Wendi Aarons

The Fashion Plate

WA — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:29:09 +0000

While I’m sure at least two of you out there are eagerly waiting for my Manilow recap, unfortunately I haven’t been able to write it yet. On Tuesday, I was poked in the eye by a yucca while weeding, whacked in the forehead with a vacuum cleaner attachment while vacuuming, and then, just to complete [...]

It’s An Honor Just to Be Nominated

WA — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 13:09:56 +0000

No, I’m not up for an Oscar this year. Unless by “Oscar” you mean “PTO Award for Most Meetings Missed Due to Hiding Out in the Ladies Room Reading US Weekly Until They’re Done Talking About Lame-O Funding Requests and They Finally Start Gossiping About the Hot Crossing Guard Who Dates Cougars.” (But even if I [...]

Jose, Barry & Me: An Update

WA — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 20:29:13 +0000

A few months ago, I wrote about how I’ve been endlessly amused by the wonderful sign in my neighbor’s front yard. And now, after a long, cold winter, it looks like the Tequilator Realtor has finally pulled through: So get out the fresh limes and salt, people because Jose be mixin’ up some new mortgage margaritas! [...]

Chocolate Love

WA — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 18:57:09 +0000

This is Hot Chocolate: I love Hot Chocolate. I worship Hot Chocolate. I wear Hot Chocolate every single day. I wear it with a yellow shirt, blue sweatpants and socks. I wear it with a striped shirt, old jeans and slippers. I wear it with pajamas. I wear it with work-out clothes. I wear it with a [...]

The Cookie Junkie

WA — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 15:20:38 +0000

Every winter it’s the same story. There I am, just sitting on the couch watching TV and wondering why Jay Mohr still has a career, when the doorbell rings. And on the other side of the door—awaits Evil. “Hi, Mrs. Aarons!” “Oh, crap. It’s you again.” “How are you today?” “I’m fine.” “Great! I just wanted to know if you’d [...]

Our Hearts Are Full Of It

WA — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 18:45:39 +0000

Thank you so much to the people who contributed Rejected Hearts per my request on my own rejected hearts post last week! I hope I included all of them. You are all a bunch of very disturbed individuals, and I’m happy (and, quite frankly, a little bit frightened) to know you. (Thanks also to my [...]

Rejected Valentine’s Day Hearts II

WA — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 00:09:33 +0000

___________________________________ In case you actually made it through this post and want even more, last year’s wonderful rejected hearts can be found here. ( And no, they’re not much better than this year’s batch. Sorry.) If you want to make a Rejected Heart of your own, click here. Email it to me at waarons@hotmail.com, and if I [...]

A Life-Changing Comment

WA — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 16:03:27 +0000

If you’ve ever left a comment on my blog, you hopefully know that I usually try to send you a personal reply. I figure it’s the least I can do after someone’s suffered through a masterwork like “If Horton Lived In My Neighborhood.” Oh, yes, indeedy, I’m a giver. But recently, I got a very lovely, [...]

Jack, What Are You Doing Out of Bed?

WA — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 14:25:01 +0000

I’m thirsty. I’m hungry. It’s too dark. It’s too bright. I heard a noise that sounded like Darth Vader trying to destroy our kitchen. I need to floss. I need to wipe. I need to sit in the hallway with a flashlight and organize my two million Pokemon cards. My finger hurts. My eye hurts. My spine hurts. Oh, wait, I meant my kidneys. No, [...]

The Bank Statement

WA — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 17:47:36 +0000

Dear Broadway Bank, Why, hello! I just wanted to drop you a quick line to say “Welcome to the neighborhood!” (Note: I’m not the “official” new neighbor greeter or anything, so this is all you’re getting. Do not expect muffins.) All of us over here in the subdivision have been rather eagerly watching your building go up [...]

I’m Not Really Here

WA — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 17:58:23 +0000

Oy. Things have been a little crazy around here the past few days, so I haven’t done any writing besides the occasional “HELP ME!” sign I put up in the window whenever I see the sheriff drive by. I should be back again later this week, but if you’re in desperate need of some entertainment, [...]

Gesundheit, Y’all

WA — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 14:57:41 +0000

MY FUNNY BENADRYL (to the tune of “My Funny Valentine”) My funny Benadryl Hot pink, little Benadryl You make my sneezes disappear You’re an antihistamine Dip..hen..hydra…mine? And yet I use you with no fear Is your dye #27 a little red? Is my immunity a little dead? When I pop you in my mouth Do you druuuuuggggg me? But don’t call me a ju-uhn-kie Not when [...]

Field of Bad Dreams

WA — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 22:45:06 +0000

A couple days ago, Chris was flipping through the TV channels and landed on one playing Field of Dreams. “Oh, stop here,” I said. “I’ve never really seen this movie.” An hour or so later, once the movie was over, he turned off the TV and asked me what I thought of it. “I don’t know. [...]

Parent/Teacher/CrazyPeople

WA — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 01:52:55 +0000

“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Aarons. Thanks for coming,” Sam’s kindergarten teacher says when we enter the classroom with eager smiles. “Ready to get started?” “Sure!” Chris and I respond as we sit down in two little chairs that have the potential to trap us for hours. “Let’s hear it!” Ms. Ryan looks down at her paperwork, and [...]

I Dreamed A Dream

WA — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 18:39:27 +0000

Wednesday, January 6, 7:00 a.m. By now we’ve all heard how Stephanie Meyer got the idea for the Twilight series from a dream. She’d never written anything before, but on that particular morning she woke up with a fantastic vampire story in her head. All she had to do was just sit down, write it out, [...]

My 2010 New Year Resolutions

WA — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 18:32:03 +0000

1. This year I vow that I will never get another “Brazilian.” Or, for that matter, any other spa treatment that involves me not wearing pants while someone holding hot wax instructs me to “grab your knees and get into the cannonball position.” 2. This year I will work up the courage to go to PTA [...]

The Truth About Santa

WA — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 07:01:31 +0000

I never really appreciated Santa Claus until I became a parent. Sure, I loved him when I was a kid the same way all kids do. He’s a guy with rosy cheeks who shows up once a year with a big bag of presents; what’s not to like? But it wasn’t until I had kids [...]

Season’s Greetings From Tiger

WA — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 13:57:20 +0000

Dear Friends and Family, Greetings from the Woods family! We hope you’re all doing well and enjoying this wonderful time of year. After all, happy holidays should be “par” for the course, am I right? Ha, ha! Some of you might be surprised that it’s me, Tiger, writing our annual holiday letter, but there have been a [...]

I Think My Gingerbread House Is Being Repossesed

WA — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 23:38:28 +0000

Just follow the easy instructions: And you’ll have a breathtaking Gingerbread House like this that’ll make your kids smile and cheer: Unless you’re me and spend three effin’ hours on the “easy” instructions: And wind up with a collapsed Gingerbread crack house that makes your kids cry and your husband go hide all of the pinot grigio: Next year [...]

A Knockout Punch

WA — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 19:28:30 +0000

When I was in college, autumn meant one thing: barn dances. Each year, my sorority held its annual “Barn Bash Spectacular,” which was basically just a fancy way of saying “drunken dance party held in a freezing cold abandoned barn.” It’s a pretty good time when you’re a 20 year-old Communications major with low self-esteem [...]