Send Chocolate

Here I thought I needed to buy a bucket, as well...I have GOT to get my hearing checked!

2009-11-06T15:15:00.000-08:00

The chanting from the backseat was making me crazy. Here I was in stop-and-go traffic (after all, I live in Orange County, what else would it be??) and my littlest one was going on and on about something she found important and I found vaguely irritating. Halfway listening, I asked her, "What?" "Mommy, can I have a walrus?" I pondered for a moment...say what? So, she repeated herself, "I want a walrus! I want a walrus!" Now at this point, you are probably saying to yourself, if you are halfway normal, "A WHAT?" But not me.

Used to bizarre requests because my son is the Master of the Non-Sequitur,
I simply responded, "Where would you put it?" My daughter answered me: "Why, in my pocket of course!"
"I don't think there are any that small?" Again, remember, the majority of my attention was on the road and the cars in front of me who do really stupid things when we are all trying to get home. But also, in my defense, I have been known to say things like:

"Get your feet off the ceiling!" (my son has a loft bed) "NO you can not have a hot air balloon, quit asking!" "Your butt is for sitting on, we don't want to see it!" "I am pretty sure no matter how hard you try, the cat isn't going to play the piano."

So, I was in the ballpark here. Then: "Wait, you want to put a walrus in your pocket? It would have be a pretty big pocket!" "What? No, mama! I don't want a walrus, I want allowance! A walrus. That's just silly."

Yes, and I pretty much wrote the book on Silly.

T, who needs to pay better attention

What's the silliest thing you thought you heard, lately? super-awesome walrus shot by Ralph Lee Hopkins

Lookie what I did!

2009-11-06T04:41:00.000-08:00

Ok so you heard about my new bloggy (ad)venture, Trampled with Zebras, and totally have no idea what it means, right? Well, I wrote an explanation over at OCFamily about it, so go read it! Then comment, so I don't feel like that kid in the cafeteria who ends up sitting by herself at lunch! Ok? Thanks!! [mwah!]

T, who appreciates you, really I do!

We are (OC) Family

2009-11-03T00:41:00.000-08:00

I just want to get this straight. I do live in Orange County, CA. Not the Orange County with the multi-million dollar houses. I don't live behind a locked gate, sipping vodka martinis in a hot tub. I haven't had any "work" done, besides the standard semi-exercise to keep my butt from sagging to my knees. I like yoga, and I flirt with Pilates, mess about a bit with karate, but don't have a personal trainer, and certainly not one with a six-pack named Del or Hans or Antony. I own a scale, but I never look at it. I would rather poke out an eye than to let anyone near my face with a syringe full of toxin, image bedamned.

I am not a Lady of Leisure. I have three kids, and they keep me hopping. I load my own dishwasher, and can't rationalize paying someone else to clean the hair out of my tub when I am home all day. (if you want to, that's cool, I just have that liberal guilt thing that plagues me). I don't play tennis, or belong to a country club. But I am still an Orange County resident, and proud of it. Orange County is a place like no other.

That's why when Suzanne asked me to be an OC Family mom blogger, I said yes. I am thrilled to be part of the new OC Family mom bloggers (and one dad!), from all over Orange County. We'll write blogs on the site, so visit us regularly! We are moms who work, play and live for real. I'm representin' North OC! Where my homies at? Fullerton, holler! My blog over there is called Trampled by Zebras, and anyone who deals with special needs will understand that often that's how life feels. Come join me!

These women (ok, the guy, too) are hawt, happenin' and here to stay. Check em out. And check out the new OC Family mom blogs. You can be part of the movement, too! They offer blogs for moms (and dads!) as well.

Below is a link to all of the personal blogs:

Allison @ Green Mom
Adam @ Reluctant Stay at Home Dad
Andrea @ Hip Moms Who Work
Anna @ Working Mom
Arceley @ Daytripping Mom
Beckey @ Hippo Brigade
Caryn @ Rockin' Mama
Ciaran @ Momfluential
Debbie @ Peace, Love & Momminess
Julie @ Angry Julie Monday
Kelly @ According to Kelly
Kristen @ New Mom
Lorna @ Calif Lorna
Marcie @ Suburban Mama
Marisa @ Generic OC Witty Blog
Marcy @ The Glamorous Life Association
Suzanne @ Alive in Wonderland

our beach shoot was done by Dana Sipper, of Sipper Photography. She's amazingly talented, and even managed to make me look good!

T, who promises not to sing the "We are Fam-i-ly" song

When did teenagers start pushing thirty?

2009-11-02T12:02:00.000-08:00

Wonder why the kids on Glee look so good? It's because they are not kids at all!

I am not some giggly teenager (but I do have one, though giggles are far and few between, maybe a "SQUUEEE" once in a while). That being said, I discovered an artist that I like, the song has potential, it is catchy. It just so happens that the song is by Mark Stalling, who plays Puck on Glee, the breakout new dramedy on Fox this season. Turns out Mark was in a band, called Jericho, and they have an album. Sadly, this song is not on the album. But I'll keep trying. This song seems radio-worthy to me. See what you think. (also, if he makes your heart go pitty-pat, don't fret...he is actually 26, playing a teenager...whew!)

Lea Michelle, plays Rachel, is 23
Cory Monteith, plays Finn, is 27
Chris Colfer, plays Kurt, is 19
Kevin McHale, plays Arty, is 21
Jenna Ushkowitz, plays Tina, is 23
Dianna Agron, plays Quinn, is 23

No wonder our teenagers are so insecure, when they are being compared to actual adults! It took me years to "bloom" and it really wasn't until after high school that I came into my own. I guess if they actually cast young, awkward kids the show wouldn't be as interesting, since their perfection in performing is much of it's appeal. Still, we don't have to like Hollywood's practice of casting adults to play teens.

T, who admits to watching glee, and will probably even buy the cast album

We didn't even have to smell anybody's feet!

2009-11-01T01:07:00.000-07:00

I have always liked Halloween, I suppose it is the theatre diva in me. A holiday that let's me get all dressed up like somebody else? Gimme more a dat! So this year, I toyed with the idea of Sylvia Plath (who apparently liked to bake) and a Lolita Goth, but figured it would just freak out my already-freaked-by-Halloween daughters. (also? as a teen, do you really want your mom to dress as a goth? Few things are probably scarier than that..a real horror show) So I nixed that idea, poured myself a drink and just decided to go easy this year.

This is the first year that JBear came up with his own costume, completely. He did a good job, I think. He used what was around the house, and didn't ask me to buy anything. And Littles (JBean) decided to put a new twist on her costume. Of course it was a princess (it is always some variation, the little girly-girl fashionista, I guess) but this year, she was a "Warrior Princess Elf." Go JBean!

(this house had actual blue light, it was hard to get a good picture)

The kids were very polite, and there wasn't one autism moment all night. (Thank God!) There was a tiny bit of balking at the unknown haunted house (we went around it) but for the most part, JBean found she enjoyed herself, despite her earlier trepidation.

I even got into the act. As you can see, I had to defend my chocolate! Just tell me one thing? WHEN did it become ok to pass the bucket as a parent, in addition to the bucket your child is using?? I saw more moms, and some dressed up and trick or treated at my door! Gives new meaning to "tricks" now doesn't it? Don't they understand that as a parent, it is their job, nay, their duty to help their children dispose of their haul? In other words, eat your kids' candy, don't beg at my door for your own! What? You really cannot afford to buy your own Fun Size at Target?

Honestly, what is this world coming to?

T, who gave more treats than tricks this year

Ok, but I am pretty sure she isn't getting through customs

2009-10-30T01:20:00.001-07:00

This is always what the cat does when someone travels in this house. JNerd went to the Google Mentor Summer of Code conference this last weekend. And Perry was completely sure she was going, too. Until she didn't. But it doesn't stop her, and it doesn't stop her from trying again next time.

Still, you have to admire her sticktuitiveness. Is that even a word? She doesn't give up and she is a stubborn thing. Pretty sure her sweet face hides an evil that no man can fathom. If I told you the things she does... and she stares at us. In a really weird way. Sometimes she creeps me out. I have had cats most of my life, and most were pretty pleasant creatures. This one, even though she is nice to me, I always wonder if it is like the email that went around for a while, about the cat in captivity and planning its escape. There is a part of me that wonders if I will wake up in the morning, or if she will kill me in my sleep. Good thing I don't have stairs, she just seems like the kind of cat that weaves in and out of your feet to make you fall down the stairs. And then? She just sits there licking her whiskers with a malevolent gleam in her eye. Yeah, ok, I am probably being paranoid,but come on. She is after all, completely black...just in time for Halloween, right?

T, who asks, "Want a cat??"

When I grow up, I wanna be...

2009-10-26T22:52:00.000-07:00

While my parents were here, we visited Seaport Village,(one of those awful touristy kind of attractions that I hate) and had a bit of fun in the hat shop. It actually was surprisingly a good time. One of the most fun things about homeschooling is field trips! And...er, career counseling. Yeah, that's it... While other kids are sitting in a classroom, listening to the teacher drone on, mine are playing with millnery.

Hello Major Tom...

O Hai, Internet. Can I join your club?

Elevator, ma'am? Going up or down?

It ain't over until...well, it ain't over

My audition for Monty Python is ready!

Life imitating art...Drama Queen, definitely

T, who figures pictures are worth 1000 words

We interrupt this blog for Real Life

2009-10-22T10:53:00.000-07:00

Currently my parents are visiting from out of state, with their gargantuan RV. That cost more than my HOUSE (and is pretty much nicer, too). So I am a bit busy until the weekend. But I promise I have some great posts that I will get up by then.

JNerd (seen here being Dad o da Year) is out of town for the weekend, so there is nothing much left for me to do but write. So stay tuned!

T, who misses time to sit and write

As long as she doesn't end up at the Derek Zoolander Center, we'll be fine

2009-10-15T00:27:00.000-07:00

I have a confession. I am raising a fashion plate. I am not sure how it happened, I am a feminist. I mean, sure I shave my armpits, and tend the garden, and I looove sexy heels, there's that. But there is more to life than clothes. I fought this, tried to get her interested in other things. But, alas.

JBean is eight now. She has finally mastered the task of getting dressed on her own, and she has very obvious preferences about her clothes. It is a given she will grouse (read: throw a fit or just whine a lot) even if she chose it herself the night before. I have learned to pad the schedule and ~~take valium~~ ~~drink~~ be patient with her foibles. It is a given she will protest whatever she is first wearing the way that Christian from Project Runway will use "fierce" in at least one sentence of an interview.

She doesn't dress like girls her age (thank God for that…have you seen some of the clothes in the stores?) Many of them look styled for harlots-in-training. Once my oldest daughter asked who buys the clothes they sell in stores and I told her, "Blind people who hate you and Christian, from Project Runway." (and I win, that's two references to Christian in one post. Wonder what the prize for that is? And no, he is not a blog sponsor at all).

JBean's favorite outfits these days are little plaid skirts and matching tops in various colors, and she still loves her beloved Hannas, though it is time to replenish. She is very particular about what she will wear. It all has to match, along with accessories: a jeweled headband, pink and purple shell bracelet, rock star sunglasses. She cracks me up. Maybe she is an aspiring model. (did I mention her favorite food is salad? Can't be too many years before the cigarettes and booze show up, right?) Would you believe she was thinking she was fat? Where would she even get that idea?? Hmm, I wonder...

I hate the pressures on little girls these days. They are bombarded with crap marketing constantly, telling them who they are. Teaching them values that just might stay with them forever. It is important to be comfortable with who you are, and at 8, you are just learning who that is. She has a lot of growing to do, and who knows who she will be. In the meantime, I am making sure she learns to eat, feels good about herself and knows she is loved for who she is, not what she does or how she looks.

I asked her recently why she is so certain in how she dresses. Do other little girls dress like she does? She said, "No, it's just cute." Well, I wanted to know, did you learn it from the Disney Channel? She laughed at me, "No, mama. It's just cute." Well, what makes it cute? "I do, mama. I make it cute. I dress the way I want to, for me."

I think I may be doing something right.

T, who thinks she can be a model and a physicist, right?

So how do you become famous?

2009-10-08T00:47:00.000-07:00

Apparently this video has 2.5 MILLION views on You Tube. And yeah, I found it funny. But the dad parlayed it into a URL and interviews. What am I doing wrong?

So if that's all it takes...here are some pics of my children, dancing. Bring on the Famous!

Come on now, mama needs some martinis and Christian Louboutins!

T, who is waiting for the interviews to roll in

Wiiii Google??

2009-10-03T01:07:00.000-07:00

Quick! Where is the ONE place on earth where you wouldn't expect to have wi-fi issues? I'll wait.

Give up? How about Google, in Silicon Valley? Yep. I am here all weekend for a conference (it isn't my conference, I am just the warm body that JNerd volunteered to man (woman?) the desk and tell people where to go. apparently I am supremely adept at this...who knew? Since the conference is literally in ONE room, there isn't much for me to do. So I was doing the tweeting, tumbling, facebooking thing. And I have no internet access. This is frustrating.

Also, this place is locked up tighter than Fort Knox! Security at all doors, badges for everyone, restricted access and ONE room we can actually be in. What the hell are they doing here, discovering cold fusion? Lighten up, Google. You're a web-based computer company. You aren't protecting the Hope diamond.

I would have taken a picture, but would you believe no pictures or video is allowed on their campus? And since Google makes my ~~panties wet~~ world go around with gmail, blogger, maps and my G1? I best play by the rules with the good kids here. See Google? I can too play nice! Well, actually, there is nothing more to see here… you can move along now.

What? You want me to throw you a bone? Don't you realize how much I rely upon my G1?? But ok, I suppose it won't hurt… two words:

Lava Lamps Giant ones. (yeah, so that's more than two words, sue me. Google's Awesome cannot be contained in mere two word containers.

updated to add: coffee at Google is amazing, you grind your own beans. There is a machine that pours it for you, plus drip coffee, plus fresh-made espresso. I think I am going to move here. Wonder if the couches in the lobby are comfortable for sleeping?

T, who at least gets a short vacay from Responsibility

2009-09-27T19:34:00.001-07:00

I am tired of banging my head against your Wall. I think I'll just sit here outside until you let me in.

can you check this out for me?

2009-09-26T13:09:00.000-07:00

I don't normally do this, but I am linking to the article on new autism rates I wrote at Examiner.com simply because I am still reeling at what I found out. I am having a hard time believing it but the CDC appears to be trying to bury new numbers as to the rates of autism in the US. The rate is now 1 in 100, or 1% of all kids in the United States will be diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. WHY isn't this all over the news? Your guess is as good as mine. Read the article. What do you think?

T, who is NOT a Conspiracy Theorist, but is searching for an explanation

My Top 20 reasons for homeschooling ( because there were way more than 10)

2009-09-25T00:23:00.000-07:00

Since school just started for us I thought it would be fun to list some reasons why I homeschool.(contrary to popular thought, it wasn't just because I could stay home all day and drink martinis while not waiting in the public school carpool line). Necessity lead me to homeschooling, it's true. When you have a child with high-functioning autism, he can fall through the cracks. My son was not a good fit for the existing special education classes but couldn't function in mainstreaming, even with a full-time aide. So I decided to bring him home that first year. He was already behind in Math and Reading and was in the first grade. I figured I could do as well as the school did, and better if we were lucky. It worked so well the next year I brought my oldest daughter home to study. And at that point, I knew I would homeschool my littlest one as well.

So necessity began my homeschool career, but that's not what kept me going. "Why do you homeschool" I am asked. Here are some of my reasons.

1. You can sleep in if you stay up too late the night before. (just don't do it too often!)

2. Creative Teaching! If at first you don't get it, there's always another way.

3. Kids can run around when they need to

4. Don't have to ask permission to go to the bathroom

5. Nature Walks!

6. Long, meandering side trips into History

7. P.E. is playing outside (no calisthenics, which my daughter hates)

8. No Detention

9. Your teacher loves you, always

10.Field Trips pretty much whenever we want

11.Don't like the book? Find another one!

12. School in the middle of Mommy's bed (or under a tree outside, or on the couch)

13. Pajama Days!

14. Lunch is edible.

15. Chewing gum helps with concentration, and it's not against the rules!

16. Intelligent discussions!

17. Kids who WANT to study what they are studying.

18. No bullying

19. Little to no peer pressure

20. More time for the things that really count like art and music.

T, who figured why let schooling interfere with their education

This is why I didn't post today

2009-09-19T19:56:00.000-07:00

You'll all come to my funeral, right? I might need that...

T, who slept all day and still feels crummy

Please don't let her become a stand-up comedienne (that's my job!)

2009-09-18T08:58:00.000-07:00

In this house, humor is not optional, it's a survival technique. You don't get very far unless you can learn to laugh at yourself and your circumstances. Life = humor. I cannot imagine not being able to giggle or snicker or guffaw and at times even belly laugh at the crazy things that happen in this family. Of the things I want to give to my children, an appreciation for humor (if not an outright sense of it) is very near the top of the list.

They say that kids with autism don't have much of a sense of humor. I think those that say it don't quite understand autism all that well. My daughter, the oldest one, is pretty funny. (not as funny as me, but give her some time and experience) My son isn't hilarious, but he understands jokes. Sometime around his 8th birthday, he started understanding sarcasm (which means he can actually live in this house, because…yeah.) and started making puns. (again, a staple in this family). It was a lot of fun to watch.

I had forgotten all of that until last night, when JBean cracked her first joke. She gets jokes, but hasn't really told her own. Tonight, she was lying next to the cat and she said, "Watch the cat's new trick. Then, to the cat: Play dead!" The cat, who was lounging in a way that only cats can, sans bones and macramaed into the carpet, didn't move. JBean giggled and said, "Isn't that the funniest thing, ever?" Which tells me two things:

1) she is maturing and beginning to get sophisticated humor

2) Her Jane Austenesque speech patterns can be blamed on an older sister who is obsessed with Jane Austen and has dragged her younger sister along for the ride.

3) Life is about to get very interesting, with lots of "How many _____ does it take to change a lightbulb?" and knock-knock jokes. I suppose fart jokes and belching the alphabet can't be far behind.

I'm SO proud.

T, who says a funny thing happened while writing this blog post

Just what the d'Artagnan is going on here??

2009-09-09T14:21:00.001-07:00

Lately I have been noticing all sorts of signs of Armageddon.

There was this one (NSFW and not safe for me to post for PG-13 sensibilities, you have been warned..JBug, this means you!)

And

the Lllama photo

(Apple, we need to talk) By the way, do not confuse said photo with the Llama Song...also a sign of Armageddon.

Now, Barbie, in a continued effort to dumb the hell down our kids..gives us...

No, I am not kidding, I wish I were. While, on one level I am glad that Mattel has tried to embrace some strong role models for our girls, on the other hand... The Three Musketeers? Really, Mattel? Really? Because, why? We tire of princesses? Come on, there has be a better movie to exploit in your quest for cash. How about Cleopatra? Katerina from Taming of the Shrew? I mean, Bill doesn't get near enough respect from our young people these days.

And honestly, what's next? Lady Chatterley's Lover? East of Eden? Want something more modern? How about The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty? What? It has a princess in it!

Glad I could help. Just let me know if you need more suggestions. I have a million of them. Of course, you realize we aren't going to buy any of this crap, right? My kids will stick with the original classic and not the ~~bastardized~~ princessized give-us-all-your-money versions directed at little girls who don't know any better.

Blame the homeschoolers. We resist your attempt to pander to the lowest common denominator. See ya, we're heading to the library now.

T, who is dumb-founded but not dumbed-down

Is Your Mama a Llama? Ask iPhoto

2009-09-07T10:26:00.000-07:00

Image via CrunchBase

Dear Apple,

While you know I love you and love being in the middle of this torrid affair, I have a bone to pick with you. My husband, JNerd spent the day on Saturday setting me up on the latest Apple OS, Snow Leopard. Even the name is freakin' cool, I know, right? Compared to "Vista" I mean, come on? Which is sexier? Sleeker? Yeah, that's what I thought, too. It makes me a little bit hot. But. I am still miffed at you.

I have been waiting for some of the new features of Snow Leopard. It comes with updated versions of iLife, which is everything I use on a daily basis for my computer. Especially iPhoto. I love flickr and facebook integrated in my iPhoto, makes things easier. I especially was looking forward to the face recognition technology. The idea of not having to tag all of my photos was a pretty cool prospect. I know, it has a learning curve, and it has to learn my photos, but, I think it has a bit to go. It consistently missed my youngest daughter's face. But that's trainable, ok. But when it comes to my son? You have it ALL wrong. I present the following examples.

Here is a picture of JBear, with a llama.

Here is another picture of JBear, with a llama.

THIS is not, in fact a picture of JBear:

The name has been changed to protect the innocent, but you did, indeed, i.d. him as a llama. While it is true the child likes llamas, more than most people, he is in fact, a human being. His mama is NOT, nor has she ever been, a llama. It's like comparing streetcars to bicycles. Please make a note of it.

T, who still loves you

Just In Time For School To Start, a Quiz

2009-09-03T10:54:00.000-07:00

So, tell me, how is it that I head to a blogging convention, come home and don't blog? {Pick one}

A. I was completely intimidated by the talent at BlogHer
B. I am too busy with preparations for school
C. I am frustrated at the lack of notice from P.R. and advertisers
D. I am preoccupied with molesting my husband
E. I just needed a break and was too lazy to line up guest posters
F. I have discovered tumblr which is addictive and fun and much, much faster than standard blogging
G. I had a massive case of Writer's Block and literally could write NOTHING
H. All of the above

Ok, yes, the correct answer is H. Hey, don't judge me. And I am back now, bitches.So you'd better just quit your tittering about where the hell I've been. You asked for it, more snark, less lazy. So, you get it. I am all about giving my readers what they want. But no, you can't have that only JNerd gets that. And you can't have a damn pony either, so suck it up. I will provide your daily RDA of humor and snark *, however. Get used to it.

*not for the diagnosis or treatment of any disease, claims not proven clinically, void in some foreign countries, objects in mirror are closer than they appear, not for small children, cap not childproof, forks concentrated in electrical sockets can be hazardous to your health, shaking blogger's cage punishable by fine, tow away zone, ply with martinis, if you must ~~much~~ ~~wine~~ whine do it elsewhere, not for indoor use, do not iron clothes on body. DO NOT remove tag under penalty of law, Offer subject to change at whim

T, who will hopefully be able to write again

Gotta have a fling

2009-08-20T15:47:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here, minding my own business, writing like a, like a...fiend. I have a lot of writing to catch up on, and am mostly done. I reward myself with a fling, a candy bar that m&m Mars makes, that is like..well, not quite, but almost as good as sex. If sex was a finger of chocolate layered around a cookie and some truffle cream.

My daughter, Miss I am 15 going on 30, walks in. She is just visiting and I am half-listening when she grabs the wrapper, and notices who makes the candy bar. Now, I am in trouble. My daughter is, if not an animal rights' activist, certainly someone who thinks carefully about her choices. Last year, she took Biology, but didn't dissect anything. She did her entire lab assignments via virtual dissection. And ended up with an A. She is currently boycotting this candy company due to animal testing.

JBug: Ugh. You're eating that?
Me: Yup. Yummmy.
JBug: Some little mouse died so that you could have chocolate!
Me: That was nice of him.
JBug: ::eyeroll::: I meant, you are killing mice with that chocolate.
Me: Now chocolate is a weapon?? Must not hurt much. I mean, it gets so soft and squishy so quickly...

I win. She shakes her head, makes an exasperated noise, because honestly mothers can be so dense? and stalks out of my room.

Leaving me, to my chocolate. In peace. Now, who's the smart one?

T, who says don't come between a momma and her chocolate

I've Never Done This Before, What Will People Think? - PR Spotlight

2009-08-12T00:01:00.000-07:00

I haven't done this before, and I am sort of nervous. I know, there comes a day when you have to just, jump in. Because, everybody is doing it. But really, I have no idea what to do...and what if I get laughed at? Or worse, everyone finds out how inept I was, and it becomes the talk of the lunchroom! AHEM. Sorry, high school flashbacks from long, long ago...

My friend Adrienne is co-hosting this PR Spotlight thing with Tara, and well, I decided there's no time like the present...it's now or never. Strike while the iron is hot. (And can I get any more really bad cliches in this post? I bet I could, but I will take pity upon you.)

Hi! You want to know who I am. So here goes. I am a writer, first and foremost. It is in my blood. I get up at night to take notes and my Posts in Progress folder is full of ideas and half-written witty posts that I will eventually publish to this blog. I am a mom of a teenager who is probably more brilliant than I am. I have two kids with high-functioning autism, and I homeschool all three of them. They don't define me. I have been married for almost twenty years to my best friend and tech support, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He doesn't define me either. So how do I define myself?

I write. My blog is over three years old, and I write about life, but I don't take it too seriously. I focus on autism, homeschooling and whatever else comes along. I am probably not as funny as I think I am. (but still pretty funny) I have good regular traffic, and almost 4,000 followers on twitter. I am PG-13 for the most part. I will not represent anything I don't believe in, or that doesn't fit with my blog. If we have a working relationship, know that you will be fairly and accurately represented with integrity.

I run a few sites, namely, this one, which is my primary blog. I also have a community blog, I founded, Autism Sucks. Other blogs I write are Sweet Schoolin' (homeschool product reviews) Sweet Talkin' (product reviews) and Geek 4 Kids, together with my children, products and information for kids who can't fight the geek DNA from their parents. I am the LA Special Needs Kids Examiner, and the TypeAMom Special Needs Parenting Editor, as well.

I am passionate about social media, and am an autism advocate for my children and for parents. I am a connector for parents, especially when they are dealing with autism and don't know where to turn. I very much want to help to equip other parents and caregivers in dealing with autism.

Special Needs families are a segment that PR is missing, because we are very loyal when it comes to products and services. My son is gluten-free and casein free and when we find products that work for him? We continue to use them. Due to sensory issues, I don't change products often. When I find something we love? We keep it!

I am very interested in homeschool products, special needs products, geeky stuff and toys for older kids. I love to do focus groups and really want to tell you what I think. I don't sugar coat things, I say what I think. Let's talk!

I am active in the community and have attended BlogHer the last two years. I am excited to see what social media is becoming, and hope to be in the mix as it continues to evolve.

You can contact me at sendchocolatenow@gmail.com

T, who says it's nice to meet you!

Like BlogHer, For Chocolate

2009-08-11T17:49:00.000-07:00

I admit it, I love chocolate. Yeah, not exactly a newsflash, but there you go. I especially love dark chocolate. As those who love dark chocolate will attest, you have to take the bitter with the sweet. The opening notes of that first bite of deep, dark chocolate produce a sweet note on your tongue, but quickly gives way to an explosion of bitter that threatens to permeate your senses. To alleviate it, take another ~~brick~~ ~~truckload~~ bite of the chocolate. And so, I am ready to talk about the last night of Blogher. wait, don't leave! I swear this will be the LAST post about Blogher!

It has taken me this long to write about it, because, Saturday night was exactly like the chocolate I describe. I had a wonderful time, it was the best night of the conference. But it did come at a price. Let me back up. The Party du Jour was BowlHer, a PR fest off-site at a local bowling alley. Proceeds for the tip jars and t-shirts sold went to Autism Speaks, so of course, we had to attend. Also, isn't it fun to have your name on The List, even if almost everyone else is on the List, too? We got our wristbands and our hot pink boas and headed up the escalators to the bowling alley. We decided to skip the red carpet, because, personally? I have NO desire to be famous and see my ~~ass~~ profile from a thousand different angles. It proved to be a wise decision, when we got inside and found that the pictures everyone was aping for were being broadcast in giant-screen glory. Phew! Dodged that bullet!

Lucky Strike is not your father's bowling alley. It is upscale, with billiards and bowling (of course!), and an attached bar. The lights are low, and the atmosphere is decidedly that of a cocktail lounge. Much of the noise that keeps me out of conventional bowling alleys is muted if you stick to the bar. (That's not to say the music wasn't deafeningly loud, but then, most bars have that issue, anyway.) Since there was free beer and wine, naturally, I had to have a pomegranate martini. Because? That's just me. I don't drink beer, unless it is Guinness.

Amy & Astacia

Califmom made use of her Go Girl, (no, I am not kidding, that thing really does exist) and I hung with her and her and of course, her.(and him) Lots of laughter, and a couple of rounds to be had by all. A lap around the place and a stop to pick up the really awesome bowling bag-inspired swag bag (small, leopard print purse, that I LOVE) and then it was off to the CheeseburgHer party.

This year, it was held in the Presidential Suite, bitches! And it was wall-to-wall peeps, and it was hot. Yeah, hot as in, gotta be there but mostly hot as in, Lord, I must be going through menopause, ack, I need a cold shower, there's a lot of bodies crammed into this place! We were headed out, but took a wrong turn should have stopped for the map and ended up deeper in the bedroom instead of at the exit. Found some people we knew so we hung out in the Presidential bedroom, and really? Does that not have to be tweeted? I thought so, too.

While we were there, the party did not get busted, though I heard it was busted later. (See, that's the point.)

1) bag on head
2) eat cheeseburger
3)security shows up to impromptu party and throws everyone out.

Good time had by all. Since it was so crowded, we headed to the Chi-Bar for drinks, and I met miss britt and avitable, who, I am warning you now, has a site not for the faint-hearted. Adam is one of the most down to earth, kinda quiet, just genuine guys you will ever meet. Just meeting him? You would never know his testicles are famous. Miss Britt was a whole lot of fun tucked into a small package. (guys, the way into her ~~pants~~ heart is by reciting Shakespeare. Shhh!) I met Nancy, and ran into one of my favorite people, Lex. And I met church punk mom and Aman, both great people. It was my pleasure to finally meet Schmutzie and her husband, Aidan, the palindrome.

Because, I had a great time, hanging out with new and old friends, (and the remains of a bottle of bubbly that someone sent to our table when they left,) apparently, we were all knee-deep in conversation when another friend came over, said hello (though I didn't see her) and felt slighted and ignored. Because of how I grew up, I am the last person to want anyone to feel that way, but the damage was done. She was ticked, and made it clear. We'll get back to that in a moment.

After last call, some of us went to the lobby and did the late-night conversation thing that we are known for. We headed to bed around 4:30 a.m. Normal mode of operations at BlogHer.

Push came to shove, and through a series of events I still don't understand and can't process, based upon the earlier bar encounter, I lost someone I considered a dear friend. I now see that wasn't really the case, at least not on her side. Things were said to me that I wouldn't even let my husband say and get away with ~~if he wanted to keep his um..equipment~~ and I believe we are better off not being friends. I wish her well in her endeavors, and I don't hate her or hold her anger against her, though I don't accept or own it. Either way. I didn't let a decidedly difficult time color my entire conference. It was the best, and even with that incident (~~boil on the butt of BlogHer~~ blemish), I am so glad I went!

And just wait until next year! We are gonna tear that city UP!

T, who hopes to see you in NYC

RIP John Hughes, your legacy lives on with my kids

2009-08-07T00:09:00.000-07:00

Ferris Bueller. Claire, Brian, Allison, Andrew, Bender. Gary, Wyatt and Chet. Samantha Baker & Jake Ryan. Andie, Duckie, Blaine (that's not a name! That's a...major appliance!) & Steff. These names were engraved upon my psyche, at the Northridge Cinema in Central California as a teenager. I remember trying to avoid the well-meaning octopus who would try to cop a feel at the theatre, because, after all, he paid for the movie and the popcorn. And ok, sometimes it wasn't really a feel per se, as much as a... snuggle. Such was high school. And such was the feel of those movies. I grew up in the shadow of genius.

I was entertained on those nights by an amazing man and visionary by the name of John Hughes. He wrote the movies for my generation: The Breakfast Club. Sixteen Candles. Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Pretty in Pink. Weird Science (I admit it, I wanted to BE Kelly LeBrock!) Movies that meant something to me. I can quote many lines, by heart.

It is so sad to lose John Hughes...so young, at 59. His movies and the music in them wrote the soundtrack to my life. And possibly yours. John Hughes has been mostly reclusive and out of the public eye for some years now..but he was not forgotten. I always hoped he would do something else, and Drillbit Taylor was not it. I hoped he would still speak for my generation, maybe a movie about social media, blogging? Alas, it was not to be.

First Michael Jackson. Now John Hughes. The 80's? She is over. I am no longer preoccupied with 1985, sorry, Bowling For Soup. We are moving on. With a heavy heart, to be sure. But, we are still moving on.

And now? I pull out all of my best John Hughes flicks and show my 15 year old what real movie making was. I only hope she enjoys them as much as I did at her age.

T, who is saddened that we lost a visionary too early and too young

The one where I pause the funny, just for a bit

2009-08-05T13:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my littlest daughter's birthday, so we hightailed it to Disneyland to get her free stuff and so that I could pull my hair out because:

it was 90- fricken -SIX degrees at 3 p.m.
it's August and beyond crowded
I am so over Disneyland, since I have lived here for years

But, it's what she wanted to do, so we did it. She had a wonderful time, and watching her eyes glow and her face light up with the intensity of a thousand suns? Makes the sensory-hell overload that is the Mouse House worth it. Spying her grinning with glee when the New Orleans Mardi Gras band threw her a bead necklace? Wonderment. And dancing with her in front of everyone? My heart was happy. SItting next to her on the sun-warmed sidewalk while she held my hand tightly and gasped in awe at the fireworks? Perfection.

I know these are things that so many feel for their little ones, and I don't want to discount that at all! But these milestones for me are hard-fought, since my littlest one has high-functioning autism. Yes, she speaks, and yes she handles herself, most of the time. There are days where she is selectively mute, or only communicates by singing. Or where she shuts down and tantrums because unspoken expecations have not been met. Autism is nothing if not a rigid master. But,all that aside, because today she turned 8. She acts closer to 5, and I know that. People think she is younger, because, on top of being more immature, she is almost more pixie-ish. With her huge almond-shaped sea green eyes, she looks more elfin than human much of the time. Combine that with her need to only ever wear dresses, and you begin to understand the character from Robert Heinlein's, Stranger in a Strange Land.

I have hope that she will one day be able to navigate the octopus tentacles of little girl relationships, but for now, I content myself with knowing she is a relatively happy little princess.

Today is a day of celebration. Time enough for tomorrow and worry about her future. Today, is the day we eat cake. Today, is the day we dance with abandon.

T, who really likes to dance

How to party like a BlogStar, and get past all the velvet ropes

2009-08-03T14:57:00.000-07:00

I am not really an extrovert, though I play one online, and in limited doses in real life. But I am truly an introvert, because the test is, do people drain you or give you energy? And honestly? ~~people who don't start out online suck~~ I need to have quiet time to recharge. I do genuinely like ~~most~~ people, and I enjoy hanging out with them, having conversations and just generally getting to know them. But eventually, I have to spend some time by myself, even if it is just a couple of hours. ~~so don't let the door slam on your way out..your butt looks fab in those jeans! I'll call you!~~.

But some places, like BlogHer, I can keep going, (and going) for a finite period and figure I will crash once I get home. Breaks to take a shower in my room were really all of the time-out I needed. There were people to see, and new bloggers to meet and time to acquaint myself with others in my niche. Because? I didn't come all the way to Chicago to hibernate! I can sleep ~~when I'm dead~~ on the plane.

I met a lot of bloggers again, and some for the first time, and some for the first time but I felt like it was again and it was wonderful. My only regret is that I didn't get pictures with everyone; I did not want to appear to be some fangirl, I am a freakin' blogging professional dammit. So when I met Tanis again, even though her writing at Redneck Mommy rocks my socks, I didn't get a picture with her. (maybe it is better there was no evidence?) And same with Mr. Lady. I spent time talking to both of them, but didn't do the picture thing.

And when I ran into Her Bad Mother, again, no picture. And Casey, from Moosh in Indy...And, about a thousand other bloggers that I know and love ~~from afar~~? Same thing. I am notorious for taking pictures of other people, with no evidence of my actually being there. What can I say? It's a gift. Some people are great photographers, I am great at ...leaving myself out of events.

But Friday night, I went to the official BlogHer cocktail party and met some long time friends from twitter. It was awesome to meet them. The party was a lot of fun, with karaoke, some dancing, and it was the first time I heard Michael singing Funky Cold Medina.(but didn't actually meet him until later.) Had a couple of drinks, the first one was a Sobe lemon martini. I swear Sobe water is not a good mixer... in any case. I make better drinks at home. You know when you leave ice cubes in a drink to melt and it tastes like booze-flavored tap water? Yeah, it was like that. The cranberry & vodka was a bit better, at the regular bar.

There was a photobooth , and of course, we couldn't resist, took some goofy pics with @califmom.(see? evidence I was there!). then we headed off to other parties.

I had to attend the Type-A Momfluence Party, since, well, I write for them and stuff. The bartender made the best drink: Starbucks Coffee Liqueur, vodka, Cream de Cassis and a splash of coffee. It was potent, and wonderful. At the appointed time, people showed up for the swag, after standing in line and just about killing one another for free crap. I mean, really. Is this how our mothers taught us to behave? I met more cool bloggers (Texas Red, Kelby Carr) But we were burning daylight, and there were more parties to hit! I mean, come on, when do I ever get to party hop??.

We sailed into the Mommy Needs a Cocktail Party, I was a tad tipsy, from the amazing Starbucks drink. The Mommy Party had an espresso bar and I was able to get me a nice mocha, with whipped cream. No more alcohol. I know my limits, people! And? We took these amazing pictures, because? It's just the way we roll. Silly, eh?.

A stop at the chocolate (dark!!) ~~heaven~~ fountain, and then we we headed to the MamaPop party...

After the check-in chicky found our name on the list at the door (which feels really good, by the way) we entered the bestest most Sparklecorniest MamaPop-iest party of the night, so says me. What made it so great? It wasn't the swag. (there was none!) It was the PEOPLE, people. All of the friends, followers and fun-makers from twitter and the Intarwebz were there. Megan, Miss, Yvonne, RLM, Michael, Britt, Leah, Shannan, Whit, George, Lex, Anissa, Shari and so many more. (I know I forgot you, and I SO hate that when it happens to me, so comment and I will add you, promise!)

The DJ was rockin and we all just danced up a storm. I dumped my shoes, which, by that time, though they were sexy, were making my feet hurt. I haven't danced like that in a long time, and it was absolutely the highlight for me. Again, no pics w/ me in them, since I took them. I really have to start ~~accosting strangers~~ asking people to take pictures of me at parties! @califmom ate unicorn ass, but I just wasn't in the mood. We danced some more and just had a grand time. Strains of "It Takes Two", "Word Up" and so many more songs I haven't heard in years just made our feet go with a mind of their own. It was a very successful party, and over too soon. But we weren't over. So.

We took the party to the Chi Bar and had a few drinks. Closed up the bar and ended up in the lobby, chatting, a bunch of random people, until bleary-eyed from lack of sleep, we trudged upstairs to get a few hours of shut-eye around 4 a.m. Just another night at BlogHer.

All too soon, Saturday was coming...and with it, our last day of BlogHer...

T, who hopes you like these recaps