Loving the Prince

Nothing

2013-10-25T16:33:00.002+00:00

".. love me for a second, and I will make that second last a lifetime!"

Even the sky could not make me see
The reason we even believe in destiny
We make our own faults, make our own turns
we make our own scratches make our own burns.

Even the clear waters could not make me see
The reason we believe in fate and in serendipity
We make our own lies, we make our own joy
We even make our own pains and ease it with a toy

Even your eyes could not make me believe
The reason for falling and the reason for love
You make your own choices, you make your sighs
You even make your own reasons to make love die.

What is left, in this empty hole
Where my heart used to be
Where we used to be happy
All gone in a snap of your finger
Even memories refuse to linger

You threw it away
I made it hard to stay
You took the laughter, the happiness gone too
All replaced with pain, doubts and a heart so blue

You took my bleeding heart
I am in a deep hollow
You broke my pieced together being
Yet, I still miss you and the love you used to bring.

Black

2013-10-25T16:22:00.002+00:00

".. love me for a second, and I will make that second last a lifetime!"

Tattered
Torn
Emotions scattered
Nothing to mourn.

Laughters
Tears
So bitter
All gone in seven years.

Mistakes
Deception
Love's at stake
Killed by Perception.

Nothingness
Darkness
Presence of nothing
But absence of Everthing
Black.

Cry
Useless
Nothing new to try
Leaving it all, helpless.

Nothing to see
Nothing to hold
Inability to see light
on a day so bright
Inability to fight
Lost without warning
Lost in this black night.

~Crossroads~

2011-08-30T12:25:00.001+00:00

We were feeling it. I guess I can't be guilty for wondering because he knows that we have lost touch. He is trying, I am trying to open my eyes, wondering if I had not opened it up if he would ever tell me. If he would ever have the courage to say that it has never been the same. Could we be broken from that marriage and just be together? Could we get away from the obligation of staying together would we be happier? He looks happy when he is not with me. He looks at peace, I want to be away to keep his smile. To keep him happy I only see sadness in his eyes. I see he is trying to be fine after all that has happened but I know it is not. I want to think things through. I want him to think things through.

We are not comfortable together. We eat in silence. We talk in emptiness, he uncertain of what I think and I uncertain of his emotions. I don't want him to do things just because it is what I want because I have said so. I want him to do things because he wants to. I want to be able to feel what he does because of the emotion it brings. I shared what I wrote more than a month ago to him. To make him realize that I knew. I felt. I understand.

I will go away for the weekend. To give him time to think. To give me time to think. For now letting him go and think about where we want to take this marriage is something that I think we both need to decide on. I feel that he is just torn in keeping and ensuring the curse of his family does not apply to him but he is not happy. We are no longer the same. We both know that we are uncertain if we ever will be.

".. love me for a second, and I will make that second last a lifetime!"

Reminiscing

2011-07-15T14:59:00.003+00:00

Looking back was not comfort, it was a mixed emotion of joy and sadness. It always is. It will always be. I guess whoever said that nothing in this life lasts forever is right. I did not want to look back, I was just bored and again angry. That never disappeared. It has always been in my heart. I have been on my own. I realized that now. I know I cannot blame anyone for that but myself. We are all accountable for our own actions, but then again I am thankful because it proved my point. No I am not bound to start an argument or the need to show that I am right, instead I have been hoping to be wrong. I have always been. Today is just not the day to be proven wrong.

I have been lost, yes. I have been looking, true. Yet I need you to realize that it is because it has never been the same. I sat here reading the past, reading how he felt (yes-FELT- past tense) I remember how it made me feel. I remember how it all made me crazy. I remember how we met, and how I love to tell people how we were. How we came to be. I remember it all. I loved the feeling that people would smile and sigh and say that they are glad that I was one of those people who found love regardless of the situation and was able to stay in love.

CRAZY MONDAYS

It used to be crazy. It is fun to be in love. It is fun when you are just trying to take each time to be together and enjoy each other's company. We had oysters, we had beer, we lived in different houses, we lived in different cities and we work in different areas but in the same company. Yet, we were together longer. Happy. We were content of time and each other. We lived different lives. Yet we have never felt more together. I remember that Monday when the car broke down and he had to take of his shirt off and manually start the car by pushing it while I was riding inside. That made me laugh. I told him he could pour water on himself and look like a commercial model in that ad always running in that late afternoon show. We used to laugh at mishaps. We used to laugh mistakes. We used to laugh together even at each other. Now, we can even barely smile.

BATH DAY SUNDAY

Incense, candles and warm bath. Long week ahead, we used to prepare for it together. I would heat up water, wait for him and get the candles and everything else ready. We like to take long baths. We love to take it together we used to like it too. And now there is silence. Minds have become preoccupied. Lives have began to fall apart. The sad part is, it is ours.

THE FIRST GIFT

The first gift he gave me, ah that Marks and Spencer lotion. Sad part, I am allergic to lotions. Yet, the gesture made me want to hate allergies. He hates Valentines day, and yet on a Valentines day where his car was on coding, he picked me up hurriedly and spontaneously took me to Tagaytay for some wine and cigar, regardless of how overrated VD is, he respected that I was a sucker for romance. Telling stories of the past. We loved to hear each other laugh at the things we went through without the other. Yet now, we talk less. We want to listen more, but only pick up things we want to hear. Now, the days have all become the same as well regardless of the occasion.

THE LOOK

I had stolen pictures of him, sitting down smiling after he looks at me. People who didn't know there was something going on between us would know because his smile and the way he looked at me gives it away. I could not see that anymore and every time I look for it, I can't look at him the same way as well. Like his blog, I also do not like to invest emotions, but it is wrong not to. Yet I get hurt every time I try to.

THE KISS

The first time he kissed me was by accident, or maybe for me it was. Yet it the joy it gave me lasted for a long time. No one could erase that smile on my face. I knew he was the one with that kiss. Yet, the time for it to stay started to get shorter and shorter with every kiss as years go by. Until it stayed no more. It became something that needs to be done. Goodbye, hello, good morning and good night. We used to not sleep without patching things, end it with a kiss. We couldn't last hours without talking when in anger, but now it could last days.

Sad don't you thing, but then again, it made me happy for a time to realize that I was not looking for something to hate. I was not lying when I said things changed. I have lied far too many times to even think this through myself. Where did that go, because deep in my heart I got affected in everything that has been happening so my love is still there. Has my mistakes made him angry too? Between the two of us I wonder who has become angrier? Will it ever come back?

Questions remain unanswered and deep inside I just know it is not now. Knowing myself I will doubt that he has read this and the only reason he does things is because he is trying to fix it based on what he knows. Could it be that the only reason I am so angry is because I have not felt his initiative in making me fall in love anymore. Wait, does he need to make me fall in love with me more everyday? Do I make him fall in love with me everyday? I don't know.

He used to put in all his blogs to believe in him. I did and I am hurting because I shouldn't have. It is not his fault that we are falling apart. It is ours. It is not his fault that I am looking for the man who made me fall for him, the same way he is looking for her the girl he married. We got lost in our lies. We got lost in our aim to make it work. We had something that could work but we tried so hard. Maybe we have to live apart, maybe we have to be apart for a time to give each other a chance to realize why we fell in love with each other in the first place.

Unless, being in love disappears when you just love the person. Unless, being in love no longer exists when you are married. Unless being in love is just for kids and the older you become the quicker it falls apart. Unless, we are just bound by that oath and try to keep it together just because we want to have a family even if it hurts the both of us.

Where we are heading, you see is something vague. He loved me and was in love with me. Now he just loves me. I want to see him again. The man who loved me like there is no tomorrow. The man who aims at nothing but to make me smile. The man who in an uncertain part of his life knowing he was going to be a father stood still despite and inspite of and said I will marry you. I miss him. I would want to see him again. I will not wish for that unless I would be that girl he fell for. Right now, I just don't know if I still am and if I ever will be.

He used to be my everything and I his. He used to be the only one to make me smile and I aim at nothing to return the favor but now, we are just two people trying to make it work. I miss yesterday, I miss him. I miss my Prince.

"He fell on me like a wave. But like a wave he washed away, leaving no sign that he had been there.Louise Edrich"

Wanting to be found

2011-07-15T14:40:00.002+00:00

I have not written in a long time. I don't even know sometimes if I still know how. A lot of people have been telling me that I only write when I have extreme emotions, and right now I know it is true. Life has a way of showing you how to go back to your roots. I have been wanting to write again. Only because there are so many bottled emotions that I have inside. After realizations and encounters with a friend who would remind and ask me who I truly am, I revert back to what I have become. Only because it is the easiest way to deal with life. Being angry and being tough.

I have lost myself a midst my own life. I have become someone I never wanted to be. I am someone I do not even want to become.. but life is nasty. Not all people are there for you, some are just going to bring you down when they know they can and what do you have left when no one else is there to stand for you and be there for you. You learn to fight. You learn to hate. You learn to be angry.

Even right now I do not really know what I wish to right about. I do not really know if I want to rant and explain what has been making me angry for the past years. I am not sure if I want to look back at all of the things that made me who I am. I know for a fact that if I do I will start blaming people. I will start bringing back memories and it will make me angrier because at the end of the day, I have allowed them to be part of my life and make me the person I am today.

As a child, I worry about nothing. I know I can get through exams without studying. I can get through life with anything because I believe in myself. I believe that things will go my way. Now, I don't even know why I stopped believing. We all know that fairytales do not come true, but I, I believed in a book that regardless of what I go through in life I will be able to get better towards the latter part of mine.

I lost myself in a battle against myself. I got lost in my own life, I got lost in my own schedule. I got lost most of all in my own wanting to be found. Nothing is left but pieces that I don't even know if I can paste back together. I got lost in anger. I got lost in the pain. I got lost in the wanting to be me again. I could never be me again. Or could I?

Five Reasons I am voting for NOYNOY AQUINO for President By Angela Lingaro-Izon

2009-09-10T15:50:00.002+00:00

I have never been fond of Philippine Politics, Why? Plain and simple... It is dirty. During my college years I have gone with some family friends for their campaigns and I know what is going on behind the curtain. I was gaining understanding to a lot of things when I heard the news that Cory was in hiding in the Carmelite Sisters Convent in Mabolo Cebu. I was seeing tanks all over my area and in my young mind I asked my mom what was going on and what she did to cause all this commotion, I was 5 years old then, my mom told me that this woman named Cory Aquino was paving a better future for my generation. I grew up and never forget what she said.

I began admiring her and her family. When things were becoming rough in Kris Aquino’s life regardless of what was said in the tabloids I admired her for her buoyancy but not her tactlessness (coz I think I have it as well and oftentimes it gets me in trouble) thinking that she probably got it from her mom. Over the years, from one President to another and one controversy to another I began to wonder of what could have been my faith in the government had Cory stayed for one more term. What could have been my principles and belief in this government had I experienced her leadership as I was growing up. Would I be able to entrust my future to our leaders? Would the office politics be minimized because people are in sight of great leaders and they are being exposed to how leadership should be? Maybe or maybe not… Then again, no one can stop me from saying that I think there would still be a huge difference.
I don’t know the Aquino family, I am not prominent and my voice should not matter.

So why am I writing this? To prove a point somehow I have agents, my families will hear my thoughts and so would my friends in every sector and I want to help them realize and understand where I am coming from 2010 is around the corner and yes obviously I am voting for NOYNOY AQUINO.

Why? I have created a 5 reasons to justify this decision.

1. They are already well off.

Cojuanco’s and Aquino’s have already grown up in abundance. True, some of our leaders are also filthy rich but the difference is they are not as selfish and selfless as what these people are showing. True we may not know what is behind and how much money they have in the banks but bottom line is should we really care? Mainly if you look back to previous leaders what has consistently been the reason for the scandals? Power and corruption has been coming up in most of the reports and even in accusations.

2. Their name means something to them.

Both parents of the Aquino’s have served this country with pride, because of that the nation has entrusted the future to the hands of two heroes who has done nothing but give dignity to this country. I’m sure we all admired Ninoy one way or another for fighting for freedom. Look I also admire Ferdinand Marcos because the guy is very smart, the people around him though based on books I am not so sure of. If and when Noynoy fails which I doubt he will because I know for a fact that he will continue on the legacy that his parents have actually taught him, our country will once again show the world that there is something left for us to live in. We can reclaim the dignity that we have once lost because we have been consistently been broadcasted in CNN and other networks over a dinner we cannot afford. Let’s face it our leaders are our front liners and being in the call center industry we definitely know what this means.

3. He has friends who are willing to sacrifice their own dreams for him.

Let’s face it; a man is only as good as his friends. Mar always had my vote. I thank him for the industry that I am enjoying and working in. I don’t know his reason for giving way to Noynoy and I know it is hard for him to let go of a dream he always had. Binay on the other hand is someone I respect because he has kept Makati on its toes, progressive and yet humble. If these two men both dreamt of being the country’s leaders stepped down to support one man it speaks so much about this person. It means that if his friends respect and support him, if they believe in this person to be a good leader then it tells us what this person is like to people who have known him for so long. I have always believed that if your friends love you, they will tell you how bad, stinky and ugly you are. But if you are doing something right or if you are good enough to be a leader they will support and back you up 100%. What good is a leader when you turn around and no one is there to catch you or slap you when you start to crumble and fall?

4. He was not in the picture to ruin another person’s career

In every instance the Aquino’s opinion mattered to the public and the church. In these instances, I have never heard Noynoy speak ill of anyone in position. He has kept a low profile and allowed his mom whose opinion really mattered. He never intervened nor has he made name for himself by ruining another person. I don’t care if they have issues with land or whatever but bottom line is you cannot quote him on anything that has caused anyone to lose a job or a position.

5. I want change.

We have seen everyone trying to rule this country. From the dumbest to the smartest and there was no difference. Maybe he is no different from our past presidents but bottom line is, we will never know until we give it a try. From trapo, to MMDA chair, to a former president we have ousted. Is there really another choice? It takes so much to be a leader and just because you have supporters it doesn’t mean that you are qualified. Leadership is innate, it is instilled it has always been within the person and just because of that I feel that he deserves a chance because he was raised by great leaders and all he needs is an opportunity to at least show us that he can make a difference.

What is great about this blog is that no one paid me to do so. I am not being influenced by anyone about this decision this decision and my only hope is that the country follows their promise that there is no price is their heads that would allow them to be covered in stain.
I just hope that the youth would realize that now is our time to show the older generations and the next generation that we should be in control. Our elders has shown us the wrong path in the past, that for every vote is price, it is now our time to show our kids that we are smart enough to put the right people in the position and power.

We are struggling as a country and in comparison to before, it is not much to brag about. Yet we can expect more to come in the future. Let us wake up and take control of our future for the future of our kids. Let us show them how to choose a leader that can make the change that we want.For now, we need to realize why we are voting for whoever it is we wish to.

I have placed my reasons… What about you?

".. love me for a second, and I will make that second last a lifetime!"

The love I had for him grew even more...

2006-03-30T11:01:00.000+00:00

How do you define forever? How do you define love? How would you know if he is the one for you? These were my questions in the past.. Questions that would usually be answered with a smile from people that I talk to. Why do I ask? maybe because I wanted to know if the feeling that I have would be justified by their answers. Maybe because I thought that I would know how it feels if people would tell me that this is how it is supposed to be.

In the old days, I would have my ways of defining love. Generally it is setting the person free just to see if he comes back to you. It's letting the person realize that he wants to be with you and no one else.

Until he came to be, when I had reasons to let go, he held on. Everything in my life took a turn and all my beliefs became twisted. I used to think that I can live my life on my own. That regardless of what happens I know that I will be strong enough to face everything. Yet, after being with him for more than a year I realized that life without him is impossible. We went through tough times, but he managed to pull us through. I have always been a quitter, I was scared of fighting for something that may have any reason. I was scared that one way or another I would fail in fighting, I was scared that I may be fighting alone.

He gave me a whole lot of reason to believe in a love I never thought existed. He gave me a feeling I never knew was possible. From bitterness he would turn it to joy. He taught me what it means to be happy by just seeing him smile. He taught me that even a smile could show what happiness means. He taught me how to battle the odds and fight for what you believe in. He fought for what we have, regardless of wether what we have was right or wrong. In the end, I guess it was right after all because we have something beautiful.

I could write a million poems, a hundred stories about the love we have, there are a lot things that I could put into writing but none of which could justify the beauty of the love that we have. Forever? I know what it is, it's now. It's making everything that we have last for as long as we both could. Love? it is who he is and who I am when we are together. It is the both of us living the same dream and longing for the same path.

How would we know if he is the one for you? you will never know, yet you feel it. The heart will always be stronger than your will. Your mind becomes too smart to question what your heart feels. It becomes too overwhelmed by all the emotions that you go through.

I have always been pessimistic about love, I have seen it crumble and fall. I have felt it leave and seen it die. Yet, one way or another you just know when its going to last for the rest of your life.

There will be this instance when I fear that what he has for me might vanish, that he would wake up one day and realize that what he feels for me has died out. I feel scared still, but when I look back and remember how he single handedly won my heart, single handedly battled our odds just to fight for what we have.. I fear no more.

He is right, I should not be scared. We have the rest of our lives to fight our battles together. Now I know that I am not going to let him win our battles alone. Instead I will hold his hand in every storm and make him see that I will be with him in fighting and believing in what we have.

Love, is not a state of mind. Its a castle that is built overtime. A lot of girls would ask how I did it, how I managed to make a genie stay with me to make my wishes come true.. I smile.. it was not simple at all.. You have to hold him like there is no tomorrow and love him like there is no other day.

Now I know that my questions have been answered. He is the answer that I have been waiting and looking for.

".. love me for a second, and I will make that second last a lifetime!"

When forever happens today..

2005-12-09T21:54:00.000+00:00

Sometimes.. you just don't realize when forever will catch you by surprise. You don't look for love, it happens. You refuse to see forever, it presents itself. You blind yourself to reject pain and lies, you become buried to it to feel that you are alive. In the end.. you become a stronger person. Full of love in your heart, full of dreams for tomorrow and a promise that you will never be alone. Love happens when you don't look for it, when you least expect it.

".. love me for a second, and I will make that second last a lifetime!"

Few days before TWO WEEKS...

2005-07-02T08:12:00.000+00:00

I have always been scared to be away from him again. It pains me to be a few minutes distant, not because I am scared of losing him but because it tears me up inside that I can't hold and kiss the man I love.

Last night, I could not breathe as he broke the news. He was leaving me for two weeks to be in my hometown. He will stay there for two long weeks. I will be without his touch, without his kiss, without his love for two God forsaken weeks. I am lost, I will be dead for two weeks for the air that I breathe shall be taken away from me. He and no other can make me smile in my darkest despair.

He makes my world go around, He makes my life worth living and all of a sudden he will be away from me again. I wish he will be strong for us, the way he was when I left for a week. I wish he would still be loving me when he comes back, I wish we will still be together after the two weeks is over.

There is no other for me and even if I get scared sometimes that he would leave one day. A part of me will remain happy, loved and in total pleasure for the love I have known and learned from him. I have become a totally different individual, strong and open. Full of life and determination. All because of him and the love that he gives me. I wish he knows that when he comes back, I stay in the same place he left me. The way he stayed when I had to go away. He might be far, but he will never be alone, he takes my heart with him.

".. love me for a second, and I will make that second last a lifetime!"

~The Missing Stars~

2005-06-04T13:51:00.000+00:00

Ever wondered what makes the heavens cry?

I know, and let me tell you why..

I look at the skies every night

Counted each star that shines bright.

Each night I would try to see if they're all there

I would search for the belt and even the little bear

I may not be able to name them all, you see..

ButI know where they are regardless of where I can be.

From the north to the south, or the end of every pole.

I know their location, it's etched in my soul.

Until one night I can't believe what I saw in the sky

Two stars were missing and I could not understand why.

I searched for it day and night wondering where it might be

In every thunder and every rain I could hear the heaven's plea,

They are missing the stars and I could not find it anywhere

Then he came, eyes twinkiling and you will fall in love in his stare.

For long I dreamed to see his eyes again, be held close in his gaze

It can set you in a cloudy haze, it's like being lost in a maze.

Then I felt that I have seen it somewhere, probably up in the sky?

With every look, every touch he simply sets me floating on high.

The heavens missing stars are in his eyes all along.

The heavens should not be worried for the stars have become words to my song.

My heart beats in a single symphony, with his eyes as my melody.

The stars that twinkle up high, have fulfilled a lifetimes mystery.

The beauty of his face and the wonders of his eyes,

May cause the heavens a million endless cries.

Remember that when the heavens starts rumbling and lightning is everywhere.

The heavens are missing the stars that are found in the gentleness of his stare.

".. love me for a second, and I will make that second last a lifetime!"

~o~ Genie in a bottle ~o~

2005-06-01T12:30:00.000+00:00

The genie...
Rub the lamp the right way
He will pop out and with you he'll stay.
three wishes he will give to you
from love to happiness to being true

In the lamp where he lives you shall see
the magic he gives is beyond eternity.
He is the genie who grants wishes of three
ask me more and surely you will be filled with jealousy.

He knows what your heart desires
even before you speak.
Knows your deepest dreams
even before you can blink
Grants them slowly one by one
but remember to the lamp he belongs when your wishes are done.

Some would make a mistake
not knowing what misery is at stake
After granting the wish of two
you go to three
They want to be with the genie so they wished
for him to be free

But Alas! to their surprise he was gone,
the lamp, the genie and the wish of one
You see my dears, fairytales don't always come true
Nor do they always end the way you want them to

You may want him to be free to be with you
But waht if his heart belongs to someone new?
Let's say while granting you a wish or two
He fell for someone out of the blue
Or say, you thought he was loving you
But what if in his mind I was there too? ;)

Yes impossibilities are rare to happen
But this tale will remain open
In a hundred years your genie could come back.
So time and again you can push your luck.

And when you see a golden lamp in a dark corner anywhere
Rub it gently and blow it with care
And there you might find a genie who
Can grant you another wish or two.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o--o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

But the genie in this lamp simply belongs to me
Even if you get the lamp, he'll come back you'll see
His heart I have taken and my heart to him I have given
He lights my days and grants my wishes too
He gives me joy and a love so true.

".. love me for a second, and I will make that second last a lifetime!"

~0~ The Wonders of Loving Him ~0~

2005-06-01T12:03:00.000+00:00

There are wonders that we could never explain. Let the wonders amaze you as it had amazed me.

In loving him you will find comfort,

serenity, peace and a contentment

you thought you will never find.

In finding him, you feel nothing but joy

your heart screams for no one

and you feel blessed to meet his kind.

In being with him, you keep yearning

you cant seem to get enough of his presence

his touch is your breathing

his smile is your own hearts beating

his eyes feed the hunger of your soul

his laughter is the very essence of your day

He is the very reason of existence and everyday living.

Yes he contributes to life, he gives it meaning-

a purpose, and a path. He is the light you will find

at the end of every tunnel.

A gift at the end of each rainbow, no gold there,

as what old people would often say. It is a Prince,

who awaits for his princess.

He is heaven's gift to women, who ever said that

eve and her descendants should be punished?

That's a mistake, For a God like him was sent to earth

and be the greatest treasure ever told.

True, this may have no sense at all

But what can I do?

My thoughts are overflowing,

the pen just kept writing..

The glory and wonder of knowing him

being with him

and loving him

is simply overwhelming...

It makes you thank the heavens above

for the blessing you find in his arms and in his love.

".. love me for a second, and I will make that second last a lifetime!"

Listen to My heart...

2005-05-30T14:43:00.000+00:00

My heart has spoken,
It has been deaf-mute for long
it believes in a love, it believes in a lover
it keeps and holds a feeling that's strong
breaking defenses and keeping it's cover.

My heart has learned
It's beginning to have a mind of its own,
Decides for itself, taking control of me
I, on the other hand has seen that love has grown
Day after day my heart is in glee.

My heart has spoken,
It has found comfort and a love so true..
A knight so rare to find.
A lover and a friend rolled into one.
I love you, my Prince, My bestfriend and My One...

".. love me for a second, and I will make that second last a lifetime!"

"If I could Only Paint..."

2005-05-30T14:37:00.000+00:00

If I could only paint a smile on your face...

I will draw a line from ear to ear,
hold you close to my heart my dear.
and then I will put another line or two
to show the dimples that made me fall for you.

If I could paint the night sky tonight...

I will form your name using the stars in the sky,
take you with me as I spread my wings and fly.
I will let the stars shine for no one else but you,
Shine in the darkest hours, turn gray nights to midnight blue.

If I could paint a masterpiece today...

I will need no canvass or coal,
or paint brush or crayons or anything more.
Nothing could justify the beauty of you,
no painting could be made for the masterpiece and the treasure
is the Love I have found in you.

"for the words we could never say and the things they can never take away...."

~The Calling of my Heart~

2005-05-25T11:48:00.000+00:00

"while desperately aching, my heart whispered something.. in pain, i reached for my pen and began writing what it has to say."

In every heartbeat is a calling

for someone to share a dream or two,

a bottle of beer, a smoke or a smile

that can turn gray skies to blue.

In every sigh, is a hopeless cry

for someone to call in times of need

a longing that only one person can heed..

In a single glance or in every look,

in a distant horizon you'll meet his gaze..

Though forever may not be within reach,

but the look has set your being ablaze...

The fiery touch that gives a comforting hold,

the blissful kiss that opens the sky

the warm embrace, and the loving smile

the sweet togetherness that makes you soar high..

Things you could never trade

moments that make life worth living...

times that are treasured and...

worth believing...

".. love me for a second, and I will make that second last a lifetime!"

...loving the Prince!

2005-05-16T10:09:00.000+00:00

What do you do when the blue heavens suddenly turn dark and gray? When the summer sun turns away to pave way for the rain? What do you do when all that you dream of has to make way for reality? Are you going to face and accept that fact that nothing lasts forever, or are you simply going to make believe that this too shall pass?

Monday.. how I love Mondays. It is my favorite day of the week. I get to do a lot of things with the Prince, I get to make believe that nothing could go wrong. And true enough nothing would ruin Mondays with him. May it be the time that his car broke down, may it be a lost ticket, may it be a bad incident, it would turn out great so long as I spend my day with him.

Fear-- has ruined me a lot of times, I crumbled and fell because of fear. I have been so uptight, so lost and so broken because of fear. Yet, come to think of it... What am I so scared of? What do I fear the most? What do I not want to happen? Losing him. A part of me wondered if I was taking him away from the real joy that he might be feeling apart from me. I was in thought if I was blocking that one path that he might enjoy venturing alone or with someone else. I was thinking that maybe he was just waiting for me to let go of his hand, so he could spare me from the pain.

Yes, My Precious prince is capable of sacrificing his true happiness just for the happiness of others. He is the man that any girl would dream of. He says the right things at the right time. He does the right things without having you ask it of him. He knows how one feels even before it is made obvious to anyone else. He is that sensitive, he is that great.

I went there to ask if he wanted me to let go. If there was someone else he would want to be with. I was paranoid, I was scared after all that I have seen, that maybe just may be I was not the one he wanted to be with. As painful as it could get, I was half prepared while the other part of me is hoping that things would turn out right. It was like one foot was in a graveyard while the other was about to take a step. If I was in a dark pit, my other hand was clinging to the mouth of the pit while the other was breaking free. Yet as a whole I was willing to fall and simply accept the darkness so long as I know that he wants to either be with me or just let go.

I was prepared, with a scheduled flight. With a resignation waiting to be sent out and of course the willingness to see him happy. I love him and I want what is best for him. He is everything that I care about.

Walking that familiar path to the TQID, where I would anticipate seeing him was no longer giving me that emotion. Instead it gave me fear and distress. What would he say? Will he say goodbye? Will he let me go? Is my dream over? When I saw him, I wanted to hold him. Hug him once last time, kiss the lips of the man who has made me happy like no one else in the last 4 months of my life and tell him I love you one last time. That was all I wanted.

When I heard what I wanted to hear, I wanted to walk out. I wanted to walk away and let him be happy with his decision, but a part of me wanted to hold on to his hand longer. Thank him for all the love he has given me, but I don't know if that was everything that I want. Guess not. I was lost in his eyes, I wanted to fight for him, for what I feel, for my love for him.

Dakota was right, it is truly hard to say goodbye. The fear of losing is indeed leading me to the dark side. Who cares if this is my selfish side talking, if being in the dark side means being happy then be it. I am inlove with him and I just can't let him go. I just can't walk away. I have walked away from a lot of things and I am positively sure that being with him is what I want. I am inlove with the Prince, hopelessly and desperately loving the Prince.

".. love me for a second, and I will make that second last a lifetime!"

~Finding My way to You Despite the Storm~

2005-05-05T11:52:00.000+00:00

I have always known that perfection is hard to achieve, one way or another the perfect weather will be tested by a gloomy and windy day. Sometimes despite logic, despite trust, despite the fact that you believe, a part of you would tend to be scared that through all this you will lose what you already have. Not because you are letting go; but because someone is going to take it away from you.

In that fear, you lose yourself. Entirely and completely lose yourself. Your sanity slowly decapitates. Your whole being begins to crumble. Poise is no longer seen. You begin to slowly fall and breakdown. Nothing is within your grasp, you can barely breathe and a stream of water-like particles begin to flow unendlessly from your tear glands. You want to hold back your voice as you weep, but you can't. You want to scream to let out the pain, but no voice could come out. Your mind begins to flashback certain details, memories, regardless of what it is, but definitely involves the reason you are crying for. You simply get lost.

All because of fear, nonsense and meaningless fear. A perfect day it should have been, but stupidity came knocking as early as dawn. The fear of losing My Prince knocked me off. I guess a part of me deserved a spanking. I have always been believing, in him, in us and in what we have. WOMEN! I can't seem to anticipate the fact that someone might and may take him away. I know I have been prepared for that. Yet I felt that I don't have to be prepared for that. I won't let anyone take him away from me (I only realized that now).

Things started to flame up, he was hurting and so was I. The light of the sun blinded my teary eyes, a couple of people tried to ask if I was okay, I was not. I will not be, until I hold him close to me. Until he tells me that I still have him. Until he looks into my eyes and tell me that he is still in love with me despite my stupidity. Then I received his email.

My cry became louder, the pain got deeper. I was helpless, I sat on the floor, with a blanket wrapped around my body. I was cold, scared and empty. I feel like I have lost a part of me. No I am lost. I could not look beyond nor look at today without him in my life. I stood up, faced my computer, questioned myself what will I be without him? what will i do? where will i go? The lines that I used to say before is striking me now "What am I if I can't be yours?" Yes I am nothing without him. I just realized that. I am having the worst part of my nightmare becoming my reality.

I browsed through our old pictures, his writings that were for me, but a part of me was browsing through an airline website. I had nothing left to do here, without him there is no reason for me to go on being happy. My happiness has left me, my life's reason has gone away from me, why should I stay. Where would I go? Definitely not home because his heart is my home. Definitely not here as well, I am lost in this place without him. I was scared, never been this scared in my entire life.

I wanted to smoke, I have ignored his calls. I don't want him to hear me weeping like this. I don't want him to see and feel how scared I was. My mind is made up, I am not going to let this day end like this. Or I will die in pain and misery. He came with eyes in pain. I felt like I have cried for a day, it was the longest and the most painful three hours of my life. I have never felt so uncertain in my life, I was not sure if he is still mine. If I belonged to him still.

When I heard him saying that he was thankful for what we HAD, that he would always love me, I am definitely sure that this is it. My Prince has given up on me. My Prince is no longer mine. Right there and then I wanted to jump off the parking lot. I was pathetic. When I saw his hand, bruised and wounded I felt pain. This should have never happened if I trusted, if I entirely believed, this would have never happened.

Loving him is the only thing I know. Seeing him through this darkness is like seeing myself finding the path I want to take. Holding his hand is like making every single dream come true. He is the only light I need. He is the only truth that I have been seeking for. Loving him is the only reason I have been having. I have kept things because I want to make it right for him, none the less I was wrong when in fact I could make it right with him. He has always played a perfect role in my life, but there are scenes that he should have been part of, but I was depriving him of that.

My Man, he has shown me what loving was all about. I have been seeing what i want to see. Doing what I want to do, without listening. I have been using the word I too much, I guess its time for me to open up and listen. Consider. I can't imagine life without him. I have existed too long without him, now that I am living because of him, I am not going to let that slip away.

Now I am faced in another storm, I don't want to sail alone. My Captain is holding my hand. Sailing me through the light of day. Today might be rough, but I have found my way to my sailor, he is helping me laugh through the tides. Holding my hand as we reach the shore. At times, I know if I don't see him beside me or behind me. He will always be right infront of me, guiding me to the light.

My Captain, thank you for sailing the rough waters with me. The light may refuse to reveal itself, but I fear not because I have your hand. The strong winds may unendlessly blow, but the warmth of your embrace will keep me warm and that is enough to make me live. The rain may continue to pour but standing in the rain with you will never make me feel cold. Thank you for being the knight that you are, for being the prince that you should be and for the man I have always loved in you.

".. love me for a second, and I will make that second last a lifetime!"

Today is MONDAY!

2005-05-02T15:37:00.000+00:00

a lot of people would hate mondays, i used to be one of them. until mondays became our day. nothing would seem to go wrong on a monday, things would perfectly go our way, well except that we never get to finish the movies that we were supposed to watch, we would often fool around. we get to have a lot of fun on mondays. we get to spend more time with each other. today is a monday, and it is kind of funny. as i write my blog.. you are having your car fixed. as i wait for you, i long to see the glow in your eyes.

seeing you sweaty awhile ago, was like watching a commercial. a perfect face in a manly job. hmm sexy dont you think? like any monday, today is different but fun. it makes you want to look back and wonder how we would have managed to pull this day through.it makes me wonder how long would we be together today? what will we do? but regardless of which, i will still have fun because i am spending the day with my knight, my prince, my love.

in an isolated area in greenbelt, where most of the people are playing computer games, i write with a smile. though people are looking at me, i remember what you said earlier. i am yours and the thought of that makes me secure. makes me ignore any stare that i would get.

i have to go. their keyboard hurts. i will see you in a few minutes and i have been anticipating the fact of holding you once more. before you come i will have a moCHA hahahahahaha... without my prince! mwah

love you more everyday.

".. love me for a second, and I will make that second last a lifetime!"

Today a Month Ago!

2005-04-29T02:40:00.000+00:00

~One more day.. my embrace is yours.
my lips and hands are once more
where they should be... upon yours.
My heart... your kingdome awaits you,
my princess.
My Prince- 9:41pm 3/29/05

I woke up today feeling thankful that I could see you. Today is the 29th of April, last month I remember my wanting, my pains, my agony of being away. It was not at all easy. It was not pleasing me in any way. I know I have told you this a thousand of times, but believe me if I could show you how I feel now I will. I feel blest that you are with me. I don't want to look back to that week of being away from you. It pains me still. When I remembered last night, I so wanted to see you. At the first light of day I had to see you. To make sure that you are really there, and that it is not my nightmare that I have to face.

I was not able to sleep well, I was looking forward to today. Wanting to make sure that I am here. With you. I wake up every hour. Making sure that this is for real. I am haunted by the pain, I am sorry My love. I guess I just don't want to wake up and realize that I would feel the longing and the torture of being away. I remember that day, I wanted to come home. I had one more day to wait. I had one more day to wish, to hope that I would live again in the dream that you have once given me. Indeed here I am, dreaming with you.

The smile in your face, the look on your eyes. It completes my day. The touch of your hand, your soft skin. Reassured me that you are real. I am with you. I am in my dream. I belong to you once more.

The song playing now, as I write this tells the truth. ~ When I see you smile, I can face the world. When I see you smile, I can do anything.. Baby when I see you smile, smile at me. ~ Thank you for making me feel this way. I know I should not be scared of being away from you, because one way or another I know my heart will find its way back. It's just that, I am so glad for now. That you are with me. That I am here now.

If I could show you, and tell you what a blessing you have become and have been to me I would. Yet, all I could do is show you that you are far better than any dream. That I would thank all the heavens for bringing you into my life and that today, I have never been so thankful in my entire life that I am with you. I love you. I am inlove with you... and I am more than glad that I am with you.. Thank you for being mine.

".. love me for a second, and I will make that second last a lifetime!"

2005-04-23T19:30:00.000+00:00

Today...

the longings of being with you has been overpowered by the happiness that you have been giving me. the assurance of being in love with me, has kept me going through out the day of boredom, pain (physical pain), and exhaustion. the wonders of you. the glory of being with you. and the mystery of loving you has been amazing me every single day.

your smile ~ gives me a feeling that seeing you smile is my main agenda for the day. it makes me want to make you smile every single time that i am with you. it is my aim. it has become a habbit~ so hard to break.

your eyes ~ like you they are wonders. it speaks, yes, it does.. right through my heart. one way or another it is addicting. the colors makes me wonder what is beyond your thoughts, what is beyond your looks, what is beyond your emotions.

your face ~ who would not fall for it, who would not fall for you? everything about you is a wonder. everything that you are is a gift. everything in you simply makes me love you in each passing day.

Tomorrow..

a day of being alone, reminiscing, wondering, waiting till you are in my arms again. for the day after tomorrow. i shall see your smile, i will be looking right through your loving eyes and i will be holding your face. but for now, i will just hold your heart close to mine.

".. love me for a second, and I will make that second last a lifetime!"

~You- the new word for being Happy~

2005-04-23T18:26:00.000+00:00

Sometime not so long ago, I used to wonder what would eventually make me happy. What would make me want to preserve a day or moment, enough to make me sigh at the end of the day. I know that there were times in the past, that I have been happy, temporary happiness I guess, one way or another there were also those moments when I pretended to be happy. I pretend to laugh at jokes around other people but eventually the laughter fades. Deep inside, my thoughts were scattered, my mind is lost, and my heart is wandering somewhere finding the other half of my given smile.

I know that happiness should be found within yourself, maybe one way or another it was my choice to be miserable. It was a choice to live in that kind of life, but then again, who am I to choose my own happiness right? For some time, I was searching, waiting, longing to know what to answer when asked if I was happy. I want to say YES and really mean it. I don't want to fake things anymore. Today, a friend called me and asked if I was happy. To my surprise, I did'nt answer the question.

It was my heart who shouted. Passing through my vocal cords and blurted out a BIG "YES, I am very happy". There was silence from the other end of the line, I on the other hand smiled at myself. I realized that I was lost in the reasons of my happiness. I was lost in the mere fact that each day of living becomes a fulfillment of my dream. I pinched myself, maybe I was just too sleepy to realize that maybe I was indeed dreaming. I was not! I am wide awake. Too awake to realize that there are not a lot of reasons for my happiness.

It is but for one.

In the past few months actually. I have given out a selfless smile and laughter. No pretense. No lies. Just a pure thought of wanting to be where I am. It is truly fulfilling. Waking up in the morning with a smile on your face and closing your eyes at night with a big grin.

One person is making me feel too much more than I thought I would ever find. One person has been making me feel like a princess worth loving, and treasuring. One Prince makes me feel like I am truly someone worth keeping. For the first time I know how I want to be loved, and how I want to be treated. He showed it to me. He gave it to me. That is why I am happy.

I don't know if I am making a point here, I guess I am just expressing and letting my emotions flow. With it, maybe I can find something sensible to say aside from the fact that he completes my smile, my half given smile. He completes my days. He is the missing ingredient in this non spicy life of mine. He is my tabasco, my seasoning, my broth, my everything.

He spiced up my life. No he gave me a life. Wait, he could be my life after all.

".. love me for a second, and I will make that second last a lifetime!"

ANOTHER USED TO BE

2005-04-18T11:00:00.000+00:00

I brought you here
So that I could express the things I've been thinking bout
Give me your ear cuz I don't normally do this
So bear with me through this
There are so many things
That I wanna say
But let me start by simply saying
I thank you...

Darling Just Because
I used to love someone that I didn't like
We used to wanna break up every other night
I used to think relationships were a lot of stress
I used to think that pain was a part of happiness
Now all that's changed since you've come my way
But I don't want us to become
Another Used To Be

I hope what I'm saying
Don't discourage you in any kind of way
Cuz I do believe
That you have everything I need
I hope that you can really understand
That I would hate to be with someone new

And tell him what I'm telling you
I used to love someone that I didn't like
We used to wanna break up every other night
I used to think relationships were a lot of stress
I used to think that pain was a part of happiness
Now all that's changed since you've come my way
But I don't want us to become
Another Used To Be

Cuz it would only be
Another waste of time
And nothing more but to take rage
out on my mind
Another memory part of history
Who could forget cuz it keeps on haunting me
Now that you're here it's evidently clear
I don't have to worry
I dont ever have to have this worry again (again)

Oooohhh
I used to love someone that I didn't like
We used to wanna break up every other night
I used to think relationships were a lot of stress
I used to think that pain was a part of happiness
Now all that's changed since you've come my way
But I don't want us to become
To become another used to be

I used to be the one
I used to love someone that I didn't like
We used to wanna break up every other night
I used to think relationships were a lot of stress
I used to think that pain was a part of happiness
Now all that's changed since you've come my way
But I don't want us to become
To become another used to be

I used to be the one
I used to love someone that I didn't like
We used to wanna break up every other night
I used to think relationships were a lot of stress
I used to think that pain was a part of happiness
Now all that's changed since you've come my way
But I don't want us to become
Another Used To Be

when thoughts fail you, and my actions seem bizaare as well. always remember that there is not single minute or split second that i stopped loving you. That will never change. I would never want you to be another used to be, you're not the only one who is in this for the long run.

".. but in the end if I'm with you, I'll take the chance!"

Far away!

2005-04-01T16:09:00.000+00:00

the week of being away from you has brought out a weakness in me. A weakness I thought I would never see, pretending has never been my talent. I could not pretend that I can live without a glimpse of you. I could not pretend that I could survive another week without you. This may scare you, but then again it is a fact I can't hide.. If I do, I would be fooling myself. I do believe in us, I do believe in you. I love you and I could never let go. Not now, not ever.

Tuesday
---- as the plane landed, I felt a knife poked in my heart. Yes, I was in pain knowing that you were not within reach. That I can't see you no matter how I want to. That I cant be with you even if I want to. Everything around me seemed unfamiliar. There were a lot of things that changed. Everything changed except for the house. Except for my family. But all the rest.. It changed. It really did. I was scared that when I come back you would change as well.. I miss you and if I could go back to your arms I would.. I definitely would.

Wednesday
---- the day of agony and pain,yes I wake up to everyday with a message from you. you call, and I have been constantly yearning for you. Yearning to be with you. I cant function. I cant go out I refuse to because I don't want to make memories without you. you are the dream that has captured this lonely heart and now that I have you I just cant let go.

Thursday
---- the day is killing me.. Slowly.. As each beat of my heart torments me in longing.. Missing you.. Wondering where you are and who is in your arms. I know it should have been me. It should have been me who is receiving your kisses. It should have been me who is whispering sweet nothings. Then you called. You felt my pain. You felt my love. Just like the way I feel yours.

Friday
----four days of being here feels like forever. It has been ages since I have last held you, years since I have kissed you and eternity since I have told you that I love you. Until when would this pain haunt me? When am I going to feel your arms around me? When can I see you again my love? I long for the eyes that comforts me. Your eyes. I long for the arms that made me feel secure. Your touch. I long for the lips that has spoken a thousand words but meant one thing to me.. That I was loved more than I am supposed to. Your kiss. I love you and I long to make you see and feel that. I love you more than I thought I would. I love you more than I thought I can.

Saturday
----the week seems endless. The nights are getting colder everyday. My eyes have dried and I could not cry.. I spend each nights crying and longing for you. Yes it has become a habit since I got here. I smile, but the pain in my eyes are showing. I am not good in pretending. People may think that I am strong, but deep within I was breaking down. I was crashing and I am on my knees waiting for you to pick me up. I know you told me to be strong and that you told me the week is just going to fly quickly but baby, I can feel each day running like a snail with a heavy burden on its back. I can feel that time is taking pleasure in my agony. The longings are simply becoming stronger and stronger everyday. When can I hold you once again my love? Take me back into your arms. I miss you. There is nowhere in this world I would rather be than in your arms. That is my home. That is where I belong. Take me home to you!

Sunday
----the minute I woke up, I prayed. Not because I saw Bruce almighty last night but because I felt that I was weak at the start of the day. I prayed for you. That you would not go through the same pain I am going through. That you were not feeling what I was feeling, that you would not see the weakness in me. I wanted you to see that I was strong. I wanted to be strong and be so much like you. I know that if there was one common thing right now its we are under the same sky. Each time you call, I look at the sky, look at the moon because I know we are seeing the same thing and that makes me closer to you. That makes me feel like you are within my grasp. You are within my reach. But still it fails me. I long for you and nothing could erase that longing. Nothing could ease the pain of not being with you. Forgive me.

Monday
----time is teasing me, everything I see reminds me of you. Destiny.. Fate.. Whatever they call it. Whatever you are take me back to the one I love.

Tuesday
----one day more, then I will be in your arms. One day more then I will be home. I cant wait to be with you once more. I could not wait for night time to come so that when I wake up I shall be with you again.

Wednesday
----long week. Now the hours are getting longer. Who do I have to beg to turn time a bit faster? Who can turn time so I can be in your arms? I would trade anything just to be with you. I will do anything so I can be yours once more. I love you and I can not wait any longer... Please let me be yours?

".. But in the end if I'm with you, I'll take the chance!"

Something for today...

2005-03-22T22:27:00.000+00:00

My Dearest One,

I know that it has only been a few hours since I have last seen you smile, since I have held your arms, since I have kissed those lips and since I have looked deeply into those eyes but for me it seems like forever. The look on your face, the smile on those lips and the love I feel each time you hold me close to your heart has bewildered my lonely heart. Over the months of being with you and knowing that you are just a few meters away has been my comfort.

The minute the plane landed here,everything was so different. Everything was very unfamiliar. I have been continuously looking for a familiar face and longing for a familiar touch. YOURS. I am deeply in love with you. Seeing the people I miss makes me smile, but it seems crazy coz behind that smile is a certain sadness and longing. I am trapped in a silly wanting. An agony of being near you. It is kind of freaky for you I know, and I do apologize for this emotion. It worries me that you might be scared or you might be thinking of this as an obsession already.

I'll try to be more like you baby. I'll try to be tough for you. I'll try to have fun here as well. I had so much to say but then again, might as well keep it to myself for now. I am so glad you are not experiencing what I am feeling now. Have a great weekend Prince. Take care always..

Angel

".. but in the end if I'm with you, I'll take the chance!"

~ Thanks to you ~

2005-03-21T21:02:00.000+00:00

Back in college, my friends would always tell me that if there was one thing I was good at, it is writing about love. People think that I know too much, since I have gone through a lot. Little do they know that I myself am getting confused on what love is.

At 23, I am still that one person who is constantly searching on the true meaning of love. I realized that I have been saying, I love you. but not really knowing what it means. Some people I have been with, may have felt it, but one way or another I get too tired giving out the best in me and have them use me and make me feel tired of loving.

There are these crazy instances when people realize my worth and value when they lose me. They want me back when it is already too late and I have been completely drained of my emotions. What is love anyway? Does anybody know? Maybe some get lucky to fully capture what it means. Others are blest to have found it and ends up being with that person; while some continuously searches for it. I was lucky to find it in the midst of my life, just when I thought nothing was going right. I found love or maybe love has found me.

Today is just an ordinary day, till I thought of him and how he makes me feel. He is everything I thought never existed. From the moment I met him, known him and been with him, everything is just like making a childhood dream come true. He is the Prince in my fairytale. He is the knight in my lonely chamber. He is the lead role in my lonely cinematic life.

His eyes were nothing but beauty; it speaks straight to my heart. His words were poetry to my ears, making me want to cry. He has this way of making me want to simply close my eyes and live in this dream. Yes, my life is becoming a dream for me. A dream I would not want to wake up from. I have discovered a lot of things; I have seen everything I want unfolding right before my very eyes.

When it all started, I did not care if he wanted me or even liked me. I was contented with what I feel. I was just happy with what I feel, with what he was making me feel. I felt valued, and for the first time in my life I saw how I want to be treated. I saw how I deserved to be treated. I have discovered and found what everybody was talking about. Like a song I can say that I now know what love is.

Love is not when you share too much in common; but rather it is when you want to share whatever it is that you have with the other person. Love is not complex it is simple. Love is the happiness you feel when you are with that person even if that person is not with you. Even if that person is not totally and completely yours, see the point why mistress are contented sharing someone?

Love is when you are willing to do something that would hurt you, but still you would do it for the sake of making the other person happy. Love is not selfish; it never was and never will be. Jealousy is giving too much love, but love is giving faith in what you have. Too much of something will ruin whatever feeling there is.

I have always been a talkative person, and I cannot stand being in silence. To my surprise, there would be times that I would be silent because I am simply enjoying the chance and time that I am with him. I admit that there would these times when I fear the possibility that things may end as fast as it had started. Nonetheless knowing him, feeling like this, and getting the chance to know everything that I do now- its worth it.

It matters not if one would get hurt, one way or another we will be hurting anyway. It is the chance of being happy. The chance you have given yourself to feel the way you should. We should not deprive ourselves of the possibility that we can be happy without thinking of the risk of being in pain. Even if we become too cautious of being in pain, one way or another we will be hurt. Might as well hurt in the end, but have that little flicker of happiness before being in pain.

I am not saying that what I am feeling now may last forever, one way or another I would have to go back to reality. It is just a matter of enjoying what I have, the moment that it is still mine. The facts of life would come along, like he would eventually grow tired of me. He would find someone pretty and smart; he might find someone he has always wanted to be with. In other words he would find someone better and realized that I was never good for him anyway. But that doesn't count. What matters are what I feel towards him, how happy was I when he was with me, and have if I made him happy while he was mine. If I am this happy, I would be thankful for the chance of being with him.

Love may not always be perfect, but regardless of what pain it brings in the end, we have to be thankful that once in our lives we have found it. The memories we share with our loved ones will not stay forever. That is why we should savor the moment of being together.

I always close my eyes each time he kisses my hand, because no matter how many people would kiss this hand no one could make me feel the same way he does. I say thank you each time he takes me home, because tomorrow would be a different day, it could never bring back today. I make sure that I tell him how I feel now, because it might not be how I would feel tomorrow. Love may be passing, love may leave our heart sooner than we expect it to.

Yet, theres this love (the kind he is giving me) that I would keep on looking back. The kind of love I would forever be grateful for; the kind that I am having now. Love has many definitions, we dont have to know and understand everything to fully capture its meaning. To completely be happy and enjoy the emotion, we have to remember that love is not from the mind. It is from the heart. We dont have to think to be able to fully love a person. We just have to close our eyes, feel what the heart is saying and live while it lasts.