Wendi Aarons

Seriously, Is There Anything Easier Than Motherhood?

Wendi — Mon, 14 May 2012 22:09:40 +0000

It’s been said that motherhood is the toughest job in the world. And that is complete bullshit. I’m sorry, but I have to totally disagree with Oprah on this one. Yeah, I said it. Oprah Is Wrong. (Please excuse me while I quickly go lock my front door and grab a baseball bat. There’s a [...]

The Real Housewives of Hazzard County: Season One

Wendi — Wed, 09 May 2012 21:52:55 +0000

EPISODE 1: Getting To Know Y’All The season kicks off when Bobbi Sue, the self-proclaimed “hawtest” housewife of Hazzard County, arranges a party to meet the other ladies. On their way to her house, LaDonna, Lurlene and wildcat Jessie experience a few hours of confusion when they can’t find the right rural route and must [...]

It’s All Good, Baby

Wendi — Tue, 08 May 2012 15:54:24 +0000

It has occurred to me that recently, my blog has turned into Wendi’s Latest Disaster. There was the iPhone in the toilet incident, the suburban wankers mingle with hipsters night, and, of course, the Demented Lucy Ricardo. Who can forget this big, fuzzy gob of beauty? Mmmmm, pretty! If you look closely, you can see [...]

Scared Straight

Wendi — Wed, 02 May 2012 17:54:35 +0000

One of my very favorite rules to live by is this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt: Do one thing every day that scares you. Most days, I can easily accomplish this by eating expired Greek yogurt or trying to squeeze into my pre-baby silk cargo pants from 1999. (OMG, remember when we all used to shop [...]

Two Suburban Wankers Enter a Bar

Wendi — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 17:27:08 +0000

Even though I only live eight miles from the heart of downtown Austin, it can sometimes feel like it’s a thousand miles away. Like last night when my friend Monica and I showed up at a very hip wine bar. We were in her minivan. Everyone else was on a unicycle. Well, okay, maybe not [...]

Long Story Shorts

Wendi — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 17:37:11 +0000

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s people who take forever to tell a story. You sit there and sit there and listen to them rambling on for what feels like hours and then, nine times out of 10, there’s no real pay-off. Like the woman at my gym who breathlessly greets us every [...]

The Bleacher Creature

Wendi — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 18:28:14 +0000

Because both my kids are playing Little League baseball this spring, I’ve been spending a lot time in the bleachers lately. A very much lot of time. And what I’ve discovered during these endless games, while my fingers chap from obsessive peanut eating and my butt numbs from the hard aluminum benches, is that there [...]

Now With Even More Things To Click!

Wendi — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 19:35:13 +0000

I’m doing one of those things I hate today and that’s giving you lots of things to click on. I know, I know, and just when you were all ready to hear yet another riveting story about my skirtini dramas, dammit. The first click is very exciting because it’s about my upcoming show Listen To [...]

What My Kids Think I Do All Day When They’re At School

Wendi — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 20:57:33 +0000

Eat the last cookie. Hide the one Pokemon card out of 10,000 that they desperately need. Shop for boys’ clothing that makes them look like humungo dorkwads. Change all passwords on their video games. Delete all iCarly‘s from the DVR, even the ones that they totally haven’t even seen yet. Cruise the grocery store for [...]

iRequiem

Wendi — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 18:27:11 +0000

Last Tuesday, my life changed forever. No, not because HGTV decided to buy my show idea Real Estate Skanks: Fargo or because every email program in the world finally wised up and eliminated that horrible “Reply All” feature. (But honestly, when the baseball coach sends an email about practice, what kind of dimwit replies to [...]

What A Long, Strange Trip It’ll Hopefully Be

Wendi — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 18:10:46 +0000

Spring Break. A time when many people take family vacations to exotic places like Miami. Los Angeles. Lubbock. Much like the trip we recently took to sunny Florida. Boy, was it wonderful. The weather was perfect, the flights were on time and the kids were so well behaved, they’ll probably make the Nobel Peace Prize [...]

Pictures and Photos and Drawings and Things

Wendi — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:58:12 +0000

Remember the 4th Grade School project that almost tore our family apart? Well, raise a glass, everyone because Sam managed to come through with flying colors. Here’s the end result: Pretty impressive, no? If he doesn’t get an A+ on this sucker, I may have to be professionally medicated. But trust me, his presentation was [...]

People Who Need People Who Write Letters To People And Oh God Where Is This Even Going?

Wendi — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 17:07:37 +0000

A few weeks ago, I was reading People magazine and saw this on their “Mailbag” page: Two thumbs up to Mark Wahlberg for being so committed to his wife and four children. His dramatic transformation from troubled teen to bold rapper Marky Mark and now a loving dad is truly inspirational. He has become a [...]

The Five Stages of a 4th Grade School Project

Wendi — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 18:21:46 +0000

STAGE 1: DENIAL Sam, what’s going on with your big biography project? I saw Taylor’s mom at Target buying posterboard and spray mount and she told me the whole thing’s due in two days. But I thought you said it was pushed back a few weeks because the teacher had bunion surgery. What’s that? You [...]

This Might Be Karma Or Something

Wendi — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 20:14:40 +0000

Many years ago, I worked as a copywriter at an Austin advertising agency. This was in my young and stupid days when I had a lot of time on my hands, so my favorite thing to do was wait until my co-workers were away from their desks, then I’d run over and send company-wide emails [...]

This I Believe. Today, Anyway.

Wendi — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 17:46:55 +0000

I believe that you can’t catch flies with vinegar. I believe that you can catch flies with honey. I believe that if you’re trying to catch flies, you have much bigger problems than your fly catching methodology. I believe in tearing out every perfume ad in a magazine before I start reading it. I believe [...]

Check Mate

Wendi — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 17:17:14 +0000

As you may recall, a few months ago my husband wasn’t talking to me because I accidentally ordered 200 personal checks that looked like this: He was a really big baby about it, but I guess that’s kind of understandable. After all, it was humiliating when we didn’t have any cash and had to write [...]

I Am Totally Crushing This Room Mom Gig

Wendi — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 18:31:15 +0000

As you all know, it’s now been a few months since I had a psychotic break and agreed to be the Fourth Grade Room Mom, but I have to say, it’s going much better than I expected. True, what I expected was that I’d be hovering on the ledge of a highrise screaming, “I AIN’T [...]

Rejected Valentine’s Day Hearts IV

Wendi — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 22:59:27 +0000

It’s that time of year again. Please enjoy these with someone special. Or click here to see it on YouTube. Rejected Hearts through the years: 2010 2009

Paradise By the Laundry Room Light

Wendi — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 15:33:14 +0000

INT. THE AARONS LAUNDRY ROOM WENDI (40′s, but totally looks 20′s) enters and is surprised to see husband CHRIS. What are you doing in the laundry room? I didn’t think you knew this room existed. Are you lost? For your information, I just finished installing a motion detector light. Why? In case a burglar breaks [...]