Voice of Reason

Day 4: Channel Someone

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 19:49:00 +0000

Was stumped about what on earth to do for this one but Kayla actually made the lightbulb go off with her "Duchess Kate" reference.

Now, I am not obsessed with Kate Middleton/Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge/whatever we're supposed to be calling her. However. That woman can dress. And I absolutely love that even though she has the kind of body that would look great in probably anything, she doesn't usually go for revealing, flaunty stuff.

Image from Kate Middleton for the Win

Maybe some of this has to do with her new "job," but I prefer to believe she's just classy that way. (Royal Rule 347: One should refrain from dressing as though one were a skank.)

So anyway, here's my take on her usual "running around shopping and texting while the paparazzi chase me" outfit:

Target blazer, Ann Taylor top,
Old Navy jeans, Dansko boots

Are you doing Kayla's Winter Challenge? You should. It's fun.

Day 3: Embrace a trend

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 19:10:00 +0000

Hah. Was totally ready for this one because I have a pair of new earrings that are actually and for reals big.

Haven't really gone there since middle school when I had a pair of dangly hologram-looking earrings that made me feel like Jem. (Note: I wasn't, nor would I now wish to be. That girl was messed up, all stealing her boyfriend away from herself and stuff. Even when I was nine years old I was like, "Wait. Why is nobody mad that Rio is kissing on two girls? HE doesn't know they are both the same person. Also he has purple facial stubble. Who has purple facial stubble?"

Man that show was awesome.

ANYway, when you combined sweet President Hinckley's grandpa-like counsel for ladies to restrain from wearing more than "a single pair of modest earrings" and my general insecurity about how to pull off something bigger than a stud without looking like somebody from Jersey Shore, it made for a whole lot of boring.

But no more, friends! Behold:

Earrings were a gift from my mom. Thanks Mom!

Am participating in Kayla's 10-day Challenge

Day 2: Monochromatic

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 19:02:00 +0000

Thanks so much to everyone for your compliments on the last post and for assuring me that my cardigan is, in fact, attractive and age-appropriate. Has been kind of a frazzling week (gory details forthcoming) so I haven't been on the ball with posting or responding. Let's try for a bit of catch up then, shall we?

Grey/black would have still been the easiest choice, but I went for the next easiest: blue. I had never put these things together before and I quite liked the way they looked. Check out the kind of fun I had trying to get a picture using the self-timer option on my camera:

Old Navy jeans, Gap cardigan, Downeast shirt, Kohls necklace

My face and hair are not included because I actually threw that outfit back on just now to get a picture and it is quite possible that my face and hair will never be ready for any sort of photography at all today.

Am participating in Kayla's 10-Day Challenge

Winter Edition: Day 1--Layers

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 21:15:00 +0000

Aaaaaand The Challenge: Winter Edition begins!

Day 1's challenge is to do layers. I just bought this cardigan at H&M and was excited to wear it, only then in my dream last night my sister Jenny saw it and said it looked like a "mom cardigan." I will be accepting her apology until the end of the business day. (Note to my own mother: in my dream Jen meant "mom" in the general, not "Mom" in the specific.)

First I tried putting it over a button-up shirt, but I sort of hated that. Or maybe I just hated the shirt. After seeing Merrick's post I got the idea to try it over a dress.

Banana Republic dress
H&M cardigan
Downeast scarf
tights from Kohls, shoes from Ross
jewelry from my mom--thanks Mom!

After getting dolled up I went to buy groceries and felt like the fanciest person at Smith's Marketplace. I would have worn my black boots but I have a sore toe that makes them too painful to wear. (Actually, it's a corn. Okay, fine, two corns. Way to be jerks and drag that out of me, Internet. Either way, boots = ouch.)

Anybody else going to give this a try?

Is it too early to call genius?

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 17:45:00 +0000

I wasn't kidding before when I said that I spend a lot of my time feeding the Tiny Dark Lord, for lo, he is like unto a pit without bottom.

Have been showing him the "Eat/Food" sign for, oh, I dunno, about seven months now, and he is just barely doing a version of it back to me (sticking his finger in his mouth, which could also mean "my gums hurt and now your day is going to suck") Usually he just sees me do the sign and then chortles maniacally about how YES FOOD THE FOOD IS COMING YES FOOD NOW! So . . . at least I know he gets what I'm doing.

Because he's seen me doing this for months and months, you'd think the simplest way to inform me that he wants to eat would be to do the sign. But maybe he's a creative type, because these are the other ways in which he has recently announced his desire for sustenance.

1. Making smacking sounds with his mouth.
2. Opening the trash can, fishing out an empty jar of baby food, and taking it to GH.
3. Yelling at me when I take the tray off his high chair at the end of a meal, reaching out to grab the tray, and smacking it emphatically back down on his lap.
4. Going in the kitchen, finding his high-chair tray, and bringing it to GH.

The best, though, happened last week. GH and I were in the living room watching TV and the baby went into the kitchen. We heard him puttering around in the pots & pans cupboard, and then he came back into the living room carrying the small frying pan I use to make his eggs. He set the pan on the carpet in front of us and then I saw his hand go into his mouth.

Me: Dude. He's eating something, what does he have? (Hoping it's something like an old Cheerio but braced for it to be an earring or clod of dirt.)

As we watched, the Tiny Dark Lord reached into the empty frying pan, picked up imaginary food, and brought it to his mouth. Twice.

Us: Uhhhhh . . . is . . . is he telling us he wants eggs?

(Yeah, I'm sure TDL thinks we are the most moronic humans ever to be given a child, but come on. This is new to us. Communication that resembles charades rather than monkey shrieks is a whole new thing.)

GH: Well, we'd better make him some eggs so he knows we understood him.

He went into the kitchen and made a scrambled egg, which TDL devoured happily.

He is training us well.

The Challenge: Winter Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 21:28:00 +0000

Remember that one time when the fabulous Kayla from Freckles in April hosted a 21 Day Challenge? And how I did it and it helped me get back in the world of thinking about clothing as something that can be fun and good-looking rather than simply one more surface on which to wipe/drool/vomit the bodily fluids of others and possibly self?

Well. She's doing another one, and this time it's only 10 days long.

It runs from January 23rd to February 3rd, and the weekends are free. (Awesome.) No points, no prizes, it's just for kicks. I think 10 days will be the perfect amount of time--long enough to have fun with it, not long enough to get burned out. And I'm excited that she's doing a winter one, because one of my problems back in the summer was it was just so darn warm that the thought of belts and scarves and layers gave me hot flashes. And vapors. And whatever else super-refined Southern women get.

So. This should bring a little joy into our hum-drum January lives, I think. Who's with me?

I kind of want to lick the inside of my oven right now

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 03:52:00 +0000

Except I am going to wait on that, because I just cleaned it with super toxic oven cleaner and there are still fumes and I don't want to get brain damag(der).

I am curious about what kind of individuals made up the group who got together and brainstormed about stovetop/oven colors and the absolute best idea they could come up with was to pair mustard yellow and baby blue. So gross. (The outside is yellow, the inside is blue.)

As part of my Intentional Living plans, Wednesday is Kitchen Day. In a fit of above-and-beyondness (and also because it needed to be done so, so, so very badly) I cleaned the oven and bleached the sinks. My sinks are porcelain, which means they have black spots all over from where the surface has been scratched and chipped by 30 years of abuse and I know not what. But now my sink is white and black as opposed to being white, black, and brown. It's the equivalent of a clean zebra as opposed to a zebra who has been rolling around in his own crap. (Note: my apologies to zebras if that's something you would never, ever do, and if what I just said is deeply offense.)

Am also working on the kitchen floor linoleum, except I keep finding conflicting information about what method is best for getting out the ground-in dirt I've mentioned before:

Use ammonia
Never use ammonia
Use a scrub brush
Except don't
Go buy some hard-core stuff
Never use anything stronger than dish soap
Strip the floors
The entire world will die if you strip the floors

Come ON, Internet. Get your dang story straight. Have almost decided to go with the white vinegar + hot water + scrub brush idea and will just have to ignore the minority who insist all those things are the equivalent of puppy murder.

Anybody done anything today you're proud of? (And please don't say that you read the entire Book of Mormon or saved a troubled youth or something because then I'll feel lame.)

from Microsoft

And yet, here I am, sitting in my pajamas, blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 18:41:00 +0000

image from Microsoft Office

I quit making New Year's Resolutions a few years ago, but there is still something about this time of year that makes me start thinking about getting my life in order. I suppose it's the part where we have finished eating our way through the holidays and now it's January. Yippee, January. Which is followed by, lest we forget, February--also known as the Worst of all Months.

So since we really have nothing to look forward to but the cold (unless you are wise and made plans to get outta Dodge, which I have not), we might as well do some reflection. Now, last January was not a time for reflection. I had a newborn and a torn-out bottom and was in absolute survival mode. If you'd asked me about my resolutions I would have stared at you with dead zombie eyes. Everyone out there who is experiencing upheaval? You probably can skip the reflection. If it's all you can do to make it through each day, now is not the time to be all, "Hmmmm. I should start eating more fish."

Does anyone else think it's really too bad that the good things don't just happen? Why is it that things like eating well and being healthy and having good relationships take so much work? How come inertia never leads to abs?

I want to be healthy and fit and full of energy. But it takes a lot of work to plan, shop for, and cook the kinds of meals that will do that--it's so much easier at the end of a long day to swing by Little Caesars, grab a $5 pizza, and call it good (or, you know, bad). I want to be in better shape, but the only time I can fit in exercise would be to get up at the crack of dawn and work out to a DVD or podcast before people start waking up and attaching themselves to my body and never, ever, ever letting go. It's hard to see the pros in that when it's 6am and I'm still so tired and I've already been up once with a cranky teething baby. His naptimes (which I am guessing will soon become naptime, sob) are when I can do things like shower, clean, cook, make phone calls, and use the computer, so I'm kind of all booked up there.

I want to spend quality time with the Gentleman Husband, and I'm kind of getting the feeling that vegging in front of the TV most nights and then going to bed doesn't really cut it. But anything better will require thought and planning and clearing out a chunk of time where neither of us is trying to multi-task with knitting, blogging, paying bills, cutting coupons (hmmm, these seem to all be me . . . ). Occasionally it means planning dates, finding a babysitter, paying a babysitter, putting on makeup, the whole thing.

I want to have a reasonably clean, tidy house where I'm not constantly misplacing things or embarrassed to have people over. But this means creating some kind of cleaning schedule and sticking to it. Usually when I clean the tub I'm so proud of myself that it isn't until months later that I think, "Oh, right. I am probably supposed to do that again."

I want to be a good parent who raises an emotionally secure, intellectually stimulated, spiritually in-tune child. But most days I don't even think to read to him until bed time, and every couple of weeks I remember to play some Primary songs on the computer. Most of my time is consumed by keeping the little Dark Lord fed (he is a bottomless pit) and slept.

I want to be closer to God, and to feel the Spirit more. Again, this takes work. The best time for me to have uninterrupted, meaningful scripture study would be in the morning. You know, after I get up with a baby in the night, but before I work out, which would all have to be finished by 6:30am if I don't want TDL to wake up early and cut the whole process short. And really if I'm going to exercise I probably need to leave time for a shower in there too because otherwise I won't get one until/if he takes a morning nap. Also I should really be making a healthy breakfast for all of us. So that would put me waking up around what, 4:30?

So . . . yeah. Good times. I realize that there are seasons to life, and you have to figure out what you can do and what you need to let go for now. Julie Beck, the president of the Relief Society (women's organization of our church) has given some advice that I keep coming back to. One thing she talks about is living with Intention and Precision. (Note: she says precision, not perfection.) It's the idea of living with Intention that is on my mind more. If I want my life, health, relationships, etc. to be a certain way, then I need to be intentional and do the things that, over time, should give me those results.

When asked how we can best manage the busyness of our lives, she quoted a former Relief Society president (Belle Spafford) who said that we need to appraise our interests and evaluate our activities, prioritizing the things with the most enduring rewards. President Beck then talked about the concept of the Essentials, the Necessaries, and the Nice-to-Dos.

Essentials: These are the things needed for eternal life. Covenants, prayer, scriptures, service. These things must be done every day. It's how we get aligned and stay aligned with Heavenly Father's will.

Necessaries: Things we have to do every day. We have to eat. We have to clean in order to have the Spirit in our home. These are the things we have to do to be self-reliant, like work or schooling.

Nice-to-Dos: Our hobbies and interests, the things that fill our hearts with joy.

She says that when we make sure to do the Essentials and plug away at the Necessaries, the Lord will bless us and help us have more time for the Nice-to-Dos.

As I'm figuring things out, I can see where to put most things (whether I have the discipline to actually do it is another story). The one that is really stumping me though is the exercise thing. Has anybody come up with anything that works around their babies' schedules? Since it's winter and cold and our air is usually of such quality that you'd be better off sucking on an exhaust pipe, I hesitate to start any power-walking-with-stroller sessions outside. But maybe that's just me being a wuss or worrying over nothing. After all, in Scandinavia babies nap outside all the time. In the evenings I'm usually worn out and exercise is the last thing I want to do, but maybe that's my window if I don't want to get up at 4:00am.

Has anyone else made great (or tiny) strides in Intentional Living that you care to share with the group? Or maybe something that you're going to do & are excited about?

Eye contact is free, people

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 17:57:00 +0000

photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Yesterday I took The Tiny Dark Lord to a local library, mostly because he was getting bored and cabin-feverish after nearly a week of being stuck at home with lame me. The holidays spoiled him, what with all the other kids and adults and toys and dogs and nonstop excitement.

This is the first time I've ventured into this particular library in months and months. Because I have weekly access to other libraries with bigger collections through work, it's easier for me to get the things I need through them. So I don't go for books. TDL is too young for the story times offered at our local library, and even if he weren't I wouldn't take him anyway because you have to pay to attend. I was completely staggered when I learned this. It's a nominal amount, used for craft materials, but I still say that's creating a barrier to early childhood literacy. Reading stories and singing with kids doesn't cost anything. They can freaking color at home.

Now, I get that it's extremely difficult being a small library with a limited budget, limited collection, and limited space. I worked in one. We couldn't help the funding/space/collection limitations, but we still provided quality service and created a space where the community felt welcome. Something about the vibe of this library just does not do that for me. Instead I get a decidedly "I am busy with my solitaire game do not bother me or make noise" feeling. But I did get a good sense of what is really important to them: there were 25 printed signs in the adult section, letting me know that cell phone use was not acceptable. I'm not kidding, I went around and counted.

The hard thing is, it takes a lot of work to change a vibe. It's this intangible thing that isn't a line item in your budget but it makes a huge difference in how your organization is perceived. How exactly do you put your finger on and then explain to staff members what needs to change? "Stop being yourself?" Do you just fire people because they aren't smiley enough? I have been there. It's not fun. I do think that taking down about 20 of those signs would be a start, though.

Now that he is walking and since it's still cold outside (except for yesterday, holy cow it was in the 50s), I will probably start taking TDL back more often because there is more room for him to roam around than the 18 square feet of grody shag living room carpet currently available to him. Plus he needs to spend more time in libraries so he knows that they are true. Maybe my heart will soften about this particular one, or I will see that I am wrong in my current assessment. Maybe.

But, back to you. Anybody want to dish on the things your library does really well (or maybe not so much)?

Goin' Doooown the Bayou . . .

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 16:25:00 +0000

Over the Christmas break, the Gentleman Husband and I took a little overnight getaway to the nearby Anniversary Inn. My sweet mother-in-law watched the Tiny Dark Lord for us and they had a great time together.

When we arrived to check in, they told us there was a water problem in the room we'd booked. The water from the hot tub upstairs was causing a leak, and they were very sorry about this but could we please choose a different room. When I joked that I didn't suppose we could just knock on the door upstairs and ask them to pretty please not use their hot tub the girl shook her head emphatically and said, "No, I met them and they are scar--I mean, I wouldn't recommend that." So. There went that idea. GH wondered the next morning if the "scary couple" in question were the ones he heard fighting all night, probably in preparation for breaking in and robbing us, just before he heard the sirens he hoped belonged to the police coming to arrest our scary fighting thief neighbors. You may remember that GH tends to overreact to sounds he hears in hotels.

Our remaining choices were either Hawaiian Paradise (wasn't feeling it for the rattan or the tiki lights) or Cajun Romance (complete with bayou, gator, a king-sized Intelli-gel bed and a really amazing shower). Because nothing says "It's Business Time" like large, semi-aquatic carnivorous reptiles.

Really am not sure how this is romantic.
Maybe Steve Irwin would have dug it, bless him.

I chose the good shower and bed, even if there was an open-mouthed alligator watching said bed the entire time. The shower really was heaven. It was the size of my current bedroom, and came with a regular shower head, one of those rainfall ones that come out of the ceiling, and 4 jets coming out of the wall. I may have made sounds in there. (My shower at home is so gross, friends. The only sounds it inspires are the gasps at the sudden change in water temperature/pressure and the gags as I clean out the drain. The postpartum-hair-falling-out thing took a while to kick in but now . . . yikes. I am talking tarantulas of hair every day.) The bed was also lovely, and I slept for 10 hours in that thing. Seriously need to think about a king-sized bed down the road. So I think I made the right choice, even if I did keep breaking out into songs from Disney's The Princess and the Frog.

If you had your pick, which room would you stay in? And if any of you say the Twilight rooms we are no longer friends. I bet those things come with cold showers and glittering body lotion.

My favorite free knitting patterns from the Interwebs

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 04:43:00 +0000

Pin It

Since I'm sure everyone got knitting gift cards and such for Christmas or made "learn to knit" their top #1 New Year's Resolution just above "read scriptures every day" and "start doing yoga for real" (or maybe those are just mine), I have something for you.

Here are a bunch of my favorite free knitting patterns. So when you've got the basics down and are ready to start your first cool project, here are some ideas to get excited about. I have either made these or I want to make these. Some patterns are on people's blogs or websites, others are available as free downloads through Ravelry. (One more reason to sign up for Ravelry, friends!)

And away we go!

Norwegian Star Earflap Hat by Tiennie
Baby Sophisticate by Linden Down
Burberry Inspired Cowl Neck Scarf by Julianne Smith
February Lady Sweater by Pamela Wynne

Saartje's Booties by Saartje de Bruijn
Star Crossed Slouchy Beret by Natalie Larson
Toast/Toasty by Leslie Friend
Thorpe by Kirsten Kapur

Herringbone Mittens with Poms by Elli Stubenrauch
Moderne Baby Blanket by Kay Gardiner and Ann Shayne
Puerperium Cardigan by Kelly Brooker
Selbu Modern by Kate Gagnon Osborne

Aviatrix Baby Hat by Justine Turner
Big Herringbone Cowl by Purl Soho
Infinitude Scarf by Jeni Chase
Legwarmies by Alana Dakos

Which one do you want to try first? Or are you doing some other amazing thing that is not on this list but you're going to give me the link because you are nice like that?

Christmas highlights

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 17:00:00 +0000

Soooooomebody is growing him some curly hair.
Best. Ever.

The pod peas

Little man pajamas!

Grandparents

Foxiest kid at church, who picked Christmas
morning to become a full-time walker

Rest in Peace, Sputnik

Favorite Books of 2011

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 05:22:00 +0000

Now that the year is winding down, it was fun for me to take a look and see which books lasted as my top picks. (Or maybe I saw that MBC just did this and thought, "Huh. Good idea!") Anyway, in no particular order, here they are!

Make the Bread, Buy the Butter by Jennifer Reese. I've already talked about this one, but it's great. I got a copy for Christmas and can't wait to try out some of her recipes. And to read about the goats and the bobcats again.

Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea. by Barbara Demick. If you are like me and know hardly anything about North Korea, this book will just kill you and you won't be able to put it down. When you do put it down, it will be to tell someone what you just read.

What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty. Alice blacks out at the gym and forgets the last ten years of her life. The last thing she remembers is being a happy, pregnant newlywed. Now people are telling her she's a stressed-out, soon-to-be-divorced mother of three. The author takes a somewhat soapy premise and does some wonderful, thought-provoking things with it.

Wonderstruck by Brian Selznick. It's illustrated in the same style as his Invention of Hugo Cabret, so despite being a fat book it's a quick read. I dare you not to be sniffling at the end.

Letters of a Woman Homesteader by Elinore Pruitt Stewart. Loved this--it's real letters from a woman who left her job doing laundry in Denver in the early 1900s and headed west with her young daughter to try homesteading. This lady was hard core. And! You can get the Kindle edition for free. So there you go.

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-time Indian by Sherman Alexie. The language may not be for everyone, but man. I listened to the audiobook and within the first 30 minutes was crying and laughing out loud. How many books can do that?

Bloody Jack: Being an Account of the Curious Adventures of Mary "Jacky" Faber, Ship's Boy by L.A. Meyer. Just before the eight shelves of Twilight books begin, you'll find this series. Read Book #1 and I can almost guarantee you'll read another. An orphaned London street urchin disguises herself as a boy and joins the British navy as a ship's boy. It's like Horatio Hornblower but with a cheeky cross-dressing girl as the hero.

Anybody else read any of these? Agree or disagree with my vote? Feel free to toss in some of your top picks in the comments so I can add them to my "to read" list in Goodreads!

Stay on target . . .

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 17:38:00 +0000

Our Christmas card

Today is for last-minute groceries, cleaning, packing, and then tomorrow the fun begins! Things I am looking forward to:

Christmas Eve brunch with my siblings and their families. Coolboy and Aubrey are making Double Chocolate Waffles with Berry Sauce so . . . yeah. Sorry about everybody else's lesser breakfasts.

Christmas in Logan with my in-laws, who are wonderful. I really lucked out.

Watching the Dark Lord sweat through church adorably in his Christmas Sweater.

my version of Keane Toddler Vest

The Cheeseball.

Talking to Spitfire in a massive family webcam conference courtesy of Google Hangouts. My dad has warned all of us though that this is MOM'S phone call, not ours. So I guess we are supposed to just sit silently and listen and not be a distraction. I can do that. I'll just sit silently and listen with an awesome baby in my lap who points and giggles. Hah.

Boxing Day Brunch with friends. I called drinks and am going to do juice and a hot chocolate bar (but the Wal-Mart kind, not the Pottery Barn kind. Except it probably won't even be as nice as Wal-Mart. Whatever mismatched paper bowls and cups and baggies are--that's the kind it will be.)

Staying one night at the Anniversary Inn--my mother-in-law has a great coupon and agreed to watch TDL for us. Hope GH is not insulted that the thing I'm getting the most hot and bothered over is the prospect of sleeping in (oh my gosh actual sleeping in!) on their king-sized MyComfort Intelli-gel bed. Mmmmmmmm . . .

I hope you all have a wonderful, peaceful, love-filled Christmas!

Who even knew I was married to an undercover Mr. Clean?

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 01:24:00 +0000

(Note: Our conversation begins with me berating GH for the wet spot on the bathroom floor after his shower (which was after my shower), because I'm into ceaseless pin-pricking like that.)

GH: Whatever, the floor was wet when I got in here. I think that was the longest shower you've ever taken.

Me: Huh? I didn't take a long shower. I was in there scrubbing the bathtub beforehand.

GH: Oh. Well that's what I'm doing in there too.

Me: What?

GH: Scrubbing the bathtub. Before I shower.

Me: You scrub the bathtub.

GH: Yep! Every time.

Me: Oh yeah? Where do we keep the scrubber?

GH: I don't know. I buy my own.

Me: Uh huh. And what color is the shower cleaner?

GH: Green.

Me: Green, really? (It's blue.)

GH: The one I buy, for myself, is green.

Me: Nice.

Second Note: two days after transcribing the above, I rushed into the bathroom to answer my phone which was for some reason sitting on the dryer that doesn't work. My right foot found another GH shower puddle and flew out from under me and I almost died but managed to catch myself on the tub.

So yeah. It's not nagging if somebody could die.

Humph.

Christmas countdown

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 21:49:00 +0000

Things I have already done:
Mailed Christmas cards. I only ordered 20 so if you do get one, please know how important and exclusive this makes you. And maybe frame it.

Made sugar cookies from the recipe Amyjane brought into my life. (Included below in case anyone wants their world rocked. Or you can keep eating vanilla-flavored hockey puck crackers--maybe that's how you like them.)

Fed sugar cookies to Primary class on our last Sunday together. Laid down two long strips of cut-open white garbage bags on the floor to be our decorating/eating surface, and one little boy said, "I feel like I'm at a feast!"

Bought a fresh turkey at Costco because it was only 89 cents a pound. Do not know when I will cook said turkey.

Scored a roll of cheap, pretty red & white wrapping paper from Target that I'll be able to use all year, and printed out some gorgeous free gift labels:

from Brightside Prints blog

by Sass & Peril

Watched (or, just had playing while I cleaned the kitchen) Under the Greenwood Tree, While You Were Sleeping, Rudolph, and It's a Wonderful Life. (Here's my list of must-see Christmas movies.)

Read Skipping Christmas by John Grisham. I like reading a Christmas book with GH every year, this was actually last year's book. We didn't finish on account of the baby and me being a bloodless zombie and everything. It was okay, but we spent most of the time being irritated. "Why can't they listen to the carolers? Carolers are free!" and "Whatever, I would still go on the cruise, their daughter can just hike up her big-girl pants and deal with it." Next year's pick: Christmas on Mill Street. (Aaaaaand here's my list of Christmas books if you want ideas.)

Things I still need to do:
Wrap the presents.

Bring the 89-cents-per-pound turkey in from the car where I keep forgetting and leaving it.

Keep watering the tree so that it doesn't combust in the night and kill us all.

Make more sugar cookies and also some chocolate crinkles to deliver to the women I visit teach. I figure most of them don't really want a visit but who doesn't want cookies?

Finish knitting Tiny Dark Lord's sweater vest. Just need to finish the neckband, block, and weave in the ends.

Maybe possibly try to knit something quick for my sister-in-law to add to her Christmas present. (I drew her name in the sibling gift exchange.) Do not know if this will happen.

Things I will just let go if it comes to that:
Everything but the sweater. There WILL be a Christmas sweater.

Anything big still looming on your to-do lists? Or have you thrown anything off the list and enjoyed the blissful rush of freedom?

Oh! Here is that recipe. Not that you need one more thing to do--feel free to sit on this until Easter. Or next Christmas.

Marci Rickenbach's Awesome Sugar Cookies

Cookies:
1 c butter
2 c sugar
2 t vanilla
2 eggs (note: eggs are optional--they still taste great without them)
5-6 c flour
2 t baking soda
1 t salt
1 c sour cream

Cream butter and sugar. Add eggs and vanilla. Blend dry ingedients with a fork and add wet to dry. Also add sour cream. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate about 1 hour or until firm. Roll dough out to about 1/4 inch think and cut out shapes as desired. Bake at 350 for 10 minutes on an ungreased cookie sheet.

Frosting:
8 oz cream cheese
4 c powdered sugar
2 t vanilla
1/4-1/2 c butter
food coloring as desired

Mix well until blended. Frost cookies and garnish as desired.

Because I'm sure you love you some blurry iPad pics

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 18:29:00 +0000

Have I mentioned that I lost my digital camera, again, some more? I did. I left it in Logan over Thanksgiving and no one has been able to find it. So all my pictures are crappy.

What is not crappy, though, is the one little corner of the house where I just went ahead and dumped Christmas all over it.

And that is called festive. Go me.

Am afraid to take a picture of the tree because the alien satellite star on the top has started doing this weird flicker loop thing. It's probably initiated its countdown sequence, and I should expect either detonation or little green men shortly.

Our neighbors are moving this weekend so I offered to take their baby while they clean their apartment and stuff. The Tiny Dark Lord was thrilled to have some eligible female company for breakfast. Check out the eyes he's making at her:

Then they played all adorably in the living room while TDL bopped to Ella Fitzgerald's Swinging Christmas. He even decided to be a sharer when he saw little B trying to chew on a plastic toy--he took it out of her hand and then pressed it into her face. Way to help there, guy. He loved our neighbor baby slightly less though when they both got tired and cranky and wanted to be held at the same time. Then his eyes were full of suspicion and his hands were full of shoves. But for this one second they are both asleep except for the part where TDL totally isn't but I'm ignoring that.

Hope everyone has a great weekend! My plans for tonight include baking sugar cookies and maybe driving through the lights at Thanksgiving Point. What about yours?

ps. Not to sound like those crazies who run around yelling about the War on Christmas and freaking out about the abbreviation Xmas (hint: it's not actually disrespectful), but why bother calling them "Holiday Lights," Thanksgiving Point? I mean, we all know to which holiday you refer. Unless you are about to prove me wrong and have Hanukkah and Kwanzaa lights up too, in which case I take it back.

I ate all the muffins

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 17:25:00 +0000

Remember about my dryer, and how my neighbor was going to come over that day to fix it?

Yeah, he didn't. I camped out at home all day for the 2nd day in a row--didn't shower, didn't run my errands, didn't do anything except stay at home and wait for him and get more and more frustrated and take his calls about the different things that had come up and how he'll come over right after he gets this one thing taken care of.

After TDL was asleep that night, I drove to the store to buy his milk, since we'd run out. Got out of the car and realized I'd parked in a handicapped spot. Moved the car. Got into the store and realized that my wallet wasn't in my purse. Said [Jenny's word] in my mind. Remembered that I did have WIC vouchers in my purse, so grabbed formula instead. Believed that the people in line were giving me looks and had to refrain from screaming, "Lady, I do not NEED to be getting WIC Looks from someone who has DOG IN HER CART so just STEP OFF." Came home and proceeded to have a meltdown with swear words and sobbings and statements like "I just want clean towwwweeeelllllls!" and "Plus I'm PMSing which is why I'm so fat and crying right now and also why I wanted chocolate from the store and I couldn't get annnnyyyyyyyyyy!"

GH comforted me, and then offered me the tonic of peanut butter and chocolate chips on a spoon, which he swore would taste just like a Reese's Peanut Butter cup. It was pretty good. After wallowing for a moment, I remembered that I have a brother who lives 20 feet away with a working dryer. I called him and announced that my period was three days away and that's why I sound so unhinged and can I please use his dryer tomorrow. (Bless boys who grew up with sisters. They are the best.)

So yesterday I spent all day doing laundry and drying my sheets and towels and underwear in the dryer of my sweet brother and his lovely wife. And then Daltongirl texted me wanting to know why on this green earth I hadn't asked for help because she too has a dryer and is married to the very handy and sweet Daltonboy. Love my lovely friends.

I have learned an important lesson, though, during this experience and some others I've had in the last year or so. Ready for it?

It's just better to have money.

I'm not kidding, it is. Doing favors and accepting favors and bartering services is all very well and good, except for when it totally is not. Because when there are delays and things, you have to accept it. Like when the nice lady in my ward offered to take newborn photos of the Dark Lord for free but then got busy and didn't give me the images for several months (there went my Christmas cards and/or birth announcements). Like with my dryer right now. You can't go stomping around and lighting fires under people's butts because they are doing you a favor. And that's what money is for. It means you can hire a professional and ensures that you are a priority. Your problems will be addressed immediately rather than when somebody "can get around to it."

I have accepted that my neighbor is never going to fix my dryer. He might not even have the part that is needed to fix it, because every time we ask for it he has an excuse for why he can't give it to us right now. Maybe he just doesn't want to disappoint us and feels that all these excuses are better than the truth, which is that for whatever reason, he can't help us. He has some problems, problems that make me feel really bad for him, and despite his good intentions it is just not going to happen.

So. On to Plan B!

Pioneer fail

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 16:30:00 +0000

When I lived in England, there was no clothes dryer in the house. There was a tiny washer that fit under the kitchen counter and took approximately four hours to wash a shoe-box-sized load of laundry.

And yet. I lived. Nay, I thrived. I used drying racks and hung my laundry out on the line in the back garden while the birds twittered and took care of things pioneer-style and wondered why on the earth I ever even thought I needed a dryer in the first place.

So when my clothes dryer broke a few weeks ago, I called my handy neighbor, who, kind man that he is, said he could come fix it. He immediately called around and found the part we needed and was going to pick it up for us and take care of everything. Only then he got really busy. And then he got really sick. And then he got better, but had to get caught up on his actual paying jobs. So it's taking a little while. I thought I could just pioneer it, again, some more, and reflect on how proud my British brothers and sisters would be at the spoilt American learning to deal with American-style hardships (ie, my garage only has room for two of my SUVs, etc.)

Except . . . the circumstances are a little bit different, this time around. This time around I am responsible for cleaning the clothes and towels and sheets of three people, not just one. And one of those people tends to pee and poop and barf on his stuff. The other person is a baby. All this means more clothings. This time I do not have an outdoor clothesline. I just have one drying rack from IKEA and a shower curtain rod. I can't wash a new load until the one on the rack finishes drying, but the 10 pair of black socks that I hung up four days ago are still wet, people. (Note: I blame GH and his love of wearing thick, black, crew socks to work instead of the cool argyle fancy man socks that I would like to be buying him--I bet those things would be dry by now. It's like wearing towels on your feet, dude.) I went out and bought a bunch of underwear just so I don't have to keep up on the whites. (And yeah, I needed to buy more anyway but the timing here was quite helpful.)

I came home from work the other night to see that GH had helped by hanging up the recently-washed laundry. The drying rack was full, so was the curtain rod, and there were wet baby clothes draped over open cupboard doors, the open lid of the washing machine, and pretty much any other surface that seemed available. The wet clothes hanging all over the apartment make the air cold and damp, so I actually do feel like I'm back in England a little bit (just, you know, without the hedgerows and cream and Britishers). Am pretty sure any electricity savings from not using the dryer have been negated by how much harder our heater has to work.

He says he is coming this morning, and I've baked blueberry muffins from scratch to give him if he does come. If he doesn't, then hey. More muffins for me. If I eat enough then my clothes will all get too small and there won't be any point washing them.

Win, win!

Hey! Unto you a child is born!

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 18:11:00 +0000

When I was in the 5th grade our teacher showed us the made-for-TV movie version of The Best Christmas Pageant Ever starring that lady from M*A*S*H and also Scut Farkus from A Christmas Story (and yes, when I watched the Dollhouse finale with my Whedon-obsessed husband I was all, "Hey! That's Scut Farkus!" Dude grew up nicely, I must say . . .)

Anyway, point. I found out later that the movie I'd seen was based on a book. My family bought a copy and it's now a tradition to read "the Herdmans" (as my mom calls it) around Christmas. It's about the awful, loud, bullying Herdman kids, who hijack the local church's Christmas pageant and take all the major roles. They know nothing about the Christmas story and are horrified by what they learn. ("You mean they tied him up and put him in a feedbox? Where was the Child Welfare?") If you haven't read it, you should. It's one of the only books that makes me cry from laughing and from actual sweet, Christmas-spirit-like feelings.

But this leads us to my lesson with the Sunbeams yesterday. I brought a bag full of baby blankets & random props so we could stage our own Nativity during class, and they had a lot of fun. There were 7 kids, so we had all the parts covered and people switched around and yes, all the little girls got to be Mary at some point. Two of them, in fact, got to be her at the same time (I was trying to wrap it up) so we had this polygamous Holy Family sitting in the stable, with Joseph and the two Marys very nicely sharing the baby Jesus (a stuffed bear swaddled in a white burp cloth) across their laps. This made it especially Mormon, I think. The boys liked being the innkeeper because they liked making grumpy faces and saying, "No! No! No!" They all liked being wise men and shepherds and following the star, which was a flashlight that I pointed at the ceiling and moved all around.

Once we were done Nativity-ing it, I sat them down on the floor with me and showed them this video on my iPad, because it's just about the sweetest thing ever. I dare you to feel nothing.

And here's one more for good measure. I have had a hard time feeling the Christmas spirit this year, but watching these videos did it for me, so I hope they'll do something for you too. I had actually forgotten, until I had to teach it to these sweet little kids, that the reason we give each other presents at Christmas is in remembrance of the gifts that the Wise Men gave to baby Jesus. The reminder came at a good time. Also I clearly need to go read The Herdmans again.

What? You ALL want me to talk about knitting some more? Alrighty then.

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 18:30:00 +0000

After my most recent knitting post, pianochick left this comment:

You truly make the most beautiful things - how long do you suppose it would take a completely-never-touched-yarn-in-her-life kinda girl like me to master this art, assuming it's even possible? And, ps...how much moolah are we talking to make something nice like this anyway?

Now, I could never deny pianochick anything since we are pretty much besties from that time we ran into each other at In-N-Out and she was nice enough not to say anything about Chuck, the zit on my chin that was affecting weather patterns, so this is me responding.

Q: How long do you suppose it would take a completely-never-touched-yarn-in-her-life kinda girl like me to master this art?

A: First off, mastering this is absolutely possible. You will be great. As for me, I started knitting "for rillz" in 2007, and you can see on the blog the kind of stuff I've been doing since then. My problem is that I went the self-taught route. So I'd make mistakes, misread the directions, get confused, start over, etc. I'm finally getting to the point where it doesn't take me weeks and weeks just to do a baby hat.

My mother, on the other hand, took a knitting class from her local yarn store (LYS). She was immediately whipping out hats and scarves and socks like nobody's business. Moral of the story: taking a class is a smart idea. Just about any yarn store will offer them. You may find a free one (Blazing Needles does a free beginner's class on Saturdays), or you may have to pay a little bit, but you will save yourself LOADS of wasted time/frustration while you master the basics.

Because really, once you know how to cast on, do the knit & purl stitches, and cast off, you can pretty much do anything. It's all a variation of that.

There are also some great books out there (Stitch 'n Bitch as a good one for learning the basics and beyond--plus, bonus points for the naughty name). And through the magic of the interwebs and Google you can find videos demonstrating any stitch/technique you want to learn. (I use this all the time.)

For me, the big benefit of knitting is that I enjoy the meditative, something-to-do-with-my-hands-besides-ripping-off-my-fingernails-or-stuffing-brie-into-my-mouth quality of it. The finished product at the end is kind of an additional perk. I do wish I were faster, though. I don't understand the people who are all, "I had a free night so I knitted this sweater while I watched American Idol, tra la laaa." That's why you won't see me opening an Etsy shop anytime soon. If I had to include a price for my time in addition to the cost of the yarn, everything would be way too expensive for people to buy.

Q: How much moolah are we talking to make something nice like this anyway?

A: I won't lie. Knitting can get crazy expensive, but it doesn't have to be.

Here's a money breakdown for the Big Herringbone Cowl I just made.

image and pattern from Purl Soho

If you use the yarn recommended in the pattern (a wool-alpaca blend that I'm sure is amazing), you are looking at a $110 cowl. That is yikes.

The display version inside Blazing Needles that my mom fell in love with? That's a $45 cowl. Also out of my budget.

The one I made? $24. I had $25 to spend on her Christmas present, so I got the nicest, softest (since it's going to be worn near her neck and face) yarn I could afford.

photo from Ravelry user awesomegan

This knitter used a bamboo-wool blend that you can buy in a regular craft store like Jo-Ann's or Michael's. Her cowl cost $10 to make, and it looks great.

So here are some of my thoughts on yarn:

1. Expensive does not always mean better. (And even if it does, oh well.)

2. Cheap, though, usually means . . . cheap. Most of the yarn you will find in the craft stores is acrylic or an acrylic blend. Don't use that stuff for heirlooms or anything you will be washing regularly. It won't hold up, and then all you will have to show for your hard work is this wonky-looking thing. For Harry Potter costume scarves, though? Absolutely the way to go.

3. Get the nicest yarn you can afford--something that you will enjoy touching and working with for hours. Make sure it fits the project. Example: if it's for a cowl, you don't want anything scratchy. If it's for baby clothes that will get barfed on, look for something machine-washable, unless you happen to know that the new mom in question gets psyched about hand-washing her baby knits. (If she is a knitter herself, this may very well be the case. Knitters be crazy.)

4. Ask the LYS people for help. Tell them what you are making (take the pattern in with you, even) and what you want to spend (be firm about this), and they will help you find the best options. They are generally very fun people to chat with.

5. Sign up for Ravelry. You can look up any pattern to see what kind of yarn other knitters used, how their finished projects turned out, and any helpful tips they're passing on. Also they have loads of free patterns on there and it's a great place to create a brag wall of the beautiful things you will make

6. To save money, I go for smaller projects. You will generally need to buy all your yarn for a project at once, which can mean dropping a lot of money for a man's sweater or a blanket. And then if you are like me you will be sick of it before you are even halfway finished. This is why baby stuff is awesome. Much instanter gratification.

7. Another money saver: Get all your knitting needles and accessories at the craft store, not the LYS. Do a Google search beforehand for "Hobby Lobby coupon" (or whatever craft store is close to you) and print off one of those 40% off coupons that are always online. That extra money should go to nice yarn, not to needles you can get anywhere.

8. Check out Knitpicks. Their yarn is more affordable but is supposed to be the same quality as the stuff in your local yarn store. Of course, if you ask the LYS people they will say that's not true, but maybe they are a little bit biased, you know? I've used their yarns for several things now and so far they seem to be doing fine.

I'm sure this is a much longer answer than pianochick needed, but there you have it. Yay for knitting! Ask for a gift certificate for Christmas!

I know there are other knitters who read this blog. Care to add your wisdom?

Any of y'all need some shag carpet in your lives?

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 18:38:00 +0000

A unit is coming open in our small complex (the current renters are moving out this month) and it would please me greatly to have some reasonably normal people move into it. Like the kind who aren't going to try running a meth lab or holding wild late parties or using the bushes for outdoor urination. Stuff like that.

So, Internet friends. Do any of you know somebody who is looking for a place? It's a 2-bedroom apartment for $550 a month. And really, the price is its only selling point. It was for us, anyway. The apartments are from the 1970s (think mustard-colored stoves) and follow the floor plan that pretty much every builder in Utah County was using at that time.

The location is a quiet area of American Fork, close to the freeway, grocery stores, library, fitness center, Costco, and other stuff. Also there is a big dirt patch that you would be welcome to turn into a garden if you so choose. Did I mention the $550 a month part? And that there is free cable? There is no dishwasher, though. Sorry. We bought a portable one off KSL.

If anyone is interested or has questions, email me (miss.nem[at]gmail.com) and I can do my best to answer them or to put you in touch with our manger. She lives in the complex, as does the maintenance guy. You would probably end up having me for a neighbor, but I promise not to howl at the moon or prance naked on the lawn. Much.

ps. No smoking, no pets. I learned my lesson about places that aren't non-smoking.

One year

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 19:19:00 +0000

The Tiny Dark Lord turned one on Saturday, and we celebrated with much fanfare. Or, you know, as much fanfare as a one-year-old is up for, which isn't a lot.

My cake turned out fine, except don't even ask me about the frosting I tried to make which looked like a bowl of fresh baby vomit and resulted in me running to the store at 10:30pm to grab a can of Western Family vanilla frosting so that (when combined with the boxed cake mix) I could just give the kid a year's worth of preservatives and artificial crap all in one go. Woot!

Suck it, Martha!

The birthday singing weirded him out a bit and he wasn't sure quite what was going on. Then I dumped this thing on his tray that is much bigger than the stuff I usually give him, so it took a second for him to decide how to approach it. As you can see below, he figured it out.

Chocolate cake, baby. I pretty much blew your world with that one. Now get a load of ice cream.

I love this little guy so much. Even though he chose to reject all of my genes in favor of his father's (Eyebrow and love of fine cheese notwithstanding) I just can't get enough of him. I keep thinking of him as the same little baby elephant I brought home from the hospital, but he's changing and learning and growing so fast that I'm always surprised by it.

Happy Birthday, Tiny Dark Lord.

You'd think after a year my sphincter would work better

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 22:05:00 +0000

Tomorrow the Tiny Dark Lord turns one.

Can't believe it. A year ago today I was in a labor & delivery room, chillin' on my birth ball, with absolutely no clue of the kind of fun I was about to have. Ah . . . memories.

Am trying to make him something resembling this cake for tomorrow's little cake & ice cream shindig. Annnnnd that's pretty much the end of my efforts. Except possibly there will be some white and blue balloons, although I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with them once I have them. Will have to consult Pinterest (while ignoring the sure-to-be-subsequent-impulse to go crazy overboard).

Tonight GH and I have tickets to go see the Celebration of Christmas concert at BYU. Last year we had to skip the Christmas festivities because of all the fun I was having at home on the couch with my baby, boobs, and bottom, so I'm excited. Am going to treat this like an actual date. The kind where you shower beforehand and put on makeup and do your nails and wipe the infant vomit off your shirt really thoroughly with a baby wipe.

Happy weekend, everybody!

Mom. Do not read this post.

noreply@blogger.com (Nemesis) — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 23:48:00 +0000

I imagine that when other people title their blog posts thusly it's maybe because they are about to give the dishy scoop on some exciting, illicit fling they just had, possibly while on some kind of tropical vacation.

I, however, am going to talk about knitting. So, you know, almost as pulse-pounding.

I decided to make my mom this cowl for Christmas. And by "decided," I mean that I was in Blazing Needles with my mother in September and she saw this cowl on display and dragged me over by my ear and told me what colors would be acceptable for the version I would be making for her.

Big Herringbone Cowl from The Purl Bee

So. I can take a hint. I finally deciding on two gorgeous skeins of Malabrigo Worsted. The color is Polar Morn, which I thought fitting because 1) it was the prettiest, and 2) Alaska. I love it because it's not just a straight grey--there are hints of pink, blue, and green in there too.

Got started while I was up in Alaska and finished just after Thanksgiving. (Things take a while when you only have time to do maybe one row before people start demanding that you pay attention to them or change their diaper or cook their dinner, blah).

But anyway. It is finished, and it is lovely. Wanna see it?

Mom, you had better not be looking, seriously. I'm showing the Internet, I'm not showing you.

So pretty, right? You can see the spots where the yarn got fuzzy on one end after the 3 separate times I had to start over again because I'd made a mistake and didn't know how to fix it. It's done in Herringbone Stitch, which was new to me but is very snazzy-looking, especially since the back does something different and also cool. See?

Aaaaaaaand here's how it looks when a pale model in horrific need of lip balm puts the thing on and then goes outside in the wind and takes a picture with an iPad.

Tah dah! And if you think it's going to hurt me to have to put this pretty soft thing in a mailer and send it far away to the Arctic North, you are right. Will possibly need to make one for myself once I get all my other projects out of the way. (Project hint: the Tiny Dark Lord needs a red sweater vest for Christmas. Or, more specifically, his mother needs to see him in one.)