Beautiful Soul

Not Always What You Want....

2013-03-08T06:34:00.002-08:00

But always what you need!

The limitless powers that be

Grants wishes, prayers and hopes

We honor each other with praise reports

Not what you want...

Sing praises for moments when time stands still

Watch as life grows around you

Mistake not your misguided desire

But always what you need.

Praises for the removal of illness

Sorrow for the death of friends and family

Moments to ponder on just why things happen

Not always what you want...

Wanting so much to attain unbridled happiness

Watching change take place in front of us

Wondering what God has in store

Understanding you're made for so much more

But always what you need

Contemplation of opportunities past

Knowing that God grants you what you need

Knowing that it is not up to you

Everything is done in the appointed time.

Not always what you want...

But always what you need.

Time Waits For NO ONE!

2012-12-26T17:00:00.000-08:00

........And quite frankly time doesn't care what you have just planned!!!

Get your life! No, seriously......get your life. Love who you want. Run away and elope (if you wish). Take the trip you have always wanted! Marry the love of your life! Enjoy the family and friends that are in your life.

I say all this because I know a woman who JUST married the love of her life (earlier this year) and he had a stroke on Friday, December 21, 2012. On December 26, 2012, was taken off of life support. Her Facebook post said "Smdh @ our first and last Christmas together." WHAT??????????????????????????

Love does not come around when its convenient for us. It comes when God would have us to be loved. Don't waste any opportunities! Love who you love. If someone has slipped through your grasp or someone says they let you go and need you back..........weigh your options!!!

A friend of mine broke up with her last boyfriend. Recently, she told me they will be engaged for Christmas! Another friend had a simple ceremony and wed the man that helped her through all their ups and downs. Throw caution to the wind and do what makes you happy....NOW!

Take heed to this message and realize that we are walking into a new year that will be filled with GREAT OPPORTUNITIES! I beg you to go for what you want and love who you desire! Don't waste your talent either. You know that you have a God-given gift. What are you waiting for to use it, write that book, start that company or just begin a new project?

We MUST stop taking people, time and talent for granted!

God bless you and your loved ones. Take care of each other. Live your life. Follow your dreams!

Who You Loving Valentine's Day and Beyond?

2012-02-14T06:09:00.000-08:00

So many put a ton of effort into getting the right gift, the right card, going to the right dinner and setting the right mood, but don't know if it's with the right person!

Valentine's Day is a day built on love. For those who know they have found THE ONE and are nestled in the right relationship, there should be a monthly Valentine's Day. Those who are still speculating on him or her, need to understand that no amount of 'right' or perfect gift on one day will make a future with someone correct.

I spoke with a guy who just proposed to his long-time mate. He did everything a woman would want for her engagement; a two carat ring, special pomp and circumstance within a posh restaurant filled with lots of strangers surrounding them, so they could ogle at her gorgeous ring. Even with all that, he stated he's not sure if he did the right thing with the right woman. WHAT? He succumbed to the pressure of her and her mother, only to now have ex's and 'friends' telling him he shouldn't have; he's second guessing his decision to propose. So, now he is in a precarious situation; continue the farce or be honest and admit to her that he's not ready to marry and he's unsure about his future with her.

Why even put yourself in that situation? We can love a multitude of people for various reasons. The one you request to spend the rest of your life with, however, you should love beyond measure. It's not the value in a day {In this instance Valentine's Day} or the influences of persons around you, that makes for the proper timing when it comes to choosing your life mate.

Treat every day as your opportunity to find out if the person you are with is truly THE ONE. Peer and parental pressures aside, stand strong in your beliefs and your cautiousness. After all, you are taking your time for some reason. If you have done the homework and decide the person is right for you, but your friends don't see it the same way, then maybe it's your friendship that needs reevaluating!

Find the one who is the right fit. No one else should have to tell you or push you to that realization.

BAB*Y!

2011-06-01T06:11:00.000-07:00

Hello Beautiful Souls!

Have you missed my posts? I apologize for taking so much time away.

I will take off the remainder of 2011 because I'M PREGNANT! Yeah me and us!

If you know me, you know I have waited for the perfect mate in order to have a child. Well, all situations are just as I planned and now, we are expecting.

Thanks, in advance, for your support and love!

Joyce...

Temporary Tags

2011-01-06T17:26:00.000-08:00

Ever feel that you or things in your life come and go with no clear delineation? Ever feel that you and your situation(s) are temporary?

Be the person to determine your status. Realize that temporary shall should not be the way. No one should wear a temporary label or feel compelled to live in a temporary status because of another person, job, life situation or crazy circumstance.

If ever you feel a lag and think that things within your life are at a standstill, look around you and determine whether or not you are in a temporary circumstance. It is hard to find at times, so I will help a little...

* Feel that your relationship is at a standstill and not moving in a clear direction.
* Feel that your stagnant in your current work position.
* Feel more questions about some people in your life.
* Feel confused more than clear on a lot of issues.
* Feel as if you are filling a void without substance.

Apply for your hard tags! Get out of the mindset of thinking temporary or being put into a temporary situation or relationship!

Raise the roof on your dreams, hopes and aspirations! Do not let fear of permanency force you to live a temporary existence. You deserve better!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2011-01-01T10:35:00.001-08:00

It's a brand new year that is pregnant with possibility. What great idea will you give birth to?

No matter what your dreams and aspirations, remember that with the start of a new year, it's another opportunity for new beginnings!

Make your list of aspirations, wants and desires. Write down all your hopes and dreams. No matter how far fetched, be sure to list it. Surround yourself with positive people who will support you and help you towards your goals. If you tell someone what you aspire to, and they are not happy for you or find more fault and reason for you not to do what you desire, then those people truly don't want what you want from life. Separate yourself from them or you will never achieve you dreams!

What the universe has for you, is for you! No one can take it away. It's up to you to put forth the effort and do great things. Don't let any negative vampires drain you and blind you from seeing your way to your dreams.

It's a new year! Welcome 2011 and all the great opportunities!

On to the Next One!!!

2010-12-29T20:04:00.000-08:00

In a few days, we shall usher in 2011! Yes to new beginnings!

I don't believe in resolutions. Too often we make poor resolutions and never stick to them.

Instead of resolutions, let's try making reassurances to ourselves and to our loved ones. Reassure yourself that IF you're not in the proper place in your life or frame of mind, that you will work on those improvements. Reassure those who you love and tell them that you do love them.

Tomorrow isn't promised to any of us. We all have stories of people passing who were of varying ages. No matter when our name is called, it is never the right time for those we love or the right time for us, as we did not accomplish this or that. If those we love know that we love them and cherish their existence in our lives, then they will be comforted when we leave the earth. If we follow our hearts more, we shall live without regret!

Reassure yourself and go forth to conquer all your dreams and aspirations. GO FOR IT! Do what you have always dreamed of doing! Complete that bucket list! Tell those closest to you that you love them and what they mean to you and your life. Never live in a world of regrets!

So, it's on to 2011! It's a new year and new opportunity for you to do so very much. On to the next one!

Leave the negative in the past! Leave the energy vampires there as well. Step into a new year with positivity and great desire! You will get what you want!

Your TIONS in order?

2010-12-10T07:49:00.000-08:00

I heard some people recently tell me that they don't have this and that or don't require this or that in a mate, however, there are four simple TIONS that every person should come into a relationship with. For that matter, we should have our own personal TIONS lined up as a matter of self growth.

Your TIONS are: educaTION, occupaTION, transportaTION and habitaTION! It is just that simple!

Get yourself an education. No one can take your education from you! An education will also help you to promote yourself in your current position. Employers reward employees for obtaining a higher education.

Get yourself an occupation. Find something you love and go do it OR do the best in the position you have! Jobs are good, but careers are always better.

Get yourself some transportation. Everyone needs to be able to get where they are going on their own. No one wants to be a burden to their friends or in their relationship. Obtain a license, and get yourself some reliable transportation.

Get yourself your own place to lay your head. A small place of your own is always better than relying on others to provide a roof over your head. It does not have to be the Taj Mahal, but it will be yours.

Bringing these simple items into any mix will give a fresh start every situation.

So, do you have your TIONS in order? Does your mate?

Do not put a person out of your life for their lack of a TION here and there, but instead lift them up with encouragement and push them towards obtaining their own. In the end, you both will flourish and simple complaints, hassles and disagreements will not come into the mix.

Thanks for Giving

2010-11-25T16:09:00.000-08:00

In this season of Thanksgiving we speak of thanks for those things which are material, but often do not recognize the smaller things for which we should be thankful.

Far too often you do so much for so many and never hear THANK YOU! You give and give and give far beyond your mental, physical and emotional means, and receive very little thanks in return. You are a special person and you deserve to at least be acknowledged for what you do for others. So, if no one has told you THANK YOU recently, then all me.....THANK YOU!!!

THANK YOU for being so open to giving from your heart.

THANK YOU for being the type of person that stands by your beliefs.

THANK YOU for allowing others to rest their weary selves on your shoulders, and you stand strong until they were ready to move.

THANK YOU for having such a big, open heart that more people flocked to you because they saw straight to your goodness.

THANK YOU for not allowing yourself to blame yourself for the shortcomings of others.

THANK YOU for not holding onto the hurt and pain.

THANK YOU FOR GIVING MORE OF YOURSELF THAN YOU EVER GOT IN RETURN!

I could go on, but you get the drift. STOP and take a minute to thank yourself for being the kind, generous and giving person that you are! You are exceptional. If no one else recognizes that fact, then I will for them and the others that didn't take a second to THANK YOU for being the wonderful person you are.

Don't lull in the selfishness of others, but swim in the knowledge that your reward shall come by way of others sooner than later.

Thanks for giving of your time, energy, heart, soul, effort and love. You shall have all your rewards soon enough!

Learn how to stay in your lane!

2010-11-08T15:46:00.000-08:00

Beep! Beep! Get out my lane!!!

You don't actually hear people make that statement, but you hear the horn. Some people make that "learn your lane" statement, by way of their actions every day.

Learning how to stay in your lane goes for most things in life. In this instance, it refers to a relationship or a non-relationship relationship. We need to learn how to maintain the proper perspective on our position in life as well as in and out of relationships.

If you entered into a relationship and you both agreed that you both want to maintain a 'friendship with benefits' type of relationship, then you must hold that lane. If you entered into a relationship and you both agreed to be exclusive, then you must maintain that lane. On the flip side if your relationship is over, then you need to realize that you should have exited the highway long ago. No need to hold on. No chasing down a person who does not want you on the same street as them. Notice the word both is italicized. There's no such thing as a team of one, no matter how hard you try.

Learn your lane. Realize that a situation has come about for a specific reason. No need to want to maintain the fast lane, when you're stuck in traffic in the slow lane and no one wants to let you over. Signal as you may, if the person you're with has certain intentions about you, then they will hold you to that position no matter how much you protest.

Learn how to stay in your lane. There's NO coincidence that most highways have at least three lanes. The fast lane; you and your mate are on the same path and moving forward. The middle lane; you and your mate can take it or leave it and nothing has been fully established. The slow lane; you can exit or maybe one person in the relationship already has. In either case, you don't and won't make it to any of the other lanes alone.

Learn your lane or learn how to let go! I wrote the "Let it Go" piece a while back because it was necessary for me to learn how to leave the past in the past; learn my lane. We all need to learn how to maintain our self-respect when it comes to certain situations. No need to profess something is when it clearly isn't. No one looks crazy but YOU!

Learn how to stay in your lane. If you're unsure about your lane, then that's a conversation you and your mate need to have to make sure you're both traveling at the same speed or better, in the same vehicle and direction.

So, if you hear someone beeping, and you know you're in the proper lane, check your rear view and keep it moving. When you are sure about your position in life and your relationship, you will have a clearer mindset when it comes to everything around you.

Realize you can't get any where driving reverse on a highway built to go forward!

Examine your breakfast as a relationship!

2010-10-08T13:15:00.001-07:00

Think about this: The chicken is involved but the pig is committed. You get it?

On your plate lay scrambled eggs and bacon. You have two items that will both satisfy your hunger, yet both come into it unequal.

Let's break it down. The chicken laid an egg and contributed to the meal; he was involved. It had input into the meal, however, nothing monumental was given. If needed, the chicken can be involved in other aspects of that meal (aka relationships) or others. Mere involvement in your relationship is good, however, it really doesn't satisfy you if the chicken (your mate) can't commit. Knowing that you're involved and not committed is half stepping.

The pig, however, gave its life for the meal. There was no half stepping with the pig. In order for you to receive your bacon, that pig had to die; he had to commit. Commitment to your relationship shows true knowledge of the heart and which direction you and your mate are going in. Without commitment, there can be no fully satisfying relationship (meal).

See when we are simply involved in a relationship, we often times have a take it or leave it mentality; your head won't commit. When we commit, however, we're all in. There's no turning back. We go for it because our heart is settled.

So, which are you....the chicken or the pig? Are you simply involved in your relationship or are you committed? Chew on it!

Give HIM something to work with.

2010-08-10T11:55:00.000-07:00

Okay, the title is self explanatory...don't you think??? Sometimes, however, it just isn't.

No matter what or who you pray to, you must give a higher power something to work with. It's a simple statement and sometimes easier said than done, but it can be done.

Giving up on everything and everyone and feeling total despair isn't what helps us get ahead. So, you went through a situation that wrecked your world or at least you felt it did. So, you made mistakes and have some regrets. It's just NOT the end of the world.

Give HIM something to work with. Realize that in every dark cloud there is a blessing and silver lining. They are not visible initially, but they are there.

Yes, times are hard and can be harder. Pray on your situation today. Be constant and vigilant, but most of all, believe what you ask for and BE SPECIFIC; don't leave HIM blessing. Tomorrow is the best opportunity we have for starting a new.

So, dust yourself off and plant a positive seed towards your future by giving HIM the approval to help work wonders in your life. It will bring about a change like you won't believe, but again, GIVE HIM SOMETHING TO WORK WITH. Think positive. Believe that your trouble won't last always. Know that this too shall pass and when it does, the light at the end of your journey will be bright enough to light a positive and happy future.

Pendulum Effect

2010-07-10T16:00:00.000-07:00

Ever feel yourself swinging back and forth between people or situations in your life; those things and people good for you and those you should let go? Well, you are not alone.

We leave relationships that are not good for us and move on only to return in one way or another. The same exists with other negative situations; we find ourselves venturing back. We wish ourselves with the person who wasn't our perfect fit instead of forging ahead to a brand new beginning. We wish ourselves back in a situation that regrettably isn't worth our time and/or effort.

In the odd chance we move forward quickly, we compare the person we met to the one we broke up with. We use the small amount of good times from a bad, past relationship to judge the current, new person instead of looking at the person as their own entity.

What about going back to a relationship, that you were not satisfied in, is truly satisfying? You compliment that person that's done you wrong by wanting another go at a bad thing. Find yourself, find your worth and then forge ahead and find someone who will love you for all that you are. Don't pretend to be something you're not in order to satisfy another. Satisfy yourself first!

When that pendulum has finally stopped, MOVE ON and begin anew. It won't feel good when you start, but after you receive new joys, you will feel better!

Finally, I leave you with something to think about. Sometimes when you are right, you will still be wrong; when its worth it, you will make time, even when none exist; and when you are finally through, your heart will tell you, you've had enough.

Part of a One-on-One Relationship!

2010-04-19T15:45:00.000-07:00

Ever feel like there is a part of your mate that is not with you at all times? When that happens, there is a reason for it.

Having part of person's presence and participation in your relationship is not the same as having them all to yourself. If you two agree to have an exclusive relationship, then agree fully to that exclusivity.

If you are the person not feeling the relationship and commitment, then speak to your mate about your feelings. Don't drag the relationship out hoping that things will get better or fade to black. If you are not into that person any longer, then it's best to let them go early instead of dragging the relationship on and eventually all parties involved get hurt.

Time has a way of showing us those things we need to see. More often, we ignore what we see in hopes the person's behavior or action is temporary. All that is done in the dark comes to light. If you can see and feel something wrong, then it's in the light and, therefore, you should pay attention to it.

Part of a one-on-one relationship is the same as being single. You and your mate cannot grow within your relationship if you are both wandering--mentally, physically or emotionally--away from the relationship. You cannot claim to be happy and satisfied within your relationship if you only receive part of someone.

Silence is not always golden. Do not leave your mate wondering how you feel. Do not accept the little bits and pieces you receive from your mate. Don't make excuses for them. In the end, it won't benefit either of you!

Don't settle. Realize that there is someone out there that will be a good fit for you. No one is perfect, however, the behavior within the relationship and towards the person should be....or pretty close to it!

Demand a one-on-one relationship because you deserve that and more.

A new year filled with new beginnings!

2010-01-04T15:26:00.000-08:00

Welcome to 2010 ladies and gentlemen!

Last year is gone and a new year and decade has begun. Have you let all the unnecessary business of 2009 go? If not, then get to getting it done! lol

With the start of a new year, we can claim new beginnings and a fresh start to do all things we hoped to conquer but failed to complete in 2009. Now, don't get it twisted. This does NOT mean that you should carry over all the old energy on mislaid plans.

It is a new start and time for you to begin a 'new' venture in your life. No matter the size of your venture, beginning something new always helps to breath life into you. No need to make this a matter of finances. Volunteer to do something within a group or organization. You will bring a smile to someone else and you will feel better about helping someone.

If you are considering a scholastic venture, get to it! There is no better feeling than acquiring your degree. In the words of Nike, JUST DO IT!

Don't be burdened with negative people and events of 2009. If a person has departed you life, it was probably for a reason you can't see now, but will appreciate in time to come.

It's 2010!!! Let's get this party started by enhancing our BEAUTIFUL SOULS!!!

A Season of Self

2009-08-26T12:50:00.000-07:00

Throughout the ages, we can tell a season is coming in or going out by looking at the trees and flowers. Every season has it's time to blossom and grow. It is a given that four seasons will appear throughout a year. What's not given, however, is the season we grant ourselves in order to blossom and grow.

To each their own and everything in its own time. Very cliche, but on point. We all need to find a time in which we are able to give ourselves an opportunity to heal, readjust and then blossom again. Without our own season, we are in limbo between what was and what will be. With our season, we are able to gain a clearer picture and direction.

Between relationships is the best time to invest in your season. Allow for time to heal from the hurts or disappointments of what was and reestablish yourself. Understand that moving from one union to another does not allow you to properly purge the old out of your system in order to set you up for the new. Instead, you confuse your mind, senses and spirit.

Fact is when we don't breathe between things we do, we are anxious in our new ventures. As a matter of fact, we don't leave time to properly define what was from what is and that leaves us with a sense of limbo. It is also not the proper beginning for anything new.

Enjoy your season of self. Learn more about yourself and more about the situations around you. Take time to invest in self and move from one position in life to another. Some seasons run longer than others. No one can set a time frame for when your season should be over. You will know when it's time to go from a dark and dreary place to an environment filled with color and joy.

You will relax in the newness of what's around you. As we most often do, we can recall situations and events from past seasons. Don't dwell on what's past. Instead purge what wasn't good and then plant bulbs of promise, you will see a vibrant path and one that will blossom all around you.

As with the change is season we see growth in everything around us. Get your season of self and watch how wonderful you grow after allowing time to nurture, heal and bloom.

Guilty as charged!

2009-06-03T06:49:00.000-07:00

For all those times you were left wondering... Guilty

For causing you to fail at one thing or another because you were consumed by them...Guilty

For holding you back from your hopes and dreams...Guilty

For abusing your sense of right and wrong...Guilty

For cheating on you...Guilty

For leaving you to be mother and father (and vice versa)...Guilty

For not listening to you when you needed them most...Guilty

For not loving you as you love them...Guilty

My point is when are you going to understand the person you were with is guilty of so many things but you should not be imprisoned by their faults?

When we come to understand what aspect a person played in our lives, then we can begin to realize that he or she served a purpose; positive or negative. We may not want to see it, but it's there.

*He or she never listened to you. Now you stress communication in all your relationships.

*He or she didn't share the same level of respect towards you as you did them. Now you will not take disrespect from anyone.

*He or she convinced you that you are less than what you were created to be. Now you hold your head up high and refuse to be looked upon as anything less than the great person you are.

*He or she cheated and you forgave them only to have them cheat again. Now you see the signs and move away from the mess before it consumes you.

*He or she never encouraged you to do the things you aspired to do. Now you are your only hold up; you see a goal and go for it.

Every person we have ever been in a relationship with leaves a stamp on our lives. That stamp, however, doesn't have to take over ever single thought or waking moment. Whether good or bad, the person's behavior, or lack there of, should have brought about some realizations.

The results of a poll posted on this blog made me realize we need to work on our beautiful souls more. I asked "are you still holding onto hurt and pain from a past relationship?" Of the 11 respondents four have let go, two are still holding on and five sort of let go. I'm thankful to them for their honesty.

Many of us refuse to move past what someone has said or done, and we hold onto things we should have let go some time ago. Sadly, some words leave bigger scars than wounds. When a good thing has gone bad, most words are used to hurt or harm a person's self-esteem or self-worth. People don't know how to walk away gracefully. Instead, they cast a lot of their own insecurities upon you and leave you second guessing yourself.

The reality is they are hurting as much or more than you are. Hurt people...hurt people. That's real. People who are hurt will hurt someone closest to them.

The person is guilty of so many things, but when do you walk away from your own guilty sentence? That person probably hasn't given much thought to what they have said; they have moved on. We, however, sit and continually add time onto our sentence by reliving those words and actions. We often try and convict the innocent person, our new encounter, for all the things someone is our past should remain guilty of.

Two wrongs will never make anything right. Nothing self-inflicted, however, has to be permanent. Stop allowing yourself to be infected by all the hateful and hurtful things others have said about you. Recognize the great person you are.

Realize that when you are certain about your actions no one's negative words or negative actions can affect you. Free yourself and rise above it all. Leave the negative behind in an empty jail cell.

(Photo courtesy of Google images)

He said. She said.

2009-06-01T12:10:00.000-07:00

I believe we do not listen to what the other person is saying. Most times we refuse to listen intently to what a person is telling us. Afterwards, we blame the other person for not being straightforward or for not stating things plainly. However, if we listened properly the first time, we would hear exactly what the person was saying (or not) and we would not hear what we want them to say.

He said.......I'm dating.

She said.....But, I'm so into you.

Stop wanting something that isn't there. He said he's dating which means he's not trying to settle down just yet. You cannot make anyone do something they just don't want to. Instead, understand the person is trying to do them for a time. If you interfere, you will bring about more hurt for yourself.

She said....I'm in a relationship.

He said....Are you happy?

WHAT? Okay, if a person is in a relationship, he or she is most likely a little happy or they wouldn't be in that situation. Instead of trying to make something out of nothing or offering "can I be your friend?," realize that we must learn to respect one another more when he or she says they are involved. Respect that person's union regardless of whether they are happy or not.

He said....I want to take things slow.

She said...Why? I don't understand.

Maybe some people need a brick dropped on them to recognize when a person isn't really feeling them. When a man or woman is into you, they will do whatever they can to be with you. If they are "taking it slow," that should be an indication that they are checking you out for one reason or another; good or bad. Instead of allowing yourself to be shelved, realize there are other opportunities (men or women) out there.

She said...It's a little complicated.

He said...Well, I'm still trying to be there, if you'll have me.

Realize that "complicated" is another word for the person having issues that may not be something you would want to deal with. People often think they have an "all-healing" presence and can usher people from an unclear situation into their light. It's just not that easy. I applaud those who can say "I'm going through a little something and need some time," instead of those who continually play with the emotions of others. In return, the other person should be conscious of a person's situation and leave them to work the situation out.

Life is complicated enough. We ingest a lot of information. Some of that information isn't really clear, but most is. The key problem is we don't want a person to say a particular thing. We would rather hear what we would like to hear. In the end, however, they reiterate what they have said all along and we are left contemplating why we had not opened our ears initially.

A lot of relationships begin and end with communication. Communication requires a sender, a receiver and feedback. If you're in the sender or receiver position and are unsure of what a person is saying, use the feedback in order to clarify things. Don't assume. We all know how that works out in the end. Never take anything for granted. The worse question to have is the one unasked. Be also prepared for the answer. Most of us will ask a question, but when the answer comes, we refute it; we are unprepared for the answer because it's the unpolluted truth.

Listen more. Decipher and analyze less. Understand what you're hearing is what the person is saying. If you hear something that seems convoluted, then it just may be. If what you hear is something you believe you are not prepared to deal with, then walk away. Don't remain in something simply because you believe you can sway a person to share your beliefs. In the end, it won't work.

(Photo courtesy of Google images)

Beautiful Soul

2009-05-18T16:56:00.000-07:00

This particular blog should have been written first, but sometimes good things aren't always given to us up front!

I couldn't think of a title for the blog until I read two words at the end of my sister's text message. It said "Beautiful Soul" and I thought, 'Wow. That's a great set of words!' I had to use it! Thanks Cecile!!!

This blog came into existence so that I may share the advice I've given others on various relationship matters. I learned there can be no testimony without a test. We are brought into situations in order to learn and then testify on how we made it through. It is my hope that this blog will give you the vehicle you need to move past your past and share your own personal testimony with others.

As the bi-line of this blog says:
A blog to help release pain of past relationships and find your way back to a beautiful soul. A warm, fun and exciting way of letting go of the past and stepping into a beautiful future!

The blog's goal is to help someone, in some way, to release the pains of past hurts in order to build on a beautiful self, a beautiful future, and most importantly, a Beautiful Soul!

A Beautiful Soul means that you're okay with who you are and with the life experiences you have encountered. You are not perfect but all the good and bad events have not broken you. Instead, they made you stronger. You live life as best you can without allowing the trials and tribulations from your past to hold you back.

We all need a push from time to time. It can be hard putting yourself or what happened to you out there. It must happen in some fashion, however, so that you can learn from it and move on.

I intend to write about various matters, which I hope will touch the lives of women and men all around the world. ENJOY!!!

(Photo courtesy of Google images)

Deja Vu

2009-05-17T20:53:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you are in a situation that reminds you of a previous place in your life. You realize that everything seems the same or, for a minute, you are back at a place from some time ago, however, you truly are not. In other words "the illusion of having previously experienced something actually being encountered for the first time." (Dictionary.com) That is called Deja Vu.

We will step into situation(s) which may feel like something we have encountered in the past, but it will be entirely new and we should treat it as such. Take all the experiences and treat them as individual occurrences.

No two people can or will give you the same treatment. Do not allow minor similarities between one person, and someone from your past, to jump to the forefront. It is not good to hold others accountable for things they are not responsible for. Let that person carry their own load, instead of piling on something you are carrying from your past that another has left with you.

When that flash happens (for a second you feel as if a situation is repeating itself), stop and pay attention to how that specific memory or moment made you feel. Attempt to acknowledge where you are in your current relationship, and more specifically the instance that brought about the feeling of Deja Vu. Write it down, if necessary. Do what you can to understand why it is you're feeling the way you do but don't dwell there long.

Once we overcome a situation(s), we can then move forward with a better understanding of where we were and where we should be. Our trials and tribulations give us building blocks. Sometimes those situation(s) return again because we did not learn the first time around. Draw strength from the memory in order to propel yourself forward.

Don't live in the illusion of the Deja Vu. Instead, walk away with the understanding that some situations return so that we may now take note or make change as we move forward. Deja Vu can help but only if you allow it to be a brand new situation.

Pinning yourself under thoughts of how things could have or should have been won't help your current or future relationship(s). Again, use the building blocks life give you to rise above it all!

(Photo courtesy of Google images)

Know the back story

2009-05-07T11:56:00.000-07:00

In life we are all not privy to someones back story but, we really should be. We should question those we are with or intend to be with to find out where they are coming from or better, where they have been in their life and living.

Knowing the back story defined as "1. The experiences of a character or the circumstances of an event that occur before the action or narrative of a literary, cinematic, or dramatic work; 2. A prequel" The Free Dictionary. You must know where a person is coming from in order to understand where they are going.

The ability to communicate is the greatest item a person possesses. Talking to someone or being inquisitive about how they came to be where they are, or how they are, is the best way to learn a person's back story. Knowing what a person has dealt with in their lives is a certain way to know how you must proceed with the individual, if at all.

In this McDonaldization of Society (wanting everything fast) we do not realize that certain things take time. We think we want to know everything, but our curiosity is not patient enough to sit still and find out everything we need to know before jumping into a relationship or to leave the person alone.

More often we go into situations with a predetermined desire or idea. Sometimes we judge a person by the way they look, which does both parties some injustice; we assume the best or worst of a person without truly getting to know them. It's only after we spend quality time learning a person, however, that we know who and what we are dealing with.

What's your back story? Even better, what's the back story of the person you are with or intend to be with? Have you sorted out all the intricacies of the individual?

In the past I, too, was guilty of not doing my homework or learning the full scope of a person before dating them. Once in the relationship, however, it may be a little too late to pull out (pardon my pun). We often dive into caring for and loving a person that may not be our proper fit, but that doesn't have to be.

I suggest we spend more time courting or dating the person we perceive may be right for us. Get to know where they came from physically, mentally and emotionally. Share your own back story, especially if it contains things which may hazardous to the other person's health. Allow yourself to take in all the person is sharing and then decide whether the totality of the situation is what you want to endeavor.

Gentlemen.....a friend of mine always said: A big booty and a smile can only last a while.

Ladies.....his suave and debonair styling may be just a puff of smoke covering the real person.

Let's work on putting forth all our cares and concerns and not be blinded by what we see initially. Learn the person. Allow them to learn you. Knowing the back story will help to build a great relationship.

(Photo courtesy of Getty Images)

Pick your colors wisely!

2009-05-07T11:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, lets have a little fun on this blog and talk about color!

Do you know what your favorite color says about your personality. I found the greatest website. (Check it out for detail on other colors). The site breaks colors down as follows:

Red is the color of fire and blood, so it is associated with energy, war, danger, strength, power, determination as well as passion, desire, and love.

Orange combines the energy of red and the happiness of yellow. It is associated with joy, sunshine, and the tropics. Orange represents enthusiasm, fascination, happiness, creativity, determination, attraction, success, encouragement, and stimulation.

Yellow is the color of sunshine. It's associated with joy, happiness, intellect, and energy.

Green is the color of nature. It symbolizes growth, harmony, freshness, and fertility. Green has strong emotional correspondence with safety. Dark green is also commonly associated with money.

Blue is the color of the sky and sea. It is often associated with depth and stability. It symbolizes trust, loyalty, wisdom, confidence, intelligence, faith, truth, and heaven.

Purple combines the stability of blue and the energy of red. Purple is associated with royalty. It symbolizes power, nobility, luxury, and ambition. It conveys wealth and extravagance. Purple is associated with wisdom, dignity, independence, creativity, mystery, and magic.

White is associated with light, goodness, innocence, purity, and virginity. It is considered to be the color of perfection.

Black is associated with power, elegance, formality, death, evil, and mystery.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

You're probably like "she must not have anything to write about!" lol......that's absolutely false.

I sit and watch people. I see patterns in what people wear. Some probably don't realize they are prone to wear a certain color depending on a situation. People do gravitate towards a favorite color. I often wondered what that color said about them and their personality. In my inquisitive nature, I looked up colors.

I am fond of purple. Actually, I down-right love everything purple. I read what purple says about me and found it fit me to a tee! I was totally amazed by that.

Okay, so what's your favorite color? Does your color choice properly describe you or some of your traits and characteristics? I'm curious.

Stop through and share your thoughts.

(Picture courtesy of Google images)

Leaves, Branches and Trees

2009-05-01T08:22:00.000-07:00

Have you seen the stage play "Madea Goes to Jail?" Well, Ma-to-the-D-E-A drops knowledgeable messages in every play!

One such message was: (I'm paraphrasing and putting my own spin on it)...

People are either leaves, branches or trees in our lives.

If a person is a leaf, they will blow away at the first sign of trouble. They are not strong people. Their place in your life should be minimal, because they will only be with and/or for you when times are good. The minute things get bad, they are out!

Then there are the branch people. These people are a little better than the leaves. They are a little stronger but can't really take the weight a true friendship holds; they break when things get too heavy for them to bare. When the branches break, you are left to fall flat on your back. A branch won't even have the stamina to reach down to pick you up. Branches want to support you but are good for your light-weight issues only!

Lastly, the tree people are the best and long lasting of them all. These people have roots firmly planted in your life. No matter the storm, they will stand firm. Tree people are grounded and not worried about how many leaves that blow off or branches that break. Tree people remain sturdy and prepared to help you with whatever life threw at you. These are the people you should try surround yourself with always!

Now, that little analogy should teach us something. We have different types of people in our lives, however, we need to make sure they are all in their proper categories. You don't want to give a leaf a tree's issues. It won't even be around to help you deal. You don't want to hold something back from the tree and give it to the branch. Before you know it, that person has broken down and can't be of any assistance to you.

The weak ones (leaves) need love as well, but make sure you don't put too much stock in that type of person/friend. The leaves are gone before you know it; they lack permanency. The moderate ones (branches) are so-so in the quality of friendship they will give and/or provide to you. Most often they are okay with your positive issues but when the weight of the negative issues hit, they are out. The strong ones (trees) have built their lives on a solid foundation. They are stable and understand nothing in life is perfect. When the storms of life roll in, you can stand behind them and feel comforted by the strength exhibited to help you wade out the storm(s).

I'm a firm believer that people come into our lives for a reason, season or lifetime. People are also broken down as a leaf, branch or tree in your life. Deposit those around you into the perfect category.

Classification works in every aspect of your life. We don't often put people in specific areas/places in our life, but we should.

The realities are: Everyone is not your "friend." Everyone doesn't have your best interests at heart. Everyone doesn't want you happy or to see any form of happiness around you. Everyone can't help you through everything life throws at you. We can't pick our battles, trials and tribulations, but we can pick the portion of a tree we choose to help us along.

(Picture courtesy of Google images)

Life Lessons

2009-04-29T10:09:00.001-07:00

In life we will go through trials and tribulations, joys, ups and downs. In everything we encounter, we should take a life lesson from it and use that lesson to grow. Situations and people are brought into or taken away from your life for a reason. Look for a life lesson from all your encounters.

If something great happened, look to find what steps you took in order to conquer a feat or obtain a goal. If someone walks out of your life, look to see what possible thing he or she may have left for you to learn from. People leave marks in our lives whether we realize it or not. If a situation leaves you determined to succeed or determined never to fail or succumb, find the lesson and use that to propel you past your current position in life.

Everything we endure will cast a light upon us; negative or positive. A lot of what we go through will change the way we think and the manner in which we do things. More often we will step away from a situation uncertain about what lay ahead for us. In most instances, we opt not to look at what we have gained from the person or situation; we don't heed the life lesson.

Some lessons are given to us through others. It is not coincidence that you are in a particular person's life when something great or terrible happens. It may be that life lesson was not for you to experience directly but indirectly you needed that lesson in order to change or redirect your path. Never discount the events in your life or lives around you. Everything happens for a reason.

Our life lessons come along to shape us and to build our character. Some life lessons even provide the steps we need to rise above certain people, situations or obstacles.

Live you life knowing that in everything there is a lesson, whether you see it or not. Never forget that whether a situation proves bad or good there is a blessing for you to find. Don't throw away the pages to your book of life by not taking in the lessons or at least taking note.

I saw this and thought it was so appropriate:
"God doesn't give you the people you want. He gives you the people you NEED; to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be. " -- Anonymous

Did you sink, swim or wade in the waters of life?

2009-04-16T09:34:00.000-07:00

Did you sink, swim or wade in the waters of life after your last relationship?

To sink is to give into whatever a person put upon you at the end of the relationship. Your relationship cast a big weight of doubt upon you and left your mind, and heart heavy. Your self-esteem and self-worth has been rocked and you question so much about yourself and future relationship endeavors. In the end, you lack the energy required to move through the rest of your life.

To wade is not much better than sinking after a relationship. You resign yourself to consuming all a past relationship tossed upon you and are now content with remaining where you are in life and love. You know that you should be moving on, but staying in the waters of "hurt" makes you content. You're "maintaining," which means that you're not moving fast enough to truly stay afloat for very long.

To swim is to understand where you are in your life and to roll with the punches, after your relationship has ended. No matter the emotional stress your relationship put upon you, you realize that you're not to blame for the shortcomings of the person who you were with. Instead, you understand that the person had things with and within them that was not compatible to you. You swim knowing that you are no less of a person because of a failed relationship.

Far too often, we drown in the madness that surrounds us after a relationship is over. Sadly, we are also prone to bringing more weight with us while entering the waters of a fading(ed) relationship. We allow the person we were with to fill our hearts and minds with unnecessary things. We concentrate more on the negative of the relationship. We hold onto the minor "good" a relationship held and attempt to push those thoughts to the forefront as reason(s) for holding on.

Learn from a relationship's past experience(s). Find the lesson, learn from it and move on. Understand a person's role in your life is not as task master for your future. Instead, they may be the object you need to push you past a certain point in your life.

Everything happens for a reason. It may seem like the world has ended and you can't continue. Look for the blessing in everything and realize that the person wasn't meant for you because the relationship was allowing for your internal growth.

Swimming is great exercise. It works your body and heart. Choose to swim and get your entire self in order for the next great experience in love, life and living!!!

(Picture courtesy of Google images)

Beautiful Soul

Not Always What You Want....

Time Waits For NO ONE!

Who You Loving Valentine's Day and Beyond?

B*A*B*Y!

Temporary Tags

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

On to the Next One!!!

Your TIONS in order?

Thanks for Giving

Learn how to stay in your lane!

Examine your breakfast as a relationship!

Give HIM something to work with.

Pendulum Effect

Part of a One-on-One Relationship!

A new year filled with new beginnings!

A Season of Self

Guilty as charged!

He said. She said.

Beautiful Soul

Deja Vu

Know the back story

Pick your colors wisely!

Leaves, Branches and Trees

Life Lessons

Did you sink, swim or wade in the waters of life?

BAB*Y!