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Lil Light O’ Mine

What’s making you smile today?

I don’t spent time worrying about the weather or dreaming up horrible things that could happen to my family members. But I definitely worry about things that are beyond my control. I guess that’s why I worry at all in the first place. There are so many things that are completely beyond my control and I don’t like to feel out of control. So what else can I do but worry?

This house selling process has really consumed me lately. I spend time wondering when our house will sell and worrying about what we can do to help it sell. It worries me that I have no idea where we’ll be living in a year. Maybe we’ll still be in our house. Maybe it won’t sell by then.

Since our house has been on the market we have seen two other houses that we’ve loved get sold to other buyers. Every time this happens I worry a little more.

When I have a free moment, I start looking at houses. I start looking around at what I can do to make our house more attractive to a buyer. I lose sleep because I’m just worried. It’s incredibly ridiculous.

I know that this is all a test of faith. Not testing whether or not I believe in God. But it’s testing whether or not I believe that God is in control of all of this. Whether or not I believe that He has this covered and He knows exactly where we’ll be and exactly who will buy this house. He’s probably protecting us from something or waiting for the person who is meant to live in this house to move here. I don’t know. But I definitely need to be more trusting.

I need to stop wasting my time worrying and wondering about what will happen. I don’t have a crystal ball. There is no point in me spending any energy on this. I can only do what I can do– and that is to make sure my house is clean when someone wants to see it. I can do that.

And I can pray. Every time I worry, I just need to give it to God.

When I put all of my thoughts in one space like this I can see just how ridiculous it is. It’s so ridiculous that I’m spending time worrying about where we will live when we already have a very comfortable home. We have a roof over our heads. We have relief from the hot days and warmth on the cold days. And why do I continue to worry about things that are beyond my control?

I spent a lot of time last week reading the posts by the Compassion bloggers who were in Tanzania. I even sponsored a boy in Tanzania after I read this post. This boy doesn’t have perfect living conditions by American standards. But he built his home with his hands and he is proud of his home because it provides relief from the outside. He is joyful in what he has. He’s joyful because he is absolutely 100% confident that he has all he needs because of the Lord.

(We’re sponsoring a boy named Hosea. I chose him because he was a boy, and as a boy mom I have a heart for helping to grow boys into Godly men. And I also chose him because his named stood out to me. The story of Hosea in the Bible is one of patience and complete faith. As soon as I saw Hosea’s name, I knew he was the one for our family.)

Talk about completely convicting me in the middle of this process. Our house will sell when the right time comes. And I know God is teaching us something in this process. Right now I’m praying that I will stay faithful and patient and just trusting of His plan.

I’m sure that I will struggle with worry until I am old woman. I know many of you have bigger things to worry about than what I’m describing here with our house. But I know that God has all of our struggles in his hands and he is loving each of us and wants to take these burdens from us.

What consumes you? Are you a worrier?

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

Hudson is crazy about his grandparents, but he was especially excited to Poppie (and his namesake). He read “Panda Bear, Panda Bear” to him when Poppie got there.

We were cracking up because Hudson was calling the bald eagle, “Singlehopper.” Not “dinglehopper,” but “single hopper.” The only reason I can think of for the confusion is that “Scuttle” in The Little Mermaid tells Ariel that a fork is called a “dinglehopper” and the bald eagle kind of looks like “Scuttle.” Maybe?

Some friends of ours live out on a horse farm in Blythewood. They have a big pond with a little fishing dock. So we bought a cane pole and took Hudson out fishing on Friday while Todd was at work. He was really excited! I think he was mostly excited about wearing his boots and hat.

Hudson loves the water and I was really nervous about him being so close because he kept saying he wanted to jump in. Yikes!

It was the most beautiful 70 degree day on Friday. But I’m sure that water was freezing. We should have just gotten him a life jacket just in case, but I really wasn’t prepared to dive in to scoop him out. Thankfully, he obeyed and stayed back with his little fishing pole.

KK did a great job bating the hook for him. KK and Poppie love to fish. I’m completely grossed out by the idea of holding a worm or cricket and sticking it on a hook!

Hayes hung out in his stroller and loved watching. I was worried about letting him crawl around so close to the water.

After we were all done fishing (we didn’t catch anything, by the way), we walked toward the horse pastures and the barn so we could feed the horses. I felt like Laurie in Oklahoma and wanted to just sing “Oh what a beautiful morning” at the top of my lungs!

Those horses came running to the fence when they saw us coming. There were 9 of them and it was just such a pretty sight. I’m pretty much loving the idea of farm life right now.

We carried Hudson over to see the horses and he was trying to get as far away as possible. He wanted to look at them, but he definitely didn’t want to touch them or feed them. They are pretty huge.

On Sunday morning, Todd went in and woke Hudson up. A few minutes later, they were both coming into our bedroom with a little tray and a present. Hudson climbed up in the bed with me and told wished me a happy Mother’s Day. Todd fixed me coffee and brought me a yummy blueberry muffin. So sweet!

This cracked me up! This is the way Todd addressed the card to me from Hudson.

We had a great morning at church. Sundays are just one of the highlights of my week. I love seeing our friends and love that my boys get to see their friends. My praise team sang in church this morning and it was so nice to have my mom and dad, my in-laws and my grandmother-in-law in the congregation. So many generations of mothers to celebrate!

We went to Todd’s parents’ house for lunch and picked up barbecue.  It was a wonderful low key mother’s day. We said goodbye to my parents today. It’s always very sad to see them go.

After they left I got my nap, which was at the top of my Mother’s Day wish list!

*I’ve finally gone through and organized all of the pictures of Hayes and our friends from Hayes’s birthday party, so I will be posting those later this week!

Since becoming a mother,  I believe…

• In family time. No amount of fun is as fun as the time when we’re all together.
• In fairy tales and make believe.
• That it takes a village. I’m so thankful for our friends, family, and church family that love our children as much as we do.
• In getting dirty and making messes for the sake of letting loose and having an old fashioned good time.
• In praise and love. I see how important it is to tell my boys how much they are loved and let them know what they’ve done to make me proud.
• In turning to the Lord when times are hard. And teaching my kids to do the same is important to me.
• In getting down on the floor and playing with my boys. I believe in teaching them things. Their minds are sponges and they pick up on every single thing we say and teach them.

Since becoming a mother, I understand…

• What it means to love unconditionally. There is not a thing my boys can do that will make me love them less.
• How special it was to give our parents grandchildren. Parenting is hard work and so much fun. Grandparenting just looks like lots of fun!
• The need for help. I am no longer too proud to ask for help. I cannot possibly do it all alone and my kids have some wonderful people in their lives who have given us help when we’ve needed it.
• Why people told me that the days are long, but the years are short. It’s true. I can’t believe I have a baby who is almost three years old.
• How important it is to be prepared. Never leave home without diapers and wipes.

Since becoming a mother, I know…

• How to make the sounds of different trucks and emergency vehicles.
• The names of all the different dinosaurs. Including “another ’saurus” — Hudson’s name for his extra unnamed dinosaurs.
• That each day is a new day. One day will be rough, but the next will inevitably be better.
• That no other job or role I’ve had in my life will make me equally insecure as I am proud. I will never have all the answers and my kids will always disappoint me. And I’ll always disappoint myself. But I know that most of the time I am doing the best I can do.
• That we make mistakes. There will be messes. There will be holidays that don’t go the way I planned. I know that it’s up to me to control my expectations.
• Kids are forgiving and resilient. They love as unconditionally as I do and they won’t resent me for not having gourmet meals every day.

What have you learned? How have you changed?

In celebration of Mother’s Day, I came up with a little list of my favorite movie and TV moms.

1. Tami Taylor

As the wife of the wonderful Coach Eric Taylor in Friday Night Lights, Tami keeps Coach Taylor, their daughter Julie, and all the football players in line. She has sass, style, and so much grace. Yet she is always honest and loving. Her love for her husband comes second only to her faith. I want to be Tami Taylor when I grow up.

2. Leigh Anne Tuohy

Speaking of style… This woman is spunky and not a lot different from Tami Taylor. In The Blind Side, she fights for her family and opens her heart and her mind to welcome a boy into their family. She is kind, generous, and loving. And she loves SEC football.

3. Claire Huxtable

Claire Huxtable shows more grace than any TV mom I can think of. She’s smart. She’s a hard-working mother. She’s beautiful. She is absolutely in love with her husband and has a no-nonsense approach to parenting. I love her! I live for reruns of The Cosby Show.

4. Debra Barone

Poor Debra has a lot to put up with. On Everybody Loves Raymond, she has pushy in-laws that live across the street. Her mother-in-law is critical of everything she does. Her hilarious husband plays a lot of golf and can be very forgetful. But he sure does love Debra and she has a great sense of humor. And she is a great mom to her kids- setting a great example. So what if the house isn’t perfectly clean and she doesn’t prepare gourmet meals?

5. Carol Connelly (or Carol the Waitress)

In As Good As It Gets, Carol is a single mother who works as a waitress. She had to put up with such a rotten customer every single day. She’d go home to her sick little boy every day and spend night after night in the emergency room. She would do anything for her son. Carol found love and her son was connected with a wonderful new doctor.

6. Kate McAllister

Sure, she left her son behind on two family trips in Home Alone and Home Alone 2. That’s not so good. But she was willing to do whatever it took to find her son and get to him. And lucky for her, he was very forgiving.

7. M’Lynn Eatenton

One of the beautiful Steel Magnolias, M’Lynn’s world revolves around her daughter Shelby. She loves her and wants to protect her from anything that would harm her. M’Lynn even gives Shelby a kidney. She is strong, she is Southern, and she would die for her children if she had to.

8. Isabel Kelly and 9. Jackie Harrison

As the mom and stepmom-to-be in Stepmom, Isabel and Jackie show that they both adore Jackie’s children, but they love them in different ways. The strength of both of these women causes me to sob during this movie every single time I watch it.

What TV or movie moms would make your list? Would any of you put Regina George’s mom on your list?

“I’m not like a regular mom. I’m a cool mom.”

What do I want for Mother’s Day? I don’t want to cook, do dishes, or do laundry. I want to sit on the floor and play with my boys. I want to take a walk with my family. I want to spend time with my own mother. I’d really love a family nap. You know, the kind where we put the boys down and Todd and I both snooze on the couch while watching a movie on TBS that we’ve seen a thousand times.

So why do I deserve all of this for Mother’s Day?

1. I have the very un-glamorous job of changing no fewer than seven dirty diapers per day. And with an almost three-year old who still wears diapers, I practically have to dress myself in a full hazmat suit to protect myself.

2. “Mommy, I want milk. Mommy, I want milk. Mommy, I want milk.” Not only do I get tired of hearing Hudson repeat the same phrases over and over again (I’m working with him on understanding that when he says it once, I did hear him and I’m getting to it), but I get tired of hearing myself repeat the same things over and over again. “If you say ‘no’ to me again, you’re going to time out.” I have said this same sentence at least twenty times in the last two weeks. Woof. I have become significantly more patient!

3. After two months of having our house on the market, I have mastered the fine, fine art of vacuuming our entire house in five minutes. With a golden retriever and an almost three-year old little boy, I’m going to be honest and say it’s no small task. I am the vacuum master!

4. I love wearing makeup and cute clothes, but don’t do either of those things more often than twice a week. Only because I can sleep later if I forego makeup and just throw on some comfy clothes. Could I say this means I have a giving spirit? I give myself sleep? No?

So a relaxing day with my family is what I want. Because they are the ones who have made my life better. I love them with everything that I have, and I am a lucky mama, because I can feel every ounce of love that they have coming back to me.

I had church activities last night and Todd was at a Carolina baseball game. My mom got the boys to bed for me. When I got home, I checked on Hudson and he was asleep. I settled in on the couch and was in a hazy state while watching Joshua Ledet slay the competition. (Just my two cents.)

All of a sudden, I heard a sob. And then I heard screaming, “I want my mommy!” So I jumped up and rushed to Hudson’s room. I tucked him back in, kissed him, and returned to my spot.

About thirty minutes later, it happened again. So I asked him if he wanted to come snuggle up with me on the couch for a few minutes.

Those moments between 8:00 p.m. and 11:00 p.m. before I go to bed are my only true moments of completely relaxed “me time” during the day. I can respond to emails, watch whatever I want on TV, catch up with my husband, or just fall asleep on the couch. All things I like to do.

But when my three-year-old is calling for his mommy, it all changes.

There is nothing sweeter than the feeling of a still, snuggly toddler boy breathing deeply while his heavy eyelids blink closed against your cheek. There is nothing that breaks my heart more than looking at his soft little hand holding mine while my other arm is supporting his solid little body in the little nook where my arm meets my body.

I held Hudson while we listened to the American Idol contestants finish their performances. We giggled a few times, but mostly just laid there in silence.

I absolutely love that my kids like to sleep. But when I got the opportunity to hold my biggest baby without any distraction last night, I was overwhelmed with excitement. Truly.

I imagine this is how the Father feels about me. I come to Him daily when it’s easy and I have time. But when life gets hectic, I push my time with Him to the back of my list. So I go on about my way, asserting my independence and just taking care of myself.

But when I can’t go on like that anymore, and I finally open my eyes and realize that I need Him, He’s ready for me. With open arms and more comfort than I could ever imagine. When I pray and ask for this comfort, I imagine myself in that same little nook where I had Hudson last night.

At the harvest dinner, guests are served a three course meal plus dessert. The courses are prepared from fresh vegetables harvested that day from the farm. They partner with other local farms for the meat and fish.

We had a great family-style meal and were pleasantly surprised to sit with some of our friends. I also saw a friend that I hadn’t seen in a couple of years. It was such a fun evening!

The table setting was so simple, but so cute. I loved the little sunflowers and mason jars.

We got to tour the farm before the dinner began. We saw chickens and lots of fresh produce. It really is the neatest thing that this is in the middle of town.

There was a cocktail hour before dinner was served.

Each course was paired with wine and beer for us to taste. This was quite possibly the best salad I’ve ever tasted. We also had mahi mahi with jalapeño remoulade and fresh collards. Then our final course was bison skewers and orzo. There were a lot of “tatonka” jokes at our table.

Last night my mom and I went to see The Lucky One when Todd got home from work. We got the boys fed and Todd put them to bed so we could go out. I loved The Lucky One book, so I was excited to see the movie. I enjoyed it. Zac Efron has really grown up. Hee hee.

After the movie, we drove over to Cafe Caturra for some appetizers and prosecco. It was a gorgeous night and we just liked sitting outside and getting to spend some time together.

Hudson and Hayes have been playing together more and more lately. Hudson is really good about giving Hayes certain toys to play with– the ones that he’s allowed to chew on.

We’ve been working on getting Hudson to stop being so defiant. We told him that any time he shouted “no” at me he would go to time out. So every single time he has shouted “no” at me, he goes to time out. And it is so funny. It has definitely worked. And today, I asked him to sit in his chair to eat his supper and he said “no” then went to time out. He came back and I told him to get in his seat for supper. And he just shook his head “no” but never actually said it. We were trying so hard not to laugh at him. Smart stinker!

Hudson has “water day” at school this morning, so he was pretty excited. He won’t be going swimming, but he kept talking about going to “the peach” when we were putting his swimsuit on him this morning. I’m getting excited for summer!

2. I took Hayes to the ENT today for a tubes follow up appointment. His ears look great and he passed his hearing test with flying colors. Yay!

3. I wore my Cora earrings from Bridier Baubles today. I love these so much! They are the perfect pop of color. I have a few other orders from them coming. I can’t get enough! (And I totally took this picture while sitting in the parking lot at the ENT’s office)

4. Have you tried the chocolate chip cookies from Chick-fil-A? Oh my goodness. They’re heaven in a little brown bag. It is incredibly dangerous to have such delicious chocolate chip cookies via a drive through window. Chick-fil-A, I love you, but my hips don’t.

5. We had an amazing dining experience last night and I will blog about it tomorrow. And my mom and I are going to see The Lucky One tonight.

6. My good friend Anna and I have a nice little system going. She tells her daughter that “Miss Erin said to do something” and I totally used her today and got Hudson to hold her hand to walk to the car after preschool. Since he refuses to hold my hand. Hey, whatever keeps him from getting hit by a car.

7. I’m taking full advantage of having my mom in town and trying to take care of any appointments that are difficult with children. My hair appointment is tomorrow. Hello, summer blonde! I’ve missed you!

8. My dogs are out of control. Just hyper and barking like crazy. Maybe they’re allergic to toddlers.

9. I have mentally moved in to a house that we love. Please, St. Joe, help our house get sold.

10. Hudson’s legs look like a game of “connect the dots” without all the connecting. His little legs are so bruised up. But he is constantly running into things and falling down.

11. Mother’s Day is this weekend. I actually get to spend Mother’s Day with my mom for the first time in about six years. I’m really looking forward to it.

12. I got sunburned this weekend at Hayes’s party. I hate getting sunburned, but it’s amazing how quickly my face is so clear after getting a little sun!

13. And because it’s so dang cute to me, you have to see these two pictures of my baby boys.

I feel like there needs to be a packing list that comes inside every diaper bag. When babies are teeny tiny, they need so much stuff. It’s all little-bitty stuff, but it’s still needed. And good grief, if you forget just one little thing, you have a tiny time bomb that could go off and change the course of your whole outing!

Hayes is completely unpredictable on even the smallest outing. He could go through as many as 5 diapers on a two-hour trip. Not even joking.

Hudson and Hayes both need a spare change of clothes. I have started putting a spare set for Hudson in a large plastic bag and leaving it in the car. His most common accident is spilled milk. And it’s not that uncommon for us to use Hayes’s spare clothes. I put his change of clothes in the diaper bag and usually need a new set of clothes packed in there every few days.

I pack a bottle because you just never know when you’ll need it. I also have a small formula dispenser that I keep in the bag, and I’ll just put however many servings of formula I need in the dispenser.

When Hayes was born, we received a really cute wipes container. It is covered in adorable car fabric, and I just refill it every few days or so. It doesn’t take up much space in the bag.

I try to have the diaper bag all ready to go at all times. If we’re just running errands, I’ll throw my wallet into the diaper bag with a couple of my little pouches that hold lipstick, a makeup compact, pens, etc. If we’re going to church and I need to leave the diaper bag with Hayes, I have a different plan: I pack the diaper bag for Hayes and leave it in his nursery room. I always have things for Hudson in my diaper bag, too, but when I’m dropping them off somewhere, I pack Hudson’s small little backpack with a cup and a couple of diapers and wipes to take to his nursery room. And then I pack my purse for me.

Even if we’re going on a very short outing, I just know I can’t leave the house without a diaper or two. We’ve had plenty of scenarios when I’ve either forgotten to refill the wipes container or forgotten the bottle but packed the formula. Time bomb goes off.

So what’s your strategy? Do you leave all of the essentials in the car so you know you have plenty, no matter what? What lessons in diaper bag packing have you learned? Do you pack up the entire nursery or just dash out of the house with one diaper

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