1. Kristen Wiig & Suzanne Somers

2. Christopher Walken & Lady Gaga

3. William Shatner & Levi Johnston

So now it’s Risk. RISK? I couldn’t even figure out that game. Not to mention, that game could go on forever. Like as in months and months. The press release says that Risk will be an action packed movie and is being made thanks to the (horrible) success of G.I. Joe and Transformers.

In the comments, suggest possible taglines/plots/actors.

HBO better cancel their Ellen Page hipster show for a douchebag show, pronto!

There are these unwritten rules for Halloween costumes. It can’t be lame. It has to be relevant, but not overly ironic. It has to be unique. And it has to be easily recognizable. If you choose to be offensive, you have to be prepared to  defend what you wear. And that’s the rules for humans. But where is the line for dog outfits?

HuffPo found a list of easily recognizable but offensive costumes. Below are a few favorites.

So… don’t dress up your dog. They don’t like it. It is really uncreative and really dumb. If you are going to make your dog participate in Halloween… go nuts and make them a Buffalo and a Steeler.

Heavens! The events of recent days have proven to me most distressful! Lest you be IGNORANT, I shall tell the tale:

A young Gibson girl of the music-hall, as pale and pure as the cliffs of Dover, was interrupted in the course of receiving a notable achievement award — by the most FOUL of grandstanding poets of the Occident, a sophisticated rhetorician infatuated by his own pomposity. The layabout positively manhandled her, alleging that the young songbird had hornswaggled the notable award from his Callipygian associate, a HOTTENTOT famous for her insistence on being provided with fine hand jewelry.

The piffle spouted by this interloper — who is also a notorious advocate of truancy — is too much for me to quote directly, but I shall labor to summarize:

“My apologies, strumpet! I wish you well, and you shall have the opportunity to commence your salutations when I have finished, but I must say: my associate had one of the finest wax cylinders in all the course of human history!” he remarked. “In all the course of human history!”

A noxious silence hang in the air. The piscophiliac rabble-rouser rushed off the stage to drown his sorrow in the DEMON DRINK.  His associate (a vaudevillian rumored to be secretly BETROTHED to the poet’s longtime patron) was seen laughing in disbelief. The songbird was forced to retreat to the comfort of an underground train, where she was heard humming her LONELY tune throughout the night. Some say if you listen closely, you can still hear her singing today, in the rumble of the trains. Truly this awards ceremony had lived up to the embarrassing spectacle of previous years.

By some coincidence, not 24 hours later a notable ACTOR famous for his skill at impersonating spirits (and, it must be said, for his uncouth style of dance) tragically succumbed to the rare disease known as ‘cancer.’ This actor was beloved by all, for in his roles he had embodied a type of gentlemanly philosopher not seen since the days of Lord Napier. Indeed, his admonition that “PAIN IS AN EXPERIENCE TO BE SUFFERED LIGHTLY” has caught on with many a lad looking for words of wisdom to live by.

And yet, for many members of the younger generations, this serious occasion — coming so soon after an incident of public outrage — has been seen as nothing more that an opportunity to jest! To make lightness and mirth! ‘Ho ho,’ they say, ‘would it not be humorous if the Occidental poet had likewise interrupted the actor on the moment of his untimely DEATH, comparing it to another death which he felt was the BEST in human history? It would, it would!’

But it would NOT, I say! It would NOT! Just because two events happened in the same PERIOD OF TIME does not mean it would be humorous to juxtapose them in a FICTITIOUS TABLEAU!

But the tacky chinning of the youth did not stop there. ‘Would it not also be humorous,’ they ask, ‘if the Executive of the 44 United States had been likewise heckled in the manner, for this Executive has been heckled many a time by many a saucy cur — but never in a manner such as this!’

Still, I say, it would not be humorous.

‘And would it be yet more humorous still,’ they cried, ‘if the rabble-rouser had even taken to HUMILIATING backup Quarter-Backs in a popular form of American rugby who were replacing more beloved Quarter-Backs?’

Well, then, I suppose I must submit that, yes, THAT may in fact be humorous.

But to draw this entry to culmination on a lighter note: When will scientists finally get around to sterilizing GYPSIES?

This song is awful but it’s full of facts and will probably appeal the fox news demographic. I swear to get through to these people you need to write with crayons.

It was a nice surprise that this week turned out to be the week of Beatlestravaganza, when everyone took a break from talking about things we disagree on (mostly health care with fantasy football a close second) to talk about one thing we all agree on (The Beatles.)

But luckily, even with the canonical Best Band In The World there are still things to fight about. Best fifth Beatle? (Stu Sutcliffe.) Best Beatles era? (Mid-Beatles.) Best Beatles facial hair? (John Lennon’s Chester A. Arthur sideburns.)

And you can’t get any more argumentative than attempting to rank all 185 recorded Beatles songs from worst to best. That’s the ambitious mission of Playing The Beatles Backwards, a series that cropped up earlier this year but is loads of fun to revisit this week.

The Beatles catalog is such a large and foreboding piece of work that’s it’s almost impossible to imagine someone having an opinion on every part of it. But anonymous Internet hero JBev did, and he was kind enough to share it with all of us.

What’s the worst Beatles song? Apparently that would be “Revolution Number 9.” No quibbles here. What’s the worst Beatles album? Probably The White Album, with four tracks in the bottom 10. Worst single? “Day Tripper,” at #147. What what what? Sometimes you can even use statistics to come to some fun conclusions; did you know that “I’m A Loser” is the median-quality Beatles song?

(SPOILER: “A Day In The Life” is the top song and, noncoincidentally, Sgt. Pepper’s is the top album. JBev, besides liking the Minnesota Vikings, appears to be a Paul fan.)

If I had a graphing calculator still, I’d like to try and figure out the most solid album (highest average list position), the least solid album (lowest average list position) and most and least consistant (standard deviation, friends!) But I don’t, so for me (and I imagine for many people my age,) the project’s main benefit will remain archaelogical. I consider myself a pretty ‘with-it’ person, but I’d estimate that I’d never heard roughly one-quarter of the songs on the list. Already it’s turned me on to two tunes that are in solid contention for Favorite Beatles Song status (“It’s All Too Much” and “Baby You’re A Rich Man.” The others are “Lovely Rita,” “Paperback Writer,” “Everybody’s Got Something To Hide Except For Me And My Monkey” and “Good Morning, Good Morning.”)

Fellow BoDB bloggers and our imaginary ghost readers, take a look. (It helps if you’re unemployed and have a lot of time, as I was when I first stumbled upon it.) What’s ranked too high? What’s ranked too low? What’s ranked just right?

Really classy.

You’re zipping up (after shaking off), trying to avoid the yellowish flow, when you notice one of your female friends has just stepped between two parked cars, not too far from your own makeshift john. Walking back to your pack of friends, you find yourself admiring the pluck needed to squat between bumpers in high heels, only to have that admiration stripped away when you catch a glimpse of your friend relieving herself. There she is, standing proudly, shooting an arced stream out into the street that rivals any you could produce, without having to pull her jeans down around her ankles.

To shelve any unnecessary flummox such a scene might cause regarding friends of yours that are, unbeknownst to you, transgender or transsexual or the like, let us just imagine the girl you’ve just seen pissing as erectly as you do, is in fact your girlfriend.

She zips up her jeans, then shakes off. She puts something away in her handbag, then turns, and walks up to you, commenting sardonically on your unconcealed voyeurism.

Flabbergasted, you may choose to broach the subject immediately, or you may wait until you are loosed up by another couple round of drinks before asking what the fuck it was that you witnessed back there in Manhattan, on 11th Street.

The answer, a flexible piece of pink medical grade silicone that resembles a funnel one might use to add oil to a car engine, is a female urination device (or an FUD) called GoGirl. Basically, a woman just pulls her underwear down, puts GoGirl where it needs to go, aims, and diddles – all while standing up.

Makes you wonder whether Freud was considering differences in male/female urination practices when he started theorizing Penis Envy and Castration Anxiety. Regardless, the makers of GoGirl are offering women a product with a unique tip, and compact & mess free design that provides freedom from horizontal bathroom constraints. When #1 is calling, anyway. We are all still on an equal playing field when it comes to # 2.

Find out more, including where you can find GoGirl, at the following link:
www.go-girl.com

Image source: Mr Andrew Murray’s Flickr

Internationally respected Siamese twin surgeon Dr. Josef Heiter has a demented vision for mankind’s future existence. He wants to remove human beings’ kneecaps so they have to exist on all fours and then surgically graft them mouth-to-anus to form a centipede chain. When two stranded female Americans arrive at his luxury home-cum-hospital looking for help, his long-gestating plan swiftly moves into chilling action with a shocking force. Kidnapping a third Japanese male tourist, he begins the tissue matches, teeth removal, and buttock moulding to create his triplet creature…(Source: Dread Central)

Now look at that image.

Where do i begin?

1. Centipedes are gross
2. Attached “Mouth-to-anus”… yuck
3. The first sequence? There will be more??
4. A world without KNEES? Would be a world without me (being that my last name is Knee)

What are your thoughts? Is this something you would see? Would you see it if it was in 3-D?

This lady asks Walnuts a “question” about barry. She starts with something about money and then says he is going against the Constitution, then questions if he understands it… Talk about stage fright. MAKE SENSE ETHEL! Mccain follows this by making a face. I would describe it as uncomfortable. Which is exactly how I feel listening to this hayseed.

I always liked Mccain. Seems like a decent guy and if he got the nod instead of “W” in 2000 I’m sure this country wouldn’t be in the shambles it is in. Also I’m pretty sure in 2000 we would have had to deal with Palin either. Oh well, one can dream.

Right??

Now that is raw, hands-on journalism.

Then there’s this picture that I don’t understand… What was the thinking here?

“Well, that batman movie was really popular, and the joker was the bad guy, Obama is our bad guy… I GOT IT!”

The Joker is more of an anarchist, not a socialist. What’s wrong with you god damn Republicans? How about you make a poster with Lenin or STALIN. You know just because you don’t like “evil figure” and you don’t like Obama doesn’t make them the same person.

Republicans are relying on ad hominem arguments (Obama is a Nazi) and inductive reasoning (Every other health care system is bad). These are not proper arguments. Better luck next time!

Barney Frank points out how stupid this woman is and it is glorious.

Coming from a U.S. born citizen without health care, I salute you Barney.

Why:

• it’s complicated
• it’s stepped up another notch
• more action
• heartbroken-ness
• exciting
• pushing to next level
• fucking werewolves

• AND 30lbs more!

At this point, instead of tranforming into a werewolf on command, I’m sure I just transformed into a tween. Expect my reaction video coming soon*.

*never