The Stepford Mommy

Still fighting the good fight!!

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 13:41:00 +0000

Thank you Crazy Sister for asking how I'm doing! I'm ok. . . still fighting the good fight against the Mommy Mafia!

I have to apologize for my absence! I've just been alternating between dizzying busy-ness and short spurts of sweet, sweet downtime. . .

Summer was a blast. We fulfilled one of our greatest wishes and bought a boat! It's no Queen Mary but for us, it's perfect! Let's see. . . .what else? I guess you could say we did a heck of a lot of nothing this summer but we loved every minute of it!

So now we're back to school and doing hard time in the carpool lane ;)

I promise to try harder to keep my blogging muscles flexed!

My 'outer circle'

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 13:37:00 +0000

The blogosphere. It's the oddest thing- it really is. I mean there is no other way on this planet to peek into so many other people's lives. Most blogs are reassuringly mundane. They remind us that normal is normal and regardless of the economy, politics or our own personal turmoil kids will still say horribly embarrassing things at just the wrong moment and pretty much anyone can accidentally step in dog poop.

Then there are the inspirational blogs. Those created by incredibly strong people who want to share their story as it is happening. They show us the power of human spirit in the face of pain or overwhelming odds. How people can, and do, get up and keep going in situations we can't imagine for ourselves. We pray for them. We send love and sometimes money. We need to know this- to see it in action- to believe that God will give us the strength if ever we should need it. We are lifted even if we secretly believe we couldn't carry on if it was us.

But there is a third kind of story too. One we don't initially 'sign on' for but that we live through with our faraway friends through their blogs. Because every once in a while our bloggy friends will be struck by a horrible- often unforeseen- tragedy out of the clear blue. Their mundane posts about dogs eating daisies or the backaches of pregnancy are stopped dead in their tracks by a sudden illness or tragic accident. Our hearts break for these people we usually don't know and we rally around them, if only in our prayers. And we are stronger for this too because we know that today we are lucky but tomorrow it could be us. We remember to appreciate our gifts and never to take them for granted. I've had this type of 'out of the blue' tragedy and I pray that I'll never have another episode. But anything can happen and I'm occasionally in need of that reminder.

Is there a point to this babbling? I'm not sure. But one thing I can say is that I'm grateful for the blogosphere. I'm thankful that I have a place to blurt out the stuff that's sometimes too painful or personal or neurotic to tell my 'inner circle'. I realize that though this blogging I've developed an 'outer circle' of total strangers who have or may come to know me in a different but equally intimate way than my 'inner circle'. I've benefited from their encouragement when I was immobilized with fear and too scared of to reach out to my closest friends for support. And I'm grateful- eternally grateful. I only hope that I can make a worthwhile contribution back to the invisible safety net that I can now rest assured is below my daily high wire act.

Won't you be my neighbor?

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 16:13:00 +0000

The house next door is for sale. Actually the one next to it is for sale too. And one more down the block. Not unusual stuff these days. Many would find it depressing. I know I would if I wasn't such an upbeat and cheery person (HA!)

Anyway, I'm actually pretty psyched because I'm becoming increasingly sure that stars will align and the fates will look fondly upon me and deliver some fantastic new neighbors. People who are friendly and nice. People who will come over when I invite them to hang out. People who (please please please) I might someday consider to be my friends.

It could happen. Stranger things have before, you know. And until then I'll keep shooting 'go away' vibes to the oddballs I see touring the houses and 'yes, yes this is the one' vibes to the fun looking people. And if anyone out there is thinking of moving to a depressingly plastic suburb because of the fantastic schools-maybe you can be my neighbor! We could band together and overtake the PTO in a midnight coup or start a rumor that children who have more than 4 nanny organized playdates a week are less likely to get into the Ivy League college of their choice. . . it'd be a blast!

Overheard in Times Square

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 20:03:00 +0000

No! I don't hang out in Times Square! But when one lives in the 30's on the east side and is careless how they navigate to Zabar's they are occasionally caught in the tourist tide. But I digress. . .

I was walking down Restaurant Row so proud of myself for going across and uptown and back only having consumed 2 Gray's Papaya Hot Dogs (and no coconut champagne due to my diet but either way don't tell Ken because he'll go all 'no meat on Good Friday' which I totally forgot until after the second dog) when I overheard two young (everyone seems young these days- no?) kids saying the following "Oh there's ton's of places to eat here. There's TGI Fridays, The Olive Garden and an Applebees." If I'd been piggy enough to have bought a coconut champagne, and still had any left, I'd have dropped it to the ground then and there!

I mean such frivolous comments I expect from time to time but on RESTAURANT ROW???? What I don't understand is how it is that on these kids weren't struck down by lightening right then and there! Maybe God was too busy with the Good Friday thing. Makes me wish I'd remembered before I hit 72nd Street . . .

Off to the big city

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 13:45:00 +0000

Hello all! This afternoon I'm off to the Big Apple for a few days! I'd love to say that it's going to be fun filled and action packed but I'm really just going for a few days of R&R. A few mornings of sleeping in and bagel deliveries then long walks to my favorite old haunts for lunch and dinner (see a theme developing here?) then back for a nice glass of wine and a good book. No bright lights or Broadway plays- but that's my NY.

I'll keep you 'posted'!

It's a sunny day!

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:09:00 +0000

And all I can think about is my garden!! Of course I've completely gone overboard and ordered something like a million heirloom tomatoes but I'm not going to mention it to Ken until they arrive! Don't the experts recommend keeping the mystery alive in your marriage? I'm sure that's a reference to tomato purchases- aren't you?

Oh, and by the way, am I the only one who is still terrified of mispelling the words POTATOES and TOMATOES? Damn you Dan Quayle!!

Good news at last

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 14:52:00 +0000

Good news at last!!

The results from my tests came back benign! Yay!!

Thanks to everyone for their concern and support. You bloggies are the best!

The wait is over!!

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 16:19:00 +0000

No, not that wait (the Doctor still hasn't called) but the wait to hear about Jamie Oliver's new baby!

Petal Blossom Rainbow was born yesterday. Ok, I'm pretty loose about baby names but when you already have Poppy Honey and Daisy Boo at home do you really need to go to Petal Blossom Rainbow? Why not just take the extra step and throw in Fairydust as well???

Oh well, I still love him anyway :) Best of luck to all.

And now the wait. . .

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 01:27:00 +0000

Well here I am waiting. What I haven't mentioned is that I found a painful lump in my right breast Sunday. My gp saw me Monday and made an appointment for a mammogram and ultrasound today. (Shame on me for not getting a baseline mammogram last year when she mentioned it. . .)

Anyway, they did a bilateral mammogram and an ultrasound of the right breast. Looks like the painful part was a cyst but they also noticed a 'nodule' that they wanted to biopsy. I'm not a panic freak but this biopsy-able thing wasn't even on my radar and all of a sudden I was wanting an ultrasound of the left breast. Like really wanting it. So, I did my magic and convinced the very nice Radiologist to give a look on the left side.

Lo and behold she found what she called a "complex cyst" over there and she decided to slate me for the biopsy and cyst aspiration in a couple of hours. They suggested I go home and relax but I know me and I was sure that I'd just surf the web until I was whipped into a self induced panic so I bought a Danielle Steele, a sandwich and wasted some time..

Long story short, the complex cyst turned out to be a cyst and a mass so next thing you knew I had two cysts and two biopsies. They placed markers at the locations of the biopsies, told me not to worry and that I'll get my results at 3pm tomorrow.

And so I went home and thought slightly nervous I was ready to just wait it out until my darling Ken pointed out that they probably say that to everyone (THANKS KEN!). He's probably right. I mean what are they going to say- go home and freak for 24 hours???

So now I wait. I'll let you know what happens.

Food for thought

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 17:01:00 +0000

"Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them." H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Baby Oliver

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 21:01:00 +0000

I can't possibly be the only person in America who is going out of my mind in anticipation of the birth of Jamie and Jools Oliver's third child can I? It's ridiculous and I'm certainly not the type to be such a 'fan' but they just seem like the happies people and I know they've wanted this child for so long.

I need help. . .

Do not tell The Flyer

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 17:34:00 +0000

Do NOT, I repeat do NOT tell The Flyer that Mommy cleaned out her closet. It really was self defense given that the house was about to explode due to completely-outgrown-little-girl clothes that she wouldn't let me purge. Oh, and the fact that Mommy went crazy on Ebay and bought 15 Lilly dresses for the summer. . .

Honestly, The Flyer has more clothes than any middle aged woman I know. Between my love affair with Lilly and Godmother L's obsession with kids clothes this child could open a store. But I digress. The bottom line is that now all drawers can actually close, the closet is more than a bursting pile of crazy and every pair of shoes actually fits!

I'm not too concerned that she'll catch on about the purge. I'm sure she thinks that it's all just in the laundry- givent that we don't have a great turnaround time here. . . So, as long as I can sneak those 5 bursting bags over to Goodwill I'm in the clear.

Yippee!

Sunny thoughts for a rainy day

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 15:29:00 +0000

Asparagus means I'm home

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 15:34:00 +0000

Nope I haven't lost my mind (yet). This weekend the Flyer and I planted our Asparagus bed. It's been on my list of things to do forever but I never got around to it. You see, Asparagus isn't for the faint of heart. At best you're looking at two years to produce anything edible and there's some work involved so it's always represented (to me at least) the kind of thing you don't undertake unless you know you're not going anywhere. Like when you know you're home.

And though we've been here for nearly seven years (!?!) until Ken, Mini-Ken and Tiffany came along I guess my heart wasn't sure that this house was home. Until now.

So, here's to Asparagus.

I figured it out

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 20:14:00 +0000

I finally figured out what is wrong with me. I need a vacation. And I don't mean a vacation from blogging to enjoy my life. What I need is a vacation from my life to roam around the blogosphere. How does that sound?

Now to get the rest of the people in my life onboard. . .

What the blog is wrong with me, anyway?

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 15:32:00 +0000

Why is it that can't get out of this funk? Is it the weather? The fast approaching big four oh (or should I say big four oh no!) I've been one big crabapple lately and it's bugging everyone including me.

Why am I sitting around wasting my day skimming catalogs and 'shopping' online for stuff I can't afford? Why do I beat myself up again and again for being so chubby instead of going for a run? Why did I have that extra glass of wine last night and let myself get 'obnoxious' (according to Ken)?

What the blog is wrong with me?

Points

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 17:57:00 +0000

Well, I'm back to counting my points. Mommy is never going to get skinny unless she PAYS ATTENTION to what she's eating! I know that's not much of a revelation to many but I've always been able to get away without worrying about portion control (too much) because my eating habits have always been quite healthy.

Until recently. My dearest, loving Ken is a wonderful cook and he loves to feed his family. And I love to eat. We all see where this is going- yup straight to plumpsville. Unless I'm willing to live with a BMI higher than my IQ I'm going to have to get things under control.

And exercise. . . groan. ;)

Horror Show

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 02:05:00 +0000

Ok. So what does one say when their ex breaks up with the long-term girlfriend who your kid thinks is family? Answer: nothing. You hope and pray that it all works out.

AND . . . what if it doesn't? What if he decides after 3 months that he wants to marry the 'new' girl (who happens to be Russian and, as far as I understand, in need of legal documentation)?

Crap.

A peek into my afternoon

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 23:13:00 +0000

A conversation:

Me: Look outside! It's SNOWING!!

The Flyer: WHAT?!?!? Lemme see!!!

Ken: No it's not- holy crap it's snowing!!

A realization: I'm lucky to have already been cuddled by the fire with a glass of wine or I'd have taken this resergence of winter very badly. ; )

Mini meme

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 14:32:00 +0000

I'm not a big fan of those huge long meme things (not that I don't like reading other people's- they can be fascinating) so I'm hoping to head off any future meme's with this brief summary of things one might not know about me:

1. I am a natural blonde. Sure it's not the white-blond of my childhood but I'm not 4 anymore so. . .

2. I have not only a superfun garden but an actual (really small) orchard. Makes me feel like a grown-up!

3. I'm mildly addicted to Yankee Candles and must have one burning in my office during work hours or I'm not at all to blame for my own unproductively. I particularly like the coconut scented one.

4. I am of the firm belief that one of the best things that one can provide for their guest's comfort is a good book and a great place to enjoy it. Since I rarely have guests here in Stepford (Mommy's McMansion is more like a Mc Shoebox) I focus my energies on the beach house and I assure you there are piles of books and nooks to read.

5. I love to cook, sew, create and decorate. I also enjoy going for a nice run but I'm a little lazy so that comes and goes in spurts.

6. I live for that moment on the beach when it's perfectly quiet and I feel as though It's just me and the sun. Ahhh

7. I love my friends and adore entertaining. I wish I had more people in my life who would just drop by. I hate that things have become so formal as to require an invitation. Just pop in for heaven's sake!!

8. Eight is my favorite number

9. Under no circumstances do I ever see myself eating eel. I love Japanese as much as the next Mommy but nope. Not happening.

10. I am fully aware that nobody cares that much about the above 9 things. Except me :)

Shut me up Saturday

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 14:14:00 +0000

Well, it's no wordless Wednesday but I thought I'd give it a shot. Anyway, I'm dreaming of summer and here is where I'll be. . . Paradise (ok, it's not all that perfect but check out my plans to redecorate!)

Spring has sprung!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 13:18:00 +0000

And do you know what that means? Mommy's thinking of the beach! I've executed my assault on the snow and I'm happy to report that we have success (or we will by the end of today). So now I'm free to jump directly to thoughts of sun and sand.

Ok, I know that its kinda like putting the cart before the horse but- really- isn't that what I usually do anyway??

Around here we have this odd limbo season I like to think of as pre-spring. It's warm enough to know that winter is over but still not spring-y enough to start gardening so year after year I find myself wandering the local nurseries and physically restraining myself from purchasing plants that will unquestionably die immediately if I ignore all advice and good sense and plant them like I'm dying to.

This year I've decided to skip all that torture and use this pre-spring to focus on what I'm going to do to the family beach house I've inherited to truly make it my own. If you're at all interested I'd love it if you'd pop in and give me your thoughts about my thoughts. . . :)

Melt my snow please

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 17:56:00 +0000

Today is not a nice day at all. It is overcast, cold and rainy. However, I'm not about to let that dampen my spirits. Instead, I'm going to use the rain to my advantage and make my ultimate assault on the permafrost icepack that has thus far refused to vacate my back deck.

Ever since the first 'warm' day a few weeks ago I've been chipping away at it. Ok, I know that nobody is going to be hanging out back there for a while but I am experiencing this compulsive need to eradicate all reminders of this winter's horrible snows. For the most part it's all melted and elsewhere my plants are starting to bud and all is right with the world. But still the view out my window is of snow and ice. I can't stand it! So yet again I was out there this morning in my jammies and winter boots stomping away and breaking the ice into the smallest possible chunks to speed melting.

Ken is this close to flying in a team of Psychiatrists from Austria so I'd better hope it works this time. Maybe I'll just go crunch those bits a little smaller before he comes home. . .

My most humble apologies

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 12:56:00 +0000

To you the adored readers of my most insignificant of blogs I offer my humble apologies for my recent lack of posting. To the unbelievably interesting people to whose blogs I am addicted and follow with a passion which might be consider odd (were you not so fabulous) I apologize for my recent lack of participation. I assure you that I will catch up.

Where the hell have I been? Right here in Stepford, of course- which is sort of like hell but that's another story. I've been tinkering with the idea of changing up the format of my little blog and between that and 'work', this mommy's life has been B U S Y!

Short catch up: birthday party went fine. (can not for the life of me understand people who choose to work in places where said birthday parties are held- I'd rather be strung up by my ankles); work is the same as ever (as far as I can tell because Lord knows I'm not paying as much attention as I should); the weather is still crazy (we've had snow followed by 60 degree weather followed by snow more than once in the last couple of weeks); The Flyer is still dragging me to cheer competitions (I spent the last two days waking at 5:30 to rush to a place filled with 2500 children who shouldn't be wearing makeup) and knucklehead- he's right on track with his plot for family, if not world, domination.

So, to recap: sorry, sorry, sorry. I'll do my best to figure out this blog rehab or get over the idea asap. Missed you guys!!!

Please excuse me while my heart breaks

noreply@blogger.com (Stepford Mommy) — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 14:34:00 +0000

I'm sorry to have been such a downer lately. I've been sick and not at all my usual pithy self. And now it's worse. . .

Believe it or not, I've spent the last couple of days in bed thinking I'm being too hard on these Stepford Mommies. Maybe they're just the way they are because they're trying to fit in? I dunno. But now I'm back to resenting the hell out of them. Why you ask? Because they're mean.

The flyer's birthday party is coming up and only 4 of the people invited have RSVP'd. Ok, no big deal but apparently the others are slow to respond because there is another party scheduled at the same time. That's fine- can't help these little glitches in life- but you see I wouldn't know about the other party because my daughter wasn't invited. In fact, this isn't the first time. We tried to arrange a play date with one girl only to be told (rather rudely I might add) that she was going to a classmate's birthday party. Hey! The Flyer is one of her classmates and if we were inviting your daughter over it's because we clearly didn't know about any party. Why point it out and make my kid feel bad?

Come to think of it, my kid has only been invited to 2 parties this year. One from a girl in her class and another from a girl in the other class. There are 18 girls in her grade this year (and btw we invited all to The Flyer's party). We are more than half way through the year so you'd think that there would have been more than 2 parties, wouldn't you?

In what demented universe is it ok to invite some but not all of your kids classmates to a birthday party? I get it that 37 is too many kids so no need to invite the whole grade but there are 18 and 19 in individual classes. You could invite the whole class or all of the girls in your class (9 in one and 8 in the other) or all of the girls in the grade but why leave people out? Does it make the kids feel better because they've snubbed someone? Or is the Mommies who are doing this selective inclusion?

Does this cult really need to indoctrinate their 8 year old daughters into the cycle of snobbiness?