Chart Attack

Guy Mitchell - She Wears Red Feathers

2012-11-01T21:47:00.003Z

Hello all - I return. Long time no see. Here's Guy Mitchell and 'She Wears Red Feathers', a jaunty tune that will stay with you for days upon listening to it a few times. You got your money's worth in the 1950s. Guy Mitchell was really Albert Cernik, but would you let your children listen to songs by a man called Albert Cernik? Of course not. The story goes that a record exec came to the name by reasoning thus: "my name is 'Mitchell' and you seem a nice 'guy', so we'll call you Guy Mitchell". I am going to adopt a similar approach with my firstborn, substituting the record exec for a midwife.

'She Wears...' tells the tale of a London banker who falls in love with a hula girl. Yes, that age old story.... After sailing 14 days from Mandalay (it is imperative you know that, how dare you say it is only a rhyming device), the banker spies from his ship a native girl wearing aforementioned feathers and a "huley-huley skirt". Yes - a "huley" skirt. In the playing out of some sort of grand cosmological scheme, it happens that this woman has been dreaming of an Englishman every night, as simple native girls are wont to do. And what of the subsistence of this girl I hear you cry? Fret not, such an important fact is not neglected, you will be interested to hear that she "lives on just cokey-nuts and fish from the sea". Yes - "cokey-nuts". Guy Mitchell laughs in the face of accepted pronunciation. As you'd expect, primitive (wo)man only has two source of nutrition. To cut a three minute pop song short, English banker is granted instantaneous permission to marry native girl by her parents, they wed to the sound of basoon-playing baboons, and before you know it, huley-girl is back in London drinking tea - a thoroughly amusing sight to all.

I don't think I'm entirely wrong in detecting slight, how should I put this, colonial overtones in this song . 'Don't take it so seriously', I hear you cry - it's only a harmless pop song indulging in comedic caricatures of the exotic. Of course I don't really think there's anything malicious in it. My Mum and Gran both remember it fondly, and I assure you that they are not neo-imperialists. Nonetheless, it's a little dated in its global outlook. It's akin to the awkwardness that arises when an elderly relative clumsily describes someone primarily in terms of their being foreign or not white (despite meaning nothing by this at all).

'She Wears...' was written by the hugely prolific Bob Merrill, who also wrote such classics as '(How Much Is That) Doggie In The Window' and 'If I Knew You Were Comin' I'd've Baked a Cake'. We'll be hearing him again very soon. Following Merrill's suicide in 1998 a rather scathing article in Slate magazine proclaimed him 'the worst songwriter of all time'. Although I've just been pretty scathing myself about Merrill's work on this song, I still think this is a ridiculous and pretty damn rude accusation. Ok, the guy wrote some bum songs and perhaps wasn't the deepest of lyricists, but who hasn't. I'm sure Leonard Cohen would have struggled to write a good song about a hula girl and a banker. And much as I love Leonard Cohen, he did not write '(How Much Is That) Doggie In The Window'. Can you imagine life without those eight words? Without that little tune? No. I have seen it and it is hellish. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that there is a fine line between sublime simplicity and plain old shit. It's difficult to hit the right side all the time.

To end, an important thing I feel that I should draw your attention to is the cover of this song by glam rockers and purveyors of big-cat-footwear-themed-music Mud. I don't think I'm wrong in saying that Mud are missing some of the endearing twang of the original. At least it saves you the trouble of finding out yourself how the song sounds in karaoke form, with the Agadoo switch turned up to 11.

When: 13th March 1953
How long: 4 weeks

Sorry For The Silence

2012-05-30T05:06:00.002+01:00

I must apologise if anyone is actually following this and waiting for new posts (there are thousands of you, I'm sure). I am taking a brief break because I have some exams at the moment. Believe me, I would much rather be doing this. I'll be back in a couple of weeks and from then on it's plain sailing. As a consolation, please enjoy these roller skating musical numbers.

Perry Como - Don't Let The Stars Get In Your Eyes

2012-05-14T21:04:00.000+01:00

After the lust, adultery and gross licentiousness featured in the last post thank God that Perry Como has come to the rescue of our morality. Unlike Eddie Fisher, Perry Como only ever had one wife - his teenage sweetheart. A devoted Catholic, Como even received an informal seal of Papal approval. On their Silver wedding anniversary Mr&Mrs Como attended an audience with Pope Pius XII in Rome. Perry Como was a fiercely private man and therefore very annoyed that photos of the event entered the press, but it turned out it was the Vatican that had released them, presumably as proof of the everlasting hipness of the Catholic Church. He also had a hit with recording of Ave Maria/The Lord's Prayer in '49, which he recorded in a church. Jeez, Perry Como ought to be beatified. I wonder if my dodgy knee will improve if I hold vigil at his grave. Despite all this talk, please don't go thinking that Perry Como was dull. He produced many fantastic songs that have nothing to do with Jesus. When Como next comes up I'll introduce you to some of his less ecclesiastical characteristics.

This song was at number one for five weeks, from which I can only surmise that people back in the 50s had high boredom thresholds. 'Don't Let The Stars Get In Your Eyes' is a jaunty, upbeat, and pretty annoying song that I can only take for a couple of plays before it turns me mad and bored stiff in equal measure. When I first listened to it I was fine, but after a while the incessant brass stabs felt like they were jabbing right into my nervous system, goaded on by the eternal oom-pah of the rhythm section. I'm sad about this because it's not a bad song and I do want to like it because I think Perry Como's ace. He is to be applauded for being the least annoying thing about the song. Ultimately though, I think it would be a good addition to the US military's playlist, especially if they're ever going to interrogate me.

When: 6th February 1963
How long: 5 weeks

Eddie Fisher - Outside of Heaven

2012-05-12T22:26:00.000+01:00

Eddie Fisher was a huge star in the US in the 50s. He sold the most singles of any artist for the first half of the decade and his Billboard figures are amazing: in that decade he had 25 top tens, 14 top twenties, 10 top forties, and another 9 in the top 100. (For the pedants: I can't be sure which of the three pre-1958 Billboard charts - record sales, jukebox plays and radio play - these figures refer to. As much as I am tempted to go through a decade's worth of results I don't think I should let myself). Fisher was also a hit on TV with Coke Time with Eddie Fisher ('53-'57) and then The Eddie Fisher Show ('57-'59).

If the Daily Mail online had existed in 1953 Eddie Fisher would have been all over the gossip sidebar like a bad case of scabies. Fisher's first wife was wholesome darling Debbie Reynolds, with whom he had daughter Carrie Fisher. After four years of marriage Fisher left Reynolds to marry cinematic legend and serial monogamist Elizabeth Taylor. This was a showbiz scandal of such size that there isn't anything truly comparable in recent times. I suppose the Brangelina case has similarities but that seems small fry in comparison, both because of tame nature of celebrity in the 50s, and a few circumstances which made the whole thing a hell of a lot worse.

Prior to Fisher, Taylor was married to producer film Michael Todd. Eddie Fisher happened to be Todd's best friend - take a look at this photo of both couples double-dating. What a picture of marital bliss! Michael Todd was tragically killed in a plane crash in 1958, however his grieving widow was soon documented spending late nights in bars with Eddie Fisher. Of course, nothing untoward was going on, they were merely providing solace for one another. Or so the official line went for a while. But the truth eventually surfaced. Liz released a statement: they were together, and what's more the relationship of Eddie and Debbie, which the nation have observed from its first kiss through to marriage and children, was not what it had seemed: "Eddie is not in love with Debbie and never has been. . .You can’t break up a happy marriage". Eddie concurred. Debbie didn't: "It seems unbelievable to say that you can live happily with a man and not know that he doesn’t love you. That, as God is my witness, is the truth....I now realise when you are deeply in love how blind you can be". Jeepers, poor Debbie Reynolds. The ensuing media frenzy saw all parties forensically analysed, blame cast and defences argued. Fisher and Taylor were married in May 1959, just over a year after Todd's death.

Taylor may have been temporarily vilified by the press and public, but in the long run it consolidated her image as sultry, desirable, and dangerous, which was key in fueling her contemporary screen success and ongoing legend. She was nominated for Oscars throughout the scandal; in '58 (Cat on a Hot Tin Roof), '59 (Suddenly, Last Summer), and in '60 for BUtterfield 8 when she won the award for best actress. Watch that trailer and you'll see exactly why Taylor's success wasn't damaged by the scandal - her performances in films such as BUtterfield 8 possess an extra dimension of realism that exhilarated audiences. And yes, that is Eddie Fisher himself acting alongside Liz. They both hated the film because of its resonance with the scandal and it was only made to fulfill Taylor's studio contract.

In contrast, Fisher's career hit a low. His show was cancelled by NBC in '59 and the following year RCA dropped him from their label. He continued recording sporadically and did chart again, but not in the top 40. And what of his marriage to Taylor, the cause of his lost success? Two words: Richard Burton. Fisher and Taylor's marriage was over by '64. Well Eddie, if you're gonna play with fire....A nice note to end this discussion on comes from Carrie Fisher who, on reading some of the more lurid details in her father's autobiography, is said to have stated "That's it. I'm having my DNA fumigated".

Now reader, do not be too alarmed at my woeful neglect of the matter at hand thus far, I am quite aware that the UK's fourth number one single Outside of Heaven requires my attention. I started writing this when I was under the impression that this was a very boring song and therefore thought I would write about something infinitely more interesting. I am still partly of this opinion. The song is, frankly, a bit naff. It's nice enough, a merry tune to whistle and, once again, I'm sure would make a lovely slow dance. A perfectly inoffensive piece of easy listening if ever there was one. However I have come to realise that though the song might not be that fascinating musically it is interesting in another way: just how terribly sad it is. As a whole the song is pretty unemotional, however its subject and lyrics are painfully miserable, something I didn't even notice this until I had listened quite a few times. There are innumerable songs about lost loves, but very few of them present the issue with the harsh finality that most people experience: so often is the listener left a scrap of hope, that one day the love might return, or quite commonly the lost love is revived after the instrumental solo. But not in Outside of Heaven. Here the woman you love leaves you and doesn't return. The woman you love gets married to someone else, and though you wish her well you really want to cry out in the church. And every time you pass her house you cry again feeling that you will forever be alone.

So whilst I don't really care much for the song itself, I do think it is to be admired for its somewhat brutal presentation of love. To hell with romance. Do an Eddie Fisher and start shagging your dead mate's wife.

When: 30th January 1953
How long: 1 week

Kay Starr - Comes A-Long A-Love

2012-05-10T13:52:00.002+01:00

Hark! The tempo rises! This one definitely isn't for slow dancing. If I was the producer of an uninspiring rom-com film I would use this as the soundtrack for the 'silly' montage, y'know the sort of thing where the protagonists are decorating their bedroom but in the throws of unbridled love decide to paint each others' faces instead. Anyway, enough of my cinematic ambitions.

Billie Holiday said of Kay Starr that she was "the only white woman who could sing the blues". I'm not qualified to pass judgement on this assessment but I have concluded that Starr had an absolute beast of a voice. If you want to fancy listening to some fantastic jazz songs I recommend her album 'I Cry By Night', available on Spotify. Apparently she is the only 'full-blooded' Native American to have achieved a UK number one (and not just one, we'll be seeing her again in the future).

'Comes A-long A-Love' is a really ace toe-tapping tune which certainly makes me feel a bit livelier at my desk. A love song that is energetic makes a nice change from the last two, which seemed to suggest that one's heart rate must remain at resting when thinking of that special someone; hell, it's even alright if your palpitations resemble "highland flinging". At 2.26 the song doesn't drag on and over-egg the pudding, and it packs an unrelenting rhythmic punch. All in all: a fantastic little song that gets you dancing on the inside.

When: 23rd January 1953
How long: 1 week

Jo Stafford - You Belong To Me

2012-05-08T23:58:00.002+01:00

Move over Al, here comes Jo Stafford singing about a bloke who gallivants around the world whilst leaving her alone with only a vibraphone and swing band for solace. Egypt, Algiers, unspecified jungle climate - this guy is all over the place. So doting is Jo that she neglects to tell us exactly why he's racking up this many air miles. He's probably a bit of a twat.

Well, maybe not. The original version of the song, 'Hurry Home To Me', was written in the 40s and concerned lovers separated by the Second World War. Probably a bit more mortal peril a little less buying souvenirs from the Old Algiers market. In 1952 the song was revamped into a more universal anthem for separated couples, wisely toning down the war a touch. Stafford's recording was a great success, getting to number one in both the UK and US. Many versions were recorded by different artists, I particularly like this one by Gene Vincent from 1958.

I really like this song. It's just beautiful. Stafford's voice is is hearty yet delicate and swells above the saxes. Perhaps the vibraphone could be called a bit tacky, but I quite like the cheek of it, along with those moments that the saxes rise to flourish brazenly. There's a lot going on under that sweet, simple melody. Again, I would slow dance to this (if I knew how). I guess they liked slow dancing in the 50s?

When: 16th January 1953
How long: 1 week

Al Martino - Here In My Heart

2012-05-08T00:38:00.000+01:00

So here it is, the first number one ever. It comes from Italian-American crooner Al Martino. Aside from being the first to grace the top chart spot, Martino stretched his acting abilities by playing Italian-American crooner Johnny Fontane in the Godfather films (you know the horse head scene? That act of subtle intimidation was to aid Johnny Fontane in getting a film role). Right, enough film trivia, on to the song.

It's a nice little number that I've rather enjoyed over repeated listening. Al has a belter of a voice, and though the over-the-top rising string intro promises something quite brash and dull, I was pleasantly surprised by the subtlety of the song and what I can only poorly describe as its 'nice' instrumentation. As a song about a lonely but besotted bloke it has a decent air of romance but also just the right amount of fear, insecurity and a hint of forlorn hope. Well, that's my view, but maybe I'm focusing on the wrong thing here. Overall, pretty decent. I'd have a slow dance to it. Apparently lots of other people thought the same as it stayed in the top spot for 9 weeks, a consecutive run only topped by 5 other records since.

When: 14th November 1952
How long: 9 weeks

To the Hit Parade

2012-05-07T23:45:00.001+01:00

I have decided it would be good to listen to every record that ever achieved the position of number one in the UK music charts. Hopefully this will make me a better human being and a greater asset on pub quiz teams. I will be going through chronologically, starting from 1952 when the first chart based on record sales was produced (before this point only sheet music sales were ranked). Of course the UK chart is still very much alive, but for the sake of having a goal to aim towards I'm going to say I will stop at 2005. I think this is about when my nostalgia (real or imagined) will start getting low, and I'm fairly sure nostalgia is an essential mechanism for coping with questionable pop music. I'll aim to do at least one a day and will ideally base my opinions on repeated listening.

Here goes.