Self Confidence Blog & Podcast

Is it time to stop, re-focus and re-start?

DianeCorriette — Fri, 18 May 2012 14:13:23 +0000

Olivia wasn’t sure why her girlfriends continued to move forward while she remained stuck and frustrated. It wasn’t that she didn’t have the creative talent that they do but still for some reason life just didn’t seem to go her way. At 47 she felt as if time was running out, that she should have seen more, done more, experienced more than she had already. In high school she had been voted the most likely to succeed and yet here she was, several years later, 4 kids busier and a few extra pounds heavier but still not enjoying the success that high school seemed to promise to the 15 year old girl with big dreams she once was.

A loud voice behind Olivia interrupted her thoughts. She was sat in a half empty bar at two in the afternoon waiting for the next hour to pass until she had to go pick up her youngest. Her hands had been caressing a half filled glass of orange juice for the last 45 minutes and as money was tight she had no intentions of buying another.

“Maybe you just need to take some time to stop and think about what’s next?” the voice said into her phone “You know… maybe it’s time to stop, re-focus and re-start. Give yourself some time to breathe and focus on what you really want to do. Otherwise the next 10 years will pass you by and you will still be where you are now, only even more frustrated”

Olivia felt a sudden feeling of certainty hit her didn’t look up to take a look at the woman who was on her phone. Something deep within her, something in her bones told her what she needed to do now more than ever was to stop, re-focus and start again. The question in Olivia’s mind was could she really stop right now and move forward without having to go back, so she could make a change in her life?

“I guess it’s time to find out!” she said out loud as she jumped out of her seat and headed back towards her car.

What’s Wrong Now?

Even though it was 11pm before Olivia found time to stop and think she was determined not to let another day go by living life but not really feeling alive. She picked up the small notepad she had bought that afternoon and sat down to think. She knew that the best way to unlock what the problem was, was to ask herself a bunch of different questions until she found the answer she was looking for. The first question she wanted answers to was ‘What’s wrong now?’ This was an important question that needed an answer before she could decide upon what she wanted to do next.

“So, what is wrong now?” she asked herself out loud, glass of wine in hand and Nat King Cole playing softly in the background. “I have a great house, four wonderful children, I eat and I own more than most. So what is wrong now?”

Olivia stopped and took a deep breath. Then she took another and then she took a third. She remembered reading that deep breathing was a great way to clear the mind when one needed answers to a question.

Olivia opened the notepad, wrote the heading “What’s wrong now?” and started writing. She had decided she was going to just allow herself time to write whatever came into her head until something that made sense came out. No editing, no thinking about it, just a complete free flowing of words.

If I have to write about what’s wrong now… she began…. I guess I have to think about all the things I really want to do but am not doing, or all the things I really want to experience and am not.

I really am open to discovering what they are…..

She continued to write about her day, about her child hood, about her desires and dreams that she had as a younger woman and what had happened to them.

She wrote until she couldn’t think of anything else to say and then she read over it. From everything on those pages Olivia discovered the following things about her life

She is not traveling as much as she wants to
She doesn’t always have enough money to make ends meet most months
Two credit card companies kept calling her asking for money and she was avoiding them
She is restricted in life by how often she can go out socially
She really wants to sing and isn’t right now
Life just seems to always be a struggle, no sooner has one area been sorted out and something else crops up that has to be sorted

Happy with her two hour discover Olivia closed her notepad and went to bed. As she fell asleep she thought to herself “if there is anything else I need to know about where I am now I am still opening to it being revealed”

The next morning Olivia arranged for her eldest daughter to pick her younger brother up from school. She wanted to spend the whole day thinking about what was wrong with her life as it is now. This wasn’t a process she wanted to rush through.

While in the shower she thought about her list and realized that most of what was wrong right now seemed to stem from her money worries. Not only owing money but being chased for it too and only just having enough to live on.

“That’s the thing I need to sort out first” she said to herself and she decided right then and there to think about ways to get herself out of that situation.

What Olivia comes up with and how she tackles her situation will be revealed soon…

Give Yourself Time To Breathe

After reading that it is pretty clear that Olivia isn’t happy right now, her life she feels isn’t where she hoped it would be and she was open to discovering why. Over hearing a conversation sparked something in her, her inner voice made her realize that this is exactly what she needed to do. The first very important thing she did was ask herself a question. Questions are a great way to help you figure out what’s wrong, what you need to do next or even what move you should make. Writing it all out in free flowing form gives you the space to censor nothing and allow all your thoughts to come out on paper. This is a great thing to do in your journal so that everything is documented and you can refer back to it.

When you first sit down and think about all the things that you want to change about your life it might be a pretty long list. The key to success is taking the time to sit and choose just one or two things that you will tackle immediately.

Keep writing and writing, page after page for as many hours as you can. One hour must be your minimum. When you truly allow yourself to let go and just write at first you will write mundane chatter but the longer you stick with it the more insights you will gain into your life.

There is no limited time or minimum about of time you should sit and do this. You can write for 10 minutes or 2 hours. It is up to you and the time you have available. You also don’t have to do this all in one day. You can write again the next day, and the day after that if you want to. I find it helps most if I give myself up to 2 hours and ask questions in one sitting. You have to find your own stride but the more you use this technique of asking questions and free flowing writing to help you figure out what’s wrong the faster you become at getting answers from it.

Don’t let the safety of the familiar scare you out of attempting something new and unfamiliar

DianeCorriette — Wed, 16 May 2012 20:20:58 +0000

There was once a lonely 48 year old woman called Sue who was looking for something to do with her life. She worked hard at keeping her family together and recently she had been feeling unfulfilled. She wasn’t particularly unhappy but then she couldn’t remember the last time she felt happy either.

Life was passing her by and she spent every waking moment thinking about her family or what she was going to watch on TV. There was nothing else. The thing that drove her the most crazy was that she had no idea of exactly what she wanted to do. Raising children and looking after the family was all she had known for so long she wasn’t even sure what she wanted.

Suddenly an idea came to her to go and visit her older sister.

“The trouble with being a mum for so long” her well meaning sister told her “is that we leave a part of us behind. Our life stops so that our children can grow and move forward with their life and by the time they are ready to leave it has been so long we can’t remember what it is we wanted to do in the first place.”

Sue munched on her chocolate biscuit and shook her head in agreement.

On the walk home she thought about those words and realized just how true they were for her. Years ago she was on her way towards becoming head chef when she fell pregnant and everything changed. The long challenging hours were too much for her by the time she was in her second trimester and she made the decision to leave, much to her husband’s relief.

Becoming a chef wasn’t something Sue wanted now. She had spent years cooking for family, friends and her husband’s potential clients. It was time to figure out something new that she could do.

As she walked along she heard a woman shout “just let me put this lot in my car and I’ll come and get the rest” Sue looked up from her deep thought to find herself about to walk into a woman carrying a huge armful of clothes that was so high that she hadn’t seen Sue either. It was too late to stop walking and Sue walked right into her knocking her over.

“I’m so sorry” she said as he helped her up and started to pick the clothes up “Let me help you….”

“Thanks. My name’s Donna. It was my fault too – couldn’t see where I was going with all of these clothes. I hope I didn’t hurt you”

As Sue picked up the clothes she recognized one of them “Isn’t this by the Italian designer Rodero Valentina?”

Donna stopped in her tracks “Yes, this is vintage 1942. How did you even know the designers name?” she asked shocked.

“I have a love for vintage clothes” Sue confessed “I know all the American and international designers from 1920-1958.”

The two women continue picking the up the clothes putting them into Donnas car.

“Do you work in this field?” Donna asked “Only I have spent six months training an assistant to help me at shows and she quit two weeks ago leaving me stuck. Which is why I am here today doing this all alone. I have another four shows to do in two weeks and the prospect of running them with no help!”

Sue, stopped and looked at Donna. “I actually don’t work in this area but I have always wanted to do that. Its a little difficult to get started unless you know someone”

Donna smiled “Well now you know someone… how about you help me load up the rest of the clothes and we can go get a drink at that bar across the road”

Sue walked into the large conference hall behind Donna to help her collect the rest of her clothes.

An hour later, the two women sat down and ordered their drinks and some food. Donna began to tell Sue all about the role she plays selling vintage designer clothes to bored housewives with rich husbands.

She told her about her trips to different countries to buy the clothes and how much fun she has at events selling them and talking to other enthusiasts of designer clothes from the 1940s.

Sue sat and hardly said two words. She was happy to listen to Donna who began to tell her about the job opening she had available. Sue felt an excitement about doing something new that she hadn’t experienced in years.

“What I need” Donna said “Is someone who will travel abroad with me at least 3 times a year. All expenses paid. I also need them to work events with me up and down the country as well as keep my schedule organized. Most of all, when a potential customer calls I need someone who knows what they are talking about. Someone who can engage and excite this potential customer into wanting to buy some clothes and they receive a nice extra bonus for doing that too” Donna smiled and looked at Sue. “Do you believe in destiny?” she asked and without waiting for an answer she continued “I believe there is a reason we bumped into each other today and although we have only just met I have a really great feeling about you. I know you will be great at doing this job and its yours if you want it.”

Sue left the bar excited. She had only left home to take a walk to visit her sister. Here she was over four hours later and she had a new exciting job that included her two passions. Travel and vintage clothes.

As she put her key in the door she realized it was almost 6 o clock and by this time the family were sitting down to eat.

“Where have you been?” Her two sons and husband asked in unison. “We have been waiting for you and worried. Its not like you to not have dinner ready by now.”

Sue told them about her day and her meeting with Donna. She was excited and passionate about the whole thing.

“Wow!” was her husbands first word quickly followed by “Does that mean we can expect not to be eating at 6 o clock anymore?” he asked. Sue felt her excitement dampen a little but not enough to put her off the idea.

“There is always room for someone else to make dinner” she said as she headed towards the kitchen. Her husband and sons followed. They had a million questions about her new role and they wanted them all answered in the space of an hour.

Five hours later and Sue is getting ready for bed. She is no longer that excited about her role instead she is a little worried. After accepting this role she felt as if she was being a little hasty and after talking to her family there were suddenly all these questions swimming round in her head….

“How will I manage to keep family life going and do this job?”

“What if I am not able to do the job. After all I haven’t worked for years”

“How much time will this take away from me being at home? I know the two boys are usually out all day and most evenings. They really only come home to eat and get their clothes washed so I don’t want to miss out on what little time we already have together”

“Maybe it is a little too late to start thinking about doing a new job now. Especially as I have had no training in managing a person never mind a business”

“How could I possibly be expected to travel. I don’t even own a passport”

The questions flowed, a mixture of questions from her husband, her sons but mainly herself. Having no answers for them made the whole thing even more difficult. Her self-saboteur kicked in and was unbelievably loud. It told her of all the things that might go wrong and all the reasons why this opportunity might now work. By the morning Sue had just about talked herself out of the role. There were so many questions and she didn’t have too many answers. She was worried about doing something new and how much responsibility this role would become.

Despite wanting something new in her life Sue talked herself out of taking the job. She needed to stick with what she was doing right now. She rang a very disappointed Donna and made an excuse about her family responsibilities and the fact that her husband was not happy as her excuse for turning it down.

She felt relieved. Everything was as it always has been and she felt better. Although that job was exciting there was too much unfamiliar and new to make it worth her while starting it.

Two weeks later it was 7.30pm and Sue had decided to take a bath. As she relaxed into the warm water she realized her two boys were out living their life. Her husband was away on business. There was only Sue in the house but she knew at any moment if any of them came home she would be a familiar face as they walked through the door. She was always there when they walked through the door. That was just how it worked in their house.

Suddenly she felt a voice inside of her say “You know you let the safety of the familiar scare you out of attempting something new and unfamiliar don’t you”

Sue burst into tears as the realization hit her.

MORAL OF THE STORY….

When it comes to making new changes in our life and in our behavior the safety felt by the familiar will always trump the fear of the unknown every time IF we allow it.

When it comes to attempting anything new there may be resistance from those who love you the most. We all love to stick to the familiar. Work out how you can attempt something new while keeping the status quo as much as possible. Things will have to change but the smaller the change the easier it is to handle.

When opportunity knocks don’t turn it away. Embrace it and give thanks.

This is my first ever attempt at story telling to teach a lesson instead of teaching like I usually do. My familiar of teaching was about to keep me stuck despite my inner voice telling me to take a look at telling a story through teaching. If there is one great thing I have been doing over the years it is to listen to my inner voice and act upon it. I hope you enjoyed the story. Let me know by leaving a comment below with your questions, insights, and/or comments. Bless you.

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Here’s why you never have to be afraid of getting older

DianeCorriette — Mon, 14 May 2012 22:18:22 +0000

We watched our parents grow up and grow old. As you get older there are certain things that we believe are ‘normal’ parts of aging. Putting on weight as our metabolism slows down, illnesses and other health problems occur and we start taking pills and potions for them. We are not as flexible as we used to be. We might experience things not working as well as they used to and we say things like “I’m getting old!” almost as a joke. The thing is the subconscious mind doesn’t understand our sense of humor and as we speak and think so shall it be.

I have always admired and searched out older women who are doing what they can to remain fit and healthy. In my local paper last week I read about a 50 year old woman from Luton (where I live) who had won a body building competition!

There is also this inspirational woman who is 74 and started getting fit when she was age 56 – Ernestine Shepherd

I am 45 and determined to live a healthy, flexible, long life – although you wouldn’t believe it the way I am currently not exercising right now (naughty me!) – just recently I have been feeling a little ‘off my game’ as if there is something wrong and I just can’t put my finger on it. As always I stopped and asked myself what’s wrong and waited for an answer. It came to me last night. I have been talking about losing weight and being healthy for 2 years now. I start and stop and start again but I am no further forward. When am I going to commit to this goal and make it happen?

The truth is my results are being shown in my body right now. I am not committing myself 100% and so why would I expect 100% change in the way I feel or look? With any goal. Whether you are working towards building self confidence, changing your financial situation or transforming your health and fitness, what you need is the strength and commit to see it through along with the discipline to take part in activities that will help you make it happen.

The truth is I have been trying to win this ‘battle’ with health and fitness mostly alone and I wasn’t sure what to do for the best or how to do it. So I asked for an insight or some help. As always when you ask the Universe (God) for help you will always receive an answer if you remain open to receiving on.

As I logged on to Facebook first thing this morning I saw a photograph that had been shared of a woman who is 60 and looks amazing. Her name is Lillian Muller, she is from Oslo and she shares her map to radiant health, longevity and beauty at her website. http://www.lillianmuller.com/english/

There are very short videos on her site that are worth watching just to get an idea of what she does to remain healthy which includes following a vegan raw food diet, meditation/spirituality, regular exercise. Being healthy really is simple. That is all it takes. The problem is that it isn’t always easy – especially when we are hooked on carbs like pizza and other junk foods.

The great news is sticking to exercise really can change our life. All we need to do is stick with it I guess and watching this convinced me that I should never, ever give up on my dream to be 100% healthy and fit.

We all owe it to our body to feed it nourishing food and to move it often because even when you have given up. Even when you think your body is too far gone to do something about it that video shows it is NEVER too late…. and if you never try you’ll never know…

Two other older women who look fantastic thanks to yoga are Swoosie Kurtz who plays Molly’s mom in Mike & Molly and Holland Taylor who plays Evelyn Harper in Two and A Half Men. They were both born early 1940 and they look amazing. On their respective shows they are both shown taken part in yoga.

Let’s Redefine Aging

For those of us who are in our 30s and 40s we have a unique opportunity to reframe how we see growing old. It doesn’t have to be something to fear and worry about if you stay healthy, eat well, exercise often and meditate to help yourself through stress. We have an opportunity to inspire and guide our daughters towards a different kind of older age. One where taking medicines to stay well does not have to be a part of our life. Right now my mum takes pills to help her counter-act the fact that she takes so many pills! Its crazy and it is my intention to stay drug free and as natural as possible for as long as possible – God willing forever!

Today, after a visit to my Doctor I got the news that my cholesterol is normal, my blood pressure is normal, my liver and kidney function is normal. Only my BMI is high as I am carrying more weight than I need to be right now! Also, my adrenal gland which controls our metabolism is borderline low but not too low. I am at a 5% risk of having heart disease/stroke in the next 10 years (if you are over 20% they are concerned) and simply losing weight and increasing my exercise will help me reduce that 5% to something much less.

How’s your health doing? What is your commitment to your health right now? Today, my podcast was all about “stepping up” – doing what you have to do to build your self-confidence and after recording that message I realized that it was as much for me. Its time for me to step up to the next level of my personal growth and transform my health. I will keep you informed…. if you are interested

Podcast 006 – Stepping up to transforming your self-confidence (or health and fitness in my case!)

We are never too old and its never too late to have fun

DianeCorriette — Sat, 12 May 2012 20:47:38 +0000

Sometimes life can get so hectic, so crazy, so full of things to do that we don’t believe we have the time to stop and just have some fun, let loose, go wild, be silly and giggle with friends. You may believe that fun ends when we become adults but I believe it never ends and that we are never too old and its never too late to have fun.

So what’s fun for you? Hopefully after reading my blog post about how exciting and significant a relationship with yourself is, you stopped to think about how to build that relationship and if during your moments of reflection you came to the conclusion that you need to have more fun now is the time to start!

Focusing on building your self-confidence every day can get so serious and so draining that finding something to do that makes you laugh is really important.

It doesn’t have to require time commitment or even cost anything. Put some music on and dance. Invite friends round for coffee and a chat. Spend some time throwing snowballs at the kids. Every now and again remind yourself to lighten up and have some fun. You will find it opens you up to all kinds of solutions. It is in those moments of not thinking about a problem that the answers you seek come to you.

I LOVE this quote

“Live life fully while you’re here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You’re going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don’t try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.” - Anthony Robbins

Do you think you can do that? Do you think you can live fully, take care of yourself, be crazy and stop trying to be perfect. Or at least stop trying to avoid doing things because you are worried about what people will say.

You have to believe you are worth the effort. That making time for you to do something just for fun is worth committing to because some days you will think that the washing and ironing are far more important but they are not. What IS important is your happiness and your mental health so take time out to giggle and do something silly.

In the audio believe I talk about the important of being able to ‘lighten up’ – to not take yourself, life or your self-confidence journey to seriously.

Knowing how to lighten up and have fun, particularly if you are in a bad mood or feeling unhappy, is a wonderful gift to give to yourself. It will help you during times when you lack self-confidence and it will lift you up and help you to remain happy and light. Most importantly unless you lighten up you will find it difficult to step up. And I will be talking about stepping up very soon.

Building self awareness will help you build self-confidence

DianeCorriette — Fri, 11 May 2012 21:05:51 +0000

If you are going to build self confidence the first thing you need to focus on is becoming more self aware. You need to figure out what you do and why you do it.

Life is full of challenges and right now you may seem a challenge or problem that is in your life as inconvenient or bad or just something to fear and be depressed about. What if you looked at your problems and challenges as a way to make you stronger within yourself. A way to make you more aware of who you are and what you are capable of coping with. These challenges that life throws at us are nothing more than opportunities to develop ourselves mentally and spiritually, maybe even physically.

The only way you can do this is to become aware of how you react in different situations. Take a good look at your strengths and weaknesses.

What makes you do and say certain things and under what kind of condition?

Doing this will help you connect to what you need to do to become stronger and more powerful within yourself.

Becoming self aware is a never ending process. No matter how confident you become in life chances are you will always be capable of being more than you are at any given time so get used to it and enjoy it. There is always more to learn about yourself no matter how old you are.

Best place to start getting to know yourself is to ask yourself questions.

Why did I react in that way?

What made me say that to that person?

Why is it two people can say the same thing and I react badly to one and not the other?

Keep questioning everything you do. As time goes on and as you learn more about yourself you won’t have to do this as much as you will at the beginning but it will be so worth it. Examine your values, what is important to you and why. Look at your beliefs. Not only the ones that empower you but the ones that limit you as well.

Why do you have to do things in a certain way?

What makes you believe there is only one way to do that?

Question everything. Seek answers always. As I said this is ongoing. No matter how self aware you become there is always more to find out.

Also check out websites, podcasts, personal growth books, audios, seminars. Use those types of tools as well because they will help speed up the process.

Why is it so important to do this when it comes to building self-confidence?

Well if you want to transform your life, live your desires, make that move to a new country or just enjoy the life you have you need to have self-belief in yourself. You need to know what you will do and why you do it so that you don’t sabotage your happiness and you work towards your goals.

It will also help you in your attempts to listen to and follow your inner voice. The stronger your self-awareness is the more likely it will be for you to follow your own inner guidance when you hear it and be able to recognize it.

The most challenging, exciting and significant relationship is the one you have with yourself so take the time to discover more about you.

The audio below is from the inspirational guidance podcast on building self-confidence

The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship is the one you have with yourself

DianeCorriette — Thu, 10 May 2012 19:16:46 +0000

I am always on the look out for new ideas to write blog posts on self-confidence specifically and personal growth generally. Last night thanks to the last ever episode of Sex And The City (still love watching the repeats) I got the inspiration to write today’s. Right at the very end Carrie talks about the different kinds of relationships we have with people and ends…

“…the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself”

Its strange that I have watched that ending several times but only actually heard that ending last night. How powerful is that statement. Yet so many women spend so much time trying to be different things to different people hardly giving the most important relationship of all any time.

Are you guilty of that? I know I used to be.

As a girlfriend then wife. A daughter, sister, friend and finally mother I gave of myself without ever getting to know who I was or what I wanted.

What difference does it make you ask? Well, I can only guess at this one because I don’t have a life experience I can share. I would never let my life go down the path of always caring for others and never caring for myself. I nearly did. I was certainly heading that way. Then I looked into the face of my new born daughter nearly 21 years ago now and said something had to change.

All I can guess is that a life of giving to others without ever focusing on yourself ends up being lonely and tinged with disappointment. Full of regrets about the things they wanted to do and never did because they felt so guilty about pursuing their own dreams. People move on, kids grow up, everyone has a life and unless you are doing for others you believe you have no life.

If you believe your self-worth is determined by how much you give to others I want to encourage you to examine that belief. If you really are happy living that way what right do I have to tell you it is wrong? I don’t. But if there is a shred… even a tiny whisper of longing or desire for something you would love to do for yourself then it is time to do something about it.

Are you ready to engage in a significant, exciting and challenging relationships with yourself?

That is the first question to have to ask yourself. Own it and accept it. You give too much. You do too much. You put everyone first and while you love them and are happy to do it you want YOU time.

Let go of the feelings of guilt, doubt, fear or anything else that comes up. Affirm that you are worthy of your time.

Begin to look at boundaries if you need them – especially if you have trouble saying no and spend time looking at what it is you really want to do with your life.

You don’t have to make a major leap and suddenly sell everything you own and backpack around the world! You can do something as small as:

Taking a couple of hours to enjoy some alone time in the park
Take a walk and talk to a neighbor
Spend time in your garden watching the birds and bees
Enjoy a hot bubble bath with no interruptions for 30 minutes
Go to a coffee shop and people watch
Or just sit at home and do absolutely nothing for an hour

Whatever would be heaven for you. Decide what it is and do it. Pick one thing once a month and get into a routine of giving time to yourself.

If your children are growing up and leaving home this is particularly important for you. Yes, you can hang around waiting for the grandchildren and become a part-time parent to them. Or you can embrace this time you have and embark on your own journey.

I love myself. I love knowing myself. Giving time to myself. Doing what I want. Does that sound selfish to you? It doesn’t to me. Because without me, or with an unhappy me, my family are being denied the pleasure of knowing the real me.

Until you value yourself, you will not value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.
- M. Scott Peck

Take a look at the face of the woman in the photo. To me that is the face of a confident woman who has had fine, is totally at ease with herself and who’s eyes sparkle with life and fun. That is the face of the kind of woman I intend to be and I believe I will get there by being excited to build a deep and meaningful relationship with myself.

Like I said. If you are happy being a woman who gives too much no one has the right to judge you or tell you its wrong. If your inner voice has been whispering to you about trying something new, or visiting somewhere new maybe its time to nourish yourself. Give yourself some freedom and the opportunity to do something that will bring you joy.

How much time do you give to yourself? Is it enough? Are you inspired to give more? As always, I welcome your comments, feedback, questions and insights.

The power of inner voice guidance

DianeCorriette — Wed, 09 May 2012 19:46:55 +0000

It is hard for me to write about your inner voice or following your inner guidance without beginning to sound a little ‘out there!’ and while being seen as a tree hugger is not new for me I do like to do my best to keep to the logical side of building self-confidence without going too far into my realist world

However, the power of inner voice guidance is so very real for women looking to develop the strength and self-confidence to make their own decisions and rely on their own judgement that I have to let go of what’s logical for a little while.

I want to deal here with something that is intangible. That you can’t see or touch but that is very real and exists. It has been called a gut feeling or intuition. You might prefer to call your inner voice God. Whatever you choose to call it we all have within us the ability to be guided by unseen forces that help us through life.

If you have ever had something happen in your life and your response was “I really wish I had listened to myself” then you already have experience of your inner voice.

I remember the very first time I used my inner guidance. I ignored it, but then I was always good at not listening to myself – still am sometimes
I parked in a no parking zone and as I got out of my car to go into a building everything stopped and went dark. My attention was drawn to a man a few feet away. It was as if I just zoned in on him. It freaked me out a little. At that time I was only just beginning to use my own inner voice and I had no idea what that was. I rationalized it away by saying it was a head rush from getting out of the car too fast!

I was in that building for under 5 minutes. I went to collect a parcel. By the time I came out my car had been clamped. Actually they were in the process of finishing clamping it. Cost me £85 to unclamp it (this was back in 2006) and I was so pissed off. The parcel I was collecting was worth £10!

As I went to drive away I looked in my rear view mirror and recognized the man standing a few feet away. His job was to alert the clamping company when anyone parked in the no parking area. My inner voice had tried to alert me to something being wrong and I ignored the warning.

I have several stories like that one where I had a feeling I should call someone, or be somewhere, or whether I should take part in an opportunity or not. When my ego is in the way I ignored the soft inner voice that whispered to me and I did my own thing. I was always sorry afterwards.

Recognizing Your Inner Voice

One of the biggest struggles I had was recognizing when my inner voice was speaking to me and when it was just me being in my head. Eventually I recognized that my inner voice words of wisdom almost floated into my chest/heart area or was based in my stomach (I guess that’s where the expression gut instinct comes from). I know now how to recognize it and the more you follow your inner voice the easier it becomes to recognize it.

Sometimes you think you are following it and you are not. That is all part of the process. Rather than resist it just flow with it. There will be times when you spend your time working towards something only to find that it isn’t something you really want. Usually, that is your head/ego talking to you.

Can you be wrong? of course you can. There is always the chance that you tell people about your feeling and nothing happens. That’s all part of the process. You just have to work some more on recognizing the actual inner voice you have!

I love this as an insane example…. just to help you lighten up around the whole thing!

You Need To Trust Without Supporting Evidence

This can be a very difficult part of making your inner guidance system work for you. That voice may say something but how do you know its the voice talking? With no supporting evidence to back up this voice how do you get other people to listen? This is especially difficult if you are making an important decision at work. How do you tell your boss you just ‘feel’ they should not invest in something or hire someone.

Feeling uncomfortable about doing something or meeting someone is a sure sign that your inner voice is trying to tell you something. Rather than dismissing it or shaking it off give yourself some time if you can. Get yourself away, close your eyes and take a step back. Breathe deeply and see what messages you get. At first you may not notice much. You have to be working with yourself and have a strong belief in this system to protect, inspire and guide you. But the more you use it the faster you will get results.

Don’t let the good (and bad) opinions of others change your mind

I did this a lot when I started listening to my inner voice. Back in 2009 I wanted to move out of London and when I mentioned it people reacted badly. They gave me all kinds of reasons not to and despite having a very strong feeling that I should I listened. I really should have known better. I think I didn’t want to move but I was being guided to and resisted. Eventually late in 2011 I did move. To the same place as suggested by my ‘voice’ – only this time I told no one until I was hunting for a place to live and had handed in my notice to my landlord.

People love you. People hate change. Some people just want to stop you from living your life. When you share your ‘feelings’ people might even ridicule you. None of that should put you off acting on it if you truly believe in the message you receive.

Using Your Inner Voice Guidance

When I first started out I would close my eyes, breathe deeply a few times and ask if there is anything I need to know that needs to be revealed to me. I began to get messages about things people had said during the day that I needed to pay attention to. Sometimes the answers came to me first thing in the morning after waking up. Another great thing to ask is if you need a creative answer to a problem. Ask your inner voice to guide you and be open to receiving an answer.

As I mentioned above look out for feelings of being uncomfortable about a person or a situation. See if you can give yourself time to explore why you are uncomfortable and even if you can’t figure it out don’t dismiss it out of hand.

If you find you keep coming back to the same thoughts that will be your inner voice trying to guide you towards something. Take the time to listen to it. Being online I have tried many different ways to make money over the last 6 years and every time I kept being led back towards focusing on personal growth and in particular self-confidence. Eventually, I had to recognize that this is my true calling.

Answer won’t appear as if by magic in the moment. I wanted to make sure I mention this. You won’t sit and use your inner voice for the first time and hear some kind of magical voice from the heavens. It doesn’t work that way. If you are waiting for a voice outside of yourself you are looking in the wrong place. Its within you.

When you ask a question you may have to wait days or weeks for an answer. Just keep affirming that you have the resources within you to answer any question or find the solution to any problem then ask again.

Watch out for signs that you may see, hear, or even smell! Your answers may come from the environment around you or you may hear someone on the phone who says something that gives you an idea or a solution you were looking for.

Sometimes your inner voice might ask you to do something small like ask a question during a meeting. Or seek the advice of a particular person.

There is so much good to be had from being connected to your inner voice and following it’s guidance. I will be writing more about it in future posts but I just wanted to start off by letting you know that the power of inner voice guidance is available to you. It is another tool to help you build your self-confidence in your decision making and also in helping you face the challenges that life throws at us all. Learning how to use this wonderful (and free) gift that you have can help it become your greatest ally in life.

Be the change you want to see in yourself

DianeCorriette — Tue, 08 May 2012 11:26:39 +0000

I like to think of myself as someone who flies the flag for the old personal growth methods. The ones that work but not everyone could figure out how to work them. They have been replaced with new ‘twists’ on old themes. One of those old themes is my valued ‘fake it till you make it’ and the other is writing and using affirmations. Today I want to add a new way of seeing these under appreciated but very valuable confidence building methods.

Ghandi said that you have to be the change that you want to see in the world. That means in order for the world to stop hating each other you yourself much stop hatred of other people. If it can work on a worldwide level how much easier is it to bring it down to a personal level. In order for you to BE more self-confident you must BE self-confident. It is the simplest self-help advice you can ever hope to read… and yet while it may be simple it is not always easy.

Think of the old technique of teaching a child how to swim. What did a parent do? They threw them in the water and told them to swim. A little drastic for my taste but it was an effective method! There was no time to worry about lying to yourself, you simply moved your arms and legs. You faked swimming until you found you were being held up above the water by moving your arms and legs, you continued doing that until swimming became something you could do. I have no doubt there are people in the world with horror stories about being thrown in and told to swim – it didn’t work for everyone – but it did for some.

I want you to look at this another way. In the film The Secret (of which I am not a major fan) the one thing they tell you is if you want to attract a car you have to see yourself sitting in it, you must smell the new leather, you must go out and test drive it so you have a real experience of having ‘owned’ it even if it was only for five minutes.

Well faking it until you make it is just like that. Its about owning something that you want to experience that isn’t fully in you yet, but that you know you want to experience. By allowing it to work through you, you find it begins to feel real.

My experiences of ‘faking it’

When I first started to ‘fake it’ I walked into conferences and meetings rooms and I spoke to people and I participated in groups. After introducing myself (I would put my hand up to be the first one to do it) I was left shaking, actually trembling, and I had to learn to control my body. That is how scared I was about speaking up. Yet, being the first one to speak put me into a state of mind of being confident. Continuing to speak during meetings or at workshops helped to build that feeling within me. Walking up to people and introducing myself helped it grow even stronger.

I faked it all. The ultimate faking experience was when I decided to become a teacher. I decided the best way to get over my fear of speaking to groups and of people looking at me was to be a teacher and stand in front of a class. I had no option then than to get over it. when I first started as a speaker I thought the same way. Doing work as a teacher and speaker taught me how to relax in front of groups. I FAKED being confident. People would come up to me at the end and tell me how confident I look up there and I would smile and thank them because the truth is I WAS TERRIFIED… Whenever I ran workshops I got the group doing an icebreaker as quickly as I could so I could calm my shaking hands and body! By the time they finished the icebreaker I was usually in control of myself.

Of course none of that is present now. Its all gone. I stand up. I speak, I take part. In fact now I take part so often a workshop leader will say “let’s hear from someone else….”

When I discovered the joys of emotional freedom technique (EFT) it was a real bonus for me and the people I worked with because I was able to help them tap away their fear and resistance within minutes. EFT adds to the power of faking it and affirmations.

Writing and using affirmations

This is another valuable tool that will help you be the change that you want to see in yourself. If you are looking to be more self-confident, or you want to spend more time developing and listening to your inner voice learning how to write and use affirmations WILL help you with that.

When you repeat ONE affirmation on a regular basis they do work to help you feel better, almost as if they clear the negativity from your head and allow you to think clearly. They can also bring a sense of peace and release frustration. Of course it depends on the kind of affirmation you write.

Saying “I don’t want to be afraid anymore” is NOT an affirmation. That is a sentence that will keep you stuck and in fear because you are affirming the very thing you do not want to experience.

When written from a place of what you do want to experience “every day in every way the self-belief and courage I have in myself grows stronger and stronger” then you are more likely to experience that.

If you affirm courage and self-belief then FAKE them – live your life as if you already have courage and self-belief. While faking it you use EFT to release any negativity you have that may stop you from experience them. And you write an affirmation that you speak and FEEL the emotions of being courageous on a regular basis saying your affirmation out loud or in your head. You have more than doubled your chances of experiencing courage and self-belief. Negativity can NOT survive that kind of positive pounding!

What most people do though is say an affirmation once or twice. Or they try to fake it and mess up and never bother believing that it doesn’t work for them. Or they fake it one day, forget about it for a month or two. Come back and fake it for a few days. Forget about it for another month or two…. they are inconsistent with their use of affirmations and faking it so they will be inconsistent with their results.

Understand The Small Print

Here is the small print… there is no specific time or date for when they (courage and self-belief in this case) will come into your life. I really wish I could say do this for a week and things will magically change. I will say do this for a week and you should notice a difference in yourself. A feeling of happiness or lightness. As you experience that feeling keep it with you as you say your affirmation and as you continue to fake it and at some moment a switch occurs. A transformation happens when you are no longer faking but you just are…

You suddenly think to yourself “wait a minute, I just managed to ask my boss for a raise and I wasn’t even afraid to do it!” – something that filled you with dread or fear in the past will suddenly become easier almost natural to do and that is when you will know the switch has taken place. When faking it has become being it.

‘Fake it till you make it’ is a timeless classic that works when you work it. Give it time. Fake self-confidence every day for 30 days and see what happens. Before you know it (and you may not even notice the switch) you will naturally be walking and speaking confidence. All you do then is work on ensuring your thoughts remain positive and confident.

Using and writing affirmations is a great skill to have in your efforts to build self-confidence. Whenever anything negative happens you will be able to put together an affirmation to counter-act it and repeat it to help you feel better. I find they raise my energy, my vibration becomes higher and positively charged when I speak affirmations. It may take a little while of you using them on a regular basis to make that happen but it is possible.

Go off and learn new techniques. There isn’t just one way to build self-confidence there are many. There isn’t just one way to learn how to use and listen to your inner voice there are several. Your job is to find a few techniques and use them for a long enough time so that they can work. Impatience is the devil that robs you of experiencing the life you want. None of us can accurately predict when things will change but as long as you learn a technique and use it correctly EVERY DAY there is no reason why you won’t see change sooner rather than later.

Spiritual self confidence – the next level

DianeCorriette — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 21:49:50 +0000

I have had a crazy April. I discovered two woman from the 1920s who’s work has been transforming my life since reading them. Their names are Florence Scovel Shinn and H. Emilie Cady and they both focus on spiritual confidence. Their books were written in the 1920s and I am so inspired I want to become an expert in using their techniques and then teach them myself.

Being able to walk into a room full of people without being filled full of nerves and fear is important but what happens when you master that? The next level of your self-confidence journey is to focus on your spiritual self-confidence. Gaining the strength and ability to go within and trust your gut instinct, your ‘hunches’ or as it is more commonly known, your intuition. The more you use this inner gift, the stronger it becomes and the stronger it becomes the more your life becomes guided not by what people say you should do, or try to force you to do, but by what you instinctively know is the right thing to do based on your own inner knowing.

I have been quite conservative on this blog focusing on the practical aspects of self-confidence but now I am also going to bring the spiritual aspect of it to for all those who are ready for something more. I won’t be sharing my true authentic voice if I didn’t talk about this area of personal growth. The thing that puts people off reading these wonderful books on manifesting your desires (by having a strong sense of confidence in yourself and in universal law) is the continuous reference to God, which is a shame because if you look past that they are two master pieces of transforming your circumstances and your life.

The key to success with using what they teach is to surround yourself in it. Every single day, every single hour if you can be open to speaking your affirmations and visualizing your success. I built my self-confidence that way – by focusing on it every single day until it became my reality. It was almost like walking round with an imaginary shower that constantly showered me with a positive flow of words. These words reminded me that I am confident, I am able, I deserve love… etc on and on it would go in my mind this constant whirling of positive affirmations.

I have added the two books written by these women to my eBook collection of free giveaways. Click the link to download them:

The Game Of Life And How To Play It – by Florence Scovel Shinn

How I Used Truth – H Emilie Cady

Enjoy them both. They both put a strong emphasis on writing and using affirmations and if that is something you want to learn how to do I recommend reading my ebook Using The Power Of Affirmations <== click the link to get a copy

Life’s Too Short to Spend It Worrying About Money

financialselfconfidence — Sat, 07 Apr 2012 14:50:52 +0000

How much time each hour, day, week, month and year do you spend worrying about your financial problems, or stressing as a result of them?

Do you accomplish anything by spending so much time so negatively?

Recently, when I was being interviewed for a magazine article on financial therapy, the writer asked me when it was too late for someone to try to change his or her financial behavior. I was honestly shocked by that question because I know it is never too late to take back control of your money in order to regain control of your life!

Confucius said “The best time to plant a tree was ten years ago; the second best time is today.” The same is true for each person’s journey to sustainable, long-term financial behavioral change. Today is the day to begin.

However, what I most wish is that no one had the need to “start over.” Why can’t we as a society:

Have greater insight into the relationship between emotional stability and financial circumstances?
Make teaching financial literacy a bigger priority in our schools?
Provide greater consumer protection to all Americans?
Be more respectful of those whose personal journeys brought them to financial ruin?
Have more compassion for those with less?
Do more to help parents’ role model and teach healthy financial behavior to their children?

Have we as a society really failed to learn the numerous relevant lessons from the current financial crisis? How much more obvious does the importance to create financial education programs and opportunities early on in life need to be?

While the lack of widespread access on a more macro level is frustrating and disappointing, so is the failure of more individuals, on the micro level, to address their financial problems and to avoid the collateral problems of foreclosure, homelessness, depression, anxiety, divorce, hopelessness, etc.

If you have financial problems are you dealing with them, or are you avoiding them? If you, avoiding them, do you know why you have chosen that path, rather than one which could stop the endless worry and stress which financial problems cause?

What needs to happen in your life for you to choose to become more money-wise? If you need help, or have questions on how to begin your own personal journey to a more emotionally and financially stable future, we are here to help. Reeta

Bio

Reeta Wolfsohn CMSW, owner and founder of Center for Financial Social Work and the Financial Social Work Discipline, empowers individuals with the tools and knowledge they need to take control of their financial life. Offering an online Financial Social Work Certification program, a semimonthly email newsletter, and a regularly updated blog, Reeta Wolfsohn specializes in educating individuals develop long-term, sustainable financial behavior change. Learn more at http://www.financialsocialwork.com/individuals

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