Courageous Joy

Monday in July

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Mon, 27 Jul 2026 18:48:00 +0000

Allie and Ash made a day trip to Seward today. They have been trying to see as much as they can while Ashton is here. We feel like we are in summer 2.0 with nice weather the past few days. Stacia worked. The rest of us puttered around, did some house cleaning, shopping - stuff like that.

I sent an invite to Jamin and Nolan to join us for a later Chicken Pot Pie dinner. Allie, Ash and Stacia all made it home and we enjoyed being together.

We topped the evening off with a campfire. Jamin leaves for Florida tomorrow. He promises to be back in 6 -7 months.

Check out Nolan's eye - the results of he and Jared's collision at Family Gathering.

More Sunday Fun

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Mon, 27 Jul 2026 07:38:00 +0000

Sunday at ACF in Eagle River, lunch with Jamin, Jared and Noah, Cat Cafe with the girls and then we dropped the girls off at home and Melia and I went to the Raceway to meet up with Larissa and Noah. We meant to catch the final race, but they didn't have enough contestants and had decided not to run the final race. We visited and played a bit.

Noah - I think Papa could make something like this

Pretty setting for a race

Arielle and Bre had talked about putting a family field day on the calendar. Every Sunday night at 6 p.m. This brought back memories of playing kick ball in the fields when we were at Beale AFB. We invited Larissa and Noah to join us for a bit as the race was off. Danny met us in the parking lot. He was excited to show us a swimming grasshopper...

This little girl! She is excited Auntie Bre came thorugh with a pretty BLUE dress! Here she accessorizes with tennis shoes - perfect for kick ball!

These guys were most interested in catching insects!

Ellie, Larissa, Me and Danny

Kick ball!

Benny & Melia

Ellie & Benny

Ellie, Arielle & Cory

Running bases with Daddy!

She ate a grasshopper! YUCK.

Arielle & Melia

What a kick!

We ended the day all at home playing "The Bible is Funny."

Stacia, Melia, Allie & Ashton

This was a very full Sunday.

Visiting the Alaska Cat Cafe

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Mon, 27 Jul 2026 07:36:00 +0000

The girls have been looking for an opportunity to visit the Alaska Cat Cafe while Allie was home. Today, after church, we all met up back at the house. Michael and Ash went for ice cream and us gals headed for the Cat Cafe. Melia and Stacia had been before. It was my and Allie's first visit.

They do have soups and sandwich meals you can purchase. We settled for drinks. You can take drinks back with the cats, but not your food. We paid for a full hour with the cats.

The cats are so fun. It was relaxing and fun. It was a delightful experience. Michael dislikes cats, I will visit here again for my cat fix.

July's Family Gathering

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Sun, 26 Jul 2026 07:11:00 +0000

We do not usually have a family gathering out here at the house in July. We are typically dip netting during this time. Michael's back surgery robbed us of dip netting this year. Some of us just don't have the heart to do the whole trip without Josiah. Others of us are ready to do it next year. We will see what it looks like.

However, THIS JULY, we had a big gathering. AND...before we gather, someone has to tame a bit of the yard. Melia has been volunteering to do the yard. I don't think she knew how much work it was. LOL Michael was cleared to ride around on the mower. He did that in the general areas, I did the weed eating and edging, Melia did the orchard...and we'll finish the rest "later." I just weed eat until I've used all 4 batteries up and then I call it quits. LOL

Papa and Noah

A sad word about our young orchard - we lost 4 trees last winter. There wasn't enough snow to insulate them from the cold temps. I don't have the heart to plant more...but we need to do something.

We don't have any birthdays to celebrate in July and KrUke are in Okinawa so it's hard to celebrate their anniversary here...BUT this is Allie's last family gathering before she goes back to VA AND Jamin and Ash are here as well. Reason to celebrate. We kept the focus on people rather than food and just had a "bring your own pizza" bash. LOL

It was a GORGEOUS day! We did all the things...kiddy cars, visiting, gaga ball, water fights and water play, trampoline, slides and swings...

Of course Ellie can do it too!

It wouldn't be a family game without a few bumps and bruises!

Nolan is going to have a shiner, and Jared's jaw is popping...

Over in this corner - water play and balloon fight!

Trudy and Noah

Oh my heart! This little man is a delight. We are going to miss him when he reunites with his family. He moved in with BreZak around the time Melia moved in with us.

A little break for Pastor Cory.

Keeper of all things sports like

At some point in the evening, I left to take GG home. When I came back the house was quiet. Ash and Allie have been visiting as much of Alaska as they can. They went to climb the Butte. What a great way to end a busy day!

This one looks like Hatcher's Pass - I'm not sure! It showed up with the Gathering photos. LOL

Downtown Fun & Movie Night at BreZak's

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Sat, 25 Jul 2026 01:53:00 +0000

In 20 years the above photo will be a significant part of our town's history. A new library is being built. Bre and her children and CoRielle and their children.

Today was a BRILLIANTLY sunny day. Melia and I met up with the grands, Bre, CoRielle and Ash and Allie to enjoy it downtown. The chamber of commerce held a celebration of our town with games for kids and free hot dogs and veggies....at the same time that the weekly downtown fling was occurring. There was much to do and it was a beautiful day to be out and about. I felt bad for Michael, who isn't doing a ton of walking just now, and all the other Gherkins who were busy adulting at work. ::grin::

Melia, Trudy and Annie with a friend

Ellie gets an assist from Cory

Annie & Bella play Connect Four

This was more to the boys' liking!

Danny, Benny, Gideon, Josiah

Trudy

Ellie & Melia

At some point we split up and Ash and Allie went to Big Dipper. The rest of us strolled the vendor offerings and food trucks. Melia and I picked up Allie and Ash and brought them back to their car, ran a few errands and headed for home.

It was a great day to be out and about in Alaska. When Alaska shines it makes up for the record-breaking rainfall in July.

Bre hosts a weekly movie night starting at 10 p.m. after her littles are settled. I usually don't go as I'm sure to fall asleep. This week they were watching Free Willy. A family classic, I think she chose it in honor of Jamin being in town. Stacia, Melia and I joined Bre and her kids for popcorn and movies. I stayed awake for the whole thing! It was a fun ending to a great day.

Breakfast Study

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Fri, 24 Jul 2026 18:59:00 +0000

I spent a few years going to Sophia's Cafe twice a week for one-on-one study/conversation with Allie and Stacia. I wanted to do something similar with Melia when she moved in in January. I ordered a study from Daily Grace Co. on "The Foundations of the Faith for Teens," because relationship with Jesus is new to Melia. The concept of Bible study is new. I bought her a pretty purple Bible and we began meeting. We started but never established a workable routine. Melia doesn't like mornings. At one point I told her when she finished the next portion of study and would like us to meet to let me know.

Out of the blue this week she said she was ready for another Bible study. We settled on McDonalds (which Melia loves to go to) rather than Sophia's....and a late breakfast rather than beating the early morning rush for $3 drinks. LOL We ordered breakfast on the app as we pulled out of our driveway, and we were able to have breakfast as close to lunch as possible. I can find breakfast options easier than lunch options at McDonalds.

It was a fun hour or so in the middle of the busy summer to connect and strengthen the foundations of Melia's new-found faith.

Game Night at BreZak's

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Thu, 23 Jul 2026 09:07:00 +0000

Bre invited us to her home for games. We were happy to go. It was my chance to catch up with Jamin. I missed him on Tuesday night. He looks great - tired but great.

Trudy, Annie, Melia, Me, Jojo, Gideon, Nolan and Bella

Jamin and Trudy

Michael & Jared

Tali has an interesting take on Shark Attack.

And then Annie and Trudy brought out Pretty, Pretty Princess....

Ash surrounded by kids

It was a fun evening. Bre commented she should have done this sooner. Agreed. LOL It's was extra special have Jamin, Ash and Allie home to join the festivities. We won't consider just yet what it says about the summer that Jamin and Ash are here.... shhh. Denial is a good thing.

Rainy Soccer, Glasses, Volley Ball and Date/Game Night

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Wed, 22 Jul 2026 08:56:00 +0000

We made it to Benny's last game! His team was undefeated in the round robin. Let's hear it for the pigeons?

The rain was heavy - but it didn't dampen our spirits

Michael even came out for the game!

Bre and kids braved the rain for the game.

We picked up Melia's new glasses.

On the way to her final day at Volleyball camp.

The girls joined Jamin at Nolan and Alex's for game night. Michael and I went for dinner. It was a full day.

Remembering and Marvel Night

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Wed, 22 Jul 2026 07:09:00 +0000

While most were still sleeping, or tucked away doing their own things, Melia and I left to buy groceries, helium and balloons. Today is the anniversary of the day they got, Rocky, a beloved pet. We stopped on the way home to release a balloon in his honor and to remember. Melia shared one of her funniest memories of Rocky is the time he removed an apple pouch from her back pocket. ::grin::

Stiff wind

Melia and I stopped at the Grizzly Family Fitness Gym and the AKtive Bodies. I've previously visited AK club and Planet Fitness. We were impressed with the customer service at Grizzly. The price, however, is comparable with AK Club and doesn't include a pool or spa or Fly Park. It IS much closer. AKtive body seems to have about the same exercise things as Plant Fitness but no extras. It is 7 minutes from our home. We stopped in and waited 10 minutes and not one person materialized to answer questions or see why we were in the building. Planet Fitness has a plan where we can work out unlimited home and in other clubs around the nation (snort), and have tanning and massage chairs BUT NO SAUNA (a plus for AK CLUB and GRIZZLY) for only $25 a month (maybe $50 depends on if they'll let Melia be my all the time free guest). It's by far the cheapest, they're friendly and helpful without hidden costs...but they are 23 minutes from our home! ACK - we can't decide what to do. I don't want to spend $2000+ for 10 months of gym - even if her homeschool allotment would cover it. We only have $2700 and curriculum needs to come first. LOL

I came home and got dinner prepared for our crew. Stacia hosted a Marvel movie tonight. Jamin is in town and came over for dinner at a movie.

Jamin with nephews/niece (via Arielle)

I had d Group, a pilot program I'm involved in at ACF. It all came together and I was able to get dinner in the oven before I left. Michael supervised the completion. I missed Jamin - he is on East coast time and had gone home before I got home. I enjoyed visiting with those who were finishing up their movie....Stacia, Allie, Melia, Jacob, Lonicera, Nik, Mike, Ash...

Serious story-telling going on here!

It was a full day. I will mention it's been raining a lot and yet today was pretty much rain free.

Orthodontist and Soccer Games

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Tue, 21 Jul 2026 07:46:42 +0000

Melia and I headed over to the clinic to visit the orthodontist today. I plunked down the last payment - an investment in her beautiful smile. I am impressed how much cheaper medical care is when I tell them we are "self pay." We paid 1/4 of the normal cost today. I also noted they wanted it paid BEFORE treatment begins. I remember making payments when Krista had braces.

We signed off on a treatment plan today. The only problem is a new orthodontist is moving out to this clinic in September, and they don't want to start anything until HE sees her and comes up with his own treatment plan. I joked last night that I was quite sure we would have more than one treatment plan appointment. We've already had four appointments for a tongue tie that still isn't fixed. We've been working on it since February. The ortho now wants to see what the ENT says about it in August. If he wants it fixed before or after braces.

We had a mobile crew come by today and detail Allie's car. WOW. It looks and smells like a new car. I plan to schedule them to do the van next.

I was in the middle of fixing dinner when I REMEMBERED tonight was Danny's last soccer game. Michael took over cooking and I ran out to the fields. It was POURING down rain, but I am so glad I remembered in time.

Danny is number 27

Danny is 2nd from the right

Sunday Skating

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Mon, 20 Jul 2026 07:32:00 +0000

Melia went to church with Stacia this morning. They have gotten into the habit of grabbing a bite to eat and going ice skating.

Melia has ice skated a couple of times before. Stacia was a newbie. Nik grew up in Alaska ice skating and playing hockey.

I'm proud of the girls for being willing to try new things!

He's Still Gone

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Sat, 18 Jul 2026 19:24:00 +0000

It's an annual civil memorial ceremony for victims of violence/homicide in Alaska sponsored by Victims for Justice. I've been asked if its meaningful or worthwhile to attend. The answer is nuanced. The ceremony doesn't offer any of the comfort or hope I find from my faith in Jesus. It can feel pretty bleak and stark. It begins with a land acknowledgment, it moves on to a reading of victim's names, and there is a brief time for those who didn't get names submitted to stand and recite their loved one's names...most share a bit about their lost loved ones. There are a few words about memories continuing and strength in community....but it's all pretty bleak. Still, I go.

I was thinking how I could offer comfort or hope without the mention of faith in this setting. The answer - it's simply presence. Showing up. It says to the community, my son mattered, I still remember him, we are still standing. It says to others in fresh pain that I know some of your pain. I and others are committed to justice and reform in the system. You will make it through this first year.

I was thinking these thoughts as Stacia, Melia and I drove into Anchorage for the Victims for Justice memorial ceremony.

"He's still here."

That simple thought was in my mind and heart as we drove up. Yes, Josiah is in heaven. But his name is still etched on that memorial, three years and he isn't going to drive up to our house, open the door and yell out, "Hey, y'all!" He's still gone. It's forever this side of eternity. My heart is just starting to understand forever.

Someone asked me if I needed a booklet to locate my loved one. My thoughts were elsewhere and I responded, "He hasn't moved." To which Stacia responded so only I heard, "I think that's set in stone." The hard and the good. The sad and the joy. The somber and the humor. There is no one way to respond in grief.

The girls and I first met up with Jared. One looks around and notices violence impacts all.

The first year we all came. We were a big group. It was fresh and raw and so very painful. We were still awaiting a trial and any sort of justice. Carrie attended with Liv (11) and Josi was only 5 months old.

The second year fewer came. Schedules conflicted for some it was painful, some in our family absolutely hate going into Anchorage since the murder. Some see no purpose or meaning in attending. We were fresh out of sentencing for Josiah's murderer. The therapy dog and his handler were familiar friends. The permanency of our loss was beginning to settle.

This year the girls, Jared, Carrie and girls and Larissa and Noah attended. Yes, it's the same every year...and yet that, in itself, is meaningful. The years go on - without Josiah. It marks time. It matters for their names to be remembered and spoke. It is meaningful to be with a group suffering the same pain. We remember and that is meaningful. We are not the only ones touched by violence, it continues. Collectively, we remember.

A father shared it's been 14 years - and he still remembers. His grief allowed me to rest in the pace of my grief journey.

This year the girls are 13 and 2 1/2. This annual picture illustrates the impact of violence. Two girls without their father's daily guidance and investment in their lives, a young widow instead of a young wife. He's still gone. They're still standing. God has been so near and faithful - but it hurts every day.

I always feel for Jared in these places of private grief as he is recognized many places we go. Some have positive to share, many are negative. Jared had a constituent coffee this Saturday (as he does most Saturdays) and still had on his assemblyman gear. I said a quick prayer that anyone who disagreed with him would simply allow grace for this moment. He attends as a grieving brother, not as a public official. I attend to be by his side.

This year a mother got up and shared her son's name. Diego Joe - I knew his name. His is the name directly beneath Josiah's name. He was murdered 8 months after Josiah. His family is still awaiting trial.

I searched Wendy out after the ceremony. She knew who I was immediately - not sure how. We have communicated online and we continue to pray for justice for Diego and his family. We hugged and cried. I offered no wise words of hope or comfort, I hugged her. Two mothers grieving the murder of their sons. A 4 yo son and a 2 1/2 yo daughter without the daily presence of their fathers...families still here, still missing the one violently taken from our midst. She blessed my heart when she thanked Jared for fighting for the community on the assembly.

Yes, I do find it meaningful and worthwhile to attend. Not only for myself, but for any comfort or connection I may be able to offer another on this grueling journey. If you'd like to visit the Homicide Memorial it is located in Anchorage at the Hostetler Park, 335 L St.

After the ceremony Larissa and Carrie took kids off to nap. Jared asked about catching lunch with the girls and me. We settled on a new to us place - Palmeira's - tropical fusion. This is a great spot to catch lunch. We loved it. It's around the corner from Hope Center where Jared volunteers weekly. I would like to find a place like Hope Center in the valley. I wonder how one would raise the money to start something similar. It's an amazing organization and is all privately funded.

Via google photos

FUN lighting - via google photos

This food was yummy and the portions were huge! I highly recommend trying it if you're in town at lunch.

Stacia's Cup of Clam Chowder

Melia's French Toast

My gigantic salad

We drove back home. Arielle and the kids stopped by to play in the yard and collect eggs. We had a good inside visit while the kids romped around in the yard.

Mike and I introduced Melia to the movie Mr. Magoo. She laughed appropriately.

Stacia and Allie came home and we regrouped.

Most of the photos of the ceremony were taken by Larissa. She is always great at catching events.

Fantastic Friday

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Sat, 18 Jul 2026 07:50:00 +0000

I was awakened to a phone call, "Mom there's an aggressive moose in my way, can you come pick me up?"

"What?" I groggily replied.

"I need you to pick me up."

I got a few pertinent details like WHERE to pick her up and hopped in the truck to go pick up Stacia. She has walked right past black bears on her morning walks, but this moose was still agitated when I drove by it and caught up to Stacia.

Since I was already up I caught a ride with Stacia into town. She dropped me at the mechanics and I got the van out of hawk. How fantastic to have a van with NO blinking lights anywhere - and it starts right up and keeps working.

Jared was showing a house in our area and surprised us with a visit this morning! What a fun way to add a bit of zest to a Friday.

Melila and I left at 11:15 to drive 40 minutes up the highway for a visit with this lil darling! We haven't been able to visit since June 1st. She was sick for WEEKS, we traveled to ID, Mike had surgery, the tire blew out last week....and today we made it!

She has changed so much since our last visit. She has developed stranger danger, an infectous laugh and was rolling all over the place. She is also sitting by herself.

Check out her hand...

Lil Darling pulled Melia's hoop right out of her ear!

We decided Melia needed a few more summer outfits. CoRielle were out grabbing their last trail in the challenge and so they didn't need us to watch the kids this afternoon. It was the perfect time to spruce up Melia's wardrobe.

We stopped by a body piercing "salon" and did not get the info we wanted. I'm researching DIY kits online now. ::snort::

Stacia got home from work, and we finished watching Pride and Prejudice. Good movie. I'm not sure what we'll watch now!

BreZak hosts a Friday night movie night at her home each week. I've not made it as movies begin at 10:30 p.m. and I can't stay awake. Melia wanted to go, and both the older girls decided to stay in. I drove her over and then picked her up. I thought I'd grab a bit of sleep, but Stacia and I got busy discussing life. We've not had time to visit much lately. It was good.

It's 1:12 a.m. and I'm going to officially declare Friday to be over.

Our Talkeetna Adventure

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Fri, 17 Jul 2026 06:12:13 +0000

Melia and I chose to go off alone on an adventure today. Our original plan was to caravan with CoRielle but they had a medical situation with one of their kids. It looked overcast but we had ONE TRAIL to finish in the Matsu Trail Passport Challenge before the 19th and there is the threat that I will be called into jury service again tomorrow morning. Michael is not up to being in the car for long periods of time. Allie and Stacia both have jobs. We went off to play. ::snort::

The Talkeetna Lakes Trails are an hour and forty minutes from our home. I had no clue the Borough was this big! We saw several campgrounds we want to come back to with the RV. Melia had never been this far out and so it was an adventure we couldn't chance missing.

It has been fun hiking these trails during the week. They are nearly deserted. This trail is an EASY walk that meanders around a few lakes. They have canoes and kayaks for rent. We saw a gentleman fishing so maybe there are fish in the lake?

Fireweed - there's still lots of time before fall/winter

I thought these might be salmon berries. I used a plant id ap and they told me they were either highbush cranberries or red currants. That sounds edible. I popped one in my mouth just as I remembered salmon berries are an orangish/pinkish raspberry looking berry. These are sour.

I hoped we'd find a scenic spot with a bench to enjoy our picnic lunch.

We found a picnic table. Great spot.

Since Melia had never been to Talkeetna we had to drive up. It seemed a bit sketch when the gps wanted to send us down this road to find downtown Talkeetna. We thought it was a safer bet to turn off the gps and follow the tourists. LOL Parkins is at a premium but we found a muddly spot by the river. LOL

We took a picture of ourselves in front of Denali!

You can tell Denali is back there because the signs said so! We will go back on a CLEAR day. LOL

The historic district (streets really) are cool. Original buildings converted to various shops and cafes.

She humored me!

Classes will begin soon for our little homeschool and getting out on the trails has been a wonderful thing for us to do together. I'm glad Arielle dragged us out! LOL Did I saw school was going to begin soon?

UM...we came home and booked tickets for Melia to spend a week in NY/NJ with her Auntie. Our homeschool will start Aug 17th this year. She realized she is going to miss the air show and a railroad trip we had planned...but one has to make choices. A NJ beach trips sounds good at the end of a rainy summer, and she'll be back in time for the fair.

An At "Home" Day

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Thu, 16 Jul 2026 06:12:38 +0000

I did not get to hit any trails today - and I missed nature. I knew today would be a home day. Yesterday, I received three notices for Dad from the state. 1. He is approved for a medical waiver we need. 2. His case worker is changing. 3. The state needs reams of paper NOW. None of the letters told me WHERE to send the paperwork or WHO the new caseworker was. I knew I'd spend today working on this project.

Orange file is the paperwork for last year's application

A long wait is anticipated with every call to HSS. I've previously been on hold for 3 1/2 hours. I barely had time to get organized before I was talking to someone in the long-term care division. Mikhail was GREAT and had good advice. Part of my problem is I had accepted verbal info, and he said to ALWAYS get everything and send everything in writing. I will from now on.

I spent most the day getting paperwork together for the state. I emailed it off at 9:45 p.m. If it's anything like the original application, we will have paperwork going back and forth several times before they are satisfied for another year. I knew it was too good to be true when I filled out the one-page form and noted "nothing changed" in April. LOL

I also filled out a co-signee application for an apartment in VA and worked on freeze-drying a couple more loads of fruit.

Wednesdays Melia has volleyball camp. She asked me to stay today, which I was happy to do. I took the opportunity to sneak a couple of pictures from my perch above the courts.

Allie left to visit with Nolan and Alex. Melia, Michael and I had a fun conversation. I drove Melia to Nolan and Alex's for sibling game night. I picked up some takeout to bring home for Michael and I as he is still not feeling well enough to go out for date night.

Allie is resting up for an early morning tomorrow.

Stacia and Melia are still at game night and I am bringing the day to an end.

Jury Service, Mountain Escapes, Tea and MOOSE x2

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Wed, 15 Jul 2026 06:47:22 +0000

I realize from various comments that I may not have been clear about the jury pool here. We all serve when called and then we don't have to serve again for two years. However, when called to serve we are obligated to serve for two weeks. We call every night after 5 to see if they need us the following day. Yes, there is an initial questionnaire and yes, I did note that the trial for Josiah's murderer ended at just this time a year ago.

I was told my jury group was July 5th - July 19th. My number was 20 out of 703. I was fairly certain I would be asked to come in last week. My presence was requested the very first day.

When one arrives, they are given another questionnaire to fill out. This asks specifically about your relationship with law professionals, the judicial system, any crimes you may have been affected by etc. I filled out my form HONESTLY and figured the lawyers would toss me out.

I was selected for jury voir dire. I knew both lawyers had the questionnaire, and I had shared honestly that being in the court brought back hard memories and it was a challenge to stay undistracted and focused on the present. I also voiced I resent defense lawyers and don't trust them.

Last week when questioned I choked up and cried, jurors cried....we were a collective mess. Actually, my jury adventure was the anniversary of Josiah's murderer's sentencing. I was excused for cause. I called every night and wasn't asked to return. I ASSUMED I would not be called again.

I called last night and they CALLED MY NUMBER. Obviously, nothing has changed in a week. I went in and filled out the same questionnaire, the same way. Several others who had been excused were back as well. We all knew I'd be booted again.

The questions started and I didn't cry. I was collected and answered questions and told my story. I was doing good. Then they asked WHY I said I distrust and/or resent defense lawyers. I hesitated. They reframed the question. I said I didn't mind sharing my thoughts, but I was trying to figure out how much they would want the jury to hear. I KNEW I'd be excused again and I realized that hearing my story would cause people to think of victims rather than defendants. The judge invited me to approach the bench, all the lawyers followed. He asked me to share. I did. The prosecutor asked me questions, the judge asked me questions, and the defense attorney asked me questions. I answered fully and honestly. The judge agreed I was correct defense attorneys are given wide latitude. I told the defense attorney he was the only person in the process who doesn't swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth - or who is able to say things without producing evidence to back up his claims. His job is to create doubt in a proven narritive if it doesn't serve his client. They asked for examples. I gave them several from the trial where comments were made that the defense lawyer KNEW the evidence proved to be false...yet his job is to create a defense. This has left me jaded. Anyway, I told him it was nothing personal. I agreed I would try to be impartial and fair, but I wanted to be honest up front about the struggle. I tend to believe prosecutors more than defense attorneys. Someone else may well have the opposite experience.

The defense attorney said he didn't feel it would be right to ask me to deny my lived experience and asked I be excused for cause.

I was thanked and commended for the courage to voice my honest thoughts in front of the defense attorney. The jury didn't hear any of the discussion - there was quite a few jocular comments and pats on the back as I was once again excused for cause.

I was fine until I got out the courtroom.

I cried.

I miss Josiah.

I don't appreciate being forced to share my story to a roomful of strangers - TWICE. I was told I could be called back again until Friday. It seems cruel when they all KNOW they are going to excuse me. I am trying to follow their system, and it isn't working for me.

A friend, who is a judge in another state, has advised me to call the clerk and ask to be dismissed. The timing of this process doesn't allow for a call - the courthouse is closed before I would know I'm being called again....BUT if I am called again, I plan to march up to the clerk when I arrive and tell him I've been excused twice for cause and my "lived experience" hasn't changed in the past few days and ask him to dismiss me. ::snort::

I got in the truck and the ugly sobs started.

I decided I needed to be alone, and I wanted to be alone in the mountains. I sort of wanted to meet a bear - I was in that type of mood - I wanted to fight. I ran home, changed clothes, grabbed a bagel and bear spray and headed for the mountains to recalibrate. It was rainy. The trails were deserted. One needs to make noise when hiking alone so I prayed, I SCREAMED loud and long, I wore myself out and then I knew I was ready to surrender and finally I came back to town. I don't love that this bugged me so much - but it did. I have forgiven lawyer Y. I still resent the lies he made up about our son.

I'm fine. I'm just tired of the memories that come up by remembering sentencing, the trial, the courthouse...and it doesn't matter that it's not the same courthouse. I won't be called again for 2 years from today - unless the call me before Friday and then the 2 years will be from that date.

The fireweed has a LONG way to go!

I came down from the mountains and ran to take a new phone to Dad. I stopped for tea and a treat with Bre and kids after that. The hugs were healing.

Melia took the following picture. Between the moose and the chickens, I am having a horrible time with the garden this year!

I popped store-bought enchiladas in the oven for dinner.

Stacia, Melia and I are watching Pride and Prejudice - the 1995 version. We have no clue which is the "good" one, but we are enjoying ourselves. We finished "The Other Bennet Sister" and needed something else. LOL We watched another episode of Pride and Prejudice.

Allie came home from work, we visited and this very long day has come to an end!

If you are counting this is trail number 8 in the Matsu Trail Passport Challenge. One more to go by the 19th

Tackling the Trails

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Tue, 14 Jul 2026 03:55:31 +0000

Melia had a sports physical across town today. We also found out her pulmonary function test was A OK. That meant she is clear to MOVE...and move we did. I had told her to bring a raincoat and a pair of walking shoes. I had an ambitious plan to hike 5 trails today. We would start at the one nearest the clinic and work our way home....

The trail meanders through the woods. It's paved, Disc golf nets are scattered throughout and we decided it would be a fun one for cross country skiing in the winter. I noted the fireweed at each place - it really is pretty. It's also in fuller bloom up the mountains near us than at this trail.

We stopped at Crevasse Moraine Trails down the road a way. This one brought back fond memories of getting drinks and breakfast to go and having Bible study with Stacia in the car here during the Covid shutdown. I showed the sledding hill to Melia should she want to sled this winter.

Us with the fireweed

Matanuska River Trail is where Stacia and Melia most often went cross country skiing last winter.

We were back in our stomping grounds as we climbed to the Lazy Mountain Trailhead. We did a bit of the trail and then we veered over to the Morgan Horse Trail. It was more to our liking.

WHOA - a clearing with many options. We chose wisely.

Our final trail this afternoon was Pioneer Ridge Trail. Melia saw the sign and refused to try it. I should NOT have told her about the woman being mauled by bears or the moose that jumped across a man's trail being chased by a bear.

Melia has one trail left and I have two trails left in the MatSu Burrough Trail Passport Challenge. We have until the 19th to finish. If I don't have to do jury tomorrow, I plan to do a hike about 20 minutes away.

I opened packages, made Chicken Pot Pie and worked on some kitchen projects. I asked a question and peeked around the corner when I didn't get an answer. 😂

I wore her out.

I think there is something in the air! ::snort::

A Lazy Sunday

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Mon, 13 Jul 2026 07:27:03 +0000

Our Sundays are slow and lazy as we've not been keeping with any of our Sunday routines since Mike's back surgery. Melia was in town with her sister and her foster family. The house was quiet. Michael was resting, Allie was busy with phone calls and such in her room. I decided I needed to go for a walk.

I crossed another trail off the list. Walking alone is a great way to process and think and pray. I decided I wasn't done walking and stopped to visit Josiah and walk another mile.

Michael and Allie didn't feel like eating much.

I rested.

Stacia came home and we drove the van over to the mechanics so I don't have to worry about those logistics on a Monday morning which may include jury duty. We stopped by the grocery store and picked up some produce, milk and ice cream - the necessities.

I am freeze drying eggs so I got another load ready to freeze dry tomorrow. I also put a variety of produce in the freezer to freeze dry later on.

Melia came home and we sat around and heard about her visit. Then the five of us had ice cream.

I tried to help Stacia set up a new phone. We are running into glitches and will try again at 0600. Michael DID get Dad's new phone set up and now I need to transfer numbers for him to the new phone....and then take it to him.

It's 11:25 p.m. and I better get some sleep before trying to figure out the new phone.

It's been a good day.

A Spectacular Saturday

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Sun, 12 Jul 2026 04:13:07 +0000

Arielle has been working on the MatSu Burrough Trails Passport challenge all summer. Melia and I have been meaning to work on it but have mostly been doing the same trail over and over. We suddenly realize we have 10 days to do 8 more trails....

This morning Melia got up early and joined Arielle, Benny, Danny and Ellie and me to hike the Settler's Bay Coastal Trail. Charles doesn't like hiking and had other activities planned for the day. I had visions of hiking along the coast line....but it took us 31/2 - 4 miles of hiking (according to my watch)....

Benny, Melia, me, Danny, Arielle, Ellie

... up and down the trails below to reach this scenic outlook.

We hiked around various trails and found ourselves back at Arielle's van twice without finding anything we would count as a "scenic outlook." We did find rabbits, a ptarmigan and many moths, bees and flies...and we enjoyed the SUNSHINE, the light breeze, the company....

If you've read the blog long you KNOW the fireweed are our indicator that winter is on the way. The fireweed in OUR YARD has not begun to bloom yet. These are about half bloomed....

Check out Ellie's open mouth...

This bench makes me want to contact "someone" and see about having a few with Josiah's names placed around various trails.

We were about to pack it in and go home when a gentleman pulled in. I went up and asked him if he hiked these trails often. He did. I asked him WHERE the scenic outlook is....out our parking lot, across the street and a very short walk... about 1/10th of a mile....and we found the pretty views.

Note Ellie - the little ginger head bobbing about mid-picture. She loved running ahead...and as there hadn't been other folks on the trail we let her go.

Ellie and I got in a little race. She caught up to me and motioned that she wanted me to bend down. She filled my pockets with big rocks. She's a thinker than one.

It was good for body, soul and spirit to get out and hike today. I loved sitting on a bench with Benny and listening to the wind blowing in the leaves. Of course, the others did catch up to us...and then there were other fun things to listen too. I don't worry about bears when hiking with the kids. They warn the critters away. Thank you so much for the invite, Arielle. Melia and I are determined to see how MANY of the remaining 7 trails we can fit in before the 19th.

Allie worked today. She was gone we got home. Stacia joined Melia and I for our first Reuben Haus meal of the season. It was the perfect day for it - and it made us nostalgic for Luke and Krista.

Stacia had an engagement and left us after a quick run to Bishop Attic. Melia is spending the night with Akemi, her younger sister.

I made a double batch of Kim's Golden Honey Granola (though I added some almond extract). I made a double batch last week and Melia and I finished it today. I have made a LOT of different granolas through the years, but THIS one is the crunch I've been searching for - I think it's the baking powder.

Michael is having new aches and pains post-surgery. He is staying down. Allie, Stacia and I are heading for the hot tub.

What a WEEK!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Sat, 11 Jul 2026 07:03:00 +0000

Some weeks are predictable. Other weeks are NOT.

My week began with a summons to the courthouse for jury duty. This was predictable. I was selected to be interviewed. I couldn't pay attention because this was the very week we were in court last year for the sentencing of our son's murderer. I was having a hard time paying attention as my mind wandered back a year. I was honest and realized my bias against the public defender. As the questioning went on and I answered honestly several jurors teared up, several court officials had tears, and I figured I would be dismissed. It was iced when I was asked why I was biased against the public defender. What a question!

"Well, it was my experience the only person in the process who was allowed to say things without proof or correction was the public defender." In the aforementioned trial things were said about our son with no proof, in direct contrast to evidence and it was ok as the defender is allowed to "provide a defense." They let me go late in the afternoon. I do have to call every night for the next two weeks to see if my services are needed.

I raced to the post office and the grocery store. As I pulled into the parking space things lit up in the van. I was GLAD I was pulling into a spot. Michael can't bail me out - he's home recovering. I turned the car off, bought groceries and tried to go home.

click...click...click

Cory and Allie rescued me. Allie brought the code reader and took groceries home. Cory read the codes and learned I needed to buy a new battery. He drove me to Napa and we got the new battery installed. I was off and running.

Tuesday, I ran errands and tended to Michael. He began to have new pain.

Wednesday, I took Melia to volleyball practice and as we came home all those lights popped up again. I was still able to control the vehicle. I was so close to be home and didn't want to be stranded again. More lights blinked on. The screen that usually tells my gas mileage and usage popped on "Brake system failure, call dealer" and then "VSC failure call dealer immediately." By the time I got home the gas pedal was the only thinking working on the van.

This wouldn't normally be a problem, but the truck's brakes need repaired. Michael bought the parts to do the job and then was told not to twist, lift etc....he didn't get to it before surgery. This means I have no working vehicle. The mechanic cannot get to the van until Monday.

Wednesday afternoon Cory came over and moved all the RV batteries to the RV as they are too heavy for Michael to be moving just now.

We stayed home Thursday...rested, took care of Michael.

Melia had an optometry appointment, and we added a visit to her baby sister Amika. Allie volunteered the use of her car. Just as we turned onto the final road to the Bentah Nuutah clinic, I heard a loud grinding noise, and the car began to violently shake. There has been talk of struts needing to be repaired. I thought maybe a strut had fallen out....don't.judge.me. (but you can laugh). I checked under the car, around the car and couldn't figure out the problem. I alerted Allie and Michael at home and went into Melia's appointment. Melia sported cool shades for a couple of hours. We ordered a pair of glasses for Melia. We discovered braces and glasses aren't paid for by the clinic. That's o.k. The care has been such a blessing to us.

As we crossed the parking lot, I was able to see the problem. Allie's tire had exploded and it was flat! I was game to change the tire, but the tools and jack weren't in the car. We cancelled our visit to Amika.

Nolan picked up Allie and the tools and came to our rescue!

Are you counting? This is the third vehicle break down in ONE WEEK that *I* was in....when we got home, I was surprised to see this! What an amazingly welcome sight! Dillon and Kylee are the new leads for the Palmer campus of ACF, our church. They had repeatedly asked us to let them know if we needed help and had offered to bring groceries, pick things up for us, and all sorts of things. We kept saying we were fine, we are pretty self-sufficient with all the kids around. ::grin::

Finally, on Thursday night, with both our vehicles down when Dillon asked if there was anything he could do I asked if he could change the brakes on a truck. He showed up! While Dillon worked, we visited with Kylee.

CoRielle dropped the grands off for their 2 hours with Bachan and Melia. When they came back, they mowed our yard.

The girls went off with Jared to the Bear Paw Festival.

We started the fire and prepped for s'mores. It was a small group this week, but the fellowship was meaningful. It has been nice to meet this summer in smaller groups around the fire with no pre-planned discussion. This week Rebekah, Aran and John came...oh and Runa! Isn't she a doll?

She is John's riding partner.

We had no clue Aran was a fire chef! I mean he can COOK in that fire. We also have a fire chief in our group....but anyway Aran prepared corn, Brauts, and apples and we didn't even open the s'more kit. LOL The girls got back from the festival and Melia was able to check in with all of us. It was a nice ended to a very hectic week!

In the midst of an unpredictable week, we were blessed by kids, Dillon and Kylee and our life group members. They showed up. They.showed.up. and healing is growing in community.

Friday Night at the Bear Paw Festival

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Sat, 11 Jul 2026 06:36:00 +0000

Jared showed up this afternoon and whisked the girls away to the Eagle River Bear Paw Festival. Larissa and Noah met up with them. I was glad they got to go. Michael isn't up to walking and crowds.

Last year we walked in the Bear Paw parade with Jared's campaign. We were too tired to join the fun. They made up for that this year. Jared will be running in the 5K and manning a booth or something on the other two days so this is a great opportunity for simple family fun!

Stacia, Melia, Allie, Jared and Noah

Ah, the wonder! Seen through Noah's eyes.

Not quite tall enough - but he was allowed on with Jared

Jared, Noah, Allie

Stacia, Melia

It's always a bit odd to be out and about with Jared when he is recognized. Fun - just surprising. Melia's sister currently lives with our former medical provider. She met up with everyone to hang out a bit.

Note - I didn't take any of these photos. Thanks to Larissa, Jared, Stacia and Melia for sharing photos.

Michael's Back Surgery

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Fri, 03 Jul 2026 07:01:00 +0000

I don't have a single photo for this post but as I attempt to recapture the time I realize I haven't mentioned Michael's back surgery.

Michael has arthritis in his spine. He developed two cysts in the same spaces as the arthritis. This has led to constant nerve pain of varying degrees for the past 6 months or so. He has had pain for YEARS and the VA sent him to a chiropractor - which he has done weekly for at least 4 years. They said they don't want to do back surgeries on men his age...wanted him to be at least 70. You can see where I'm going. The back pain has been constant for 4 years. He was getting aligned weekly. I slowly realized that where he used to have bad days after he was active now, he wasn't moving around much at all. He basically has been in his recliner and was in pain if he did ANYTHING.

He went back to the VA. There is a new primary doc. She sent him for an x-ray. They also sent him to PT. Then he was referred for an MRI and to the civilian orthopedic in the valley. They quickly noted the problem. They said no amount of chiropractic alignments or PT would help. The cysts and arthritis had created a situation where his nerves were compressed...all the time. He was told not to twist, walk, lift and to wait for the VA to approve surgery.

It took several weeks to get the initial VA approval, then he needed to be cleared by the cardiologist, then someone else...he attended two pre-op appointments and then the day before surgery we were notified the VA wouldn't let the surgeon give him a brace so we had to drive to Anchorage to get the brace from the company they would pay.

Finally, on the 2nd of July, Michael had back surgery. It was to be two incisions. They would cut the top off a bone to allow more space for nerves, and they would remove both cysts. There was nothing they can do about the arthritis.

I waited past the time they said he would be in surgery.

The surgeon called to let me know that they were having trouble with Michael excessively bleeding. They had "thrown everything we have at it" and got it to stop. They had sewn him back up. They were 1/2 done. They were not comfortable making the 2nd incision to do the same thing in the other spot.

We will have to see how much relief he gets from 1/2 the surgery and determine if he will do another surgery when he recovers from this.

We came home with meds and ZOFRAN. We were sure we'd avoid the horrendous vomiting that usually accompanies Michael's surgery. We didn't. He was pretty miserable with back pain, throwing up and dizziness...and we had a "control slide" which ended up with him face down on the floor. We were a mess. He didn't want me to call the kids (out at a movie night at BreZac's) or any of the guys to help me lift him. He was sure we could do it...and we did.

He can't drive for 6 weeks, maybe 3.

He is still in pain. . . new pain.

I'm writing this on the 11th and he has new pain yesterday and today...his LEGS are bothering him. He says this is to be expected. I'm not sure. BUT he's doing better than he was on the 2nd.

The kids have been great help. We have hunkered down and focused on Michael recovering.

Elevator Pitch - Allie's Thesis Film

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Sat, 27 Jun 2026 21:26:13 +0000

Hi, guys. It’s Allie.

I think this might be the first blog post that I’ve actually written, which is odd because I feel like I’ve spent a fair share of time on this blog. I know you guys can move mountains – I’ve seen it before, and I trust you can do it again. All that to say, I’ve got a request. But first – story time. As many of you know, I left Alaska in the fall of 2025 to go to Liberty University to pursue a bachelors degree in film.

I left during a tumultuous time. The family attended the sentencing for Cy’s murderer barely a month before I left for school. On one hand, it felt like closure. But on the other hand, it didn’t bring him back, and that wasn’t any kind of ending I was content with.

I left Alaska, moved to a new state without anyone waiting there for me, and began working on what would be the culmination of all my work as a film student – my thesis film. I wrote the first draft of Elevator Pitch on a random summer afternoon. At the time, I was a freshman in college, fresh out of a very unconventional and harried high school experience. I was taking a screenwriting class with Liberty University online, just for vibes. That week, we were talking about elevator pitches, which referred to being able to pitch your story in the time it took to ride an elevator.

I thought, “What if instead of having to pitch your story in the time it takes to ride an elevator, you have to pitch why you should be allowed to live in the time it takes to ride an elevator?” And Elevator Pitch was born. It began with a man riding in an elevator, another man jumping in and threatening him with a gun, asking, “Why should I let you leave this elevator alive?”

The initial script was just dialogue. Just two guys in an elevator talking about life and not wanting to be a part of it anymore. It was dark, comical, and had heart. My gunman, Boston, was a zany, hapless character. He was suicidal and looking for reasons to live, so he asked someone else for inspiration. Only Matthias was even more suicidal than he was.

As I continued my college experience, hopping from pursuits, passions, callings, and jobs, Elevator Pitch stayed with me. When it came time to write my thesis film, Elevator Pitch was one of the ideas I pitched – pardon the pun.

As life progressed and I changed, so did the characters. Boston went from being an entertaining, flat character to a fully fleshed-out person. A young man from an abusive background who was kicked out for something that wasn’t his fault. Sound familiar?

Matthias was harder to understand. He was so angry and so sad. What was the source of his suicidality? I decided that his sister, Lily, died, then his girlfriend dumped him, then he lost his job. In my experience, there are times in your life when there are so many horrible things happening at once that it’s almost comical. Still, though, Matthias felt flat. Undefined.

Then we lost Cy, and suddenly Matthias made sense. All the rage, all the grief, all the hurt. I decided his sister didn’t just die. No. She died pulling people out of a burning car when she stumbled upon an accident on the side of the road. She was struck by a truck and killed. She died saving people she didn’t even know.

I knew exactly what people would say to Matthias after his sister died. “She was so brave.” “She died a hero.” “She was such a selfless person.” But that didn’t matter to Matthias. What mattered to Matthias was the fact that his sister was gone. Dead. Never to return. The one person who made him feel human and connected to the world was dead in an instant, and she wasn’t coming back. Yes, she died a hero. But she still died.

There was more than that, though. Why had Lily felt inclined to risk her life when she knew she had a family that loved her dearly and would’ve been deeply affected if she were hurt or killed?

When I went to Liberty, I may have left home and my family and court and Cy’s grave and the couch I was lying on when I heard he’d been murdered behind. But that grief came with me. The anger, the hurt, the pain – it never left. It just didn’t identify itself as what it was. Boston and Matthias – Elevator Pitch – became vessels for all the pain that I couldn’t yet voice.

Elevator Pitch is a story about grief, loss, love, and human connection. It’s about how doing the right thing doesn’t always make it all better or make all the pain go away. Elevator Pitch is not a story that will tell you to hurry up and feel better. It is a story that will tell you to slow down and feel. There are not always easy fixes in life. Not for things like grief.

Dad always tells me that giving speeches and pitches isn’t scary if you know you have something to say. Something that matters. I believe I do. I am passionate about Elevator Pitch’s message and I am eager to share it with people who are grieving and in pain.

This brings me to my request. As film students at Liberty University, we are required to fund our own thesis films. This means paying for actors, non-Liberty crew, locations, food during the shoot, and post-production work, such as composing a score and coloring the film. I am asking, if you are able and if you believe in Elevator Pitch’s message, that you donate to the film. Any donation of any size is greatly appreciated by me and by my cast and crew. I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t absolutely confident in this story and its message.

If you can’t donate, I completely understand. I’d still love for you to be involved and follow along. Elevator Pitch has an official page on Instagram where I post updates, and you’re all always welcome to come hang. I promise the vibes are good.

Thank you for listening to my elevator pitch, even if it took longer than an elevator ride. And thank you all for always cheering my family and I on. This life is heavy sometimes, but we ramble on.

Much love and many thanks,

Allie Goecker

Follow the film on Instagram here. @elevator_pitch_film

Donate to the film with Venmo here or at PayPal here.

Scottish Highland Games 2026

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Sat, 27 Jun 2026 15:27:00 +0000

We have never made it to the Scottish Highland Games. Michael is in a lot of back pain and isn't going anywhere just now. Melia, Stacia and I ran out to the games this afternoon. It was wet and a bit windy, but we had a thoroughly enjoyable time. It was $60 for us to get in - and it was worth it.

We visited vendors, bought a few things, visited with vendors and collected swag.

We watched a few games!

We sampled a lot of new foods! My favorite was the Scottish Egg.

Maybe it will be sunny next year.

June Family Celebration

noreply@blogger.com (DeEtta @ Courageous Joy) — Sat, 20 Jun 2026 16:40:00 +0000

It's June and so we celebrated Krista (absent) and Bre and Tali (who has been with BreZaak for the past few months). We also celebrated our Fathers - GG, Michael, Izaak (absent), Cory (absent), Luke (absent) and Jared. We remembered Josiah as well.

It was a beautiful sunny day, and we made the most of it. This may very well be our summer. We pulled out all the summer fun - water, trampoline, car, yard games, grill and eating outside. It's complete chaos when we all gather - but it's a blessed chaos. It's so fun to see cousins interacting.

Trudy, Charles, Josiah, Annie

Josi gets Uncle Nolan

Carrie and Josi

Trudy

Trudy and Ellie

Danny prepares to enter the fray

Me and Michael

Josi & Noah

This was Allie's first family gathering since being home. It was a good time to catch up.

Arielle, Allie & Carrie

The kids love to play with Melia on the trampoline. She's such a good sport!

Stacia

Ellie

Danny gets Melia

Olivia and Bella

Josi, Ellie and Danny

Noah helps Jared with his gift

Melia gave Mike a Dad Joke mug

Vitaly is working hard.

Josi & Ellie "Cheese"

Please, sir, may I come in from the out?

Josi & Noah

Gideon

Charles, Josiah, Annie

Bre, Arielle, Allie & Carrie

Summer is such fun!