Ministry Of Truth

Floating

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 08:44:00 +0000

Feebly, we're reminded of Hunter S. Thompson. Sent to Zaire to cover the Ali/Foreman fight for Rolling Stone, he had no copy to file, primarily because he spent the night of the fight floating in the hotel pool with a pound and a half of marijuana and sundry chemicals.

Westminster's last 10 days should have been a feast for the Ministry. Grayling caught red-handed misleading on crime stats, MPs facing criminal charges, then attempting to hide under "parliamentary privilege", Cameron denouncing them... all extremely good grist for the mill, and all pointing towards the need for legal accountability.

Regrettably we've failed dismally in our coverage and can offer no reasonable excuse. Call it Westminster fatigue if you like.

Blair not on trial

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 09:46:00 +0000

Today, and no doubt for the weekend, the front pages will be plastered with "Blair on trial etc. Make no mistake, he isn't. The mother of all democracies is on trial, it's systems, methods and governance.

Blair will say ;
I thought it was the right thing to do.
You elected me to make this kind of decision.
I made that decision.
You elected me again.

If we learn anything from the Chilcot enquiry (and it's remit is to find out exactly what went down with the sole purpose of learning from any mistakes made - nothing more) it's that our system facilitated all that has passed. In the unlikely event that Blair breaks down, cries like a baby and asks for forgiveness it wouldn't change any of the statements above.

Notice an almost total lack of noise from the opposition benches on Chilcot in the last weeks. There's a reason for this, they're elected representatives, they sit in Parliament, they do that to balance, moderate and challenge the government. If they find the Labour party in government wanting it is because they're spectacularly wanting themselves as opposition. The force of their (counter) arguments, their direction, their purpose - all spectacularly wanting. By definition, they are complicit. Lest we forget the expenses debacle. What responsibility do they accept for the emasculation of the Commons, Parliament and Parliamentary process ? What reforms have they proposed ? Have we heard a pipsqueak of lateral thought, the likes of, "the opposition should have the same access to the intelligence documents that built your dodgy dossier before we're asked to vote on it". The status quo will suit them just fine when they're in the driving seat.

As the Ministry discovered, Parliament's lack of legal accountability is at the heart of the matter, if anything should be on trial it is this. Instead, the press shouts "Judgement Day for Blair/Goldsmith/Straw" expecting some weird freaked out confession from a procession of civil servants, ministers etc. As we've seen, the truth is far more banal.

The Goldsmith conclusion

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 09:53:00 +0000

Mixed feelings at the Ministry on Goldsmith's Chilcot performance.

He was swayed to believe use of force was lawful by any one member state after being given the run through on how the crucial two or three words of how the UN resolution were negotiated and finalised, taking into account specifically the intentions of the US, France and Russia.

This writer has had some experience of the UN council's chamber (mainly being summarily ejected for impersonating the representative from Fiji) and it's machinations for arriving at resolutions. Inevitably these are drawn up with enough flexibility to make everybody happy. Under those circumstances, it is entirely conceivable that the Bush/Blair interpretation is legit.

That said, both the enquiry and Goldsmith explicitly expressed their frustration at the government for refusing to de-classify the documentation that backs this up. Again, a case of "trust us, it's all in the public interest". You've got to wonder what else those documents contain... a copy of the Ministry of Truth on DVD for the wittiest answer.

Chilcot. See you in court ?

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 10:21:00 +0000

Blair at the Chilcot thing may make good viewing, but as always, it'll come down to the lawyers.

Straw, Goldsmith, Sir Michael Wood and Elizabeth Wilmshurst.

Goldsmith's timely pre-war change of heart gets the armed forces off the hook - without his confirmation that the invasion was legal, our armed forces would be liable for prosecution (on an individual basis) and no-one would have asked the armed forces to invade - the likes of Colonel Tim Collins would simply tell you to fuck off. No legal basis for war = no war.

All well and good for the services, but what of

Yesterday, Sir Michael Wood (Goldsmith's deputy) told the enquiry he felt there was no legal basis for the war. Sir Michael's former deputy, Elizabeth Wilmshurst was crystal clear on the lack of legality. She's the only civil servant to have resigned over the issue.

Sir Michael's opinion was rejected by Straw on these grounds, documented in his written response ;

1) There's room in the issue for genuine disagreement
2) International law is "uncertain".
3) With legal uncertainties in the past, Straw had proceeded and gone on to win in court.
4) On the Iraq invasion issue, there is no international court of law.

Sir Michael reasoned that because there was no court, it's incumbent on members of the international community to act scrupulously. It would appear Straw's inclination was that in the absence of a court to answer to, the decision was for Blair/Parliament and history will be the judge.

Either way, the enquiry is specifically there to find out "what lessons can be learned", its legal powers to hold participants to account are essentially non-existent - we should be used to that by now. For those of you who aren't, Monbiot is campaigning for a citizens arrest of Blair (as per Tatchell/Mugabe). It's legal standing has yet to be tested and there's only one way to do that.... you'll find the man you're after at The Queen Elizabeth Centre, Broad Sanctuary, Westminster, London, SW1P 3EE this coming Friday. Probably best not to catch up with him on his way in.

Thank the BNP

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 06:10:00 +0000

Apparently we owe the BNP a very big thank you for breaking the expenses scandal.

In the wake of Harry Cohen MPs £65,000 forfeit being announced last week, the Ministry had a quick look at the complaint and paperwork lodged with our Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards.

The complaint was made by a Mr Michael Barnbrook in response to an article he'd read in the Daily Mail on Cohen.

His trail leads to the BNP website ...

"The controlled press continue to ignore the fact that it is the BNP’s Mr Barnbrook who has been the main driver behind the exposure of the entire Westminster expenses swindle"

Straw... don't forget...

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 08:52:00 +0000

The Ministry has had it's run-ins with Straw before...

....and he seemed to be fairly frank in front of the enquiry. Unkind souls have been quick to remind us that on leaving our interview with him we were initially bedazzled, only to find the rhetoric unwound under close scrutiny. These same critics were also quick to remind us of this...

Banning an FOI request for the release of cabinet discussions on the legality of war on the grounds of "serious damage to the work of government... and that outweighs the public interest". Really ? We're taking bets as to whether this makes it onto this years manifesto ?

Catch up

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 09:21:00 +0000

The protracted absence has left us red-eyed and catching up on the last few weeks in Westminster...

Distinct signs of warming to the notion of criminalising political deception from the Lib Dems - it'll be interesting to see if it makes it onto the manifesto - that'd put the cat amongst the election pigeons. Talking of which, pre-election hot air seems to be decidedly underwhelming. Numerous feints at drawing dividing lines have been half-hearted at best - Cameron's "we believe in marriage and will back it up with tax breaks" quickly drew, "you can't afford to" followed by stymied mutterings from camp Cameron of "I suppose not".

The Iraq enquiry trundles on, Blair's turn promises a decent gate but not much more - what can he add to Jonathan Powell's, "we got it wrong". If Blair says the same, what next ? Despite all the post-invasion doubts he still got a mandate in 2005. Maybe we don't really want our leaders to be legally accountable - it'd be too embarrassing to think they were elected into office... repeatedly.

The number £26bn surfaced as the amount government has wasted on IT projects. Ripped off by private contractors ? Actually, by all accounts from friends in the world of IT, a government contract is all well and good but ministers and departments are a nightmare to deal with - last-minute spec-changing etc. leaving you lucky to walk away with your reputation intact. Which reminds me... all quiet on the expenses front - maybe they've forgotten that before we get to a polling booth, before we even begin to try evaluating the intention/logic of election pledges we have to trust the people making the pledge itself...

Apologies due

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 13:28:00 +0000

Sincerest apologies - it's been way too long. An unavoidable trip to the US / extended investigation into the criminal justice system (more of which later) has kept us ridiculously busy and seeing as Parliament were on holiday.... well. Apologies anyway.

Much news to come. Please bear with us.

Xx

84% crap - Iraq Enquiry, Day 16

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 09:36:00 +0000

Putting figures on "Crapness" is notoriously difficult and incredibly embarrassing - that's why we hate exams. Putting a stat on the difference between "amateurs" and "professionals" harder still.

Sir Frederick Viggers isn't the first person to call the government "amateurs", but he's the first to have done so in such stark terms, and there's a decent stat in his statements to the Iraq inquiry to measure the professional/amateur differential.

100 days was the estimate given to complete an invasion.

It took just 16.

Aside from our military competence was the fact that the very basis for war - the threat posed by Iraq's military machine under the guidance of Mssrs Hussein & Co turns out to have been a sham. The only people they "conned" were HM Gov PLC.

That's an 84% difference, with the supposed "con" perpetrated by the likes of Comical Ali.

When Gordon Brown promises the end of "boom and bust", no cuts in the frontline of public spending, reduction of the gap between rich and poor etc. we'd do well to remember there's an 84% chance that either he's being conned... or we are.

Troops didn't need NBC protection

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 08:40:00 +0000

There's been a lot of "we weren't allowed to buy equipment until very late in the game" spiel over at the Chilcott enquiry. Sir Kevin Tebbit, permanent secretary at the Ministry of Defence told us yesterday that during the run-up to the invasion, problems arose delivering body armour and protection against chemical and biological weapon attacks.

Well... his paymaster probably wouldn't be very worried about troops not having protection against biological and chemical weapons - if he knew the enemy didn't have them.

Who Cares

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 09:28:00 +0000

Dan Hannan said it all in this piece - as midnight quietly ticked by, so did the UKs sovereignty...

Meantime the Swiss were holding a referendum on minarets we were... . ? ?

Hmmm.

Belly Dancing Bercow

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 08:50:00 +0000

Recently appointed speaker John Bercow is perhaps more radical a reformer than any of us suspected. The transcript of last nights Hansard Society lecture, calling for a reconnection between Parliament and the Public, heaps praise on the Parliamentary website, "there is no constraint as to how inventive we can be" etc. The transcribers may have got their links in a twist...

"Finally, in this section, I come to the website. It is simply fantastic and could equally be known as www.aladdinscave.com. It is a resource which should be the envy of legislatures around the world and a tribute to those involved with it. There is no constraint as to how inventive we can be and every incentive to remain in the fastest of fast lanes of this technology. We must ensure that procedural content can even more easily be found, used and reused. There must be no limit to our vision."

SAY YES academy splits Cabinet

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 11:15:00 +0000

The government have set up a "SAY YES" foundation/academy/joint private partnership trust thing in a last ditch attempt to leave something tangible behind as far as ideology goes.

The academy's has been a long time coming but that's no surprise - the long-established school of thought behind the academy runs along the lines of, "Say Yes, do nothing." has been central to it's implementation. As Peter Mandelson pointed out at the opening ceremony, "promises for the academy have been manifest since "Yes Minister" was first aired. That delay is itself a testament to the enduring strength of virtual positivity. In many ways, we've been waiting for technology to catch up with us. Now that we have virtual worlds, it finally feels like the public are ready to understand the benefits of the virtual positive".

Despite general approval from Whitehall, rumours persist of a cabinet split over particular strands of the philosophy to be taught. Much dissent is said to have come from the complete silence/lack of teaching for the acknowledged sister strand - "Say Yes, do something else".

Final implementation of the school is said to have been prompted by concerns that recent job losses in the private sector will lead to a huge number of unemployed without sufficient skills to enter public service.

A hostile press at the opening ceremony pointed out the taxpayer had had quite enough of time-wasting, "We're now on our third enquiry into Iraq - what the hell do you think you're playing at ?". Lord Mandelson was visibly moved and brought close to tears of joy at the opportunity to address the complaint, "You are of course completely right, and it's with great pride I can announce forthwith an inquiry into this disgraceful waste of resources.".

Murdoch's Nemesis

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 09:33:00 +0000

There's much to grumble about the BBC - the profligacy, over-management etc. etc... Murdoch Jnr, despite the backlash had some points in his September attack and there are plenty like Guido witholding their license fee on a matter of free market principal - but we should be careful what we wish for.

Sir Michael Lyons announcement yesterday that the Beeb have no intention of charging for on-line news represents a decent hole in the pay wall Murdoch wants to erect around his papers' on-line offering. Don't underestimate the impact of Lyons' statement - battle lines are being drawn...

The Murdoch press has not been shy to have a go at Auntie - mainly on management pay scales and their expenses. This shouldn't be confused with cutting the organisation's ability to inform whatever the delivery medium. The taxpayer has created an outstanding resource, it's current shortcomings are obvious - the real question is whether they're addressed through free-market principles or transparency and accountability.

Give us the choice to pay our license fee or subscribe to Sky and you could find the BBC crippled before the free market decides it doesn't want news from News International. Talk of a Murdoch pact deal with Cameron & Co is rife and the implications for the BBC with Tories in control are significant. Today we have a right to demand transparency and accountability from the Beeb, that could be lost in the free market.

Our commercial terrestrial stations were happy to take the money and run when a broadcasting license was a license to print money and before the on-line advertising gold rush left them at the starting line. Now things aren't looking rosy they want some of the license fee cash. Free market principles should have driven them to invest in digital delivery - instead they chose to vote dividends. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for voting dividends, but the free market led them to the wrong choice. They won't be the first media industry to find themselves in a critical condition because they were too slow to adopt digital technology. Witness the crumbling record industry after it's spent years fighting digital distribution and effectively preventing customers from cheap, convenient, legal access to their product. The result is a generation of listeners believing they're entitled to free music. The same is happening with video, film, news and information - monetising these things will be a tricky business with casualties along the way.

The same license fee that allows the BBC to quickly adopt an on-line future gives us the right to stomp about a bit if we think they're failing to deliver. The obligation to pay it further legitimises our stamping and shouting, in fact, drives us to it. Without that obligation - the free market simply dictates a don't bother watching and don't pay response - much easier than enforcing transparency, impartiality etc. in quality programming - if you've ever had the pleasure of watching US news (check out the Daily Show on More 4) you'll know how crap, biased unspeakably bad it can be.

Now that Mark Thompson is publishing their expenses, it'll mean big earners at the Beeb should police themselves. Hopefully this will be the first step for streamlining the organisation, making it more accountable, transparent - we shall see. Private corporations have no such obligations - especially if the shareholders are happy. When they're unhappy, we've seen how quickly they turn to the license fee when the free market stops delivering returns - "if you're gonna make us produce balanced news to the regions for a broadcasting license we want some of the fee.".

Murdoch's nemesis isn't ours - if we don't focus our criticism of the BBC, we could well be cutting off our nose to spite our face and .

MPs Expenses - Arresting developments

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 10:34:00 +0000

Files on six MPs have been passed by the police to the CPS.

We've been here before of course - the police get a case together, hand evidence over to the Crown Prosecution service and.... hmmm. They decide whether to press charges based on whether there's enough evidence to mount a successful prosecution and it serves the public interest. It'll be interesting to see how this pans out timing-wise with the run up to the election.

Money at Ministry Towers is on Elliot Morely MP taking the fall. The face fits and if you can measure a mans character in numbers - they don't look good as far as integrity goes. In this government he's voted 0.6% of the time against his party (3 of those were MP's home address related issues). Nor does it help that 3 out of the last 7 years he's come joint 1st for claims of the Additional Cost Allowance. He's also voted against capping MPs pay increases at 2.3%, pretty consistently against strengthening the Freedom of Information Act, for the Iraq war but against any subsequent inquiries and of course, was for student top-up fees.

He's been the MP for Scunthorpe since 1987 - the constituents must be delighted with their local party's choice of candidate.

Dismal Dismore MP punishing intentions

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 09:52:00 +0000

Longest-standing member of the Parliamentary Standards and Privileges Committee, Andrew Dismore MP is the latest to have his expenses questioned. He is not unknown to us.

A constituent asked him to support our "Elected Representatives (Prohibition of Deception) Bill" and he was good enough to answer via e-mail, "Frankly, I think that it is a rather silly Bill, because I do not know of any elected representatives who would knowing make a false statement..."

Good to know the Committee and it's members had it's finger on the pulse then.

His "shock and horror" in the October 2009 letter to constituents isn't entirely unpredictable, "May I firstly start by saying that I have been as shocked and horrified as the public has been, over some of the claims put forward by some MPs."

A little more surprising was his hypocritical assessment of our intentions and our use of the legislative process when referring to our proposed law...

"the Bill has no prospect of proceeding and I think it is simply being promoted as a publicity stunt".

Hmmm. In the letter to constituents of October 2009 you'll find that apparently, we are all indebted to the Labour Party for the uncovery of the expenses scandal - without them, it would never have been brought to light...

"It is only because of the Freedom of Information Act, brought in by the Labour Government, that we are now aware of what was happening."

Er ??? That'd be the same Labour Government which fought tooth and nail through the courts to prevent the Freedom of Information Act being used to disclose the expenses scandal by the Telegraph.

Andrew was gracious enough to forego his secondary home allowance this year and opted to bag the London weighting allowance instead. Using the same cynics measure of our "publicity stunt" intentions to criminalise political deception, we would like to stress that this has no connection to the fact that his transparent and honest secondary home claims would amount to less than his London weighting allowance.

There you go - Andrew's expenses may well be with the public interest at heart, but no good deed shall go unpunished and lest we forget... the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Feel free to e-mail Andrew at andrewdismoreMP@parliament.uk to ask him whether he's changed his mind on criminalising political deception.

Gordon admits election defeat

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:04:00 +0000

Here's the thing...

If you announce legislation requiring gov't to half the budget deficit and the following day OECD figures say spiraling UK debt is increasing interest payments and the budget deficit... doesn't that mean you're about to pass a law you're going to break ?

Doesn't that mean Gordon's knows full well he's not going to be in government once his "Fiscal Responsibility" Bill is on the statute books ?

Answers on a postcard please.

Brown Love Law

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 07:00:00 +0000

You've got to hand it to Brown, as lawmaking goes, yesterday was something of a high water mark.

How do you square the proposed "Fiscal Responsibility Bill" - a legal obligation for the government to halve the deficit with, for example, the "Children, Schools and Families Bill" which obliges councils to pay for extra tuition when a child falls behind. How do you pay for the latter when legally obliged to do the former.

Answer : "We don't have to."

The clue was in culture secretary Ben Bradshaw's rebuff to criticisms that there was no mention of expenses or a parliamentary clean-up in the Queens speech. Bradshaw simply said government had " legislated to set up an independent regulator... given control of the process away". In other words, it's no longer this government's or Parliament's responsibility.

When the council comes, cap in hand Bradshaw can tell them, "Sorry, we're legally obliged to halve the deficit - you guys are legally obliged to fund the tuition. That's the law. It's out of our hands".

Which all begs the question, what happens if they don't halve the deficit, if the council can't fund additional school tuition, who do you take to court ? Who pays the legal fees ? Where does the money come from to pay damages ?

That'll be the taxpayer then.

The Queen Farts

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 09:06:00 +0000

I used to have a female acquaintance who could break wind on demand. Shameless with it. So shameless she could keep a perfectly straight face. Every time some hapless poor sod (for some reason they were always Parliamentary researchers or junior civil servants) tried to chat her up, after he'd finished his riveting tale of Parliamentary intrigue she'd briefly pause, smile sweetly and proceed to fart so loudly it was impossible to pretend you hadn't heard it.

I share this with you because the Queen, at approximately 11.30am today, will do roughly the same thing. If you're not too squeamish you can even watch it on TV. It's called "The State Opening of Parliament" and Her Majesty will be laying out the legislation her government intends to pass... except it isn't. Everybody knows it, including her. On average, it takes 124 days to get a piece of legislation onto the statute books. There has to be a general election before June, which leaves 70 sitting days of Parliament. Nick Clegg said "It is a waste of everyone's time, and should be cancelled in favour of an emergency programme of political reform. That is the only job this rump of a Parliament is fit for." ? Cameron called it the "most divisive, short-termist, shamelessly self-serving" Queen's Speech "in living memory".

Whatever it is the Queen's going to say..."a legal obligation to halve the budget deficit..." all of it, aside from being even more meaningless than the raft of message-based legislation we've endured, is... well... meaningless. Designed purely as puff-piece manifesto-making. The real question is, can she keep a straight face ?

MPs table motion - no retrospective expense claim repayments

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 09:35:00 +0000

For some reason, it seems some MPs are a little concerned about what the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority (IPSA) will demand of them in the way of re-paying expenses and tabled a motion to the house, led by Graham Allen MP.

“This House notes the appointment of Sir Ian Kennedy as Chair of the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority (IPSA) and hopes he carries out his duties in line with natural justice, including adherence to the concepts of reasonableness and proportionality, and without retrospectivity.”

The punchline - "without retrospectivity" is of particular interest. The honourable Mr Allen came joint 1st in 06/07 and 02/03 league table for Aditional Costs allowance claims. Better still, in 07/08, despite spending £800 more than his 1st place for 06/07, 200 MPs managed to spend more than him, resulting in a disappointing 201st place. Despite this, he still managed a very respectable joint 13th place last year for overall costs.

Baby P / Told you so

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 09:04:00 +0000

Don't say we didn't tell you so.

This Baby P/Shoesmith/Balls and OFSTED thing is going to be interesting. Turns out that OFSTED ("We inspect and regulate to achieve excellence in the care of children and young people") hid crucial evidence from the court.

Shoesmith accused Ed Balls, OFSTED & Co of all kinds of irregular (lack of) procedure in making her the scapegoat and deflecting blame from the government. This isn't the first civil servant to point a finger at the government, but this is the first on such an emotive issue. Between the lines, Shoesmith's saying the gov and it's regulatory bodies are bent incompetent and social workers are fighting an uphill struggle to perform a half decent job.

Days after Baby P died, OFSTED had issued Haringay 3 stars in an inspection report on its performance, then, completely reversed their findings. Balls based his sacking of Shoesmith on the second, damning report.

Shoesmith was prevented from seeing OFSTED's report before it was published - unlike Balls who insisted on seeing it and was briefed the same morning. Shoesmith was also prevented from addressing any of it's findings. When her lawyers requested the notes and early drafts were disclosed for the court hearing, OFSTED couldn't find them, then said they didn't exist and then had to eat their words. A hapless new lawyer at OFSTED's legal department responded to a Freedom of Information request for the documents with a cheery "here they are."

Straight out of "In the thick of it".

The judge is so pissed off he's ordered OFSTED to pay all of Shoesmith's additional legal fees at a punitive rate. Nice to know the taxpayer will be footing all the bills then.

Bottom line, at least on the surface of it, is that OFSTED, safeguarder of children, is at least as crap as Haringay and we suspect as much to blame as Ball's dep't for the level of protection kids at risk can expect.

Another nail in the coffin for Government-created, "independent" review bodies.

IPSA eat your heart out.

P.S. A quick look at the IPSA site shows they were advertising for board members. Closing date for applications was 19th October. If there's anyone out there who applied, we'd love to hear from you.

The Government can't run a bath

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 09:22:00 +0000

There's been a theory knocking around Ministry Towers that despite the media's love for the soap opera of conspiracies, lies and deceit in politics - all of this manifests itself from an incredibly banal truth... the Government can't run a bath let alone the country.

And now the PM's had to apologise for his letter writing skills...

It's almost inconceivable to think someone running a factory, expressing condolences to a mother for the loss of her son in an industrial accident would be so cack-handed. If you've got crap handwriting, but want to make it personal you'd get a secretary to hand-write, spell and namecheck it, then simply sign. You can't doubt Brown's good intentions - wanting to actually write the thing - but even at this macro-level the judgement that goes into the execution is way below par.

On a broader scale the poor judgement/execution infects everything it touches. The fees office, inquiries, civil service, public services.

Panorama last night took a pop at the Criminal Justice System - a subject close to the Ministry's heart (and currently under active investigation by sister company, Spirit Level Film). It resulted in Jack Straw announcing a review of "out-of-court" penalties. In 2004 the government solution to over-burdened courts was to give the police power to issue offenders with PND notices - the ability to let an offender off with a fine and caution if they plead guilty. Now the police are issuing them for violent offences - ABA etc. Except half of them remain unpaid and have to be chased up by.... the courts. Cut to police chief explaining the time burden of a PND is half a man hour, versus two and a half hours for sending someone to court.

It'd be interesting to see the stats on offences PNDs have been issued for versus the stats for the same offences brought to court pre-PND. This writer's willing to bet a lunch on the number of unpaid PNDs issued that need to be chased up in court being equal to or higher than the same offences, pre-PND that ended up in court. Anyone out there got a spare half hour ?

Adding insult to injury is the fact it's only a Panorama programme or other media exposure that gets Straw & Co to review the situation.

Westminster Cocks confirmed

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 09:49:00 +0000

Yesterday, we discovered for ourselves what the architect of Parliament really thought of it's members.

If ever you're feeling down over the state of politics today... take comfort with a stroll across Westminster Bridge... On the right kind of glorious sun-filled morning you can bathe in the warm, delicious glow of knowledge that for years, our MPs have been branded by sunlight as cocks 'n balls. Better still, there's nothing they can do about it.

As the sun moves round, the cocks elongate, fatten and contract in a graceful arc next to the Palace of Westminster. Day in, day out.

It is, without doubt, the best middle finger ever given to the establishment. Don't think for a moment it wasn't deliberate. Though the bridge is credited as being designed by Thomas Page it's an often overlooked fact that it's architectural ironmongery (including the genius shadow-casting ballistrade) was designed by Charles Barry - the architect of the Palace of Westminster. The House of Lords was finished in 1847, Commons chamber in 1852. Barry died in 1860, but not before he'd finished his part of the designs for Westminster Bridge - which opened in 1862.

Westminster wives sex strike

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 09:17:00 +0000

It seems the most hard done-by in the expenses "sideshow" have been Westminster wives. The Kelly report recommended no more employment of MPs wives and they've taken umbrage (and legal advice which looks like such a ban would be unlawful).

They could take a lead from the women of Sirt, a 600 people village in Turkey...

In 2001, they'd had enough of lining up at the trickling village fountain to carry large containers of water home (sometimes several miles) after months of their husbands promises to fix the water system. They decided to go on a bedroom boycott. No water, no shag. Unsurprisingly, after years of complaining, the system was sorted.

This can be a high risk strategy - for example, over the years Guido's "tottywatch" has featured plenty of Westminster wannabe's - but not many wives.

Where this would leave Jacqui Smith's husband is anybody's guess.

Tumbleweed through Westminster

noreply@blogger.com (the Minister) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 09:41:00 +0000

There's that moment in Shooting Stars when Vic Reeves cracks a joke, silence followed by tumbleweed blowing across the studio...

Nobody's laughing at the Kelly report and the silence in Westminster is killing us. Either that or no-one's talking to the lobby hacks. The most they could muster from the expected collective outrage was a letter signed by five protesting wives employed by MPs.

The Telegraph managed to prise some quotes from Parliamentary grandees, Sir George Young gave a decent insight into his mindset, Asked whether members could accept a pay rise in the face of public anger he told the BBC: “If that is what an independent body decides then I am sure the public will endorse it.” We probably will. But it sticks in the craw.

We had the pleasure of interviewing Sir G for the Ministry as chair of The Parliamentary Committee for Standards and Privileges.

"I think we've got the balance right... No-one has a greater interest in policing the code, setting high standards for Members of Parliament, than Members of Parliament," May 2007

If there should be resignations over the current state of Parliaments' lamentable lack of public trust he's one of them...

...still, no-one really questioned the headmaster and prefects in charge of maintaining the self-regulation charade. Yet.

There was also the tiniest hint of infighting - Anthony Steen, the Tory MP for Totnes, said he had been “vilified” for putting in receipts for the running costs of his second home while others who have made significant sums by claiming mortgage interest have “got off scot-free”. Yes Anthony, we're all extremely sympathetic. That's what happens when an elected representative doesn't show up for votes on whether expenses should be subject to Freedom of Information requests and indeed all the other FOI votes. We note you were in favour of no lower limit to the receipts MPs should have to declare - but that was on the 30th April of this year - too little, too late. In any case the police haven't started to name names yet.

The press lobby said the feeling of anger was "palpable" and there was a general, "all of us have been punished for the actions of a few".... errr.... yup. That's right. We entrusted all of you to keep the house on the straight and narrow.

All in all it feels like todays' Guy Fawkes romp through Parliament organised by Old Holborn, Guido & Co have something to celebrate... for the moment at least.