During this trip, I decided to try something different, photos-wise. No touristy snapshots with the family. Rather, I was on the lookout for queer scenarios (or FAILs) to capture in and around Hong Kong.

I am not going to veer to the boring stuff and stick to just Chinglish (improper Mandarin-English translations) and grammatical mistakes. I’m sure we’re all sick of those already.

I want pictures that pack a punch!

First of all, lemme’ grab your attention by the balls (pardon the profanity) and present the pick of the trip!

Best FAIL everrr!
Spotted on a nondescript building opposite Times Square (Causeway Bay, Hong Kong Island) was an adult shop. On its window stood the strangest advertisement everrr.

Cheeky grandma!

Vibrators, you say? You know, when one thinks of sex toys, the first image that comes to mind is a pair of young, frisky teenagers fooling around with what we call curiosity. Either that or adults trying to inject a little pizazz into their perceived boring sex lives.

You are trying to appeal to that crowd.

So why the heck did you put a picture of a SENIOR CITIZEN THERE?!

Trying to conjure a mental image of a senior citizen say, my grandmother playing with vibrators makes me want to … hurl. It is an unutterably gross image, really.

And look at that expression on her face!

Horny granny.

The advertisement also states that demos are available in the shop.

Um. Not by that granny, I hope.

This entry is not by any means, trying to spur you guys into running out and buying the first vibrator you find. I have absolutely no clue what kind of effect the advertisement will have on you guys – our minds react differently. Who knows. If it has any hypnotic qualities, I don’t want to be responsible. Just needed to make sure.

I don’t condone sex toys. Don’t come running to me if anything gets stuck. (Especially if it has already been used by a granny … who erm, usually has the tendency to break things.) You have been warned.

Continue reading for more FAIL pictures.

More FAILs!
Presenting FAIL number two!

What bakery?!

Spotted at East Tsim Sha Tsui, this shop touts itself to be a bakery although it is not by any means one. I’ve scrutinized the entire shop, and deduced that the only damned things it retails are fruits! Exotic fruits, in particular.

I was hoping to spot at least a fruit cake. None. Nadda.

Considering how the shop is located right smack in the heart of Hong Kong surrounded by numerous brand-name hotels, I can’t imagine the number of tourists out hunting fer a quick snack who were duped by this “bakery”.

Who knows. Perhaps the store owner simply felt that ‘bakery’ was an atas word and decided to use it without realizing its true meaning. (Just like how French-wannabe restaurants simply grab any impressive sounding French words from the dictionary and use ‘em in their names.)

One last FAIL to round up this entry.

Here is proof that Singaporeans are not the only selfish commuters around. The locals in Hong Kong do it too!

One woman, two seats.

Before any Hong Kong residents come after me with a sledge-hammer, lemme’ reiterate that Hong Kong people are generally a very gracious bunch.

Unlike Singaporeans, they willingly keep to one side of the escalator (for others to pass them) and wait by the side of the train doors such that they don’t obstruct the paths of alighting passengers.

However, like Singaporeans, they eat in trains (despite obvious signs stating that it is a punishable offense) and occupy more than one seat (if they can help it). Not all of them do, but all it takes is a few bad apples to generate a public perception.

Just like this woman.

The train was full, for the record. All the seats were taken up (apart from the remaining half a seat left behind by said woman’s butt), and passengers were standing around.

In fact, one passenger even approached her, seemingly behaving as if she was going to take the seat. In response, the woman simply stared at her and refused to budge. The passenger eventually gave up and went seat-hunting in the adjoining carriage.

For that act of ungraciousness, my dear auntie – your photo is now on the internet for the whole world to see. Muahahaha.

Perhaps now, you’d learn that the red recyclable grocery bag beside you is not precious enough to warrant an entire seat (or perhaps, half a seat) of its own. It belongs on your lap, or on the floor.

FAIL pictures aside, the trip was average. I was getting a little bored of merely shopping (despite the fact that the number one activity in Hong Kong is supposedly shopping), but couldn’t really go anywhere else because I was sick of those places too.

Managed to explore some new places on the second-last day thanks to Daddy dearest but by the time my mood was all set for further exploring, it was time to leave.

Despite all that, I still miss Hong Kong and I will most definitely return again.

I kept one of their transport cards just to be sure. Hurhur.

Weather wise, it is neither here nor there. Not too warm. Yet I wouldn’t classify it as cool either. I wished it was colder, because I love to huddle under a sweater, something I cannot do in hot, sunny Singapore.

Hong Kong has quite a few vagrants lurking around the streets – mostly in the underground subways and overhead pedestrian bridges. Some would be kneeling on their mats and begging for money. Others will support their weak physical selves on a walking stick and hold a container out towards the oncoming human traffic, expecting money to simply fall out of the sky.

It is unfortunate that with more than one vagrant in the vicinity, one would know better than to donate some money to any one of them. Before you know it, all the vagrants who have spotted your kind act would be trailing you and badgering for moolah. (Plus, some of them can get quite violent.) Not a pleasant situation to be caught in.

As such, it is understandable why most people will barely acknowledge their existence, let alone contribute a little bit of moolah into their outstretched hands or containers.

I met a slightly different one though, slightly less than two hours ago.

She was perched on an overhead pedestrian bridge linking Shangri-La (Kowloon) hotel and the harbour. Her feet were bare, with her slippers beside her. She looked old and haggard, with visible sores on her skin. Strangely though, there wasn’t a container in sight and there was no apparent attempt from her to beg for money.

I walked past her twice – the first being when I was on my way to the harbourside from the hotel and the second, the return trip to the hotel.

The first time I saw her, she had a bundle of coloured straws in front of her, and about four other coloured ‘lumps’ on her right – which were coloured straws twisted to form some intricate pattern. It was a rather unusual sight, so I has initially dismissed her as being ‘probably nuts’.

The parents spotted her on the bridge while we were heading back and suggested contributing about 10 HKD to her. (She was the only vagrant on the bridge at that moment with no others in sight – so it was pretty much safe to do so.)

From a distance, she had spotted us preparing the money and looked somewhat expectant as we approached her. I handed her the 10 buckeroos which she happily accepted and in response, also handed something to me.

It was a flower. Made up of coloured straws.

Granted, it wasn’t the prettiest flower in the world. It looked more like some mutated purple glop on a stick. But it was hand made. By her. I thought the gesture was beautiful and after all, it was the thought that counts.

For a while, I was touched.

Until the parents began to yelp. (After ensuring that we were some distance away from her, of course.)

“BRENDA! Stop TOUCHING the flower! She has been sitting there for ages, scratching her legs and picking her nose! And she has been touching THAT flower she gave you.”

My first instinct was to (almost) drop the flower, although I didn’t.

“GO AND WASH YOUR HANDS WHEN YOU GET BACK TO THE HOTEL!”

Okay, okay.

My thoughts became mixed. One one hand – I had quite a bit of respect for her as she is willing to put her skill (?) to good use by preparing gifts for anyone who decides to give her money. On the other hand – it is most definitely likely that she has accumulated many germs on her body, or even developed an infectious disease due to her plight. (And I have an extremely weak immune system, which explains why the parents freaked out.)

After making completely sure that I was ought of her sight, I dropped the flower into the litter bin – while mentally apologizing to that woman for discarding her hard work.

At least I appreciated what she had done. (Albeit for a brief moment – before the concept of germs was oh-so violently knocked into my head.)

My dear friends in Hong Kong. If you happen to spot the above-mentioned vagrant at the location earlier disclosed, intensely concentrating on crafting coloured straw flowers, please do help her by donating a small amount. (But of course, ensure that there are no other vagrants around you first – for your safety.)

Say hai to Squirt!

First of all, I think she needs a bit of re-introduction. She was previously known as ‘cocoa latte’. (To my friends and I, at least. She herself has no idea of what her name used to be – clueless little bugger.) Then, I realized that the name was too much of a mouthful for a guinea pig.

I spent days pondering on a suitable replacement name for her days before her arrival. Finally, I settled for something simple – Squirt. Mainly because she is a little squirt. Yes, how original.

As of now, Squirt has been with me for three and a half days. She was extremely jumpy during her first day, although she has settled down considerably since then. She still jumps and runs away occasionally, but I think we’re bonding already. So, all’s good.

If anyone thought I was kidding when I ever mentioned that based on her temperament, Squirt will be a guinea pig who would spend countless hours watching Youtube videos with me at my desk – no, I am not kidding.

Here’s proof.

Squirt keeping me company at my desk.

Squirt spent almost the entire afternoon with me on Saturday. She – perched on her litter tray (with her food bowl in front of her) on my desk – watching me as I minded my business. I played a couple of Singapore Idol videos on my computer and she settled down on her litter tray and watched. I stroked her every now and then and she purred in response.

My heart literally melted.

Squirt remained mostly silent on Thursday and Friday (her first two days at my place) and for a while, I was so worried that she may have been too stressed about her change in environment. However, I let her out fer play time on Saturday and that was when she began wheeking continuously.

(Note: Entry continued with plenty of Squirt’s cuteness in the form of videos!)

Squirt wheeking for attention.

She allows me to give her cuddles as well, while she snuggles in the warmth of my shirt. She always lets out a chorus of wheeks mid-cuddle. I think she’s enjoying herself. Heh.

She still gets nervous around people, though. Although she already is mostly comfortable with me. (When startled, there are times where she runs for shelter. There are other times where she runs to me and hides either beside or behind me.)

Started Squirt.

I am having a fair amount of difficulty toilet-training her, though I am fully aware that these things take time. She’s had quite a few accidents so far – having peed all over the floor (and even on my desk), and letting some poop go as and when she wishes (even on my lap).

Even her cage is a mess, with most of her poop all over the cage and virtually none in her litter tray. I had to manually scoop all her faeces and replace them in the litter tray so that she gets the idea. Doesn’t seem to be working, though – because she has quite apparently adopted the litter tray as her ‘bed’ and defaecates everywhere except on her litter tray.

A coupla’ of days back, Squirt was seated on her litter tray (on my desk) when she suddenly inched her arse backwards till it was dangling from the tray. She then released a whole puddle of pee on my desk.

Strange girl.

I’ve gotten her some bright yellow towels for her to use as a bed, though. Hopefully, she will then learn to use the litter tray for what it is – and not as a sleeping zone.

Meanwhile, I know this entry is flooding with cuteness already, so I’d stop here.

Cute is good, but an overdose of it is no good, no?