GoFugYourself

Fugs and Pieces: November 20

2009-11-20T23:22:32Z

FRIDAY AGAIN! Nice how that happens every week, isn't it? That means it's time for our weekly round-up of the web's most stellar procrastinatory material. Start slacking, readers:

-- This flow chart, designed to help you determine which fast-food establishment you need to go to, depending on your circumstances (drunk? Drunk on malt liquor?) is GENIUS. (Grub Street)

-- Also genius? Lainey introduced us to this video of "Tom Cruise" auditioning for Twilight. That movie is a gift that just keeps on giving. (Lainey Gossip)

-- This dude recreated Pam Am's first-class cabin in his garage, complete with spiral staircase. It's both a wee bit crazy and also kind of awesome and I don't mind admitting that I want to go over there and have a drink. (Wall Street Journal)

-- Any designer who decides that the best way to market her clothing is by using the "Take That" scene from Teen Witch is okay by me. (Fashionista)

-- Christina Kelly -- who I must believe is the same Christina Kelly who wrote for Sassy, and whom I IDOLIZED as a teen reader -- wrote a truly enlightening/gross/hilarious piece about what really happens at urinals. Seriously, it's good stuff. (Vice)

-- Is it wrong that one of my favorite things about the holidays are gift guides? I LOVE THEM. NY Mag did a HUGE one this week. (NY Mag)

-- I wholly reject the concept of releasing a remix of "All I Want for Christmas," speaking of things I love about the holidays. That song, like Bridget Jones, is perfect just as it is. (PopWrap)

-- This promo for Nine makes me believe that the movie is either going to rock my world, or it's going to be TERRRRRRIBLE. Why so much Kate Hudson, guys? Seriously. (Lainey Gossip)

-- And, finally, and just in time for our weekends, Jason Segel gives out his phone number and beseeches the ladies to call him...in song. HANG TIGHT, JASON, I'M ON MY WAY. (Pop Candy)

Fugject Fugway

2009-11-20T22:23:47Z

WOW, Heidi Klum.

[Photo: WENN.com]

That's, um....shiny. And slick. And kind of like a rejected piece from the Austin Powers oeuvre, lacking merely go-go boots and an awkwardly rendered entendre. On the other hand, it does make me want to see if I can, in fact, bounce a quarter off your boobs, much as one can on a tightly made bed in movies about the Army. So that's...something, right?

NYFug.com: Thoughts on the Project Runway Finale

2009-11-20T21:39:00Z

Per tradition, after the Project Runway finale aired last night, Jessica and I hopped onto trusty ol' Instant Messenger and dished about the episode -- specifically, this time, how even the judges seemed unable to drum up any tension.

Jessica: I thought it was very telling that nearly every comment the judges made was prefaced with the phrase, "I have to say ... " as though the sentence prior was something like, "Although I found this collection completely lackluster ... "
Heather: The debate felt like they'd all discussed earlier how to spin each collection so that they didn't accidentally say, "Well, we blew it with you three, sorry," and then weep for the future.

To see what else we thought (hint: it wasn't overwhelmingly positive...), click here to read the whole piece, and maybe even -- if you are so moved -- to leave your own thoughts in the comments.

Fugronica Webb

2009-11-20T21:15:48Z

It is worthwhile to note that everyone else at the event Ms Webb here is attending is wearing a cocktail dress. Me, I'm of the belief that I would rather be over- than under-dressed, because if you're over-dressed, you can just convince people that you've just come from, or are on the way to, some FABULOUS event. If you're under-dressed, you just look like this:

And I can't think of an occasion in which you'd want to do that on purpose.

The Fuglight Saga: Fug Moon

2009-11-20T20:29:52Z

Dear Nikki Reed:

It's called "going up a size," and it's totally legal.

Fug or Fab or Unfug: Kim Kardashian

2009-11-20T19:41:14Z

I think I at least like the concept of this dress.

But in execution, it looks like she got TP'd. On purpose, naturally, because she's nothing if not fine with you squeezing the Charmin.

poll by twiigs.com

The Fug Who Stole Christmas

2009-11-20T19:00:07Z

In our last piece on Taylor Momsen, which was complimentary, Jessica entreated her to "enjoy the [lack of wailing] as long as it lasts."

Well, I hope it was a soothing four days for her. Although the thing is, I don't even think I have that much of a problem with the dress -- it's kind of funky, if alarmingly boobalicious on a kid who isn't old enough to vote, much less drink. But the MAKEUP. DEAR GOD. The words to that song are engraved on my brain. It goes to the tune of "Where Are You, Christmas?" which Taylor up there ought to know since she sang it on film.

Where are you, light switch?
Why can't I find you?
Why have you gone away?

It's too dark to tell
Whether I look like hell
Is my makeup putrescent and heavy?

Where are you, face wash?
Do you remember
The girl you used to clean?

You can undo my errors
So I'm not a terror.
Did I lose you
Or did you leave?

Fugrine McPhee: The Bad Hair Saga Continues

2009-11-20T18:03:29Z

Last time we saw Katharine McPhee, I remarked that I thought she looked like a low-rent version of one of the lesser Dixie Chicks.

Now, it's more like Zack Morris:

Someone needs to be saved by the bell, indeed, and by "the bell," I obviously mean, "a certified hair-stylist."

How To Be Fugmous

2009-11-20T17:17:14Z

[Photo: PacificCoastOnline.com]

HEIDI: Come on, Spencer, pose for the photo with me. It'll be a wonderful thing to show our children.

SPENCER: Say WHAT, jive turkey?

HEIDI: Oh, please. You know this is coming. I've been fake-nagging you about it on The Hills all season, but you didn't think it wasn't going to HAPPEN, did you?

DUDE IN BACKGROUND: Stay strong, Spencer. DO NOT PROCREATE.

SPENCER: Listen, little lady, nobody can pin me down. I'm Grease Lightning.

HEIDI: Don't you think it would be just ADORABLE to have a little girl I can dress in a tiny version of this outfit? She'll be so glamorous! Like Suri Cruise crossed with a prostitute!

DUDE IN BACKGROUND: This can't be allowed to happen, for the good of humankind.

SPENCER: Shut it down, woman. T-Birds like me need to fly free.

DUDE IN BACKGROUND: Should I take out one of them? Is this my "What If" moment?

HEIDI: Spencer. Do you KNOW how much more rich and famous we'll be if I get pregnant? That's like seven months' worth of photo opportunities, plus baby-shower pictures we can sell, PLUS the birth photos and the first family photos, a guest-hosting spot on The View...

SPENCER: We'll be so rich we can pay someone else to raise it!

HEIDI: Exactly!

SPENCER: So let's do this thing. You're not as dumb as you look, baby girl.

HEIDI: I'm not as dumb as YOU look, either. Seriously, lose the greaser bouffant. And don't ever call me a "jive turkey" again or else I'll refuse to let us hire a nanny.

SPENCER: OH GOD NO. Consider it lost.

HEIDI: I thought so.

DUDE IN BACKGROUND: Please, God, let him be shooting blanks.

Freaky Fug Friday: Phoebe Price

2009-11-20T16:08:07Z

It's that time again, folks. On this Freaky Fug Friday, it's time to punch your ticket and ride the Phoebe Price Is Crazy Train.

[Photo: Splash News]

THE FUGEE: Phoebe Price, a person of dubious talent who "acts"; former GFY persona non grata turned GFY mascot (because she wore down our resistance).

THE DETAILS: Phoebe here was, as usual posing on Robertson Blvd., this time with her dog, which she has forced to wear a small Santa hat (and... is that a velour sweater on it, too? Oh, PHOEBE). Tragically, her garb isn't as insane as it usually is, but she is still Phoebe, and that's enough.

THE CHALLENGE: Listen, we think it's wrong to deal with Christmas before Thanksgiving, but we're also not the ones who put a Santa hat on a dog. So: Have at Ms. Price here by parodying the holiday song of your choice, be it a Christmas carol, a Chanukah tune of either traditional or Sandlerian nature... it's up to you. And you don't need to do the entire song; just do enough that we get the gist, and include the title of the actual song you're parodying, because you never know. Somebody might never have heard "Deck The Halls." Kids today, man, I'm telling you.

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments section of this entry -- not e-mailed -- by 10 p.m. Sunday night. From there, we pick our faves, put 'em to a vote... you know the drill.

NY Fug.com: Predicting Tonight's Project Runway Winner

2009-11-19T22:00:07Z

Top Model last night, Project Runway tonight? This week is off ye olde hook, as the children might say. It's been so crazy that I just nearly convinced Heather that Tyra was going to win Top Chef. But as far as tonight's Lifetime-related shenanigans go:

"After all the Sturm und Drang surrounding the current season of Project Runway, tonight's finale almost feels anticlimactic. How could three short catwalk presentations possibly outdo a year of dramatic kvetching about new locations, network changes, lawsuits, and one very earnest plea that we picket Harvey Weinstein's house? Unless Althea "accidentally" sets Irina on fire backstage, we're betting it can't."

I'd have picked a selection from the piece in which we discuss the actual collections, but if you haven't peeked at the runway pics yet, I don't want to spoil you. So consider that your warning: we DO talk specifics about what each woman sent down the runway a hundred years ago over at NY Mag. Don't you want to know whom we call an inveterate plagiarist? Click through to find out.

Fug or Fab: Jaime King

2009-11-19T21:07:10Z

Well, I DO love some nice red lipstick. That's never been in question.

But what about the rest of it? These are my confessions (part III): I don't care for a handkerchief hem. And if I'm going to tell it, I gotta tell it all: the gathering feels a bit haphazardly done. And yet she herself is lovely and doesn't look half bad. Even if she IS wearing wooden Dutch shoes made of gold (a mythical pair I think I read about in a children's story once). I think I am going to come down tentatively and with great trepidation on the side of I'll Allow It. What say ye, Fug Nation?

poll by twiigs.com

Fug The Cover: Clint Eastwood

2009-11-19T20:19:49Z

I understand that the whole point of this is that Clint Eastwood is a badass.

[Photo: Splash News]

But Clint Eastwood is a badass by nature -- by the glint in his eye, the twitch of a brow -- not because he knows how to make himself turn purple while the vein in his forehead pulses. So while I'm relieved to see that, my awards-show-based fears to the contrary, Clint CAN still move his face, I do wish GQ had decided to let him be his regular innately fierce self as opposed to suggesting he act constipated. While sitting on a stool. (Oh, come on, it had to be said.) THAT'S NOT OKAY.

Grfugk

2009-11-19T19:45:24Z

Amber Stevens here plays Ashley on Greek, the bubbly ZBZ president who dresses like she's an on-staff cheerleader for Forever 21.

Judging by this photo, she is either a) under the impression she was to attend this event in character, or b) not, in fact, required to do much acting at her day job.

America's Next Top Fugger... IS...

2009-11-19T19:01:53Z

Last night, a new America's Next Top Model was crowned, and as usual, the poor kid was stuck trying to enjoy her victory in a severely cracked-out dress. Now, since the finale was JUST last night, I will put the following photos behind the jump, just to forestall any angry e-mails from readers who were stuck at work/on a plane/busy burying a body and could not watch the episode in a timely fashion. So be forewarned: Don't click if you don't want to see who won. But DO click if you don't care, you saw it already, and/or you are a cat and Curiosity is chasing you through the house with a large kitchen knife.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you WHAA-AAAAAAT?

Or more accurately, "WTFZOMGBUBBLEGUMSHEEEEEEEIT."

Full marks to this kid for managing to look so ecstatic even though she is essentially wearing Andie's prom dress from Pretty In Pink, redesigned for belly-dancing cowgirls.

I mean, right? Andie's dress is great for when you need to make an entrance and force people to stop in their tracks and think, "Dear GOD, what IS THAT SACK, and can I get three to carry my groceries?", whereas Nicole's is ideal for any rodeo clown out there who's aching to distract angry broncos by dabbling in a little '80s nostalgia. Imagine how confounded the bucking animal will be when it's forced to watch Andie Oakley lasso wussypants Blaine, her pink fringe fluttering in the breeze as she rolls him up in a bale of hay and throws him in the back of her truck. It would be enough to render anyone dumbstruck.