Complete Life Fitness

Parenting Drive Thru @ TrueLifeMatters

2010-10-28T15:04:00.002-05:00

truelifematters: Parenting Drive Thru: "Startled awake by a tentative teenage whisper…”Mom?” This is a morning I was going to sleep in – thus the ‘tentative whisper’. “Mom, I..."

"Wussification" of the Church? Maybe just the guys...

2010-09-15T12:27:00.012-05:00

My wife Tracy and I attended a pre-grand opening church service recently. It was a new satellite location for a popular congregation in Elk River, MN. This church uses very new and refreshing ways to attract people that may typically avoid the whole "church scene". "Church for people who don't "do" church" is how they market their image.

It would be the first time I'd been able to hear this pastor speak so I was eager to understand his heart. He certainly didn't disappoint; his message was clear and concise while being delivered with great energy, emotion and zeal. He referred often to Jesus as "my Jesus" with a very genuine ownership. Other than wanting to calm him down just a bit I really liked his preaching.

Something this young pastor said should be examined by all followers of Christ. He opened with a statement about being upset over "the wussification of the church" which got me thinking; one do I agree, and two how do you really define wussiness? You certainly can't think that offering the other cheek is being a wuss, that takes great strength; and other than just a handful of times in the bible Jesus is typically seen as gentle and compassionate. The nine fruits of the Holy Spirit can all be seen as somewhat on the wussy side. So what is this man really saying?

I guess you could say that wussiness could be like apathy or maybe wussiness is being too comfortable with church on Sunday and "everyday life" the rest of the week. One wussy-bone I could pick would be all the men that leave much of the work of the church to the women. There are statistics for that category that every man should be embarrassed by hearing.

That reminds me of conversations that Tracy and I have had about how difficult it is for wives to get their husbands to take them to dance lessons; which is especially upsetting when it is the men of the church who know that they are suppose to sacrifice for their bride. We often hear men talking about taking their wives to dance but few make it a priority. Maybe they should just admit that it is too scary... If these husbands only knew what an incredibly positive impact this one activity has on relationships. Well anyway, here's to the guys that are in the club!!

So where does that lead me? Maybe the banner of wussification can be hung mostly on the men of the church. I know I fall WAY short when it comes to being like "my Jesus" and putting everyone else first. I've often failed my wife, my kids, the church body, and my God.

What do you say guys, let's start a dewussifying support group. Our lady's deserve it; but more importantly "Our Jesus" deserves it.

Caught Off Guard and Unaware

2010-05-24T13:17:00.008-05:00

My heart aches today for a couple that we know who just announced to us that they recently divorced. I'm stunned and also quite frustrated that I didn't see it coming and was not able to help change their direction. Although I'm not responsible for this couple's decision or the health of their former marriage, I feel that this is one of the very situations for which my wife Tracy and I have been equipped.

The truth is though; this is a painful reminder of an all too common occurrence of something that is happening all around us. Many marriages are currently in a state of distress. Blame it on the financial crisis or whatever you want; relationships are fragile because people are fragile. And unfortunately there is no amount of equipping or empathy that can make a difference in these relationships if someone doesn't reach out and ask for help. For whatever reason, this couple chose not to ask us for help. Maybe we aren't trusted friends or are unsafe in some way. I'm not saying that our influence would have made a difference in the outcome, but "all things are possible with God." Maybe they just didn't want help at all and so remained silent. Or maybe they had witnessed too much judgment in our world and didn't want to risk being the subject of ridicule from unsympathetic people. I hope to know why some day...

Today, I grieve for the loss of this couple's hope, for the loss of this covenant relationship and for the condition of marriage in our world. I also plead with all who read this; if you are struggling in life or in a relationship and are losing hope, please don't struggle alone. Reach out with whatever hope that remains and believe that there are still people who genuinely love unconditionally, people who won't judge you because they know that we all fall short of the standard set by the only one who is without sin. There IS ALWAYS someone with compassion for you.

Move the Mountain

2010-04-28T13:09:00.013-05:00

We all have moments when we question whether or not the vision we've been given is too big or is even possible; or whether a circumstance we're facing is insurmountable; or moments when we have expectations of victory yet experience defeat. According to God we won’t lack for these challenges/trials in life. It isn't the results of these challenging encounters however or whether we succeed or fail that make us victorious. It is more about our ability to maintain the right perspective regardless of our outcomes that brings us victory. The ability to maintain a perspective built on God’s promises is our key to mountain moving victory in life. I couldn't find the exact number of promises listed in the bible but one resource I found listed over 500. That should more than likely cover most of our troubles… I don't know about you, but at times I’m not any different than the Israelites being led out of bondage in Egypt. How many more miracles do I need to see before I get it? God’s promises are not going to change, but my perception of them needs to if I'm ever going to see mountains move.

It has been said that God is more concerned with who we become rather than what we accomplish. I completely agree and would add that much more can be accomplished through us when we become who he wants us to be anyway. God really doesn't need us to conquer the world, he just hopes we can conquer ourselves. He has promised to equip us to handle anything and everything that comes along. Circumstance or vision, big or small, we are equipped. Therefore, it is up to us to live in a way that shows that we believe him. We have a written record of his character and what we can expect from him. In addition, he’s given us the Holy Spirit in case we have questions. What else do we think we could possibly need? Another miracle?

I don't believe the faith to move mountains is about changing our circumstances, although that can certainly happen through God. The mountains we need to move mostly live inside us in the form of unbelief, curses, judgements, bitterness, envy, pride, and so forth. If you're in need of a mountain moving experience don't just start focusing on the mountain that you see in front of you. Look instead to God to define the mountain, because it may be something that is unseen and within you. God has given each of us the gift of life and over 500 promises for that life, and he'll personalize each of those promises just for us just when we need it most.

My Daily Bread, Finding and Loving Manna

2010-04-19T12:51:00.013-05:00

This writing is a short testimony describing my personal experience with Deuteronomy 8:3, which says, "Yes, he humbled you by letting you go hungry and then feeding you with manna, a food previously unknown to you and your ancestors. He did it to teach you that people do not live by bread alone; rather, we live by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD."

For the last four years I have been a man completely unable to provide for his family. This experience has been challenging as well as humbling, mostly because it seems that no amount of my own effort has really made a significant difference in the situation. Yet in all that time we have never gone without a single basic necessity. There were many very uncertain moments, sometimes days or even weeks, of not knowing where provision was coming from. Yet God would provide. That isn't to say that all of our bills have been paid on time or even paid at all. We haven't been able to pay a mortgage payment in many months. We also had to give both of our cars back to the bank. Many times we were down to the last "creative meal" put together from nearly empty cupboards. Yet God would provide before the cupboards were completely empty. We are also still in our house and have never gone without the ability to get from A to B when we needed to.

During this time I have learned many very valuable lessons. However, there are three things that stand out the most. God is truly a perfect provider, his love is enough for me, and he is the one that defines what my needs are. These lessons have sometimes been difficult to grasp when my perceived needs have gone unmet. Yet in God's perfect and long suffering love for me he has adjusted my sight. Not literally my eyesight but my spiritual sight of him, and my perspective of how he sees me. Today I am able to take God at his word no questions asked. I also know without any doubt that nothing can separate me from God's perfect love. I'm like a child believing with a simple yet profound certainty who says "my daddy says so".

For the Israelites, Manna was a food provision. For me it is the latter part of Deuteronomy 8:3 "we live by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord". If you're struggling in difficult circumstances and are not able to see God as the perfect provider that he is, I encourage you to ask him to adjust your vision and allow him to redefine your needs. He has never once let me or my family down, and he will and is doing the same for you even if you can't see it. His promises are trustworthy and always yes and amen! Manna, one of God's many perfect provisions, is our daily sustenance, but it may be a food previously unknown to you.

Marriage in Paradise?

2009-09-21T14:04:00.011-05:00

Marital bliss, we’d all like to be there. But can it be a reality? Can we really get there? I suppose that depends on how you define marital paradise, bliss, nirvana etc…

The truth is paradise in marriage is not a destination constantly lit by a warm glow and filled with tummy tingles. While those things do exist they are not what most happily married couples would say keep them together after ten or more years of marriage. Once the hormones of the honeymoon are gone we have to actually work hard not to lose that loving feeling. Now that may seem obvious to many, but then why is our divorce rate so high? People really believe and say that they have fallen out of love! They actually expect to have the feelings of love forever. Sorry to be a killjoy, but in practice love is more of a verb than a noun.

So where is paradise found in marriage? Here is a short list-
When disagreements and simple conflicts don’t escalate to verbal warfare.
When we say or do something hurtful to our spouse and wish to apologize immediately.
When we’re genuinely interested in what our spouse has to say.
When being with our spouse is fun regardless of the activity.
When the things that once bugged us about them become meaningless.
When there seems to be a warm glow everywhere, and our tummy tingles… oops! I got carried away.

How do we get there as couples? I like to keep this list short, just two items-
Be a forgiver. If we believe that our spouse’s faults are bigger than our own; it is likely that we are not a good forgiver.
Be happily incompatible. Realize that the differences that we have actually benefits us. If we don’t embrace our differences as individuals we’re being self-centered.

My wife Tracy says that marriage is like a home improvement project that never ends. I like that for two reasons; the words improvement and never ends. Marriage is not the money pit home improvement project that sucks the life out of us. Like a good wine or investment it is something that improves over time. With the right attitude and some genuine effort we can have paradise in marriage. So bring on the tummy tingles ‘cause I’m all in!

Every Marriage Needs a Little Salsa

2009-09-18T10:14:00.005-05:00

Sunset, mango salsa, live Latin music, my wife Tracy. These are the ingredients for a perfect date for me. Yes, I’m a man; and yes most of the time a woman would be more inclined to describe a perfect date with these ingredients. Except for the wife bit… But the truth is, and every married man that takes his wife dancing knows what I’m about to say, husbands that dance get more…, well you fill in the blank. Honestly, this one activity incorporated into date night exponentially helps my wife feel more loved. And that leads to a number of fringe benefits.

My wife and I have taught ballroom dancing as a vocation, and currently as an avocation, for many years. We became professionals with the Arthur Murray Studios in our 20s and have never lost the love that we have for teaching dance. And after all these years we continue to see that couples who dance together generally have better relationships and deeper intimacy. Not only that, but just about every couple we’ve taught proclaims that learning to dance together parallels learning to have a better relationship. And it’s true, the couples that look the best on the dance floor have learned to be better partners. They understand their individual roles and know how to enhance their partnership. “They move as one” is often how you hear their dancing described. “Moving as one” is a great way for a marriage or significant relationship to be described. And just like learning to dance, it isn’t easy. It takes understanding and intentionality to become a better partner. It also takes practice. Practice doesn’t make perfect but it does make permanent.

If you’re looking for a way to light the fire in your relationship or simply turn up the heat; I recommend that you add the right ingredients. Swing, Salsa, Tango, Rumba and Waltz mix very well together! But don’t forget to add the other romantic touches as well. Your commitment will be well rewarded. We’ll see you on the dance floor, and at the marriage retreat!

Diving Deep into the Lord

2009-09-03T15:25:00.003-05:00

Free divers with no means of propulsion assistance swim to depths of 88 meters (over 288 feet) and return to the surface in one breath requiring the diver to hold that breath 4-5 minutes. Under normal conditions permanent damage to the brain can occur in as little as three minutes without oxygen. The physiological changes required in the body to accomplish these amazing feats are extraordinary. The heart rate slows as low as 25-30bpm, blood vessels shrink, additional red blood cells are released carrying more oxygen, blood flow is limited to the arms and legs, and most importantly blood plasma fills up blood vessels in the lung to reduce residual volume. Without this adaptation the lung would wrap into itself becoming permanently damaged. The body also adapts to the increased carbon-dioxide levels. The typical training plan for free divers often includes walking 400 meters (nearly a quarter mile) or climbing numerous flights of stairs in a single breath.

Clearly this extreme sport requires incredible mental and physical discipline. The element of risk that exists is also very high in this sport while having a very small margin for error. However, because of this intense discipline free divers are able to accomplish with little risk what is impossible to you or me. At the same time, these well prepared and equipped athletes explore the deep blue of creation seeing and doing things that you or I will never experience, like hitching a ride on a beluga whale or staring eye-to-eye with a 6-foot 300lbs yellowfin tuna 200 feet below the water’s surface.

As believers in Christ we have access to the deep things of God through the Holy Spirit (1 Corinth 2:10). However, in order to create this depth of intimacy we must put into practice intense and focused training similar to that of the free diver. As we passionately pursue Jesus, the Way, the Truth & the Life, we our conditioning our spirit man. When we endeavor to be still and release the burdens of the day, or take control over our body by fasting, or commit to extended periods of prayer and listening for the Lord we are training our mind and body to do what is not natural. These and other spiritual disciplines will lead us to the deep things of the Father. Then just like the free diver we will experience amazing wonders so incredible they captivate people’s attention when we describe them.

The world of free diving is a small and extremely tight knit family. They share extraordinary abilities and have unbelievable testimonies. So too is the family of believers whose passion and zeal for the Lord can offer these same qualities. But the extraordinary abilities and unbelievable testimonies we experience will be radical salvations and astonishing miracles! As true followers of Jesus we aren’t called to simply tread water, we are called to dive deep! So grab your gear, for deep calls unto deep.

Your Great Adventure, Part 2

2009-04-06T10:56:00.006-05:00

"The man (or woman) who insists on seeing with perfect clearness before he (or she) decides, never decides." - Henri Frédéric Amiel

In making your life a great adventure you may experience moments of indecision. Times when you just can’t see how the reward in the end could possibly outweigh the uncertainty of the end. These speed bumps on your road to freedom can often impede or even paralyze your forward progress by placing you in an endless analysis loop, hence the phrase analysis paralysis. You desire change but are too caught up in considering the outcome possibilities to choose a direction. This pattern can be attributed to a variety of potential causes of which a lack of trust may possibly be the most common. Most of us unfortunately have experienced how fragile trust can be, and we’ve seen our share of betrayal and know the power the lingering feelings have.

However, if we are to live a truly great adventure we must reconcile our issues with trust. Letting yesterday's betrayel control today's opportunities would be wrong. I personally do not believe that any one of us is so frail that we would crumble from one or even a number of poor decisions. Not for a minute do I believe that. While a poor decision can lead to difficult consequences, we can still choose how we're going to respond. Some of my dumbest life decisions have ended up being the catalyst for my deepest personal growth.

Whether your next courageous decision leads to triumph or defeat is not nearly as important as the act of choosing. Not choosing will most certainly lead to "what if" regret; and you can always recover from the choice that leads to a rocky road.

Vive le choix!

How is Your Great Adventure?

2009-03-25T10:19:00.005-05:00

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." — Helen Keller

Adventurers appear to share a few common traits. They have a genuine curiosity to explore what is not known and seemingly have no regard for fear. When I was younger I thought I was pretty courageous and an adventurer at heart. I had a passion for speed, loved to explore unfamiliar woods alone, always went on the most radical amusement rides etc… There are a lot of people that probably feel the same way. They relish those exhilarating moments of being somewhat out of control and on the edge. As I look at those activities now however, I might categorize them differently, labeling them more as thrill seeking or risk taking versus being adventurous.

Being an adventurer looks different to me today. It isn’t about seeking exhilaration or elation, although some of that still calls to me. The great adventure of my life today is more about being myself without fearing rejection, pursuing my passions without concern for being judged, looking deep inside to facedown my misplaced motives, caring as if the act of caring is all that matters, and living determined to finish life without regret knowing that all of the unknown in my life is just waiting for me to discover it.

When my life ends will people close to me say, “He had so much unrealized potential” or “Life with Stuart was a great adventure”.

How is your great adventure?

Facebook, Asset or Liability?

2009-03-18T10:11:00.000-05:00

I'm sure I'll offend someone and get reprimanded for this post, but I need to vent about how much idle chatter happens on Facebook and the various other social networking platforms. I'll be accused of being a sour-puss (or worse), or an idealist, or maybe my comments will just be ignored like most of what gets posted in cyberspace. On the other hand maybe someone will find value in my venting. Yes value, I like that word. Something of worth, high quality, intrinsically desirable, to rate or scale in importance...

What I value from these social utility websites is the convenience of receiving updates from family and friends in real-time. I also like knowing that "the crisis response team" is on standby should anything arise. Unfortunately, I'm required to weed through so much that isn't valuable that I tend to stay away from these sites because they are HUGE time suckers. Does anyone really have that much "spare" time that they can participate in endless polls, quizzes, and other seemingly mindless behavior? (That is the statement that will get me in trouble) I'm not saying that I don't appreciate some of my more humorous friends brightening my day with silliness. And I'm not so tight-necked to miss the concept of light-hearted banter being exchanged. However, are we somehow missing the boat on the value these tools can bring to our lives?

I'm going to try an experiment during the next few weeks. My goal is to increase the volume and value of my posts on Facebook. You'll see inspiring quotes, encouraging news, and more interaction that I hope will be valuable. However, if my network doesn't find value in these posts I’ll submit to Facebook continuing as it is, and I won’t say another word.

Of Bricks, Crisis and Leadership

2009-02-12T12:31:00.001-06:00

“A successful (person) is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at (them).” Each and every one of us has these metaphorical bricks being hurled at us, and sometimes it feels like the frequency, volume and velocity are ever increasing. If it isn’t our coworkers it’s the competition, if not the competition it’s our clients. And currently we face a new, and potentially more lethal, cluster of bricks in the form of this financial crisis. Enough all ready! The truth is, in business and in life we will always face difficulties. Our perspective will determine whether we see opportunity or an insurmountable obstacle. As leaders we must choose to build a strong foundation, and that is even more vital during crisis. But it isn’t just our own foundation that needs constructing; we need to be building the foundation of our team, our department, our company and especially our community.

Whether you’re just looking to begin the construction phase of your building project or maybe you’re planning some remodeling, I encourage you to consider bringing a seasoned “general contractor” on board who has experience walking with your peers through similar endeavors.

Living with Intention

2008-10-22T11:31:00.000-05:00

As a coach I have the privilege of seeing incredible changes in the lives of my clients as they begin to live with more intention. It is quite fun for me to see each person set and accomplish more goals, live with more enthusiasm and ultimately have a deeper sense that life is good. But what really stands out the most for me is how the level of courage and the size of the goals for each client continue to increase. In every case these individuals dream bigger and bite off larger chunks of life as the months pass. I've recently considered documenting this because of the impact I think it would have on others.

If parts of your life feel out of control it may because you lack intention in those areas. Just pick an area and decide what you could do to live more intentionally. Then set some short-term goals and find someone to be accountable to for those goals. Like my clients, I think you'll find that the results can be quite exciting.

Sleepless Teens and Hypertension

2008-08-19T09:15:00.000-05:00

In a recent health study on teens, a lack of sleep continues to be one of our society's major health concerns. This latest study, according to the Case School of Medicine, links a lack of sleep in teens ages 13-16 to a greater risk of hypertension. Teens who slept fewer than 6 1/2 hours a night had more than twice the risk of high blood pressure and those with troubled sleep had more than triple the risk. High blood pressure can damage arteries and kidneys, causing stroke, kidney disease and other illnesses. Dr. Susan Redline stated, "Part of the problem is the technological invasion of the bedroom with computers, cell phones and music,". This study recommends a minimum of 9 hours of sleep each night for teens of this age, which is right in line with the other studies I've seen.

How long are we going to ignore this problem? What could our motive possibly be for allowing our children to suffer like this? Personally, I'm amazed at the number of families I know who's children are up until 10:30 or 11:00 at night during the school year. And we wonder why our test scores are down in our country. We must take steps to reverse this and other unhealthy trends in America.

Here are a few ideas to help you provide optimum sleep care for your teens.
-Don't let your kids eat late at night. Their bodies won't rest as well when they're spending energy digesting food.
-Don't let your kids use the telephone, mp3 player, hand-held video game system, or do homework right before bed. This stimulation only postpones going to sleep it doesn't promote it.
-Do spend time conversing with your children after school or at the dinner table. This provides them with the opportunity to express and process their stresses and fears so they won't take them to bed at night.
-Do establish a consistent bedtime. The human body can be trained by repeating patterned behavior.
-Do encourage your children to wind-down with meditation or prayer before bed. These behaviors will help clear their minds of clutter.

Our job as a parent isn't about being our kids best friend. Our focus should be on equipping them physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually for their future. Sending our children into adulthood stressed out, obese, and socially inept is like sending a 6th grader to college. They would have little to no chance of success because they haven’t completed their foundational training.

Children need and like boundaries even though they are constantly challenging them. It provides the stability they need.

Multitasking and Mediocrity

2008-07-30T09:49:00.000-05:00

In our world of excess we are often made to believe that the ability to multitask somehow makes us more valuable. I’d like to challenge you to examine that more closely.

As a coach who helps people get the most out of life, most of my clients say they want more quality in life. I can’t recall even one instance of someone wanting to add more quantity. What I hear most often is, “I feel mediocre in every part of my life” or “I’m stretched so thin that I don’t feel like anything in my life is excellent."

The solution to this problem is simple in concept but will certainly challenge us in application. The principle of doing less to achieve more seems counterintuitive. But, that is exactly what turns my clients around. When they create their to-do lists through the filter of their core values, and don't let the tyranny of the urgent dictate their behaviors, they quickly realize a greater sense of excellence in their lives.

I’m not saying that we won’t ever have to multitask. But, if you want more quality in your life at home and at work, and especially in your relationships, moderate your multitasking. (I don’t know anyone who feels valued when the person their talking with isn’t giving them their full attention) Be intentional about aligning your behavior with your values, and do less to achieve more.

5 Steps to Better Life Balance

2008-07-29T12:29:00.000-05:00

I recently gave a Life Balance presentation for a group of teachers in our school district. In that short presentation I offered 5 key points to better life balance-

1. Have an attitude of excellence. In all that you do, from simple mundane tasks to your greatest goals, have an attitude of excellence. Without focused effort to improve your life you'll never achieve excellence. The "just get by" attitude is too prevalent in our society. People spend too much effort hiding their weaknesses instead of being authentic and acknowledging them. Everyone has weaknesses, so get over it. Build on your strengths and tackle your key shortcomings with an attitude of excellence.

That brings me to the second point-
2. Learn to say no. Excellence is found by filtering your decision making through your core values and establishing priorities. Too many committees, too many volunteer groups, too much multitasking leads to mediocrity. The "jack of all, master of none" life doesn't lead to excellence and fulfillment. Ask anyone who excels in what they do and they'll all answer "it takes focus". Do less to accomplish more.

3. Find a vocation that you are passionate about. One of the areas I spend the most time coaching around is work/vocation. More than 50% of our society dislike what they do for work. Yet they are typically not the ones that come to me for coaching. The people I career coach with are the individuals who have made up their mind to pursue what they love. They want to figure out the best way to continue moving in the right direction. Look at it this way, a life of loving your work is worth the pain and difficulty of achieving it.

4. Make time to play. This is so simple yet it gets left out more than anything else. You can't expect to perform at your peak if you never schedule time to recharge your batteries. And I'm not talking about a vacation once a year. I'm talking about finding time to play every day. Make a list of the activities that feed you and find ways to fit them in daily. Example- I really enjoy reading and learning, so I schedule time to read, and I schedule it right before I'm going to do something that sucks energy from me. That way it doesn't seem so bad because I've just fed my person.

This takes us to the last point.
5. Find scheduling that works for you. I have a wife and children so I understand the need to sacrifice and know I can't have everything my way. However, it is still vital that I exercise point 2 and come up with a creative schedule that works balance into my life. After all, I'm no good to anyone if I'm tired and lacking focus and enthusiasm. People in my life know that I am going to disappoint them sometimes by not being at their beckon call. But they also know that when I'm with them I won't be multitasking. I will be fully present.

A life in balance impacts many.