Charismatic Kids: Parents Only!

Teach your kid how to be a great storyteller! (w/videos!)

Thu, 4 Jun 2009 17:32:38 -0400

Social skills, one of the most important things a person can learn in their life. Think about it... teaching charisma is necessary if you want your kids to have good friends, become a leader, find a significant other, grow to be a wealthy business person. People skills. Personalities mold at a young age, that’s why this is the best time to teach charisma and perplexes me why there is no market for this.

Thank gosh I’m here to help you out.

This specific post goes past just the words and hits body language, facial expressions, tone, rhythm, dynamics. This is big stuff. When you speak to someone, you are GIVING them a piece of you. This is a great quality humans can give to others... value. Making people happy. So much is done through words and connection, and the rest is from the other physical attributes listed above.

As a general rule of thumb, over-express everything to your child. They do not catch sarcasm, it is harder for them to pick up subcommunications that we have taken so long to learn throughout our lives by watching countless drama’s on Lifetime and reality TV shows.

When you tell them about something happy, light your eyes up, raise your eyebrows and smile big..

When you are talking about something scary, start to stutter your words a little, breathe heavier, furrow your brows, speak quickly about what you are saying and then use pauses during transitions. Make sure your eyes are piercing.

When you are speaking passionately about something, you are reliving the experience. If you are talking about your hopes and dreams, you are visualizing it all in your head. Let them see that. Let the person you are talking to FEEL exactly what you are feeling. That is the goal.

Now let’s add these two emotions together to express a small story. Watch how they mix.

Watch how I can act as if I am reliving a story in my mind as I tell it. It comes through in my dynamics... first fast and quick... then pause... then slow and big.

As kids listen to this, they are visualizing the story in their head. This is how you effectively communicate to another person. When you can instill these qualities into a child, they are learning core social skill techniques at an early age.

Sit down with your kids and ask them to mirror you as you express certain things. I will do this in an upcoming video as well. How you express yourself to your child will transfer to how they express themselves to others. You are your child’s biggest role model, they do what you do, even if they don’t know it.

Anthony

The Daily 5-Minute Dance Party!!

Wed, 3 Jun 2009 03:02:42 -0400

What’s a great way for you and your kids to have fun together, while allowing them to be their unique selves and express themselves physically? The Daily Five Minute Dance Party! Get some fun music to play anywhere that is safe in your house, turn it up, and start dancing with your kids.

Encourage them to get as creative and fun as they want, and this is also a time for you to get crazy and laugh with your kids. You’ll realize how much of a stress reliever this is, when you can shake out all the nannies of your day. Try to make it an every day thing, or every couple days. I guarantee your kids will get excited when they know it’s dance party time.

When you’ve milked plain old dancing, that’s where you can start getting creative. Here’s a simple game called “Freeze Dance.” When the music starts, everyone dances. When the music stops, everyone freezes in the position they were in last. It gets real fun when you start freezing in ridiculous poses.

Take it up a notch even further! During the “freeze,” tell them certain ways to dance... keep it vague so they can interpret it the way they’d like. I had a ton of fun doing this last week with my students at The Little Gym.

Here’s some ideas I used:

“Now dance like you’re angry!!”
“Now dance like mommy would dance!”
“Now dance like your favorite animal!”
“Now do the ‘rump shaker’!”
“Now do the super fast dance!”
“Now dance like you’re sad.”
“Now dance like a super silly person!”
“Now dance like a robot!”
“Now dance like a fish!”

You’d be surprised at how creative your children can be when put to the test. Life is about creating, and it’s innate. Our job is to create the ideal environment for children to do their best creating.

The Last Dance Idea - The Dance Off

Challenge your kids to a dance off. While the music’s playing, you go first, then you finish your dance with a cue for them to dance (a double handed point), and they will start, then they point back to you, and so on. This can get real fun because your kids will be forced to get creative... and so will you!

Want to show the world how creative your children are? Record your kid(s) during the dance party following your instructions and we’ll see where they take it. I’ll post each and every video I get. E-mail links to submissions here with some info that you’d like me to include.
anthony @ charismatickids.tv

Let’s go parents! Get out your video cameras and start dancing with your kids!

UPDATE: Here is Emma Grace from the Titsworth Family from the Titsworthfamily blog. I love her voice!

Making It Personal

Thu, 28 May 2009 21:50:14 -0400

Once you understand the groundwork for why people talk to each other, it is easier for you to teach your children social skills the way you want them to learn it.

Get your child expressing him/herself as much as possible, the best way to do this is in the form of making statements. PERSONAL statements. Statements that are personal go further than stating generalities. I'll explain what this means...

Let me ask you, what do you think sounds better?

"That is good."

OR

"I like that."

"That is good," doesn't really make any sense. It's a tactic adults made in order to skip around the embarrassing route of self-expression. We are afraid that if we state how we feel, it will get shot down, we will be rejected, we will be making someone feel bad. So we try to agree with a universal truth, a consensus.

"That is good. I am agreeing with the world, that IS good!"

I'm not in trouble that way, I can't be offending anyone, because all I did was state a fact, a truth. How can you argue the truth? If the guacamole is good, it doesn't mean I liked it. It's a clever way to beat around the bush, and it dilutes connections with others by avoiding making it personal.

The second one, "I like that," is a statement that comes from YOU. It comes from an emotion, it is personal. It relates to you, making it relatable. It is also vulnerable. Vulnerable is good. Vulnerable shows that you are not afraid of being judged, which is also confidence.

One kid I work with is confident because he is okay with his vulnerabilities, and expresses himself fully. He not only expresses his strong points, but also his weak points. He says, "That scares me," not, "That is scary."

This difference may sound negligible and silly to talk about, but having your child get in touch with their emotions at a young age is important. This is a tip you can implement here and there when your child is speaking to you or others.

When children speak to me, they tend to speak in logistics. This is because adults talk to them that way. They say, "We're going to the store to buy vegetables, then we're going home." Computer talk. There's no unique perspective, just plain cold hard facts.

When the child says something, ask them how they will feel about it... in what way will it affect them.

KID: "I played ball with Aaron today, Mr. Anthony."

I always return a child's statement with another statement...

ME: "I love playing ball!"

This is the first form of expression I teach them. It also shows them I consider him/her as an equal, expressing my emotions towards them, which places their self-esteem at a high level. I will demonstrate how I feel when I play ball, keeping it visual.

ME: "When I throw it fast, I get EXCITED to see how FAR it can go. When they throw it back, I get SCARED if the ball will hit me too hard back!"

When you start expressing your own emotions about the experiences your child had, a special thing starts to happen. Your child will begin to more easily connect experiences with the emotions associated with them.

Usually when I do this, the four or five year old will stare at me wide eyed, visibly turning the gears in their head, downloading information... learning. Calibrate your expression and teachings to the appropriate age. This is useful for anyone, even adults.

ME: "What was it like for YOU?"

Depending where your child is at, they may start blabbing like crazy or not, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you are teaching your child how to connect experiences with emotions, and that is what's important. They will become conversational masters sooner or later.

Speaking in front of others

Mon, 18 May 2009 00:10:03 -0400

I am with hundreds of children every week. I meet new kids every day. And it is funny to realize that a personality is molded from the second they are born. Crazy, right? What makes the difference between the three-year-old that is hiding behind their parents legs when I meet them, and the three-year-old that immediately starts playing with me? I have a feeling it is all about their biggest role models: YOU. But let’s get deeper into that. How is it that you decide if your kid is outgoing or shy? Like I said in my first post, they do as you do.. they are smart... they can feel your energy, your subcommunications in body language and tonality. They may not understand what you say to others but they can feel it. If you give off confident, positive energy towards others, they will learn from that. It is innate for a child to pick up everything you do and say.

The next thing you must do is train them from the young age of two. In my opinion, the second your child wakes up to their second birthday is the day I stop seeing them as a baby. I have met two year olds more charming than some adults I know. They make eye contact, speak loudly, smile, address the other person, and have great manners. How is that? You must constantly be teaching them social skills every day.

Here are some tips:

When bringing them into a new social situation, have them make eye contact with others regardless if the person’s age is two or twenty-two.

Have your child introduce themselves to new people with this simple phrase: “Hi, I’m Josh.” Then have them put up their hand for a high five or a handshake depending on the social context.

When addressing anyone, have them say the person’s name as a matter of respect: “Mr. Anthony, I need help,” “Goodbye, Aunt Lynn!” “I want to watch the TV, Grandma.”

Where would teaching manners be without teaching the infamous, “Please,” and “Thank you”? Though I’ll dive into that more in another post.

When ordering at a restaurant, have your child order for themselves, “I’d like the chicken fingers, please.” Never use, “Can I have...?” That is a bad excuse for politeness. I’ll explain that in another post as well.

These are some tips to get you started. Keep in mind that these tips are not something your kids will learn overnight, so don’t get frustrated if they don’t take to them immediately. Nevertheless, constantly implement these social skills into your child’s skillset, they are retaining the info regardless if they are using it or not.

The process to mastery is a slow one, but it is sure. Don’t falter with your teachings, and be steady with their implementation. What is important is your child’s growth, never speak for your child, no matter how long it takes them to conjure up words. If you are in a rush, remember, your job is not the life situation, that is secondary... the main focus is your child's social growth.

Anthony

Having fun and asking questions

Sat, 16 May 2009 17:14:46 -0400

How you interact with your child will affect how they speak with others. You are their biggest role model. If you want your kid to grow up to be a good conversationalist, you must be a good conversationalist with your kid. Be their best example.

RULE #1 - HAVE FUN TALKING TO THEM.

If you are not enjoying your interactions with your kid, they are not going to enjoy their interactions with others. Speak with your child like they are your best friend. It is possible to be their parent and their friend, that is the way it should be.

Today we’re gonna talk about the topic of “Questions.”

The Evil "Close-Ended" Questions

Adults ask close-ended questions to children to save kids from the horror of expressing themselves. I used to get these all the time; it saved me from having to speak to others. My way out of it was that maybe I was "shy", or when I said I didn't know, maybe I
really didn't know the answer! If they do start off with an open-ended question, they will begin to lead after the child takes too long to answer (answer for him) or seems uncomfortable with answering. And children love the infamous scapegoat word known as "Good," to suffice as an answer. Let me give you an example:

Aunt Lisa: Hey Mikey! How was school today?
Mikey: Good.
Aunt Lisa: Did you have fun?
Mikey: Yeah.
Aunt Lisa: Did you play with your friends?
Mikey: Yah.
Aunt Lisa: What did you guys do?
Mikey: I don't know.
Aunt Lisa: Awww... Okay go play with your cousin Johnny, he's waiting for you
upstairs.

Now, from a four year old, this doesn't seem to be the worst thing in the world.
After all, they have only been on this earth for four years. And though this is true,
social skills are built at these ripe ages. So what do you do? Well first, locate the
problem. Like I said before, I used to be a kid, so I know how it feels to be asked
these questions... BORING! My parents still sometimes ask me these type of questions and it bores me to sleep. So what do you do to get your child expressing him/herself? Ask
questions that they would want to answer. You don't even have to go that far,
just ask a question that sparks their interest. A fun open-ended question.

Aunt Lisa: Mikey! My man! I’ll bet there was something funny that happened at school today ...Aside from maybe dinosaurs attacking the bathroom.
Mikey: Hahah! Ummm....

Here is where you wait. Children luckily live in the emotion of the moment, so it
may take them a while to have to track back in time even a few hours ago to what
happened in their day. Just last week I waited almost 20 seconds for a child to
answer my question, but surely.. he did. You may find it hard not to lead them,
but trust me, just look at them expectantly and something good will eventually
come out.

Mikey: I colored animals that talk!

Let's try to get him to really express himself about things by pushing further...

Aunt Lisa: Haha! Oh my gosh I love animals that talk! What did they say?

Now see, we have just set up a good dynamic in this conversation. This child is
ready to start blabbing to you like crazy, your job is to LISTEN. Even if you get
bored, just keep 100% commitment to listening to what they have to say, it is the
most important thing in their day.

Most importantly, you must be interested in what they say... in every little word. If you don’t seem interested in what they say, they won’t think they are interesting to other people and will become shy. You can’t even fake it... human beings are smart people... we all can usually tell if someone is being fake... even your own kid. Really get excited about everything your child is saying, have a fun conversation with them. Make them feel like what they said is great.

When you are having a conversation with your kid, talk to them like a friend. When it is time to be a parent, be a parent.

Continually push for more effort in conversation as your child grows, you can
begin to ask them questions like, "How did that feel?" and "What do you think of that?". Always be receptive. Get their opinion, and please try to avoid "Yes" or "No" questions at all
costs, they are detrimental to your child's personality and growth.