Anyway! I’m sure you’re wondering what I’m doing here and also why I’m using $10 words in this space previously devoted to humor and frivolity. Well, I’ll tell ya, I’m here to stop all that! What follows is a bitter and vitriolic rant, the like of which haven’t been on the intar-Webs in many moons! That might be overstating it just a little bit, but you get the picture.

At this point I’m going to reveal to you the dark abyss that is grad school. To those of you already up close and personal with this particular form of ungodly horror, I apologize for making you relive those times, but the people have got to know what a confidence game it is, then maybe they won’t place so much faith in the advanced degrees that the professionals in their lives hang their hats on. I’m also taking this opportunity to make my disclaimer that any mental distress or PTSD symptoms you may be manifesting as a result of reading this are totally your issue and you’d better not be coming to me to pay for your therapist. You’re the one that attended that cesspool of a school, don’t be trying to lay the blame on me now!

I’m also using the $10 words because, I paid for them and they need to be used as often as possible and preferably with those that can appreciate them in order for me to get my money’s worth out of this education. I had heard that Dory’s subscribers were intelligent and sophisticated so I figured that none of these words would be new and if they are, I could drop a little knowledge on you. See how I did that there? I kinda buttered you up with a compliment so you would like me before I write some crap on her little space and sully the whole thing, and then it wouldn’t look so bad when she comes back and wonders why her casa is all so just “not-so”. Y’all will be less likely to blame me cuz then I’ll be the nice guy that complimented you and made you feel good about yourselves. There is a method here, this bald, shiny thing on my shoulders is more than just a hatrack.

So I’m sitting in class on Friday, cuz that’s when I’m in class, otherwise it would be pretty stupid to be sitting in class. Which class am I sitting in, specifically? That would be Empowerment Social Work in Mental Health. I know… Jealous much? Anyway, I’m sitting in class and we have a guest speaker that day who is there to discuss Mental Illness, substance abuse and co-occurring disorders/dual diagnosis. Mind you, I’ve been in this class for 2 months, easy, at this point, and I begin to realize as this speaker is talking, that within the first half-hour, I have effectively learned more than I have learned in the first half of the semester! A half hour!! And the guest speaker has another 2 1/2 hours to go! $755 per credit hour for this “education” and I’ve gotten a better education from a teacher at a 4-year bachelor’s degree program. Not that there is any shame in that for her, she is an incredibly intelligent and competent social worker from whom I intend to learn as much as possible. No, the shame is for the program at the University that I attend, because they just got pwned by a very small college. The guest speaker is also an alumnus of the school and they should have snatched her up to make her full-time, tenured faculty a long time ago, that was their bad, then maybe, MAYBE, the students would leave there knowing more than when they started rather than using the student loan refund check as a way to mark time.

Previous to this, would you like to know the best education that I’ve received while attending this bastion of higher education? Well, since I’m writing this and you’re reading it after I’ve written it, I’m gonna go ahead and lay it out for you. “Scuse me while I whip this out.” That was appropo of nothing I just wanted to say it. Occasionally, it’s good to use random phrases from Mel Brooks films as well as being the king. So, I’m talking to a classmate who is describing a wedding that he had attended for a good friend of his that has severe ADHD. He said that his friend had taken medication for the ADHD that was only good for a specified amount of time. The medication can’t be used while there is consumption of adult beverages at the same time, so he timed  out the meds wearing off  to coincide with the end of the ceremony/ beginning of the reception/drinking like a sailor on leave. Well, apparently he had mistimed the meds wearing off  and it happened just a little bit early. Specifically, it happened when their hands were tied together after the lighting of the Unity candle and he said it was like someone flipped a switch in his head and you could just tell that this wasn’t going to end well for either of them and it really didn’t. There was biting, hitting each other, threats of bodily injury, etc. I told you THAT story so I could tell you THIS story:

During the discussion of how batty his friend was, the statement was made that they came up with a word specifically for this person: Guano-Maniac! yep, that’s right! Guano-maniac. Who can tell me what that means? Yes, fat kid with your hand up! What do you think it means? That’s right, the Real definition of that phriase is that they are BAT SHIT CRAZY. I learned that the same day that someone else informed me of a new standard in determining another person’s ability to blend with their society and conform to the norms of that society. If a person doesn’t do all those things necessary to conform, they can be said to be “…Queer as a Football Bat”. I giggled a long time after that. But what I found sad about this is that these were the only things that I learned for the whole time I was attending classes at this bastion of education.

I mean, srsly! That’s pretty sad that I haven’t learned any more from that than that. So my “education” and $1.79 will get you a cup of coffee. It makes me despair for the children. I believe that they are our future, after all.

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