Deliriously Normal

Gone toobin

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 23:55:00 +0000

Now this is how you chill out midweek!

Back In The Game

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 03:38:00 +0000

I've been dreaming of the day I could write this post for years. The only obstacle, really, was me and my own insecurities and insatiable need to procrastinate. Or was it fear? In any case, here goes: I'm back in school! This Saturday we spent several hours at the local Community College getting myself enrolled and set up to start classes on Tuesday.

I'm stunned that it's been 14 years since I last stepped into a classroom. Where did all that time go? I'm not going to sit here and wallow in regret that I didn't do it sooner because honestly, I couldn't have...and wouldn't have.

When I left school I was pretty well done with it. In my own misguided mindset, I'd decided that I didn't need it. I would power ahead and forge my own way in the world. One year rolled into another and that into another and before I knew it I was married with two children and making about the same amount of money I have been for the past decade. I've moved from field to field in search of greener pastures, and while I've occasionally found them, the green is always a little more brown than it first appears.

It took me a while, but I finally managed to come around to my senses and get myself back into school so I can finish my degree and do something with myself. I'm not shooting for the most glamorous or high-paying career in the world. I just want something stable that I can be proud of. A real career instead of just a job. And more importantly...most importantly, I've chosen to do something I really want to do.

I'm going to follow my dream and be a history teacher. I've always had an intense love of history and a desire to not only know more about it, but to also understand how it impacts the here and now. I want to be able to share that love; to possibly be the catalyst that changes someone's life for the better. I want to take a shot at being able to help others see the connections to our past that so many people so often overlook. Our history is who we are. Without it, we have no identity, just like without the past 14 years of my life, I'd never have realized where I need to go in the future; and getting to the future requires me to work as hard as I can in the present.

College, I'm back.

What once was will be again

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 17:49:00 +0000

Dystopia Diaries: The Leak That Made America

Sometimes we need a reminder that the world never really changes; it just gets a new cast.

Countdown To The Apocalypse

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 23:08:00 +0000

Actually, I don’t believe in any of that apocalyptic end of the world 2012 crap. Call me what you will, there’s an apocalypse survivor’s club party at my house on the 22nd of December this year.

Crazies like this asswipe will not be welcomed nor are they invited.

There’s a lot I want to get accomplished this year, not the least of which is try to discipline myself to keep this blog going. I really dropped the ball on it last year, and I think that even though nobody really reads it, I should still try to train myself to come here and post regularly if for no reason other than to get the writing practice, and maybe to vent a little from time to time.

I’m going to get myself back in school (part of this task is already complete) and try to get our family into a more tenable financial position this year.

I also know everyone and their brother swear to try to get themselves more in shape and lost some weight every new year, but I actually mean it. As I stare down the cocked and loaded barrel of my 35th year on this planet I’ve come to realize that I’d like to be around at least another 35 more, and I’d like to be healthier than I am now, all of which means I need to stop eating garbage, lay off the soda, and actually put some effort into this. A few years ago I was driven to lose weight and I managed to lose 35 pounds in a month. Probably not the healthiest overall thing I’ve ever done but it proved a point, and that point is that it can be done. And as much of a struggle as it was, it taught me that like any other struggle, with effort there WILL be results. The key here is effort. This is the key to all of the goals I’ve laid out this year and to others I’ve not yet mentioned. Unlike years past, I resolve but one thing: to exert the effort this year to realize as many of my past resolutions as I can.

A few other things I want to do this year:

Finally write my novel.
Get back into photography.
Start the podcast I’ve been thinking of forever.
Read more.

Just as I’m going to say on the morning of December 22nd when aliens don’t invade, Planet X doesn’t show up, and the Earth doesn’t descend into Armageddon: Let’s get this party started!

Here we go again: part 35

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 04:55:00 +0000

Happy new year everyone! May number 35 be a great one!

New Year's Eve

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 02:58:00 +0000

Somehow another year has come and gone and I have managed, with only a few exceptions, to avoid posting much of anything of note all year. I really need to work on that. Maybe that'll be my resolution. So much has happened this year that to try to do a year end wrap-up would just overwhelm the shit out of me and cause me to procrastinate and not blog again for another 8 months. I think I'll just take it from here and see where it goes. All in all it's been a good year. A step up from where things were, definitely, but there's still a lot to do for us as a family. I'm trying to rationalize having to work tomorrow, since I work in a warehouse that sells to contractors who, for obvious reasons, will all be closed tomorrow. There's a pretty good chance that the XBox may be riding along to work with me in the morning. Ok, so this post seems a little disjointed but I don't care. It's only me reading it and I'm pretty tolerant of my own stream-of consciousness writing style. That being said, here's a pretty good representation of me at work on the last day of 2011:

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 06:42:00 +0000

Christmas 2011 has drawn to an end. As a whole, it was a great day. Everyone was thrilled with their presents, we all ate way too much, and the weather was clear and bright. Exactly the way Christmas should be. The kids got a ton of stuff, and were pretty happy all day. Well, except for one time earlier in the morning where my daughter threw a bit of a temper tantrum. Nothing unusual for a 6 year old diva-in-training with an older brother and older cousin running around competing for attention.

The temper tantrum is where our story begins kids. If you’re not seated, please make sure you are as our story, brief as it is, will take us on some intellectual twists and turns that may throw you. What should I call this story I wonder? The Crazy That Came to Breakfast sounds like a good plan. Let’s roll with it. Grab a drink and a snack, buckle up and hang on, because here we go.

As I mentioned earlier, there was a nondescript and not altogether unusual mild temper tantrum as my daughter wanted some attention that was being directed elsewhere. She sulked in the dining room while the rest of those in attendance at our annual Christmas Breakfast sat in the living room talking.

My wife’s cousin (whom I’ve only met once before) tagged along with her parents as they visited this year, and I had no problem with this, even though I didn’t know him from Adam. I just figured it would be another person to spread the joy to.

As we sat there and talked, I obliquely heard my Father In Law say “Tell Kelly” to the cousin who promptly got up, went to the kitchen where my wife was, and closed the door separating the living area from the kitchen.

I figured, naively, that he was telling her how good breakfast was, or otherwise being normal and or complimentary. A few minutes passed and he returned to the conversation. Shortly thereafter, my wife came out and summoned me to the kitchen. She claimed she needed to speak to me, and I was a little uncertain…I can usually read her expression but not this time. She was blank, and it almost came off as cold. I assumed I’d done something stupid somehow. We walked to the far side of the kitchen where we stood the least chance of being heard, and then she asked me if I’d seen ‘cousin’ come out to talk to her.

“Yep, what was that all about?” I replied.

“He told me (daughter) is possessed by a demon and needs prayer” was the deadpan response.

I laughed for a split second but then read into her expression.

“You’re serious?” I asked.

“Yes. He said she is possessed by the same evil spirit that has my sister and she needs immediate [some weird term I can’t remember] prayer, and asked if he could lay his hands on her in prayer”

I felt a combination of things at that moment. Disbelief and ~~anger~~ blood-boiling rage hit about two tenths of a second apart.

“What the f*ck kind of ignorant bullshit is that?' I raged.

"I don’t even know what to say” my wife muttered.

Nor do I and it’s been almost 12 hours. What kind of a crazy fucking asshole says shit like that to someone they don’t really know…in that someone’s home…on Christmas…about their kids?

I traditionally am not at a loss for words regarding most anything but this has me flabbergasted beyond belief. Apparently he’d then asked her if he should tell me, and she wisely responded in the negative. Had he said that to me, in my own home, in front of everyone, I would have instinctively swung on him. I would have dropped that son of a bitch like the bag of fundamentalist bullshit he is. I am usually a staunch defender of people’s right to believe whatever they want to believe, but that comes with a caveat. That caveat is, when you harm someone else with your beliefs the goddamned gloves come off.

Talking shit about my kid…especially when said shit is a bucket of 100% pure, fresh squeezed crazy is something I don’t take lightly.

I don’t know if I’m more pissed he said something like that, that I didn’t know about it until I couldn’t act (he left), or that of all the wonderful stuff that happened on Christmas, this is what I’m still awake at 1:30 thinking about.

Jack’s Thought of the Day

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 20:19:00 +0000

My son just came up to me and said the following:

“Hey Dad, did you know if you watch Jaws backwards it’s a movie about sharks throwing up humans until they open a beach?”

The Internet Was Made for This

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 19:28:00 +0000

It took THIS damned long for me to find something else interesting enough to post here. Screw revolutions in the middle east, this shit right here is what the internet needs now more than ever.

Get yer psycho-swag on.

And To All A Good Night!

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Sat, 25 Dec 2010 02:04:00 +0000

I was going to write a long and meaningful post tonight about Christmas, but I think this sums it up.

One Way to Get the Point Across

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 17:52:00 +0000

I love hearing stuff like this.

The Colombian army says it has installed a giant Christmas tree in FARC rebel territory, to encourage guerrilla fighters to demobilize.
Special forces infiltrated the remote Macarena mountain range to dress a 25m (82ft) high tree with 2,000 lights.
Movement sensors will make the tree light up when guerrillas approach.
The army says it will put up trees in nine other rebel-held zones to spread the message that Christmas is a good time to abandon armed struggle…
As well as lights, it was decorated with slogans saying "Demobilize, at Christmas everything is possible" and "If Christmas can come to the jungle, you can come home".

Source: BBC

Call of Duty In Real Life

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 22:10:00 +0000

This is utterly perfect in every way.

Where's Your Global Warming Now?

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 18:36:00 +0000

Snowpocalypse 2010. It's here.

How True

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 01:33:00 +0000

That's about right.

A Change Of Pace or The Night Away

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 05:51:00 +0000

We needed a change of pace tonight, and luckily, the in-laws needed someone to house-sit. Talk about a happy congruence of events. The kids stayed up a wee bit later than I'd hoped, and my wife crashed out on the delightfully cushy couch I'd planned to call home for the next several hours, but I've got dead quiet and tranquility and that's all I could really ask for right now.

One drawback: the 1880s farm house we're staying in is sorely lacking in its ability to retain heat, and thus, I'm frozen. My toes stopped responding to signals from my brain almost an hour ago. I'm hoping the cat will soon come over and curl up on my feet, to be honest. Instead, he'd rather prowl around on the desk occasionally blocking my view and threatening to knock my precious Boylan's root beer on the floor. Which, I suppose brings up an interesting question. Why am I drinking an ice-cold drink when I'm colder than the arctic ice pack?

Where's global warming when you need it?

In any event, I'm thankful that tonight, the four of us can be just the four of us.

Dealing with Campers in Black Ops

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 23:36:00 +0000

This is how it’s done.

The Neverending Buzzkill

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 18:55:00 +0000

I think my Dad may be the most accomplished, masterful and effortless buzzkill ever to grace the planet. I have never in my life seen someone so bitter and hateful toward everything. I just can’t understand it. I’ve had my share of bad moods, sure, but my God.

Case in point; today was our famous and traditional family sunday dinner. There’s always a huge spread of food, and there’s myself, my wife, both kids, both parents, and my uncle to devour it all. Without fail, the moment we begin to speak over dinner my Dad transforms into a smoothly efficient, utterly crochety super grumpinator. I have no word for what he is, so youre stuck with grumpinator. He complains about everything.

Here’s an example.

Me: “ This turkey looks great”

Dad: “Yeah but these rolls are ‘cough’ way too dry. They suck, don’t buy these again.”

Mom: “When did you want to get the Christmas decorations off the attic?”

Dad: “Oh Christ, *sigh* just what I need. Now I guess you’ll want to put up the goddamned tree today too.”

Dad: “You know, the neighbor was telling me he’s going to a job interview in Alabama. You know that’s where they have all those ‘porch monkeys’.

I am utterly horrified at the stream of hateful bullshit that comes out of his mouth sometimes. I’m almost afraid to open my mouth around him because it doesn’t matter what I say…well, what anyone says for that matter. It always gets twisted around and mocked, belittled, or grumped about. I just don’t understand how one person can hold that much hostility. I guess maybe it’s a good thing I don’t understand. Some things are better left alone. It sucks that he’s one of them.

From the “Things I don’t ever need to see in person” file

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 03:29:00 +0000

Happy Thanksgiving!!

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 18:47:00 +0000

In honor of this most gobblicious day of the year, I would like to wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving! What better way to celebrate than by showing you a picture of the biggest turkey I’ve ever seen:

Gobble Gobble!

I know I feel safer.

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 18:09:00 +0000

Fuchsia Saturday

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 17:15:00 +0000

It's like Black Friday only earlier. That's what I'm calling yesterday because of our insane ability to both spend an entire day shopping without rest and to spend $500 on just the kids.

I was so spent (literally and figuratively) after yesterday's excursion that it took me this long to recover. The sad thing is, I'm not really done yet.

I'm justifying Christmas excess this year by claiming it's my way of supporting the economy without the need for excessive and shady government bailouts. You know, pure capitalism at work. Hey, it sounds good to me.

On a side note, I think my son will, after December 25th, own more Star Wars merchandise than George Lucas.

Your Thought For The Day Part 97

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 17:40:00 +0000

Midnight Madness

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 15:50:00 +0000

Last night as we were lying in bed talking idly before sleep, I was explaining some mundane fact to Kelly. I gave my thirty second speech and got no response. I asked her if she'd heard me and she replied groggily, "Mmmhmm."

I doubted it, so I said, "Ok, what did I just say?"

The answer, "Giraffe."

Me: "What?" *followed by a fit of laughter*

Her: "I said that because I was thinking about a Giraffe."

This, I now realize, is a prime example of why discussions should be had with the lights on.

Just in time for Halloween

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Sun, 24 Oct 2010 17:43:00 +0000

Not long ago, during one of my marathon random browsing sessions, I stumbled across a website talking about "Instrumental Transcommunication" which is basically using a machine to communicate with the dead. Following some links around the web I then landed on a page where people had posted images of what they claim were spirits that they were able to capture through some odd photographic techniques. One of these techniques involved shooting video of a rippling pan of water, then going through the frames one by one to see if any spirits had used the interplay of light and shadow to manifest their images.

I'm aware that the brain is hardwired to perceive patterns where there may not be any, but all the same, it's an interesting idea and sounded like something fun to try. Needless to say I then went out to the kitchen, filled a pot with water, agitated it to get some movement and then filmed away. Did I capture anything?

Thoughts for a Sunday Morning

noreply@blogger.com (Chris) — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 17:01:00 +0000

Some people went to church; I played Guitar Hero. Thou mayest sucketh it.