tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2745830651086451282024-03-13T03:47:55.648+00:00the.lifestyle.artistA qualifying nutrition & lifestyle therapist studying positive psychology, NLP, social circle & relationship dynamics and the art of creating reality...the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.comBlogger96125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-32464560022443205432011-06-11T18:59:00.011+01:002011-06-13T09:09:59.064+01:00Is he the right guy for you.... or how to spot a flake<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDOFZJRUcl7mBzRiyhtoOCeQu-wo5XOaqYgG2MrHCbB6cIMIzSs3eQV4xPjvOMYnbOsfS2lZsamETQm9Gxky0OmQdRkgKDkygb-Awa5N6MG7QHAb4Ff0EHLJd8fFvRCgtf_B4gs6HSqRM/s1600/bullshit_detector4.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 236px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5617024262639839042" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDOFZJRUcl7mBzRiyhtoOCeQu-wo5XOaqYgG2MrHCbB6cIMIzSs3eQV4xPjvOMYnbOsfS2lZsamETQm9Gxky0OmQdRkgKDkygb-Awa5N6MG7QHAb4Ff0EHLJd8fFvRCgtf_B4gs6HSqRM/s400/bullshit_detector4.JPG" /></a><br /><strong>Sometimes dating can be a <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">mine-field</span> of confusion, and often i get asked "how do i know he's the right guy for me?" or "how do i spot a flake?" </strong>Actually both questions do not <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">always</span> have the same answer. Just because a guy isn't a flake, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">doesn't</span> mean he's the right guy for you.... if he's committed and emotionally mature enough to be with you, there are other factors that can put a girl off. I should know!<br /><br />But a '<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">flakey</span></span>' guy in any shape or form, even if you 'connect' and get on so well with each other, is never going to be 'right'. Any guy who wants to casually date or happy to dally in an emotionally uncommitted way is wasting your time. Even if he could be right for you in the future... now is where you are at.<br /><br /><strong>So... how does a girl spot a flake? And if he is one... how does a girl deal with that?!<br /></strong><br />Well the first one comes with experience. Its only after dating a flake, giving him time and energy, can you really, really tell... and later start ditching any guy with a smidgen of '<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">flakey</span></span>' traits. Forget about 'he's just not into you'... think of it as more 'he's so not right for you right now' (unless of course you're actually looking for that kinda thing. but <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">i've</span></span> never met a girl who doesn't want an emotional connection - hands up if <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">i'm</span></span> wrong though!).<br /><br />In my experience there are various stages of flake... <strong>most extreme is the player who flirts, takes a number but never even arranges a date! and at the other end of the scale is the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">headf</span></span>*ck who will go as far as dating you exclusively</strong> but introduce you as his 'friend' and never really make you feel like its going anywhere... every thing else between these two is a degree of flakiness that also confuses, frustrates and angers the hell out of a girl.<br /><br />So whats with the flakiness? Well schools of thought paint a picture of guys who aren't so into a girl but love the ego boost, to guys that just like dating, guys who are afraid of <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">commitment</span> and the loss of freedom that comes with it, and even guys who see detachment and lack of emotion as a strength, something to maintain and return to when a relationship gets overwhelming.<br /><br /><strong>And what about us women. Why does this frustrate the hell out of us?</strong> Why do girls not get flaky? I think we do get <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">flakey</span></span>, especially if the guy isn't really doing it for us emotionally and physically. However us girls can develop an emotional connection through a physical one over time so if a guy puts enough hours in, and she'll sleep with him.... there will come a time when the tables will turn and she's chasing him. Trouble is for girls we seem to focus on end goals too much and want to be further into the connection (once we decide there can be one of course!) than we are. Instead of being in the here and now, focusing on the fun, attraction and the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">flirtiness</span></span> that initially attracted a guy to her in the first place. For the many reasons i listed earlier, he pulls away, isn't so sure anymore. She starts to nag about the lack of closeness - which he <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">interprets</span> as a lack on his part, him not being enough - all of which could be avoided if he didn't take it as a 'sleight' on him, realise she was just expressing her fears, took her in his arms and closed the gap physically, reassuring her with some sweet words, or she could see how he would <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">perceive</span> it as nagging/pressure, making him feel not good enough for her, and maybe reach out and touch him affectionately instead, seeking her own closeness - this is how emotionally mature couples in a trusting/loving relationship tend to act or should act, a flake on the other hand never would...<br /><br /><strong>So back to how to spot a flake!</strong> The less committed a guy is the easier to spot right. If he doesn't call or breaks off dates all the time he's just wasting your time - ditch! Its harder when the lines are not so clear cut. His behaviour is confusing. Well not anymore.<br /><br /><strong>Tried and tested, here are the signs of a emotionally unavailable flake:<br /></strong><br /><span style="color:#993399;"><strong>Physical Closeness</strong> - you have this in spades. you guys are 'hot!' he's all over you. but you mainly see him in your bed (or his) and no many place else. in fact its the only thing you seem to have going for you both<br /><br /><strong>Words</strong> - he tells you how amazing you are all the time. and makes it sound like an expression of 'love'. But is hardly interested you as a person, or your life, and most probably doesn't see you as his gf when everyone but him knows it. did i not mention words are cheap. especially as men have this ability to 'mean' what they say at the time, but change their minds as often as their pants.<br /><br /><strong>Compartmentalizing</strong> - you never meet his friends/family and he keeps you separate from everything he regards as 'close' to him in his life. this means he can drop you like a hot rock if need be, and he gets his freedom<br /><br /><strong>Quality Time</strong> (not intimate ones) - these are few and far between. you don't experience many things together and your relationship lacks shared times/memories/places/events. he doesn't book you in for future events, unless its a booty call and makes you feel uncertain about if he wants to see you again the moment he walks out the door<br /><br /><strong>Gifts/Services</strong> - he never buys you gifts (even if its just a token like a kinder egg!) or invest any of his hard earned cash on you, or ever gone out of his way to do something nice for you. people who are smitten think of nice things to do and give tokens of appreciation<br /><br /><strong>Campaigning</strong> - he only wants you to see the polished side of him and if arguments or bad times do arise... he may punish you for the drama, disagreeing or being upset by cutting off his attention and affection for you by suddenly being unavailable/busy. you're unable to talk about your 'feelings' for fear of making him angry and going <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-error"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">awol</span></span><br /></span><br />So there they are, what to look for. Some guys will have just one or two of these traits, maybe he just lacks a bit of emotional maturity for his age.... but if a guy has at least 4-6 of these bad habits <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_13" class="blsp-spelling-error"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">i'm</span></span> sorry to say with you are with a guy who has the emotional maturity of a 14 year old boy.<br /><br /><strong>What to do then? How do you deal with this kind of flake?</strong> Even if he's 100% committed to you and only you, there aren't any other girls on the horizon, this guy is not giving you everything you need to feel secure in a trusting, loving relationship, and bound to make you ask more than usual 'where the hell is this going' and make you feel 'insecure'. Guys like this may not even realise they are doing it, but for a woman its soul destroying not to get what she needs while he's getting his. And long-term... can make a girl lose her confidence and drive.<br /><br /><strong>If he's a 4-6 pointer <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_14" class="blsp-spelling-error"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">i'd</span></span> have to say get rid girl. He's not worth the effort.</strong> When you do meet a guy who ticks neither of those boxes, who is emotionally mature enough to deal with a girl's feelings and needs... its amazing. I can't stress enough that women blame themselves too much for 'acting a girl' or 'being too insecure', but they hardly look at the men who culture this behaviour in women, the men who take no responsibility for their actions by saying 'if you feel that way, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_15" class="blsp-spelling-error"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">thats</span></span> your problem not mine'.<br /><br />A relationship is two people. Find a guy that knows that and invest your energy in fun, flirty goodness and leave the 'flakes' to deal with their issues.... god knows they have a hell of a lot more than you.<br /><br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_16" class="blsp-spelling-error"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-error">Lx</span></span>the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-53624975936772898992011-01-16T20:55:00.003+00:002011-01-16T22:22:59.973+00:00Should girls approach and ask a guy out?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3_Hd-VruLPMY7TRCy9_l7OBw6oQGm6ZEObpKGDF_YyTXCe94hVKbKCpQyCUBRqHonyipNhgqvvaFIRSyOz7BYwVqKMv2Lwn9A5KpWbk3g7hyHPGzeyyrByhO_haBl0QRjIbxVPZf77IA/s1600/97130_1281021564.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3_Hd-VruLPMY7TRCy9_l7OBw6oQGm6ZEObpKGDF_YyTXCe94hVKbKCpQyCUBRqHonyipNhgqvvaFIRSyOz7BYwVqKMv2Lwn9A5KpWbk3g7hyHPGzeyyrByhO_haBl0QRjIbxVPZf77IA/s400/97130_1281021564.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5562891578119477778" border="0" /></a>While trawling the web for material i cam across this guy who hosts female boot camps or female pick up weekends. I actually didn't knew they existed!<br /><br />http://www.gettheguy.co.uk/womens-weekend<br /><br />The whole weekend is aimed at teaching women how to meet, flirt and attract men and how to date. Its also totally in the field. I've been on some of the ones for guys (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">lovesystems</span>.com) and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">i've</span> sometimes talked with guy instructors about a market for female lessons, but the general view is its a waste of time - 1) women don't need to pay to meet guys, they can date a guy if they want 2) men say they want a girl to make the first move, but in reality men need to 3) its easier to teach men to pickup as women are after relationships and men are after sex.<br /><br />Now I used to be a big fan of approaching guys and making the first move. Once <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">i'd</span> gotten over my fear of rejection, it was easy to bite the bullet and just do it. What else did you have to lose? Of course i wouldn't walk right up to a guy and ask him out... that's way too direct. Men like to think they thought of it first. I'd just sashay up and introduce myself and ask a question or start a conversation. If he showed interest then <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i'd</span> flirt a bit more, look into his eyes, smile, touch his upper arm... and if he didn't <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">i'd</span> have a get out clause waiting in the form of a friend or already have excused myself.<br /><br />Its usually a 50/50 chance that he'd be interested and we'd swap numbers. Better odds than when guy approaches a girl, but on reflection, of all the guys i managed to successfully approach and get a date with, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">i've</span> never had anything more with them than that. After trying it for two years as my strategy for dating, i can say that the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">pua</span> guy instructors were right:<br /><br />1) women don't need to pay to meet guys, they can date a guy if they want - Matthew <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Hussey</span> the guy hosting the '<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">womens</span> weekends' says that women are always saying they 'never meet guys'. Now that's not true. We do meet guys, we are <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">harassed</span> by men wanting to marry/date/sleep with us all the time, just not the guys we like or a guy we can see ourselves settling with. Women are more fussier than men. Its not about his looks. Its about the package. Where as men its all about the looks. If you don't appeal to guys physically he isn't going to date you. Teaching women how to flirt and approach men in street/club/library/bars may not change that, but lowering our standards might.<br /><br />2) men say they want a girl to make the first move, but in reality men need to - its all about the chase and men are more likely to believe a girl worthy of the chase if he had to do all the work in the first place. Men need to feel like they are the 'hunter' in this game otherwise you run the risk of emasculating him from the start. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Im</span> the same, i prefer a guy to make the first move. call me old fashioned but shy guys turn me off. and if i can ask a guy out... then i have no respect for a guy who can't ask me out.<br /><br />3) its easier to teach men to pickup as men are just after sex, while women are after relationships - yes men are a little more easier to please. Hence why there are so many successful 'how to meet and date women' sites/communities out there. They teach a guy how to widen their nets and polish their exterior enough that they appeal to women in the short-term. Their end goal is meet, attract, comfort, control and sleep with the girl. Women on the other hand need to learn different skills if its a guy they need to attract, date and keep! For one thing they need to meet men in different places to where guys can meet girls because the end goal is different. That rules out bars and clubs making approaching harder. They can't set the scene and have a fave club where they know the bar staff and all the guys there are all over here. That would put too many guys off. They can't talk about themselves all the the time and be entertaining, women need to learn to compliment, ask questions and listen, but that means the guy has to be interesting or you'll be talking about football all night. They need to totally change the way they handle men and get rid of any bad habits they might have in how they deal with emotions and not think in a negative, overly analytical manner at every text/call/or date...<br /><br />So in summary, should a girl approach and ask a guy out? i think its good women get over their insecurities and try it a few times, but i don't think women should think that its the holy grail to their dating problems. I'm a big believer in working on yourself, your interests and your life will be a better investment. Being independent and not needing a guy is still the biggest attraction we have as well as our looks.<br /><br />And <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">i'm</span> more inclined to prefer the more subtle method of getting a guy to ask you out that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">i've</span> developed that always seems to work - how i got my last two boyfriends ;) Lets just say for now that its all in the eyes...the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-18203641438444316802010-12-27T14:02:00.004+00:002010-12-27T15:19:44.087+00:00The saying goes "Men Commit When They Are Ready"... is this true?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDymM9JJon4dHR_xJFRB1kKLs5VBsVRWHvrRLVVwhM-QIiOZi6KnlnwoCLhoJMZ1exNhFge7PYv3nTYxOYhoGL8XgltxH0TsQvXWRUoBYiooKtPexsCP3_MXD5qwampZnpZVJs5ru_bbY/s1600/HiRes-2.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 283px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDymM9JJon4dHR_xJFRB1kKLs5VBsVRWHvrRLVVwhM-QIiOZi6KnlnwoCLhoJMZ1exNhFge7PYv3nTYxOYhoGL8XgltxH0TsQvXWRUoBYiooKtPexsCP3_MXD5qwampZnpZVJs5ru_bbY/s400/HiRes-2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5555368504430300738" border="0" /></a><br />I was once told that <span style="font-weight: bold;">"Women commit when they find 'The One, but Men commit when they are good and ready, no matter who they are with at that time."</span> I never paid much attention to the meaning. To be honest at the time i was 21 and in an amazing relationship with a guy i really cared about. I'd met 'The One' and so had he.... case closed.<br /><br />Now... years later <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">i'm</span> a little older, wiser and dating men in their 30s who are happy to retire their 'cheesy pick-up lines' and 'casual fun' in place of something a bit more permanent, like a 'wife'! I can now spot them a mile a way. They have that look in their eye like their assessing a horse for a race. Can she endure to the last mile, does she have good breeding, will she help or hinder my goals.<br /><br />Case Open?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">These men are 'ready' to settle, no bones about it. </span>And first dates are no longer a mesh of irresponsible drinking, dancing in the water fountain, eating bad take-away food and then running for the bus at 6am giggling in each others arms. First dates are now like appointments or interviews, with 2 hour slots and a responsible glass of wine in a cosy pub while swapping highlights of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">achievements</span> and experiences, then ending with a polite kiss before going home to be in bed for a respectable 11pm turn in.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Its kinda freaking me out. </span>I mean <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">i've</span> been wondering when things would give and guys would start pushing for more while i hung back dragged my heels, but this is beyond what i expected. I've spent all of my 20s running around after guys <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i've</span> fallen for, trying to make them love me back, and now <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">im</span> the one who is being chased. The worst thing is its not with any flair or passion, their chasing is logical and methodical and just plain boring.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Its not that they aren't attractive. </span>Don't get me wrong, 'Northern Boy' is really cute with a very nice body, and kisses that almost leave bruises. And 'Mr Mars' has these sexy liquid brown eyes and hot <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Latino</span> looks that can melt me at 100 paces... but they are not 'The One' for me. I know <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">im</span> fussy but it isn't all about looks. The important things to me are missing, like ambition, humor etc . And that leads me back to the first line of this post "Women settle when they meet 'The One'. I now believe this to be true. The only times <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">i've</span> ever considered settling was when i was in a relationship with a guy that had similar interests and direction to me (as well as being hot of course).<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Men on the other hand...</span> the amount of times my male friends have said to me that they regret losing 'that girl', or an ex has called me out of the blue saying he made a mistake when he left me. It seems they are 'ready' to settle but sadly there's not a decent girl to be found, so they dredge up the past and their phone book and start trying to rekindle old flames. One guy text me recently after 3 years! Another wouldn't leave me alone, after i <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">accidentally</span> bumped into him in the street, until i started ignoring his phone calls, and even that took months. Somehow this happens less with women? (And that leads me to wonder why is <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">ok</span> for a guy to hound a girl to death and not <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">ok</span> for a girl - she just becomes a crazy stalker? Maybe <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">thats</span> a question for another post?)<br /><br />So now <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">im</span> 30, enjoying a new-age of adult dating with men who hand you their CV when you walk through the door, can i finally endorse that saying? Are there more guys in their 30s ready to settle than not? OR have i just gotten wiser to the 'players' and the 'gamers' out there know how to avoid them?<br /><br />Not sure yet... will keep you posted!<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Lx</span>the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-91417375558346499902010-11-13T11:19:00.005+00:002010-11-13T11:55:41.766+00:00How to change your mindset, be more positive and be in control<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOlFjWAYvJuIqVx-NxngSuEBTLokJhL5NgAqZJT0JfPULGmEFdGKLBnOYhyphenhyphenqNVGiEEkTaa-_Yl6oS85-BdeKW5Dm64nDOAgTnEsrZq7sRaaxzXnSXJ2NPxB6N5q2oUqy5Cu50IU3xrPLo/s1600/209123359_ed8361d3fd.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOlFjWAYvJuIqVx-NxngSuEBTLokJhL5NgAqZJT0JfPULGmEFdGKLBnOYhyphenhyphenqNVGiEEkTaa-_Yl6oS85-BdeKW5Dm64nDOAgTnEsrZq7sRaaxzXnSXJ2NPxB6N5q2oUqy5Cu50IU3xrPLo/s400/209123359_ed8361d3fd.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5538992939590720802" border="0" /></a><br />In other words, how do you create a reality you want to be in... cos its so easy to find yourself 'trapped' in an environment you don't want. You drag your tired feet and weary head through each day, looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. You moan to yourself, friends and family of how bad your present situation is. You expect the world around you has to change before you can smile again and be positive...<br /><br />well wrong.<br /><br />Why? because simply how you feel right now is 70% how you perceive the situation, 20% how much you accept things you cannot change, and 10% what you're doing to change it. What does that tell me? That 90% of happiness is all in your mind.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">I want to share with a plan <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">im</span> working on to help you move towards a more positive place. </span><br /><br />Most of my close friends know <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">im</span> a big romantic... heartbreak can devastate me for a short while, <span style="font-style: italic;">which it did recently</span>, when I realized i misplaced my trust and heart with someone undeserving.<br /><br />All it takes is a big fall and the rest just have to exist to keep me there, work stress can knock me for six, family issues can bring me down... etc<br /><br />But <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">i'm</span> also a fighter, and just as much as i fall, i know i can climb right back up. All i need are the right people around me, the right tools and my own determination.<br /><br />I'm a great believer in we choose our happiness. Someone once told me happy people are happy on purpose. I study positive psychology in my spare time (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">im</span> hoping to do a masters) and in fact your mindset/perception is the most important thing to change first in order to change anything in your life. And being able to be positive has such an impact when your trying to deal with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">lifes</span> issues.<br /><br />So i worked very hard these last few months to break the habit <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">im</span> so bad at having.... worrying and not doing. pulled out all my inspiring books and papers and put together my 3 month plan. This post is all about the first month which is changing mindset:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Month One - To change m</span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">indset and get into 'good' habits</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">(You will need a small notebook and carry with you everyday)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Good habit #1 - Appreciation & Self (2 <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">mins</span>)</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">First step to being content is knowing what you do have. Just </span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">havin</span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">g a positive attitude makes others attracted to you and can help you connect with others.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Daily - Write down at least one answer for each and believe in them</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">1) what </span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">im</span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);"> i grateful for today & why. what good things happened (try to see silver lining in everything)</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">2) what makes you amazing today. sell yourself to yourself (don't laugh at this one)</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">2) reminder - what </span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">im</span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);"> i aiming for this week/month (your one major goal) and why do u deserve it.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);"> Good habit #2 - Own Motivation & Satisfaction (2 <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">mins</span> + task time)</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Its good to see progress even on a simple level like a personal to-do list</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Sun/Mon - Write down 3 action a week things that are for yourself only, which will make a difference in your life and make u feel good having done them.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">These can be things that take you towards your goal or just help you along in life. They should be non-work related.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Now do them through out the week and tick off as you go along.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Good habit #3 - Realise you are in control (15 <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">mins</span>)</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Just by knowing what you want you are in control of your life.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">At beginning of week - write down 1 thing you want to happen in all areas of your life (work, career, love, family, money, health, social, home)</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">At end of week - tick off the things this week and in past weeks that you have gained or have happened</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);"> Good habit #4 - Be in the moment (1 hour)</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">The mind can take over your body if you don't keep in check,</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Take one hour at least for yourself once week to do something relaxing (go to the gym, go for a walk, cook etc). This can also be broken down into 15 </span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">mins</span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);"> a day (meditate or take a bath)</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">The most important thing is not to think about anything except what you are doing. Let your mind rest (no worries or thinking negatively as this gets you into bad habits)</span><br /><br />It seems like a lot to do but in fact it will take only a small part of your time up everyday, and once you get into the habit it will be second nature.<br /><br />These are the foundation blocks that we can build on for later so its important to make them a habit... months 2 and 3 focused more on the doing and gaining side of things<br /><br />How i know things worked: well i got everything i asked for an i feel so much more positive and in control. I was in this place 3 years ago (doing much the same thing) and it feels so good to be back on top.<br /><br />i wrote this here because i wish and hope everyone who reads this can find the inspiration to reach the same place if not better than so they have an amazing <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">xmas</span>! i know everyone is different and somethings work better for others, but i do hope it works for u like it did me... <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">thats</span> if you wish to try.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Lx</span>the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-14179542587976898942010-10-10T20:17:00.007+01:002010-10-10T21:51:43.663+01:00Weird things guys have said to me... *seriously*<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-gt7XQMKh6yqCxZkoP_kc58LPTv7u6t4TLPYTp0XyM0pBGxw7ANk8MOfNQCwEHGptP4OfX46cgU-I8Agq4vt3Dvt_vA8jnf7Jy9qAK4WUVLRHsHYDPsLF7oQfn1VJhCO-Ty_ZusVRmQE/s1600/cute-little-kitty-licking-paw.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-gt7XQMKh6yqCxZkoP_kc58LPTv7u6t4TLPYTp0XyM0pBGxw7ANk8MOfNQCwEHGptP4OfX46cgU-I8Agq4vt3Dvt_vA8jnf7Jy9qAK4WUVLRHsHYDPsLF7oQfn1VJhCO-Ty_ZusVRmQE/s400/cute-little-kitty-licking-paw.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5526498890600248578" border="0" /></a><br />I'll let you into a secret. Girls like to share the pain of a bad date, even to the point of sending their friends excerpts of text/emails from guys. I have quite a collection of funny quotes now from girls that i'm hoping to put into some kind of published format... but until then i thought why not post a sample online too ;)<br /><br />Here are a few choice one-liners that have come my way recently. I'll leave it to you to decide if its 'normal' or not:<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Second Date Guy: </span>"No honestly. I eat nails." <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">I think i thought he meant he bit his nails but no... he actually was referring to steel nails.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Mr Talks all the time: </span>"i used to pretend i was a wolf so i could fight with my dog"<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);"> is it normal for a guy to fight with his dog? He had a lot of teeth mark scars to prove it...</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">The Texan : </span>"Yeah she sleeps on my sofa and pays me in kind for rent. It works well." <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">I honestly tried to climb out the window of the bathroom after this one.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Muscle Guy: </span>"What do you mean by the fact that you have many brothers... is there a deeper meaning to that?" <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">No i have a lot of brothers.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">The Army Guy:</span> "Are you also a lesbian?" <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">Eventually worked out he wanted a threesome.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">The boyfriend: </span>"Its cave-man boy time" <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">rii</span>-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">ight</span>. maybe after <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">eastenders</span>?</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Mr Cool:</span> " i like that shiny shit on your face. makes you look like an alien" <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">i take compliments where i can get them</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Industry Guy: </span>"I was thinking of where to go. Do you like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Trannie</span>-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">oke</span>?" <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">Say again?</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Sex Pest:</span>"Can i come over and give you a massage? Purely platonic of course" <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">It was a big fat no.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">The Ex: </span>"I re-added you back on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">facebook</span> so you can see that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">i'm</span> over you." <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">Not weird but i wasn't expecting it.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Mr Part-Time Model: </span>"Truthfully though, do you think <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">im</span> fat?" <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">I now know how it feels to be a guy</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">The Aussie:</span> "I've lost my headphones. Can i look in your bag <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">incase</span> you've taken them?" <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">what?</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Cute Bar Tender: </span>"We have to be careful of what we say, cos you know government is hiding aliens from us"<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);"> just randomly thrown in a serious conversation about taxes</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">First Date Only Guy:</span> "You seem distant. Is it because <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">i've</span> got a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">coldsore</span>?"<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);"> i don't think i need to answer that...</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">First Date Only Guy much later:</span>"So you're not going to have sex with me. I bought u a beer?" <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">We ended up having this argument in the street while i was getting into a taxi to go home</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">First Date Only Guy much much later via text:</span>"Whats your address. I want to make sure you get home <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">ok</span>"<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);"> Delete, delete, delete...</span></span><br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Ok</span> well <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">thats</span> a few i can recall. Share the love if you've had any weird boy experiences...<br /><br />Love ya all<br /><br />L <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">xoxo</span>the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-60649265418374792612010-09-26T11:04:00.008+01:002010-09-26T12:27:26.237+01:00Why watching 'sex and the city' gives men insight into the worst traits a woman can have...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd-PtbQ-ycQgmuRGIyjpzbHbIumeNL9fqaqBP5vwKWl6rDRocnsOVvWUrTP0opz-w8wM3pwk2lrPssl__zuZx_13cW4h0xi_NBc0idpWg4ju-nd9qkCvK-mq7weErZU6W8bf2i47iToKQ/s1600/sex_and_the_city_ver812.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 261px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd-PtbQ-ycQgmuRGIyjpzbHbIumeNL9fqaqBP5vwKWl6rDRocnsOVvWUrTP0opz-w8wM3pwk2lrPssl__zuZx_13cW4h0xi_NBc0idpWg4ju-nd9qkCvK-mq7weErZU6W8bf2i47iToKQ/s400/sex_and_the_city_ver812.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5521161095085200626" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Someone once told me that all girls can relate to Sex and the City </span>because each character (Miranda, Charlotte, Carrie and Samantha) are all aspects of the female personality, so any girl can identify with the show.<br /><br />Is this true? are all modern women capable of finding within themselves the reserved nature of Charlotte, the ambitious/controlling attitude of Miranda, and the wanton sex drive of Samantha, all the while being as flaky and analytical as Carrie? I like to think that women are more complex than that surely?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Recently i noticed my 3 closest friends actually resemble characters from show:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Toya</span> </span><span style="font-style: italic;"> is Charlotte...</span><span style="font-style: italic;"> always beautifully turned out, coquettish and demure, believing in true love and doing things in the right way.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Eli is Miranda... direct, driven, and always classy. A very determined young lady with an attitude to work first and chill out later.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Lyns</span> is Samatha... flamboyant, daring and often dressed to kill. Men to her are always beautiful and her passion for life often leaves me exhausted.</span><br /><br />And so where does that leave me? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Im</span> i the flaky dating columnist who is to quote Carrie "A crazy person running around the streets of New York City trying to get Big to love me back."... er well i do write a blog on dating, and i love fashion, and i am a very thoughtful person?!<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />So if <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">thats</span> true and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">i'm</span> Carrie... who is my Mr Big?</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxFgj-Sf2PN74In9AU5Tc3To6wuxaNMpyqwudUjHxZZfmZtgOehEpfcHxtuutznClEWdTnmcShJsw58wiOlxxhkCypFdpyJxLv2CXvW0FcPiJFp45MjZvxcVQAcV1TFQ24yRCKlhsdsRg/s1600/images.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 224px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxFgj-Sf2PN74In9AU5Tc3To6wuxaNMpyqwudUjHxZZfmZtgOehEpfcHxtuutznClEWdTnmcShJsw58wiOlxxhkCypFdpyJxLv2CXvW0FcPiJFp45MjZvxcVQAcV1TFQ24yRCKlhsdsRg/s400/images.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5521172345424777890" border="0" /></a><br /><br />I once told an Ex he was my "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Aiden</span>". I was drunk at the time but no excuse. It was an insult. Why? because <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Aiden</span> was the sap she didn't really want. That must mean there has been at some point a guy i did want more than any other, who rocked my world, made me go weak at the knees, forever running across the city just to see him?<br /><br />I'll admit there has been two guys that match that description, who i allowed myself to fall in love with, but they <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">have</span> come and gone and now no longer a part of my life... there is no Mr Big. The problem with Carrie was that she was always bumping into him, however big NYC was. Chris <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Noth</span> was always there. Out of sight, out of heart really does work and for me its worked so well that my Mr Big (or the guy who just kept reeling me back in) has now gone for good.<br /><br />So as much as i love Carrie's clothes, her sense of direction in life and the way she dates feels way too chaotic for my tastes. At my worst i am her, and i would say that of all of my friends and of all of the other characters. No sane woman wants to be the girls from Sex and the City... but sometimes we just are because that's how crazy women can get if left to their own devices and exposed to female-only advice for too long.<br /><br />Give us 2 hours with a bottle of wine and a man to discuss and we will have it so wrong its almost painful to listen to. Just like getting a bunch of guys together with a keg of beer will make them more alpha and neanderthal-like. We women do the opposite, enhancing our own emotional responses just by sounding off with one another.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">In other words we get more <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">girly</span>...</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJGv9od3MaeE3uO3GsS7WHcdJ7z-KVa8DCPgzSvXOF24B1Lr-zR9TagL73gNBrmcu9Mma4ufvGWF8WIeAWnzBn_zHCmG3xpcm0YCUBe_GLgMFi3V9n-F62mc2FutSGpMC9uFcVjV289y4/s1600/SexAndTheCity460.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJGv9od3MaeE3uO3GsS7WHcdJ7z-KVa8DCPgzSvXOF24B1Lr-zR9TagL73gNBrmcu9Mma4ufvGWF8WIeAWnzBn_zHCmG3xpcm0YCUBe_GLgMFi3V9n-F62mc2FutSGpMC9uFcVjV289y4/s400/SexAndTheCity460.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5521176457087377650" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Luckily as much as i love my girls, i listen to my guy friends too. Sometimes i don't listen to anyone and make even more of a mess. But whats proved to me in life and in any story, as long as you learn your lesson completely and thoroughly, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">theres</span> always a way to get up, dust yourself off and start again - <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">theres</span> always a second chance. </span><br /><br />And apologies for taking so long to get back into the swing of writing. Work, my job and even my own company is mentally busy right now, but its amazing! Finding my balance between all of the things i love has been my challenge this fall. but its all coming together ;) also new people in my life are starting to make it interesting again, so watch this space<br /><br />love ya all <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">xoxo</span><br /><br />Lthe.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-36684762883717807262010-06-08T08:56:00.013+01:002010-06-19T10:33:27.503+01:00Bargaining your way back to heartbreak... and how to break the cycle<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifZGQPqz9dIgOIjLbG_eYz9PM6MLC1oBMpneBs__z8ROusL9_q3Zzdm82fLiygujrmiECJ-WrKQ4dUim6YwZFzzBrRNfBcQrPjyB9I-OFhChDOzUmwjkj5DClu2auJcIIE83D63fSeaok/s1600/heartbroken-1.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 266px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484405654896925506" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifZGQPqz9dIgOIjLbG_eYz9PM6MLC1oBMpneBs__z8ROusL9_q3Zzdm82fLiygujrmiECJ-WrKQ4dUim6YwZFzzBrRNfBcQrPjyB9I-OFhChDOzUmwjkj5DClu2auJcIIE83D63fSeaok/s400/heartbroken-1.jpg" /></a><br /><strong>Most people who are reaching late twenties, early thirties... unless they've been living in a monastery for the whole of their adult life, have experienced heartbreak.</strong> It seems there are different stages to getting over someone, and no matter how many times its happened to me, i get it wrong each and every time. Theres a new lesson to experience i know it... but omg it hurts like hell and the situation always sucks.<br /><br />If you've ever been hurt you'll be familiar with the tiny voice in your head that whines about the poor deal you've been dealt, time and time again, rearing ugly feelings of sadness, anger, low-self esteem, depression, regret, self-blame, denial, loss.... shall i go on?<br /><br /><strong>On a therapists sofa this voice is neatly coined as 'bargaining'</strong>, a stage of grief where your thoughts are your worst enemy, often making the situation 'feel' worse than it actually is. And even more depressing, you're addicted to the falling into the bargain loop over and over, convincing yourself of your own misery, and that you're still not over it.<br /><br /><strong>Well good news is that this is the last stage of heartbreak</strong>, and its a 100% your own fantasyland that just isn't real. The bad news is that the cycle is tough to break. mainly because you like your fantasy, it may get you attention (in the beginning), the lows are infrequent and inbetween enough highs that you convince yourself its never going to come back, and its triggered by as little as 'just having a bad day'.<br /><p>Its the stage where we are 'certain' we can get back what we lost. If that person just knew how you felt they would act differently. If you think about what happened time and time again you would see where you went wrong. Its the side of you that wants to fix it and thinks it can. And thats the danger... because you just can't.</p><br /><br /><p><strong>I did the worst thing i could ever do when breaking up with someone</strong>. I just wouldn't let it go. Even though my mind accepted that we weren't going to be together, and i knew that remaining friends was preventing me from moving on... my heart refused to believe, and my actions became inconsistent with what i was saying, so much i couldn't see how irrational i was behaving. To be honest... thats pretty normal. You'd be a cold-hearted biatch if you really did love someone but didn't have any inner turmoil when letting go. And so I couldn't help it, i was acting like i still needed this guy, still wanted him in my life. And you know what, I did. I wanted to be in touch, keep the door open for just the slightest bit of hope that i could still control the situation. </p><br /><br /><p>I'll be honest... when you're panicking about losing someone your head is f*cked and you really don't know what the hell you are doing. I gave over to my emotions and wouldn't let sleeping dogs lie. In doing so i kinda messed things up that now this guy can't even trust me to be in contact still. And being blanked/ignored/given the silent treatment... it sucks.</p><br /><br /><p>I'm not perfect, and sometimes it astounds me when others say "wow you are so good at relationship advice". Hell no, i'm not. I just see clearly when my emotions aren't clouding my judgement and i don't place blame. In my love life... i will never see clearly and sometimes i blame myself to much. Its only by writing that i can express how i feel and see the bigger picture. </p><br /><br /><p><strong>All you can do when you wake up and realise you've been bargaining... is stop convincing</strong> yourself that you were wrong, and that you need/can get back what you lost. Best way is to not sugar coat the past. Whoever hurt you made mistakes too and so if you're going to lay blame... share the love! And then just accept the situation, warts an all. They are never going to change, come back or listen. Whats done is done. Its time you got on with your life and stopped looking back.</p><p>Things to think about:</p><br /><br /><p>1) its natural to think you can change it and to blame yourself</p><br /><p>2) everyone has gone through what you're going through</p><br /><p>3) convincing yourself that what you lost was better than what you have now is futile</p><br /><p>4) think about what the 'real' situation was. the past and people are not as great as you remember. There was a reason you were unhappy and acted accordingly</p><br /><p>5) you can't change it so dont try. Just get one with everything else and come back to it later (much later) if its so important.</p><br /><p>6) and write to express yourself, even if only to throw it away. I have so many unfinished letters not sent to exes. If one escapes and actually does get sent (which is bad) then don't worry too much. But try not to send them. Write on paper so the possibility is less. </p><br /><br /><p><strong>Right this moment i'm struggling to follow my own advice. </strong>When i fully embrace acceptance its like theres a wall between my heart and everything else. This is the third time i've been burnt by love and i'm not sure i could go through it all again. In fact i don't want to. No guy is worth this much pain. I gave my heart away so willingly last time... i'm reluctant to, ever again, for anyone. </p><br /><br /><p><strong>I'm sitting here thinking of him and i wonder if when he told me he couldn't let anyone in after being hurt... if this is what he felt.</strong> Has he passed this curse on to me instead? If that's true, then i can finally see what he was going through. The hardest task would be to trust someone again, let them into your heart, after you've been damaged. I've gone through heartbreak twice (and the first time was more than enough) and something has truly been lost this time. Maybe my innocence towards love and embracing it when it happens? I was a passionate person, adoring the intense feelings of the moment, romanticising them beyond belief.... and now...?</p><br /><br /><p>I've been dating some great guys. They are kind, sweet, funny and very cute. But. I have nothing to give. My feelings are under wraps at all times. I never let them in. I don't want to. Don't want to lose control ever again. i feel like i'm numb inside, and theres this part of me i won't let them see or reach. I'm drifting in the middle of a big ocean or behind so much glass, nothing can get to me there. Its where i'm safe, so why should i leave... Unless it feels like the real thing, real love, why should i open myself up to so much hurt. I'd rather stay single. And further more, does real love even exist, equally between two people? The most sucessful couples seems to be those that aren't deeply, passionate around each other. There are no butterflies in stomaches or movie moment kisses, or intense sex. In fact most of them have told me its always been kinda boring... and there is love, just not the kind i always get drawn too. And furthermore, each couple seems to content, but not overly so.... there s little bit of reservation about what they have. Like they aren't 100% sure its what they want. And yet these are the couples that work. Maybe having this wall around my heart is good thing. Maybe i need to learn to protect myself from ever losing myself in someone else ever again. If not being able to let anyone in again helps me do that... then so be it<br /></p><br /><br /><p><strong>And so accepting the heartbreak does wonders for moving on</strong>... but still not sure what do to about wall around my heart yet. Maybe i'll leave it standing for a while longer... </p><br /><br /><p>Lx</p>the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-3883123131718549412010-05-31T15:11:00.005+01:002010-05-31T16:06:39.985+01:00Big changes make you stronger.... or 'i'm so excited'<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig_wDDdWItvGEkcpDbiILmItZ5B79mIt1wlccad59erKv6TrLIL_kdhD9wy3x-j3vBbp0tOWTMcKa_7KzbkLbXnu8tvTW81FB7BVBCj95OlRszXl8Kybuj8FxDlGYueci55ExN_CESDgc/s1600/relocation.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 284px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig_wDDdWItvGEkcpDbiILmItZ5B79mIt1wlccad59erKv6TrLIL_kdhD9wy3x-j3vBbp0tOWTMcKa_7KzbkLbXnu8tvTW81FB7BVBCj95OlRszXl8Kybuj8FxDlGYueci55ExN_CESDgc/s400/relocation.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5477438499301530450" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9IlBSVXIECf_U-4A6SocYjw3zkf9mWXyLY45p1DKZUoR41qThmfvE-JWJHeHfruR7-KWhhLAIx-BFUGNkjusOUUllOhLnnOAd8esNKPsyAjeaA6JddCT6CWrPTkNEt3y0NBDk6kf9AWA/s1600/TheHolidaySoundtrack.jpg"><br /></a><br />A few weeks ago i was asked... "if we needed you to re-locate to NY or LA would you consider?". Now you can imagine my reaction. Like 'hell yeah!" <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">lol</span><br /><br />I've always believed that where you live, where you are in your life, and what you do - all the external things, don't matter. Its who you are inside that counts and what you 'choose' to feel and how you 'choose' to act that determines your happiness. I mean if you live your life the way you want and always do the right thing by others, then how can you not feel good about yourself. Problems in your life always have a nasty way of following you and turning up when you least expect it, so running away doesn't help. However, there is something 'inspiring' about being given a fresh start....<br /><br />I'm not just talking about moving to LA either, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">i'm</span> talking about all things new... like new jobs, new people in your life and also new ideals and beliefs. Imagine that everything you used to be as the flora on each bank of the river, and you are say a twig floating down that river, the last thing you want to do is stagnate or get caught up in the reeds and foliage of just one particular belief, person, place or career.... if you do you might never make it to the ocean that symbolizes the bigger picture. Its super important to keep moving with the current beneath you, go where the wind takes you.<br /><br />As much as i loved blogging about dating and psychology, its not something that i can see myself investing too much thought into now. You see life is about exploration and adventure, and there are so many other places in the realm of philosophy and imagination to visit, as well as physical experience.<br /><br />When i started this blog i purposely named it something that meant a lot to me and always will... and that's the pursuit of truth and wisdom from life. There are no right answers or right ways to do things, and everyone is different. Trying to control or master certain aspects can be fun, but there's a danger with security through obsession. Do you ever really live if you box yourself into a corner?<br /><br />I like taking chances, even if they leave me high and dry. If you don't try you'll never know right and so taking the risk of moving abroad might be the worst thing <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">i've</span> ever done but at least i reached for the stars.<br /><br />Nothing can hold you back unless you make it that way, not anyone or anything in this world. I truly believe that. Imagine having no regrets because of that belief? because everything you do is the right thing for you, no matter what people say or books say or your ego tells you. Nothing is less true than your heart. And to live like you have nothing to lose but everything to gain, you have to listen to what it says.<br /><br />I realised yesterday that i react from the heart naturally. Its about doing something because your gut tells you to, because you truly care and because you have nothing to gain. Its unconditional love for yourself that drives it. Its easy to forget and ignore, easy to see yourself in a bad light because others say so, or because your ego is unfulfilled. Its easier to accept the fear of hurting others and being hurt, and acting the bitch.<br /><br />But strength comes from seeing your weaknesses and sharing them with people you care about, and opening your heart, to something more than what you allow to show on the surface, showing people the side that's not so together. And if they stick around, then that proves they are the coolest.<br /><br />Having new places and new people to think about is a good way to snap yourself back into the zone you should be... you know the one... the place where you are amazing and no one else can tell you different (If they don't like it they can get lost, why would you have someone in your life that treats you like dirt anyway?). So if something comes up that scares you, seems like a hell of an uncomfortable journey, go for it... all you are leaving behind are those who want to be left.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Lx</span>the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-67362645351041626312010-05-16T01:53:00.003+01:002010-05-16T02:01:21.168+01:00The Secret of the Butterfly...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsWlus646f1h_zh8m9SWg08sRfzW9JcCC1V-KyInm77PGZrvT9tN-obh7Uj8_wZvaJ0j1V6ubzfqySwEQkMvvPNFDk7aHXNH_mX9PkloxdcTKdLnhJUMMYQdue2dZOTTd4EHKwjo6P5yM/s1600/14277-Sad_butterfly.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 300px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5471665284462572546" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsWlus646f1h_zh8m9SWg08sRfzW9JcCC1V-KyInm77PGZrvT9tN-obh7Uj8_wZvaJ0j1V6ubzfqySwEQkMvvPNFDk7aHXNH_mX9PkloxdcTKdLnhJUMMYQdue2dZOTTd4EHKwjo6P5yM/s400/14277-Sad_butterfly.jpg" /></a><br />This is a story i felt i had to share. One of life's little reminders...<blockquote>A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day he saw a small opening in the cocoon. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and could go no further… so, the man decided to help the butterfly.<br /><br />He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But, it had a swollen body, and small shriveled wings. He continued to watch the butterfly, because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It was never able to fly.<br /><br />What he had done in his well intentioned kindness and haste and what he did not understand, was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required to get through the tiny opening were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.<br /><br />Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If nature allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been, and we could never fly.</blockquote><br />Good times ahead everyone. Just remember theres a reason for everything... and its always a good one!<br /><br />Lxthe.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-86419332757196838672010-05-03T21:24:00.000+01:002010-05-03T21:25:43.697+01:00How dominant should a guy be in a relationship... or every girl wants a white knight<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHdic8RgUPSYF-KsLqcshSXKmyR7H5C86DTjfdSJgWizz3aOYDxBRyMGelB0MMopdkVb5tXrXGFAhlrFGY4wpKQtfN0dHyrDTo3eBzs18sURcHPMDu9Kkm9GT_qkJLmHn0UNyuZ7v7-W0/s1600/waterhouse.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 242px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5467125977728843330" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHdic8RgUPSYF-KsLqcshSXKmyR7H5C86DTjfdSJgWizz3aOYDxBRyMGelB0MMopdkVb5tXrXGFAhlrFGY4wpKQtfN0dHyrDTo3eBzs18sURcHPMDu9Kkm9GT_qkJLmHn0UNyuZ7v7-W0/s400/waterhouse.jpg" /></a><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6PYokZx-RdMo_BddQlW1U5mk3Y-3XmEU83pUfVhOcGP5q7E9S9kxm3q33BYIhSfF8lGrMLCrBwYjdwsj-un_8PoZiwVr_9hvTEBqJPuoutovPZ_nfqIgsihts0gAaHDui3Q9J0gDN5RQ/s1600-h/2545_2808.jpg"></a><strong>Take 'blue-eyed guy'</strong>... <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> going to call him that because his other nickname is just too mean. I met him at bar through mutual friends. He seemed nice, a little young for me but only by a year or so. It was his eyes that did it. I'm a sucker for a pair of baby blues and his are dark blue and twinkle like big stars when he grins. I let him take my number mid-conversation flow.... first big mistake!, I should have waited until we at least stood up first. We went to leave and i found that he was at least 2 inches shorter than me. Yes, yes i know height <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">isnt</span> everything and i was wearing mega call-girl heels that night, but 2inches!!</div><br /><div>To alleviate the pain of this and to give him a sporting chance... i searched everywhere in the shops for a pair or sexy flats to wear for our 'first date'. Conclusion - there are no such things as 'sexy flats'. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ok</span> then, heels it is. In honour of that decision i decided to go all out and wear my new, deliciously sexy, over the knee boots, teamed a cute nautical date dress (that could be considered a shirt by some but sod it who cares), some <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">dangly</span> earring and a few well placed <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">curles</span> to <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">volumize</span> my hair.... one last look in the mirror <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">confirmed</span> i should have been wearing a warning sign saying 'too hot to handle'. Maybe it was overkill for a first date with a guy that probably wont see ever again, but girl has to look good right? And you never know who you might meet. Rule no.1, always be prepared.<br /></div><div></div><div>But i should have known better. From the get go it was a non-starter. I just couldn't get past the height issue. I love that feeling of being safe with my guy, and if i can see over the top of his head how can he protect me from anything? I kept wanting to pat his head like his big sister. </div><div></div><div><strong>You see the man in the relationship has to have the illusion of courage and power,</strong> or at least some sort of dominance. Otherwise the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">relationship</span> runs the risk role reversal, where she ends up wearing the trousers after losing respect and confidence in him as a man. Some women don't mind short men as this <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">doesn't</span> trigger an automatic loss of respect, but for me it doesn't sit well with my notion of a guy that can take care of me. Its what <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">i'm</span> not attracted to and i can't change that despite all those really cool guys out there that just don't make it to the 6ft mark. </div><div></div><div>Still i tried but the crunch came when he came to kiss me and i had to lean down to meet his lips. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ewww</span> factor big time. Hastily made my excuses and ran for it.</div><div></div><div>But its not just height... there are other factors too. I've dated a guy who had issues with drugs and drinking. Watching him break <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">someone's</span> arm because the guy look at you or sitting in some strangers house while he deals coke made me feel vulnerable and scared. Even though he was taller than me, and stronger in every way... his lack of self control or willpower made me feel unsafe. </div><div></div><div>At the end of the day the guy you choose has to be able to gain your trust and induce the right attractors to make you feel comfortable around him. Its a fine line really and i have asked myself... </div><div></div><div><strong>where does "dominance start to be become a weakness?"</strong> </div><div></div><div>In this age of equality, women want to be treated the same as men. but <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-error">theres</span> a catch. We also want to be respected as women. Its confusing for a guy right? how dominant should i get with her. If i relent will she see that as a sign of weakness or will she think <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_13" class="blsp-spelling-error">i'm</span> a cold, callus bastard?</div><div></div><div><strong>No man wants to see contempt or even worse disappointment in the eyes of a girl he's trying to love.</strong> Its like a hand of death. He wants to be your white knight, and if a girl admires him he will do anything to keep that admiration.</div><div></div><div>Being a girl i can vouch and say that boys most of the time you'll get it wrong because you think <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_14" class="blsp-spelling-error">theres</span> a magic formula to get her to adore you. There isn't.... Its a case of understanding her fears and not taking her questions or insecurity as a personal sleight on you but not letting her walk all over you either. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_15" class="blsp-spelling-error">Thats</span> when she will realise you are her rock and the adoration will come naturally, when she can depend on you to always be the same strong foundation, whatever the weather.</div><div></div><div>So the questions remains, what is the right amount of dominance in relationships? Well in my opinion a guy can push beyond what he thinks of as being too dominant, as long as it doesn't infringe on her rights...</div><div></div><div><strong>1. Not being afraid to physically show you are present</strong> - <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_16" class="blsp-spelling-error">theres</span> a difference between man-handling her and being firm. Holding her waist, touching briefly upper arm, leading her to your destination by the hand, gently pulling her hair back while you kiss... these gestures tell her you are in the room and are confident enough to close that gap in personal space without being asked.</div><div></div><div><strong>2. Asserting your opinion and sticking to it</strong> - If its important to you don't relent, but don't be a bully and give her the silent treatment afterward. You've made your point, now drop it. Otherwise its like the male version of nagging. Reward her for <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_17" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">listening</span> to you or she'll just start to avoid causing any clash in the future for fear of you retreating into your shell.</div><div></div><div><strong>3. Being a leader and making choices for both of you</strong> - the small choices though, not the big ones. Its nice when you decide on the restaurant or what colour dress she looks better in, but not deciding on who her friends should be or where you should live.</div><div></div><div><strong>4. Looking out for her and taking her side</strong> - loyalty is important for making a girl feel safe. She has to know you've got her back whatever happens, against friends, against family etc. At least be neutral. Your her champion remember...</div><div></div><div><strong>5. Being confident enough to hold your own in her environment</strong>- don't get cocky and showoff or be rude to her friends as a way to hide your 'out of your depth feeling' and don't stick by her side all night either. Find a couple of people you know to chat with and just don't get too drunk so that she can have the freedom to relax and let loose.</div><div></div><div><strong>6. And lastly don't hesitate</strong> - just do it, say it and be it already. very very attractive quality. </div><div></div><div><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_18" class="blsp-spelling-error">Lx</span></div><div></div><br /><br /><br /><div></div>the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-19866618077251357832010-04-15T21:20:00.015+01:002010-04-15T23:08:59.831+01:00The key to happiness...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG_B_9gSJVAMoW2YjHpTK_b-sOzlG64b6KYgOyyfj6mDumEGdVZtp-MwwdxnS25nVQpqgOQy3ne9FBFstKE-kjUreD8kDpgBSOY0GqukAPyq8MYpeb-bjhyphenhyphen3OgLmhCs2Bi8uydd0CRLi4/s1600/key.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 176px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5460484027737025522" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG_B_9gSJVAMoW2YjHpTK_b-sOzlG64b6KYgOyyfj6mDumEGdVZtp-MwwdxnS25nVQpqgOQy3ne9FBFstKE-kjUreD8kDpgBSOY0GqukAPyq8MYpeb-bjhyphenhyphen3OgLmhCs2Bi8uydd0CRLi4/s400/key.JPG" /></a><br /><em><strong>... is right where you are standing.</strong></em><br /><br />I was told that once by a close friend of mine when i called him to have my daily rant about all the wrongs in my life and how if i just moved to another country it would all be so much better!<br /><br />And as always he was right. We all go through dark periods, or times when we feel hurt, or others disappoint us so much we react badly. And its perfectly natural to blame someone else or even to blame yourself. But the key to really moving on from every set back, being happy, confident and successful, is to <strong>forgive, understand and accept</strong>... in that order.<br /><br />And anyone can do this any time, anywhere, whatever the situation. And <strong>here are some exercises that can help:</strong><br /><br /><span style="color:#993399;"><strong>1) The art of appreciation:</strong> I love writing lists. Many people think its a complete waste of time writing things down because you can keep the list in your head... wrong. The action of writing words actually sets off a chain of recognition in your brain, almost at sub-<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">conscious</span> level, to bring your attention the points on your list more often than not. In other words, you write it - you notice it. So with that in mind (no pun intended!) the best way to appreciate what you already have is to write a huge, detailed list once a week of everything you have to be thankful for. Break down each category (career, love, family, social etc) into a multitude of great things you have right now to enjoy, and then further flesh these out to say why you enjoy them.</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#000099;"><strong>2) Pivoting your <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">pov</span>:</strong> anything and everything that happens in your life, whether you caused it or someone else did to you can be pivoted. Its a great technique for seeing the silver lining in everything or realising that 'everything is a good thing'. Imagine that how you feel about a situation is like a coin. There are two sides- one bad and one good. Its easy and logical that the bad side makes you feel... well crap and the the good side makes you feel wonderful, so if you know that to be a fact, and you can control which side of the coin you experience just by flipping it. Choose to believe or focus on only the positive thoughts or outcomes of the situation. Tell yourself why its the best thing since sliced bread. How does it benefit you? Realise its never going to be worse that this, and truly you've lost only what you allow. Each situation teaches you something... at least you won't have to learn it again next time round. If nothing be happy for your clarity.</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#009900;"><strong>3) Be good company:</strong> I can't stand to be around myself when <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> moping. I'm actually quite boring and tiring to even myself, let alone other people. Knowing what you're worth is a perfect place to start so write a page on your good qualities and why you're an amazing person, or soon to be... then dump the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">saddo</span> you've become in favour of the new you. Refuse to grieve/mope/moan any longer as you deserve some better company than that! and whatever brings you down will never be enough to waste your life over. Focus on knowledge that when you're positive, confident, appreciative, like who you are and can forgive the actions you've taken to get to this point, others will also like you and forgive you too. Anything that is dynamic and moving and inspiring is attractive, and 'like attracts like'... so if you want inspiring, happy, great friends/people around, the change starts with you.</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#cc0000;"><strong>4) Set personal goals:</strong> Having something to aim for is <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">fundamental</span> to your mental health. You can set daily, weekly, yearly or even lifetime goals to inspire you to act. They can range from stupid things like '7 dates in 7 days' to real skills like 'learn <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">spanish</span>' (the former <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">i've</span> actually been <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">committed</span> to do next month!). Better to get a group of friends and set goals together that each achieve something for one person. So say your friend is wanting to lose weight... together you can set a goal to join the local pole dancing class and aim to be able to hold your own weight off the ground by <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">christmas</span>. You'll have fun thinking up strange and wonderful goals and seeing them pan out over time (and if you're interested i have an online group starting next month so </span><a href="mailto:lisaxx@gmail.com"><span style="color:#cc0000;">email</span></a><span style="color:#cc0000;"> me if you want to join!).</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#666600;"><strong>5) See the bigger picture:</strong> my housemate has converted me to being able to watch horror. Now if you know me you would understand Lisa does not watch/enjoy/like anything scary in the movie world. However i am now able to watch 'Supernatural' without hiding behind a pillow or screaming and having nightmares every night. How? Well its only because i KNOW the two heroes in the series (who are very hot i might add) are still alive in series 3/4 and we are only watching series 1. So the bigger picture tells me all will be <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">ok</span>, well and most importantly the main characters don't die (especially Dean, with the long-lashed, blue eyes and 2 day old stubble smile i can't get enough of). How does this apply to life? Well if each setback or shit-hits-the-fan drama in your life is the creepy ghost per episode, it only stands to reason that as the main character you will survive and live for another series. Losing your job, lover or loved one is not the end of the world like it may seem at the peak of emotion. As always <em>this too shall pass....</em></span><br /><br />Right time to sign off get back to my own show.<br /><br />But heres a little Jensen Ackles (aka Dean from Supernatural) to keep you toasty until next time....<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBQyKowxn-MdcjiNAHyvJLoFg5jeJx1aWwXh79nxA81WHzNNxQnHreweCq8ELUJ9YIrR-zzLnMC3KaCksZdyLODmTdy5uvfA3vah1KQgSRg8_ctoeaQQIiGccSeIUAnCDf8BzZolK1spE/s1600/33051-jensen_ackles.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 267px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5460489422553996994" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBQyKowxn-MdcjiNAHyvJLoFg5jeJx1aWwXh79nxA81WHzNNxQnHreweCq8ELUJ9YIrR-zzLnMC3KaCksZdyLODmTdy5uvfA3vah1KQgSRg8_ctoeaQQIiGccSeIUAnCDf8BzZolK1spE/s400/33051-jensen_ackles.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br />Luv ya<br /><br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">Lx</span>the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-2033598182907813062010-04-06T05:19:00.006+01:002010-04-06T05:44:14.125+01:00Im the girl guys sleep with before The One...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhwCoBH3JqCn7qJXafupTcNZkCUDX6c5PgMjQ71Ep7P202Jre9ihqUvWbOl9DmydEWcWXsbA9Jn_ncgvV15wcp48_GUpoY2DmpDSPmCQdVaOfBhPLPovaLlBsiSEKvcz78G2qjhRIkyEU/s1600/jessica-alba-good-luck-chuck-1.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 366px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5456874453168442386" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhwCoBH3JqCn7qJXafupTcNZkCUDX6c5PgMjQ71Ep7P202Jre9ihqUvWbOl9DmydEWcWXsbA9Jn_ncgvV15wcp48_GUpoY2DmpDSPmCQdVaOfBhPLPovaLlBsiSEKvcz78G2qjhRIkyEU/s400/jessica-alba-good-luck-chuck-1.jpg" /></a><br />... like in that film "Good Luck Chuck" (without the sexy <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">jessica</span> <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">alba</span> above of course).<br /><br />Its happened to every ex-lover or ex-boyfriend of mine so far. They get with me its great. But after me they meet that girl, the one who could be "The One". I'm like the last wild sex act before they <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">commit</span>, only they don't know it at the time. Its only after when they call me to tell me they're happily married/engaged/in-love that it dawns on me. And tonight it hit me after it happened with a guy who pretty much told me that it never would when i told him of my track record... maybe <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> cursed?<br /><br />Of course i know <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> joking. After my initial crying myself to sleep at the news <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> pretty much <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">ok</span> about it. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">Im</span> actually really happy for him, and for all of the other guys out there that have slept with me and found love too ;) Truth is these men were never for me. And i wouldn't want them to lose out on something good just to keep me from getting upset.<br /><br />Of all my ex-lovers and ex-boyfriends, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">i've</span> never wanted to keep in touch with any of them after. Mainly because there was too much emotion or attraction. I'm glad to say that the last guy, i very much want to still be able to talk to one day... and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> sitting here with a smile on my face while i write this. Of all the men i know, he's the one that deserved to find that someone the most. It took a lot of courage for him to tell me and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> glad he did and just wish one day i could tell him this for real. But for now, while he needs me to go away... this blog will have to do.<br /><br />And possibly i shouldn't tell guys that going out with me will lead them to love. They'd probably all run for the hills? ... or would they ;)<br /><br />All i know is i am not going to do a chuck and test this theory on some super fat, ugly bloke!<br /><br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">Lx</span>the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-57082248047230812532010-04-05T15:02:00.006+01:002010-04-05T16:27:01.503+01:00The art of letting go of a guy...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZvGWlNxrV6fdyb0im2CWTKvs04DpVks8nrwrTZ2B963EZBxprXlwgCzeVQVqq5Vjl5V0mpmauSl3h_XWFkhTVIl1baKfLio3xaPdCyNhA-7h5VycHvWnUZsBAtS0g5pOYaCQ-jgggGC0/s1600/balloons.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 270px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5456653770658536274" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZvGWlNxrV6fdyb0im2CWTKvs04DpVks8nrwrTZ2B963EZBxprXlwgCzeVQVqq5Vjl5V0mpmauSl3h_XWFkhTVIl1baKfLio3xaPdCyNhA-7h5VycHvWnUZsBAtS0g5pOYaCQ-jgggGC0/s400/balloons.jpg" /></a><br /><div><strong>I'm not very good at this... I have to really and truly believe someone is a bad person for me to let them go.</strong> It's worse when its a guy i care about, the one who always redeems himself at the final straw. I'm a sucker for seeing the best in people. And i always seem to get hurt trying to make them see it too, giving second chances over and over again.</div><br /><p><div><strong>But me im like a lot of girls. We just can't <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">separate</span> our feelings.</strong> Its like our brains are a classic family <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">sunday</span> dinner plate - all the feelings are piled high and mixed up, no boundaries between the types of thoughts, in fact everything just one brown mess. At work its hard to leave behind our day dreams of love, during sex we start to drift into musings about our wardrobe... we just can't compartmentalize. Not the way men do. </div><br /><p><div>And as product of our entangled minds, we find it hard to move things about. Its not easy to put that guy out of your mind for a few months, and then pick up where you left off when it suits. We can only put to bed thoughts and feelings that have run their course completely - so for a meaningful friendship or relationship to end... we girls usually have to get hurt beyond repair before we will finally let go with no intention of ever looking back.</div><p><div><strong>After talking to a lot of guys about this topic, i can see this is not the way it happens for a man.</strong> You see his brain is like one of those <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">tv</span> dinner trays... loads of little compartments for each type of thought. And when he's indulging in work, nothing else exists, and likewise for the company he keeps. And guys also have this hidden compartment where they can hide thoughts and feelings for weeks, months, years even from their own consciousness. And when a certain situation doesn't sit with a guy and its not his priority right now, he can utilise this hidden part of his brain to forget the situation while he focuses on the moment in front of him. This does mean that if those feelings are strong, that when they do eventually surface, he will have to deal with the emotions he <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">suppressed a while ago</span> (this explains those men that always come back too late). But most guys just stick everything in there (meaningful or not) and sometimes they never surface. </div><p><div><strong>What this <em>does</em> mean is that guys don't let things go like women think they do.</strong> </div><p><div>How many times have i heard a girl say <em>"but he acts like he doesn't care. how can he be so cold after we were so close".</em> Its because he hasn't let it go in the way women let things go. When a girl decides to finally let go, its because she is left with no other choice. She'll never see him in the same way ever again. The feelings she had have been killed for good and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">theres</span> no going back. But a man finds it easy to let go, because in essence hes not, he's just not thinking about it anymore, and so <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">doesn't</span> exist.</div><p><div>As a girl who knows this, <strong><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">i've</span> tried to use the man-technique and 'not think' about my feelings,</strong> but my brain being a pile of mush means that the feeling/thought is not hidden very well and on days when <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> feeling like the world is out to get me (in my well as 'Mars/Venus' expert John Gray would say)... it all just merges into one big emotion. Then all i want to do is sit on my bed/sofa and watch sad movies until i cry my heart out. </div><p><div>This is when transference happens, and if something you felt you didn't care about last week emerges, suddenly it becomes the most important thing in the world. And say you just had a bad day at work, or your cat died.... all your hurt transfers to something <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">thats</span> been bobbing just beneath the surface, say an old flame didn't text you back, and BANG, he was the love of your life and you just can't live without him! Its only after you've had a bath, done your make-up and gone out drinking with a friend... you look good, and you know it, and you're back to your confident, sassy self... that you realise just how pathetic you were about 3 hours ago when u hid under the duvet with a pillow to hug, mascara running down your face.</div><p><div>Sometimes it sucks to be a girl....</div><div></div><div>But remember at least when we do walk away from something, be that a crap job, an old flame or a bad friend, we don't look back with regrets.</div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">Lx</span></div>the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-40088783565737441502010-03-20T10:47:00.023+00:002010-03-21T10:58:56.508+00:00My guide to 'dating' when you're nearly 30...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPzNIngQvjHV8p3w3p49K4XP8W8n1RMHwbpll84APCChyphenhyphenPiADRcbNr3SIsUUbzSVTnb6oOWDclCSn8d4fCdLjviO1YgimXdAedtBs2Qma71i6RFMT5fLmJUQ-dHxAyNBxdVVpQd6uk1Wk/s1600-h/13-going-on-30-1.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 267px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5450711486294154866" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPzNIngQvjHV8p3w3p49K4XP8W8n1RMHwbpll84APCChyphenhyphenPiADRcbNr3SIsUUbzSVTnb6oOWDclCSn8d4fCdLjviO1YgimXdAedtBs2Qma71i6RFMT5fLmJUQ-dHxAyNBxdVVpQd6uk1Wk/s400/13-going-on-30-1.jpg" /></a><br /><div><strong>This is what every girl should aspire to have at 30...</strong></div><strong></strong><div><br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">ok</span> so i know everything in a girls life is not about your walk-in, crammed to the hilt, designer wardrobe... but it comes close! For me, looking at all the things i have right now (such as doing a little happy dance in my imaginary walk-in, crammed to the hilt, designer wardrobe) reminds me that "i made it!" - I have independence (my own money), power (a great career), style (of course), social status (lots of good friends and places to take them to), romance (a lover or two if i want one) and i have all this without needing anyone. </div><div><br />Not to brag but i do, i love my life right now. <strong>And the best thing is that <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> not even close to being 'in love'</strong> - the way i feel right now can last forever, because its not reliant on anyone but me.... And you know how good that feels? It feels amazing! And even if i got pregnant and had to leave my job and lovely <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">london</span> and move back with my parents (god i hope not),then at least i did it and lived the life so many of my married friends are jealous of.<br /><br />Still its not been a journey without tears. I've come out of losing love (quite a few times), <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">i've</span> come from a place where <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">i've</span> really hated my job, or had no money what so ever... and its hard to see out of your own <span style="color:#000000;">mess</span>, the one that is still a comfort to you because its <em>what you know</em>, even though you hate it. </div><div><br />But <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">theres</span> always a way through the mess... and first step is visualising the way you want your life to be and living as though you already have it (then of course going out and getting it!) Of course its harder than it looks. Of the things that used to hold me back, the main obstacle was a stupid 'fear' of losing what 'little' i had when taking the risk to look for something more. I also used to (and still do to an extent) not believe in myself. And above all wanted someone to fix everything for me (like my bf).<br /><br /><strong>Its the society we live in that makes the last one 'a sure thing', believing everything will get better if we just find 'The One'.</strong><br /><br />What a load of crap.<br /><br />Things get harder surely... because not only do you have to sort out your own problems, on top of all that you have to worry about someone else. Love is a double-edged sword... which don't get me wrong is so amazing when you find intense passion and attraction equally in someone else, but its also a delicate balance of emotions, time and energy. And you have to have a full bank of all these things just to get started, never mind keeping the fires burning.<br /><br />Now <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> getting older (and wiser?) i agree with the men at least. When the time comes i will settle down (its inevitable) but right now i just can't see it. I love my freedom and want to enjoy it before the nappies and the late nights appear. And <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">i'm</span> only ever able to see a guy have potential enough to become part of my immediate future when <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">i've</span> started to trust him enough to open up my heart. Which happens rarely with me... in fact has happened only once in the last five years (and sadly he <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">didnt</span> deserve it).<br /><br /><strong>So dating when you're no longer in your 20s... how does it work?</strong> </div><div></div><div>Dating as you get older has taught me men can be more hassle than they're worth, so they have to be worth it... 100% worth all that heartache and drama once dating becomes 'something more'.</div><div><br /></div><div></div><div></div><div>Someone asked me once <em>'do you want me or do you just want a boyfriend'</em>.... </div><div></div><div>i didn't know the answer at the time because i wanted him to be my boyfriend - both seemed the same thing. Now time has passed and i don't see him that way anymore, i realise i <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">definitely</span> do not <em>just want a boyfriend</em>. The reason i persisted so much with him was because he was the person that i wanted to be with, despite his flaws... 'he had me at hello' you might say. But you're right in thinking that feeling doesn't come along very often. And in my experience its either there at the start (theres something about them you just can't put your finger on) or its not. </div><div><br /></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div>So if thats the case should you date? Well one should only date, for <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-error">dating's</span> sake, <u>if</u> you feel you don't know how to date, or never seem to meet anyone. Dating can open your eyes... shows you there are always guys out there (plenty) if you 'just want (or need) a boyfriend', and it helps you define your preferences. But dating has its limits, and after the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_13" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">initial</span> 'thrill' of dating multiple potential suitors... you just, well, get bored. Especially if you're confident to know you can easily get a boyfriend if you want one, and you know what you want.<br /><br /><strong>In fact.... *shock & horror* <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_14" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> not dating anymore</strong> (prob why <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_15" class="blsp-spelling-error">i've</span> stopped posting on this blog, as i have nothing new to say on the subject til now - mind on other things). I've got to a point where i can spot a great guy almost immediately, so dating for <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_16" class="blsp-spelling-error">dating's</span> sake has become an ex-hobby of mine. I just have better things to do.... and i don't want a guy trying to change me or demanding some (or all) of my time, or taking up my emotional energy just now (in otherwords a boyfriend without the 'you had me at hello' feeling). He'd just do my head in...<br /><br /><strong>So on that note, let me say this to all the women out there approaching 30 who 'feel' they need or want a guy in their lives, or still thinking about dating for <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_17" class="blsp-spelling-error">dating's</span> sake:</strong><br /><br />1. Women come in to their sexual peak at 29-35.... we have <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_18" class="blsp-spelling-error">soooo</span> much more to look forward to (and if its just sex you're missing see pt.5!)</div><div><br />2. Women can have children on their own. Men have to find a decent girl if they want kids... in other words who cares about your ticking clock? Freeze your eggs or find a donor if you're that desperate </div><div><br />3. Dating guys you aren't attracted to costs time an effort. If you don't think his bald patch and needy midnight texts are cute now... you are probably never going to. And if you settle, you'll only leave him later. </div><div><br />4. If you do date guys you are attracted to, don't put all your eggs in one basket. When are you ever going to be free, gorgeous (and rich) enough to do this again? </div><div><br />5. Its <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_19" class="blsp-spelling-error">ok</span> to have one night stands with your exes. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_20" class="blsp-spelling-error">Afterall</span> they don't count and you know it'll be good (should be if you're even thinking about going back there again) </div><div><br />6. Don't text back if you don't want to. Its not rude, its being economical. And <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_21" class="blsp-spelling-error">heres</span> a tip. if you respond, even to be polite, he thinks you're interested. And remember how you felt when a guy who <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_22" class="blsp-spelling-error">wasnt</span> just kept stringing you along... </div><div><br />7. Spend about 60-70% of your free time pampering yourself. You have the money now, so go book that spa day, buy those amazing clothes, get your hair done (eyebrows, nails, [insert high-maintenance body part here]), and go out and have fun (not trawl around looking for men, they only take your money anyway and you'll end up watching <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_23" class="blsp-spelling-error">dvds</span> on the sofa in your gym gear together most <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_24" class="blsp-spelling-error">saturday</span> nights when you finally find one) </div><div><br />8. Try not get drawn into discussions or whine about with your <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_25" class="blsp-spelling-error">gfs</span> 'how much you want a man' or 'how all men are bastards (they are not and most are great to flirt with when you're bored)'<br /></div><div></div><div>9. Wherever you go make sure you look fabulous (you can afford to spend hours getting ready right?), when you are in the room you are <em>in the room</em>, don't let your mind wander, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_26" class="blsp-spelling-error">dont</span> worry about looking stupid (older you are the more you get away with it) and that smile (<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_27" class="blsp-spelling-error">afterall</span> everyone wants to be you... married women want your freedom, younger girls want your experience, and girls who need men to buy them drinks wish they had a smidgen of your ambition so they could afford to buy their own). </div><div><br />10. And lastly a great friend of mine (who is <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_28" class="blsp-spelling-error">italian</span> so has a very different outlook on life) is always saying to me 'men are just details, why bother about them? nice to have but should be the last thing you think about no?'<br /><br />Exactly.<br /><br />p.s <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_29" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> not 30.... yet</div>the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-42097270004251052672010-02-03T22:34:00.016+00:002010-02-04T10:57:41.346+00:00"My control drama is..." or "anger management for dummies"<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8zILe65zAzE9Gtlz5rEjIzN2fVv9ctKM3JLvDTla4zLAUrUi3amet5t7_exNAWRH0LtGO1KcZ1yVWluItHwcXFabPPorw_KTkgRYUYq9yI9U8dXoyKGdVF3GsxR5AyZkw8UhTZUR7Yog/s1600-h/emolove.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 300px; display: block; height: 253px;" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5434174059606523730" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8zILe65zAzE9Gtlz5rEjIzN2fVv9ctKM3JLvDTla4zLAUrUi3amet5t7_exNAWRH0LtGO1KcZ1yVWluItHwcXFabPPorw_KTkgRYUYq9yI9U8dXoyKGdVF3GsxR5AyZkw8UhTZUR7Yog/s400/emolove.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div><div>When i rant about something i end to go on and on. Tonight, having dinner with Marshall was no exception. I was tired and very tense at the end of my tirade. He told me to 'chill'. I hate being told what to do, especially what to feel. I found myself getting defensive, interrogating him, asking him... well no telling him 'hey look i was just having a bad day'. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ok</span> that he understood. He relaxed into an easy smile, open and understanding, and asked if he could help. </div><div><br /></div><div></div><div>I sighed "You can't help me. Only i can change the way i feel about things." I felt like i was being brave and adult. Aware that this 'bad day' was all my own making.<br /></div><div></div><div>Marshall never judges me, but this time he held up his hands like he was giving up. i was a lost cause. "oh well bless you then" and started laughing more loudly. I told him to shut up, but as soon as i said it i grinned too. I wanted to hit him and hug him at the same time.</div><div><br /></div><div>"I'm angry all the time." I admitted to him, annoyed that i <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">didnt</span> know how to get past these pent up emotions without taking it out on those around me. Marshall nodded and winked the cheeky way he does sometimes. "Hey <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> the same. Why do you think we're attracted as friends? I see myself in you, so i understand you. But you know anger is caused by your frustration at wasted energy. All it takes someone to try to control you, take energy from you, and it traps you into giving it to them unwillingly. You don't like it so you get angry."</div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div>"Ok, but how do i go from feeling normal to suddenly wanting to bend iron?" It cant just be frustration surely?</div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div>"Well it starts by you blaming yourself because they make you feel bad. Then you blame them instead for making you feel that way in the first place. The negative energy has nowhere to go but outwards towards them. Strangely you are still giving that person your attention, even if it is negative, so they get what they want... your energy, your time, your focus. Because their behaviour gets them what they want, subconciously they may keep on doing it. We do what works, and so a cycle begins. Overall its your anger that fuels the fire without you realising it." </div><br /><div></div><div>I understood energy was the same as attention but i wasn't clear on how someone could trap you into giving them your energy. "<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ok</span>, so how to other people trap you into the cycle in the first place?" It was a simple question i know as there are many ways to make people angry. But it wasnt examples of stupid or provoking behaviour i wanted. I needed more definition. A theory.</div><br /><div></div><div>In all seriousness, thinking of the right words, he leaned back and raised an eyebrow with an air of authority (something <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">i've</span> never been able to do no matter how many times <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">ive</span> practiced in a mirror!). Marshall knew what kind of answer i was looking for, and of course he delivered. </div><div></div><div>"<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ok</span>, well you know about the four control dramas right?" I nodded. I did. Control dramas are the acts we perform that manipulate attention from other people... a way to be in control. </div><br /><div></div><div>He started to tick them off on one hand. "Intimidation, Interrogation, aloofness and.."</div><br /><div></div><div>"Poor me?" I add.</div><br /><div></div><div>"Yes exactly. In fact everyone has a dominant control drama, one of the four, in their life that they fall back into out of habit. Its up to us to recognise it, become aware of it and recondition ourselves to act in a different way. One that isn't controlling. For instance, which one do you think you are?"</div><br /><div></div><div>I pondered this question carefully, mainly because <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">i'd</span> never realised one was more dominant. "But i think <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">i've</span> used them all in the past." I admitted... a little <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">regretfully</span> because they are not nice things to use on other people no matter what the situation. Most of the time i don't even know <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">i'm</span> acting in this way because i can't see past how i feel at that time, and i always have an excuse that i tell myself to justify it all.</div><br /><div></div><div>"Yes of course everyone uses all four dramas, but there is one that is used the most by you. Look to your parents. What do they use, or more exact what did they use towards you when you were young? Your dominant control drama is usually fixed when you are young by those who bring you up."</div><br /><div></div><div>Now this i could see. Funny how you can see the flaws of others more readily than yourself <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">isnt</span> it? I told him what i thought their dramas were when i was younger, and what they were now. </div><br /><div></div><div>Immediately he had the answer. "You will be the opposite then, so your main drama is 'aloofness'." </div><div></div><div>I was about to disagree, because i thought i was probably either 'poor me' or '<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-error">intimidator</span>' from recent crossfires between those close to me. But looking back <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_13" class="blsp-spelling-error">i'm</span> actually very aloof, and a lot of people say this about me more than anything else. In fact no one has ever said i intimidate them or that i play the role of a victim. I'm always being told that <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_14" class="blsp-spelling-error">i'm</span> very closed, distant, and hard to get to know. Sheepishly i smiled and nodded. He had my control drama spot on.</div><br /><div></div><div>"Yes! yes you are <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_15" class="blsp-spelling-error">haha</span>! like that time you were avoiding me for weeks and weeks when you thought i was upset with you and you were angry at me.... and when i finally got hold of you, you were like 'I <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_16" class="blsp-spelling-error">wasnt</span> avoiding you. What do you mean? i was just busy and this and that. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_17" class="blsp-spelling-error">Dont</span> get so upset'. Can you see? the dominant control drama is very easily changed into the others when you are not aware. You switched from aloofness to interrogation when your aloofness <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_18" class="blsp-spelling-error">didnt</span> work anymore. Which is why you think you have all four. You do, but they are linked to the dominant one, and in such a way that once you get rid of it, your aloofness, the rest will go too." He grinned, glad he was right. I had to admit he had me pegged, and I very much wanted to (playfully) shove him off his chair. Honestly. Its like being teased by a annoying big brother.</div><br /><div></div><div>I grumbled. "<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_19" class="blsp-spelling-error">Hmmm</span>.... I guess you're right. Recently i argued with a friend, and instead of making it up or talking about it, i wanted to avoid it so <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_20" class="blsp-spelling-error">didnt</span> mention it again and contacted her a little less than usual. It seems when anything bad happens or i don't want to deal with it.... my way of controlling the situation is to leave it all together." </div><br /><div></div><div>"But" I added. "though i can't tolerate people who are 'poor me' or ' interrogator' types... naturally they either get me angry (intimidator) or i shut them off and get all distant (aloofness). I don't think <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_21" class="blsp-spelling-error">im</span> like that with people who are also 'aloof', l<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_22" class="blsp-spelling-error">ike</span> me. They tend to get me curious at first, maybe little frustrated with lack of communication, as a last resort i may get interrogator like. Thats kinda like nagging right? Still i find im more tolerant of people who are 'aloof', or i get angry with them less."</div><br /><div></div><div>Marshall took a sip of his tea. "Well of course. We are attracted to people we understand. You understand 'aloofness' because it is your main way of controlling. However if someone is better at it than you it also becomes a challenge and if you are sucked into the drama... it is always the opposite tact that you will adopt to try to gain control again. With aloof people you act 'interrogator' to get attention and as you know first hand they just shut you out even more... and 'poor me' types turn you into an '<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_23" class="blsp-spelling-error">intimidator</span>' to retaliate back when they use their drama to make you feel bad for them."</div><br /><div></div><div>I frowned. I <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_24" class="blsp-spelling-error">didnt</span> like being sucked in to drama or making people angry. Other people made me angry and i ended up annoyed with myself for losing my rag and annoyed with them for causing me to lose it. I asked him how to avoid such a situation happening. I didn't want to be controlled but i <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_25" class="blsp-spelling-error">didnt</span> want to try and control others either.</div><br /><div></div><div>"Just be aware and it will stop. As soon as you recognise your behaviour and theirs, you will become more understanding of why they are acting this way and more open to allow your attention to freely move towards them. After all <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_26" class="blsp-spelling-error">thats</span> all they want. Then, and only then will you not feel anger. The anger builds because you do not want to give. You are resisting it." </div><br /><div></div><div>"But <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_27" class="blsp-spelling-error">isnt</span> that giving in?" I wondered. </div><br /><div></div><div>"Nope. It is like being more evolved. Like a parent with a child, and knowing that the only way to move forward is through your maturity to see beyond the fight between you. When two kids fight over a toy, neither one can see that there is no point in fighting over the toy. They both want it and will act like spoilt children to get it. Throwing <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_28" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">tantrums</span> in a way." His eyes creased up in the corners as he said this, looking knowingly at me! "It is only when one is an adult that they can see that the toy is meaningless and can give it to the child and make him happy or brush aside the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_29" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">tantrum</span> itself with a little patience and understanding, as ultimately it will never deteriorate their love for the child."<br /></div><br /><div></div><div>I sat for a minute taking this in and suddenly felt tired. I must have looked it because Marshall shook his head. "Its difficult to do all the time, to be aware. I still get angry with others a lot.... "</div><div></div><div>"but of course" He gave a heartfelt sigh that said life was indeed hardwork "... you know <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_30" class="blsp-spelling-error">thats</span> because <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_31" class="blsp-spelling-error">i'm</span> always right!" His sudden stupid grin was infectious and i suddenly knew why i would always feel good around Marshall. </div><br /><div>He always knew how to make me laugh. And I did.<br /><br />"Yes! So being aware is the first step, but laughing is also good!" He chuckled loudly like he does while i was still laughing and the whole restaurant looked over at us doubled up over nothing. Sometimes its like that with Marshall. We just laugh.<br /></div>the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-45297722367669204162010-01-20T14:44:00.017+00:002010-01-21T14:14:19.367+00:00Communications Barriers Part 1 - 'Understanding women, their need to talk and what they want'<strong><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Theres</span> an issue/drama/miscommunication.... whatever. The first thing that happens? Women get upset, and the one thing they want to do is talk about it.</strong><br /><br />Why? <em>Well it makes us feel better...</em> And by talking about a problem and how we feel, we think that we'll eventually understand what went wrong in the first place. Its also about about having a safe space to open up, be understood and trust the other person not to punish us for being honest about our fears.<br /><br />Men, as most of you know, deal with their emotions internally. Its not often a guy will call up his friends to 'talk' about how he feels. In fact most men find this type of analytical approach draining and if he's an emotionally stunted individual he'll call it 'drama' and avoid it all together.<br /><br />Still even if he's a cool guy and willing to listen, its not fair to take him on the same <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">rollercoaster</span> ride of emotions as we experience it. 1. He wont be able to follow your breakneck speed of processing everything at once and will get confused. And 2. He'll either shut down completely or try an placate you with the phrase "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">i'll</span> do what you want".<br /><br />Killer that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">isnt</span> it Girls?<br /><br /><strong>So part 1 of this article is written for men on 'understanding women'</strong> and how not to get to the 'upset' part in the first place. Hopefully some of it will stick.<br /><br /><em><span style="color:#333399;"><strong>Rule 1. Simply to women... 'everything has a meaning'</strong></span></em><br /><br /><span style="color:#330099;">Men let me explain. Why she feels the need to talk is because (stupidly) she has given a whole range of reasons to every action you do (or don't do) and a double meaning behind everything you say (or don't say). Women just do this... don't ask why.</span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;">If for any reason she is feeling low/emotional (say time of the month or bad day at work) then that reason may turn out to be negative one. After a while the negative reasons build up, proving to her in a way you'll never understand, that you don't love her or care for her, until she needs you to reassure her with a 'talk' to make her feel better...</span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;">An example of this negative association:</span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>Her:</strong> hey so do you need me to pick you up from the airport?</span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>Him:</strong> what? oh no its <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">ok</span> now, John will drive up</span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>Her:</strong> oh <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">ok</span>... are you sure</span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>Him:</strong> yeah its fine. Don't trouble yourself.</span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em>*In her mind the reason is you either don't want to see her and spend time with her or don't think she can do the job as good as john.</em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;">Now all this anxiety on her part can be dispersed by simply adding the reason in yourself straight away:</span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>Her:</strong> hey so do you need me to pick you up from the airport?<br /><strong>Him:</strong> what? oh no its <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">ok</span> now. John will drive up, but only because i know you have work in the morning and as much as <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">i'd</span> love to see you, i may be a bit grumpy after the flight and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">i'd</span> hate for you to have to deal with me when <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">i'm</span> like that.</span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>Her:</strong> oh of course, i understand. I just wanted to see you.<br /><strong>Him:</strong> I know. We'll do something when i get back <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">ok</span>.</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#330099;">So if you don't give her a meaning she will look for one or make one out of thin air or even worse... her girlfriends will tell what the meaning is and it'll be 100x worse that the real reason (and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">thats</span> when you need to be digging your grave).</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#993399;"><em><strong>Rule 2. Never say "I'll do what you want"<br /></strong></em><br />I understand men want to make women happy. And that means finding out what they want and giving it to them right? So asking a girl "what do you want?" and then doing it seems like the best solution to the problem....</span><br /><span style="color:#993399;"></span><br /><span style="color:#993399;">Wrong. It will never work because again she will assign a reason to that type of behaviour and if she is feeling low/emotional at the time (and usually when guys reach this point the girl is a mess of tears and stuff) then she will give it a negative reason. That reason is '<em>he doesn't care what he does because he doesn't really care about me'...</em></span><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;"></span></em><br /><span style="color:#993399;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Ok</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">thats</span> a hard one. To a guy its logical. Its what you'd love to hear a girl say to you... but seriously you're putting what you'd want on her and expecting her to like it. Women need to feel that the guy cares and if you push all the responsibility of 'what to do'... whether it be a simple thing like what movie to see or something serious like staying friends after a breakup... she will see that as you don't. Because for women, taking responsibility requires effort, and effort to understand her and know her well means you care a hell of a lot. </span><br /><span style="color:#993399;"></span><br /><span style="color:#993399;">So how do you find out what to do? And i know you don't because so many times a guy has said to me "I can't win!"... My advice is to tell her what you want (with reasons!) and then let her decide if she wants to go along with it or not.</span><br /><span style="color:#993399;"></span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;"><em><strong>Rule 3. Don't punish her or take it personally if she wants to tell you how she feels about the relationship</strong></em></span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;"></span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;">Some men have this habit of thinking they are 'easy-going' or 'laid-back'. To women this feels like they are cold and distant, cut off from their feelings. They'll punish a girl by saying comments like 'oh just chill out', 'stop nagging' or '<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">don't</span> worry so much'.... and even worse just avoid her or refuse to engage, staring at her behind a mask of complete aloofness. This type of guy shifts the blame of the issue on to the girl by making her feel that she is 'wrong' to get so upset and that she is causing '<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">unnecessary</span> drama'.</span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;"></span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;">Sometimes that is the case... women can be drama queens i agree. But its all about balance. If she has shown to be understanding in the past, tolerated difficult behaviour from you on numerous occasions, then a drama queen she isn't. T</span><span style="color:#cc6600;">alk in a relationship should be more than just about fun or sex and shouldn't be taken as a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">criticism by him</span> when she is only expressing her fears.</span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;"></span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;"><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Without going into detail on how to deal with her emotions on a mature level... I'll leave you with </span>an article on the 3 signs of a healthy mature man. It should give you some tips on what women are looking for and its written by a guy of course so im hoping it will make more sense to the male brain than my girly chatter.</span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;"><a href="http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com/3-signs-of-a-healthy-mature-man">http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com/3-signs-of-a-healthy-mature-man</a></span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;"></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#000000;">Right en</span>ough beating up the men ;) part 2 will attempt to understand why guys do what they do and will follow shortly... stay tuned.</span><br /><span style="color:#000000;"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19"><span style="color:#000000;">Lx</span></span>the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-57550377318152530152010-01-12T23:31:00.019+00:002010-01-13T14:06:30.171+00:00The real reason why women flake...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM9qBh_hSp4is0TlZEnh01UNBUMAsjPksGGNhl_fXXjMWPEnepchUwGibhRVpWU9zxc0o8_A01U6nW47xqrhfelT_Die8bc-pstbkcRV08xwG3BimQB9TRMQPlEe5Kq9MjF_r7l_sBqSg/s1600-h/flake%20two%20break.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5426001217962300866" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM9qBh_hSp4is0TlZEnh01UNBUMAsjPksGGNhl_fXXjMWPEnepchUwGibhRVpWU9zxc0o8_A01U6nW47xqrhfelT_Die8bc-pstbkcRV08xwG3BimQB9TRMQPlEe5Kq9MjF_r7l_sBqSg/s400/flake%2520two%2520break.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><strong>So one minute everything is going well and you manage to hook a first/second date with that girl you really like.</strong> You're <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">texting</span>, flirting, looking forward to seeing how far she'll let you go when u finally meet... and then like a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">lightbulb</span> (or an oven) she no longer seems turned-on and interested, and even worse she cancels or flakes out on your date.<br /><br />So what went wrong?<br /><br />Boys, quite simply....<strong><em> <span style="color:#000000;">she has no emotional investment in you</span></em></strong> - the only reason a girl would continue to spend time on any guy, despite how much attraction you're pulling.<br /><br />Let me explain... us girls, we love to talk and 'connect'. Something almost akin to a myth among men that they often mistake having a connection with doing either of the following:<br /><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;"><em>'relentless grilling in the quest to know everything about her' (boring) </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>'uninvited sexual flirting that makes her skin crawl' (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">slimey</span>/gross)</em><br /><br />or<br /><br /><em>ditch the 'connection' side of things and hope that by not <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">texting</span>/flirting before the date she'll still want to meet.</em><br /></span><br />In all cases forget it. I'll give you some examples:<br /><br /><strong>The 'i cant be bothered to create a connection' technique</strong><br /><br />A guy i met once contacted me after he got back from travelling. We were in contact when he was away but to be honest his emails were so <em>'today we went skiing and saw the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">indigenous</span> monkeys that lived in the undergrowth of blah, blah..'</em> that shamefully i used to delete them before i read them just to have free space in my inbox again.<br /><br />Anyway he got back and text me to straight away to meet up. I remembered he was cute and said 'cool' as at the time i was willing give him a chance and to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">re-acquaint</span> myself with his personality. Me, i like to 'look forward' to meeting a guy and that means i want to have a smile on my face when his name pops up in my messages. Only i never got to a 'smile' with him... more of a half cheek twitch that is kinda like a silent '<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">meh</span>' only with less effort.<br /><br />His mistake was no matter how much i tried to keep flirty banter going on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">msn</span> or email, he cut it short everytime. In the end even i did not know why i had agreed to meet up when the time came and was unwilling to waste an evening with someone who <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">didn't</span> seem to want to indulge in some lighthearted flirting with me in any shape or form. It was like a blind date only worse cos i was worried that i <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">hadn't</span> forgotten his personality... maybe he just <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">didn't</span> have one?<br /><br /><strong>The 'do you know what i want to do to you' technique:</strong><br /><br />Another example is a close friend of mine met a guy who seemed really nice. She was initially attracted to him and actually was looking forward to setting another date, when a few days later he asked her if she wanted to know what he was thinking about. The conversation had been about weekend so she <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">wasn't</span> prepared for him to get sexual without her <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">initiating </span>that sort of chat first. She said 'sure' and regretted it almost immediately when he proceeded to tell her in glorious detail what he wanted to do to her right now. She was at work and it was 10am and she <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">hadn't</span> even kissed this guy yet. It was an immediate turn off.<br /><br /><strong>The 'question tennis or i<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">'m</span> practicing to be a hairdresser' technique</strong><br /><br />Guys who want to date me have this really bad habit of adding me on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">msn</span> and then grilling me non-stop about my life. I get so bored i tend to switch off and revert to one word answers. If i want to talk about myself i would ping a friend or write in my blog. It usually starts with 'how are you' and the they move on to ask about work, your house, your brother and sister, your pet hamster, your <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">msn</span> status, your weekend, your holiday... and politely you end up saying '<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">lol</span>' or 'u?' so the poor guy <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">isn't</span> just talking to himself.<br /><br />One guy actually persisted every day for over a year until he finally asked for my phone number. Sometimes i feel bad that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">i'm</span> not giving these nice guys a chance so in this instance i actually did. Weeks later he was still <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">texting</span> the same style of text over and over - the kind that i find i stop reading they are so boring and never have time to answer.<br /><br /><em>"how are you. did you have a good weekend/holiday/new year. fancy meeting up?"</em><br /><br />To his credit he was <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">persistant</span>... but nothing he said made me laugh or made me feel good. He was asking a question only friends and family could ask and get away with it. Put it this way.... <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">im</span> only going to spend the required minutes telling a 'real' friend how i was and if i had a good holiday or whatever because they've invested time and effort and we've shared many nice memories together. If a guy <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">i've</span> met once or twice and emailed a few times gets my number he is not a friend, he is a potential 'date' and so does not get that sort of treatment straight away. He has to earn my interest enough to give a decent and honest reply otherwise its similar situation to when you're stuck in the lift with a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">colleague</span> at work - you start a conversation about the weather to be polite... but really you <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">don't</span> care to know the answer and just want to listen to your <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">ipod</span>.<br /><br /><strong>So how can you create an 'emotional investment' so she will be looking forward to the date?</strong><br /><br /><span style="color:#cc0000;">1) Keep it kid-level and light-hearted. Don't ask her any 'meaning of life' questions that require a serious answer too soon, not unless u want to develop a friendship. She has plenty of 'real' friends to talk to about that stuff and later you can inch into that as a padding out of the relationship. For now, in the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">initial</span> stages, <strong>you're there to provide a fun, flirty distraction from the mundane</strong> everyday so she'll associate you with good times. You <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">don't</span> have to be a comedian and make jokes, but try chatting about topics that are 'abstract' and 'interesting', like fun facts, stupid/weird things you see, random links, making choices, picture messages, challenges etc</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#cc33cc;">2) Don't initiate anything 'naughty' in your chat unless you've already slept together, or at least kissed. Especially if she <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_30">hasn't</span> taken the conversation there herself, try not to make suggestions like <strong><em>'dress code: as little as possible'</em></strong> or <strong><em>'cocktails: screaming orgasms'</em></strong>. Not that these are instant turn-offs but it makes a girl think <em>'<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_31">ok</span> now <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_32">im</span> not so sure about you'</em>. This is because if you're not careful words to that effect can alert a girl on her 'guy who is only after one thing' radar and she'll wonder if you think shes so easy that you have the balls to say that to her and expect a reply. Even worse is when a guy goes all out and starts telling her his fantasies.... <em>like what were you thinking?</em> Text of course makes it less <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_33">awkward</span> to say stuff but if you <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_34">couldn't</span> say it to her face then <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_35">don't</span> say it at all.<br /><br />Of course to keep from ending up in the friends zone she has to know you find her attractive and want to sleep with her still. There are ways to make your admiration known, like calling her 'sexy' or 'gorgeous' or mentioning how hot she looks in her dress/picture... the key is to compliment at the same time. No girl can resist that ;)</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#6600cc;">3) Stay in light contact. If you want to be in the forefront of her mind and get her thinking of when she'll see you next, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_36">don't</span> disappear for 3 weeks without a word. You need to keep the fire burning, or at least the ashes warm. Of course its good to keep it sporadic, but <strong>anything more than about 3-5 days of not hearing from you will make her anxious</strong>, and over a week is asking for trouble. Now i know everyone is busy and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_37">im</span> not saying you need to initiate a full blown flirting phone call every 3 days.... a random text/email or pic <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_38">msg</span> is cute and fun enough to keep her chomping at the bit for more. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_39">Don't</span> over do it either. Contact her for a few days in a row then disappear for the weekend. One night chat for a few hours on the phone, another day send her a video clip link in an email. You <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_41">shouldn't</span> spoil the mystery of who you are in the first week of meeting by being <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_42">predictable</span> or by telling her <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_43">everything</span> there is to know about you. Drip in the actual facts about yourself over time, interspersed between random flirty chats about nothing in particular. It keeps the dating fresh and interesting and she'll never know what to expect.</span><br /><br />And finally <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_44">never </span>forget the things she tells you, try not to cancel twice in a row... and kiss her as soon as possible or risk ending up in the friends zone if you <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_45">don't</span>.<br /><br />Lxthe.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-33260034935366135872010-01-07T17:52:00.007+00:002010-01-07T18:45:36.793+00:00What a difference a day makes... or "the art of forgiving a man"My New Years gift to you ladies...<br /><br /><br /><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirZci0FAsPNyDUH8bqOroBMdgoDS0ZLmOS-orYug3dMjV7FGpD81vamDJnyU9z1r1DqPZzjQoavxFLz-vGmeeJRwTdJe1QEf4WHRzDxO71yGPoDegKTAvztIrz7ebVro8GGk4iG74oDU4/s1600-h/cw-thevampirediaries-prt-pwesley_038061-581b33-281x374.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5424057545743498706" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 281px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 374px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirZci0FAsPNyDUH8bqOroBMdgoDS0ZLmOS-orYug3dMjV7FGpD81vamDJnyU9z1r1DqPZzjQoavxFLz-vGmeeJRwTdJe1QEf4WHRzDxO71yGPoDegKTAvztIrz7ebVro8GGk4iG74oDU4/s400/cw-thevampirediaries-prt-pwesley_038061-581b33-281x374.jpg" border="0" /></a> Meet Paul Wesley, rising star in the new teen-drama hit 'the vampire diaries'.... *sigh* and yes i too get shivers all over just looking at this picture ;)<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Ok</span></span> back to the article...<br /><br /><strong><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Sooo</span></span> every morning i wake up</strong> and for a barest of minutes while i slumber between wake and dreaming, there is nothing on my mind. It is empty. And then it dawns like a bad memory and the unresolved emotions come flooding back to bite me in the ass. There lies a soft sadness that lingers at the back of my throat. Noted i proceed to get up and get out and on with my day.<br /><br /><strong>It takes me the next 12 hours</strong> of walking, reading, working, people watching and eating to fully dissolve that sadness into nothing. I've devised this concept of fully immersing myself in feeling, whatever it is, and riding it out. I don't mean moping or dwelling on it like a stroppy teenager, i mean taking whatever raw emotion it is and tracing it back to the source. I want to know where it comes from, how it developed, what makes it better/worse, i want to understand every aspect of this feeling until it feels like nothing but a gift of knowing myself better.<br /><br /><strong><em>By nighttime the feeling has been transformed from "this really hurts me" to "this was never about me"...</em></strong><br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Forgiveness</span> isn't about condoning what someone did to you in the past<strong>.</strong> Its not about saying that you are worth less because you accept the way they treated you. Its about accepting it and realising others only hurt you because they were in some form of fear about their own lives.<br /><br /><em><strong>... it was always about them.</strong><br /></em><br />and when you finally accept this opportunity to become more open and less judgemental, to learn the lesson, well you let go and finally move on. And dump the not-so-desirable <em>emotional baggage</em> that makes you feel drained just carrying it around all day.<br /><br />Until this week i was still carrying the pain and hurt from a very old relationship. I had never forgiven him. Funny because i <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">didn't</span> even realise i needed to forgive. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">That's</span> how arrogant i can be. But not forgiving keeps you stuck in the past, living in denial-ville (thank you Isa), and repeating the same mistakes and accusations over and over and over.</p><p>I got no room for this baggage in 2010. Time to travel light i say.<br /><br />L x</p>the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-73688105144355876912009-12-31T12:19:00.005+00:002009-12-31T13:11:00.618+00:00"Don't become a guy's practice run"...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinRAyPinnhiS-vjqZTc10r0CCs0xv6AL0WwnYARlBvWFmmUQr6XdVbxC5tBM_VBz-PmN94B-4X0JHx_oeP8miOJ5OJlPW4C0NC74GaX4sPfE9rfEmPEE7vcHDSeEwRa0cZnLJUp3SALho/s1600-h/training_wheels_motorcycle.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5421374104861634002" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinRAyPinnhiS-vjqZTc10r0CCs0xv6AL0WwnYARlBvWFmmUQr6XdVbxC5tBM_VBz-PmN94B-4X0JHx_oeP8miOJ5OJlPW4C0NC74GaX4sPfE9rfEmPEE7vcHDSeEwRa0cZnLJUp3SALho/s400/training_wheels_motorcycle.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />... I told my friend, after she called me last night upset, confused and deeply hurt by a guy she felt she was still in love with.<br /><br /><strong>What is it? Well, its a bit like being in the 'friends zone' </strong>except in the past you've been more than that, but ultimately its worse, because you know what you are missing once its over because you got a taste, a teaser of what it could be like 'if only'.... like Christmas presents and weekends away, meeting a few of his selected friends and feeling occasionally like you're part of his life, like full blown dates and that soft fuzzy closeness later on... essentially you're the girl he dates before he meets the one, you're the training wheels, you're the practice run.<br /><br />And it hurts once it hits home that he'll never love you the way you love him. You're comfortable and you're reliable, and always there... but wake up! you'll always be second best. He is looking for someone else while he uses you to fill the gaps in his life. Men get lonely too and dating is hard. And how nice it is that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">theres</span> someone there to soften the frustration of it all.<br /><br /><strong>I wish i could tell you that its easy to spot and that you'll see it a mile away, but it isn't.</strong> This type of denial only becomes apparent when, even though you're just friends now, he just keeps on hurting you. I used to think that if a girl wasn't sleeping with the guy then that defined the relationship as 'just friends' and made it <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">ok</span>. But truth is, there are many aspects of a relationship that a guy can use you for that go beyond a physical one. A few friends of mine have this type of dependency on each other, despite him being gay and her being straight. It works because sex isn't everything needed to 'make' a relationship. There's also an emotional connection (you make each other laugh and have fun), an intellectual connection (a mutual respect and appreciation of qualities) and a deeper connection (you have feelings or care for each other).<br /><br />Writing this, i know how it feels, and it sucks... truly. You have a mutal dependency because humans need connections to thrive and feel happy, but without comittment its just a ghost of a real relationship. It doesnt move forward because one or both fear the change, and the only person who can break the mutual dependency is the one getting hurt the most. Reasons why not vary.... but usually you convince yourself you're strong enough, or that cutting down on the amount of the other person in your life will hurt too much.<br /><br /><strong>So let me put things into perspective</strong>... when he meets the girl who is the one he wants to marry and starts having children with her... that will hurt even more. And i wouldnt wish that kinda pain on anyone, not after having to go through it before. Don't be willing to wait around for things to come. He'll never want you as he would have made you his by now, and especially not if you're always there for him.<br /><br />So go out and date, put yourself first and live your life as though he's not in it. Be email friends or something to that effect if you wish, just make sure he's no longer in your inner circle. Shift his ass to the furthest orbit if you can, or if you're feeling brave cut him out of it all together. And i know in as little as 6 weeks you'll be back on track and his memory will be ashes in the wind.<br /><br />New years resolution anyone? :)the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-41919941881659131142009-12-17T16:25:00.021+00:002009-12-17T20:56:35.538+00:00Why women who have it all are hard to please... otherwise called 'denial'<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwBIF1N93OAsV-L_vJNfwN1jEFdX3romnslJE8YO1FqLs5TDLTwqcViEKfqE9mI9u71EZLPikd_rvJHyhy_BTHLf76zzhyWUd7w_fA1Z-vf98wWW0OQw2M4Oa4cQvZxJuTshl2BNVB1YA/s1600-h/thumbnail2.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5416272377093130834" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 288px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwBIF1N93OAsV-L_vJNfwN1jEFdX3romnslJE8YO1FqLs5TDLTwqcViEKfqE9mI9u71EZLPikd_rvJHyhy_BTHLf76zzhyWUd7w_fA1Z-vf98wWW0OQw2M4Oa4cQvZxJuTshl2BNVB1YA/s400/thumbnail2.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju7LBHTwdU7iJTRGuRFRFcCKEqCmfEkZ8xZBVt46gAdk7-l8Zpi04gR4Eh3g5ggGx9lrBwATmnuLfF99CTcTPZI9McY3sqNaukwioCwhHQpmD32ANVof6cSMTz_fxjiGh9wkJCewyCryc/s1600-h/feminist-housewife.jpg"></a><br /><strong>I realised this morning, after waking abruptly from a disturbing dream</strong>, that i have quite a large chunk of denial still hanging over me. The dream, or rather nightmare, dragged up all those old feelings of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">dissatisfaction</span> in my life, especially love. In my dream my ex wanted me back. Dream Lisa much to my dismay took him back, falling straight into old patterns of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">stepford</span></span> wife versus ungrateful bastard. Still dream Lisa was happy because she got what she wanted... or did she? </div><br /><div><strong>You see <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">theres</span></span> never been a guy good enough for me.</strong> I know now that at one point, possibly very early on in the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">relationship</span> but still, the 'long-term ex' was <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">essentially</span> a good guy. It was my being so very difficult to please that pushed him into behaving the way i expected making matters worse and confirming my worst fears. In fact, looking back throughout all of my relationships <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">i'm</span></span> never happy. I mean he can give me the moon and i still pick away at his faults.</div><br /><div><strong>This is my denial.</strong></div><br /><div>You know, 'denial' the story we tell ourselves (and others) to avoid the pain of the truth about our own shortcomings - like feeling jealous when others <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">succeed</span>, acting critical when we should offer love, selfish when we should be giving - these little faults we are so ashamed of that we even lie to ourselves that the exist? After all its so easy to build up reasons in our minds why we act harshly towards others, like they deserve it, or to teach them a lesson.... sound familiar? </div><br /><div><strong>The hardest thing to accept is the darker side of ourselves</strong>, the side that isn't so pretty. I should know, pretty is very important to me. But sub-<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">consciously</span> we all have this side, even saints. The key is to remember that when the ugly truth is brought to light - say a loved one pushes the right buttons, winds you up, makes you angry/upset or react in a negative way... they are just bringing to the surface a part of yourself you could never confront on your own. And this feeling was there way before this person even came into your life and triggered it. </div><br /><div>Its up to you to recognise that this person should not be blamed for parts that need work (in fact you should thank them for making you aware), and take responsibility instead. Yes, own it., before it owns you. Until we start to own these bad feelings and accept that they are ours, they will simply continue to control our lives, the dramas will repeat themselves over and over, people will keep coming into our lives who are better and better at triggering and we will still remain the victim. Never happy. </div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div><strong></strong></div><div><strong></strong></div><div><br /><strong>In my case, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i'd</span> blame the guy i was with because he wasn't doing enough</strong> of the things i thought he should to make me feel loved, secure, smug, satisfied, complete... etc Each time he fell short of my expectations i would experience a whole array of disappointment, frustration, and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">loneliness</span>, that i was misunderstood and ultimately unloved. I blamed the men in my life for feeling this way and in the end all that did was push them away. </div><br /><div>Other times, when guys <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">i've</span></span> dated have had the integrity to shower me with affection, and done too much, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">ive</span></span> gone the other way. My insecurities at not being enough and essentially failing him, or my fear of being manipulated combined with lack of trust that surfaced when pushed to 'give up', as i felt my 'supposed' personal freedom.... made me aloof, distant and overly critical. Like before, i would <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">sabotage</span> the relationship before it could develop deeper and lose out on sharing my life with someone who really did care.</div><br /><div>In both i was replaying pattern <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">i'd</span></span> picked up from my parents and old flames, when at times their restrictions and expectations either brought about a need in me for unwavering love and support or a desire in me to exist beyond their manipulations and control.</div><br /><div>Funny today of all days i can clearly understand the lesson in the powerful demonstration of just "pointing a finger" at someone. I mean if you look carefully three times as many fingers are pointing back at yourself right?</div>the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-42967039628200126062009-12-02T17:39:00.010+00:002009-12-03T16:12:02.235+00:00The power of the small things (like little kisses xx)<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0i7IjvXWzhKbfjtd81Zg6jvu29w7DyX5UfrXNWjhFT3I2lijyrlGDAOHQm_Vkn75mh13oCD0sTgbrXgwoxoG4vWXFNVi4uY8xMtd12eL8OhYDYzMVMA-VyqswJl_3I_-7kFywo_d-wwY/s1600-h/pic6.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5410696547213390002" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 305px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 302px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0i7IjvXWzhKbfjtd81Zg6jvu29w7DyX5UfrXNWjhFT3I2lijyrlGDAOHQm_Vkn75mh13oCD0sTgbrXgwoxoG4vWXFNVi4uY8xMtd12eL8OhYDYzMVMA-VyqswJl_3I_-7kFywo_d-wwY/s400/pic6.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />Finally i feel like i can breathe!<br /><br />I moved in to my new flat a month ago and between the reels of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">xmas</span> fairly lights and endless trips to consumer-hell that is <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">ikea</span>, its only just coming together. If fact its almost perfect ;)<br /><br />Still according to <a href="http://cefeindo.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/maslows_hierarchy.jpg"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Maslow's</span> Hierarchy of Human Needs</a> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i've</span> been slumming along at the bottom of the pyramid for quite some time now and as a direct result... everything else has suffered, especially the little projects <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">i've</span> been nurturing to fruition all these months (including this blog!).<br /><br />But now <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">im</span> all settled and cosy i can at last take a look at introducing some damage limitation, such as reconnecting with clients, chasing up those loose ends, planning, writing and creating... I feel creative again. Its like i can't stop smiling and everyone keeps asking me why <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">i'm</span> so happy. Its just because <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">i'm</span> settled, safe and secure<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">. You see </span>while i was homeless nothing else seemed important. I needed a roof over my head, and not knowing the details put a lot of things into perspective. In fact i realise how much i took the small things for granted, like knowing where everything i own was and being able to get to it easily, and going home to the privacy of "my room", cooking in my kitchen instead of eating out... those sorts of things.<br /><br />And as always its also the small things that men do that make a difference, well to me anyway... like he remembered what i said in passing 2 weeks ago, he cuts the tomatoes exactly how i like them, he called me when he landed at the airport just so i wouldn't worry, etc.<br /><br />But the smallest has to be the "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">xxxx's</span>" at the end of his messages. Take this new ad from blackberry for example:<br /><br /><div id="visit4info_79073" style="WIDTH: 322px; BACKGROUND-COLOR: white"><a href="http://www.visit4info.com/advert/Do-What-You-Love-Love-What-You-Do-Blackberry/79073?autoplay=true" target="_blank"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; MARGIN: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-TOP: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" alt="Do What You Love, Love What You Do" src="http://www.visit4info.com/sitecontent/LG/fullZZZZZZTVC091113104417PDC.jpg" width="322" border="0" /></a></div><div style="BACKGROUND: url(http://www.visit4info.com/images/embed_large_bar.jpg); WIDTH: 323px; HEIGHT: 33px"><div style="PADDING-TOP: 2px"><p style="MARGIN: 0px"><a style="FONT-SIZE: 11px; COLOR: #000000; FONT-FAMILY: verdana; TEXT-DECORATION: none" href="http://www.visit4info.com/advert/Do-What-You-Love-Love-What-You-Do-Blackberry/79073?autoplay=true" target="_blank"><img style="FLOAT: left" height="30" alt="" src="http://www.visit4info.com/images/spacer.gif" width="36" align="left" border="0" /><b>Do What You Love, Lo..</b></a></p></div><script src="http://www.visit4info.com/external/embed_ex.cfm?id=79073"></script></div><br /><br />We watch while the couple argue because he is late, she storms off likely to never speak to him again, but then changes her mind and comes back to him... but only AFTER he messages her.<br /><br />I'm that girl. Put me in front of a guy trying to say sorry and its embarrassing and confrontational. For me communication is not always better in person, especially if feelings are involved. The hardest for me often saying sorry (i hate to admit i'm wrong). The words stick in my throat, i get teary, i avoid eye contact... its not pretty.<br /><br />Lucky for me messaging has given us a "get out of jail free card". We can dress the words in any way we want and make it sweeter and funnier just by adding a cute wink or a couple of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">xx's</span> in such a way to assist communications rather than limit it. Whatever has happened... say your bf forgot to call you back or is busy, those little x's tend to soften the blow to the extent that the words are meaningless.<br /><br />The funniest thing is that my guy has realised just how golden a few <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">xx's</span> are with me. I'm a sucker for sweet talk and if there is any disappointment, suddenly all <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">IMs</span> are littered with a kiss or two at the end of every sentence. I don't know why they work but they do, even though most of us use them for friendships all the time. They<em> should</em> be meaningless.... i mean its just one little letter for goodness sake, but they aren't - to most girls a small "x" means hes affectionate, sorry and sincere all at the same time.<br /><br />Now i'm wondering if there are magic letters for men that could 'say' as much? Other than *ahem* a "b" and a "j" of course :$<br /><br />Probably not...the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-43544824311253051292009-10-26T17:37:00.018+00:002009-10-26T19:19:36.265+00:00A girl's perspective on... "Breakthrough Comfort"<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhRkCTltJYuurdbl2qWecNI-eUHa2KDrfb2wJw4AzlGzGeQbU5ZR83ct2uT9dYPhVjcD7w94qXoSa8zkWVpUPxbbBnJ4rhdRCZGrRu6gHXlK694QSWZl3tfyqJHu0rtEILAFa9w_Gv2uc/s1600-h/TooIntimate.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5396968317154413010" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 139px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhRkCTltJYuurdbl2qWecNI-eUHa2KDrfb2wJw4AzlGzGeQbU5ZR83ct2uT9dYPhVjcD7w94qXoSa8zkWVpUPxbbBnJ4rhdRCZGrRu6gHXlK694QSWZl3tfyqJHu0rtEILAFa9w_Gv2uc/s400/TooIntimate.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><strong>In the male dominated community based on female psychology for dating and relationships,</strong> <em>Breakthrough Comfort</em> is the term to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">describe</span> the fundamentals behind creating a deep and lasting emotional connection with a girl.... in other words 'how to make her fall in love with you'.<br /><br />In my view <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">successful</span> dating requires a mix of two - attraction <span style="color:#333399;">(desire for control)</span> and comfort <span style="color:#006600;">(intense feel-good emotions).</span> Combined you should have in most cases an interesting cocktail for flirty fun with almost anyone you choose. This being that you know what you are doing...<br /><br />In my experience 'attraction' is the easier of the two to create, And also get over. I've never cried at night over a losing the attention of a rich guy or a man who had all the girls. But comfort is a nasty bitch waiting to happen. On its own its creepy and clingy and all the 'too-nice-guys' have it in spades... but combine it with a healthy dose of 'attraction', and the push-pull effect comes into play on a larger scale than just plain-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">jane</span></span> 'hot & cold'.<br /><br /><strong>Why? Well lets look at what a girl really wants.</strong> Simply to quote Julia Roberts <em>'We want the fairytale'</em>... <span style="color:#666666;"><span style="color:#000000;">a strong white knight<span style="color:#333399;"> (attraction: power & status)</span> coming to rescue us <span style="color:#006600;">(comfort: big strong guy saves the fragile princess)</span> on a white horse <span style="color:#006600;">(comfort: <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">awww</span></span>, he likes animals too *simper*)</span> from a very tall tower <span style="color:#333399;">(attraction: dangerous & risky, he must be brave)</span> who will whisk us away into the sunset to live happily ever after <span style="color:#006600;">(comfort: he sees that we're special, no one else).</span> In other words.... we want <em>the</em> cool guy to fall in love with us.</span> </span><br /><br /><strong>Breakthrough Comfort suggests techniques that convince a girl the guy in question is 'falling' for her. Women spend a lot of time dissecting a guy's behaviour.</strong> We have 'sweet' actions <span style="color:#006600;">(this proves he loves me)</span> and 'indifferent' actions <span style="color:#996633;">(he doesn't care about me)</span>. Now for comfort to work there has to be both types of actions, because 'sweet' actions mean more at the end of the day if they are few and far between... but there has to be just enough to keep the girl from thinking the guy is callus bastard.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Ok</span></span> so guys i bet you're thinking 'wow this sounds great'... but seriously i can vouch for the pain caused if they are not meant for something long-lasting and real:<br /><br />While i adore the effect and feeling of 'deep-comfort' when its directed toward me <span style="color:#6666cc;"><span style="color:#006600;">(what girl wouldn't want a guy she is attracted to kiss her forehead affectionately, or stare into her eyes like he's lost in them)...</span> </span>they don't belong in a fling or other casual dalliances. Us girls convince ourselves that when a guy acts this way there can be no other reason other than he 'feels' a deep connection <span style="color:#006600;">(translation: he is in love)</span> and we see these few and far between actions as proof he is just in denial or afraid <span style="color:#006600;">(translation: he needs reassurance before he can <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">commit</span>). </span>We then relax and open our hearts and start to 'trust', because after the big-bad world has abused us its nice to know there is one big strong guy out there who will make it better. The only drawback is women don't close off their emotions very easily once the floodgates have opened, like men do. We take a long time warming up, but the cool-off can be forest fire.<span style="color:#cc0000;"> (a word of warning: some women are not emotional stable to handle rejection after this = bunny boiler time)<br /></span><br /><strong>Breakthrough Comfort may be the the 'key' to getting her to fall in love with you, but i know honesty, attraction and light-hearted flirting work better at maintaining long term flings.</strong> Women these days are able to enjoy casual sex if we know the score all the way through the game. We like being able to detach and have fun without engaging our emotions too. Guys, please don't pull the wool over our eyes and let your deep-down insecurities <span style="color:#333399;"><span style="color:#996633;">(wanting everyone to like you/love you and needing emotional approval)</span> </span>create a situation you can't handle further down the line.<br /><br />But if you want to break hearts then go for it, but i believe karma is a bitch who doesn't forget being scorned.the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-25618282666167037762009-10-17T20:39:00.012+01:002009-10-17T22:30:57.636+01:00Rules of the game: understanding women of the digital age... because some men still don't<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDxzCKQCtKqu4oVeyazSNNtIHBM9JTETbtaUVWfJaC6yYCEhPaFtzOJoY7rNqgZR4PhxN_ApcAkZFhsQmBrxyUH_ajd8Pr7D5s8ZDD0HlrHi-frEgQ1Ji11KolBjC1o4nAxi5T4UESX2A/s1600-h/gmail-cartoon.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5393656596700569938" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 389px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDxzCKQCtKqu4oVeyazSNNtIHBM9JTETbtaUVWfJaC6yYCEhPaFtzOJoY7rNqgZR4PhxN_ApcAkZFhsQmBrxyUH_ajd8Pr7D5s8ZDD0HlrHi-frEgQ1Ji11KolBjC1o4nAxi5T4UESX2A/s400/gmail-cartoon.jpg" border="0" /></a> You know one thing that strikes me as a 'no-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">brainer</span></span>' is what women want, but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">thats</span></span> probably because <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">i'm</span></span> in a very good position to know... i am one. Sure there are a lot of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">ebooks</span></span> and material to share on the subject of female psychology. I know. I've read a lot! But its seriously lacking and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">i'll</span></span> tell you why.<br /><br /><strong>Women don't know what they want.</strong><br /><br />So how can a guy who has had luck sleeping with a ballpark of women know anything more about female desires than the women themselves? Truth is he can't... all he knows is how to score by making her feel like she knows what she wants at that time - him. Its manipulation of feelings and thoughts that drive a girl to 'want' a guy. Don't get me wrong, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">i'm</span></span> not saying its bad... in fact every close and personal <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">situation</span> we encounter is a manipulation of sorts. Today i made a guy behind the food counter feel good about himself by being friendly and chatty. I gave him positive emotions which caused him to 'want' to serve me well. He did and we both walked away happy. Emotions are contagious and breed more of the same, and you can bring more of the same about just by allowing their very existence in your life. Even negative...<br /><br />But such emotional <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">exchanges</span>, for want of a better label, need to have balance. A mutual acceptance of terms. Kinda like agreeing to 'play a game' by the rules dictated (unspoken) at the start. So for in order for the situation with the food counter guy to go smoothly, i had to give him something... i had to give him a good feeling and my attention. That took effort and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">energy</span> on my part, so as not to appear false. He then agreed without needing to verbalise it to serve me in a pleasant and efficient manner.<br /><br /><strong>It seems we enter all sorts of 'games' or unspoken contracts in life</strong> (Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships by Eric <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Berne</span></span>)... with our parents, with our managers, various games with different types of friends, and quite heavily with our lovers.<br /><br />Usually the games are played out fairly with everyone taking their role and giving back as much as they get. However problems and broken contracts arise when the rules get twisted and negative outcomes <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">occur</span>. This happens when the 'manipulations' become more selfish. One person seeking to gain more or 'win' by force rather than allow the other to give freely, or just not giving or playing by the rules anymore. And this is why even if you 'know' what you must do to maintain balance within the relationship... your ego (whether it be a needy or overbearing one) can get in the way and mess things up.<br /><br /><strong>Your <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">limbic</span></span> brain, also known as "lizard" or "reptilian" brain is the part of your mind that works beyond judgment and logic.</strong> It makes snap decisions needed in times of stress (fight or flight) and these are always very selfish because they exist only for survival. They are always negative and self-serving actions that don't take others into consideration. They can't, you have to protect you and you only so once this system <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">engages</span>... you will not be understanding to the needs and feelings of anyone else (bar maybe your offspring).<br /><br /><strong>In times of extreme emotion or stress the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">limbic</span></span> brain is often the part of you that takes over.</strong> Its the part of you that says those nasty retorts, gets hysterical and teary or runs away from the hurt (most women) or gets defensive and cold, shuts your emotional system down and cuts off all communication (most men). I've found myself doing some or all of these things when pushed into a corner, and only afterwards <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">i've</span></span> calmed down and gone "oh why the hell did i go off the rail like that?". It also seems the more familiar and comfortable the relationship, the lower the barrier you have shielding your <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">limbic</span></span> brain from the rest of your body... <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">i'm</span></span> not sure why this is. Maybe closer relationships have the ability to engage deeper more stressful conditions? Or maybe the hurt is so unexpected from someone so dear to you that the shock brings forward your most instinctive, most protective reaction?<br /><br /><strong>So how do you keep a well deserving balance and not let your lizard brain do the talking?</strong> Well <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">i've</span></span> found that taking a break from the situation helps or bringing in a third perspective. The major problem <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">i've</span></span> found with both these <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">scenarios</span> is that this relies on the women to 'see' sense first and be the one with more understanding. Women are more likely to want to deal with the 'drama' straight away because their emotions are closer to the surface. Men on the other hand close off and deal with it later. So commonly women are required to ignore their natural instincts when in a stressful situation. This doesn't mean that men are reacting the right way, because more than likely they are avoiding the issue more than going away and thinking things through. But more often than not women are expected to comply with adapting to a man's world because men don't waste energy <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">unnecessarily</span>. But what if i was to say that it is necessary to make a women feel 'safe' about taking a time-out. We're so scared men will make us forget there was a bad feeling in the first place. Men are good at that. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Thats</span> why we cling on so tenaciously. We need that security. We need to know we can talk about it later and have our voice heard. Why don't men know this already?<br /><br /><strong>All i get told is that women are irrational and dramatic and need to "just be cool" about things.</strong> I know us girls get 'over-emotional' and 'needy' and should calm down sometimes... but surely its a two way process? Why can't they men "understand women more" and realise we try so hard to be so tough and independent so much, all day long... that sometimes all we want is reassurance and guy's shoulder to cry on. I mean we're happy to live in an age where women are equal and all that shit.<br /><br />We can cope with getting our own bookcases and building them, we can move house on our own and don't need any guy to drive the van or life heavy stuff, we never ask for their presence walking home in the dark every night, we fix our own cars, we manage our own finances, we buy our own homes and live in them, we nurture high-flying careers, we ignore our biological clock in case we scare off potential suitors, we do everything women weren't doing 50 years ago and we still do everything they always did - give birth, cook & clean, raise the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">children</span>, look stunning but not slutty, act coy and demure but bold and daring, try not to encourage other guy's attentions (even when were supposed to want sex just as much as men?!) but be a raving sexual minx in the bedroom and be ready for it anytime of the day.... you know i could go on, but my point is in this day and age women are expected to be everything and more.<br /><br /><strong>Men just don't seem to allow for the kind of strain this can put us into.</strong> They don't understand our emotions are just underneath the surface and rise up to engulf us at any given moment. Its not something they have to deal with so why should they? And yet us girls are constantly told how we must be to impress men and keep a guy interested, how we must think more like guys so that they understand and respect us more, yet keep our feminine charms. And you know what... i can do that, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">limbic</span></span> brain or not i can be all and everything a guy desires in a woman. I enjoy making men want me and making men happy. All i ask is the same in return and a little support and understanding every now and again when the perfect mask slips. Just open your eyes and look around and see why <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">i'm</span></span> upset. Listen to the words i use. Try to understand, especially if <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">i'm</span></span> understanding you. Dont get defensive! Women don't always blame men for things, we're just upset and needy because we think emotionally (not having a go!) and think you can make it better even if you didn't make the hurt. We want to let you know what turmoil is going on inside, we want you to know the situation upsets us because you are so important to us (not because its your fault and you have to fix it!), yes you with your big buff body (that u spend hours in the gym moulding) we want you to just listen and feel glad we are upset over you because u mean so much and just hold us and be there and make us feel safe. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">Thats</span></span> all...<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">Ok end of rant</span>. My <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">limbic</span> brain obviously had a direct connection the keyboard just then! ;)the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-79666060276637500662009-10-15T15:55:00.010+01:002009-10-15T16:25:13.327+01:00Losing a friend... sometimes its for the best<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW3xv6lMqeQ8vHMVIbkFodnWIepDLT8am1sA3pRicbPX3EZJanDzpOdLMsWFw2OKJpA_P_G_1SOWlWWJbAOUWobmAiKJL3MReUT692voKpFXFaHb64g0wXwd0KNUCCLSJidRl66tjP-HE/s1600-h/1107542Appaloosa-Horse-in-Snow-Illi.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5392840639272969250" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW3xv6lMqeQ8vHMVIbkFodnWIepDLT8am1sA3pRicbPX3EZJanDzpOdLMsWFw2OKJpA_P_G_1SOWlWWJbAOUWobmAiKJL3MReUT692voKpFXFaHb64g0wXwd0KNUCCLSJidRl66tjP-HE/s400/1107542Appaloosa-Horse-in-Snow-Illi.jpg" border="0" /></a> When i was a kid i used to own a cute spotted pony called 'Polka'. He was my first pony so you can imagine the bond i developed with him. I loved the bones of that pony so much. He helped me through crap times at school and losing family members. I remember he was always scared of everything, so much that he'd shy away in the middle of me jumping or cantering and then <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">i'd</span> be off... but he'd always come back to get me and wait for me to get back on again.<br /><br />I remember he was always ill with colic (sort of bad tummy for horses) which can be fatal because of the delicate set up of their internal systems. And one day my dad picked me up from school and told me Polka had colic again. At the time all i could think of was the expense of vet bills i hardly gave any thought to losing him.... i was so blase about it all that when i walked into his stable i was too upset and shocked to speak.<br /><br />Polka was lying in the straw, to ill and weak to even lift his head to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">whicker</span> a friendly hello. Sweat marks stained his pretty coat and he looked so skinny and withdrawn. The pain must have been intense. My friend cradled his head in her lap and tears stained her face as she looked up at me. I knew then that this was not the same as last time... my heart felt like it had fallen out of my chest, i couldn't swallow for the lump in my throat. My dad hugged me and then helped me get Polka to stand. It was best if he walked to maybe dislodge the blockage, but the poor thing was so exhausted it took three of us girls and my dad to hold up this heavy pony. He fell over three times on the cobbles even so.<br /><br />The vet came and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">diagnosed</span> a twisted gut. Basically the blood supply to the stomach was cut off and he needed surgery to twist it back. The operation cost almost £2000...more than my friend was worth. My dad looked at my sad face and nodded to the vet. We loaded my Polka into a borrowed trailer and took him to the surgery. All the way there my friends told me stories of what we would do when Polka was better, where we would go riding, camping taking the ponies with us, the competitions we would enter and win.... i almost felt positive and happy all would be <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">ok</span>.<br /><br />He died later on the operating table after the vet did all they could. I kept a lock of his mane and his horseshoe...and i wrote everything down i could remember so i wouldn't forget. Ironically, when i look back, the way i actually got over him was to force myself not to think of him at all and just forget. I let his memory fade until all i can see now in my mind's eye is a pretty white spotted pony in the snow, just like the picture above. I seem to have <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">dissociated</span> all emotion from the memory. It means nothing.<br /><br />I'm not sure if it helped or not that i chose to let Polka go. His illness was so far advanced that he would get colic every 6 months if the vet hadn't put him to sleep, and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">every time</span> he would be in pain and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">every time</span> i would get hurt. It was the hardest decision i ever made as a child and even now i look back... it was for the best.the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-274583065108645128.post-44438591774098307772009-10-13T21:15:00.008+01:002009-10-13T22:03:00.320+01:00What would you do if you weren't afraid... sign-up to a bootcamp?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieDSnswXmEOi4fyAontTnUqM2pzxj9Xj41Zeabqiz0pJUKrCCWRmqttRPaSquT-40FtHAAt6nVvdSX0tgDUA-6VnbpZkYEighv-VTjN49si65G-93qOeb18NMz6YaSujgg4GserAaafVU/s1600-h/cheese-mouse.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5392180934902133378" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 350px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieDSnswXmEOi4fyAontTnUqM2pzxj9Xj41Zeabqiz0pJUKrCCWRmqttRPaSquT-40FtHAAt6nVvdSX0tgDUA-6VnbpZkYEighv-VTjN49si65G-93qOeb18NMz6YaSujgg4GserAaafVU/s400/cheese-mouse.jpg" border="0" /></a> <strong>In about the time it takes for my tea to simmer from hot to<span style="color:#000000;"> tender &</span><span style="color:#ffff00;"> </span>warm, i was able to skim through a well known book titled "who moved my cheese".</strong> Its been sitting on my book shelf for months now. A friend bought it for me knowing my love of inspiring reads. She even sprinkled the pages with glittery stars to spice up my enjoyment...<br /><br /><strong>I liked the story and the repeating question "what would you do if you weren't afraid?".</strong> Sometimes fear keeps us trapped in many situations because we're afraid to leave our comfort zone. Anger and resentment makes us unhappy but still we don't change, all because of the fear of failing. And even though i know the lessons already, sometimes i need to hear it again, to remember it.<br /><br />So what would i do if i wasn't afraid?<br /><br /><em><span style="color:#ff6666;">I'd open my heart again and stop pretending a set of rules can keep me safe from getting hurt</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#ff6666;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#ff6666;">I'd trust those closest to me to do what they say they will and not find fault if they can't. I'd trust them to care about me so much that there is no reason they would hurt me on purpose</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#ff6666;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#ff6666;">I'd let all my frustration and disappointment go over things not going how i planned, and just have faith that the world <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">i've</span> created is moving in the right direction for me to be the happiest i could ever be</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#ff6666;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#ff6666;">I'd realise that i am exactly where i need to be, not behind or too far ahead, in exactly the right spot to learn and be who i desire to be. Happiness is here. I shouldn't ignore it or try to control the situation, I should just be.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#ff6666;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#ff6666;">I'd let go once i knew that there is nothing left to stay for and stop allowing possessions (material or otherwise) to become more important than my own <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">pursuit</span> of happiness. </span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#ff6666;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#ff6666;">I'd take control more and fight for what i wanted</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#ff6666;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#ff6666;">I'd see myself as amazing as i am and stop looking or searching for the cracks</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#ff6666;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#ff6666;">I'd make it happen</span></em><br /><br />Funny thing is writing this out makes me laugh because although i 'know' this stuff inside out, suddenly all this makes sense again! I love who i am and you know i love most of all the fact that i see all of this and that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i'm</span> aware of my potential. Crazy, kooky love-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">hippy</span>-chic with a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">spiritual</span> soft-centre? Maybe but who gives a fuck if it makes me feel good right?<br /><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>Anyway <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">i'll</span> leave you guys (boys only <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">i'm</span> afraid) with something to consider... a change to embrace if you fancy it:</strong><br /><br />A friend of mine, 5.0 is taking charge of his first official <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">bootcamp</span> with Sheriff in London. What is a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">bootcamp</span> you may ask? Well its run by<strong> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">lovesystems</span></strong> a well known school that teaches 'the' methodology of how to talk, approach and date women <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">successfully</span> in any situation. I've been to a few of the seminars and talks and this stuff is eye-opening to say the least and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">i'm</span> a girl! I've also been approach by 5.0 himself (yes that was how we met) and i must admit i was well and truly smitten for a while ;) And here i am promoting his shit so i must think he's cool still?!<br /><br /><strong>Anyway there are a few seats left so if you want to go drop him an email</strong> </span><a href="mailto:5.0@lovesystems.com"><strong><span style="color:#330099;">5.0@lovesystems.com</span></strong></a><span style="color:#330099;"><strong>.</strong> Just tell him i sent you ;) and he'll be extra nice cos you're my friend.<br /><br /></span><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Laters</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">xoxo</span>the.lifestyle.artisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13031560397478922935noreply@blogger.com2