Bookfail: World of Weird Books

My First Joint

Guy Montag — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 04:11:58 +0000

My First Joint

In a highly anticipated move, the president of the United States Barack Obama announced an immediate cessation of the so called “War on Drugs” and the de-criminalization of a long list of controlled substances. Speaking in a White House press conference held at 1 pm, the commander in chief outlined his policy for de-criminalization. The first step of the process will include the beginning of an eventual dissolution of the federal Drug Enforcement Administration, and the introduction of a comprehensive bill to fully legalize the cultivation and sale of Marijuana products. The president also spoke on the need to rehabilitate the hundreds of thousands of individuals incarcerated for drug offenses, and promised to use his executive pardon powers to expedite their release.

“I believe that the individual pursuit of happiness is a fundamental principle that this country is built upon,” the President announced during his address, “and that every US citizen has the inherent right to choose the course of their endeavors, even if those actions carry a risk of self-harm. This is part of the foundation of our social contract, and the bedrock of our core values of freedom, responsibility, and self-determination.”

President Obama went on to speak about the expected economic benefits from the legalized cultivation of marijuana and hemp crops, as well as the positive fallout in terms of stability and peace in neighboring Central American countries.

“My humble hope is that today’s bold initiative will serve as an example for other nations throughout the world to follow.”

Neill Franklin, executive director of pro-legalization group Law Enforcement Against Prohibition, lauded the development as a “watershed moment for our country” and a “true validation” of his organization’s efforts.

The president’s speech was also met with overwhelming bi-partisan support, especially from House Republican leaders, who touted the plan for decreasing the influence of the federal government, boosting prospects of industrial growth, and protecting individual liberty. Even career DEA stalwart and drug czar Michele Leonhart did an about-face, citing “new and exciting opportunities” as well as a 6-week family vacation to Costa Rica and Guatemala.

US-based businesses are also preparing for the eventualities of decriminalized drugs and fully legal marijuana. Stock prices of snack manufacturer of Kraft Foods (NYSE:KFT) saw a spike in after-hours trading, and a new marijuana-smoking instructional book by publisher liberty books is slated to hit store in the upcoming days. Titled “My First Joint”, the tome is a comprehensive guide for both beginning and advanced tokers, and includes special instructions for Marijuana joints made from cigar leafs, as well as a special brownie recipe. An interactive companion iPad app is also expected for release, pending its review from the Apple App Store.

Walter the Farting Dog: Banned from the Beach

Guy Montag — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 11:46:04 +0000

Walter the Farting Dog: Banned from the Beach by William kotzwinkle (Amazon)

I hadn’t realized that teaching young kids not to poot in public warranted a literary sub-genre. In fact, “Walter the Farting Dog” is a series of children’s books — I could count at least 10 — which includes a Spanish language translation. Makes wonder if there is a lot of money to be made in authoring fart humor…

Don’t let more of these fart humor books pass you by (grab them before they dissipate, or something!):

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Street Boners

Guy Montag — Wed, 26 May 2010 02:28:35 +0000

Street Boners by Gavin McInnes (Amazon)

The ostentatiously titled Street Boners is actually a picture book of NYC hipster fashion that’s going on sale in just 2 days. Written my magazine maven and fashion critic Gavin McGinness, this edition is sure to contain multiple fashion fails, as well as wins.

Related reading – The Mullet: The Hairstyle of the Gods, and Knitting With Dog Hair: Better A Sweater From A Dog You Know and Love Than From A Sheep You’ll Never Meet

I Want My Foreskin for Giftmas

Guy Montag — Sun, 02 May 2010 23:13:15 +0000

I Want My Foreskin for Giftmas by Carl J Schutt (Amazon)

Circumcision is as much a medical procedure as the removal of pinky fingers would be if it was practiced in hospitals. We’d soon start seeing studies showing lower incidence of jammed fingers, fractures, and broken fingernails. We’d also have many four fingered men touting the safety benefits of playing basketball “pinky-less” and claiming to be able to play the ukelele “just fine.” And we’d have people defending parents’ rights to cut off their children’s fingers for cultural, religious, and medical reasons. [Source: IWMFFG]

The Worst Baby Name Book Ever

Guy Montag — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 03:28:13 +0000

The Worst Baby Name Book Ever by David Narter (Amazon)

The ~~Best~~ Worst Baby Name Book Ever – I am not sure what audience exactly this is intended for. One thing’s for certain – if your last name is Sporn, it won’t matter what you name your kid. [Source: 101 Weird Books]

More odd books: Raising Smart Kids for Dummies and How To Raise Your I.Q. By Eating Gifted Children

Jewish Pirates of the Caribbean

Guy Montag — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 01:47:20 +0000

Jewish Pirates of the Caribbean: How a Generation of Swashbuckling Jews Carved Out an Empire in the New World in Their Quest for Treasure, Religious Freedom–and Revenge by Edward Kritzler (Amazon)

On behalf of Bookfail, as well as Jewish buccaneers Moses Cohen Enriques, Sinan “the Great Jewish Pirate” and Samuel Palache, I’d like to wish you all a happy Hanukkah! You can read more about this, and other uncanny books about pirates in my 10 Unexpected Books About Pirates post.

Reading A Book For All The Wrong Reasons

Guy Montag — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 08:25:55 +0000

Get a Grip on Physics by John Gribbin (Amazon)

Does the end justify the means? If your answer is yes, then I wish Tiger Woods had a different book with him during the night of his recent accident. Perhaps a copy of The Testicle Cookbook would have been more appropriate, since that’s pretty much what is going to happen to him next.

Instead, the book found and photographed in the wreckage of his SUV was a “tattered copy” of Get a Grip on Physics, an obscure general physics almanac written by a university professor, which has since surged to bestseller status on Amazon, going from a measly 396,224 to a ranking of 2,268 within days. Do people really think it holds the secrets to Tiger’s (golf) game?

Via styoyster.

Sweet Jesus, I Hate Bill O’Reilly

Guy Montag — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 09:14:07 +0000

Sweet Jesus I Hate Bill O’Reilly by Joseph Minton Amann and Tom Breuer (Amazon)

The world can be such a dull and drab place – sometimes I wish there was more exuberance out there, the kind that’s evident in Sweet Jesus I Hate Bill O’Reilly. Perphaps a tv show entitled “Aren’t You Tired of ‘So You Think You Can Dance?”

Via sweetjesusihatebilloreilly.com.

Shitting Pretty

Guy Montag — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 00:55:55 +0000

Shitting Pretty by Dr Jane Wilson-Howarth (Amazon)

It’s time to pick up right where we left off, and this time it’s all about bathroom humor. Shitting Pretty is not only a wonderfully daring play on words, but is also written by a real doctor (unlike David Praegger). It is also, apparently, chock full of advise. This is straight from the review section:

I just wish someone had given me this book before my last trip to India where I caught jardia. I like to think that this book may have helped. I had to bribe a bus driver to stop the bus in open country near Jaipur, but couldn’t perform under the bemused gaze of about 50 Indian travellers. When I got back on the bus my bowels exploded when the bus hit the next pot-hole in the road and I soiled myself. If that was not enough, half an hour later I vomitted on an elderly woman sitting next to me who had until that point been polite enough not to mention the horrendous smell. I’ll remember to pack this book next time I travel in the hope of avoiding a repeat of this ghastly experience.

27 of 28 people found this review helpful, and my hope is that you will too.

The Big Coloring Book of Cocks

Guy Montag — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 22:24:36 +0000

The Big Coloring Book of Cocks by Morgan Hastings (Amazon)

Pornogami taught us the secret of creating giant penises from paper. The Big Coloring Book of Cocks takes a two-dimensional approach. Hey, at least this coloring book is not available for the Kindle.

[Via if it's hip, it's here]