out of this cycle?

Facilitating an affair via a keyboard doesn’t make it any less painful for the partner who has remained faithful. The internet is just the methodology but it is not the cause. The cause comes from the person eliciting the online affair. Online cheating starts because two people are looking for an exciting emotional connection that can make them feel like they are truly falling in love. After all, falling in love is a very joyful experience that can change your entire outlook on life and where you are going with your life. That special excitement can make it easier to get out of bed in the morning, can make your own sex life with your primary partner much more intense (even though they have become just a stand in all of a sudden) and can make you feel sexy and attractive.

Many of us judge ourselves through the eyes that other people see us. When we engage in an online affair, we aren’t looking for someone to take us to the next level of we aren’t ready. We want to be desirable even in our anonymity. These feelings can make daily life more fun, exciting, and taken in stride with a better sense of self esteem. After all, you are being told that you are a truly worthwhile and amazing individual by the new affair. You are being told that you are highly worthy of the time and attention of other people that might outrank your partner in physical attractiveness.

Online infidelity is not the easiest place to come back from. Some couples split while other couples opt to work it out to the best of their abilities. If you’re dealing with online infidelity than the best you can do is to make decisions that are in your own best interest.

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1. Coping with Online Infidelity

There are many people who find this method of sexual contact to be comfortable in its anonymity. You can take on any persona, become the person you’d rather be in real life, and engage in any sexual activity in the safety of your own home.

It is almost all imaginary and thus can be a real turn on for a large percentage of the population.

However it can also be seen as an act of a betrayal by a partner or spouse who is excluded and kept in the dark as to what is going on.

Not everyone who engages in cyber sexual activity is guilty of having a cyber sexual addiction. One can engage in the activity without being an addict. Addictive behavior has some pretty definite guidelines and can be recognized when an individual starts exhibiting even just a few of these behaviors.

Addictive behavior involves lying or aversion to admitting the actual number of hours spent engaged in the activity and usually becomes rather obsessive. The time that is dedicated to the activity can overtake just about all other normal living activities. Missing work or school (teens can experience cybersexual addiction as well) and ignoring other commitments and requirements such as paying bills and cleaning up the house are symptoms of a rather deep addiction.

Cybersexual addiction is not usually something that overpowers a life all at once. Rather, most people develop their addiction over time. Because cybersex is an individual affair, the addiction can go unnoticed by others for a very long time.

Many single people suffering from a cybersexual addiction are not pinned into admitting their problem and getting help until their life becomes out of control. Losing cars, homes, jobs, and ending up completely bottomed out is not unusual for a single individual suffering from a cyber sexual addiction.

This addiction is becoming increasingly common. The convenience and the secrecy of the situation make it fairly easy for someone to become completely enthralled with this way of life. Just as alternative cyber lives such as Second Life can become all consuming and overtake a life, anyone can fall prey to cybersex addiction in the very same way. It opens up a whole new way to explore sexual fantasies and it allows those who never developed a healthy sexual attitude to engage privately in their sexual curiosities and desires.

Fortunately, the issue has become a bit more out in the open and more people are finding help before they have allowed their entire life to run out of control. Instead, cyber based help lines, group and individual therapies in brick and mortar buildings, and even the education of friends and family is making a huge difference in the lives of those suffering from a cyber sexual hang up. Online help is usually the first place a self motivated individual will look for help, although some people need to strictly limit their contact with their computer. Private, confidential therapies are available and are effective at helping people overcome their problem.

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1. Getting it on in Cyber Space. Is it cheating when she’s not in the room?
2. Coping with Online Infidelity

The first sign of emotional infidelity is your partner’s sudden desire to spend more time away from you and more time toward someone else, even if that time is spent online or on the phone. There is a sense of withdrawal from you, a sense that your partner isn’t really there and present with you while he or she seems a little happier than normal.

It’s like you start living parallel lives rather than a life together. It can happen without a lot of warning. Sometimes it just seems that your partner has found a new friend or is going through an emotional rebirth of sorts. The problem is that you are being left out of the process and you can feel it.

Emotional infidelity can happen without a lot of awareness on either partner’s side until the emotional intimacy with the third party is well grounded. By then, you have been feeling left out, somewhat alone, and have a sense of loss of emotional connection with your partner.

There are some more obvious signs, like overhearing phone conversations that reveal intimate details that you are unaware of or finding chats on the computer that seem extremely personal. It should be noted that many partners are totally blown away to find that their partner is experiencing emotional intimacy with a friend of the same gender. With attitudes changing and more relaxed attitudes sweeping the country, many individuals are finding that they suddenly have the freedom to explore intimate emotional feelings that a special friend might elicit.

Some people find some comfort in emotional infidelity with a same sex friend and others find it even more distressing. Anyone with curiosity can fall into an emotionally entangled relationship without ever taking it to a physical level.

Emotional infidelity can usually only be detected and confirmed when you catch your partner in the act. You might have your suspicions as the distance between the two of you grows and the emotional bond to their new friend grows to undeniable levels. It is not always easy to deal with, but many couples can bounce back from emotional infidelity once the problem has been identified.

Many people who indulge in emotional infidelity are not quite as conscious of their actions as they would be of physical infidelity simply because there is such a fine line between confiding in a friend and blossoming a purely spiritual and emotional relationship. Some people do not recognize it until it actually causes a problem.

If you suspect that your partner is engaging in emotional infidelity, the best course of action is to express your needs for more emotional connection on an ever increasing level until the true intentions of your partner are realized.

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1. Dealing with Emotional Infidelity
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Perhaps there is a tinge of truth to this, but this means that the “innocent” partner is just as liable as the partner that stepped outside the relationship. That might be reasonable under some circumstances, but what about the partner who decides to step out because his or her needs aren’t being met because their significant other is working 100 hour weeks in order to dig the family out from under? One person can only deliver so much.

A relationship is always a two way street. Each partner is responsible for their own actions and their own feelings. Each partner is also responsible for their own actions. If you hit me am I in the right if I hit you back? Is it your fault that I hit you, even though you hit me first? For some people these are complicated, grey area questions. For others, these are very black and white, right and wrong questions.

There are a number of situations that can lead to the end of a relationship, such as drifting apart and the inability to effectively communicating. Even the simple act of falling out of love could end a relationship. Infidelity happens when one partner wants to be the chronic center of all relationships in their life.

Anyone can meet someone who might be better suited to them, can fall in love with a coworker, or can start exploring new sexual interests without including their partner. In almost all cases, the infidelity is a result of the cheating partner not wanting to relinquish the perks of the original relationship. Usually the motivation is financial or situational.

Many couples, even unhappy couples, have developed a rather comfortable lifestyle. It can be scary for some people to break away from the security of that lifestyle and a comfortable if not rather boring relationship when they can get their excitement on the side. However, infidelity is not always about the end of the primary relationship. Sometimes people just like the danger of it all.

Regardless of what the reasons are, infidelity is a selfish action. It is an action that undermines that well being of another person. Falling in love, looking for excitement, or taking on daring sexual exploits are all reasons to end the primary relationship in order to pursue something that might make one happier.

The bottom line is that no matter what the reason for the infidelity might be, the partner that wants to make changes to the relationship is responsible for giving the information to the other partner. We are all responsible for our own actions and our actions are derived from our own desire to take care of ourselves.

In a committed relationship, each partner has an obligation to let the other know if their desires or intentions have changed. It is up to each partner whether that information means the relationship is over or if there is still a reason for continuing it. There are many relationships that wander in and out of monogamy and everyone is perfectly satisfied with the outcome. There are other relationships that require monogamy as part of the deal.

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Before you opt for any type of keystroke logger or website history monitor, try asking the questions outright. Keep in mind that the month before a birthday or a special occasion a partner might become a little more secretive about their internet usage because they are trying to actually do something sweet for you. Arguably, this is rarely the case when you start becoming suspicious of their internet activities.

There can be more than one reason that a partner is suddenly guarding the computer, switching web pages the instant you walk into the room, or moving the computer to a more private location. Most people first think that their partner is having an affair. There are also gambling websites or gaming websites that have the potential to destroy the family’s financial health.

There are also websites that offer medications without a physician’s prescription that offer mind altering substances. There are also natural buds websites that offer herbal remedies to get high legally. Any of these could hold the potential for a serious impact on your relationship, and usually as the money in the bank account starts to dwindle, you can figure out which websites are attracting your partner.

Unfortunately, most of the suspicious behaviors are indications of affairs, or at least the flirtation of an affair. Many men and women start off with the intention of making some strong connections with people with similar interests and end up becoming excited over someone they meet.

If your questions are evaded with vague answers, inconsistent explanations, and outright lies there is definitely cause for concern. If there is a basic trust issue between you and your partner, the cause for concern is much greater. You can opt for the spying technique.

Spying on your partner’s online activities isn’t really all that difficult. There are ample software applications that can do everything from track websites and record chats to those that can actually block access to certain websites so that the growing affair can be shut off without your partner ever being aware that you know about their potential infidelity.

Before you start monitoring websites visited by your partner you might want to consider that you are about to find out information that you obviously don’t have. If it turns out to be nothing more than innocent emails trying to arrange a surprise getaway for the pair of you, you’re not going to feel too great about your own actions. If it turns out that your partner is stringing along not just one but multiple additional lovers, the slap you may feel could be intense.

You can get an entire daily history emailed to your account from their own computer in order to find out everything that is going on in their life. Just be sure you are ready and able to handle the information that you end up receiving before you take the plunge into spying on your partner’s online activities.

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Anyone can upload a photo and claim that it’s a photo of themselves so there is never any guarantee that this is really the person you are talking with. Other similar lines of thought include that the other person poses no threat since their presence is only online. It’s not real!

However by many people’s standards online flirting is just as disrespectful to the relationship as flirting with someone in the brick and mortar world. Flirting, while often fun and generally harmless, can send the message that the relationship is really not all that secure. It leaves too much room for interpretation, including that the flirter has a wandering eye and has the potential for straying.

While this is not generally factual, as flirting with someone can be a harmless way of helping someone feel good about themselves, there is just too much room for different interpretations. It’s best to leave the flirting behind.

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More people are concerned about the instant message material on their teenager’s computer than they are their spouse’s computer since most affairs have a tendency to lean toward email conversing. Either way, unless the targeted computer has had its history erased it is perfectly possible to gather up all the information you need on a regular basis to either make sure your kid is as trustworthy as you hope or that your partner is as trustworthy as they say.

All conversations are temporarily saved on the computer even after it has been shut down. It is easy to log into someone’s account, pull up their conversation history, and read all the intimate details of your daughter’s newest drama or your partner’s newest frustrations with you. Gmail in particular makes it particularly easy to read someone’s chat conversations. They are not only saved, but they are saved in their entirety under the same conversation title and it only requires a fourth grade reading level to find the right links to click. It’s all spelled out for the user.

However, more and more kids and not so trustworthy partners have discovered the value of deleting their history so that prying eyes can’t get into their personal messages or their personal emails. In this case, it becomes a little more difficult to ascertain whether or not there is something going on that you need to be concerned about. A deleted history is still able to be tracked through the computer, but it takes a little more than point and click. Most user accounts have two deleting processes. The first just moves into the trash folder, which gives you easy access. The second delete erases it from any visible files on the computer. This means you have to bring back information that has been intentionally put away from public view, which takes a higher level of computer savvy.

Software that tracks instant message monitoring is relatively inexpensive and has numerous user options for those who need to spy on someone else’s communications with other parties. You can simply have the instant messages stored in an innocuous file that you can enter at any time and read through. You can also have all of their instant messages sent directly to your email so that you can glean your information through the simple act of checking your email. This type of software comes with a wide range of price tags, usually priced by its accuracy, reliability, ability to be detected, or the various features available on the software.

Before you install software, break into someone else’s account and scrounge through their history, or violate their privacy in any other way, make sure you are prepared for the consequences. If you come up with serious information that requires attention between you and the other party, it is going to be difficult to explain how you know such things without admitting that you crossed a privacy line.

Very few people can find out that their teenage daughter is having an affair with an older man and sit on that information without dealing with it. Few people can find out that their partner is having an affair and sit back and greet them as though everything is okay. Know what you’re getting into and you can find out anything you want to about your family members, coworkers, and if you’re really into stepping over the line, your boss that you want to know.

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A cheating husband can be very difficult to live with, but the not being sure can be even more difficult. With every question that a wife develops her mind starts to run in circles. We all want to think the very best of our spouse and when we start to question their intentions we often end up feeling guilty because we don’t have proof.

Nobody likes to find out that they were not trusted when they were being honest. But it is possible to gather together evidence of an affair if your suspicions are founded and you find that you are trusting his explanations less and less. After all, how many times can someone fall asleep on the train or be given overtime without it reflecting on the paycheck?

While it is certainly possible to tail a cheating husband, to hire someone to tail him for you, or to create scenarios that push him into telling you the truth (eventually) the real evidence is usually locked away on his computer.

The more you know about what your husband does for a living the easier it will be for you to figure out if he is actually having an affair. A cheating husband isn’t going to conveniently save emails in a folder marked “affair” on his desktop. But he may very well label some correspondence with an unlikely but mundane topic. I once knew someone who kept all of their incriminating emails in a file marked “trash.” Since the trash icon on a desktop looks like a trash can, the victimized spouse was soon able to figure out that this was a bogus file and opened it.

Why men think that saving the incriminating evidence on their computers is a good idea is beyond me, but most do. This gives them a tangible method of fantasizing about the other woman and it keeps the affair fresh in their eyes. If a woman can gain access to his laptop or his main computer it is quite possible that with a little digging she can find the emails and chats that he saved for those intimate moments he spends alone.

If you can barely gain access to his computers, but you can do a quick software installation, you can easily slip some spyware or a keystroke logger onto his computer and you will very soon have your answer. Email correspondence seems like a safer way to elicit an affair because it is impossible to be overheard. With today’s technology it is quite possible for a wife to catch a cheating husband by “overhearing” his electronic communications with the other woman, or potentially the other man.

This software is easy to purchase and can be shipped discretely to your home. Service technicians can often walk you through the process of installing the software correctly. They can also help you install the software without it being detected by his computer’s security. This way, you can be absolutely sure about his activities and catch him in the act of incriminating himself of cheating.

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