Wendi Aarons

Jose, Barry and Me

WA — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:39:01 +0000

As some of you know, I sort of had a rough time of it last week. Not only were my kids hit with a mild case of the Swine Flu, but now my hair guy, Mr. Jimmy, has apparently gone AWOL. Or more accurately, “Absent With Out Letting Me Know Why The Hell His Phone [...]

The Birthday Time

WA — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:48:11 +0000

After our boys were born, fall became known around our house as “The Birthday Time.” Sam’s birthday is in October, Jack’s is in November, and I think our cat’s birthday is sometime around there, too. (Note: We’ve never been able to get official documentation on that seeing as how Dickens was born in an alley [...]

How to Get Cheap Thrills This Halloween

WA — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 19:36:37 +0000

Halloween is almost here, and if you’re anything like me, you just love decorating your house for this spooktacular holiday. Witches, goblins, ghosts—everyone’s invited to our bootiful home! (Yes, I realize I just used the words “spooktacular” and “bootiful,” but that’s only because I just inhaled 50 fun-sized candy bars and now my brain [...]

Based On A True Story

WA — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 20:20:43 +0000

Recently, a mommy blogger came under fire because her story about her mistreatment by the TSA turned out to be not exactly true. This incident has since spurred a very vigorous dialogue about whether or not we should believe everything that’s written on blogs by people whom we have never actually met in [...]

Some More Accurate Names For My Son’s T-Ball Team

WA — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 19:23:31 +0000

The Dogpile Dodgers The Balldropping Braves The Thank-God-We’re-Not-Keeping-Score-Yet Yankees The Bawling Brewers The Tantrum Twins The I-Want-My-Mommy! Mets The Peepants Pirates The Snotnose Sox The Dear-Lord-I-Need-A-Hazmat-Suit-In-This-Frickin-Dugout Diamondbacks The No Catch Cubs The No Run Rockies The Sorry-No-Snacks-Today Tigers The Come-On-Guys-Let’s-Whack-the-Dugout-Mom-In-the-Kneecap-With-A-Bat-Because-She-Forgot-The-Snacks-Again A’s The We-Hope-You-Have-Insurance Indians The But-If-You-Bring-Us-Cheetos-Next-Week-We’ll-Be-Angels Angels The Thank-God-We-Only-Have-Two-More-Games-To-Go Giants _________________ OK, full disclosure here. I was working on this piece today, and wasn’t really happy with it, but then I accidentally [...]

Writer’s Cramp

WA — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 17:17:08 +0000

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but it would appear that I am losing the few social skills I possess. For example, two days ago I walked into an eyeglass store in the mall and a nicely dressed, very pleasant employee immediately approached me and said, “Thank you so much for coming in! We have so [...]

Cloudy With A Chance Of Lou Grant

WA — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 01:55:49 +0000

I hate children’s movies. I know that’s an awful thing to say, and it probably makes me a bad mother and I’ll most likely get waterboarded by Pixar for my treason, but it’s true. Nine times out of ten, G-rated films are just horrible. There’s the sassy fish, the friendly aliens, the misunderstood [...]

What I Will Not Be Writing About Today

WA — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 16:09:49 +0000

1. The weather. 2. The economy. 3. The dumbasses at US Weekly who devoted an entire cover story to Jessica Simpson’s dog Daisy after she was tragically eaten by a coyote. 4. The fact that I read every single word of the Jessica Simpson tragic dog story and then teared-up like an unbalanced pre-teen at bible camp. 5. The [...]

Early Education

WA — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 17:04:01 +0000

At 7 a.m. this morning, Sam came downstairs and handed me a hand-written note. “Aww, Sam,” I said as I poured myself a cup of coffee. “Is this a sweet note for your mommy? What a great kid you are!” Then I looked down at the piece of paper that was covered in his 7-year-old loopy scrawl [...]

Weigh To Go

WA — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 14:00:14 +0000

Last week, I got a letter from a weight loss company. I don’t want to say who it was, exactly, so let’s just call them “Schweight Schwatchers.” The letter talked about taking care of your health or something ridiculous like that, and also had a picture of a big, fuzzy orange monster with [...]

The Job of Motherhood

WA — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 22:28:04 +0000

For the past seven years, I’ve been a full-time, full-tilt stay-at-home mother. (Where the “stay-at-home” part comes from is something I’ve never understood. I mean, it’s not like we moms are trapped in the house, chained to our ovens all day. It just feels that way.) I never planned on not working after I had [...]

Yoga Poses I Inadvertently Invented During Today’s Class

WA — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 13:13:37 +0000

The Wounded Fish The Somewhat But Not Really I Mean Who Are Kidding Here? Downward Facing Dog The At Times Unstable Warrior II The Quivering Hamstring The Extended Eye Roll The Nose Whistler The Forward Facing Wobby Meth Chimp The Half-Drooling Pigeon The Sinus Headache Salutation The Snoring Jackass _________________________ My fellow Mouthy Housewife Jessica Bern has taken on the role of a lifetime in this [...]

The Name Game

WA — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 13:31:38 +0000

I don’t know why, but for the past few months, my husband Chris and I have taken great delight in calling our two boys by different names. Fortunately, the kids don’t seem to mind that we’re doing this. But maybe that’s just because we do it behind their backs. “Where’d Tango and Cash go?” Chris will [...]

Back In Black. (And Yellow. And Red. And Green.)

WA — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 20:10:09 +0000

For my money, there’s no prettier place on earth than Hawaii. We were lucky enough to spend the past two weeks there, resting in the sun and taking in all of the gorgeous scenery. Day after day, we’d relax on the beach and gaze lazily at the tropical paradise surrounding us. The towering mountains, the [...]

Going Green With Smacksy

WA — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 04:43:19 +0000

I’m still on the vacay today, so as promised, here’s another terrific guest poster in my place. I don’t remember how I first found Smacksy, but I’ve been reading her for a while now and love the way she writes about this and that. Below is her thoughtful, yet very funny, piece about [...]

Lulu, Moxley & Dora

WA — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 17:20:07 +0000

I’m taking a couple of weeks off, but never fear because in my place will be a couple of really funny writers as guest posters. The first is Lulu & Moxley’s Mom from Lulu and Moxley. (Don’t worry–those aren’t really the names of her kids. She’s being sarcastical.) LMM is also one of the [...]

How To Put Sunscreen On A Toddler

WA — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 07:01:02 +0000

1. Find a toddler. They’re usually the two foot high maniacs running around the house with a fistful of Goldfish screaming “Mine! Mine! Mine! Nooooo! Wahhh! I don’t wanna!” before crashing face first into the coffee table. 2. Once said toddler is in your clutches, remove their clothing as fast as humanly possible. Since there is [...]

The 5-Year-Old Graduate

WA — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 21:58:21 +0000

This is a shortened, somewhat different version of my essay “The 5-Year-Old Graduate” that appeared in the Spring issue of HybridMom. It’s about my son Sam (now 7 1/2) graduating from preschool and how I was trying to not let my emotions rule me that day. _______________ After a hectic morning spent slicking down rooster tails, [...]

The Bored Game

WA — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 14:18:51 +0000

I’m bored! Go outside. I’m bored! Stay inside. I’m bored! Shut the door. Or do you think I want to air condition the entire neighborhood? I’m bored! Play with your toys. I’m bored! Play with your brother. I’m bored! Play with yourself. Wait—scratch that. You’re not a teenager yet. I’m bored! Read a book. I’m bored! Read a magazine. I’m bored! Read this [...]

Skinny Jeans and Kevlar Vests

WA — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 14:43:32 +0000

I just finished watching the morning news and now I am afraid. Apparently, there are now even more things out there that I should be worried about, and I honestly don’t know if I have the time. I mean, my plate’s so full already. The first disturbing thing I saw today was a story about a [...]