Neon Jello Evangelist

Moving

2012-01-03T04:31:00.001-06:00

Hello loyal NJE followers. I have recently started a new multi-blog with a few friends called setsubset.com. Unfortunately this means I will no longer be posting at neonjelloevangelist.com, but you can still follow my blog under the Slorpis section at setsubset.com

Here I will be posting a weekly comic called Chub Soda as well as some similar content to this blog. You can also check out the other sections of setsubset.com including:

Vinyl Mystery Hour A podcast made by a friend, Abaum, currently living in China. The show mainly consists of interesting and often humorous stories and anecdotes augmented by obscure vinyl recordings and samplings of music by his band.

Metapause: The End of Creation Here you can find amazing collages, Superman fan fiction, and mind expanding music made by my friend Muhtick.

Snark Tark If you are looking for road bike reviews with a hint of snarkyness then look no further. A friend who posts as "The Snarkster" takes photos of bikes on the street that could be quality/nice bikes, if they had not been spoiled by their owner, and shares her thoughts on the these two wheeled tragedies.

Transcendence of Cool This is where we all post stuff that we think is cool.

Thanks for reading my blog and I hope to see you at setsubset.com in the future.

Homer is the Witch

2011-02-24T20:01:00.003-06:00

If you have ever played Left 4 Dead 2 then you will understand this reference.

Homer is the Witch

My video editing skills are not the greatest and I edited it with Windows movie maker which is a piece of garbage so sorry for the crappy cuts.

Here is the original clip just in case anyone wanted to see it. I don't own the rights to this clip so hopefully I do not get in trouble.

Dora Must Be Punished!

2011-01-23T22:59:00.002-06:00

A friend recently brought it to my attention that there exists a Dora the Explorer pinata. Who in their right mind actually thought this was a good idea? It seems to be a hit at childrens parties.

Look at the white children hang the Latina child in the backyard and beat her senseless with a stick.

In the picture above the girl on the far right in the yellow looks like she can't wait for her turn to whack the candy out of Dora. She has this look of satisfaction while watching Dora get beaten. Satisfied, yet full of vengeful anticipation.

At least they are all learning a vital life lesson. Latina children contain candy within. Beat them until their insides spill out and then the candy is all yours!

The only question that remains is....what are these two up to?

Holiday Pandering?

2011-01-15T23:51:00.001-06:00

When I returned home from my holiday trip I found a large quantity of mail in my mailbox. Most of it consisted of bills and advertisements, but there was one item that stood out. It appeared to be a Christmas card from my local MP. I opened it up and this is what she sent to her potential supporters.

What a nice little holiday scene. Complete with presents, santa hats, two of the cuuuuuuuutest dogs in the world and a man whose name is never mentioned but I assume it is her husband. The MP is either sucking in on her cheeks really hard or she has the craziest face dimples ever, but that's besides the point. Also, if you look closely at the presents, they aren't your traditional box in wrapping paper. They appear to be some large blue metal containers of some kind. Possibly cookie containers. I'm not really sure.

I doubt she will win over any voters with this card, but I have to give her credit for not pandering to the masses. She is just being herself. That is how it appears anyway. If that is not the case, and this was indeed an attempt to appear a certain way, then god help us all.

Stinky Tom

2011-01-14T04:57:00.000-06:00

Here is a comic I made in MS Paint.

Holiday Adventures

2010-12-28T13:19:00.002-06:00

Did some shopping over Christmas. Found a couple of funnies in my home town of Campbell River and took some photos for you all to enjoy. The following is a massive failure in design.

Apparently Woody has become a pudgy kid with a backwards check mark for a nose, one eyebrow, and hypno-eyes. Hopefully this was on purpose to make woody cuddly and cute.

Also, here is something I found in the local, mostly abandoned, mall. Santa LOOOOOOOOVES photos. He loves them so much, he ejaculates over them.

The Maestro!

2010-12-20T05:06:00.009-06:00

This kid is adorable.

The enthusiastic chanting from the popular kids cartoon Go, Diego! Go! seems to put Jad into a euphoric state. I love how his tweaked out hand raises up as the tune builds in excitement. Maybe he will grow up to be a Maestro. His face is priceless too. Kind of looks like he is going to poop.

Corporate Photoshop Fun 2

2010-12-18T19:44:00.000-06:00

It's time again to have fun in Photoshop with stock corporate photos. Without further ado, here are my creations.

DRILL SERGEANT!

2010-12-13T18:01:00.000-06:00

Here is a video I found on the intertubes last night. This woman has some serious vocal chords on her. She could do voice work for evil villains in cartoons.

So while I watch this, I wonder if the woman is really getting upset "for no reason", as it says in the youtube description, or was she provoked by something that the skaters had done to her.

In the video they claim to have no idea what she is upset about, but she claims they insulted her kids and family. I know in my adolescence some of my friends and I were somewhat of delinquents and when we would get ourselves into trouble, we would usually claim ignorance.

On the other hand, it's entirely possible that the lady is just insane or got pushed over the edge by an overheard comment or misheard comment. Maybe she hates skaters or has had trouble with them in the past. It really is not clear what the situation is here. There are a lot of videos online that depict a scene in which someone is being wronged in some way or someone is acting seemingly insane. A common first reaction is to think "They shouldn't be hurting that guy!" or "That person is being completely insane." These initial reactions could be entirely warranted, but the fact is we can't see what happened prior to the when the camera started rolling. We don't know the full story.

Of course, then there is this guy. He is just completely insane.

Or is he?

Sundae Discovery

2010-12-10T04:53:00.000-06:00

When I first saw the large sundae sitting beneath the car seat, my first thought was, "That looks delicious!" This initial thought was followed by, "Why is there a sundae under my car seat?" The sundae was not melted, which was odd, considering it was one of the hottest days of the year. This led me to believe that it had been placed there recently. I carefully guided the sundae through the mini jungle gym that was the underside of the car seat. It was as if I was playing a game of operation. No sides touched. I put on my goggles and started eating.

It was delicious!

The Burnt Chair Family

2010-12-09T01:09:00.000-06:00

I came across this photo some time ago. I found it quite funny but also very intriguing. Introducing the burnt chair family.

The father looks to be the only one that is happy about this family moment. The children look to be mostly apathetic and the one bald little guy on the right with the ripped pants seems to be unimpressed. As I looked closer at this photo I realized there may be something written in the ash on the back of the chair.

I took the photo into Photoshop and had my way with it, if you know what I mean. I did some inverting and highlighting and adjustments and all that fancy Photoshop stuff people do and at the time this was the best I could come up with. I may have added some letters for dramatic effect.

"WE LOVE TO MIX RESIN"

Yup, that's what my huge brain came up with. These guys love to mix flame retardant resin and then use it to write messages on things that they will burn. I've done something similar actually, but the inverse. Some friends and I poured some methyl hydrate on a sign so it would spell something out in fire. It didn't work.

Anyway, recently I revisited this photo and realized that it more than likely does not say, "WE LOVE TO MIX RESIN" but rather "WE LOVE YOU ROSE". I have a feeling that this chair belonged to Rose, possibly a family member, who recently moved out. The father you see smiling in the photo hated Rose's chair, but Rose refused to get rid of it. Once Rose left, the old man decided to get rid of it once and for all, but not without a little departing message for Rose.

My dad did something similar with a couch I was storing in his garage. He couldn't stand having it in his garage taking up space, but I refused to get rid of it because it was the greatest couch of all time. So soft and so comfortable. I really loved this couch. I went away for the summer and my dad threw it in the dump. It was one of the greatest losses of my life. As such, I wrote a letter to the company that made the couch to tell them my sob story in hopes that they might replace my couch or give me a significant discount. Here is the letter:

Urban Barn Head Office
1550 Brigantine Drive
Coquitlam, B.C. V3K 7C1
Canada

To Whom It May Concern:

Hello, my name is Richard Bergeron and I hope you can help me out. When I was living in British Columbia a couple years ago, I purchased an Urban Barn sofa. It was the Flip Sofa-Chaise and I absolutely loved it. I spent a number of months searching for the perfect sofa for my place and this one was by far the best. It was so incredibly comfortable; I used to fall asleep on it on a regular basis. The cushions were so soft and comfy and the sofa's design provided optimal comfort even with multiple people on the sofa. My friends and I used to fight over who would get to lay on the chaise portion during a movie. I also loved the way the sofa looked. It was so elegant, luxurious and stylish. I really did love this sofa.

Unfortunately, a cat did not feel the same way about it and decided to use it as a scratching post. All four corners of the sofa became severely damaged as a result. After that, I was laid off from my job and was forced to move back in with my parents for a while. As such, I stored my sofa in my dad's garage. During this time, I found a new job that required me to travel to Manitoba for the summer, but sadly, I was unable to bring my sofa with me. Meanwhile, my dad was becoming irritated with having to store my ripped up sofa in his garage because he needed the space for all of his hunting gear. So while I was away trying to make ends meet so I could afford a place to once again house my beloved sofa, my dad decided to take my sofa to the dump. He just tossed the most amazing sofa ever into the trash! I couldn't believe it. I was heart broken to say the least. I truly do miss that sofa.

So now here I am, a few months later, about to move into a new apartment in Winnipeg, Manitoba and what do you know, I need to buy a sofa. Not just any sofa though, a Flip Sofa-Chaise. I need this sofa. After owning such an amazing sofa no other sofa will compare. The problem is I cannot afford the high price tag on your sofa. It is beyond my means. If there is anything you can do to help me towards once again being able to have the most amazing sofa in the world, I would forever be in your debt.

Sincerely,

Richard Bergeron

A Sofa Enthusiast

The Following is an excerpt from a book that I recently read:

'The sofa was perfect for sleeping. Not too soft, not too hard; even the cushions pillowed my head just right. I've slept on a lot of sofas, and let me tell you, the comfortable ones are few and far between.

Typically, they're cheap dead weight. I never understand how people can be lax about choosing sofas.

I always say...you can tell a lot about a person's character from his choice of sofa.... Procuring a good sofa ... requires style and experience and philosophy. It takes money, yes, but you also need a vision of the superior sofa.

That sofa among sofas.'

Haruki Murakami - Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World

A few weeks later, I received a call from the president of Urban Barn informing me that I was entitled to 10% off at all Urban Barn stores. I honestly did not expect to even hear from them. It was just something I thought would be fun to write. Unfortunately 10% was not nearly enough of a reduction considering my economic situation at the time, but I still do appreciate the offer they made. Thanks Urban Barn. Below is the only photo of my beloved sofa know to exist.

R.I.P.

"The Greatest Sofa Of All Time"

I miss you.

Girl Getting Annoyed Because She Can't Sing The Right Notes

2010-12-04T17:36:00.004-06:00

This video makes me laugh every time I watch it.

It is based off of another video in which a deranged girl tries to sing "I will always love you" and it's somewhat disturbing and cringe worthy. Take a look.

I have trouble watching it all the way through. The cartoon version is much better.

Crap on a stick!

2010-12-03T04:11:00.003-06:00

1. Crap

Here is some crap in a pile found on the neigbors lawn. It is some quite nice looking crap i must say. If you were to pick it up you would most surely need a pair of gloves or possibly a stick.

2. A stick

Here is a nice stick and it is totally great. Look at its sleek features and rudimentary design. I believe it belongs to Jessica. I think it is the finest stick I have ever had the pleasure to lay my eyes upon, and it most surely would be perfect for putting crap on.

Troll 2 OMG

2010-12-01T16:11:00.001-06:00

I have not seen this movie, but I just might have to watch it now. Check out this 20 second clip that is so bad and so great in so many ways.

I find it hard to believe that something that can be given the designation of "her" can be that green muck that the trolls are eating. The trolls don't appear to move all that fast, why doesn't he just run away instead of being eaten? It almost sounds like he is singing at the end. I must watch this movie!

Help! I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up!

2010-11-30T23:37:00.001-06:00

So the other day I was driving down the road in extra snowy Winnipeg after finishing a long overdue workout at the gym when I saw a bizarre and distressing scene on the side of the road. On a snowy trail running parallel to the road about 10 meters from the roads edge I saw one of those motorized scooters that elderly and disabled people use to get around. It was stopped on the trail. Beside the scooter there was an old man on his hands and knees in the snow with a young girl about 5 years old sitting in the snow beside him. Tied to the scooter was one of those little yappy scotty dogs and I could see it was barking. Here is a depiction of said scene:

My first instinct was to stop and see if everyone was ok as this scene did not seem right in my head and it was quite a cold day at -16 degrees Celsius with the wind chill. I was driving at about 60km/h in very icy conditions on a very busy road. The shoulder of the road where one might normally pull off out of traffic was virtually non existent due to a large snow bank. I decided it was too dangerous to suddenly stop on the side of the road so I drove ahead looking for a better location to pull off but there was none to be found. I continued driving and thought to myself "someone will help them if there really is a problem. Maybe the old dude was just playing in the snow with his grand daughter."

After driving away I felt conflicted about my choice to not stop in the middle of the road to help. I still feel bad about not stopping. What do you guys think about this? Should I have risked it and stopped? Should I have turned around and gone back to see if the old fellow really was in distress? Let me know what you think.

Skateistan

2010-11-29T16:34:00.017-06:00

A friend posted this video on facebook so I thought I would share it with all of you.

I think these kids may be the coolest skaters on the planet.One commenter on youtube pointed out this great line made by a little skater girl in the video;

"Their opinions are meaningless to me. I really like skating and I won't stop."

I also imagine some kind of dystopian future where these skater kids turned skater adults carry out strategic attacks on their oppressors while riding their skateboards. I think this may be the makings for a great comic. AK47's and skateboards. Skateistan.

Also, be sure to check out some of my favorite youtube videos in the new Videos section

First Aid and Other Ponderings

2010-11-28T14:44:00.000-06:00

I recently participated in a first aid and CPR course. I will now tell you about my experience.

When I first entered the classroom, I noticed that the majority of the leftover seats were sandwiched in between people that were already seated. I scanned the room for attractive females and there were few to be found. I took a seat at the back of the room in between an old grisseled man and a mildly attractive female. Approximately 5 minutes after seating myself, 3 attractive females entered the room. One of said attractive females
sat beside a dashing young indie styled fellow directly in front of me. During small breaks, the two would engage in conversation. He would go on to tell her he is an artist and likes to do volunteer work in his spare time. She would gush over such statements and flick her back and bat her lashes at him. He then went on to inform her that he had a wife that made much more money than himself. She said a few more words and then did not speak to him again for the remainder of the class. She even moved to a different seat after lunch. I guess she wanted him to bone her.

After lunch it was time to do choking baby scenarios. For all of you psychos out there, this is not when we choke babies, but rather when we save babies from choking. They lined us up against the wall as if we were about to be executed. Fortunately, they did not execute us. We were each to be handed a plastic, supposedly realistic, baby doll, but they were short on dolls. When I was handed my baby doll, I realized that it's arms and legs did not move in a realistic fashion. They moved in a robotized style and did not have joints at the elbows or knees. I then proceeded to make my baby doll dance like a robot. After a short time, a fellow beside me who did not have a doll, abruptly asked,

"What's the deal here?"

I replied, "oh, just checking out my babies robot dance moves"

The insecure humourless fellow then let out a short nervous laugh and proceeded to look at me like I was insane. I am insane, but I don't appreciate looks that insinuate so. After striking the baby doll several times on the back and chest, I decided that my baby would most definitely be dead from said blows. I started wondering if I was in a baby killing training class. At one point, the instructor mentioned zombie babies, and that is when my suspicions were confirmed.

After learning zombie baby killing techniques, we sat back down and learned more first aid. The mildly attractive female that sat beside me had a flemmy sounding cough, which made her considerably less attractive. From time to time, I would be handed documents that needed to be passed along to the person beside me. Each time I would pass a document to the mildly attractive female she would say,

"mmmhmm yes, thank you very much"

I found this statement to be the mutterings of someone that is socially inept. She proved herself to be otherwise in a later conversation during a break. I did not interact with her to a high degree as I myself am socially inept. The rest of day one was fairly uneventful so I will skip to day two.

Day 2 was quite different from day 1 of the course. The attendance went from around 20 down to 3 because the majority of the class did not need to get the full standard first aid certification. I must say, the 3 of us were quite a mix-matched rag tag crew. There was an older Caucasian gentleman that had one of those holes in his neck so he could speak. I believe it is called a tracheotomy but I'm not entirely positive. He still smoked and would take his smoke breaks whenever he pleased. At one point the instructor said, "you know smoking is bad for you right?" I thought it was a funny joke. The smoking man did not. Then there was a middle aged African woman from Zimbabwe that came to Canada to flee political persecution because she was part of a human rights organization that was documenting the egregious human rights violations taking place in her country. Her name is Gertrude. Then there was me. One really awesome dude. I found Gertrudes story to be quite compelling so I will share it with you now.

One day in Zimbabwe while Gertrude was chilling at the human rights organization head quarters, she had received word that government officials or some nasty dudes were going to raid the headquarters in a very short time. Her coworkers told her that she had to leave the country or she may face death or life imprisonment in a really awful prison, but most likely death. Within a matter of a few hours, she was on a plane to the US and then rode a bus up to Canada. She had to leave behind her 3 children in Zimbabwe. She is now trying to bring her children to Canada, but does not have the money or resources to do so. I gave Gertrude a ride home at the end of the class. She is a nice lady. We almost crashed into a snow bank. Winnipeg roads are slippery.

Babies For Sale!

2010-11-15T17:14:00.002-06:00

If at this store....

...you buy toys.

Then logic follows that at this store....

...you buy babies. Thank you and goodnight!

ANOUNCEMENT: Mind Control Girl on the Loose!

2010-10-26T15:44:00.000-05:00

This is Mind Control Girl. Whatever you do, don't stare directly into her eyes. She will gain complete control over your mind in nearly the instant that your eyes lock with hers. Once she has control, she will never let go. You will become her puppet. I hear it feels sort of like being anally raped. She makes people do bizarre things that they would not normally do for her own childish amusement. Here is what happened to one of her victims!

This is Frank. He hates rainbows. Poor Frank.

The mind control girl has an accomplice as well. Not of his own free will of course. He is none other than Bumble Bee Barf Bucket Boy, and his mind is being directed by Mind Control Girl. He may seem harmless, but if you get too close, he starts barfing in that bucket and once he starts he can't stop. The barf covers the floor of the room within a matter of seconds and you become stuck in it. That's when mind control girl shows up and forces you to look into her eyes and ensnare yet another victim. Also, the barf smells really bad which also sucks. Take a look at another one of Mind Control Girl's victims.

This is Cynthia. She hates snails. Poor Cynthia.

This has been an NJE warning about Mind Control Girl and her accomplice Bumble Bee Barf Bucket Boy. If you see either of them, stay as far away from them as you can and contact the appropriate authorities immediately. Thank you, and goodnight.

Sausage Puppet

2010-10-22T03:13:00.012-05:00

The sausage arms just kind of burst in my mouth as I bit into them. They made that satisfying pop sound as my teeth sank into them. The sausage juice was oily and most definitely hot. As I consumed the sausage puppet's arms I couldn't help but eye up the torso. I was told that the sausage torso had an extra type of filling within the delicious sausage casing. This particular filling is not your typical sausage filling. This particular filling was indeed tuna.

After finishing off the arms, I moved onto the torso. Almost instantly I tasted the tuna. It was so fresh. It was like I was swimming alongside a school of tuna fish in the ocean while taking large mouthfuls out of their sides. I devoured most of the torso quite quickly with no regard for any kind of table manners. Suddenly while consuming the last of the torso, the sausage puppet's legs caught my eye. They were just lying there, wiggling ever so slightly from my vigorous eating, glistening in the flickering light of my kitchen. I halted my assault on the torso and shifted all of my focus onto the legs. The chef had informed me earlier that a filling so non typical was used in the legs that it would make me weep when I heard it. Salamander meat. I wept alright. I wept like a baby. As I was about to make my first chomp into the sausage legs I thought to myself, I have no idea what salamander meat tastes like and then I thought, why don't animals wear pants? Salamander pants!I completed my first bite into the sausage legs and from then on in I was like some kind of salamander meat eating beast. As it turns out, salamander meat is really fucking good. I don't mean that in the way that some brainless high school cheerleader talks about maple walnut icecream she got from Wallgreens. I mean it in the way that a large trucker who's diet consists solely of meat, potatoes and bread and he has been on the road for 14 days driving cross country with a belly ache because he ate way too much salamander meat at the salamander meat restaurant he found in Moosejaw. It was when I was licking the sausage juice off the table that I realized I had eaten the sausage legs in their entirety. The speed with which I consumed all of that meat made it sit like a solid brick in my stomach. I was sweating and I started having auditory hallucinations. A voice whispered in my ear "You fool. You ignorant simple minded fool. You wasted all of your stomach space on the appetizers." As if coming out of some kind of a disgusting meat induced coma I realized that I forgot about the most important part of the sausage puppet. The main course. The head. How could I forget something so tantalizing. The chef had pulled me aside prior to my meal and warned me about the head. He said it contained a filling that was highly illegal and most definitely dangerous. He wouldn't say what the filling was, but at the time my imagination ran wild. What could it be? From it's outward appearance it looked like a regular sausage puppet head. I poked at it with my finger. It was quite solid and rolled slightly from side to side. It seemed pretty heavy judging from my poke. Heavier than just regular sausage filling. I decided that the best course of action would be to just dive in head first and take a bite. At first, my teeth sank into the meat quite easily, but after about an inch of sausage, the descent of my teeth halted abruptly on something hard buried beneath the top layer of sausage. I dug in with my fingers and pulled the meat apart to find a small small hard white shard. I tasted it and knew right away what it was. Ground up haunted elephant knees! My favorite!

BON APPETIT!

Cucumber Contest Winners

2010-10-15T03:11:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago (maybe months) I requested that all good blog readers eat a cucumber whole and take a pic of it. After sifting through thousands if not all of 2 submissions, I have carefully selected the winners. It was a tough choice but 1st place goes to Cuke Fella submitted by this dude I know:

Congratulations dude I know on your win.

Coming in at a close second is P1060545 submitted by this girl I know:

Congrats to you girl I know.

Since I only received two photos, there is no third place. Both dude I know and girl I know will be receiving gifts in the form of many many dollars for their wins. I bet you wish you submitted a photo now unnamed 3rd place winner that does not exist. The contest is now closed. Tune in next week for a post on topics ranging from tuna fish and salamander pants to solid bricks and haunted knees!

I Am Back and it's Cucumber Time!

2010-08-11T18:42:00.002-05:00

Now is the culmination of all good things in your life into one large climatic thing that makes you want to eat a cucumber whole without dip and without salt and vinegar. Just straight up cucumber. You are the being that has dominated your life and there is no denying that. Even if you were dominated your whole life by someone that was weird and evil, you still had control, you just didn't know it. This is the time to use that control to power through a giant cucumber. You can do this, I know you can.

I suggest that each and every person that reads this, take a picture of yourself eating a cucumber in whatever way you wish.

Send these photos to larry_brains@hotmail.com

I will post these photos in my next blog post and the person with the best cucumber eating photo will win the honor of having the best cucumber eating photo.

Here is an example to get you started although this could be a zucchini.

Source: Nick Tacket's Update

If you wish to have yourself posted on this website eating a cucumber, this is your only chance. Now I just realized that you might think this is some kind of plot by me to see people putting phallic objects in their mouths, and that is EXACTLY what it is. Honestly though, I just think the idea of eating a cucumber whole is odd. DO IT! DOMINATE THE CUCUMBER! EAT IT....EAT IT ALL!

the lazy shit

2010-07-28T17:17:00.000-05:00

dear readers my name is the blue bonnet boxcar hornet

i am taking over this blog for that neon bloody brain dude just lazy. like i mean lazy like i mean he is so fricken lazy he is just sitting there right now figuring out which hole to pick. he keeps saying butt or nose, butt or nose...i can't stand it

so i doubt you people want to chance your bookmark so i have taken over your blog

so hear we go, quality reading

today we will talk about how to skin a rabbit and wear it's skin over your head
for really, we will all have to do this soon as the ozone layer becomes pure nothing but universe. (is the universe pure nothing? or is it just prunes? i often wonder this)

anyways.

what the fuck why is this person cherry asking me to chat! i don't want to fucken chat with you! my name is not larry! i am not even hairy!

fucken people

anyways back to how to fuck a goat

i mean how to skin a rabbit

Juicy Tales of Malo

2010-07-18T13:48:00.000-05:00

A coworker and I have come to the conclusion that we are the keepers of the camper beasts. Large fifth wheels and RV's are actually giant monsters that can morph into camping units. People are the slaves of these camper monsters and in the hottest months of the year, the camper monsters force their slaves to bring them to a campground. It is here that they can communicate telepathically with one another. Our role, as park rangers, is to ensure that the campground is quiet after 11pm. Camper monsters can only form a secure telepathic link in complete silence.

In Vitro Gel Caps

2010-05-28T23:50:00.001-05:00

If you take into account the vast quantity of pickles found in the fridge at the moment while also considering that everyone in this house enjoys the zesty crunchy garlic enriched sensation that only a pickle can offer, you might wonder why the pickles are lonely.

Why are the pickles lonely Todd?

This is the question I ask Todd every night when I look out my living room window. Todd lives in the garden and likes to wear striped shirts with small bent forks glued to them. Before bed, speaking loudly for me to hear him through the deafening wall that is the window pane, Todd tells me, he says, "Richard, the pickles aren't lonely. The pickles can't be lonely. They are inanimate objects. Inanimate objects lack a brain and the necessary input and output devices to know what lonely is, let alone feel it"

Todd tells me this every night, and every night, I ask him the same question. I find it difficult to accept the answer he gives me through the window pane, for he is on the outside of the window pane and I am on the inside. I have a first hand account of the state of the pickles, for I can open the fridge and examine the pickles from up close. I can clearly see that the pickles are lonely. Floating inside their cramped jar. Todd may be correct that the pickles do lack input and output devices to some degree, but not entirely. When I look closely at the pickles, ever so closely, I can see the bumps and wrinkles in their leathery green skin. Each day I see the bumps grow more pronounced. Each day I see the wrinkles grow deeper. Each day I see the pickles, and each day I ask Todd why the pickles are lonely. Maybe one day, Todd will see the pickles too, and maybe, just maybe we won't have to talk about the pickles at a volume that one would use when separated by a pane of glass.