Intersection of Purpose and Now

What Values Do You Exemplify With Your Daily Life?

2009-11-09T12:06:00.004-06:00

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live a life which he imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."

~Henry David Thoreau

Our values shape our dreams, and our dreams often reveal our true values. Together, your dreams and values shape your life and legacy. How are you coming along on writing in a journal or discussing our Value of the Day with a growth partner?

How are the values of Restoration, Courage and Authenticity playing out in your life and work these days?
How would your life be different if these values and others more clearly guided your actions?
Or if your actions and behaviors exemplified these values more clearly and often? ...to the point that other people began to use these values as descriptors of you?

Will continue to share a Value of the Day each day through Twitter; if you do not have a Twitter account you may sign up here.

Imagine yourself moving confidently in the direction of a more value-driven life.

What will be the values that shape your life?
What will be the values exemplified in your daily living?
How are your dreams and values moving you closer to The Intersection of Purpose and Now?

How Are Common Values Shaping Your Daily Life?

2009-11-04T13:43:00.007-06:00

My oh my, how I value good health! It has been too long - much too long - since I have provided anything new here at The Intersection of Purpose and Now. I apologize. There are a variety of reasons; perhaps the main reason is that in the past few months I transitioned from my busiest months of the year to a month of suffering from one misery-causing virus to another. Who knows if I had H1N1, R2D2 or anything similar; I know I had a severe case of a flu that is obviously "going around" and it went through my entire family.

My body was a special case, though. Unlike anyone else I know, over the course of two weeks my flu progressed into an ear infection, into bronchitis, into a constant violent, unproductive cough, into what I thought was a cracked rib caused by coughing so hard. After treating myself like I had a cracked rib for at least one more week, the pain became so severe and persistent that I went back to the doctor. My x-rays showed no signs of either damaged ribs or pneumonia, the other most likely cause. So why all the pain? "Probably a virus" was the so-called diagnosis (and for this my doctor charges how much an hour?). Nonetheless, here it is November, another week has gone by but I am finally on the mend. It is past time to write.

How I value restoration!
About 10 days ago, just when my chest pain was increasing, I gave a keynote address at a national conference on the topic of "Are You and Your Business Authentic?" I included a powerful activity that helps people explore their values and how common values shape their daily lives. The activity uses a list of values I have shared in this blog in the past (Practice a Value a Day), with each value printed on a separate note card so that every person present received a random value at their seat.

I asked participants to find a partner and spontaneously share with that partner how the particular value they received is (or is not) currently playing out in their daily lives or work. The result? Well, lets just say that it even brought a few people to tears.

My keynote received an overwhelming positive response and numerous people have spoken with me about how powerful the values exercise was for them. Even though each person receives a value at random, most people are amazed at how powerful the effect that particular value was having in their life. As one person put it, "I think this value picked me!"

Flash forward to this morning... For the first time in more than a month I felt able and available to attend my weekly 6 a.m. men's prayer meeting at my local church. As I drearily started my car and pulled away from home to drive to the meeting, it came to mind I needed to start my day with a private time of prayer. Almost immediately, before I could even mention God's name, the word "restoration" came to my mind. That's all I could think of, "restoration". I couldn't pray or think another thought for several minutes. Then I thought, "hmmm, I guess this is God's answer to anything I MIGHT have prayed!"

I truly need restoration after the trials of the past month. This has inspired me (my oh my, how I value inspiration!). Would you be interested in an easy way to explore and develop the values that are guiding you in your daily life and work? If that is you, don't just read the next paragraph - do what it says. This will only take a few minutes.

How is the value of RESTORATION playing itself out in your life or work these days?

Think about the value question, journal your thoughts or share them with a partner.

How does the experience of giving serious consideration to this value and its effect in your life matter to you? How might it make a difference for you? How is it helpful, informative, encouraging, catalytic, therapeutic, energizing, transformational...?

If you find this activity helpful or in any way enlightening, consider this: What are other common values and how are they "playing out" for you these days? You may want to repeat the activity with other common values. (Why wouldn't you?) Here is how:

Feel free to join me on Twitter in the coming days when I will share a Value a Day (or at least every couple of days) along with the question: "How is this value playing out in your life and/or work these days?" You will be amazed at your discoveries and revelations, as well as how value-driven you may really be.

Or at least you may realize how common values are shaping who you are and who you hope to be at The Intersection of Purpose and Now. I look forward to sharing with you on your journey to live a more value-driven life.

Don't Drop Your Monkey Cup!

2009-08-27T05:00:00.002-05:00

Values. According to commonly practiced “rules” of both personal development and strategic planning, individuals, teams and organizations must identify their Core Values and live by them to be authentic and successful in pursuit of a vision. I agree wholeheartedly.

Understanding what one values most explains so much that might otherwise be misunderstood, difficult or just down-right confusing. Everyone lives by a creed, basic values, a moral code that is either spoken or unspoken...adhered to or not...acted upon either consistently or inconsistently. Can you articulate your values and live by them as well?

Values guide our decisions; values determine our choices; values define our character and the product of our days. Values, whether we are aware of them or not, determine how we act, how we treat others, how we respond to opportunity and adversity, and how much value we add to the world around us. Values may make my behavior easy to predict, but in a good way. My values create a clear image of the person I strive to be.

Values inform our expenditures of time, of money, of relational collateral and of commitment to change. I’ve written this before but it always bears repeating: if you aren’t sure where to begin identifying your core values look at your checkbook register and your daily planner; where are you investing your primary resources of money and time? Ask yourself what you really want, and ask your friends and loved ones about what they think you value most.

Values. They make us who we are as individuals, as families, as businesses, as churches, as 4-H clubs, or however we come together in community or corporate purpose.

What are your values? What do you hold most dearly?

My Twitter Friend (make that Twiend), Marie Wikle (@spreadingjoy) loves her coffee, and drinks daily from her favorite coffee mug - the monkey cup with the broken arm that also serves as the cup’s handle (pictured above). Marie holds her monkey cup dearly. Seeing how she writes about her beloved monkey cup, I have to wonder which warms her more – her coffee or her monkey cup! Here is a recent Tweet from Marie:

“@pdncoach i love my monkey cup - the handle is his arm. Have dropped it and glued it back on several times. I can't toss him out.”

I also know that Marie values family, her daughter and husband, and her ministry of Spreading Joy through powerful actions that add measurable value to her community. These things she holds dearly.

What you value most is what matters most at The Intersection of Purpose and Now.

What things, what ideals, what relationships are you “holding onto dearly”?
What is it that you are willing to “toss out”?
What is most important to you?
What do you really want out of life? What do you really want to experience today?
What is it that you want others to say and believe about you?
What are the vital few “Monkey Cups” in your life? (Have you ever had to repair an arm? I sure have; broken values must be mended.)

Living at The Intersection of Purpose and Now is about living a remarkable life by your own God-given definition, stabilized and purified by focusing on your most valued beliefs and relationships. Living at this Intersection is about personal leadership. It’s about knowing your purpose in life and your purpose in this moment. It’s about thinking On Purpose, feeling On Purpose, acting On Purpose.

Living at The Intersection of Purpose and Now is about re-connecting your thoughts and actions with your deepest VALUES and purpose, and engendering the same connection in others. It’s about having the courage to take action now on the things most important to you, about achieving what may seem just beyond your reach.

Living at The Intersection of Purpose and Now is about holding on to your Monkey Cup and, if you should ever drop it, mending it with loving care and glue that holds it to its original design.

Don’t Drop Your Monkey Cup. Hold onto it dearly. Join me at the Intersection of Purpose & Now.

The Intersection of Leadership and Leadership Culture Part 4

2009-08-26T13:02:00.004-05:00

Ted Kennedy, Low-Potential Leader

I did not intend for there to be a "Part 4" of my series on The Intersection of Leadership and Leadership Culture. But I was struck by the death of Senator Ted Kennedy this morning after his painful bout with brain cancer. I have never been a fan of his politics, but have become a fan of the man and the leader this man became in the latter part of his life.

Kennedy, despite his many failings - and there were many - became what I call a great leader. If there is any sort of positive leadership culture in the U.S. Senate or Congress in general, Ted Kennedy, the youngest Kennedy son, the "black sheep" of that revered American family, the failed presidential candidate turned honored statesman, played a seminal role.

I could not have expressed my thoughts on the meaning of Kennedy's life as a leader as well as author Sarah Green has in Harvard Business Publishing's "Conversation Starter" for today. So for today, learn something more about the Intersection of Leadership and Leadership Culture, and about the Intersection of Purpose and Now, by reading Sarah Green's brief summation of the life and death of Senator Ted Kennedy.

Ted Kennedy, Low-Potential Leader

The Intersection of Leadership and The Leadership Culture Part 3

2009-08-17T05:00:00.001-05:00

This is part three of our series about the intersection of how leaders develop a culture of leadership around them. Today, we draw directly from a conference article by Pastor Dave Ferguson of Community Christian Church in Suburban Chicago titled Lessons Learned While Starting New Things. Following are five elements necessary to develop an organizational culture that nurtures leadership capabilities that exist in everyone.

Vision - a vision is never wholly your own and neither is a culture. When your leadership culture becomes the product of your vision and the recognized source for your vision, that is when you will have a compelling vision that people will follow. Your vision may be a story you need to tell, it may come from a variety of experiences, it may be inspired by the people in your organization and, ideally, by your customers. The visions that seem to evolve from all of these sources and more - those will be the most compelling visions of all.

Strategy made simple - many leaders fail because their strategy is too complicated. Can you explain yours on the back of a napkin? Can you make compelling your vision or value statement, your key strategies and your major goals by drawing it up quickly over coffee with a colleague?

Financial Viability - money always follows vision; vision does not follow money. Let's face it, if you already have the resources to support your vision, it doesn't require much vision, just a little action! The leader who says his business exists to "make a profit" may struggle to attract and maintain customers. The leader who says his business exists to attract and maintain customers is better positioned to increase profits.

Innovation - when you are approached with a new idea and your first reaction is a "How", "Why" or even "No", you may kill innovation and your culture all in one. People want to make a difference and pursue their own dreams. What they need is a permission-giving leader who equips them to give it a try. Ferguson says it best:
"What people need is affirmation of their dreams and space for them to figure out how to make them really work."
Building Bench Strength - effective leaders create healthy leadership cultures where anyone can explore his or her potential for leadership. Young leaders especially, but leaders at every career stage need the opportunity to lead. Perhaps the truest sign of a mature leader is the ability to get out of the way and let others lead, demonstrate your own willingness to follow even if you are a senior leader or at the "top" of the organization. Ultimately, a healthy leadership culture is one that allows risk-taking among emerging leaders.

The Intersection of Leadership and The Leadership Culture Part 2

2009-08-14T05:00:00.002-05:00

We are picking up today where we left off yesterday, with the idea of a general shift in thinking about leadership development. I draw from several resources. The following excerpt from Scientific American, July 31, 2007, adequately describes The New Psychology of Leadership.

"In the past, leadership scholars considered charisma, intelligence and other personality traits to be the key to effective leadership. Accordingly, these academics thought that good leaders use their inborn talents to dominate followers and tell them what to do, with the goal either of injecting them with enthusiasm and willpower that they would otherwise lack or of enforcing compliance. Such theories suggest that leaders with sufficient character and will can triumph over whatever reality they confront.

"In recent years, however, a new picture of leadership has emerged, one that better accounts for leadership performance. In this alternative view, effective leaders must work to understand the values and opinions of their followers—rather than assuming absolute authority—to enable a productive dialogue with followers about what the group embodies and stands for and thus how it should act. By leadership, we mean the ability to shape what followers actually want to do, not the act of enforcing compliance using rewards and punishments.

"Given that good leadership depends on constituent cooperation and support, this new psychology of leadership negates the notion that leadership is exclusively a top-down process. In fact, it suggests that to gain credibility among followers, leaders must try to position themselves among the group rather than above it."

Of course, how one goes about "positioning oneself among the group" is a huge variable to good leadership, as are the values and opinions of followers. These, too, can be developed.

Leadership effectiveness is the product of individual ability to be the architect of culture, to understand the values and attitudes of followers (who may be colleagues as well as direct reports), and to inspire the contributions, cooperation and mutual support of the people around the would-be leader.

Taken further, the measure of a leader is how well he or she develops a culture of leadership, where all constituents are ready to lead when the context needs their unique contribution.

According to this new approach, no fixed set of personality traits can assure good leadership because the most desirable traits depend on the nature of the group being led and the context at hand. Author Mark DeVries has discovered five decisions that we believe profoundly reflect the ability to develop a healthy leadership culture:

Deliver Results - The most dramatic way to change any culture is to provide evidence that good things are happening. Success breeds success. Leaders must deliver results. Identify a single visible result and go after it to produce a small victory. Speed up the production of good results and you accelerate climate change.
Trust the Process - Change takes time and is far more often the product of incremental small wins than monumental victories. A series of small wins creates the potential for incremental revolution. We may explore this element further in a future blog.
Import Joy into the Chaos - Interesting, but I have found that even high-performing teams will crash and burn sooner or later if they do not learn to celebrate well together. Research has shown that groups that laugh together are consistently better at solving problems together than the folks who strictly "stick to business". The most effective leaders maintain a "playful detachment", as DeVries describes it, "from those triggers that cause people to spiral into negativity and reactive blaming."
Instill Stories and Metaphors - Every group develops cultural norms or what we sometimes call "rules of fair play"; these at once reflect the culture and define it. As DeVries writes, groups "tend to live into the words that are spoken about them." Leaders must recognize the impact of language, encourage and offer stories and metaphors that promote a positive leadership culture.
Embrace Rituals and Traditions, Signs and Symbols - These confirm cultural identity. Ever worked with a group that has office potlucks from time to time - what I call "grazing tables"? The culture-building power of breaking bread together is historic. Do you allow people to decorate their work space? When we work with groups on "team building", we often challenge them to come up with a team name and a team cheer that reflects the team they aspire to be. Sometimes that cheer becomes part of a team vernacular that far outlives the team building event. We recently did some culture and process work with a university at which the president simply turned over leadership of his monthly all-campus staff meetings to a team, which seemed to pull back the curtains exposing once-hidden sunshine and a positive new climate. Even standard operating procedures can contribute to your team's cultural identity.

We all have the potential for leadership and, therefore, need leadership development. It is our responsibility as leaders to cultivate a climate for leadership, where everyone has a role and the ongoing opportunity to develop and practice as a leader.

If your organization or team needs assistance in developing leadership or a more powerful leadership culture, call Mark Sturgell at 217-362-0500 or email askthecoach@pdncoach.com.

The Intersection of Leadership and The Leadership Culture Part 1

2009-08-13T05:00:00.002-05:00

I worked with a group of bright, young leaders representing high schools from three different communities this morning and was shocked at their perceptions of leadership. Most see leadership as something involving the need to tell people what they need to do and how to do it, and leaders as the people who are equipped to "get things done".

As we stood in a circle I asked, based on their experience, what happens first when a group first recognizes the task at hand. The first response was, "Someone speaks up with an idea." The group also conceded to my suggestion that often that same person makes an aggressive move to the middle, collapsing the circle while making a "power move" toward half the group and turning his or her back to the rest. Thus, those with the natural tendency to be loud, agressively take charge, act impulsively and isolate team members tend to be seen as leaders.

I am not sure where young people are learning such things. Good leadership is generally becoming understood to be less about "command-and-control" and "natural-born ability", which once dominated the organizational landscape, and more about something else. That "something else" can be a moving target at times since there are those who still harbor the ideal of the Born Leader as opposed to the potential for the Developed Leader that exists in everyone.

Many people in modern society, but not everyone, believe in the need for leadership development (at least for others if not for themselves!). In other words, people from both schools of thought recognize the need for leadership ability. The differences between the Born Leader and Developed Leader camps are rooted in the beliefs about who is most capable of benefiting from leadership development and what development should entail.

The Born Leader folks tend to believe that some people have the precious few inherent traits that make leadership a destiny and that some new skills will enhance the impact of those traits. The Developed Leader folks tend to believe all people have inherent strengths AND the potential for leadership, therefore, anyone can reach the heights of leadership.

At Performance Development Network we operate on the premise that each of us has potential for leadership that can best be leveraged by developing our existing strengths, recognizing that many of those existing traits are also the product of both "nurture and nature". Therefore, neither celebrating or mourning natural traits is worthy of much attention as is the need to nurture one's attitudes, abilities and interests.

We also acknowledge that effective leadership has much to do with individual potential for "rising" to opportunity, context or circumstance. The most effective leaders do not just react to circumstance or wait for opportunity to define them as leaders. Instead, good leaders define themselves in a way that prepares them to respond accordingly to most any circumstance or opportunity as they appear.

If your organization or team needs assistance in developing leadership or a more powerful leadership culture, call Mark Sturgell at 217-362-0500 or email askthecoach@pdncoach.com.

Leadership and the Myth of Balance

2009-08-10T05:00:00.005-05:00

It is pretty hard to be a leader and live at The Intersection of Purpose and Now when you are constantly pressed for time. This nearly 7-minute Harvard Business School interview with Stewart Friedman, Professor, University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School titled "Be a Better Leader, Live a Richer Life" is worth watching. His message (and ours):

Traditional thinking pits work and the rest of our lives against each other. But taking smart steps to integrate work, home, community, and self will make you a more productive leader and a more fulfilled person.

People wonder about the "leadership coaching" that is at the heart of much of our work with individuals as well as teams and organizations. They sometimes either don't connect the struggles they face as leaders at work with the struggles they face at home, don't accept the difficulty of self-correcting the challenges and blind spots they face, or they fail to recognize the power and efficiency of seeking outside help.

Most people want to be more effective leaders; they want more effective leadership. The best leaders recognize two things that they must do in order to be effective:

tap into the leadership that exists throughout their organizations;
and live a fulfilling life of their own to remain vital to their organizations.

Friedman sometimes uses a different language than I prefer, but in a significant way is saying the same thing as we do. "Balance", though a popular term, is not necessarily what we need or even really want. Traditionally, "balance" has meant a person is making sacrifices while attempting to schedule her priorities and stick with them.

Typically, the "balanced" life is an over-saturated one pitting professional commitments against personal priorities and "playing for a tie game", so to speak.

Life is not simply about trade-offs. Leaders must learn to seek an integrated life with focused priorities that determine how they use their time (wherever they are at the time), as opposed to a balanced life (splitting their time). Leadership growth is accentuated when the leader recognizes the pitfalls of trying to fit all of his priorities into his schedule, and begins to schedule his priorities instead.

Are you struggling with keeping your commitments to your work, your home, your community and your self?
What are your real priorities? To find out, record exactly how you use your time, in 15-minute increments, for 5 consecutive days. Don't cheat or guess or make up how you used a block of time; if you forget to keep track just start over. Once you complete this activity, look at the percentages and you will have a rough idea of your current real priorities.
If you don't like the results (those things to which you are devoting higher percentages of time are not what you want them to be), you have some work to do.
How might this be affecting your leadership? How do you know? (consider asking those around you: your subordinates, peers, customers, your boss or other stakeholders)

If you ever feel like you are "over-committed", in reality you are probably under-committed to your true priorities that provide a center to your fulfillment, happiness, personal well-being, decision-making, time management and leaders.

You may need help identifying and clarifying your true priorities, as well as how you might integrate them - rather than always choosing between them. Busy, highly responsible leaders who are stretching themselves to pursue a vision may find it difficult to integrate work, home, community and self and stay healthy. If this is you, consider hiring a coach.

Lessons From Aunt Beck - Lesson #4: Oh, To Be 60 Again

2009-08-07T05:00:00.002-05:00

by Becky Morris
continued from August 5, 2009

By the 7th hole, Aunt Beck was kicking our collective butts. The other two women and me were just watching wide-eyed and open-mouthed at her steady approach to the tee box and the ever-so-accurate putts. We were shaking our heads in amazement and by this time we were just making fun of ourselves due to frustration.

As she walked up to tee off, we were having our own private conversation about how we hope to be playing as well as she was at the age of 60, not even contemplating the possibility of playing at 90. Evidently Aunt Beck’s hearing is as accurate as her golf game because right before she hit the ball she stated, “Oh to be 60 again!”

When the three of us heard this we needed to find the nearest port-a-potty because our laughter was out of control. Here we are in our late 40’s early 50’s, worrying about such important things as wrinkle control, menopause, issues at work, kids, grandkids, retirement and everything else under the sun and this woman was just thinking about going back to a place we hadn’t even reached. I can honestly say I never thought I would hear someone make such a statement.

How refreshing to hear someone who has lived for so long who wants 30 more years!

Living at The Intersection of Purpose and Now
At a quarterly gathering last week, our friend and colleague Chris Sopa gave a keynote about relieving stress. One of Chris’ key points was to live in the now. We often spend too much valuable time worrying about all of the “what-ifs” and “could haves” that either might happen in the future or did not happen in the past. She said if we could just stay in the present and focus on the task at hand, how much easier and enjoyable our lives would be.

I am going to borrow an exercise that Chris had us do:

Find a piece of paper, sticky note or 3” x 5” card.
Across the top write “Don’t believe everything you think”
Now write down some limiting thought you may have, i.e. “I will never have enough money to afford (an item that you have always dreamed of having) or I will never be able to lose _____ lbs.”
Now turn that around into a positive statement, such as: "People find the money for the things they really want” or “I can lose 2 lbs per week.”

It’s all about our attitudes, understanding our priorities, turning the negatives into positives, facing the challenges head-on, identifying our limiting obstacles - but instead of being defeated, we find all of the possible solutions. How often do you write down the benefits of achieving your goals and then affirm yourself into knowing you can do it?

I never thought I would want to live to 90, but after meeting Aunt Beck it has changed my perspective. The ironic part of all of this is, she was only playing a game she loves and having a casual conversation with an inquisitive partner. Even if I try to tell her, I doubt she will ever fully understand the impact she has had on my life.

And that is often how it is when we meet people at The Intersection of Purpose and Now. Once again, Thank you, Aunt Beck!

Lessons from Aunt Beck - Lesson #3: Living with No Regrets

2009-08-05T05:00:00.005-05:00

by Becky Morris
continued from August 3, 2009

When we got to hole #4, the conversation between Aunt Beck and I was really flowing. We had established a bond. I was asking a lot of questions and Aunt Beck was getting to tell her story and what a phenomenal story it was. I was just trying to soak up as much of her wisdom as she was willing to share. I doubt she even felt she was imparting any wisdom, but she was.

So I asked her this question, “Looking back over your life and the past 90 years, if you had anything to do over, what would it be?”

Aunt Beck thought for a few seconds and answered, “Absolutely nothing."

Now I was expecting a bit more than this. I figured everyone had at least one “mulligan” they would use if they had the opportunity. For me, there was a time I might have had a hard time listening to the Frank Sinatra song “I Did It My Way” because of the line that goes something like, “regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention”. There was a time when I seemed to have a lot of regrets in my life. Regrets like wrong decisions, misused words, time I have wasted, etc.

But as I think about Aunt Beck’s response, I am reminded that every decision I have made seemed like the right decision at the time. So, if I had to do it over again, I would probably make the same decision. Aunt Beck doesn’t need any mulligans, and I won’t either.

I can change the way I view my regrets – “They are life lessons” - and I can appreciate what changed because of those decisions. That’s looking back, but I still have a long way to go until I reach 90. So I can also look ahead with much greater Purpose, with greater intention and, therefore with greater passion for what is right. Put the two perspectives together and when I’m 90 if someone asks, “If you could do anything over, what would it be?” my response will be:

“I would do absolutely nothing over, I don’t have time to do anything over because I have so much yet to do!”

Five Steps to Better Decisions
How can you avoid regrets, especially when it comes to decision making? We believe there is an effective methodology to making great decisions. The process looks like this:

Identify the problem or question – the process of clarifying the problem begins to bring solutions to light and also helps determine how serious the problem is.
Gather and analyze information – this step is absolutely critical if you are going to feel comfortable and confident with a decision.
Develop and choose alternative solutions – after analyzing the information, you will realize that there are a number of choices before you. Rarely does a decision only have one alternative. Keep asking, “What other possibilities are there?” It is far easier to choose the best alternative from many than it is to accept the best answer from among a few.
Take action – decisions are only mental exercises and do not yield results until they are put into action.
Review and evaluate decisions – this will allow you to change or alter your action if the decision is not yielding the right results and it allows you to evaluate your progress as a decision maker and thus improve your decision making ability.

Living with no regrets? Life without mulligans? I believe it is very possible. I don’t have time for regrets, because I have too much I still want to do.

I Want to Leave a Legacy

2009-08-04T05:00:00.001-05:00

There are more Lessons from Aunt Beck coming this week, but today we want to remind our readers of the express purpose for this blog.

We are always looking to learn from your stories about living at The Intersection of Purpose and Now, as well as give you practical guidance on how to live the remarkable life that is calling you. One who tells this story well is singer Nichole Nordeman with her song "Legacy". Read and take in the lyrics, enjoy the YouTube video, blip and Twitter the song to others. Most of all, consider the message and join us at The Intersection.

Lyrics to Legacy, by Nichole Nordeman

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all the who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such 'n such...it wouldn't matter much

I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an "Atta boy" or "Atta girl"
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
the temporary trappings of this world

Chorus:
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to you enough to make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthy list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon destroy

Chorus

Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well done" good and faithful one

Chorus

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me

Lessons from Aunt Beck - Lesson #2: Keeping Score

2009-08-03T05:00:00.000-05:00

by Becky Morris

I am a stickler for accuracy. When golfing, it is very important for me to keep track of my shots and report the number accurately. It is also very important to me for those with whom I am golfing to do the same thing. There have been times when I have found myself helping my golf partner count strokes (of course, they are not aware of this; I am just keeping a mental tally). Such was the case the day I golfed with “Aunt Beck”, my new 90-year-old golfing buddy. This is the second article in a series about lessons learned from Aunt Beck that began with “Don’t Always Go For the Long Ball”.

Aunt Beck may not be as much of a stickler when it comes to keeping an accurate score as I am. I am not suggesting that she cheats; heck, when you are 90 why would you need to cheat at golf? For her, it was more about losing track of her strokes. She was not trying to cheat or be deceptive, she simply forgot. My first inclination was to get it right; then I realized how trivial this seemed. In the broad scope of things, what did the comparison of our scores really matter?

How much trivial score-keeping do you have in your life? I define score-keeping as “measuring your results against the results of someone else”. Score-keeping doesn’t mean you are necessarily tracking the result you personally desire. Rather, with score-keeping your focus is on how much better or worse your results are compared to those of someone else – a competitor, a sibling, a spouse, a colleague, a golf partner.

How are my kids doing in school? Am I looking at my children from the viewpoint of how well they could do compared to how well they did, or am I looking at how well they did compared to someone else? There are many other areas in which people often “keep scores”: income, size and location of your house, the vehicle(s) you drive, personal body type (height, weight), and all the other insignificant measures of comparison.

How do the "scores" of others really matter to you?
Why do they really matter?
How much pressure and dissatisfaction do these comparisons bring into your life?
How might your life change if you measured what you have or need instead of what you want because someone else has it?
How might this change the perspective about score-keeping change your life?

A couple of years ago I started keeping a Dream Inventory. What a powerful thing, this Dream Inventory! It is a great reflective tool to consider and record what I would like to accomplish in the remaining years of my life. I record everything I want to have, to do, to become…everything. No one else has seen this Dream Inventory; it is strictly mine.

My Dream Inventory allows me to:

list anything that I would like to do, be, accomplish, see, achieve, attain
think about what I must do differently to make these dreams become reality
prioritize the dreams I could achieve in the next year, 2 years and further out
develop specific plans to make these dreams become reality
inspired me to start doing things differently to get these new results – not because someone else has them, but because they are my dreams

It is a great thrill and honor to win a game of golf, or a swim meet, or a 5K run…, but the best goal for any game is to get your best score, not to beat someone else at the game. Competition helps motivate us to pursue and achieve our goals, but when competition becomes the goal, we lose something. We become score-keepers trying to beat the dreams of someone else rather than achieve our own.

Aunt Beck, thank you for making me stop and analyze the insignificance of score-keeping. Thank you for helping me to stay focused on my own dreams, and how I need to measure my own progress toward those dreams.

Lessons from Aunt Beck - Lesson #1: Don't Always Go for the Long Ball

2009-07-30T05:00:00.003-05:00

by Becky Morris

Golf is a game that I love to hate yet can’t help loving. For some unexplained reason, I joined a league this year. It was an opportunity to reconnect with some previous co-workers and get me out on the course at least once a week. There is a wide range of ages and experience in my golf league, but all of the women are very enjoyable to be around and it gives us an opportunity to visit while trying to hone our skills.

One particular lady on our league is affectionately called “Aunt Beck”, who just happens to be 90 years old. You will see her on the golf course three times a week, which by itself is amazing to me. Though I had seen her every week, there had never been an opportunity to be in her foursome until a couple of weeks ago. I relished that opportunity and, in my true nature, took advantage of the 2+ hours I was in a golf cart with her to find out what it must be like to have lived 90 years.

Following is the first of several articles to come about the lessons I learned in my two-hour “course” of observation and conversation with Aunt Beck.

Lesson #1 – Don’t always go for the long ball.

I really love golf and I love watching golf on TV. The professionals make it look so easy. They stand up to the tee and crank that ball and it sails somewhere between 250-300 yards. It is easy to see this from someone who makes it look so easy and think, “heck, I can do that”. I usually forget that, perhaps, these pro golfers have spent most of their winter lifting weights, taking swings and conditioning their body to allow such a performance.

Though not a professional, Aunt Beck approaches the tee in much the same manner. She lines up, doesn’t take a practice swing, hits the ball and while it doesn’t go far, it does go straight. Interesting...Every time I approach the ball on the tee box, I am trying to hammer that thing as far as possible. When I manage to hit it long, it goes to the right - not my desired result. I am then hitting out of tall grass without a direct shot to the green, and my score grows with each swing of the club.

As I continued to watch Aunt Beck’s approach to the game I began realizing a longer shot is not always the best shot. There was value in her shorter straight shots – great value in comparison to my results. Oh trust me, I have golfed with some people who can hit the ball for miles, but in the end, there is not a significant difference in our scores because they haven’t mastered the short game. Of course, Aunt Beck has a good short game, so straight shots off the tee usually lead to low scores.

So what about my sales game?
When I think of my sales goal for the year I determine a number that I would like to achieve. With that number determined I make appointments and begin meeting with people. I have a long range goal with a target date for success that is measurable. It seems to have all of the defining criteria of a WAY SMART goal (Written, Aligned, Yours, Specific, Achievable, Realistically high, Time-dated). However, I am missing HUGE steps if I do not identify all of the obstacles and break my goal plan down to action steps. One of those obstacles can be unreasonable expectations about each appointment – the equivalent of trying to hit long balls with every tee shot.

To develop an effective plan to achieve my goal I answer questions like this:

How many appointments do I need to have a week to make steady progress toward my goal?
How will I get those appointments?
What will happen if by June I am not at least half way to my goal?
What is the purpose and intended outcomes from those appointments?
How will I stay motivated?
Who will I be accountable to?
How will I measure my activity and its effectiveness?
Do I really know what I need to do to hit my sales goal?

Staying out of the rough
There is a lot of green to cover to make par on a 450-yard golf hole. I have a lot of time to cover to reach my annual sales goal. Aunt Beck meets and exceeds her goals by breaking her game into steady, consistent performance and by hitting straight each time. That’s how she reached the wise old age of 90; that’s how she wins in golf.

If I’m going to reach my goals of getting the ball into the cup on fewer strokes, or of hitting my revenue goal in fewer months, the same rules apply:

approach the tee with confidence (understand and practice the Buying/Selling Process)
take one shot at a time (take my appointments one at a time)
hit straight (measure my key activities)
know the results I want and how to get them before I approach the ball (have my annual revenue goal in mind, as well WHY I want to reach my goal and WHAT I need to reach it.)

Thanks, Aunt Beck.

When I Grow Up Will I Be Beautiful?

2009-07-28T21:27:00.006-05:00

by Becky Morris

“When I get big will I be beautiful?"

My six-year-old granddaughter, Maggie, was getting her bath the other night. My daughter was drying her off after she got out of the tub and blowing Maggie’s hair dry . That’s when Maggie expressed her concern to her mommy: “When I get big will I be beautiful?”

My daughter answered her in a most splendid way. Her response went something like this….

“Maggie, of course you will be beautiful. You will take care of yourself, wash your hair, brush your teeth and make sure you are always clean. However, there is more to being beautiful. You will be polite to people and treat them kindly. You will share and help others in need. You need to help those who can’t help themselves and always be nice to older people. Those are the kind of things that make you beautiful.”

Too often, we get so hung up on the external features of beauty. We are so quick to judge others by their physical appearance and forget to look for the beauty on the inside. We rush to judgment when someone says the wrong thing or acts poorly in the moment. We easily forget that each person has a good, long story about them, perhaps one worth knowing.

How many times do we miss an opportunity to discover the true nature of a person because we can’t get past the “outside” or a single moment? How hurtful are our actions and obvious exclusions?

If you had some shampoo, a comb, brush and blow dryer, what areas on the inside would you clean up to remove your prejudices based on looks alone?

And we worry about our own beauty in the eyes of others, don’t we, at least to some degree? This shows up in many ways, most of which are perfectly normal, healthy concerns for which we should be unashamed.

How might others measure your beauty? Certainly, your appearance and cleanliness are important; this is a legitimate concern despite the fact our society gives biased attention toward appearance. Your behavior is certainly beautiful or not: on the “Grace Scale”, where would people rate you? How do you know?

How would you describe the Beauty to which you aspire? How will you sound Beautiful?
How will you appear?
How will you act toward others?
How will you treat people?
What kinds of things will you say?
What kinds of things will you do?
Who will you serve?
How will you serve them?

Like all the questions we ask at The Intersection of Purpose and Now, spend some time with these. The more specific you can be, the more likely you will see results we all can appreciate.

Again, I love my daughter’s response to my granddaughter about growing up beautiful. Of course, having considered her mother’s guidance, Maggie had more to say. She was listening and taking in all of this information my daughter was giving her. After a few seconds of pondering, Maggie added:

“…and I probably shouldn’t fart.”

Good point Maggie!

Photo credits: Marilyn Barbone and Anna Yakimova, http://www.123rf

When the Easy Button Does Not Work

2009-07-27T16:52:00.009-05:00

“Leaders are responsible for both the big structures that serve as cornerstones of confidence, and for the human touches that shape a positive emotional climate to inspire and motivate people.” – Rosabeth Moss Kanter

How does one best become equipped for leadership when we know the context of leadership is always changing? That’s a question every organization must answer if it expects to prepare current and future leaders. It is a question each of us must answer in pursuit of our own roles that require leadership abilities.

Some organizations will look for “quick fixes”; they want to press the “Easy Button” and produce satisfactory leaders using as few resources as possible. They will establish an impressive-sounding series of workshops and run as many of their prospective and current leaders through this gauntlet of training as they deem possible, based on current resources and circumstances. Most of these training decisions will be driven by the felt need to reduce conflict among employees and their immediate supervisors, while improving their “communication skills” and political savvy in the process. The underlying belief is that “if we can fix the people we can fix the system”.

The Easy Button does not work.

"Put a good person in a bad system, and the system will win every time." - W. Edwards Deming.

If the Easy Button worked, all you would need to do to evolve as a leader is to attend the right workshop or the right conference, read the right books and listen to the right audio-recordings. All you would need to do is DO the right things, without ever leaving the classroom! Of course, if you knew how to always do the right things, you might not need any development at all. [Stop here: if you took that last comment seriously and think, “That’s me, I don’t need any further development”, you may quite possibly be what is known in most circles as a “Lost Cause”.]

What works?
I am kicking off a corporate development program for a global manufacturer soon. I will be working with more than 30 employees during this pilot phase, each of whom holds a leadership position of some kind or has been recognized for leadership potential. From plant managers to aspiring production and administrative team leaders, our goal is to equip them for success in their Team Leadership roles.

We will work together over the course of several weekly sessions and follow-up sessions to ensure they are seeing results from their new focus as leaders, from their specific goals set during the process, and from their overall action plans that for most will involve both clarified professional and personal values, roles and goals. We will pay close attention to the current mission, goals and best practices of the company while helping individual participants develop vision, measurable goals and new attitudes and habits to excel in their personal lives and formal leadership roles.

Ultimately, our process and the participants will be measured NOT for doing the field work and participating in each session, NOT for being able to practice the “Five C’s of Conflict Resolution” or some similar rote meme, and NOT for being able to demonstrate their knowledge of project planning. They will be measured on how well they create a better context for productivity among their followers that serves customers well and makes a profit to keep the company alive and growing.

The subjects of conflict management, effective communication, time management, dealing with difficult people – all the typical “leadership modules” – will be covered in part through the curriculum I bring to the classroom, but more from issues participants bring to the discussion while we are together in a classroom. I will bring content that stimulates their thinking, but it is the intersection of agendas of the participants and the company they work for that will provide the real “materials” for the development program.

More than specific skills pulled from a list of "leadership qualities", we will be developing in these leaders the ability to recognize the context they are in at any time and the attitudes, habits, values, knowledge, skills and goal-achievement ability to respond and lead effectively in context.

In effect, they will become better leaders, not just people who have completed leadership training.

The difference between this development process and other training programs is that we will pay as much attention to the leadership culture these people will help create in the future as we will the leadership skills they will need to create such a culture.

Ultimately, the team leaders and managers of this manufacturer will indeed lead the company to sustained success by being the architects of culture, the cornerstones of trust and confidence, and the examples of positive points-of-contact. They will shape an emotional climate which inspires employees to give their best and produces loyalty among a growing customer base.

How are you measured? At work? At home? In other roles?
How might others view you based on the culture and emotional climate you help create? How do you know?
How beneficial was the leadership training you've had in the past? How did your culture change as a result, if at all? What do the people around you say about this? How do you know?
Are you banking on workshops, books and tapes alone to increase your leadership influence?
Are the opportunities you have for leadership development based solely on competency models, skills training or discussion groups? What are the possible limitations of these programs?
How might a development process work for you if it helped you develop specific leadership skills, AND helped you consider new attitudes, develop new habits, achieve more goals, develop the culture around you, and help you live a more exemplary life?
What if we could show you a process that helped you become the leader who develops the kind of culture that attracts the best people to give their very best? Would you want to know more?

Stuck In The Muck

2009-07-10T05:00:00.000-05:00

by Becky Morris

Have you ever been to a race?

My husband and I once attended the Indianapolis 500. We enjoyed all the pre-race activities almost more than the race. The bands, Jim Nabors (or Gomer Pyle for those who are old enough to remember) singing “Back Home Again in Indiana”, and the year we went there was a stealth fighter jet that hovered over the track. That alone was enough to send chills down our spines. All the build-up to the start of the race was spectacular, right up to the iconic saying, "Gentlemen, start your engines." I suppose these days the announcer says, "Ladies and Gentlement, start your engines." I like that.

Now imagine this: The announcer says “Gentlemen, start your engines” but none of the engines start. Instead of a loud, thunderous roar of horsepower and all the anticipation of the start of the race...there is nothing, complete silence. What a disappointment, what a letdown.

What if this really happened? What would your reaction be? Would you get upset and leave the track? Would you wait to see if the engines would start? I suspect I might have either of these reactions. Eventually, I would expect something, after all I had paid for tickets and my expectations were far from being met.

Of course, I highly doubt this will ever happen at the Indy 500. But something similar happens to many of us at different times in our lives. For some, it is the dream of starting a business, going through the process of finding the right name, getting the business legally set-up, hanging out that proverbial shingle. For others, it may be obtaining that college degree, running a marathon or taking that long desired vacation to Australia. We have a race to run, and we want to win. We need to get our engines started.

What races are you not starting? Are you excited during the pre-race only to have your engine stall? Where is your engine stalled? What dreams are you not living? What keeps you from beginning?

Most of us dream, but we lack the courage to pursue those dreams. We may be living a life of complacency, saying we really want something but never putting any actions in place to live it out.

If you started your race today, what would it take to win? What barriers might get in your way? What could you do to ensure your engine starts and you have the tires and gas to get you to the finish line?

If you acted on your dream today what would be different in your life one year from today? What muck are you stuck in? Are you living your dream?

“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”
~Abraham Maslow

Hello, Good-Bye and Thank You

2009-07-08T05:00:00.001-05:00

by Becky Morris

My friend E Ann and I were having lunch one day and she was telling me about her daughter’s new boyfriend. It drove her absolutely crazy that every time he came to the house he never said hello, when leaving he never said good-bye, and if they took him to dinner or anywhere, he never said thank you. She asked me if I would consider doing a workshop on this topic. Of course we had a good laugh about this, but she had a valid point. There is an element of respect that seems to be missing in today’s society.

In her book How to ZING Your Life and Leadership Nancy Hunter Denney has a chapter on the "Rules of Respect". She lists 7 ways to demonstrate respect. They are:

Appearance – This is a touchy subject. The more casual you dress, the harder it is for others to determine your role and the greater assumption (by others) that you might not take your role seriously. Clothes do not make the man or woman. However, if you combine respectful behaviors with appropriate appearance, you will reap the benefits.

How will you know when you appear appropriate for the situation?

Method of Communication – If you seriously want to improve your capacity to demonstrate respect, you must speak to others with respect. Not only does your word selection have an impact, but the noise level of your conversation also matters. Respect others by avoiding the temptation to intimidate, oppress, frighten, degrade or control.

How will you know your tone and demeanor demonstrate respect for those with whom you are speaking?

Word Selection and Gestures – Word selection and the content of your statements can also quickly show someone that either you respect them or you have no regard for their values, morals and diversity.

How will you know you are making respectful word choices?

Punctuality – Perpetual lateness is a significant (and preventable) individual detractor that subjects itself to a variety of interpretations and/or assumptions about you such as: disorganized, rude, careless, inconsiderate or having other priorities. Time is a valuable commodity and should be handled with care - not only your time, but the time of others.

How will you use your limited time each day to demonstrate your respect for others and their priorities?

Involvement – Another way of showing respect is by your level of involvement in your workplace or community. Respect can also be demonstrated by inviting others’ opinion and participation. Supervisors or managers who micromanage show very little trust (and thus respect) for their employees’ abilities.

How will you invite others into dialogue with you, encouraging their talent through participation, and engaging them in community?

Expectations – Letting others know your expectations of/for them tells them how you perceive them. Just as high expectations demonstrate high esteem, low expectations demonstrate low esteem. When you under-value, underpay and under-appreciate your workers, you simply disrespect them.

How will you come to believe in people to be their best and expect no less from them, rather than measure them by their weakest moment (while your own esteem rests on your best moments)?

Politeness – This is one of the best ways to demonstrate your respect for others. It may require little more than a spoken “please”, “thank-you”, "yes, sir" or "yes, ma'am".

How DOES your general manner with people reflect the respect you have for them? How must you shift your attitude about people to improve your manners toward them?

What is the Real Nature of Success and Leadership?

2009-07-06T05:00:00.002-05:00

It all started with a thought-provoking Facebook update by my friend, Lon Alderman:

"Lon Alderman thinking about all of the stuff written about "success", and wondering how it all stacks up against (Mark 10:43-45)"

What followed was equally thought-provoking and powerful, a discussion about "success and leadership" raising BIG questions and our humble but heart-felt answers through dialogue. We believe these questions and our dialogue are of value to others. We hope it provokes you to rethink your definitions of success, of leadership and of what your daily living is all about. I trust it will further enrich your search to live at The Intersection of Purpose and Now. As Lon Alderman writes: "real sharpening happens when people speak the truth in love with one another."

Below is the discussion thread that ensued, which both Lon and I are posting on our respective blogs. It begins with brief comments from others, then I enter as the voice of "trouble-maker". Lon takes it in it's best direction at 1:26 p.m. on July 1 and later Alistair takes us on a helpful turn. You will find Lon's excellent blog at Daily Build Up. Lon provides an outstanding devotional guide, among other benefits that make his blog one of my favorites.

Mark 10:43-45 (NIV)
⁴³Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, ⁴⁴and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. ⁴⁵For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Lon thinking about all of the stuff written about "success", and wondering how it all stacks up against (Mark 10:43-45)

Tim at 12:34pm July 1

Unless what is written about "success" is based on Mark 10:43-45 (and the rest of the manual aka Bible) it isn't worth spit!

Lon at 12:45pm July 1

Thanks, Tim! Isn't it interesting how much of the success literature within the church is based on principles gleaned from the world?

John at 12:49pm July 1

Isn't it interesting that there are so many books on how to be a good leader and virtually nothing on how to be a good follower?

Lon at 1:00pm July 1

That's true, John! Bill Allison argues that leadership is the wrong direction; rather, we should be studying followership as in following Jesus! (Check out Bill's blog at: http://tinyurl.com/ly4ku2

Mark at 1:16pm July 1

Of course, it's tough for most of us to say we have, indeed, "given our lives as a portion for many". What portion? How much must one give or serve to be successful? How many must one serve to be successful? How must we serve to be successful? We all fall short of Christ.

Even well-meaning Christians tend to measure "success" by who they are ministering to, rather how they are ministering by... Show me a church that doesn't measure success with the amount of people in the pews and offering in the plates.

My experience is that there is actually a great deal of Christian wisdom at work in modern "success" literature. Even some of the "wealth" literature is really about discovering God's purpose for you and pursuing it with fervor and faith. There are many exceptions, of course, but "one bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch". (Amway, a professed "Christian" business has certainly gone astray, for example. Another example of "if heaven is like church, who wants to go there?")

Mark at 1:24pm July 1

Philemon 1:6 (NIV) "I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ."

I must decide by listening to God how to actively share my faith. Preaching seldom works - people are better watchers than listeners. The best of the success literature helps people, albeit in typically secular terms, to understand every good thing they want to have, do and become, to purify their beliefs in pursuit of success and measure it in the currencies of peace, fulfillment, happiness, service to others, as well as money.

We must measure success literature with the Bible as our standard. If there is no need to write or read anything beyond the Bible, why are we on Facebook?

Lon at 1:26pm July 1

Mark, does the failure on our part as Christ followers negate the principle of success as described in Mark 10:43-45?

Mark at 1:37pm July 1

Of course not. And thank you for asking, if I gave that impression. By no means at all do I believe that our failure negates the truth of scripture. Our failure should put us in hot pursuit of more fully understanding and pursuing His truth, and writing about and pursuing "success" is a tangible means of doing so.

I'm offering an answer to your implied question: "How does all the 'success' stuff stack up against Mark 10:43-45?" More and more, it stacks up fairly well and in many cases the stuff is human expression in pursuit of understanding God, who surpasses our understanding (we all fall short of Christ).

Of course, if it weren't for our Fall, we wouldn't be searching for understanding God or "success" in the first place!

Lon, you know one of the primary reasons I appreciate you and your ministry SO much is because you measure success in "how you are ministering by..." rather than "who you are ministering to, and how many". The "who" of your ministry merely gives you focus, and a very good one at that! The "how many" is merely a motivator to remind yourself that your work - God's work - is not yet finished!

Lon at 1:48pm July 1

I'm excited to see some of the success literature that you mentioned, Mark. Could you suggest a definitive work to get me started?

Lon at 1:54pm July 1

Thanks, Mark! I love the sharpening process with you! I know that I will get your full-on perspective and not have to wonder what you really think! That's got to be one of your gifts that serves you so well in coaching! Far too often I interact with people wondering what their agreeable faces are hiding! Again, real sharpening happens when people speak the truth in love with one another. You do that in an exemplary way! Thank you!

Mark at 2:05pm July 1

Ahhh, we're just saying the same thing from two perspectives; I am assured of that. You get me going in good directions...

As for recommendations for a "definitive" work - great request. I'm not sure if I have such a recommendation at the tip of my tongue. Partly, because so much of what I read I consider to be "success" literature, from John Eldredge and Mark Batterson to Napoleon Hill and Lance Secretan. (I LOVE Eldredge and Batterson)

The aggravating thing I find, and I actually think this may be true to the original point you were making, is how so many authors disguise their beliefs and questions in "new age-y" language, or their doubts about the reality of God are so deep they don't recognize how closely their other beliefs are directly supportive of His Word. Lance Secretan's "One" is a good example of this, and I highly recommend it. Steven Covey's "7 Habits" is another example, although he and many others would say he is a Christian - or the same as.

Lon at 2:14pm July 1

I have some familiarity with Covey, so I think I'll dive into the work of Mr. Secretan. Thanks again, Mark! May God bless until our next "meeting"!

Mark at 2:41pm July 1

I thought you were going to call me today? I have a coaching client soon, but tomorrow would work if you still want to talk.

Lon at 2:45pm July 1

Well, you see, I got involved in this thread on facebook and....

Tim at 4:55pm July 1

Marine Corps Leadership is based on good followership first.

Alistair at 6:24pm July 1

Hi Lon... remember doing and thinking about this a long time ago with you at the the leadership camps... oh boy is that way back.. however... on leadership.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fumQ0s7DCEY
but on success... shift the paradigm
http://www.facesandvoicesofrecovery.org/

Mark at 6:28pm July 1

Lon, again, this a great conversation you have started - thanks again.

It's interesting that it seems all of us make a direct link between success and leadership. This is a connection I help my clients make in the first session of any leadership or other development program. It generally requires personal leadership to achieve success. Formal leadership is dependent on personal leadership. And yes, one of the surest signs of potential leadership is indeed "followership", something that an activity called "helium hoop" quickly and effectively demonstrates through experiential learning. Simply put, the best leaders know when to lead, follow or get out of the way.

Mark at 6:36pm July 1

Lon, Alistair references The Starfish and the Spider, watch his video link; it's another book I would recommend, too. I think you might find it directly related to your ministry, too. [in hindsight, this is more relevant to our discussion than any other reference mentioned]

Lon at 6:43pm July 1

Stepping into a coaching session will have to (re-)join this thread later this evening. Looks like fun!

Alistair at 6:49pm July 1

success and failure are too binary (I think) we are constantly being called into relationship with God by God. this then leads into every relationship we have.. as christians we are called to serve not to follow, the only one we HAVE to follow is christ... and this is where it gets interesting for in following Christ we are called to love. How can you measure success in this dodgy, painful, joyous, infuriating, sublime, human process.
If one day the pastors were all removed, and one day I hope they are, what would they do without that 'leadership'. pastors should be working themselves out of a job, and the people ought to be moving toward that goal.. by becoming more themselves in a full relationship with God and man. Success IMHO is not about numbers or goods its about my conscience and its relationship with God.. rich or poor

Mark at 7:01pm July 1

Another good one, Alistair. Binary, an unnecessary dichotomy perhaps, but motivating...ultimately in the dichotomous options of heaven and hell.

Likewise, I think we too easily limit the concept of leadership in binary, dichotomous concepts like "leader" and "followers".

Ultimately, there are leaders and there are not leaders, and we all play either role at various times. Ultimately, when the church is full of leaders, I think we will still need pastoring, but we'll all be ministers. The healthiest churches are ones that would still thrive and grow with or without a directing pastor, just like the starfish.

Alistair at 7:30pm July 1

Mark... a long time ago I came up with a concept of group that is along the lines of how you describe leadership.. it was called the donut principle. Dont know if I shared it with Lon, its a simple way of looking at group process through the use of activity...

at the minute i'm thinking this...
http://emergingscotland.ning.com/group/thextians/forum/topics/who-are-these-xtians?page=1&commentId=2882481%3AComment%3A4164&x=1#2882481Comment4164

Mark at 7:40pm July 1

Alistair, I'm not making the connection: donut principle and the link you provide?

Alistair at 7:41pm July 1

one has to do with leadership the other has to do with belonging to a group without leadership but shares a common vision

Mark at 7:47pm July 1

Ahhh, I was getting into the Joe Strummer & The Mescaleros video!

Mark at 7:48pm July 1

The helium hoop quickly and powerfully demonstrates that sometimes the most effective leadership quality is to allow someone else to lead, among many other lessons.

Mark at 8:34pm July 1

As long as Lon's with a client and we're on the subject of leadership, have you read my blog today? :-)
http://www.purposeandnow.com/2009/06/formula-for-well-being.html

Lon at 10:43pm July 1

This thread is amazing! It started with a simple musing that was picked up by (Tim) a friend from high school (we played football together). Then a friend from graduate school (John) chimed in. Then a coaching colleague (Mark) weighed in. Finally, Alistair (from Scotland) a friend from my years at Western Illinois University joined the conversation. That is just way too cool!

Oh, and the subject is pretty enjoyable, too! For me, the key to this question of success and leadership boils down the metric we use for determining success. Once established, this will determine the nature of leadership.

So, if success is a relationship with Jesus the Christ, then leadership is guiding people into said relationship. This is my bias regarding success, but the world says, "But that won't feed the family!".

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is... (Romans 12:2)

Mark at 11:10pm July 1

Informative and provocative...

Oddly enough, I still find these conclusions troubling. I define success as "The continual achievement of your own predetermined goals, stabilized by balance and purified by belief," so my relationship with Christ certainly fits but many other lesser things fit as well. Success is not an event, it's continual, so accepting a relationship with Christ would be successful, but the continuing pursuit of my relationship with him much better and purifying.

Leadership? I think the problem is in how we measure it. I don't think leadership is measured by what I do, even it it's guiding people to Christ. It is measured by what those who would follow me do, at their own discretion, having followed me. I bring more people into relationship with Christ by living as "salt and light" than by passing out tracts.

Finally, "Earn all you can, save all you can, give all you can (to Acorn Ministries)." John Wesley
G'night.

Lon at 9:42am July 2

Where we differ (foundationally) is that I believe that it is God that will determine my steps:

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3)

When I claim success as achieving MY goals, then where is God? Could "success" as you've defined it become a god?

I believe that God is not interested in my work; rather, it is my devotion and relationship with Jesus that matters. I'm not anti-planning, but I do recognize that it is not my achievement that God desires.

21"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' 23Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' (Matthew 7)

Mark at 10:04am July 2
Well, good morning, my friend! This is very helpful in my exploration of the whole topic of success and leadership. I think we have a point of disagreement, but much different than you state.

I also believe that it is God that will determine my steps (Proverbs 3). We absolutely agree on this.
If I trust in the Lord, He will be in my goals, breath life into my goals, be the source of my goals, determine my goals; my goals will be His goals. Success is achieving my goals because, or more accurately, when my goals are from God.
We have been separated from God, however, so our goals require a "purification" process. He will determine my steps" but my will gets in the way. Have you ever doubted or been reaffirmed in your ministry? That's part of the purification. Acorn, I would say, is YOUR idea FROM God.
God gets nasty about our separateness at times (e.g. Isaiah 59:1-3); yet offers us a way back (e.g. Ephesians 2:13)
So God is interested in my work. If it is His work, or if it is not, either way He is interested. But where are my interests.

So much of my work - my non-secular ministry - is about helping people with the purification process. What do I want and WHY do I want it? I help people test the WHY as well as the WHAT, before they get too caught up in the HOW.

I've always been fascinated by an Einstein quote: "I want to know God's thoughts, all the rest are details." Not literally, or exactly, or in any way do I mean to "limit" God, but in a way I believe that if we allow our wants to be God's want, He does leave a lot of the "details" to us.

We get things turned around, though. We too often want to determine and prioritize the big thoughts - our dreams, wants, goals, missions, etc. - then pray that God will take care of the details. This separates us from God, and success becomes more about us and less about God.

So I can not only have the goal of "making lots of money", and that can be ordained by God - it can even be my commission...because of Wesley's thought. God is equipping me in a unique way, wealth, to do His work. He may not be equipping me in that way as much as I sometimes (want for selfish reasons and tongue in cheek), but He is equipping me financially as in other ways.

If you have made it this far with us, you may want to join our conversation. Please add your comments to The Intersection of Purpose and Now!

Grow a Personal Forest

2009-07-03T05:00:00.003-05:00

Redwood trees are among the tallest of trees, growing up to almost 400 feet tall. Instead of the incredibly deep root system you might expect, redwoods have an extremely shallow root system, sometimes only 12 feet deep.

How can a 400-foot tree with a 12-foot root system stand up to the wind? Although they are shallow, redwood's roots grow extremely wide. The root system may be as wide as the tree it supports is tall. And yet, as wide as the roots are, you may still wonder how the mighty redwoods support their height. They do it by growing close together. The redwood root systems intertwine with each other so they become part of a huge root system that's able to support every tree's amazing height.

Humans grow the same way. Only when you are surrounded by people who have and understand your potential will you achieve your greatest success. You may indeed grow without the support of others, yet you will not likely stand up well to the elements of time without being rooted in community with others.

To use more of your potential, you need a "forest of people" growing with you. The more "redwoods" you surround yourself with the greater your success will be. Also, the stronger the people in your forest, the stronger you will be. You have reached your current height because of the "trees" around you. As you add more "redwoods" to your personal forest, you'll grow even taller. Surrounded by the support of many, you may grow to majestic heights.

Begin today to build yourself a "forest" of people who understand, respect, acknowledge, and accept your greatness. Build your forest with people who will support you as you strive for your greatest heights ever. Only when surrounded by other redwoods will you truly be free.....free to be the greatest you can be.

Sometimes we think it’s wrong to ‘grow close’ to the people with whom we work. Perhaps we misinterpret the opportunity? This little story illustrates very clearly that we need to surround ourselves with people who reinforce us, are positive and forward-looking and believe in our ability to succeed. All others should be off-limits to us, because they infest our root system and diminish our ability to stand tall.

This was adapted, with permission, from my friend Jerry Houston, Houston Associates, Chicago/Phoenix, and is originally a story by Mr. Per - America's Confidence Coach.

Who are you supporting with your roots?

Do you believe in the potential of the people around you?

What might happen if you don’t ‘grow close’?

What are you doing to ‘grow your forest’?

Our roots grow together at The Intersection of Purpose and Now.

The Formula for Well-Being

2009-07-01T05:00:00.005-05:00

Personal leadership is at the heart of your day-to-day experience. It shapes your attitude, your behavior, your habits, your goals and the results you get from your time, your relationships, your work, and everything you do.

Consider the hallmarks of leadership:

Honesty is about what you say.
Integrity is about what you do.

Hallmark is defined as "a conspicuous feature or characteristic." Most people will say they demonstrate honesty and integrity, but with leaders these qualities are conspicuous and easily recognizable by others.

2,000 years ago James, the brother of Jesus, made clear the hallmark of leadership:

“Don't add words like ‘I swear to God’ to your own words. Don't show your impatience by concocting oaths to hurry up God. Just say yes or no. Just say what is true. That way, your language can't be used against you.” [James 5:12, MSG].

“Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” This is the Formula for Well-Being, and it still holds true today. It is the hallmark of leadership and the real issue behind the average person’s struggle with time management, trust in relationships, struggles in fulfilling business management roles and other issues.

Giving your word creates potential.
Keeping your word creates influence.

Our society has mastered the art of NOT giving our word. We mistake our “maybe”, "I'll try", "I hope to" or “I’ll think it over” for honesty. We even blame the clock by saying “I didn’t have time.” Worse yet, we mistake our vows for honesty. Real personal power and leadership begins when you say you will do something specific and you do it.

The potential to truly show people that you know who you are, where you are going, and how you are going to get there exists with every 15-minute increment in your daily planner.

Time management is not about managing your time. It's not about checking off items on a "to do" list (How long did that really work for you? Or did your list just keeping getting longer over time?) What we commonly refer to as "time management" is really about managing your character. And your real character will determine the degree to which people trust you, which has a profound impact on performance. You will never see an increase in the trust others have for you in general unless you improve your ability to make and keep promises about the use of your time.

Start with the promises you make to yourself: if you schedule an hour at your desk to work on a project then keep that commitment. I know you have lots of excuses, "interruptions" you just cannot ignore; I've heard them all before. And I have been there as people discover the "interruptions" didn't have to be interruptions at all - most of the time.

Use an organizing system to record your commitments and keep them - it is good for you. When you learn to keep your promises to yourself, you will also find other people begin to trust you more, even revere you to a higher degree than before.

How conspicuous is your Honesty and Integrity to others? How conspicuous is Honesty and Integrity in how you manage your use of time?

“The successful person has the habit of doing the things failures don’t like to do. They don’t like doing them either, but their disliking is subordinated to the strength of their purpose.”
-E.M. Gray

The Measure of a Leader: Employee Engagement & Loyalty

2009-06-29T11:23:00.007-05:00

Most managers, and the companies they work for, quickly and decisively deal with employee absenteeism. After all, unscheduled absences cost organizations hundreds of dollars per employee, decrease productivity and visibly affect the bottom line. Typically, the work culture is really to blame and creating a culture where employees want to work is ultimately the solution.

There is a far more common problem than absenteeism, however. "Presenteeism" is a term I believe effectively describes employees who are disengaged with their workplace and with the work they do. Absenteeism is when employees do not show up for work. Presenteeism can be even more troubling: employees are showing up for work, but they leave their hearts and minds somewhere else. Once again, culture is often at the heart of both the problem and the solution. Leadership provided by management is key to creating an attractive work culture.

The book First Break All the Rules: What the World's Greatest Managers Do Differently (Marcus Buckingham & Curt Coffman) used data collected over 25 years with a million employees to identify the basic roles of a great leader/manager. The potential effect of great leadership was summarized in the 12 questions employees ask - and the measure of successful management lies in if and how leaders provide the answers:

Do I know what is expected of me at work?
Do I have the materials and equipment I need to do my work right?
At work, do I have the opportunity to do what I do best everyday?
In the last seven days, have I received recognition or praise for doing good work?
Does my supervisor or someone at work seem to care about me as a person?
Is there someone at work who encourages my development?
At work, do my opinions seem to count?
Does the mission/purpose of my company make me feel my job is important?
Are my co-workers committed to doing quality work?
Do I have a best friend at work?
In the last six months, has someone at work talked to me about my progress?
This last year, have I had the opportunity at work to learn and grow?

As a leader, how would you answer the questions above if asked by your employees? What do they think? Your role as a leader is to ensure your employees get satisfactory answers to these questions. Do so, and you make your workplace an attractive place to be and a desirable place to work.

If you’re not sure, you are missing an opportunity to use the most valuable link to peak performance - keeping your staff learning and engaged. According to Fast Company Magazine, here is how the U.S. World work population segments out:

26% Engaged (we call them Enhancers - loyal and productive)
55% Not Engaged (we call them Neutralizers - just putting in time)
19% Actively Disengaged (we call them Diminishers - unhappy and spreading their discontent)

The cost of employee disengagement is alarming. Lack of Employee Loyalty always shows up in your Customer Loyalty Score. Most organizations need outside help to erase the gap between leadership vision and the daily habits of your employees. Internal consultants are too close to the problem, if not part of the problem, they have too much to lose to make proper recommendations for action, and they seldom have true independent authority to drive required action.

The cost of employee disengagement can destroy a company. The rewards are significant for closing the gap between company strategy and the desire of employees to engage in that strategy.

Do you want to secure your legacy as a leader? Start scheduling time with your employees to seriously discuss these 12 questions. Come up with the right answers and you will be a hero to everyone.

Are You The Captain of Your Own Development?

2009-06-25T10:07:00.009-05:00

"Self-education has never been more fun, and that is because we are in control of that process like never before."

When I read this statement in an article in Fast Company magazine by staffer Tyler Cowen, it was as if a loosely thematic idea in my mind had finally found its voice and direction. Actually, the entire article was filled with what, for me, were loose ideas that have been wandering the deserts of my mind to find the oasis of Cowen's thematic profundities:

"More and more, 'production' ...has become interior to the human mind rather than set on a factory floor."

"...the 'human capital dividend.' The reallocation of consumer time into the 'free sector' on the Web will liberate the efforts of many producers and intermediaries, just as the automobile's advent shifted workers out of making buggies for the horse."

"The Web unites millions of diverse individuals, who interact and sometimes even meet up or marry."

To be fair, I suggest you read the entire article, titled "One Lesson From the Crisis: It's Time to Create Your Own Economy". For me, the bottom line is that we have countless opportunities to be constantly learning, many of them requiring time but little to no money. These may not be the best learning opportunities, but they can play an important, iterative role in self development if pursued with an economy of purpose. Economy of purpose? Yes, I mean a careful, organized, functional, even thrifty management of personal growth and direction.

How random!
Kids these days have made common the phrase, "That was random." When friends and colleagues ask me to "explain" Twitter to them, I evoke this phrase and suggest that Twitter is "random micro-blogging". In fact, Twitter as a medium disseminates information from people in a fashion that is about as random as it gets. [I'm getting old: not only have I now started a paragraph with "Kids these days...", but my contemporaries still ask me the follow-up question, "...and what is this 'blogging' thing all about?"] But I learn from Twitter as long as I invest my time twittering with an economy of purpose. I am certainly inspired by communications from some of my twiends and distilling my thoughts into 140-character tweets is a great discipline.

The problem
But there is a problem in all this opportunity: while each of us has more and more control over our own education and development, most people are approaching personal and professional development in a more and more random fashion, with little design, based on decisions ruled by impulse rather than intention, and heavily reliant on circumstantial grace. By "circumstantial grace", I mean people rely on either their employers or the government to determine and finance their choices and possibilities, as well as the degree, location and value of personal learning investments. This is basic "entitlement thinking" at its most dangerous.

In an era of the greatest possibility for personal freedom, we are becoming a nation filled with "victims of circumstance".

Adults still exercise personal freedom in accepting employer-sponsored training, and even make personal sacrifices in pursuing traditional post-secondary education. Any other interests, needs or opportunities too often are random acts of learning. The effect: less rigor, less retention, less value to serve the purpose of their lives and the world around them. Exceptions abound, evidenced by the growth of the training and development industry, but that growth is fueled by people at the high end of a wide learning curve.

Don't get me wrong, I am all about serendipitous learning (that is, I advocate taking advantage of random opportunities for learning and development). Why else would I have an active Twitter account?! Why else would I write a blog and read voraciously on divergent subjects. Why else would I encourage my readers to make time for "meandering" in their lives? Even the proverbial "Ah, ha" moments of discovery learning and the reflective learning that often follows, however, have more power in context. We have the responsibility to create context for our own learning. We must become the captains of our own development.

You want to do what?
What I am finding is just the opposite. Within the past month, I have been approached by three individuals who, during our initial conversations, have made very strong cases, for themselves, to hire me as their business coach. They cite both compelling and measurable rewards for investing their time, hard-earned money and commitment to change that is necessary for working with me. They state clearly what they consider the high costs or consequences of not hiring a coach. They have been ready to make decisions but, rightly so, want to discuss it with a spouse or loved one before they "write the check" and get started. I've been around the block a few times - I have experienced this directly in my own marriage - so I inform them that the most likely response from a significant other when you seek their approval to invest in personal change is usually something like, "You want to do what?"

In their parable, The Dream Giver, authors Bruce Wilkinson and Heather Kopp describe how Nobody, who lived in the Land of Familiar, decided to leave home to pursue his Dream. I love this book. I highly recommend it. The Dream Giver demonstrates how it is often the people closest to us, those who love us the most, who often pull back on us the hardest when we seek to grow, to change, to go somewhere beyond the Land of Familiar. This happens because if we change our lives, their lives must change through loss of propinquity and not by choice. They may not choose to join you on your journey, but if you pursue your journey, they are left changed by your pursuit.

"Then he had a surprising idea. Couldn't it be that maybe the Dream Giver gave every Nobody a Dream, but only some embraced their dreams? And even fewer pursued them?..." (page 18)

"...But Ordinary, that journey is anything but sensible or safe. Why leave familiar? It's so comfortable here. And besides, you've always lived here." (page 19)

Not one of my three recent prospects I referenced earlier, so far, has made the final decision to invest in his or her own development. In one case, a woman was convinced by her husband that she needed to see a psychologist for therapy instead (after all, his company's Employee Assistance Program would pay for it), and that's what she has chosen to do!

There is a cost, sometimes a high cost, when you commit to change. The currency of change comes in the form of finances, of time, of re-negotiated relationships. Ultimately, it is all one currency - your commitment to change.

When I describe these costs to people thinking about pursuing any kind of personal or professional development, I suggest they do the following, and I suggest you do this, too:

Tally up how much money and time you spent on personal entertainment in the past 12 months. Try to be as accurate as possible. Include everything from movies and popcorn, to dining out, to new TVs and home electronics, to travel vacations.
Next, tally up how much money and time you invested in personal or professional development in the past year. Again, try to be as accurate and inclusive as possible. Keep in mind that learning, though often a struggle in process, is typically fun and fulfilling as a result.
Consider the difference between these two sums.

I believe the most accurate gauges of Personal Values is your checkbook and your calendar - how you spend your money and time. The simple activity above, then, reveals a highly accurate measurement.

If you have completed your activity above, which do you value more: Self Indulgence or Self Development?
If you value indulgence over development, you are living at the "Intersection of Impulse and Now."
If you value growth over indulgence, you are living at The Intersection of Purpose and Now.

You are responsible for creating the context for your own growth and happiness. It is a matter of choice.

We are designed to live in community

2009-06-24T05:00:00.001-05:00

by Becky Morris

A commentator on my favorite radio stations recently made the statement “We are designed to live in community”. I found a napkin in my car and wrote it down so I wouldn’t forget it. The statement had an affect on me; I wasn’t sure what it was at the time.

This weekend I was reading the book The Shack by William P. Young and, again, there was a line in the book that reads “You are designed to be in community”. Why was it I kept hearing this line and why did it resonate with me? In the book, the line comes from God - so I figured that was worth exploring a bit further!

Anyone who has taken a business or psychology course has heard of Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, in which “love and belonging” is at the third level of his hierarchical pyramid. So what does this mean? Why do we have such a need to belong? Why do we want to be loved? Why do we need community? Better yet, what is community?

Merriam-Webster defines community as:

1: a unified body of individuals: as a: state, commonwealth; b: the people with common interests living in a particular area ; broadly : the area itself community; c: an interacting population of various kinds of individuals (as species) in a common location; d: a group of people with a common characteristic or interest living together within a larger society (a community of retired persons); e: a group linked by a common policy; f: a body of persons or nations having a common history or common social, economic, and political interests community; g: a body of persons of common and especially professional interests scattered through a larger society community
2: society at large
3 a: joint ownership or participation (community of goods); b: common character : likeness (community of interests) c: social activity : fellowship; d: a social state or condition

With this definition in mind, community could be a sports team, a workplace, a church body, a family, or anything you are part of with other individuals with common interests. What is your favorite community? What characteristics of this community help make it your favorite? What do YOU personally bring to this community that makes it special?

Now think of your least favorite community. What if you intentionally and consistently brought more of those same personal traits to this community? Would that make it better? What could you do to improve and affect this least favorite community? Are you part of the problem or part of the solution?

Let's suppose your workplace is your least favorite community. How might it be different if you became the Chief Catalyst for making it better? (What if your workplace is your favorite community? What does that say about the work you need to do on the rest of your life?)

We all possess the ability to be part of the solution in our communities. It is a matter of choice. It requires important decisions at The Intersection of Purpose and Now.

Everything I know I learned on the toilet?

2009-06-23T14:02:00.009-05:00

You might say Becky Morris gets a little “potty mouthed” today, all to make you privy to some thoughtful ideas that we think you will appreciate. MAS

Okay, I am going to take you somewhere today that you may find uncomfortable; however, please go with me. It might conjure up some stinkin’ thinkin’.

Recent fate, and outright necessity, has given me the opportunity to visit some bathrooms of friends who are in the process of potty training their young children. While using these facilities I noticed there are childrens' books all around, which I assume were being used to keep the child on the potty chair a little longer…to increase the chances for success, you might say.

This makes me wonder: So many public and private restrooms I visit have reading materials in them, including the bathrooms in my own home. A lot of people must read on the toilet. I tried to do some secondary research to get statistics on the frequency of lavatorial libraries, but all I could find were several blogs about reading materials in the bathroom. One writer even went so far as to say she felt reading in the bathroom made the world a slightly better place. (I won’t share with you the information I got from the website www.poopreport.com.)

So my own primary research will have to be enough to substantiate my claim that most bathrooms do have some type of literature available for potty patrons. All this makes me think that the apparent wide-spread habit of adults reading “on the go” could be traced back to our early days of potty training. After all, how else would we have learned that the bathroom could be a pretty good place to read? It is relatively quiet, no one else will want to interrupt you, and it could be considered a productive form of multi-tasking. With so much knowledge found in books, magazines and even newspapers, our privies seem like a great place to wipe away our ignorance.

I am guessing that you are a member of the literary latrine society. Come on, admit it. Come out of the proverbial water closet – I bet you have a habit of reading while in the loo, too.

Habits are those things we do daily at a sub-conscious level, with little to no thinking involved. Habits are things we are trained to do, or train ourselves to do, by doing them over and over again. But I never really stopped to think why I read in the bathroom; do you? What other things do I do on a daily basis without thinking? How does that affect my day? What if I stopped doing so many things habitually? What if I began bringing more things to the forefront of my mind and questioned why I do them? What would change? What could be better? Would it change the outcomes of my daily performance?

Taking this even further, I consider attitudes to be “habits of thought” and this brings even more questions. If I thought more about what I am habitually thinking, would it change how I treat other people? How I approach my work? How I treat the clerk who waits on me at the coffee shop? Everyone I come in contact with on a daily basis?

And what about those skills you are still trying to learn or at least improve? What if we took a bit more time with our efforts? What if we found incentives that would keep us positioned a little while longer for a chance at success?

Think about your habits of behavior, your habits of thought, the things you usually do and say without thinking, and the new skills you need or want to learn. Take time to think a bit, maybe read a bit, maybe sit a bit longer, and you might just develop some new attitudes, skills and habits that will change your life for the better.

…and it all started when you were just 2 years old, sitting on the pot, trying to stay just a little longer to learn an important skill that really would change your life forever – and for the better.

Why not take the Magic Carpet Ride?

2009-06-16T10:32:00.000-05:00

Today's entry is actually a guest post I wrote for Patrick Badstibner's blog, Grace Through the Desert. Pat is an incredible man with an incredible story. I have included the full article below, but I hope you will also visit Pat's blog today...and often.
.................................................................................................................

What if the rug that has been pulled out from under you was really a magic carpet ride?

The economy - it has become such a major issue that we personify it by calling it "The Economy" (kind of like "The W" or "The Donald"). People are suffering. We are suffering. My business is down, way down from any historical mark other than my first six months of start-up. Too many potential customers want to "wait and see" what happens next. I kid you not, they are waiting to see if their circumstances change before they make many more decisions. Scary but true; this is true victim thinking.

People who take the "wait and see" approach during tough times want God to make the first move. That's not what he taught the people of Israel when they needed to get to the other side of the Jordon River.

Joshua 3:12-13 (New International Version)

¹² Now then, choose twelve men from the tribes of Israel, one from each tribe. ¹³ And as soon as the priests who carry the ark of the LORD - the Lord of all the earth - set foot in the Jordan, its waters flowing downstream will be cut off and stand up in a heap."

I'm sure the people would rather have said, "God, how about you stop the waters first, THEN we'll step into the river." But God wants us to demonstrate our faithfulness, and He will deliver us.

At times, I feel trapped at the river's edge. I feel like the rug had been pulled out from under me. I have lost my footing, my bearings, my balance, my focus, my nerve...let's face it, I have "lost it". I have wanted to escape my current circumstances, so I pray that God will deliver me. I want Him to make his move. God almost always wants me to "take the first step into the Jordan".

I know I am not alone. Maybe you have felt the same way for reasons unrelated or related to the economy. All of us lose our way from time to time. We risk joining those who merely wait for their circumstances to change. This "wait and see" attitude is especially troubling for me, since I am in the business of helping people get to the other side of whatever challenges they face. I should be able to get to the other side of my own undesirable circumstances. But I wasn't doing it. What was missing?

What are you trying to get to the other side of?
I have become a huge fan of author and emergent church leader Mark Batterson. His books "Wild Goose Chase" and "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day" continue to inspire me and inform me. "In a Pit with a Lion..." Batterson references a quote from famous psychiatrist Carl Jung saying this about how he helped people:

"Most people came to me with an insurmountable problem. However, what happened was through our work together they discovered something more important than the problem and the problem lost its power and went away."

I find that amazing. I also find it to be true. My coaching clients tend to "solve" their own problems when I help them refocus their attention to intention. That's why I tell them, "No one knows your circumstances better than you. Know one knows the right answers better than you. My role is to help you with the right questions." Sometimes the most valuable service I provide is that I help you recognize how the outcome of your life is determined by your outlook on life. Batterson refraims the issue in this way:

"the circumstances you complain about become chains that imprison you. And worship is the way out."

And worship is the way out... How does that work?
As Christians, don't we say that we follow Christ and that he is in charge of the direction of our lives? Sure, but when we don't like the direction He seems to be directing us, we ask God to change our circumstances, right? Yet, very often, God is behind the very circumstances we find undesirable. "Worshiping our way out" is shifting our focus from what's wrong with our circumstances to what's right with God. Batterson likens it to hitting the refresh key on your computer. "It recalibrates your spirit. It renews your mind."

It's not easy praising God when nothing seems to be going right, I know. I tend to pray that He "make things right" when He already has made things right for what He has planned for me. He's helping me with the right questions. But things sure don't seem right. I want to measure God's love by my current circumstances. That leads me to doubt God in bad times, even to doubt God's existence, let alone His everlasting love.

What if your praise for God wasn't so circumstantial? What if you mixed things up a bit, instead of thanking God for the circumstances you appreciate and begging Him to correct those you cannot appreciate, what if you praised Him throughout - knowing that He IS in charge of your direction?

A struggle designed by God
What if the rug that has been pulled out from under you was really a magic carpet ride designed by God? What if your prayer was "Lord, things are BAD; Jesus take the wheel"? That's our usual response. We fail to recognize that, maybe, we need to keep the wheel but allow Jesus to navigate. He has the map but he may be taking us on a most adventurous ride, on some of the roughest terrain possible. That's what makes life fun, adventurous, meaningful and memorable. Faith doesn't keep us safe; faith traps us at the river's edge where only God knows what will happen next. He does not want us to "wait and see"; He wants us to take the first step and see what He will do in response to our faith.

But we keep trying to grab control. Our problem isn't circumstances. Our problem is perspective.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (New International Version)

⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

I consider one phase of my career as a 9-year "staging area" that God was using to prepare me for what would happen next. I couldn't understand "how I got here" or why I was thrust into new, undesirable circumstances. I often was unhappy with my circumstances, but I sure am happy where God took me and all He has produced from those years. Those 9 years followed a situation in which I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me, and they led to my Magic Carpet Ride. I wouldn't trade my magic carpet ride for anything.

I found the love of my life and got married.
I found my Purpose, which guides my every day.
I developed the skills, attitudes, resources and stories to build my own business.
I wrote a book that shapes what is as much my ministry as it is part of my business.
I became the father of three boys, and Ryan (our third) has brought so much more meaning to our lives because God, during those 9 years, was preparing my wife and I for the fact that Ryan has Down Syndrome. Other new parents in our circumstances were grieving; we were celebrating the possibilities this new child would bring into our lives.

Why not take the Magic Carpet Ride?
Things may be bad for you right now. Maybe you wouldn't wish your circumstances on anyone. Maybe despair is beginning to edge out your faith and your trust in God. Maybe you are lost, feeling alone and forgotten by God. But there is hope when you put your trust in God. Trust that He has a plan for you.

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.