Is Casual Sex Right For You? Are you down?

Five questions to consider before engaging in casual sex.

For all their emotional complications, “friends-with-benefits” relationships may offer one advantage: safer sex. The results of a new study show that people in friends-with-benefits relationships are more likely to use condoms during oral and vaginal sex compared to those in traditional romantic partnerships.

So, what if you do not have a “friends-with-benefits” relationship but like the idea of casual sex?

Back in the ’80s, while I was living in Europe, immersed in the world of modeling, there were lots of opportunities for casual sex. I had friends who never slept around and others who did. From this, I learned a few things.

Featured in an article on nymphomania in Elle magazine, I was labeled as someone who had a healthy relationship with sex. Looking back, I am not sure that is the case. But let’s say it was. What are the benefits of casual versus non-casual sex? And is it a good idea for you to have casual sex? Will it benefit you or not?

If you are young and single, it is your choice what you do with your body. Here are some questions to ask yourself first:

1. How do I feel after having sex with someone I don’t know well? Does it make me feel alive and happy or do I feel let down?

2. Can I trust that I have not done anything that will jeopardize my physical or mental health?
Sometimes we kid ourselves into saying it was just for fun and then wait by the phone to see if we hear from him again. It is also important to have protected sex if you don’t know the guy. Even if you do know him, he can feed you a line and then you end up with something you didn’t expect and certainly don’t need.

3. Is my self-esteem really intact? Do I have a strong sense of myself and do what I do from a place of confidence?
Don’t fool yourself into thinking that just because someone sleeps with you, you’ll feel better about yourself. If you already feel good about yourself you will not need that outside approval.

4. Why am I having sex? Is it to avoid facing my own demons?
By sexualizing feelings, we avoid facing our own issues. And while facing our issues head on can be scary, it’s a better path to self-growth.

5. Am I a sex addict?
All addictions have a sneaky way of being rationalzied and denied. Some of my friends in Europe used to worry about me but truly during that phase in my life I was a free spirit experimenting with life. Luckily I had a guardian angel because probably not all my choices were wise.

Take a long hard look at yourself before you decide, and if you are in a committed relationship, think twice before any casual sex. You may never be able to repair the trust issue you create.

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2. Casual Sex Between Friends
3. Casual Definitions Of Casual Sex

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I was throwing a huge party for myself. I made the invitations, secured all the alcohol and did all the necessary cleaning. I invited all of the right people and made sure he was at the top of the list because at the end of the night, I wanted one thing and one thing only–to finally hook up with him.

I wore a plunging red dress and he showed up in a suit, looking more dashing then he had in December. We caught passes of each other all night, grabbed a drink in a doorway, and stole a moment on the stairs. We both knew how it was going to end. He had come in from out of town after all, but neither one said anything. Instead, we just mentally eye fucked each other all night.

The party started to clear out around two and he and I were both riding the waves of an appropriate birthday buzz. I looked around and thought I should start cleaning, but immediately thought better of it, grabbed his tie and said, “Let’s go.”

We trudged up the stairs, away from the empty cups and strewn snacks and burst into my bedroom. He picked me up without hesitation, threw me on my bed and leaned in to say,”I’ve been waiting all night to do this.” I smiled and pulled him in close.

It wasn’t long before his suit was on the floor and my dress was MIA. We made out in a sweaty frenzy, groping wildly at each other. I always knew that he was well-endowed. I could just tell by the way he carried himself, but up until this point, it was simply speculation. I was pleasantly surprised and shocked when I found his nine inches of deliciousness ready and waiting.

I didn’t want to waste time on the foreplay; I just wanted the main act. It was my birthday and I’d screw how I pleased, so I told him to get a condom and get to it. He slipped the rubber on and tried to get inside, but nothing happened. We tried again and again, but he wouldn’t fit. My liquor buzz was waning and I was getting frustrated.

I pushed him off of me and told him to turn over; I wasn’t giving up. I climbed on him upside down and positioned myself over his face, my face over him and got to work. He took the cue and got to work as well.

It took me a minute to realize that something seemed off. I was throat deep when I felt a tinge of something that didn’t seem normal, but my clouded brain made it hard to ascertain. I laid there working my hands, trying to pinpoint what was happening. And then my brain caught up.

“Are you… is that my… wait. Are you licking my butthole?”

“What? No!” “Nope, you totally are!” I climbed off laughing.I was too drunk to know my butthole was getting licked and he was too drunk to tell the difference. I could tell he felt embarrassed, but I wanted to keep the momentum going, we couldn’t lose traction now.

I reached into my drawer and pulled out my lube from Adam and Eve. I wasn’t giving up on this large, glorious penis. I slicked him down and told him to try again.

It was tough at first, like wedging a square into a circle, but after enough persistence, we got it going. And despite his inability to distinguish between my bits, the man knew what he was doing. That is, until we looked down and realized that I had started my period…

This was the first of the many sexual encounters gone wrong that I had with his man. It was almost as if we received some sort of cosmic retribution when we got together, like we had to pay for previous sexual mishaps and bad judgement. It was always good, but wrapped up in a lot of bad.

We no longer sleep together.

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Many readers ask us : “How can I last longer in bed?” . Premature ejaculation is a problem most men will experience at least once in their lives. Failing to satisfy your partner’s desires can be one of the most embarrassing situations one can go through during sexual intercourse. However, to avoid such an unfulfilling experience, we have compiled a few simple tips that will hopefully get you out of these sticky situations.

Premature Ejaculation

What is premature ejaculation anyways? Premature ejaculation is the unwelcome occurrence of the male orgasm before the woman is ready. There is no real time limit. For some couples, the male orgasm will be considered premature if it happens in less than 20 minutes after initiating sexual intercourse. On the other hand, if the man ejaculates in 1 minute, it may be okay if the woman had time to reach her peak as well.

Sexual Techniques

What can I do to elongate my sex drive? The most sought out method is to imagine something totally different during the act. For example, think of your weekend baseball game or the old lady next door. This technique might delay the male orgasm slightly, but it can also really affect its intensity. Some men have also seen this technique lead to impotence.

A more practical way of lasting longer in bed is to use better and thicker protection. Next time you are faced with an intimate situation, suit up a thicker condom to reduce the sensation at the tip of your penis. Heavier coated condoms will both reduce the risk of catching sexually transmitted diseases and the sensitivity of the male organ. These condoms are usually used for anal penetration because of their durability and sturdiness.

Desensitizing Creams

Yet another way to de-sensitize your penis head is to use special creams. The role these creams have is to freeze up the tip of your penis and allow you to perform for longer periods of time. These creams can be found in both nationwide sex shops and online. The negative aspect of this technique is how to subtly merge the cream into the sexual situation. The problem might not arise if you have been with a partner for a long time, but when you are having sex for the first time, it might be touchy. Therefore, this technique is recommended for men in established relationships.

Pull it Out

The most common method men use is pulling out before they reach the orgasm. This method stipulates that men must anticipate the sensation of an impending orgasm. All men can anticipate when they reach orgasm, and at that point, they must stop the stimulation immediately. Obviously the women will need to be cooperative and understand when that point arrives. After a few minutes, the erection should soften a little and lovemaking can resume.

This technique has obvious benefits. First, women will have plenty of time to reach their orgasm. Second, your orgasm will be delayed with a higher intensity than usual. Remember it is all about timing; just make sure to pull out when the time is right .

An alternative technique to increase your stamina is to practice often. Most men will try masturbation throughout their lives and this is totally natural. We can write a whole article on masturbation, but the idea here is to discuss what masturbation will do for your stamina. Let’s put it this way, if a man masturbates and reaches orgasm within only a few minutes, then, chances are, he will reach a quicker orgasm during sexual intercourse.

Obviously, there isn’t the same level of excitement when masturbating as when one is intimate with another person, but the practice will surely help. The idea is that if a man masturbates, he should stop right before ejaculating and start back when the sensation is gone. It is basically training the male organ to last longer when orgasm approaches. Remember that only practice makes perfect!

These techniques are straight to the point and graphic in nature, because this is the way it had to be done and there is no subtle way of saying it. Hopefully, these techniques will help many men achieve greater stamina for future sexual encounters. Please feel free to email of comment if you have any useful techniques to prolong sex drive, or if you want to suggest a topic.

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What makes a bad sex story the worst sex story? There is so much disappointing virginity loss, so many intrusive animals or parents, untold semi-public sex encounters foiled by police. There are many UTIs, though maybe only one involved orange squirting. Surprise anal probably could be its own anthology, as could “ejaculate in unexpected places.” (Eyes. Ears. Emitted from one’s nose mid-giggle.) So much of it is lubricated or utterly spoiled by alcohol.

But the below 10 stories managed to make even those sexual misadventures pale. Make your brutal choice among herculean feats of awful sex. Surely not as brutal as actually experiencing it.

1. The Unexpected Exclamation. While the man who wanted to be called Clifford the Big Red Dog — doggie style, get it? — during sex was a strong contender, as were the ladies staging their own sexual non sequitur contest, it was hard to beat this particular episode of dirty talk:

I met some guy at a party, and ended up going to his house… Mid-thrust, he started laughing manically and yelled “I am fucking an alien princess! I am fucking an alien princess!” I, far too sober, immediately stopped, and then had to listen to him say, with wide eyes: “your vagina looks like the fridge scene in Ghostbusters.” I fell asleep and woke up in the morning to him eating a whole key lime pie in bed. Not even looking over at me, he said: “you can’t have any.” I walked home.

2. Bent Out Of Shape. There were many physical contortions and injuries that hurt to read about, but even for a lady, this one was most painful:

While riding me cowgirl, an ex bounced up too high, I partially slid out, she came back down and my penis kinked in the middle, to the left. I felt the snap echo through my entire body.
Horrible screams. A shame, it was pretty fun up until that point. It stayed like that for nearly a year when one day it miraculously straightened itself.

3. The Full Release. It would be easy to stack the list entirely with gross-outs, but not everything can be about poop. (Or vomit. Or pee.) But it can sometimes!

I was fifteen. My first boyfriend had talked me into giving him a blowjob, his and my first one. After some hesitation, I began and everything seemed to be going as he described it would be. Half way through, I noticed my chest felt really warm and wet. I looked down and to my horror, there was an indescribable amount of diarrhea covering my white shirt. To this day, I’m not sure what happened. Of course the real fun part was when I had to left my t-shirt over my head to get it off.

4. The Brass Ring. Never again will we doubt whether Farrelly brothers-style slapstick ever happens in real life. Bonus points for urination add-on.

It was the first time I had sex with this guy, and he was hitting it from behind on his big brass bed. At one point, I was getting tired, so I went to turn my head to make eye contact (I had read that that made guys crazy) and I realized that my head was stuck between the brass posts. I was like a kid in a banister, and kept imagining firemen having to save me. My date sure couldn’t save me – he, in fact, laughed so hard that he peed on the floor.

5. The Sweaty Political Fetishist. This contender, salvagedgrace, made it based on a buffet of transcendent terribleness, all in a single, epic romp.

the first (and last) time i ever had sex with this boy, he managed to go wrong on just about every level:

1. five minutes in, he was sweating so much that he had to stop to ask me for a towel- my room was not hot, and it was definitely not a strenuous five minutes. sadly, he was on top, so i can empathize with victims of waterboarding.
2. the dirty talk came in full sentences- each one had a subject and predicate. such as…
3. “you are my sexy little socialist.” (he is a republican and i am not) definitely not the venue for political discourse of any kind, let alone when said during one of the many time that he….
4. stopped f*cking so he could stare into my eyes. no joke, at least a dozen times he pulled back to give me this puppy dog face because somehow during this farce he’d decided we were soul mates.
5. he kept going soft, which wouldn’t have been so god awful if he didn’t stop to blame the condom each time. and in the manner of a stand-up comic. “what, are these condoms made out of lead or something?!”
5b. extra obnoxious when it’s followed, almost immediately, by “i love how good it feels inside you.”
6. he not only tried to jackhammer during our inaugural romp, but he actually tried to force the mattress to spring him. all this did was result in a really uncomfortable series of thrusts where his rhythm didn’t match the mattress and his cock just stabbed me a few times.
7. he kissed fine outside of bed, but once in bed the kissing was relegated to tiny pecks in rapid succession, and with his eyes open.
8. i have large breasts, which he often claimed to be a fan of. given that he’s a big, rough and tumble kind of guy i expected some decent groping out of this combo. no such luck. instead of quality love and attention, my breasts were delicately patted with an open hand even after the third time i told him that he wouldn’t break me.
9. during sex he actually apologized for being ‘inappropriate.’ i’m not a subtle girl- you’ll know when i want an apology from you, and it’s a really slim chance that it’ll ever be while you’re inside me.
10. when i had exhausted every other trick in my book and this still wasn’t over- i asked him to bend me over so he’d feel more comfortable objectifying me and i wouldn’t have to see his face. i positioned the requisite hand to guide him into place, and after a couple minutes realized that he still hadn’t made contact, despite all his talking. it wasn’t until i moved my hand away and he made a joke about ‘falling out’ that i realized he’d didn’t know that he’d been fucking my hand instead of me.

6. The French Connection. Parental walk-ins are a popular part of the sexual horror story pantheon, as are trips abroad, but only this one included an unexpected parent, transnationalism and a champagne bottle up the ass.

A few years ago, my French bf-at-the-time took me to Paris to meet his family….His mother, a haughty Parisienne who believes that her only son is GOD, and that no girl could possibly be classy enough to deserve him. Their regard is mutual – he worships her as much as she worships him.

One evening after a champagne-soaked dinner, she left to go to the theater. Expecting that she’d be gone for several hours, we started having regular sex, and then anal sex, on a couch adjacent to the table at which we’d had dinner. Things kept getting hotter, and my b.f. started f*cking my ass with the slim end of a champagne bottle. This felt good at first… but then I realized that something felt off. I slowed him down in an attempt to understand what on Earth my body was doing, and I realized that my bowels were moving. And I kind of realized that it was too late to stop what was happening.

At this already Godforsaken moment, we hear a key in the door and his mother pops into the room. The bitch had forgotten her shawl or something. So there I am, naked, on her couch, while her son, also naked, is holding a champagne bottle that is obviously deeply embedded in my ass. We shriek, and he yanks out the bottle. And immediately out comes a LARGE, dark brown, smelly piece of poop. It just rolls out – this felt like it was happening in slow motion, and I kept trying to stop it but I couldn’t – and lands on her couch.
The French boy and I broke up shortly thereafter. I dumped him – pun intended.

7. The Thwacking One-Hit Wonder. While we are in theory sympathetic to performance anxieties, this tragicomic encounter with an oblivious underperformer makes us pity the girl more than the guy.

The fact that he was a grown man who still called himself Timmy should have tipped me off that this wasn’t going to be the most satisfying experience. So Timmy was a fairly sweet, if dim guy and before we had sex he told me he’d had sex with a few girls, but only one time each and he didn’t know why. I was all, “That’s so weird! You’re totally cute, let’s have sex twice today.”

Half an hour into fooling around, I figured it out. Not only did he not get hard at all, it seems that no one had ever told him that you need to in fact be erect before trying to penetrate a woman. He kept holding his tiny, limp dick and trying to kind of…just…flop it inside of me, I guess. I tried my very best to, um, rectify the situation and get things really going, but he kept saying, “What’s wrong? Why won’t you just put it inside you?” So I just sort of…shoved his flaccid penis inside of me and he started to moan like it was feeling really good for him. Then it promptly just fell out.

I remember how sad and floppy it looked lying against his leg and then how pitiful the whole effort was as he started to rock against me, gently thwacking his droopy, listless penis between my legs as though I must be the luckiest girl in the world. Needless to say, we did not have sex more than the one time. I wonder if he has since broken that streak.

8. The Unwanted Stump. Even the most kink-oriented coupler (or tripler) has boundaries. And for this person, that was one man’s sweaty stump.

I had finally agreed to a threesome with the man I had been involved in a Dominant/submissive friends-with-benefits situation for the last four months. Since this was largely my fantasy that he had wanted to fulfill, it was going to be a male-male-female threesome. I was nervous, to say the least. He had agreed to write up an ad for Craigslist, let me review it before posting, and screen all the responses…We finally settled on one-not my first choice, or even my second, but he actually followed through.

….I knew that if I could see what was going on, I wouldn’t go through with it, so we agreed that I would be blindfolded and he would take care of me, gauging the situation and making sure the Guest didn’t overstep my limits.

I was kneeling, blindfolded, in the middle of the living room, when the doorbell rang… It didn’t take long before Guest was naked and in my mouth. Nor did it take long after we rolled around a little bit and had changed positions that I started feeling little “feather brushes” against my arms. For the life of me, I could not figure out what the feeling was-they were without pattern but distinct and localized sensations against my skin. It wasn’t until I started feeling them on my face as I was essentially tea-bagging him that I realized that HE WAS SWEATING ON ME. The Guest, this man I had just “met” in the loosest of terms, wasn’t simply sweaty, he was sweating large, gross, hairy man sweat droplets all over my face and torso.

That should have been my clue to stop, but I’m a trooper and a bit loathe to cause a scene. Besides, my Man was there, I knew I was safe, and he and I were having fun.

Fast forward to the end of the afternoon. I’m on the floor on my back after my Man and I finished fucking, kind of spent from all the activities, but still blindfolded. I can feel the Guest’s hands on me, and he asks if he can get me off again. Not one to say no to an orgasm, he starts attending to me digitally. But then the sensation changes-it feels as if he’s trying to fist me, but with his palm or something. The feeling is off…and then it hits me: The Guest is an amputee and is TRYING TO FIST ME WITH HIS STUMP! I don’t go for fisting to begin with, but trying to fit his stump in my vagina was just never going to happen, so I stop the scene, he leaves, and I go to the bathroom to clean up.

When I come out, I turn to my Man and ask, “What he missing a hand?”

“Yes he was. I didn’t think it would be polite to turn him away just because of it though.”

“That’s true, but Stumpy tried to fist me with his stump! Without asking! Had he tried to fist me, that would have been bad enough, but stumping without permission is just poor form.”

9. The Bloodstream Blood is almost never a welcome visitor to a sex scene, be it menstrual blood after a foiled loss-of-virginity attempt, or surprise nosebleeds during cunnilingus — twice. And torn genitals were surprisingly common. Still, this is surely the worst blood-related indignity.

I was “manually prepping” him and thought it was weird that there was so much precum. Eventually, I flicked on the light to grab a condom and he said “Oh my god, you’re bleeding!” I started freaking out. How could this be?! I just got off my period. My hands, stomach and thighs were COVERED in blood…but my nether region was clear. Then, I look over and I see blood literally GUSHING out of the head of his dick. I was so freaked out I just yelled “YOUR DICK IS BLEEDING” and ran out of the room….

He was more mortified than I was…if possible. He told me about a month ago, he was really wasted and zipped the head of his penis in his pants. Being super drunk, he couldn’t dislodge it, so forced the zipper down/yanked his dick out. He then passed out to later find himself on a blood soaked mattress. The doctor told him he needed stitched to close it back up, but didn’t do it…leaving both his penis and me scarred for life.

10. The Would-Be Artist And if that was too much bodily-function misfire for you, here’s an after-sex discovery to end on a possibly sweet, if totally fucking weird, note.

As a freshman in college, I decided to nurse the wounds of a bad breakup with a one-night stand. I should have run in the other direction when the guy told me he was working on his “memoirs” (he was 19), but I was pretty desperate. The sex itself was awkward, passionless, and boring, but the real treat came the next day. I arrived back to my dorm room in last night’s clothes, and as I was changing to head to the showers, my roommate noticed something weird on my ass. Turned out the guy had drawn on me while I was asleep…a sailboat, a cat, and a rocketship, all on my butt, all in highlighter.

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For many people, writing an online profile tops their most difficult task list. Considerably harder than bra shopping, cooking the perfect crème brulee or writing your own resume, writing an online profile has a reputation for being exhausting, emotionally draining and harmful to one’s self esteem. But if you’re writing a profile with the specific goal of seducing a potential suitor, the task can also be one of the most rewarding. Here are five ways to make the process easier and to write a seductive online profile successfully.

Open with a Bang

The opening line is undoubtedly the hardest line to write out of your entire online profile. After all, first impressions do matter, especially when you’re trying to seduce someone online (and you’ve got tons of competition). Let your opening line(s) reflect your personality and the specific goals you have from your online profile. Potential partners want to know about you, what you can do for them, and what they can do for you. They don’t want to know that you’re ‘looking for Mr. Right’ or interested in movies and long walks on the beach.

Be Vaguely Blunt

Yes, you read that right. One of the best ways to seduce someone (online or offline) is to let them know what you want without spelling it out. Being seductive is all about leaving something to the imagination and allowing the anticipation take over. If you’re not sure how to master this technique, have a friend proofread your online dating profile. He or she will be able to tell you if your point comes across clearly.

Use Pictures

Almost everyone know that profiles with photos attract about eight times more attention than those without. But you may be surprised to learn that if you’re hoping to create a seductive profile, you shouldn’t let it all hang out. While you may want to use a sexy photo, try to avoid poses or clothing that is just a bit too provocative. Leaving something to the imagination is what will make a potential partner click on your profile instead of passing over it.

When it comes to photos, another thing to consider is the number of images included in your profile. Experts estimate that 5-10 photos is more than sufficient. Having too many may distract the viewer from your end goal, or make him or her feel like they already know you (and don’t need to meet you). Choose pictures that are enticing without being overtly sexual, as photos that are too sexy may cause potential partners to think they’ll be out of your league, and can actually be a turnoff.

Choose the Right User Name

There’s a fine line between choosing a username like SexKitten and one like SchoolTeacher, neither of which will attract the type of person you really want to meet. Take time to think creatively about a good user name that will be charming and witty while saying a little something about yourself. If you need some inspiration, don’t hesitate to look on some of the top dating websites to get examples. Who knows – you may even find one you like that’s available on the website you’re using!

Be Honest

It sounds trite, but honesty is the best policy when it comes to online dating profiles, whether you’re looking for a one-night stand or a long-term relationship. You may be able to lure in more partners by announcing that you have a 24” waist or a voluptuous silhouette, but if you’re not being entirely honest, your partner will know, and will not be happy. The goal of writing a seductive online profile is to seduce the right type of person, not to attract the interest of every potential suitor on the website of your choice. Don’t be afraid to narrow down your options by writing the truth. This will surely be the way to hone in on the right options, rather than the wrong ones.

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Men always ask why women won’t sleep with nice guys. They will. It’s just that jerks have been able to perfect the first-impression package that catches their attention. But good guys can learn from the players. Follow these steps to score like a jerk—without becoming one yourself.

Be Confident

Without this, you might as well forget the next eight steps, ’cause you ain’t getting laid. I don’t care what kind of Jedi mind trick it takes—a Raging Bull-style motivational speech in the bathroom mirror, or imagining her with a massive zit on her nose—you should force your body to act confident.

Don’t slouch; do nod and smile when she’s talking; and put your beer on the bar between sips, rather than clutching it like a life preserver. Because if you don’t believe in yourself as a sex machine, she never will.

But Don’t Be Arrogant

If you lay it on too thick and make yourself the focus (or, worse, the hero) of every story you tell, you know what they’ll think? That you’re insecure and desperate, and have something to prove. Women can spot a Napoleon complex within 60 seconds.

What they like instead is self-deprecation—a guy who can laugh at himself. Make fun of yourself in the past tense. Everyone loves to bond about what dorks they were in high school. It proves that you can laugh at yourself while subtly conveying that you’ve become way cooler. One boyfriend of a girl I know won her over by breaking out his hilariously hideous 1995 driver’s-license photo. But be careful not to overdo the self-deprecation, lest you fail the next step.

Don’t Whine, Complain, or Bitch

About anything—it’s seriously unsexy. If you can’t get a bartender’s attention, for example, don’t sigh loudly and complain about the service—laugh it off and ask her to give it a shot instead. And your problem at work? Don’t care! We’re drinking here!

Stop Being So Considerate

Nice guys hate to offend, so they add “just kidding” after every sarcastic comment. It’s the equivalent of smiley emoticons. You don’t have to be so gushing and eager to please. Poke fun at her girly drink, her jukebox selections, her brick of a joke. You know, the way you made fun of the girls you really liked when you were in sixth grade.

Compliment Her

But make it about something besides her appearance. She’s heard a thousand guys tell her she has great skin, so it no longer even registers as a compliment—she just assumes you’re trying to get in her pants. But if you are genuinely listening to her (You are, right? Hello?) and you manage to observe something about her inner person, it will go a long way, because it’s rare.

You could be totally off base, but it doesn’t matter: people are always fascinated by a near stranger’s assessment of their character. It’s like reading a horoscope. If she makes you laugh, tell her she’s funny. If she says something sweet, tell her she’s kind. If she tells a great story, ask if you can steal it. Years ago, a guy in a bar told one of my girlfriends she had great style, and she’s never forgotten it—it’s a million times better than “You look hot in that.”

Touch Her

After you’ve developed a rapport, find a lighthearted excuse for a little skin-to-skin contact—like a gentle shoulder punch when she makes you laugh, an elbow touch as you click on some shared delight, or a cozy duet at a karaoke bar. Or drag her onto the dance floor to something like Kings of Leon or upbeat Sinatra, so you can swing around together like a poor man’s Fred and Ginger. But don’t grope or gaze deeply into her eyes while putting your hand on her knee—she’ll think you read some cheesy book on how to hook up (written by a man).

Recruit a Wingwoman

Wingmen are for beer ads. Wingwomen are for closing the deal. When a woman sees a guy with cool female friends, she assumes a) he’s a laugh to be around; b) he genuinely likes women, rather than just their body parts; c) he’s not desperate; and d) he’ll probably still respect her in the morning. Moreover, wingwomen—especially cute ones—create an air of friendly competition.

Your college gal pals make great wingwomen, because you’ve known them long enough for the relationship to be obviously platonic. Or, if one of your guy friends has a cool girlfriend, invite them both out: most women in relationships are chronic match-makers. Confide in her that you need her help—she’ll be flattered. Then let her work her magic.

Buy Her a Drink

But let her buy the next round. It blurs the lines between pickup artist and pickupee. Let her do a little of the work so she’ll relax into being seduced. If you don’t, it’ll make her more judgmental (and more likely to give you the Heisman). If you insist that she not pay for anything, she’ll see you as an old-fashioned control freak who thinks that women who put out on the first date aren’t “girlfriend material.”

Make Her Laugh

If she’s cracking up, she’s too busy having a good time to wonder about your motives (not the case if you insist on supersmooth, seriously seductive pickup lines). Sharing a laugh makes her feel you two are “connecting.” In fact, it’s a far better indicator that she’ll go home with you than sharing a kiss. But please, no knock-knock jokes or movie quotes—you have to be witty and irreverent.

Funny stories are always good, and a cloak of humor can disguise your intentions just enough: ask her jokingly if she’d like to come up and see your etchings. After all, the truth is often spoken in jest.

Related posts:

1. For the Guys: How to Seduce a Woman
2. College Girl Perspectives On Anal Play