These are the Memoirs of a Geisha

How Do I Look?

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 05:00:00 +0000

This is what I wore last Friday to work. We had a jeans and flip flop day so I took full advantage of pushing the limits.

I threw on a Banana Republic Linen Safari Shirt, white Durkle Jeans, Prada Flip-Flops, Asos cropped duffle coat and my HAC. I wore my gold Hermes buckle with a taupe Hermes strap and I was feeling good.

Those white jeans sure do get a lot of looks. Do you think they are appropriate for men in the workplace?

How Do I Look?

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 06:41:00 +0000

I love this outfit!!! This is what I wore on that Saturday that I had lunch with the ladies. The colors were popping! I ain’t frontin’!!

Lacoste Polo, Hermes Belt Pak, Benetton White Cotton Shorts, Tod’s Gommini Drivers in Mustard and Persol Sunnies.

I Heart Art, But I LOVE Tyrus

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 05:00:00 +0000

I want to thank my bestie, Tyrus Townsend, for doing something so sweet that I was moved to post this very public message. He picked up a pair of shoes I had put on hold in a New York store and fed exed them to me. I didn’t have to beg or anything. He just said ok. I swear I need more friends like him who are genuinely wonderful and don’t expect anything in return. He’s a sweetheart JUST BECAUSE.

When I got the shoes I was surprised that it was in such a large box. I busted the box open and found all these extras he sent me. He sent me goo gobs of fragrance and bath products from Space.NK, Dyptique and Hermes. What you see above isn’t even half of what he sent. I had no more room in my HAC to bring the rest home from work. How wonderful is that!!? How wonderful is he!?? I swear I love him to pieces. *waves at Pussy Chignola*

He’s a brilliant and creative mind, not unlike me. Our imagination and creativity is inappropriately delicious and decadent but always practical. I love heart but he IS art. He hearts art. Check out his art blog at I Heart Art. He also maintains a fashion and perspective site at The Gentleman’s Daily. He’s just begun this endeavor so I am trying to spread the good word. He puts his foot in everything he works on so I only expect that his current fame and client base will only get bigger. Check him out!!

I heart you, Tyrus. Thanks again for EVERYTHING!!!

REWIND: Ignore-A-Knot

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 05:00:00 +0000

Since Rody’s death in early May I have been rather good with not sinking my claws into people’s asses. I’ve been making a concerted effort to be more positive, nicer and friendly. I also made it a point to develop new relationships, be even more non-judgmental and reduce my stress from other individuals. There has been a change for the positive in my life and many people have taken notice of this change. I’m a lot happier and calmer these days, but these bitches be trying.....

Those who know me are very well aware of how hateful and evil my anger can be. I’ve been known to destroy lives, employment, reputations, property and spirits. Some of you may remember the attack and theft of my picture and profile on yahoo 360 by someone who may have been in your friends list. This person was using an unauthorized photograph of me in their blog and also posted some rather messy words towards me, when I made a comment about them. They solicited comments of Yahoo 360 members but he didn’t like mine....even though he solicited it. Since I did not authorize his use of my pictures I requested that he remove it. I could care less about the comments, as I’m not one to be moved by anyone’s opinion about myself. There are plenty of people who dislike me but their feelings and opinion have nothing to do with me personally...so I pay it and move on. They pay no bills of mine nor do they have any adverse affect on anything about my life.....so I remain unbothered generally. Sadly, he refused to remove my picture. Subsequently, his entire blog, collection of photographs, reviews and friends list were deleted for non-compliance with my request. He lost EVERYTHING on his Yahoo 360 page. My rage and ability to reach you is usually underestimated.......so children please remember....YOU DON’T EVER WANT IT!!!

Anyways, an unscrupulous bottom recently was greatly offended by a comment I made in her comments section. This knotty fag usually has pictures of his wide-face having ass sans (that means without) shirt. Now granted, a shirtless picture is nothing too serious, but I do have a little problem when every picture of you is without a shirt. I mean if that is your only gimmick for luring people to your blog, then more power to you. I myself prefer to share witty readings sprinkled with snide remarks and lots of colorful adjectives. My writings tend to be dramatic and funny, but it’s always honest and truthful. But I digress.....he stated in his profile that he removed his shirtless pictures and wanted to see if anyone would still visit his page. I posted in his comments section that I was glad to see him remove his shirtless pictures.....and that the pictures were so adam4adam. Now I don’t feel this comment was catty or negative, but I believe he took offense to it. He responded via email with the following message:

I may post topless pics on my page, but they have a lot more class than that photo of you taking a shit. And one more thing: if you don't like the contents of my page, then why post unsolicited comments and responses to my blogs? In case you're too self-absorbed to know, you have LONG since been dropped from my friends list. It's now easy to see why.

Please, stay away from my page and my blogs. Your opinion is of no improtance or significance to me.

Now, here's the part where you get put on ignore.

That's all...

Firstly, I’d like to address this butter-cream bottom’s comment on “class”. I could careless about his idea on anyone, myself included, and their level of class. I’ve never concerned myself with any ideology regarding class, as most people who use class-based measurements or indicators are idiots. Those people tend to be judgmental and usually have superiority issues, as well as beliefs that they are better than some group of people. I am no better than a homeless man or a billionaire.....cuz we all eat, shit and breathe...and we are all going to die. Everyone is equal in my eyes.

Secondly, my toilet picture......whoever said I was shitting? And does shitting demonstrate or give any indication of class? I mean we all shit, don’t we? Even people with colostomy bags shit, right? More importantly, I wasn’t shitting in the picture. My goal in creating the image was one of originality. I like controversial pictures that move an individual. I like to be different. I could take nudes of myself or pictures of me topless, but how original is that? Right? Everyone on adam4adam.com, manhunt.net, blkgaychat.com, etc. has those...and quite frankly, they bore the hell out of me. They are not original, attractive or interesting to me.....but hey, that’s only my opinion. And my opinion doesn’t matter since I have no class.

Thirdly, I never added the lonely queen to my friends-list. He requested to add me to his friends-list which I accepted. It’s all about sharing, right? But apparently he removed me....ummmm okay. My life is NOW OVER!!! Maybe not....actually it isn’t. I PROMISE YOU!!!

Lastly, the dirty knot states that my opinion is of no importance or significance to him. Apparently it is since out of all the comments he has ever received on his page or in his blogs, he chose to personally respond to my one sentenced comment on his page. Did it make you feel some kind of way, sweetie? And it was a rather lengthy response too.....so I am thinking it did.........

Anyways, I could have really gotten his late ass together and bit off half of his half naked ass.....but I’m trying to be a nice person and not let these queens get to me; including her. I’m going to sip on my chamomile tea and remain calm. I won’t wish that she be abducted and taken to Mozambique where she will be held captive by militant radicals and forced into prostitution & involuntary servitude. I will bang on my Buddhist gong and keep my comments about his blogs to myself and allow him to think he is funny and creative. No...I will not send her a response because I am not using her late reads. I can always hold my own and read in the name of all heavenly bodies, but I will excuse his transgressions. I would rather not have to make her an example with her faggot ass.

But for the record, her blocking me or anyone blocking me for that matter means nothing.....there is no one out of reach of my long arm, hon. Again, remember....you don’t ever want the kind of savage evil earth moving wrath that I can deliver. Get into it !!

THAT is all...........

[Originally posted 9/20/06]

Kiss My Sartorial Ass!!

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 05:00:00 +0000

Anyone who knows me well already will know that I am not a fan or follower of the Sartorialist, Scott Schuman. I used to be a big fan of his but I got really bored with his pictures. Everyone he photographs begins to look the same eventually. He also moderates and censors the comments in his blog if you disagree with his views and perspectives. He's so damn fake. Good art and photography is natural and not created. I want to see more than art students in black, grays and dark blues with scarves and tight pants.

Anywho, I found this online this morning and it had me cracking up. It was all so true. Especially that cobblestone reference. GET IN!!

The $500,000 Bulletproof Bentley

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 05:00:00 +0000

Sure, you could get yourself an off-the-rack Bentley Continental Flying Spur, but what happens when the s--t goes down? Better perhaps to be prepared with an armored version that can stop an AK-47 dead in its tracks. For about $500,000 you can pick one up in Germany via global online luxury marketplace JamesList. Featuring military-grade B6-level protection, the upgrade makes this super-luxe sedan war zone-ready. With no virtually alteration to the outside appearance and adjustments to handle the extra weight without sacrificing the 552-hp engine's performance, the changes are subtle but effective: ballistic steel in the doors, pillars, overlaps and sides of the vehicle, bulletproof glass, run flat tires, an explosion-proof gas tank, kevlar flooring, and more. Other security options include a self-contained oxygen supply system in case of a poison gas attack and exploding hinge bolts that blast open the doors should a speedy exit become imperative.

[SOURCE]

Soft Kitty/ Hyena Class Action Lawsuit Testimonies

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 05:00:00 +0000

OH MY GOD!!! This DUDE had me SCREAMING on my SOFA!! The elderly lady had me suffocating.

He is BRILLIANT!!! And hilarious. Who is he? huh?

A Grim Reaping

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 05:00:00 +0000

Saturday was a busy day for me. I was to see a couple coworkers downtown and have lunch with them. We had scheduled it a couple months ago before I was rehired and the day had finally came for me and the ladies to gag over beers and burgers. One of them lives and works in Milwaukee so she took the Amtrak down to Chicago so this was a rather big deal. We had a great lunch and it was so nice for us all to see each other after several months apart. I have really missed them.

After the lunch I decided to go home and try to knock out a few errands. I have been putting off going to the Laundromat for a few months now to wash my blanketing and comforters. I also had a few bed linens and all of my robes. I typically do this a once or twice a year since it’s a huge hassle. I don’t usually do my own laundry but these items were huge so I needed to go down to the Laundromat myself and wash them in the jumbo machines. My launderers usually do my laundry but blankets and comforters are charged at a rate of $15 and it’s sooo much cheaper for me to do these items myself. I loaded the machines up and left to go back home and then came back to throw them in the dryer before running home again. I time everything so I can be a bit more efficient. It works for me.

After that was done I began putting things away in my linen closet. I then got the urge to clean up my villa. It doesn’t take long but I am glad I decided to. Wool bunnies were all over my hardwood floors from the rug in the living room. I watered the plants on the terrace and rearranged them and it was a great evening.

I was kind of in the mood but it was getting late. I was scheduled to go out that night to the Regal Beagle with the get-along gang. It was close to 9:00 p.m. and I didn’t think I would have enough time to squash-squash but I went ahead and cleaned the poo-na-na up as best as I could. I had oreos the night before so it took some effort. I can’t stand eating the black oreos because they come out black too. It messes up any plans for me getting my cakes baked because I am always nervous about what may or may not be seen on the sheets. It’s the worse feeling. I called of my 6’4 italian and we did the do. I am so glad I did because I was really needing a session after a long week. He’s pretty aggressive and can be a little rough when he gets into it. He was just pounding my cakes and I was feeling quite lovely after we erupted like Mount Pinatubo.

I did my usual routine and jumped up to grab a hot steamy towel and cleaned us both off and put the condom in the towel. After we were done we just laid in the bed with my head on his chest. We indulged in some small talk and basked in the afterglow/afterlife. I love playing with him. He’s almost 250 pounds of man and he has such a nice build. I’d marry him if he asked. I WOULD!!!

Eventually he said he had to run and I let my Italian stallion out. We hugged and kissed and he stomped down the stairs to his truck. I began cleaning up after our playtime and made the bed. I grabbed the rag we used and uncrumpled it to trash the rubber filled with his mozzarella cheese. I picked it out and noticed that it was empty. That was odd. He told me he had busted a huge load….but where was it. I unfolded the clean condom and noticed that the tip was busted WIDE the fuck open. That would explain why it took him a minute to get the condom from me. He was holding it in his hands while rubbing it like he was searching for something. I thought it was because it was dark in the room with only the light of a Dyptique candle shining our murderous event. He knew it had ripped and said nothing.

I began to panic. I wasn’t on my period but I never keep track of my ovulating so I could be wrong. I ran into the bathroom and sat on the birthing device with magic flush feature. I pushed and pushed with each contraction. I could feel the heads coming out. I had to abort my childrens because I was in no position to be able to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. I pushed and pushed until I knew I was ok. In the birthing pool lay all of my date’s jelli-babies. I was so proud. Brenda had a baby!!!

Stop The Madness

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 05:00:00 +0000

My sister and I went to the mall so she could get her eyebrows done and I needed to take back a couple items. I ended up walking out of J. Crew with a bag of shit and out of Banana Republic with a stack of new socks. Great deals but final sale. Someone please make me stop!!

How Do I Look?

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 05:00:00 +0000

This is what I wore the night before when I went out to the club with my people’s. I was feeling boy so I wanted to give a little

New Era Philippine Stars Cap, Karl Lagerfeld Sunglasses, Dope Couture Jetsetters Tee, Surplus Cargo Shorts, Panerai watch, Silver & Gold Bracelet, Nike Dunk Premiums with Croc Embossed Leather on Ankle and Patent Leather Fronts.

And yes, my legs were ASHY as HELL!! I didn’t feel like moisturizing after my shower…so I walked around all day like this at the mall. I bought a few things of course….ashy legs and all.

At It Again

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 05:00:00 +0000

I’ve been at it again with this shopping bullshit. Banana Republic was having a sale and I was bored at work….and this is what happens. The worse part is that this is only 2 of the 5 orders I made in a week JUST on BananaRepublic.com.

How Do I Look?

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 05:00:00 +0000

I am loving this outfit so much. I was going to a birthday bbq at my aunt’s and there was a slight chill in the air. Rain was expected but I was hoping it wouldn't. I wanted something that would be comfortable, not too light and a bit reserved. How did I do?

J. Crew Long Sleeve Repp Pique Polo, J. Crew Seersucker Shorts, Hermes Tan Belt with Gold Buckle, ASOS Gladiator Sandals, Armani Watch, Silver and Gold Bracelet and Persol Sunglasses

This is the first time I have worn sandals this year so I have a bit of a farmer’s tan on my feet. Please excuse my paleness. When I got to my aunt’s the birthday girl said “WOW!! Did you JUST get off a plane?” Everyone burst into laughter. I was carrying my Hermes HAC with a couple bottles of wine and a bunch of lemons in it. I just smiled and gave her a wink. It was too cute.

Birthday Tidings

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 05:00:00 +0000

My birthday came and went without any huge productions which is really normal for me. My dad forgot about it, as did the rest of my family. No big deal to me. I had to work the next day so what I could do to celebrate it was very limited. *shrugs*

And yes, you read correctly…I am now working again. I took on a contract with my last employer to cover a position that was vacant. It will last for approximately two months which is fine by me. I don’t think I am totally ready to return to work full-time or maybe I am just lazy. I kind of like not having a schedule or any real responsibilities outside of eating, shopping and socializing. I guess it will only be a few more weeks longer before I go back to that sort of lifestyle. I’m enjoying being back with my former coworkers and everything is working out well. I have gotten so used to waking up in the afternoon and going to bed when the sun rises. I was even asked to cover for the winter for a few months in our Atlanta office. It’s still early, but they are serious about getting me down there. The only problem with that is that I would have to take care of my housing and expenses. I need to really think about this. I was thinking that I could get into a temporary roommate or housing situation. We’ll see…

My little dates are all feeinin’ for some attention and trying to work around their schedule to possibly fit me in after work. The problem with that is that I sometimes do not get home until 600 p.m. With a few of my pieces being married, we have to be very discrete and not set any red flags off for the wives with a break in usual behavior. I have one guy who has become so accustomed to coming over at least 2-3 times a week for some of my good stuff and he is really trying to get over these days. He typically leaves his office at 500 p.m. and with kids, a wife and two dogs he can’t really come over later. I’m missing our little adultery sessions. You know I always relish the chance to help a man cheat on his husband or wife…actually I don’t but it is what it is. Probably half of the men that I get together with are involved with someone. I don’t judge or lecture. We’re all grown but what are your feelings on this? Does this make me a bad man?

I need to start watching my spending now. I’ve spent well over $10,000 on shit I don’t need in the past few months. With all this free time I have no problem finding the time to shop, especially online. When I am bored I check the websites and run out to grab a snack usually downtown near the shops. This is not a good thing because everyone is having sales these days. I bought four new pairs of shoes last night and maybe seven more polos. I bought a couple pair of gladiator sandals a few weeks ago and I love them, but I hadn’t worn them since they arrived. I have a box of items from Banana Republic sitting in my closet that I need to take back. I ordered them online and most of it is disgusting and ill-fitting. I decided to keep a pair of shoes, slacks and chinos. The pants will need to be hemmed for me but now that I am working I have no time to go to my tailor. He only works on weekdays and promptly shuts shop at 600 p.m. He might be in Mexico right now….he vacations there often, usually for the entire summer. Ugh!!

As for my health, it’s not as good as it should be and my doctor has changed my medication regimen. This was not going to be any new news to me as I was expecting this. I just wasn’t sure how low my t-cells were. I hate to say that I don’t care really, but I don’t. I’m not depressed or suicidal, but I am too tired to be obsessed with it. The state has approved me for the medical expense program that is run through the Department of Health so my medicine is totally covered. I have an infection that most people never realize they have because it’s such a common threat that the body fights it off within days if not hours. It’s most common with babies, the elderly and people with compromised immune systems. I’ve had it for the past couple months. It’s gotten better but it was worse. It’s nothing painful or anything like that but it is an annoyance. I’ve had it before a couple times so when I got it again I knew it was time to pay the doctor a visit because something was majorly wrong and it’s a sign that my t-cells are almost gone and my viral load has probably skyrocketed. I’ll be fine I am sure. I can’t be too worried about it. *shrugs*

Craigslist Hot Mess

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 07:11:00 +0000

Too Much Love - You: Front teeth knocked out, me 1/2 asian dude at bar - m4m - 22 (First Ave)

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Reply to: pers-umtkd-1243414973@craigslist.org

[Errors when replying to ads?]

Date: 2009-06-28, 3:39AM CDT

I was drinking a shot and a beer. I was wearing plaid shorts and a dark v-neck. Your friend came up to me at the bar and said you were shy and just got your teeth knocked out. I said my name was Tom. You were with a girl with dark shoulder length hair I really wasn't expecting getting hit on, but i remember you as 6' tall buzz cut and I think a little facial hair, Caucasian. There really can't be too many gay guys in MN running around with their front teeth knocked out with that description! Please e-mail me back. I wish I had "game" that night. Gosh I'm dumb!!!

Louis Vutton Watch Has 'Mysterieuse' Floating Hands

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 05:00:00 +0000

When does a watch cost as much as a house? When it's the gravity defying $250,000 Louis Vuitton Tambour Mysterieuse Calibre LV115 apparently.

The focus of the design lies in its transparent face with a mechanism that appears to float in the center. However, the secret to this magical feature is actually quite simple—the hour and minute hands are supported by two transparent sapphire disks. The watch is also capable of running for up to eight days on a single winding.

Yeah, $250,000 is a lot to spend on a watch, but there are some perks to the purchase—each watch can be customized in whatever way the customer sees fit and it comes with a mini steamer trunk to keep it safe. Meh, I would still rather have the house.

[Luxury Insider via Tuvie via DVICE]

Crazy Is As Crazy Does

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 05:00:00 +0000

So I know I haven’t blogged about my love/sex life but there was not much to report. Of course I have been fucking like a rabbit, as that is usually always the case…so that won’t change. On the dating front, it’s been a bit dry. It’s not because there is a lack of potentials, because there are several that would love to have me. The problem seems to be with me. I have no interest in dating or having a boyfriend. This has been my general feeling for the past year actually. Ever since that guy I dated last year, my needs in that department have been fulfilled with my sexual relations.

I did attempt to see about a guy recently that I have known for a couple years. I met him online on one of these popular sites and we really kicked it off well. He was living with his parent’s while his dad was dealing with some health issues in another state. He transplanted there from Chicago. I thought he was so cute and he was really silly and playful; two qualities I love since I’m a bit crazy and a huge kid. We talked for hours and webcammed almost daily. I was loving the attention from the cutie but I was not disillusioning myself about what should or could happen. The fact was that he was there and I was here in Chicago. I keep it real and I am usually blunt about my feelings on this sort of thing. People hit me up online trying to get to know me from other sites and states and I don’t use. I am not looking to invest any substantial effort into something that may or may not happen. People are always saying they are planning to move to Chicago or would move to a city their potential partner is living in. I’m always like “look me up when you have moved and settled” because plans always fall through and they end up staying where they are already. I don’t really need the drama.

Anyways, the dude and I were getting a little attached, mostly on his end. Like I said, I keeps it real and am honest with myself about everything. I certainly enjoyed all eh attention but the facts stood. I had planned a trip to Milwaukee a few weeks after we started getting to know each other. I originally planned to go to St. Louis which was half way between where we were, but that fell through. Milwaukee was closer and I needed to see some folks there anyways. I also love how Milwaukee men are VERY good to me. It’s a virtual smorgasbord of men that are into me. All colors, shapes and sizes and I get to take my pick of them all. Also with the Art Museum up there I get a little culture as a bonus.

As usual, I posted a trip announcement with my details and pics on Craigslist so I can get a little dickey-dickey…well actually a lot of dickey-dickey. I always get tons of responses from the Milwaukee folks. I planned my days and night and all was well. End of story for a great trip, right? WRONG!!

I get a call from Mr. Out-Of-State right before my trip and he’s huffing and puffing about something. I’m trying to calm him down and get to the bottom of this shit but he just keeps on going. He then tells me that he saw my ad on Craigslist and that he was pissed off about it. I tell him that we aren’t dating or involved in any way so there is nothing wrong with what I did. I told him that he is free to date and fuck whoever he wanted and so was I. I’m single…..ain’t no ring on it. Just around my dick. He was going nuts over it and started calling me out of my name saying I was a big ass whore and things. I was like “so what? I’m single and can be”. Don’t be pushing your judgments on me and getting mad because I am doing what single men do. Oh my god he went nuts. I had to get off the phone with him. I told him that he should take care of himself and be well. He kept screaming out whore, but I was unbothered. I hung up.

I just went on and continued my day because this didn’t change anything for me. I never really made any room in my life for him so there wasn’t anything to mourn or be upset about. When I got back to the computer there were a million messages from him on there calling me a whore. I was like what is this crazy Jewish dudes problem. He don’t want a whore so why is he bothering me still. I mean why was he even surfing Craigslist for the Milwaukee area. That’s a little spooky…and crazy. This dude was searching for me in another city to see what he could find. How insane was that? Geez!!

I took my trip and had a great time having sex with dozens of guys. It was a vacation, shit! I was there to enjoy myself in every way I could for the weekend. Life went on and I went back home to Chicago well rested and sore in the bootyhole. A couple weeks later Jew-Dude hits me up on yahoo instant messenger and on my phone. I of course did not respond because I don’t get into crazy people. He kept trying and trying. I knew he would call once he calmed down and try to get back in the picture. I responded to one of his instant messages and he went on to apologize over and over about his behavior. I told him I accept it but I am no longer interested in talking or even seeing what could happen. Crazy is crazy…and I am all stocked up. We don’t need no more. He kept trying but eventually gave up a couple months later. I was totally turned off and he said some mean hateful things to me. I mean, think before you speak and your mouth writes a check your ass can’t cash. I paid it and moved on…unbothered still.

Well recently I have been seeing him popup on Chicago sites. He hit me up a few times but I kept throwing dust and telling him that he shouldn’t be interested in whores because he can’t stand them. He apologized over and over again and offered to take me to dinner and things. I wasn’t really feeling it so I paid it and just said no thanks. I would sign my messages with “Regards, Whore” and he said it made him feel bad. I let him know that it should make him feel bad because he said a lot of nasty shit for no reason. I mean who does that.

I eventually caved in and said we could hang out but I sure kept reminding him about what he said and how he acted. After spending one evening with and in me he got hooked all over again. I of course was not. He began calling all the time and looking for me online to chat. He kept asking for a second date but it was a busy week ahead of me with my birthday, trips, gay pride and family obligations. He just kept begging and begging. It was getting on my nerves because I couldn’t change my plans for the week since other folks were involved. It is what it is. I could tell he was really getting annoyed with that but my hands were tied.

We decided to get together for dinner the night before my birthday. The plans were last minute and we had not discussed it at all, but we did say dinner was the plan. That’s a confirmation for me. I sent him a text that morning but never heard back from him. I sent another and still no response. I was at work so I couldn’t log on to yahoo until my lunch. I sent him a few messages through yahoo IM but got no response. I was like ok, it’s whatever. I’m not chasing anyone down.

He sent me a message on yahoo around 800p asking what the plan was for the night. I was already pissed by this time and I was starving. I told him we were supposed to have dinner and I wanted some pork chops from the Cuban spot up north. He said he was going to get on the train in a minute and be at my place. I told him to forget about it. It was already getting late and I was not about to wait longer for some sustenance. I was starving and bitchy. I told him to just forget it and I would grab something out because I needed to eat immediately. He had no idea it was my birthday but I made sure to throw that in there. I told him that my birthday was now ruined and I thanked him. I was half-playing and half-for real. I could tell he felt bad, but at this point I really didn’t care.

I haven’t heard from him since. *shrugs*

How Do I Look?

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 22:49:00 +0000

I’m knocking it out of the park with this get-up. I was so comfortable and feeling hot!! I have on my J. Crew Sleeved polo in tailored fit, J. Crew Seersucker slacks, Hermes Cognac belt, and my new Blue Suede Tod’s. OOOWWWW!!!! Serve it, serve it, serve it, OOOWWWW!!!

Craigslist Hot Mess

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 07:08:00 +0000

The mess on my carpet . . . - m4m - 42 (Raleigh)

Reply to: pers-nvynm-1253963312@craigslist.org

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Date: 2009-07-05, 1:15AM EDT

This is what I get for bringing you, a 20-year-old college kid with "Daddy" issues, back to my place after you cruised me at a bar yesterday night: We started making out on the couch and you asked to go down on me. I had a rag handy for clean up, but when the crucial moment arrived and I gave you a courtesy tap on the head, you kept going and took it like a man. I thanked you for the service, walked you out to your car, and returned to find my entire load spit out onto the rug in front of the couch. Really, dude? Look, I could care less if you spit or swallow. But do not, I repeat, DO NOT spit a four-day wad of ball batter all over a $600.00 rug from Pottery Barn, especially when the GF just bought it last week. I had to tell her that the dog puked up on it, but I don't think she's buying it. I know I probably deserve this Karma, but it's not cool, man. Not cool at all.

Shopping Conquest

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 22:34:00 +0000

I have been so behind on the blogging but let me share what I recently received. I got these two pieces from ASOS in the UK. I love that store!!

I picked up this cropped duffel coat and a yellow polo. I can’t wait to wear the duffel. It’s too adorable.

2009 Milwaukee Pride Fest: The Sequel

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 06:19:00 +0000

I got up on Saturday at a decent hour and was prepared to do some shopping. I had a couple pairs of shoes in my trunk that needed to be taken back to Urban Outfitters. The store in Milwaukee is still rather unknown and usually has a great selection. I showered and did my thing before giving Fred a call to see what the tea was with the group as a whole. He had already left Milwaukee and made his way to Kenosha for a visit to his barber. I tell you, these black people and their haircuts.

He was on his way back and volunteered to go with me to the store because he felt the rest of the group would not be into shopping. I wasn’t planning on buying anything, but you know me. He expected to be back in Milwaukee in less than an hour so that left me a few minutes to find a liquor store in the hood for my drank. I hopped into my car and made my way to my familiar hood off of Locust Street. I found my favorite spot near my cousin’s old house. The place is called “The Corner Strore” and is owned by a Middle Eastern family.

I decided on getting the group of nice sized bottle of Ciroc and maybe a little something else. When I got to the counter to make my choice the owner looked at me dressed in my skinny jeans, white Spring courts, WIFEY t-shirt and my fitted. I had on my nerd specs and looked back at the owner. He said “Do you have ID, kid”. I said yes and handed him my license. He looked at it and then back at me and said “Oh my God, you’re old! I thought you were so much younger”. My face almost fell off from smiling so hard. I would have given him some for saying such a nice thing. Hell, I would have given some to him if he hadn’t…I’m just saying. I hopped back in the car and drove through the hood and made my way back to the hotel. Fred called me and he was back at the hotel. I let him know I would be back shortly and I would just come straight to the room.

When I got back to their room everyone was still getting ready with last minute finishing touches. Fred was just getting out of the shower and I propped myself up in his bed. We gagged and chit-chatted until it was time to go and get something to eat. The girls like to eat and I am with them with that. We decided on stopping at the Culver’s near the hotel before making out way to the PrideFest Fairgrounds and partaking in the gay madness. We munched down on our foods and sipped on shakes. Tim sent Fred and I a text letting us know he was at the hotel and asking where we were. We told him our location and he asked how long we would be there. I guess they were hungry too. We were almost done with our food so we wouldn’t be long at all so I told them to just meet us up at the fairgrounds. Brandy was performing that night and it would be a blast for everyone and I didn’t want everyone waiting around any longer than we already had. The mun-chee-chees were ready to start their gay day.

Christian, Fred, Ro’bert and I made it up to the fest as quick as a 5 day nut and we made our way onto the grounds. The gays were in full-force and already pumping through and through. They were under the tents, in the shade, in the booths and above us on the rides. It was gay overload. The air was a little chilly and I definitely wished I had brought a little something heavier to keep the chill from murdering me. As long as we walked around I would be fine. We smoozed with familiar faces and ate familiar fair foods like fresh donuts and things. We were having a cute time.

As it got closer to performance time we decided to go ahead and grab out seats. We watched Cyndi Lauper perform the previous night and we sat pretty far back. My little camera struggled to keep up with Cyndi in the dark light way in the back. She put on a great show too and I wish I could have gotten better pics. We all chilled in our seats as we waited for the next few hours. Brandy was scheduled to perform I believe at 10:00 p.m. It was getting really crowded and cold though as time went on. I was getting sick and I could feel it. My temperature was going up and I felt achy. This waiting bullshit was not going to work for me. I didn’t really say anything because I did not want to spoil anyone’s day since there was so many of us and I could rest up when I got back to Chicago. I would work it out and stay strong. I had to.

10:00 p.m. had approached and there was no Brandy. I was getting irritated as they put these other folks on stage to try to keep the audience pacified. It was not working and everyone was getting impatient. It was also getting very crowded with the brown people in full effect. It looked like a reenactment of the LA Riots. I was getting nervous because I know what Fred’s people give. I kept checking my goyard wallet and looking for my iPhone.

Marcellous and I were having a a cute time reading folks and throwing fun-time-shade but I was not using Ms. Brandy and her lateness. After an hour of this, part of the group was getting frustrated. We all needed to go back to the hotel and prepare for the club still and it was getting later and later. Brandy eventually brought her ugly ass on stage but I was cold and irritated and ready to go get my drank on. The black people were getting really pushy and agitated and I was not dressed or prepared for that show. You should have seen some of the hair-dos and get-ups that they wedged their ship-sized asses into. The queens got to acting out and threw an impromptu fashion show right down the middle of the aisle. Like Isaac Mizrahi, I was not buying it. I was over all this madness and Brandy. Half of the group decided that we had enough of this foolishness and were ready to go back to the hotel to get ready. I decided I would split as well and do the same. We passed on the good word to the birds and hit it to the hotel. It was time to get this real party started.

I went up to my room and put on the beats and prepared to beat my face with the shower water. I took a long hot one too. It felt so good. I changed outfits a couple times and decided on the couture. I snatched out my nose hairs and pasted on my face and then realized I had no cocktail to help me get ready. I forgot that I had left the bottle in the other room with the ladies. DRATS!!! No worries, since they would be coming back soon. I just chilled until I heard from them . It ain’t no thang but a chicken wing.

They came eventually and I went straight up to the room to get my drank on. I poured us all a little liq-liq and added some juice to flavor it and we were ready for the beat of the rhythm of the night so we could leave it all behind and forget about the worries of our lives. We could leave it all behind. The drinks I made were good and strong and it burned off all of our eyebrows. We didn’t care…cuz we could just buy more at the beauty supply. They be on sale. I think they weren’t used to drinking like I do because they kept saying it was strong. I gave enough Ciroc to everyone in the room and added a whole splash of juice. I don’t know why they thought it was too strong. *shrugs*

We all hopped into the batmobile and headed on down to the club. We were prepared for a line at the club and I think to help alleviate that nuisance the other passengers took out a brick of marijuana and tried to smoke me out of the car. I never actually saw or handled the brick of cocaine but I just knew they had it. They kept passing around the crystal –meth and inhaling….I just know that was what it was. They offered me some of their heroine but I declined because I am a good Christian and Jesus would not be pleased. Of course I didn’t judge them for smoking those rocks in the car, but I made sure to pray for their souls.

By the time we arrived at the club, we all needed to pee. We found dark spots and killed the grass and let out that liquor that we had been drinking. I was a wee bit tipsy by this time so my timing was perfect. We waited in the short line and made our way into La Cage. It was nice and crowded and that god-awful dance music was spinning on the turntable..or cd player. I demanded that we make our way to the bar. The group ascended onto the side bar and everyone magically appeared. The whole group was there and the games were about to begin.

I was good and tipsy and snatched my card out of my wallet. I told the bartender to pour me 5 glasses of my signature liquors. More of the group appeared and I told him to add on 2 more. We got our rounds and distributed them amongst the sisterhood of the traveling yaya dukes. We all toasted and began to sip, except these two alcoholics with us. They downed the damn glass like a shot and I just stared at them. This was top shelf liquor and they just treated it as if it were that cheap stuff the mexicans drink at noon. I could never do that…I don’t think. The drink is so potent that if you threw it on someone and lit a match a block away, they would burst into flames like poor little Michael Jackson did in that Pepsi commercial. I raised my glass to the sky and told everyone to follow me to the dancefloor. From this point on, the evening is sketchy and I can’t remember much of it.

I have very few memories of the rest of the night. I do remember getting hooked up with some black folk and being in their car. I know there was a drag queen mixed in there but that’s all I know. What I was told was that these black people found me in the streets unconscious and recognized me from being from Chicago. They took me into their car and to their home on the Eastside of Milwaukee while they attempted to contact people in my almost dead iPhone. As I lay in this drag queens parlor in her home, someone met my people’s at some late night eatery and led them to the house. They found me in my panties and t-shirt sprawled out on the floor and passed out. They pulled my clothes on me and carried me into someone’s car before transferring me to another where allegedly I threw up in the backseat. I don’t believe all of this because the girls will lie and tell stories to supersize it and add extras. I don’t carry on in this fashion so this is all very difficult for me to even believe.

The next morning I found myself in my bed with my items displaced and a small pool of brown drool next to my pillow. It was 2:30pm and the sun was beaming. Clearly I had missed the parade which was slated to begin at noon. I frantically searched for my iPhone because I knew there were messages and calls, which there were. I texted Fred Perry and let him know that I had awakened from my slumber and would begin getting ready. We agreed it would be better to just meet up at the PrideFest grounds and take it by storm from there. I began throwing everything into my bags. There would be no folding and being organized this day. I was not hungover but I was definitely not feeling myself. I didn’t want to hear any noise and I just wanted to sit down. I would throw a few things in the bags and sit back down to catch my breath. I moved as fast as I could. By 300pm I was all packed, showered and dressed. Dragging those bags to the car took way more effort than it should have. I needed some liquids and something to eat so as I drove to the expressway I stopped in at a Pick “n” Save and grabbed a half gallon of banana milk and some watermelon. It’s the breakfast of champions. I made it to the parking lot just as everyone else in our groups was pulling in. They all slammed on their brakes and gave me this look before climbing out of the car in traffic. They told me all the lies and stories about the morning’s happenings, which I still do not believe. They somehow got ahold of my pics and photoshopped it to show me on the ground in my draws. I swear, they will go to any length to try to trick me. The girls, the Girls, THE GIRLS!!!

We enjoyed the PrideFest for the rest of the evening and enjoyed Deborah Cox. She put on a great show and she looked FLAWLESS. Her voice live is absolutely perfection and she just radiated up there on stage with them big ass diamonds on her finger and neck. We were lucky enough to be gifted VIP seating so we were right there in front of the stage. I was freezing DOWN but I stuck it out for the girls. We all had a great time and it was all worth it. This trip was by far my best trip to Milwaukee and I had a blast. This group had a good mix of people and we got our party on. No pretense or shade…just good times and good wines. I like that.

Around 9:00 p.m. we all decided that we had enough of the faggotry and were ready to hit it back to Chicago. We kissed-kissed and left 3 of our friends at the fest as we made our way to our cars. We were exhausted. I was getting sicker and sicker and not looking forward to the short drive but I made it home fine. I grabbed my HAC and my phone and went into the house. I left my other bags in the trunk and ran into my apartment. I jumped into the bed and slept til morning. Tuesday I ran out to the car to grab my banana milk and then put it in the fridge. On Wednesday I finally got out of the bed and retrieved my luggage and bags. I was feeling better and afterglowing from the weekend’s events. I’m trying to live, ya’ll. I think I will be ok.

Baby, they look annoyed!!!

Look at Christian and that flawless carta!! I hate him for his skin. It’s like parchment paper…perfect!! He sure does look angry!

We were waiting for Ms. LateBoots Brandy.

Christian Cakes for the baptized.

He was so damn sexy. I just wanted a quick taste. That’s all. Here’s that drag queen that got voted off that RuPaul show in Logo. She bored the hell out of me.

Here’s Ms. Brandy. She was looking cute…but not cute enough to be late.

Get into this bullshit. I tell you, Fred’s people are a mess. Look at that hair. It’s a fool!! And that ole chiclet belt? Please people…PLEASE!!

This is me driving Sunday afternoon to downtown for PrideFest. Everyone else was at the parade already. He was so cute!!

I ain’t sure, but I think there is a man in there.

And in there too!!

I absolutely love these pants! Anyone know where they are from?

I wish I had some candy for that little boy in the middle with the NY shirt on. He was adorable. Somebody has been eating the cheese….and the cows that made them…..WHOLE!!

Is that Ms. Khia? It sure is!! The boys were walking around in heels all over the place. And they weren’t in drag.

He got melted skittles stuck to his scalp.

This ole bottom!!

His shorts were so short that if he would have burped, a testicle would have popped out and busted up my camera.

HEY KOOL-AID!!!!

My ex in the blue. He’s so cute.

Banji Cunts.

That’s a man!!

She look a little….strong.

She look a little crazy!!

This little half-breed boy was so cute. He asked me if he could have one of my mini-donuts and I said “You can have anything you want”…candy, gym shoes, college tuition.

Snow White don’t look so Disney these days.

Cakes

Muffins.

He had a DONK!! Chris ain’t holding back on the cakes either.

Dried shit!! I want to fuck him!!! In them lil shorts.

My ex on guitar. He was so cute.

My other ex…on the drums.

Nelly Fags.

This dude had the booty of LIFE.

Deborah Cox was SOOOO GOOD!!!

Just mess!! MESS!!

How Do I Look?

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 22:27:00 +0000

Thursday was the end of the work-week for me and to make it even better it was Jeans Day at the office. I was so glad.

Cole Haan Makintosh, Banana republic Polo, Hermes Belt, Energie Jeans and Adidas Canvas Simple Sneakers. I love those shoes!!

How Do I Look?

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 22:21:00 +0000

Had to go to work, yes I said work. This was what I wore for my birthday. I thought I looked so cute.

Banana republic cashmere sweater, Banana republic buttonup long sleeve, Banana republic relaxed fit chinos and Mustard Tod’s. I was serving…what do you think?

Ann Arbor Mist

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 06:25:00 +0000

This past weekend was Gay Pride weekend in Chicago but Fred and I decided to hit it up to Michigan for an evening. We have been trying to take a few local road trips to neighboring states and see what’s what with the local party and people scene. Short road trips are fun and I love me a good weather drive as long as I ain’t driving.

We got off to a rough and late start but we eventually got on the road to Ann Arbor. We had planned to be on the road between 10:00-12:00 p.m. but traffic was horrid and people were gettin’ busy..i mean busy. *wakes hanky at Fred*

The drive was nice up there. It was sunny and warmer than I expected. Once we got into Indiana there was no traffic. Michigan is such a beautiful state with tons of greenery and midwestern charm. We made it to Ann Arbor four hours later and pulled off the highway. I had drinks on my mind and we needed to procure some from somewhere. I can always find a liquor store and I spotted one right there at the exit ramp. They had a good stock of drank but we were fixed on that Ciroc. We weren’t sure what size we needed but eventually agreed on the mid-sized bottle for the evening. We also grabbed some gum, Snickers, Munchos, cracklins and some juice to mix with the drank. Now…to find our hotel.

After driving around for a while we finally found our lodging provider. It was conveniently located near a Wendy’s and a Burger King. It was PERFECT!! When we walked in with our bags we saw not a single soul in the lobby or in the hotel. The front desk attendant appeared from the back and welcomed us. He let us know that our preferred room type was not available but there was a pull-out sofa in the room. It was fine with me since it was just one day. While he was checking us in I took a look at his name badge. I thought it was a joke. You all know when I want to know something I ask, no matter how ig’nant it may be because I don’t give no fuck. I looked at this frumpy short thick shell of a man and said “Is that really your name? Your name is Ashley?” I’m sure he had been asked that question hundreds of times but you could tell he was embarrassed by it. I couldn’t believe this shit. Who in gay hell would name their son Ashley? I mean for real!! WHO!! We took the keys he gave us and made our way to our room with Fred just giggling over that bullshit. I was giggling too. Madness. Just PURE madness!

We threw our things in the room and decided we wanted to put some eats in our bellies. We were hungry and we both like to eat and Wendys was right across the street. I wanted to try one of those toffee coffee concoctions and I was having a hankering for them chicken nuggets. We ran through the drive-thru and got our sack of food and hit it back to the room to devour it. Baby, we ate that food so fast that I almost sharted my meal out. I needed that meal because I knew I was gonna get tipsy that night.

We began to get ourselves and the room together. I jumped in the shower first and got my ass good and clean. After I jumped out, Fred hopped in while I made my garment choice. I decided on the following outfit since it was kind of cool outside.

We left the hotel room and hit it downtown near the campus. We had already started getting our drank on and we also brought us our to-go bottles to make sure we were good and tipsy by the time we made it to the club entrance. We paid our entrance fee to get in and Fred led me through the club. It was HUGE!!! I was so tired of walking through there that I was out of breath. It was a labyrinth of rooms, verandas and hallways. I couldn’t tell you how we made it out of there because I don’t know. I think it may have been part of the underground railroad.

We made our way to the bar and got our drinks. Then we made our way to the more busier room in the complex. It was getting good and packed up in there. The more I drank, the more the music got good and before I knew it Fred and I were out there on that floor shaking our asses off. I think Lil Mama’s “Lip Gloss” set it off….or maybe it was Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”. All I know is the crowd was going up over the beats and we were feeling it. We got to dancing with them white folk and the evening was set in motion. By the time it was closing time we had had more drank, tongue kissed strange white folks who may have given us mono, made friends with the straights and the gays, had genitalia fondled and snapped some pictures for the X-files. Good times were had by ALL.

We chilled outside with the locals before saying our goodbyes and made our way to the car good and toasted. I felt like Blair Waldorf and Fred was Serene van der Woodsen and our driver had left us in the meatpacking district. I don’t know how Fred drove back to the hotel because I was good and drunk. Had I driven the car would have been flipped over in some ditch with us being eaten alive by badgers and chipmunks. We snacked once we got in the room and drifted off to sleep almost immediately. End scene.

When we woke up it was almost noon and we took our good sweet time packing and getting ready. I had to rest every two minutes on the sofa because it was exhausting me. I could not get it together for nothing. I hopped in the shower and that helped but not much. Fred ran in after I was done and I began packing again. I loaded up the dishwasher and drank my juice during one of my breaks. I knew what I was wearing so it was smooth sailing from there. We grabbed our things and dragged it all to the car in all that damn bright sun.

We needed to make our way back downtown to visit one of my favorite streetwear shops. Motivation is the areas biggest streetwear spot with a great selection of items. I also wanted to visit American Apparel to check out some shorts that were recommended by one of my readers. When it was all said and done I left the stores with over $300 worth of merchandise. I figured I would grab everything I wanted since the sales tax in Ann Arbor was only 6%. That’s a big deal to me.

We jumped on the highway after picking up some more Wendy's and getting gas. The drive was so nice back. It was the perfect temperature and I could have slept the entire drive back. We made it to Chicago in five hours I believe because of a patch of traffic over some stupid ass construction. Fred and I needed to change at my place because we were heading straight back out to partake in the gayness in Chicago. We needed to get to the PrideFair on Halsted which we did…..but it was not as much fun as that trip we just returned from.

You tend to think that small towns with common local folk would never be fun, but I am learning that those are the best places to have a good time. It’s so not pretentious and the people are so nice. We all have a good time and that’s what matters the most. Good food, good drink and good company. That’s the perfect recipe.

How Do I Look?

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 09:39:00 +0000

I am loving these new shorts I bought in Ann Arbor this weekend. Yes, I took another trip. Anyways, the polo is hot too. I could wear this everyday!!

Pringle Polo, American Apparel shorts, Vans and my driver's cap...I LOVE IT!!

Chicago Gay Pride 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Keisha Kornbread) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 08:21:00 +0000

Today I partook in the faggotry that engulfed the entire city this weekend. I had no interest in sitting in the sun to watch the parade so I rested at home until the parade was done. I eventually forced myself out of the house to meet with the kids who were on the northside waiting for me. It was quite an event and I had a great time hanging out and eating in Boystown.

I snapped a few pics to share with you all….get into this mess!!

And I am scared to take off my shirt in public…….

Tim all burned up and pink.

The Bopsie twins…

Look at these babies!!

If I am ever in trouble…i want these two to just let me stay there….just walk away.

For real?

This guy almost got beat up over 10 calories. He was drunk and got to running his mouth. The police would have never been able to get to him in time. I promise you!!

We all love underage drinking. Yay!!

Dinner is SERVED!!!

Is it salty?

This woman in the striped pride dress was gorgeous. She had a beautiful body and face.

Baby!! This one had to rest them feet. The baby must have been pressing up against his bladder.

She was a sweetie but I would have never wore them shoes. These events will ruin them. See?

He had the most blonde hair I have ever seen on anyone. It was like spun gold. I thought he was so adorable…..until he stuck that damn cigarette in his mouth.

Them ain’t no lil debbies there…..

And they say white boys don’t have booties….shiiiiiiiiiit.

I was smitten with this cutie here. I loved what he was wearing and his style. Yumm-Me!!

This guy was on the roof taking a peepee in front and above everyone.

She was trying to get to us. Thank god for windows.

We all were good and ready to go and rest. It was a long day…..