PAST, PRESENT, FUTURE....

Welcome to Midnight

2014-12-31T23:50:00.000+08:00

20145

Welcome to Midnight.

With news of another plane crash and the floods that has stricken our country, it is on a somber note that we Malaysians step off the final second of 2014 into the unknown of a brand new year.

I want to end this year and welcome 2015 by remembering and praying for the passengers, crew and family members of MH370, MH17, QZ8501 and all the victims devastated by the floods across our country.

Before the clock strikes twelve, I want to reflect on my personal experience of year 2014.

If asked to describe offhand what I remember about this past year, the first few words that jump off my tongue would be: plane crashes, sadness, tragedy, lots of people dying, floods, people losing homes, war, crazy Islamic extremists, children dying, grief, struggle, pain.

That’s just me though, because I have this annoying tendency to remember vividly the negative things first, causing those closest to me to label me as a negative person.

But if I take a step back and look at the past year in a whole picture, then slowly zoom into certain scenes here and there, I find that… yes, there were a lot of sad things and bad things that have happened, but there were also a lot of good things and blessings to be thankful for.

I thank God for His unfailing and unwavering love for me.

This was a year I struggled through many emotional and health issues alone that no one understood, and some didn’t even really believe me, but He stood by me and comforted me. This has been a year of constant physical pain, and I choose to believe in Him for healing.

Holding on to Hebrews 11:1 “Faith is having confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see.”

I thank God for family. For my husband, who is my better half. I am blessed to have him in my life. Even though he doesn’t understand me fully, but he is steady and still loves me anyway. It is not easy to find someone who has seen you at your worst and yet, still chooses to love you.

With all the bad news in the world and uncertainties in our regular lives, being a grown-up who feels the need to be in control in every aspect of my life is a cause for tremendous anxiety. I thank God for who He is, for being my steady Rock.

This was the year when Joseph caught the dengue fever for the second time, and during that same period of time Helenahad chickenpox. It was the most exhausting moment of my year. Then after they recovered, it was my turn to have the pox. Two weeks of quarantine at home, and it was the most painful moment of my life, I swear, childbirth wasn’t even that painful. Every nerve in my body felt like it was being electrocuted and burned, for a whole week.

But then, I thank God for delaying my chickenpox (from my teenage years when I should’ve caught it when both my siblings had it) until this year, for it was also a much needed break from work. With the pain, came also relief and a time of refreshing. A time to rest and think.

It was the year I managed to do something I’ve always wanted try, I volunteered in a food distribution project to feed the homeless. And though I haven’t been able to do it since, I hope to be able to make time for volunteering work on a continual basis in my future.

This was the year also unfortunately, which I read FB posts and comments which discouraged me tremendously, knowing these people who set out to promote race and religion supremacy in our country, who continually criticize the opposition party, but unable to answer when questioned on the more critical issues which our country is facing. These people continue to brainwash their own kind, garnering support from hundreds in their FB pages… and most dismaying thing of all, I am ‘friends’ with them. They leave me to wonder what hope is there left for our country, and for our children.

But these are also the people, who during this time of the flood disaster, rose to the call and volunteered their time and energy to lead the donation drive to provide aid to the flood victims. They worked together as one, regardless of race, religion, and/or beliefs.
It is through this situation, I can see that though we may be flawed, all of us, but there’s still good in us.
It makes me wonder at the possibilities, if we were all able to be more selfless to put aside our own priorities and agendas; and work together for the greater good of all Malaysians, think of how much we could achieve!

I thank God that in the midst of all the bad, we can still see much of the good.

What do I think I have sort of learnt from this year?

That you can’t stay disappointed with God forever. I mean, you can, but it is of no benefit to you. And thus, you need to… …grow up. And learn continually.

I think… what I’ve learnt this year is that… perhaps…perhaps our entire existence and its purpose rests in the choices we make. What we choose to believe, who we choose to be, and how we choose to act or react.

I think it isn't really about how much great things we achieve in life, how much we can do with our life... because, to be honest, not everyone can be the hero. Some people live a few years and die at a young age due to incurable disease, some live their whole lives dependent on others to support them. Most of us live completely ordinary lives.

So what's the point of living? For what purpose? Why do some struggle so hard, go through so much hardship but yet choose to live?

I think... perhaps it is to exercise their right to continue making choices. This was the one thing given to us from God at the very beginning of creation, and what we do with our choices is what we give back to Him.

We could choose to blame God for all the bad things that have happened, or choose to believe in Him and love Him and trust in His promises.

Therefore I choose to believe that God is good, God is love, God works all things for the good of those who love Him, that in the midst of all the bad, He has a plan and a purpose for us, not to harm us but to give us a hope and a future.
I choose to believe that He gave His only Son to die for us, to wash away our sins.

As I step towards 2015, I pray and hope that I'd make better choices each day, choices that is pleasing to God, choices that are good for me and those close to me.

And btw...today, the last day of 2014, is also when I received an email from my HR with good news, that we’ll be receiving our bonus payments in Jan 2015. Yahoo! Thank God :)

Time to go somewhere!

2014-10-31T14:11:00.001+08:00

Last day of work today...until mid-November...wooohooo!! :D

Traveling overseas for the second time in my slightly-over-quarter-of-a-century life. What to expect? Not sure... I'm just gonna blunder through this adventure and hope to be pleasantly surprised :)

Australia, here I come ;D

Pics of me taken during my birthday celebration with my siblings and our kids :)

Shopping: A Health Hazard

2014-09-23T16:19:00.003+08:00

Having a H&M store newly opened just below my office is seriously hazardous to the health of my bank account. Lol.

But seriously, can't help myself.... Their fashion for adults is just so-so, but their range of kids clothes are so 'arghhh,gimme gimme I want it now!' Lol! y'know what I mean?

Sometimes I look at the kid's shoes and clothes and I wanna go like, "hey, you there (staff) I want these in adult sizes" How rude of me, tsk tsk.

Found a pair of cute flats... reminds me of 101 Dalmatians :)

Bought some clothes for Lena... this white blouse with hearts and pink pants. Couldn't resist when I saw it! had to bribe her to wear it tho', since she prefers dresses and hardly wants to wear pants...sigh... again, I wish they had this in adult size, hehe.

sigh...I need self-control. SELF-CONTROL...say it with me, selfffff-controllllllll....lol

LENA'S HOLIDAY

2014-09-23T15:08:00.002+08:00

Sept 13th till 16th.

It was her very first holiday away from mummy and daddy. She told us she wanted to go Penang with her Granny, Ye yeh and Audrey che-che, and so she went without a fuss... 4 days 3 nights away from mummy and daddy!

*sniffle* my lil' baby's all grown up and going for holidays and leaving mummy daddy at home *sniff*

Somedays I can't believe she's only four... she can behave quite grown-up at times. Or perhaps more like a child pretending to be grown-up... cos the tantrums and stamping feet are very much existent, lol :P

Some pics from her vacay in Penang... you can tell she not a fan of the hot, hot sun! :P

NOQ Online Bookstore and 15% discount special

2014-08-25T11:36:00.003+08:00

It's no surprise to anyone who knows me that I love reading. So naturally I was quite excited when I found out about NoQ Store, an online bookstore.

A bit on its background: NoQ Store is an online bookstore of Times Publishing Group. Founded in 2011, NoQ has a database of more than 14 million titles, spanning across genres like Children's, Educational, Parenting, Fiction, Cookbooks and many more. The name NoQ stands for 'No Queue', meaning you have all the convenience of shopping for your favourite books without the hassle of lining up to pay at the counter. Isn't that great?

Their webpage is rather attractive, in my opinion. Not too 'wordy', the colors attractive and the layout is well thought out.

I was required to register in order to purchase books but it was a quick and easy process, so no problems there at all.

My only dilemma was what books to buy? I decided not to buy children's books this round, since I've already bought a huge bundle at the recent booksale. So in the end, I chose three books for myself :)

The payment process was straightforward, and very quickly the purchase was made and I soon received a confirmation email.

I ordered the books on July 18 and received them on August 7, a reasonable timeline especially taking into account the Raya holidays from 28/7-3/8

My books arrived packed nicely like this... and in great condition.

Here they are! My beloved books, The Girl of Fire and Thorns trilogy. So happy to see them, and I enjoyed reading them very much. A book review to follow at a later date

Now, thanks to the generous guys at NoQ Store, all readers of my blog are entitled to an exclusive 15% discount on all purchases at NoQ store when you use the code BABYLION at checkout. This discount code is only valid till 30th November 2014, so hurry!!

Bwak bwak bwakK!!

2014-08-23T12:55:00.004+08:00

Okay... in my last few posts I mentioned I'd like to get chickenpox too right... so guess what happened???

Just when those two monkeys got well, and I went back to work... totally exhausted and ready drop, it was my turn. Feverish for three days, joe and I were wondering which one did I get? Dengue or chickenpox?? The fever was bad, it made my entire body hurt and ache terribly.

Spots slowly appeared on my body. Chickenpox it was. Within 3 days, it was a full blown rash all over my body, and my face, oh gawd, my face!
Thankfully, I was recommended by few people to get anti-viral meds, because the anti-virals really saved me from alot of pain. The pain in my body, was worse than anything I've ever experienced before. It felt like my nerves were being attacked. In that first week, I literally could not do anything. I could not sleep well, shivering and in pain at night...and I also could not eat much. The anti-viral meds were really strong and made me so nauseous.

By the 2nd week it got better, blisters drying up quickly and no more pain in my body. My appetite came back and I suddenly craved something meaty, really meaty. I craved chicken. How ironic is that? Lol.
Sick of all the porridge and soup, I indulged once my appetite returned. I had McDs, KFC and Nandos. So bad, but so yummmm...

I could finally enjoy my much needed time away from work during that 2nd week. Thank God for it really, and maybe I wouldn't mind going through it all over again, just for that break, lol.

Anyway, we're past that now and everyone is well now, thank God (heaves sigh of relief). All I have as a souvenir from the sickness are the scars on my body, and the occasional twinge of numbness/ache in the nerves of my arms/hands. Hopefully that too will fade, in time.

If we were in a Twilight movie...

2014-07-02T16:07:00.001+08:00

We would be the vamps of the East :P
heh heh

One Crazy Week

2014-06-28T11:06:00.001+08:00

It's been one messed-up week.

It all started last Friday. That's right, 20th June 2014, that's a memorable date there. I took leave to start caring for Lena 'cos we found she had chickenpox.

Chickenpox... gosh.. that meant she was quarantined, couldn't go to school for at least 1-2 weeks.

On that same day, the husband was on MC and didn't go to work either. He had high fever.
Since I was already short on annual leave, our plan was I'd be on leave Fri, Mon and Tues, and he'd go on leave the rest of the week to care for Lena.

Then... on Fri night, he decided to admit himself to Assunta, 'cos he felt like he had dengue. Wise man... I'd never have thought of admitting myself to hospital for high fever. But the man had dengue once already, and knew the symptoms.
(btw, what are the odds of getting dengue TWICE??? gosh)

And so I took the whole week off.... (woo-hooo!!) Not that I'm happy that the man and girl are not well, just happy to be away from work no matter what the situation. Yes. I dislike my permanent desk job THAT much.

But anywayyyy... here they are...

The little one has been one highly wound up monkey, practically bouncing off the four walls of our small apartment, and almost driving me nuts. Other than a slight fever and itching all over, she was alright, thank God.

The big one however, was all weak and tired and blur the whole week... don't be fooled by this picture.

He's finally discharged and resting at home... whew! *wipes sweat*
And as for me... I'll be back to work next week.... almost wishing I could get a 'bout of pox too, and be quarantined for a week...heh heh... I am kidding!

Mid-year Resolution

2014-06-18T09:13:00.000+08:00

Starting this year I shall put myself first. I shall pamper myself first and care for myself first. Because if I don't no one else will, and the one who'd suffer is me. So I shall do nice things for myself first, then others. The world and all that is in it can take care of it own for a little while without me.

Helena's Fourth year

2014-06-12T06:59:00.001+08:00

Last weekend was Lena's first time as a flower girl.

I hope she enjoyed herself, although she appeared slightly terrified at the beginning. After the ceremony ended though, she was so happy and willing to pose for photos :)

Time seems to have passed so quickly (or maybe it's me who have moved so slowly in my exhausted blur, trying to catch up), and suddenly this year I'm looking at my girl who is already 4 years old, built like a 5-year-old.

She started out this year on a Frozen obsession. It was the first time she went to the cinema, and she sat up straight, eyes glued to the huge screen for almost the entire show. Here and there, she would just smile at us happily, and laugh with us at the funny parts of the scene. She was so happy.

On her fourth birthday, we gave her a Frozen-themed celebration. With Frozen cake, decorations, and dancing in a blue cape (it was a huge blanket), like Queen Elsa. Her cousins Remy, Alfie, Petra and Olivia came, together with their parents to celebrate with her. Just a small, simple, family celebration.

Oh, and she also started kindy this year. We sent to the local neighborhood kindy (they call it a 'Taska', in bahasa), one of the many in PJ. The first week was the most difficult and scary time of her young life I should think. That was the first time ever I heard my independent daughter, who'd never say she wants her mummy, break down and cry out loud "mummy, mummy, I want mummy! I want mummy!"

I've heard a lot that a lot more times since then. Not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

TBC

Our Brokenness

2014-06-04T17:27:00.000+08:00

We are all a little bit broken, because we live in a broken world. Some of us are more broken than others. There's rarely anyone, or perhaps no one, who is not affected by the brokenness of this world. We are surrounded by broken people, and we ourselves too are a little bit broken. We cannot avoid being affected by our environment.

We all need Jesus, need God in our lives to heal those broken parts in us.

“Being broken isn't the worst thing. We can be mended and put together again. We don’t have to be ashamed of our past. We can embrace the history that gives us value, and see our cracks as beautiful.”
― Anna White, Mended: Thoughts on Life, Love, and Leaps of Faith

“David was caught in a very uncomfortable position; however, he seemed to grasp a deep understanding of the unfolding drama in which he had been caught. He seemed to understand something that few of even the wisest men of his day understood. Something that in our day, when men are wiser still, even fewer understand.

And what was that?

God did not have - but wanted very much to have - men and women who would live in pain.

God wanted a broken vessel.”
― Gene Edwards, A Tale of Three Kings

All these quotes are so profound to me. I have only one thing I'd like to say to God right now, and that is, I feel so broken that I'm not sure if there's anything left to salvage.

Most days I wake up dreading to face the day, because I'm afraid to face the challenges ahead of me. I am so bloody afraid. I wake up early in the morning to pray and I pray that He would save me from this day, but He doesn't...and still I go out and face whatever life brings me for that day even though I hate it, even though I fear it, even if it leaves me utterly drained every night. Maybe that's what He wants, maybe that's His plan for me.

To tell the truth, I wake in the morning to pray because I'm scared. What a coward I am...so much for loving Gryffindor, I'm pretty sure I belong in Slytherin. :)

Life appears to be difficult, unpredictable, exhausting, and in short, quite terrifying. I don't know I am I going to age gracefully (whatever that even means), or how am I going to raise my daughter up to face the challenges of this world with strength, confidence and in a positive manner. 'Cos just thinking about it tires me out.

Brokeness... yes, so I'm so broken and living in pain, so then, what's next?

I am waiting, still waiting, for a reply, for an answer. And so I will sit and wait. Silently I wait.

THINGS THAT GO FLAT

2014-05-05T08:27:00.001+08:00

It's 8.25am on a Monday, and I'm sitting at home all dressed for work. Why?
Because my car battery went flat. So I'm waiting for my dear husband, who was halfway to work and offered to turn back to help me start my car and send it to get the battery changed.

The front tyre on the driver's side is slowly going flat too. It's leaking air and has to be pumped every week. Wish my tummy would go flat like that :P

What a wonderful start to my Monday. And I haven't had my coffee yet.
Bless the Lord, O my soul, worship His holy Name... let me be singing when the evening comes... :P

A POINTLESS POST

2014-04-24T18:50:00.002+08:00

My home is in a mess, it looks like a tornado paid a visit and I have no energy to fix this.
Just. whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

What makes a good mom?
Thirty-two this year, yet somedays I'm still not entirely sure I'm matured or selfless enough to be a mom, a good mom.

Why are there so many things to be done?
I'm definitely still an immature child, when it comes to responsibilities.
I hate having so much of it.

Yes, I sound rather like a petulant child right now, don't I?
Just for a moment, let me indulge, let me rant.

Today is coming to an end, tomorrow is a brand new day, they say.

Want to know what I've learnt this year, about life? I learnt that it goes on.
LIFE GOES ON.
With or without you.

Time to put an end to my mindless rambling.

MH370

2014-03-14T06:27:00.001+08:00

Day 7 - Praying for MH370 to be found today.

Whether it crashed on land or sea, whether it cruised on for another 4 hours, just let it be found today.

At least there'll be closure for the families of the passengers who're grieving and still waiting everyday.

The wait must be agonizing, I can't imagine.

THOUGHTS ON LIFE

2014-03-04T07:07:00.001+08:00

Have been thinking lately... what gives humans that drive to move forward, push on, and continue living?

Life isn't an easy course, unless you're like, I dunno Paris Hilton and super rich and don't have to work a day in your life and your only worry is what you should wear today or whether you look fat. For the rest of us (and most of us) NORMAL people who live regular lives...life is bloody tough.

And it doesn't get easier. There are responsibilities and work, work, more work. And there is the pain we go through, whether physical, mental or emotional.

So...why then do humans strive so hard to live through the challenges of each day, working hard to provide for oneself and one's family, fighting diseases and illness, the pain and fear of danger/death, either caused by another human or by natural calamities.

Watched abit of 'The Sound of Music' the other day. Halfway through I started Googling the life of Maria von Trapp née Kutschera (played by Julie Andrews in the movie).
Did you know, the real Maria von Trapp did not love the Captain at first, unlike in the movie?

Taken from Wikipedia:

"Maria was asked to teach one of the seven children of widowed naval commander Georg Johannes von Trapp after his first wife, Agatha (née Whitehead), had died from scarlet fever.

Eventually, Maria began to look after the other children, as well. Georg von Trapp, seeing how much she cared about his children, asked Maria to marry him. Frightened, she fled back to Nonnberg Abbey to seek guidance from the Mother Abbess. The Mother Abbess advised Maria that it was God's will that she should marry the Captain; since Maria was taught always to follow God's will, she returned to the family and told the Captain she would marry him.

She later wrote in her autobiography that on her wedding day she was blazing mad, both at God and at her husband, because what she really wanted was to be a nun: "I really and truly was not in love. I liked him but didn't love him. However, I loved the children, so in a way I really married the children. I learned to love him more than I have ever loved before or after."

It set me thinking (some more)... how amazing she was. She really really wanted to be a nun but she couldn't do what she really wanted to do because she had to marry some guy she didn't love. And if you read the entire story of the von Trapp family, the course of their lives together didn't run smooth.

And I thought, what if she didn't marry him but continued to remain at the monastery? Would she have achieved her dream of becoming a nun? Or not? But if she did not obey God's will and do what she did not want to do, would the von Trapp family have become the famous 'Trapp Family Choir' and the children survived through the hard years? Would the Trapp family be blessed till today, generations upon generations after?

To be continued later... (perhaps)

Hebrews & Deuteronomy

2014-01-19T07:26:00.001+08:00

The Discipline of God (Hebrews 12:3-17)

For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin. And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as sons:

"My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD,

Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him;

For whom the LORD loves He chastens,

And scourges every son whom He receives."

If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons, for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons..........................

v11. Now no chastening seems joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

v12. Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather healed.

January 2014

2014-01-19T07:12:00.001+08:00

I entered into 2014 without much fanfare. Not even a view of fireworks this year, unless you count the ones on the reflection off the windshield of the cars parked downstairs from our church. We were in church for the Watchnight service, during the New Year.

Can't believe it's already mid-Jan, and CNY is coming really soon.

I'd planned to post up some photos, memorable events of year 2013...tons of pics in the PC but no time to sort thru and post.

I need more time which is mine.... :)

This year Helena starts kindergarten, or kindy, as I call it. She has finally sort of adjusted, I think, but has yet to love going to kindy. Everyday she tells me, "mummy, I don't want to go to kindergarten tomorrow/today". Nothing we say can change her mind. I'm hoping time will change her mind.

1 john 4

2014-01-17T06:31:00.001+08:00

Friday, January 17, 2014

Ezra 9

2014-01-17T06:25:00.001+08:00

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Lamentations 3

2014-01-17T06:13:00.001+08:00

Monday, January 13, 2014

Verse 31-33: For the Lord will not cast off forever.

Though he causes grief, Yet He will show compassion according to the multitude of His mercies. For He does not afflict willingly nor grieve the children of men.

One of Those Days

2013-11-28T14:49:00.004+08:00

Some days are just really difficult to get through.

Like just sit there and you can't move or get yourself to do anything even though there are tons of things to be done, those kind of days.

One of those days where you wish you didn't have to get out of bed in that morning, that you could've just buried your head under the covers and continue sleeping, and not have to face the day.

FOR LENA's ROOM

2013-11-26T12:09:00.002+08:00

I would really, really like to do something like this for Helena's room... one day. That was my initial plan, to repaint the second room in December and make it hers.

One day though... hopefully.

DECEMBER...soon

2013-11-26T09:53:00.003+08:00

Christmas is coming soon, really soon... but I'm not feeling it though.

No Christmassy mood whatsoever.

Things didn't work out as planned and my extended leave application got rejected, so I most likely would have to work on Christmas Eve, and on Boxing day too. sigh.

Sucks that this year's Christmas falls on a Wednesday, therefore day before and after is a working day. December may turn out to be a busy month at work after all. With the boss planning for the company's EGM on Christmas Eve itself.

Lord, please give me the energy to go through December. ZzzZZzzz

People say exercising will make one more energetic, and that I'm lethargic because I do not exercise. I've been exercising at least 2-3 times a week for the past two and a half months, and I feel even more wiped out than before, hahaha.

'Catching Fire' movie is playing in cinemas now and I'm dying to watch, but this weekend is a no-no. Absolutely packed back-to-back with activities and errands to run. Gosh. Being an adult (with a kid) is...HARD.

What wouldn't I give, for just a day in the life of my former self... one of those days where I was just at home doing my own thing: reading, painting and craftwork, and playing with my bunnies. *dreamzzz*

8-day week

2013-11-23T18:44:00.001+08:00

There should be eight days to a week, not seven.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Sleepday.

Sleepday is a day to recover from the past week, and to recharge for Monday.

On Sleepdays, you can sleep in till noon if you like, and take naps in the evening if you wish. You should not be doing anything you do not want to on Sleepdays.

Yes, I'm dreaming, and it's not going to happen, but a girl can dream.

YEAR 2013: Things To Be Thankful For

2013-09-13T06:48:00.000+08:00

2013 is flying by pretty fast, it's mid-Sept already. Before December comes, here's some of the things I need to share here, to remind myself to be thankful for... so here is part one of my TTBTF list (things to be thankful for):

1. Helena graduated from BB2 class! She's no longer a baby *sighs*

2. Helena is healthy, talkative, lively, beautiful, (and loves spaghetti carbonara) =)

3. We have a happy family

4. Helena's learning more each day

5. I'm blessed with a good job

6. Helena turns three this year!

7. My parents :) Thank God for them, old but (generally) healthy and still here.
Oh, and mom has gotten baptized too (finally!)

8. For both of them :)

(My first attempt at a layer jelly cake, for hubs birthday.

(sort of fail, but still tasty, hehe)

To be continued...