Sweet Surrender

Back to The Blogging Life ~ An Update

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Sun, 04 May 2014 05:58:00 +0000

Well folks, it's been too long, once again, since I've posted here. Life has been a little bit of a roller coaster since my last post.

After my miscarriage last May, I really struggled with some depression for a while. I'm prone to bouts of it anyway, and that was the perfect catalyst for a pretty long-lasting and hard to shake "funk" to set in.

In addition to that, just a few months before the miscarriage, my mother-in-law moved in with us after my husband's father passed away in January of 2013. The adjustment has been very difficult for both of us. I won't go into all the details here, but suffice it to say we have very, very different views on just about everything, and although we get along fine from a distance, we do not make good housemates. In all honestly, we really should not try to live together. At all. Ever. For Any Reason. Ever.

You get the picture. I'm sure many of you ladies out there know exactly where I'm coming from, don't you? If you do, I feel your pain. These days, a year after she moved in, I am just really learning how to manage it, but over the last 14 months the challenges have been many, and the impact on my family costly. But, there is hope...the kind of hope I only find through taking a burden that is too much for me and handing it over to Jesus.

In addition to mother-in-law troubles, my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's this past summer. He was declining quickly, but blessedly he has made a bit of a turn-around after getting on two of the newer medications used to treat this awful disease. Most days he's still himself, and I am thankful for every day that he's still Dad. In addition to Dad's illness, my mother has numerous physical ailments, including severe rheumatoid arthritis and recently diagnosed emphysema. I am also thankful that we live next door to my parents. I feel blessed to have this time with them.

I could go on, but suffice it to say, 2013 was a hard, hard year.

2014, so far, has been much better. I feel like I have finally come out of the clouds as far as battling my depression goes, and I am really enjoying Spring with the little girls. Actually, they're really not that little anymore. Aspen is 9 now, and our youngest, Abby, will be 5 in July. When I first began this blog, back in February of 2008, Aspen was just about to turn 3, and little Abby hadn't even been thought of yet!

My how the time has flown!

I'll end this post with a few of my favorite recent pictures of my two youngest together. I hope you'll stop by again soon.

Study Buddy

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Sun, 13 Oct 2013 23:14:00 +0000

We have a new addition to our household. This is Salem, a little stray kitten we recently adopted. A resident at the apartment complex where Shawn works witnessed a car pull in and toss the poor thing out. For the life of me I can't fathom how anyone could do that to a defenseless little kitten, but they did. So Shawn and Kelly found him, and brought him home, and the rest is history. Speaking of History, he often joins us at the kitchen table during school time. He'll plop himself down right in the center of the table, as though he's ready to learn with the rest of us.

Sad News Today

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Wed, 15 May 2013 16:48:00 +0000

On Monday I had some cramping/bleeding. Went to the ER and they did a workup and said by their ultrasound and blood work I was at 5 weeks pregnant. They saw a sac and no baby. By my calculations I should have been 8 weeks, so a baby with a heartbeat should have been visible. I followed up at the OB today and the findings were the same. She said the sac is an odd shape also. We're waiting on blood work, but she was very honest and said she believes I will miscarry.

I'm not terribly surprised, for whatever reason my mommy instincts knew something was wrong, but I am still sad and disappointed. I have that I wish we'd never tried feeling. I'm 43, so this was my last chance for another baby. I love and am grateful for my four beautiful, healthy daughters and I do know what an amazing blessing it is to have four healthy kids. But I really, really wanted this baby, and while I knew my chances of having a miscarriage were much higher now, I had high hopes for a good outcome.

I'm really sad that it's ending this way.

The Mouths of Babes

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Sat, 04 May 2013 07:15:00 +0000

The little girls and I were riding in the car today, listening to our local Christian radio station. Aspen asked me something about why some people don't believe in God, and what happens to you when you die if you don't. This is on her mind often, and I think that's mostly because of her Dad, who is not only a non-believer, but is sometimes antagonistic about his non-belief. As often happens, her question lead us into a rather lively discussion. Abby rode along quietly for a good distance, the piped up and said, "I love God!"

Her declaration made me smile, but her next words touched me deeply, when she asked, "Is God my other Daddy?"

I told her that yes, God is our Father and elaborated a bit on a level her 3.5 year old mind could understand. Afterward we rode along in silence for a while, and a thought came to me that I needed to remember.

God is her other Father. Not only is He her Heavenly Father, but in his holiness, and grace, he will be her father in a parental sense, in ways her Earthly father falls short. God will always be there for her. He will meet her where she is, not wait impatiently for her to bend to His will. He will listen, and truly hear her. He will fill her tiny heart with peace, and love and joy. He will do the same for Aspen, and this baby I'm carrying, and me.

One of our favorite worship songs came on next, and we rode the rest if the way home singing along. And my heart was full of joy, and my mind was at peace.

Yard Plans

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Fri, 03 May 2013 18:02:00 +0000

This post brought to you by Scotts Miracle-Gro. All opinions are 100% mine.

I've got to get started beautifying our back yard. It's such a great size with so many nice trees, but right now it's just kind of dull and lifeless. I've been reading up on various kinds of sustainable gardening, and I've also been browings gardening supplies, tools, patio furniture and other backyard goodies, so when I was offered the opportunity to talk about the new Scotts Florida Select Natural Eucalyptus Mulch, I didn't hesitiate. Florida Select Natural Eucalyptus Mulch is made especially for your Florida landscape. Not only is it 100% Florida grown, to support the economy, it is also sustainable, natural and effective. For those of you who don't live in Florida, Scotts Nature Scapes mulch is also a terrific product to get your lawn looking fabulous this Spring. Available in Classic Black, Sierra Red, and Deep Forest Brown, it is produced entirely from naural forest products with no waste. A variety of textures are also available. Scotts Mulch helps to maintain moisure, prevent weeds and give your lawn that groomed landscape look all year long.

I've been browsing the Internet in search of ideas for our own yard, and these are just a few of my favorite ideas. I love the look of flowers around a mailbox. I think it just adds a super warm, inviting look to the overall landscape of a home.

I also adore the look of mulch around the trees in a nicely green lawn!

I also love garden paths, and we have a lot of trees so a winding path would be perfect through the shady parts of our yard!

What are your plans for gardening and landscaping this season?

Six Weeks and Queasy

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Thu, 02 May 2013 06:10:00 +0000

I am now 6w4d, by my calculations and today I woke up from a nap with first real bout of the preggo sickies. For me, the sickness usually consists of a sour stomach and heartburn, and the sour stomach was in full swing this evening.

In spite of my uncomfy tummy I still made a trip to the grocery store for avacados and raw broccoli for my salads. I always crave salads while pregnant. So I came home and made a salad, and my stomach felt better afterward.

I always welcome pregnancy sickness because it feels like a confirmation that all is going well. I feel grateful fir each day of progress we make. I am counting the days until my first OB appointment when I can see our tiny bean and, God willing, a tiny beating heart.

A Little Positivity

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Wed, 01 May 2013 06:34:00 +0000

I did it to myself again. I started reading at some pregnancy forums, and managed to convince myself that I must have low Progesterone and that's why I've not felt sick during this pregnancy. I stressed, fretted and worried, and then I went back and reread old posts on this blog, from this same time period in my last pregnancy and reminded myself that I didn't get sick last time until around 7-8 weeks. I felt much better afterward, although I do plan to add some Progesterone friendly foods to my diet.

I've made a promise to go easy on myself and stay away from any pregnancy forums for a while. It seems no matter which one I go to I end up mostly reading about losses caused by everything under the sun, and I just can't take the worry it all produces. Instead I've decided to fill my heart and head with only positive thoughts and affirmations.

I posted this video on a post from back then, so I thought I'd share it again. Fair warning: it contains images of women giving birth, breastfeeding and some nudity, so if that bothers/offends you, skip it. I personally found it beautiful and uplifting.

Mommy & Baby

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 07:07:00 +0000

Little Abby, at the age of 3.5, doesn't really understand fully the reality of her coming sibling. She knows that "Mommy has a baby in her tummy", but she doesn't really understand what that will mean in her life. I did get a glimpse into her perspective today though, and I was both impressed and touched by her sidewalk chalk illustration. The bigger figure is me, and the little one is the baby. Notice the addition of the cord? When she drew the picture she proudly told me, "Mommy and baby!"

I love it!

Early Pregnancy Worries

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 05:20:00 +0000

It's been four days since I took my first pregnancy test, pictured in the previous post. The faint line threw me for a loop, as all my prior tests have had a dark, obvious line. But I tested earlier this time than I usually do. I tested again on Saturday and the positive result was more obvious. I also tested again today. I don't really know why.

Well okay, I do know why.

I'm concerned about the viability of this pregnancy because of my age. I'm 43 now. I had the same worry with my last pregnancy, and everything turned out fine. This time around I kind of shot myself in the foot by reading a bunch of articles about the decline in fertility that begins at my age. I read about the increased difficulty in getting pregnant and the higher incidence of miscarriage and other complications.

So, I'm worrying. I'm worrying about having a miscarriage. I'm worrying about Down Syndrome. I'm worrying about my blood pressure and other complications. It's a little bit ridiculous, I know. I always do this. With every pregnancy I worry, and with every additional pregnancy I worry a little more.

I need to stop, and just rest with my trust in Jesus, I know. His plans are at work here, and all my worrying and fretting and hoping and wanting will not make one bit of difference. Instead I need to focus on my joy. I never dreamed I'd have any more babies, even though deep inside I've been longing for another one.

I'm doing everything I can to ensure a healthy pregnancy. I started my vitamins the moment I got a positive test result. I have quit drinking soda cold turkey, and have been drinking lots of water. I've been craving salads and veggies so I've been eating a lot of that and no junk. I have my first OB visit scheduled for March 13 which will be right around 8 weeks.

In the meantime, I sure would appreciate everyone's prayers, for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. Thanks for reading.

Sometimes There Are No Words

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 00:00:00 +0000

24 Years Ago...

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Tue, 18 Sep 2012 00:30:00 +0000

...today, my hubby and I said "I do". At the tender ages of 21 and 19, with our first baby on the way, we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. We just knew we were in love and wanted to be a family and spend the rest of our lives together. Now, 24 years later we've had our ups and downs as we walked through life and were blessed with our four beautiful daughters.

We signed the final paperwork for our new house today, and the signifigance of God's timing on that is not lost on me. With this latest development in our lives, we've recommitted ourselves to our marriage and our family. It almost came too late. Over this last year things have been hard, and I admit, I had nearly given up on us and our dreams.

But now with the house, I have a new hope, the kind of hope I had that day, that our lives can be solid and happy, and that our marriage truly can last forever.

Here's to another 24 years.....

Scrapbooking

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Sun, 16 Sep 2012 05:21:00 +0000

It's a hobby I love, but one I've neglected for a while now. Finally this weekend I got to do some digital pages, and I so enjoyed it!

I love both digital and paper scrapbooking. Each one has it's perks. Digital scrapping is super cheap and since I do it on my laptop I can do it anywhere. I never run out of supplies, and there's no mess to clean up afterward.

In spite of the convenience an ease of digital scraping, I still love the actual hands on, make a mess, use real photographs, old-fashioned way too. There is something therapeutic about sifting through papers to find the perfect ones, pressing rubber stamps against the page, and digging for that perfect piece of ribbon to top things off.

When we get into the new house, I have special plans for a tiny bedroom at the end of the hallway. The plan is to turn it into a "memories" room, Not only will it be a room where I can scrap away to my heart's content, but I also plane to have all of our boxes of pictures and photo albums accessible, where everyone can enjoy them.

I have visions of rainy afternoons with the little girls in there, flipping through pictures and listening to me and their Dad or their big sisters tell the stories behind them.

Here's a quick shot of the space as it is now, empty...

Stay tuned for the transformation!

Wordless Wednesday: Moving

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Wed, 12 Sep 2012 09:42:00 +0000

7-year-old Aspen's label on a box of framed family pictures.

Transitions

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Tue, 11 Sep 2012 05:40:00 +0000

My sweet little girl was just watching the episode of Hannah Montana where Miley reveals her true identity. It's very much an episode about moving on and goodbyes. When the scenes came where she sings "I'll Always Remember You", Aspen sang along, passionately, at the top of her lungs. Listening to her sing it, I found myself a little misty-eyed.

My daughter Ashley, Aspen's big sister, moved out this week. At age 20, she's ready to move on with her own life and I'm happy for her. I'm sad too, partly for myself because I'll miss her, but more than that, I'm sad for Aspen.

Not only is Ashley her big sister, but she's also been her friend, playmate, role-model, teacher and even a second mommy at times. Aspen adores her, and misses her. In her little heart, Ashley's leaving is a huge loss. As she sang along with the song, I felt her sadness, and I shed a few tears while she wasn't looking.

My brother and I had a similar relationship growing up. The 12 year age difference between us was the same span as Ashley's 12 years before Aspen. Bret and I were very close. In many ways, he was more of a father to me than our father was, especially after my parents divorced. When I was 9, my mother and I moved from Virginia to North Carolina to live with my Grandparents. Bret did not come with us. I was devastated by the loss, and even though he and I kept in touch with lots of letters and visits, our relationship was never the same. Today we're not close at all, and that makes me sad.

I can only pray that Ashley will realize the degree to which Aspen adores her, and that even though she's moved out, she still holds her little sister's heart in her hands.

School Stuff

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Sat, 08 Sep 2012 08:32:00 +0000

With everything going on with the house this week, our new school year got off to a bit of a slow start. I'm okay with that though, as I am newly inspired imagining the perfectly lovely school room we'll have in our new home.

We did manage to get some work done though, and these two snapshots are my favorites from our first week of the new year.

Look for many more school related posts as we progress through our first month and move our school "up the road a piece"!

An Awesome Blessing!

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Fri, 07 Sep 2012 03:31:00 +0000

It's kind of interesting how it all happened. My parents moved here two years ago. Their next door neighbors came over and introduced themselves right away. They were a lovely Christian home school family.

A few months ago, they told my parents they were moving out and would be selling their home, and that they wouldn't bother to put it on the market if we were interested in buying it. Now, we've not been in a position to buy a home, credit wise, for years. But the idea of living right next door to my parents was very appealing, to us and them, so they looked into buying the property and letting us live there and make the payments. It didn't work out though.

I was disappointed, but after years of possible home buying chances not working out, I was used to it. I thought it might be for the best anyway, since there were some issues with the home that the owners didn't seem eager to address (or able, I guess in all fairness) and their price was a little high when stacked up against those things.

Months went by, and each time we visited my parents' house I found myself looking longingly over next door, and thinking how nice it would be to be there, and how perfect that house was for us in size and layout.

Out of the blue last Monday, my parents called and said they were coming by after running errands, so we made some lunch of chili mac and fresh banana bread and hung out and had a nice visit. At the end of the conversation, that house came up and they told me they'd noticed a rent to own sign had gone up in the front yard.

I admit, I was reluctant and so was my husband, but he told me to call anyway and find out the terms. So I did. I learned that it was a rent to own program that included the perk of a legal firm to work with us, totally free of charge, to repair our credit and get "finance-able" as they called it. For years I've been saying, we needed someone to take us by the hand and tell us step by step what to do to fix our credit. Now, here it was.

My husband was interested but leery, so we researched the company and learned that they're local, have been in business for seven years and have a great rating with the BBB. We also learned that we would need a down payment to get into the house and begin the program. It was more than we had, but my parents offered to help.

That was 10 days ago. Today we learned that we've been approved and the paperwork is in progress! This is nothing short of a miracle, the hand of God at work in answer to so many prayers.

Here are some pictures, enjoy!

All Work and No Play

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Mon, 16 Jul 2012 07:08:00 +0000

...makes Mom a grumpy girl.

Now, I'm not one to not appreciate the huge interest in my art that has come my way since January, but I must humbly surrender to the need for a break now. It's my own fault, totally. I took on too much work. I let the power of the dollar get the better of me, and with visions of shiny new home school goodies in mind, I effectively shot myself in the foot.

Since returning from out beach trip in May, I've done seven custom orders. That may not sound like much, but believe me, it is! I've managed to get them all done and I am on schedule with the four I have left, but the price has been too high. I have sacrificed too many sunny days that should have spent with my girls, and I am sorely feeling that loss. So are the girls.

So, I've carved out the month of August as "doll free" and will spend as much time just being with them as I can. And, when I resume my work in September, I will be strictly limiting myself to one order at a time, to be worked on only after all my Mommy duties are tended to.

Isn't it (strange, scary, sad?) how quickly our priorities can get out of whack? It's a sneaky kind of thing, it creeps up on us and before we know it we've unintentionally given something far too much importance and the results are never good. I'd love to know readers' thoughts on this, so if you're reading this post, please take a moment to share you experiences/insights.

Planning For A New Year

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Tue, 10 Jul 2012 09:05:00 +0000

It's a humble beginning but a good one. The kids and I are in the process of converting our new classroom. Formerly a small, rarely used dining area, this space is perfect for our home school room. The two school desks are a new addition at the little girls' request. We found them during a trip to our favorite home school shop recently and they fell in love. So I added them as a special way to reward them for the help and understanding with my heavy workload with my art this summer. A lot of work has been a real blessing financially, but it's kept me very busy. I'll be winding that down soon, and only taking on one order at a time, so that I can give my full attention to them as we gear up for a new school year.

This year I'll be teaching a First Grader and a preschooler. Aspen will have a full curriculum this year including phonics, spelling, math, social studies, science, art, Bible and PE. That sounds like a lot when I list it all, but we're taking an easy approach to a lot of it. For Bible, we'll be using the What's In The Bible? DVD series, and will be starting our day with an episode during breakfast. We'll be using Apologia science and taking it at a relaxed pace, taking time to enjoy each lesson. For Phonics and spelling, I'm sticking with Hooked on Phonics, which both kids have enjoyed and done well with. Little Abby learned her ABCs last summer before her second birthday just from watching the preschool DVD.

Stay tuned for more updates as our project progresses!

Schoolhouse Rock & The 4th of July

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Thu, 05 Jul 2012 03:37:00 +0000

A few videos we showed the kiddos today while we talked about why we celebrate the 4th of July. Schoolhouse Rock has been and always will be one of my favorite home school resources!

My Girls

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Thu, 05 Jul 2012 03:19:00 +0000

My oldest came to visit this week, and Ashley came home from a trip to the beach with her fiance's family, so I had one of those rare opportunites to get some pictures of the four of them together, and some candids of them with Kelly. Enjoy.

Aspen (7), Kelly (23), Ashley (19), and Abby (soon to be 3)

Summer Fun: Mentoring and the ABCs

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Sun, 24 Jun 2012 05:44:00 +0000

Once again, my blogging has fallen by the wayside. Daily life has been hectic, with our trip to the Outer Banks, my growing doll business and the "business" of wrapping up another year of home school.

But I still haven't given up hope that I can resurrect this blog and enjoy blogging the way I once did. In that spirit I'll share a picture of Aspen and Abby practicing Abby's ABCs the other day.

Passing It On

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 01:13:00 +0000

We're going on vacation to the Outer Banks of North Carolina this coming May. Me, the girls and my Mom and Dad will be spending seven glorious days a block from the ocean. To say I cannot wait is a gross understatement. In fact, I need this vacation in the worst way. But, that's a post for another time.

In preparation for the trip, we went to WalMart today and my Dad bought a fishing rod for Aspen and some tackle. He plans to fish with the girls while we're there. He loves to fish and has done it all his life, and now he's passing this hobby on to the girls. I couldn't be more thrilled. This kind of family time and the passing on of special traditions are the kinds of things that I dreamed about back before I became a Mom.

Here are some pictures from the trip and later at their house, while he and the girls dug through his tackle box to see what else they might need.

Monday Moments

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 04:06:00 +0000

Today was our first day using our new chore charts. The girls have been assigned chores, and they get a star for each completed one. At the end of the week, each star is worth 25 cents. Abby's chores are very simple, like helping Daddy feed the cats, putting her shoes away and helping to pick up toys. Aspen's chores are a little meatier, with emptying the dishwasher and putting away folded laundry top on the list. Things went really well, and Aspen has already earned $2.50, and Abby $1.25. One of our craft projects this week will be to create savings jars for them to keep their earnings in.

I'm trying this for two reasons. First, frankly I need help with the housework! Second, I want to teach the girls responsibility and let them know they play a role in how the household operates. And, another benefit is giving them the chance to earn a little money and start learning to manage it.

Another of Aspen's special tasks (I hate to call it a chore) is helping Abby with some of the new PreK activities we're introducing. Today they spent some time making patterns and sorting colors with these little counting frogs.

I'm really trying to inspire Aspen to take on a mentoring role with Abby. I find this really helps with jealousy and conflict between them.

Abby also got a shiny new pair of preschool scissors of her very own today. I was impressed with how well she did with her first few attempts to cut paper. She made a cut, then put down the scissors and tore the paper the rest of the way. Then she picked up the scissors and did it again. The way she picked them up was cute too. Instead of slipping her fingers into them and then opening them, she first tugged them open with two hands, placed them on the floor and then slipped her hand into the holes. Priceless, for sure.

All in all it was a good day. We ran some errands and played outside, and I even managed to get some doll work done. This is Abby with little Mailo, a custom order.

Happy Easter

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 04:38:00 +0000

I hope this blesses each of you in some way. It's always been special to me, but since my brother passed away last month, it's taken on s whole new meaning for me.

Cattypitters

noreply@blogger.com (Melinda) — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 05:22:00 +0000

Ever since our caterpillar encounter last week, little Abby has been talking non-stop about "cattypitters" and each one we've encountered has been worthy of intense scrutiny, and loads of affection.
I'm already planning a rerun of our caterpillar science lab from 2010.